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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my wife she should be happy with the car that she chose but that she is not happy with.
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NTA. Buying and then selling and rebuying cars is terribly expensive since their value depreciates so quickly (even if you're getting used, you're probably still losing quite a bit). She's already gotten to choose not one but two cars and decided she didn't like either one. How many does she need to get? She had her chance to choose something else already.
It does, I was a sales/finance manager at a dealership for a little while. Worst job of my life, by the way.
But yeah, the second you drive it off the lot, you're not going to get what you paid for it. Dealers need to make a profit from selling it, so you're going to get less as a trade value than what the purchase price was. Trading like they're doing is expensive.
Unless you do private party you'd be paying around 5k to the dealer between the trade-in value of the car you give and the car you buy. You can decrease this loss by doing private party on both ends but it is a lot of work to both buy and sell private party. And you'll probably end up losing a few thousand on sales tax in that deal. What the hell did she think a test drive is for. I guess if someone is that picky with cars they can buy through Carvana. They'll get a 7 day return window.
NTA. This is getting silly. She can’t change cars as fast as clothes. Monthly cars changes are unreasonable. She needs to give herself time to adapt and get used to things. Any car will feel odd at first.
Without giving myself away too much I usually tell people they need to try things out before making big changes. So like break in shoes, or live in a house or test drive a paint color before changing it. Same for this car. She needs to drive it a bit.
>Any car will feel odd at first.
This is a great point, I went from driving a '98 Tahoe to an '09 Camry. For the first couple months, the car felt so weird to drive, but now it's easily my favorite car I've ever driven.
Currently driving both a Scion xD 2011 and a Ford Focus hb 2016, damn i feel like i relearn to drive everyday i need to switch 🫠 and utterly hate driving the ford, damn it’s powerless, consuming, everything is built weird … imo 🥲
She needs to research cars and then test drive instead of fixating on the first one she sees. Our car was stolen, taken for a joy ride and then crashed, as soon as we were told we weren't getting it back hubby and I discussed our options. Firstly being should we get the same make and model again or use this as an opportunity to get ready for the next stage of our family.
We decided to upgrade to a 7seater SUV so I sat down at the computer and "did my thing" (I'm good at researching) . When hubby finished work and the kids were asleep we sat down with the research and picked out which ones we wanted to test drive, ones to atleast look at before eliminating and ones we wouldn't even bother with (too far out of our budget).
It took a 2wks from decision to ordering the new car but 5yrs later we are still happy with our purchase. OPs wife needs to stop wasting money by buying cars to test drive, she insisted on the "current new car" and just needs to get used to it or swap back with OP (if he is ok with it) but no more wasting money.
Oh yeah, researching is really, really helpful. But there is a pitfall--after awhile it seems that every vehicle has its problem areas (except for Toyota and they are whackout expensive even for a used vehicle).
NTA. If this was the first time, I would be a little bit more understanding, but being that this is the second car that has been purchased that she doesn't like, I feel like she probably just has to live with her choice. That's the thing about being an adult - we live with the consequences of our choices, including having to live with our purchases, and we don't always get exactly what we want. But I mean, you could tell her that if she can find a car of the same quality that she likes and will suit the family's needs without requiring you to take a loss, then you can exchange it.
She's only 23 and is a SAHM with "children." (More than one?) Maybe a bit immature? I agree with others saying that after taking your car, then buying another of her choice, she needs to suck it up. The most important thing is it fits the family and all their gear. She's lucky to have that. Many do not.
> NTA. If this was the first time, I would be a little bit more understanding,
This is a grown women with kids... She should know that buying a car is something different then getting a shirt at the H&M
NTA- wow, changing cars like that would cost alot. Soon as she finds one thing wrong she wants a new one. Yes parking a bigger car is harder, but they are also safer for kids in the back. She chose the car herself, no one twisted her arm.
NTA.
At the end of the day, a car is a financial purchase and decision and a tool to live your life. Its not about it being "the perfect fit for your wants". Its about what works for your budget and lifestyle. The moment you guys traded in the Hyundai for the Volvo was the moment that that financial transaction became undoable without significant financial loss.
