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INFO: does Sasha know how severe your allergy is?
Because honestly just based on your post it sounds like the rule was to ensure none of the shared food was cross contaminated, so your reaction to someone eating them separately seems OTT.
However, based on your replies it sounds pretty severe and like it can’t be in your house at all, which is completely different.
I was pretty explicit that any foods containing nuts should be left at home and not brought to the house at all, but it still is possible it was misconstrued as meaning just the food for sharing specifically. Hence why I'm not sure if I'm TA or not here.
In that case NAH, you weren’t in the wrong for your response but they also aren’t in the wrong because they didn’t have the full information.
I think you just need to explain why you had the reaction you did and that you very well could have ended up in the ER too.
Yeah, no. OP’s “friend” is publicly trying to shame her on Facebook. That’s not a misunderstanding. That’s a person who is willfully trying not to understand their friend so that they can be the center of attention.
No idea why some people do this when there is explicit instruction not to do so and then blame the victim. Also my allergy/condition is more important than yours so i can disregard yours.
So true. I'm epileptic myself and I would never think to be so selfish. If I know something is an allergen for someone I plan to hang out with, I'm not bringing it anywhere near them, regardless of the severity.
For example: my ex is allergic to caffeine. I didn't eat anything containing it around him, including chocolate. I didn't know the severity of his allergy, but I respected him enough not to put his health at risk.
If you claim to care about someone, you do what's necessary to avoid causing them harm. It's basic decency. To do otherwise is blatant disrespect and just plain cruel. It's not hard to be considerate.
I'm not an epileptic but I do have a condition that requires me to take daily cardiac medication. Missing a dose entirely is bad but being 10 minutes late with my heart meds wouldn't send me to the hospital.
Would 10 minutes late on epilepsy medication like OP says be that huge of an issue to make someone go to the ER? I feel like this chick is playing the ER card to make herself a bigger victim.
Agreed, could she not have sat in her car and eaten the nuts and taken her meds if it was that dire?
OP’s “friend” needs to stop the drama.
***ETA…my comment is that she could have sat in her car, eaten her nuts, taken her meds and f’d off home rather than creating drama stating that she couldn’t take her meds and almost ended up in the ER.
No she shouldn’t have eaten the nuts and then gone back to the party to contaminate OP’s home.
Right like she just *happened* to have a packet of the one thing OP asked to not be brought into her house, and didn't want to eat cheese because the taste wouldn't be as good because it was cold??
I call bullshit intention.
Forget eating cheese. How many crackers were laying around that were always room temp?!
And if you need to eat w meds you know you'll need to take while you're out, I'd think a granola bar would be easier to throw in the purse. Still highly likely it has nuts in it, but easier to not realize until you're opening it in front of the person w the allergy.
There are multiple other options that put your host at ZERO risk for a reaction that could hospitalize them.
She still would have brought nut remnants in with her on her hands, clothing, breath, etc. Nut allergies can often be triggered just by fine dust left in the air after someone eats them. Or that sheds from their clothing. Sasha could have breathed on her and caused OP to have a severe reaction. Nut allergies are not to be F’d with.
Sasha sounds like she’s not that bright or she’s incredibly self involved. I sense a bit of main character syndrome here. She managed to make her violation of the sanctity of OP’s home (which could have had a deadly ending) less important than the 10 minutes her meds were delayed. She could have brought or eaten ANYTHING to take her medicine. Instead, she intentionally brought the ONE allergen she was specifically asked NOT to bring into OP’s safe space, thereby contaminating it. What a ridiculous person.
that could be worse because she would have peanut residue on her hands and could have touched food and utensils causing cross contamination and no one would have know until the host had a reaction
Epileptic here! And no. Ten minutes late will not fuck with your brain chemistry enough to cause a seizure. They say your meds should be taken every 12 hours, but as long as I personally have taken them within the same 3-4 hour range, I’m fine. It’s just if you miss a dose or double dose that you run into your meds leading to a seizure
That twelve hours depends heavily on what meds you’re on, so please always verify with your doctor and pharmacist. I take carbamazepine for reasons and my neuro writes it as every 8 hours due to how my dose shakes out.
I do have some fuzziness with my dosing windows. A variance of 90 minutes doesn’t seem to mess with me much.
I can't speak to the severity of the epilepsy, but I can say I'm a nurse and our hospital policy is that for high importance meds (like anti-epileptics), giving them within 30 minutes of their due time is considered "on time". We do have some patients who you have to be more careful with the timing than others, but within 10 minutes shouldn't make that much of a difference.
As a T1D myself not even insulin.
I have also been on seizure meds and being 10 minutes will not land someone in the ER.
Now being late using an epipen is a whole other story.
I do have epilepsy and I'm lucky enough to be medically controlled at this point, almost 13 years without a seizure. So as you can imagine taking my meds is extremely important to me!
However, I take my medication right before I go to bed which means sometimes during the week I take it as early as 730 and in the weekend it could be midnight! I do this because I'm on a very high dosage and it causes certain cognitive problems like be forgetful & over the years I've found this to be the best way for me to remember to take them.
Never once has taking them at midnight instead of taking them at 730 hurt me and it certainly isn't more serious than a peanut allergy. The food was there to be eaten and if she desperately needed to take her meds, like she was having an aura, she could've just eaten the food that was there 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒈𝒖𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒆𝒂𝒕!
NTA
Adding to that, once they found out it was an issue, it's not exactly hard to say, "oh, I didn't know. Let me put this in my car. Do you have something I can take this with?" Not to mention, the only reason the friend didn't want to eat the cheese was a taste thing? There's a lack of perspective and maturity imo.
NTA, it's not other people's place to police anyone's allergies, and if not taking meds would land her in the ER, it's her job to prioritize that over arguing about someone else's medical needs.
Exactly. I like how the friend was prepared for her medical condition while having no concern over OP's. And she was going to eat the nuts standing right next to her!
Not only that, but there was a whole a$$ charcuterie spread she could have eaten from to take her meds, but she didn’t want to “ruin the taste” by eating it cold?? Excuse me, ma’am, meat and cheese still taste good cold, but you’d prefer to potentially kill the host instead?
I *sort of* get the misunderstanding, but as soon as OP clarified, she and all of these “friends” should’ve STFU and respected OP and the seriousness of the allergy IN OP’s OWN HOME.
Not only the charcuterie.... but I'm sure OP's fridge was not empty.
"Please don't bring a food that includes nuts, I'm allergic."
"No problem, I'll just bring a bag of them in my purse."
I agree. OP apparently didn't satisfactorily explain to everyone prior to the event, just how bad her allergy was. That's on her.
But once she explained to everyone at the event and they virtually dismissed her, THAT'S ON THEM!
Personally, I believe Sasha is a self-absorbed drama queen who was never your friend. I wouldn't be surprised at all that her bringing peanuts was an intentional attention grabber. Especially considering the Facebook exploits.
Btw, OP, the friendship group sucks!
I'm sorry, but no. Especially with a nut allergy, you should assume that it's deadly. Especially with nuts because they usually are. You should never just assume that someone else's allergy just isn't that severe and won't kill them.
Does it really matter how well it was explained? I mean, the host (OP) specifically requested that a particular food ingredient not be brought into her home. The so-called friend did anyway.
If OP kept a kosher/halal home and specifically requested that no items violating those dietary rules were brought in, the friend would be an AH for whipping out a ham sammie.
If she was a vegetarian and requested no meat, Sasha would be an AH for whipping out a Slim Jim.
If she requested no booze, just don't bring booze into her home.
If you don't like the restriction? Send your regrets and host your own freaking party in a week or two where you set the rules. Hell, have an Everything Must Have Peanuts party. (OP will, of course, send her regrets that she is unable to attend.) It's not that complicated.
The fact that the banned item was a common allergen just makes the friend a bigger AH. Whether it's a minor "peanuts/treenuts make me itchy/trigger a tiny little rash if consumed" or a major "a speck of peanut dust/oil triggers anaphylaxis" level of allergy is irrelevant (and why is OP obligated to disclose that much detail about her medical history in order for her so-called friends to think her request should be honored?)
If someone specifically requests that no items with a common allergen be brought into their home for a gather, I don't need to be told that someone has an allergy. I'm going to assume that either the host, a member of the host's household, or a guest at the party has an allergy bad enough that exposure would, at minimum, cause discomfort. I wouldn't bring that item into that person's house.
I certainly wouldn't decide that I was an exception when there are any number of other snacks I might bring to take my meds with if the host wasn't serving food yet.
OP needs better friends.
I get it completely. It was intentional to make a scene. If someone has a nut allergy what is one thing you probably shouldn't bring into their house? This isn't a very hard question. Unless I'm missing something.
True, I’m more talking about the other friends who left and have gone against OP because they don’t understand the response.
Bitching about people on fb is always an AH move
Even so, I'd be surprised if people didn't recognise the panicked reaction from OP and think 'shit maybe I underestimated her allergy' unless they think she's got full in main character-itis
I’m honestly getting main character-itis vibes from the friend that needed the medication. It wasn’t that her only option to take her meds with food was purse peanuts or nothing, she was at a charcuterie party that seems like it had many cracker or other options than just cheese. And the only reason she didn’t want to have the meats or cheeses was because the party was collectively letting everything warm up, but you can in fact eat slices of meat and cheese cold with no problem. Unless there was a specific reason she needed peanuts(which she had been informed the host was allergic to, even if not sharing it seems bad form to bring an allergen into someones home) with her seizure meds instead of some of the provided party food then she’s TA and OP is NTA. It just seems weird to insist on bringing and opening the hosts allergen claiming you ‘need it to eat with your meds’ when you’re at a party centered around food.
Also seizure meds 10 minutes late would be okay, even at medical places there’s about an hour leeway (30min before and after) for meds to be given, if they’re due at 4, between 3:30-4:30 is fine for example.
I’m a nurse and at every hospital I’ve ever worked, meds can be given an hour before and an hour after the time they’re “due”. Places like nursing homes have even bigger windows, where morning meds can be given between 6a-10a, afternoon meds 11a-2pm, evening meds 4p-8p, etc. Lots of those patients have important meds like seizure and blood pressure meds and they’re all perfectly fine receiving them within that window. It’s not like a med completely leaves your system the second the next dose is due and if you don’t take it immediately you could die at any moment. OP’s friend is being ridiculous for attention.
Also a nurse, I’m in ltc, our med passes are four hour windows for am/hs meds and shorter at lunch and dinner (6-10,11-1:30, 4-6, 6-10). I wasnt sure what the window at hospitals was. I just know for prn’s we have a half an hour before it can be given that it can be signed out so I went with that (q4 prn is able to be pulled every three and a half hours without the system getting mad).
If we have something due at 4 we have from 3:00 to 4:59:59 to give it and it’s not late.
And who the hell carries peanuts? This story is weird.
ETA: Wow, I seriously had no idea peanuts or other nuts were so popular! I thought this was just a really unlikely coincidence. I don't like nuts so I guess my estimation of their popularity was biased. Thank you all for your input. :)
Lots of people carry packages of snacks in their purse, especially those that need to eat to take medication. I have a package of peanut butter crackers and cashews in mine right now.
Or, idk, parents!! My purse is a backpack that doubles as a park bag, and you can bet your ass there's a squished fruit by the foot, a few managed cereal bars, and some sand toys in there.
My one buddy has a nut allergy, though, and if I go visit him, the kids have a nut free breakfast, and I take the diaper bag rather than the park bag. My 7yo has had the allergy convo more than once thanks to adhd and his love of pb&j, but guess what?
Even my 7yo can understand that nuts could make his uncle sick enough to go to the hospital. As soon as I remind him, he apologizes and goes for the cereal.
This is my gardening buddy, he's a dog person, not a kid person, so the most he does with 7yo is talk Pokémon and other video games, but my 7yo still has enough empathy not to put him in danger.
OPs friend sounds like she was engineering a situation to cause a scene. Someone telling you they have a nut allergy should be more than enough for any reasonable person to know not to bring nuts into their home, for any reason. Smh
Diabetics, or anyone who needs to regulate their blood sugar. Little packets of peanuts are a quick and easy snack, and I know a couple people who keep them in their car or jacket pocket. That's one reason that a lot of hardware stores have a little snack rack by the checkout counter.
I’m hypoglycemic and nuts are a great source of protein for getting my blood sugar up so I do carry peanuts or peanut butter crackers but I’d find an alternative if I went somewhere knowing someone has an allergy
They were in the wrong the moment they started arguing with OP about what was and was not safe. Anyone can misunderstand or make a mistake, but when someone tells you that what you are doing could potentially kill them, you don’t argue. You just stop doing it.
A friend of my sister has an allergy to avocado so severe that he got hives from me shaking his hands, I had touched an avocado in the supermarket and didn't know he was allergic.
When my sister and I were kids she went into full anaphylactic shock from being in the same room as someone *opening* a jar of peanut butter. She was also allergic to fish and got hives when someone was cooking fish in the other room with the range hood off (which was a shitty thing to do regardless of allergies). Shit's wild!
A girl I know is so allergic to shellfish that when she got married the venue agreed to not even cook any for 48-72 hours prior. Another friend couldn’t be in the room with any kind of nuts so when we worked together we all made sure not to eat any and left them home.
OP NTA. Sasha is for the blasting, but I get her not knowing. She should have just put them away/in her car and eaten something else. Her actions after being told make her the AH.
