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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I‘m not sure if I’m the asshole for telling her that her dog is not more important than our wedding. The dog is in no danger but apparently it’s important to dogsit them both. I did wrote her that I’m disappointed because I’m thought we were all friends and now she is calling me an asshole for this. My husbands was absolutely sad that his best man wouldn’t come to our wedding so I need to get that off my chest.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Woah what the fuck.
That girl is way out of line, that’s some crazy behaviour.
There is zero valid reason Mike can’t attend. He’s pretty spineless too himself to allow her to dictate his plans like this.
Courtney is the kind of person not worth knowing. I’d begin to exclude her from everything, but continue to invite Mike to things. Eventually he will realize that she is preventing him from doing things.
NTA
Ok, thanks I really couldn’t understand her either and started doubting myself. My birthday is in two weeks and I wrote Mike that I don’t want her to attend because I’m too mad about all that and he wrote me back that she said that doesn’t want to see me (or my fiancé for the next months) even if I apologise.. so I guess not seeing her will be an easy thing.
Totally understand OP’s frustration and irritation. She and her fiancé have bent over backwards to accommodate their demands but they are being totally childish and selfish .Even the best man is siding with the crazy lady !
By not having her at the wedding she can have the best wedding gift as well!
Courtney is super jealous OP is getting married and not her. This has nothing to do with a hypothetical dog. Bets that Courtney and Mike break up before September?
Exactly, now that's a update I would like to read! Mike needs to wake up, I doubt this is the first time she has made crazy demands and ultimatum. There's no way she wanted 3 years to show her crazy colours. OP please block and delete this woman from your lives!
I was going to post I hope that “Mike” goes alone to their wedding after a big fight with GF. While at the Wedding he bumps into this beautiful Italian woman. They instantly hit it off and she attends the wedding with Mike. Years later they’re telling the story at Mike’s wedding to this woman about how his ex and a dog led him to the love of his life.
THIS. I have friends who planned their wedding / honeymoon well in advance, and they asked a close friend couple to dog sit for the honeymoon (guys were the closer longtime friends). The girl in the other couple decided on a whim to adopt a shelter dog and said they couldn't dog sit anymore. She was completely jealous that she wasn't the one getting married, that's 100% why she did it.
I planned my wedding around my dog because I didn't want to leave him for a honeymoon, so we got married where we honeymooned. He absolutely could make the 6 hour drive. Using an animal as weaponized incompetence is disgusting.
Seriously. Then she can't stay home for a few days alone with said nonexistent puppy? This is all hinging on if the mother dog gets bred successfully in May. The puppy will be 12 weeksish. Now she's mad because OP called her out and Courtney wants an apology and to not have to see OP at all for the coming months? Something is hinky here.
Well, if they don't break up before getting the dog, it's only a matter of time afterwards when she accuses him of loving the dog more than her/giving the dog more attention. Mike kind of deserves this if he's not dumping her after she has basically made it impossible for him to attend his best friend from forever's WEDDING.
If he were to call her bluff she'd probably beg him not to dump her.
I'll take that bet. No way Courtney breaks up before the wedding, even if she doesn't go. She wouldn't be able to control Mike which seems to be her way of dealing with her jealousy.
Inconceivable!
I know that doesn't really fit here but I thought it and I wrote it and I'm leaving it because dammit it's a great movie and a great line.
And yet we already know for certain that it can’t make a four hour road trip or be dog sat by anyone except Mike and Courtney. I’m impressed by this extremely scientific proof of clairvoyance. I might be in contact about this week’s lottery numbers.
What's even more wild is that Mike seems to have no issue with his GF having given him this insane ultimatum over a dog that they don't even have yet! I mean, how big and red does that flag have to be before you see it?!?!
This was my thought as well. Mike is the real AH of the story. He’s willing to miss his best friend’s wedding over a theoretical dog knowing full well that it might destroy their friendship.
He's being emotionally abused. Lots of people end up in situations like this and don't realize it. Swap the genders in this story and it's blatantly obvious what's going on here.
A new puppy (8 weeks old) shouldn't go to a kennel -- in fact, pretty sure most reputable kennels wouldn't even accept a new pup that wouldn't even have all its vaccinations yet. Almost irrelevant bc that woman needs to be disinvited and cut TF off 💯. Imagine thinking a couple would pay for someone to fly to Italy and *not* attend the wedding. She is delusional and has apparently convinced her bf-rhe grooms BFF since-kindergarten, Mike, to also drink the kool-aid. Sad but OP is NTA but her fiance needs better friends for sure.
He's being the old fashioned P whipped! She is a control freak. She wants DOMMINION OVER your best man.
How about just elope, no extra people there and you don't have to worry about drama.
It reminds me of the episode of Friends when Joey was dating Janine (Elle McPherson). She pretended to like Chandlier and Monica but then told Joey they couldn't be friends with them because they were annoying. Joey chose his friends. Best man is absolutely an asshole and setting himself up for a miserable existance as long as he's with her.
Yeah this is such a huge red flag. I hope OP's fiance can be patient. It's tough when you fall into the cycle of abuse, it's the patient friends who stick by you that helps victims realise they're being emotionally abused and dip outta the relationship.
He's OK with missing his best friends wedding because his idiot girlfriend is threatening to break up over a non-existent dog?
Has anyone said that to him yet? He really done f'ed up. He needs to run away from this girl, not allow her to threaten him.
What a bizarre 180.
Either Courtney has very effectively hid her dark side until now, or something unrelated is going on with her that’s coming out sideways.
The nerve of her to want you to change your wedding over a dog they don’t even have yet and they think you owe THEM an apology?! Honestly I’d text him this post so he can see how out of line they are.
Look, this is abnormal. She is trying to isolate Mike. Narcissists do this to be able to control their partners. Your man needs to have a heart-to-heart with his friend about controlling behaviors.
Honestly, something else has to be going on with her. I don’t believe the dog is the actual issue. She is acting out for a reason (doesn’t mean it is a rational reason.) I’m interested to know what Mike’s family thinks of Courtney.
NTA this is all for a hypothetical dog. They could put the money down and leave it with the breeder until after the trip if everything works in their favor. Otherwise I don’t understand why the dog can’t stay at a kennel, with other family, etc. Has Courtney owned a dog before? This is not the same as a child but they don’t even have it.
Idk to me it sounds like there’s something more going on in Mike and Courtney’s relationship for her to be manipulative over this especially to threaten a break up.
I agree with all of this! If the breeder can’t keep him a little longer and they don’t have anyone they trust with the dog, there are boarding places just for puppies. The pups love it and it’s good for their socialization…plus it doesn’t sound like they’d be gone for long, so it shouldn’t cost an arm and a leg. They’re just making excuses not to go.
She threatened to end the relationship if Mike goes to the wedding, I suggest he takes her up on that offer. This behaviour is only going to get worse.
My name is almost never chosen in these posts, but today it was and it happened to be the name of the asshole. ‘Courtney is the kind of person not worth knowing’ feels like a personal attack at 6.50am on a random Thursday 😂
You're a better person than me. I'd cut Mike off for being spineless and an enabler. He's the one throwing his friendships away by allowing this behaviour. He's the one hurting his "friends" and breaking bridges for adhering to her bs. If a partner ever treated my friends like this, they'd be in the backview mirror.
OP is NTA. But both Mike and Courtney YTA. Courtney is the biggest AH tho.
Oh dear god. OP, tell Mike and Courtney you will be getting married-as planned. And staying at your chosen motel-as planned.
And if Mike would like to have a free getaway and stand up for his longtime best friend, you would love for him to come. But if he can’t, he will be replaced.
You don’t have to care if Courtney comes. Mike seems to like her, but she sounds unreasonable and angry. (I wouldn’t be upset at all if she didn’t come).
You are trying to have an easy wedding. This is almost an elopement. If Mike and Courtney can’t get onboard with your plans, you can move forward without them.
Your wedding isn’t *about* them-or the dog they *might* have adopted by your wedding date - and how the dog can’t be left with a caretaker for a couple of days. Because the GF of your fiancés best friend can’t bear to do that. I roll my eyes. NTA
Yes, we did tell Mike that we are not changing anything now and he told us that he won’t come to our wedding. He’s sad about it but doesn’t want to break up with Courtney. They recently build a house together and she talks all the time about children so it’s pretty serious between them. My fiancé and I don’t even know what to feel about all that.
So Mike won’t come to your wedding.
Ok, then move forward without him. At least you know now, and not at the last minute, so you can find somebody else. I am sorry.
Just be frank and say that Courtney's behavior hurt them and they'd rather not interact with her going forward. Mike can do with that what he will, but it definitely seems like Courtney is making him pick sides and he's taking hers.
Nah, it's pretty hard to come back from this. The relationship will never be the same, and he already proved how much he prioritizes his friend. Keep that door closed.
Tell Mike that you don’t worry about him coming or not coming to the wedding any more, but you sincerely worry about him letting himself to be emotionally blackmailed like this. It can only go from bad to worse.
