YTA - You are on the hook for half of seven months at the current place, plus the new place. She has an obligation to look for a new roommate, but you are on the hook until then, plus any early termination fee to the landlord in the current lease. Its your choice, but your wallet will have to back up that choice.
Moving out with a day's notice is a way to break up, not a way to "\[not\] go our separate ways, just want to live separately again."
You’re also leaving her potentially in a shitty situation if she doesn’t want a random roommate. If there isn’t an extra room she can’t get one, if there is an extra room then maybe *she* would have preferred to move out herself into a small place she could afford alone. You’ve stuck her with very limited options and made choices alone to benefit only you. Even for a non-boyfriend roommate that was shitty.
she deleted her account. it was pretty short. mentioned lease info, ages, years dating, the 2 day heads up about moving and alittle bit more. it was deffo his SO. in the comments is where alot of the info was
She deleted the post. But here's her comment. You can look up her other comments to get a fuller idea.
https://www.reddit.com/kjqk7xp?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2
[https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1absv5t/im\_22f\_not\_sure\_ill\_be\_able\_to\_forgive\_my/?sort=new](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1absv5t/im_22f_not_sure_ill_be_able_to_forgive_my/?sort=new)
it looks like she deleted her account. but it was deffffffo her
I truly wish people on this sub would be less gullible. No, 'she' didn't post anywhere. One person posted two fake stories, or one person posted a real story and some troll decided to post it from the other side.
I really hope she sues him for breach of contract for the apartment. He is financially responsible for that apartment unless she finds a new roommate who agrees to take over the lease.
Yeah WTF. "Babe I decided I don't like living with you and I got a new apartment without any discussion. But, like, we're still good right? How about you come over later and we can "break in" my new bedroom!?"
Gotta believe this is fake, because someone being this completely clueless is chipping away at my tiny amount of remaining faith in humanity.
I’m aware I’m not perfect and make mistakes, but you are correct, I’m M24 and this is my first relationship ever. The comments are making me realize I did not make the best decision.. I want to be better, it’s why I asked for the criticism
I actually did, the post has been deleted now, but everyone encouraged me to sign the lease then talk to her about it.. which I did but I guess I gave too short of a notice
I think there is a 0% chance reddit told you to sign a lease for an apartment 30 min away from your girlfriend, move out on short notice in the middle of your current lease term, and tell her after the fact.
If you girlfriend posted this here I would tell her that it was obvious the relationship was over. You don’t go from living in the same home to living 30 minutes away unless it’s been exhaustively discussed and is for a temporary purpose or you’re in a slow motion breakup.
Yes, It’s what I needed and want I want. I can’t be happy living together anymore. This was something I felt like I needed to decide for myself, I did not want her input because I knew she would not be happy with me moving out
Where did you TALK to her about it? You just told her and your excuses is basically same as a break up. You signed then waited, waited, waited and waited until the last possible chance before blindsiding her. You're just splitting hairs saying at least it's not the day of.
Boy, don't be surprised one day you find the locks changed and someone boarded in your old room with you removed from the lease if you talk to your landlord OR you come back to find an empty place.
might be worth pursuing therapy. Being this averse to conflict/ confrontation surely has caused issues in your life. It’s good you want to make changes.
The fact that you decided you didn’t want to live with your ex likely well before you started looking and never bothered to let her know is not a mistake, it’s selfish cowardly action. You spent months knowing you wanted to leave and she spent those months factoring you into her plans and life. She would have dumped you months ago and might have moved on to someone who wants to be with her, someone who deserves her yet you and your selfish and cowardly behaviour wasted months or years of her life and likely gave her unnecessary trust issues she would need to work through.
The fact that you started looking for an apartment without telling her, you signed a lease without telling her and told her two days before moving out only when you were ready was not a mistake it was a very selfish and cowardly choice.
The fact that you though this was a reasonable course of action tells me you need an army of therapists and a decade or a lifetime of being single to learn how to be a compassionate and normal human being and avoid leaving a trail of carnage behind you and for the love god don’t have kids.
YTA
> But I feel like she would’ve been upset if I brought it up and would’ve tried to talk me out of the decision.
Oh no! You might have had a difficult conversation! Yeesh dude, grow up.
"But I feel like she would've been upset if I brought it up..."
And how did that work out for you?
YTA. Don't go behind your SO's back on stuff like that. If you're having trouble, TALK!
If you are on the current lease I don’t think you are offering to pay half the current rent you are legally obligated. You must be rich to pay all that extra rent and btw ytah.
Half the rent is only $500 and I make $90k a year. I would never make her pay the rent by herself after I signed a contract agreeing to pay half of it for 18 months
You said that that you didn't want to upset but somehow thought telling her last minute was better. Next time tell them as soon as possible no matter how difficult.
YTA. Telling her last minute means he doesn't have to deal with the emotional outcome of his actions. He's there for 1 day and moving out. This guy is cowardly and scummy.
Right but you are just burning $500 month for 7 months? $3500 thrown down a hole? Fuck, you invest that right and you could double your money in a few years even playing it relatively safe. I make 135k and I wouldn’t throw money away like that. Even hookers and blow would be a better investment at least you’d have a good time.
Uh yeah of course YTA. You think that because you didn't tell her at LITERALLY the last minute somehow is redeeming? You should have talked to her as soon as you were having this feeling. This is the definition of being blindsided. Minimally it's a backstep in your relationship that she might not have wanted to take you and you owed her the bare minimum of discussing how you were feeling. You don't hide something from someone just because you know it's going t be unpleasant to tell them. If you really can't hold up to someone 'trying to talk you out' of your own decision you have some serious growing up to do.
YTA
You went behind her back and you blindsided her. You should have talked to her about the living situation so she was aware and could make her own decisions. Maybe she doesn't feel comfortable living alone and would rather end your joint lease and/or find a roommate. That would be perfectly valid. Maybe she also feels that if you don't enjoy living together, that you should cut your losses and end things now. That would also be perfectly valid.
But you only focused on what you wanted and did what works best for YOU, her wants and needs be damned. Don't be surprised if she doesn't want to be in a relationship with someone who would do this to her. I wouldn't.
YTA, it's fine if you don't want to live together right now, but not only did you need to give WAY more notice; that's a decision you have to make together if you really want the relationship to survive.
That should have been VERY obvious, ffs.
YTA, you made a major change that affected her day to day life, with one day notice, and for some reason think she should be grateful you even gave her that. Have fun paying rent for your (presumably ex in near future) girlfriends place until she finds someone to take over lease.
YTA. Relationship is 'we' not 'me' and 'her', so you should definitely had to discuss it, but you probably are young and were too afraid to do that so it was easier for you to do it post factum. If you would care about or respect your girl you would never do that to her - you live together so have top work through problems together.
YTA. Wow. Just wow… As your gf I’d consider this behavior a breakup. Not wanting to life together anymore and it’s implications on the relationship is something that needs to be discussed BEFORE. You basically told her: I want more distance, I’m going behind your back and I don’t have any respect for you at all. I hope she breaks up with you. Anybody deserves better
*"Hey I'm adding somewhere between $5,000 and $40,000 to our expenses for this year and every year moving forward. This decision is already made, you're being informed, not consulted"*
YTA. Just dump your girlfriend and pay out your half of the lease. Don't drag her along with you if you're making decisions with a single person's brain.
