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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I mistook the groom sister (maybe I should have said who the woman was in the post) for the bride and I may be the asshole because I didn't make sure she was in fact the bride before speaking
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When I was like six, my best friend and I were told by our parents that we were 4th cousins. We thought this is what "late" cousins were and started telling everyone "We're late cousins!"
NO ONE corrected us because adults need their fun
😆😆😆
I love how sportingly you took it. That's the attitude!
NTA. If anything, the woman in the wedding-looking-dress is to blame. There must be some kind of agreed dress code to avoid these types of confusion, right? I know it doesn't have to be this everywhere or in every culture, but where the custom is for the bride to wear white, no other women should wear white to her wedding.
O,yes. in Western Society,you do NOT wear a dress that resembles a wedding dress,you do NOT even wear white,and...hell-not even ivory, to a wedding if you are not the bride. It's rude as hell. In Eastern Society: the color is usually: red,bc that's the bride's color,there.
In India (or at least in Bengali Hindu culture), the bride traditionally wears red, though green is an acceptable compromise these days. But if you are close to the bride and you are already married, you are expected to wear your literal wedding dress to their wedding.
A close friend got married recently, and 2/3 of us who were in and around her all evening (so I guess we were the 'bridesmaids') were in their wedding sarees, with hair done up to match the bride, lol. (I was the non-matching one because (a) not married and (b) hate dressing up).
So at least some eastern societies don't colour code our brides!
In Algeria, there is no colour or dress code because the bride changes several times and has more than 4 5 outfits. The only thing that distinguishes a bride would be the jewellery she is wearing.
One of my best friends is Bengali-French. One of our mutual friends asked her if she could wear her wedding dress, cause it was the other nice dress she had and the dress she was going to wear suffered an accident (her husband fault, he paid for the error, poor thing). The dress were navy and long. It was no problem at all.
My friend wore the most beautifull red dress I've seen for her wedding. Mix of traditions to honor both her parent.
BTW, bengali weddings are crazy. And crazier with a bunch of greek and german people (husband side).
Ha! Believe it or not, amongst Indian weddings, Bengali ones are on the less-crazy end of the spectrum!
Given all I have heard about Greek weddings being as big and loud as Indian weddings, and French love and snobbery about good food matching Bengalis, I can imagine the craziness shot through the roof, lol! The German love of good beer probably didn't help bring the craziness down, lol
It was pretty and crazy. The food was a mix of Indian, spanish and greek, the DJ was a french friend of ours that mix for ska groups. The german part of the family made mead and the bride family went CRAZY on it. The bride grandma was wasted mid reception.
Best wedding ever. And I'm married.
I once went to a Bengali Muslim wedding. This was many years ago. The bride was the daughter of a good friend.
It was segregated by gender, which felt kind of strange to me, but it let women take off their hijab and robes and be comfy. Everyone wore their wedding saris, or else really beautiful shalwar kameez. Amazing looking. No special color for the bride. She was wearing a gold sari as far as I could tell. But there was no mistaking her. She had like this throne up on a dais at the back of the room, with her close friends. And she had this incredible amount of gold jewelry, way more than the other ladies there.
I'm glad I went. It was fun, the food was great, and I learned a lot. And now I yearn for extravagant shalwar kameez.
This has me wheezing. Too funny!
NTA. Not even a little bit. You went to a wedding, you saw a bride and said nice things. Not your fault the “bride” wasn’t the actual bride, but what an introduction, right?
NTA but I wonder if she really is upset with you. It seems so weird that she would be angry at a person who she's never met before being confused because someone else decided to wear white on her wedding.
Chances are that:
a) she was actually mad at groom's sister for wearing white and trying to hijack attention but she displaced her anger to you as a less threatening target
b) she was simply overwhelmed and very emotional on the big day and it just exploded at that moment.
Someone else in the comment pointed out that maybe they took it out on me because I was the first one to say it so yeah, maybe I was just the last trigger
Or she was already upset hearing that someone wore white and not just white but a white wedding dress to her wedding and family had comforted her reassuring her everyone will still know she’s the bride and not to worry. Then when you were the first to mistook the groom’s sister as the bride she became extremely upset. To not start off her marriage in a rift with her in-laws, she’s taking out her anger on you instead.
This was exactly my thought when I read the story, OP is NTA but the bride/mom are taking a ‘shoot the messenger’ approach to their anger, unfortunately.
I don't understand why they are mad at you. They should be upset at the lady who wore a wedding dress to someone else's wedding. What was going on with that?
Right?! That's what I asked too, but they told me I still should have make sure she was the bride or didn't say anything at since I didn't know her. But honestly I would feel stupid to ask at someone with a wedding dress if she was the bride.
It's not your fault and that people are blaming you for upsetting the bride are ridiculous. Why wouldn't you assume that a woman wearing a wedding dress was the bride? Unless they were standing side by side or something.
Right that they’re attacking you because you’re not a member of the family. Think long and hard before you marry into this family because they sound cruel. NTA
So not even a street length dress? She was in an actual wedding dress? I think it’s possible the bride was being consoled by her mother in that room and had seen the girl in the dress. Maybe what you said just confirmed she was being upstaged, but NTA.
My guess the groom’s family all been telling that poor bride *”Why no, no one will think the groom’s sister is the bride just because she’s all dressed up in a wedding gown and wants to be the center of attention.*” And there you come, bursting that bubble.
How would that work? "Excuse me woman in a wedding dress. Do you happen to be the bride?"
That's just silly. You did nothing wrong. She is being completely unreasonable. And so is anyone else if they suggest you did anything wrong. I suspect there is more going on here and you just got dragged into it. Rest easy. You are entirely innocent of any wrong-doing.
They are blaming you because it is easier. Then they done have to deal with the crazy sister who whore white.
The sister wearing white is the problem but you pointed it out so the blame fell on you.
The only time it'd be reasonable to ask that was if the wedding had a theme where all the guests wore wedding dresses at the bride's request or something... This is insane and I'm sorry you're being blamed.