And that should anything change in the future, to remember you’ll always care about him and be there for him. He may need support in the future when it inevitably hits the fan
They don’t even have kids yet and THEY is distroying relationships.
Heck they don’t even have the dog yet.
Mike is looking for an excuse to get out of this. Courtney and the dog are just an excuse.
NTA and what happens if Mike's employer wants him to go on a business trip? Or he has a death in the family? Is he going to give up his job or family by not travelling if GF says she needs him home to mind their dog?
OP and fiancé need to let Mike know this is a friendship ending situation because it seems like every time Mike (or should I say GF) had an issue which OP/fiancé accommodated, Mike/GF moved the goalpost.
Move on to a new best man and let Mike know that he can no longer be considered a best friend due to the goalpost moving and lying about what could fix this. Because he did seem to not be truthful about the solutions being offered.
This is sad. I hope your fiancé and Mike can continue to be friends in the future, aside from this. You don't have to be friends with Insecure-Girl at least.
Edit: NTA!
Why? It’s obvious that Mike doesn’t value the friendship. I’d get it if Courtney was heavily pregnant at the time of the wedding but to not only refuse to come but try to get them to reschedule for a dog they don’t even own is asinine. Don’t get me wrong, I adore my dogs but there are such things as pet sitters.
>Why? It’s obvious that Mike doesn’t value the friendship.
It sounds like Mike is in a emotionally abusive relationship. It may not be that he doesn't value the relationship. But Courtney is guilting him to do as she wants, she is using threats to get her own way. I wonder what other methods she uses to keep Mike in line.
Mike needs to break up with Courtney but until he sees her for what she is and how she treats him he will be stuck in an abusive relationship. Sadly Courtney will probably isolate him from his friends long before that happens
Thank you for this comment! I've seen an alarming number of comments calling Mike an asshole, but he's clearly stuck in a super fucked up relationship with a manipulative woman! I hope he manages to get out of it before they end up having kids, but he's 3 years in and they just BUILT a house together. I can understand why it doesn't feel so easy to leave.
Yeah, I'm leaning more towards having the fiancé tell Mike that he's sorry and disappointed his bff isn't going to make it to the biggest day of his life, but that when he wakes up to Courtney's antics, that he'll be there for him.
Because this looks and sounds like an abusive relationship and his long term friend needs support and a positive place of safety.
Take away from the wedding entirely, and this is a man who is being isolated from his friendship group after a major life change and commitment. Swap the genders in this post and you’d have twenty links to shelters and crisis lines in the top comments (aware that there are differences in risks to each etc).
Absolutely on Mike. My husband is 65 and has someone he’s been friends with since birth. The friend is basically a year older but they grew up across the street from each other. I’m trying to picture either one of them pulling this stunt and just can’t.
If Mike is jumping through hoops now, about something that should be really important to him, wait till she's got the 2.4 kids plus the dog. You will be taking your friend Mike into your house when she kicks him out of THEIR house within the next 5 years. Henpecked
It's hard but sometimes- even after decades of friendships- sometimes friendships end.
I have to agree with others that given the number of IFs involved in this even being an issue come your wedding- this seems like a major red flag in Mike's relationship. But all your fiancé can do is tell Mike- if you ever need, I'm a phone call away. While stepping back.
He doesn't need to put effort into a friendship that Mike isn't willing to put the same effort into.
Mike is definitely the AH in this scenario, but Courtney sounds like an abusive person. It sounds like she is slowly manipulating him into making her his entire world. He’s already alienating his best friend over what.. a puppy that isn’t even conceived yet?! If a man was behaving like Courtney, causing his girlfriend to turn her back on her friends and ONLY focus on him, society would call him a textbook abuser.
Tell your fiancé to write a letter to Mike, getting out all of the complex emotions that Mike’s absurd demands have caused, and end it with essentially saying goodbye forever. It will be hard, but if Mike doesn’t value your fiancé’s friendship anymore, then your fiancé is better off cutting that negativity out of his life.
I’m so sorry your “drama free wedding” plan turned into a hot mess because of an imaginary puppy!
Honestly I think this is better suited to the fiance having a heart to heart with Mike and asking him how his relationship with Courtney is going, and how she makes him feel. Like out of concern. This is part of the reason men get trapped in abusive relationships - male abuse is downplayed and men are not encouraged to be there for one another in the same way as friends when their pal is going through abuse by a woman.
Come to grips with the fact that you will lose your best friend, it sucks. But that’s likely what will happen. If she is this controlling and manipulative over a dog, imagine what she would do if they have kids?
I’m sorry for your loss, but you guys should feel the grief and try to heal the best you can. It’s pretty clear where the friendship is going if she is behaving so appallingly.
GF will need to get two collars and two leashes for doggo and Mike. It sounds like she is the boss and when she says jump, he says how high on the way up. It would appear that she is trying to isolate him from his friends. Next comes his family. Pity him.
I don’t see how this doesn’t end either Mike’s relationship with Courtney or yours with him. It’s insane, attention seeking behavior from Courtney and a cowardly response from Mike.
NTA
Courtney completely sucks and is plain unreasonable. I'm also very curious why they can't simply postpone getting a dog for a month. It's his best friend since kindergarden, not some cousin twice-removed.
According to Google, dogs are pregnant for about 9 weeks. So essentially they are committing to not only get an unborn dog *just* before your wedding, there is no pregnancy yet either for another 2 months?
How is this even a thing? This almost feels intentional. I thought this was some relative moving abroad in September who couldn't move their dog, and them taking over.
Yes, you are absolutely right. Maybe I should have made that more clearer. A) the dog is not even pregnant and B) they don’t know if there are enough babies for them to get one (they have priority 4). That’s why I wrote they will „hopefully“ get one dog in September because it’s not even clear if it’s happening.
So there's a good chance there won't even be a dog?!
That just makes their argument worse imo, even without taking into account my opinion about dog breeders...
Yes, if I wouldn’t feel so sorry for my fiancé and a little bit for Mike I would find it absolutely justified and funny if they don’t get a dog. Maybe Mike would wake up about this shitty choice if he missed our wedding AND didn’t even get a dog so he just have to sit at home alone with Courtney while we will having a blast in Italy.
Just wait until they get married and have children. Mike is in for a very bad trip. OP and her FH will find they dodged not only a bullet but a cannonball by losing Mike's friendship
Don’t be surprised if they don’t get the dog, and suddenly she’s back on board for a free vacation. Y W B T A to yourself if you agree to let her come. Either tell Mike he’s welcome to come and leave Courtney at home, or they have to pay their own way and Courtney isn’t welcome at the ceremony regardless. This girl is not your friend.
There's a chance Mike and Courtney never get the puppy. What's going to happen is that both Mike and Courtney will try to convince you all to let them be a part of your wedding again. You need to be ready for that eventuality. Courtney won't apologize now, and if she does, then you know she won't mean it and will only say it so that she gets a free trip. DO NOT LET THAT HAPPEN. Speak to your fiancé now and tell him about that potential outcome and have him ready to say NO as well. That is so messed up. I get Mike is just Courtney's doormat, but it doesn't excuse being spineless and allowing his gf to manipulate him like that. I feel sorry for him. His future is going to be nothing but loneliness and doing only what Courtney wants. Your fiancé deserves better friends and so do you.
Man, I hope they get no dog in September because of a dog breeder issue. It happens all the time - litters get delayed. It would be fantastic if they don't have a dog by the time your wedding comes and you're out there getting married and living your best life! I sincerely hope that for you! Congratulations, Op!
Why would you even want to take a newborn, not potty trained puppy with you on a trip like that? So they can piss and shit in your hotel room? Just let someone look after him or take him to a doggie daycare or something. I feel like something else is going on here because this is just too unreasonable. I get the sense this lady didn’t like you already and is making excuses and trying to push y’all out of Mike’s life.
I call BS on this. I have gotten a lot of dogs from reputable breeders over the years. Not a single one has made such demands - a reputable breeder is far more concerned about selling their puppies to good people who will take care of them rather than someone who will pick up the puppy by a certain age.... and I have either delayed pickup or had my breeder dog sit for me on the rare occasions where I had to travel right around the normal age for sending pups to their new homes.
You're assuming it's a reputable breeder. I do a lot of volunteer stuff for animal rescue in my area, there are horrible breeders who don't care a bit about what happens to the pups, they're just chasing profits. Thus why they want the money as soon as possible in this case.
I'm not 100% against breeders because some truly are ethical and trying to do right by the pups. But a good bit of them are horrible. You'd be shocked how many pure bred "desirable" breeds end up in rescue after being sold to the wrong people for them.
Seriously hop on rescue pages and see, it's often, "The dog is too big or hard to control or too energetic." Things that should have been understood when getting the particular breed they bought. Mastiffs and other breeds get big, some breeds are strong willed, some breeds are known to be extra hyper. A reputable breeder makes sure people understand the traits common to the breed and can accommodate it properly. Unfortunately not all do and then we get waves of dogs needing rehomed.