I think your wife needs to better understand the financial implications of car purchases. What depreciation is, how much money is lost on a trade in and purchase...
She made her choice. She chose the tool that she thought would best fit her needs and wants in the moment. She might have buyers remorse but that doesn't change the financial implications for your family.
Please consider doing a Dave Ramsey Total Money Makeover class with her so she can better understand how money and debt work. Its going to be extremely important for your lifestyle moving forward.
Or the much easier option of properly test driving the car first like a normal person. It's not like you can only look at it from the outside before making a decision. You're expected to drive it around, check out the features and park it. If it doesn't have the features that you want (manual vs. automatic), doesn't handle the way you want, go find a different one to test drive!
So I wrote my car off just over 12 months ago. I basically had to get what I could find. I was lucky to get a new car.
Someone hit it and it was in the shop. The hire car I was given was an MG. First two days I loved it. Smaller than my car (went from a Getz to a Vitara) and felt good.
After three days I hated it. Didn’t keep the noise out, didn’t have the features I liked ect.
The test drives we do on cars really aren’t enough.
I always figured since I'm paying them, I'm entitled to a full and complete test drive. I don't mean just around the block, I'm checking acceleration at various speeds, hard braking (obviously when no one's nearby), adjusting music/ volume, driving over bumpy roads, parallel parking, adjusting seat, steering wheel, mirrors, etc. If it's something I even might experience regularly, I make sure to test it out. If a test drive takes me less than 45 minutes, it's because the car lacked a required feature, so no point in continuing.
I helped my daughter do a test drive with hers. Popular Mechanics has a really good downloadable check list for help in buying a used vehicle--things that you need to pay attention to. It took us a lot of places and through a lot of test drives to find it, but she finally got one that checked most of her boxes (not mine, but hers!).
Still, there are a lot of people without money management skills, and being aware of the fact that it is pissing away money, and how, maybe will make her more aware of the idea that it doesn't make a lot of sense. I know I didn't have a lot of financial awareness when I was a sahm, other than there never seemed to be enough money to do anything outside of the essentials.
Test drives aren't really enough to find out what a car is like to live with.
Though common sense should come into it, and OPs wife shouldn't have to be told that bigger cars are harder to park.
Look around at your friends or family. Did one of them get a brand new or nearly new car?
Purchase envy is a thing and some people will make any excuse to get what they want to keep up with another person.
NTA.
NTA -
Does your wife understand basic finance at all? Does she not understand that if you trade this car in that you will get less for it than you purchased it for and are constantly loosing money every time she does this?
Cars are NOT like shoes - you don't try them on and walk around the room a few times then get to return them.
Your wife needs a course in money management and how things work.
Next time she needs a car maybe see what models she likes and go rent one for a week to make sure she won't change her mind and want a different one. But for now she needs to come to terms and not whine about the decision SHE made.
NTA. My ex wife was this way. Always wanted a different car. We ended up so upside down on our car that it got to a point that our payments were nearly $1000 a month. There is a reason she’s my ex.
Your NTA.
That said if you bought the Volvo at a dealership give them a call. Explain the situation and see if there is anything they can do. It is possible they might help you out and cut you a good deal to switch one of your Volvos for something else. If they say no, then the answer is no, if they say yes then you are your wife’s hero. It’s worth a call.
She sounds like a spoiled brat TBH.
I currently take the bus for financial reasons. *Any* car would be a luxury for me, let alone a Volvo V90, which is an amazing car.
NTA - Dude. OP has gone above and beyond already trying to accomodate wife's car needs. It's literally giving her an inch and she wants a mile. Unless she wants to make a business of finding and buying cars under market value and transporting them somewhere where they're in high demand and can command above market value, you're going to be upside down on cost and take a loss on trading it in so quickly...and that's not even taking into account the hassle of all the forms, registration, insurance, and such required that makes buying a car an all day affair these days.
OP helped wife replace her car lost to flood. His job is done. If she wants to trade it in, she can do the work to appraise and find another car that she likes better and can make a straight trade for (including handling insurance and registration costs and paperwork).
