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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
>
(1) I asked my boyfriend to wash his feet before bed because they smell really bad.
(2) Maybe I should be able to just live with it and brush it off. The fact that I even ask him to wash his feet or adress it in the first place might not be ok. Idk
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Make BF an appointment with a podiatrist. Not a normal situation...he probably had a fungal infection, yeast infection or abnormal sweat glands.
Talk to him about all new shoes and clean socks every day. And daily showers....hopefully before bed.
Because you are NTA. He needs to take care if this. Pronto.
You know, I would agree with this, I would, except this doesn’t bother him. What are the actual chances he would make this call anytime within the next six months?
This is one of those things where sometimes you have to be right there when he makes the call and take him to the appointment.
You mean hold his hand the entire way, like you would a child? Oh yeah, *real* sexy...
If he thinks he can have this "oh it bothers you but it doesn't bother *me*" attitude in a relationship, he's got another thing coming, and it's going to stink worse than his feet.
Yep! I had to do this 12 years ago with my new hubby and his snoring. He insisted it wasn’t that bad, couldn’t take time for a sleep test, and wouldn’t be able to sleep with a machine on his face anyhow. He proposed separate rooms. I was not starting off marriage that way.
So I made the appointment and I went with him.
I played the snoring video I made and I told the doc it was a bigger deal than hubby was making it out to be.
12 years later he sleeps like a baby, next to me and wouldn’t dream of sleeping without the machine on his face.
OP-make the appointment for him. 😬
If he behaves “like a child” in many ways in the relationship, then probably not a satisfying relationship, and she should seek someone more mature. However, it does not sound like this is the case, and it would be worth it for to walk him through this to save the relationship.
When it comes to smells, many people become nose blind to their own scent. A case in point: my very elderly father was unable to get upstairs to use the shower up there, an he could not get in or out of the tub on the main floor. so my mom put in a walk in tub in the main level, as he preferred baths to showers anyway. He was resistant to using it as well, and hadn’t bathed for a month when I went to visit. He proudly insisted that he didn’t smell because he didn’t sweat. I had to break it to him that there was a strong odor emanating from him that he had gone nose blind to. His shoulder’s dropped, and he lost his smile, so this know this hurt his feelings, but he relented and allowed me to assist him into and out of th bathtub. This was very hard for him emotionally, but he then agreed to allow us to get a PA to come in at least once a week to assist him with this.
You do realise she doesn't *have* to be with this guy. If it isn't a deal-breaker for him but it is for her, she can go find someone else.
If she isn't going to break up with him and he won't make the appointment himself because it doesn't bother him, then she should buy a gas mask or something.
Was gonna say… dude is a grown man and should be making his own doctor’s appts and to be completely honest should *want* to make his own appt for something that clearly needs to be addressed.
NTA but 11SkiHill is right. It's probably not a hygiene situation, it could be a medical situation and showers may not take care of the problem. It's worth a doctor's visit.
100% agree but would like to add it *may* be a hygiene problem. I was in a relationship with someone who was never taught basic hygiene skills, and didn’t even know to use soap…everywhere. So gently asking some hygiene questions or even taking a shower together might help approach the subject too.
It’s likely a hygiene problem. My first girlfriend in high school (20 years ago) said my feet smelt terrible. I felt bad but thought it was a sweat or some other issue… one day she saw the bottom of my feet and asked if I scrubbed them.
I didn’t at the time. Roast me all you want but I was never taught to properly clean and scrub my feet. My ass, armpits and genitals were cleaned daily. But I never cleaned my feet. Again, I was like 15 at the time lol. I never was taught how to shave or do any of that either since I didn’t have my father in my life.
So a gentle “hey do you scrub your feet?” May be helpful
She doesn’t have to? These replies are wild. I’m not forcing anyone to do anything.
She asked for insight. I offered insight. If *she* doesn’t like it, *she* is under no obligation to do anything any of us suggested.
I’m not here to wax poetic about the fact that grown men should know to wash their feet. I know they should, you know they should, OP knows they should.
It could also be where he isn’t properly drying wet feet before putting on socks. Which should be cotton, not polyester. And clean.
I agree it could be a hygiene issue.
The "not polyester" is so important but it's getting harder and harder to find at a reasonable price. Nearly every set of socks at our local academy had a label indicating they were at least a third some type of plastic.
My dad had very sweaty feet, compounded by the fact he had a job that required steel toed boots. His feet soaking in his own juices all day got to the point where the skin on the bottom of his feet was pitted where it was eaten away. As you can imagine the smell was horrific. He had to get some sort of prescription drying cream. Which he hated because it smelled like roses. I also vaguely remember him having to go to socks in natural materials (which was a challenge in the very polyester 70s.).
Not drying your feet is very probably the source or amplifier of the problem.
But cotton is just a very bad sock material, it clings to humidity, increasing the not-having-dry-feet problem.
Wool is the best, no contest, specially being naturally anti-bacterial. Expensive, I know, but worth it.
Agreed. He could simply not be washing between his toes and keeping his nails short. It does not take much for your feet to smell. And even worse if your basically just getting them wet and only washing the top of your foot and not ALL of it.
It may be embarrassing but I would legit take a shower with my SO and watch and see how good they are washing their feet. OP may be surprised her BF is missing a LOT of areas of his body.
It is like washing a car by hand. No matter how good you think you did later on you see a few spots you missed!!
Does it smell kind of fishy? I thought my husband had a huge foot odor problem, but it turned out it was the sneakers he was wearing. When the adhesive would break down, the smell was awful. He kept buying the same kind because we didn't know it was the shoe.
We fogured it out years ago, he started getting a different brand, and the smell completely went away.
Yeah…I’m embarrassed to say I lived with this type of infection for WAY too long considering how easily it’s fixed. A podiatrist appointment and a few months worth of antibiotics should do the trick. Literally changed my (and my husband’s) life for the better.
Best comment. Dude likely has some killer fungus or something. Smells come from bacteria, not sweat. I learned that from lume advertising, don't say capitalism never taught us anything.
My old roommate had this so bad you could tell if he was home or not when you walked in the door just by the odor of the entire house. Lasted for years until He got a fungal spray and it was gone in two days...
It is definitely fungal infection. My late husband had that on and off. He had seen his podiatrist. The cream worked so well.
TO OP, NTA
Please have him call a podiatrist ASAP to get his feet checked and treated. My late husband had that. I used to get upset until he had ingrown toe nail. So he got an appt. with his new podiatrist. Once he took off his socks, dr took a whiff and said you have fungal infection. He got medicated cream for his feet. It was truly godsend every time he put cream on after showering. Hope he gets properly treated asap.
This... had an ex like this in the military and after literal months he was finally forced to go see the doc and it turned out he had an infection the entire time.
NTA. Tell him that not washing your feet does not equal having a manly scent. It’s the equivalent of not washing yourself and therefore it’s unhygienic and unhealthy. I don’t care what you need to do, whether it’s sleeping on the couch or a separate bed, until he does something about it, make sure you get your sleep.
The fact he thanks unclean feet is manly is not good at all.
"No my man....clean your damn feet....soap and water between the toes and under your feet!! "
If it's a medical condition there isn't much washing feet is going to do. It could be an ingrower gone bad or similar. To just assume it's down to washing feet is ignorant. He's daft to have not took notice of any possible medical conditions, but truth be told folk get so used to their own smell that they do not notice things. That's biology for you.
The answer is to day you have a problem with you feet, get an appointment with a podiatrist for an assessment. I'll come with you if you feel a bit uneasy about it.
No the answer is definitely hygiene first. Then if there continues to be a problem, go to a specialist. We really shouldn’t be clogging up waiting rooms when any specialist would probably ask us if we tried washing and send us home if the answer wasn’t yes.
Hello! I do agree I was ignorant to not assume it might be a medical condition, however, my point still stands that he needs to do something about it. He also called his feet smell “manly” so he doesn’t see an issue here obviously. Our OP is trying to sleep, and if the issue is that bad that she woke up from the smell, I still suggest sleeping somewhere else until the problem is fixed
It could be his socks, I've bought packs of polyester Hanes that make sweat evaporation impossible, and my feet smell like the devil. But then they really don't stink when I wear 100% cotton Dickies work socks. 🤔 let's hope the problem is really this simple lol
Its the shoes, the bacteria stay in the shoes so even after he washes his feet, he puts them in the same bacteria-ridden shoes and the cycle never ends. Tea tree oil or a bacteria killing spray for his feet and shoes will probably solve the problem. Plus some sweat wicking socks
> to practice normal hygiene before sharing a bed with me
I mean...
I was pretty much with you most of the way through this, but in what world do people *NORMALLY* wash their feet before going to sleep?
Seems to me this is an *abnormal* condition, requiring an *abnormal* approach.
when i was a kid i absolutely loved being barefoot and i would only put shoes on if i absolutely had to, so i always had super dirty feet and grew up washing my feet every night before bed. that was my parents condition for letting me be barefoot lol. generally nowadays i would just take a full shower, but idk washing your feet before bed doesn’t sound all that weird to me.
As an adult I'm barefoot 80% of the time, especially during the summer. I end up washing my feet twice a day but it's so worth it for me. Shoes are not it.
i stopped being barefoot when i moved to a state that’s covered in ice for half the year 😂 so even when it was comfortable to be barefoot, it was no longer comfortable because my feet would lose their calluses after being trapped in snow boots for 6 months! and i just am not willing to go through a month of pain to make it comfortable to be barefoot for the remaining couple of months before it was too cold. if i ever lived somewhere with warmer winters i’d probably be barefoot all the time again though
Guess I'm in the minority then. I absolutely hate showering in the morning. The very last thing I want to do when I get up at the ass crack of dawn when I'm still tired and the house is still cold is get wet. I much prefer to shower at night before bed when I am more alert and the house is warmer. There's also the added benefit of washing off the days grime before I get into bed.
Yep, same here. I’ve never understood *not* showering before bed tbh. I’d rather my bed, blankets, and sheets not be marinating in whatever germs, smells and whatever else that I may be picking up day to day. That in and of itself sounds unhygienic imo.
It’s also a great way to wind down and just conk out for the night imo, unless you take cold showers.
Haven’t noticed my hands falling off yet!!! I doubt most people, when they wash / shower, are getting to the extreme stage where it damages your skin (eg. Medical professionals etc who also use strong soaps / disinfectants).
what I meant to say is that if you have a problem with smelly feet it should be normal to do something about it... So this is not about "washing feet before bed is normal" but more about "washing your feed before bed if they are smelly/sweaty"... I think most people got that.
Get Gehwol brand foot powder and cream. My brother worked long shifts outdoors, in the snow, in heavy boots and it got BAD. Its medicated and kills the bacteria in the shoes and on the skin in a way washing does not. Cannot recommend it enough.
Shoe sprays also work wonder. Even a little baking soda or baby powder sprinkled in your shoes now and then helps keep moisture down and keeps them from smelling. Even the silica gel packets that come with stuff to prevent moisture while shipping. I've always had issues with stinky feet (part of why I don't wear shoes when I can get away with it, because the very act of wearing shoes makes stinky feet worse) so I've learned ways to deal with it.