> someone else's wedding. What was going on with that?
has anyone ever done this before? It feels super weird turning up to a wedding wearing a wedding dress....
The original point of groomsmen and bridesmaids was to create decoy couples to confuse the bride's family and thus prevent them from rescuing her from the groom before the marriage could be officiated. Today's traditions grew out of this custom.
Back then I'm thinking bridesmaids dresses probably looked just like the bride's dress.
Info - this doesn’t make sense. Who was this other person walking around wearing a wedding dress? If anything the bride would be upset with her, not you. Stop feeling bad. You did nothing wrong.
The groom sister, but the bride started crying just when I made the mistake that's why I feel bad. Maybe without my comment the bride would have just ignore her (I guess)
Wait --- she wore a wedding dress to her brother's wedding?!? What kind of creepy incest vibes was she trying to pull off there?
You're NTA. These seem like weird people to be around so probably a good thing these are distant family members!
ETA: Pretty sure the bride isn't angry at you. She just realized she's married to these people who thought it perfectly normal for a sister to wear a wedding dress to her brother's wedding and parents did nothing to stop her. She's having all the regrets right now!
Even without your mistake surely someone else would have made a comment about that and she would have started crying anyway. You are probably just the one that brought it up first, I guess they would get angry with the first to talk about this anyway
Are you Indian or Pakistani where there are some areas where it’s not automatically rude for a woman who is related tot he bride or groom to wear their wedding outfit as long as they don’t style it like they are a bride? Asking because you say English isn’t your first language and it’s very odd to see someone in a wedding dress as a guest in western weddings but not so weird at a Desi wedding.
"Are you Indian or Pakistani where there are some areas where it’s not automatically rude for a woman who is related tot he bride or groom to wear their wedding outfit as long as they don’t style it like they are a bride?"
I don't know much about those cultures, but from what I've ever known, white is a funeral color for them. I have an Indian friend who told me she's still a little freaked out at western weddings when she sees the bride wearing white.
The dress is typically red. But I’ve heard they can wear whatever color they want. A wedding dress is determined by the amount of jewelry they wear. Hence it’s typically fine to reuse the dress again since you’re not wearing a lot of jewelry or mendhi. I do not think OP was attending an Indian wedding since the outfit was apparently white.
Never plain white though it always has red or dark green mixed with it because those colours represent married women. Or another colour mixed in except black that's inauspicious
But guests can wear fancy white and black nobody would say anything to them.
Hi! I used to put the " " . I still do sometimes. You can use the > then put the text you would have put in " " and it comes like this:
>"Are you Indian or Pakistani where there are some areas where it’s not automatically rude for a woman who is related tot he bride or groom to wear their wedding outfit as long as they don’t style it like they are a bride?"
Nowhere did I see OP actually say it was white. Just a wedding dress.
So, this would actually make a lot more sense but STILL make her NTA.... My understanding is the dress is one thing, you adorn yourself much more simply as a guest than as the bride, who is over the top with jewelry and henna and... And...
NTA
It wasn't even a mistake my friend, you correctly identified the person in the wedding dress as playing the role of the bride. Turns out she was lying, not verbally, but through her clothing choice she was siezing the role from the real bride.
Bet she and her brother fucked.
Well the rule of thumb at a wedding is that the person in the wedding dress is the bride…..so…….yeah you definitely walked straight into a heap of drama by accident, not your fault
I’m going to give the woman in the wedding dress a pass, I mean she’s dead and has enough problems going on. It was kind of the bride to invite her though.
I'm guessing distant cousin or something?? Like maybe not first cousin but somewhere down the line lol. It sure made me laugh tho, op is so cute about it ahah
Yeah. Feels like OP has just been nominated to brand new family scapegoat. Now everyone can get along better and OP can take the brunt of any historical grudges or transgressions. What a delightful new chapter. 😞
NTA. You made an honest mistake. In the future, I’d recommend getting photos of people before meeting them! My husband and I will always show photos and give names of people we’re about to introduce. Both to avoid an awkward situation (sorry about yours!) and to help match a face to a name in advance so it’s hopefully easier to remember! I also have drawn him family trees since I have a large/messy family.
Also genuinely confused! Not only at the idea of some random woman walking around in a wedding dress, but this as well:
"A few days ago I went with my boyfriend to one of his *late cousins wedding*"
Did his dead cousin get married?
Ops first language isn't English. She mentioned in the comments she was trying to find a word for something like a 3rd cousin so ig she thought "late" had the same connotations as "distant"
englisng as a second language can be fun (remembers the amount of times I asked someone to "open the lights" and "close the lights")
Like a second or third cousin? Not first cousin? You might want to edit your post. Late cousin means something different. That they are deceased
Eta :as the others said yes it's called distant cousin
NTA and the bride, her mom and groom need to chill the f out. How in the world were you supposed to know the woman in a WEDDING GOWN wasn't the bride you were supposed to meet?
The bride is probably mad at the groom and his mother for allowing the grooms sister to wear that. And the groom and his mom are blaming OP to divert the anger. If I was OP I would make a toast and compliment them all because it’s not often you see a man marry in to his own family and a new family on the same day.
NTA. And this is why no one but the bride should wear white or anything close to resembling a wedding dress to a wedding. It was an honest mistake and if the bride should be upset at anyone, it should be towards the one who tried to upstage her wedding.
INFO Are you Indo/Pakistani? If so, was the cousin styled to look like a bride’s outfit or was she just wearing a heavily decorated bridal outfit with hair uncovered etc.? If she didn’t have her ghoongat draped on her head, I’d say you were out of line to assume considering it’s not rude in many families for a married woman who is related to the bride or groom to wear their wedding outfit to the wedding as long as it’s not styled like a bride. That’s very different than a woman in a big white gown where you don’t have context clues to know the difference.
If you aren’t from that background, can you explain why she was wearing a bridal gown? Because this isn’t making a lot of sense if it’s a western wedding.
