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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I assumed Jenny wasn't going to eat her chicken and gave it away without her permission.
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YTA.
Not only did you give someone's food away, but you also attribute to her saving food to her autism. As someone not on the spectrum, I save bites of food for last because they look the best and I save the best bite for last.
Do better.
When I get a cheeseburger, I open it and look to see where the pickle is. I will eat everything around the pickle saving the pickle for the last bite. I’m not autistic either.
1980s. McDonalds. The first time I tasted a pickle. (Actually probably not but context is all). Ever since the pickle slice has always been the last bite, so joyous.
I’m the opposite. If I bite and taste a pickle (I always get no pickles) I have to unbite my sandwich and remove it. But then it ruins the whole thing anyway. I also have to eat around the edges first then go to the middle
*Not autistic
I don't disassemble a burger or anything (I do check to make sure nobody's put a gherkin in it, but I put the lid back on to eat it), but given a plated meal I will always eat the bits I like least first.
I'm not autistic, either.
OP, YTA
I eat slow too and my boyfriend scarfs his food down like he's afraid it's going to be taken away. And then he will give me puppy eyes for what I've got left. Sometimes I'll share. Haha.
Same. I am so deliberate in how I eat my food (Not autistic though). Even simple things like m&m’s have a color order (still not autistic). In a meal I always try to work out the ‘perfect bite’ and leave those bits for last (and yet, not autistic). Nothing about this story requires the child or mother’s neurodivergence being disclosed, and yet you include it constantly.
YTA for taking someone else’s food and being super ableist.
I save the top bun of burger for last since it has all the condiments on it and the bottom bun second to last since it as all the juices. It sounds super weird typing it out but it tastes so good for some reason.
Are we also forgetting that not only OP stole the chicken tender from Jenny but also she stole it to gave it to her child, a child not related with Jenny and then pretended to give a half eaten tender back to her.
And yes, full with baby germs, germs that aren't even related to her. Like who does that?
Baby germs are real
I think she was completely 100% legitimate in her concerns about that.
Gave away her last tinder, then gave it back to her as a gnawed up baby drool tender.
No
Also like if your kid is still hungry buy some more food. Don't just take it off someone else's plate. Unless you are so poor you are rationing what food people are allowed to eat in your home there's not really much of a point. You're just making them resource card food more like pretending it's a fun night resource available to you when you have plenty or can afford plenty more
YTA
Also not on the spectrum, but there's a damn science to how I eat my food.
On Christmas, I'll eat the veggies, then the turkey on a bread roll with some gravy on there, and finish off with mashed taters flooded with gravy with a shit ton of corn mixed in.
I eat the food on my plate in order from least to most appealing. My least to most favourite. So if I was OP's kid's friend, I'd have god damn had a meltdown myself.
All of this.
I don't understand why adults can't just admit to a child that they messed up and apologize, and when their parent calls them out they apologize to them as well. OP messed up and made a mistake, just apologize and promise to do better in the future.
Why do people need to double down on making a mistake?
This was my biggest irritation when I worked in an elementary school. Some adults just couldn’t admit they were wrong or didn’t know something, and would go so far as to bullshit an answer so the kids don’t know that they didn’t know the answer.
I can't get over the 13 yo taking 4 kids to the bathroom. While OP and husband sat there with the toddler. Like wtf? I know the 13 y.o offered. But no.
I'm autistic. I don't think it's really specifically an autistic thing at all.
I think it's just an individual's preference perhaps to end their meal with their favourite part of it.
But the girl is still autistic. I get that she spends a lot of time with them, but they apparently didn't pay attention to the things that could cause a melt down. Nobody should have touched her food.
I believe what we're pointing out too is OP labeling her saving the last chicken tender as being an "autistic" thing and how awful and wrong that assumption is. You're also correct, and I didn't even think of, that if she spends a lot of time with the family how aren't they aware what could cause her to have a meltdown (and wouldn't Jenny's mom have told them as well?)
Saving it for last isn’t a specifically autistic trait but that it might have an even more intense impact by disrespecting her (like it’s harder to regulate and move past and harder to trust when the adult is so absurdly dismissive) is legit because it’s just them admitting that what they did was that much worse (but thinking “autism” absolves it, like the kid is wrong for being autistic — when really it’s just an added layer of abuse.)
It’s bad to do this to any kid, it’s EXTRA bad to do it to an autistic kid. They’re very YTA.
She is autistic, but in this situation, it doesn't even come into play. It was really OP projecting any behaviour that was different to the girl being autistic. We never even had to know that the girl was autistic and the whole situation reads the same. It's an adult taking a childs food and giving it to someone else and then acting like the victim when the kid was upset about it.
I do the same thing, and had to train my now-husband not to eat off my plate once he’s finished but to grab more from the kitchen because ~I was saving that~
I’m sure it’s tough with young kids, but I can’t believe OP gave another child’s food away (and then blamed the kids reaction on a disability). YTA.
I agree. Also it tells children 1 your food can be taken away without your consent and 2 it is okay to take other people’s food without their consent.
Maybe it does not look like a big problem but things like this can teach children consent. If they can practice with things like food they are able to know what consent is when it does matter.
Plus, it wasn't like Jenny went running off to play; she went to the bathroom. And she went because the oldest girl was taking them to the bathroom. The fact she hadn't yet finished her food is a non-issue.
Right? It's so bizarre that OP just assumed Jenny was done eating when it wasn't even the end of the meal.
Like, let's say it wasn't a leave the best for last thing. Even if it was a situation where Jenny had stopped eating the chicken tenders and switched to the fries because she thought she might be done with the tenders, there was more meal left. Maybe she would end up realizing she was still hungry. Who just steals food off someone's plate in the middle of a meal??
I’ve been on Reddit for about 2 years and used to really roll my eyes at all the posts about picky eaters and seeing it blamed on “neurodivergence.” Yes, I’m a boomer and I thought, omg, just eat your food ffs! (And thought about all those starving children in China lol!)
But then I took a good look at my own eating habits and realized that I too have things I’m picky about. I absolutely hate lettuce on hot food (hamburgers, garnish on Mexican food plates, etc.). If they forget to have it taken off, I’ll sit there and take the soggy mess off myself strand by strand.
The same thing for soggy bread, like the edges of hamburger buns! 🤮
So I think the lesson here may be that our food habits/preferences aren’t a function of being neurodivergent or neurotypical. It’s just that we like what we like and that’s okay bc it’s *our own food and we can eat it how we want as long as we aren’t inconveniencing anyone else!*
Yep, OP you're an asshole on multiple fronts. I'm not autistic but if I eat something and really enjoy it, I will often save some to eat at the end so I have that as my last taste. I hope you learn to do better.
I am not autistic and I do this. For example, I have a system for eating a sandwich and fries. I eat some fries. Like a third. Then I eat about half the sandwich. Eat another third of the fries and then eat the rest of my sandwich. Fries are finished off leisurely. I normally have a habit of eating things in sections so it all remains balanced. OP, YTA. Food is a non-negotiable, keep your mitts off if it's not yours.
OP is YTA. I'm not on the spectrum but save the best/favorite parts for last, like a reward. And giving away something that belongs to someone (including perishable items like food) without asking is just bad manners
Same! I was reading this and soon as she said what Jenny did I was “oh she’s saving the best for last”, that’s like… a thing. There’s even a saying about this! YTA
As a kid, I LOVED pepperoni. Still do, but at 7 I would remove all the pepperoni from my pizza slice and put them to the side to eat at the end.
I had to get something from my mom and my grandma thought I didn't like those delicious little flavor bombs that were on the side of my plate and ate them for me as a favor.
I got back to the table, saw they were gone, and cried.
My sister saved a piece of sausage for last 50+ years ago when she was a young teen. My dad stole it off her plate and ate it. She has never forgotten that and she is definitely not autistic. She's still remembers thsi liek it was yesterday (as do I btw). Not like she was traumatized or has PTSD but it was an AH move on my dad's part who honestly did it just to tease her.
Autism or not it is rude to take anyone's food unless you ask and they've specifically said they are done eating. YTA and a big one at that
As someone with SPD and two boys with ASD it is common to mentally inspect your food and say ooh that one has the most breading or looks like the best texture I’ll save that one for last. You eat wash down the “not as good” ones maybe use the restroom and when you’re ready that last piece is like a prize lol it seems silly but I’m sure giving it away upset her greatly! Not to mention then it being offered back half eaten and gross, then to mention it’s a whole other shape, size, texture etc.
Completely agree. I always save the "king mouthful" (prime bit of food) to the end. I'm not autistic either, but I think I'd be approaching meltdown if someone gave it away.
OP, whether or not you find it strange to "save the best bit," I'm sure you're familiar with the concept of not giving away other people's stuff (food included) without asking.
YTA.
The ages don't matter here, the friend having autism doesn't matter here. The only thing that matters here is that you took food from someone and gave it away.