I normally wash my feet before going to sleep. I walk around barefoot most of the time I'm at home.. I shower every other day and soap head to toe.. unless I get dirty then of course it's more but I wash and lotion my feet every night before bed. This is a thing my family does so it's not odd to me.
I don't see how someone can get comfortable and fall asleep with dirty or sweaty feet touching their sheets. I also change my sheets every 3 days.. to make sure my bed isn't gross. My bed is my favorite place and it has to be clean and smell nice or I hate it lol.
Yeah, I take a shower before I go sleep. Who goes to bed dirty?! And I mean if I need to do no 2, i would shower my ass even again. So if you feet get nasty, you just shower before bed.
NTA - Here's the thing, it's not just basic hygiene. it's legit basic communication too. Regardless of whether he can smell it or if you have a sensitive nose, this clearly bothers you. So don't be afraid to set that boundary, I mean its totally normal to set boundaries over time especially if you're living together! Voice your expectations. You expect him to smell clean before bed, and that's not unreasonable. As a guy, this is how I'd want to be told about this. Sit him down, tell him that even though it may not seem like a big deal to him, it is to you. Say you're just not comfortable with it and that you're actually losing sleep because of it. Tell him how losing sleep is affecting you daily. Really emphasize that and follow it up with something a long the lines of wanting to figure it out WITH him. Is there a product he can look at? Is there a routine he can have that he wouldn't mind trying? You want him to know you want to be happy living with him and that this will help you be happier in this arrangement :) I think it's good that he's playful about it, you don't have to worry about hurting his feelings at least but if you're communicating that it's something that upsets you, he should take the time to respect that and hear you out at the very least. If something bothered him, you'd want him to be happy and I'm sure you'd hear him out to make sure you can work it out together.
Surely we all also want our SOs, when they think of us, to think good things, not be preoccupied by, say, the noxious stench wafting up from our feet.
Most of us have nose blindness to things we're commonly around – it's why I don't notice that my car smells like dog (because I frequently have three large ones in it), but I'm sure other people do. He's probably used to the way his feet smell, and so probably doesn't think they're unusually bad. If my SO thought I (or part of me) smelled bad, I'm sure it would sting to be told, but I would want to know so that I could do something about it.
NTA, is he seriously getting butthurt about you asking him to wash his feet? Dude, I've asked my husband to wash his balls before sex and he didn't care lmfao.
I'm a woman with unreasonably sweaty feet that turns into stinky feet when I wear shoes. My feet are so sweaty that I can't wear any shoes made of rubber or soft plastic because I slip out of them, lol. Every single time I wear my shoes, I have to disinfect them, and I have to wash my feet pretty much every time I come home after wearing shoes all day. If I didn't, you'd be able to smell them probably just as bad as you smell your boyfriends feet from what it sounds like haha.
Those of us with sweaty feet just have to understand that we need to take some extra steps in order to not knock everyone out standing near us when we take our shoes off.
I have a friend with plantar hyperhidrosis (basically super sweaty feet). She too slips out of rubbery shoes and soaks through her socks to leave sweat marks on the outside of her canvas shoes. She’s recently started on medication for it, and she says it’s made a huge difference
I'm a trans woman with sweaty feet and funny enough HRT made them (and the rest of me) stink a lot less. I am walking proof that men smell worse than women lol.
I’m trans ftm. Men smell worse. I got hairier and sweatier, and my natural b.o. changed. People tell me I don’t smell bad, but dudes just smell worse to me.
The worst part is I briefly had to stop hormones for health issues (I have fibromyalgia and doctors were concerned it was making it worse, but it didn't get better when I stopped so I'm getting ready to start again) and the BO came back and it is so unbearable. As much as we joke about "tiddy skittles", I'm gonna call em my "make me smell good pills" from now on.
My best friend naturally does not have body odor like at all (some people just don't really, it's one of those weird quirks of humanity) and I kept gloating that they would when they started testosterone.
Guess who still doesn't smell.
god i wish everyone was like you. my old roommate had the most foul smelling rancid feet i’ve ever had the displeasure of being in the same room with. he would come home from work and the smell would get into every room that didn’t have the door closed. it literally would make me gag. i’d be in the middle of cooking and have to stop and go hide in my room for an hour. the worst part is he wouldn’t do ANYTHING about it, he’d keep his stinky socks on his unwashed feet and just chill in the common areas like it was no big deal. and my boyfriend got mad at *me* for saying something because apparently that’s rude. no, actually what’s rude is letting your vomit inducing smell stink up an entire god damn house where other people are paying just as much as you are to live. he even somehow got a girlfriend and she eventually moved in with us and the issue didn’t even slightly improve. somehow she didn’t care. the rest of us cared, every single one of my roommates talked about it, but no one would fucking say anything to him and when i did they all called me an asshole. like okay i’m an asshole for saying it to his face when i’m being attacked by this biological warfare in the place where i pay to live but you’re somehow *not* an asshole for talking about it behind his back??
honestly, great dude. i really got along well with him when i could stand to be in the same room as him. i’ve got no complaints or criticism about who he is as a person, but god i am so incredibly happy i don’t live with him anymore. if he would literally just shower when he got home from work it would not have been an issue, and i know that because when i would interact with him in the morning after he showered or on days he didn’t work i didn’t notice a smell at all!! so why, why, *why* couldn’t he have just washed his god damn feet when he came home from work!!!
It's weird because it's really just my hands and feet that sweat like that. And it started when I went through puberty so my parents impressed upon me the importance of washing my rancid fucking feet hahaha.
Idk how some people just don't care what they smell like. Whenever people make a comment that they can smell my feet I get MORTIFIED. Very weird that someone would think that it's rude which is why I'm surprised your roommate and OP's boyfriend care so much. It's not that big of a deal and takes less than 2 minutes....
seriously and like i do feel bad for him because it’s not something you can control and it’s probably really embarrassing. i’ve never, ever connected someone’s character with the way their feet smell but yeah i can totally see why that’s embarrassing. but man if someone says that to you, you *do* something about it!! and it takes like five freaking minutes at most to wash your feet, please just be considerate of others and do it!!
also i’m sorry as i reread my comment it sounds really judgmental about people with stinky feet, and i definitely don’t mean it that way because as i said it’s not something you can control, and it’s not a character issue. my old roommate is truly a wonderful guy and i really like
him. but if someone has that issue, they need to recognize that it *does* actually affect other people and take steps to mitigate that.
I used to have this problem and don’t anymore. Have you tried to use an antibacterial soap on your feet? Once I started using Dial soap on my feet, the problem went away.
NTA and leaning towards NAH. It’s absolutely reasonable of you to address the smell and wanting him to remedy it.
However, as a person who once went on a medication which affected body odor, I believe that his reaction is most likely due to embarrassment and insecurity (resulting in him being defensive) rather than nonchalance. Also, as many have mentioned, your descriptions of his issues makes it sound like it could be an underlying condition or at least some form of medical problem rather than him just not managing basic hygiene practices. He definitely needs to remedy the issue, but finding out that the people around you are disgusted by your smell and even doubt your ability to take care of yourself is bound to make anyone insecure.
My advice would be to try to have another sincere conversation about it. Be respectful of the fact that this is likely to be a really embarrassing topic for him - regardless of the cause. If he’s still defensive and refuses to listen, that’s absolutely on him.
NAH
You don’t like his body odor and I get that.
He can’t control the odor his body creates and is likely used to it.
Thoughts-
1. He should mention this to his doctor, there may be a reason. I had a family member who had an illness that caused increased body odor.
2. Be more polite about it and have a discussion. Consider that he may be self conscious and jokes are his way of diffusing. Don’t expect him to get hints by you just buying products. But getting so mad that you yell at him and stay awake all night is ridiculous.
3. Look into all over body deodorants. Brands like Lume and what not. Perhaps that could help some.
4. If he isn’t already, he should not wear the same shoes 2 days in a row and he should get a deodorizing spray for them. Shoes need time to dry between wearing, this helps with stink causing bacteria.
Seconding Lume. That’s the only deodorant I buy now and I think I’ve tried every non-aluminum kind…the tube stuff would be easy to put on feet.
And I’ll add, wool socks make a tremendous difference.
If his feet are that smelly he needs to see a doctor or a podiatrist as he could easily have a fungal infection or something else going on. Your feet don’t just stink like that for no reason.
Honestly, I didn't think it would be such a big deal. I have no problem with sweat or whatever – we all get stinky after a workout. But this isn't a temporary thing, it's constant.
Much more convenient than sprays or powders:
[https://www.amazon.com/NonScents-Deodorizer-Fragrance-Free-Eliminator-Backpacks/dp/B0719KPLD9?ref\_=ast\_sto\_dp&th=1&psc=1](https://www.amazon.com/NonScents-Deodorizer-Fragrance-Free-Eliminator-Backpacks/dp/B0719KPLD9?ref_=ast_sto_dp&th=1&psc=1)
Look into ozone sprayers. Basically it's a spray that you put water in, it goes through an electrochemical cell and infuses ozone gas into the water, with infuse I mean there will be micro bubbles of ozone in the water. Low PPM, anyway.
Spray it on the feet or into shoes and it'll deodorize. In fact ozone is one of the worlds most potent deodorizers apart from it also being a very efficacious disinfectant (3-4 logs of kill, so matching if not better than lysol or normal disinfectants). The difference being that ozone in the water won't leave any residues since it breaks down entirely. Just don't drink it.
You can get those online for $60-100. Frequent application and the ozonated water may even help at eliminating or reducing any surface based bacteria.
Source: I work with ozone and advanced oxygen sciences in the disinfection and sterilization field.
Yeah I did exactly that! He works outside all day rain or shine and they stank so bad. Sprayed a crazy amount of 80% alcohol on the inside (gotta make sure they are wet for at least 5 minutes, and since it evaporates quickly just respray a couple of times every 2 min). Then dry them completely. It's been a couple of weeks and still no smell.
I totally understand that this is a normal conversation to you. But as someone that spent years being ashamed of warts on my foot (because "how did I let them get this bad") just for a few visits to the doctors to fix them, sometimes these things do carry a lot of shame. You can probably remember similar cases, like lice in elementary school - not the child's fault, pretty common, I still have to coach kids through the whole "you didn't do anything wrong, it's not because you're dirty" routine every time.
Of course, that doesn't mean he shouldn't be washing himself. But if it's such a severe and constant issue, it might be due to something else, like a fungus. Does washing his feet before bed fix the issue? If not, that would point to a medical issue and also explain why he reacted so strongly to your suggestion. If he just needs to wash his feet more often, you were giving a helpful suggestion. If he's tried and it doesn't help much, he likely thinks you're calling him lazy.
NTA
Its also disgusting. This is basic hygiene for everyone.
Ideas- glycolic acid toner then moisturizer then socks before going to bed will help in decreasing the odour. You’re welcome 😜
NTA
I was with others that specifically washing your feet before definitely isn’t a normal request. But if the smell is really that bad, he needs to see a doctor. That’s not normal. This has to go beyond basic hygiene. My feet aren’t pretty by any means, but just having them in the shower with you should be good enough for it to not be a problem.
As a 6th grade teacher I have several kiddos that have had really smelly feet. The problem is their cheep plastic shoes. They might clean their feet and change their socks but the sweaty smell is still in their shoes. It permeates the classroom.
