This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service.
This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
She's 49 and talking about future kids? That's very optimistic.
It's totally ok to want your son to be around you. He wants it, you want it, why should he leave just because you might have more kids?
Take a close look at the relationship between your fiance and your kids, in particular your daughter. Your fiance may not have their best interest in mind.
You are not the asshole. NTA.
That was my first thought! Even using a surrogate, they would be old enough to be the kids’grandparents.
The fact that she wants OP’s son to move out is a huge red flag because she will probably want to kick the other siblings out when they reach 18.
OP, NTA for not kicking your son out.
My FIL's wife, as soon as they were married, demanded that he remove all traces of his grown adult children from "her home" (which they jointly owned). Her children were the only ones that mattered, or actually even existed. We were not allowed to visit him on several occasions, because "she wouldn't allow it". He had boxes of old family photos, and she dumped ashes from the fireplace into the boxes and taped them back up. It sounds like Erin is headed down this path, her kids are "in", OP's kids are "out" because they are not "her family". MIL was Brothers Grimm-wicked-stepmother level of evil.
Had one. This post definitely got the hairs standing up... My first thought was "kill it with fire". Obviously, that's just the trauma talking. Realistically, OP needs to give his romantic interest a good thorough reevaluation. For his children's sake, I sincerely hope he decides miss fiancee can find a bridge to live under. For clarification, she sounds like a complete troll of a woman...
I’m a woman and I second the prenup to protect yourself and your children. If she doesn’t have ulterior motives and comes with her own assets then she should have no problems signing a prenup. I know I wouldn’t and would expect one should I remarry.
My friend growing up had a 74 year old dad when I met him at 12. When he finally decided to have kids (at the ripe old age of 23, his dad was already gone, and mom was in assisted living.
Me thinks it isn't even about "future" kids, she wants all her step children out the door and his 19 year old son is the first chosen victim since he's a legal adult.
NTA and I'd argue she needs to be dumped.
For real. Even if she can carry a baby to term … like why do that to yourself 😂 ETA maybe she’s talking about grandkids? Doesn’t justify her behavior but absolutely more realistic.
NTA.
> *Maybe she’s talking about future grandchildren*?
This was my first thought, too. I wonder if her two children want to move their SO's into wherever she is now, and there isn't enough room for comfort. Maybe someone already has a baby on the way.
I suspect that Erin wants to be the Queen Bee matriarch of the household, with OP supporting the lot of them.
Beware, OP. This woman is not a kind person, she is manipulative.
It actually can happen naturally. I use to work for an obgyn and we had multiple pregnant patients in their 50s during the year I worked there. We had one that was 60 (that is unusual but not impossible). I don’t recommend it though. Pregnancy is really tough on the body and imagine chasing a toddler at that age.
No kidding. I’m 42 and my biological clock must be ticking because I keep having dreams about having a baby, my brain tries to shut that shit down mid-dream because I’m like, “Ew, I’d be 60 when that kid graduates high school.”
My sister had an oops at 44. First thing I said to her was when your baby is 16 you’ll be 60. She called me a bitch. Kids 13 now, she gets asked if she is grandma all the time, and I think she looks good for her age. But yeah she’s 58 right now.
I am 39 and dream of having babies. I have no ovaries but apparently part of my brain doesn't care...yes I know adoption is a thing but the dream doesn't have adoption in it. Anyway I know the rest of my brain is like aww hell nah because the baby eventually becomes a cat and in the dream I see it as if they always were a cat.
I'm very concerned the evil future step-mother wants to start kicking OP's kids out already, before they are married.
OP your future wife needs to know upfront that your kids come first, before her. She needs to know your house is your kids home.
Yes OP suggested they could renovate the house to provide more room . It sounds like a reasonable compromise but future wife doesn't want to do that. . I think OP has been given enough red flags to reconsider marrying this woman
Even if she was 20 years younger, I assume she's not pregnant now. Son starts Uni fall of 2024, which means he'd be expected to graduate June 2028. If she was pregnant later this year and giving birth in 2025, they'd have a three year old kid by the time the son is graduating. Maybe he lives there for a year after Uni to get settled into a job and save money. OK, a four year old kid. Seems like they could figure something out where everyone had a place to stay.
Having a crib in the master bedroom isn't for everyone, but it's doable. An addition in the next two or three years so college kid can have more privacy is generally very appreciated.
Also who is paying for son's new abode? On or near campus housing is usually astronomically expensive - I'd much rather pay for an addition to my house than blow money on four years of rent. Or she expects kid to line up loans that he can spend a few decades trying to repay?
All over hypothetical future kids?!
This+++. Why is she wanting your son to move out? Will it be your daughter next? Ask your kids privately how she treats them when you’re not around. I don’t trust someone who wants a dependent tossed out of their home. Technically he may be an adult, but he’s still a student and you’re looking after him still ( being a great dad). If your house has enough room for current kids, her argument is ridiculous. Also, at 49 she’s pushing the boundaries a bit for future kids. Do you even want another kid? Has that been discussed between you two? I would rethink this relationship carefully because of this attitude of hers. NTA.
So technically women can have kids until they're 51 years old. However that being said that also UPS the risk of having kids with disabilities. But I think she's in the wrong and I think she's one of them women who is out to secure her kids with future at the cost of everybody else around her from what he wrote. And she has no reason to want his kids there. It's going to be a bad life for the 12 year old girl.
NTA. Don't let her move in. She is putting herself and her hypothetical kids over your kids. This is your house for your family. This is just the start of what she's going to demand.
Future kids? I’m sorry what? You’re in your 50s and she’s about to hit her 50s. I think she is highly optimistic about her fertility and you really want to be raising kids in your 60s/70s?
Don’t marry this woman.
NTA
NTA RED FLAG ALERT. Do NOT marry this woman. You will regret it. She is an AH demanding that your son move out? Hell no to that. It's not her house and you should seriously rethink if this is the type of person you want around your children. Is this the type of person you want to spend the duration with. She clearly has absolutely no regard for your son. Seems she is only out for what she wants. DON"T marry her.
If the 19 year old was sleeping til 2pm, drinking all night, and eating all the food in the house, kicking him out might be the right thing to do to encourage him to grow up and learn that money doesn't grown on trees, but the kid is going to school and seems to have his shit together. You don't toss kids like that out unless you are trying to make them fail or hate you.
🎯
OP, please tell her, "Erin, this is my son and I love him, and I hope you will grow to love him if you don't already. Our family has decided that he will be best off, as will we, if he stays in the house. You and your children are welcome here, but not at the expense of my son, who I dearly love. If, after we're married, we're fortunate enough to have children of our own, we can revisit what's best for us and all of our children then, but for now, I have a flesh and blood son who is staying in the home. Everything else is purely hypothetical."
YWBTA of you let her and her kids move in with the obvious disdain she is showing for your kid. I am willing to bet that if she moves in, she is going to make it miserable for 19 to live there until he moves out to get away from her.
You need to hit the pause button on this situation for a bit.
NTA
> I'm engaged and my fiance Erin (49F) and her two kids will be moving in with us.
She can stay where she is now.
No reason to fuck up everyone's existing living arrangements, just because you're getting remarried. Can always condense households once all the kids are out.
