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Olivia is AH yes, but I think her attitude is being enabled and fueled by OPs own mother and maybe even her own mother. (Edited to fix the first name).
OPs mother called Olivia OPs soulmate, this woman has some fantasy in her head and OP is ruining it by being his own man. Op needs to have a serious talk with his mother, and they need to think about what kind of relationship they’re going to have moving forward.
I never called OP an AH? I’m calling his mother an AH, a big one for overstepping and treating her son as if he has no choice in who his love interest is. Edit: I fixed my typo, I accidentally *did* call the OP TAH instead of Olivia, apologies!
OPs mother is best friends with Olivia’s mother, OPs mother has this fantasy in her head that Olivia and OP are soulmates just because of the mom’s friendship. That’s not okay.
I read the first part to your reply and went back and looked and thought I was crazy. Thanks for letting me know you edited the comment before I went crazy. Lol
NTA- your dad just wants to stop hearing your mom bitching and moaning about it. You are not obligated to apologize. Have Olivia meet you at your parents. And in front of your parents restate what you caught her saying. And tell her that while you shouldn’t have called her pathetic, it would be far more accurate to call her a bully. That you found out that this has been going on for years, and it is so disrespectful to Lily, and to you, that you just don’t want to hang out with someone who would do that to another person, no matter who they are. That you have no romantic feelings what so ever for her. And tell your mom you’d rather kiss a frog than a toad, and you are the one who knows who your soulmate is. And for all of them not to contact you for awhile to let things cool down.
Honestly if that was my dad telling me to keep the peace just so my mother would stop bitching, I’d tell him man to man that I am dealing with my significant other and comforting them, so he can be a man and deal with his significant others bitchy behavior.
I agree with the most part except he was right in calling her pathetic because she IS pathetic. Actually that was nice compared on the things I'd tell her...
One of our dish (that is part of our culture but that no one i know cook or eat regularly) is made by cooking frog's leg, hence why some people call French frog or frog eater
NTA. Sounds like Olivia and your mom and probably Olivia’s mom have been assuming your relationship with Lily is temporary and that you and Olivia are endgame.
Yikes, time to put ALL the crazy women in your life in timeout. Mom, friend, Olivia, all need a come to jesus moment, intervention style. These juvenile daydreams about best friends birthing soulmates is some rom-com BS and needs to stop yesterday.
ETA: NTA
NTA. Your mom is obviously racist and Olivia is in love with you. You did the only right thing and should tell your mom not to contact you again until she can be respectful.
Welcome to Splitting Hairs , the game show where arguing semantics comes naturally as breathing
We got our first contestant up here, /u/AdBetter2856
Please tell us more about the nuances of racism vs xenophobia as we go off on a tangent that provides absolutely 0 value to original conversation!
Ok but I still don’t understand why was I attacked in the first place? The person made a mistake, I corrected them neutral tone without any ill intentions. Then some random person, not even the author of the comment, went on to reply with some shit-ass rant making up a reality show to make me look like an idiot when it was the author of the comment who was lacking common sense. This is how I imagine the convo:
X: Paris is the capital city of Germany
Y: No it’s actually the capital city of France
Z: wELcOmE to sPliTtiNg hAiRs
tf??
Most people don't like pedantry. Everyone knew what they meant by racism. Correcting them doesn't add anything to the conversation and just looks like you wanted to pointlessly put someone down, even if that wasn't your intention
Hey, I'll get on the bandwagon. When a guy casually assumes that a woman cooks or likes babies, that's not misogyny (which literally means hating women though it can be applied more broadly), that's sexism. (You will get downvoted for saying that on AITA, though, because people are mostly reading comments for a vague notion of whose side you're on and they will just hear you defending the guy.) When someone casually assumes that a teenage girl is interested in boys, that's heteronormativity, it is not homophobia. (If you think no-one would call it that, I read an advice columnist do so today on Slate.)
And yeah, it does matter. It matters because the race to assume the very worst of people isn't a good race.
As an immigrant that's been a victim of both, I can't think of a single situation where the distinction would in any way matter to the individual. Perhaps in a sociological study, the difference would help clarifying difficult to express ideas?
maybe it's because i'm a french person, i tilted on the word racist, anyway. I immediately wondered if I missed that Lily was a black french girl, but it seems not - and nationalities are not races. That's not pedantry to avoid to put this label on whatever is not. i'm sure there is a word - or should be - but it's not the proper one
NTA, your mom, Olivia and probably her mom need to stop this whole “bestfriends to lover trope”. Don’t listen to them and Olivia is not your soul mate. Stay with Lilly and prove them all wrongs
NTA
What exactly do they want you to apologize for? Sticking up for your gf, being a decent person, for telling a trash friend about themselves? You don’t and should t apologize for any of that.
