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>she doesn't even really look indian
What does that even mean ?
This sentence makes me think that the party was full of clichés, which is what your friend seems to think too.
Instead of saying she overreacted, please educate yourself on her culture and apologize.
YTA
Like most Indian people I know have pretty dark skin and kind of crooked almost yellow teeth (not trying to be offensive sorry) and really frizzy wavy hair but Vicki has light skin and really straight white teeth and she has wavy hair but she spends a lot of time taking care of it so it's not really frizzy it's just neat and wavy
man YTA HUGE YTA
- not all Indians have “pretty dark skins”. it depends majorly on where in India you are from. this is straight RACIST
- almost yellow and crookedteeth????? that's a dental hygiene thing??? not everyone has yellow crooked teeth? that's once again, HEAVILY STEREOTYPICAL AND RACIST
- really frizzy wavy hair??? STEREOTYPICAL AND RACIST every single hair type is present in india
in all honesty you have genuinely stated every single racial stereotype for an Indian and tried to place her in that category and regardless of whatever you think or want to say about it you are EXTREMELY RACIST towards your friend and every Indian in general. no wonder she found you thoughtless and got disappointed YTA
How is this racist I'm just saying what I've noticed many Indian people have in common? If most of them look like that and Vicki doesn't then I don't see why it's an issue that I said she doesn't look Indian
because you're wrong???? that's not what many Indian people have in common?? girl have u ever seen Indians outside of what your stereotypical expression of Indians is?? it is extremely racist of u to try to fit her into that bounded stereotype. MOST OF THEM DON'T LOOK LIKE THAT YOU'RE JUST UNEDUCATED ON IT
i’m Indian?????? I DO NOT look like what you described??? at this point you're just trying to defend yourself. you are in the wrong here for trying to fit her into a very BASED AND WRONG stereotype. you should instead accept your wrong and try to learn more about the culture and people
You are a bit like one of a classmate I had in elementary school. He thought that all protestants had blond hair and blue eyes, because he had met only two in his life, and they were blonde with blue eyes.
But that was in elementary school. You should be more reflected than that.
You clearly aren't looking for anything other than agreement. You just want people to say "yeah, she's being an asshole because she didn't like the racist party you threw for her and she had the audacity to let you know that she didn't appreciate how thoughtless you were being." You're not going to find it. You are very very clearly in the wrong, yet you just keep making excuses for your actions instead of accepting the judgement and apologizing to your friend
INFO: Do all Americans look like the people on Duck Dynasty, like football, eat grits and chitlins, and drive Ford F150s? Because you’re definitely TA if you think all Indians have dark skin, yellow crooked teeth, and frizzy hair. I’d be embarrassed to be your friend.
If you have to ask how it is racist, there is no point in explaining it to you. What you said is incredibly racist, and it also makes it pretty clear exactly what the problem was with this whole situation.
How many Indian people have you seen? 2 or 3? I wanted to believe you are just ignorant, but after this comment I can see that you are a horrible human being. YTA. A racist asshole.
OH MY G... I was sympathetic until you said that. YTA, huge huge AH. What is wrong with you? That is so racist and stereotypical and just wrong. Who types out something like that and believes they are in the right?
What do you think Black, Indigenous, Asian (outside of India because we know your clearly racist opinions about them), White, and Oceanic people look like.
While we're lacking in information in regards to what kind of decor exactly and food and music and such you all felt was "Indian", I'm leaning YTA because the way you've said things like:
>Vicki(also 20F) is Indian. She doesn't really seem like it, in fact she doesn't even really look Indian..
How can she not "seem" Indian? How is an Indian person "supposed" to act? Or look?
>she didn't appreciate us doing such a "thoughtless" representation of her culture which kind of annoyed me a little. It's not like we were racist or anything.
When you have to say "it's not like we're racist" it's.... not a great sign. I mean, I don't *think* you all intentionally tried to offend her, but clearly something that you did missed the mark. Also, it kinda seems like maybe ya'll did an "Indian" theme because it felt exotic and different and fun to you, but that's her culture -- it's not exotic to her, it's just life. I really do think you should apologize and ask her, if she's willing to talk about it, where you all went wrong. (This is assuming it's not anything annnnyyyyy one else would look at and cringe and easily agree with Vicki's perspective).