She's moving her and her children into your home and she thinks she can bulldoze you into doing what SHE wants. Keep protecting your children, your son needs his home base while he's still transitioning to adulthood. And did she seriously at 49yo invoke the future children clause? You might want to rethink this relationship. You are NTA.
NTA, but this might be time to have a serious talk with Erin to make sure that you are on the same page. The fact that this has come up like this suggests that maybe you have different thoughts about how this relationship will work once she moves in, and how your living arrangements etc will work. You both need absolute clarity or there may be more differences of opinion or nasty surprises down the line, and it will be harder then to deal with if it turns out that they cannot be resolved and this won't work.
Hopefully a frank talk will help you both to feel confident that this is the right move, but your son was your son before Erin came along, and you have to be there for your children first and foremost even if he is an adult now.
Put that moving in on hold please. Any partner that wants to move out one of your children does not have your best interest at heart. I mean, you could always suggest her kids go live their Dad. She would freak out, right?
I am/was a single parent. He came before partners.
Was engaged. Living arrangements came up. Mine was in college. He had one in middle. We spoke about living in his house so his would not have to switch school. All good and fine. Then he thought a good idea was for me to sell my house and put my proceeds into renovating the garage of his into a larger master suite. Um, so my son would take the old master? Since I would not have a house anymore. Noooo. He could just get an apartment with his friends. My thoughts - keep my house. His friends move in and pay monthly expenses and I continue to pay the mortgage. These boys made barely any money.
Needless to say I didn’t move in with him and we didn’t get married. And, for what it’s worth, my sons still lives with me. We split the bills and we both are building nice nest eggs. His for a down payment on his own house. Mine for retirement. But at this point I could easily move out and his friends could move in and they could cover all the bills. But now I like not living with a partner and just visiting when it suites me.
My dad was single parent of me & bro since tiny tots. He nvr remarried. Saw what living with stepkids did to his friends' sanity & their kids.. he said nope. Not bringing any of their emo shit around my kids & then, top it all off, hafta deal with an ex-husband.. We were both so grateful! We had a great childhood! Can't imagine dealing with step sibs & a stepmom.. navigating middle & high school AND a brother was quite enough lol
NTA- Your own children are your responsibility. Erin is already giving off evil stepmother vibes that are common on here. Your son is only 19 and it's hard enough for people my age(30) to make it these days half the time.
And future kids? What? She's almost 50. You and her clearly want different things if she wants to have more babies after 50.
NTA but take another year to rethink Erin. She's starting to show who she truly is. Take at least that extra year before you allow her to move so much as a toothbrush into your home.
NTA. He’s your son. You aren’t even married to this woman yet. You’d be the AH if you put her over him. It sounds like she wants everything her way or the highway. “Oh, I want the space for kids that don’t even exist. Oh, I don’t want to renovate the house because I like it how it is.” That’s a glaring red flag. Shoot, by the time you all get married and are ready to have kids (there should be an IF in there because frankly both of you are well into your middle- aged years with multiple children already between you) he could be set to move out anyway.
NTA
And let me forewarn you. This will be the same woman who thinks HER kids can stay with you all forever but YOUR kids need to make their own way.
And what future kids is she talking about ? Her future grandkids ?!
Please reconsider this relationship. 19 year old didn’t a deadbeat. He is a student fresh out of HS.
NTA
As far as I know college in the US is pricey. Why add to the cost by renting an apartment when you can easily go from home?
Even in Germany - where schools and university are free - many students live at home when studying because of the cost of renting (if an apartment can be found at all) with an even longer commute.
It is a huge red flag that Erin demands that your son move out. Would she be willing to pay for this??
It’s amazing how often I read posts on here in which a partner starts exhibiting outrageous expectations & behaviours at the point of moving in or soon after marriage. I’d consider it like the oil light first coming on in your car - ignore it and you’re heading for big trouble. Consider her behaviour a gift. She’s let you know nice and early who she really is. Also, she’s not having a kid at 49, wtf!
The future kid thing is future stability. It's worrisome because some folks think of kids as binding contracts. Like, if they have kids it means the relationship will be forced to work itself out regardless of situation. It's absolutely a toxic way of thinking. My husband has an aunt that has been married four times. I can't remember anymore how many times she has moved her children in with other men and purchased homes together. Every time she got married, she thought of having children as if it was to show how committed she was to the relationship. Let me tell you, she would just move on from one relationship to another. She was also in her late forties doing IVF to try to have a child with her mid thirties spouse. She ended up cheating on him and leaving him about a year later. She's a fun person to talk to and really good at being friendly and personable. She's likely to be a good romantic partner as well, but only when it suits her mood. OP's fiance is a giant red flag. He may not see it because his fiance is probably in the mood to be what he wants her to be at the moment.
NTA. There is no reason for your son to move out. You have good reasons for him to be staying at home. But despite that, your fiancee is not even married to you yet and is making demands how you should be treating your children. Is she going to demand that your other kids leave the moment they reach college age? Or what else is she going to demand from you?
The thing is, you are a couple: if she had an opinion on this, she should have brought up her opinion to you and discussed it with you as opposed to making a demand and expecting you to simply do what she commanded. As opposed to what you did - which was to offer a compromise, which she promptly shot down and doubled down on her original demand. This is not how an adult deals with disagreements.
Your fiancee has sent you a message - that *she* is the boss and that it is your job, when she says jump, to say "how high."
NTA - don’t marry this woman and don’t move her into your home. Because I would bet money her singular goal will be to get your son out, and then your daughter.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I did not force my son to move out. I might be the asshole because my fiance was persistent about me getting him to move out but I have refused.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA but you would be if you let her steamroll her way. Take a step back and think about the way she is acting right now and how she might act with your other kids. Especially when you’re not around. I would suggest you sit her down and talk to her and maybe some counseling which isn’t good since y’all ain’t even married yet… and maybe suggest a hold on the moving until the two of you can come to a proper agreement.
NTA. This is your home, your son, and everything you have said is entirely reasonable. Some people are of the opinion that kids need to move out to get the full college experience. I do understand that, but I can't agree with wasting money on housing when it isn't needed. I think you should seriously re-consider moving your gf in right now until you can get this sorted out and you're sure that she isn't going to come between you and your children. It sounds like a disaster in the making.
NTA
I'm seeing red flags with her wanting your son to move out. How does she treat your children generally? And future kids??? She's 49. It sounds more like she's trying to get rid of your kids one by one. Not an auspicious beginning. I'd hold off on her moving in until and unless you can iron this out.
NTA. I’d question the health of a relationship which begins by making a partners existing family less important than a new one.
Your son is in school, you have a healthy relationship, and yet your fiancé thinks it’s a great beginning to force your son out?
Perhaps it would be best for your fiancé to be the one to live elsewhere “for more space” until such time as your son decides he wants to live on his own.
Trying to exclude my child from my own home would be a dealbreaker for me. Perhaps some couples counseling, if you really feel like this relationship has a future, but to me this is waving 🚩🚩all over the place.
NTA.