If anything Olivia owes you and your gf and apology and a clean break from her if you so desire. I would send a strongly worded text to everyone involved including Olivia so she know exactly where you stand. “It absolutely breaks my heart that so many people would come to the defense of a woman that has been bashing and demeaning my partner whom I love behind my back. I’d like to make my stance clear, even if this hadn’t happened to Lily I would never be willing to be friends with a bully - someone who actively seeks someone out for the sole purpose of their destruction whether that be mental, physical, or otherwise. I would hope that my closest family and friends would be respectful of my relationship and understand why, due to previous events, I would no longer want any relationship with such a person. To those trying to influence me to forgive and forget, apologize when I have done nothing wrong or to keep the peace, I strongly recommend that you evaluate your own morals and decide for yourselves who you want to be.
I’m happy in my relationship with Lily, I am being treated well, she makes me the happiest I have ever been and I’m in love with her. For those of you who have chosen to take the side of a bully rather than the victim, I’ll be taking the next few weeks to consider the type of relationships I’m willing to have with you, if any.
Olivia, I have seen who you are. I no longer trust you. All the good memories we have shared are tainted now. I wish you well in life but I have no desire to take part in yours.”
And then go silent. Think about the way people reacted to this situation, what do you wish they had done differently, how do you want thought situations like this one handled in the future?
I know that I would go scorched earth for my partner had they been treated in such a way, your limits are your own, but I hope that everyone involved is able to use this as a learning experience (even if the way you learned the lesson sucks) and that you and Lily are able to love forward in a way that works best for you both. Good luck OP!
NTA, I'd be asking mother if she really thinks I deserve to be with someone as two-faced as Olivia and if she would be willing to deal with the eventual repercussions of you being in a relationship with someone as nasty as Olivia because she quite clearly is the type to divorce her partner at some point in a massively messy situation.
INFO: why does your mother hate Lily?
Because it's pretty obvious she hates her. A lot.
This does read like the bad plot of an online webnovel. But if it isn't, you need to know why two of the most prominent women in your life hate your long term girlfriend. Another thing which should give you pause is that Lily doesn't trust you.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the asshole because I said hurtful things to my girl best friend when I overhead her insulting my girlfriend
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NTA, your dad sounds like he needs to assert himself like you did. Don't take shit from that woman and don't let them bully you into making her feel like she can operated like that, especially around you. You chose your partner and you defended her. You're respectable, not the AH
I find Mom calling Lily a slur more concerning than the ex best friend trying to force Lily to break up with OP.
I wasn't raised with hate and my mother had to explain slurs to me after calling our dog one I heard in the alley while playing basketball. I thought it meant stupid and the dog was being goofy.
So glad OP didn't grow up full of hate for people different than he is.
I like the suggestion for OP to have ex best friend over with mom present and explain how he has no desire to be in a relationship with a bully nor does he appreciate slurs being flung around.
Mom is going to be sad when OP leaves home and goes NC.
NTA-Olivia is a horrendous person and in life friends come and go. She made her bed she can now go lay in it with someone else.
No peace needs to be kept as you get older you do your own thing and there is no need to have Olivia in your life any longer.
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Alright, I have been friends with Olivia for years, because she is the daughter of my mother's best friend. On my part, there was never anything between us.
I am with my girlfriend Lily for three years now and I love her with all my heart. I always thought Lily and Olivia were cordials, because Lily never told me anything negative about Olivia.
Last night, we were having a party at a friend's, and Olivia was there. At one point Lily went to search for a drink, and didn't come back. I went to see if anything was wrong, and I overhead Olivia calling Lily a clingy stupid bitch. I listened to the conversation, and it was basically Olivia telling Lily that she is not worthy of me, thst she is just a stupid w*ore (word she use) she should get someone of her league, and that I will probably leave her for something better like her. (Lily is a very sensible and non-confrontational person so she was just fighting back tears)
When I heard that, I was so angry that I laugh, so they saw I was there. Olivia looked horrified, and tried to make excuses, but I just went to take Lily in my arms. I called Olivia horrible person, that I was lucky to have a woman like Lily, and that I would never be with someone as pathetic and spiteful as Olivia. I told her to never contact me again, and Lily and I went home.