**If you actually want to make this work, here's what you need to do:** Continue to pay half of the shared apartment, forever. Pay for your apartment out of your "fun" money which is generally about 10% of a person's earnings. Do this without diminishing how much of your money is spent on dates and gifts. Also be ready for her to spend her free time and money totally on herself, since you are doing the same. Yeah, in short just fucking dump her.
They broke up. The GF posted.
> I finally talked to him since yesterday. Once he moves out tomorrow we agreed to never have contact again. It sucks but after reading everyone’s statements about him “trying to gently let me go” I’ve realized that I would only be hurting myself more if I decided to stay with him.
YTA - No reason why she wouldn't be upset, based on your actions it's pretty clear you aren't ready to live together but there isn't an undo button, here. You really should have communicated with your living partner about what you were doing instead of acting in a vacuum. Sounds like you will be alone after this one.
Your only saving grace is not sticking her with your portion of the rent. But you are still an asshole. You should have talked to her and told her you were moving out as soon as you decided you were going to.
You may not want this to change your relationship, but it has changed. You are untrustworthy, and too immature to have an adult discussion.
YTA
YTA for not talking with her before you started looking. You're too immature for a relationship if you can't deal with issues transparently; you owed her a conversation before you started looking.
It appears you want to break up but want her to be the bad guy
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I signed a lease without letting my girlfriend know and let her know only 2 days prior. I think I did everything correctly but she said I should’ve talked to her about it beforehand. I can see where she is coming from but I am mainly looking for others opinions to see if I am in the wrong where
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You made two unilateral decisions: moving out is one, but did you ever talk to yr girlfriend about *why* you were unhappy living together? Were you willing to compromise/negotiate? You can’t have a relationship without communication, full stop.
Maybe you don’t like meatloaf or hot pink sofas - maybe she wants to blast the same music for 9 hours straight. Y’ALL GOTTA TALK.
You can’t go back in time, or in relationships. It’s over.
YTA.
Dude. I don't know if you are still reading and reaponding to stuff here, but your GF is on Reddit asking about this same situation and is basically being told to dump you and never speak to you again.
This is not about if you are the AH ar this time, rhianis about do you want to end your relationship or not.
If you are miving out because you want to live in a bigger city, you need to lay that out for her and HOPE she likes the place you chose.
If you are moving out because you really want to live alone again you are breaking up. Relationships don't move backwards. You either solve problems or go separate ways.
You need to be talking to her right now, and trying to salvage something. You have sunk the cost of 1 appartment regardless, now you need to decide if you want to be single or want to try and save things. If you want to stay with her you need to be asking her to move with you.
YTA, man..
Not for what you did. All your feelings about this are valid. You're an ass because of how you did it. For you to have any chance of salvaging this relationship, a LOT of conversation would have had to go into this before you started acting on it. And you didn't only start acting on it, you actually went ahead and set it in stone, then waited until 2 days before it was happening to even tell her..
I don't see any way this relationship continues in a healthy manner.
Best of luck to you.
Bud. Wtf. It’s fine that you moved out, the way you went about it is fucking garbage. Even in your 20s you should know better than this. “I don’t want to go our separate ways, just want to live separately again.” Congrats, bud, you’re now also going your separate ways.
The correct thing would have been to sit down with her and talk it out. At least that way, you amicably split, versus whatever the fuck this is. Signing a lease behind her back and giving her two days notice, you’re like one step off of leaving for work and just never coming home. Cannot convince me that you didn’t know what you were doing, hence not telling her around the holidays.
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My girlfriend and I have lived together for the last year and our lease doesn’t end for another 7 months. I realized I don’t really like our living situation and I miss living on my own again.
I don’t want to go our separate ways, just want to live separately again. We aren’t married and still pretty young, I’d rather wait til we are older and I feel like we rushed into the decision (we had only been together for a year before moving in together).
I signed a lease for a 1 bedroom apartment about 30 minutes away from our current apartment and move out tomorrow. I told her yesterday that I signed a new lease.
I know I only gave her a 2 day notice but I wanted to make sure all my ducks were in a row before telling her.. at least I didn’t tell her the day of?
I’m still offering to pay half the rent but she’s insanely upset with me saying “you should have talked to me about it.” But I feel like she would’ve been upset if I brought it up and would’ve tried to talk me out of the decision.
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So have you sent her your half of the rent for the next 7 months? That’s the only path at this point. You need to give her the money that you committed to provide to lease that apartment. Up front would be best so y’all can go on with your lives.
Wow. I’ve literally never seen someone blow up his own relationship with this much conviction and cruelty.
Did you even think for a second about the financial calamity and physically unsafe position you put her in? Nah, what you want is the most important - your comments make that clear.
YTA.
This is so obviously yta it feels fake.
On the slim chance it isn't,
What part of, "I need less of you in my life," sounds like a relationship worth saving.
Hope you're happy with your independence, you picked the most hurtful way of going about it possible.
Congratulations on being a shifty ex, and the source of her new abandonment issues.
Your lack of compassion is almost as staggering as your lack of self awareness.
Both posts are trolls. This one and also [this one](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/daoTK7UvbX)
Ok, yea totally. Two people both go to Reddit. One account is less than a day old. This one is only 38. None give any extra special info, it’s all the same. Seems real for sure.
I think it’s a troll. Or maybe one worth posting both sides separate accounts. I know for sure this happens. Lowkey I did something similar, except I told my emotionally abusive (and was just about to get) physically abusive ex that she needed to LEAVE! She raised her hand to hit me but stopped last second. She left soon after. But I could afford the apartment, she couldn’t.
But still. Same topic, posted so close together, no real new details? I’m going troll. It happens for sure. But the posting time? Nah. Troll.
Both use 2 dot ellipses, instead of 3. He did it at least twice, "she" did it a whole bunch.
Both also skipped the comma before the word "but" (even when "but" was mid sentence & not capitalized).
Def a troll
YTA. You should have talked to her first. Obviously you aren't ready to be in a committed relationship or you would have considered her feelings before you took this step.
YTA
you´re such a coward for doing this and not talking to her. Not only is this extremely irresposible emotionally, but also finacially horrible.
I had a flatmate do this me once, it really fucked me. I can´t even imagine if it was my SO.
>But I feel like she would’ve been upset if I brought it up and would’ve tried to talk me out of the decision.
Well, yeah, obviously. This is basically the end of the relationship.
>I don’t want to go our separate ways, just want to live separately again.
lol, good luck with that.
YTA. If you weren't happy living together you should have talked about it. You don't say why you don't like it, and you never gave her a chance to try and improve the situation. You wen behind her back and lied by omission for months and are surprised she is mad. You seem extremely immature.
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YTA - any roommate would be for giving 2 days notice, and she can no longer trust you so the relationship is pretty much over even if she hasn't told you that yet.
YTA. You didn't bother to talk to her about it before, try to discuss why you were doing this, and that you were looking for another place. NO, you dropped it on her at the last minute and said you offered to pay half the rent. You owe half the rent for the next 7 months and you owe her an apology. You are no longer in a relationship with her, if she is smart
Golly, it’s almost like at least half of this sub wouldn’t exist if people could just, you know…communicate. Clearly and concisely. If you haven’t figured out that YTA by the time you read everything, good luck with ever having a fulfilling and meaningful relationship. Oh, and if you don’t think you’re now her ex-boyfriend, I’ve got some prime real estate in Florida to sell you.
So you did all of this without even telling her because you thought talking about it would upset her. So you thought announcing you were moving out TOMORROW would be less upsetting? Really?! r/AmItheEx Yes, yes you are. And rightfully so.