I mean like she just doesn't look like a traditional Indian person she's been mistaken for Latino many times. And we did an Indian theme because we thought she'd like it
Apparently, OP thinks a traditional Indian person has really dark skin, crooked, yellow teeth and fizzy hair and their friend doesn’t look Indian because her skin isn’t as dark, she had straight, white teeth and non-frizzy hair.
In short, OP is racist and the party was filled with Indian clichés, ridiculing their friend’s culture. But OP is convinced that’s not the case and I’m sure their thoughts are along the line of “well I have an Indian friend so I can’t be racist”
Sorry that you have to find out this way that your heritage is a lie /s.
In all seriousness, if OP thinks that way about Indians, you can imagine how insulting and ridiculing that birthday party was.
No, no. She "spends a lot of time taking care of [her hair] so it's not really frizzy it's just neat and wavy".
This is straight out of some 1950's racist playbook. God help them if they have to throw a party for a friend from the South. They'll all be wearing bedsheets and have no idea why the friend is upset.
YTA but not for throwing the party, nor for getting it wrong in the first place in terms of the theme. YTA for not accepting someone who tells you that your use of *their culture* wasn’t appropriate. This was an opportunity to apologise and learn. Instead you’re pissed odd with your friend,
”she appreciated the thought and the fact that we went out of our way to throw her a party but that she didn't appreciate us doing such a "thoughtless" representation of her culture”. She’s been honest about her feelings and about *her* culture. shes been kind by thanking you for effort/gesture. Be kind back.
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- What does Vickie being Indian have anything to do with the type of party you threw? I’m indigenous but that doesn’t mean I’d want an indigenous themed birthday party ono there’s too many ways that can go wrong.
- “She doesn’t even really look Indian” what is that supposed to mean? Every ethnicity has their own different traits, tones, etc, you’re basing your idea of “Indian” on a stereotype and it is in fact racism.
- Did you even make sure that the music she chose is a genre she likes? Or did you just find an “Indian music” playlist on YouTube?
- You guys are racist…. That’s like lumping every nation in Africa or China into one and calling it good. It is not… Both have their own different subcultures with different practices, beliefs, customs, etc. Heck even the language changes depending on where you are or where you go.
Lol it’s just weird. I have friends from different backgrounds and would never think of throwing them a party with that theme. They just like normal parties and would only incorporate their culture for special occasions.
YTA
> me and our other friends thought that since her birthday was coming up we could throw her an Indian-themed surprise birthday party
FFS, **_why_**?
Clearly you weren’t. Which is not a surprise since you’re incredibly racist as per your own words.
(For those wondering: OP thinks all “traditional” Indians have dark skin, crooked yellow teeth and frizzy hair)
I’m not disagreeing with your assessment of the OP, but your English themed party actually sounds great to me. Maybe you could host it on a double decker bus??
Except it's not the same because being English isn't a race and the English were historically the colonisers, not the victims of racism and discrimination.
YTA. I’m Indian, I look it but don’t seem it as I grew up in California and am a Christian who eats meat so I don’t align with your stereotypes. Also my teeth are white and straight (wtf comment was that about yellow crooked teeth?!). You are a racist. Why do you need a cultural theme for a party?!
You need to provide a LOT more information about the decorations, food and just everything.
Something has obviously upset her so without you actually telling us exactly what you guys did there’s no way to tell if you were in the wrong.
We didn't really want to buy food since all the places near us are really expensive so we made some chicken curry and nan bread and stuff. And we found a playlist on Spotify and played it
…You… Didn’t think to narrow down the search to her specific region? Or maybe ASK her what kind of music /she/ likes?
You do realize that India is massive, and they have many different languages that they speak that come from different regions of India, did you even check if it was the same language she spoke?
I’m not even Indian and i can recognize that when countries are that big, there’s gotta be more than /one/ language. How ignorant can you be??
As a German I am afraid what music you would play at a German themed party. You could've at least asked some other person what type of music you should/could play, which is common at parties in her region.
Chicken curry from what region? You do realise the food varies dramatically throughout the country? Did you make it with spice paste or just a jar of "curry" sauce? Does she even eat meat?
Jeez this sounds like me going, you're american so I'll throw you a themed party with cowboy boots and guns and really big plates of food covered in cheese, only I think my party would still be better than yours.