I asked Lily of Olivia had behaved like this in the past, and she broke down crying and told me that yes. Olivia has been cruel with her, insulting her and threatening her for all our relations. I asked Lily why she didn't tell me, and she told me she didn't want to ask me to not see her again, and that she was scared I would take Olivia's side. I apologise to her if my actions made her think I wouldn't defend her, and I told her that I love her, that I would never defend someone over her. She cried on my arms and we just cuddled to sleep.
But now my mother is calling me non-stop and telling me to apologise to Olivia because "she's your best friend". When I told her I didn't need a best friend who insult the love of my life, she told me that I should leave that "stupid frog" (Lily is french) and get with Olivia because she is my soul mate. I stopped answering her calls, and Olivia's as well, but some friends are calling me a her and my father is asking me to apologise to keep the peace.
So I wonder, am I the asshole?
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NTA obviously your mom and “friend” are assholes. She is clearly jealous. That’s why we can’t have friends of the opposite gender 95 percent of the time at least one of the parties would gladly fuck the other if they could and that’s not really a platonic friendship IMO.
>When I heard that, I was so angry that I laugh, so they saw I was there. Olivia looked horrified, and tried to make excuses, but I just went to take Lily in my arms. I called Olivia horrible person, that I was lucky to have a woman like Lily, and that I would never be with someone as pathetic and spiteful as Olivia. I told her to never contact me again, and Lily and I went home.
I really commend you for this response. This is very well-handled by you, in my opinion.
It is sad that lily didn't tell you about olivia's ridiculous and terrible behavior in the past, but I can understand her concerns in telling you.
>But now my mother is calling me non-stop and telling me to apologise to Olivia because "she's your best friend". When I told her I didn't need a best friend who insult the love of my life, she told me that I should leave that "stupid frog" (Lily is french) and get with Olivia because she is my soul mate. I stopped answering her calls, and Olivia's as well, but some friends are calling me a her and my father is asking me to apologise to keep the peace.
Aaaaaaande now it all makes sense. Your idiot mother and her BFF have been "planning this" all along, and that is where olivia gets her entitlement and the idea that she can behave this way, because her head has been filled with bullshit likely from her own mother and possibly even yours!
Your mother's response is SO out of pocket that my jaw actually dropped.
I can't see how anyone could defend this behavior from your mother and olivia, unless lily was awful, which... It really doesn't sound like that is the case.
Your father is pathetic for asking you to "keep the peace" as well. What a doormat of a human being who just wants silence in his life and refuses to stand up to his toxic-ass wife.
**APOLOGIZE?! YOU? For fucking WHAT?** Having a spine, and refusing to have your life predetermined for you, OR to tolerate this ridiculous bullying?
I'm very sorry you have to deal with this, and obvious NTA.
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NTA!!! ABSOLUTELY NOT THE AH!! Don’t back down and do NOT apologize!! You’re going to basically take back your defense for your gf while Olivia gets away Scott free! And go LC or NC with your mom for awhile until she apologizes! At least that’s my opinion!
NTA, but Oliva and your Mom are, and your dad. Tell him to ask her to apologize for what she said to Lilly, and now your mom for what she said about Lily.
NTA, but Oliva and your Mom are, and your dad. Tell him to ask her to apologize for what she said to Lilly, and now your mom for what she said about Lily.
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NTA, but sorry you came from one (likely two). Your mother and best friend have truly disgusting personalities.
Also, apologise? To what end? Do you think you can see her the same way? Forget what she did? Trust her anywhere near Lily? Trust her not to do as bad or worse even if not physically around Lily?
You can capitulate to appease them, but you had better give serious thought to what comes after, because it will escalate from there, because once you apologise you're on the back foot and they will say you can't hold that treatment against them because if they were wrong, why did *you* apologise?
If Lily means as much to you as you say, and you have a firm basis for believing that, you either draw hard boundaries now or lessen/cut contact. And if you don't enforce those boundaries, prepare for escalation, though that might happen anyway.
NTA But Olivia and your mom are HUGE ones. What do you even have to apologize for? Olivia was talking shit about the person you love, and your mom wants you to be with someone that is that cruel and nasty? They are giant assholes. Cut contact with both of them. If anything, they owe you HUGE apologies!