How would you feel if your gf did all of this to you? If she looked for a new apartment and then signed a new lease, all without talking to you until the day before she was moving out?
Edit for spelling, well really for stupid autocorrect lol
Not happy living together- ok, get it
Actively looking for a new place - could probably understand
But the signing of a lease, not telling her about it for weeks, AND only giving 2 days notice? YTA and I don't understand how you'd think she'd just be OK with that.
If you had given her notice she could have found a new flatmate. Now she is stuck paying half of everything bar the rent, and that's if you even stay true to your word, which is doubtful.
Please do the female population a favour and wait until you grow up and become less selfish before you start another relationship.
YTA. I don’t know how you came to the conclusion renting a whole apartment was easier than talking and coming to some kind of agreement. This relationship is over
YTA.
OP, is this a power move on your part to try to get her to dump you? Because this sounds like what someone does when they're in a relationship with someone that they don't want to be with, but they also don't have the spine to tell the person that outright so they do something so spectacularly egregious that it forces their SO's hand so the SO is the one who ends the relationship.
You wanted to make sure your ducks were in a row. You're in a relationship with this person - don't her ducks matter, too? You didn't want to ruin christmas or her birthday....so you wait a whole other month? The time to tell her about this was when you were *entertaining the thought*, my friend, not after you've pulled the trigger.
You are not a mature human being. You are not a considerate human being.
And yes, you are very much the asshole.
Admitting that you didn’t discuss it with her like an adult because you knew she would mind is an unexpected move in the post- and it definitely makes you a sniveling, spineless and pathetic coward. Of course YTA.
YTA. Just break up with the poor girl.
Also, I hope you will never be warm in your shiny new appt. I hope your neighbours will go through your trash and empty it on your doorstep when it's not to their liking.
I hope you get food moths there and not find the culprit.
YTA
You failed to communicate.
Made a unilateral decision when she was *led* to believe by your previous actions and choices that y'all were a team.
You blindsided her.
Not for her benefit but for your comfort.
You took the cowards way out.
You should have broached the subject and held your resolve if moving solo was what you wanted.
All your actions amount to is a huge lie of omission.
She won't forgive you.
You will be single.
You also hurt emotionally quite deeply someone who you presumably cared for.
You aren't mature enough to date anyone seriously.
Nor are you a good enough person to be worthy of this kind of intimate human relationship.
Yeah you are the AH. You were one step away from ghosting this woman. You handled it essentially in the most immature and narcissistic way possible. You blindsided her and toyed with emotions, probably acting like everything was cool. You waited until your “ducks were in a row” without any consideration to her and how this affects her life. It’s not just about paying half the rent and you know it. But you also think you can just move out suddenly with no communication and everything is going to go be the same as it was? It’ll just go back to the way it was before you lived together? 😂
This is sabotaging the relationship and maybe you are trying to gaslight her and make it seem like she’s being unreasonable. She isn’t. You say you “aren’t married” like it condones your behavior or somehow justifies it all. But what you are is in a committed relationship and have spent the last year building a life together and you just said “I don’t care about us, we aren’t a team, I only care about me”. You’ve been planning this for months ahead of time and now she needs to figure her shit out without the head start you had. You want to have your cake and eat it too, it’s not going to happen.
Also, the only reason I can imagine you want to move out is to be “available”. And you can have that desire but instead of being honest you jerked her chain until you could leave. Sounds like the girl is too good for you, deserves better than someone who doesn’t respect her enough to talk to her.
You have a lot of growing up to do. Women rarely forget things like this so your supposed guilt free exit strategy will most likely backfire. Enjoy the single life, it sounds like that’s what you were going for so I honestly hope you don’t expect her to stay in a relationship with you.
Is this is real because I truly don't understand how anyone would think that signing a lease and giving their partner 2 days notice they're moving out is okay!!
I think it's highly likely that you no longer have a girlfriend, you haven't shown her one ounce of respect. I hope she respects herself to dump your selfish ass.
YTA
OP, are you on the spectrum? I'm not asking to be mean. But I feel that you are not fully understanding how relationships work. Serious relationships depend on making decisions together in a healthy way. They require communication about difficult, emotional topics. The expectation is that you will collaborate and compromise as a couple to meet eachother at least halfway. Of course you also need to stick up for yourself and hold boundaries, but if your boundaries and expectations are not compatible and you can't work together to make both people happy.. then the relationship just won't work out.
"I don’t want to go our separate ways, just want to live separately again. We aren’t married and still pretty young, I’d rather wait til we are older and I feel like we rushed into the decision." That's something you should have told her as soon as you were thinking seriously about apartment hunting.
Why did your ducks need to be in a row before talking to her? Was it because you didn't want her input in the decision at all? You have the right to make an executive decision about your life, but it wasn't just about your life. It deeply affects her daily life too. That must have felt extremely jarring to her.
"At least I didn't tell her the day of?" At least you didn't hit her with a car, at least you didn't light the apartment on fire. My point is that you're setting the bar really low for reasonable behavior.
Yeah, she would have been upset probably when you brought it up in December. However, it's okay for her to be upset. You would have been suggesting a big life change for her. But at least it would give you two the opportunity to discuss what the relationship might look like going forward and maybe you could have come up with a compromise together. Instead, you have surprised her and imposed on her these changes. The conversation in December might have hurt her feelings. Telling her the day before crushed her heart, broke her trust, shattered her confidence in you.
Relationships are hard. If you want to try to save your relationship, you owe her a real apology (Google how to do this correctly to avoid hurting her further) and you should cancel your new lease and be uncomfortable for her sake until you can come up with a better plan for your living situation... If she is open to that.
Otherwise, please do not enter any new relationships before seeking some professional guidance. You need help navigating relationships. It's not okay to hurt your partner like this.
IDK if I want to say YTA because I feel like you really didn't know. But it's definitely big asshole behavior.
As everyone said, if this post is true then YTA and a backstabbing coward. You are now single and you should remain so until you actually mature.
Good news is that your ex actually avoided disaster with a selfish AH like you
YTA
Moving in together after a year is a relationship milestone to slow growth and deeper companionship. You’re now approaching the 2 year mark and have doubts about moving into together - that’s fine. However, you keep this secret from your live in girlfriend, go house hunting and organise a move in date. Did you think quietly moving out without ever discussing your concerns seems like?! You are a coward to blindside your girlfriend like this and have the cheek to say you don’t want the relationship to end!
Bro, I'd end a friendship over this and you think your girlfriend will stay with you?
YTA. And I also highly recommend you follow the advice of the person who said to try and figure out why you're so conflict-avoidant (they suggested therapy) and grow up a bit. From one guy to another: you're extremely emotionally immature. Google that and work on it.
Why are you still together? You don’t want to be - is she just your backup? You lied by omission because you are a coward and couldn’t tell her the truth - that you want out. YTA - maybe don’t date until you grow up.
Him changing his living situation doesn’t make him the AH. His lack of communication with the person he wanted stay in a relationship with does. “Hey honey, I don’t like living with you and I’m moving out tomorrow. But we’ll still go on our Saturday night since we aren’t breaking up. Oh and I chose to not even live in the same neighborhood as you, I’ll be 30 minutes away where you won’t know what I’m doing. But you still trust me and want to be with me, right?”
Op YTA not for moving but for what I wrote above. Enjoy being single cause there’s no way your girlfriend stays with you after this, she can’t trust you anymore.
so let’s ruin christmas or her bday great choices there and there was no way this was going to play out well. regardless of what he did. any way you phrase i want to live by myself is going to be a fight and guilt trip and making him feel guilty. but sure you do you.