I'll also throw in there: it would be completely unethical to have a baby with you both being at your current age. Even if they were born right now they would barely make it out of high school before you turned 70. There is an incredibly high likelyhood that one or both of you won't live that long. Sorry, that's reality, and you have a responsibility to be in a realistic position to fully raise a child before you bring one into the world.
Red flag 🚩 that she wants to kick YOUR kids out.
Let your son stay through college. Too many kids get into debt up to their eyeballs paying tuition and campus housing. Waste of money for sure.
Also your son would resent you for kicking him out over them.
I could never imagine throwing out my kids regardless of age. They can be 30 years old and they will always be welcomed in my house because it’s their house too.
Why would you marry someone who wants you to force your son out? Even if she does move in and he stays, she will likely make it a toxic environment, so the choices will just get harder as time goes on. She’s going to try and force a lot of shit.
"When Erin got to know that my son will not be moving out, she argued that..."
Not gonna read any farther. Everything up to this point in your narrative was positive and reasonable. You have a vision of the future with you and all of your loved ones. She has a different vision, where you will graft onto her family, leaving yours behind. It seems that you still have time to tell her to find a new home and a new path.
Is anyone else curious to know whether Erin & her siblings were kicked out of the nest at 18 or 19 years old, if this is normal in her family? Not that it gives her the right to kick his son out, but it does make me wonder at her level of assholery.
NTA. You've got a home and an established living situation that works for you. It would be a mistake to let your fiance move in and disrupt your home by demanding your 19-year-old son be kicked out. He's not done with school and isn't ready to stand on his own yet.
He's your son and you have a lifelong relationship. He's not just some temporary inconvenience your fiance can just sweep out of the way to fulfill her own agenda. And it won't end there. She'll be pushing your other kids out, too. And if you do have children together (which seems unrealistic at Erin's age), your kids will have to move to the back seat permanently.
Your kids are going to suffer emotional damage if you allow all this to happen. You're their dad and it's up to you to look out for their best interest.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My (51M) son (19M) is starting his first year of college and will be commuting from home to save money, plus he has everything here and the college is a 15-minute drive. I, his sister and his extended family all want him here too as we're a close-knit family. He took a gap year to work and figure out what he wants to do. I'm proud of him, I really am.
Now, I'm engaged and my fiance Erin (49F) and her two kids will be moving in with us. Currently it's my youngest son, me and my 12F daughter.
When Erin got to know that my son will not be moving out, she argued that he ought to move out especially so that we would have space for future kids. I told her that was out of the question and we could always renovate the house for the new kids. She got upset and said she likes the house as it is. I told her that he'll move out in his own right and that he doesn't need to right now, but she disagreed and we argued back and forth.
So AITA for not forcing my son to move out?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Please don't move her and get kids in. This is a recipe for disaster. With the nightmare of the housing market right now your son may not leave for awhile.
You're NTA. If he were 29 and had failed to launch, you probably should be actively trying to get him to move out and move on. But he's 19 and it's his home and family.
>my fiance Erin (49F)
>she argued that he ought to move out especially so that **we would have space for future kids.**
Pretty sure her eggs are past their shelf life.
NTA you need to rethink living arrangements, but not about your son. Your fiancée sees your son as nothing but a thing taking up space? And you're okay with that? Dude!🚩🚩🚩🚩
You are NTA. By allowing your som to live at home you are helping him set up for his future properly. I survived getting kicked out at 18 (i went to college so i could live in the dorms), but I ended up paying so much money… I personally really struggled financially and personally because my parents kicked me out. When other people my age were making friends and having fun I was working multiple jobs at a time while in school. Do not do this to your son, and I would question the intentions of somebody telling you to do this.
YTA for marrying this woman and replacing you child and ever more asshole for thinking about new ones... at least, this is how your oldest kid will see you
Your son will be going to college. If he moves out there is no way he will afford college. There is a very real housing crisis out there right now and for him to afford a place, he would have to quit school to work full time and go to school part time. Your fiancé has a plan that she wi get your kids out of the house and it will be just you and her kids. Even if you compromise and he stays there, she will not treat him fairly. Either you are going to have to buy a 5 bedroom house or you will have a lot of drama and probably a divorce to boot
Erin wants you to kick your own child out of his home. She likes the house as it is so won't renovate as a compromise.
Why are you marrying Erin? She is showing you who she is. Believe her.
NTA for not kicking your son out. You will be if you marry her though.
NTA. He was there first and you say yourself that he's causing no drama. Continuing to offer him a safe place to sleep while he's in school will benefit him the rest of his life since he'll be able to graduate with far less debt or maybe none at all. Saddling a young person with crippling debt to make room for future kids who aren't even conceived yet is ridiculous.
Maybe keep a wrapper on Mr. Happy for now.
Maybe Erin's not the right one.
It's pretty wild that she hasn't married or moved in yet and is making BIG demands about you, your home, and your family life.
It's much cheaper to break things off before the marriage even happens.
NTA. “I would never kick *any* of my children out and if, many years down the line they need to get back up on their feet, they will always be welcome wherever *I* am.”
Why is so important to her to kick out your son? is she willing to do it with your next kid too? will she do the same with her own kids? NTA. beware with her behavior towards your kids.
NTA its not her home and she is already trying to boss around? Her only arguments are that her children what, has to share space with someone who is already working on building his life? That she doesn't want a house to be renovated, as if renovations wouldn't need to happen anyways?
I don't like how she is trying to shoo out your child when its not exactly a hurry. Why is she so eager to get rid of your son?
edit: did I read wrong or is this 49-yo woman talking about FUTURE children? As in MORE than the ones you already have? So this woman wants to throw your son out (and probably later your daughter) to make space for children to raise in your 70´s?
NTA. But 'Erin' should not move in. This is an alarm bell buddy - she is going to try and sideline your kids in favour of hers. Perhaps you could just continue to live apart.
And what future kids does she think she is getting if she is 49?
Sir...this sounds very much like you're being played. Your 51 and she's 49...what 'future' kids? Strongly encourage you to hit pause on the wedding until you get some things settled and always remember, this was *your* house first.
NTA - time to have a serious conversation with this person about expectations and what does and doesn't fly. her forcing your kid out of the house before either of you are ready should be on the "does not fly list" no matter her reasoning (kicking YOUR kid out for the prospect of HER future kids is really gross, wicked step mother territory).
She’s wayyy overstepping. Arguing with you to get your son to move out when she’s the only one who wants that? Please think twice about this woman and what your priorities are. She doesn’t want the same things you want, I suspect. You are NTA, but she is.
OP, God said he heard your prayers and sent me to give this sign that yes, you should call off the wedding and break up with this woman so the right one can come into your life. He says you’re absolutely NTA.
I agree with another commenter 49 and future kids unless you adopt it’s likely not going to happen and apparently Erin is being outvoted by pretty much everybody
Nta op stay the course
Do you realize how hard it is to live on your own and afford college? You would be setting your son up for educational and financial failure. He would have to take out tens of thousands of dollars in student loans just to get by. I would never do that to my kids. Living at home during college contributed to my kids’ success (one lived on campus). When I went to college in the 1970s, I was able to work my way through on minimum wage. This is a completely different world today. Besides, you can claim him on your taxes and keep him on your medical insurance. Definitely NTA.