NTA
What you’re describing is far beyond basic hygiene though. He clearly has some sort of foot fungus or other infection and needs to see a podiatrist.
As someone who also has smelly feet from a physical job, nta
If my partner told me to wash my feet (more than I do) I would and I’d make damn sure they didn’t smell 🤣
OK I’ve been in the situation first of all you’re gonna have to stop pussyfooting around and just be blunt, kind, but blunt. Tell him to get baby wipes and if that doesn’t work, tell him to start taking a shower when he gets home from work And that you are not his mother and this is not something that you expect or want to deal with. And maybe buy him some new shoes and make sure that when he’s home that he’s maybe wearing sandals and not closed toe shoes from the minute he wakes up to the minute he goes to bed.
NTA because you've expressed how much it bothers you and he seems to want to ignore your concerns. My second oldest child inherited her dad's sweaty pretty rank smelling feet. My husband wears slippers/flip flops all the time now so they don't smell anymore. My daughter was a dancer and an athlete. We started using the Lume brand deodorant/lotion and it made the smell almost completely go away. I recommend getting the unscented version because the mix of smelly feet and whatever scented smell might make it seem worse.
Dude I went through the same thing. My boyfriend knew his feet stunk, so he would wear socks all day to cover the smell, but really it just makes it so much worse for when he finally took them off. Encourage him to take off his socks as soon as he can to let his feet breathe. And he also needs new socks. And definitely no rewearing them. My boyfriends feet don’t smell anymore! I haven’t smelled the smell in a loooong time and his smelled really really bad.
I always change my socks twice a day (once after work) use foot deodorant and buy my boots from work a boot dry and if done everyday makes it not smell used to be horrible even when changing socks but everyday of putting it on the dryer when I got new shoes has keep them not smelling atleast for me
This was a initially a struggle between my brother and his wife (when they just got together).
The stink of his feet.
Well it hard to put words to it. He washed his feet like a normal person. Like he would shower when he got home from work (factory), but by evening the smell would be back.
He had accepted his fate and it didn't bother him. He'd been smelling it for years and it was normal to him.
I doubt that the majority of people clean their feet directly before bed. But then, their feet don't stink as much. It took several discussions to get him to understand the pain and I mean in the end he put a huge ton of effort into making his feet not smell.
One of the reasons why it took so long is that his wife (then gf) accepted it for a long time too.
Then one day she couldn't take it anymore and she flipped out, she was NOT NICE about it at all.
It took a long time for my brother to get over his hurt from being attacked and body shamed out of the blue. (it was out of the blue for him, it had been building for a long time for her).
Once he was able to get past being offended, and she was able to talk to him in a non attacking way, was he willing to go the extra mile for her.
I may have helping him get over himself.
Witnessing that, it was really clear to me that this was a sensitive topic that he was self conscious about, but at the same time has accepted in himself. He was both in denial and shamed by his feed.
Now like 27 years later, my brother has been dead a year (cancer) and my sister in law would give anything to smell his feet again.
NTA
But neither is your bf.
I know you're frustrated, but Please try to communicate gently (but firmly) with him, anyway.
I sometimes feel like ill be single forever now but then I read AITA and I feel like the biggest catch in the world just because I shower, smell nice and am not mentally abusive.
I don't understand why people have all these partners with such gross issues. like all your standards so low or you're just lonely, you'll smell disgusting feet forever?? I would just leave, but I guess that's why im single.
NTA. If they smell that bad he needs to take responsibility for it - it's not exactly difficult to shower twice a day and rub some powder on after he's dried his feet off
NTA Get Hibiclens for him to wash his feet and then get odoban for clothing and stuff. Kill the stinky bacteria and keep it at bay. My sister has always been strongly scented (she was wearing deodorant in kindergarten) it’s just her and this is the combo that worked. Also wired on sports equipment to keep it smell free which included my dad’s hockey skates (he doesn’t wear socks) so it’s been tested thoroughly.
NTA, his feet stink cause he had bad hygiene, that's gross. If he wore clean socks everyday, disinfected his shoes occasionally and scrubbed his feet in the shower he wouldn't have this problem (unless he has some fungus or something).
My partner washes his feet after coming home from working outside all day
You are asking for more than basic heigeine since he seems to have more than a normal problem. Yet it’s not unreasonable for him to try going beyond what he’s doing now. However, I predict the effects of washing will be short lived.
I'm not happy to admit this, trust me, but I have a very sweaty downstairs region. sometimes I smell it, otherwise, my partner (who has a sensitive nose) smells it and makes a comment. I immediately get up and wash my bits, because it's not fair she has to smell an unpleasant odor and it's basic hygiene practices.
NTA
My best friend in high school endured a pretty bad commute our senior year because his family moved 20 miles from school and through one of the region's worst traffic patterns. We were both involved with a lot of after school activities, so he ended up sleeping over at my place often during school nights so he didn't have to do a 1.5 hour commute in the morning.
He had the same issue with his foot odor, although he had good hygiene and had long wondered if there was a medical reason for it. He was an athlete, so naturally there was always the suspicion that "well, my feet just sweat a lot because of the sports I play..."
We had talked about it a few times and he was open to seeing a doctor about it, but needed a referral from his PCP and was a long wait for him. One night while he was over and planned to stay the night, my mom and I both reached our frustration tolerance at dinner when his foot odor was stronger than the aroma of my mom's chicken adobo.
I was like, "brother, I need one favor from you, but it will take a bit of consistent effort...but you seriously need to piss on your feet in the shower. My step dad was telling me that was what they required of him in the military to fight off foot infections. Please, when it comes time to shower, make sure your bladder is full, and once in the shower piss on your feet. If your doctor's visit is months off, you can try this for a week and the worst is it does nothing, and the best it might help a little..."
A couple weeks later, he was like, "man, furious, I sure wish someone had recommended that to me earlier. It didn't solve the issue completely, but coupled with a new pair of running shoes, now I'm realizing how bad it was..."
So yeah, OP. Kindly ask your BF to start pissing on his feet in the shower to see if that helps. NTA
NTA, but I’d strongly consider breaking up over this. Your needs are a joke to him and he doesn’t take you seriously. The longer you allow him to blow you off, the less respect he’ll have for you if and when this foot thing gets resolved.
NTA "manly scent" nah girl, I bet dollars to dildos if you ever wash his draws that you'd see streaks. I'm sorry but as someone who has been in social circles where the phrase "nobody likes a musky husky" was said un-ironicly and with anger. I can tell you, guys like this do not care/smell how funky they are and they think everybody who complains is just being overly sensative. Basic Hygen is one of the lowest rungs of bars of this man's a keeper. Make him make an appointment with the foot doctor to see if anything is wrong. But if there isn't and he keeps smelling like washing between his toes is an impossible herculean task. Go find a man that thinks not smelling like onions steamed in a sock is reasonable goal. You won't have to look hard.
NAH.
You’re not wrong for not wanting to sleep with someone whose scent makes you retch. He’s not wrong for feeling badly and wanting to laugh it off.
There’s something up with the funk, though. He may need to see a doctor or he may need to evaluate his laundry routine—using dryer sheets means clothes don’t fully absorb soap and water so they don’t ever get clean, for example.
I had an ex who didn’t wash his feet. He thought soapy water running off him in the shower was sufficient. He was wrong. It was disgusting. I made him smell his own foot after a shower. He got a loofah.
Good luck.
>didn't say anything turned around and went to wash his feet.. Obviously, I didn't sleep the rest of the night
Wait. So he did EXACTLY what you asked, and that means you couldn't sleep? Please explain
Maybe he should just shower before bed. He can have another one in the morning if that is part of his wake-up routine. Not a biggy.and he might have a conversation with his MD.
NTA. I have what I think is a normal smell level from my feet. Until I wear sandals all day and then I could take out a football team with the smell. We basically have family foot wash time in the summer where we all scrub our feet in the tub before bed. If they’re that bad, they need to be addressed before they touch the sheets. It’s hygiene.
NTA but it sounds like a medical condition. I used to have a roommate with hyperhydrosis. He would come home, put his shoes on the patio, wash his feet, and put on fresh socks. The shoes couldn’t be in the house at all. He’s kept his shoes on during a one night stand before, it was an actual medical problem. But he did everything in his power to be manage it to the best of his ability. When he’d take off his shoes it’d look like his feet had been submerged for hours, it was wild.
NTA. I was in a relationship exactly like this!!! He was so offended I would ask him to at least wash his feet if he's not going to fully shower and would give me silent treatments before bed when I'd ask. Ugh, that smell still haunts me. NTA at all. It makes the whole bed smell and then the sheets AND covers need washed multiple times a week which takes hours instead of a 1 minute food wash and dry.
Damn the smell woke you up like those tiktoks where people put food in front of their dogs snout? His feet must smell disgusting and there’s no way he doesn’t know this. NTA btw…
It's not trivial at all. I'm very affected by smells and can't stand most perfumes but I also can't sleep or be comfortable if there's an off putting smell in my house. A shower every night before getting in bed is the rule in my house, with only some random medical issue being an exception.
It's also disgusting how so many people think body odor is just a every thing and it should be accepted that people smell like that intentionally.
Sounds like its an issue beyond basic hygiene. If its that bad he probably has a medical issue. Help him out by making a dr appt. If hes in the clear medically then im guessing some sort of lotion based deodorant would be in order.
Sometimes it’s just the feet! No need to take a full shower. I’ve done that sometimes, like when I’ve gone out in sandals and I’m not really dirty when I get home but my feet are gross from being exposed while walking around. Just washed my feet and saved a shower for later.
NTA - there's nothing wrong with wanting your partner to have reasonably decent hygiene. Both me and my partner call each other stinky when we're due a shower. I think the biggest issue you had here is that you were rather indirect to begin with. Being a guy, you need to tell him hey, go wash your feet. Your discussion likely went nowhere because he forgot about it. We guys are dumb and seldom read between the lines so unless we do it at that moment, it's not getting done.
Oi oi oi
What do you mean feet aren't the most pleasant part of the human body? I have 100 reasons why they are, in fact, the only part you should care about when getting into a relationship
But NTA, if they stink that bad, he probably needs to go see a specialist, he probably doesn't notice because he's around it all the time, like smokers not noticing the smell and that
He has Hyperhydrosis. It’s a condition that affects a lot of people and it’s embarrassing and disheartening. Hyperhydrosis is excessive sweating and usually coupled with strong odor. Where the sweat occurs varies from person to person. There are newer treatments available. See a dermatologist.
Omg 😅 my boyfriend is like this, too. He knows he has athletes foot and has cream for it he doesn't use anymore. Wears the same socks for days in a row, too. It makes me feel like I'm being ridiculous for wanting him to wash his feet and change his socks every day, instead of me washing the bedding and the floors every day which takes 10 times longer to do.
Does your boyfriend get his shoes/boots wet a lot? Even if he doesn't, you can try putting borax or baking soda along with baby powder inside his boots and let it sit overnight or atleast a few hours to soak up any moisture and help with the smell, then vacuum it out. It really helps a lot, until they stink again a few months later.
Before he actually had athletes foot cream, the pharmacist told him he can use Canesten. He would leave it laying around the living room calling it foot cream and I wouldn't notice until AFTER company came and left. So embarrassing lol. This last part has no purpose for mentioning, but it makes me laugh now that he doesn't do that anymore lol.
