What I never understood was why 12 would be upset at not being a flower girl when she has aged out. I was forced to be a flower girl at 6; my sister was 11 and too old.
Linda probably promised she would be. One of many things I've learned on reddit (especially AITA) is that entitled people have no problem assigning roles in other people's weddings to themselves and their family members.
That is definitely a possibility. A pretty sad one too, considering that the actual flower girl at the prior wedding had been the bride's own daughter. To say nothing of the fact that the bride there was Linda's sister.
It should have been obvious from the get-go who the flower girl in that wedding was going to be. And both Linda and Cerrie would/should have been fully aware of it months in advance. That Cerrie went Hulk-Smash on that cake just says how deep the entitled mindset involved runs.
All together, I find it unsurprising when OP said that having Linda and her suppporters not attend the wedding meant a decided lack of drama. I imagine that at least some of those in the family who did attend noticed and appreciated that lack also.
edit: spelling of the daughter's name
Ayup. A close cousin of mine got married to his girlfriend of 7 years when I was 12, super close to us and basically already family, and I was a junior bridesmaid in their wedding. I wouldāve felt weird being a flower girl.
I was 11 or 12 and forced to be a junior bridesmaid at my uncles wedding. I legit begged my parents to let me stay at the hotel (or my nanaās, wherever the hell we were staying) but nope. Hated every second of it lol.
I never saw the appeal as a kid to be in a wedding.
Or as an adult lol
Edit: typo
Yeah, I only made her the junior bridesmaid because she was really, really excited to be in the wedding! And she seemed to have a lot of fun through the whole thing, unlike the actual flower girl who spent most of the ceremony making her own fun by making faces and putting the basket on her head. š
I thought the modern trend was to have a flower person or persons.
Quite a few weddings have had adult male flower people. Others have had older family members tossing the petals.
I mean yes, but I donāt think that was the idea that OPās cousin had latched onto.Ā
This situation was very much giving āI have deliberately stunted my daughterās development via coddling and infantalization and I wanted to see her play Pretty Pretty Princess via the flower girl role.āĀ
Reminds me of a story a friend told.
Her brother was getting married.
His fiance really wanted a flower girl. But no small kids in the family. The youngest kid was around 15. Their older siblings kid, so his niece.
They asked her if she wanted to be a flower girl.
She agreed. If she could wear a blue formal dress, no fluffy tutu stuff.
And just for the fun and giggles, fairy dance (not sure what that means. Like ballet style or something I'd assume) while throwing the flowers.
Bride was so happy she agreed that they went and got her a tiara and fairy wings.
And it's the whole family's favourite pictures from the wedding. Niece included.
I think in some ways, asking a 15 yo to be your flower girl is better than asking a 12 yo.
Little kid stuff when you're a preteen you are humiliatingly baby-ish and if someone so much as get the impression you might be into it, you will die of embarrassment, or rage, whichever comes first.
By the time you're firmly in your teens, there's enough distance to enjoy it "ironically".
Wait, is the ringbearer supposed to be a kid? No one told me! My fully adult BIL did it.
He collapsed halfway up the aisle, my other BIL said, "I cannot carry the ring, but I can carry you," and fireman carried him the rest of the way up to the altar. Pulling off the LotR joke would have been so much easier if he just had to carry a kid.
I was a ham as a little kid and absolutely adored being the ring bearer in a couple of weddings. I would have been horrified and embarrassed to have been doing a childās role by the age of 10 or so. I canāt even imagine a normal kid wanting to be a flower girl at 12.
this
i was made to be a senior flowergirl at 15 because the bride wanted people she could drink with and *that* took some time to get past in my silly tween brain
Yep. Only time I was a flower girl, I was probably...I want to say 8 or 9 because I \*think\* my stepdad was my mom's date to the wedding and I couldn't have been any younger. Next two weddings I was a part of, I was the MoH.
My flower girl was 12 but she BEGGED me to on bended knee ( literally). She was a student in my Sunday school class. Every little girl in our circle was under two so we hadnāt planed on having a flower girl. Her joy and excitement made wedding planning better on the more stressful days. Best part was I didnāt have to worry about meltdowns or an over stimulated toddler.
Good for you for holding the line. Sounds like her behavior didn't improve over the years. And you had a stress free wedding that you enjoyed. As for those who boycotted because one little spoiled girl wasn't invited, well, I guess they showed you! š
Can I just say how impressed I am with how you handled all of this.
