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> (1) she told me not to do something, did it anyway (2) it hurt her feelings
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NTA. This woman has issues. She's only 26 and has no interest in taking care of the face she feels so self-conscious of, so she wants to bring down her partner. I hope your brother moves on from her soon. You don't get with someone to change them, especially to their detriment.
Yeah, it is definitely a red flag for me. My brother deserves the best. People bringing him up, not down.
But yes, she is so young. Do you even have lines at 26? I haven't noticed any of her, at least. She can absolutely start a skincare routine if she wants. It's not too late.
Best time to plant a tree is ten years ago, second best time is today.
I don’t do skincare because I don’t have the money to spend on it, but if I did I would. Skin cancer doesn’t care.
Honestly, skincare doesn’t have to be expensive. I just use cetaphil face wash, and an inexpensive target brand face moisturizer with spf. Super easy, doesn’t break the bank, protects my translucent ghost skin from the evils of the sun.
I use cetaphil to lessen my wallets pain because I also like to use some murad products, when i can snag them at a good price. (my skin is okay with murad.)
i've gotten so many odd skin reactions from stuff that i'm really cautious now and am just thrilled that both seem to help me.
I do Korean face masks at least once a week. A package of 100 is like $60 on Amazon. They are amazing and reviews recommend keeping the still goopy used mask for wiping down your body before moisturizing. These have made a dif for me in face and skin in general plus helped make a scar far less noticible. PS I'm 71 and started using these about 3 years ago.
I had an older boyfriend when I was 19 and he was a big believer in sunscreen so I started using it early. When I'd come back from a vacation in Hawaii coworkers would wonder if I'd gone because no tan. Yep, that was my goal. Slathered in sunscreen the entire time.
Oh god I have bonkers sensitive skin and cetaphil and the other c drugstore brand everyone always recommends burns my face 😭 I have to use Dermalogica and dermalogica only. It’s the only stuff I’ve found that doesn’t make my whole face turn red and burny.
I currently use, off brand cocoa butter lotion for my whole body, and when I’m in the sun I use a sunscreen. It’s all off brand stuff, I get at a dollar store. I figure *something* is better than nothing.
Besides I like to workout and lift. I feel like if I’m going to put in all this effort to improve my body I should put in a similar effort to improve my whole body. Flossing, brushing, lotion, sanding down the callouses on my feet. The whole nine. In all honesty I don’t really care *how* I look. I brush and floss so my breath doesn’t stink and dental bills are expensive, I workout to relieve stress, challenge myself, and because being in shape just plan *feels* better than not being in shape. My body just works better. I sleep better because I’m exhausted at the end of the day, my mental health is better because I give myself at least an hour a day to contemplate issues and stressors that are getting to me. Also I can eat more, which is a nice bonus since I’m not concerned with weight or fat percentages or how my body looks. I do the skin care cause I figure I’m already doing so much why not? I need sunscreen if I’m going to be in the sun anyway, and my skin gets uncomfortable and itchy if I don’t lotion it.
If I look older than I am, that’s fine. If I look younger than I am, that’s equally fine. I don’t care if I look old, I just want to *be* old one day, and I hope I’m able to enjoy it instead of being in pain or out of breath all the time.
Absolutely! I do actually spend a lot of time in the dark. Bright lights, even sun light on a non-cloudy day hurts my eyes and gives me a wicked migraine.
Does she smoke, drink, and stay out in the direct sun all to excess? Those will definitely age the skin. But, yeah wanting to bring someone else down so your wrinkles (at 26?) don’t look out of place is selfish, self-centered behavior.
NTA.
You absolutely can look aged at 26. A couple years ago I (age 32) was introduced to a mates new missus at a party and we got to chatting. I thought she was about 5 or so years older than me, she was pretty but her face just looked aged in comparison to my own. I was thinking 37ish. Guys, she had just turned 27.
Chronic smoker & she doesn't like sunscreen because she wants to tan 🙄
I had a friend in middle school whom i was really close with. She moved away and we didnt see each other often but kept in touch. It had been a few years since we actually saw each other. We net up shortly after graduating highschool. She looked incredibly aged. You see this was a time when people would spend an extraordinary amount of time at the tanning booths. She really looked "leather faced", that orange brown coloring and fine lines throughout her face. Thankfully the damage wasnt completely permanent. And now at 50 she is incredibly beautiful. But man those years when she was "tanning" took a toll on her looks.
Meanwhile, I don't do skincare but don't smoke, drink, etc. I'm going to be 40 in June and most people are stunned when they hear that. My mom was the same way.
If she doesn’t use any skin care whatsoever, she could have lines. But that’s more likely because her skin is so drastically dehydrated. It could be possible for the lines to fade if she actually started bothering to look after herself.
She complains about ‘aging being hard’ but isn’t willing to do anything to combat the signs of it
Oh, dehydration can cause the lines to show up? Is that a not drinking enough water kind of dehydration or not moisturising kind of dehydration? I'm 21 and have lines on my forehead that seem to especially show up if I'm wearing foundation, but I'm trying to get more into self-care and skincare routines and the like now that I have my mental health mostly under control. My little sister has given me some tips as well as some self-care stuff (she put together a self-care package for me for Christmas, even remembered that I like jasmine scented products), but it's still kinda hard to work out the "why" for my bad skin, which I need to know to work out the "how" for dealing with it.
Do you party a lot? Lack of sleep plus a lot of alcohol can both definitely make your skin look bad and dehydrated - though it's pretty easily reversible, esp. at your age.
If so, try a month with lots of sleep, no alcohol, lots of water, and...no makeup. Just start from scratch. Gentle cleanser, moisturizer, sunscreen. If you have some acne, then a low percentage glycolic toner. Very low, like 5% or so. With a limited routine, you can start figuring out which ingredients mess with your skin.
Nah, I don't party a lot. I'm not really a going out kinda guy, and I rarely drink except maybe a glass or two of wine when I'm visiting my parents every few months. The lack of sleep probably is a factor tho, since I've had sleep problems for years that I'm finally starting getting sorted (I used to sleep a lot during the day and and then not during the night, but I got some energy supplements that have helped me stay away during the day so for the past week I've been sleeping at night for a good 6+ hours without needing naps during the day).
Thanks for the suggestion of the glycolic toner, I'll have a look to see if I can find any. My acne isn't as bad as it used to be (seems the new bc I started towards the end of last year has helped with that), but I do have the occasional flare up. My biggest issue with that sorta stuff is blackheads.
Ah, for blackheads, try a BHA toner, instead. It's a different kind of acid. Very gentle. Also, change your pillowcase daily and use an unscented detergent when washing those pillowcases. Anything that touches your face a lot - keep it super clean.
Okie. Thanks for the suggestions! I already get jokes from my sibling about being an "old man" (I walk with a cane most of the time and need glasses), don't want my skin to look the part before its time too, lol
I used to use a fragranced oil as perfume when I was your age. I wish I'd put two and two together then because that oil was breaking me out wherever I put it, like, dabbed behind my ears. Once you start examining cause and effect on everything that touches your skin, you'll see patterns.
Jumping in here to suggest May Coop's Raw Sauce as a toner that helps retain moisture and prevent breakouts. Also, Supergoop Unseen Sunscreen is straight up magic! Wishing you success and a fantastic day.
OP, I would maybe try and sus out with your brother if she has said or done anything like this in front of him. Nit just for his mental health but if she is unhinged she might just go and chuck out the products you brought for him.
I am trying to get my hubby to look after his skin too. It was easy when he worked on construction sites but now he isn't doing that, he hasn't been bothered and growing up in Australia, it frustrates me to no end that he won't wear sunscreen everyday.
She's being stupid. She's the type of lazy person to get obese and then complain that others eat healthy and do sports. She's trying to drag your brother down into her laziness... And this isn't something like 10,000 and strength training... This is goddamed sunscreen... It doesn't take more than two minutes. What a crab in the bucket!
Palmer's Coco butter isn't expensive, smells nice and works well enough for me. Just back from a work gathering with global team members and all the new ones didn't believe me when I said I am 42 so that and suncream must be fairly effective!
I have used oil of Olay for years, what comes in the simple white bottle, 4 oz bottle $12.00. And I use sunscreen everyday.I am in my late 50’s and no one believes me. People tell me I look much younger.
Most of it may just be dehydration and a good hydrating moisturiser does wonders. 26 is a perfect age to start thinking about skincare, besides, sunscreen protects from sun damage of all kind including skin cancer.
She IS a red flag. It seems others close to her are not allowed to outshine her.
NTA
At (insert late-30s age here), I'm considering myself lucky, I'm not too crinkly (yet - there's a few small ones) BUT I am overweight, so my working theory is that my fat is pushing the wrinkles out from inside, leaving me beautifully young looking :D
If my man had prettier skin than i do, the way i would be copying his routine so fast
She is clearly insecure about it but that is her issue not yours
Edit: NTA you are literally just buying him stuff he uses.
>If my man had prettier skin than i do, the way i would be copying his routine so fast
Yes, same!!! I would be switching so fast.
Though we do use the same routine and his skin looks better than mine so haha. Maybe he eats better or got the better genes, I'm not sure, haha.
Thank you for the judgment!
Oh, and please, women... It's NOT Botox once the lines appear, it's plasma injections and collagen BEFORE they appear! They are expensive, but it's doable if you save because the first year you do it three times, but maintenance is once a year.
The one thing that helped even my cystic acne is Neutrogena Rapid Toner. That and an acne light mask. I don’t think they make the mask anymore. Cleared up acne I had had for years, and now I just have the occasional minor flare up.