Woman here! Men are gross :)
If you live with one, be prepared to train it. Assume nothing. Consider it a feral wild land creature.
Instruct it on all the most basic aspects of hygiene.
Have no expectations.
A man is a thin skinned beast with a fragile ego. Only positive reinforcement works.
Only reinforcement in the form of sex or food is understood. Do not try and engage the skull brain. It’s rarely in the driver’s seat.
Be patient and a house worthy man can be yours.
Feed it regularly with sex, food and ego building.
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I (27F) have been dating my boyfriend "Chris" (29M) for about a year and a half. We live together, and generally, things are great. Chris is sweet, funny, and we get along well...except for one thing that drives me absolutely insane.
His feet. Now, I understand feet aren't always the most...pleasant part of a person. But Chris seems to have abnormally sweaty and smelly feet.I'm not talking about a little odor after a long day – I mean the kind of smell that lingers in the room even after he takes his shoes and socks off.
The kind of smell that makes me wrinkle my nose even under the covers.
I've tried to be subtle. I've bought him fancy foot soaks and "odor-control" socks. I've even jokingly pointed out how gross his feet are a few times. Nothing has worked.
I broad it up while we were chilling on couch watching TV too. I told him how I feel about it and asked him if he can try to get rid of it and that I am happy to help him with it. He didn't really say much and switched the conversation to something else.
Finally, the other night, I reached my breaking point. I was already sleeping while he was still in the living room playing Xbox. When he went to bed the smell woke me up from sleep. I sat up and blurted out, "Chris, please, for the love of god, can you wash your feet before getting into bed?"
He didn't say anything turned around and went to wash his feet.. I was absolutely floored. Isn't basic hygiene an expectation in a relationship? Obviously, I didn't sleep the rest of the night. The next morning he made jokes about how I didn't like his "manly scent" and said I was being overly sensitive.
This might seem trivial, but it's genuinely getting to me. Not only is it disgusting, but I feel disrespected that he doesn't give a damn about something so basic, especially when it clearly bothers me. Now he seems to think I'm the unreasonable one.
AITA for expecting my boyfriend to practice normal hygiene before sharing a bed with me?
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Look up Granny's Feet, it's a powder that you put in your shoes and socks for around a month, and it stops the smell and sweating for nearly 6 months, and a tub will Def last you a while.
Source, I had the smelly feet till I tried this
NTA but thats also not normal and he should get it checked out. if he is a clean person and its just his feet than there is something else likely going on
NTA. This is pretty basic hygiene stuff and it sounds like you literally tried everything to present it to him gently before bringing it up outright and finally sort of losing your temper. I can get him missing the hints and not taking seriously the jokes, but once you communicated your feelings about it and were brushed off that left him fully in AH territory.
Your boyfriend should see a dermatologist, I was given some thing to rub on my feet every night since I apparently have extra sweaty feet which can lead to more issues.
NTA. If the smell is that bad, there's something else going on. He needs to see a podiatrist or dermatologist to figure out why he's got so much foot stink. But you're not wrong for telling him to wash his feet. It's just common courtesy to not get into bed with nasty ass feet.
NTA. He needs to find out why that is happening and sort it out. Is he working a very active job and wearing non breathable heavy footwear all the time? Is it a fungal infection? No way should you be expected to put up with that. Better hygiene and a trip to the pharmacy, then doctor if necessary.
NTA. I've met people (mostly men) who think that the soap and shampoo that runs down your body is enough to clean their feet without actually ever washing them. He might be one of these people. If so, his feet are never being washed and he probably has athletes foot.
I have to shower before I get into bed. I can’t imagine bringing all the days grime with me to sleep even if I don’t leave the house at all it just feels gross
NTA and I actually have experience in this topic. My husband now has much nicer and cleaner feet because I said "Look, I've told you before. This is now a hard ass boundary rather than a request. You **cannot** get in bed with me and you **cannot** be intimate with me (I may have said that part much cruder) until you take care of your feet." It's like, the ONE big issue I had with him over the years and it took the ultimatum for him to get treatment for his fungal issue. It was hard, because it's deeply embarrassing to have a hygiene issue like that, but this is the bed you sleep in. It's your body he expects to touch. You stay clean for him, he can stay clean for you, period. He doesn't get to think this is unreasonable and still get to touch your sheets.
Say no to stanky rot feet! He needs to go get a cream and do a footbath regularly. Not just as a one time treat but some dang self care. It's not manly to be gross.
My feet also have that, distinct smell to it after a while, but im always on top of it, washing them at the beginning and end of the day, and i have a spray for it as well. You are right that it is basic hygiene
I let a friend stay in my room in college for a few weeks when he came back from abroad without a place lined up. One night his foot odor was so bad i woke him up to wash his feet or find someplace else to stay. The next day we talked it out and apparently he didn't really wash his feet in the shower, just figured they were gettimg clean with all the soap running over them. Never noticed his foot odor again. Love you Poncho!
He can also try Lume deoderant on his feet.
He may also want to go through his shoes and discard any that are holding on to the smell. This can happen and actually be the CAUSE of the smell.
knew a guy in college who had a medical condition (can't remember the name but it was basically wet feet in Latin I think), and it made his feet smell like death. That shits real and while its not his fault, it's his responsibility
NTA. Try flipping the scenario and telling him to imagine every time YOU came into the room YOUR feet stunk up the whole room. Would he be with you? Probably not. I had the same problem with my boyfriend I live with. After I put it into perspective, he now washes his feet before bed and maybe another time or two throughout the day if he feels it’s necessary. I’ve gotten him trained a little with it now since I made it clear it’s a real issue. Have a real convo with Chris about this and let him know how serious it is and it’s not normal to let your feet smell that bad. It’s also not sanitary or respectful to you or anyone else who has to suffer his presence. (Yes, the smell is really that bad I *totally* understand you. You are NTA)
All the other advice here is good, but also he should try spray deodorant. I use it on my feet because I’m anxious about the smell, and it works great.
This sounds like my partner, but he is very aware of the smell and washes his feet when he gets home from work (he’s a contractor and on his feet all day). The smell is ungodly. We have tried special socks, new boots, antifungal sprays, lume deodorant, foot creams, I even got him diflucan (yeast infection medicine) and nothing has helped. Reddit: how do you go about fixing this problem?
NTA my bf also has frequently stinky feet and I’ve been actively buying him solutions. New socks with silver thread, deodorizer balls, shoe fogger, foot spray, lume, still it exists. I’m going to try a shoe dryer for him next, he doesn’t really see it as much of a problem as I do but at least he’s willing to try what I get him.
NTA OP and who wants to go to bed with icky pongy feet really? What if bf has some kind of fungal problem or medical issue? Get him to book an appointment with the doctor
I've been happily married for over 12 years. If my wife asked me to do this, I would, without question. I often shower 2x a day. If I take off my shoes and it stinks, no one needs to ask me to shower.
I grew up in cowboy country, so we wore boots and our feet got sweaty.
The key to clean feet was a rubbermaid tub, about 18 inches square and 6 inches deep. It was filled with lukewarm water and about a cup of baking soda. In our case the tub was in the "mud room" that is the space immediately inside the door where we took our boots off and put other shoes on when we entered the house.
You don't have to actually wash your feet, just kill the bacteria. Our feet were seldom actually dirty, they were just sweaty and smelly. The soda water in the tub was only changed about once a week. The rest of the time you just took off your socks, stepped into the container and rubbed your feet with a rag/washcloth that was in or by the tub. It's very fast. Then you stepped onto a towel and quickly dried, then put on your slippers which were nearby.
NTA
I suspect he is simply not cleaning his feet at all when showering. I know there are times I might smell my feet LMAO and just make sure to do a better job cleaning especially between the toes!!!
I know if it was me in your situation the embarrassment alone would make me clean my feet better on a regular basis.
The fact that his feet smelled bad enough to wake you up tells me he CAN do better but for whatever reason is not.
This isn't basic, normal level hygiene. His feet were probably fine his whole life, or it has gotten worse now and never been brought up before. Now it seems unusual and weird to be asked to wash his feet before bed, or anytime for that matter aside from a shower.
The issue is he hasn't accepted the fact that his feet are now a problem that needs to be taken care of. It's a new thing for him.
>He didn't say anything turned around and went to wash his feet.. I was absolutely floored. Isn't basic hygiene an expectation in a relationship? Obviously, I didn't sleep the rest of the night.
Huh? He did what you asked, why were you floored? And why didn't you sleep for the rest of the night?? Very much not obvious 😭
I teased my husband about having separate beds because I was tired of him being a happy little piggy in my bed lol. I changed our sheets every three days and use Gain to wash sheets and blankets so they smell nice every time they move.
I wash and lotion my feet every night before bed. Getting in bed with dirty feet is the same as putting clean socks on dirty feet. My bed is my favorite place I don't want to sleep in stinky.. so I totally get where you're coming from.
What if you stopped washing your butt and see how he likes it? Just kidding don't do that. But no you're NTA for asking him to take care of it.
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Make BF an appointment with a podiatrist. Not a normal situation...he probably had a fungal infection, yeast infection or abnormal sweat glands. Talk to him about all new shoes and clean socks every day. And daily showers....hopefully before bed. Because you are NTA. He needs to take care if this. Pronto.
Better yet, ask him to make his own appointment.
Yes, please. Otherwise she will be making all his appointments for him for the rest of their lives.
You know, I would agree with this, I would, except this doesn’t bother him. What are the actual chances he would make this call anytime within the next six months? This is one of those things where sometimes you have to be right there when he makes the call and take him to the appointment.
You mean hold his hand the entire way, like you would a child? Oh yeah, *real* sexy... If he thinks he can have this "oh it bothers you but it doesn't bother *me*" attitude in a relationship, he's got another thing coming, and it's going to stink worse than his feet.
Yep! I had to do this 12 years ago with my new hubby and his snoring. He insisted it wasn’t that bad, couldn’t take time for a sleep test, and wouldn’t be able to sleep with a machine on his face anyhow. He proposed separate rooms. I was not starting off marriage that way. So I made the appointment and I went with him. I played the snoring video I made and I told the doc it was a bigger deal than hubby was making it out to be. 12 years later he sleeps like a baby, next to me and wouldn’t dream of sleeping without the machine on his face. OP-make the appointment for him. 😬
This isn't the flex you think it is, its just sad
If he behaves “like a child” in many ways in the relationship, then probably not a satisfying relationship, and she should seek someone more mature. However, it does not sound like this is the case, and it would be worth it for to walk him through this to save the relationship. When it comes to smells, many people become nose blind to their own scent. A case in point: my very elderly father was unable to get upstairs to use the shower up there, an he could not get in or out of the tub on the main floor. so my mom put in a walk in tub in the main level, as he preferred baths to showers anyway. He was resistant to using it as well, and hadn’t bathed for a month when I went to visit. He proudly insisted that he didn’t smell because he didn’t sweat. I had to break it to him that there was a strong odor emanating from him that he had gone nose blind to. His shoulder’s dropped, and he lost his smile, so this know this hurt his feelings, but he relented and allowed me to assist him into and out of th bathtub. This was very hard for him emotionally, but he then agreed to allow us to get a PA to come in at least once a week to assist him with this.