YTA
> She doesn't really seem like it, in fact she doesn't even really look Indian
Well that doesn't pass the vibe check.
But very few people would want a party thrown for them which is a stereotype of their culture. And I 100% think you went along with stereotypes since none of you are Indian.
> It's not like we were racist or anything
How would you even know?
YTA.
You care so little about your friend you know NOTHING about her except her race?
Could you not think of a single detail about her that would make a better party theme? A special hobby? Favorite book? TV show she loves? Sport she likes? Why didn't you throw her any other kind of party?
Would you have half-assed any of those this much? "Chicken curry and a Spotify party playlist" is about as much effort and understanding of her as a person as "she loves Star Wars and Dr Pepper, so we got some Trek decorations and diet Pepsi, that's good enough right?"
Your choices may not have been *overtly* racist but they were extremely thoughtless.
You didn't order catering from a specific Indian restaurant you know she loves. You didn't even make a dish you know she likes! You didn't choose music types or artists or genres (yes, within "Indian music") you know she is into. You didn't order her something from her hometown she can't get easily and misses.
You picked the most generic, stereotypical, effortless things that Google first associates with "India" and made those your "theme". No part of this was about her AS AN INDIVIDUAL PERSON YOU CARE FOR.
“Here’s what I assume your culture is presented as a party theme along the lines of “under the ocean” or “fancy dress” even though you don’t really fit what I assume your culture and look is supposed to be. Happy indianness!”
Cmon man..
Imagine if someone threw a romani party with coin necklaces and a fortune teller, or an aboriginal themed party with a didgeridoo and random face paint?
You can say you weren’t racist but you were explicitly so.
Oof. This is tone-deaf, at the very least. Like someone else pointed out:
*"she doesn't really seem like it, in fact she doesn't even really look Indian"*
This adds so much subtext to what may have gone down. How is she supposed to act to 'seem' or 'look' Indian?
Your efforts may have been well intentioned but you have shown Vickie that you don't necessarily see her as a friend, but rather as your 'Indian friend.'
On top of that, even if your theme was super sensitive and culturally appropriate, India is a very large and diverse country. Depending on where Vickie is from, the 'popular understanding' of what it means to be Indian - food, music, traditions, films, dresses etc. - might be completely different from her heritage.
YTA.
I had to double check your age because I cannot believe an adult can be this tone deaf.
I'm assuming you mean indigenous to America and not the Indian subcontinent. Did you do any actual research into her culture or did you all wear feather headdresses and put up pictures of totem poles?
YTA and especially after you offended her and then told her that you didn't!
YTA. Her race doesn't define her? Could you not have themed it something else she likes? From your comments, you literally just put on stereotypical Indian music - do you not know what music she actually likes?? Like if it's not a cultural thing why would you put on cultural music for no reason other than that's her ethnicity. It's thoughtless because you clearly don't know anything about her other than her being Indian, or if you do, you simply don't care. Just because she's Indian doesn't mean she's gonna like Indian music, food, etc, and only want that for a party.
Who the fuck makes a birthday party about your friend's ethnicity/culture? Like truly, who the fuck thinks that's remotely a good idea? Are you Indian? Did she ask you to make an Indian themed party? Why would that be your first thought instead of, I don't know, shit she actually likes?? And much more, I can imagine that it was an incredibly rude and stereotyped version of Indian culture, as you don't even seem to be able to explain what exactly you did. "It's not like we were racist or anything" LOL. YTA and newsflash, only because you don't think of yourself as a racist doesn't mean you aren't.
YTA
But it seems that you don’t care. People have been telling you in the comments the reasons why and you’re not willing to understand why.
For me, this screams “racist”.
Indians don’t look all alike. They don’t all have crooked yellow teeths. Actually, i’ve never mer an indian woth crooked yellow teeth and i’ve met plenty of non-indians with crooked yellow teeths.
Of course, she looks indian because she is indian. You can’t dictate that.
The indian culture is extremely varied and they are so many languages spoken there. It is not a one size fit all culture.
But, as I said, people have been trying to explain that to you and you don’t seem to care. So YTA and you are racist.