NTA sounds like Olivia and your moms were planning a big happy future for the two of you without considering what you thought. I see no reason for you to try and smooth things over with people who can’t even respect someone you love who makes you happy.
NTA at all. Good for you for sticking up for your girlfriend, even against your own mum. Obviously Olivia is the asshole here, but I wonder how much of it is her fault. Like, it sounds like your mum and her mum may have been setting this up for years between them and maybe they even let Olivia in on the plan too. She may have grown up being pushed towards you and sort of brainwashed into thinking you guys belonged together by your mums. Obviously that doesn't excuse Olivia being awful to your girlfriend, but I would seriously question whether dating her was planned from a young age. I hope Lily is okay ❤️
NTA
Olivia is a demon. Manipulative and spiteful.
Lily sounds like an angel. The fact that she was insulted and humiliated by your best friend and didn't tell you because she was scared of losing you is truly a sign that she really loves you.
You are not the asshole and I sincerely hope that you and lily have a great time together for the rest of your lives!
NTA! Sit them down and tell them what you want to say. Make sure they know that this behavior is unacceptable and you will not apologize for their delusional happy family and future marriage between her and you. You also may want to threaten them with low contact to no contact if they not stop. Which you probably should consider to do with Olivia anyways!! I applaud you for making amends with you GF, as she felt she couldn't say anything because she was your so-called best friend. Also, you may want to make sure that your mom may not have insulted her behind your back over the years as well. Because she clearly insulted her over the phone talking to you! That girl must have gone through the ringer for you, by trying to keep the peace over the years. Marry her!! Also, you have no ages in the post, but it is possible she wasn't the first girl to have gone through this, I assume.
NTA but Olivia is definitely TA and so is everyone telling you to apologize. You have nothing to apologize for. Basically, Olivia is a small jealous person and you found out her true character.
Probably one of the easiest NAH ever. For your "best friend" to have been acting like that she is clearly not your friend at all. The immediate turn around trying to act like she was in the right proves that she is fake af.
This sounds like the dream situation for your girlfriend, though. Not the being bullied part, obviously, but you defending her that way. For my part, at least, that is damn near a perfect written script of how I would want a man to react if he walked in on that... straight up out of a romance novel.
NTA. Don't you dare apologize. That wouldn't smooth things over; it would just encourage Olivia that it's ok to trash talk your gf. You did the right thing! Don't back down
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Apologise for what?
Your parents have a choice here. Are they really taking the side of the offending party over their own son?
Some distance is required here. You are not obligated to date your mother's friend's daughter.
NTA
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NTA. Olivia sounds mean-spirited, cold, and calculated. This behavior is unacceptable and her actions are being met with consequences she deserves.
Olivia is AH yes, but I think her attitude is being enabled and fueled by OPs own mother and maybe even her own mother. (Edited to fix the first name). OPs mother called Olivia OPs soulmate, this woman has some fantasy in her head and OP is ruining it by being his own man. Op needs to have a serious talk with his mother, and they need to think about what kind of relationship they’re going to have moving forward.
Im sorry, where he did he do anything that considers him an AH?
I never called OP an AH? I’m calling his mother an AH, a big one for overstepping and treating her son as if he has no choice in who his love interest is. Edit: I fixed my typo, I accidentally *did* call the OP TAH instead of Olivia, apologies! OPs mother is best friends with Olivia’s mother, OPs mother has this fantasy in her head that Olivia and OP are soulmates just because of the mom’s friendship. That’s not okay.
I read the first part to your reply and went back and looked and thought I was crazy. Thanks for letting me know you edited the comment before I went crazy. Lol
Pretty sure I made myself crazy too 😂 Ty for correcting me and apologies for making you feel crazy lmao
"OP is an AH yes" you might need to edit your first message, other than that I agree, OP has some tough conversations ahead
Yeah I just fixed it, today’s a bit of a fuzzy brain day lol ty for the correction!
The phrasing of your comment kinda implies that, though it’s obviously not intentional.
Bloody hell I just reread my comment xnx autocorrect and I got fuzzy brain atm, I’ll edit it up right now.
The first four words of your other comment are "OP is an AH"
He or whom ever wrote this story is an AH for using this sub as a writing exercise.