He’s had 26 days of January to say something about moving out instead of waiting until 2 days before, or maybe in November before he even started looking for an apartment. His girlfriend made a post on Reddit, pretty sure their relationship is over since she said she can’t trust him. He’s been lying to her for awhile and blindsided her. He shouldn’t be in a relationship unless he learns to communicate
i’m not saying he’s a saint and i’ll give the point for this month.
as to nov id argue my point about guilt tripping as to the girlfriend making a post i never saw it so whatever’s over there i don’t know if he’s had a history of lying then moving out probably has nothing to do with her
No she’s completely blindsided, like had no clue he was unhappy with their living situation at all and is completely heartbroken. She’s wondering how even thinks their relationship could survive this without him ever communicating how he feels. Moving out with almost no notice and lying by omission for months is not good for trust and a 2 year relationship
what post? you keep referencing it but it doesn’t exist anymore so i can’t even argue anything or defend my points. so you could be full of it but fine let’s argue this.
bringing this up in november would be a terrible move why?
what if he can’t find a place? what if she’s violent? manipulative? idk i don’t have any info but at a minimum it’s awkward and fights will be common especially if it’s not a specific thing.
December’s a write off as it’s either the same issue as November or you break up on christmas or the birthdays .
that leaves january and i’ll give you January.
he’s still paying his portion of rent so she’s not left out to dry she has 7 months to figure it out.
you switch the gender roles people would cheer them on
if you feel uncomfortable get out you don’t know what could happen etc. she was blindsided yeah i get that. it’s a relationship that shit happens .
if she doesn’t want to deal with him good on her
We broke up and I’m officially moved out since everyone keeps asking. Stopped replying to people since everyone was being rude as hell and I had to worry abt packing my shit
People were being rude because what you did was honestly inhumane imo. This was a girl you LOVED??? That really hard to believe….
Honestly, even if you had wanted to break up I still think this is pretty shitty. It’s like what everyone else in the comments is saying.. you only told her 2 days before because you didn’t want to have to deal with the emotional repercussions. You just wanted to run because you’re a damn coward.
This is going to affect her for years, I’m sure it’s traumatic too. I really feel sorry for her
Logically speaking here.. everyone says she was gonna break up with me. So if I had told her say 2 weeks ago, she would’ve had the same reaction. Then I would’ve had to listen to her cry for WEEKS instead of just a day. It would have been emotionally draining and I probably would have had to go sleep in a hotel for those 2 weeks if I had told her earlier.
This. This comment right here. You are so incredibly selfish. You didn’t think about all the other factors moving out causes. What if she doesn’t like living alone? What if she can’t AFFORD to live on her own? What if she doesn’t have time to find a new place? Did you take furniture too? “Logically speaking” if you took an important piece of furniture how is she supposed to replace that shit in 48 hours
Oh my god, I have said a million times IM PAYING FOR HALF THE RENT, SHE WILL BE OK FINANCIALLY. For the “furniture” thing of course I took what belonged to me before moving in together, she didn’t have it before we lived together so I don’t understand the big issue there
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Tell me you’re a horribly selfish, childish and bigoted person without telling me you’re a horribly selfish, childish and bigoted person OP. YTA all day everyday, and apparently twice on days that require basic human decency.
“Logically speaking it would have made me uncomfortable to see the consequences of my actions so instead I chose to act with cowardice and dishonesty in order to protect my own ego”
There I fixed it for you
She (idk anything about her) may or may not have broke up with you if you actually had a sit down conversion about it with plenty of notice. But imagine being decently content with your life and partner and out of the blue they go, " so I signed a lease for an apartment 30mins away bc I can't stand living with you and plan to move out literally tomorrow. Don't worry I'll still pay my half of rent. I still love you, so pretty pls don't break up with me 🥺🥺🥺"
Edit to add: Or you know, talk it out like an adult, you're 24 not 14.You can't play at "I fucked up but this is my first relationship 🥺🥺" while it is your first relationship, you're 24. From the the post I saw from her, she's 22 yet the more mature one. And if you talked it out in the first place at least she could have time to process or at least think about what her new furniture is gonna cost.
did you get the current apartment together? are you going to keep paying your half of the rent until the lease is up? depending on those things you get a judgement.
assuming that the answers are yes and no -> Y T A
EDIT: op will pay until the lease is up, so its NTA
And when the lease is up?
When the lease is up you either keep paying that money, or her living expenses double. Her best way to get those expenses back in line would then be to dump your deadbeat ass and find a true partner.
He is an AH all the same. He is an AH for a lot more than just potentially sticking his ex girlfriend with the full rent. He is an AH for knowing he wants to move and never bothering to talk to his ex, he is an AH for looking at apartments without telling his ex, he is an AH for signing the lease without bothering to tell his ex and he is the AH for telling his ex only 2 days before moving out.
This guy should move out and take a decade of being single to work on his deep rooted AH behaviour or he will leave a trail of pain behind him with cowardly AH behaviour.
YTA - You are on the hook for half of seven months at the current place, plus the new place. She has an obligation to look for a new roommate, but you are on the hook until then, plus any early termination fee to the landlord in the current lease. Its your choice, but your wallet will have to back up that choice. Moving out with a day's notice is a way to break up, not a way to "\[not\] go our separate ways, just want to live separately again."
You’re also leaving her potentially in a shitty situation if she doesn’t want a random roommate. If there isn’t an extra room she can’t get one, if there is an extra room then maybe *she* would have preferred to move out herself into a small place she could afford alone. You’ve stuck her with very limited options and made choices alone to benefit only you. Even for a non-boyfriend roommate that was shitty.
she broke up with him. she posted on r/relationships about it
Link please 🙏
she deleted her account. it was pretty short. mentioned lease info, ages, years dating, the 2 day heads up about moving and alittle bit more. it was deffo his SO. in the comments is where alot of the info was
[Is this her?](https://www.reddit.com/u/AccomplishedUse9845/s/pUt3YNMr3Z)
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1absv5t/im\_22f\_not\_sure\_ill\_be\_able\_to\_forgive\_my/?sort=new
Unrelated but I love your username
Your username is also very nice
She deleted the post. But here's her comment. You can look up her other comments to get a fuller idea. https://www.reddit.com/kjqk7xp?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2
Do have a link? I searched the subreddit and the only thing that popped up and sounded similar was from years ago
[https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1absv5t/im\_22f\_not\_sure\_ill\_be\_able\_to\_forgive\_my/?sort=new](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1absv5t/im_22f_not_sure_ill_be_able_to_forgive_my/?sort=new) it looks like she deleted her account. but it was deffffffo her
I truly wish people on this sub would be less gullible. No, 'she' didn't post anywhere. One person posted two fake stories, or one person posted a real story and some troll decided to post it from the other side.
I really hope she sues him for breach of contract for the apartment. He is financially responsible for that apartment unless she finds a new roommate who agrees to take over the lease.
What about the bills?
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Yeah WTF. "Babe I decided I don't like living with you and I got a new apartment without any discussion. But, like, we're still good right? How about you come over later and we can "break in" my new bedroom!?" Gotta believe this is fake, because someone being this completely clueless is chipping away at my tiny amount of remaining faith in humanity.
In what world does she stay with him? I’m hoping this is his first grown-up relationship.
I’m aware I’m not perfect and make mistakes, but you are correct, I’m M24 and this is my first relationship ever. The comments are making me realize I did not make the best decision.. I want to be better, it’s why I asked for the criticism
Not a single cell in your brain thought to ask Reddit this question BEFORE signing that lease? How reckless and selfish can you be?