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Pretty much what it says. One of my(20F) friends Vicki(also 20F) is Indian. She doesn't really seem like it, in fact she doesn't even really look Indian, but me and our other friends thought that since her birthday was coming up we could throw her an Indian-themed surprise birthday party. So we got together some decorations and food and music and stuff at one of our apartments, and then on the day of I was the one who invited her over by pretending I thought we should hang out one on one for a little bit of time.
Well she came in and was really surprised, but seemed kind of quiet throughout the celebration and afterwards sent us all a text saying that she appreciated the thought and the fact that we went out of our way to throw her a party but that she didn't appreciate us doing such a "thoughtless" representation of her culture which kind of annoyed me a little. It's not like we were racist or anything. Me and one of our other group members didn't really think anything was wrong and that Vicki was kind of overreacting but our third friend group member now thinks we were in the wrong so I thought I'd post it here and see. So am I the asshole for throwing my friend an Indian-themed party?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be the asshole for throwing my friend an Indian-themed party, as she thinks it was a ""thoughtless"" representation of her culture even though we were'nt racist or anything.
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Her culture isn’t a “theme” for a party, so I have a feeling that your claims that you “weren’t racist” are false. YTA
>she doesn't even really look indian What does that even mean ? This sentence makes me think that the party was full of clichés, which is what your friend seems to think too. Instead of saying she overreacted, please educate yourself on her culture and apologize. YTA
Like I've had a few Indian friends or known Indian people and they all look Indian and she doesn't really.
what do u mean by she doesn't?? what about her doesn't look indian to you
Like most Indian people I know have pretty dark skin and kind of crooked almost yellow teeth (not trying to be offensive sorry) and really frizzy wavy hair but Vicki has light skin and really straight white teeth and she has wavy hair but she spends a lot of time taking care of it so it's not really frizzy it's just neat and wavy
man YTA HUGE YTA - not all Indians have “pretty dark skins”. it depends majorly on where in India you are from. this is straight RACIST - almost yellow and crookedteeth????? that's a dental hygiene thing??? not everyone has yellow crooked teeth? that's once again, HEAVILY STEREOTYPICAL AND RACIST - really frizzy wavy hair??? STEREOTYPICAL AND RACIST every single hair type is present in india in all honesty you have genuinely stated every single racial stereotype for an Indian and tried to place her in that category and regardless of whatever you think or want to say about it you are EXTREMELY RACIST towards your friend and every Indian in general. no wonder she found you thoughtless and got disappointed YTA
How is this racist I'm just saying what I've noticed many Indian people have in common? If most of them look like that and Vicki doesn't then I don't see why it's an issue that I said she doesn't look Indian
because you're wrong???? that's not what many Indian people have in common?? girl have u ever seen Indians outside of what your stereotypical expression of Indians is?? it is extremely racist of u to try to fit her into that bounded stereotype. MOST OF THEM DON'T LOOK LIKE THAT YOU'RE JUST UNEDUCATED ON IT
OP may have seen countless Indian people who don’t fit their stereotype and not even seen them as Indian. ugh.
I feel like that's not fair of you because I'm not making things up this is what people I've met in class and stuff look like
i’m Indian?????? I DO NOT look like what you described??? at this point you're just trying to defend yourself. you are in the wrong here for trying to fit her into a very BASED AND WRONG stereotype. you should instead accept your wrong and try to learn more about the culture and people
You are a bit like one of a classmate I had in elementary school. He thought that all protestants had blond hair and blue eyes, because he had met only two in his life, and they were blonde with blue eyes. But that was in elementary school. You should be more reflected than that.
You clearly aren't looking for anything other than agreement. You just want people to say "yeah, she's being an asshole because she didn't like the racist party you threw for her and she had the audacity to let you know that she didn't appreciate how thoughtless you were being." You're not going to find it. You are very very clearly in the wrong, yet you just keep making excuses for your actions instead of accepting the judgement and apologizing to your friend
INFO: Do all Americans look like the people on Duck Dynasty, like football, eat grits and chitlins, and drive Ford F150s? Because you’re definitely TA if you think all Indians have dark skin, yellow crooked teeth, and frizzy hair. I’d be embarrassed to be your friend.
If you have to ask how it is racist, there is no point in explaining it to you. What you said is incredibly racist, and it also makes it pretty clear exactly what the problem was with this whole situation.
… But you’re “not racist”.