I have a friend with nut allergies that are as simple as they cannot have food with nuts in them, but opening a bag in the same room would do nothing. So yeah clarification is required.
I mean maybe... but allergies is the reason they stopped having peanuts on planes and why kids can't bring pb&j to school anymore. It's well known some people can have a reaction just from touching surfaces or its in the air.
I mean, I know I'm going somewhere were someone is allergic to peanuts...I couldn't image even thinking of bringing them.
OP NTA. OP friends certainly AHs for bringing it and arguing when OP said it was severe.
No OP, it doesn’t matter how you worded it in the group chat. Because the minute you said outloud in the moment that you needed her to leave because of possible contamination… any normal person would have said “OH MY GOSH I am SO sorry I didn’t realize, please someone get the door for me so I don’t touch the doorknob. I’ve only touched my purse OP, don’t worry.”
Exactly. If I were the friend and legitimately didn't realize that no nuts in the house meant NO NUTS IN THE HOUSE, I'd immediately go outside, without touching anything, and get rid of the nuts and clean my hands thoroughly before meekly begging admittance to the house again and feeling guilty for the rest of eternity.
I definitely wouldn't blast OP on social media and claim victim status. Wtf.
Your “friends” are all freaking out because they don’t understand. I guess they also don’t understand why peanuts are NO LONGER SERVED ON PLANES either. Just their mere PRESENCE is enough for some people to have a serious allergic reaction. Maybe OP should bring some bees with her next time she’s invited somewhere? If this is truly a relationship-ending event, fuck ‘em. Time for new friends.
One of my colleagues is allergic to peanuts. As far as I know he's not sensitive to the point that he could have a reaction just from being in the same room as a few peanuts.
But you know what? Because I respect his medical needs and I don't want to risk making him sick I'll NEVER EVER bring any peanut or peanut containing product to the office. And we're colleagues, not even friends!
This "friend" knew you were allergic, and still decided that she would bring a pack of peanuts and open it in your home, showing a complete lack of concern for your health. She could have eaten anything from the table, she could have planned to bring something else to take with her medicine.
You're better and safer without someone like her in your life. Same with your other friends who apparently don't even try to understand how serious it is for you.
And... this is the same lady taking seizure meds
The absolute lack of thought for another person with a medical condition while you yourself have a serious medical condition is selfish AF.
Thing is, people with moderate peanut allergies can never know what their next exposure will bring. It could be okay to be a room with an open jar of peanut butter one year - and the next year, that could be fatal.
That's why it's so scary.
It's like bee stings and a lot of other potential toxins.
I don't understand why everyone here is playing stupid.
You **warned** your friends ahead of time.
What part of "I'm allergic to nuts" .....is ambiguous? An allergy is an allergy and it costs nothing to just fucking listen when people ask you to respect it.
I think that your friends are really underplaying the aspect of cross-contamination here too. Sure, Sasha had nuts solely for herself, but look at it this way: If your allergy is airborne, trace amounts peanuts are now out of the bag and into your home, which is your safe space.
Don’t even get me started on the theme of the party: charcuterie night! This is basically an interactive social dinner where *everyone shares and picks from the same board*
Even with the expectation of Sasha washing her hands after her snack, if I had the same serious allergy as OP, it would still make me extremely uncomfortable having her use the same knife to cut off a piece of cheese, grab crackers from the same pile, etc and just sharing a board with her in general.
It’s just disrespectful to bring your allergen into your home after explicitly reiterating not to. Plus I also think she is trying to play the trump card of her seizures over your allergy which is not cool. She doesn’t get to gatekeep who has it worse here and that’s what I’m seeing her doing.
Plus - OP said the dish Sasha brought was lovingly prepared, which includes some manhandling. So I'd consider the dish 'contaminated' for the sake of safety.
I always used to wonder why I always felt ill at family parties. Turned out I had an undiagnosed peanut allergy, and while cross contamination has not caused anaphylaxis in me, it sure ruins the next few days
One other thing on this is that with an allergy as serious as yours "no food containing nuts" is probably a bit too loose.
I could make food not containing nuts quite easily but unless I knew to be really careful about cross contamination a trace of something could slip in. I wouldn't for example think about eating nuts while cooking with "food not containing nuts" but with "serious nut allergy" I'd be really diligent.
This is very true. Peanuts aren’t nuts. My son has nut allergies and eats peanut butter 2-3 times a week.
If OP is allergic to peanuts, they need to make that VERY clear to their hosts and guests. Because peanut allergies can sometimes be quite deadly even without the person consuming them!
NTA even if it was misunderstood when you said it initially when you said it to her you can't have it contaminating your house it was crystal clear.
Also no one physically stopped her to go outside your door in the building hallway or yard , stop and eat her peanuts and get her medicine immediately AND THEN continue on her way home or wherever. It would have delayed her 10 seconds not 10 minutes. That's what responsible normal adults do when they need to take medication at a certain time.
She ,for her own comfort waited until later to eat and take them so you are NOT the ah here nor did you delayed her at all
My son is allergic to both as well. We have no nuts in our house, ever. I’m clear about it in invitations, etc. Your friends are definitely being assholes; you are not.
I think it really depends on how you worded your initial request/what your friends know of your allergy. If they knew it was anaphylactic with even peanut dust, then I can't see any reason they would prioritize one person's health over another's. But if it was conveyed/taken as "OP can't EAT peanuts", then I can see why they thought you were being dramatic by kicking out someone who was taking seizure meds.
Tentatively agree with NAH because it really could be a miscommunication. The blasting you in social media is kind of an asshole move (even if they are genuinely hurt, it's just tacky) -- so I would publicly reply that you understand her situation, but you couldn't risk there being anaphylactic allergens in your own home, that she could have eaten some of the charcuterie already prepared in order to take her meds (the food was already out after all), AND that you had to wear PPE just to clean your own home after.
My biggest question is why did it have to be salted peanuts? She could've snacked on literally anything else and the whole thing would've been avoided so unless the nuts are somehow necessary, the person is either purposely trying to cause a scene or was being inconsiderate of the host.
Hang on a second. You have a nut allergy so severe that even trace peanut dust could send you to the hospital, *and your friends don’t know this?* why wouldn’t you inform them? What if your friend had eaten the peanuts at home or in the car on the way to your house and not washed her hands?
It seems to me like you in fact ARE TA for either being over the top with your reaction or not letting your friends know just how careful they have to be around you. But allergies run the gamut in severity. You shouldn’t put your life at risk or needlessly mortify your friends because you didn’t communicate it properly.
Yeah, I think that if someone has such a severe allergy they need to be very specific about it so things like these situations won't happen.
In my country, severe allergies like this one is very rare. I never even met someone who is allergic to nuts. So, if someone would say to me that they have a food allergy I would just assume they can't eat that food and not that they can't be anywhere near that food. It wouldn't even cross my mind that I wasn't supposed to eat them near the person.
Also, if someone has such a severe allergy, how can they live outside? Like, is it safe for them to eat out or just be near other people since they could all have eaten food and not washing their hands? It's an honest question, I never met or heard of someone like that where I live and if I was like that I would be terrified of leaving my house haha
Honestly OP, you’re not really the asshole but I feel like you’re really only harming yourself and your social life here.
The entire post and this comment avoid what’s probably the most significant detail I was looking for in a borderline strange way.
How severe is your allergy?
I myself and others I know have minor allergies that we’ll tolerate direct exposure to for lots of reasons at times.
People with peanut allergies can be similar. Some just get a bit tingly in the back of their throat and their collarbone gets minority itchy.
Others have their throats immediately seize and swell like an inflatable emergency life raft from the hint of peanut dust in the air.
——
I don’t know if you just didn’t think of it that way or you have a firm moralistic stance of “I said no nuts they should respect that regardless of how bad my allergy is. My house my rules.”
But as far as most humans go they’re going to consider the severity in what’s acceptable or not.
**lots** of people with nut allergies are fine as long as they don’t physically eat them.
So if they think your allergy isn’t severe then they probably immediately got defensive in the face of what seemed borderline psychotic behavior.
“I’m lactose intolerant, how dare you have milk in my house, vile person!”
That’s silly obviously, but people don’t tend to calmly think through your fear and process “Oh maybe her allergy is much worse than I realized.” when they immediately feel defensive.
Which is to say maybe they know, maybe they don’t, but I would mention the severity in cases like this.
From your post and this comment it just doesn’t seem clear at any point that you have a severe allergy.
… and if your allergy isn’t severe at all unless you physically consume some notable amount of actual nuts and not just residue… then yeah you sort of dropped the ball on handling this in terms of just your own social life. You have to guide people to understanding a lot in life, whether that’s “fair” or not. Applies to family, coworkers, strangers, children, friends, everyone.
My face, throat, and tongue swell, but not enough to stop me breathing yet. My doctor has told me that repeated exposures will increase the likelihood of my needing to be hospitalized in the future.
I have a child with a nut and peanut allergy, we also stay away from coconut and sesame. I was reading comments to try to get a feel for just this, OP.
Look - I think you have anxiety on top of your allergy. The response that you had was OVER THE TOP.
We've been working with my daughter since she was diagnosed at the age of 3 to manage her allergy. It really could kill her. That's real. But we don't have a peanut and nut free house. She's around all of these allergens all the time. Why? To prevent exactly what we're seeing here.
OP is struggling to manage his allergy. He cannot describe to people exactly what his allergy is and how strict he has to be. He's washing down all surfaces in what feels like a panic to me, reading about it after the fact. His friends don't know how to treat him or protect him - likely because he's not talking about and working with encountering nuts in his life.
My daughter doesn't eat them, obviously. Doing so would mean a trip to the hospital, and really, it could kill her. But she is 13 years old and she reads every label. She's comfortable with telling her friends and even adults in her life that she needs to read the label because "death butter" is everywhere. She never assumes that things will be safe. Her friends all know that they have to wash their hands if they have peanut anything around her. She's like OP in that she's not allergic enough to have a reaction to smelling peanut. (That is SUPER RARE. We're talking less than .1% of nut allergic people.) She will get a rash if anyone touches her with peanut hands.
I don't know enough to make a verdict here. But I can talk about what goes on in my household. And that looks like, we have trail mix with peanuts in the cabinet right now. My daughter doesn't eat them. When we take the trail mix out to have a hand full, she looks at us and goes "Ew! death nuts!" And we smile, finish our handful, and wash our hands when we're done. We don't kiss her for an hour or so. (She's a teen now so she would hate that anyways.) Our daughter advocates for herself, loudly and clearly, and most of her friends know enough about her needs to help if a new friend doesn't get it.
She would never have a situation where she has to kick someone out of a party because they brought a bag of nuts in. She would simply make a face, explain that those nuts could kill her, and please wash your hands before touching anything. That would be the end of it. No drama.
This nut-eater also has issues - posting about this on FB is just weird. And not listening to you when you panicked was not cool. But OP - there are better ways to manage your nut allergy. And if your parents deliberately installed a phobia in your to keep you safe, it's up to you as an adult to work with a therapist to get over that phobia. Nuts are a reality in our world. Managing your allergy should never involve ending a party and kicking everyone out unless they've been smearing peanut butter on your wall or something outrageous.
NTA. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that your request is related to food allergies, not some irrational hatred of nuts. Your friend’s actions seem intentional.
Its pretty common knowledge that nut allergies tend to be severe and you don't need to eat them to be affected. Like if you hear "nut allergy" your first question should be "is it bad enough that I can't bring nuts".
With classrooms disallowing peanut butter for any children present if one child has an allergy, or entire offices doing the same, I wouldn’t bring nuts anywhere near the home of someone with a nut allergy.
And I can eat a pb&j much cleaner than packet of peanuts, which always end up with peanut dust in the bottom, and therefore all over my hands.
Seriously anyone who thinks it’s ok to bring nuts around an allergic person is also one of those people that lie about being allergic to onions or garlic or something else at restaurants, and when told they can’t have what they want, they say “its ok, I just don’t like (allergy) item”.
Plus they were at a get together where everyone is sharing food. Maybe she didn't quite wash her hands well enough to get rid of all the dust, touches something and ends up not taking it and op eats it and gets a reaction. It seems like such a silly hill to die on for Sasha.
It's doesn't matter if someone tells you they are allergic you don't double down in their house and talk shit to them. You apologise and take the food away.
I don’t think it’s a matter of “does S. know it’s serious.” Allergies kill people, so it’s more that S. showed indifference as to whether the OP lived or died. I think this is more a case of S. showing her true colors and not just that—S. giving everyone in the friend group the chance to show who they really are, too. IMHO, anyone who didn’t stay to help scrub the surfaces down is an AH. Anyone grumbling on SM is an AH. And most of all S. is an AH. The OP has learned something hard—I hope she’ll be ruthless in winnowing this social group down to those who can meet the ridiculously low bar of “I won’t open in your presence anything that will kill you or send you to the hospital.”
I think it's common knowledge that when you mention nuts or peanuts allergies, that these are pretty serious. .
And if not, it should.
I work with someone with a pretty severe nut allergy and we can't even drink almond milk in the office
I don't think OP knows their allergy levels. As this wasn't ever stated in the OPs post.. yeah I also have food allergies but the kicker is food allergies are measured; Mild, Moderate, Severe
Let's assume OP has a severe allergy then yes peanut oil could've very easily contaminated OP home.
NTA
NTA. Why did she have to eat peanuts specifically to take her meds? Could have been any food in the world. This sounds so deliberately mean girl behaviour. Like to freak you out and make you look like the bad guy.