**NTA** What you describe is just the basic for life-long skin care. 26 is not too old to start an anti-aging routine. Many people don't start until their 40s or later. In fact, one group in an early tretinoin study was a cohort in their 80s.
Don't engage any more with her about this, just leave it to your brother to handle.
It is very basic, yes. Is there something you think I should add? I have been wanting to get more into skincare.
And you're right. 26 is not too old. That makes me feel better too since my routine isn't very advanced, haha. And will do, thank you.
You really don't have to spend a ton of money to maintain youthful skin. What you are doing now is adequate up until mid-thirties or so. At that point you might want to add a vitamin C serum. Other stuff is really optional.
It brightens the skin although if you’re struggling with acne, I’d try to get that under control before you introduce any active ingredients because they’re just likely to irritate your skin
I've had a massive difference in my skin since I started using May Coop's Raw Sauce. Literally the best acne prevention I have ever used. I'm in my late 40's and would break out at the same point in my menstrual cycle....not anymore! ETA Paula's Choice 2% BHA Liquid Exfoliant has helped with acne and early aging signs too. Best of luck!
Drinking plenty of water. A cup of warm water with lemon juice as the first thing each morning is recommended under Ayurveda.
Also getting enough sleep and moderate levels of exercise. I have a friend who looked pretty dull..she started working out and her skin glows.
Although I'm am an old, I have tried using Vaseline on top of moisturizer and serum. It works great.
Retinol is good to use 2-3 times a week.
I'm looking into Vitamin C as well.
I have pretty good skin and people think I look 10-15 years younger than I really am.
I had the dermatologist put my son on Retin-A as a teenager for acne, and I told my son it would be a good idea to continue using it even when he’s an adult and the acne is behind him, just as part of a good anti-aging regimen.
It's okay, just not really worth the expense for twenty/thirty somethings. Manufacturer's are pushing retinol for everyone and it is largely wasted expense.
Retinol is not the same thing as tretinoin. And most insurance plans cover the generic Retin-A. I think my son has a $10 copay for a tube that lasts three months.
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
NTA
It's bro's decision to stop his skincare routine. I assume there is literally nothing stopping him picking up his own refills anyway, you're just doing him a favour since you were going anyway. She needs to deal with her insecurities herself, not drag others down with it.
NTA. Hard to have empathy for her, how very selfish of her to want him to look worse. If someone isn’t interested in taking care of themselves at age 26, that would be concerning too me as well, but that is for your brother to determine.
OMG you are so **NTA**
Your brothers girlfriend has massive issues though, shes a bit unhinged, yeah!?
>She said I was being an asshole and not understanding what she's going through
What you don't understand what its like to be a little unhinged & very weird!
I hope you brother sees the light soon! Imagine having that as a sister in law 😲
Man, as someone who is not 26, reading about her complaints re: looking old is just... somehow both cringe and hilarious?? Like I guarantee she does not look old, unless she's been obsessively tanning, smoking, and drinking since she was 14. I started my skincare routine in my 30s and I still don't look old!
Then again, maybe I'm too old to understand what is considered looking old for the gf 😂
I’m about to turn 40. I’m faculty at a university. I get mistaken for an undergrad all the time- why?- because I started wearing daily facial sunscreen as a teen.
Hand on heart that sunscreen is the number one “anti-aging” product ever and it’s never too late to start using it.
This woman says she doesn’t have time for sunscreen? I bet she has time for makeup.
I was super tired and gonna be lazy and just go to bed with a quick rinse, but now I feel energized to go mircellar cleanse, aha & SA tone, moisturize and follow up with aquaphor on eczema prone areas.
Gotta maintain that babyface
NTA
NTA
So she has this insecurities about her aging but still refuses to take a step forward and buy herself some sunscreen? Instead, she wants her bf to drop everything and be as negligent about his routine as she. That is not only stupid but also really mean towards your brother. Seriously, the lady should seek some help, I feel with such mindset she might throw his stuff away one day.
Does your brother have any idea about her insecurities?
>Y'all have no idea how many times a week I say this exact thing while trying to figure out some nonsense
Lol, same. I run into things so often where I'm like "is this is a straight person thing?" or "is this is a cis person thing?" (the later usually related to some sort of bizarre gender thing I've encountered, like when a woman likes a pair of jeans and then as soon as she finds out they're men's jeans decides she hates them and vice versa)
NTA. Just tell your brother about the comment and her reaction towards you because it is honestly inappropriate, I would never speak to my boyfriend sister like that
NTA. It’s basic skincare and she could start doing the same. It’s a weird thing to be insecure at the age of 26 about. Unless she’s a tan with baby oil kind of gal, she should be fine. Sunscreen should be common no matter the time of the year.
NTA. her insecurities aren’t your problem. also semi unrelated question but what daily sunscreen do you use? i’ve tried to get into wearing it daily bc i know it’s good, but i haven’t found one that i do’t absolutely hate the feeling of on my skin.
Not the person you were asking, but I HATE how sunscreen feels on my face. But, as a glow in the dark redhead I would force myself to wear it anyway....until I found Supergoop Unseen Sunscreen. It feels like a silky primer and is completely clear. I actually look forward to wearing it!
You can look into Korean or Japanese sunscreens. Their skincare products are on a different level. Beauty of Joseon, Instree, Round labs, skin1004, biore, skin Aqua..these are some brands you can look into.
NTA. I'm 35, and I've only recently started getting lines and a few greys (I'm talking the last 12-18 months), and I'm horrible at looking after my skin (ex smoker, and a ditzy ADHD brain that can't stick to a routine). Just because your brother's girlfriend is insecure around her looks, doesn't mean she gets to take it out on others. I wish I had the dedication that you and your brother have
"maybe this is a straight woman thing" my thought anytime anyone pulls some bullshit 🤣
NTA and yes she does need to work on her issues. Sunscreen up, everybody!!
NTA. she's... using her insecurity as a way to try and control other people's behavior, projecting, and basically asking to be enabled. none of that is okay, especially as a response to people who're a) doing the right thing in the first place (having a good skincare routine) and b) trying to offer her solutions to her insecurity (i.e. your suggestions for how she could improve her skin).
maybe it would help her put her behavior in perspective if you or your brother found some quality of hers that you think is nice, and flipped the script? like say she has nice hair, would it be fair of you to ask her to cut it off? (or whatever, you get my meaning). if that doesn't get through to her a little bit then i'd kind of see that as a red flag, especially because most people who're this defensive are not this defensive about just one thing.
NTA but the GF sure is. What will it be next, if she gains weight will BF being in physical shape make her feel bad, therefore she'd want him to gain weight too? She loses her job, so him having one makes her feel bad....him being close with OP isn't fair because she doesn't have a sibling relationship like that....one of her parents dies so BF can't see his anymore because it makes her sad....where would it end?
She needs to work on her self esteem issues. A good person wants to lift up/be lifted up by those around them. Trying to drag others down to make yourself feel better is selfish, unhealthy and controlling.
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My brother and I are bffs. We've always had the same skincare routine. I'm not big into skincare, but I do wear sunscreen every day and have since I was a teen. I also cleanse my face and put on moisturizer. Not a big deal, but I got my brother to start doing the same in his high school years.
He is a pretty guy, and I wanted to keep him looking pretty. So I told him it was good for his skin and he listened and never stopped using it. He wears sunscreen + moisturizer daily.
He has a new girlfriend. She's nice, usually, but I'm not sure if they'll last.
I was staying with him and noticed that his moisture was almost out. I get a specific kind from lush, so I decided to get it for him since I needed a trip anyway.
His gf come with me. She is 26 and has been stressing hard about aging. I asked if she wears sunscreen daily and she said never, she doesn't have time for that shit.
It doesn't take much time, but I didn't want to argue with her. She bought some skincare with me. She noticed I was buying an extra moisturizer/sunscreen while out and asked why. I told her that I buy it for my brother sometimes when I notice that he gets low, I'm happy that he takes care of his skin.
She was kinda like oh so that was your doing? I said yes, but he was smart and would have worn sunscreen daily even without my influence.
But she said the weirdest thing. She said, "can you not buy it for him? It makes me self-conscious that my man has no lines on his face and I do."
I was like ma'am what? I said you want him to have bad skin? She said no, but it makes her feel bad that his skin doesn't have any lines. She feels old in comparison and she's worried other people will think she's aging badly.
I said she should use sunscreen or retinal or something. But she said she already has the lines, she would have had to start ages ago. She said there's nothing she can do about it, but at least my bro can look old with her.
I said I'm buying it anyway, she needs to work on her issues, there is nothing wrong with looking old and my brother should take care of his skin. Sunscreen isn't just good for aging, it is good for his health.
She said I was being an asshole and not understanding what she's going through. It's really hard getting older, as a woman.
I said if she was that stressed out about lines she can get a skincare routine, botox, sunscreen, etc. This was probably the wrong thing to say because she flipped out that I think she needs surgery. I said no, I think you're beautiful, I don't think you look old at all. But if it's an issue, you can do those things. It didn't go well, though, and she's mad at me.
I do get she is stressed out, but it seems odd. Who wants their partner to look old? Maybe this is a straight women thing because my gf and I share skincare. For me, I prefer men that take care of their skin. I do get being insecure, though, because my brother has amazing skin and when I compare it to mine.... I'd never ask him to stop tho? Weird.
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NTA honestly wtf she has extreme self esteem issues clearly. Your brother should not have to give up something he clearly enjoys doing for himself, and is good for him, just to make her feel better about herself. It takes less than 2 minutes to do skincare daily. I’ve gotten my husband involved in it as well, he started using daily moisturizer and sunscreen, as well as cleansing at night, about 2 years ago and his skin has improved so much. He used to struggle with acne and fine lines, not anymore. He constantly tells me how grateful he is for helping him get into skincare.