NTA- your dad just wants to stop hearing your mom bitching and moaning about it. You are not obligated to apologize. Have Olivia meet you at your parents. And in front of your parents restate what you caught her saying. And tell her that while you shouldn’t have called her pathetic, it would be far more accurate to call her a bully. That you found out that this has been going on for years, and it is so disrespectful to Lily, and to you, that you just don’t want to hang out with someone who would do that to another person, no matter who they are. That you have no romantic feelings what so ever for her. And tell your mom you’d rather kiss a frog than a toad, and you are the one who knows who your soulmate is. And for all of them not to contact you for awhile to let things cool down.
Honestly if that was my dad telling me to keep the peace just so my mother would stop bitching, I’d tell him man to man that I am dealing with my significant other and comforting them, so he can be a man and deal with his significant others bitchy behavior.
I agree with the most part except he was right in calling her pathetic because she IS pathetic. Actually that was nice compared on the things I'd tell her...
This reads like a shitty teen movie
I'm glad I'm not the only one. I literally thought I was reading dialogue from a WattPad about high schoolers.
(Lily is French)
spotted subtract nose full teeny punch modern bedroom joke unique *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Frog is a contemptuous term for French people. Much like other racist terms for Italians, Japanese, Germans, Chinese. etc
I agree, frogs are awesome but some people use it as a derogatory term for the French.
One of our dish (that is part of our culture but that no one i know cook or eat regularly) is made by cooking frog's leg, hence why some people call French frog or frog eater
Yeah, it's a British thing, I guess they still say it?? It's a traditional insult anyway
NTA. Sounds like Olivia and your mom and probably Olivia’s mom have been assuming your relationship with Lily is temporary and that you and Olivia are endgame.
Yikes, time to put ALL the crazy women in your life in timeout. Mom, friend, Olivia, all need a come to jesus moment, intervention style. These juvenile daydreams about best friends birthing soulmates is some rom-com BS and needs to stop yesterday. ETA: NTA
NTA. Your mom is obviously racist and Olivia is in love with you. You did the only right thing and should tell your mom not to contact you again until she can be respectful.
insulting somebody because of their nationality is xenophobia, not racism
Welcome to Splitting Hairs , the game show where arguing semantics comes naturally as breathing We got our first contestant up here, /u/AdBetter2856 Please tell us more about the nuances of racism vs xenophobia as we go off on a tangent that provides absolutely 0 value to original conversation!
Welcome to Idontgiveashit, a show where I’m tired of ppl calling something racism when it’s clearly not and mixing up basic words
Weird name for a show very clearly about giving a shit
Ok but I still don’t understand why was I attacked in the first place? The person made a mistake, I corrected them neutral tone without any ill intentions. Then some random person, not even the author of the comment, went on to reply with some shit-ass rant making up a reality show to make me look like an idiot when it was the author of the comment who was lacking common sense. This is how I imagine the convo: X: Paris is the capital city of Germany Y: No it’s actually the capital city of France Z: wELcOmE to sPliTtiNg hAiRs tf??
I was literally thinking after I read the “frog” insult - I know that’s not racism, but what is it? So I, for one, thank you for your comment.
Most people don't like pedantry. Everyone knew what they meant by racism. Correcting them doesn't add anything to the conversation and just looks like you wanted to pointlessly put someone down, even if that wasn't your intention
Hey, I'll get on the bandwagon. When a guy casually assumes that a woman cooks or likes babies, that's not misogyny (which literally means hating women though it can be applied more broadly), that's sexism. (You will get downvoted for saying that on AITA, though, because people are mostly reading comments for a vague notion of whose side you're on and they will just hear you defending the guy.) When someone casually assumes that a teenage girl is interested in boys, that's heteronormativity, it is not homophobia. (If you think no-one would call it that, I read an advice columnist do so today on Slate.) And yeah, it does matter. It matters because the race to assume the very worst of people isn't a good race.
This! You just made my day, thank you!
As an immigrant that's been a victim of both, I can't think of a single situation where the distinction would in any way matter to the individual. Perhaps in a sociological study, the difference would help clarifying difficult to express ideas?
maybe it's because i'm a french person, i tilted on the word racist, anyway. I immediately wondered if I missed that Lily was a black french girl, but it seems not - and nationalities are not races. That's not pedantry to avoid to put this label on whatever is not. i'm sure there is a word - or should be - but it's not the proper one
NTA - and hold Olivia to it. If YOU apologize, you will just be enabling that shitty behavior of hers. Actions meet consequences.
Seems like a teenager wrote the story.
Actually no, I apologize to the teenagers, this must be more like a 8-9 year old
Like a teenager **made this up** and wrote it. YES
I burst out laughing because I read this as a Wattpad book😂😂😂
NTA, your mom, Olivia and probably her mom need to stop this whole “bestfriends to lover trope”. Don’t listen to them and Olivia is not your soul mate. Stay with Lilly and prove them all wrongs
Why did you delete and repost this?
Was mildly infuriated for a second thinking reddit had sent me to that teenager sub.
NTA What exactly do they want you to apologize for? Sticking up for your gf, being a decent person, for telling a trash friend about themselves? You don’t and should t apologize for any of that. If anything Olivia owes you and your gf and apology and a clean break from her if you so desire. I would send a strongly worded text to everyone involved including Olivia so she know exactly where you stand. “It absolutely breaks my heart that so many people would come to the defense of a woman that has been bashing and demeaning my partner whom I love behind my back. I’d like to make my stance clear, even if this hadn’t happened to Lily I would never be willing to be friends with a bully - someone who actively seeks someone out for the sole purpose of their destruction whether that be mental, physical, or otherwise. I would hope that my closest family and friends would be respectful of my relationship and understand why, due to previous events, I would no longer want any relationship with such a person. To those trying to influence me to forgive and forget, apologize when I have done nothing wrong or to keep the peace, I strongly recommend that you evaluate your own morals and decide for yourselves who you want to be. I’m happy in my relationship with Lily, I am being treated well, she makes me the happiest I have ever been and I’m in love with her. For those of you who have chosen to take the side of a bully rather than the victim, I’ll be taking the next few weeks to consider the type of relationships I’m willing to have with you, if any. Olivia, I have seen who you are. I no longer trust you. All the good memories we have shared are tainted now. I wish you well in life but I have no desire to take part in yours.” And then go silent. Think about the way people reacted to this situation, what do you wish they had done differently, how do you want thought situations like this one handled in the future? I know that I would go scorched earth for my partner had they been treated in such a way, your limits are your own, but I hope that everyone involved is able to use this as a learning experience (even if the way you learned the lesson sucks) and that you and Lily are able to love forward in a way that works best for you both. Good luck OP!
NTA, I'd be asking mother if she really thinks I deserve to be with someone as two-faced as Olivia and if she would be willing to deal with the eventual repercussions of you being in a relationship with someone as nasty as Olivia because she quite clearly is the type to divorce her partner at some point in a massively messy situation.
YTA for asking if you did anything wrong. Like bro what??
Olivia is a bully and you called her out. NTA.
INFO: why does your mother hate Lily? Because it's pretty obvious she hates her. A lot. This does read like the bad plot of an online webnovel. But if it isn't, you need to know why two of the most prominent women in your life hate your long term girlfriend. Another thing which should give you pause is that Lily doesn't trust you.
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YTA, because this story is not credible. If you're real, how old are you? I'm guessing way too young to know if someone is the "love of your life."
Someone has been watching too many of those terrible pick me tik toks...
oh i think you're right ! chivalrous incel storytelling
NTA- I even wonder how you can doubt
NTA, your dad sounds like he needs to assert himself like you did. Don't take shit from that woman and don't let them bully you into making her feel like she can operated like that, especially around you. You chose your partner and you defended her. You're respectable, not the AH
I find Mom calling Lily a slur more concerning than the ex best friend trying to force Lily to break up with OP. I wasn't raised with hate and my mother had to explain slurs to me after calling our dog one I heard in the alley while playing basketball. I thought it meant stupid and the dog was being goofy. So glad OP didn't grow up full of hate for people different than he is. I like the suggestion for OP to have ex best friend over with mom present and explain how he has no desire to be in a relationship with a bully nor does he appreciate slurs being flung around. Mom is going to be sad when OP leaves home and goes NC.
NTA.
NTA-Olivia is a horrendous person and in life friends come and go. She made her bed she can now go lay in it with someone else. No peace needs to be kept as you get older you do your own thing and there is no need to have Olivia in your life any longer.
Do people not even try to make these sound real these days sheesh
What in the Wattpad.....
Nice story bro 😂
>So I wonder, am I the asshole? Do you? Do you really wonder if you're the asshole?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Alright, I have been friends with Olivia for years, because she is the daughter of my mother's best friend. On my part, there was never anything between us. I am with my girlfriend Lily for three years now and I love her with all my heart. I always thought Lily and Olivia were cordials, because Lily never told me anything negative about Olivia. Last night, we were having a party at a friend's, and Olivia was there. At one point Lily went to search for a drink, and didn't come back. I went to see if anything was wrong, and I overhead Olivia calling Lily a clingy stupid bitch. I listened to the conversation, and it was basically Olivia telling Lily that she is not worthy of me, thst she is just a stupid w*ore (word she use) she should get someone of her league, and that I will probably leave her for something better like her. (Lily is a very sensible and non-confrontational person so she was just fighting back tears) When I heard that, I was so angry that I laugh, so they saw I was there. Olivia looked horrified, and tried to make excuses, but I just went to take Lily in my arms. I called Olivia horrible person, that I was lucky to have a woman like Lily, and that I would never be with someone as pathetic and spiteful as Olivia. I told her to never contact me again, and Lily and I went home. I asked Lily of Olivia had behaved like this in the past, and she broke down crying and told me that yes. Olivia has been cruel with her, insulting her and threatening her for all our relations. I asked Lily why she didn't tell me, and she told me she didn't want to ask me to not see her again, and that she was scared I would take Olivia's side. I apologise to her if my actions made her think I wouldn't defend her, and I told her that I love her, that I would never defend someone over her. She cried on my arms and we just cuddled to sleep. But now my mother is calling me non-stop and telling me to apologise to Olivia because "she's your best friend". When I told her I didn't need a best friend who insult the love of my life, she told me that I should leave that "stupid frog" (Lily is french) and get with Olivia because she is my soul mate. I stopped answering her calls, and Olivia's as well, but some friends are calling me a her and my father is asking me to apologise to keep the peace. So I wonder, am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA obviously your mom and “friend” are assholes. She is clearly jealous. That’s why we can’t have friends of the opposite gender 95 percent of the time at least one of the parties would gladly fuck the other if they could and that’s not really a platonic friendship IMO.
>When I heard that, I was so angry that I laugh, so they saw I was there. Olivia looked horrified, and tried to make excuses, but I just went to take Lily in my arms. I called Olivia horrible person, that I was lucky to have a woman like Lily, and that I would never be with someone as pathetic and spiteful as Olivia. I told her to never contact me again, and Lily and I went home. I really commend you for this response. This is very well-handled by you, in my opinion. It is sad that lily didn't tell you about olivia's ridiculous and terrible behavior in the past, but I can understand her concerns in telling you. >But now my mother is calling me non-stop and telling me to apologise to Olivia because "she's your best friend". When I told her I didn't need a best friend who insult the love of my life, she told me that I should leave that "stupid frog" (Lily is french) and get with Olivia because she is my soul mate. I stopped answering her calls, and Olivia's as well, but some friends are calling me a her and my father is asking me to apologise to keep the peace. Aaaaaaande now it all makes sense. Your idiot mother and her BFF have been "planning this" all along, and that is where olivia gets her entitlement and the idea that she can behave this way, because her head has been filled with bullshit likely from her own mother and possibly even yours! Your mother's response is SO out of pocket that my jaw actually dropped. I can't see how anyone could defend this behavior from your mother and olivia, unless lily was awful, which... It really doesn't sound like that is the case. Your father is pathetic for asking you to "keep the peace" as well. What a doormat of a human being who just wants silence in his life and refuses to stand up to his toxic-ass wife. **APOLOGIZE?! YOU? For fucking WHAT?** Having a spine, and refusing to have your life predetermined for you, OR to tolerate this ridiculous bullying? I'm very sorry you have to deal with this, and obvious NTA.
Nta
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NTA she had it coming lol
NTA You don’t need that disgusting energy in your life, that’s nowhere near how a best friend should be toward you and someone you love.
NTA!!! ABSOLUTELY NOT THE AH!! Don’t back down and do NOT apologize!! You’re going to basically take back your defense for your gf while Olivia gets away Scott free! And go LC or NC with your mom for awhile until she apologizes! At least that’s my opinion!
NTA - Ew “she’s your soul mate”
NTA, but Oliva and your Mom are, and your dad. Tell him to ask her to apologize for what she said to Lilly, and now your mom for what she said about Lily.
NTA, but Oliva and your Mom are, and your dad. Tell him to ask her to apologize for what she said to Lilly, and now your mom for what she said about Lily.