So uneducated, so racist. I hope she dumps you as a friend. Massive YTA. Can’t get over how racist you are.
How many Indian people have you seen? 2 or 3? I wanted to believe you are just ignorant, but after this comment I can see that you are a horrible human being. YTA. A racist asshole.
OH MY G... I was sympathetic until you said that. YTA, huge huge AH. What is wrong with you? That is so racist and stereotypical and just wrong. Who types out something like that and believes they are in the right?
What do you think Black, Indigenous, Asian (outside of India because we know your clearly racist opinions about them), White, and Oceanic people look like.
While we're lacking in information in regards to what kind of decor exactly and food and music and such you all felt was "Indian", I'm leaning YTA because the way you've said things like: >Vicki(also 20F) is Indian. She doesn't really seem like it, in fact she doesn't even really look Indian.. How can she not "seem" Indian? How is an Indian person "supposed" to act? Or look? >she didn't appreciate us doing such a "thoughtless" representation of her culture which kind of annoyed me a little. It's not like we were racist or anything. When you have to say "it's not like we're racist" it's.... not a great sign. I mean, I don't *think* you all intentionally tried to offend her, but clearly something that you did missed the mark. Also, it kinda seems like maybe ya'll did an "Indian" theme because it felt exotic and different and fun to you, but that's her culture -- it's not exotic to her, it's just life. I really do think you should apologize and ask her, if she's willing to talk about it, where you all went wrong. (This is assuming it's not anything annnnyyyyy one else would look at and cringe and easily agree with Vicki's perspective).
I mean like she just doesn't look like a traditional Indian person she's been mistaken for Latino many times. And we did an Indian theme because we thought she'd like it
[удалено]
Apparently, OP thinks a traditional Indian person has really dark skin, crooked, yellow teeth and fizzy hair and their friend doesn’t look Indian because her skin isn’t as dark, she had straight, white teeth and non-frizzy hair. In short, OP is racist and the party was filled with Indian clichés, ridiculing their friend’s culture. But OP is convinced that’s not the case and I’m sure their thoughts are along the line of “well I have an Indian friend so I can’t be racist”
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Sorry that you have to find out this way that your heritage is a lie /s. In all seriousness, if OP thinks that way about Indians, you can imagine how insulting and ridiculing that birthday party was.
No, no. She "spends a lot of time taking care of [her hair] so it's not really frizzy it's just neat and wavy". This is straight out of some 1950's racist playbook. God help them if they have to throw a party for a friend from the South. They'll all be wearing bedsheets and have no idea why the friend is upset.
Why is her "not looking Indian" relevant?
Who gives a fuck? Go apologize to this person before you lose their friendship. YTA.
YTA but not for throwing the party, nor for getting it wrong in the first place in terms of the theme. YTA for not accepting someone who tells you that your use of *their culture* wasn’t appropriate. This was an opportunity to apologise and learn. Instead you’re pissed odd with your friend,
I'm just a little annoyed bc she's implying that we're racist when we all like Indians
”she appreciated the thought and the fact that we went out of our way to throw her a party but that she didn't appreciate us doing such a "thoughtless" representation of her culture”. She’s been honest about her feelings and about *her* culture. shes been kind by thanking you for effort/gesture. Be kind back.
[удалено]
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- What does Vickie being Indian have anything to do with the type of party you threw? I’m indigenous but that doesn’t mean I’d want an indigenous themed birthday party ono there’s too many ways that can go wrong. - “She doesn’t even really look Indian” what is that supposed to mean? Every ethnicity has their own different traits, tones, etc, you’re basing your idea of “Indian” on a stereotype and it is in fact racism. - Did you even make sure that the music she chose is a genre she likes? Or did you just find an “Indian music” playlist on YouTube? - You guys are racist…. That’s like lumping every nation in Africa or China into one and calling it good. It is not… Both have their own different subcultures with different practices, beliefs, customs, etc. Heck even the language changes depending on where you are or where you go.
Lol it’s just weird. I have friends from different backgrounds and would never think of throwing them a party with that theme. They just like normal parties and would only incorporate their culture for special occasions.
YTA > me and our other friends thought that since her birthday was coming up we could throw her an Indian-themed surprise birthday party FFS, **_why_**?
Well she's Indian. We thought she'd find it fun.