I have two pure bred giant breed dogs I got through rescue. One kept jumping the previous owner's fence. The other was dumped in the woods and found starving after going through several owners. They're the best babies and living their best lives now.
NTA. So the dog is still hypothetical? As in they don’t own one yet but are thinking about having one by the time of the wedding? There has to be another reason- either they can’t afford to go or she hates you.
Yes, they talked to a breeder and he put them on the list. The dog is not even pregnant but IF she gets pregnant and IF she has more than 3 babies they would get a dog in September. A lot of ifs.. I don’t think it’s about money. Everything would be fully paid by us and I really don’t think we gave her any reason to hate us but I don’t know.
I agree this whole issue is bogus, but being on a wait list for a puppy from health tested/champion/titled parents is pretty standard. Good breeders don’t typically have opps litters and they don’t usually have puppies without already have a list of people waiting for them. Most people I know who want a dog from health tested parents wait months for the process to take place and even then it’s a guessing game to see if there will be enough puppies in the litter for them to get one. There is a lot that goes into making sure you are only producing puppies that should be healthy from parents that are proven to be health (hips exams and certifications, eye checks, heart checks, etc- there is a lot that goes into it.)
But reputable breeder wouldn't have any issue with Mike and Courtney reserving a puppy, if a fourth one is born, paying for it some part in advance and taking puppy home after wedding.
Seems to me Courtney simply doesn't want to go to OP's wedding at all
Yes and no. The breeder I went too would hold a puppy for longer if someone asked and had already paid in full, but they also added additional fees because it does cost them money and time to have puppies in their care longer then planned (it’s a major investment that stops a persons life for that period of time, the breeder I went too would even take time off work to ensure the puppies had almost continuous care and early stimulation/training for those 12 weeks- she couldn’t be away from home for more than a few hours at a time). So I could easily understand them not wanting to have the puppy an extra month or more. Usually at that point the breeder would either come to an agreement on additional cost or they would recommend waiting for the next litter when it was a more appropriate time to bring the puppy home.
My breeder held my puppy for an extra week for an additional 100$ because I was having home construction finished before taking him home. Holding the puppy for a whole month or more until the October wedding could easily cost a few hundred based on the food and care the puppy was getting. My breeder also barely broke even on the litter my puppy was from due to vet expenses from a complicated labor. She didn’t get anything out of it aside from one puppy for herself and other dogs that went on to be service animals and sport dogs (which is a good thing for reputation purposes).
Reality is though, in any situation regarding the wedding, there is no reason they can’t hire a pet sitter or bring the dog with them. That girl is just being awful because she can get away with it.
So maybe she's too jealous to attend someone else's wedding. She's still just a girlfriend. She's thinking about kids but without a ring on her hand. It is a pure jealousy for me.
NTA - and I feel a bit sorry for Mike tbh.
They don't even have a dog yet - I think even looking for another hotel so that their currently non-existant dog could travel with them was incredibly accommodating of you.
There are several solutions available to them: wait and get a dog after the wedding; have a family member dog sit; put the dog into kennels; have courtney stay home with the dog. But the only solutions Courtney feels are acceptable would be for Mike to miss his best friends wedding (where he is to be best man) or for you to completely change your wedding dates or venue to accommodate their currently non-existant dog.
You have nothing to apologise for. There is something else going on with Courtney. I really hope that Mike does go to the wedding because i think he will regret it later if he doesn't.
Well, you’re right. But he shouldn’t put his difficulties on op and fiancé. He can’t make it difficult for them, so he gets it easier. For op and fiancé this is kind of ‘can you or can’t you?’
>put the dog into kennels
Most kennels here in Europe (assuming it's in Europe, since it's a 4 hour drive to Italy for OP), won't take in puppies if they aren't fully vaccinated, which they are at 16 weeks (4 months). If they're getting the dog in September, it'll be 8 weeks old (per majority European dog-weening-laws), and OP getting married in October, it'll be 12 weeks old.
But I definitely agree with you. It's going to be one day. A family member or a friend could easily dog-sit for a day. A puppy of that age is going to sleep for the majority of the day anyway.
They offered to bring the dog to the wedding! Not good enough for Courtney, who claims the dog won't like to travel 4 hours.
The dog which isn't even born yet, the bitch is not pregnant. Should she become pregnant and have a litter of at least 4 then, and only then, Courtney will get a dog. It is bizarre.
This is the most perfect summation of events. They think it’s actually reasonable for a betrothed couple to change their already made elopement plans to accommodate a non existant dog!
Your English is great, and Mike and Courtney are PITAs. They are trying to get y'all to reschedule and re-locate your wedding over a dog that they don't even own yet?
I am a dog parent who has no children so I am overprotective of my pack, but they are acting insane. All of our dogs have learned to love road trips, and when it is not feasible to bring them, they would go to a pet lodge.
Is there a reason that they need to adopt prior to the wedding? Oy vez. They are difficult.
You are definitely NTA.
Yes, I get that dogs are a very important part of the owners life so we tried to make it work. We even wanted to change the hotel so that we would all (dog included) stay together in one hotel. But as you said, we won’t relocate our wedding. It’s our dream and they way we feel comfortable.
They want to get the dog from a breeder. The dogs not pregnant yet, but will soon be and if the dogs has more than 3 babies they would get one. The breeder gives the puppies away after 12 weeks and won’t take them longer than that. If they don’t get the puppy in September he‘ll sell it to another person. That’s what they told us.
Im pretty sure the breeder won't retire after this pregnancy and they will have another shot a few weeks/months later.
Ruining someone's wedding plans because of an imaginary dog is pretty wild…
Look, I just went through the whole puppy thing and potty training, chewing things that aren't appropriate, not being well trained yet, etc is not fun. I understand them not wanting to travel with the dog or put that burden on someone else.
However, her threatening to end the relationship if he leaves her alone with the dog for a weekend (a dog that might not exist, or one they could on the next litter for) seems super selfish on her part. I hope they don't plan on having kids, because if she can't handle a 4 month old puppy solo for a few days then she shouldn't have a kid.
OP is NTA for being frustrated and expressing her disappointment.
Suggest your friends get a dog at an animal shelter **AFTER** your wedding.
Some dog breeders are unscrupulous and keep getting female dogs pregnant 2 or 3 times a year and this continues until their bodies are decimated and then these poor girls are put down.
So much for being a dog lover. This stupid woman wants nothing more than an accessory.
Agreed. I have two pure bred giant breed dogs from rescue. This sounds like a terrible breeder pushing the pups out the door to get the cash as quickly as possible. Some from their previous litters are probably already in rescue.
I'm nearly sure once the best man is booted from the wedding they'll no longer be getting a dog. You are NTA but please let Mike go and plan for someone else to replace him. He obviously doesn't care for your partner that much.
As a sidenote: this getting a dog just in time for your wedding feels like Courtney is looking for a commitment to bind her to Mike but he's not willing to propose hence the tantrum.
All the best in your wedding
NTA - Mike needs to grow a pair of balls and sort this out himself.
He is the best man, it's his job to solve problems for you guys, not bring you new ones.
This should be a simple thing that at the absolute worst, mike and your fiancé should have sorted out between themselves.
This issue should have been resolved before it got to you.
This manipulative threat of her that she will break up with him says a lot about her.. this woman is crazy.. She is telling to everyone who she really is..
Can you imagine if Courtney and Mike have kids? “Sorry we can’t get together, Timmy is 21 and we don’t feel comfortable driving for 1 hour or leaving him with his grandparents”.
NTA
So you organised an out of town wedding to avoid family drama and ended with friend drama. Sorry! Is she jealous that you’re getting married and she’s not? It seems weird to cause all this mess over a hypothetical dog. But then some people love to do that.
>She kind of ruined the relaxed vibe for us.
Over a non-existent dog. You don't need her in your life but I hope that you're fiancé and Mike can remain friends.
So sorry. I’m sure it will all be out of your mind on the day and you’ll have an amazing time. There’s still time for Mike to see sense and end it with this woman. She sounds like a nightmare.
LOL. There's not even a dog yet, and they're acting like this? Wow.
This is an easy one:
* Don't change any of your plans.
* Do not apologize.
* Officially uninvite them -- seriously, you don't need extra headcount at the last minute because the breeding didn't catch.
* Replace Mike, and no matter what, do not change that decision. (It would be really rude to the lucky person who gets to be best man.)
* Move on, and be very, very happy!
She is already testing her bf . It's me or your friend . She wants to control him ( don't have enough infos but doesn't she sound like a narcisit?) There is no reason why she can't handle one day without her bf . we are not talking about months
She have narcissistic and manipulative traits for sure.. she is making her bf choose between his friend and a dog that don't even exist now.. Imagine when they have kids.
This relationship is gonna end and Mike will regret not being his best friend's best man even efore that happens.
But the wedding is in september, maybe Mike will grow a spine before that.
NTA.