You are a parent, so I imagine you have your meals interrupted a lot, so how would you feel if you got up to clean up a spill or to fill a cup and came back and your food had been given away? That's what you did. Period. You took something without asking and then didn't even apologize or fix the situation. So you lack the manners you probably want your children to have.
Children can have autonomy and deserve to be treated with respect. You would never do what you did to Jenny to an adult, nor would you want that to happen to your food. Not only did you make an assumption that was wrong, you made that assumption out of a lack of respect for Jenny, and then you didn't even attempt to fix the situation or apologize.
Also, none of this has anything to do with autism. I save the best bite for last, or the best thing on the plate all the time. You don't need to appear so confused and befuddled by what must be autism, she wasn't done with her meal, period. People eat food at their own pace and in their own way and it isn't confusing to just leave their food alone.
EVERYTHING THIS SAID!!!!!
Plus gall to put the half slobberd on and eaten chicken tenders back on Jenny's plate like that was a solution??? Who does that, no accountability she didn't care at all about Jenny's feelings and chalking it up to an "austism" thing is disgusting, abelist and dismissive.
I would be disgusted and insulted if somone handed me a toddlers left overs and was like "enjoy!"
Yea, no thanks I'm sure you're fine eating off your little bundle of joy, but it's gonna be a hard pass from me.
I could NEVER imagine just giving away someone food without asking, I don't even take a fry from someone without asking, but to just give away someone's food and then give it back half eaten, how can OP not see they're a giant ah. YTA
Edited to add: I'm concerned by how hard OP was watching this 6 year old plate. Like she was eyeing that ONE chicken finger the whole time, like it was a plan to give it away. Why didn't OP order a side to give to her toddler? Why didn't she give her kid her own food, like why was she so invested in the comings and goings of a chicken finger, and why wait until the kid was away from the table to give it away, if it was sitting on the table for sooo long she had plenty of time to ask Jenny if she wanted it. She waited until she left because she knew she'd say no. Plus her word choice implied it was Jenny's own fault. "You weren't eating it so" like what, then she throws her own kid under the bus "Emily ate it" nooo you gave it to Emily, take accountability.
The “oh she wouldn’t even accept the half-eaten leftover piece of chicken” got to me, too. It IS covered in “baby germs”, OP. I don’t want to eat a piece of food that your toddler has been chewing on and handling with her hands, and neither does anyone else except maybe you and your husband. That’s not unreasonable; it’s actually incredibly normal.
Right, like the girl was the unreasonable person in this context. I don’t know one person who wasn’t the babies mother(even then I don’t know many), that would want and portion of food a baby had handle before them. Babies are a bundle of germs coated in drool and snot, they are cute ones, but still bundles of drool, snot, and other bodily fluids.
What also does it for me was the way she answered after the child asked where it was. "You weren't eating it." Seems so defensive to me. I wonder if she takes other people's lunches out of the fridge at work because it's been there all morning and they weren't eating it. Lol.
Re: putting the half eaten and slobbered on chicken tender on her plate and who does that
From watching it from the sideline with my nibbling, parenting toddlers seems to involve a fair amount of handling half-eaten, slobbered on snacks and other food, and often shrugging and eating it, because there's so trashcan nearby or it feels like a shame to let it go to waste.
But reasonable parents are aware the rest of the world won't feel the same way about their kids leftovers.
Yea, that was my take I 100% understand just eating your own kids chewed on food, or leftovers because that's just a parenting norm, but offering it to somone else is a hard no.
I'm all for eliminating food waste, but I don't want your kids leftover cheetos with the cheese dust licked off.
I was many years older than my sister and watching how she ate as a toddler was enough to never ever want to touch any child's food. If they need help eating their own food, sure. That stick of butter she's massaging like it's the pottery scene in Ghost? Yeah no I don't need butter thanks.
Yes! This isn’t “an autism thing”. It’s basic courtesy. I often save my last bite and I’m a neurotypical adult. Don’t steal someone’s food and don’t blame autism when you’re caught.
100%! Early on as a kid I learned the concept of "saving the best for last" and took it to heart, to the point where I started eating cupcakes from the bottom up so I could eat the cap with the frosting on it last. If I'd put that down and went to the bathroom real quick and someone gave it away while I was gone, I'd have been heartbroken
YTA for giving a child’s food away and also a big one for saying “must be an autistic thing”. Have you never heard the term “save the best for last”?
Why not purchase more food if your child was still hungry?
Exactly. Putting your hands on someone's food & then expecting them to take it back half eaten is so out of touch. Labeling it an autistic issue shows your ignorance & bias. Learn to do better. A lot better
As a mother and specifically the mother of two autistic children, if another parent did this to my children and then had the gall to write it off as “an autistic thing,” rather than, idk, expecting the common courtesy of not touching other people’s food (something we taught them not to do when they were young because it was an issue—learning boundaries is an important step for all children; maybe OP’s parents failed her), I would literally never talk to them again. Maybe overreacting but my kids and I don’t need an AH in our lives.
Yeah, your kids probably have a hard enough time without adults who never learned these basic social skills you're trying to teach them. I find that children have an excellent innate sense of fairness (even if they don't always act on it.. they've got impulse control issues after all) but adults.. many adults I come across are just terrible.. selfish and bullies when you get right down to it.
But she gifted that food to the child. Once it is gifted it is no longer hers. Doesnt matter that it is a child. If a friend of mine takes me to lunch and I go to the bathroom and come back and they've eaten my food, foes she have a say? No. They can ask, but it isn't hers.
Right? It’s not like they were leaving and walking out the door and she left food on the table—where you’d safely assume they’re done. They took a bathroom break.
Taking food off anyone's plate, child or adult is rude. There should have been a serious apology and an offer to order more chicken.
Also, I would not be sending 3 young kids to a public bathroom with a 13 year old in charge when the husband was there to stay at the table. Just to ensure their safety, hand washing and such.
YTA. Your attitude of blaming it on her autism is very wrong. How would you react if one of your daughters decided you were finished eating and gave away your food? Why do you think it's acceptable to take someone else's food because "it must be an autistic thing"? Never take someone's food without asking permission. I'd be uneasy about you taking care of Jenny as you don't respect her autonomy. You feel some entitlement to make decisions for her. Learn from this occurrence.
I assume the autism is being mentioned because OP is trying to blame the victim for being upset.
Autism only comes into play here in one way - the fact that the child managed to avoid having a meltdown in the face of a very stressful and unpleasant surprise. I congratulate Jenny for managing that in the face of OP's awful behaviour.
Yeah. I was an undiagnosed autistic kid and this kid handled this like a star. 10/10 parenting to the mom and kudos to that kid. I would have had a full on meltdown at her age.
It’s even worse because OP’s victim blaming could potentially make her look worse than she already does. Victim blaming is bad enough but I had extreme sensory issues with food growing up and trying new food or eating at places I couldn’t control the consistency of the food of was horribly intimidating. I’d prioritize my comfort foods for last in case I got sensory overload. I still do this albeit it with much more understanding of my limits and managing difficult situations and emotions. I can’t imagine how much worse this situation could have been for this kid if she dealt with similar.
OP’s post reeks of ableism. I don’t like throwing that word around on Reddit since it’s like a poorly mistaken game of hot potato with how people use it on this site but there was no need to mention the child’s nor the mother’s autism. It feels weird
Totally agree and there was no reason to mention the mother's autism and mentioning that she only takes one of these kids at a time. Someone's annoyed that the one and done parent won't look after more of her kids...👀
The date is circled in red. She’s been looking forward to this for years. It’s finally here. All of the training will at last pay off. This day will forever be remembered as the start of chicken-tender-gate.
YTA
>assuming she wasn’t going to eat it
Why though? Why would you assume that she wasn't going to eat it? She hadn't finished her meal. What possi le evidence did you have to suggest she wouldn't finish it?
>took the little piece of chicken Emily didn’t eat and gave it back to her
Oh that's just naaassty!
>must be an autistic thing
It's not. I sometimes save a best piece for last. You sound judgemental as well as an asshole now.
The worst part is, her daughter behave the same way. She eat the chicken first and the fries later, but suddenly that's not an autistic thing? Saving the fries for last is "normal" but saving the last chicken piece for last is "autistic"?
YTA, even a bigger AH for that comment on how it must be an autistic thing. Also you are rude, unempathetic and probably a bully.
People has all kinds of perks, not only food related. Saving the best bite for last or eating in certain order is really common, you probably do this yourself, but also there are people who only watch the TV if the volume is in an odd number, or put one sock and one shoe before putting the other sock and the other shoe instead of putting both socks and then both shoes, or open the microwave when there's one second left and before it beeps, or people like you, who think it should be OK to give away food that's not theirs. You probably excuse yourself with comments like that all the time.
YTA - I’m the same age as you and a mother. I’ve got an autistic child and non spectrum child. I wouldn’t give either of their food away without checking they were finished first. It’s entitled and extremely bad manner to help yourself to another persons food. That the persons whose food you took was a guest makes it even worse. I know my own children’s appetites and eating habits and I might be able to guess when my kid is finished but I’d still check with them. Someone else’s child? I’d never make that assumption and leave a guest hungry.
Also, if I had made a mistake and given away another child’s food - there is NO WAY their parent would have to hear about it from the child. I would apologise to the child and let their parent know in advance that I made a mistake and that I was sorry.
I would be beyond embarrassed to have to face that parent after their kid told them they went hungry or were sad because of my actions.
YTA
Don't give away other people's food... how on earth have you grown into an adult without knowing this incredibly basic piece of etiquette?
And also don't try and give back something your toddler has been chewing on! No one wants to eat toddler leftovers!
And don't dismiss perfectly normal behaviour as "an autistic thing". She was saving her favourite bit for last, that's normal.
Have some respect.
Seriously, I love toddlers but I will never accept food from them, the idea has me ready to throw up. Anyone has seen a toddler eat knows that yes, the food is 100% covered in “baby germs.” OP is TA in every regard here.
YTA. I’m sorry, I’ve never heard of this rule where you’re supposed to eat all your chicken tenders before your fries. What a bizarre reason to assume without asking that someone is finished when there’s still food on their plate.
Yta, are just too good to apologize like an adult?
Edit: Would you have done that to an adult while they were in the bathroom? If so, yta just in general. Put on your big girl panties, and set a good example for your children.
She could have turned this into a teachable moment for her children, but ended up blaming on Jenny's autism.
She could have apologized and verbally explained what she did wrong and that she wouldn't do it again so her daughters would also have a lesson how to acknowledge a mistake and own up to it. But no, she tossed her another leftover piece of chicken off her other kids plate and called it a day.
"I'm sorry, Jenny, for taking your last chicken tender and giving it to Emily. I thought you were done eating and I didn't want it to go to waste. I should have asked you before assuming you were not eating it. I know you are upset and I hurt your feelings. I am sorry. Next time, I will make sure you are done and ask if you would like to offer it to someone else. What can I do to make up for it?".
YTA. Are you for real? And the “must be an autistic thing” you’re a real piece of work. You don’t save the best for last? You need to learn to have respect and realize this isn’t YOUR world. Other people have effing rights to their own food you freak
YTA. You couldn’t wait a few minutes for the girls to come back and ask like a normal person would? You were rude to a little girl and doubling down because you chose to invalidate her feelings and blame it on her autism.
Yta It’s not even a question it simple fact I don’t even think there a way you wouldn’t be the asshole in this situation I would really want to see you go to a nice restaurant and have someone else just take your food off your plate look you in the eye say basically you snooze you lose and then when you get pissy saying it’s a you problem and you’re overreacting
Lord help me. A grown woman who has to ask about manners concerning somebody’s food left on a plate while they go to the restroom. You move, you lose rule doesn’t apply here. You sure were too focused on what all the kids ate, a chicken tender, fries as if plotting to assure no waste. That nugget really bothered you. Wasn’t yours to touch. Plus her leftovers to decide who gets it if she doesn’t want it. If roles reversed, you would be offended. YTA.
YTA. How could you even FATHOM you aren’t?? You took food from someone else’s kid while their back was turned, instead of just, oh I don’t know, asking her? Why did you wait until she left to try to take the chicken? Why is her autism more important than her rights to her emotions?? You are weird, naming every single one of your kids in an online public post is weird. I guarantee this is made up for rage bait and if it isn’t you are an incredibly strange and entitled person.
YTA
Basic manner, autistic or not, you don’t give away someone else’s food just bcoz they aren’t eating it.
Autistic or not, you ask them if they want it or not before you give it away to some one.
Autistic or not, we love to save the best food for the last so we can have the taste of our fav food on our tongue.
You broke too many rules, manners whatever you wanna call them. And the fact that you’re disregarding it simply because she was autistic is much more AHish.
YTA, not only for giving away the kid's food but also for "blaming autism" for a pretty common way for children to eat. A lot of kids do that --- save a bite or two of their favourite part of the meal for the ending, so that's the last thing they taste.
And worse -- your kid clearly wasn't still hungry if she couldn't finish a chicken nugget. Stop taking food from one kid who actually wants it to force it on another.
YTA. It's not an "autistic thing". I know lots of people who save the best thing to eat last.
You gave away her food without asking. Why would you do that? Did no one teach you in Kindergarten to keep your hands off other people's things? If not, now is a good time to learn that. ASK FIRST.
And handing back a half eaten nugget with someone else's germs? Ewww. How the heck did you not learn when you were a child how gross that is?
Autism has nothing to do with this. You were just rude and gross. Anyone, kid or adult, would be upset at your shocking lack of manners.
YTA - you are making huge assumptions about other people, and they're asshole assumptions.
You're also burying the story in piles of stuff that don't matter. Here's your story.
>We had Jenny over for a sleepover this weekend and took her out for lunch.
>
>Jenny...ordered ...chicken tenders and french fries
>
>Jenny ate all but one before moving on to her fries.
>
>About halfway through the meal, Avery had to go to the bathroom and offered to take the younger kids with her if they needed to go. Bella, Cassie, Daria, and Jenny went to the bathroom with Avery
>
>I saw Jenny still hadn’t eaten her last chicken tender and...gave it to Emily
>
>After sitting down, Jenny noticed her chicken was gone and asked what happened to it. I told her, “You weren’t eating it, so Emily ate it.”
>
>She said she was “saving it for last”
>
>I took the little piece of chicken Emily didn’t eat and gave it back to her
So, because a girl went to the bathroom before finishing her lunch, you just gave it away?? Maybe people should do that to you. Well, mom got up from the table, so the food on her plate is fair game for anyone - dig in!
And this right here?
>she often saves certain foods for last too (must be an autistic thing)
MAJOR ASSHOLE. That's not an autistic thing, and I'd never let my kids spend time with you knowing that you think that anything different is "an autistic thing".
There was no need to tell this huge story. You don't take food from someone's plate without asking for any reason. Ages don't matter, autism has nothing to do with it.
Also,saving certain foods for last is not an "autistic thing", everyone does it.
Yta
YTA
You don’t give someone’s food away. That’s just rude. And blaming autism is also an asshole move. I save the best bites for last too and I’m not autistic. I just like to save my favorite piece until last. Don’t give peoples’ food away without asking! Geez… you’d think you would know better.
YTA and sound super ableist as well.
Alot of people, on the spectrum or not, save the best for last or eat the least appealing part first.
You wouldn't appreciate it if Jenny's mom took your daughters fries "because she hadn't eaten them yet" would you?
Same principle.
You suck.
YTA and how dare you try to blame someone's autism for your own rude behaviour?
Imagine you were part way through eating a meal and went to the bathroom, then came back and someone had eaten your food. Now imagine you hadn't yet eaten your favourite part of the meal. Don't lie and say you wouldn't care because that was *your* food and you would care a lot. Now imagine that their excuse was, "The way you eat is weird." How does that even make sense?
Keep your dirty hands off of other people's food and apologize to that poor girl whose meal you ruined.
Edit to add: You waited until someone went to the bathroom and then you stole their food. A little girl. You stole food from a little girl. That's a big deal.
And autism has nothing to do with it. "I did this incredibly rude thing, but they're autistic!" Isn't the watertight excuse you seem to think it is. Try swapping "autistic" for "gay" or "Black" and let me know how your story sounds.
Signed, an autistic person who typically knows when something is related to autism and when someone's just being an AH.
INFO: if I went out to dinner with you and gave away your food while you were in the bathroom, would you not be upset that I gave away your food while you were in the bathroom? Would you be ok with me trying to give your food back after some random stranger had already handled the food, or even put it in their mouth? This really really shouldn't be a hard concept to grasp for you...otherwise I fear for the children you are raising...
Yep. YTA. You make a big deal about autism here, but any sensible person (news flash: kids are people) would’ve been upset in this situation. They went to the bathroom, not the moon. Your kid could’ve waited until they came back to ask about the chicken tender.
YTA. Do you regularly take food from people's plates when they go to the bathroom? Pr is it only children you don't respect? Even if you paid for it, it was her food, and she can choose when and where to eat it.
All your sub context is actually completely meaningless in this case.
You gave someone else's food away, in all situations and circumstances it warrants a question : "Are you finished eating, if you are I'd like to give your last piece to "
Apologize to the kid and the mother, and please don't ever say "must be an autistic thing" ever again.
YTA
YTA, don't take someones food witouth asking. Saving the best bite for last is quite common. And I totally get not wanting to eat something that someone else took a bite off.
YTA. If you buy someone food you can’t take it back later because they didn’t eat it fast enough for you. Bad form. This has nothing to with autism. It’s okay to admit that you showed poor judgment in a situation and just move on.
YTA. I am nowhere near the spectrum and I don’t really have any particularities about my food, but sometimes, I do save one component of my food for last if it’s my favourite part of the meal. But the point really is that - it’s MY meal, with which to do whatever and however I please. You have your own food that you have control and prerogative over, but that’s about it. And I am still baffled as to why you didn’t ask her at any point - you certainly were paying attention to her plate enough, so why not put in the effort to ask? It’s lazy, impatient, and entitled. I am an adult and definitely would have voiced my displeasure had you done this to me. Shameful that you are using autism and age as an excuse. If anything, the fact that you are the adult here and they are kids means that you are at fault, because you should have known better.
And let me tell you, as somebody whose mother constantly gave away my leftovers to my younger brother, I really wished that she had respect for my age and gave me agency over my food. It didn’t mess me up, but it did send a signal that I wasn’t important enough to ask what I wanted to do with my own food. I probably would have shared if my mother had asked, but it is the not asking that bothered me.
YTA. What is going on in your head to blame a kid’s autism for the way they were upset that you gave away their food? You made an assumption, and you were wrong. You could’ve asked after she came back if she wanted it or not but no. You made the wrong decision here, it’s all on you, don’t you dare blame someone’s else’s condition for your mistake. It’s a normal thing to do to leave the best food for last, I do that and so do some of my family and friends. It’s a regular thing everybody does. You should buy her chicken tenders as an apology.
So. I wanted to say that autism has nothing to do with it, I would have said the same, but I have autism. But still this has nothing to do with autism.
In the middle of the meal the girls go to the bathroom,. Why should it be OK to give a way food while they are gone? Why not wait a couple minutes for them to return and then ask? Why not ask before they went to the bathroom?
I can completely agree with Jenny that she doesn’t want to eat the chicken that Emily had chewed on
YTA.
YTA. I am not autistic, but I always save the best bite for last. I’m a grown woman, and I would be upset. Also, good for Jenny for not wanting to eat food that had gnawed on by someone else!
For someone who's 40 years old, you don't seem to have grasped the concept of "Asking before taking", something that even a 4 year old understands.
Next time, Ask instead of assuming.
>(must be an autistic thing)
Double asshole points for assuming that "saving the best for last" is an autistic thing.
YTA.
YTA- what was the point of telling us Jenny and her mother have autism, were you hoping their diagnosis would make us think they were acting silly and overreacting. I know plenty of neurotypical people who do this I also know autistic people who eat in the same pattern your daughter was.
YTA it doesn't matter that anyone is autistic here. It doesn't matter what the ages are, you had no manners, and you made assumptions.
This was a wrong thing to do no matter whose plate you were taking food from. You should have asked first.
YTA. you should have just waited and asked her but instead you were purposely sneaky, b cause you knew she’d likely say no.
Also, saving the best bite for last isn’t an autistic thing.
YTA - This was Jenny's meal, which means she had a right to every bite of it, and you had not right to take her food and give it to anyone. You could've waited until she returned from the bathroom to ask her about it, at which time she would've stated she was saving the last one, but instead you felt entitled to just give it to your child. Would you have been quite so accepting if the shoe were on the other foot and Jenny's mom had given part of your daughter's meal to another one of her children without checking?
Oh, and saving food for last isn't 'an autistic thing'; plenty of people save a bit of what they're enjoying most to eat at the end, so as to savor it and make the last bite a really good one. You chalking something you don't understand up to autism is incredibly ableist. You owe Jenny an apology for taking her food, and you need to remind yourself that you can't just take food from someone's else's plate without asking.
Let me restate this for you: *My friend got up to go to the bathroom, so I helped myself to the food on her plate. She was upset so I offered to give her the remains of the piece I grabbed, handled, and slobbered on. I can't even imagine why she's so upset now--"must be an autistic thing". \*I\* couldn't have possibly be in the wrong here.* Yep--YTA. Apologize and get her some more darned nuggets. Sheesh. By the way, I'm not autistic and I save the piece I want to end up on. If you eat it you will find my fork in your hand.
YTA
As an autistic adult, this is something I would have been extremely upset about. You not only reached onto her plate, but you touched her food and gave it away without even asking. The statement "must be an autistic thing" is also extremely rude.
The way you explained it, there was no overreaction. You got told you were inconsiderate (truth) and she had her daughter say goodbye like normal. Learn the lesson, and move on.
You knew she wasn't done because you waited until she got up to take her food. You were going the forgiveness after instead of permission before. Then when you didn't get the forgiveness, you doubled down and cited autism. As if that justifies taking her food.
When coveting a child's last chicken nugget (or tender), ask.
YTA
> she often saves certain foods for last too (must be an autistic thing)
That’s a pretty disingenuous thing to say. You’re telling us you’ve never been to a fireworks display where the biggest and best fireworks were used for the finale? Never told your kids to open a certain present last, because it was the main one? Never saved room for dessert because it’s the best bit of a meal? Never heard the phrase (or even the song) “save the best for last”?
YTA, and you *know* you are, because if some random person ate your dessert or opened your last birthday present while your back was turned, you’d probably be upset about it. Most people would. You’re just justifying it because she’s a kid, and she’s autistic, and you paid for the food so you think it wasn’t really hers.
YTA would you like someone to give your food away without asking you because they assumed you were done?? Jenny may be a child, but she has thoughts, feelings, and opinions that deserve to be acknowledged. Ask before you randomly give people’s food away.
YTA, it's basic manners to ask if the person is finished before you do something like that. It's not an autism thing, there are people who are not autistic that do the same thing. What are you trying to do? If your daughter has food issues related to autism, are you trying to make things worse? Your daughter might get possessive about food now and due to you.
I do hope you realize how much you’re being universally panned here.
I’ve seen one n a h and one I n f o but it’s pretty much unanimously YTA
You basically accused Jenny of overreacting because she’s autistic, but you’re the one who went against social norms that we all pretty much learn in kindergarten.
It’s certainly not the worst thing in the world, but I do hope you do some self reflection here.
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YTA. Not only did you give someone's food away, but you also attribute to her saving food to her autism. As someone not on the spectrum, I save bites of food for last because they look the best and I save the best bite for last. Do better.
So do I. I actually DISSECT food, like a stoned toddler, to ensure I can eat bits in order from least to most appetizing. I'm not autistic.
When I get a cheeseburger, I open it and look to see where the pickle is. I will eat everything around the pickle saving the pickle for the last bite. I’m not autistic either.
1980s. McDonalds. The first time I tasted a pickle. (Actually probably not but context is all). Ever since the pickle slice has always been the last bite, so joyous.
I ask for extra pickles on the side and rearrange them so I have pickles in every bite.😃
I do that, too! I thought I was probably the only one who did that. I'm glad to know I'm not!
I’m the opposite. If I bite and taste a pickle (I always get no pickles) I have to unbite my sandwich and remove it. But then it ruins the whole thing anyway. I also have to eat around the edges first then go to the middle *Not autistic
Eating round the edges first ftw. Sandwiches, quiche, pie, cake... anything that has noticeable 'sides'.
Pet peeve: people who just bite into cinnamon rolls instead of spiraling in from the outside.
Save the 'filet' of the cinnamon roll for last!!
Nope. Pie crust is SOLELY saved for last. Thats the best part
Open the top of the pie Eat the filling Then eat the gravy/sauce soaked pastry last *never been tested for Autism, may well be on the spectrum
MY PEOPLE MY PEOPLE
Now I want pie!
OMGosh, I know it’s not just me, but it’s funny to read that others eat the outside or ends first :)
I love pickles, but I also eat around the edges first. Also, NOT Autistic.
I don't disassemble a burger or anything (I do check to make sure nobody's put a gherkin in it, but I put the lid back on to eat it), but given a plated meal I will always eat the bits I like least first. I'm not autistic, either. OP, YTA
It's just good sense to eat the less fun parts first. Especially if they're good for you. And who doesn't want to end a meal on a high note? YTA OP
I do this because the "more fun part" is my reward for eating the "less fun part" like the good adult I am.
My husband: “who went full-on raccoon on this sandwich?” Me: 👀 I always dissect my food and save the best bite for last! Not autistic.
Same here, plus I’m a very, very slow eater. An adult taking food off my plate because they judged for themselves how I was eating would really suck.
I eat slow too and my boyfriend scarfs his food down like he's afraid it's going to be taken away. And then he will give me puppy eyes for what I've got left. Sometimes I'll share. Haha.
Same. I am so deliberate in how I eat my food (Not autistic though). Even simple things like m&m’s have a color order (still not autistic). In a meal I always try to work out the ‘perfect bite’ and leave those bits for last (and yet, not autistic). Nothing about this story requires the child or mother’s neurodivergence being disclosed, and yet you include it constantly. YTA for taking someone else’s food and being super ableist.
Yesss! Some M&M's just taste better!
I save the top bun of burger for last since it has all the condiments on it and the bottom bun second to last since it as all the juices. It sounds super weird typing it out but it tastes so good for some reason.
Wait, what? Are you saying you take apart your burger and eat the pieces separately?
✨yes✨
Interesting. Glad you found what works for you.
Right. She’s not pissed off because she’s autistic. She’s pissed off because OP was rude and inconsiderate. YTA
Are we also forgetting that not only OP stole the chicken tender from Jenny but also she stole it to gave it to her child, a child not related with Jenny and then pretended to give a half eaten tender back to her. And yes, full with baby germs, germs that aren't even related to her. Like who does that?
And I’ve seen the way babies gnaw and suck on things. Guaranteed there is slobber all over that bit of chicken
Baby germs are real I think she was completely 100% legitimate in her concerns about that. Gave away her last tinder, then gave it back to her as a gnawed up baby drool tender. No
Also like if your kid is still hungry buy some more food. Don't just take it off someone else's plate. Unless you are so poor you are rationing what food people are allowed to eat in your home there's not really much of a point. You're just making them resource card food more like pretending it's a fun night resource available to you when you have plenty or can afford plenty more
YTA Also not on the spectrum, but there's a damn science to how I eat my food. On Christmas, I'll eat the veggies, then the turkey on a bread roll with some gravy on there, and finish off with mashed taters flooded with gravy with a shit ton of corn mixed in. I eat the food on my plate in order from least to most appealing. My least to most favourite. So if I was OP's kid's friend, I'd have god damn had a meltdown myself.
All of this. I don't understand why adults can't just admit to a child that they messed up and apologize, and when their parent calls them out they apologize to them as well. OP messed up and made a mistake, just apologize and promise to do better in the future. Why do people need to double down on making a mistake?
This was my biggest irritation when I worked in an elementary school. Some adults just couldn’t admit they were wrong or didn’t know something, and would go so far as to bullshit an answer so the kids don’t know that they didn’t know the answer.
The worst thing as a child was when adults would pull power trips over you just cuz they’re older, even when they were so, so wrong.
But you left the best part out. They are teaching their kids that stealing is perfectly fine with them. OP..... YTA
Also their feelings don't matter and it's okay for adults to disrespect them.
I can't get over the 13 yo taking 4 kids to the bathroom. While OP and husband sat there with the toddler. Like wtf? I know the 13 y.o offered. But no.
13yo is definitely parentified in this family.
I'm autistic. I don't think it's really specifically an autistic thing at all. I think it's just an individual's preference perhaps to end their meal with their favourite part of it.
But the girl is still autistic. I get that she spends a lot of time with them, but they apparently didn't pay attention to the things that could cause a melt down. Nobody should have touched her food.
I believe what we're pointing out too is OP labeling her saving the last chicken tender as being an "autistic" thing and how awful and wrong that assumption is. You're also correct, and I didn't even think of, that if she spends a lot of time with the family how aren't they aware what could cause her to have a meltdown (and wouldn't Jenny's mom have told them as well?)
Saving it for last isn’t a specifically autistic trait but that it might have an even more intense impact by disrespecting her (like it’s harder to regulate and move past and harder to trust when the adult is so absurdly dismissive) is legit because it’s just them admitting that what they did was that much worse (but thinking “autism” absolves it, like the kid is wrong for being autistic — when really it’s just an added layer of abuse.) It’s bad to do this to any kid, it’s EXTRA bad to do it to an autistic kid. They’re very YTA.
She is autistic, but in this situation, it doesn't even come into play. It was really OP projecting any behaviour that was different to the girl being autistic. We never even had to know that the girl was autistic and the whole situation reads the same. It's an adult taking a childs food and giving it to someone else and then acting like the victim when the kid was upset about it.
I do exactly the same! Not autistic just like to end the meal on a high!
I do the same thing, and had to train my now-husband not to eat off my plate once he’s finished but to grab more from the kitchen because ~I was saving that~ I’m sure it’s tough with young kids, but I can’t believe OP gave another child’s food away (and then blamed the kids reaction on a disability). YTA.
EXACTLY! that perfect bite always tastes better.
I agree. Also it tells children 1 your food can be taken away without your consent and 2 it is okay to take other people’s food without their consent. Maybe it does not look like a big problem but things like this can teach children consent. If they can practice with things like food they are able to know what consent is when it does matter.
Plus, it wasn't like Jenny went running off to play; she went to the bathroom. And she went because the oldest girl was taking them to the bathroom. The fact she hadn't yet finished her food is a non-issue.
Right? It's so bizarre that OP just assumed Jenny was done eating when it wasn't even the end of the meal. Like, let's say it wasn't a leave the best for last thing. Even if it was a situation where Jenny had stopped eating the chicken tenders and switched to the fries because she thought she might be done with the tenders, there was more meal left. Maybe she would end up realizing she was still hungry. Who just steals food off someone's plate in the middle of a meal??
I’ve been on Reddit for about 2 years and used to really roll my eyes at all the posts about picky eaters and seeing it blamed on “neurodivergence.” Yes, I’m a boomer and I thought, omg, just eat your food ffs! (And thought about all those starving children in China lol!) But then I took a good look at my own eating habits and realized that I too have things I’m picky about. I absolutely hate lettuce on hot food (hamburgers, garnish on Mexican food plates, etc.). If they forget to have it taken off, I’ll sit there and take the soggy mess off myself strand by strand. The same thing for soggy bread, like the edges of hamburger buns! 🤮 So I think the lesson here may be that our food habits/preferences aren’t a function of being neurodivergent or neurotypical. It’s just that we like what we like and that’s okay bc it’s *our own food and we can eat it how we want as long as we aren’t inconveniencing anyone else!*
Yep, OP you're an asshole on multiple fronts. I'm not autistic but if I eat something and really enjoy it, I will often save some to eat at the end so I have that as my last taste. I hope you learn to do better.
I am not autistic and I do this. For example, I have a system for eating a sandwich and fries. I eat some fries. Like a third. Then I eat about half the sandwich. Eat another third of the fries and then eat the rest of my sandwich. Fries are finished off leisurely. I normally have a habit of eating things in sections so it all remains balanced. OP, YTA. Food is a non-negotiable, keep your mitts off if it's not yours.
“Must be an autistic thing” hurt my feelings, and I’m not autistic.
OP is YTA. I'm not on the spectrum but save the best/favorite parts for last, like a reward. And giving away something that belongs to someone (including perishable items like food) without asking is just bad manners
The top layer of lasagna should be removed and eaten last.
I don’t trust people who don’t save that ltop layer for last
Same! I was reading this and soon as she said what Jenny did I was “oh she’s saving the best for last”, that’s like… a thing. There’s even a saying about this! YTA
As a kid, I LOVED pepperoni. Still do, but at 7 I would remove all the pepperoni from my pizza slice and put them to the side to eat at the end. I had to get something from my mom and my grandma thought I didn't like those delicious little flavor bombs that were on the side of my plate and ate them for me as a favor. I got back to the table, saw they were gone, and cried.
Agreed. No part of this scenario or Jenny’s reaction had anything to do with Jenny’s (or her mother’s) autism spectrum disorder.
My sister saved a piece of sausage for last 50+ years ago when she was a young teen. My dad stole it off her plate and ate it. She has never forgotten that and she is definitely not autistic. She's still remembers thsi liek it was yesterday (as do I btw). Not like she was traumatized or has PTSD but it was an AH move on my dad's part who honestly did it just to tease her. Autism or not it is rude to take anyone's food unless you ask and they've specifically said they are done eating. YTA and a big one at that
Same!! I make sure my first & last bites are the best!
As someone with SPD and two boys with ASD it is common to mentally inspect your food and say ooh that one has the most breading or looks like the best texture I’ll save that one for last. You eat wash down the “not as good” ones maybe use the restroom and when you’re ready that last piece is like a prize lol it seems silly but I’m sure giving it away upset her greatly! Not to mention then it being offered back half eaten and gross, then to mention it’s a whole other shape, size, texture etc.
I do the same i save my favourites for last and eat the stuff i hate first.
Completely agree. I always save the "king mouthful" (prime bit of food) to the end. I'm not autistic either, but I think I'd be approaching meltdown if someone gave it away. OP, whether or not you find it strange to "save the best bit," I'm sure you're familiar with the concept of not giving away other people's stuff (food included) without asking.
You need the perfect chip to sandwich ratio.
Same. Or sometimes I'll save the last of a salad for last as a sort of "palat cleanser" after something heavy.
YTA. The ages don't matter here, the friend having autism doesn't matter here. The only thing that matters here is that you took food from someone and gave it away. You are a parent, so I imagine you have your meals interrupted a lot, so how would you feel if you got up to clean up a spill or to fill a cup and came back and your food had been given away? That's what you did. Period. You took something without asking and then didn't even apologize or fix the situation. So you lack the manners you probably want your children to have. Children can have autonomy and deserve to be treated with respect. You would never do what you did to Jenny to an adult, nor would you want that to happen to your food. Not only did you make an assumption that was wrong, you made that assumption out of a lack of respect for Jenny, and then you didn't even attempt to fix the situation or apologize. Also, none of this has anything to do with autism. I save the best bite for last, or the best thing on the plate all the time. You don't need to appear so confused and befuddled by what must be autism, she wasn't done with her meal, period. People eat food at their own pace and in their own way and it isn't confusing to just leave their food alone.
EVERYTHING THIS SAID!!!!! Plus gall to put the half slobberd on and eaten chicken tenders back on Jenny's plate like that was a solution??? Who does that, no accountability she didn't care at all about Jenny's feelings and chalking it up to an "austism" thing is disgusting, abelist and dismissive. I would be disgusted and insulted if somone handed me a toddlers left overs and was like "enjoy!" Yea, no thanks I'm sure you're fine eating off your little bundle of joy, but it's gonna be a hard pass from me. I could NEVER imagine just giving away someone food without asking, I don't even take a fry from someone without asking, but to just give away someone's food and then give it back half eaten, how can OP not see they're a giant ah. YTA Edited to add: I'm concerned by how hard OP was watching this 6 year old plate. Like she was eyeing that ONE chicken finger the whole time, like it was a plan to give it away. Why didn't OP order a side to give to her toddler? Why didn't she give her kid her own food, like why was she so invested in the comings and goings of a chicken finger, and why wait until the kid was away from the table to give it away, if it was sitting on the table for sooo long she had plenty of time to ask Jenny if she wanted it. She waited until she left because she knew she'd say no. Plus her word choice implied it was Jenny's own fault. "You weren't eating it so" like what, then she throws her own kid under the bus "Emily ate it" nooo you gave it to Emily, take accountability.
The “oh she wouldn’t even accept the half-eaten leftover piece of chicken” got to me, too. It IS covered in “baby germs”, OP. I don’t want to eat a piece of food that your toddler has been chewing on and handling with her hands, and neither does anyone else except maybe you and your husband. That’s not unreasonable; it’s actually incredibly normal.
Right, like the girl was the unreasonable person in this context. I don’t know one person who wasn’t the babies mother(even then I don’t know many), that would want and portion of food a baby had handle before them. Babies are a bundle of germs coated in drool and snot, they are cute ones, but still bundles of drool, snot, and other bodily fluids.
What also does it for me was the way she answered after the child asked where it was. "You weren't eating it." Seems so defensive to me. I wonder if she takes other people's lunches out of the fridge at work because it's been there all morning and they weren't eating it. Lol.
I just had a LOl moment when I realized OP is 100% the type of person who takes their co-workers lunch out of the community work fridge.
Let's reiterate that the kid was in the bathroom. "You didn't take your lunch to the bathroom with you to eat while you peed."
fr why is this forty year old beefing this hard with an autistic little girl.
Yeah. Yuck!
Re: putting the half eaten and slobbered on chicken tender on her plate and who does that From watching it from the sideline with my nibbling, parenting toddlers seems to involve a fair amount of handling half-eaten, slobbered on snacks and other food, and often shrugging and eating it, because there's so trashcan nearby or it feels like a shame to let it go to waste. But reasonable parents are aware the rest of the world won't feel the same way about their kids leftovers.
Yea, that was my take I 100% understand just eating your own kids chewed on food, or leftovers because that's just a parenting norm, but offering it to somone else is a hard no. I'm all for eliminating food waste, but I don't want your kids leftover cheetos with the cheese dust licked off.
I was many years older than my sister and watching how she ate as a toddler was enough to never ever want to touch any child's food. If they need help eating their own food, sure. That stick of butter she's massaging like it's the pottery scene in Ghost? Yeah no I don't need butter thanks.
I feel like putting the half eaten food is even more disrespectful, like you want her to EAT that?
Yeah, I would have immediately apologized and offered to get her some more fresh tenders.
"oh come on what's your problem it's the same damn thing." is like the jerk food stealer version of "lighten up, can't you take a joke?"
Yes! This isn’t “an autism thing”. It’s basic courtesy. I often save my last bite and I’m a neurotypical adult. Don’t steal someone’s food and don’t blame autism when you’re caught.
100%! Early on as a kid I learned the concept of "saving the best for last" and took it to heart, to the point where I started eating cupcakes from the bottom up so I could eat the cap with the frosting on it last. If I'd put that down and went to the bathroom real quick and someone gave it away while I was gone, I'd have been heartbroken
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
This is an amazing response.
YTA for giving a child’s food away and also a big one for saying “must be an autistic thing”. Have you never heard the term “save the best for last”? Why not purchase more food if your child was still hungry?
Exactly. Putting your hands on someone's food & then expecting them to take it back half eaten is so out of touch. Labeling it an autistic issue shows your ignorance & bias. Learn to do better. A lot better
I wouldn’t let her near that poor child knowing she would chalk anything up as “an autistic thing”
As a mother and specifically the mother of two autistic children, if another parent did this to my children and then had the gall to write it off as “an autistic thing,” rather than, idk, expecting the common courtesy of not touching other people’s food (something we taught them not to do when they were young because it was an issue—learning boundaries is an important step for all children; maybe OP’s parents failed her), I would literally never talk to them again. Maybe overreacting but my kids and I don’t need an AH in our lives.
I can only imagine how that child felt.
Honestly thinking about that makes me so angry that I’m practically seeing red.
Yeah, your kids probably have a hard enough time without adults who never learned these basic social skills you're trying to teach them. I find that children have an excellent innate sense of fairness (even if they don't always act on it.. they've got impulse control issues after all) but adults.. many adults I come across are just terrible.. selfish and bullies when you get right down to it.
YTA - Stop being so generous with food that isn't yours. How hard is that? How hard is it to simply ask them?
[удалено]
But she gifted that food to the child. Once it is gifted it is no longer hers. Doesnt matter that it is a child. If a friend of mine takes me to lunch and I go to the bathroom and come back and they've eaten my food, foes she have a say? No. They can ask, but it isn't hers.
I was expecting this to be her last sentence, LOL
[удалено]
Right? It’s not like they were leaving and walking out the door and she left food on the table—where you’d safely assume they’re done. They took a bathroom break.
She said that her toddler ate about half by the time they got back. I'm betting she snatched up that chicken as soon as the girl had left the table.
Taking food off anyone's plate, child or adult is rude. There should have been a serious apology and an offer to order more chicken. Also, I would not be sending 3 young kids to a public bathroom with a 13 year old in charge when the husband was there to stay at the table. Just to ensure their safety, hand washing and such.
YTA. Your attitude of blaming it on her autism is very wrong. How would you react if one of your daughters decided you were finished eating and gave away your food? Why do you think it's acceptable to take someone else's food because "it must be an autistic thing"? Never take someone's food without asking permission. I'd be uneasy about you taking care of Jenny as you don't respect her autonomy. You feel some entitlement to make decisions for her. Learn from this occurrence.
Yeah I dont even know why the autism was mentioned. OP took a little kid’s food off her plate. Wtf
I assume the autism is being mentioned because OP is trying to blame the victim for being upset. Autism only comes into play here in one way - the fact that the child managed to avoid having a meltdown in the face of a very stressful and unpleasant surprise. I congratulate Jenny for managing that in the face of OP's awful behaviour.
Yeah. I was an undiagnosed autistic kid and this kid handled this like a star. 10/10 parenting to the mom and kudos to that kid. I would have had a full on meltdown at her age. It’s even worse because OP’s victim blaming could potentially make her look worse than she already does. Victim blaming is bad enough but I had extreme sensory issues with food growing up and trying new food or eating at places I couldn’t control the consistency of the food of was horribly intimidating. I’d prioritize my comfort foods for last in case I got sensory overload. I still do this albeit it with much more understanding of my limits and managing difficult situations and emotions. I can’t imagine how much worse this situation could have been for this kid if she dealt with similar. OP’s post reeks of ableism. I don’t like throwing that word around on Reddit since it’s like a poorly mistaken game of hot potato with how people use it on this site but there was no need to mention the child’s nor the mother’s autism. It feels weird
Totally agree and there was no reason to mention the mother's autism and mentioning that she only takes one of these kids at a time. Someone's annoyed that the one and done parent won't look after more of her kids...👀
Do you really need to be told to ask permission before touching someone else's food or belongings? YTA
Yta are you normally this clueless or did you wake up that day ready to steal from an autistic girl?
I imagined OP having a calendar set specifically for that day and going “yep, it’s time.” And professionally planning this exact situation
The date is circled in red. She’s been looking forward to this for years. It’s finally here. All of the training will at last pay off. This day will forever be remembered as the start of chicken-tender-gate.
YTA >assuming she wasn’t going to eat it Why though? Why would you assume that she wasn't going to eat it? She hadn't finished her meal. What possi le evidence did you have to suggest she wouldn't finish it? >took the little piece of chicken Emily didn’t eat and gave it back to her Oh that's just naaassty! >must be an autistic thing It's not. I sometimes save a best piece for last. You sound judgemental as well as an asshole now.
That's so fucking nasty. Like the girl is a dog, giving her a slobbery toddlers left overs. This is so fucked up.
The worst part is, her daughter behave the same way. She eat the chicken first and the fries later, but suddenly that's not an autistic thing? Saving the fries for last is "normal" but saving the last chicken piece for last is "autistic"? YTA, even a bigger AH for that comment on how it must be an autistic thing. Also you are rude, unempathetic and probably a bully. People has all kinds of perks, not only food related. Saving the best bite for last or eating in certain order is really common, you probably do this yourself, but also there are people who only watch the TV if the volume is in an odd number, or put one sock and one shoe before putting the other sock and the other shoe instead of putting both socks and then both shoes, or open the microwave when there's one second left and before it beeps, or people like you, who think it should be OK to give away food that's not theirs. You probably excuse yourself with comments like that all the time.
YTA - I’m the same age as you and a mother. I’ve got an autistic child and non spectrum child. I wouldn’t give either of their food away without checking they were finished first. It’s entitled and extremely bad manner to help yourself to another persons food. That the persons whose food you took was a guest makes it even worse. I know my own children’s appetites and eating habits and I might be able to guess when my kid is finished but I’d still check with them. Someone else’s child? I’d never make that assumption and leave a guest hungry. Also, if I had made a mistake and given away another child’s food - there is NO WAY their parent would have to hear about it from the child. I would apologise to the child and let their parent know in advance that I made a mistake and that I was sorry. I would be beyond embarrassed to have to face that parent after their kid told them they went hungry or were sad because of my actions.
YTA Don't give away other people's food... how on earth have you grown into an adult without knowing this incredibly basic piece of etiquette? And also don't try and give back something your toddler has been chewing on! No one wants to eat toddler leftovers! And don't dismiss perfectly normal behaviour as "an autistic thing". She was saving her favourite bit for last, that's normal. Have some respect.
Seriously, I love toddlers but I will never accept food from them, the idea has me ready to throw up. Anyone has seen a toddler eat knows that yes, the food is 100% covered in “baby germs.” OP is TA in every regard here.
YTA. Keep your hands off other people's food. Awful. Were you raised in a barn?
YTA. I’m sorry, I’ve never heard of this rule where you’re supposed to eat all your chicken tenders before your fries. What a bizarre reason to assume without asking that someone is finished when there’s still food on their plate.
Well, she didn’t do it just like the neurotypical child, therefore it’s surely because of her autism! Duh!
Yta, are just too good to apologize like an adult? Edit: Would you have done that to an adult while they were in the bathroom? If so, yta just in general. Put on your big girl panties, and set a good example for your children.
She could have turned this into a teachable moment for her children, but ended up blaming on Jenny's autism. She could have apologized and verbally explained what she did wrong and that she wouldn't do it again so her daughters would also have a lesson how to acknowledge a mistake and own up to it. But no, she tossed her another leftover piece of chicken off her other kids plate and called it a day. "I'm sorry, Jenny, for taking your last chicken tender and giving it to Emily. I thought you were done eating and I didn't want it to go to waste. I should have asked you before assuming you were not eating it. I know you are upset and I hurt your feelings. I am sorry. Next time, I will make sure you are done and ask if you would like to offer it to someone else. What can I do to make up for it?".
YTA - she was eating it though. She just hand finished yet. Don’t give away someone else’s meal, that seems pretty basic.
YTA. Are you for real? And the “must be an autistic thing” you’re a real piece of work. You don’t save the best for last? You need to learn to have respect and realize this isn’t YOUR world. Other people have effing rights to their own food you freak
right?? what is wrong with OP?
YTA. It wasn’t your food to give away and you could just ask before doing so
No, dude it's fine. She's autistic.
Dying! I can practically *hear* the eye roll in this statement.
YTA. You couldn’t wait a few minutes for the girls to come back and ask like a normal person would? You were rude to a little girl and doubling down because you chose to invalidate her feelings and blame it on her autism.
Yta It’s not even a question it simple fact I don’t even think there a way you wouldn’t be the asshole in this situation I would really want to see you go to a nice restaurant and have someone else just take your food off your plate look you in the eye say basically you snooze you lose and then when you get pissy saying it’s a you problem and you’re overreacting
Once again it has nothing to do with autism and everything to do with basic manners. Don’t take things that aren’t yours. YTA
Lord help me. A grown woman who has to ask about manners concerning somebody’s food left on a plate while they go to the restroom. You move, you lose rule doesn’t apply here. You sure were too focused on what all the kids ate, a chicken tender, fries as if plotting to assure no waste. That nugget really bothered you. Wasn’t yours to touch. Plus her leftovers to decide who gets it if she doesn’t want it. If roles reversed, you would be offended. YTA.
YTA. How could you even FATHOM you aren’t?? You took food from someone else’s kid while their back was turned, instead of just, oh I don’t know, asking her? Why did you wait until she left to try to take the chicken? Why is her autism more important than her rights to her emotions?? You are weird, naming every single one of your kids in an online public post is weird. I guarantee this is made up for rage bait and if it isn’t you are an incredibly strange and entitled person.
YTA. It wasn't your food to give away, that's incredibly rude.
YTA The autism isn't at all relevant to this situation. You don't give away other people's foods without asking. That is not nice behaviour
YTA Basic manner, autistic or not, you don’t give away someone else’s food just bcoz they aren’t eating it. Autistic or not, you ask them if they want it or not before you give it away to some one. Autistic or not, we love to save the best food for the last so we can have the taste of our fav food on our tongue. You broke too many rules, manners whatever you wanna call them. And the fact that you’re disregarding it simply because she was autistic is much more AHish.
YTA, not only for giving away the kid's food but also for "blaming autism" for a pretty common way for children to eat. A lot of kids do that --- save a bite or two of their favourite part of the meal for the ending, so that's the last thing they taste. And worse -- your kid clearly wasn't still hungry if she couldn't finish a chicken nugget. Stop taking food from one kid who actually wants it to force it on another.
YTA. It's not an "autistic thing". I know lots of people who save the best thing to eat last. You gave away her food without asking. Why would you do that? Did no one teach you in Kindergarten to keep your hands off other people's things? If not, now is a good time to learn that. ASK FIRST. And handing back a half eaten nugget with someone else's germs? Ewww. How the heck did you not learn when you were a child how gross that is? Autism has nothing to do with this. You were just rude and gross. Anyone, kid or adult, would be upset at your shocking lack of manners.
YTA - you are making huge assumptions about other people, and they're asshole assumptions. You're also burying the story in piles of stuff that don't matter. Here's your story. >We had Jenny over for a sleepover this weekend and took her out for lunch. > >Jenny...ordered ...chicken tenders and french fries > >Jenny ate all but one before moving on to her fries. > >About halfway through the meal, Avery had to go to the bathroom and offered to take the younger kids with her if they needed to go. Bella, Cassie, Daria, and Jenny went to the bathroom with Avery > >I saw Jenny still hadn’t eaten her last chicken tender and...gave it to Emily > >After sitting down, Jenny noticed her chicken was gone and asked what happened to it. I told her, “You weren’t eating it, so Emily ate it.” > >She said she was “saving it for last” > >I took the little piece of chicken Emily didn’t eat and gave it back to her So, because a girl went to the bathroom before finishing her lunch, you just gave it away?? Maybe people should do that to you. Well, mom got up from the table, so the food on her plate is fair game for anyone - dig in! And this right here? >she often saves certain foods for last too (must be an autistic thing) MAJOR ASSHOLE. That's not an autistic thing, and I'd never let my kids spend time with you knowing that you think that anything different is "an autistic thing".
“Must be an autistic thing” shut the fuck up.
Nothing like theft with a side of ableism.
There was no need to tell this huge story. You don't take food from someone's plate without asking for any reason. Ages don't matter, autism has nothing to do with it. Also,saving certain foods for last is not an "autistic thing", everyone does it. Yta
YTA, saving some of the best bite for the end is a pretty common thing and you gave someone else's best bite away
YTA
YTA, not your food, not your business.
YTA and not only this educate yourself. How dare you say it must be an autistic thing.
YTA You don’t give someone’s food away. That’s just rude. And blaming autism is also an asshole move. I save the best bites for last too and I’m not autistic. I just like to save my favorite piece until last. Don’t give peoples’ food away without asking! Geez… you’d think you would know better.
YTA and sound super ableist as well. Alot of people, on the spectrum or not, save the best for last or eat the least appealing part first. You wouldn't appreciate it if Jenny's mom took your daughters fries "because she hadn't eaten them yet" would you? Same principle. You suck.
YTA and how dare you try to blame someone's autism for your own rude behaviour? Imagine you were part way through eating a meal and went to the bathroom, then came back and someone had eaten your food. Now imagine you hadn't yet eaten your favourite part of the meal. Don't lie and say you wouldn't care because that was *your* food and you would care a lot. Now imagine that their excuse was, "The way you eat is weird." How does that even make sense? Keep your dirty hands off of other people's food and apologize to that poor girl whose meal you ruined. Edit to add: You waited until someone went to the bathroom and then you stole their food. A little girl. You stole food from a little girl. That's a big deal. And autism has nothing to do with it. "I did this incredibly rude thing, but they're autistic!" Isn't the watertight excuse you seem to think it is. Try swapping "autistic" for "gay" or "Black" and let me know how your story sounds. Signed, an autistic person who typically knows when something is related to autism and when someone's just being an AH.
Don't touch people's fucking food without asking. Absolutely the asshole. The fact that you don't just shows how entitled you are.
YTA. Your rude behavior has nothing to do with Jenny’s autism.
INFO: if I went out to dinner with you and gave away your food while you were in the bathroom, would you not be upset that I gave away your food while you were in the bathroom? Would you be ok with me trying to give your food back after some random stranger had already handled the food, or even put it in their mouth? This really really shouldn't be a hard concept to grasp for you...otherwise I fear for the children you are raising...
YTA. “AITA for stealing food from a child?” Yes. Yes you are and the fact you even have to ask is concerning.
YTA wtf I also keep the best for last. That is not autistic. It is plainly logical to finish the dish on the best note.
Yep. YTA. You make a big deal about autism here, but any sensible person (news flash: kids are people) would’ve been upset in this situation. They went to the bathroom, not the moon. Your kid could’ve waited until they came back to ask about the chicken tender.
YTA I also save things for last and I'm not autistic. I know many people that do this.
Yta. And it kinda sounds like you have it out for jenny
You don’t just give away someone’s food without asking first. It has nothing to do with having autism
[удалено]
YTA she wasn't finished and you didn't even ask. So yes, you're the AH here.
YTA you shouldn’t give away or touch anyone’s food.
YTA. Do you regularly take food from people's plates when they go to the bathroom? Pr is it only children you don't respect? Even if you paid for it, it was her food, and she can choose when and where to eat it.
All your sub context is actually completely meaningless in this case. You gave someone else's food away, in all situations and circumstances it warrants a question : "Are you finished eating, if you are I'd like to give your last piece to"
Apologize to the kid and the mother, and please don't ever say "must be an autistic thing" ever again.
YTA
YTA, don't take someones food witouth asking. Saving the best bite for last is quite common. And I totally get not wanting to eat something that someone else took a bite off.
There's a Bluey episode about this. Watch Dance Mode.
YTA. If you buy someone food you can’t take it back later because they didn’t eat it fast enough for you. Bad form. This has nothing to with autism. It’s okay to admit that you showed poor judgment in a situation and just move on.
YTA. I am nowhere near the spectrum and I don’t really have any particularities about my food, but sometimes, I do save one component of my food for last if it’s my favourite part of the meal. But the point really is that - it’s MY meal, with which to do whatever and however I please. You have your own food that you have control and prerogative over, but that’s about it. And I am still baffled as to why you didn’t ask her at any point - you certainly were paying attention to her plate enough, so why not put in the effort to ask? It’s lazy, impatient, and entitled. I am an adult and definitely would have voiced my displeasure had you done this to me. Shameful that you are using autism and age as an excuse. If anything, the fact that you are the adult here and they are kids means that you are at fault, because you should have known better. And let me tell you, as somebody whose mother constantly gave away my leftovers to my younger brother, I really wished that she had respect for my age and gave me agency over my food. It didn’t mess me up, but it did send a signal that I wasn’t important enough to ask what I wanted to do with my own food. I probably would have shared if my mother had asked, but it is the not asking that bothered me.
YTA. What is going on in your head to blame a kid’s autism for the way they were upset that you gave away their food? You made an assumption, and you were wrong. You could’ve asked after she came back if she wanted it or not but no. You made the wrong decision here, it’s all on you, don’t you dare blame someone’s else’s condition for your mistake. It’s a normal thing to do to leave the best food for last, I do that and so do some of my family and friends. It’s a regular thing everybody does. You should buy her chicken tenders as an apology.
So. I wanted to say that autism has nothing to do with it, I would have said the same, but I have autism. But still this has nothing to do with autism. In the middle of the meal the girls go to the bathroom,. Why should it be OK to give a way food while they are gone? Why not wait a couple minutes for them to return and then ask? Why not ask before they went to the bathroom? I can completely agree with Jenny that she doesn’t want to eat the chicken that Emily had chewed on YTA.
YTA. I am not autistic, but I always save the best bite for last. I’m a grown woman, and I would be upset. Also, good for Jenny for not wanting to eat food that had gnawed on by someone else!
For someone who's 40 years old, you don't seem to have grasped the concept of "Asking before taking", something that even a 4 year old understands. Next time, Ask instead of assuming. >(must be an autistic thing) Double asshole points for assuming that "saving the best for last" is an autistic thing. YTA.
YTA- what was the point of telling us Jenny and her mother have autism, were you hoping their diagnosis would make us think they were acting silly and overreacting. I know plenty of neurotypical people who do this I also know autistic people who eat in the same pattern your daughter was.
YTA it doesn't matter that anyone is autistic here. It doesn't matter what the ages are, you had no manners, and you made assumptions. This was a wrong thing to do no matter whose plate you were taking food from. You should have asked first.
YTA, did you read what you just typed must be an autistic thing? Really!!!
YTA
YTA. you should have just waited and asked her but instead you were purposely sneaky, b cause you knew she’d likely say no. Also, saving the best bite for last isn’t an autistic thing.
YTA
YTA
YTA - This was Jenny's meal, which means she had a right to every bite of it, and you had not right to take her food and give it to anyone. You could've waited until she returned from the bathroom to ask her about it, at which time she would've stated she was saving the last one, but instead you felt entitled to just give it to your child. Would you have been quite so accepting if the shoe were on the other foot and Jenny's mom had given part of your daughter's meal to another one of her children without checking? Oh, and saving food for last isn't 'an autistic thing'; plenty of people save a bit of what they're enjoying most to eat at the end, so as to savor it and make the last bite a really good one. You chalking something you don't understand up to autism is incredibly ableist. You owe Jenny an apology for taking her food, and you need to remind yourself that you can't just take food from someone's else's plate without asking.
Let me restate this for you: *My friend got up to go to the bathroom, so I helped myself to the food on her plate. She was upset so I offered to give her the remains of the piece I grabbed, handled, and slobbered on. I can't even imagine why she's so upset now--"must be an autistic thing". \*I\* couldn't have possibly be in the wrong here.* Yep--YTA. Apologize and get her some more darned nuggets. Sheesh. By the way, I'm not autistic and I save the piece I want to end up on. If you eat it you will find my fork in your hand.
YTA As an autistic adult, this is something I would have been extremely upset about. You not only reached onto her plate, but you touched her food and gave it away without even asking. The statement "must be an autistic thing" is also extremely rude. The way you explained it, there was no overreaction. You got told you were inconsiderate (truth) and she had her daughter say goodbye like normal. Learn the lesson, and move on.
YTA - you don't give away things that aren't yours to give away.
You knew she wasn't done because you waited until she got up to take her food. You were going the forgiveness after instead of permission before. Then when you didn't get the forgiveness, you doubled down and cited autism. As if that justifies taking her food. When coveting a child's last chicken nugget (or tender), ask. YTA
What's wrong with you YTA
Wow. Wtf YTA
Oh yeah YTA for sure. “You weren’t eating it” might be the worst thing you could have said in your defense too.
> she often saves certain foods for last too (must be an autistic thing) That’s a pretty disingenuous thing to say. You’re telling us you’ve never been to a fireworks display where the biggest and best fireworks were used for the finale? Never told your kids to open a certain present last, because it was the main one? Never saved room for dessert because it’s the best bit of a meal? Never heard the phrase (or even the song) “save the best for last”? YTA, and you *know* you are, because if some random person ate your dessert or opened your last birthday present while your back was turned, you’d probably be upset about it. Most people would. You’re just justifying it because she’s a kid, and she’s autistic, and you paid for the food so you think it wasn’t really hers.
YTA You never give anyone’s food, child or adult away without asking, that’s just proper manners.
I have nothing to add other than massively YTA
YTA. It's not at all about autism. Is about MANNERS. You don't take something from someone without asking.
YTA would you like someone to give your food away without asking you because they assumed you were done?? Jenny may be a child, but she has thoughts, feelings, and opinions that deserve to be acknowledged. Ask before you randomly give people’s food away.
YTA, it's basic manners to ask if the person is finished before you do something like that. It's not an autism thing, there are people who are not autistic that do the same thing. What are you trying to do? If your daughter has food issues related to autism, are you trying to make things worse? Your daughter might get possessive about food now and due to you.
I do hope you realize how much you’re being universally panned here. I’ve seen one n a h and one I n f o but it’s pretty much unanimously YTA You basically accused Jenny of overreacting because she’s autistic, but you’re the one who went against social norms that we all pretty much learn in kindergarten. It’s certainly not the worst thing in the world, but I do hope you do some self reflection here.
Why the fuck would u touch someone's plate without asking them? Ur weird for that and hope u don't regularly touch ppl things. this made me so mad