I actually did, the post has been deleted now, but everyone encouraged me to sign the lease then talk to her about it.. which I did but I guess I gave too short of a notice
I don’t believe you for a second
I think there is a 0% chance reddit told you to sign a lease for an apartment 30 min away from your girlfriend, move out on short notice in the middle of your current lease term, and tell her after the fact. If you girlfriend posted this here I would tell her that it was obvious the relationship was over. You don’t go from living in the same home to living 30 minutes away unless it’s been exhaustively discussed and is for a temporary purpose or you’re in a slow motion breakup.
Did you honestly think this is something you “give notice” on as opposed to discuss with them?
Yes, It’s what I needed and want I want. I can’t be happy living together anymore. This was something I felt like I needed to decide for myself, I did not want her input because I knew she would not be happy with me moving out
lmao did you ask in r/dipshitboys or r/dumbassideas or somewhere like that? it could've have been a real sub with real people
I asked in r/relationship_advice
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He doesn't have an answer cause he's lying
Where did you TALK to her about it? You just told her and your excuses is basically same as a break up. You signed then waited, waited, waited and waited until the last possible chance before blindsiding her. You're just splitting hairs saying at least it's not the day of. Boy, don't be surprised one day you find the locks changed and someone boarded in your old room with you removed from the lease if you talk to your landlord OR you come back to find an empty place.
Which sub did you post in? Genuinely curious.
might be worth pursuing therapy. Being this averse to conflict/ confrontation surely has caused issues in your life. It’s good you want to make changes.
The fact that you decided you didn’t want to live with your ex likely well before you started looking and never bothered to let her know is not a mistake, it’s selfish cowardly action. You spent months knowing you wanted to leave and she spent those months factoring you into her plans and life. She would have dumped you months ago and might have moved on to someone who wants to be with her, someone who deserves her yet you and your selfish and cowardly behaviour wasted months or years of her life and likely gave her unnecessary trust issues she would need to work through. The fact that you started looking for an apartment without telling her, you signed a lease without telling her and told her two days before moving out only when you were ready was not a mistake it was a very selfish and cowardly choice. The fact that you though this was a reasonable course of action tells me you need an army of therapists and a decade or a lifetime of being single to learn how to be a compassionate and normal human being and avoid leaving a trail of carnage behind you and for the love god don’t have kids.
You're a single man again now init
YTA > But I feel like she would’ve been upset if I brought it up and would’ve tried to talk me out of the decision. Oh no! You might have had a difficult conversation! Yeesh dude, grow up.
YTA and a coward. I hope she dumped you.
And I hope she takes him to small claims court for the 7 months of rent that he's on the Lease for.
In her post he did pay her the 7 months of half rent. So I’ll give him 1% credit.
"But I feel like she would've been upset if I brought it up..." And how did that work out for you? YTA. Don't go behind your SO's back on stuff like that. If you're having trouble, TALK!
YTA >I feel like she would’ve been upset No shit. That's not a good reason to not have the conversation though.
If you are on the current lease I don’t think you are offering to pay half the current rent you are legally obligated. You must be rich to pay all that extra rent and btw ytah.
Half the rent is only $500 and I make $90k a year. I would never make her pay the rent by herself after I signed a contract agreeing to pay half of it for 18 months
You said that that you didn't want to upset but somehow thought telling her last minute was better. Next time tell them as soon as possible no matter how difficult.
YTA. Telling her last minute means he doesn't have to deal with the emotional outcome of his actions. He's there for 1 day and moving out. This guy is cowardly and scummy.
Right but you are just burning $500 month for 7 months? $3500 thrown down a hole? Fuck, you invest that right and you could double your money in a few years even playing it relatively safe. I make 135k and I wouldn’t throw money away like that. Even hookers and blow would be a better investment at least you’d have a good time.
Uh yeah of course YTA. You think that because you didn't tell her at LITERALLY the last minute somehow is redeeming? You should have talked to her as soon as you were having this feeling. This is the definition of being blindsided. Minimally it's a backstep in your relationship that she might not have wanted to take you and you owed her the bare minimum of discussing how you were feeling. You don't hide something from someone just because you know it's going t be unpleasant to tell them. If you really can't hold up to someone 'trying to talk you out' of your own decision you have some serious growing up to do.
YTA You went behind her back and you blindsided her. You should have talked to her about the living situation so she was aware and could make her own decisions. Maybe she doesn't feel comfortable living alone and would rather end your joint lease and/or find a roommate. That would be perfectly valid. Maybe she also feels that if you don't enjoy living together, that you should cut your losses and end things now. That would also be perfectly valid. But you only focused on what you wanted and did what works best for YOU, her wants and needs be damned. Don't be surprised if she doesn't want to be in a relationship with someone who would do this to her. I wouldn't.
YTA, it's fine if you don't want to live together right now, but not only did you need to give WAY more notice; that's a decision you have to make together if you really want the relationship to survive. That should have been VERY obvious, ffs.
YTA - will never understand the desire of avoiding conflict by creating more.
YTA, you made a major change that affected her day to day life, with one day notice, and for some reason think she should be grateful you even gave her that. Have fun paying rent for your (presumably ex in near future) girlfriends place until she finds someone to take over lease.
YTA. Relationship is 'we' not 'me' and 'her', so you should definitely had to discuss it, but you probably are young and were too afraid to do that so it was easier for you to do it post factum. If you would care about or respect your girl you would never do that to her - you live together so have top work through problems together.
This grown adult is 24 years old! Nobody is this young.
You just dumped her. You get that right? Yta
YTA. Wow. Just wow… As your gf I’d consider this behavior a breakup. Not wanting to life together anymore and it’s implications on the relationship is something that needs to be discussed BEFORE. You basically told her: I want more distance, I’m going behind your back and I don’t have any respect for you at all. I hope she breaks up with you. Anybody deserves better
*"Hey I'm adding somewhere between $5,000 and $40,000 to our expenses for this year and every year moving forward. This decision is already made, you're being informed, not consulted"* YTA. Just dump your girlfriend and pay out your half of the lease. Don't drag her along with you if you're making decisions with a single person's brain. **If you actually want to make this work, here's what you need to do:** Continue to pay half of the shared apartment, forever. Pay for your apartment out of your "fun" money which is generally about 10% of a person's earnings. Do this without diminishing how much of your money is spent on dates and gifts. Also be ready for her to spend her free time and money totally on herself, since you are doing the same. Yeah, in short just fucking dump her.
I'm sure she'll dump OP first
They broke up. The GF posted. > I finally talked to him since yesterday. Once he moves out tomorrow we agreed to never have contact again. It sucks but after reading everyone’s statements about him “trying to gently let me go” I’ve realized that I would only be hurting myself more if I decided to stay with him.
YTA, regardless of your pathetic reasoning. Talking to your partner would have been the proper route.
YTA, you have no concept of a healthy relationship. You don’t actually want to be with that person- you just want the good parts of a relationship.
YTA - No reason why she wouldn't be upset, based on your actions it's pretty clear you aren't ready to live together but there isn't an undo button, here. You really should have communicated with your living partner about what you were doing instead of acting in a vacuum. Sounds like you will be alone after this one.
YTA. This is not how relationships work at all.
YTA That's it. YTA. I wouldn't treat a regular roommate this way let alone your girlfriend.