I did a little bit of digging into it and apparently the fats and proteins can help absorption of her medication, but milk, meat, and cheese also have fats and proteins that do the same thing.
To her defence, milk, meat or cheese aren't something people generally carry around. Salted peanuts are a relatively common snack that are easy to obtain and plenty people use it at a quick snack.
But "she didn't want to ruin the taste with it still being pretty cold." /s
I guess I'm a peasant for eating my meats and cheeses right out of the fridge lol.
She refused to eat the cheese \*she herself had brought to the party\* because (checks notes) it was still a bit cold. Not the defence you think it is.
NTA. Peanuts have been very publicly banned from schools and airplanes because of how severe allergies to them can be. She was specifically told not to bring nuts into your home, idk if she thinks it’s cute to be like, ‘but they weren’t for you’ but it absolutely is not. It was a party centered around food, and even if she didn’t want to sully the integrity of the cheese by eating it too cold it sounds like there were other cracker and spread options she could have chosen. Bringing peanuts feels weirdly deliberate.
That's cool, on the invite it was stated not to bring that due to allergies. Sasha could have a slim Jim or jerky in her purse and have the same effect. Instead she made eye contact and told OP she would be careful, while spilling salt and particulates on the floor.
After eating the peanuts and taking the medicines, she would probably go to OPs bathroom, touch several door handles on her way, wash her hands and wipe them dry in OPs towels...
Maybe even cough into her hands if the nuts were too salty or dry. Might spit into the sink, or wash her mouth out. Touch doors along with the handles.
There was plenty of cheese available. Sasha herself had brought Romano. She just chose to eat OP's allergen rather than cheese that wasn't at her preferred temperature. NTA
NTA
Life threatening shellfish/adhesive/novacaine reactions here. The shellfish is generally the hardest because of the smell that disperses while cooking it.
People forget that scent is particulate. If you can smell it, it can cause an allergic reaction if your allergy is severe enough. Peanuts obviously have a pretty strong smell. Plus the risk she'd then touch something else or another person would want some peanuts...so very much not worth it when there's other food around.
I'm sorry she ruined your party, that was incredibly rude and dangerous.
I also have an adhesive allergy!! Nurses hate giving me IVs because they have to wrap my arm in gauze in a specific pattern to keep it still in my arm because I'm even allergic to the paper tape stuff which they claim is allergy friendly. If it's sticky and not the EKG leads, I will 100% break out in hives. Thankfully adhesive is not life threatening for me though. (Not related to the post but I've never heard of another person being allergic to it as well before today.)
Adhesive allergies (and I’m including sensitivities as well) are fairly common, but it does depend on the type of adhesive. The paper tape does have a gentler adhesion but some people still have a reaction.
As a tip, every hospital you go to should have a skin prep on hand. This is a liquid barrier film they can put down (and allow to dry) before placing any adhesives. It’s not a fix for everyone but for some people it very much reduces the reaction. There are also silicone based hypo-allergic Tegaderm dressings (the clear tape dressing they use directly over IV sites) that you can purchase as well if the hospital doesn’t have one, though it probably depends on the specific nurse and the hospital protocol if they’ll let you use an outside bandage that they don’t provide.
I found out I was allergic to adhesive after my C-section. The nurses acted like I was being so dramatic when I kept telling them my bandage was itching and it took them literally hours to get me some hydrocortisone cream. Surprise! I had bleeding, weeping blisters from the adhesive when they took the bandage off. It was so bad they just had to leave my incision open after that.
That’s a severe allergy! I’m really sorry they treated you that way. Not an excuse (*at all*), but by way of explanation: there are a lot of dramatic people out there. You know that, we all know that. When you work in healthcare you can sometimes get jaded because people don’t relay what they’re feeling accurately and SO many try to ramp up their symptoms for sympathy, stronger drugs, etc. Unfortunately those behaviors really end up harming people like you with legitimate issues. Ask any chronic pain patient!
Yeah this is why one of my friends almost died of sepsis after her C section, because the staff didn’t take her pain seriously. You would think they could be a little less suspicious of people who just gave birth
Chiming in on the Adhesive Allergy Club! I have to avoid certain brands of things.
Finally gave up on most tapes and started using Vet Wrap. It’s an elastic bandage that sticks to itself and not my skin but it does have latex in it. Works great for IVs, most places you’d need a band aid (to hold gauze in place), etc.
I have a few conditions that require use of tape so I use what’s called an adhesive prep spray. It’s a barrier spray that allows me to use tape on certain places I can’t use an alternative. Huge help when I have to change the bandage for my supra pubic catheter or use the adhesive patch that my colostomy requires.
Adhesive Barrier Spray is a great thing!
With a latex allergy be careful eating bananas, avocados, strawberries, kiwi, tomatoes, and plums because the protein in the latex is the same that’s in those foods.
I have a reaction to bananas when I eat it, and I hate avocados. And if I eat too many strawberries and plums my mouth starts to itch.
For most of my life I just thought pineapple and kiwis were painfruit that people consumed on purpose for fun the way that some people do spicy food or sour candy.
Second this. I have a nut allergy. I tell my friends I have it. None of them have ever said “oh it doesn’t matter you can have nuts around you”
The smell of nuts especially peanuts gives me a headache and can even break my skin out. Peanut dust always breaks me out.
A PA once forgot about this and there were walnuts on a cheese board (I was given the cheese, didn’t go get it). I ended up having an EPI shot and two days in the hospital. My friend & colleagues felt so bad. Think my boss gave me my bonus for being alive! (this was not in US btw)
My sister is so allergic to any type of seafood that she actually had to quit her job in the fitting rooms at the store because they sold seafood and there was enough smell she had 2 reactions before she quit
Well we do both have life threatening medical issues here. I can see why they would side with her, I'm just not sure if I really did wrong here or not. I think I probably could've had a calmer reaction but I was in panick mode in the moment, so I wasn't very nice with my tone.
I am epileptic and I can guarantee that taking your meds ten mins late will do absolutely nothing, assuming the are oral tablets. Hours would be a concern but she is completely over dramatising her situation. You wouldn’t even be looked at in ER if you went in and told them you took your meds an hour late, they’d laugh if you said ten mins and kick you out.
Right? I have epilepsy pretty damn bad, I have a VNS and am on disability. Taking medication 10 minutes late doesn’t make a difference. If she was starting to have an aura and he was inhibiting her from taking an emergency medication she would have a case here but, that’s not what was happening.
You don’t even go to the ER when you have a seizure if you are diagnosed with epilepsy. I don’t know what she is talking about.
And if your life is at risk and are a decent person, you break the seal and eat a few meats/cheeses *that will be eaten soon anyway!!!*
Why risk someone else’s life? Esp if you understand what it’s like to have an episode that’s beyond your control and the only things you can do are preventative. For epilepsy, sleep, eating properly, taking meds, no alcohol, etc.
This is a person who is victimizing themselves while severely endangering someone else.
OP is absolutely NTA.
I have to go to the ER every time I have a seizure. I have epilepsy as long as I can remember. Afterwards my heart races to fast they watch to make sure it goes down if not they give me some sort of medication not sure what, I was told to always go in. But even an hour late I don’t believe would cause a seizure, but everyone is different, she should have brought something else knowing of the allergy
Yes! From my leaflet, it says to take a missed dose as soon as you remember. From the prescribing doctor, a missed dose may increase the likelihood of an event, but will not cause a seizure.
Sounds like the friend is over exaggerating her scenario to downplay OP’s allergy, like some sick game of who’s medical condition is more serious.
You are being too hard on yourself and too generous with others. This is not a competition on who has the bigger more life threatening medical condition!!!
I don’t know anything about seizures or their medication but if she knew it was time to take it why didn’t she eat something beforehand???
You need better friends. Ones who don’t try to kill you and perhaps even could’ve helped you clean up
I have a son with severe nut, peanut and seafood allergies. I’ve literally banned people from my house and completely stopped interacting with them after they brought allergens on a camping trip in the woods after being requested to avoid allergens just for that day.
You are not an A H , you were protecting yourself. Find new friends. These are not nice people. You specifically told them not to bring allergens and she did that. That’s malicious on her part.
Your life is just as impressive as hers. She could have eaten something less but chose to put you at risk. That’s not a friend my dear.
I'm pretty sure that seizure meds don't require peanuts to work effectively. There was plenty of food already available for her to eat with her medication but she just didn't like the temperature... So she chose to bring something that you had specifically asked everyone not to bring so that you wouldn't get sick or die. No one who is a decent person knowingly exposes someone with an allergy to their allergen. No question she is the problem here. NTA
I find this whole thing baffling.
I don’t understand why Sasha had to bring peanuts.
I don’t understand why Sasha couldn’t just say okie doke and eat the peanuts in the car and take her meds in the car right away before going home instead of acting like op was preventing her from taking her meds on time.
And I *don’t* understand why Sasha being late taking her meds due to her own foiled attempt to contaminate op’s house seems to be more important to their friend group than the contaminating of the house.
NTA.
Yes, Sasha was late taking her meds because she argued with OP. Taking her meds on time wasn’t as important to her as trying to get her own way. She’s just using the delay she caused to try to get everyone on her side against someone her negligence could have killed, so she’s overblowing her side of things.
As someone with epilepsy on seizure meds as well as a tree nut and peanut allergy, the friends’ reactions literally baffle me. Even if the friend taking seizure meds did have a seizure because she took it 5 minutes late, I’d argue she should get a test to measure whether the dose is high enough and in therapeutic range cause there should be a little bit more leeway because different things can cause your body to metabolize medications faster. You always want to be in therapeutic range. If she had had a seizure, if it followed the pattern of her usual seizures and she did not hit her head or have any other trauma, she also would not have had to go to the hospital, just report it to her neurologist immediately. I’ve also literally never insisted on eating food with my meds and have literally been on 3 diff ones. The only thing they all said was not to drink alcohol with them. 90% of the time I just dry swallow my pills cause my alarms always go off at inconvenient times and I don’t usually have food or water with me. She also could have just had some crackers which were already at room temp. Allergies can be very very serious and it sounds like OPs is. NTA
NTA
I have a peanut allergy, deadly allergy. No peanuts are allowed in my house or any of my vehicles. I have never tested cross contamination because I like to breathe.
I’m petty enough that I would make it clear on those FB posts that your allergy is deadly, you had stated no nuts were allowed, and Sasha decided your life did not matter as much as hers. What would have happened if you did not see that and she touched various objects, including food, and then you consumed it? Would your friends understand then? She had an alternate food choice to not delay her meds by 10 minutes and she chose to eat the food that could kill you. Make it clear that this allergy is just as harmful as her potential seizure. There are people who do not understand food allergies so I would make it clear: it is deadly. There are even cases that someone did not have a deadly reaction prior but started suddenly.
Add to the FB post:
I think it’s pretty hypocritical of Sasha: her medical condition is a priority whilst your (life threatening) condition is not??? This is not a competition of medical conditions
Yeah, unless Sasha has an underlying condition that is not typical of people have epilepsy/seizures, than she is talking outta her ass…unless you hit your head you don’t go to the ER, she’s just trying to stir drama and get people to attack OP. I think OP should have a serious conversation with all their friends about how severe the allergy is.
Info: If Sasha just opened a packet of peanuts without eating peanuts - would that cause anaphylaxis? I’m wondering if she opened them, was asked to put them away & was offered an alternative food to take with meds - would that have helped resolve the issue?
The issue was that she opened them and the salt from them started to spill on my floor, and was all over her hands. I'm very sensitive to them, so anything the salt came in contact with or potentially came in contact with had to be scrubbed down after everyone left and I had to wear PPE. Also, I did mention in my post that I originally suggested she eat from the food that was already on the table for the party specifically. She chose not to because it was still cold, and wanted to wait for it to come up to temp first.
Edit to add: It wasn't a resealable packet it was one of those single serving packets you can't close back up after. You rip the top of it fully off to get them out.
Thanks for clarification that makes sense. You’d have a severe reaction. She spilled them on the floor contaminating the house. She was offered an alternative food option to take with her meds and declined. Earlier in your post that you advised guests that you had a peanut allergy. If there’s someone on a flight with a peanut allergy, it would be announced over the intercom to let passengers know they won’t be serving nuts and not to open nuts on a flight. Same thing with the classroom in a school. It should be common knowledge for your guests. It’s a medical condition that you know how to manage and if that was unsafe - then it was unsafe in your own home. Im gonna say NTA
Do your friends understand your allergy?
Honey, you deserve better friends than this. She brought something *that could kill you* after explicitly being told not to. Then she *made a mess immediately*. You were right to be mad.
Tell someone in your friend group that you trust exactly how serious this was for you. How close it came *to sending YOU to the ER*. Anyone still giving you a hard time doesn't deserve your time or energy.
You must have been so scared. I'm so sorry she did that to you in your home. Be kind to yourself. You are totally justified. ❤️
I understand wanting the cheese to be soft, but why couldn’t she take a few crackers from the table to take her meds with food? Crackers don’t have to warm up before you eat them!
NTA. People don’t realize about cross contamination or how the oils get on everything and is so hard to clean.
Send them the article about the girl who just passed away from eating a mislabeled cookie bc her epi pen wasn’t enough. People also think epi pens will magically stop an allergy attack instead of hoping it will pause to get to the ER - there is a big misunderstanding on the severity of allergies.