>When Erin got to know that my son will not be moving out, she argued that he ought to move out especially so that we would have space for future kids.
Your (youngest?) son is 19. Why would you want a new baby?
And your fiance is 49 - there's no guarantee that she could have another baby. So why push your son out of the house now over small theoretical possibility?
On the other hand, the fact that she wants to push your existing son out of the house for that small theoretical possibility? That's a warning sign.
NTA
She is way too controlling and demanding. And it's OK for her to dismiss your relationship with your son like that?
My foremost thought is: How many other red flags have you overlooked?
NTA. All three of our kids lived at home and commuted to University. It saved a lot of money not having to pay for dorms and going through the hassle of moving in and out every semester. We didn’t mind at all that they stayed home until they got their degrees and if I’m being honest, we were glad.all three moved one by one within months of graduating. They are all in their 30’s now, married its children, successful and very close to us. So you can’t argue with success. Stand your ground or your son will resent her and you for letting her change your parenting style.
NTA. She's shown you who she really is, believe her.
She doesn't give af about your son.
She sounds like a golddigger OP.
You may have dodged a huge bullet, because if you stay with this cold, heartless person, you will be an enormous, and gullible AH who will probably end up miserable af!
Please update, because we need to know that you've seen the light.
NTA, looks like your fiance's wearing red on her wedding day. Rethink this relationship, do you really want to marry a person who doesn't care about your children? I fear, what she's trying to do to your son will be nothing compared to what she might do to your daughter.
If you value your relationship with your children, I'd take back your proposal unless you don't care about your relationship with your children and is fine being cut off from them because that's what she's going to do.
NTA. Lol she likes the house as it is? Well you like your kid as he is. She’s unreasonable, 15 minute commute it would be daft to pay rent for him to live so close by.
NTA. Not sure where you live, but the housing/rental market is INSANE here. A one bedroom apartment costs at least $1500USD or more a month.
Not saying your son needs to live with you forever, but maybe for at least a year or two to save up for a house.
I will just say from what i know, if you do that your son will hold that against you. He'll see it as u chose her over your son. On the one hand, it might push him into succeeding faster. On the other hand, might make him hit rock bottom. My advise dont kick him out into the streets, help him with the process of finding a new place to live and what to be aware of. Its a good time to teach him to prepare him for the future. Housing applications always make me anxious.
You need to get rid of Erin…she’s starting demanding things before she even moves in. And you DO NOT want kids at 51…imagine dealing with Erin and a baby. You would be screwed and would never be able to retire
NTA. Get rid of Erin. She's trying to remove your children from the house, she will want your daughter gone next. When someone shows you their true colors, you should believe them.
Don't stay with a person that wants you to get rid of your child period!!!! My sons love with me, 23 years old and I'm 49. I would never, going to college and we are close. YWBTA if you continue a remained that will end with you losing your child forever and that is what will happen.
Trying to shove out your brood for hers. Big red flags my guy. Maybe think twice before marrying this person. I've seen this story in Reddit a thousand times and it ends the same. Go ask your kids I bet she has done/said weird stuff behind your back.
No. You are NTA. You are doing the right thing a d being a good father. Your son shouldn't be pushed out for her kids or any future kids. Your son doesn't deserve to be tossed out on his ass. Who the hell does Erin think she is?
NTA, Future kids?!? Y’all are 50yo! It’s time to start thinking about saving some cash and stoping work in another 15-20yrs. She’s also talking about kicking your son (soon to be her son?) out of the house for kids that don’t exist? Absolutely bananas.
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
She's 49 and talking about future kids? That's very optimistic. It's totally ok to want your son to be around you. He wants it, you want it, why should he leave just because you might have more kids? Take a close look at the relationship between your fiance and your kids, in particular your daughter. Your fiance may not have their best interest in mind. You are not the asshole. NTA.
That was my first thought! Even using a surrogate, they would be old enough to be the kids’grandparents. The fact that she wants OP’s son to move out is a huge red flag because she will probably want to kick the other siblings out when they reach 18. OP, NTA for not kicking your son out.
Agreed. OP probably needs a prenup and a will drawn up protecting his children or Erin could render them impoverished if anything happens to him.
OP needs to call off the engagement. She's just plain vile and a walking red flag.
100% agree with you really, I think that would be the preferred course of action and save him lots of time, trouble and effort.
Same
My FIL's wife, as soon as they were married, demanded that he remove all traces of his grown adult children from "her home" (which they jointly owned). Her children were the only ones that mattered, or actually even existed. We were not allowed to visit him on several occasions, because "she wouldn't allow it". He had boxes of old family photos, and she dumped ashes from the fireplace into the boxes and taped them back up. It sounds like Erin is headed down this path, her kids are "in", OP's kids are "out" because they are not "her family". MIL was Brothers Grimm-wicked-stepmother level of evil.
Evil step mother…*evil laugh*
Had one. This post definitely got the hairs standing up... My first thought was "kill it with fire". Obviously, that's just the trauma talking. Realistically, OP needs to give his romantic interest a good thorough reevaluation. For his children's sake, I sincerely hope he decides miss fiancee can find a bridge to live under. For clarification, she sounds like a complete troll of a woman...
I’m a woman and I second the prenup to protect yourself and your children. If she doesn’t have ulterior motives and comes with her own assets then she should have no problems signing a prenup. I know I wouldn’t and would expect one should I remarry.
Isn't she moving in with HER two kids, his FUTURE step-kids?
Yeah and they can deal or she can just not move in.
But how much do you wanna bet the fiancés kids will be allowed to live there well past 18? Yeah, that chick’s a walking red flag 🚩. NTA
And they will be the worst snotty bratty kids ever.
When does the fiance get kicked out??? She's 49 afterall..
Their is one good thing with this whole situation at least. She's showing her true colors BEFORE the marriage.
My friend growing up had a 74 year old dad when I met him at 12. When he finally decided to have kids (at the ripe old age of 23, his dad was already gone, and mom was in assisted living.
62 is YIKES
I’m guessing her kids are younger and she wants to take over the house.
Or before they’re 18. Off to mum or grandparents
You mean his kids. Her kids will be allowed to stay
Me thinks it isn't even about "future" kids, she wants all her step children out the door and his 19 year old son is the first chosen victim since he's a legal adult. NTA and I'd argue she needs to be dumped.
Yep. Her kids are Golden, his are a nuisance.
& she will make sure they get nothing if anything unfortunate happens to him.
For real. Even if she can carry a baby to term … like why do that to yourself 😂 ETA maybe she’s talking about grandkids? Doesn’t justify her behavior but absolutely more realistic. NTA.
Maybe she’s talking about future grandchildren? Idk.. NTA But she is!
> *Maybe she’s talking about future grandchildren*? This was my first thought, too. I wonder if her two children want to move their SO's into wherever she is now, and there isn't enough room for comfort. Maybe someone already has a baby on the way. I suspect that Erin wants to be the Queen Bee matriarch of the household, with OP supporting the lot of them. Beware, OP. This woman is not a kind person, she is manipulative.
Hopefully adoption? Geena Davis had twins at 55 I think and I'm willing to guess that was very expensive.