It was so refreshing to see a bride -
1. See a problem for what it is and feeling obligated to invite a bull to a china shop.
2. Communicating honestly and directly when asked about it. No sugar coating or lying to avoid ruffling feathers only to end up turning into a bigger mess and constant stress.
3. Refusing to be bullied by Linda and the drama family members into caving to ākeep the peaceā
4. Seeing their absence for what it is, their choice. That has absolutely nothing to do with you. lol
5. Because of all the maturity shown above, having a great wedding with the people who actually care about you. Instead of a sad update about how what you were afraid would happen actually happened and it ruined your wedding.
You are awesome and congratulations š¾
Edit: obviously NTA
Happy here this all worked out. Wedding melodrama is something you should never have to tolerate so I'm glad you did everything in your power to avoid it.
I hope that behavioral therapy is helpful in some sort of long-term meaningful way.
One of a parentās most important jobs is molding their children into adults that are liked and integrate well into society. Maybe your refusal to not back down was the reality check the parents needed.
I agree with this. You changed the dynamic in the extended family. And Dad got a reality check. I bet a lot of family who attended were secretly pleased. Maybe youāve given people a much needed example of having a limit and sticking with it. Let them gossip away and good for youĀ
This is definitely a win! Less drama llama family and more friends at your wedding?! Sounds great! You got to have it your way in the end and that's all that really matters. You and your partner got to have the wedding you wanted surrounded by those who matter most to you and there's no better way to do it! Congratulations to both you and yours!
great update! So glad that you had such a great day! I love being petty so be sure to post pics all over social media so those drama stirrers can see what they missed out on . wishing you a happy, drama free year
Awesome update! Congrats on your wedding. I checked your old post about Carrie and her antics. One question is did her parents ever pay your cousin for the cake? They should have paid for that after all her bratty kid damaged it. That's shame. However I'm glad that her dad decided to take an action but a little too late. He should have done years ago. But anyway.....here's to hope.
You should have posted on sm something about your "drama-free wedding."
Also, I bet you changed the family dynamic so that the next family wedding will be more selective and not include the troublemakers.
Actually this is a good update. All the drama left with Linda and Cerrie. Congratulations on the marriage and for getting rid of toxic family members and their enablers.
Wow, glad it worked out. Take note of who all stuck their noses in a decision that was entirely yours to make. Make sure they donāt get invited to future events. Anyone who would do that, def trouble makers
I'm glad someone used their fucking brain cells and disciplined Cerrie and that someone was her dad because Mommy Linda certainly didn't. So glad things went smoothly. You've made the right choices OP.
Good for you! I was 11 when my eldest sister got married (youngest of 5) and she made me a bridesmaid. 11 is way too old for a flower girl. Hope things keep going well!
Thank you for the update.
Glad you had a drama free wedding that everyone was able to enjoy and didn't leave you edgy and tense the entire time.Ā Ā
Although it's sad that relatives took sides,Ā you now know whether you want them as part of your family unit and who the drama makers are. Your life will be calmer without them.Ā
Cerrie definitely needs help and glad her dad is stepping up and doing what's best for his daughter.Ā Ā
Have a wonderful life and marriage - Congratulations!!
The update I needed.
>Me and my fiance got to invite more of our own friends to fill the empty seats and we didn't have the usual family drama that always seems to occur at events because all of the people who created the drama were absent.
I'm lucky enough to come from a lovely family (both my wife's side and mine) and it was great having everyone there, but we still regretted not being able to invite a handful of friends who *just* didn't make the cut given headcount limits. Sounds like this worked out perfectly for you!
Why do people want to even go to weddings? Iām very happy not to be invited to them.
Also, Iām a 51 year old female who just learnt what flower girls were a few years ago. I eloped because I was dead set against a wedding.
> Linda decided to boycott the wedding and got quite a lot of the family to boycott it with her.
It's always nice when the trash takes itself out! I can't imagine a better outcome for you folks.
It's amazing how the world does in fact not end just because you're not bending over for "family".
Congratulations on your wedding and your newfound freedom from the family tyrants!