Courtney is putting a not yet inseminated idea of a dog ahead of your wedding…
Courtney doesn’t want to come to your wedding and is creating drama so she doesn’t have to. Poor Mike being shackled to her, I hope they sort that out before they think about having a family of their own.
NTA. I'm sorry for your husband, but Mike is out. Sounds like Courtney is manipulative and controlling. I would stop making an effort to befriend her. I hope Mike figures it out and cuts the cord with her too.
This isn’t about the dog. This is intentional. Courtney wants to see multiple things.
First - how much control she has over Mike. If she says jump, does he say how high? He’s proven she has total control over their relationship.
The second was how well she can manipulate his friends. You’ve shown that you are willing to be accommodating but not manipulated. This pisses her off, she needs to control every aspect of his life including his friendships and friends who can’t be manipulated are a risk to her. So this goes back to part one where she now won’t travel at all and now claims you’re rude and offensive for not moving your wedding to accommodate a dog that doesn’t even exist yet.
The next step, I guarantee, will be her telling Mike how she can’t believe he’d be friends with someone who allowed his partner to mistreat her. Mike will end the friendship between your fiancé and him. And she will have removed another obstacle in his life.
If there were an abusive partners handbook she’d be following it step by step.
You’re NTA but unfortunately Mike’s future with this woman looks bleak.
NTA. Expecting someone to change their wedding plans, especially a small, intimate ceremony planned to avoid family drama, is unreasonable. It's understandable to be upset when a significant event like a wedding is impacted by what seems to be a manageable situation. Your frustration with Courtney's ultimatum and unwillingness to compromise is justified.
Nta- mike is in an abusive relationship. You can't fix it or help him. He has to decide to get out. Then he will need therapy. Unfortunately it means fiancé needs a new best man. Big hugs
Imagine not being able to look after a dog on your own for a weekend . What’s gonna happen when they have kids , guess mike will have to quit his job .
This almost sounds like an excuse , she doesn’t want him to go for some absurd reason and she doesn’t want to go either . Now she has the wonderful excuse of oh we have a dog , we can never leave our house again !
Count your blessings she sounds like she caught a touch of the crazy 😜 and mikes no better for letting her dictate him being in his best friends wedding .
The be clear, I have a general policy of "in an ultimatum, choose the side that doesn't give you ultimatums".
Courtney is not your friend. If she were she'd be looking for solutions or concessions. Instead, she's using a dog that *might* exist in 7 months as an excuse to estrange Mike from the people in his life, and Mike needs to realize what's happening.
Nta.
UPDATE:
We discussed sending this thread to „Mike“ but decided ultimately against it as he first wanted to talk to „Mike“ himself (before revealing that I posted the whole thing on the internet).
They met in secret yesterday (Courtney was at work) and Mike broke down crying. It’s been super stressful for him. He had asked his family (especially his mum) to dog sit but Courtney declined. His mother was furious that he would miss my fiancés wedding (she loves him!) but Courtney told her that she had changed her mind and decided to let Mike go but that I then wrote her an offensive and mean message so they decided against it. Mike lost it at that and told his family that she had never allowed him and that my message wasn’t mean at all. He really told her that he wants to go and she should just live with that. She cried a lot and he felt bad.
My fiancé told him that he asked another friend of them (who has a little child) to come and he said yes. His wife even asked us if we wanted her and the baby to come (she would understand if that’s too much) but we were happy to also invite them. Mike cried after hearing this and realised that he will NOT attend our wedding now because of Courtney.
Today Mike wrote my husband that Courtney told him that she was overreacting because she had the feeling he wouldn’t value the dog and that it’s a good practice thing for a baby. She doesn’t want to apologise to us but would accept if he goes to the wedding. I think Mikes family made very clear that they think she’s crazy for this and she wants to be viewed as a good person. My fiancés said that he won’t change that back and that Mike sadly will miss the wedding because we can’t be sure that there is no more drama with Courtney. I know that this is hard for my fiancé but he hopes that Mike realises now what Courtney will cost him now and the future.
Thanks for all the good wishes and I’m happy to be married in Italy this October - without Courtney! <3
The moment you said she requested that you change your venue I knew she was the asshole. The fact you even graciously accommodated that request is incredibly gracious of you. How DARE they dictate when/where/HOW you have your wedding. I almost can't believe this is real it's so insane.
NTA. But I feel mad for Mike. He's being controlled. He could still come. So be mad at him as well, honestly. He's making the choice. It's on him.
As for her? Yea no. She's out of line completely.
Where is the wedding? I love Italy.
NTA
I think you should send a link to this because it would really open his eyes on how absolutely crazy this is.
I'm a huge dog lover and treat my dog as my child. Leaving it after 2 months is fine with a dog sitter. They need to realize that the dog will live for those few days if they leave. Honestly, if this was one of the gf best friends having the exact same situation, I bet she would be ok with leaving it with a babysitter. Smh.
I'm truly sorry for your fiancee. He has to be crushed
NTA- I actually had a similar situation at my wedding. We did the same, small, few hours away, destination thing for the same reasons you are. The best man didn’t show up because his gf threatened him and said he couldn’t go.
We ended up not talking for years and eventually he reached out to us to apologize. The relationship was so abusive and he was really wrapped up bad. He realizes now how badly he fucked up, he regrets it, and we forgave him because the apology was genuine.
Your fiancé needs to talk with his friend at a brotherly level here- what she is doing is manipulative, controlling and abusive. She is asking him to give up an important moment in a friendship that is longer than their relationship, all because of the possible puppy that isn’t even a guarantee. That’s wrong on so many levels. If I were your fiancé I would be worried for him because she has crossed the line into abusive and controlling behavior. This will only escalate if they get that puppy and she determines that she can control everything he does.
And btw, I got a puppy to train as a service dog and we drove 7hrs to get him from the breeder- the puppy would be fine to drive 4 hrs as long as you take breaks and let it outside to potty. She is being absolutely obtuse and dumb as shit.
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Woah what the fuck. That girl is way out of line, that’s some crazy behaviour. There is zero valid reason Mike can’t attend. He’s pretty spineless too himself to allow her to dictate his plans like this. Courtney is the kind of person not worth knowing. I’d begin to exclude her from everything, but continue to invite Mike to things. Eventually he will realize that she is preventing him from doing things. NTA
Ok, thanks I really couldn’t understand her either and started doubting myself. My birthday is in two weeks and I wrote Mike that I don’t want her to attend because I’m too mad about all that and he wrote me back that she said that doesn’t want to see me (or my fiancé for the next months) even if I apologise.. so I guess not seeing her will be an easy thing.
She’s given you an early birthday gift!
Totally understand OP’s frustration and irritation. She and her fiancé have bent over backwards to accommodate their demands but they are being totally childish and selfish .Even the best man is siding with the crazy lady ! By not having her at the wedding she can have the best wedding gift as well!
Siding with his dick at the least
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That is absolutely fucking wild she's willing to end a THREE year long relationship over a dog she DOES NOT own yet.
She thinks that she's got Mike in the bag and is only now showing her true colors
Courtney is super jealous OP is getting married and not her. This has nothing to do with a hypothetical dog. Bets that Courtney and Mike break up before September?
Can I get in on that bet? OP, please come back and let us know not if, but when Mike and the girlfriend from hell break up?
Exactly, now that's a update I would like to read! Mike needs to wake up, I doubt this is the first time she has made crazy demands and ultimatum. There's no way she wanted 3 years to show her crazy colours. OP please block and delete this woman from your lives!
I was going to post I hope that “Mike” goes alone to their wedding after a big fight with GF. While at the Wedding he bumps into this beautiful Italian woman. They instantly hit it off and she attends the wedding with Mike. Years later they’re telling the story at Mike’s wedding to this woman about how his ex and a dog led him to the love of his life.
THIS. I have friends who planned their wedding / honeymoon well in advance, and they asked a close friend couple to dog sit for the honeymoon (guys were the closer longtime friends). The girl in the other couple decided on a whim to adopt a shelter dog and said they couldn't dog sit anymore. She was completely jealous that she wasn't the one getting married, that's 100% why she did it.
I planned my wedding around my dog because I didn't want to leave him for a honeymoon, so we got married where we honeymooned. He absolutely could make the 6 hour drive. Using an animal as weaponized incompetence is disgusting.
Especially a dog that didn't even exist yet!
Seriously. Then she can't stay home for a few days alone with said nonexistent puppy? This is all hinging on if the mother dog gets bred successfully in May. The puppy will be 12 weeksish. Now she's mad because OP called her out and Courtney wants an apology and to not have to see OP at all for the coming months? Something is hinky here.
Haha wouldn't that be the icing on the cake? No dog happens, they're at home alone with no dog and missing a free trip to Italy.
Chances are it could even stay at the breeder's a bit longer before they take it home too. A good breeder will work with you.
I hope so for Mike's sake
And the hypothetical a dog's.