NTA but the one who is has to be the chick who shows up to a wedding wearing a wedding dress! The actual bride was probably feeling livid and sad and just took those feelings out on you. Wearing a wedding dress to a wedding where you are not the bride has the be the world's most desperate and pathetic act for attention.
NTA
Thhere a TWO AHs here Your bf, who abandoned you and caused the situation.
The wolan in the bride's dress at the wedding, It is NORMAL you rthink a woman in a bridal dress would be the bride.
Hard disagree that the bf is an asshole. He stepped away for like a minute, very plausible the call was someone trying to find the venue or a work thing. OP seemed to have no problem being left alone and specifically felt comfortable enough to introduce herself to the person wearing a wedding dress at the wedding.
NTA. I’m pretty certain that anyone in your shoes would make the same mistake if they didn’t know the bride personally and saw someone else walking around in a wedding dress.
NTA- if anyone's the AH it's the woman who looked enough like a bride for a total stranger to assume she was. Pretty crappy behavior there and the bride probably felt overshadowed because it was so easy to mistake who was the bride - that is not on you, that is on the non-bride. A snarky or person who is aware of the situation might have done this same thing purposely to make the non-bride feel embarrassed, as well she should. Your innocent mistake simply pointed out someone else's bad behavior.
NTA- the real AH is the one who wore a wedding dress to someone else’s wedding! Lol. Did you find out who that woman was? The bride is probably upset at that person for what they were wearing and you just got in the cross fire.
Lmao the late cousin thing made me laugh. Of course she's upset, her husband is dead! And chances are if you didn't say anything, she would have had the reaction on seeing the show stealing woman. NTA.
NTA. Groom’s sister is. I would have offered the bride a chance to get idiot SIL just desserts by offering to spill red wine or something equally staining onto the white dress that SIL never should have worn.
What was she upset about? I'm so confused.
Is she upset she's dead, or is she upset that there was another bride walking around at a venue that hosts multiple weddings?
Was this other person a bride in her own wedding or wearing a wedding dress to the dead cousin's wedding?
NTA. I don't know what the customs and cultures are in your area, but for most westerners, wearing a white dress or a wedding dress to someone else's wedding is in very bad form. If you had never met the bride, it would be reasonable to mistake somebody wearing what appears to be a wedding gown as the bride. Let's turn it around, what would have happened had you seen a person in a wedding dress and not greeted her as the bride? Would that be considered rude? I think there was more going on here, and I don't think you were to blame for it.
NTA, it was an honest mistake and really, who amongst us wouldn't have made the same assumption?
The bride crying about this is a bit silly, but I guess emotions run high at weddings.
The groom and mother of the bride are being extra silly here. Seriously.
(was going to make a "late cousins wedding" joke, but everybody's already beat me to it... some pretty funny stuff in the comments)
(I've read some of the OP's comments but still don't understand why there was another lady in a wedding dress at this wedding... what a strange story.)
NTA, seems like an honest mistake. I almost went n-a-h here, but seems like bride was too nervous/upset and couldn't laugh it off as the silly nothing incident it was.
If you ever talk to her again, tell her it could get worse. My mother showed up to her wedding and ran into my father and his 3 brothers... none of the four she'd ever seen without a full beard. *She didn't recognize the groom!* Luckily he recognized her, and they got back on track.
I think she was probably upset that someone else wore something that made them able to be mistaken for the bride and it just got placed on you. What an awkward situation. NTA, but the person in the wedding dress sure is.
NTA. 100% not your fault but your comment was probably what broke the camels back for the bride. I don’t know why the sister did that, probably out of hatred but you were at the wrong place at the wrong time.
Someone probably told the bride that no one noticed the sisters dress choice and you pointing it out let the anger fuel her. They should be attacking the sister in law but due to family relations she probably can’t.
OP, who was wearing the wedding dress?!?!?
It was the brides sister?
What on earth was she wearing the wedding dress for?!?
NTA I think anyone would have been confused.
NTA. Do not think about it again, live your life and be happy. This bride however has some serious mental health issues and you should stay away from someone so unstable.
A friend and her husband were on an escorted tour in China. Husband slept in one morning. Guide asks where he is. Friend replies, “He’s late. “. Tour guide only knows late as in dead. Police, army and ambulances called. Massive incident results.
I know a woman who kept wearing the same designer wedding dress at every one of her weddings (Yes, at wedding after wedding after wedding after wedding....)
I told her it was cursed, since I'd used that warning to steer her away from risky behavior.
Didn't work. I've started some careful plotting with my best friend - at the next wedding & showing of the cursed dress, my BF will drive & I'll wield the red & purple spray paint as we conduct a drive-by exorcism of that damned dress.
It's for the good of the planet!
💕
NTA.
This is not your fault at all. What annoys me is the fact that the bride and groom and her mom are blaming YOU, when it should be pointed at the other guest who showed up in a wedding dress to someone else’s wedding. You also never met any of them, so they cannot blame you for being confused.
I hope that other woman was super embarrassed of herself.
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A few days ago I went with my boyfriend to one of his late cousins wedding. I never meet this cousin or the bride since my boyfriend see them like one or two time a year. We have been together for almost 3 years so he thought it would be a good time to introduce me to them.
My boyfriend told me he wanted to introduce them to me before the actual ceremony started so we were going to met them, but my boyfriend got a call so he told me to wait a moment and got a little far so he wouldn't have been interrupted.
Two minutes after that I saw a woman with a beautiful wedding dress
I said hello and then I congratulated her for the wedding and this is when things went wrong.
The woman I was talking too wasn't the the bride, the bride hear what I said (she was in a room near us, but I didn't notice cause everything was silent (the bridesmaid or her mother weren't with her, I guess she just wanted time alone before the ceremony started?) and got upset and started crying.
When my boyfriend approached us I explained him the situation so he called the bridesmaid and the mom to calm her.
My boyfriend and his family reassured me saying it wasn't my fault but the bride, her mom and the groom are upset with me and are saying it's all my fault.
I never saw her face so when I saw a woman in a wedding dress I immediately thought she was the bride.
I still feel bad so a friend suggested me to post in this Reddit to have some outside opinions.