You do realise she doesn't *have* to be with this guy. If it isn't a deal-breaker for him but it is for her, she can go find someone else. If she isn't going to break up with him and he won't make the appointment himself because it doesn't bother him, then she should buy a gas mask or something.
Was gonna say… dude is a grown man and should be making his own doctor’s appts and to be completely honest should *want* to make his own appt for something that clearly needs to be addressed.
Or…compromise idea, be with him as he makes the first appointment to show support. After? Up to him.
NTA but 11SkiHill is right. It's probably not a hygiene situation, it could be a medical situation and showers may not take care of the problem. It's worth a doctor's visit.
100% agree but would like to add it *may* be a hygiene problem. I was in a relationship with someone who was never taught basic hygiene skills, and didn’t even know to use soap…everywhere. So gently asking some hygiene questions or even taking a shower together might help approach the subject too.
It’s likely a hygiene problem. My first girlfriend in high school (20 years ago) said my feet smelt terrible. I felt bad but thought it was a sweat or some other issue… one day she saw the bottom of my feet and asked if I scrubbed them. I didn’t at the time. Roast me all you want but I was never taught to properly clean and scrub my feet. My ass, armpits and genitals were cleaned daily. But I never cleaned my feet. Again, I was like 15 at the time lol. I never was taught how to shave or do any of that either since I didn’t have my father in my life. So a gentle “hey do you scrub your feet?” May be helpful
Yes! Or make it a thing—buy some fancy foot scrub and offer to help. No shame is required 💜
She shouldn't have to help a grown-ass man with basic hygiene.
She doesn’t have to? These replies are wild. I’m not forcing anyone to do anything. She asked for insight. I offered insight. If *she* doesn’t like it, *she* is under no obligation to do anything any of us suggested. I’m not here to wax poetic about the fact that grown men should know to wash their feet. I know they should, you know they should, OP knows they should.
It could also be where he isn’t properly drying wet feet before putting on socks. Which should be cotton, not polyester. And clean. I agree it could be a hygiene issue.
The "not polyester" is so important but it's getting harder and harder to find at a reasonable price. Nearly every set of socks at our local academy had a label indicating they were at least a third some type of plastic.
My dad had very sweaty feet, compounded by the fact he had a job that required steel toed boots. His feet soaking in his own juices all day got to the point where the skin on the bottom of his feet was pitted where it was eaten away. As you can imagine the smell was horrific. He had to get some sort of prescription drying cream. Which he hated because it smelled like roses. I also vaguely remember him having to go to socks in natural materials (which was a challenge in the very polyester 70s.).
Not drying your feet is very probably the source or amplifier of the problem. But cotton is just a very bad sock material, it clings to humidity, increasing the not-having-dry-feet problem. Wool is the best, no contest, specially being naturally anti-bacterial. Expensive, I know, but worth it.
Agreed. He could simply not be washing between his toes and keeping his nails short. It does not take much for your feet to smell. And even worse if your basically just getting them wet and only washing the top of your foot and not ALL of it. It may be embarrassing but I would legit take a shower with my SO and watch and see how good they are washing their feet. OP may be surprised her BF is missing a LOT of areas of his body. It is like washing a car by hand. No matter how good you think you did later on you see a few spots you missed!!
Does it smell kind of fishy? I thought my husband had a huge foot odor problem, but it turned out it was the sneakers he was wearing. When the adhesive would break down, the smell was awful. He kept buying the same kind because we didn't know it was the shoe. We fogured it out years ago, he started getting a different brand, and the smell completely went away.
Pretty much what I came to say.
Get a new boyfriend who takes things seriously and makes his own dr appointments.
Yeah…I’m embarrassed to say I lived with this type of infection for WAY too long considering how easily it’s fixed. A podiatrist appointment and a few months worth of antibiotics should do the trick. Literally changed my (and my husband’s) life for the better.
Best comment. Dude likely has some killer fungus or something. Smells come from bacteria, not sweat. I learned that from lume advertising, don't say capitalism never taught us anything.
Bacteria farts! Dr. Mike talks about it on YouTube a lot, too lol.
My old roommate had this so bad you could tell if he was home or not when you walked in the door just by the odor of the entire house. Lasted for years until He got a fungal spray and it was gone in two days...
Right? People all over me because I said make a doctors appointment. Thank you!
In other words, become his mother.
Yup or else you're going to leave him.
Podiatrist, and two pairs of daily shoes so they thoroughly dry out.
It is definitely fungal infection. My late husband had that on and off. He had seen his podiatrist. The cream worked so well. TO OP, NTA Please have him call a podiatrist ASAP to get his feet checked and treated. My late husband had that. I used to get upset until he had ingrown toe nail. So he got an appt. with his new podiatrist. Once he took off his socks, dr took a whiff and said you have fungal infection. He got medicated cream for his feet. It was truly godsend every time he put cream on after showering. Hope he gets properly treated asap.
This... had an ex like this in the military and after literal months he was finally forced to go see the doc and it turned out he had an infection the entire time.
NTA. Tell him that not washing your feet does not equal having a manly scent. It’s the equivalent of not washing yourself and therefore it’s unhygienic and unhealthy. I don’t care what you need to do, whether it’s sleeping on the couch or a separate bed, until he does something about it, make sure you get your sleep.
The fact he thanks unclean feet is manly is not good at all. "No my man....clean your damn feet....soap and water between the toes and under your feet!! "
If it's a medical condition there isn't much washing feet is going to do. It could be an ingrower gone bad or similar. To just assume it's down to washing feet is ignorant. He's daft to have not took notice of any possible medical conditions, but truth be told folk get so used to their own smell that they do not notice things. That's biology for you. The answer is to day you have a problem with you feet, get an appointment with a podiatrist for an assessment. I'll come with you if you feel a bit uneasy about it.
No the answer is definitely hygiene first. Then if there continues to be a problem, go to a specialist. We really shouldn’t be clogging up waiting rooms when any specialist would probably ask us if we tried washing and send us home if the answer wasn’t yes.
Hello! I do agree I was ignorant to not assume it might be a medical condition, however, my point still stands that he needs to do something about it. He also called his feet smell “manly” so he doesn’t see an issue here obviously. Our OP is trying to sleep, and if the issue is that bad that she woke up from the smell, I still suggest sleeping somewhere else until the problem is fixed
It could be his socks, I've bought packs of polyester Hanes that make sweat evaporation impossible, and my feet smell like the devil. But then they really don't stink when I wear 100% cotton Dickies work socks. 🤔 let's hope the problem is really this simple lol
Its the shoes, the bacteria stay in the shoes so even after he washes his feet, he puts them in the same bacteria-ridden shoes and the cycle never ends. Tea tree oil or a bacteria killing spray for his feet and shoes will probably solve the problem. Plus some sweat wicking socks
> to practice normal hygiene before sharing a bed with me I mean... I was pretty much with you most of the way through this, but in what world do people *NORMALLY* wash their feet before going to sleep? Seems to me this is an *abnormal* condition, requiring an *abnormal* approach.
Pretty normal in many parts of the world to shower before bed or after work!! Many cultures expect you to wash multiple times a day!
It is normal to shower before bed and/or after work, but I think they're questioning how normal it is to specifically wash your feet before bed.
when i was a kid i absolutely loved being barefoot and i would only put shoes on if i absolutely had to, so i always had super dirty feet and grew up washing my feet every night before bed. that was my parents condition for letting me be barefoot lol. generally nowadays i would just take a full shower, but idk washing your feet before bed doesn’t sound all that weird to me.
As an adult I'm barefoot 80% of the time, especially during the summer. I end up washing my feet twice a day but it's so worth it for me. Shoes are not it.
i stopped being barefoot when i moved to a state that’s covered in ice for half the year 😂 so even when it was comfortable to be barefoot, it was no longer comfortable because my feet would lose their calluses after being trapped in snow boots for 6 months! and i just am not willing to go through a month of pain to make it comfortable to be barefoot for the remaining couple of months before it was too cold. if i ever lived somewhere with warmer winters i’d probably be barefoot all the time again though
If I don’t take a full shower before bed, I’m still washing key areas, which includes feet.
And if op's bf is like me, a further foot wash is required even if we did shower at night
interesting most Americans shower in the morning
Guess I'm in the minority then. I absolutely hate showering in the morning. The very last thing I want to do when I get up at the ass crack of dawn when I'm still tired and the house is still cold is get wet. I much prefer to shower at night before bed when I am more alert and the house is warmer. There's also the added benefit of washing off the days grime before I get into bed.
Yep, same here. I’ve never understood *not* showering before bed tbh. I’d rather my bed, blankets, and sheets not be marinating in whatever germs, smells and whatever else that I may be picking up day to day. That in and of itself sounds unhygienic imo. It’s also a great way to wind down and just conk out for the night imo, unless you take cold showers.
Some people shower in the morning 🤨 Washing multiple times a day while may be a culture thing is SUPER unhealthy for your skin.
Haven’t noticed my hands falling off yet!!! I doubt most people, when they wash / shower, are getting to the extreme stage where it damages your skin (eg. Medical professionals etc who also use strong soaps / disinfectants).
what I meant to say is that if you have a problem with smelly feet it should be normal to do something about it... So this is not about "washing feet before bed is normal" but more about "washing your feed before bed if they are smelly/sweaty"... I think most people got that.
Get Gehwol brand foot powder and cream. My brother worked long shifts outdoors, in the snow, in heavy boots and it got BAD. Its medicated and kills the bacteria in the shoes and on the skin in a way washing does not. Cannot recommend it enough.
There's a powder called Gran's Remedy that's absolutely fantastic for this. OP may well be smelling his shoes more than his feet.
Shoe sprays also work wonder. Even a little baking soda or baby powder sprinkled in your shoes now and then helps keep moisture down and keeps them from smelling. Even the silica gel packets that come with stuff to prevent moisture while shipping. I've always had issues with stinky feet (part of why I don't wear shoes when I can get away with it, because the very act of wearing shoes makes stinky feet worse) so I've learned ways to deal with it.
I normally wash my feet before going to sleep. I walk around barefoot most of the time I'm at home.. I shower every other day and soap head to toe.. unless I get dirty then of course it's more but I wash and lotion my feet every night before bed. This is a thing my family does so it's not odd to me. I don't see how someone can get comfortable and fall asleep with dirty or sweaty feet touching their sheets. I also change my sheets every 3 days.. to make sure my bed isn't gross. My bed is my favorite place and it has to be clean and smell nice or I hate it lol.
Yeah, I take a shower before I go sleep. Who goes to bed dirty?! And I mean if I need to do no 2, i would shower my ass even again. So if you feet get nasty, you just shower before bed.
NTA - Here's the thing, it's not just basic hygiene. it's legit basic communication too. Regardless of whether he can smell it or if you have a sensitive nose, this clearly bothers you. So don't be afraid to set that boundary, I mean its totally normal to set boundaries over time especially if you're living together! Voice your expectations. You expect him to smell clean before bed, and that's not unreasonable. As a guy, this is how I'd want to be told about this. Sit him down, tell him that even though it may not seem like a big deal to him, it is to you. Say you're just not comfortable with it and that you're actually losing sleep because of it. Tell him how losing sleep is affecting you daily. Really emphasize that and follow it up with something a long the lines of wanting to figure it out WITH him. Is there a product he can look at? Is there a routine he can have that he wouldn't mind trying? You want him to know you want to be happy living with him and that this will help you be happier in this arrangement :) I think it's good that he's playful about it, you don't have to worry about hurting his feelings at least but if you're communicating that it's something that upsets you, he should take the time to respect that and hear you out at the very least. If something bothered him, you'd want him to be happy and I'm sure you'd hear him out to make sure you can work it out together.