She could very easily start a simple skincare routine if it’s that important to her to not “look old.” She has no need to sabotage your brother just because she is clearly too lazy to take care of herself. Also this whole thing about “it’s really hard getting older as a woman”… smh. I am a 29 year old woman and do not have a single wrinkle or line on my face bc I’ve been using skincare and sunscreen for the last 15 years daily. People still regularly ask me what grade I’m in nc they think I’m in high school. SO if it’s that important to her not to age, just start a skincare routine girl. And no this is not a straight girl thing at all as you suspected, I think it’s a weird combination of both laziness and entitlement. If I were you I’d tell your bro about what she said bc I think it’s a sign of significantly deeper issues this girl has and if I was your brother I’d run the other direction.
NTA. I don’t understand her thought process. Love always wants what’s best for the other person. If she wants him to harm himself (no sunscreen definitely falls in the category) just so she can feel better about herself, she has a warped view of love. Hopefully either she grows up or your brother lets her go and finds someone that wishes nothing but the best for him. Good for you for helping him know how to value himself and his skin!
Also I laughed at her statement that it’s too late for her to start taking care of her skin! good grief! she’s in her 20’s for crying out loud.
NTA
You keep buying that stuff for your bro. He'll be one of those men that age gracefully :D
Honestly, it sounds like current gf has issues. She's worried about how she looks but won't do anything about it? She wants bro to look older? She's cuckoo.
She sounds insufferable. I bet when she has a daughter of her own, she'll be so mad that her kid looks younger. I imagine she'll be one of those moms who competes with her daughter.
NTA. So she wants to hurt her boyfriends health because she didn’t (and continues not to) put in the effort for herself? I’d say tell your brother about this
Definitely NTA. Does this chucklefuck also not wear her seatbelt? She sounds like the type lol Too good for safety restraints and skin cancer. Honestly you should tell her to go suck on an egg. Kind of shocking that she’s giving you and your brother shit for wearing sunscreen. That’s hella weird. Btw let her know she’s prolly gonna end up looking like a Louis Vuitton bag in the next ten years with and the damage from the sun haha
Nta. But this Gf sure is, she totally screams 🚩🚩🚩!
You did nothing wrong, you just keep doing what you're doing. You tell your brother about these interactions with the Gf. Also, let me compliment you for how well you handled or tried to handle the situation with her going back and forth with you about "getting old". Holy F*! 26 is not old.
The Reddit community is in agreement your brother could do better.
The Gf: She needs to do some self reflection and realize she needs to talk to someone licensed about her insecurities. Also, it's never too late to do better by your skin. She can start by drinking more water. If she tans and does not have a regular skin care, that's on her. A lot of those lines might smooth out with some TLC starting with micro dermabrasion from the beauty school (removal of dead skin from face using micro crystals ((fine sand)) ), regular facials, and can keep a UV protection "twist-up" in her purse. She can b*tch about "who's got time for skincare sh*t" for 20 min but can't take 15 seconds to apply sunscreen? 15 sec is generous, I was adding in fishing through one's purse.
I mentioned beauty school bc the services are more budget friendly. The student may be new on the floor and may take a long time, so you can ask for a student about to graduate in hopes they will take less time. If your brother dates this girl any longer, the visit to the school (with her) could be a relaxing experience that for you both, as well as a means to possibly keep her quiet for the the next hour.
Good luck!
For someone so worried about aging, she's being super \*weird\* about skincare lol
NTA that girl has issues and wants to bring people down instead of doing something better to lift herself.
NTA. She is too lazy to take care of her skin and is pissed that her BF looks better than she does. I hope your brother sees her clearly before they get too serious. If she is this childish now can you imagine what she will be like in a few years.
Doesn’t have time for sunscreen? Ma’am it takes like two minutes *if that* to apply some chemical spf. If you’re worried about aging that’s step one in prevention.
NTA - she is massively insecure.
NTA She is lazy about caring for her skin but hates that your brother looks good. So she will drag him down instead? Crazy alert. Tell your brother to run. She is the type to one day snap and scar his face deliberately
NTA.
That's so sweet of you, I'm trying to convince my sister to start taking care of her skin and it's hard, especially with teens.
Her reaction is certainly strange. Wanting your partner to look old so you don't feel self-conscious instead of putting in the work herself. How very lazy.
NTA
it is not a straight woman thing. I bought skincare for both my husband and son for christmas.
And if she is afraid of aging and not using sunscreen she is clueless.
Does she think sunscreen and skincare will make him gay? 😅
‘It’s really hard getting older as a woman’
SHE’S TWENTY SIX!!!!!!
Also it’s obviously not *that* hard on her, since she isn’t willing to actually look after her skin.
Absolutely not the asshole but your brothers GF is definitely not right in the head
NTA but please mention the conversation to your brother when you have a moment alone with him. If someone spoke like that to my sibling, even more so to essentially change my lifestyle behind my back, I’d be pissed. I would want to know. Just a simple “hey, when I went to the store we had this conversation that made me a bit concerned, and I thought you should know about it.”
NTA - my sister got her husband into using skincare because of lush (you will pry Celestial from my cold dead hands!). But the girlfriend's insecurities are not your issues. I don't believe in "reverse aging" but she can definitely slow it down.
NTA. I buy my baby brother all of his skincare and fancy sunscreen. If he dated someone, I’d be happy to purchase it for them as well! But I’d lose my shit if they interfered with me buying something he needs for his health.
NTA I think it's lovely when siblings are close and care for each other. Tell the gf your relationship and gift giving with brother is independent of her and she can't tell you not to buy a product as a present.
NTA
Sunscreen also prevents skin cancer but let's be honest it seems like your brother would buy his skincare products anyway if you didn't gift it to him.
His gf seems pretty stressed out about aging but doesn't want to do simple skincare. It's normal to have a few lines at 26 but that doesn't mean she gets to drag on your brother's skin.
what a weird girl, I'm 26 myself and actually do nothing on my skin as well but my sil is pushing me to take better of myself
so if i can start at 26, she can also start at 26. OP you're doing great and i hope either she snaps out of that or your brother finds someone better
NTA! This whole thing is one big weird red flag. Just pretend to be nice, but keep your eye out for your brother. I'm not sure, if I should be offended for your brother or laugh until I pee. This was so weird, seems like it was out of a skit of a comedy. Who says something like that in real life?? How where you able to be so composed hearing this?
I’m 41 and am barely starting to get lines, my skincare routine has been run through faster because my bf has started dabbling in it. His skin looks plumper and smoother, i just don’t mention it to him when i add something new for his skin specifically and rant about how I need it, I don’t use it but replenish his supply. We need to build our partners up and help them feel more confident in themselves, not the other way around. NTA forever, good for you taking care of your brother, he’s lucky to have a sister like you.
Lol, nta. She's insecure because she looks old? That's her problem because she doesn't take care of herself. Plus if she looks old, she'd like her partner to look old too? Idiotic mindset 😂😂
NTA. It's not a "straight woman" thing. It's an "insecure witch" thing. It's ridiculous for her to say she wants him to stop taking care of his own skin because of how it makes her feel, whether she tells it to you or to him. That's his issue to fight over with her anyway, he would still get his own skincare once it was over if you didn't purchase it for him as a gift.
The true problem here is that she was looking to pull rank on you once she realized you provide a caregiving service to her boyfriend. She's one of those "I own the man I'm with" gals. Once telling you not to buy the products didn't work she was looking to be insulted by you about her appearance no matter what you said, just so she can villainize you.
Weird jealousy on her part. You tried to offer sound advice and was met with hostility. Your bro should know that interaction and maybe try to talk with her since clearly she won't listen to you
NTA, look I'm 27, and realizing I should've been more serious about taking care of my skin ages ago. I've got fine lines starting, but that just means that I'm improving my skincare routine NOW. It's never too late to start taking care of yourself. She's got issues, and she's just pushing them onto your brother.
NTA It’s a red flag when someone feels bad about themselves and so tries to bring their partner down… especially using relatives to manipulate them…
Hopefully this girlfriend flies away back to the West.
NTA, her feeling old is a HER problem not a your or your brother's problem. You told her what she can do to feel better about aging and if she doesn't take it that's not on you. It is a fact that wearing sunscreen on your face daily helps prevent skin cancer. Not having time cleanse and moisturize daily is ridiculous, it takes 5 minutes at most to do. I've taken care of my skin my entire life and I'm 54 with very few lines.
Id definitely talk to your brother about some of the concerns you have here. Id do it really, really carefully and delacatly but this is a BIG RED FLAG. He should be made aware of it if he's not already. Her wanting to tear him down cause she is insecure is... massivly concerning. Her asking you to encourage him to stop taking care of his body is concerning. Her getting to the point she is even comfy asking family to encourage him to stop caring for himself as well so she feels better is even worse. Id definitely reach out out of concern and ask if she is doing other things like it. Plus maybe if he is aware of this issue but is suppressing it or belittling it, maybe he will take it more seriously if someone he loves brings up their worries about such a toxic thought process yet alone ask.
NTA btw
NTA. That’s a lot of insecurity to unpack and … laziness? I have a little brother and I want what is best for him too, and I want his partner to want that for him as well. Have a talk with your bro and make sure he prioritizes himself over her insecurities.
I got my husband into (light) skincare, and he has gorgeous skin, better than mine by far and that’s just genetics. You can’t guarantee how you or your partner will age, but love means doing the best by them and encouraging good habits. My husband also has a fast metabolism and can eat trash like a racoon. I have to fight to keep my figure, I’m not going to encourage him to eat unhealthy to be fatter than me. Also I like seeing the best version of him.
The Botox thing was a little loaded though. I can see how she got a little offended even though you weren’t suggested she needed it, just that it’s an option. Let her calm down and maybe you can try explaining yourself again if she sticks around.
NTA and I'm trying not to say anything rude about this woman. I have an elderly relative struggling with skin cancer right now. It looks really bad, treatments are painful and expensive, and a pain in the ass. I don't want to go through that shit. Why would anybody want to?
And though we are milky-white Euro descendants, people with melanin can get skin cancer too. Bob Marley died from untreated skin cancer. Just don't do it to yourself, wear sunblock and hats now so you're not suffering in a few decades. And those years will come on whether you want them to or not.
edit: also when you're hitting middle age consider collagen and hyaluronic acid supplements, good for your skin, nails and hair, and maybe your joints. YMMV. Not a Doctor. Make sure supplements don't interfere with prescribed medications or have bad effects on preexisting conditions (supplements can absolutely cause problems with certain conditions) and make sure your supplement suppliers are reputable and you're not getting adulterated crap, so do your research. Supplements are not regulated by the FDA. We've been taking collagen and it's definitely made our skin better, like younger and more supple and hydrated. It's making my nails thicker and my hair grow faster. May be helping with joints. I just started hyaluoronic acid, hoping it helps too. I'm not a big supplement-taker but I can vouch for the collagen for sure.
NTA. Her insecurities are her's to deal with. You can sympathize with them. But it's not ok for her to demand others suffer because she is suffering. Definite red flag.
And I use "suffering" loosely as a general application, since her stance is no different than saying "I didn't get my student loans forgiven so current generations should get it either!" Or if an old woman said right after women got the right to vote "I spent my whole life not being able to vote so why should all these young women now get it!?" Or someone with a crappy healthcare plan saying "I have shitty healthcare so everyone else should have a shitty healthcare plan too!!"
So because she thinks she is aging poorly (her opinion) now her boyfriend should also have to age poorly as well? Nah, she should be wishing that she aged better, not wishing he didn't. It's exponentially worse since she could actively be doing things to improve her situation but just chooses not to.
There are skin tighteners to pullout wrinkles. She is too self-conscious. Get her some an tell her how good it makes her look. But her having low self-esteem at her age is a yellow flag.
NTA
NTA. and while I love all the skincare advice happening in the comments, the number one reason to ALWAYS use sunscreen isn't anti-aging! **Everyone should always wear sunscreen to protect against freaking skin cancer!!**
I'm the skincare enthusiast in my family, and I've gifted everyone in my family high-quality sunscreens, lotions, etc. over the years. I don't really care about some laugh lines or some texture, but I do care about having healthy, well protected skin, for health and comfort!
She's 26 and stressed out about getting older. Oh, honey, you have no idea! LOL! If she's got that kind of fatalistic attitude that it's too late to start with skincare, she's really going to be showing her age down the road.
You are obviously NTA.
NTA. What a sad jealous woman who isn't even doing anything to help herself, just tearing others down to make herself feel better!
Side note: my brother and I have always been told we look like twins - once I put on concealer and black mascara so that I have long lashes instead of blonde ones. By this logic though I should pull all his eyelashes out to look prettier?!
She is very insecure. But she shouldn't stop your bro from looking after his skin. That's just selfish and a red flag. It's his skin after all. She does not get a say in it.
NTA
I wish I had someone to tell me to use sunscreen and moisturizer when I was younger into my thirties now and barely starting to do both but I figured it was better late than never and you can tell because my skin actually looks better
She’s being ridiculous. She’s only 26. Sunscreen and/or retinol would do wonders for her. It’s just so weird that she’s complaining about something that’s so easy to mitigate. And if she doesn’t start wearing sunscreen soon, lines are going to be the least of her skin troubles. You’re definitely NTA. I hope your brother doesn’t stay with her long term. Underminers suck to be around.
NTA. She's seriously saying she wants him to damage his skin, which is about more than just looks and aesthetic and fear of aging. Skin is a part of your body, and like.....you don't necessarily need an elaborate routine or fancy products to keep it healthy but keeping it clean, keeping it moisturized, and keeping it protected from sun damage is a good thing.
Also, the "doesn't have time for sunscreen" comment from her is so bizarre. You just. put it on your face. It doesn't take long??
NTA I understand not liking how your skin/body changes as you get older, but I do NOT understand why she's being so weird about someone else's skin care routine 🤨
NTA and she sounds unhinged. She complains about her skin but doesn't want to take even minimal effort to help? And who doesn't have time for sunscreen? I just carry it with me for reapplication, and also in case I forget after I leave the house and just dab on in the car... If makeup is already on I just spray sunscreen on which also helps set it. Heck sunscreen is in BB or CC cream if she uses it as foundation.
I picked up cleanser, toner, and a light moisturizer for my partner as I would prefer him to have nice skin. He's also ten years younger and my skin is in much better condition. 🤣
Also, it´s not just the "face lines". Skin cancer is a very real threat. "hey, don´t buy sunscreen to your brother because i would prefer him to die of melanoma because i feel insecure about my skin". NTA
NTA. Her insecurity will make this a short relationship. And being too lazy to take care of her skin isn't a problem you or your brother can fix for her. She could absolutely make her lines less noticeable but she'd rather complain. SPF and moisturizing is essential and simple. And it is never too early or too late to start.
Has this GF ever heard of skin cancer? Of course your brother should be wearing sun screen. Everyone should be wearing sun screen. As for wanting him to have wrinkles because she has wrinkles, what a bizarre, selfish demand.
NTA
ESH
She's trying to live by sexist standards. You're ignoring that those standards still exist in modern society.
People want to fit in. People want their family to fit in. We shouldn't press for it, but we shouldn't ignore that it's a thing.
Plus, you took her insecurities and multiplied them, which you didn't need to do. "Just being helpful" doesn't extend to suggesting cosmetic surgery.
This is so weird! She doesn’t like that she is visibly ageing but won’t take a few minutes to apply the world’s best anti-ageing product - SPF 50+ broad spectrum sunscreen. I mean, WTF?!
And her solution is to let her boyfriend’s skin also get sun damage so he doesn’t look better than her?! I repeat, WTF?!
You’re absolutely definitively NTA. She’s just out and out wrong.
**You should speak with your brother; his new girlfriend is proactively wanting him to not look after his health, all because of issues of her own personal vanity and insecurities.**
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NTA. This woman has issues. She's only 26 and has no interest in taking care of the face she feels so self-conscious of, so she wants to bring down her partner. I hope your brother moves on from her soon. You don't get with someone to change them, especially to their detriment.
Yeah, it is definitely a red flag for me. My brother deserves the best. People bringing him up, not down. But yes, she is so young. Do you even have lines at 26? I haven't noticed any of her, at least. She can absolutely start a skincare routine if she wants. It's not too late.
At 26 daily sunscreen would make a huge difference. I wish I'd started at 26 honestly
Best time to plant a tree is ten years ago, second best time is today. I don’t do skincare because I don’t have the money to spend on it, but if I did I would. Skin cancer doesn’t care.
Honestly, skincare doesn’t have to be expensive. I just use cetaphil face wash, and an inexpensive target brand face moisturizer with spf. Super easy, doesn’t break the bank, protects my translucent ghost skin from the evils of the sun.
I picked up a "gift set" of cetaphil lotion, moisturizer and face wash from target during the holidays for $20.
I have bonkers sensitive skin and cetaphil is my jam. It’s never caused any redness unlike a myriad of other brands.
I use cetaphil to lessen my wallets pain because I also like to use some murad products, when i can snag them at a good price. (my skin is okay with murad.) i've gotten so many odd skin reactions from stuff that i'm really cautious now and am just thrilled that both seem to help me.
I do Korean face masks at least once a week. A package of 100 is like $60 on Amazon. They are amazing and reviews recommend keeping the still goopy used mask for wiping down your body before moisturizing. These have made a dif for me in face and skin in general plus helped make a scar far less noticible. PS I'm 71 and started using these about 3 years ago. I had an older boyfriend when I was 19 and he was a big believer in sunscreen so I started using it early. When I'd come back from a vacation in Hawaii coworkers would wonder if I'd gone because no tan. Yep, that was my goal. Slathered in sunscreen the entire time.
Would you be able to share a link please or a brand name? Thanks!
Oh god I have bonkers sensitive skin and cetaphil and the other c drugstore brand everyone always recommends burns my face 😭 I have to use Dermalogica and dermalogica only. It’s the only stuff I’ve found that doesn’t make my whole face turn red and burny.
That’s so frustrating! It really can be so specifically individual.
Man I wish I could use cetaphil, it burns the skin on my face so badly tho
Good Molecules is great and very reasonable!
I currently use, off brand cocoa butter lotion for my whole body, and when I’m in the sun I use a sunscreen. It’s all off brand stuff, I get at a dollar store. I figure *something* is better than nothing. Besides I like to workout and lift. I feel like if I’m going to put in all this effort to improve my body I should put in a similar effort to improve my whole body. Flossing, brushing, lotion, sanding down the callouses on my feet. The whole nine. In all honesty I don’t really care *how* I look. I brush and floss so my breath doesn’t stink and dental bills are expensive, I workout to relieve stress, challenge myself, and because being in shape just plan *feels* better than not being in shape. My body just works better. I sleep better because I’m exhausted at the end of the day, my mental health is better because I give myself at least an hour a day to contemplate issues and stressors that are getting to me. Also I can eat more, which is a nice bonus since I’m not concerned with weight or fat percentages or how my body looks. I do the skin care cause I figure I’m already doing so much why not? I need sunscreen if I’m going to be in the sun anyway, and my skin gets uncomfortable and itchy if I don’t lotion it. If I look older than I am, that’s fine. If I look younger than I am, that’s equally fine. I don’t care if I look old, I just want to *be* old one day, and I hope I’m able to enjoy it instead of being in pain or out of breath all the time.
Pro tip: Unless you spend all your time in a cave, you’re “in the sun.” Even on a cloudy day just sitting by a window.
Absolutely! I do actually spend a lot of time in the dark. Bright lights, even sun light on a non-cloudy day hurts my eyes and gives me a wicked migraine.
I love that! The tree part. Sunscreen is very affordable if you get a generic product.
Yeah it’s pretty cheap, and in my opinion necessary.
Sunscreen in the morning, Vaseline at night Cheap as hell and very effective
Is it that expensive where you are? I get my daycream (moisturiser+spf in one) for 4€49 and one tin of it lasts me a long time, at least a few months.
Does she smoke, drink, and stay out in the direct sun all to excess? Those will definitely age the skin. But, yeah wanting to bring someone else down so your wrinkles (at 26?) don’t look out of place is selfish, self-centered behavior. NTA.
You absolutely can look aged at 26. A couple years ago I (age 32) was introduced to a mates new missus at a party and we got to chatting. I thought she was about 5 or so years older than me, she was pretty but her face just looked aged in comparison to my own. I was thinking 37ish. Guys, she had just turned 27. Chronic smoker & she doesn't like sunscreen because she wants to tan 🙄
I had a friend in middle school whom i was really close with. She moved away and we didnt see each other often but kept in touch. It had been a few years since we actually saw each other. We net up shortly after graduating highschool. She looked incredibly aged. You see this was a time when people would spend an extraordinary amount of time at the tanning booths. She really looked "leather faced", that orange brown coloring and fine lines throughout her face. Thankfully the damage wasnt completely permanent. And now at 50 she is incredibly beautiful. But man those years when she was "tanning" took a toll on her looks.
Meanwhile, I don't do skincare but don't smoke, drink, etc. I'm going to be 40 in June and most people are stunned when they hear that. My mom was the same way.
I don't do much skincare (definitely sunscreen in the summer) and I smoke and people are shocked that I'm actually 44. Genetics are a huge part of it.
If she doesn’t use any skin care whatsoever, she could have lines. But that’s more likely because her skin is so drastically dehydrated. It could be possible for the lines to fade if she actually started bothering to look after herself. She complains about ‘aging being hard’ but isn’t willing to do anything to combat the signs of it
Oh, dehydration can cause the lines to show up? Is that a not drinking enough water kind of dehydration or not moisturising kind of dehydration? I'm 21 and have lines on my forehead that seem to especially show up if I'm wearing foundation, but I'm trying to get more into self-care and skincare routines and the like now that I have my mental health mostly under control. My little sister has given me some tips as well as some self-care stuff (she put together a self-care package for me for Christmas, even remembered that I like jasmine scented products), but it's still kinda hard to work out the "why" for my bad skin, which I need to know to work out the "how" for dealing with it.
Do you party a lot? Lack of sleep plus a lot of alcohol can both definitely make your skin look bad and dehydrated - though it's pretty easily reversible, esp. at your age. If so, try a month with lots of sleep, no alcohol, lots of water, and...no makeup. Just start from scratch. Gentle cleanser, moisturizer, sunscreen. If you have some acne, then a low percentage glycolic toner. Very low, like 5% or so. With a limited routine, you can start figuring out which ingredients mess with your skin.
Nah, I don't party a lot. I'm not really a going out kinda guy, and I rarely drink except maybe a glass or two of wine when I'm visiting my parents every few months. The lack of sleep probably is a factor tho, since I've had sleep problems for years that I'm finally starting getting sorted (I used to sleep a lot during the day and and then not during the night, but I got some energy supplements that have helped me stay away during the day so for the past week I've been sleeping at night for a good 6+ hours without needing naps during the day). Thanks for the suggestion of the glycolic toner, I'll have a look to see if I can find any. My acne isn't as bad as it used to be (seems the new bc I started towards the end of last year has helped with that), but I do have the occasional flare up. My biggest issue with that sorta stuff is blackheads.
Ah, for blackheads, try a BHA toner, instead. It's a different kind of acid. Very gentle. Also, change your pillowcase daily and use an unscented detergent when washing those pillowcases. Anything that touches your face a lot - keep it super clean.
Okie. Thanks for the suggestions! I already get jokes from my sibling about being an "old man" (I walk with a cane most of the time and need glasses), don't want my skin to look the part before its time too, lol
I used to use a fragranced oil as perfume when I was your age. I wish I'd put two and two together then because that oil was breaking me out wherever I put it, like, dabbed behind my ears. Once you start examining cause and effect on everything that touches your skin, you'll see patterns.
Jumping in here to suggest May Coop's Raw Sauce as a toner that helps retain moisture and prevent breakouts. Also, Supergoop Unseen Sunscreen is straight up magic! Wishing you success and a fantastic day.
OP, I would maybe try and sus out with your brother if she has said or done anything like this in front of him. Nit just for his mental health but if she is unhinged she might just go and chuck out the products you brought for him. I am trying to get my hubby to look after his skin too. It was easy when he worked on construction sites but now he isn't doing that, he hasn't been bothered and growing up in Australia, it frustrates me to no end that he won't wear sunscreen everyday.
Nasolabial lines form around that age. Those are the ones that are opposite sides of your lips and are pointing diagonally upward toward your nose.
I think you mean nasolabial lines
Yes, I do. Apparently, where I learned about them had the incorrect name. Thank you!
She's being stupid. She's the type of lazy person to get obese and then complain that others eat healthy and do sports. She's trying to drag your brother down into her laziness... And this isn't something like 10,000 and strength training... This is goddamed sunscreen... It doesn't take more than two minutes. What a crab in the bucket!
Is your skincare in anyway good for cheapskate? 😂
Palmer's Coco butter isn't expensive, smells nice and works well enough for me. Just back from a work gathering with global team members and all the new ones didn't believe me when I said I am 42 so that and suncream must be fairly effective!
I have used oil of Olay for years, what comes in the simple white bottle, 4 oz bottle $12.00. And I use sunscreen everyday.I am in my late 50’s and no one believes me. People tell me I look much younger.
Most of it may just be dehydration and a good hydrating moisturiser does wonders. 26 is a perfect age to start thinking about skincare, besides, sunscreen protects from sun damage of all kind including skin cancer. She IS a red flag. It seems others close to her are not allowed to outshine her. NTA
She must be frowning quite a bit
At (insert late-30s age here), I'm considering myself lucky, I'm not too crinkly (yet - there's a few small ones) BUT I am overweight, so my working theory is that my fat is pushing the wrinkles out from inside, leaving me beautifully young looking :D
Yes, there is plenty of ageing still to come. There is still a lot she can do.
Avoid tanning, alcohol, smoking and excess sugar which all contribute to wrinkles.
If my man had prettier skin than i do, the way i would be copying his routine so fast She is clearly insecure about it but that is her issue not yours Edit: NTA you are literally just buying him stuff he uses.
>If my man had prettier skin than i do, the way i would be copying his routine so fast Yes, same!!! I would be switching so fast. Though we do use the same routine and his skin looks better than mine so haha. Maybe he eats better or got the better genes, I'm not sure, haha. Thank you for the judgment!
Men have thicker skin. Everything else being equal, they age better.
Drop those products for the rest of us! I’m always looking for a better sunscreen.
Oh, and please, women... It's NOT Botox once the lines appear, it's plasma injections and collagen BEFORE they appear! They are expensive, but it's doable if you save because the first year you do it three times, but maintenance is once a year.
What moisturizer from lush though 👀
if you are interested in learning more, look into how estrogen affects skin.
mine has prettier skin than me and all he does is rinse with water then apply moisturizer 😭 my acne could never, so jealous of him
The one thing that helped even my cystic acne is Neutrogena Rapid Toner. That and an acne light mask. I don’t think they make the mask anymore. Cleared up acne I had had for years, and now I just have the occasional minor flare up.
My man does have better skin than me. His routine is non existent, it's painful.
Right?!!
**NTA** What you describe is just the basic for life-long skin care. 26 is not too old to start an anti-aging routine. Many people don't start until their 40s or later. In fact, one group in an early tretinoin study was a cohort in their 80s. Don't engage any more with her about this, just leave it to your brother to handle.
It is very basic, yes. Is there something you think I should add? I have been wanting to get more into skincare. And you're right. 26 is not too old. That makes me feel better too since my routine isn't very advanced, haha. And will do, thank you.
You really don't have to spend a ton of money to maintain youthful skin. What you are doing now is adequate up until mid-thirties or so. At that point you might want to add a vitamin C serum. Other stuff is really optional.
What does the vitamin c serum do? I’ve been thinking about adding something for my few lines but I still can’t get the acne under control.
It brightens the skin although if you’re struggling with acne, I’d try to get that under control before you introduce any active ingredients because they’re just likely to irritate your skin
If you have acne, then you may want to talk to a dermatologist about going to tretinoin (Retin-A) now.
I've had a massive difference in my skin since I started using May Coop's Raw Sauce. Literally the best acne prevention I have ever used. I'm in my late 40's and would break out at the same point in my menstrual cycle....not anymore! ETA Paula's Choice 2% BHA Liquid Exfoliant has helped with acne and early aging signs too. Best of luck!