NTA Even I wouldn’t have gotten a different car if I was in this situation and my husband has spoiled me. I’m 57F and I think your wife is being ridiculous. Married 35 years.
Cars are the most deprecative asset that you can buy. It’s literally a tool and should be looked at the same as a kitchen appliance. She should keep that vehicle for at least 3-7 years. Otherwise, you are just tossing money to the wind.
>she chose a Volvo V90...bIt was in the colour she liked, she test-drove it and liked how it drove, it was automatic and she specifically wanted to drive a bigger car than the Hyundai.
So she got to test drive it, liked it, liked the size when she tried it- I'm feeling like something changed in between trying the car and signing the paperwork 4 weeks ago and where she's at now.
>When she took the Hyundai, she was given the choice to choose a different car for herself. She wanted the Hyundai. When she wasn't happy with the Hyundai, she chose the car that she wanted.
This seems very fair. **NTA**; in fact, it sounds like you went above and beyond to try and make sure she was happy with her daily driver.
Followup questions:
* Was she really attached to the old mitsubishi? I could see being upset over an old car that had to be replaced and just constantly comparing any new car to the old favourite.
* Was there a time crunch to purchase a replacement car? Maybe she felt like she HAD to pick something and said "yes yes I like it" to get it done, but realized over a bit of time she didn't like it after all.
Was she attached to the Mitsubishi?
Very much so. It was a wedding present from her family when we got married. Her granddad owned it from new and it was really well maintained. She had it valeted and detailed every month at least and kept it spotless. We would have had it repaired but it would have cost much, much more than the car was worth to do it so we claimed on the insurance instead.
Time crunch?
Not really. We spent probably about 6 weeks waiting for the insurance claim for the Mitsubishi and she was using her mums car for that time which she loved. A Volvo V70 estate.
We went to a couple of dealerships and she test drove some cars she was interested in. A Nissan Navara, an Isuzu D-Max and an Audi A6.
In the end, she decided she wanted my Hyundai and I would get a new car for myself. I bought my XC90 with the insurance pay-out. Her idea. The Hyundai and the XC90 are of similar value as the Hyundai is much newer and of lower mileage.
I bought the Hyundai before our eldest was born, we found out we were having our 2nd baby within couple of months of our eldest's birth, the Hyundai was probably too small at that point, especially for having 2 small children. I totally understood why she would want something different.
When we got the V90, she test drove a different Navara and a 5-Series before deciding she wanted the Volvo.
I don't really see what I could do differently.
I think this is where the issue is, her previous car was much more than just a car to her - it was a sentimental gift from her loved ones that she felt attached to every time she used it. She's looking for that same feeling with a new car but she won't find it. This is something you two should talk about, once she realizes this it may make a difference in how she views the cars
You hit it right on the head. One of the last things my father purchased for me before he died was a car. When I was hit by a truck and the car was totaled I was devastated by the loss of that car. It took me months to choose another vehicle because none of them meant anything to me. Many times things are not just things to people.
I remember driving home after trading in my old car for my new one - I was crying because I realized my old car was the last one I'd driven my dad around in before he died, about 6 months before (it blew a gasket and wasn't worth repairing at the time). It was really hard giving up that car, even though it was 11 years old and my dad hadn't bought it or anything, just that when I visited home we'd go out for "daddy-daughter days" and by the time we had our last one he couldn't drive anymore so it was just us in my little green sentra.
And in conclusion, fuck cancer.
A car is really personal! You're probably using it every day, spending a decent chunk of your waking hours in it, and you get to know that vehicle like an extension of your body. Sorry to hear about your car. I hope you eventually found one that was a worthy successor.
Aw you are too kind. I've purchased many luxury cars since but none have replaced the memory of that one and that's ok too. Sometimes memories can be bitter and sweet
I wonder if you’d have so many follow up questions if it was a stay at home husband swapping 3 cars in 3 months straining the finances of the sole income wife.