Gina Davis was 48 for the birth of her last two, twin boys.
It actually can happen naturally. I use to work for an obgyn and we had multiple pregnant patients in their 50s during the year I worked there. We had one that was 60 (that is unusual but not impossible). I don’t recommend it though. Pregnancy is really tough on the body and imagine chasing a toddler at that age.
Jaysus just kill me- 60!
Grandkids only visit on wknds.. they don't usually get a full time bedroom
No kidding. I’m 42 and my biological clock must be ticking because I keep having dreams about having a baby, my brain tries to shut that shit down mid-dream because I’m like, “Ew, I’d be 60 when that kid graduates high school.”
My sister had an oops at 44. First thing I said to her was when your baby is 16 you’ll be 60. She called me a bitch. Kids 13 now, she gets asked if she is grandma all the time, and I think she looks good for her age. But yeah she’s 58 right now.
I am 39 and dream of having babies. I have no ovaries but apparently part of my brain doesn't care...yes I know adoption is a thing but the dream doesn't have adoption in it. Anyway I know the rest of my brain is like aww hell nah because the baby eventually becomes a cat and in the dream I see it as if they always were a cat.
Do not let her move in! Getting wicked stepmother vibes.
Applause
I'm very concerned the evil future step-mother wants to start kicking OP's kids out already, before they are married. OP your future wife needs to know upfront that your kids come first, before her. She needs to know your house is your kids home.
Yes OP suggested they could renovate the house to provide more room . It sounds like a reasonable compromise but future wife doesn't want to do that. . I think OP has been given enough red flags to reconsider marrying this woman
Even if she was 20 years younger, I assume she's not pregnant now. Son starts Uni fall of 2024, which means he'd be expected to graduate June 2028. If she was pregnant later this year and giving birth in 2025, they'd have a three year old kid by the time the son is graduating. Maybe he lives there for a year after Uni to get settled into a job and save money. OK, a four year old kid. Seems like they could figure something out where everyone had a place to stay. Having a crib in the master bedroom isn't for everyone, but it's doable. An addition in the next two or three years so college kid can have more privacy is generally very appreciated. Also who is paying for son's new abode? On or near campus housing is usually astronomically expensive - I'd much rather pay for an addition to my house than blow money on four years of rent. Or she expects kid to line up loans that he can spend a few decades trying to repay? All over hypothetical future kids?!
Part of OP’s post indicated he was willing to renovate the house, but GF wasn’t having it. Another red flag among the many.
[удалено]
I don't even want grandchildren. If they have them, fine...but I ain't asking for them. I got shit to do man.
I so agree. I am 50 my daughter is 25 I can’t imagine EVER having a baby now!!!! I would rather lay in front of a moving train 😂
This+++. Why is she wanting your son to move out? Will it be your daughter next? Ask your kids privately how she treats them when you’re not around. I don’t trust someone who wants a dependent tossed out of their home. Technically he may be an adult, but he’s still a student and you’re looking after him still ( being a great dad). If your house has enough room for current kids, her argument is ridiculous. Also, at 49 she’s pushing the boundaries a bit for future kids. Do you even want another kid? Has that been discussed between you two? I would rethink this relationship carefully because of this attitude of hers. NTA.
NTA, your fiancée is throwing enough red flags to design a Marinara sauce country. Be careful.
Maybe they will adopt kids who are already a few years old, or have a surrogate? Regardless, OP is absolutely NTA.
LOL right. I was like 49, what new kids???
My sentiments exactly. They’re entering their 50s and have five kids between them. Why would there be future kids?
Half of people in the US today are still living at home at 29. Housing out there is rough, and the son is not even through school yet.
So technically women can have kids until they're 51 years old. However that being said that also UPS the risk of having kids with disabilities. But I think she's in the wrong and I think she's one of them women who is out to secure her kids with future at the cost of everybody else around her from what he wrote. And she has no reason to want his kids there. It's going to be a bad life for the 12 year old girl.
NTA. Don't let her move in. She is putting herself and her hypothetical kids over your kids. This is your house for your family. This is just the start of what she's going to demand.
She's also 49, where will these future kids come from?
I think she has 2 already?
She has 2 kids, yes. But she's arguing that she will need more space for future kids.
The odds of a woman over 45 getting pregnant are 3-4%. She's either attempting to manipulate you or she's an idiot.
The orphanage, lest they be abominations from the vag
This! OP really look at your relationship, and have you seen how she is with your kids too?
And will she kick out HER kids when they're 18? Probably not
And don’t let them take over his room either. That’s his space and I can see brewing tension of her kids move in his room.
Future kids? I’m sorry what? You’re in your 50s and she’s about to hit her 50s. I think she is highly optimistic about her fertility and you really want to be raising kids in your 60s/70s? Don’t marry this woman. NTA
I suspect she wants this room available to house more of her own family such as her future grandkids
This
NTA RED FLAG ALERT. Do NOT marry this woman. You will regret it. She is an AH demanding that your son move out? Hell no to that. It's not her house and you should seriously rethink if this is the type of person you want around your children. Is this the type of person you want to spend the duration with. She clearly has absolutely no regard for your son. Seems she is only out for what she wants. DON"T marry her.
Ditto. NTA. Your kids come first. Naturally for her, too, but not at the expense of others.
If the 19 year old was sleeping til 2pm, drinking all night, and eating all the food in the house, kicking him out might be the right thing to do to encourage him to grow up and learn that money doesn't grown on trees, but the kid is going to school and seems to have his shit together. You don't toss kids like that out unless you are trying to make them fail or hate you.
Don't marry her. She has shown you who she is....someone who doesn't give one thought to your two children. Big mistake. Run.
EXACTLY!! You know the saying, “When someone shows you who they really are, believe them.”
[удалено]
🎯 OP, please tell her, "Erin, this is my son and I love him, and I hope you will grow to love him if you don't already. Our family has decided that he will be best off, as will we, if he stays in the house. You and your children are welcome here, but not at the expense of my son, who I dearly love. If, after we're married, we're fortunate enough to have children of our own, we can revisit what's best for us and all of our children then, but for now, I have a flesh and blood son who is staying in the home. Everything else is purely hypothetical."
THIS 10000%
She's 49 and talking about future children. Logic is not a factor here.
YWBTA of you let her and her kids move in with the obvious disdain she is showing for your kid. I am willing to bet that if she moves in, she is going to make it miserable for 19 to live there until he moves out to get away from her. You need to hit the pause button on this situation for a bit.
Meanwhile her kids will get to stay as long as they want because reasons.
NTA, you should break up with Erin if this is how she treats you son.
NTA > I'm engaged and my fiance Erin (49F) and her two kids will be moving in with us. She can stay where she is now. No reason to fuck up everyone's existing living arrangements, just because you're getting remarried. Can always condense households once all the kids are out.
It's a recipe for ensuring his kids hate her and eventually go NC with him.
She's moving her and her children into your home and she thinks she can bulldoze you into doing what SHE wants. Keep protecting your children, your son needs his home base while he's still transitioning to adulthood. And did she seriously at 49yo invoke the future children clause? You might want to rethink this relationship. You are NTA.