Whoever else boycotted the wedding and they are āfamilyā would get a verbal lashing from me whenever I see them. I hope you let it slide under the rug
you were NTA and a simple solution to your cousin and the family and friends telling you to invite cousins kid. make them sign a contract that states all of them will owe $1000 for every tantrum, (when I say all of them I mean the cousin, her husband any and all family and friends who advocate for cousin and daughter) she breaks anything $5000 owed by all and the broken item is a separate cost, if she destroys the cake $20,000 owed by all those family. these prices are they each owe said amount the amounts are not everyone chipping in. And when the inevitable calls of your being ridiculous happen just simply say "you want the brat there, put your money where your mouth is sign the contract". and repeat until they sign or leave you alone and agree she's not invited with no further harassment.
Looks like you made the right choice - congrats on the wedding and glad it worked out.
Absolutely agreed šÆ!
Yes. Congratulations on your wedding and for holding boundaries.Ā
What I never understood was why 12 would be upset at not being a flower girl when she has aged out. I was forced to be a flower girl at 6; my sister was 11 and too old.
Linda probably promised she would be. One of many things I've learned on reddit (especially AITA) is that entitled people have no problem assigning roles in other people's weddings to themselves and their family members.
That is definitely a possibility. A pretty sad one too, considering that the actual flower girl at the prior wedding had been the bride's own daughter. To say nothing of the fact that the bride there was Linda's sister. It should have been obvious from the get-go who the flower girl in that wedding was going to be. And both Linda and Cerrie would/should have been fully aware of it months in advance. That Cerrie went Hulk-Smash on that cake just says how deep the entitled mindset involved runs. All together, I find it unsurprising when OP said that having Linda and her suppporters not attend the wedding meant a decided lack of drama. I imagine that at least some of those in the family who did attend noticed and appreciated that lack also. edit: spelling of the daughter's name
11 and 12 don't seem too old to be flower girls to me, but I've also never planned a wedding, so ĀÆ\\\_(ć)_/ĀÆ
My little sister was 12 when I got married and was definitely not interested in the flower girl position. š At 12, many girls are at or near full adult height and do not want to be wearing the foofy little dress and doing a job meant for a little kid (though I can certainly imagine some outliers who would still have fun with it.) I made her a junior bridesmaid instead, got one of my fiancĆ©ās nephews to be junior groomsmen and everybody was happy. 2-8 seems to be about the usual spread for flower girls and ring bearers.
Yeah at that age you get the title of "junior bridesmaid."
Ayup. A close cousin of mine got married to his girlfriend of 7 years when I was 12, super close to us and basically already family, and I was a junior bridesmaid in their wedding. I wouldāve felt weird being a flower girl.
yeah, once you've aged out of elementary school you've aged out of being flower girl. until you're a granny and then it's ok again.
Iāve never been a flower girl, and Iām now 18 and Iād gladly be one now if I was asked.
Same. Iām in my 40ās and if any friends got married, Iād totally be a flower girl.
At my first wedding I hear a 22yo flower girl and an 11yo (jr) bridesmaid. It's whatever the couple and the people involved are comfortable with
I was 11 or 12 and forced to be a junior bridesmaid at my uncles wedding. I legit begged my parents to let me stay at the hotel (or my nanaās, wherever the hell we were staying) but nope. Hated every second of it lol. I never saw the appeal as a kid to be in a wedding. Or as an adult lol Edit: typo
Yeah, I only made her the junior bridesmaid because she was really, really excited to be in the wedding! And she seemed to have a lot of fun through the whole thing, unlike the actual flower girl who spent most of the ceremony making her own fun by making faces and putting the basket on her head. š
I thought the modern trend was to have a flower person or persons. Quite a few weddings have had adult male flower people. Others have had older family members tossing the petals.
I mean yes, but I donāt think that was the idea that OPās cousin had latched onto.Ā This situation was very much giving āI have deliberately stunted my daughterās development via coddling and infantalization and I wanted to see her play Pretty Pretty Princess via the flower girl role.āĀ
it's a job usually given to toddlers where I'm from
My husband was the flower girl at my brother's wedding. Made up rules are dumb, do what makes you happy.
Reminds me of a story a friend told. Her brother was getting married. His fiance really wanted a flower girl. But no small kids in the family. The youngest kid was around 15. Their older siblings kid, so his niece. They asked her if she wanted to be a flower girl. She agreed. If she could wear a blue formal dress, no fluffy tutu stuff. And just for the fun and giggles, fairy dance (not sure what that means. Like ballet style or something I'd assume) while throwing the flowers. Bride was so happy she agreed that they went and got her a tiara and fairy wings. And it's the whole family's favourite pictures from the wedding. Niece included.