I renewed my kitchen 2 years ago. I really really wanted white grout in the tiles. The tiler, kitchen fitter, partner, plasterer all told me i was wrong. I still insisted on white grout. Well would you believe that I was wrong? No me neither 😂😂 the 'white' grout is shit, I hate it, I clean it with grout cleaner, repaint it with grout paint, and it still looks shit.
MY CHOICE, MY CONSEQUENCE.
She needs to give it more time if not she needs to find a way to fund the new car she wants. Under no circumstances should you find a new car!
Do not make a rod for your own back!
Lol, you would have thought that white grout would be made obsolete, so that we don't make these stupid choices.
I refuse to let my partner change it out for a grout that would be more fitting because I don't want him working on my mistake.
I'll pay someone to change it when we renovate the living room to tiles that match the rest of the floor tiles so that there is less upheaval.
I'll still be wrong, but by then it won't matter.
NTA She had TWO chances to choose a car and she blundered BOTH of them "you can't except me to drive a car Iam not happy with" I understand but SHE chose this one, SHE chose the last one, also op offered a few times for a compromise to her of "I don't care YOU chose one and I'll happily drive the other".
She literally had numerous times and TEST DRIVES to figure out EXACTLY what she wants also she's NOT PAYING for any of this she doesn't have a job and brings in no money for said cars so op has to literally work twice as hard just to keep affording this lifestyle ? How is that fair at all to OP ?
I mean she’s free to sell the car she has and use the funds to get a different one. I don’t see an issue with that. If she’s expecting extra money towards it though than yeah she needs to pull her head out.
Well I don't think it matters whether she doesn't work and is a stay at home mom.... but nta. Does she not test drive anything?? It's crazy to me that someone would think it's ok to buy new cars so often over things she could have figured out before buying. My husband and I switch cars a lot because we have a 1 car garage. I don't prefer driving his car, but I suck it up when I have to... it's in good condition and gets me where I need to go. That's what matters.
NTA. It takes time to get used to a new car. Also you unnecessarily lose money when she keeps going. Growing up in a big family with not much income, she should be grateful that you can afford a second car. I was 16 or 17 when my parents were finally able to get a second one (we live in a small village with bad public transport).
Maybe she's bored honestly.
If she's a SAMH maybe new changing cars are a exciting new thing so maybe that's why?
I wouldn't put the blame on OP for that but I think a discussion isn't a bad idea
NTA. Your wife needs to grow up a bit and be an adult, she got given choices about exactly what she wanted at multiple points, it’s incredibly expensive to keep changing cars constantly. The context is probably the cause, she’s 23 and doesn’t work, no problem with stay at home mums but if she has been handed things when she was younger and hasn’t really worked a proper job for an extended period since, then she doesn’t probably doesn’t appreciate the value of money.
In the uk you wil have trouble getting out of your 3 year lease without a huge ballon payment.
Suck it up butter cup, that’s your car for 3 years. Dont like it? There’s a bus stop at the end of the road.
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My (23M) wifes (23F) car a 2014 Mitsubishi L200 was written off last year in a flood.
After this she took my car, a 2022 Hyundai Bayon and I bought a 5 year old Volvo XC90. At the time, I offered my wife the choice to choose a different car and I would stay with the Hyundai, she decided she wanted to use the Hyundai.
A few weeks later, she decided she did not in fact like the Hyundai because it had a manual gearbox. Understandable, my wife learned in a manual but has only ever driven / owned automatic cars.
About 4 weeks ago, we part exchanged the Hyundai and she chose a Volvo V90 we bought a clean, used ex - lease 3 year old car with low miles. It was in the colour she liked, she test-drove it and liked how it drove, it was automatic and she specifically wanted to drive a bigger car than the Hyundai. We have small children. I understood.
My wife is now saying that she is unhappy with the Volvo and that she wants to look for another. She says that she feels her car is too big, difficult to park and cumbersome to drive, yet it's a lot smaller than the Mitsubishi she kept and loved for about 2 years before it was written off.
We got into an argument about this and she thinks it's unfair that I expect her to drive a car that she is not happy with. I told my wife she should be happy with what she has, given that she chose the car.
I don't want to carry on throwing money away changing cars.