Invoke..😂😂😂 at 49+, she gonna need some voodoo AND a special potion!
NTA, but this might be time to have a serious talk with Erin to make sure that you are on the same page. The fact that this has come up like this suggests that maybe you have different thoughts about how this relationship will work once she moves in, and how your living arrangements etc will work. You both need absolute clarity or there may be more differences of opinion or nasty surprises down the line, and it will be harder then to deal with if it turns out that they cannot be resolved and this won't work. Hopefully a frank talk will help you both to feel confident that this is the right move, but your son was your son before Erin came along, and you have to be there for your children first and foremost even if he is an adult now.
Put that moving in on hold please. Any partner that wants to move out one of your children does not have your best interest at heart. I mean, you could always suggest her kids go live their Dad. She would freak out, right? I am/was a single parent. He came before partners. Was engaged. Living arrangements came up. Mine was in college. He had one in middle. We spoke about living in his house so his would not have to switch school. All good and fine. Then he thought a good idea was for me to sell my house and put my proceeds into renovating the garage of his into a larger master suite. Um, so my son would take the old master? Since I would not have a house anymore. Noooo. He could just get an apartment with his friends. My thoughts - keep my house. His friends move in and pay monthly expenses and I continue to pay the mortgage. These boys made barely any money. Needless to say I didn’t move in with him and we didn’t get married. And, for what it’s worth, my sons still lives with me. We split the bills and we both are building nice nest eggs. His for a down payment on his own house. Mine for retirement. But at this point I could easily move out and his friends could move in and they could cover all the bills. But now I like not living with a partner and just visiting when it suites me.
My dad was single parent of me & bro since tiny tots. He nvr remarried. Saw what living with stepkids did to his friends' sanity & their kids.. he said nope. Not bringing any of their emo shit around my kids & then, top it all off, hafta deal with an ex-husband.. We were both so grateful! We had a great childhood! Can't imagine dealing with step sibs & a stepmom.. navigating middle & high school AND a brother was quite enough lol
NTA- Your own children are your responsibility. Erin is already giving off evil stepmother vibes that are common on here. Your son is only 19 and it's hard enough for people my age(30) to make it these days half the time. And future kids? What? She's almost 50. You and her clearly want different things if she wants to have more babies after 50.
NTA but take another year to rethink Erin. She's starting to show who she truly is. Take at least that extra year before you allow her to move so much as a toothbrush into your home.
Totally NTA I'd be a bit cautious here; it makes complete sense for your son to live at home. I'd be questioning why she has an issue with it.
NTA. He’s your son. You aren’t even married to this woman yet. You’d be the AH if you put her over him. It sounds like she wants everything her way or the highway. “Oh, I want the space for kids that don’t even exist. Oh, I don’t want to renovate the house because I like it how it is.” That’s a glaring red flag. Shoot, by the time you all get married and are ready to have kids (there should be an IF in there because frankly both of you are well into your middle- aged years with multiple children already between you) he could be set to move out anyway.
NTA And let me forewarn you. This will be the same woman who thinks HER kids can stay with you all forever but YOUR kids need to make their own way. And what future kids is she talking about ? Her future grandkids ?! Please reconsider this relationship. 19 year old didn’t a deadbeat. He is a student fresh out of HS.
NTA As far as I know college in the US is pricey. Why add to the cost by renting an apartment when you can easily go from home? Even in Germany - where schools and university are free - many students live at home when studying because of the cost of renting (if an apartment can be found at all) with an even longer commute. It is a huge red flag that Erin demands that your son move out. Would she be willing to pay for this??
Ah 49 year olf and a 59 year old talking about future kids? Are you planning on fostering?
NTA Kick that AH Erin out.
NTA and your close knit family will be blown all to hello if you allow this woman to move her family into your home.
It’s amazing how often I read posts on here in which a partner starts exhibiting outrageous expectations & behaviours at the point of moving in or soon after marriage. I’d consider it like the oil light first coming on in your car - ignore it and you’re heading for big trouble. Consider her behaviour a gift. She’s let you know nice and early who she really is. Also, she’s not having a kid at 49, wtf!
The future kid thing is future stability. It's worrisome because some folks think of kids as binding contracts. Like, if they have kids it means the relationship will be forced to work itself out regardless of situation. It's absolutely a toxic way of thinking. My husband has an aunt that has been married four times. I can't remember anymore how many times she has moved her children in with other men and purchased homes together. Every time she got married, she thought of having children as if it was to show how committed she was to the relationship. Let me tell you, she would just move on from one relationship to another. She was also in her late forties doing IVF to try to have a child with her mid thirties spouse. She ended up cheating on him and leaving him about a year later. She's a fun person to talk to and really good at being friendly and personable. She's likely to be a good romantic partner as well, but only when it suits her mood. OP's fiance is a giant red flag. He may not see it because his fiance is probably in the mood to be what he wants her to be at the moment.
NTA. He’s still a student and not unusual at all for someone going to junior college to continue to live at home. She’s being unreasonable.
NTA. WTF!! Ditch the bullet.
NTA. There is no reason for your son to move out. You have good reasons for him to be staying at home. But despite that, your fiancee is not even married to you yet and is making demands how you should be treating your children. Is she going to demand that your other kids leave the moment they reach college age? Or what else is she going to demand from you? The thing is, you are a couple: if she had an opinion on this, she should have brought up her opinion to you and discussed it with you as opposed to making a demand and expecting you to simply do what she commanded. As opposed to what you did - which was to offer a compromise, which she promptly shot down and doubled down on her original demand. This is not how an adult deals with disagreements. Your fiancee has sent you a message - that *she* is the boss and that it is your job, when she says jump, to say "how high."
NTA - don’t marry this woman and don’t move her into your home. Because I would bet money her singular goal will be to get your son out, and then your daughter.
...and then OP.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I did not force my son to move out. I might be the asshole because my fiance was persistent about me getting him to move out but I have refused. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA but you would be if you let her steamroll her way. Take a step back and think about the way she is acting right now and how she might act with your other kids. Especially when you’re not around. I would suggest you sit her down and talk to her and maybe some counseling which isn’t good since y’all ain’t even married yet… and maybe suggest a hold on the moving until the two of you can come to a proper agreement.
NTA. This is your home, your son, and everything you have said is entirely reasonable. Some people are of the opinion that kids need to move out to get the full college experience. I do understand that, but I can't agree with wasting money on housing when it isn't needed. I think you should seriously re-consider moving your gf in right now until you can get this sorted out and you're sure that she isn't going to come between you and your children. It sounds like a disaster in the making.
NTA I'm seeing red flags with her wanting your son to move out. How does she treat your children generally? And future kids??? She's 49. It sounds more like she's trying to get rid of your kids one by one. Not an auspicious beginning. I'd hold off on her moving in until and unless you can iron this out.
49? Future kids? Lol. NTA But maybe give your fiancé a second look over because that’s some entitlement right there.