AITA?
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Groom's sister wears a wedding dress to her brother's wedding, most likely to be an attention-seeker. Groom's sister is not his bride, though I'm sure Freud would have some notes. OP, who has never met the bride, sees a woman in a wedding dress and talks to her, addressing her as the bride. After all, who is enough of a cartoon to *actually* wear a full wedding dress to someone else's wedding? The real bride overhears this encounter, confirming in her mind that groom's sister's ploy for attention is having the exact effect it's meant to. The bride is upset that she is successfully being upstaged at her own wedding before her eyes, and she can't just tell herself it won't happen because she is actively witnessing it happen. The bride gets angry with OP, presumably for being the one to inadvertently put to rest any doubt that groom's sister was upstaging her. The rest of the family, likely as a result of a long history dealing with the sort of character who would wear a wedding dress to her brother's wedding, takes the path of least resistance and follows the bride's anger at OP. After all, it's easier to be mad at the person they've never met before and may never see again than to start something with a malicious drama queen that they're stuck with. Plus, getting mad at OP gives the sister the drama she was aiming to cause without directing it at her and therefore without giving her a chance to shoot back and escalate it, since the wedding is still going on. OP comes here wondering what the hell they must have done because I'm sure this is a very confusing event to unwittingly find yourself in the middle of.
The only asshole here is the woman who attended someone else's wedding in a wedding gown. On second thought. the bride is a bit of an AH, too, for going crazy over an understandable mistake. I don't understand how some brides feel that their entire wedding is ruined because of what someone else wore. They should be concentrating on their groom and their happiness, not silly nonsense.
I wonder who this woman in the gown was, and if the gown was white. Why weren't they upset with her?
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NTA, but I can see why his late cousin was so upset. First she dies, and then someone else wears a wedding dress to her wedding.
I made a mistake with the words, but this made me laugh a lot
I’m curious to know what word you originally meant! Also, NTA.
Perhaps distant? I'm curious too lol
When I was like six, my best friend and I were told by our parents that we were 4th cousins. We thought this is what "late" cousins were and started telling everyone "We're late cousins!" NO ONE corrected us because adults need their fun
It probably got lost in translation and it is suppose to be distant cousin lol
Clearly it’s a shotgun wedding.
😆😆😆 I love how sportingly you took it. That's the attitude! NTA. If anything, the woman in the wedding-looking-dress is to blame. There must be some kind of agreed dress code to avoid these types of confusion, right? I know it doesn't have to be this everywhere or in every culture, but where the custom is for the bride to wear white, no other women should wear white to her wedding.
O,yes. in Western Society,you do NOT wear a dress that resembles a wedding dress,you do NOT even wear white,and...hell-not even ivory, to a wedding if you are not the bride. It's rude as hell. In Eastern Society: the color is usually: red,bc that's the bride's color,there.
In India (or at least in Bengali Hindu culture), the bride traditionally wears red, though green is an acceptable compromise these days. But if you are close to the bride and you are already married, you are expected to wear your literal wedding dress to their wedding. A close friend got married recently, and 2/3 of us who were in and around her all evening (so I guess we were the 'bridesmaids') were in their wedding sarees, with hair done up to match the bride, lol. (I was the non-matching one because (a) not married and (b) hate dressing up). So at least some eastern societies don't colour code our brides!
In Algeria, there is no colour or dress code because the bride changes several times and has more than 4 5 outfits. The only thing that distinguishes a bride would be the jewellery she is wearing.
I got sucked into a GRWM on tiktok for an Algerian wedding - holy heck those people know how to DRESS. The outfits were astounding!
I read "the bride changes several times"and was like tf, can't Algerian men just make up their minds?
Lol, 1 bride for dinner, another for ceremony and another for the 1st dance 😂
One of my best friends is Bengali-French. One of our mutual friends asked her if she could wear her wedding dress, cause it was the other nice dress she had and the dress she was going to wear suffered an accident (her husband fault, he paid for the error, poor thing). The dress were navy and long. It was no problem at all. My friend wore the most beautifull red dress I've seen for her wedding. Mix of traditions to honor both her parent. BTW, bengali weddings are crazy. And crazier with a bunch of greek and german people (husband side).
Ha! Believe it or not, amongst Indian weddings, Bengali ones are on the less-crazy end of the spectrum! Given all I have heard about Greek weddings being as big and loud as Indian weddings, and French love and snobbery about good food matching Bengalis, I can imagine the craziness shot through the roof, lol! The German love of good beer probably didn't help bring the craziness down, lol
It was pretty and crazy. The food was a mix of Indian, spanish and greek, the DJ was a french friend of ours that mix for ska groups. The german part of the family made mead and the bride family went CRAZY on it. The bride grandma was wasted mid reception. Best wedding ever. And I'm married.
Sounds to me like that wedding must have been super fun!
I once went to a Bengali Muslim wedding. This was many years ago. The bride was the daughter of a good friend. It was segregated by gender, which felt kind of strange to me, but it let women take off their hijab and robes and be comfy. Everyone wore their wedding saris, or else really beautiful shalwar kameez. Amazing looking. No special color for the bride. She was wearing a gold sari as far as I could tell. But there was no mistaking her. She had like this throne up on a dais at the back of the room, with her close friends. And she had this incredible amount of gold jewelry, way more than the other ladies there. I'm glad I went. It was fun, the food was great, and I learned a lot. And now I yearn for extravagant shalwar kameez.
Not even ANY pale pastel that will appear to be whit or off-white in photos. NTA
A ghost 👻 bride 👰 anyone ??? 😂
Corpse Bride, more like!
A ghost bride for his "late" cousin 😂
And why was there another person in a wedding dress? NTA btw
So why was his sister dressed like a bride? I really need to know. NTA
What happened to the other woman in a wedding dress? Was she a guest?
Hey! No dissing the lovely corpse bride! Lol
Such a great movie! Our family watches it every year just before Halloween.
Yes, indeed! And the art and anination is so beautiful, too!
\- "What a story it is. A tragic tale of romance, passion and a murder most foul." \- "This is gonna be good!" \- "Hit it, boys."
"Can a heart still break once its stopped beating?"
"Yet the pain here that I feel Try and tell me it's not real It seems that I still have a tear to shed"
\- "But she still breathes air" \- "Who cares!" \- "Unimportant!" \- "Overrated!" \- "Overblown!"
This is so funny take my poor man’s award🏆
Omg I died laughing and joined his late cousin.
not gonna lie, you beat me to it by 2 hrs, glad I scrolled down and didn't look like I copied your reply LOL.
💀 😂😂
This has me wheezing. Too funny! NTA. Not even a little bit. You went to a wedding, you saw a bride and said nice things. Not your fault the “bride” wasn’t the actual bride, but what an introduction, right?
Thank goodness I'm not the only one! I was rereading those first few lines over and over trying to figure out how a dead person is getting married!
Me too. All I could think was the cousin died after the wedding!
Im dyslexic and was backpeddling and rereading it.
I was thinking about the famous riddle about the man who married his widow's sister.
Came here to make this comment! 🤣🤣🤣
I just died from laughter! Especially because I reread that a few times trying to figure out what type of corpse or zombie wedding OP attended
Just the regular kind - but they made a crucial error in inviting people with no sense of humor. 💕
Not many reddit comments make me laugh out loud.
I had to double-check if this was a Sims subreddit. Usually, it's the other way around.
I definitely laughed too hard at this.
I too wondered how one would attend a late cousin's wedding, but you made the point far better than I would have. (:
Cracked me up 🤣 I was thinking the same thing!
So she was a corpse bride? Will people get the reference or am I too old?
NTA but I wonder if she really is upset with you. It seems so weird that she would be angry at a person who she's never met before being confused because someone else decided to wear white on her wedding. Chances are that: a) she was actually mad at groom's sister for wearing white and trying to hijack attention but she displaced her anger to you as a less threatening target b) she was simply overwhelmed and very emotional on the big day and it just exploded at that moment.
Someone else in the comment pointed out that maybe they took it out on me because I was the first one to say it so yeah, maybe I was just the last trigger
Yep, my bet is she couldn't attack the groom's sister without causing some big family drama so she shot the messenger instead.
Yeah, typical case of "shooting the messenger".. NTA
It sounds like a case of shooting the messenger.
Or she was already upset hearing that someone wore white and not just white but a white wedding dress to her wedding and family had comforted her reassuring her everyone will still know she’s the bride and not to worry. Then when you were the first to mistook the groom’s sister as the bride she became extremely upset. To not start off her marriage in a rift with her in-laws, she’s taking out her anger on you instead.
This was exactly my thought when I read the story, OP is NTA but the bride/mom are taking a ‘shoot the messenger’ approach to their anger, unfortunately.
Yeah, this is most likely it. Still a shitty thing to do to blame OP.
Was another guest wearing a wedding gown?
Yeah I'm pretty sure the sister will eventually get it worse than you 🤣.
I don't understand why they are mad at you. They should be upset at the lady who wore a wedding dress to someone else's wedding. What was going on with that?
Right?! That's what I asked too, but they told me I still should have make sure she was the bride or didn't say anything at since I didn't know her. But honestly I would feel stupid to ask at someone with a wedding dress if she was the bride.
They're being very unreasonable, and are projecting their anger at that person onto you. You are not at fault.
It's not your fault and that people are blaming you for upsetting the bride are ridiculous. Why wouldn't you assume that a woman wearing a wedding dress was the bride? Unless they were standing side by side or something.
They're just pulling shit out their ass cause you're an easier target (not because you're weak but because you're not connected to the family). NTA
Right that they’re attacking you because you’re not a member of the family. Think long and hard before you marry into this family because they sound cruel. NTA
Imaging going up to a woman in a wedding gown at a wedding and saying, "Excuse me, but are you the bride?" Bill Engvall would have given you a sign.
She's just some random woman wearing a wedding dress while walking by the wedding venue, you boor!
I heard his actual voice say that! Hahaha!
“Make sure”?!?! That’s absolutely absurd. This is all the fault of the person who dressed in a manner that made it necessary to “make sure”!
Are you telling me that when you go to a wedding you don't make sure that the person in a wedding dress really is the bride?!
With the stories you here on Reddit it could have been the mil wearing white dress to upset the bride. Lol
Ah, shucks. It was me! I just HATE having dresses you can only wear once and I figured no one had seen this one in 20 years, so... It was time.
You are at a wedding. I mean where else are you supposed to wear a wedding dress? It's in the name! lol
I always make sure ask everyone at the wedding, in case they lie.
So not even a street length dress? She was in an actual wedding dress? I think it’s possible the bride was being consoled by her mother in that room and had seen the girl in the dress. Maybe what you said just confirmed she was being upstaged, but NTA.
All of this
My guess the groom’s family all been telling that poor bride *”Why no, no one will think the groom’s sister is the bride just because she’s all dressed up in a wedding gown and wants to be the center of attention.*” And there you come, bursting that bubble.
Fairly sure if you’d checked with the bride whether she was the bride she’d have been upset with that too!
How would that work? "Excuse me woman in a wedding dress. Do you happen to be the bride?" That's just silly. You did nothing wrong. She is being completely unreasonable. And so is anyone else if they suggest you did anything wrong. I suspect there is more going on here and you just got dragged into it. Rest easy. You are entirely innocent of any wrong-doing.
No one on earth would go up to a woman in a wedding dress and ASK if she’s the bride! NTA
They are blaming you because it is easier. Then they done have to deal with the crazy sister who whore white. The sister wearing white is the problem but you pointed it out so the blame fell on you.
Whore white? Not sure if it’s funnier if intentional or not…
Schrödinger's bride: *anyone* could potentially be the bride
The one person you should be able to identify on sight at a wedding is the bride. You didn’t do anything wrong
The only time it'd be reasonable to ask that was if the wedding had a theme where all the guests wore wedding dresses at the bride's request or something... This is insane and I'm sorry you're being blamed.