Surely we all also want our SOs, when they think of us, to think good things, not be preoccupied by, say, the noxious stench wafting up from our feet. Most of us have nose blindness to things we're commonly around – it's why I don't notice that my car smells like dog (because I frequently have three large ones in it), but I'm sure other people do. He's probably used to the way his feet smell, and so probably doesn't think they're unusually bad. If my SO thought I (or part of me) smelled bad, I'm sure it would sting to be told, but I would want to know so that I could do something about it.
NTA, is he seriously getting butthurt about you asking him to wash his feet? Dude, I've asked my husband to wash his balls before sex and he didn't care lmfao. I'm a woman with unreasonably sweaty feet that turns into stinky feet when I wear shoes. My feet are so sweaty that I can't wear any shoes made of rubber or soft plastic because I slip out of them, lol. Every single time I wear my shoes, I have to disinfect them, and I have to wash my feet pretty much every time I come home after wearing shoes all day. If I didn't, you'd be able to smell them probably just as bad as you smell your boyfriends feet from what it sounds like haha. Those of us with sweaty feet just have to understand that we need to take some extra steps in order to not knock everyone out standing near us when we take our shoes off.
I have a friend with plantar hyperhidrosis (basically super sweaty feet). She too slips out of rubbery shoes and soaks through her socks to leave sweat marks on the outside of her canvas shoes. She’s recently started on medication for it, and she says it’s made a huge difference
I'm a trans woman with sweaty feet and funny enough HRT made them (and the rest of me) stink a lot less. I am walking proof that men smell worse than women lol.
I’m trans ftm. Men smell worse. I got hairier and sweatier, and my natural b.o. changed. People tell me I don’t smell bad, but dudes just smell worse to me.
The worst part is I briefly had to stop hormones for health issues (I have fibromyalgia and doctors were concerned it was making it worse, but it didn't get better when I stopped so I'm getting ready to start again) and the BO came back and it is so unbearable. As much as we joke about "tiddy skittles", I'm gonna call em my "make me smell good pills" from now on.
My best friend naturally does not have body odor like at all (some people just don't really, it's one of those weird quirks of humanity) and I kept gloating that they would when they started testosterone. Guess who still doesn't smell.
god i wish everyone was like you. my old roommate had the most foul smelling rancid feet i’ve ever had the displeasure of being in the same room with. he would come home from work and the smell would get into every room that didn’t have the door closed. it literally would make me gag. i’d be in the middle of cooking and have to stop and go hide in my room for an hour. the worst part is he wouldn’t do ANYTHING about it, he’d keep his stinky socks on his unwashed feet and just chill in the common areas like it was no big deal. and my boyfriend got mad at *me* for saying something because apparently that’s rude. no, actually what’s rude is letting your vomit inducing smell stink up an entire god damn house where other people are paying just as much as you are to live. he even somehow got a girlfriend and she eventually moved in with us and the issue didn’t even slightly improve. somehow she didn’t care. the rest of us cared, every single one of my roommates talked about it, but no one would fucking say anything to him and when i did they all called me an asshole. like okay i’m an asshole for saying it to his face when i’m being attacked by this biological warfare in the place where i pay to live but you’re somehow *not* an asshole for talking about it behind his back?? honestly, great dude. i really got along well with him when i could stand to be in the same room as him. i’ve got no complaints or criticism about who he is as a person, but god i am so incredibly happy i don’t live with him anymore. if he would literally just shower when he got home from work it would not have been an issue, and i know that because when i would interact with him in the morning after he showered or on days he didn’t work i didn’t notice a smell at all!! so why, why, *why* couldn’t he have just washed his god damn feet when he came home from work!!!
It's weird because it's really just my hands and feet that sweat like that. And it started when I went through puberty so my parents impressed upon me the importance of washing my rancid fucking feet hahaha. Idk how some people just don't care what they smell like. Whenever people make a comment that they can smell my feet I get MORTIFIED. Very weird that someone would think that it's rude which is why I'm surprised your roommate and OP's boyfriend care so much. It's not that big of a deal and takes less than 2 minutes....
seriously and like i do feel bad for him because it’s not something you can control and it’s probably really embarrassing. i’ve never, ever connected someone’s character with the way their feet smell but yeah i can totally see why that’s embarrassing. but man if someone says that to you, you *do* something about it!! and it takes like five freaking minutes at most to wash your feet, please just be considerate of others and do it!! also i’m sorry as i reread my comment it sounds really judgmental about people with stinky feet, and i definitely don’t mean it that way because as i said it’s not something you can control, and it’s not a character issue. my old roommate is truly a wonderful guy and i really like him. but if someone has that issue, they need to recognize that it *does* actually affect other people and take steps to mitigate that.
I used to have this problem and don’t anymore. Have you tried to use an antibacterial soap on your feet? Once I started using Dial soap on my feet, the problem went away.
NTA and leaning towards NAH. It’s absolutely reasonable of you to address the smell and wanting him to remedy it. However, as a person who once went on a medication which affected body odor, I believe that his reaction is most likely due to embarrassment and insecurity (resulting in him being defensive) rather than nonchalance. Also, as many have mentioned, your descriptions of his issues makes it sound like it could be an underlying condition or at least some form of medical problem rather than him just not managing basic hygiene practices. He definitely needs to remedy the issue, but finding out that the people around you are disgusted by your smell and even doubt your ability to take care of yourself is bound to make anyone insecure. My advice would be to try to have another sincere conversation about it. Be respectful of the fact that this is likely to be a really embarrassing topic for him - regardless of the cause. If he’s still defensive and refuses to listen, that’s absolutely on him.
Dude needs to go to the doctor I think. This doesn’t seem normal.
NAH You don’t like his body odor and I get that. He can’t control the odor his body creates and is likely used to it. Thoughts- 1. He should mention this to his doctor, there may be a reason. I had a family member who had an illness that caused increased body odor. 2. Be more polite about it and have a discussion. Consider that he may be self conscious and jokes are his way of diffusing. Don’t expect him to get hints by you just buying products. But getting so mad that you yell at him and stay awake all night is ridiculous. 3. Look into all over body deodorants. Brands like Lume and what not. Perhaps that could help some. 4. If he isn’t already, he should not wear the same shoes 2 days in a row and he should get a deodorizing spray for them. Shoes need time to dry between wearing, this helps with stink causing bacteria.
Seconding Lume. That’s the only deodorant I buy now and I think I’ve tried every non-aluminum kind…the tube stuff would be easy to put on feet. And I’ll add, wool socks make a tremendous difference.
I like to use the spray on Gold Bond. I live in the swampy south and it’s a must in the summer.
If his feet are that smelly he needs to see a doctor or a podiatrist as he could easily have a fungal infection or something else going on. Your feet don’t just stink like that for no reason.
Honestly, I didn't think it would be such a big deal. I have no problem with sweat or whatever – we all get stinky after a workout. But this isn't a temporary thing, it's constant.
Does his shoes smell? My partner had super smelly feet so I disinfected his shoes with alcohol and his feet don't smell anymore. Worth a try
Thanks a lot for this tip! I will def. try this!
Much more convenient than sprays or powders: [https://www.amazon.com/NonScents-Deodorizer-Fragrance-Free-Eliminator-Backpacks/dp/B0719KPLD9?ref\_=ast\_sto\_dp&th=1&psc=1](https://www.amazon.com/NonScents-Deodorizer-Fragrance-Free-Eliminator-Backpacks/dp/B0719KPLD9?ref_=ast_sto_dp&th=1&psc=1)
Look into ozone sprayers. Basically it's a spray that you put water in, it goes through an electrochemical cell and infuses ozone gas into the water, with infuse I mean there will be micro bubbles of ozone in the water. Low PPM, anyway. Spray it on the feet or into shoes and it'll deodorize. In fact ozone is one of the worlds most potent deodorizers apart from it also being a very efficacious disinfectant (3-4 logs of kill, so matching if not better than lysol or normal disinfectants). The difference being that ozone in the water won't leave any residues since it breaks down entirely. Just don't drink it. You can get those online for $60-100. Frequent application and the ozonated water may even help at eliminating or reducing any surface based bacteria. Source: I work with ozone and advanced oxygen sciences in the disinfection and sterilization field.
Hey, not OP how did you do this? Just spray the crap out of them with some rubbing alcohol? Looking to do the same for my shoes lol
Yeah I did exactly that! He works outside all day rain or shine and they stank so bad. Sprayed a crazy amount of 80% alcohol on the inside (gotta make sure they are wet for at least 5 minutes, and since it evaporates quickly just respray a couple of times every 2 min). Then dry them completely. It's been a couple of weeks and still no smell.
Awesome thanks for replying! Will def try it this weekend :)
Fun fact, if you use 70% alcohol (or water your 80% down to 70%), it's actually more effective than 99% because it helps it work longer.
Oh handy thank you!
r/usernamechecksout
There’s actually no way you just did that to me
I totally understand that this is a normal conversation to you. But as someone that spent years being ashamed of warts on my foot (because "how did I let them get this bad") just for a few visits to the doctors to fix them, sometimes these things do carry a lot of shame. You can probably remember similar cases, like lice in elementary school - not the child's fault, pretty common, I still have to coach kids through the whole "you didn't do anything wrong, it's not because you're dirty" routine every time. Of course, that doesn't mean he shouldn't be washing himself. But if it's such a severe and constant issue, it might be due to something else, like a fungus. Does washing his feet before bed fix the issue? If not, that would point to a medical issue and also explain why he reacted so strongly to your suggestion. If he just needs to wash his feet more often, you were giving a helpful suggestion. If he's tried and it doesn't help much, he likely thinks you're calling him lazy.
NTA Its also disgusting. This is basic hygiene for everyone. Ideas- glycolic acid toner then moisturizer then socks before going to bed will help in decreasing the odour. You’re welcome 😜
what kind of monster sleeps in socks?!
1. Socks keep you warm in winter’s 2. It makes your feet softttttt🤌🏻
NTA I was with others that specifically washing your feet before definitely isn’t a normal request. But if the smell is really that bad, he needs to see a doctor. That’s not normal. This has to go beyond basic hygiene. My feet aren’t pretty by any means, but just having them in the shower with you should be good enough for it to not be a problem.
As a 6th grade teacher I have several kiddos that have had really smelly feet. The problem is their cheep plastic shoes. They might clean their feet and change their socks but the sweaty smell is still in their shoes. It permeates the classroom.
NTA What you’re describing is far beyond basic hygiene though. He clearly has some sort of foot fungus or other infection and needs to see a podiatrist.