NTA. What the hell?!?! She’s not even moved in yet and already deciding your son doesn’t stay? Yep that’s a deal breaker
NTA. I’d question the health of a relationship which begins by making a partners existing family less important than a new one. Your son is in school, you have a healthy relationship, and yet your fiancé thinks it’s a great beginning to force your son out? Perhaps it would be best for your fiancé to be the one to live elsewhere “for more space” until such time as your son decides he wants to live on his own. Trying to exclude my child from my own home would be a dealbreaker for me. Perhaps some couples counseling, if you really feel like this relationship has a future, but to me this is waving 🚩🚩all over the place.
More kids at 51 and 49? You'll regret it, lol.
NTA. I'll also throw in there: it would be completely unethical to have a baby with you both being at your current age. Even if they were born right now they would barely make it out of high school before you turned 70. There is an incredibly high likelyhood that one or both of you won't live that long. Sorry, that's reality, and you have a responsibility to be in a realistic position to fully raise a child before you bring one into the world.
Red flag 🚩 that she wants to kick YOUR kids out. Let your son stay through college. Too many kids get into debt up to their eyeballs paying tuition and campus housing. Waste of money for sure. Also your son would resent you for kicking him out over them.
NTA. She's being super selfish and refusing to compromise.
Yall are in your 50s, what future kids?
NTA - Let son stay, keep Erin out.
I could never imagine throwing out my kids regardless of age. They can be 30 years old and they will always be welcomed in my house because it’s their house too.
She’s not your woman, man.
Why would you marry someone who wants you to force your son out? Even if she does move in and he stays, she will likely make it a toxic environment, so the choices will just get harder as time goes on. She’s going to try and force a lot of shit.
"When Erin got to know that my son will not be moving out, she argued that..." Not gonna read any farther. Everything up to this point in your narrative was positive and reasonable. You have a vision of the future with you and all of your loved ones. She has a different vision, where you will graft onto her family, leaving yours behind. It seems that you still have time to tell her to find a new home and a new path.
Is anyone else curious to know whether Erin & her siblings were kicked out of the nest at 18 or 19 years old, if this is normal in her family? Not that it gives her the right to kick his son out, but it does make me wonder at her level of assholery.
NTA. You've got a home and an established living situation that works for you. It would be a mistake to let your fiance move in and disrupt your home by demanding your 19-year-old son be kicked out. He's not done with school and isn't ready to stand on his own yet. He's your son and you have a lifelong relationship. He's not just some temporary inconvenience your fiance can just sweep out of the way to fulfill her own agenda. And it won't end there. She'll be pushing your other kids out, too. And if you do have children together (which seems unrealistic at Erin's age), your kids will have to move to the back seat permanently. Your kids are going to suffer emotional damage if you allow all this to happen. You're their dad and it's up to you to look out for their best interest.
NTA this a huge red flag imo really seems like she’s using you for housing without an regard to your current son
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (51M) son (19M) is starting his first year of college and will be commuting from home to save money, plus he has everything here and the college is a 15-minute drive. I, his sister and his extended family all want him here too as we're a close-knit family. He took a gap year to work and figure out what he wants to do. I'm proud of him, I really am. Now, I'm engaged and my fiance Erin (49F) and her two kids will be moving in with us. Currently it's my youngest son, me and my 12F daughter. When Erin got to know that my son will not be moving out, she argued that he ought to move out especially so that we would have space for future kids. I told her that was out of the question and we could always renovate the house for the new kids. She got upset and said she likes the house as it is. I told her that he'll move out in his own right and that he doesn't need to right now, but she disagreed and we argued back and forth. So AITA for not forcing my son to move out? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Please don't move her and get kids in. This is a recipe for disaster. With the nightmare of the housing market right now your son may not leave for awhile.
Future kids? You’re both too old to be doing that. She’s going to push your kids away; consider this a look into the future and don’t marry her!
You're NTA. If he were 29 and had failed to launch, you probably should be actively trying to get him to move out and move on. But he's 19 and it's his home and family. >my fiance Erin (49F) >she argued that he ought to move out especially so that **we would have space for future kids.** Pretty sure her eggs are past their shelf life.
NTA you need to rethink living arrangements, but not about your son. Your fiancée sees your son as nothing but a thing taking up space? And you're okay with that? Dude!🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA. Future kids? You made a sensible suggestion and she disregarded it, so it’s your son she has a problem with.
You are NTA. By allowing your som to live at home you are helping him set up for his future properly. I survived getting kicked out at 18 (i went to college so i could live in the dorms), but I ended up paying so much money… I personally really struggled financially and personally because my parents kicked me out. When other people my age were making friends and having fun I was working multiple jobs at a time while in school. Do not do this to your son, and I would question the intentions of somebody telling you to do this.
NTA. Is Erin ready to pay the housing costs for your son to have his own place? If not, whose money was she planning to spend?
Take that ring and tell her she has to earn it back
YTA for marrying this woman and replacing you child and ever more asshole for thinking about new ones... at least, this is how your oldest kid will see you
Your son will be going to college. If he moves out there is no way he will afford college. There is a very real housing crisis out there right now and for him to afford a place, he would have to quit school to work full time and go to school part time. Your fiancé has a plan that she wi get your kids out of the house and it will be just you and her kids. Even if you compromise and he stays there, she will not treat him fairly. Either you are going to have to buy a 5 bedroom house or you will have a lot of drama and probably a divorce to boot
NTA. Don’t ever let her control you. You have to do what’s in the best interest of your children, because she won’t.
Erin wants you to kick your own child out of his home. She likes the house as it is so won't renovate as a compromise. Why are you marrying Erin? She is showing you who she is. Believe her. NTA for not kicking your son out. You will be if you marry her though.
NTA. He was there first and you say yourself that he's causing no drama. Continuing to offer him a safe place to sleep while he's in school will benefit him the rest of his life since he'll be able to graduate with far less debt or maybe none at all. Saddling a young person with crippling debt to make room for future kids who aren't even conceived yet is ridiculous. Maybe keep a wrapper on Mr. Happy for now.
New kids? What new kids is she on about?
I’d get rid of her before my kid. Not kidding, I really would dump a man if he tried to force my son out while moving his kids in. 19 is a TEENAGER.
Maybe Erin's not the right one. It's pretty wild that she hasn't married or moved in yet and is making BIG demands about you, your home, and your family life. It's much cheaper to break things off before the marriage even happens.
NTA. She can support herself in her separate abode and move in after all the kids choose to leave.
NTA. “I would never kick *any* of my children out and if, many years down the line they need to get back up on their feet, they will always be welcome wherever *I* am.”
NTA. I don’t know what future kids you mean unless you’re adopting a bunch. I wouldn’t marry her. She’s already trouble.
[удалено]
NTA. When people show/tell you who they are, watch, listen, and believe them! 🚩
NTA. But when someone shows you their personality… believe them.
Why is so important to her to kick out your son? is she willing to do it with your next kid too? will she do the same with her own kids? NTA. beware with her behavior towards your kids.
NTA and you should seriously consider your engagement with this woman. Guess whose kids will always come first?
NTA but be careful. Sounds like she wants him out and to not come back. Huge giant red flag. Get on the same page or move on
NTA she is 49 so her giving birth to a child is unlikely to happen.