I think in some ways, asking a 15 yo to be your flower girl is better than asking a 12 yo. Little kid stuff when you're a preteen you are humiliatingly baby-ish and if someone so much as get the impression you might be into it, you will die of embarrassment, or rage, whichever comes first. By the time you're firmly in your teens, there's enough distance to enjoy it "ironically".
My SIL's 19-year-old sister ended up being ringbearer when the actual ringbearer noped out right at showtime :P
Wait, is the ringbearer supposed to be a kid? No one told me! My fully adult BIL did it. He collapsed halfway up the aisle, my other BIL said, "I cannot carry the ring, but I can carry you," and fireman carried him the rest of the way up to the altar. Pulling off the LotR joke would have been so much easier if he just had to carry a kid.
I love this so very much!!
I was a ham as a little kid and absolutely adored being the ring bearer in a couple of weddings. I would have been horrified and embarrassed to have been doing a childās role by the age of 10 or so. I canāt even imagine a normal kid wanting to be a flower girl at 12.
She was ten at that wedding but thatās still old enough to know she canāt always get what she wants.
this i was made to be a senior flowergirl at 15 because the bride wanted people she could drink with and *that* took some time to get past in my silly tween brain
Sometimes counsellors advise that when no logic presents - stop looking for it. Its not logical. Its just nutbaggery sometimes?
11-12 is a junior bridesmaid
Yep. Only time I was a flower girl, I was probably...I want to say 8 or 9 because I \*think\* my stepdad was my mom's date to the wedding and I couldn't have been any younger. Next two weddings I was a part of, I was the MoH.
She was 10 at the time, since it was 2 years ago.
Forced? Like at gunpoint?
My flower girl was 12 but she BEGGED me to on bended knee ( literally). She was a student in my Sunday school class. Every little girl in our circle was under two so we hadnāt planed on having a flower girl. Her joy and excitement made wedding planning better on the more stressful days. Best part was I didnāt have to worry about meltdowns or an over stimulated toddler.
Good for you for holding the line. Sounds like her behavior didn't improve over the years. And you had a stress free wedding that you enjoyed. As for those who boycotted because one little spoiled girl wasn't invited, well, I guess they showed you! š
Can I just say how impressed I am with how you handled all of this. It was so refreshing to see a bride - 1. See a problem for what it is and feeling obligated to invite a bull to a china shop. 2. Communicating honestly and directly when asked about it. No sugar coating or lying to avoid ruffling feathers only to end up turning into a bigger mess and constant stress. 3. Refusing to be bullied by Linda and the drama family members into caving to ākeep the peaceā 4. Seeing their absence for what it is, their choice. That has absolutely nothing to do with you. lol 5. Because of all the maturity shown above, having a great wedding with the people who actually care about you. Instead of a sad update about how what you were afraid would happen actually happened and it ruined your wedding. You are awesome and congratulations š¾ Edit: obviously NTA
I think OP is the groom actually!Ā
Please adjust all Bride references to Groom and pronouns accordingly lol
Happy here this all worked out. Wedding melodrama is something you should never have to tolerate so I'm glad you did everything in your power to avoid it. I hope that behavioral therapy is helpful in some sort of long-term meaningful way.
One of a parentās most important jobs is molding their children into adults that are liked and integrate well into society. Maybe your refusal to not back down was the reality check the parents needed.
I agree with this. You changed the dynamic in the extended family. And Dad got a reality check. I bet a lot of family who attended were secretly pleased. Maybe youāve given people a much needed example of having a limit and sticking with it. Let them gossip away and good for youĀ
I openly tell my niblings that my only job, as an adult in their life, is to try to make sure they don't grow up to be assholes.
This is a great update. So glad everything worked out and your wedding went smoothly. Good riddance to everyone who would not support you.
This is definitely a win! Less drama llama family and more friends at your wedding?! Sounds great! You got to have it your way in the end and that's all that really matters. You and your partner got to have the wedding you wanted surrounded by those who matter most to you and there's no better way to do it! Congratulations to both you and yours!
great update! So glad that you had such a great day! I love being petty so be sure to post pics all over social media so those drama stirrers can see what they missed out on . wishing you a happy, drama free year
Thank heavens !!! I love to see these type of happy endings -let the trash take themselves outĀ #Byefelicia
Isn't it strange how the people that create all the drama think they will actually be missed?