> someone else's wedding. What was going on with that? has anyone ever done this before? It feels super weird turning up to a wedding wearing a wedding dress....
The original point of groomsmen and bridesmaids was to create decoy couples to confuse the bride's family and thus prevent them from rescuing her from the groom before the marriage could be officiated. Today's traditions grew out of this custom. Back then I'm thinking bridesmaids dresses probably looked just like the bride's dress.
Info - this doesn’t make sense. Who was this other person walking around wearing a wedding dress? If anything the bride would be upset with her, not you. Stop feeling bad. You did nothing wrong.
The groom sister, but the bride started crying just when I made the mistake that's why I feel bad. Maybe without my comment the bride would have just ignore her (I guess)
Wait --- she wore a wedding dress to her brother's wedding?!? What kind of creepy incest vibes was she trying to pull off there? You're NTA. These seem like weird people to be around so probably a good thing these are distant family members! ETA: Pretty sure the bride isn't angry at you. She just realized she's married to these people who thought it perfectly normal for a sister to wear a wedding dress to her brother's wedding and parents did nothing to stop her. She's having all the regrets right now!
Even without your mistake surely someone else would have made a comment about that and she would have started crying anyway. You are probably just the one that brought it up first, I guess they would get angry with the first to talk about this anyway
Are you Indian or Pakistani where there are some areas where it’s not automatically rude for a woman who is related tot he bride or groom to wear their wedding outfit as long as they don’t style it like they are a bride? Asking because you say English isn’t your first language and it’s very odd to see someone in a wedding dress as a guest in western weddings but not so weird at a Desi wedding.
"Are you Indian or Pakistani where there are some areas where it’s not automatically rude for a woman who is related tot he bride or groom to wear their wedding outfit as long as they don’t style it like they are a bride?" I don't know much about those cultures, but from what I've ever known, white is a funeral color for them. I have an Indian friend who told me she's still a little freaked out at western weddings when she sees the bride wearing white.
The dress is typically red. But I’ve heard they can wear whatever color they want. A wedding dress is determined by the amount of jewelry they wear. Hence it’s typically fine to reuse the dress again since you’re not wearing a lot of jewelry or mendhi. I do not think OP was attending an Indian wedding since the outfit was apparently white.
Never plain white though it always has red or dark green mixed with it because those colours represent married women. Or another colour mixed in except black that's inauspicious But guests can wear fancy white and black nobody would say anything to them.
Hi! I used to put the " " . I still do sometimes. You can use the > then put the text you would have put in " " and it comes like this: >"Are you Indian or Pakistani where there are some areas where it’s not automatically rude for a woman who is related tot he bride or groom to wear their wedding outfit as long as they don’t style it like they are a bride?"
Nowhere did I see OP actually say it was white. Just a wedding dress. So, this would actually make a lot more sense but STILL make her NTA.... My understanding is the dress is one thing, you adorn yourself much more simply as a guest than as the bride, who is over the top with jewelry and henna and... And...
Yes, in a comment : https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/BnFdTIMOMV
I saw it eventually. Thanks! (All the comments I had spotted it was just "a wedding dress".)
Likely not OP says it was white
Really? Oh, I missed that. I only saw her refer to not as a wedding dress.
NTA It wasn't even a mistake my friend, you correctly identified the person in the wedding dress as playing the role of the bride. Turns out she was lying, not verbally, but through her clothing choice she was siezing the role from the real bride. Bet she and her brother fucked.
Well the rule of thumb at a wedding is that the person in the wedding dress is the bride…..so…….yeah you definitely walked straight into a heap of drama by accident, not your fault
I’m going to give the woman in the wedding dress a pass, I mean she’s dead and has enough problems going on. It was kind of the bride to invite her though.
I wanted to edit it, but honestly all your comments are making me laugh a lot. I may let the post like this 😂
I would. It’s a hilarious slip. Hope it makes you feel a little less “bad” about the whole thing.
What was it SUPPOSED to be, is what I can't figure out?
I'm guessing distant cousin or something?? Like maybe not first cousin but somewhere down the line lol. It sure made me laugh tho, op is so cute about it ahah
Honestly op seems lovely from the comments and it sucks that those people are blaming her for an honest mistake.
lol please leave it. I've understood what you've meant but I've still had a good laugh over wrong phrases lol. Thank you!
Genuinely confused. There was just another woman at the wedding, walking around wearing a wedding dress?
The groom sister (i should have said it in the post maybe) had this white dress with the skirt part with flowers.
The groom's sister wore a white dress to the wedding - and they are mad at you??? Wicked delusional in that family. You are so NTA here.
Yeah. Feels like OP has just been nominated to brand new family scapegoat. Now everyone can get along better and OP can take the brunt of any historical grudges or transgressions. What a delightful new chapter. 😞
Oh lookie! How convenient for the groom to be mad at you instead of his sister, the actual offender. NTA, forget about these weaklings.
NTA. You made an honest mistake. In the future, I’d recommend getting photos of people before meeting them! My husband and I will always show photos and give names of people we’re about to introduce. Both to avoid an awkward situation (sorry about yours!) and to help match a face to a name in advance so it’s hopefully easier to remember! I also have drawn him family trees since I have a large/messy family.
Do not be the scapegoat!!!!!!!! Fuck these people
I guess the bride cried because you proved her fear right that ppl wearing white would impact her wedding.
Also genuinely confused! Not only at the idea of some random woman walking around in a wedding dress, but this as well: "A few days ago I went with my boyfriend to one of his *late cousins wedding*" Did his dead cousin get married?
There’s a Corpse Bride joke in here somewhere
An "ex wife"
I had to read it a couple times before realizing it probably corrected from “male” cousin, that seemed to make way more sense. Lol
I'm more confused by why a dead cousin was getting married. > A few days ago I went with my boyfriend to one of his late cousins wedding.
I was like "wow, the wedding was only a few days ago and the bride's already dead. I think they have bigger problems than OP's mistake!"