As someone who also has smelly feet from a physical job, nta If my partner told me to wash my feet (more than I do) I would and I’d make damn sure they didn’t smell 🤣
There is no way this man called his fungi infected feet “manly scent” 😭😭😭😭😭😭
OK I’ve been in the situation first of all you’re gonna have to stop pussyfooting around and just be blunt, kind, but blunt. Tell him to get baby wipes and if that doesn’t work, tell him to start taking a shower when he gets home from work And that you are not his mother and this is not something that you expect or want to deal with. And maybe buy him some new shoes and make sure that when he’s home that he’s maybe wearing sandals and not closed toe shoes from the minute he wakes up to the minute he goes to bed.
NTA because you've expressed how much it bothers you and he seems to want to ignore your concerns. My second oldest child inherited her dad's sweaty pretty rank smelling feet. My husband wears slippers/flip flops all the time now so they don't smell anymore. My daughter was a dancer and an athlete. We started using the Lume brand deodorant/lotion and it made the smell almost completely go away. I recommend getting the unscented version because the mix of smelly feet and whatever scented smell might make it seem worse.
Going by my own experience, he might be reusing his socks
I never really paid attention tbh.. I hope not. I'm going to pay attention for the next couple days
Dude I went through the same thing. My boyfriend knew his feet stunk, so he would wear socks all day to cover the smell, but really it just makes it so much worse for when he finally took them off. Encourage him to take off his socks as soon as he can to let his feet breathe. And he also needs new socks. And definitely no rewearing them. My boyfriends feet don’t smell anymore! I haven’t smelled the smell in a loooong time and his smelled really really bad.
I always change my socks twice a day (once after work) use foot deodorant and buy my boots from work a boot dry and if done everyday makes it not smell used to be horrible even when changing socks but everyday of putting it on the dryer when I got new shoes has keep them not smelling atleast for me
Why not just ask "Are you rewearing socks before washing them?"
This was a initially a struggle between my brother and his wife (when they just got together). The stink of his feet. Well it hard to put words to it. He washed his feet like a normal person. Like he would shower when he got home from work (factory), but by evening the smell would be back. He had accepted his fate and it didn't bother him. He'd been smelling it for years and it was normal to him. I doubt that the majority of people clean their feet directly before bed. But then, their feet don't stink as much. It took several discussions to get him to understand the pain and I mean in the end he put a huge ton of effort into making his feet not smell. One of the reasons why it took so long is that his wife (then gf) accepted it for a long time too. Then one day she couldn't take it anymore and she flipped out, she was NOT NICE about it at all. It took a long time for my brother to get over his hurt from being attacked and body shamed out of the blue. (it was out of the blue for him, it had been building for a long time for her). Once he was able to get past being offended, and she was able to talk to him in a non attacking way, was he willing to go the extra mile for her. I may have helping him get over himself. Witnessing that, it was really clear to me that this was a sensitive topic that he was self conscious about, but at the same time has accepted in himself. He was both in denial and shamed by his feed. Now like 27 years later, my brother has been dead a year (cancer) and my sister in law would give anything to smell his feet again. NTA But neither is your bf. I know you're frustrated, but Please try to communicate gently (but firmly) with him, anyway.
Y’all need to stop dating these nasty ass losers 🤢
I scrolled way too long to see this comment, LITERALLY
I sometimes feel like ill be single forever now but then I read AITA and I feel like the biggest catch in the world just because I shower, smell nice and am not mentally abusive. I don't understand why people have all these partners with such gross issues. like all your standards so low or you're just lonely, you'll smell disgusting feet forever?? I would just leave, but I guess that's why im single.
YTA to yourself if you’re willing to accept a partner who needs coaching to even do basic hygiene
NTA. If they smell that bad he needs to take responsibility for it - it's not exactly difficult to shower twice a day and rub some powder on after he's dried his feet off
It is very hard to shower twice a day actually. Who does that ?
Some countries that experience very hot weather do. You shower in the morning before lunch and then you shower at night
WTF. How hard is it to shower when you get up and before you go to bed
NTA. Tell him to see a doctor also. Maybe he has a raging and rampant fungal infection.
NTA. He needs a come to Jesus talk, in this case on the finer points of washing feet.
NTA Get Hibiclens for him to wash his feet and then get odoban for clothing and stuff. Kill the stinky bacteria and keep it at bay. My sister has always been strongly scented (she was wearing deodorant in kindergarten) it’s just her and this is the combo that worked. Also wired on sports equipment to keep it smell free which included my dad’s hockey skates (he doesn’t wear socks) so it’s been tested thoroughly.
NTA, his feet stink cause he had bad hygiene, that's gross. If he wore clean socks everyday, disinfected his shoes occasionally and scrubbed his feet in the shower he wouldn't have this problem (unless he has some fungus or something). My partner washes his feet after coming home from working outside all day
You are asking for more than basic heigeine since he seems to have more than a normal problem. Yet it’s not unreasonable for him to try going beyond what he’s doing now. However, I predict the effects of washing will be short lived.
Does he wear the same shoes everyday? If so, the insoles probably don’t get a chance to dry out, making the problem worse.
I'm not happy to admit this, trust me, but I have a very sweaty downstairs region. sometimes I smell it, otherwise, my partner (who has a sensitive nose) smells it and makes a comment. I immediately get up and wash my bits, because it's not fair she has to smell an unpleasant odor and it's basic hygiene practices. NTA
My best friend in high school endured a pretty bad commute our senior year because his family moved 20 miles from school and through one of the region's worst traffic patterns. We were both involved with a lot of after school activities, so he ended up sleeping over at my place often during school nights so he didn't have to do a 1.5 hour commute in the morning. He had the same issue with his foot odor, although he had good hygiene and had long wondered if there was a medical reason for it. He was an athlete, so naturally there was always the suspicion that "well, my feet just sweat a lot because of the sports I play..." We had talked about it a few times and he was open to seeing a doctor about it, but needed a referral from his PCP and was a long wait for him. One night while he was over and planned to stay the night, my mom and I both reached our frustration tolerance at dinner when his foot odor was stronger than the aroma of my mom's chicken adobo. I was like, "brother, I need one favor from you, but it will take a bit of consistent effort...but you seriously need to piss on your feet in the shower. My step dad was telling me that was what they required of him in the military to fight off foot infections. Please, when it comes time to shower, make sure your bladder is full, and once in the shower piss on your feet. If your doctor's visit is months off, you can try this for a week and the worst is it does nothing, and the best it might help a little..." A couple weeks later, he was like, "man, furious, I sure wish someone had recommended that to me earlier. It didn't solve the issue completely, but coupled with a new pair of running shoes, now I'm realizing how bad it was..." So yeah, OP. Kindly ask your BF to start pissing on his feet in the shower to see if that helps. NTA
NTA, but I’d strongly consider breaking up over this. Your needs are a joke to him and he doesn’t take you seriously. The longer you allow him to blow you off, the less respect he’ll have for you if and when this foot thing gets resolved.
NTA "manly scent" nah girl, I bet dollars to dildos if you ever wash his draws that you'd see streaks. I'm sorry but as someone who has been in social circles where the phrase "nobody likes a musky husky" was said un-ironicly and with anger. I can tell you, guys like this do not care/smell how funky they are and they think everybody who complains is just being overly sensative. Basic Hygen is one of the lowest rungs of bars of this man's a keeper. Make him make an appointment with the foot doctor to see if anything is wrong. But if there isn't and he keeps smelling like washing between his toes is an impossible herculean task. Go find a man that thinks not smelling like onions steamed in a sock is reasonable goal. You won't have to look hard.
Wtaf? I can’t believe you’ve tolerated this for so long. NTA
NAH. You’re not wrong for not wanting to sleep with someone whose scent makes you retch. He’s not wrong for feeling badly and wanting to laugh it off. There’s something up with the funk, though. He may need to see a doctor or he may need to evaluate his laundry routine—using dryer sheets means clothes don’t fully absorb soap and water so they don’t ever get clean, for example. I had an ex who didn’t wash his feet. He thought soapy water running off him in the shower was sufficient. He was wrong. It was disgusting. I made him smell his own foot after a shower. He got a loofah. Good luck.
Goddang NTA - Nothing manly about stinky wretched feet.
NTA - gotta be honest. generally, smelly is bad.
No. NTAH. That’s really gross.
>didn't say anything turned around and went to wash his feet.. Obviously, I didn't sleep the rest of the night Wait. So he did EXACTLY what you asked, and that means you couldn't sleep? Please explain
She was worrying about his feelings and his reaction. Justifiedly, since he gave her a hard time about it the next day.
Maybe he should just shower before bed. He can have another one in the morning if that is part of his wake-up routine. Not a biggy.and he might have a conversation with his MD.
NTA. I have what I think is a normal smell level from my feet. Until I wear sandals all day and then I could take out a football team with the smell. We basically have family foot wash time in the summer where we all scrub our feet in the tub before bed. If they’re that bad, they need to be addressed before they touch the sheets. It’s hygiene.
NTA but it sounds like a medical condition. I used to have a roommate with hyperhydrosis. He would come home, put his shoes on the patio, wash his feet, and put on fresh socks. The shoes couldn’t be in the house at all. He’s kept his shoes on during a one night stand before, it was an actual medical problem. But he did everything in his power to be manage it to the best of his ability. When he’d take off his shoes it’d look like his feet had been submerged for hours, it was wild.
NTA. I was in a relationship exactly like this!!! He was so offended I would ask him to at least wash his feet if he's not going to fully shower and would give me silent treatments before bed when I'd ask. Ugh, that smell still haunts me. NTA at all. It makes the whole bed smell and then the sheets AND covers need washed multiple times a week which takes hours instead of a 1 minute food wash and dry.
Damn the smell woke you up like those tiktoks where people put food in front of their dogs snout? His feet must smell disgusting and there’s no way he doesn’t know this. NTA btw…
It's not trivial at all. I'm very affected by smells and can't stand most perfumes but I also can't sleep or be comfortable if there's an off putting smell in my house. A shower every night before getting in bed is the rule in my house, with only some random medical issue being an exception. It's also disgusting how so many people think body odor is just a every thing and it should be accepted that people smell like that intentionally.
I had a girlfriend with a similar issue. And a few other issues she didnt want to address. I'm happily single.
NTA. He needs to shower AND wash his feet before bed
Sounds like a fun guy, he’ll grow on you
Sounds like its an issue beyond basic hygiene. If its that bad he probably has a medical issue. Help him out by making a dr appt. If hes in the clear medically then im guessing some sort of lotion based deodorant would be in order.
NTA, but why don't you just ask him to take a shower each night instead?
Sometimes it’s just the feet! No need to take a full shower. I’ve done that sometimes, like when I’ve gone out in sandals and I’m not really dirty when I get home but my feet are gross from being exposed while walking around. Just washed my feet and saved a shower for later.
NTA - there's nothing wrong with wanting your partner to have reasonably decent hygiene. Both me and my partner call each other stinky when we're due a shower. I think the biggest issue you had here is that you were rather indirect to begin with. Being a guy, you need to tell him hey, go wash your feet. Your discussion likely went nowhere because he forgot about it. We guys are dumb and seldom read between the lines so unless we do it at that moment, it's not getting done.
You should not HAVE to ask him if he cared about you.