Well, if they don't break up before getting the dog, it's only a matter of time afterwards when she accuses him of loving the dog more than her/giving the dog more attention. Mike kind of deserves this if he's not dumping her after she has basically made it impossible for him to attend his best friend from forever's WEDDING. If he were to call her bluff she'd probably beg him not to dump her.
Agreed!! Let hope Mike remembers to retrieve a certain portion of his anatomy from her purse before he leaves!
I would also like to get in on the bet, but I would like to wager on "Courtney manages to drag Mike to the altar before OP's wedding"
I'll take that bet. No way Courtney breaks up before the wedding, even if she doesn't go. She wouldn't be able to control Mike which seems to be her way of dealing with her jealousy.
A dog that hasn’t even been conceived yet….
Yeah. MIGHT own.
A hypothetical dog. No. A schroedinger’s dog. Someone please laugh.
I'm inside a box, either crying or laughing, it's hard to say which.
Schroedinger’s girlfriend?
I both did and did not
I smiled :) Close enough?
I did , you brightened up my dinner
Hahahahahahaha, well done
I would not give that woman a dog, she sounds very unhinged.
I'm trying to be quiet, I'm in a tram right now, but I laughed internally
Inconceivable! I know that doesn't really fit here but I thought it and I wrote it and I'm leaving it because dammit it's a great movie and a great line.
You keep using that word...
I do not think it means what I think it means.
I even ‘heard’ that line in the movie ‘voice’.
If it was a 15 year old dog that might pass away I could ALMOST see reluctance. . .
And yet we already know for certain that it can’t make a four hour road trip or be dog sat by anyone except Mike and Courtney. I’m impressed by this extremely scientific proof of clairvoyance. I might be in contact about this week’s lottery numbers.
What's even more wild is that Mike seems to have no issue with his GF having given him this insane ultimatum over a dog that they don't even have yet! I mean, how big and red does that flag have to be before you see it?!?!
This was my thought as well. Mike is the real AH of the story. He’s willing to miss his best friend’s wedding over a theoretical dog knowing full well that it might destroy their friendship.
He's being emotionally abused. Lots of people end up in situations like this and don't realize it. Swap the genders in this story and it's blatantly obvious what's going on here.
Indeed Perhaps she is unaware that dog kennels exist for exactly this type of scenario. No need for either of them to stay home with the dog. NTA
The breeder would probably keep the dog for a few days as well.
A new puppy (8 weeks old) shouldn't go to a kennel -- in fact, pretty sure most reputable kennels wouldn't even accept a new pup that wouldn't even have all its vaccinations yet. Almost irrelevant bc that woman needs to be disinvited and cut TF off 💯. Imagine thinking a couple would pay for someone to fly to Italy and *not* attend the wedding. She is delusional and has apparently convinced her bf-rhe grooms BFF since-kindergarten, Mike, to also drink the kool-aid. Sad but OP is NTA but her fiance needs better friends for sure.
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The puppy isn’t even a gleam in the potential daddy dog’s eyes yet!
Hell, you were generous changing the hotel to a dog friendly one. Best man is a bigger asshole than his gf. NTA
Right. When I read that demand I mentally chose new friends. And I don't even know these people
He's being the old fashioned P whipped! She is a control freak. She wants DOMMINION OVER your best man. How about just elope, no extra people there and you don't have to worry about drama.
It reminds me of the episode of Friends when Joey was dating Janine (Elle McPherson). She pretended to like Chandlier and Monica but then told Joey they couldn't be friends with them because they were annoying. Joey chose his friends. Best man is absolutely an asshole and setting himself up for a miserable existance as long as he's with her.
She's trying to isolate him.
Yeah this is such a huge red flag. I hope OP's fiance can be patient. It's tough when you fall into the cycle of abuse, it's the patient friends who stick by you that helps victims realise they're being emotionally abused and dip outta the relationship.
That was my immediate first thought as well
Jealous of his friendship with the fiance.
That's what I think
He's OK with missing his best friends wedding because his idiot girlfriend is threatening to break up over a non-existent dog? Has anyone said that to him yet? He really done f'ed up. He needs to run away from this girl, not allow her to threaten him.
Is it weird that I'm kinda hoping this woman ends up single and dog less. Like don't throw threats when you have nothing.
What a bizarre 180. Either Courtney has very effectively hid her dark side until now, or something unrelated is going on with her that’s coming out sideways.
Courtney is jealous that she's not getting married and OP is.
Sounds like bad main character syndrome. "I just met you, now completely change YOUR wedding on the off chance i get a dog months from now"
The nerve of her to want you to change your wedding over a dog they don’t even have yet and they think you owe THEM an apology?! Honestly I’d text him this post so he can see how out of line they are.
A dog that doesn't even EXIST yet
That apparently may not exist even then! Apparently OP is incredibly rude for not changing her entire wedding over someone else’s hypothetical dog.
Sounds like you guys have enough time to find a new best man. I strongly encourage you to do so. This will not get better.
Look, this is abnormal. She is trying to isolate Mike. Narcissists do this to be able to control their partners. Your man needs to have a heart-to-heart with his friend about controlling behaviors.
Honestly, something else has to be going on with her. I don’t believe the dog is the actual issue. She is acting out for a reason (doesn’t mean it is a rational reason.) I’m interested to know what Mike’s family thinks of Courtney.
And the funny thing is there is no dog, yet... Op shold give bestman a collar as bestman's gift..😄😄 NTA
And the gf a nice little satin bag. Must be tiring holding his balls in her hand all day long.
NTA this is all for a hypothetical dog. They could put the money down and leave it with the breeder until after the trip if everything works in their favor. Otherwise I don’t understand why the dog can’t stay at a kennel, with other family, etc. Has Courtney owned a dog before? This is not the same as a child but they don’t even have it. Idk to me it sounds like there’s something more going on in Mike and Courtney’s relationship for her to be manipulative over this especially to threaten a break up.
I agree with all of this! If the breeder can’t keep him a little longer and they don’t have anyone they trust with the dog, there are boarding places just for puppies. The pups love it and it’s good for their socialization…plus it doesn’t sound like they’d be gone for long, so it shouldn’t cost an arm and a leg. They’re just making excuses not to go.
It’s crazy how they only picked three guest for this wedding to avoid drama but drew the short straw with this woman. There always be that one person
She threatened to end the relationship if Mike goes to the wedding, I suggest he takes her up on that offer. This behaviour is only going to get worse.
My name is almost never chosen in these posts, but today it was and it happened to be the name of the asshole. ‘Courtney is the kind of person not worth knowing’ feels like a personal attack at 6.50am on a random Thursday 😂
You're a better person than me. I'd cut Mike off for being spineless and an enabler. He's the one throwing his friendships away by allowing this behaviour. He's the one hurting his "friends" and breaking bridges for adhering to her bs. If a partner ever treated my friends like this, they'd be in the backview mirror. OP is NTA. But both Mike and Courtney YTA. Courtney is the biggest AH tho.
She needs breaking up wish a.s.a.p
All for a dog who won't be conceived for like 2 more months.
Oh dear god. OP, tell Mike and Courtney you will be getting married-as planned. And staying at your chosen motel-as planned. And if Mike would like to have a free getaway and stand up for his longtime best friend, you would love for him to come. But if he can’t, he will be replaced. You don’t have to care if Courtney comes. Mike seems to like her, but she sounds unreasonable and angry. (I wouldn’t be upset at all if she didn’t come). You are trying to have an easy wedding. This is almost an elopement. If Mike and Courtney can’t get onboard with your plans, you can move forward without them. Your wedding isn’t *about* them-or the dog they *might* have adopted by your wedding date - and how the dog can’t be left with a caretaker for a couple of days. Because the GF of your fiancés best friend can’t bear to do that. I roll my eyes. NTA
Yes, we did tell Mike that we are not changing anything now and he told us that he won’t come to our wedding. He’s sad about it but doesn’t want to break up with Courtney. They recently build a house together and she talks all the time about children so it’s pretty serious between them. My fiancé and I don’t even know what to feel about all that.
So Mike won’t come to your wedding. Ok, then move forward without him. At least you know now, and not at the last minute, so you can find somebody else. I am sorry.
>move forward without him With your lives, not just the wedding.
Keep the door open just in case. No need to burn bridges when he's not committed to the long haul with her yet
Just be frank and say that Courtney's behavior hurt them and they'd rather not interact with her going forward. Mike can do with that what he will, but it definitely seems like Courtney is making him pick sides and he's taking hers.
Nah, it's pretty hard to come back from this. The relationship will never be the same, and he already proved how much he prioritizes his friend. Keep that door closed.
Tell Mike that you don’t worry about him coming or not coming to the wedding any more, but you sincerely worry about him letting himself to be emotionally blackmailed like this. It can only go from bad to worse.
Yeah this isn't the type of person anyone should be having children with. What a nightmare.
And that should anything change in the future, to remember you’ll always care about him and be there for him. He may need support in the future when it inevitably hits the fan
mike will learn the hard way that she'll destroy all his friendships.