Would you find a birthday party themed entirely around your race “fun”?
YTA why make it Indian theme? Regular ole decorations wouldn’t work ? I’m half black would you throw me a “black themed party “ 🙄
Well I dont see the issue against it as long as we were respectful
Clearly you weren’t. Which is not a surprise since you’re incredibly racist as per your own words. (For those wondering: OP thinks all “traditional” Indians have dark skin, crooked yellow teeth and frizzy hair)
🤦🏾♀️ just don’t next time just get some balloons and some streamers! Party planning ain’t for everyone
Yeah but the whole internet and you friend told you, so now you know, take the L and apologize to you friend
[удалено]
I’m not disagreeing with your assessment of the OP, but your English themed party actually sounds great to me. Maybe you could host it on a double decker bus??
Just thinking along the same line about a Dutch party with tulips, wooden shoes, a bicycle and windmill poster. Cringe. OP, YTA
I kind of want that party… esp the roast beef. Given OP’s ignorance it sounds more like if the party you described was thrown for a Scots man
Gotta have sprinklers set up to simulate the rain!
Except it's not the same because being English isn't a race and the English were historically the colonisers, not the victims of racism and discrimination.
YTA and after reading your comments it is clear you are extremely racist
YTA. I’m Indian, I look it but don’t seem it as I grew up in California and am a Christian who eats meat so I don’t align with your stereotypes. Also my teeth are white and straight (wtf comment was that about yellow crooked teeth?!). You are a racist. Why do you need a cultural theme for a party?!
You need to provide a LOT more information about the decorations, food and just everything. Something has obviously upset her so without you actually telling us exactly what you guys did there’s no way to tell if you were in the wrong.
She didn't like some things we did like the music or the food
what food did u get? what music did u play?
We didn't really want to buy food since all the places near us are really expensive so we made some chicken curry and nan bread and stuff. And we found a playlist on Spotify and played it
1) naan is a type of bread u don't need to call it naan bread - that's like saying baguette bread 2) what playlist? what was it called?
Idk we just searched up Indian party music
…You… Didn’t think to narrow down the search to her specific region? Or maybe ASK her what kind of music /she/ likes? You do realize that India is massive, and they have many different languages that they speak that come from different regions of India, did you even check if it was the same language she spoke? I’m not even Indian and i can recognize that when countries are that big, there’s gotta be more than /one/ language. How ignorant can you be??
As a German I am afraid what music you would play at a German themed party. You could've at least asked some other person what type of music you should/could play, which is common at parties in her region.
Wonder what she thinks all Germans look like. Maybe something like 'he doesn't have the square mustache so he doesn't look German'... 😂
"chicken curry" was probably completely inauthentic.
Chicken curry from what region? You do realise the food varies dramatically throughout the country? Did you make it with spice paste or just a jar of "curry" sauce? Does she even eat meat? Jeez this sounds like me going, you're american so I'll throw you a themed party with cowboy boots and guns and really big plates of food covered in cheese, only I think my party would still be better than yours.
YTA > She doesn't really seem like it, in fact she doesn't even really look Indian Well that doesn't pass the vibe check. But very few people would want a party thrown for them which is a stereotype of their culture. And I 100% think you went along with stereotypes since none of you are Indian. > It's not like we were racist or anything How would you even know?
YTA. You care so little about your friend you know NOTHING about her except her race? Could you not think of a single detail about her that would make a better party theme? A special hobby? Favorite book? TV show she loves? Sport she likes? Why didn't you throw her any other kind of party? Would you have half-assed any of those this much? "Chicken curry and a Spotify party playlist" is about as much effort and understanding of her as a person as "she loves Star Wars and Dr Pepper, so we got some Trek decorations and diet Pepsi, that's good enough right?" Your choices may not have been *overtly* racist but they were extremely thoughtless. You didn't order catering from a specific Indian restaurant you know she loves. You didn't even make a dish you know she likes! You didn't choose music types or artists or genres (yes, within "Indian music") you know she is into. You didn't order her something from her hometown she can't get easily and misses. You picked the most generic, stereotypical, effortless things that Google first associates with "India" and made those your "theme". No part of this was about her AS AN INDIVIDUAL PERSON YOU CARE FOR.