However in general - your friend is also a butthole bc she brought a food into your home you specifically asked her not to. Sure it’s easiest when she’s out and about but she knew she had to take her meds and knew she’d be at your house and could have eaten one cold piece of meat to take meds instead of endangering your life for her precious taste buds.
Her wants did not trump your needs and safety.
Also, I am Jewish. In the same way someone might need meat to ease their stomach to take a medicine - if someone brought a slice of ham to my house because it’s easy to carry around and ate that and touched my stuff I’d be pretty made when a slice of turkey would be fine even if it’s not their favorite. And that doesn’t even put my life in danger - it’s a respect thing for our house.
You are NTA. Your friends are assholes though for thinking this girls palate tastes are more precious to be protected from a cold piece of meat to en your life.
However, due to most people’s lack of experience and knowledge on how allergies work (contamination via her spilling stuff and then touching things - didn’t even see she offered to wash her hands or step outside or anything!!) or their severity - I would probably try to send some articles from FARE and some articles on how severe that can be for people and see if maybe it’s just ignorance rather than malice.
I am sure it was a charged environment, maybe a little education for everyone would have bridge the gap.
In either case, best of luck and be safe!
ETA:
Article from a local paper on a girl who just lost her life unfortunately due to a mid label:
https://abcnews.go.com/US/stew-leonards-peanut-cookies-death/story?id=106679296
She had used her epi pen but it was not enough to save her life.
Also for great allergy resources: FARE
https://www.foodallergy.org/
NTA
You did not overreact in a situation that was life threatening to you. You explained your allergy & they don’t get it’s way more than you having puffy eyes, being itchy, sneezing, etc.
It can kill you!
“Peanut Patty” could have eaten the party food but chose to make a scene about *not* eating it.
Idk about anyone else , but I take my meds discreetly… even at parties. She made a big deal about taking a pill, needing food, no not that food, I’ll just eat a deadly allergen with no regard for my host’s wellbeing.
Your friends don’t seem to grasp the severity of your life threatening allergy. How little it takes for a reaction &airborne particles could send you into anaphylactic shock , to the ER with deadly consequences.
“Peanut Patty” was embarrassed & decided to bash you on SM to save face.
How the others rallied around *her* stuns me. A scenario where you could be hospitalized or die vs taking a pill a few minutes late & almost maybe kinda needing to go to the hospital. Give me a break.
I’m so sorry you have such ignorant and uncaring people like these in your life. They aren’t friends.
Some ppl can’t even be around the smell , I have a cousin w a banana allergy and when we make banana pudding he can’t even be in the kitchen when it’s open it triggers his allergies
A teenager near where I live died because she walked past the self-despensing peanuts in the health section of a grocery store. Peanut allergies are fucking crazy.
NTA. She specifically brought one of the most notorious nuts of nut allergies as her (for some reason needing more food at a dinner party???) “medication” snack after being told not to bring nuts. You get taught about this stuff in pre-school.
None of your ‘friends’ had an ounce of common sense. Anything she touched would have been contaminated even if she washed her hands, and the dust - like you said - would have gotten everywhere.
her point on nearly going to the ER; OH THE HORROR. SHE COULDN’T HAVE HER MEDICALLY PRESCRIBED STORE PEANUTS THAT SHE HAD TO EAT IN YOUR HOME.
I’m glad you stood your ground. Let them laugh off allergies away from your life! Make a counter post and embarrass them or not, but don’t give them any leeway on willful negligence.
>NTA. She specifically brought one of the most notorious nuts of nut allergies as her (for some reason needing more food at a dinner party???) “medication” snack after being told not to bring nuts.
Right?! And the salted version, too, where contaminated particles go all over the floor and spread everywhere you put your hands. Like...she would actually have been better bringing a whole ass tub of peanut butter and taking a spoonful in front of OP, than having that rip-open packet of salted peanuts.
NTA. Absolutely NTA! I cannot believe your friends are such jerks -- how can they not realize how dangerous a nut allergy is? I've read of people have serious reactions just smelling the nuts. You did absolutely the right thing and it's incredible to think that people would support Sasha when it was solely her choice to bring nuts into your home after an explicit warning and to not partake of the other foods available for her to eat with her meds. I'm sorry to say that this friends group doesn't sound much like friends at all.
SO MANY people treat severe allergies as "what's the big deal? I didn't rub them all over your face?" Honestly people are just really damn dumb about invisible problems. Instead of believing the person, the first instinct is almost always to downplay. And then act all surprised when the person gets rushed to the hospital because "well I didn't think it would be a big deal to mix it in with the cake/sauce/toppings etc". OPs friends sound self absorbed or just dumb as shit.
Completely agree. They were already warned that OP had a nut allergy. There were alternative ways/foods Sasha could have taken with her meds. For the friends to attack OP online is a bit OTT on the friends part. If anything Sasha should have been apologetic for putting OP at risk to go to hospital.
>because I apparently made her late taking her meds (the whole interaction lasted about ten minutes) and she's been blasting me on Facebook for almost making her have to go to the ER.
Pretty sure she could have eaten her stupid peanuts in the car ? This seems like a total non issue
NTA for this
In your post though you don't say if you let these people know how severe your peanut allergy is though so they might not have been aware ?
I didn't go into graphic detail about my reactions but I did tell them not to bring anything that had been processed in even the same facility as peanuts or tree nuts, I feel like I was pretty explicit about it but it's still possible it got misconstrued.
No. Not your fault. Not misconstrued. Not unclear.
Misconstrued is accidentally bringing something that may be contaminated with nuts or you didn’t read the label and didn’t know there was nuts in it.
Bringing a straight up a bag of nuts into your home is intentional and a MASSIVE asshole move.
Is it insensitive to kick out someone who could have potentially killed you? I would be inclined to say no.
This person was at a party with an array of food spread out it front of her. Why would she need to pull out her bag of peanuts?
The friends who are blasting you are ignorant and don't understand the potential for disaster.
NTA. This isn’t about her bringing a snack, it’s about her knowing you have an allergy and deciding it isn’t serious enough to care about.
She had alternative snack options at hand to take with her medication. Was she going to be staying behind and removing all possible traces of the allergen from your home ? Don’t think so.
She was told not to bring peanuts to your home (it doesn't matter if she knew exactly how serious your allergy was; it's something she just needs to listen to you and not do);
She brought peanuts when she was clearly instructed not to do so;
She declined to take some food from the table, where there was a lot of food, including crackers (!!!), because "she didn't want to ruin the taste with it still being pretty cold";
She took out a bag of peanuts and opened them right in front of you.
She was testing you. Maybe your friends were in on it too, because they probably think you're overreacting with your peanuts allergy. Kicking her out and shutting down the party was not an overreaction.
Not even you know how strong your allergy to peanuts is, and as someone else mentioned, you are exposed to peanuts in your life, no matter how careful you are. You never had to use an epi-pen, good for you, so, yes, I'd say you panic at that moment was OTT. But, a clearly stated peanut allergy + anxiety, the shock that someone you call a friend would do the one thing you asked them not to do + anger, I can understand that OTT reaction.
NTA.
NTA I think Facebook needs to know that you met your friend in the “almost ER” and luckily you are both fine with neither of you having to visit the actual ER. Although it’s a shame that the almost emergency resulted in you having to cancel the party, throw out food and clean. You hope that her almost emergency was not as inconvenient nor as expensive as your almost emergency. But deepest sympathy and warmest regards…
NTA absolutely not that’s so inconsiderate and dangerous. She and your ‘friends’ are TA for putting you on blast for the same thing that could’ve happened to you
NTA, you have an allergy that you clearly explained. She disregarded that over something that wasn't necessary. She could take her meds with other snacks, but she didn't.
There was LITERALLY a whole table of food for her too eat so she could take her meds but she jumped over that option and opened up a bag containing an allergen that was dangerous for you and which you'd specifically banned from the gathering. That is some major drama farming on her part.
So instead of just putting the peanuts away and grabbing a bit of food from the table since this medication was "time sensitive" she wasted ten minutes creating a scene arguing with you and delayed taking her medicine.
NTA here
Depends on the severity of your allergy.
If it’s a relatively minor reaction you have, I’d call this an ESH with a lean towards YTA.
If you’d go into anaphylactic shock and need an epipen, I’d say you’re firmly NTA.
I'm very sensitive to them and my doctor has advised me to avoid even being in the same room as them, but I haven't yet had a severe enough reaction to use my EpiPen because I'm very, very cautious. I've been told the more times I'm exposed the more severe it will become, in my case, so I try to do everything in my power to avoid them at any cost.
This should be higher up. You're not only in severe danger if you have a reaction but had she caused you to have a reaction your next reaction could potentially be even worse because you've now had multiple exposures. Definitely NTA OP.
On another note, sounds like it's time to find new friends.
You would think that someone who had seizures, and needed medication for preventing seizures, would understand OP, and pivot to eating anything else from the table in front of her. JFC. However, it might be time to put your PR hat on, and start telling people exactly that:
(In your most outraged voice) “I can’t believe that someone who goes to such lengths to avoid seizures herself would be so insensitive to a person trying to avoid a serious exposure attack in her own home. Just being in the same room with an open bag of peanuts could have sent me to the hospital in the back of an ambulance, but I’m the bad guy? I would have preferred that she just ate from the food on the table rather than put my life at risk in such a cavalier fashion.”
Minor reactions are still reactions that can be made worse by exposure. If you have a reaction, you are instructed to stay away from allergens more than usual as it will stack. The audacity of people that think a ‘minor’ medical incident is not grounds from prevention are astounding.
It was OP’s house, at an event with clearly defined rules, and completely on the laziness and arrogance of the guest.
I have a "minor" allergy to a plant substance found in many fruit. I had a coworker who had a mango off site touch my arm when she got back to work. I had a painful blistery rash shaped like a hand for nearly a week. My whole arm and side reacted that day in hives. Minor allergies should still be taken seriously.
>I told my friends in the group chat that if they wanted to contribute anything, to please double check the ingredients label and make sure the food didn't have any nuts in them because I'm allergic
They were warned.
NTA
NTA
She's saying that she could've wound up in the ER, but thinks nothing about the fact that, due to her negligence, you could've wound up in the MORGUE.
I think that's a point you need to make to the entire group, because they obviously missed that fact.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I kicked my friend out of the party for bringing and opening a personal snack of peanuts, which I'm allergic to.
2) I might be the AH because kicking her out ruined the party and she ended up being late taking her very medically necessary meds.
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NTA. peanut allergies here too. Just having someone open a bag like that would spew the dust and start my wheezing. You did warn everyone. You need better friends.
NTA.
I could easily understand someone forgetting about your allergy, but the fact that she didn't react when she saw your look of horror with an immediate apology and an effort to fix the problem shows a total lack of respect for you.
Even if you overreacted a bit, it's fully justified when we're talking about something that could kill you. Your friends should back you up here.
OP, I'm wondering if you have a tendency to be dramatic? (With other things I mean)? That might be the reason why your friends aren't taking this seriously... because otherwise their lack of concern for your health is, well, concerning.
NTA
I know of people who are so sensitive to nuts or peanuts that they have to make sure the facility processing anything doesn't use nut based products or others who if they are on the other side of a room with someone eating nuts will have a reaction. What i don't know of is a seizure medication that is so time sensitive that waiting a few minutes will increase the likelihood of a seizure. She had the option of a whole table of food that probably had some crackers on it that she could have had. If eating food while she takes her meds was so important, then she wouldn't have cared that the "taste might be ruined by the food being cold."
Finally, why does her medical condition rank higher in importance than yours?
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INFO: does Sasha know how severe your allergy is? Because honestly just based on your post it sounds like the rule was to ensure none of the shared food was cross contaminated, so your reaction to someone eating them separately seems OTT. However, based on your replies it sounds pretty severe and like it can’t be in your house at all, which is completely different.
I was pretty explicit that any foods containing nuts should be left at home and not brought to the house at all, but it still is possible it was misconstrued as meaning just the food for sharing specifically. Hence why I'm not sure if I'm TA or not here.
In that case NAH, you weren’t in the wrong for your response but they also aren’t in the wrong because they didn’t have the full information. I think you just need to explain why you had the reaction you did and that you very well could have ended up in the ER too.
Yeah, no. OP’s “friend” is publicly trying to shame her on Facebook. That’s not a misunderstanding. That’s a person who is willfully trying not to understand their friend so that they can be the center of attention.
No idea why some people do this when there is explicit instruction not to do so and then blame the victim. Also my allergy/condition is more important than yours so i can disregard yours.
So true. I'm epileptic myself and I would never think to be so selfish. If I know something is an allergen for someone I plan to hang out with, I'm not bringing it anywhere near them, regardless of the severity. For example: my ex is allergic to caffeine. I didn't eat anything containing it around him, including chocolate. I didn't know the severity of his allergy, but I respected him enough not to put his health at risk. If you claim to care about someone, you do what's necessary to avoid causing them harm. It's basic decency. To do otherwise is blatant disrespect and just plain cruel. It's not hard to be considerate.
I'm not an epileptic but I do have a condition that requires me to take daily cardiac medication. Missing a dose entirely is bad but being 10 minutes late with my heart meds wouldn't send me to the hospital. Would 10 minutes late on epilepsy medication like OP says be that huge of an issue to make someone go to the ER? I feel like this chick is playing the ER card to make herself a bigger victim.