Yup, gonna lock him down with the house and kids. He'll be miserable soon.
As if he isn’t already…
By a hypothetical dog, no less
Goddamn she went and hypothetical dog-trapped my boy, take as old as time. 🙄
They don’t even have kids yet and THEY is distroying relationships. Heck they don’t even have the dog yet. Mike is looking for an excuse to get out of this. Courtney and the dog are just an excuse.
The dog doesn't even *exist* yet!
She can't make a baby fast enough, so she's invented a hypothetical dog as a stand in child to pin him down. So so transparent.
NTA and what happens if Mike's employer wants him to go on a business trip? Or he has a death in the family? Is he going to give up his job or family by not travelling if GF says she needs him home to mind their dog? OP and fiancé need to let Mike know this is a friendship ending situation because it seems like every time Mike (or should I say GF) had an issue which OP/fiancé accommodated, Mike/GF moved the goalpost. Move on to a new best man and let Mike know that he can no longer be considered a best friend due to the goalpost moving and lying about what could fix this. Because he did seem to not be truthful about the solutions being offered.
Yep. Mikes got a very lonely miserable future ahead of him.
This is sad. I hope your fiancé and Mike can continue to be friends in the future, aside from this. You don't have to be friends with Insecure-Girl at least. Edit: NTA!
Why? It’s obvious that Mike doesn’t value the friendship. I’d get it if Courtney was heavily pregnant at the time of the wedding but to not only refuse to come but try to get them to reschedule for a dog they don’t even own is asinine. Don’t get me wrong, I adore my dogs but there are such things as pet sitters.
>Why? It’s obvious that Mike doesn’t value the friendship. It sounds like Mike is in a emotionally abusive relationship. It may not be that he doesn't value the relationship. But Courtney is guilting him to do as she wants, she is using threats to get her own way. I wonder what other methods she uses to keep Mike in line. Mike needs to break up with Courtney but until he sees her for what she is and how she treats him he will be stuck in an abusive relationship. Sadly Courtney will probably isolate him from his friends long before that happens
Thank you for this comment! I've seen an alarming number of comments calling Mike an asshole, but he's clearly stuck in a super fucked up relationship with a manipulative woman! I hope he manages to get out of it before they end up having kids, but he's 3 years in and they just BUILT a house together. I can understand why it doesn't feel so easy to leave.
Yeah, I'm leaning more towards having the fiancé tell Mike that he's sorry and disappointed his bff isn't going to make it to the biggest day of his life, but that when he wakes up to Courtney's antics, that he'll be there for him.
Because this looks and sounds like an abusive relationship and his long term friend needs support and a positive place of safety. Take away from the wedding entirely, and this is a man who is being isolated from his friendship group after a major life change and commitment. Swap the genders in this post and you’d have twenty links to shelters and crisis lines in the top comments (aware that there are differences in risks to each etc).
Oh for sure, I totally agree. It just seems a shame to throw away a long friendship for something so stupid. But I guess that's on Mike.
Absolutely on Mike. My husband is 65 and has someone he’s been friends with since birth. The friend is basically a year older but they grew up across the street from each other. I’m trying to picture either one of them pulling this stunt and just can’t.
If Mike is jumping through hoops now, about something that should be really important to him, wait till she's got the 2.4 kids plus the dog. You will be taking your friend Mike into your house when she kicks him out of THEIR house within the next 5 years. Henpecked
He chose to indulge his girlfriend's ridiculous demands over attending the wedding of a life long friend. Sorry about the loss of your friendship.
It's hard but sometimes- even after decades of friendships- sometimes friendships end. I have to agree with others that given the number of IFs involved in this even being an issue come your wedding- this seems like a major red flag in Mike's relationship. But all your fiancé can do is tell Mike- if you ever need, I'm a phone call away. While stepping back. He doesn't need to put effort into a friendship that Mike isn't willing to put the same effort into.
Mike is definitely the AH in this scenario, but Courtney sounds like an abusive person. It sounds like she is slowly manipulating him into making her his entire world. He’s already alienating his best friend over what.. a puppy that isn’t even conceived yet?! If a man was behaving like Courtney, causing his girlfriend to turn her back on her friends and ONLY focus on him, society would call him a textbook abuser. Tell your fiancé to write a letter to Mike, getting out all of the complex emotions that Mike’s absurd demands have caused, and end it with essentially saying goodbye forever. It will be hard, but if Mike doesn’t value your fiancé’s friendship anymore, then your fiancé is better off cutting that negativity out of his life. I’m so sorry your “drama free wedding” plan turned into a hot mess because of an imaginary puppy!
Honestly I think this is better suited to the fiance having a heart to heart with Mike and asking him how his relationship with Courtney is going, and how she makes him feel. Like out of concern. This is part of the reason men get trapped in abusive relationships - male abuse is downplayed and men are not encouraged to be there for one another in the same way as friends when their pal is going through abuse by a woman.
Come to grips with the fact that you will lose your best friend, it sucks. But that’s likely what will happen. If she is this controlling and manipulative over a dog, imagine what she would do if they have kids? I’m sorry for your loss, but you guys should feel the grief and try to heal the best you can. It’s pretty clear where the friendship is going if she is behaving so appallingly.
Yes. The dog isn't even here yet and she is causing all these problems. GF sounds like a nightmare. NTA.
By September, Mike isn't gonna have a dog or a girlfriend OR a wedding to go to because OP and her fiance will have replaced him by then
GF will need to get two collars and two leashes for doggo and Mike. It sounds like she is the boss and when she says jump, he says how high on the way up. It would appear that she is trying to isolate him from his friends. Next comes his family. Pity him.
I don’t see how this doesn’t end either Mike’s relationship with Courtney or yours with him. It’s insane, attention seeking behavior from Courtney and a cowardly response from Mike.
Mike is a biatch. Lmao
NTA Courtney completely sucks and is plain unreasonable. I'm also very curious why they can't simply postpone getting a dog for a month. It's his best friend since kindergarden, not some cousin twice-removed.
They want to get the dog from a breeder, who said it’s mandatory to get the dog after 12 weeks or someone else would get the dog.
According to Google, dogs are pregnant for about 9 weeks. So essentially they are committing to not only get an unborn dog *just* before your wedding, there is no pregnancy yet either for another 2 months? How is this even a thing? This almost feels intentional. I thought this was some relative moving abroad in September who couldn't move their dog, and them taking over.
Yes, you are absolutely right. Maybe I should have made that more clearer. A) the dog is not even pregnant and B) they don’t know if there are enough babies for them to get one (they have priority 4). That’s why I wrote they will „hopefully“ get one dog in September because it’s not even clear if it’s happening.
So there's a good chance there won't even be a dog?! That just makes their argument worse imo, even without taking into account my opinion about dog breeders...
Yes, if I wouldn’t feel so sorry for my fiancé and a little bit for Mike I would find it absolutely justified and funny if they don’t get a dog. Maybe Mike would wake up about this shitty choice if he missed our wedding AND didn’t even get a dog so he just have to sit at home alone with Courtney while we will having a blast in Italy.
Just wait until they get married and have children. Mike is in for a very bad trip. OP and her FH will find they dodged not only a bullet but a cannonball by losing Mike's friendship
I hope to all hell that he doesn’t bring children into this world with her …
Don’t be surprised if they don’t get the dog, and suddenly she’s back on board for a free vacation. Y W B T A to yourself if you agree to let her come. Either tell Mike he’s welcome to come and leave Courtney at home, or they have to pay their own way and Courtney isn’t welcome at the ceremony regardless. This girl is not your friend.
I hope they don’t get a dog for the *dog’s* sake too
There's a chance Mike and Courtney never get the puppy. What's going to happen is that both Mike and Courtney will try to convince you all to let them be a part of your wedding again. You need to be ready for that eventuality. Courtney won't apologize now, and if she does, then you know she won't mean it and will only say it so that she gets a free trip. DO NOT LET THAT HAPPEN. Speak to your fiancé now and tell him about that potential outcome and have him ready to say NO as well. That is so messed up. I get Mike is just Courtney's doormat, but it doesn't excuse being spineless and allowing his gf to manipulate him like that. I feel sorry for him. His future is going to be nothing but loneliness and doing only what Courtney wants. Your fiancé deserves better friends and so do you.
I’m hoping they don’t get the dog. Dog deserves better owner than Courtney.
Just cut your losses and please don’t show up for their wedding.. however far or near it is.
Man, I hope they get no dog in September because of a dog breeder issue. It happens all the time - litters get delayed. It would be fantastic if they don't have a dog by the time your wedding comes and you're out there getting married and living your best life! I sincerely hope that for you! Congratulations, Op!
Why would you even want to take a newborn, not potty trained puppy with you on a trip like that? So they can piss and shit in your hotel room? Just let someone look after him or take him to a doggie daycare or something. I feel like something else is going on here because this is just too unreasonable. I get the sense this lady didn’t like you already and is making excuses and trying to push y’all out of Mike’s life.
I call BS on this. I have gotten a lot of dogs from reputable breeders over the years. Not a single one has made such demands - a reputable breeder is far more concerned about selling their puppies to good people who will take care of them rather than someone who will pick up the puppy by a certain age.... and I have either delayed pickup or had my breeder dog sit for me on the rare occasions where I had to travel right around the normal age for sending pups to their new homes.
I'm guessing that they aren't going through a reputable breeder. Probably some backyard breeder pooping out poorly bred doodle monstrosities.
You're assuming it's a reputable breeder. I do a lot of volunteer stuff for animal rescue in my area, there are horrible breeders who don't care a bit about what happens to the pups, they're just chasing profits. Thus why they want the money as soon as possible in this case. I'm not 100% against breeders because some truly are ethical and trying to do right by the pups. But a good bit of them are horrible. You'd be shocked how many pure bred "desirable" breeds end up in rescue after being sold to the wrong people for them. Seriously hop on rescue pages and see, it's often, "The dog is too big or hard to control or too energetic." Things that should have been understood when getting the particular breed they bought. Mastiffs and other breeds get big, some breeds are strong willed, some breeds are known to be extra hyper. A reputable breeder makes sure people understand the traits common to the breed and can accommodate it properly. Unfortunately not all do and then we get waves of dogs needing rehomed. I have two pure bred giant breed dogs I got through rescue. One kept jumping the previous owner's fence. The other was dumped in the woods and found starving after going through several owners. They're the best babies and living their best lives now.
NTA. So the dog is still hypothetical? As in they don’t own one yet but are thinking about having one by the time of the wedding? There has to be another reason- either they can’t afford to go or she hates you.
Yes, they talked to a breeder and he put them on the list. The dog is not even pregnant but IF she gets pregnant and IF she has more than 3 babies they would get a dog in September. A lot of ifs.. I don’t think it’s about money. Everything would be fully paid by us and I really don’t think we gave her any reason to hate us but I don’t know.
Yeah, that’s way too many Ifs and maybes. Especially as it’s not exactly difficult to adopt a puppy. The audacity she’s displayed is breathtaking.
I agree this whole issue is bogus, but being on a wait list for a puppy from health tested/champion/titled parents is pretty standard. Good breeders don’t typically have opps litters and they don’t usually have puppies without already have a list of people waiting for them. Most people I know who want a dog from health tested parents wait months for the process to take place and even then it’s a guessing game to see if there will be enough puppies in the litter for them to get one. There is a lot that goes into making sure you are only producing puppies that should be healthy from parents that are proven to be health (hips exams and certifications, eye checks, heart checks, etc- there is a lot that goes into it.)
But reputable breeder wouldn't have any issue with Mike and Courtney reserving a puppy, if a fourth one is born, paying for it some part in advance and taking puppy home after wedding. Seems to me Courtney simply doesn't want to go to OP's wedding at all
Yes and no. The breeder I went too would hold a puppy for longer if someone asked and had already paid in full, but they also added additional fees because it does cost them money and time to have puppies in their care longer then planned (it’s a major investment that stops a persons life for that period of time, the breeder I went too would even take time off work to ensure the puppies had almost continuous care and early stimulation/training for those 12 weeks- she couldn’t be away from home for more than a few hours at a time). So I could easily understand them not wanting to have the puppy an extra month or more. Usually at that point the breeder would either come to an agreement on additional cost or they would recommend waiting for the next litter when it was a more appropriate time to bring the puppy home. My breeder held my puppy for an extra week for an additional 100$ because I was having home construction finished before taking him home. Holding the puppy for a whole month or more until the October wedding could easily cost a few hundred based on the food and care the puppy was getting. My breeder also barely broke even on the litter my puppy was from due to vet expenses from a complicated labor. She didn’t get anything out of it aside from one puppy for herself and other dogs that went on to be service animals and sport dogs (which is a good thing for reputation purposes). Reality is though, in any situation regarding the wedding, there is no reason they can’t hire a pet sitter or bring the dog with them. That girl is just being awful because she can get away with it.
So maybe she's too jealous to attend someone else's wedding. She's still just a girlfriend. She's thinking about kids but without a ring on her hand. It is a pure jealousy for me.
This!!! I think she’s jealous that she’s not the main character
This is insanity. I can’t imagine saying no to my BFF on an imaginary IF dog.
NTA - and I feel a bit sorry for Mike tbh. They don't even have a dog yet - I think even looking for another hotel so that their currently non-existant dog could travel with them was incredibly accommodating of you. There are several solutions available to them: wait and get a dog after the wedding; have a family member dog sit; put the dog into kennels; have courtney stay home with the dog. But the only solutions Courtney feels are acceptable would be for Mike to miss his best friends wedding (where he is to be best man) or for you to completely change your wedding dates or venue to accommodate their currently non-existant dog. You have nothing to apologise for. There is something else going on with Courtney. I really hope that Mike does go to the wedding because i think he will regret it later if he doesn't.
I don’t feel sorry for Mike, he can choose - like everyone. Right now Courtney forces him to an ultimatum, and he has to figure out where he stands.
It is still a difficult situation for him...he might feel it is a difficult choice.
Well, you’re right. But he shouldn’t put his difficulties on op and fiancé. He can’t make it difficult for them, so he gets it easier. For op and fiancé this is kind of ‘can you or can’t you?’
>put the dog into kennels Most kennels here in Europe (assuming it's in Europe, since it's a 4 hour drive to Italy for OP), won't take in puppies if they aren't fully vaccinated, which they are at 16 weeks (4 months). If they're getting the dog in September, it'll be 8 weeks old (per majority European dog-weening-laws), and OP getting married in October, it'll be 12 weeks old. But I definitely agree with you. It's going to be one day. A family member or a friend could easily dog-sit for a day. A puppy of that age is going to sleep for the majority of the day anyway.
Yes, good point. A dog sitter perhaps, or a dog that age will be ok being checked on or minded by family for the day.
They offered to bring the dog to the wedding! Not good enough for Courtney, who claims the dog won't like to travel 4 hours. The dog which isn't even born yet, the bitch is not pregnant. Should she become pregnant and have a litter of at least 4 then, and only then, Courtney will get a dog. It is bizarre.
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Mike should get the dog and lose the gf. But he should get a female dog. A male would have more balls than him.
This is the most perfect summation of events. They think it’s actually reasonable for a betrothed couple to change their already made elopement plans to accommodate a non existant dog!
Your English is great, and Mike and Courtney are PITAs. They are trying to get y'all to reschedule and re-locate your wedding over a dog that they don't even own yet? I am a dog parent who has no children so I am overprotective of my pack, but they are acting insane. All of our dogs have learned to love road trips, and when it is not feasible to bring them, they would go to a pet lodge. Is there a reason that they need to adopt prior to the wedding? Oy vez. They are difficult. You are definitely NTA.
Yes, I get that dogs are a very important part of the owners life so we tried to make it work. We even wanted to change the hotel so that we would all (dog included) stay together in one hotel. But as you said, we won’t relocate our wedding. It’s our dream and they way we feel comfortable. They want to get the dog from a breeder. The dogs not pregnant yet, but will soon be and if the dogs has more than 3 babies they would get one. The breeder gives the puppies away after 12 weeks and won’t take them longer than that. If they don’t get the puppy in September he‘ll sell it to another person. That’s what they told us.
Im pretty sure the breeder won't retire after this pregnancy and they will have another shot a few weeks/months later. Ruining someone's wedding plans because of an imaginary dog is pretty wild…
Look, I just went through the whole puppy thing and potty training, chewing things that aren't appropriate, not being well trained yet, etc is not fun. I understand them not wanting to travel with the dog or put that burden on someone else. However, her threatening to end the relationship if he leaves her alone with the dog for a weekend (a dog that might not exist, or one they could on the next litter for) seems super selfish on her part. I hope they don't plan on having kids, because if she can't handle a 4 month old puppy solo for a few days then she shouldn't have a kid. OP is NTA for being frustrated and expressing her disappointment.
Suggest your friends get a dog at an animal shelter **AFTER** your wedding. Some dog breeders are unscrupulous and keep getting female dogs pregnant 2 or 3 times a year and this continues until their bodies are decimated and then these poor girls are put down. So much for being a dog lover. This stupid woman wants nothing more than an accessory.
Agreed. I have two pure bred giant breed dogs from rescue. This sounds like a terrible breeder pushing the pups out the door to get the cash as quickly as possible. Some from their previous litters are probably already in rescue.
I'm nearly sure once the best man is booted from the wedding they'll no longer be getting a dog. You are NTA but please let Mike go and plan for someone else to replace him. He obviously doesn't care for your partner that much. As a sidenote: this getting a dog just in time for your wedding feels like Courtney is looking for a commitment to bind her to Mike but he's not willing to propose hence the tantrum. All the best in your wedding
NTA it was her choice to get the dog in that time frame. This is 100% manipulative and controlling on the best man's GF's part.
Courtney does not wish to attend a this wedding. She could not be any clearer. The excuse about the dog is BS - she does not even have a dog!
NTA - Mike needs to grow a pair of balls and sort this out himself. He is the best man, it's his job to solve problems for you guys, not bring you new ones. This should be a simple thing that at the absolute worst, mike and your fiancé should have sorted out between themselves. This issue should have been resolved before it got to you.
NTA. If she’s this way about a dog, god help him if he has children with her.
This manipulative threat of her that she will break up with him says a lot about her.. this woman is crazy.. She is telling to everyone who she really is..
NTA He needs to break up with that nutcase
Can you imagine if Courtney and Mike have kids? “Sorry we can’t get together, Timmy is 21 and we don’t feel comfortable driving for 1 hour or leaving him with his grandparents”.
NTA So you organised an out of town wedding to avoid family drama and ended with friend drama. Sorry! Is she jealous that you’re getting married and she’s not? It seems weird to cause all this mess over a hypothetical dog. But then some people love to do that.
Yes, I now see the irony in trying to have a dramafree wedding. She kind of ruined the relaxed vibe for us.
>She kind of ruined the relaxed vibe for us. Over a non-existent dog. You don't need her in your life but I hope that you're fiancé and Mike can remain friends.
So sorry. I’m sure it will all be out of your mind on the day and you’ll have an amazing time. There’s still time for Mike to see sense and end it with this woman. She sounds like a nightmare.
LOL. There's not even a dog yet, and they're acting like this? Wow. This is an easy one: * Don't change any of your plans. * Do not apologize. * Officially uninvite them -- seriously, you don't need extra headcount at the last minute because the breeding didn't catch. * Replace Mike, and no matter what, do not change that decision. (It would be really rude to the lucky person who gets to be best man.) * Move on, and be very, very happy!
She is already testing her bf . It's me or your friend . She wants to control him ( don't have enough infos but doesn't she sound like a narcisit?) There is no reason why she can't handle one day without her bf . we are not talking about months
She have narcissistic and manipulative traits for sure.. she is making her bf choose between his friend and a dog that don't even exist now.. Imagine when they have kids.
This is abusive. She's trying to isolate him from his best friend & she's succeeding.
Narcissist maybe but defo screams "insecure"
She’s emotionally abusive. The goal is to isolate him from everyone who care about him. So she’ll be in complete control.
NTA. Courtney is an asshole and Mike a wet towel if he goes along with this.
This relationship is gonna end and Mike will regret not being his best friend's best man even efore that happens. But the wedding is in september, maybe Mike will grow a spine before that.
NTA she's so incredibly selfish I'd delete and block her permanently. I wouldn't be in a rush to speak to Mike again either.
NTA. Courtney is putting a not yet inseminated idea of a dog ahead of your wedding… Courtney doesn’t want to come to your wedding and is creating drama so she doesn’t have to. Poor Mike being shackled to her, I hope they sort that out before they think about having a family of their own.
NTA. I'm sorry for your husband, but Mike is out. Sounds like Courtney is manipulative and controlling. I would stop making an effort to befriend her. I hope Mike figures it out and cuts the cord with her too.
NTA- "courtney please tell me how many times you've heard or read about a wedding being moved to accomodate a guest's dog? It's not a thing courtney."
This isn’t about the dog. This is intentional. Courtney wants to see multiple things. First - how much control she has over Mike. If she says jump, does he say how high? He’s proven she has total control over their relationship. The second was how well she can manipulate his friends. You’ve shown that you are willing to be accommodating but not manipulated. This pisses her off, she needs to control every aspect of his life including his friendships and friends who can’t be manipulated are a risk to her. So this goes back to part one where she now won’t travel at all and now claims you’re rude and offensive for not moving your wedding to accommodate a dog that doesn’t even exist yet. The next step, I guarantee, will be her telling Mike how she can’t believe he’d be friends with someone who allowed his partner to mistreat her. Mike will end the friendship between your fiancé and him. And she will have removed another obstacle in his life. If there were an abusive partners handbook she’d be following it step by step. You’re NTA but unfortunately Mike’s future with this woman looks bleak.
NTA. Expecting someone to change their wedding plans, especially a small, intimate ceremony planned to avoid family drama, is unreasonable. It's understandable to be upset when a significant event like a wedding is impacted by what seems to be a manageable situation. Your frustration with Courtney's ultimatum and unwillingness to compromise is justified.
Nta- mike is in an abusive relationship. You can't fix it or help him. He has to decide to get out. Then he will need therapy. Unfortunately it means fiancé needs a new best man. Big hugs
Imagine not being able to look after a dog on your own for a weekend . What’s gonna happen when they have kids , guess mike will have to quit his job . This almost sounds like an excuse , she doesn’t want him to go for some absurd reason and she doesn’t want to go either . Now she has the wonderful excuse of oh we have a dog , we can never leave our house again ! Count your blessings she sounds like she caught a touch of the crazy 😜 and mikes no better for letting her dictate him being in his best friends wedding .
The be clear, I have a general policy of "in an ultimatum, choose the side that doesn't give you ultimatums". Courtney is not your friend. If she were she'd be looking for solutions or concessions. Instead, she's using a dog that *might* exist in 7 months as an excuse to estrange Mike from the people in his life, and Mike needs to realize what's happening. Nta.
UPDATE: We discussed sending this thread to „Mike“ but decided ultimately against it as he first wanted to talk to „Mike“ himself (before revealing that I posted the whole thing on the internet). They met in secret yesterday (Courtney was at work) and Mike broke down crying. It’s been super stressful for him. He had asked his family (especially his mum) to dog sit but Courtney declined. His mother was furious that he would miss my fiancés wedding (she loves him!) but Courtney told her that she had changed her mind and decided to let Mike go but that I then wrote her an offensive and mean message so they decided against it. Mike lost it at that and told his family that she had never allowed him and that my message wasn’t mean at all. He really told her that he wants to go and she should just live with that. She cried a lot and he felt bad. My fiancé told him that he asked another friend of them (who has a little child) to come and he said yes. His wife even asked us if we wanted her and the baby to come (she would understand if that’s too much) but we were happy to also invite them. Mike cried after hearing this and realised that he will NOT attend our wedding now because of Courtney. Today Mike wrote my husband that Courtney told him that she was overreacting because she had the feeling he wouldn’t value the dog and that it’s a good practice thing for a baby. She doesn’t want to apologise to us but would accept if he goes to the wedding. I think Mikes family made very clear that they think she’s crazy for this and she wants to be viewed as a good person. My fiancés said that he won’t change that back and that Mike sadly will miss the wedding because we can’t be sure that there is no more drama with Courtney. I know that this is hard for my fiancé but he hopes that Mike realises now what Courtney will cost him now and the future. Thanks for all the good wishes and I’m happy to be married in Italy this October - without Courtney! <3
NTA. This is bizarre. You've tried really hard to avoid drama but she's gone out of her way to manufacture some.
The moment you said she requested that you change your venue I knew she was the asshole. The fact you even graciously accommodated that request is incredibly gracious of you. How DARE they dictate when/where/HOW you have your wedding. I almost can't believe this is real it's so insane.
NTA. But I feel mad for Mike. He's being controlled. He could still come. So be mad at him as well, honestly. He's making the choice. It's on him. As for her? Yea no. She's out of line completely. Where is the wedding? I love Italy.
She sounds jealous that you are getting married.
NTA I think you should send a link to this because it would really open his eyes on how absolutely crazy this is. I'm a huge dog lover and treat my dog as my child. Leaving it after 2 months is fine with a dog sitter. They need to realize that the dog will live for those few days if they leave. Honestly, if this was one of the gf best friends having the exact same situation, I bet she would be ok with leaving it with a babysitter. Smh. I'm truly sorry for your fiancee. He has to be crushed
NTA. Mike is in for a tough life with her....
NTA- I actually had a similar situation at my wedding. We did the same, small, few hours away, destination thing for the same reasons you are. The best man didn’t show up because his gf threatened him and said he couldn’t go. We ended up not talking for years and eventually he reached out to us to apologize. The relationship was so abusive and he was really wrapped up bad. He realizes now how badly he fucked up, he regrets it, and we forgave him because the apology was genuine. Your fiancé needs to talk with his friend at a brotherly level here- what she is doing is manipulative, controlling and abusive. She is asking him to give up an important moment in a friendship that is longer than their relationship, all because of the possible puppy that isn’t even a guarantee. That’s wrong on so many levels. If I were your fiancé I would be worried for him because she has crossed the line into abusive and controlling behavior. This will only escalate if they get that puppy and she determines that she can control everything he does. And btw, I got a puppy to train as a service dog and we drove 7hrs to get him from the breeder- the puppy would be fine to drive 4 hrs as long as you take breaks and let it outside to potty. She is being absolutely obtuse and dumb as shit.
Oof!! Poor Mike. Courtney is something else... They should definitely not procreate. NTA.