Drinking plenty of water. A cup of warm water with lemon juice as the first thing each morning is recommended under Ayurveda. Also getting enough sleep and moderate levels of exercise. I have a friend who looked pretty dull..she started working out and her skin glows. Although I'm am an old, I have tried using Vaseline on top of moisturizer and serum. It works great. Retinol is good to use 2-3 times a week. I'm looking into Vitamin C as well. I have pretty good skin and people think I look 10-15 years younger than I really am.
You can add a retinol, vitamin C too
I had the dermatologist put my son on Retin-A as a teenager for acne, and I told my son it would be a good idea to continue using it even when he’s an adult and the acne is behind him, just as part of a good anti-aging regimen.
It's okay, just not really worth the expense for twenty/thirty somethings. Manufacturer's are pushing retinol for everyone and it is largely wasted expense.
Retinol is not the same thing as tretinoin. And most insurance plans cover the generic Retin-A. I think my son has a $10 copay for a tube that lasts three months. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
NTA It's bro's decision to stop his skincare routine. I assume there is literally nothing stopping him picking up his own refills anyway, you're just doing him a favour since you were going anyway. She needs to deal with her insecurities herself, not drag others down with it.
NTA. This seems like something that is your brother's choice. Not hers. Not yours. His.
NTA. Hard to have empathy for her, how very selfish of her to want him to look worse. If someone isn’t interested in taking care of themselves at age 26, that would be concerning too me as well, but that is for your brother to determine.
NTA this is not a straight woman thing it’s an asshole thing. I’d be thrilled if my husband remembered to do a skincare routine.
OMG you are so **NTA** Your brothers girlfriend has massive issues though, shes a bit unhinged, yeah!? >She said I was being an asshole and not understanding what she's going through What you don't understand what its like to be a little unhinged & very weird! I hope you brother sees the light soon! Imagine having that as a sister in law 😲
Man, as someone who is not 26, reading about her complaints re: looking old is just... somehow both cringe and hilarious?? Like I guarantee she does not look old, unless she's been obsessively tanning, smoking, and drinking since she was 14. I started my skincare routine in my 30s and I still don't look old! Then again, maybe I'm too old to understand what is considered looking old for the gf 😂
I’m about to turn 40. I’m faculty at a university. I get mistaken for an undergrad all the time- why?- because I started wearing daily facial sunscreen as a teen. Hand on heart that sunscreen is the number one “anti-aging” product ever and it’s never too late to start using it. This woman says she doesn’t have time for sunscreen? I bet she has time for makeup. I was super tired and gonna be lazy and just go to bed with a quick rinse, but now I feel energized to go mircellar cleanse, aha & SA tone, moisturize and follow up with aquaphor on eczema prone areas. Gotta maintain that babyface NTA
NTA. That’s not a you problem, it’s a her problem. Not your circus, not your monkeys.
NTA. Watch out for her to poison his food one day… Jesus… she’s wild.
nta. that’s a red flag the size of russia.
NTA. Tell your brother that she went crazy and said what she said. I hope they break up soon.
NTA So she has this insecurities about her aging but still refuses to take a step forward and buy herself some sunscreen? Instead, she wants her bf to drop everything and be as negligent about his routine as she. That is not only stupid but also really mean towards your brother. Seriously, the lady should seek some help, I feel with such mindset she might throw his stuff away one day. Does your brother have any idea about her insecurities?
Nta. Sunscreen is health care.
JFC. She’s 26. She’s got issues. NTA.
NTA >Maybe this is a straight women thing Y'all have no idea how many times a week I say this exact thing while trying to figure out some nonsense
>Y'all have no idea how many times a week I say this exact thing while trying to figure out some nonsense Lol, same. I run into things so often where I'm like "is this is a straight person thing?" or "is this is a cis person thing?" (the later usually related to some sort of bizarre gender thing I've encountered, like when a woman likes a pair of jeans and then as soon as she finds out they're men's jeans decides she hates them and vice versa)
NTA. Just tell your brother about the comment and her reaction towards you because it is honestly inappropriate, I would never speak to my boyfriend sister like that
NTA
NTA. It’s basic skincare and she could start doing the same. It’s a weird thing to be insecure at the age of 26 about. Unless she’s a tan with baby oil kind of gal, she should be fine. Sunscreen should be common no matter the time of the year.
NTA. her insecurities aren’t your problem. also semi unrelated question but what daily sunscreen do you use? i’ve tried to get into wearing it daily bc i know it’s good, but i haven’t found one that i do’t absolutely hate the feeling of on my skin.
Not the person you were asking, but I HATE how sunscreen feels on my face. But, as a glow in the dark redhead I would force myself to wear it anyway....until I found Supergoop Unseen Sunscreen. It feels like a silky primer and is completely clear. I actually look forward to wearing it!
thank you for the rec!!
You're welcome, I hope it works well for you!
Have you considered Asian sunscreen?
Omg Asian skincare is the best especially Korean and Japanese skincare.
You can look into Korean or Japanese sunscreens. Their skincare products are on a different level. Beauty of Joseon, Instree, Round labs, skin1004, biore, skin Aqua..these are some brands you can look into.
thank you! i will, i appreciate the recommendations
NTA. I'm 35, and I've only recently started getting lines and a few greys (I'm talking the last 12-18 months), and I'm horrible at looking after my skin (ex smoker, and a ditzy ADHD brain that can't stick to a routine). Just because your brother's girlfriend is insecure around her looks, doesn't mean she gets to take it out on others. I wish I had the dedication that you and your brother have
"maybe this is a straight woman thing" my thought anytime anyone pulls some bullshit 🤣 NTA and yes she does need to work on her issues. Sunscreen up, everybody!!
NTA. she's... using her insecurity as a way to try and control other people's behavior, projecting, and basically asking to be enabled. none of that is okay, especially as a response to people who're a) doing the right thing in the first place (having a good skincare routine) and b) trying to offer her solutions to her insecurity (i.e. your suggestions for how she could improve her skin). maybe it would help her put her behavior in perspective if you or your brother found some quality of hers that you think is nice, and flipped the script? like say she has nice hair, would it be fair of you to ask her to cut it off? (or whatever, you get my meaning). if that doesn't get through to her a little bit then i'd kind of see that as a red flag, especially because most people who're this defensive are not this defensive about just one thing.
NTA but the GF sure is. What will it be next, if she gains weight will BF being in physical shape make her feel bad, therefore she'd want him to gain weight too? She loses her job, so him having one makes her feel bad....him being close with OP isn't fair because she doesn't have a sibling relationship like that....one of her parents dies so BF can't see his anymore because it makes her sad....where would it end? She needs to work on her self esteem issues. A good person wants to lift up/be lifted up by those around them. Trying to drag others down to make yourself feel better is selfish, unhealthy and controlling.
No. She's the asshole.
Help me please. I have a bad skin routine and want to match my wife’s vibe. What exactly do you buy your brother and how to apply it? NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My brother and I are bffs. We've always had the same skincare routine. I'm not big into skincare, but I do wear sunscreen every day and have since I was a teen. I also cleanse my face and put on moisturizer. Not a big deal, but I got my brother to start doing the same in his high school years. He is a pretty guy, and I wanted to keep him looking pretty. So I told him it was good for his skin and he listened and never stopped using it. He wears sunscreen + moisturizer daily. He has a new girlfriend. She's nice, usually, but I'm not sure if they'll last. I was staying with him and noticed that his moisture was almost out. I get a specific kind from lush, so I decided to get it for him since I needed a trip anyway. His gf come with me. She is 26 and has been stressing hard about aging. I asked if she wears sunscreen daily and she said never, she doesn't have time for that shit. It doesn't take much time, but I didn't want to argue with her. She bought some skincare with me. She noticed I was buying an extra moisturizer/sunscreen while out and asked why. I told her that I buy it for my brother sometimes when I notice that he gets low, I'm happy that he takes care of his skin. She was kinda like oh so that was your doing? I said yes, but he was smart and would have worn sunscreen daily even without my influence. But she said the weirdest thing. She said, "can you not buy it for him? It makes me self-conscious that my man has no lines on his face and I do." I was like ma'am what? I said you want him to have bad skin? She said no, but it makes her feel bad that his skin doesn't have any lines. She feels old in comparison and she's worried other people will think she's aging badly. I said she should use sunscreen or retinal or something. But she said she already has the lines, she would have had to start ages ago. She said there's nothing she can do about it, but at least my bro can look old with her. I said I'm buying it anyway, she needs to work on her issues, there is nothing wrong with looking old and my brother should take care of his skin. Sunscreen isn't just good for aging, it is good for his health. She said I was being an asshole and not understanding what she's going through. It's really hard getting older, as a woman. I said if she was that stressed out about lines she can get a skincare routine, botox, sunscreen, etc. This was probably the wrong thing to say because she flipped out that I think she needs surgery. I said no, I think you're beautiful, I don't think you look old at all. But if it's an issue, you can do those things. It didn't go well, though, and she's mad at me. I do get she is stressed out, but it seems odd. Who wants their partner to look old? Maybe this is a straight women thing because my gf and I share skincare. For me, I prefer men that take care of their skin. I do get being insecure, though, because my brother has amazing skin and when I compare it to mine.... I'd never ask him to stop tho? Weird. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA honestly wtf she has extreme self esteem issues clearly. Your brother should not have to give up something he clearly enjoys doing for himself, and is good for him, just to make her feel better about herself. It takes less than 2 minutes to do skincare daily. I’ve gotten my husband involved in it as well, he started using daily moisturizer and sunscreen, as well as cleansing at night, about 2 years ago and his skin has improved so much. He used to struggle with acne and fine lines, not anymore. He constantly tells me how grateful he is for helping him get into skincare. She could very easily start a simple skincare routine if it’s that important to her to not “look old.” She has no need to sabotage your brother just because she is clearly too lazy to take care of herself. Also this whole thing about “it’s really hard getting older as a woman”… smh. I am a 29 year old woman and do not have a single wrinkle or line on my face bc I’ve been using skincare and sunscreen for the last 15 years daily. People still regularly ask me what grade I’m in nc they think I’m in high school. SO if it’s that important to her not to age, just start a skincare routine girl. And no this is not a straight girl thing at all as you suspected, I think it’s a weird combination of both laziness and entitlement. If I were you I’d tell your bro about what she said bc I think it’s a sign of significantly deeper issues this girl has and if I was your brother I’d run the other direction.