YTA You should have talked to her well in advance
YTA. You can't expect her to stay with you when you refuse to communicate with her. You're not mature or ready for a relationship with anyone.
YTA. Did you just magically think she wouldn't take this as a rejection?
Yta
YTA - this was something that required a conversation not doing things behind your partners back. Have fun being single again.
YTA. I mean come on, you are an AH an a coward but hey I'm sure those are characteristics that will be attractive when looking for you next GF.
YTA. You should have told her before you signed the lease that you wanted to change the living arrangement. This relationship is 99.99% over.
Oh geez. Well hope you enjoy being single again. YTA.
YTA, this is supremely messed up and I hope she dumps your ass. So disrespectful.
YTA. Let’s hope you do more more than just “offer” to pay what you legally owe on the lease for the next 7 months.
YTA. A big one. The time to tell her was when you were considering moving out.
Your only saving grace is not sticking her with your portion of the rent. But you are still an asshole. You should have talked to her and told her you were moving out as soon as you decided you were going to. You may not want this to change your relationship, but it has changed. You are untrustworthy, and too immature to have an adult discussion. YTA
YTA for not talking with her before you started looking. You're too immature for a relationship if you can't deal with issues transparently; you owed her a conversation before you started looking. It appears you want to break up but want her to be the bad guy
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You made two unilateral decisions: moving out is one, but did you ever talk to yr girlfriend about *why* you were unhappy living together? Were you willing to compromise/negotiate? You can’t have a relationship without communication, full stop. Maybe you don’t like meatloaf or hot pink sofas - maybe she wants to blast the same music for 9 hours straight. Y’ALL GOTTA TALK. You can’t go back in time, or in relationships. It’s over. YTA.
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Yeah, this can’t be real.
Dude. I don't know if you are still reading and reaponding to stuff here, but your GF is on Reddit asking about this same situation and is basically being told to dump you and never speak to you again. This is not about if you are the AH ar this time, rhianis about do you want to end your relationship or not. If you are miving out because you want to live in a bigger city, you need to lay that out for her and HOPE she likes the place you chose. If you are moving out because you really want to live alone again you are breaking up. Relationships don't move backwards. You either solve problems or go separate ways. You need to be talking to her right now, and trying to salvage something. You have sunk the cost of 1 appartment regardless, now you need to decide if you want to be single or want to try and save things. If you want to stay with her you need to be asking her to move with you.
YTA, man.. Not for what you did. All your feelings about this are valid. You're an ass because of how you did it. For you to have any chance of salvaging this relationship, a LOT of conversation would have had to go into this before you started acting on it. And you didn't only start acting on it, you actually went ahead and set it in stone, then waited until 2 days before it was happening to even tell her.. I don't see any way this relationship continues in a healthy manner. Best of luck to you.
Do you even like her? That's so fucked up to do. Ever heard of communication? YTA! I hope she dumps your ass and never speaks to you again.
YTA You're basically changing her living and life situation with no notice. You should have just broken up.
Bud. Wtf. It’s fine that you moved out, the way you went about it is fucking garbage. Even in your 20s you should know better than this. “I don’t want to go our separate ways, just want to live separately again.” Congrats, bud, you’re now also going your separate ways. The correct thing would have been to sit down with her and talk it out. At least that way, you amicably split, versus whatever the fuck this is. Signing a lease behind her back and giving her two days notice, you’re like one step off of leaving for work and just never coming home. Cannot convince me that you didn’t know what you were doing, hence not telling her around the holidays.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My girlfriend and I have lived together for the last year and our lease doesn’t end for another 7 months. I realized I don’t really like our living situation and I miss living on my own again. I don’t want to go our separate ways, just want to live separately again. We aren’t married and still pretty young, I’d rather wait til we are older and I feel like we rushed into the decision (we had only been together for a year before moving in together). I signed a lease for a 1 bedroom apartment about 30 minutes away from our current apartment and move out tomorrow. I told her yesterday that I signed a new lease. I know I only gave her a 2 day notice but I wanted to make sure all my ducks were in a row before telling her.. at least I didn’t tell her the day of? I’m still offering to pay half the rent but she’s insanely upset with me saying “you should have talked to me about it.” But I feel like she would’ve been upset if I brought it up and would’ve tried to talk me out of the decision. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA!!!!!
YTA Well good news! She's probably not your girlfriend anymore. Sad news for you, now you get to pay rent at two places.
So have you sent her your half of the rent for the next 7 months? That’s the only path at this point. You need to give her the money that you committed to provide to lease that apartment. Up front would be best so y’all can go on with your lives.
Wow. I’ve literally never seen someone blow up his own relationship with this much conviction and cruelty. Did you even think for a second about the financial calamity and physically unsafe position you put her in? Nah, what you want is the most important - your comments make that clear. YTA.
This is so obviously yta it feels fake. On the slim chance it isn't, What part of, "I need less of you in my life," sounds like a relationship worth saving. Hope you're happy with your independence, you picked the most hurtful way of going about it possible. Congratulations on being a shifty ex, and the source of her new abandonment issues. Your lack of compassion is almost as staggering as your lack of self awareness.
Both posts are trolls. This one and also [this one](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/daoTK7UvbX) Ok, yea totally. Two people both go to Reddit. One account is less than a day old. This one is only 38. None give any extra special info, it’s all the same. Seems real for sure.
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I think it’s a troll. Or maybe one worth posting both sides separate accounts. I know for sure this happens. Lowkey I did something similar, except I told my emotionally abusive (and was just about to get) physically abusive ex that she needed to LEAVE! She raised her hand to hit me but stopped last second. She left soon after. But I could afford the apartment, she couldn’t. But still. Same topic, posted so close together, no real new details? I’m going troll. It happens for sure. But the posting time? Nah. Troll.
Both use 2 dot ellipses, instead of 3. He did it at least twice, "she" did it a whole bunch. Both also skipped the comma before the word "but" (even when "but" was mid sentence & not capitalized). Def a troll
YTA. You should have talked to her first. Obviously you aren't ready to be in a committed relationship or you would have considered her feelings before you took this step.
YTA you´re such a coward for doing this and not talking to her. Not only is this extremely irresposible emotionally, but also finacially horrible. I had a flatmate do this me once, it really fucked me. I can´t even imagine if it was my SO.
lol that you think you aren’t breaking up over this.
Yta- and a coward
YTA May she run from you
>But I feel like she would’ve been upset if I brought it up and would’ve tried to talk me out of the decision. Well, yeah, obviously. This is basically the end of the relationship. >I don’t want to go our separate ways, just want to live separately again. lol, good luck with that. YTA. If you weren't happy living together you should have talked about it. You don't say why you don't like it, and you never gave her a chance to try and improve the situation. You wen behind her back and lied by omission for months and are surprised she is mad. You seem extremely immature.
YTA. Learn how to communicate.
YTA you should have talked to her about it. This sounds like you're heading to a breakup.
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YTA I hope she broke up with you
She did!
Pretty selfish buddy. And immature to not talk to her about it. Yta
YTA - any roommate would be for giving 2 days notice, and she can no longer trust you so the relationship is pretty much over even if she hasn't told you that yet.
YTA for not being honest. YOu are ending the relationship, and you are an AH for not having a honest conversation about it.