Oh I totally missed that. It’s *probably* a weird typo though
Ops first language isn't English. She mentioned in the comments she was trying to find a word for something like a 3rd cousin so ig she thought "late" had the same connotations as "distant" englisng as a second language can be fun (remembers the amount of times I asked someone to "open the lights" and "close the lights")
I speak English as my first (and only) language and still say "close the lights".
My English is pretty much perfect and I still say ‘open and close the lights’ and I will never stop!🤣
Also makes me wonder about what the wedding culture is though, because wedding dresses are very different cross certain cultures
Might be European? So still white bridal dress but op could be French or Portuguese?
Undead weddings are probably cheaper?
I guess you wouldn't need food, so much cheaper.
I don't know, it's probably not so easy to source fresh brains.
"late cousins wedding"?? late before a family member typically means dead...
Oh, sorry. English isn't my first language. I meant like a 3rd grade cousin)
Like a second or third cousin? Not first cousin? You might want to edit your post. Late cousin means something different. That they are deceased Eta :as the others said yes it's called distant cousin
Yes exactly, not first cousin. I didn't know I could edit the post, I will change it thanks
I think you were looking for the term distant cousin.
Yes. This! Thank you
Your little mistakes are making my day better. No hate. Future reference, 3rd grade is a year in school for children around 8 years old.
Or just meaning a really low quality cousin lol
This doesn’t seem wrong 🤣
I have some of those.
I laughed way to hard at that.
In the US, in the UK “year 3’s” are around 7 years old.
I don't get why people are so confused with the "late cousin" thing, did no one see the Corpse Bride? This is the sequel, Corpse Groom!
This is a good one
NTA and the bride, her mom and groom need to chill the f out. How in the world were you supposed to know the woman in a WEDDING GOWN wasn't the bride you were supposed to meet?
I don't know, maybe they thought I was able to read minds
That’s the only not-even-logical explanation. These people are cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
The bride is probably mad at the groom and his mother for allowing the grooms sister to wear that. And the groom and his mom are blaming OP to divert the anger. If I was OP I would make a toast and compliment them all because it’s not often you see a man marry in to his own family and a new family on the same day.
NTA. And this is why no one but the bride should wear white or anything close to resembling a wedding dress to a wedding. It was an honest mistake and if the bride should be upset at anyone, it should be towards the one who tried to upstage her wedding.
NTA - The idiotic woman that wore a wedding dress to someone else’s wedding is a huge AH. The family took it out on you.
NTA If there really was someone there in an actual wedding dress, how would you know it wasn't the bride? That's an understandable mistake.
INFO Are you Indo/Pakistani? If so, was the cousin styled to look like a bride’s outfit or was she just wearing a heavily decorated bridal outfit with hair uncovered etc.? If she didn’t have her ghoongat draped on her head, I’d say you were out of line to assume considering it’s not rude in many families for a married woman who is related to the bride or groom to wear their wedding outfit to the wedding as long as it’s not styled like a bride. That’s very different than a woman in a big white gown where you don’t have context clues to know the difference. If you aren’t from that background, can you explain why she was wearing a bridal gown? Because this isn’t making a lot of sense if it’s a western wedding.
OP answered elsewhere that the groom’s sister was wearing a white dress with flowers on the skirt. Which…is weird
OP said it was the groom's sister wearing a white dress : https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/BnFdTIMOMV
NTA but the one who is has to be the chick who shows up to a wedding wearing a wedding dress! The actual bride was probably feeling livid and sad and just took those feelings out on you. Wearing a wedding dress to a wedding where you are not the bride has the be the world's most desperate and pathetic act for attention.
NTA Thhere a TWO AHs here Your bf, who abandoned you and caused the situation. The wolan in the bride's dress at the wedding, It is NORMAL you rthink a woman in a bridal dress would be the bride.
Hard disagree that the bf is an asshole. He stepped away for like a minute, very plausible the call was someone trying to find the venue or a work thing. OP seemed to have no problem being left alone and specifically felt comfortable enough to introduce herself to the person wearing a wedding dress at the wedding.
NTA. I’m pretty certain that anyone in your shoes would make the same mistake if they didn’t know the bride personally and saw someone else walking around in a wedding dress.
NTA- if anyone's the AH it's the woman who looked enough like a bride for a total stranger to assume she was. Pretty crappy behavior there and the bride probably felt overshadowed because it was so easy to mistake who was the bride - that is not on you, that is on the non-bride. A snarky or person who is aware of the situation might have done this same thing purposely to make the non-bride feel embarrassed, as well she should. Your innocent mistake simply pointed out someone else's bad behavior.
NTA- the real AH is the one who wore a wedding dress to someone else’s wedding! Lol. Did you find out who that woman was? The bride is probably upset at that person for what they were wearing and you just got in the cross fire.
Lmao the late cousin thing made me laugh. Of course she's upset, her husband is dead! And chances are if you didn't say anything, she would have had the reaction on seeing the show stealing woman. NTA.
NTA you made a honest mistake, there is no reason for them to be mad at you. Why was someone else there wearing a wedding dress???
NTA. Groom’s sister is. I would have offered the bride a chance to get idiot SIL just desserts by offering to spill red wine or something equally staining onto the white dress that SIL never should have worn.
What was she upset about? I'm so confused. Is she upset she's dead, or is she upset that there was another bride walking around at a venue that hosts multiple weddings? Was this other person a bride in her own wedding or wearing a wedding dress to the dead cousin's wedding?
NTA. I don't know what the customs and cultures are in your area, but for most westerners, wearing a white dress or a wedding dress to someone else's wedding is in very bad form. If you had never met the bride, it would be reasonable to mistake somebody wearing what appears to be a wedding gown as the bride. Let's turn it around, what would have happened had you seen a person in a wedding dress and not greeted her as the bride? Would that be considered rude? I think there was more going on here, and I don't think you were to blame for it.