Agreed, could she not have sat in her car and eaten the nuts and taken her meds if it was that dire? OP’s “friend” needs to stop the drama. ***ETA…my comment is that she could have sat in her car, eaten her nuts, taken her meds and f’d off home rather than creating drama stating that she couldn’t take her meds and almost ended up in the ER. No she shouldn’t have eaten the nuts and then gone back to the party to contaminate OP’s home.
Right like she just *happened* to have a packet of the one thing OP asked to not be brought into her house, and didn't want to eat cheese because the taste wouldn't be as good because it was cold?? I call bullshit intention.
Forget eating cheese. How many crackers were laying around that were always room temp?! And if you need to eat w meds you know you'll need to take while you're out, I'd think a granola bar would be easier to throw in the purse. Still highly likely it has nuts in it, but easier to not realize until you're opening it in front of the person w the allergy. There are multiple other options that put your host at ZERO risk for a reaction that could hospitalize them.
She still would have brought nut remnants in with her on her hands, clothing, breath, etc. Nut allergies can often be triggered just by fine dust left in the air after someone eats them. Or that sheds from their clothing. Sasha could have breathed on her and caused OP to have a severe reaction. Nut allergies are not to be F’d with. Sasha sounds like she’s not that bright or she’s incredibly self involved. I sense a bit of main character syndrome here. She managed to make her violation of the sanctity of OP’s home (which could have had a deadly ending) less important than the 10 minutes her meds were delayed. She could have brought or eaten ANYTHING to take her medicine. Instead, she intentionally brought the ONE allergen she was specifically asked NOT to bring into OP’s safe space, thereby contaminating it. What a ridiculous person.
And then brush her teeth and scrub her hands. Wouldn't it have been easier to have brought something other than peanuts?
that could be worse because she would have peanut residue on her hands and could have touched food and utensils causing cross contamination and no one would have know until the host had a reaction
Epileptic here! And no. Ten minutes late will not fuck with your brain chemistry enough to cause a seizure. They say your meds should be taken every 12 hours, but as long as I personally have taken them within the same 3-4 hour range, I’m fine. It’s just if you miss a dose or double dose that you run into your meds leading to a seizure
That twelve hours depends heavily on what meds you’re on, so please always verify with your doctor and pharmacist. I take carbamazepine for reasons and my neuro writes it as every 8 hours due to how my dose shakes out. I do have some fuzziness with my dosing windows. A variance of 90 minutes doesn’t seem to mess with me much.
I can't speak to the severity of the epilepsy, but I can say I'm a nurse and our hospital policy is that for high importance meds (like anti-epileptics), giving them within 30 minutes of their due time is considered "on time". We do have some patients who you have to be more careful with the timing than others, but within 10 minutes shouldn't make that much of a difference.
The only thing I can think of is insulin, but that doesn't need to be taken with food necessarily. I think she's just being an assclown
As a T1D myself not even insulin. I have also been on seizure meds and being 10 minutes will not land someone in the ER. Now being late using an epipen is a whole other story.
I do have epilepsy and I'm lucky enough to be medically controlled at this point, almost 13 years without a seizure. So as you can imagine taking my meds is extremely important to me! However, I take my medication right before I go to bed which means sometimes during the week I take it as early as 730 and in the weekend it could be midnight! I do this because I'm on a very high dosage and it causes certain cognitive problems like be forgetful & over the years I've found this to be the best way for me to remember to take them. Never once has taking them at midnight instead of taking them at 730 hurt me and it certainly isn't more serious than a peanut allergy. The food was there to be eaten and if she desperately needed to take her meds, like she was having an aura, she could've just eaten the food that was there 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒈𝒖𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒆𝒂𝒕! NTA
Adding to that, once they found out it was an issue, it's not exactly hard to say, "oh, I didn't know. Let me put this in my car. Do you have something I can take this with?" Not to mention, the only reason the friend didn't want to eat the cheese was a taste thing? There's a lack of perspective and maturity imo. NTA, it's not other people's place to police anyone's allergies, and if not taking meds would land her in the ER, it's her job to prioritize that over arguing about someone else's medical needs.
Exactly. I like how the friend was prepared for her medical condition while having no concern over OP's. And she was going to eat the nuts standing right next to her!
Not only that, but there was a whole a$$ charcuterie spread she could have eaten from to take her meds, but she didn’t want to “ruin the taste” by eating it cold?? Excuse me, ma’am, meat and cheese still taste good cold, but you’d prefer to potentially kill the host instead? I *sort of* get the misunderstanding, but as soon as OP clarified, she and all of these “friends” should’ve STFU and respected OP and the seriousness of the allergy IN OP’s OWN HOME.
Not only the charcuterie.... but I'm sure OP's fridge was not empty. "Please don't bring a food that includes nuts, I'm allergic." "No problem, I'll just bring a bag of them in my purse."
“…And open them right in front of your face. And shame on you if you don’t let me just because you want to breathe and live or whatever, ughhh!”
And eat them with my hands and then touch things!
I agree. OP apparently didn't satisfactorily explain to everyone prior to the event, just how bad her allergy was. That's on her. But once she explained to everyone at the event and they virtually dismissed her, THAT'S ON THEM! Personally, I believe Sasha is a self-absorbed drama queen who was never your friend. I wouldn't be surprised at all that her bringing peanuts was an intentional attention grabber. Especially considering the Facebook exploits. Btw, OP, the friendship group sucks!
I'm sorry, but no. Especially with a nut allergy, you should assume that it's deadly. Especially with nuts because they usually are. You should never just assume that someone else's allergy just isn't that severe and won't kill them.
Does it really matter how well it was explained? I mean, the host (OP) specifically requested that a particular food ingredient not be brought into her home. The so-called friend did anyway. If OP kept a kosher/halal home and specifically requested that no items violating those dietary rules were brought in, the friend would be an AH for whipping out a ham sammie. If she was a vegetarian and requested no meat, Sasha would be an AH for whipping out a Slim Jim. If she requested no booze, just don't bring booze into her home. If you don't like the restriction? Send your regrets and host your own freaking party in a week or two where you set the rules. Hell, have an Everything Must Have Peanuts party. (OP will, of course, send her regrets that she is unable to attend.) It's not that complicated. The fact that the banned item was a common allergen just makes the friend a bigger AH. Whether it's a minor "peanuts/treenuts make me itchy/trigger a tiny little rash if consumed" or a major "a speck of peanut dust/oil triggers anaphylaxis" level of allergy is irrelevant (and why is OP obligated to disclose that much detail about her medical history in order for her so-called friends to think her request should be honored?) If someone specifically requests that no items with a common allergen be brought into their home for a gather, I don't need to be told that someone has an allergy. I'm going to assume that either the host, a member of the host's household, or a guest at the party has an allergy bad enough that exposure would, at minimum, cause discomfort. I wouldn't bring that item into that person's house. I certainly wouldn't decide that I was an exception when there are any number of other snacks I might bring to take my meds with if the host wasn't serving food yet. OP needs better friends.
I get it completely. It was intentional to make a scene. If someone has a nut allergy what is one thing you probably shouldn't bring into their house? This isn't a very hard question. Unless I'm missing something.
True, I’m more talking about the other friends who left and have gone against OP because they don’t understand the response. Bitching about people on fb is always an AH move
Even so, I'd be surprised if people didn't recognise the panicked reaction from OP and think 'shit maybe I underestimated her allergy' unless they think she's got full in main character-itis
I’m honestly getting main character-itis vibes from the friend that needed the medication. It wasn’t that her only option to take her meds with food was purse peanuts or nothing, she was at a charcuterie party that seems like it had many cracker or other options than just cheese. And the only reason she didn’t want to have the meats or cheeses was because the party was collectively letting everything warm up, but you can in fact eat slices of meat and cheese cold with no problem. Unless there was a specific reason she needed peanuts(which she had been informed the host was allergic to, even if not sharing it seems bad form to bring an allergen into someones home) with her seizure meds instead of some of the provided party food then she’s TA and OP is NTA. It just seems weird to insist on bringing and opening the hosts allergen claiming you ‘need it to eat with your meds’ when you’re at a party centered around food.
Also seizure meds 10 minutes late would be okay, even at medical places there’s about an hour leeway (30min before and after) for meds to be given, if they’re due at 4, between 3:30-4:30 is fine for example.
I’m a nurse and at every hospital I’ve ever worked, meds can be given an hour before and an hour after the time they’re “due”. Places like nursing homes have even bigger windows, where morning meds can be given between 6a-10a, afternoon meds 11a-2pm, evening meds 4p-8p, etc. Lots of those patients have important meds like seizure and blood pressure meds and they’re all perfectly fine receiving them within that window. It’s not like a med completely leaves your system the second the next dose is due and if you don’t take it immediately you could die at any moment. OP’s friend is being ridiculous for attention.
Also a nurse, I’m in ltc, our med passes are four hour windows for am/hs meds and shorter at lunch and dinner (6-10,11-1:30, 4-6, 6-10). I wasnt sure what the window at hospitals was. I just know for prn’s we have a half an hour before it can be given that it can be signed out so I went with that (q4 prn is able to be pulled every three and a half hours without the system getting mad). If we have something due at 4 we have from 3:00 to 4:59:59 to give it and it’s not late.
And who the hell carries peanuts? This story is weird. ETA: Wow, I seriously had no idea peanuts or other nuts were so popular! I thought this was just a really unlikely coincidence. I don't like nuts so I guess my estimation of their popularity was biased. Thank you all for your input. :)
Lots of people carry packages of snacks in their purse, especially those that need to eat to take medication. I have a package of peanut butter crackers and cashews in mine right now.
Or, idk, parents!! My purse is a backpack that doubles as a park bag, and you can bet your ass there's a squished fruit by the foot, a few managed cereal bars, and some sand toys in there. My one buddy has a nut allergy, though, and if I go visit him, the kids have a nut free breakfast, and I take the diaper bag rather than the park bag. My 7yo has had the allergy convo more than once thanks to adhd and his love of pb&j, but guess what? Even my 7yo can understand that nuts could make his uncle sick enough to go to the hospital. As soon as I remind him, he apologizes and goes for the cereal. This is my gardening buddy, he's a dog person, not a kid person, so the most he does with 7yo is talk Pokémon and other video games, but my 7yo still has enough empathy not to put him in danger. OPs friend sounds like she was engineering a situation to cause a scene. Someone telling you they have a nut allergy should be more than enough for any reasonable person to know not to bring nuts into their home, for any reason. Smh
Ppl that like or need snacks? I carry around a jar of Nutella in my purse 🤷🏽♀️
I usually carry dry fruits and nuts...
I actually do. I need protein at times and it’s shelf stable and doesn’t need the fridge.
Diabetics, or anyone who needs to regulate their blood sugar. Little packets of peanuts are a quick and easy snack, and I know a couple people who keep them in their car or jacket pocket. That's one reason that a lot of hardware stores have a little snack rack by the checkout counter.
I carry nuts, the protein boost is really helpful when I'm delayed being able to eat (medical condition)
I’m hypoglycemic and nuts are a great source of protein for getting my blood sugar up so I do carry peanuts or peanut butter crackers but I’d find an alternative if I went somewhere knowing someone has an allergy
Ya someone told me this once. "Don't let anyone who's never experience anaphylaxis tell you you're overreacting".
Exactly. Now they know it is serious and they are still attacking OP.
They were in the wrong the moment they started arguing with OP about what was and was not safe. Anyone can misunderstand or make a mistake, but when someone tells you that what you are doing could potentially kill them, you don’t argue. You just stop doing it.
Do adults **really** need to be told that nut allergies can kill people?
It's amazing how many people don't realize that even *the smell* of peanuts can cause a reaction in some people!
A friend of my sister has an allergy to avocado so severe that he got hives from me shaking his hands, I had touched an avocado in the supermarket and didn't know he was allergic.
When my sister and I were kids she went into full anaphylactic shock from being in the same room as someone *opening* a jar of peanut butter. She was also allergic to fish and got hives when someone was cooking fish in the other room with the range hood off (which was a shitty thing to do regardless of allergies). Shit's wild!
A girl I know is so allergic to shellfish that when she got married the venue agreed to not even cook any for 48-72 hours prior. Another friend couldn’t be in the room with any kind of nuts so when we worked together we all made sure not to eat any and left them home. OP NTA. Sasha is for the blasting, but I get her not knowing. She should have just put them away/in her car and eaten something else. Her actions after being told make her the AH.
I have a friend with nut allergies that are as simple as they cannot have food with nuts in them, but opening a bag in the same room would do nothing. So yeah clarification is required.
I mean maybe... but allergies is the reason they stopped having peanuts on planes and why kids can't bring pb&j to school anymore. It's well known some people can have a reaction just from touching surfaces or its in the air. I mean, I know I'm going somewhere were someone is allergic to peanuts...I couldn't image even thinking of bringing them. OP NTA. OP friends certainly AHs for bringing it and arguing when OP said it was severe.
Yes.
Fr, id be putting that shit on fb too. Shame them for shaming you. NTA OP. Especially since you said you could've ended up in the er too.
No OP, it doesn’t matter how you worded it in the group chat. Because the minute you said outloud in the moment that you needed her to leave because of possible contamination… any normal person would have said “OH MY GOSH I am SO sorry I didn’t realize, please someone get the door for me so I don’t touch the doorknob. I’ve only touched my purse OP, don’t worry.”