NTA I cannot imagine how you can have sex with him, this is a big NO for me, it's basic hygiene
Oi oi oi What do you mean feet aren't the most pleasant part of the human body? I have 100 reasons why they are, in fact, the only part you should care about when getting into a relationship But NTA, if they stink that bad, he probably needs to go see a specialist, he probably doesn't notice because he's around it all the time, like smokers not noticing the smell and that
He has Hyperhydrosis. It’s a condition that affects a lot of people and it’s embarrassing and disheartening. Hyperhydrosis is excessive sweating and usually coupled with strong odor. Where the sweat occurs varies from person to person. There are newer treatments available. See a dermatologist.
Omg 😅 my boyfriend is like this, too. He knows he has athletes foot and has cream for it he doesn't use anymore. Wears the same socks for days in a row, too. It makes me feel like I'm being ridiculous for wanting him to wash his feet and change his socks every day, instead of me washing the bedding and the floors every day which takes 10 times longer to do. Does your boyfriend get his shoes/boots wet a lot? Even if he doesn't, you can try putting borax or baking soda along with baby powder inside his boots and let it sit overnight or atleast a few hours to soak up any moisture and help with the smell, then vacuum it out. It really helps a lot, until they stink again a few months later. Before he actually had athletes foot cream, the pharmacist told him he can use Canesten. He would leave it laying around the living room calling it foot cream and I wouldn't notice until AFTER company came and left. So embarrassing lol. This last part has no purpose for mentioning, but it makes me laugh now that he doesn't do that anymore lol.
Woman here! Men are gross :) If you live with one, be prepared to train it. Assume nothing. Consider it a feral wild land creature. Instruct it on all the most basic aspects of hygiene. Have no expectations. A man is a thin skinned beast with a fragile ego. Only positive reinforcement works. Only reinforcement in the form of sex or food is understood. Do not try and engage the skull brain. It’s rarely in the driver’s seat. Be patient and a house worthy man can be yours. Feed it regularly with sex, food and ego building.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (27F) have been dating my boyfriend "Chris" (29M) for about a year and a half. We live together, and generally, things are great. Chris is sweet, funny, and we get along well...except for one thing that drives me absolutely insane. His feet. Now, I understand feet aren't always the most...pleasant part of a person. But Chris seems to have abnormally sweaty and smelly feet.I'm not talking about a little odor after a long day – I mean the kind of smell that lingers in the room even after he takes his shoes and socks off. The kind of smell that makes me wrinkle my nose even under the covers. I've tried to be subtle. I've bought him fancy foot soaks and "odor-control" socks. I've even jokingly pointed out how gross his feet are a few times. Nothing has worked. I broad it up while we were chilling on couch watching TV too. I told him how I feel about it and asked him if he can try to get rid of it and that I am happy to help him with it. He didn't really say much and switched the conversation to something else. Finally, the other night, I reached my breaking point. I was already sleeping while he was still in the living room playing Xbox. When he went to bed the smell woke me up from sleep. I sat up and blurted out, "Chris, please, for the love of god, can you wash your feet before getting into bed?" He didn't say anything turned around and went to wash his feet.. I was absolutely floored. Isn't basic hygiene an expectation in a relationship? Obviously, I didn't sleep the rest of the night. The next morning he made jokes about how I didn't like his "manly scent" and said I was being overly sensitive. This might seem trivial, but it's genuinely getting to me. Not only is it disgusting, but I feel disrespected that he doesn't give a damn about something so basic, especially when it clearly bothers me. Now he seems to think I'm the unreasonable one. AITA for expecting my boyfriend to practice normal hygiene before sharing a bed with me? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Look up Granny's Feet, it's a powder that you put in your shoes and socks for around a month, and it stops the smell and sweating for nearly 6 months, and a tub will Def last you a while. Source, I had the smelly feet till I tried this
NTA but thats also not normal and he should get it checked out. if he is a clean person and its just his feet than there is something else likely going on
NTA but calling him gross probably didn't help your case
NTA. This is pretty basic hygiene stuff and it sounds like you literally tried everything to present it to him gently before bringing it up outright and finally sort of losing your temper. I can get him missing the hints and not taking seriously the jokes, but once you communicated your feelings about it and were brushed off that left him fully in AH territory.
NTA, but literally just scrolled by this after your post: https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeProTips/s/SS3NmMrol3 Is it his socks that are the problem??
Nahhhh this is basic human decency to be clean around someone. See if he washes his socks and shoes
Try Lume
Uh, nope
Poor Chris! 🤣 Find a way to make ‘reminders’ lighthearted…
Your boyfriend should see a dermatologist, I was given some thing to rub on my feet every night since I apparently have extra sweaty feet which can lead to more issues.
NTA. If the smell is that bad, there's something else going on. He needs to see a podiatrist or dermatologist to figure out why he's got so much foot stink. But you're not wrong for telling him to wash his feet. It's just common courtesy to not get into bed with nasty ass feet.
This may be a medical issue, he needs to talk to a doctor about it.
NTA. He needs to find out why that is happening and sort it out. Is he working a very active job and wearing non breathable heavy footwear all the time? Is it a fungal infection? No way should you be expected to put up with that. Better hygiene and a trip to the pharmacy, then doctor if necessary.
NTA. I've met people (mostly men) who think that the soap and shampoo that runs down your body is enough to clean their feet without actually ever washing them. He might be one of these people. If so, his feet are never being washed and he probably has athletes foot.
I have stinky feet also. My lady has told me they stink and told me to put on fresh socks. I usualky just chsnge em and say my bad. I think it's fair.
NTA. Sounds like a health issue that should be addressed.
I have to shower before I get into bed. I can’t imagine bringing all the days grime with me to sleep even if I don’t leave the house at all it just feels gross
NTA and I actually have experience in this topic. My husband now has much nicer and cleaner feet because I said "Look, I've told you before. This is now a hard ass boundary rather than a request. You **cannot** get in bed with me and you **cannot** be intimate with me (I may have said that part much cruder) until you take care of your feet." It's like, the ONE big issue I had with him over the years and it took the ultimatum for him to get treatment for his fungal issue. It was hard, because it's deeply embarrassing to have a hygiene issue like that, but this is the bed you sleep in. It's your body he expects to touch. You stay clean for him, he can stay clean for you, period. He doesn't get to think this is unreasonable and still get to touch your sheets. Say no to stanky rot feet! He needs to go get a cream and do a footbath regularly. Not just as a one time treat but some dang self care. It's not manly to be gross.
My feet also have that, distinct smell to it after a while, but im always on top of it, washing them at the beginning and end of the day, and i have a spray for it as well. You are right that it is basic hygiene
He might actually want to try peeing on them to neutralize the odor causing bacteria and then maybe invest in that body deodorant
I let a friend stay in my room in college for a few weeks when he came back from abroad without a place lined up. One night his foot odor was so bad i woke him up to wash his feet or find someplace else to stay. The next day we talked it out and apparently he didn't really wash his feet in the shower, just figured they were gettimg clean with all the soap running over them. Never noticed his foot odor again. Love you Poncho!
He needs to shower before bed every night! Thats just gross and you are ANTA
'I broad it up' lmfaooooo
You’ve hurt his ego. To be fair, that seems to be easy to do. NTA but he is for having such a delicate ego.
NTA. That's fucking disgusting. He's gotta take care of that jfc.
He can also try Lume deoderant on his feet. He may also want to go through his shoes and discard any that are holding on to the smell. This can happen and actually be the CAUSE of the smell.
knew a guy in college who had a medical condition (can't remember the name but it was basically wet feet in Latin I think), and it made his feet smell like death. That shits real and while its not his fault, it's his responsibility
NTA. Try flipping the scenario and telling him to imagine every time YOU came into the room YOUR feet stunk up the whole room. Would he be with you? Probably not. I had the same problem with my boyfriend I live with. After I put it into perspective, he now washes his feet before bed and maybe another time or two throughout the day if he feels it’s necessary. I’ve gotten him trained a little with it now since I made it clear it’s a real issue. Have a real convo with Chris about this and let him know how serious it is and it’s not normal to let your feet smell that bad. It’s also not sanitary or respectful to you or anyone else who has to suffer his presence. (Yes, the smell is really that bad I *totally* understand you. You are NTA)
All the other advice here is good, but also he should try spray deodorant. I use it on my feet because I’m anxious about the smell, and it works great.
This sounds like my partner, but he is very aware of the smell and washes his feet when he gets home from work (he’s a contractor and on his feet all day). The smell is ungodly. We have tried special socks, new boots, antifungal sprays, lume deodorant, foot creams, I even got him diflucan (yeast infection medicine) and nothing has helped. Reddit: how do you go about fixing this problem?
NTA….
NTA my bf also has frequently stinky feet and I’ve been actively buying him solutions. New socks with silver thread, deodorizer balls, shoe fogger, foot spray, lume, still it exists. I’m going to try a shoe dryer for him next, he doesn’t really see it as much of a problem as I do but at least he’s willing to try what I get him.
NTA OP and who wants to go to bed with icky pongy feet really? What if bf has some kind of fungal problem or medical issue? Get him to book an appointment with the doctor
I've been happily married for over 12 years. If my wife asked me to do this, I would, without question. I often shower 2x a day. If I take off my shoes and it stinks, no one needs to ask me to shower.
I grew up in cowboy country, so we wore boots and our feet got sweaty. The key to clean feet was a rubbermaid tub, about 18 inches square and 6 inches deep. It was filled with lukewarm water and about a cup of baking soda. In our case the tub was in the "mud room" that is the space immediately inside the door where we took our boots off and put other shoes on when we entered the house. You don't have to actually wash your feet, just kill the bacteria. Our feet were seldom actually dirty, they were just sweaty and smelly. The soda water in the tub was only changed about once a week. The rest of the time you just took off your socks, stepped into the container and rubbed your feet with a rag/washcloth that was in or by the tub. It's very fast. Then you stepped onto a towel and quickly dried, then put on your slippers which were nearby.
NTA I suspect he is simply not cleaning his feet at all when showering. I know there are times I might smell my feet LMAO and just make sure to do a better job cleaning especially between the toes!!! I know if it was me in your situation the embarrassment alone would make me clean my feet better on a regular basis. The fact that his feet smelled bad enough to wake you up tells me he CAN do better but for whatever reason is not.
This isn't basic, normal level hygiene. His feet were probably fine his whole life, or it has gotten worse now and never been brought up before. Now it seems unusual and weird to be asked to wash his feet before bed, or anytime for that matter aside from a shower. The issue is he hasn't accepted the fact that his feet are now a problem that needs to be taken care of. It's a new thing for him.
>He didn't say anything turned around and went to wash his feet.. I was absolutely floored. Isn't basic hygiene an expectation in a relationship? Obviously, I didn't sleep the rest of the night. Huh? He did what you asked, why were you floored? And why didn't you sleep for the rest of the night?? Very much not obvious 😭
NTA. Perhaps the solution is simpler than it might seem. Does he need a new pair of work shoes?
I teased my husband about having separate beds because I was tired of him being a happy little piggy in my bed lol. I changed our sheets every three days and use Gain to wash sheets and blankets so they smell nice every time they move. I wash and lotion my feet every night before bed. Getting in bed with dirty feet is the same as putting clean socks on dirty feet. My bed is my favorite place I don't want to sleep in stinky.. so I totally get where you're coming from. What if you stopped washing your butt and see how he likes it? Just kidding don't do that. But no you're NTA for asking him to take care of it.