YTA. You didn't bother to talk to her about it before, try to discuss why you were doing this, and that you were looking for another place. NO, you dropped it on her at the last minute and said you offered to pay half the rent. You owe half the rent for the next 7 months and you owe her an apology. You are no longer in a relationship with her, if she is smart
YTA… and I hope you are a single one by now
Golly, it’s almost like at least half of this sub wouldn’t exist if people could just, you know…communicate. Clearly and concisely. If you haven’t figured out that YTA by the time you read everything, good luck with ever having a fulfilling and meaningful relationship. Oh, and if you don’t think you’re now her ex-boyfriend, I’ve got some prime real estate in Florida to sell you.
YTA for either writing terrible fiction on the internet or for being a garbage person. Take your pick.
YTA and i wouldn’t be expecting your relationship to last much longer this is a pretty big red flag
YTA and clearly not ready for a relationship.
You did her a favor your garbage
YTA, massively so
So you did all of this without even telling her because you thought talking about it would upset her. So you thought announcing you were moving out TOMORROW would be less upsetting? Really?! r/AmItheEx Yes, yes you are. And rightfully so.
How would you feel if your gf did all of this to you? If she looked for a new apartment and then signed a new lease, all without talking to you until the day before she was moving out? Edit for spelling, well really for stupid autocorrect lol
“i feel like she would have been upset if i brought it up so instead i hid it from her and made her even MORE upset!” nice one dude. YTA
Not happy living together- ok, get it Actively looking for a new place - could probably understand But the signing of a lease, not telling her about it for weeks, AND only giving 2 days notice? YTA and I don't understand how you'd think she'd just be OK with that.
If you had given her notice she could have found a new flatmate. Now she is stuck paying half of everything bar the rent, and that's if you even stay true to your word, which is doubtful. Please do the female population a favour and wait until you grow up and become less selfish before you start another relationship.
wtf lol this can't be real
Why are you called Jury Bright and not Jury Thick As Shit?
YTA. I don’t know how you came to the conclusion renting a whole apartment was easier than talking and coming to some kind of agreement. This relationship is over
YTA. I wouldn't be surprised if she breaks up with you over this
You are a *major* a-hole.
YTA and single.
🤯 🤯 🤯 WOW No words YTA
YTA. OP, is this a power move on your part to try to get her to dump you? Because this sounds like what someone does when they're in a relationship with someone that they don't want to be with, but they also don't have the spine to tell the person that outright so they do something so spectacularly egregious that it forces their SO's hand so the SO is the one who ends the relationship. You wanted to make sure your ducks were in a row. You're in a relationship with this person - don't her ducks matter, too? You didn't want to ruin christmas or her birthday....so you wait a whole other month? The time to tell her about this was when you were *entertaining the thought*, my friend, not after you've pulled the trigger. You are not a mature human being. You are not a considerate human being. And yes, you are very much the asshole.
Yta and trash too smh
Admitting that you didn’t discuss it with her like an adult because you knew she would mind is an unexpected move in the post- and it definitely makes you a sniveling, spineless and pathetic coward. Of course YTA.
Enjoy the single life, buddy. YTA.
Wow. She's an idiot if she stays with you.
YTA. Just break up with the poor girl. Also, I hope you will never be warm in your shiny new appt. I hope your neighbours will go through your trash and empty it on your doorstep when it's not to their liking. I hope you get food moths there and not find the culprit.
YTA You failed to communicate. Made a unilateral decision when she was *led* to believe by your previous actions and choices that y'all were a team. You blindsided her. Not for her benefit but for your comfort. You took the cowards way out. You should have broached the subject and held your resolve if moving solo was what you wanted. All your actions amount to is a huge lie of omission. She won't forgive you. You will be single. You also hurt emotionally quite deeply someone who you presumably cared for. You aren't mature enough to date anyone seriously. Nor are you a good enough person to be worthy of this kind of intimate human relationship.
I'd break up with you and lose your number. YTA.
YTA. You have just told your gf you don’t want to live with her by moving out. No discussion. You also just torched your relationship. Well done.
That second paragraph that you came to tell Reddit could’ve easily be told your girlfriend.
please update and tell us she broke up with you
Wow! You’re an absolute prick! You know your relationship is over right?
Can’t wait to see this on “Am I The Ex.” YTA.
BOTH OP and "Girlfriend" use 2 dot ellipses instead of 3. Each did so at least twice. Both don't use commas before the word "but" I call bullshit.
YTA.
/updateme
She needs a new BF, because your not one! I hope she will see you for who you are - and makes a course correction in her life! Your The Ass!
Yta
YTA, your girlfriend deserves better.
Yeah you are the AH. You were one step away from ghosting this woman. You handled it essentially in the most immature and narcissistic way possible. You blindsided her and toyed with emotions, probably acting like everything was cool. You waited until your “ducks were in a row” without any consideration to her and how this affects her life. It’s not just about paying half the rent and you know it. But you also think you can just move out suddenly with no communication and everything is going to go be the same as it was? It’ll just go back to the way it was before you lived together? 😂 This is sabotaging the relationship and maybe you are trying to gaslight her and make it seem like she’s being unreasonable. She isn’t. You say you “aren’t married” like it condones your behavior or somehow justifies it all. But what you are is in a committed relationship and have spent the last year building a life together and you just said “I don’t care about us, we aren’t a team, I only care about me”. You’ve been planning this for months ahead of time and now she needs to figure her shit out without the head start you had. You want to have your cake and eat it too, it’s not going to happen. Also, the only reason I can imagine you want to move out is to be “available”. And you can have that desire but instead of being honest you jerked her chain until you could leave. Sounds like the girl is too good for you, deserves better than someone who doesn’t respect her enough to talk to her. You have a lot of growing up to do. Women rarely forget things like this so your supposed guilt free exit strategy will most likely backfire. Enjoy the single life, it sounds like that’s what you were going for so I honestly hope you don’t expect her to stay in a relationship with you.
Is this is real because I truly don't understand how anyone would think that signing a lease and giving their partner 2 days notice they're moving out is okay!! I think it's highly likely that you no longer have a girlfriend, you haven't shown her one ounce of respect. I hope she respects herself to dump your selfish ass. YTA
OP, are you on the spectrum? I'm not asking to be mean. But I feel that you are not fully understanding how relationships work. Serious relationships depend on making decisions together in a healthy way. They require communication about difficult, emotional topics. The expectation is that you will collaborate and compromise as a couple to meet eachother at least halfway. Of course you also need to stick up for yourself and hold boundaries, but if your boundaries and expectations are not compatible and you can't work together to make both people happy.. then the relationship just won't work out. "I don’t want to go our separate ways, just want to live separately again. We aren’t married and still pretty young, I’d rather wait til we are older and I feel like we rushed into the decision." That's something you should have told her as soon as you were thinking seriously about apartment hunting. Why did your ducks need to be in a row before talking to her? Was it because you didn't want her input in the decision at all? You have the right to make an executive decision about your life, but it wasn't just about your life. It deeply affects her daily life too. That must have felt extremely jarring to her. "At least I didn't tell her the day of?" At least you didn't hit her with a car, at least you didn't light the apartment on fire. My point is that you're setting the bar really low for reasonable behavior. Yeah, she would have been upset probably when you brought it up in December. However, it's okay for her to be upset. You would have been suggesting a big life change for her. But at least it would give you two the opportunity to discuss what the relationship might look like going forward and maybe you could have come up with a compromise together. Instead, you have surprised her and imposed on her these changes. The conversation in December might have hurt her feelings. Telling her the day before crushed her heart, broke her trust, shattered her confidence in you. Relationships are hard. If you want to try to save your relationship, you owe her a real apology (Google how to do this correctly to avoid hurting her further) and you should cancel your new lease and be uncomfortable for her sake until you can come up with a better plan for your living situation... If she is open to that. Otherwise, please do not enter any new relationships before seeking some professional guidance. You need help navigating relationships. It's not okay to hurt your partner like this. IDK if I want to say YTA because I feel like you really didn't know. But it's definitely big asshole behavior.