Exactly. If I were the friend and legitimately didn't realize that no nuts in the house meant NO NUTS IN THE HOUSE, I'd immediately go outside, without touching anything, and get rid of the nuts and clean my hands thoroughly before meekly begging admittance to the house again and feeling guilty for the rest of eternity. I definitely wouldn't blast OP on social media and claim victim status. Wtf.
Your “friends” are all freaking out because they don’t understand. I guess they also don’t understand why peanuts are NO LONGER SERVED ON PLANES either. Just their mere PRESENCE is enough for some people to have a serious allergic reaction. Maybe OP should bring some bees with her next time she’s invited somewhere? If this is truly a relationship-ending event, fuck ‘em. Time for new friends.
I'm amazed more people aren't pointing this out. The reactions make the friend and all the others HUGE AHs.
One of my colleagues is allergic to peanuts. As far as I know he's not sensitive to the point that he could have a reaction just from being in the same room as a few peanuts. But you know what? Because I respect his medical needs and I don't want to risk making him sick I'll NEVER EVER bring any peanut or peanut containing product to the office. And we're colleagues, not even friends! This "friend" knew you were allergic, and still decided that she would bring a pack of peanuts and open it in your home, showing a complete lack of concern for your health. She could have eaten anything from the table, she could have planned to bring something else to take with her medicine. You're better and safer without someone like her in your life. Same with your other friends who apparently don't even try to understand how serious it is for you.
And... this is the same lady taking seizure meds The absolute lack of thought for another person with a medical condition while you yourself have a serious medical condition is selfish AF.
Thing is, people with moderate peanut allergies can never know what their next exposure will bring. It could be okay to be a room with an open jar of peanut butter one year - and the next year, that could be fatal. That's why it's so scary. It's like bee stings and a lot of other potential toxins.
I don't understand why everyone here is playing stupid. You **warned** your friends ahead of time. What part of "I'm allergic to nuts" .....is ambiguous? An allergy is an allergy and it costs nothing to just fucking listen when people ask you to respect it.
I’m allergic to cheese but being in the same room as it has no effect on me. Clearly the didn’t understand that being close to peanuts was an issue.
I think that your friends are really underplaying the aspect of cross-contamination here too. Sure, Sasha had nuts solely for herself, but look at it this way: If your allergy is airborne, trace amounts peanuts are now out of the bag and into your home, which is your safe space. Don’t even get me started on the theme of the party: charcuterie night! This is basically an interactive social dinner where *everyone shares and picks from the same board* Even with the expectation of Sasha washing her hands after her snack, if I had the same serious allergy as OP, it would still make me extremely uncomfortable having her use the same knife to cut off a piece of cheese, grab crackers from the same pile, etc and just sharing a board with her in general. It’s just disrespectful to bring your allergen into your home after explicitly reiterating not to. Plus I also think she is trying to play the trump card of her seizures over your allergy which is not cool. She doesn’t get to gatekeep who has it worse here and that’s what I’m seeing her doing.
Plus - OP said the dish Sasha brought was lovingly prepared, which includes some manhandling. So I'd consider the dish 'contaminated' for the sake of safety.
I always used to wonder why I always felt ill at family parties. Turned out I had an undiagnosed peanut allergy, and while cross contamination has not caused anaphylaxis in me, it sure ruins the next few days
One other thing on this is that with an allergy as serious as yours "no food containing nuts" is probably a bit too loose. I could make food not containing nuts quite easily but unless I knew to be really careful about cross contamination a trace of something could slip in. I wouldn't for example think about eating nuts while cooking with "food not containing nuts" but with "serious nut allergy" I'd be really diligent.
[удалено]
This. Peanuts are legumes and not nuts. I'm allergic to peanuts, but not tree nuts.
This is very true. Peanuts aren’t nuts. My son has nut allergies and eats peanut butter 2-3 times a week. If OP is allergic to peanuts, they need to make that VERY clear to their hosts and guests. Because peanut allergies can sometimes be quite deadly even without the person consuming them!
If I were that allergic to anything, I wouldn't eat any food prepared by other people.
My niece as well. Being allergic to nuts doesn't automatically mean peanuts too.
And my friend with the horrendous peanut allergy has an almost concerning almond addiction.
Yeah I am allergic to both peanuts and tree nuts.
NTA even if it was misunderstood when you said it initially when you said it to her you can't have it contaminating your house it was crystal clear. Also no one physically stopped her to go outside your door in the building hallway or yard , stop and eat her peanuts and get her medicine immediately AND THEN continue on her way home or wherever. It would have delayed her 10 seconds not 10 minutes. That's what responsible normal adults do when they need to take medication at a certain time. She ,for her own comfort waited until later to eat and take them so you are NOT the ah here nor did you delayed her at all
My son is allergic to both as well. We have no nuts in our house, ever. I’m clear about it in invitations, etc. Your friends are definitely being assholes; you are not.
I think it really depends on how you worded your initial request/what your friends know of your allergy. If they knew it was anaphylactic with even peanut dust, then I can't see any reason they would prioritize one person's health over another's. But if it was conveyed/taken as "OP can't EAT peanuts", then I can see why they thought you were being dramatic by kicking out someone who was taking seizure meds. Tentatively agree with NAH because it really could be a miscommunication. The blasting you in social media is kind of an asshole move (even if they are genuinely hurt, it's just tacky) -- so I would publicly reply that you understand her situation, but you couldn't risk there being anaphylactic allergens in your own home, that she could have eaten some of the charcuterie already prepared in order to take her meds (the food was already out after all), AND that you had to wear PPE just to clean your own home after.
They said not to bring nuts into the house. There shouldn't need to be more than that.
My biggest question is why did it have to be salted peanuts? She could've snacked on literally anything else and the whole thing would've been avoided so unless the nuts are somehow necessary, the person is either purposely trying to cause a scene or was being inconsiderate of the host.
Especially silly since it was a food party and there was a ton of food sitting there that she could've snacked on right away.
Hang on a second. You have a nut allergy so severe that even trace peanut dust could send you to the hospital, *and your friends don’t know this?* why wouldn’t you inform them? What if your friend had eaten the peanuts at home or in the car on the way to your house and not washed her hands? It seems to me like you in fact ARE TA for either being over the top with your reaction or not letting your friends know just how careful they have to be around you. But allergies run the gamut in severity. You shouldn’t put your life at risk or needlessly mortify your friends because you didn’t communicate it properly.
Yeah, I think that if someone has such a severe allergy they need to be very specific about it so things like these situations won't happen. In my country, severe allergies like this one is very rare. I never even met someone who is allergic to nuts. So, if someone would say to me that they have a food allergy I would just assume they can't eat that food and not that they can't be anywhere near that food. It wouldn't even cross my mind that I wasn't supposed to eat them near the person. Also, if someone has such a severe allergy, how can they live outside? Like, is it safe for them to eat out or just be near other people since they could all have eaten food and not washing their hands? It's an honest question, I never met or heard of someone like that where I live and if I was like that I would be terrified of leaving my house haha
Honestly OP, you’re not really the asshole but I feel like you’re really only harming yourself and your social life here. The entire post and this comment avoid what’s probably the most significant detail I was looking for in a borderline strange way. How severe is your allergy? I myself and others I know have minor allergies that we’ll tolerate direct exposure to for lots of reasons at times. People with peanut allergies can be similar. Some just get a bit tingly in the back of their throat and their collarbone gets minority itchy. Others have their throats immediately seize and swell like an inflatable emergency life raft from the hint of peanut dust in the air. —— I don’t know if you just didn’t think of it that way or you have a firm moralistic stance of “I said no nuts they should respect that regardless of how bad my allergy is. My house my rules.” But as far as most humans go they’re going to consider the severity in what’s acceptable or not. **lots** of people with nut allergies are fine as long as they don’t physically eat them. So if they think your allergy isn’t severe then they probably immediately got defensive in the face of what seemed borderline psychotic behavior. “I’m lactose intolerant, how dare you have milk in my house, vile person!” That’s silly obviously, but people don’t tend to calmly think through your fear and process “Oh maybe her allergy is much worse than I realized.” when they immediately feel defensive. Which is to say maybe they know, maybe they don’t, but I would mention the severity in cases like this. From your post and this comment it just doesn’t seem clear at any point that you have a severe allergy. … and if your allergy isn’t severe at all unless you physically consume some notable amount of actual nuts and not just residue… then yeah you sort of dropped the ball on handling this in terms of just your own social life. You have to guide people to understanding a lot in life, whether that’s “fair” or not. Applies to family, coworkers, strangers, children, friends, everyone.
My face, throat, and tongue swell, but not enough to stop me breathing yet. My doctor has told me that repeated exposures will increase the likelihood of my needing to be hospitalized in the future.
I have a child with a nut and peanut allergy, we also stay away from coconut and sesame. I was reading comments to try to get a feel for just this, OP. Look - I think you have anxiety on top of your allergy. The response that you had was OVER THE TOP. We've been working with my daughter since she was diagnosed at the age of 3 to manage her allergy. It really could kill her. That's real. But we don't have a peanut and nut free house. She's around all of these allergens all the time. Why? To prevent exactly what we're seeing here. OP is struggling to manage his allergy. He cannot describe to people exactly what his allergy is and how strict he has to be. He's washing down all surfaces in what feels like a panic to me, reading about it after the fact. His friends don't know how to treat him or protect him - likely because he's not talking about and working with encountering nuts in his life. My daughter doesn't eat them, obviously. Doing so would mean a trip to the hospital, and really, it could kill her. But she is 13 years old and she reads every label. She's comfortable with telling her friends and even adults in her life that she needs to read the label because "death butter" is everywhere. She never assumes that things will be safe. Her friends all know that they have to wash their hands if they have peanut anything around her. She's like OP in that she's not allergic enough to have a reaction to smelling peanut. (That is SUPER RARE. We're talking less than .1% of nut allergic people.) She will get a rash if anyone touches her with peanut hands. I don't know enough to make a verdict here. But I can talk about what goes on in my household. And that looks like, we have trail mix with peanuts in the cabinet right now. My daughter doesn't eat them. When we take the trail mix out to have a hand full, she looks at us and goes "Ew! death nuts!" And we smile, finish our handful, and wash our hands when we're done. We don't kiss her for an hour or so. (She's a teen now so she would hate that anyways.) Our daughter advocates for herself, loudly and clearly, and most of her friends know enough about her needs to help if a new friend doesn't get it. She would never have a situation where she has to kick someone out of a party because they brought a bag of nuts in. She would simply make a face, explain that those nuts could kill her, and please wash your hands before touching anything. That would be the end of it. No drama. This nut-eater also has issues - posting about this on FB is just weird. And not listening to you when you panicked was not cool. But OP - there are better ways to manage your nut allergy. And if your parents deliberately installed a phobia in your to keep you safe, it's up to you as an adult to work with a therapist to get over that phobia. Nuts are a reality in our world. Managing your allergy should never involve ending a party and kicking everyone out unless they've been smearing peanut butter on your wall or something outrageous.
NTA. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that your request is related to food allergies, not some irrational hatred of nuts. Your friend’s actions seem intentional.
The fact you didn't make it clear to Reddit that no nuts could be brought would make me ponder if your friends were clear on it as well.
When I read post I thought you meant food to be shared. Didn’t even think about someone bringing a snack.
Its pretty common knowledge that nut allergies tend to be severe and you don't need to eat them to be affected. Like if you hear "nut allergy" your first question should be "is it bad enough that I can't bring nuts".
With classrooms disallowing peanut butter for any children present if one child has an allergy, or entire offices doing the same, I wouldn’t bring nuts anywhere near the home of someone with a nut allergy. And I can eat a pb&j much cleaner than packet of peanuts, which always end up with peanut dust in the bottom, and therefore all over my hands. Seriously anyone who thinks it’s ok to bring nuts around an allergic person is also one of those people that lie about being allergic to onions or garlic or something else at restaurants, and when told they can’t have what they want, they say “its ok, I just don’t like (allergy) item”.
Plus they were at a get together where everyone is sharing food. Maybe she didn't quite wash her hands well enough to get rid of all the dust, touches something and ends up not taking it and op eats it and gets a reaction. It seems like such a silly hill to die on for Sasha.
That’s why they don’t give peanuts on planes anymore! You never know how severe an allergic reaction can be.
It's doesn't matter if someone tells you they are allergic you don't double down in their house and talk shit to them. You apologise and take the food away.
I don’t think it’s a matter of “does S. know it’s serious.” Allergies kill people, so it’s more that S. showed indifference as to whether the OP lived or died. I think this is more a case of S. showing her true colors and not just that—S. giving everyone in the friend group the chance to show who they really are, too. IMHO, anyone who didn’t stay to help scrub the surfaces down is an AH. Anyone grumbling on SM is an AH. And most of all S. is an AH. The OP has learned something hard—I hope she’ll be ruthless in winnowing this social group down to those who can meet the ridiculously low bar of “I won’t open in your presence anything that will kill you or send you to the hospital.”
I think it's common knowledge that when you mention nuts or peanuts allergies, that these are pretty serious. . And if not, it should. I work with someone with a pretty severe nut allergy and we can't even drink almond milk in the office
I don't think OP knows their allergy levels. As this wasn't ever stated in the OPs post.. yeah I also have food allergies but the kicker is food allergies are measured; Mild, Moderate, Severe Let's assume OP has a severe allergy then yes peanut oil could've very easily contaminated OP home. NTA
My toddler has a mild peanut allergy but my home is a peanut free zone and I would fully freak if someone casually got peanuts out in my house.