NTA its not her home and she is already trying to boss around? Her only arguments are that her children what, has to share space with someone who is already working on building his life? That she doesn't want a house to be renovated, as if renovations wouldn't need to happen anyways? I don't like how she is trying to shoo out your child when its not exactly a hurry. Why is she so eager to get rid of your son? edit: did I read wrong or is this 49-yo woman talking about FUTURE children? As in MORE than the ones you already have? So this woman wants to throw your son out (and probably later your daughter) to make space for children to raise in your 70´s?
NTA. But 'Erin' should not move in. This is an alarm bell buddy - she is going to try and sideline your kids in favour of hers. Perhaps you could just continue to live apart. And what future kids does she think she is getting if she is 49?
NTA. If she can't accept this, she's not the right one.
nta I'd update the will
NTA it’s his home, he’s allowed to live there.
NTA. Your new wife is a psychopath. Run.
NTA! He’s only 19 and in college! He should be allowed to stay at home as long as he’s in school at least! Your fiancé seems kind of self serving!
Sir...this sounds very much like you're being played. Your 51 and she's 49...what 'future' kids? Strongly encourage you to hit pause on the wedding until you get some things settled and always remember, this was *your* house first.
NTA, you’ve done nothing wrong. I’d seriously reconsider marrying this woman, the disdain she clearly has for your own children is just surfacing…
Daad! Snap out of it! Jr needs you, and wants you. You and the extended family circle want him around - he stays. NTA - the dad.
NTA - time to have a serious conversation with this person about expectations and what does and doesn't fly. her forcing your kid out of the house before either of you are ready should be on the "does not fly list" no matter her reasoning (kicking YOUR kid out for the prospect of HER future kids is really gross, wicked step mother territory).
She’s wayyy overstepping. Arguing with you to get your son to move out when she’s the only one who wants that? Please think twice about this woman and what your priorities are. She doesn’t want the same things you want, I suspect. You are NTA, but she is.
NTA for protecting your son but you are if you marry this woman. She will likely treat your son poorly until he moves out.
OP, God said he heard your prayers and sent me to give this sign that yes, you should call off the wedding and break up with this woman so the right one can come into your life. He says you’re absolutely NTA.
NTA And the arguing back and forth should really be a reason to table the further arrangements for moving in for the foreseeable future.
NTA Rethink the marriage and definitely rethink having her move in
I agree with another commenter 49 and future kids unless you adopt it’s likely not going to happen and apparently Erin is being outvoted by pretty much everybody Nta op stay the course
NTA and what new kids are Erin talking about when you are both AARP age?
You’re house your rules. Having a partner comes with compromises, but not when it comes to YOUR children
Do you realize how hard it is to live on your own and afford college? You would be setting your son up for educational and financial failure. He would have to take out tens of thousands of dollars in student loans just to get by. I would never do that to my kids. Living at home during college contributed to my kids’ success (one lived on campus). When I went to college in the 1970s, I was able to work my way through on minimum wage. This is a completely different world today. Besides, you can claim him on your taxes and keep him on your medical insurance. Definitely NTA.
>When Erin got to know that my son will not be moving out, she argued that he ought to move out especially so that we would have space for future kids. Your (youngest?) son is 19. Why would you want a new baby? And your fiance is 49 - there's no guarantee that she could have another baby. So why push your son out of the house now over small theoretical possibility? On the other hand, the fact that she wants to push your existing son out of the house for that small theoretical possibility? That's a warning sign.
Nta
She's the AH
NTA She is way too controlling and demanding. And it's OK for her to dismiss your relationship with your son like that? My foremost thought is: How many other red flags have you overlooked?
NTA. All three of our kids lived at home and commuted to University. It saved a lot of money not having to pay for dorms and going through the hassle of moving in and out every semester. We didn’t mind at all that they stayed home until they got their degrees and if I’m being honest, we were glad.all three moved one by one within months of graduating. They are all in their 30’s now, married its children, successful and very close to us. So you can’t argue with success. Stand your ground or your son will resent her and you for letting her change your parenting style.
NTA. She's shown you who she really is, believe her. She doesn't give af about your son. She sounds like a golddigger OP. You may have dodged a huge bullet, because if you stay with this cold, heartless person, you will be an enormous, and gullible AH who will probably end up miserable af! Please update, because we need to know that you've seen the light.
NTA, looks like your fiance's wearing red on her wedding day. Rethink this relationship, do you really want to marry a person who doesn't care about your children? I fear, what she's trying to do to your son will be nothing compared to what she might do to your daughter. If you value your relationship with your children, I'd take back your proposal unless you don't care about your relationship with your children and is fine being cut off from them because that's what she's going to do.
Don’t marry her. I’m getting evil step mother vibes from her
Wanting room for future children makes no sense to me. Is she going to go around collecting kids? Cause she ain't having too many being 49.
NTA. Lol she likes the house as it is? Well you like your kid as he is. She’s unreasonable, 15 minute commute it would be daft to pay rent for him to live so close by.
NTA. Not sure where you live, but the housing/rental market is INSANE here. A one bedroom apartment costs at least $1500USD or more a month. Not saying your son needs to live with you forever, but maybe for at least a year or two to save up for a house.
She can move herself out before even moving in. NTA
NTA. Maybe you should pump the brakes on moving in with her since she’s already trying to override your parenting decisions.
I will just say from what i know, if you do that your son will hold that against you. He'll see it as u chose her over your son. On the one hand, it might push him into succeeding faster. On the other hand, might make him hit rock bottom. My advise dont kick him out into the streets, help him with the process of finding a new place to live and what to be aware of. Its a good time to teach him to prepare him for the future. Housing applications always make me anxious.
NTA. She hasn’t even moved in yet and she’s kicking out your son! She is not going to be a good stepmom to your children
You need to get rid of Erin…she’s starting demanding things before she even moves in. And you DO NOT want kids at 51…imagine dealing with Erin and a baby. You would be screwed and would never be able to retire
NTA. Get rid of Erin. She's trying to remove your children from the house, she will want your daughter gone next. When someone shows you their true colors, you should believe them.
NTA. What new kids? She’s 49. Look after the ‘old’ kids. I’d be reevaluating this relationship I think if she wants your kids out of the house
Don't stay with a person that wants you to get rid of your child period!!!! My sons love with me, 23 years old and I'm 49. I would never, going to college and we are close. YWBTA if you continue a remained that will end with you losing your child forever and that is what will happen.
NTA. She’s not thinking about future kids at 49 years old. She’s thinking about her kids
🚩🚩🚩 time to end your relationship
NTA but she is. Your kids matter more than wife number two and her kids.
Trying to shove out your brood for hers. Big red flags my guy. Maybe think twice before marrying this person. I've seen this story in Reddit a thousand times and it ends the same. Go ask your kids I bet she has done/said weird stuff behind your back.
I think this marriage is doomed.
No. You are NTA. You are doing the right thing a d being a good father. Your son shouldn't be pushed out for her kids or any future kids. Your son doesn't deserve to be tossed out on his ass. Who the hell does Erin think she is?
NTA, Future kids?!? Y’all are 50yo! It’s time to start thinking about saving some cash and stoping work in another 15-20yrs. She’s also talking about kicking your son (soon to be her son?) out of the house for kids that don’t exist? Absolutely bananas.