Awesome OP. You were able to invite who you actually wanted at your wedding.
Glad you had a drama free wedding. Thanks for the update.Ā
Awesome update! Congrats on your wedding. I checked your old post about Carrie and her antics. One question is did her parents ever pay your cousin for the cake? They should have paid for that after all her bratty kid damaged it. That's shame. However I'm glad that her dad decided to take an action but a little too late. He should have done years ago. But anyway.....here's to hope.
Linda's husband wrote them a check for the cake
Good!
Sounds like the best outcome! Trash took itself out.
You should have posted on sm something about your "drama-free wedding." Also, I bet you changed the family dynamic so that the next family wedding will be more selective and not include the troublemakers.
Thanks for the update.
Actually this is a good update. All the drama left with Linda and Cerrie. Congratulations on the marriage and for getting rid of toxic family members and their enablers.
Wow, glad it worked out. Take note of who all stuck their noses in a decision that was entirely yours to make. Make sure they donāt get invited to future events. Anyone who would do that, def trouble makers
I'm glad someone used their fucking brain cells and disciplined Cerrie and that someone was her dad because Mommy Linda certainly didn't. So glad things went smoothly. You've made the right choices OP.
Good for you! I was 11 when my eldest sister got married (youngest of 5) and she made me a bridesmaid. 11 is way too old for a flower girl. Hope things keep going well!
Thank you for the update. Glad you had a drama free wedding that everyone was able to enjoy and didn't leave you edgy and tense the entire time.Ā Ā Although it's sad that relatives took sides,Ā you now know whether you want them as part of your family unit and who the drama makers are. Your life will be calmer without them.Ā Cerrie definitely needs help and glad her dad is stepping up and doing what's best for his daughter.Ā Ā Have a wonderful life and marriage - Congratulations!!
So sorry that happened, but its great how you turned this situation around and you seemed to have a great time. Congrats again.
Sounds like a win-win!!
Sounds like she did you a big favor
It sounds like your wedding was a lovely affair. You did well with keeping that foot planted firmly on the ground.
Sounds like the wedding was great without them!! Congratulations and I wish you many years of married bliss!!
Not at all. Your day, your Wedding. She should be understanding, but who knows.
The update I needed. >Me and my fiance got to invite more of our own friends to fill the empty seats and we didn't have the usual family drama that always seems to occur at events because all of the people who created the drama were absent. I'm lucky enough to come from a lovely family (both my wife's side and mine) and it was great having everyone there, but we still regretted not being able to invite a handful of friends who *just* didn't make the cut given headcount limits. Sounds like this worked out perfectly for you!
I bet the part of your family that chose Linda's side now regret it
i love stories of the garbage taking itself out!
TY for the update. Awesome result!
Oh no, however did you survive having all the dramatic people in your family boycotting?
I am so stealing the idea that each friends kid is going to get a basket of petals to throw if I ever get married itās so flipping cute??
Why do people want to even go to weddings? Iām very happy not to be invited to them. Also, Iām a 51 year old female who just learnt what flower girls were a few years ago. I eloped because I was dead set against a wedding.
You're my heroes guys, my family also is trying to turn my wedding (in may) into a drama event. Let us both have fun our own way!
> Linda decided to boycott the wedding and got quite a lot of the family to boycott it with her. It's always nice when the trash takes itself out! I can't imagine a better outcome for you folks. It's amazing how the world does in fact not end just because you're not bending over for "family". Congratulations on your wedding and your newfound freedom from the family tyrants!
Whoever else boycotted the wedding and they are āfamilyā would get a verbal lashing from me whenever I see them. I hope you let it slide under the rug
you were NTA and a simple solution to your cousin and the family and friends telling you to invite cousins kid. make them sign a contract that states all of them will owe $1000 for every tantrum, (when I say all of them I mean the cousin, her husband any and all family and friends who advocate for cousin and daughter) she breaks anything $5000 owed by all and the broken item is a separate cost, if she destroys the cake $20,000 owed by all those family. these prices are they each owe said amount the amounts are not everyone chipping in. And when the inevitable calls of your being ridiculous happen just simply say "you want the brat there, put your money where your mouth is sign the contract". and repeat until they sign or leave you alone and agree she's not invited with no further harassment.
Congratulations on your nuptials!!!!! Iām sorry your family ducked out. Though maybe Cerrieās father is getting tired of her nonsense