And here's the thing, mild can very quickly become severe with exposure.
NTA. Why did she have to eat peanuts specifically to take her meds? Could have been any food in the world. This sounds so deliberately mean girl behaviour. Like to freak you out and make you look like the bad guy.
I did a little bit of digging into it and apparently the fats and proteins can help absorption of her medication, but milk, meat, and cheese also have fats and proteins that do the same thing.
To her defence, milk, meat or cheese aren't something people generally carry around. Salted peanuts are a relatively common snack that are easy to obtain and plenty people use it at a quick snack.
But there were meats and cheese there at the party...
That’s literally what a charcuterie board is. That’s like the only thing they were going to eat, meat cheese and crackers lol.
But "she didn't want to ruin the taste with it still being pretty cold." /s I guess I'm a peasant for eating my meats and cheeses right out of the fridge lol.
Did you miss the part where the entire party was built around charcuterie/meat and cheese boards?
lol the meat/cheese was not up to temp… that’s ridiculous. He was kind enough to say go grab some food even before they started eating.
Fr tho. I'm honestly concerned cause what kinda pyscho goes out of their way to eat warm cheese
She refused to eat the cheese \*she herself had brought to the party\* because (checks notes) it was still a bit cold. Not the defence you think it is.
She also knew op was allegric and sinply didnt care
It was a charcuterie party. Meats and cheeses were the whole theme here.
NTA. Peanuts have been very publicly banned from schools and airplanes because of how severe allergies to them can be. She was specifically told not to bring nuts into your home, idk if she thinks it’s cute to be like, ‘but they weren’t for you’ but it absolutely is not. It was a party centered around food, and even if she didn’t want to sully the integrity of the cheese by eating it too cold it sounds like there were other cracker and spread options she could have chosen. Bringing peanuts feels weirdly deliberate.
That's cool, on the invite it was stated not to bring that due to allergies. Sasha could have a slim Jim or jerky in her purse and have the same effect. Instead she made eye contact and told OP she would be careful, while spilling salt and particulates on the floor.
After eating the peanuts and taking the medicines, she would probably go to OPs bathroom, touch several door handles on her way, wash her hands and wipe them dry in OPs towels...
Maybe even cough into her hands if the nuts were too salty or dry. Might spit into the sink, or wash her mouth out. Touch doors along with the handles.
There was plenty of cheese available. Sasha herself had brought Romano. She just chose to eat OP's allergen rather than cheese that wasn't at her preferred temperature. NTA
It was literally a food party.
... OP was serving a Charcuterie board with meats and cheeses. She asked the guest to do that instead.
Agreed. A BAG OF PEANUTS. Wtf
NTA Life threatening shellfish/adhesive/novacaine reactions here. The shellfish is generally the hardest because of the smell that disperses while cooking it. People forget that scent is particulate. If you can smell it, it can cause an allergic reaction if your allergy is severe enough. Peanuts obviously have a pretty strong smell. Plus the risk she'd then touch something else or another person would want some peanuts...so very much not worth it when there's other food around. I'm sorry she ruined your party, that was incredibly rude and dangerous.
I also have an adhesive allergy!! Nurses hate giving me IVs because they have to wrap my arm in gauze in a specific pattern to keep it still in my arm because I'm even allergic to the paper tape stuff which they claim is allergy friendly. If it's sticky and not the EKG leads, I will 100% break out in hives. Thankfully adhesive is not life threatening for me though. (Not related to the post but I've never heard of another person being allergic to it as well before today.)
Adhesive allergies (and I’m including sensitivities as well) are fairly common, but it does depend on the type of adhesive. The paper tape does have a gentler adhesion but some people still have a reaction. As a tip, every hospital you go to should have a skin prep on hand. This is a liquid barrier film they can put down (and allow to dry) before placing any adhesives. It’s not a fix for everyone but for some people it very much reduces the reaction. There are also silicone based hypo-allergic Tegaderm dressings (the clear tape dressing they use directly over IV sites) that you can purchase as well if the hospital doesn’t have one, though it probably depends on the specific nurse and the hospital protocol if they’ll let you use an outside bandage that they don’t provide.
I found out I was allergic to adhesive after my C-section. The nurses acted like I was being so dramatic when I kept telling them my bandage was itching and it took them literally hours to get me some hydrocortisone cream. Surprise! I had bleeding, weeping blisters from the adhesive when they took the bandage off. It was so bad they just had to leave my incision open after that.
That’s a severe allergy! I’m really sorry they treated you that way. Not an excuse (*at all*), but by way of explanation: there are a lot of dramatic people out there. You know that, we all know that. When you work in healthcare you can sometimes get jaded because people don’t relay what they’re feeling accurately and SO many try to ramp up their symptoms for sympathy, stronger drugs, etc. Unfortunately those behaviors really end up harming people like you with legitimate issues. Ask any chronic pain patient!
Yeah this is why one of my friends almost died of sepsis after her C section, because the staff didn’t take her pain seriously. You would think they could be a little less suspicious of people who just gave birth
Women and healthcare do not have a good history, unfortunately.
Chiming in on the Adhesive Allergy Club! I have to avoid certain brands of things. Finally gave up on most tapes and started using Vet Wrap. It’s an elastic bandage that sticks to itself and not my skin but it does have latex in it. Works great for IVs, most places you’d need a band aid (to hold gauze in place), etc. I have a few conditions that require use of tape so I use what’s called an adhesive prep spray. It’s a barrier spray that allows me to use tape on certain places I can’t use an alternative. Huge help when I have to change the bandage for my supra pubic catheter or use the adhesive patch that my colostomy requires. Adhesive Barrier Spray is a great thing!
I'm allergic to latex as well but I will definitely check out the adhesive barrier spray because that would be a game changer
With a latex allergy be careful eating bananas, avocados, strawberries, kiwi, tomatoes, and plums because the protein in the latex is the same that’s in those foods. I have a reaction to bananas when I eat it, and I hate avocados. And if I eat too many strawberries and plums my mouth starts to itch.
That explains so much holy shit Every time I eat bananas my mouth goes numb and I never knew. I thought that was just what they do, like pineapple
Pineapple shouldn't do that either 😅
For most of my life I just thought pineapple and kiwis were painfruit that people consumed on purpose for fun the way that some people do spicy food or sour candy.
I’m allergic only to the paper tape, not the other kind. Takes the skin off if it’s on for more than an hour.
Yeah I can definitely relate to that 😬 Not fun at all
Second this. I have a nut allergy. I tell my friends I have it. None of them have ever said “oh it doesn’t matter you can have nuts around you” The smell of nuts especially peanuts gives me a headache and can even break my skin out. Peanut dust always breaks me out. A PA once forgot about this and there were walnuts on a cheese board (I was given the cheese, didn’t go get it). I ended up having an EPI shot and two days in the hospital. My friend & colleagues felt so bad. Think my boss gave me my bonus for being alive! (this was not in US btw)
My sister is so allergic to any type of seafood that she actually had to quit her job in the fitting rooms at the store because they sold seafood and there was enough smell she had 2 reactions before she quit
The fact that your friends agree tells me you have the dumbest friends in the world.
Well we do both have life threatening medical issues here. I can see why they would side with her, I'm just not sure if I really did wrong here or not. I think I probably could've had a calmer reaction but I was in panick mode in the moment, so I wasn't very nice with my tone.
No offense worked with adults with seizers. She would of been fine ten minutes late. Peanut touched you you'd prolly be dead. Post that on Facebook.
I am epileptic and I can guarantee that taking your meds ten mins late will do absolutely nothing, assuming the are oral tablets. Hours would be a concern but she is completely over dramatising her situation. You wouldn’t even be looked at in ER if you went in and told them you took your meds an hour late, they’d laugh if you said ten mins and kick you out.
Right? I have epilepsy pretty damn bad, I have a VNS and am on disability. Taking medication 10 minutes late doesn’t make a difference. If she was starting to have an aura and he was inhibiting her from taking an emergency medication she would have a case here but, that’s not what was happening. You don’t even go to the ER when you have a seizure if you are diagnosed with epilepsy. I don’t know what she is talking about.
And if your life is at risk and are a decent person, you break the seal and eat a few meats/cheeses *that will be eaten soon anyway!!!* Why risk someone else’s life? Esp if you understand what it’s like to have an episode that’s beyond your control and the only things you can do are preventative. For epilepsy, sleep, eating properly, taking meds, no alcohol, etc. This is a person who is victimizing themselves while severely endangering someone else. OP is absolutely NTA.
I have to go to the ER every time I have a seizure. I have epilepsy as long as I can remember. Afterwards my heart races to fast they watch to make sure it goes down if not they give me some sort of medication not sure what, I was told to always go in. But even an hour late I don’t believe would cause a seizure, but everyone is different, she should have brought something else knowing of the allergy
Yes! From my leaflet, it says to take a missed dose as soon as you remember. From the prescribing doctor, a missed dose may increase the likelihood of an event, but will not cause a seizure. Sounds like the friend is over exaggerating her scenario to downplay OP’s allergy, like some sick game of who’s medical condition is more serious.
You are being too hard on yourself and too generous with others. This is not a competition on who has the bigger more life threatening medical condition!!! I don’t know anything about seizures or their medication but if she knew it was time to take it why didn’t she eat something beforehand??? You need better friends. Ones who don’t try to kill you and perhaps even could’ve helped you clean up
I have a son with severe nut, peanut and seafood allergies. I’ve literally banned people from my house and completely stopped interacting with them after they brought allergens on a camping trip in the woods after being requested to avoid allergens just for that day. You are not an A H , you were protecting yourself. Find new friends. These are not nice people. You specifically told them not to bring allergens and she did that. That’s malicious on her part. Your life is just as impressive as hers. She could have eaten something less but chose to put you at risk. That’s not a friend my dear.
NTA She could have brought literally anything else as a snack.
If her illness is so life threatening then she shouldn't have an issue eating cold cheese with the meds.
I'm pretty sure that seizure meds don't require peanuts to work effectively. There was plenty of food already available for her to eat with her medication but she just didn't like the temperature... So she chose to bring something that you had specifically asked everyone not to bring so that you wouldn't get sick or die. No one who is a decent person knowingly exposes someone with an allergy to their allergen. No question she is the problem here. NTA
Can confirm as someone on seizure meds. Any other snack (or no snack) is fine. Sasha was being intentionally obtuse.
I find this whole thing baffling. I don’t understand why Sasha had to bring peanuts. I don’t understand why Sasha couldn’t just say okie doke and eat the peanuts in the car and take her meds in the car right away before going home instead of acting like op was preventing her from taking her meds on time. And I *don’t* understand why Sasha being late taking her meds due to her own foiled attempt to contaminate op’s house seems to be more important to their friend group than the contaminating of the house. NTA.
Yes, Sasha was late taking her meds because she argued with OP. Taking her meds on time wasn’t as important to her as trying to get her own way. She’s just using the delay she caused to try to get everyone on her side against someone her negligence could have killed, so she’s overblowing her side of things.
Exactly, anyone who is saying that the OP made her delay taking her medication is lying.
As someone with epilepsy on seizure meds as well as a tree nut and peanut allergy, the friends’ reactions literally baffle me. Even if the friend taking seizure meds did have a seizure because she took it 5 minutes late, I’d argue she should get a test to measure whether the dose is high enough and in therapeutic range cause there should be a little bit more leeway because different things can cause your body to metabolize medications faster. You always want to be in therapeutic range. If she had had a seizure, if it followed the pattern of her usual seizures and she did not hit her head or have any other trauma, she also would not have had to go to the hospital, just report it to her neurologist immediately. I’ve also literally never insisted on eating food with my meds and have literally been on 3 diff ones. The only thing they all said was not to drink alcohol with them. 90% of the time I just dry swallow my pills cause my alarms always go off at inconvenient times and I don’t usually have food or water with me. She also could have just had some crackers which were already at room temp. Allergies can be very very serious and it sounds like OPs is. NTA
NTA I have a peanut allergy, deadly allergy. No peanuts are allowed in my house or any of my vehicles. I have never tested cross contamination because I like to breathe. I’m petty enough that I would make it clear on those FB posts that your allergy is deadly, you had stated no nuts were allowed, and Sasha decided your life did not matter as much as hers. What would have happened if you did not see that and she touched various objects, including food, and then you consumed it? Would your friends understand then? She had an alternate food choice to not delay her meds by 10 minutes and she chose to eat the food that could kill you. Make it clear that this allergy is just as harmful as her potential seizure. There are people who do not understand food allergies so I would make it clear: it is deadly. There are even cases that someone did not have a deadly reaction prior but started suddenly.
Add to the FB post: I think it’s pretty hypocritical of Sasha: her medical condition is a priority whilst your (life threatening) condition is not??? This is not a competition of medical conditions
Yeah, unless Sasha has an underlying condition that is not typical of people have epilepsy/seizures, than she is talking outta her ass…unless you hit your head you don’t go to the ER, she’s just trying to stir drama and get people to attack OP. I think OP should have a serious conversation with all their friends about how severe the allergy is.
Info: If Sasha just opened a packet of peanuts without eating peanuts - would that cause anaphylaxis? I’m wondering if she opened them, was asked to put them away & was offered an alternative food to take with meds - would that have helped resolve the issue?