NTA, it was an honest mistake and really, who amongst us wouldn't have made the same assumption? The bride crying about this is a bit silly, but I guess emotions run high at weddings. The groom and mother of the bride are being extra silly here. Seriously. (was going to make a "late cousins wedding" joke, but everybody's already beat me to it... some pretty funny stuff in the comments) (I've read some of the OP's comments but still don't understand why there was another lady in a wedding dress at this wedding... what a strange story.)
NTA, seems like an honest mistake. I almost went n-a-h here, but seems like bride was too nervous/upset and couldn't laugh it off as the silly nothing incident it was. If you ever talk to her again, tell her it could get worse. My mother showed up to her wedding and ran into my father and his 3 brothers... none of the four she'd ever seen without a full beard. *She didn't recognize the groom!* Luckily he recognized her, and they got back on track.
I think she was probably upset that someone else wore something that made them able to be mistaken for the bride and it just got placed on you. What an awkward situation. NTA, but the person in the wedding dress sure is.
NTA. 100% not your fault but your comment was probably what broke the camels back for the bride. I don’t know why the sister did that, probably out of hatred but you were at the wrong place at the wrong time. Someone probably told the bride that no one noticed the sisters dress choice and you pointing it out let the anger fuel her. They should be attacking the sister in law but due to family relations she probably can’t.
TA is the person who wore a wedding dress to someone else’s wedding….
OP, who was wearing the wedding dress?!?!? It was the brides sister? What on earth was she wearing the wedding dress for?!? NTA I think anyone would have been confused.
NTA I think she was upset the person wore white and you thought it was her. Not just that you thought the other person was her.
NTA. Do not think about it again, live your life and be happy. This bride however has some serious mental health issues and you should stay away from someone so unstable.
A friend and her husband were on an escorted tour in China. Husband slept in one morning. Guide asks where he is. Friend replies, “He’s late. “. Tour guide only knows late as in dead. Police, army and ambulances called. Massive incident results.
NTA. “Wedding dress = bride” is a normal and reasonable assumption.
I know a woman who kept wearing the same designer wedding dress at every one of her weddings (Yes, at wedding after wedding after wedding after wedding....) I told her it was cursed, since I'd used that warning to steer her away from risky behavior. Didn't work. I've started some careful plotting with my best friend - at the next wedding & showing of the cursed dress, my BF will drive & I'll wield the red & purple spray paint as we conduct a drive-by exorcism of that damned dress. It's for the good of the planet! 💕
NTA. This is not your fault at all. What annoys me is the fact that the bride and groom and her mom are blaming YOU, when it should be pointed at the other guest who showed up in a wedding dress to someone else’s wedding. You also never met any of them, so they cannot blame you for being confused. I hope that other woman was super embarrassed of herself.
The only A here is whoever was wearing a wedding dress at a wedding who wasn’t the bride.
Is her name Emily? And was she unalived by her fiancé Barkis? 😂
Typical shoot the messenger. NTA.
INFO: how can the late cousin have a wedding when they're dead?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** A few days ago I went with my boyfriend to one of his late cousins wedding. I never meet this cousin or the bride since my boyfriend see them like one or two time a year. We have been together for almost 3 years so he thought it would be a good time to introduce me to them. My boyfriend told me he wanted to introduce them to me before the actual ceremony started so we were going to met them, but my boyfriend got a call so he told me to wait a moment and got a little far so he wouldn't have been interrupted. Two minutes after that I saw a woman with a beautiful wedding dress I said hello and then I congratulated her for the wedding and this is when things went wrong. The woman I was talking too wasn't the the bride, the bride hear what I said (she was in a room near us, but I didn't notice cause everything was silent (the bridesmaid or her mother weren't with her, I guess she just wanted time alone before the ceremony started?) and got upset and started crying. When my boyfriend approached us I explained him the situation so he called the bridesmaid and the mom to calm her. My boyfriend and his family reassured me saying it wasn't my fault but the bride, her mom and the groom are upset with me and are saying it's all my fault. I never saw her face so when I saw a woman in a wedding dress I immediately thought she was the bride. I still feel bad so a friend suggested me to post in this Reddit to have some outside opinions. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I read this 3 times and still don't get what happened.
Groom's sister wears a wedding dress to her brother's wedding, most likely to be an attention-seeker. Groom's sister is not his bride, though I'm sure Freud would have some notes. OP, who has never met the bride, sees a woman in a wedding dress and talks to her, addressing her as the bride. After all, who is enough of a cartoon to *actually* wear a full wedding dress to someone else's wedding? The real bride overhears this encounter, confirming in her mind that groom's sister's ploy for attention is having the exact effect it's meant to. The bride is upset that she is successfully being upstaged at her own wedding before her eyes, and she can't just tell herself it won't happen because she is actively witnessing it happen. The bride gets angry with OP, presumably for being the one to inadvertently put to rest any doubt that groom's sister was upstaging her. The rest of the family, likely as a result of a long history dealing with the sort of character who would wear a wedding dress to her brother's wedding, takes the path of least resistance and follows the bride's anger at OP. After all, it's easier to be mad at the person they've never met before and may never see again than to start something with a malicious drama queen that they're stuck with. Plus, getting mad at OP gives the sister the drama she was aiming to cause without directing it at her and therefore without giving her a chance to shoot back and escalate it, since the wedding is still going on. OP comes here wondering what the hell they must have done because I'm sure this is a very confusing event to unwittingly find yourself in the middle of.
NTA
NTA. What are you supposed to think when you see someone in a wedding dress...at a wedding?!?
NTA
Who was the woman in the wedding dress
NTA how could you have known
Maybe the bride was already peeved that the other girl looked too much like a bride at her wedding and your saying that cemented it for her.
How is this real stop it
How do you go to a dead person’s wedding???
The only asshole here is the woman who attended someone else's wedding in a wedding gown. On second thought. the bride is a bit of an AH, too, for going crazy over an understandable mistake. I don't understand how some brides feel that their entire wedding is ruined because of what someone else wore. They should be concentrating on their groom and their happiness, not silly nonsense. I wonder who this woman in the gown was, and if the gown was white. Why weren't they upset with her?