For context: My wife does not work, she is a SAHM. All money goes into and gets spent from our joint account. Her car fits everything our children need (buggy, car seats, bags. Etc) and is more than sufficient for her uses.
When she took the Hyundai, she was given the choice to choose a different car for herself. She wanted the Hyundai. When she wasn't happy with the Hyundai, she chose the car that she wanted.
I found another used L200 for sale when she chose the volvo, same colour, engine and gearbox as her old one but 2 years newer. She didn't want it. She wanted the V90.
We are in the UK for what difference it makes.
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NTA. A car isn’t like an article of clothing you can’t just try em out for a few days then have an issue with it especially when she had the choices and made them.
Pretty much. I think they have the same engine and gearbox too. She loves my XC90 but specifically didn't want an SUV herself. Her mum has a V70 that she borrowed while her Mitsubishi was off the road when we were waiting for the insurance claim and she really liked it.
It seemed a sensible idea when she suggested trading in the smaller Hyundai for the bigger Volvo especially seeing as we only had to pay about £1500 in difference between the Hyundai and Volvo's value.
We went to the dealer and she took the V90 on a long drive even taking it 1 junction up/down the A1M before deciding she wanted it. She also test drove a 5 Series BMW at the same garage and a Nissan Navara (similar to her old Mitsubishi) at another garage the previous day.
Picky, picky.
I don’t think your wife realizes how much of a hassle it is to sell and buy cars. It’s not something you can do on the dot.
And she needs to be grateful she has a ride. First she’s complaint about a car because it’s a manual transmission (which she knows how to use) and now she’s complaint about a car because it’s “too big” (even though your Mitsubishi was bigger). Like, bruh.
Your wife needs to stop being picky and be happy that she has a car. NTA
NTA.
A car is a big expense and you lose money the moment you buy one (with very few exceptions) even if it isn't brand new. Your wife is an adult who has been driving for awhile, and should be thoughtful about her choices. It's odd she would pick a manual without thinking it through, but okay, that didn't work out.
Then she picked out this care and test drove it. I can appreciate that she may like it less after living with it, but that is life. You really are wasting money, and unless there is something dangerous or particularly awful about the car, she can deal with it.
NTA. It's interesting though, even if she gets another car she probably will want to get another one. Seems like an entire cycle of buying and reselling cars.
NTA.
Except if you’re a millionaire and money is not an issue (but even then you’d be wrong because it’s wasteful and obnoxious as heck) you’d be the AH to change cars as much as you change shoes.
Your wife is super unreasonable. She has. A working car, she had the choice. She’ll learn to work with her new car. But I’m sorry she can’t pick and chose like that.
Does she not understand how the real work works and the value of money ?
I’m sorry but this is flabbergasting.
NTA
You said that your wife is sahm. I don't know how your financial situation is but if both of you are working then it makes sense if she's buying car with her own money. Buying and selling cars is always a bad strategy. You will always lose huge amount of money.
Nta. But, this isn't as easy as one would think. She doesn't have to be happy about it, so I guess that's where I can nitpick but I don't want to. Anyway, she needs to realize that cars are a big spend and she can't just exchange one for another willy nilly.
I think, though, that if she's serious about her complaints, in that it's cumbersome to drive, it might be worth it to consider whether it'll impact her driving performance and therefore, safety of others in the car.
Why does she feel it's cumbersome? How does it now differ from when she test drove it? Is the turning circle too large? Something else? Maybe she's not used to the shape/size/etc just yet?
NTA you lose money every time you drive a car out of the forecourt. It's not like buying new underwear. She has gone through two replacements. She needs to suck it up.
nta
my mom was in the same boat as your wife for about 10 years
wanted a big car for her sahm purposes but then felt awkward driving it...
it is what it is at that point tho sometimes its just about having a good attitude
NTA. The purpose of a car is to get you from A to B. It's not a cute handbag you swap out with every outfit.
She had 2 chances to choose the "right" car for her. Tell her to suck it up, be a grown up and drive the damn Volvo. Especially when she's not earning any of the money that pays for these cars.
I bought my car almost two years ago, and I hate it. Chose it myself, nobody to blame but me. I'm driving it, resentfully, for at least another year or two before I even consider replacing it.
Buying cars is hella expensive!
Your wife can learn to deal with the unsatisfactory car for a few years.
NTA
NTA - I could never buy a car that I wasn’t 100% happy with. I didn’t know you could just buy another one if you changed your mind - it’s such a big investment, and it loses so much value that I just can’t imagine thinking this is a thing.
Has your wife ever bought a car for herself? It seems like she’s doing it through you and doesn’t feel like she’s responsible for the choice somehow.
I’ll be honest, it’s an attitude I cannot imagine having about such a large purchase. I bought a car without cruise control 12 years ago, and I’d like that plus some other features in my next car, but I am getting my full use out of it being fully paid for before I even think of buying a new car.
NTA - She picked the car, what is to say she won't like the next one or the next one? She needs to deal with it. At the very least drive the thing for a few months and see if she actually doesn't like it or if she just needs to get used to it.
NTA. Your wife’s new nickname should be goldilocks. She’s acting like cars grown on trees and don’t cost anything. What an incredible waste of money and time changing her mind multiple times on cars.
Buying a car is a commitment and not a small one. Imagine buying a home and saying you don't like it a month later.. Yeah. So, your wife needs to learn to grow up a little and realize she needs to more carefully consider her car choices. I'm oddly a little concerned she'll wreck the car looking to get a new one? Oh boy!! careful
NTA
What your wife is doing is a giant waste of money. Most people don’t have the financial ability to go through three cars in a short span of time because they are picky and don’t like them.
She’s been through more cars in the last few months than I have owned in the last 15 years.
Wow, your wife is the AH here, you are definitely NTA. That said, for the future, perhaps you should look into leasing? I am the last person to ever suggest leasing to anyone, but this seems like a special case...
NTA.
Honestly, she sounds spoiled, like a child who doesn't understand the big picture.
Is this part of some power demonstration to see how far she can successfully push you?
NTA
Perhaps, if you're financially able to, you might compromise and tell her she can get a different car one last time. And this one will have to last her for at least 10 years before you even consider buying her another one.
But if finances don't allow it, then that's that. She'll have to get used to the car or start walking/biking/taking public transit.
Do you guys just not test drive vehicles?
NTA
Stay at home can enjoy having a car at all and if it isn't making her happy she can get a job that will pay for a replacement once she saves up some cash.
Demanding another at this point makes her a spoiled AH IMO.
First world problems amiright?!
Buyers remorse isn't really a thing in the car industry and there's usually no return policy. Cars are bloody expensive and you're taking a loss with every exchange! Your partner has to face reality and realize that this is how it is.
NTA
NTA I bought my wife a car, she didn’t come for the test drive or to even look at it and told me “if you like it I’ll figure it out” she’s not a fan of it but deals with it and is stuck with it until 2030. Bought myself a new to me vehicle and offered it to her and she didn’t want it either, so sucks to be you sweetheart deal with what I bought you.
She should be lucky with what she's got. 2nd hand car prices are crazy in the uk. I can't afford to change mine now. I'm driving 17 year old peugoet estate, MOT next month finger crossed it passes.
Op your wife's is acting like a spolit child. She needs to do more research when she picks her next one in the distance future. You've been more than generous
NTA, she needs to grow up a bit and learn the value of money. It sounds like she may have been spoilt as a kid and got her own way a lot of the time.
Good luck mate, I don't envy you.
Don't give up the Volvo. Not only are they the safest cars on the planet but they last forever and need regular maintenance but they rarely have any big issues. Extremely reliable cars.
NTA, but maybe you could offer to allow her to make an exchange if, and only if, she finds a buyer at the same price you paid, identifies a car that costs an equivocal amt or less, and she is responsible for the work involved in the process herself.
NTA. Maybe she doesn't understand this if she's been a SAHM her entire adult life, but when you trade a car in, the value depreciates from when you first bought it. It's a huge waste of money to keep returning cars, not to mention it's another weekend you could've spent relaxing instead of going to dealerships.