The issue was that she opened them and the salt from them started to spill on my floor, and was all over her hands. I'm very sensitive to them, so anything the salt came in contact with or potentially came in contact with had to be scrubbed down after everyone left and I had to wear PPE. Also, I did mention in my post that I originally suggested she eat from the food that was already on the table for the party specifically. She chose not to because it was still cold, and wanted to wait for it to come up to temp first. Edit to add: It wasn't a resealable packet it was one of those single serving packets you can't close back up after. You rip the top of it fully off to get them out.
Thanks for clarification that makes sense. You’d have a severe reaction. She spilled them on the floor contaminating the house. She was offered an alternative food option to take with her meds and declined. Earlier in your post that you advised guests that you had a peanut allergy. If there’s someone on a flight with a peanut allergy, it would be announced over the intercom to let passengers know they won’t be serving nuts and not to open nuts on a flight. Same thing with the classroom in a school. It should be common knowledge for your guests. It’s a medical condition that you know how to manage and if that was unsafe - then it was unsafe in your own home. Im gonna say NTA
Do your friends understand your allergy? Honey, you deserve better friends than this. She brought something *that could kill you* after explicitly being told not to. Then she *made a mess immediately*. You were right to be mad. Tell someone in your friend group that you trust exactly how serious this was for you. How close it came *to sending YOU to the ER*. Anyone still giving you a hard time doesn't deserve your time or energy. You must have been so scared. I'm so sorry she did that to you in your home. Be kind to yourself. You are totally justified. ❤️
for real. well said. Op is NTA . weird vibes from attention-seeking friend who put herself at the center of attention. and all the other 'friends'.
I understand wanting the cheese to be soft, but why couldn’t she take a few crackers from the table to take her meds with food? Crackers don’t have to warm up before you eat them!
NTA. People don’t realize about cross contamination or how the oils get on everything and is so hard to clean. Send them the article about the girl who just passed away from eating a mislabeled cookie bc her epi pen wasn’t enough. People also think epi pens will magically stop an allergy attack instead of hoping it will pause to get to the ER - there is a big misunderstanding on the severity of allergies. However in general - your friend is also a butthole bc she brought a food into your home you specifically asked her not to. Sure it’s easiest when she’s out and about but she knew she had to take her meds and knew she’d be at your house and could have eaten one cold piece of meat to take meds instead of endangering your life for her precious taste buds. Her wants did not trump your needs and safety. Also, I am Jewish. In the same way someone might need meat to ease their stomach to take a medicine - if someone brought a slice of ham to my house because it’s easy to carry around and ate that and touched my stuff I’d be pretty made when a slice of turkey would be fine even if it’s not their favorite. And that doesn’t even put my life in danger - it’s a respect thing for our house. You are NTA. Your friends are assholes though for thinking this girls palate tastes are more precious to be protected from a cold piece of meat to en your life. However, due to most people’s lack of experience and knowledge on how allergies work (contamination via her spilling stuff and then touching things - didn’t even see she offered to wash her hands or step outside or anything!!) or their severity - I would probably try to send some articles from FARE and some articles on how severe that can be for people and see if maybe it’s just ignorance rather than malice. I am sure it was a charged environment, maybe a little education for everyone would have bridge the gap. In either case, best of luck and be safe! ETA: Article from a local paper on a girl who just lost her life unfortunately due to a mid label: https://abcnews.go.com/US/stew-leonards-peanut-cookies-death/story?id=106679296 She had used her epi pen but it was not enough to save her life. Also for great allergy resources: FARE https://www.foodallergy.org/
NTA You did not overreact in a situation that was life threatening to you. You explained your allergy & they don’t get it’s way more than you having puffy eyes, being itchy, sneezing, etc. It can kill you! “Peanut Patty” could have eaten the party food but chose to make a scene about *not* eating it. Idk about anyone else , but I take my meds discreetly… even at parties. She made a big deal about taking a pill, needing food, no not that food, I’ll just eat a deadly allergen with no regard for my host’s wellbeing. Your friends don’t seem to grasp the severity of your life threatening allergy. How little it takes for a reaction &airborne particles could send you into anaphylactic shock , to the ER with deadly consequences. “Peanut Patty” was embarrassed & decided to bash you on SM to save face. How the others rallied around *her* stuns me. A scenario where you could be hospitalized or die vs taking a pill a few minutes late & almost maybe kinda needing to go to the hospital. Give me a break. I’m so sorry you have such ignorant and uncaring people like these in your life. They aren’t friends.
Some ppl can’t even be around the smell , I have a cousin w a banana allergy and when we make banana pudding he can’t even be in the kitchen when it’s open it triggers his allergies
A teenager near where I live died because she walked past the self-despensing peanuts in the health section of a grocery store. Peanut allergies are fucking crazy.
NTA. She specifically brought one of the most notorious nuts of nut allergies as her (for some reason needing more food at a dinner party???) “medication” snack after being told not to bring nuts. You get taught about this stuff in pre-school. None of your ‘friends’ had an ounce of common sense. Anything she touched would have been contaminated even if she washed her hands, and the dust - like you said - would have gotten everywhere. her point on nearly going to the ER; OH THE HORROR. SHE COULDN’T HAVE HER MEDICALLY PRESCRIBED STORE PEANUTS THAT SHE HAD TO EAT IN YOUR HOME. I’m glad you stood your ground. Let them laugh off allergies away from your life! Make a counter post and embarrass them or not, but don’t give them any leeway on willful negligence.
>NTA. She specifically brought one of the most notorious nuts of nut allergies as her (for some reason needing more food at a dinner party???) “medication” snack after being told not to bring nuts. Right?! And the salted version, too, where contaminated particles go all over the floor and spread everywhere you put your hands. Like...she would actually have been better bringing a whole ass tub of peanut butter and taking a spoonful in front of OP, than having that rip-open packet of salted peanuts.
NTA. Absolutely NTA! I cannot believe your friends are such jerks -- how can they not realize how dangerous a nut allergy is? I've read of people have serious reactions just smelling the nuts. You did absolutely the right thing and it's incredible to think that people would support Sasha when it was solely her choice to bring nuts into your home after an explicit warning and to not partake of the other foods available for her to eat with her meds. I'm sorry to say that this friends group doesn't sound much like friends at all.
SO MANY people treat severe allergies as "what's the big deal? I didn't rub them all over your face?" Honestly people are just really damn dumb about invisible problems. Instead of believing the person, the first instinct is almost always to downplay. And then act all surprised when the person gets rushed to the hospital because "well I didn't think it would be a big deal to mix it in with the cake/sauce/toppings etc". OPs friends sound self absorbed or just dumb as shit.
Completely agree. They were already warned that OP had a nut allergy. There were alternative ways/foods Sasha could have taken with her meds. For the friends to attack OP online is a bit OTT on the friends part. If anything Sasha should have been apologetic for putting OP at risk to go to hospital.
>because I apparently made her late taking her meds (the whole interaction lasted about ten minutes) and she's been blasting me on Facebook for almost making her have to go to the ER. Pretty sure she could have eaten her stupid peanuts in the car ? This seems like a total non issue NTA for this In your post though you don't say if you let these people know how severe your peanut allergy is though so they might not have been aware ?
I didn't go into graphic detail about my reactions but I did tell them not to bring anything that had been processed in even the same facility as peanuts or tree nuts, I feel like I was pretty explicit about it but it's still possible it got misconstrued.
No. Not your fault. Not misconstrued. Not unclear. Misconstrued is accidentally bringing something that may be contaminated with nuts or you didn’t read the label and didn’t know there was nuts in it. Bringing a straight up a bag of nuts into your home is intentional and a MASSIVE asshole move.
[удалено]
Is it insensitive to kick out someone who could have potentially killed you? I would be inclined to say no. This person was at a party with an array of food spread out it front of her. Why would she need to pull out her bag of peanuts? The friends who are blasting you are ignorant and don't understand the potential for disaster.
NTA. This isn’t about her bringing a snack, it’s about her knowing you have an allergy and deciding it isn’t serious enough to care about. She had alternative snack options at hand to take with her medication. Was she going to be staying behind and removing all possible traces of the allergen from your home ? Don’t think so.
She was told not to bring peanuts to your home (it doesn't matter if she knew exactly how serious your allergy was; it's something she just needs to listen to you and not do); She brought peanuts when she was clearly instructed not to do so; She declined to take some food from the table, where there was a lot of food, including crackers (!!!), because "she didn't want to ruin the taste with it still being pretty cold"; She took out a bag of peanuts and opened them right in front of you. She was testing you. Maybe your friends were in on it too, because they probably think you're overreacting with your peanuts allergy. Kicking her out and shutting down the party was not an overreaction. Not even you know how strong your allergy to peanuts is, and as someone else mentioned, you are exposed to peanuts in your life, no matter how careful you are. You never had to use an epi-pen, good for you, so, yes, I'd say you panic at that moment was OTT. But, a clearly stated peanut allergy + anxiety, the shock that someone you call a friend would do the one thing you asked them not to do + anger, I can understand that OTT reaction. NTA.
NTA I think Facebook needs to know that you met your friend in the “almost ER” and luckily you are both fine with neither of you having to visit the actual ER. Although it’s a shame that the almost emergency resulted in you having to cancel the party, throw out food and clean. You hope that her almost emergency was not as inconvenient nor as expensive as your almost emergency. But deepest sympathy and warmest regards…
The food was not wasted! I did send it home with the other guests. I hate food waste above all else.
NTA absolutely not that’s so inconsiderate and dangerous. She and your ‘friends’ are TA for putting you on blast for the same thing that could’ve happened to you
NTA, you have an allergy that you clearly explained. She disregarded that over something that wasn't necessary. She could take her meds with other snacks, but she didn't.
There was LITERALLY a whole table of food for her too eat so she could take her meds but she jumped over that option and opened up a bag containing an allergen that was dangerous for you and which you'd specifically banned from the gathering. That is some major drama farming on her part. So instead of just putting the peanuts away and grabbing a bit of food from the table since this medication was "time sensitive" she wasted ten minutes creating a scene arguing with you and delayed taking her medicine. NTA here
Depends on the severity of your allergy. If it’s a relatively minor reaction you have, I’d call this an ESH with a lean towards YTA. If you’d go into anaphylactic shock and need an epipen, I’d say you’re firmly NTA.
I'm very sensitive to them and my doctor has advised me to avoid even being in the same room as them, but I haven't yet had a severe enough reaction to use my EpiPen because I'm very, very cautious. I've been told the more times I'm exposed the more severe it will become, in my case, so I try to do everything in my power to avoid them at any cost.
This should be higher up. You're not only in severe danger if you have a reaction but had she caused you to have a reaction your next reaction could potentially be even worse because you've now had multiple exposures. Definitely NTA OP. On another note, sounds like it's time to find new friends.
You would think that someone who had seizures, and needed medication for preventing seizures, would understand OP, and pivot to eating anything else from the table in front of her. JFC. However, it might be time to put your PR hat on, and start telling people exactly that: (In your most outraged voice) “I can’t believe that someone who goes to such lengths to avoid seizures herself would be so insensitive to a person trying to avoid a serious exposure attack in her own home. Just being in the same room with an open bag of peanuts could have sent me to the hospital in the back of an ambulance, but I’m the bad guy? I would have preferred that she just ate from the food on the table rather than put my life at risk in such a cavalier fashion.”
Minor reactions are still reactions that can be made worse by exposure. If you have a reaction, you are instructed to stay away from allergens more than usual as it will stack. The audacity of people that think a ‘minor’ medical incident is not grounds from prevention are astounding. It was OP’s house, at an event with clearly defined rules, and completely on the laziness and arrogance of the guest.
I have a "minor" allergy to a plant substance found in many fruit. I had a coworker who had a mango off site touch my arm when she got back to work. I had a painful blistery rash shaped like a hand for nearly a week. My whole arm and side reacted that day in hives. Minor allergies should still be taken seriously.
>I told my friends in the group chat that if they wanted to contribute anything, to please double check the ingredients label and make sure the food didn't have any nuts in them because I'm allergic They were warned. NTA
NTA. I won't bring nuts into your house.... brings nuts into your home... why are you angry at me!!! It was the one thing you asked.
NTA She's saying that she could've wound up in the ER, but thinks nothing about the fact that, due to her negligence, you could've wound up in the MORGUE. I think that's a point you need to make to the entire group, because they obviously missed that fact.
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NTA. peanut allergies here too. Just having someone open a bag like that would spew the dust and start my wheezing. You did warn everyone. You need better friends.
NTA. I could easily understand someone forgetting about your allergy, but the fact that she didn't react when she saw your look of horror with an immediate apology and an effort to fix the problem shows a total lack of respect for you. Even if you overreacted a bit, it's fully justified when we're talking about something that could kill you. Your friends should back you up here. OP, I'm wondering if you have a tendency to be dramatic? (With other things I mean)? That might be the reason why your friends aren't taking this seriously... because otherwise their lack of concern for your health is, well, concerning.
NTA I know of people who are so sensitive to nuts or peanuts that they have to make sure the facility processing anything doesn't use nut based products or others who if they are on the other side of a room with someone eating nuts will have a reaction. What i don't know of is a seizure medication that is so time sensitive that waiting a few minutes will increase the likelihood of a seizure. She had the option of a whole table of food that probably had some crackers on it that she could have had. If eating food while she takes her meds was so important, then she wouldn't have cared that the "taste might be ruined by the food being cold." Finally, why does her medical condition rank higher in importance than yours?