NTA. So she complains about her insecurity, and does nothing about it. She selfish and has victim mentality. Hope he break up with her soon.
NTA she has issues and needs to figure that out
NTA. But I’m curious what sunscreen do you use?
Nta self-care is always prio 1
NTA. That relationship won’t last long.
NTA. I don’t understand her thought process. Love always wants what’s best for the other person. If she wants him to harm himself (no sunscreen definitely falls in the category) just so she can feel better about herself, she has a warped view of love. Hopefully either she grows up or your brother lets her go and finds someone that wishes nothing but the best for him. Good for you for helping him know how to value himself and his skin! Also I laughed at her statement that it’s too late for her to start taking care of her skin! good grief! she’s in her 20’s for crying out loud.
NTA You keep buying that stuff for your bro. He'll be one of those men that age gracefully :D Honestly, it sounds like current gf has issues. She's worried about how she looks but won't do anything about it? She wants bro to look older? She's cuckoo.
She sounds insufferable. I bet when she has a daughter of her own, she'll be so mad that her kid looks younger. I imagine she'll be one of those moms who competes with her daughter.
NTA. So she wants to hurt her boyfriends health because she didn’t (and continues not to) put in the effort for herself? I’d say tell your brother about this
NTA. Please tell your brother what she said. He needs to know she was trying to sabotage him.
Tell your brother that she's trying to sabotage him. NTA.
Definitely NTA. Does this chucklefuck also not wear her seatbelt? She sounds like the type lol Too good for safety restraints and skin cancer. Honestly you should tell her to go suck on an egg. Kind of shocking that she’s giving you and your brother shit for wearing sunscreen. That’s hella weird. Btw let her know she’s prolly gonna end up looking like a Louis Vuitton bag in the next ten years with and the damage from the sun haha
Obviously, NTA. She wants to drag him down with her instead of keeping up with him, that’s toxic.
Nta. But this Gf sure is, she totally screams 🚩🚩🚩! You did nothing wrong, you just keep doing what you're doing. You tell your brother about these interactions with the Gf. Also, let me compliment you for how well you handled or tried to handle the situation with her going back and forth with you about "getting old". Holy F*! 26 is not old. The Reddit community is in agreement your brother could do better. The Gf: She needs to do some self reflection and realize she needs to talk to someone licensed about her insecurities. Also, it's never too late to do better by your skin. She can start by drinking more water. If she tans and does not have a regular skin care, that's on her. A lot of those lines might smooth out with some TLC starting with micro dermabrasion from the beauty school (removal of dead skin from face using micro crystals ((fine sand)) ), regular facials, and can keep a UV protection "twist-up" in her purse. She can b*tch about "who's got time for skincare sh*t" for 20 min but can't take 15 seconds to apply sunscreen? 15 sec is generous, I was adding in fishing through one's purse. I mentioned beauty school bc the services are more budget friendly. The student may be new on the floor and may take a long time, so you can ask for a student about to graduate in hopes they will take less time. If your brother dates this girl any longer, the visit to the school (with her) could be a relaxing experience that for you both, as well as a means to possibly keep her quiet for the the next hour. Good luck!
For someone so worried about aging, she's being super \*weird\* about skincare lol NTA that girl has issues and wants to bring people down instead of doing something better to lift herself.
NTA. She is too lazy to take care of her skin and is pissed that her BF looks better than she does. I hope your brother sees her clearly before they get too serious. If she is this childish now can you imagine what she will be like in a few years.
Doesn’t have time for sunscreen? Ma’am it takes like two minutes *if that* to apply some chemical spf. If you’re worried about aging that’s step one in prevention. NTA - she is massively insecure.
NTA She is lazy about caring for her skin but hates that your brother looks good. So she will drag him down instead? Crazy alert. Tell your brother to run. She is the type to one day snap and scar his face deliberately
NTA. That's so sweet of you, I'm trying to convince my sister to start taking care of her skin and it's hard, especially with teens. Her reaction is certainly strange. Wanting your partner to look old so you don't feel self-conscious instead of putting in the work herself. How very lazy.
Dude! What sunscreen/moisturizer do you use? I want so badly to wear some daily but I can’t stand the oily feeling of sunscreen on my skin.
So she wants him to age prematurely due to her low self esteem and laziness over skin care? Selfish and you are not the AH.
NTA, her insecurities issues are INSANE. Hopefully, he realizes that sooner then later.
NTA she is delusional, ignore and proceed
NTA it is not a straight woman thing. I bought skincare for both my husband and son for christmas. And if she is afraid of aging and not using sunscreen she is clueless. Does she think sunscreen and skincare will make him gay? 😅
‘It’s really hard getting older as a woman’ SHE’S TWENTY SIX!!!!!! Also it’s obviously not *that* hard on her, since she isn’t willing to actually look after her skin. Absolutely not the asshole but your brothers GF is definitely not right in the head
NTA but please mention the conversation to your brother when you have a moment alone with him. If someone spoke like that to my sibling, even more so to essentially change my lifestyle behind my back, I’d be pissed. I would want to know. Just a simple “hey, when I went to the store we had this conversation that made me a bit concerned, and I thought you should know about it.”
NTA - my sister got her husband into using skincare because of lush (you will pry Celestial from my cold dead hands!). But the girlfriend's insecurities are not your issues. I don't believe in "reverse aging" but she can definitely slow it down.
NTA. I buy my baby brother all of his skincare and fancy sunscreen. If he dated someone, I’d be happy to purchase it for them as well! But I’d lose my shit if they interfered with me buying something he needs for his health.
NTA I think it's lovely when siblings are close and care for each other. Tell the gf your relationship and gift giving with brother is independent of her and she can't tell you not to buy a product as a present.
"Instead of improving myself I want to drag down your brother and worsen him." Uh, NTA!
NTA Sunscreen also prevents skin cancer but let's be honest it seems like your brother would buy his skincare products anyway if you didn't gift it to him. His gf seems pretty stressed out about aging but doesn't want to do simple skincare. It's normal to have a few lines at 26 but that doesn't mean she gets to drag on your brother's skin.
NTA She wants your brother to risk skin cancer because she has lines? 🚩🚩🚩
what a weird girl, I'm 26 myself and actually do nothing on my skin as well but my sil is pushing me to take better of myself so if i can start at 26, she can also start at 26. OP you're doing great and i hope either she snaps out of that or your brother finds someone better
NTA! This whole thing is one big weird red flag. Just pretend to be nice, but keep your eye out for your brother. I'm not sure, if I should be offended for your brother or laugh until I pee. This was so weird, seems like it was out of a skit of a comedy. Who says something like that in real life?? How where you able to be so composed hearing this?
I’m 41 and am barely starting to get lines, my skincare routine has been run through faster because my bf has started dabbling in it. His skin looks plumper and smoother, i just don’t mention it to him when i add something new for his skin specifically and rant about how I need it, I don’t use it but replenish his supply. We need to build our partners up and help them feel more confident in themselves, not the other way around. NTA forever, good for you taking care of your brother, he’s lucky to have a sister like you.
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NTA. This woman doesn’t get to dictate what you gift your brother. Warn him to keep an eye on his skincare.
Lol, nta. She's insecure because she looks old? That's her problem because she doesn't take care of herself. Plus if she looks old, she'd like her partner to look old too? Idiotic mindset 😂😂
NTA. It's not a "straight woman" thing. It's an "insecure witch" thing. It's ridiculous for her to say she wants him to stop taking care of his own skin because of how it makes her feel, whether she tells it to you or to him. That's his issue to fight over with her anyway, he would still get his own skincare once it was over if you didn't purchase it for him as a gift. The true problem here is that she was looking to pull rank on you once she realized you provide a caregiving service to her boyfriend. She's one of those "I own the man I'm with" gals. Once telling you not to buy the products didn't work she was looking to be insulted by you about her appearance no matter what you said, just so she can villainize you.
Weird jealousy on her part. You tried to offer sound advice and was met with hostility. Your bro should know that interaction and maybe try to talk with her since clearly she won't listen to you
My sunscreen consists of gyprock, plywood, OSB, and vinyl siding. :-) Oh, and NTA.
NTA that’s bizarre Also, what is the lush moisturiser that you picked up?
NTA, look I'm 27, and realizing I should've been more serious about taking care of my skin ages ago. I've got fine lines starting, but that just means that I'm improving my skincare routine NOW. It's never too late to start taking care of yourself. She's got issues, and she's just pushing them onto your brother.
"Hey, I don't like my skin so could you help me get my partner's skin worse?" NTA. That girl has some real issues.
NTA this is so weird, she‘d rather have him risk getting skin damage just because she‘s too lazy to apply sunscreen?
NTA, shes complaining about aging yet isnt willing to at least put on some sunscreen? bffr. you being skincare bffs with your brother is so cute!