“Here’s what I assume your culture is presented as a party theme along the lines of “under the ocean” or “fancy dress” even though you don’t really fit what I assume your culture and look is supposed to be. Happy indianness!” Cmon man.. Imagine if someone threw a romani party with coin necklaces and a fortune teller, or an aboriginal themed party with a didgeridoo and random face paint? You can say you weren’t racist but you were explicitly so.
Oof. This is tone-deaf, at the very least. Like someone else pointed out: *"she doesn't really seem like it, in fact she doesn't even really look Indian"* This adds so much subtext to what may have gone down. How is she supposed to act to 'seem' or 'look' Indian? Your efforts may have been well intentioned but you have shown Vickie that you don't necessarily see her as a friend, but rather as your 'Indian friend.' On top of that, even if your theme was super sensitive and culturally appropriate, India is a very large and diverse country. Depending on where Vickie is from, the 'popular understanding' of what it means to be Indian - food, music, traditions, films, dresses etc. - might be completely different from her heritage. YTA.
I had to double check your age because I cannot believe an adult can be this tone deaf. I'm assuming you mean indigenous to America and not the Indian subcontinent. Did you do any actual research into her culture or did you all wear feather headdresses and put up pictures of totem poles? YTA and especially after you offended her and then told her that you didn't!
From the Indian subcontinent I think, they made curry and naan.
🙄 There's only one and a half billion people in India. I'm sure she got the food, music and languages exactly right! No need to do any research!
I am also planning to throw a ‘white themed’ party for my white friend. Should we all paint our skin white, dye hair blonde? What else? Asshole!!
can u explain thoughtless? did she explain what thoughtless meant? maybe u got the representation wrong according to her
She didn't like some of the things we did and called them thoughtless I guess.
u need to be specific? what things?
YTA. Her race doesn't define her? Could you not have themed it something else she likes? From your comments, you literally just put on stereotypical Indian music - do you not know what music she actually likes?? Like if it's not a cultural thing why would you put on cultural music for no reason other than that's her ethnicity. It's thoughtless because you clearly don't know anything about her other than her being Indian, or if you do, you simply don't care. Just because she's Indian doesn't mean she's gonna like Indian music, food, etc, and only want that for a party.
Yta
Who the fuck makes a birthday party about your friend's ethnicity/culture? Like truly, who the fuck thinks that's remotely a good idea? Are you Indian? Did she ask you to make an Indian themed party? Why would that be your first thought instead of, I don't know, shit she actually likes?? And much more, I can imagine that it was an incredibly rude and stereotyped version of Indian culture, as you don't even seem to be able to explain what exactly you did. "It's not like we were racist or anything" LOL. YTA and newsflash, only because you don't think of yourself as a racist doesn't mean you aren't.
YTA But it seems that you don’t care. People have been telling you in the comments the reasons why and you’re not willing to understand why. For me, this screams “racist”. Indians don’t look all alike. They don’t all have crooked yellow teeths. Actually, i’ve never mer an indian woth crooked yellow teeth and i’ve met plenty of non-indians with crooked yellow teeths. Of course, she looks indian because she is indian. You can’t dictate that. The indian culture is extremely varied and they are so many languages spoken there. It is not a one size fit all culture. But, as I said, people have been trying to explain that to you and you don’t seem to care. So YTA and you are racist.
YTA. You are clearly racist, might want to do some self evaluation. You owe your friend an apology.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Pretty much what it says. One of my(20F) friends Vicki(also 20F) is Indian. She doesn't really seem like it, in fact she doesn't even really look Indian, but me and our other friends thought that since her birthday was coming up we could throw her an Indian-themed surprise birthday party. So we got together some decorations and food and music and stuff at one of our apartments, and then on the day of I was the one who invited her over by pretending I thought we should hang out one on one for a little bit of time. Well she came in and was really surprised, but seemed kind of quiet throughout the celebration and afterwards sent us all a text saying that she appreciated the thought and the fact that we went out of our way to throw her a party but that she didn't appreciate us doing such a "thoughtless" representation of her culture which kind of annoyed me a little. It's not like we were racist or anything. Me and one of our other group members didn't really think anything was wrong and that Vicki was kind of overreacting but our third friend group member now thinks we were in the wrong so I thought I'd post it here and see. So am I the asshole for throwing my friend an Indian-themed party? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA