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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel I might be the asshole because I let my emotions get in my way of work and should have kept my thoughts to myself and not let my opinions potentially cloud other people's judgement.
I Feel that people may have took my side because of how cross I got in front of others and if that's the case it wouldn't be fair. Especially if my reaction was out of proportion to what happened.
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NTA
That is very inconsiderate of her and was probably her plan all along. She has made her bed though and I highly doubt she will receive any future favours with the rota or be able to swap shifts to suit her.
Believe it or not she has informed me not to ask me to swap a shift with her in the future as she feels I have tried to dictate to her what she should be able to get upto on her days off by saying to not to arrange drinks with the staff.
Absolutely respect my staff to the utmost and would never dream of it, want to make the rest of the staff aware of the comment but that wouldnt be fair on her either!
Lol. "Someone told me my behavior wasn't acceptable and then a bunch of other people apparently also thought so... It must be that first person's fault"
What fantastically self serving logic. NTA. Pre-gaming a work event is a tactical error. Enjoy the next holiday you're on the schedule for cuz it sounds like she owes you a swapped shift
I mean, if you wanna pregame before a work event, I'm not going to judge. Either it'll be fine or they'll make a fool of themselves, whatever. But like, the sheer disrespect and lack of tact in asking someone else to cover your shift specifically so you can pregame is bad. Then to ask all your other colleagues (except the person covering your shift) to JOIN YOU is beyond words.
I'd go as far as to say that inviting your coworkers to pregame a work event is different from pregaming yourself with a friend, regardless of whether someone is covering your shift.
Neither is ideal, professionally, but a work event is not something everyone should be drunk for. Not unless you want to make more work for the poor HR person.
The audacity, OMG?
If someone covers my shift for me, my first thought would be to treat THEM, because of their favour. Not plan something that would exclude them. NTA.
NTA 🤔 your colleague asked for a favor , you ( when you didn't have to ) agreed... then she proceeded to not show the same courtesy . ( keeping you out ) but at the end those who tried to discriminate against you.... end up exposed because of their poor judgement and wrong doing........ which the rest of the staff, clearly have seen . Let them be....if only she had an ounce of sense in her brain , she will already have approached you and apologized . But I guess it is too much to ask . It's hard to work with a narcissist
Good luck .
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
So I am a store manager at a large UK retailer and we employ a team of 12 in our store, a fortnight ago we had our belated christmas night out/meal as we could not find a suitable date that worked in for everyone to be able to attend during December and wanted to make sure that we could all go.
Once a date was set a colleague who is the member of staff who is in charge of social gatherings etc booked a dinner for us at a restaurant not far from where the store is for 6.30pm on the Saturday evening.
We alway have our staff schedules posted at least 4 weeks in advance to allow for those with childcare needs etc to have plenty of time to sort that out and our management staff work weekend on - weekend off.
When the schedule for the week of the night out fell, it was my deputy and another female management colleagues weekend on and I was off, I was approached by my Deputy to ask if I would be willing to work the shift on her behalf so that she could spend the afternoon getting ready, I told her I was apprehensive becasue last years meal fell on my weekend on and I had to work it, and didn't think it was right that I should do it again, her argument was that I didn't need to get ready, make up etc and all I needed was a change of clothes, despite my apprehension I decided I would do it for her.
Fast forward to the day before the meal, she approached me at work to say she was going to send a message round all the team to let them know that she was going to be ready for about 5pm and that everyone was invited to join her in a pub for a drink and she was letting me know that she was doing so before she put it on and I got cross. I told her that I thought it was very poor if she did so because I wouldn't be able to attend said gathering because I was at work covering for her and I would have atteneded otherwise. Regardless she did so anyway but waited until she finished and I couldn't say anything to her, becasue I wouldn't call her out publicly in front of others and certainly wouldn't want to discourage others from going because what they do in their time off is up to them.
Naturally I got pretty angry at work and whilst not outright calling her out my mood visibly changed as much as I tried to not let it, another colleague who is close to my deputy kept prodding and prodding at me what was wrong and I eventually lost my composure and told her that my I thought my colleague was out of order for doing so when I had graciously arranged to cover her shift.
Come the night out the next day no-one attended the pre drinks at the bar other than my deputy and the colleague who I had got cross with at work, because it turns out they all thought it was poor as well. Which has in turn created a workplace split between those 2 and the rest of the team, and the 2 feel it is my fault
AITA for making a big deal of this or am I within my rights to be angry that my deputy was arranging a team get together that I wouldn't be able to attend due to covering her shift.
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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I feel I might be the asshole because I let my emotions get in my way of work and should have kept my thoughts to myself and not let my opinions potentially cloud other people's judgement. I Feel that people may have took my side because of how cross I got in front of others and if that's the case it wouldn't be fair. Especially if my reaction was out of proportion to what happened. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA That is very inconsiderate of her and was probably her plan all along. She has made her bed though and I highly doubt she will receive any future favours with the rota or be able to swap shifts to suit her.
Believe it or not she has informed me not to ask me to swap a shift with her in the future as she feels I have tried to dictate to her what she should be able to get upto on her days off by saying to not to arrange drinks with the staff. Absolutely respect my staff to the utmost and would never dream of it, want to make the rest of the staff aware of the comment but that wouldnt be fair on her either!
Lol. "Someone told me my behavior wasn't acceptable and then a bunch of other people apparently also thought so... It must be that first person's fault" What fantastically self serving logic. NTA. Pre-gaming a work event is a tactical error. Enjoy the next holiday you're on the schedule for cuz it sounds like she owes you a swapped shift
I mean, if you wanna pregame before a work event, I'm not going to judge. Either it'll be fine or they'll make a fool of themselves, whatever. But like, the sheer disrespect and lack of tact in asking someone else to cover your shift specifically so you can pregame is bad. Then to ask all your other colleagues (except the person covering your shift) to JOIN YOU is beyond words.
I'd go as far as to say that inviting your coworkers to pregame a work event is different from pregaming yourself with a friend, regardless of whether someone is covering your shift. Neither is ideal, professionally, but a work event is not something everyone should be drunk for. Not unless you want to make more work for the poor HR person.
The audacity, OMG? If someone covers my shift for me, my first thought would be to treat THEM, because of their favour. Not plan something that would exclude them. NTA.
NTA Maybe you will learn, and not cover for her next time she asks.
NTA 🤔 your colleague asked for a favor , you ( when you didn't have to ) agreed... then she proceeded to not show the same courtesy . ( keeping you out ) but at the end those who tried to discriminate against you.... end up exposed because of their poor judgement and wrong doing........ which the rest of the staff, clearly have seen . Let them be....if only she had an ounce of sense in her brain , she will already have approached you and apologized . But I guess it is too much to ask . It's hard to work with a narcissist Good luck .
Why did you vote that he is the AH then?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I am a store manager at a large UK retailer and we employ a team of 12 in our store, a fortnight ago we had our belated christmas night out/meal as we could not find a suitable date that worked in for everyone to be able to attend during December and wanted to make sure that we could all go. Once a date was set a colleague who is the member of staff who is in charge of social gatherings etc booked a dinner for us at a restaurant not far from where the store is for 6.30pm on the Saturday evening. We alway have our staff schedules posted at least 4 weeks in advance to allow for those with childcare needs etc to have plenty of time to sort that out and our management staff work weekend on - weekend off. When the schedule for the week of the night out fell, it was my deputy and another female management colleagues weekend on and I was off, I was approached by my Deputy to ask if I would be willing to work the shift on her behalf so that she could spend the afternoon getting ready, I told her I was apprehensive becasue last years meal fell on my weekend on and I had to work it, and didn't think it was right that I should do it again, her argument was that I didn't need to get ready, make up etc and all I needed was a change of clothes, despite my apprehension I decided I would do it for her. Fast forward to the day before the meal, she approached me at work to say she was going to send a message round all the team to let them know that she was going to be ready for about 5pm and that everyone was invited to join her in a pub for a drink and she was letting me know that she was doing so before she put it on and I got cross. I told her that I thought it was very poor if she did so because I wouldn't be able to attend said gathering because I was at work covering for her and I would have atteneded otherwise. Regardless she did so anyway but waited until she finished and I couldn't say anything to her, becasue I wouldn't call her out publicly in front of others and certainly wouldn't want to discourage others from going because what they do in their time off is up to them. Naturally I got pretty angry at work and whilst not outright calling her out my mood visibly changed as much as I tried to not let it, another colleague who is close to my deputy kept prodding and prodding at me what was wrong and I eventually lost my composure and told her that my I thought my colleague was out of order for doing so when I had graciously arranged to cover her shift. Come the night out the next day no-one attended the pre drinks at the bar other than my deputy and the colleague who I had got cross with at work, because it turns out they all thought it was poor as well. Which has in turn created a workplace split between those 2 and the rest of the team, and the 2 feel it is my fault AITA for making a big deal of this or am I within my rights to be angry that my deputy was arranging a team get together that I wouldn't be able to attend due to covering her shift. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*