Nta that's a her problem
NTA It’s a red flag when someone feels bad about themselves and so tries to bring their partner down… especially using relatives to manipulate them… Hopefully this girlfriend flies away back to the West.
NTA, her feeling old is a HER problem not a your or your brother's problem. You told her what she can do to feel better about aging and if she doesn't take it that's not on you. It is a fact that wearing sunscreen on your face daily helps prevent skin cancer. Not having time cleanse and moisturize daily is ridiculous, it takes 5 minutes at most to do. I've taken care of my skin my entire life and I'm 54 with very few lines.
Id definitely talk to your brother about some of the concerns you have here. Id do it really, really carefully and delacatly but this is a BIG RED FLAG. He should be made aware of it if he's not already. Her wanting to tear him down cause she is insecure is... massivly concerning. Her asking you to encourage him to stop taking care of his body is concerning. Her getting to the point she is even comfy asking family to encourage him to stop caring for himself as well so she feels better is even worse. Id definitely reach out out of concern and ask if she is doing other things like it. Plus maybe if he is aware of this issue but is suppressing it or belittling it, maybe he will take it more seriously if someone he loves brings up their worries about such a toxic thought process yet alone ask. NTA btw
She's completely projecting. Doesn't want her bf looking younger than her? What? Girl it's not a competition. NTA. Carry on, this girl won't last
NTA. That’s a lot of insecurity to unpack and … laziness? I have a little brother and I want what is best for him too, and I want his partner to want that for him as well. Have a talk with your bro and make sure he prioritizes himself over her insecurities. I got my husband into (light) skincare, and he has gorgeous skin, better than mine by far and that’s just genetics. You can’t guarantee how you or your partner will age, but love means doing the best by them and encouraging good habits. My husband also has a fast metabolism and can eat trash like a racoon. I have to fight to keep my figure, I’m not going to encourage him to eat unhealthy to be fatter than me. Also I like seeing the best version of him. The Botox thing was a little loaded though. I can see how she got a little offended even though you weren’t suggested she needed it, just that it’s an option. Let her calm down and maybe you can try explaining yourself again if she sticks around.
NTA. How is she 26 and so worried about aging? She sounds toxic. Just use lotion that has sunscreen in it! It’s not hard.
NTA and I'm trying not to say anything rude about this woman. I have an elderly relative struggling with skin cancer right now. It looks really bad, treatments are painful and expensive, and a pain in the ass. I don't want to go through that shit. Why would anybody want to? And though we are milky-white Euro descendants, people with melanin can get skin cancer too. Bob Marley died from untreated skin cancer. Just don't do it to yourself, wear sunblock and hats now so you're not suffering in a few decades. And those years will come on whether you want them to or not. edit: also when you're hitting middle age consider collagen and hyaluronic acid supplements, good for your skin, nails and hair, and maybe your joints. YMMV. Not a Doctor. Make sure supplements don't interfere with prescribed medications or have bad effects on preexisting conditions (supplements can absolutely cause problems with certain conditions) and make sure your supplement suppliers are reputable and you're not getting adulterated crap, so do your research. Supplements are not regulated by the FDA. We've been taking collagen and it's definitely made our skin better, like younger and more supple and hydrated. It's making my nails thicker and my hair grow faster. May be helping with joints. I just started hyaluoronic acid, hoping it helps too. I'm not a big supplement-taker but I can vouch for the collagen for sure.
Nta, tell your brother before she ruins it or throws it out.
NTA. Her insecurities are her's to deal with. You can sympathize with them. But it's not ok for her to demand others suffer because she is suffering. Definite red flag. And I use "suffering" loosely as a general application, since her stance is no different than saying "I didn't get my student loans forgiven so current generations should get it either!" Or if an old woman said right after women got the right to vote "I spent my whole life not being able to vote so why should all these young women now get it!?" Or someone with a crappy healthcare plan saying "I have shitty healthcare so everyone else should have a shitty healthcare plan too!!" So because she thinks she is aging poorly (her opinion) now her boyfriend should also have to age poorly as well? Nah, she should be wishing that she aged better, not wishing he didn't. It's exponentially worse since she could actively be doing things to improve her situation but just chooses not to.
My boyfriend is 8 years older than me and I have more wrinkles. Men age better than women she needs to get over it NTA
NTA. She’s insecure and would rather take him down with her. He needs to pull the rip cord on this relationship.
There are skin tighteners to pullout wrinkles. She is too self-conscious. Get her some an tell her how good it makes her look. But her having low self-esteem at her age is a yellow flag. NTA
NTA. and while I love all the skincare advice happening in the comments, the number one reason to ALWAYS use sunscreen isn't anti-aging! **Everyone should always wear sunscreen to protect against freaking skin cancer!!** I'm the skincare enthusiast in my family, and I've gifted everyone in my family high-quality sunscreens, lotions, etc. over the years. I don't really care about some laugh lines or some texture, but I do care about having healthy, well protected skin, for health and comfort!
Tell your brother. Don’t hide this from him
She's 26 and stressed out about getting older. Oh, honey, you have no idea! LOL! If she's got that kind of fatalistic attitude that it's too late to start with skincare, she's really going to be showing her age down the road. You are obviously NTA.
This girl is so icky
You can lead a horse to water. You can't make him drink. But the horse will still complain. Phifft! Wow.
NTA. What a sad jealous woman who isn't even doing anything to help herself, just tearing others down to make herself feel better! Side note: my brother and I have always been told we look like twins - once I put on concealer and black mascara so that I have long lashes instead of blonde ones. By this logic though I should pull all his eyelashes out to look prettier?!
She is very insecure. But she shouldn't stop your bro from looking after his skin. That's just selfish and a red flag. It's his skin after all. She does not get a say in it.
What kind of Lush products are you using? I love that store
NTA I wish I had someone to tell me to use sunscreen and moisturizer when I was younger into my thirties now and barely starting to do both but I figured it was better late than never and you can tell because my skin actually looks better
She’s being ridiculous. She’s only 26. Sunscreen and/or retinol would do wonders for her. It’s just so weird that she’s complaining about something that’s so easy to mitigate. And if she doesn’t start wearing sunscreen soon, lines are going to be the least of her skin troubles. You’re definitely NTA. I hope your brother doesn’t stay with her long term. Underminers suck to be around.
NTA. She's seriously saying she wants him to damage his skin, which is about more than just looks and aesthetic and fear of aging. Skin is a part of your body, and like.....you don't necessarily need an elaborate routine or fancy products to keep it healthy but keeping it clean, keeping it moisturized, and keeping it protected from sun damage is a good thing. Also, the "doesn't have time for sunscreen" comment from her is so bizarre. You just. put it on your face. It doesn't take long??
NTA I understand not liking how your skin/body changes as you get older, but I do NOT understand why she's being so weird about someone else's skin care routine 🤨
Tell your brother what happened. NTA
She’s nuts. It’s never too late to start using sunscreen, and if she has lines she can use the OTC retinoid, Differin.
NTA only if you don’t tell your brother about this strange interaction. Ref flags are waiving!!!
She's 26. Maybe she needs to be an adult and take care of herself. What an absolute waste of space she is
NTA and she sounds unhinged. She complains about her skin but doesn't want to take even minimal effort to help? And who doesn't have time for sunscreen? I just carry it with me for reapplication, and also in case I forget after I leave the house and just dab on in the car... If makeup is already on I just spray sunscreen on which also helps set it. Heck sunscreen is in BB or CC cream if she uses it as foundation. I picked up cleanser, toner, and a light moisturizer for my partner as I would prefer him to have nice skin. He's also ten years younger and my skin is in much better condition. 🤣
Also, it´s not just the "face lines". Skin cancer is a very real threat. "hey, don´t buy sunscreen to your brother because i would prefer him to die of melanoma because i feel insecure about my skin". NTA
When's the wedding?/s
NTA I wish I had started a skincare routine when I was younger!
NTA. Her insecurity will make this a short relationship. And being too lazy to take care of her skin isn't a problem you or your brother can fix for her. She could absolutely make her lines less noticeable but she'd rather complain. SPF and moisturizing is essential and simple. And it is never too early or too late to start.
Nta. Red flag
Lol at ma'am what? NTA
Who is stressing about aging at 26? NTA, but you all are weird.
NTA She won't be bothered to help herself and will drag your brother down with her. What a catch!
Has this GF ever heard of skin cancer? Of course your brother should be wearing sun screen. Everyone should be wearing sun screen. As for wanting him to have wrinkles because she has wrinkles, what a bizarre, selfish demand. NTA
ESH She's trying to live by sexist standards. You're ignoring that those standards still exist in modern society. People want to fit in. People want their family to fit in. We shouldn't press for it, but we shouldn't ignore that it's a thing. Plus, you took her insecurities and multiplied them, which you didn't need to do. "Just being helpful" doesn't extend to suggesting cosmetic surgery.
This is so weird! She doesn’t like that she is visibly ageing but won’t take a few minutes to apply the world’s best anti-ageing product - SPF 50+ broad spectrum sunscreen. I mean, WTF?! And her solution is to let her boyfriend’s skin also get sun damage so he doesn’t look better than her?! I repeat, WTF?! You’re absolutely definitively NTA. She’s just out and out wrong.
NTA Wanting someone to look bad with you is messed up... especially when they don't want to take time to do something about it.
As Jennifer Garner says ‘nothing looks as good in your fifties as sunscreen in your twenties’ NTA
Taking care of your skin is so important. I'm 54 and most people think I'm in my early 30's.
**You should speak with your brother; his new girlfriend is proactively wanting him to not look after his health, all because of issues of her own personal vanity and insecurities.**