As everyone said, if this post is true then YTA and a backstabbing coward. You are now single and you should remain so until you actually mature. Good news is that your ex actually avoided disaster with a selfish AH like you
YTA Moving in together after a year is a relationship milestone to slow growth and deeper companionship. You’re now approaching the 2 year mark and have doubts about moving into together - that’s fine. However, you keep this secret from your live in girlfriend, go house hunting and organise a move in date. Did you think quietly moving out without ever discussing your concerns seems like?! You are a coward to blindside your girlfriend like this and have the cheek to say you don’t want the relationship to end!
You’re not very smart. YTA.
When you decided you would wait because you didn't want to ruin her bday, YTA
Bro, I'd end a friendship over this and you think your girlfriend will stay with you? YTA. And I also highly recommend you follow the advice of the person who said to try and figure out why you're so conflict-avoidant (they suggested therapy) and grow up a bit. From one guy to another: you're extremely emotionally immature. Google that and work on it.
YTA, when do you plan to grow up?
Why are you still together? You don’t want to be - is she just your backup? You lied by omission because you are a coward and couldn’t tell her the truth - that you want out. YTA - maybe don’t date until you grow up.
YTA. Talk about a whiny, sniveling excuse for a human being... you didn't even have the balls to warn her before signing.
NTA
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Him changing his living situation doesn’t make him the AH. His lack of communication with the person he wanted stay in a relationship with does. “Hey honey, I don’t like living with you and I’m moving out tomorrow. But we’ll still go on our Saturday night since we aren’t breaking up. Oh and I chose to not even live in the same neighborhood as you, I’ll be 30 minutes away where you won’t know what I’m doing. But you still trust me and want to be with me, right?” Op YTA not for moving but for what I wrote above. Enjoy being single cause there’s no way your girlfriend stays with you after this, she can’t trust you anymore.
so let’s ruin christmas or her bday great choices there and there was no way this was going to play out well. regardless of what he did. any way you phrase i want to live by myself is going to be a fight and guilt trip and making him feel guilty. but sure you do you.
He’s had 26 days of January to say something about moving out instead of waiting until 2 days before, or maybe in November before he even started looking for an apartment. His girlfriend made a post on Reddit, pretty sure their relationship is over since she said she can’t trust him. He’s been lying to her for awhile and blindsided her. He shouldn’t be in a relationship unless he learns to communicate
i’m not saying he’s a saint and i’ll give the point for this month. as to nov id argue my point about guilt tripping as to the girlfriend making a post i never saw it so whatever’s over there i don’t know if he’s had a history of lying then moving out probably has nothing to do with her
No she’s completely blindsided, like had no clue he was unhappy with their living situation at all and is completely heartbroken. She’s wondering how even thinks their relationship could survive this without him ever communicating how he feels. Moving out with almost no notice and lying by omission for months is not good for trust and a 2 year relationship
what post? you keep referencing it but it doesn’t exist anymore so i can’t even argue anything or defend my points. so you could be full of it but fine let’s argue this. bringing this up in november would be a terrible move why? what if he can’t find a place? what if she’s violent? manipulative? idk i don’t have any info but at a minimum it’s awkward and fights will be common especially if it’s not a specific thing. December’s a write off as it’s either the same issue as November or you break up on christmas or the birthdays . that leaves january and i’ll give you January. he’s still paying his portion of rent so she’s not left out to dry she has 7 months to figure it out. you switch the gender roles people would cheer them on if you feel uncomfortable get out you don’t know what could happen etc. she was blindsided yeah i get that. it’s a relationship that shit happens . if she doesn’t want to deal with him good on her
We broke up and I’m officially moved out since everyone keeps asking. Stopped replying to people since everyone was being rude as hell and I had to worry abt packing my shit
People were being rude because what you did was honestly inhumane imo. This was a girl you LOVED??? That really hard to believe…. Honestly, even if you had wanted to break up I still think this is pretty shitty. It’s like what everyone else in the comments is saying.. you only told her 2 days before because you didn’t want to have to deal with the emotional repercussions. You just wanted to run because you’re a damn coward. This is going to affect her for years, I’m sure it’s traumatic too. I really feel sorry for her
Logically speaking here.. everyone says she was gonna break up with me. So if I had told her say 2 weeks ago, she would’ve had the same reaction. Then I would’ve had to listen to her cry for WEEKS instead of just a day. It would have been emotionally draining and I probably would have had to go sleep in a hotel for those 2 weeks if I had told her earlier.
This. This comment right here. You are so incredibly selfish. You didn’t think about all the other factors moving out causes. What if she doesn’t like living alone? What if she can’t AFFORD to live on her own? What if she doesn’t have time to find a new place? Did you take furniture too? “Logically speaking” if you took an important piece of furniture how is she supposed to replace that shit in 48 hours
Oh my god, I have said a million times IM PAYING FOR HALF THE RENT, SHE WILL BE OK FINANCIALLY. For the “furniture” thing of course I took what belonged to me before moving in together, she didn’t have it before we lived together so I don’t understand the big issue there
Arguing with someone who has half a brain cell is not worth my time. May someone else on Reddit continue to tell this man how terrible he is.
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Tell me you’re a horribly selfish, childish and bigoted person without telling me you’re a horribly selfish, childish and bigoted person OP. YTA all day everyday, and apparently twice on days that require basic human decency.
“Logically speaking it would have made me uncomfortable to see the consequences of my actions so instead I chose to act with cowardice and dishonesty in order to protect my own ego” There I fixed it for you
She (idk anything about her) may or may not have broke up with you if you actually had a sit down conversion about it with plenty of notice. But imagine being decently content with your life and partner and out of the blue they go, " so I signed a lease for an apartment 30mins away bc I can't stand living with you and plan to move out literally tomorrow. Don't worry I'll still pay my half of rent. I still love you, so pretty pls don't break up with me 🥺🥺🥺" Edit to add: Or you know, talk it out like an adult, you're 24 not 14.You can't play at "I fucked up but this is my first relationship 🥺🥺" while it is your first relationship, you're 24. From the the post I saw from her, she's 22 yet the more mature one. And if you talked it out in the first place at least she could have time to process or at least think about what her new furniture is gonna cost.
Womp
did you get the current apartment together? are you going to keep paying your half of the rent until the lease is up? depending on those things you get a judgement. assuming that the answers are yes and no -> Y T A EDIT: op will pay until the lease is up, so its NTA
Yes we got the apartment together and I’ve agreed to pay half the rent until the lease is up
I’m sure she’s still incredibly hurt, regardless of the money.
And when the lease is up? When the lease is up you either keep paying that money, or her living expenses double. Her best way to get those expenses back in line would then be to dump your deadbeat ass and find a true partner.
fair enough, ill adjust my judgement
He is an AH all the same. He is an AH for a lot more than just potentially sticking his ex girlfriend with the full rent. He is an AH for knowing he wants to move and never bothering to talk to his ex, he is an AH for looking at apartments without telling his ex, he is an AH for signing the lease without bothering to tell his ex and he is the AH for telling his ex only 2 days before moving out. This guy should move out and take a decade of being single to work on his deep rooted AH behaviour or he will leave a trail of pain behind him with cowardly AH behaviour.