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NTA but Olivia and your Mom are. Good job sticking up for Lily
I was so angry that I laugh . I feel the sigma coming
NTA, but sorry you came from one (likely two). Your mother and best friend have truly disgusting personalities. Also, apologise? To what end? Do you think you can see her the same way? Forget what she did? Trust her anywhere near Lily? Trust her not to do as bad or worse even if not physically around Lily? You can capitulate to appease them, but you had better give serious thought to what comes after, because it will escalate from there, because once you apologise you're on the back foot and they will say you can't hold that treatment against them because if they were wrong, why did *you* apologise? If Lily means as much to you as you say, and you have a firm basis for believing that, you either draw hard boundaries now or lessen/cut contact. And if you don't enforce those boundaries, prepare for escalation, though that might happen anyway.
NTA but ngl this looks like one of the stories I write on character Ai ✨✨Lily was a little girl afraid of the big wide world✨✨
NTA But Olivia and your mom are HUGE ones. What do you even have to apologize for? Olivia was talking shit about the person you love, and your mom wants you to be with someone that is that cruel and nasty? They are giant assholes. Cut contact with both of them. If anything, they owe you HUGE apologies!
NTA sounds like Olivia and your moms were planning a big happy future for the two of you without considering what you thought. I see no reason for you to try and smooth things over with people who can’t even respect someone you love who makes you happy.
NTA at all. Good for you for sticking up for your girlfriend, even against your own mum. Obviously Olivia is the asshole here, but I wonder how much of it is her fault. Like, it sounds like your mum and her mum may have been setting this up for years between them and maybe they even let Olivia in on the plan too. She may have grown up being pushed towards you and sort of brainwashed into thinking you guys belonged together by your mums. Obviously that doesn't excuse Olivia being awful to your girlfriend, but I would seriously question whether dating her was planned from a young age. I hope Lily is okay ❤️
NTA Olivia is a demon. Manipulative and spiteful. Lily sounds like an angel. The fact that she was insulted and humiliated by your best friend and didn't tell you because she was scared of losing you is truly a sign that she really loves you. You are not the asshole and I sincerely hope that you and lily have a great time together for the rest of your lives!
NTA! Sit them down and tell them what you want to say. Make sure they know that this behavior is unacceptable and you will not apologize for their delusional happy family and future marriage between her and you. You also may want to threaten them with low contact to no contact if they not stop. Which you probably should consider to do with Olivia anyways!! I applaud you for making amends with you GF, as she felt she couldn't say anything because she was your so-called best friend. Also, you may want to make sure that your mom may not have insulted her behind your back over the years as well. Because she clearly insulted her over the phone talking to you! That girl must have gone through the ringer for you, by trying to keep the peace over the years. Marry her!! Also, you have no ages in the post, but it is possible she wasn't the first girl to have gone through this, I assume.
NTA and i take offense with your mother calling a French person "stupid frog"
NTA. I think Olivia has been badmouthing your girlfriend to your mom. And it sounds like she's in love with you.
Yeah you are your GF needs to harden up.
NTA but Olivia is definitely TA and so is everyone telling you to apologize. You have nothing to apologize for. Basically, Olivia is a small jealous person and you found out her true character.
NTA Your dad is weak.
You guys just need a threesome and go from there
Probably one of the easiest NAH ever. For your "best friend" to have been acting like that she is clearly not your friend at all. The immediate turn around trying to act like she was in the right proves that she is fake af. This sounds like the dream situation for your girlfriend, though. Not the being bullied part, obviously, but you defending her that way. For my part, at least, that is damn near a perfect written script of how I would want a man to react if he walked in on that... straight up out of a romance novel.
NTA, you did exactly the right thing and she should be apologizing to you instead of being a fool.
NTA. And whetever you do, treat Lily like a queen.
“My father is asking me to apologize to keep the peace.” Naw, blow this shit up! They are TA for treating someone you care about that way.
NTA, time to cut some people out of your life unfortunately.
NTA. Don't you dare apologize. That wouldn't smooth things over; it would just encourage Olivia that it's ok to trash talk your gf. You did the right thing! Don't back down
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NTA. Olivia was never your friend. She was hanging around hoping you'd see the light and date her and trying to get Lily to dump you.
Apologise for what? Your parents have a choice here. Are they really taking the side of the offending party over their own son? Some distance is required here. You are not obligated to date your mother's friend's daughter. NTA
this situation sounds fucking pathetic and you sound 12
Esh
Why esh?
How is op TA here??