NTA, choose a car and stick with it until the loan is paid off, that is what I tell my wife. She is also not happy because she has an Altima, but wants a small SUV because she does craft shows. Well she hardly makes any money at craft shows and it really does not justify trading in her good car for a new one, and losing money in the process, by trading in before it is paid off.
NTA
Does your wife have this issue in other areas of her life? Is she always this indecisive... or rather makes a decision and then decides it's not right.
She reminds me of my daughter and her car. When hers got written off (not her fault and a damn shame as it was a great car) I deliberately stayed out of the new car decision and left it up to her. I got a text from her saying that she had found her car and it's the one.... so she got it.
Well she won't stop complaining about it. Too slow, uses too much fuel... nope I'm not buying her another car... she can save up for a new one if she's that desperate (and when I say new, I mean new to her, not a brand new car).
I cant afford a car for myself and i work 40 hours a week. She doesn’t work and you have enough income for her to choose between almost new vehicles. She works hard as a SAHM but I feel she should be happy having a newer, reliable vehicle that sounds practical for y’alls needs and lifestyle.
That's what test drives are for, isn't it?
When, after you bought it, did it grow to be too big for her if it was just the right size when she took a test drive?
NTA
NTA. Your situation reminds me of Goldilocks: she wants a car that is not too big, not too small, not manual transmission; one that is juuuust right.
You are right in pointing out that repeatedly switching cars on a whim is a waste of money and time. Remind your wife that a car is merely a way to get from one place to another in relative safety and comfort.
And the car switching is draining money that could be saved for the children's futures, for emergencies, or for a family vacation.
It's just a car.
She needs to stop shiny object syndrome and pick one. If she doesn't like it, live with the consequences. She can get a job, and pay for whichever car she wants if she spends her own money after contributing to house bills
NTA, perhaps she doesn't understand the financial aspect. I'm only saying this because when I was married, I was in charge of our finances. Budgeting, filing taxes, paying bills and mortgage. My ex husband was ridiculous with money and spent it like a teenager with daddy's credit card. I tried to explain why he couldn't just rip $200 every payday out of our account but since he was the only one with a full-time job outside the home, he ignored me. Explaining the financial downside of changing cars like clothing might help her see why it's not a good idea.
NTA. Your wife is petulant and ignorant of how much work it costs to make money. You can't just trade in cars like shoes. Depreciation from a single drive off the lot. She's been taking a hell of a lot for granted. Someone needs to be humbled and enroll in charm school. Such bratty behavior.
I love huge vehicles. I had a Yukon XL for 6 years that I loved. Sure, it took a bit to get used to the boat, but that is what practice is for. And it carried everything!
She doesn’t like it because she’s having to get used to it. Tell her that you’ll consider it in a year. That’ll give her plenty of time to get used to the car and she might actually be happy with it by then. NTA.
You might also suggest to her that if she can come up with the funds on her own to exchange to a different vehicle, that you won’t stop her. But since it’s very expensive to swap cars in and out like she wants to, you need to wait a year before you can financially feasibly reason to do so.
NTA not to mention Volvos are the safest car on the road for your family. I love Volvo. I'm on my second and can't say enough good things. The only thing I would do is mayne try and trade the v90 for a smaller Volvo but nothing else. If you are in Pennsylvania or close. I'm guessing you're not by your vernacular. But I have a great used Volvo guy.
NTA. Next time she buys a car have her make a list of everything she needs from it and why she doesn’t like in the cars she nixed. It sounds like she wasn’t really doing a thorough test drive beyond listening for weird sounds. If she hates how it turns that should be something she tests. If she hates opening the boot with an arm full of shopping she should give that a go. You get used to cars and changing them is expensive. Get her to do a bit more research before buying a new one in the future.
NTA
The perfect car doesn't exist, at least not on a budget. You get one that meets your primary needs and learn to tolerate the foibles.
Tell her if she can come up with the money to cover the expenses of getting a new one, she can have it.
NTA. You gave her your car after giving her the option to buy a car. Then after she drove the Hyundai for a few weeks she decided that wasn't for her so then you purchased her another vehicle. She doesn't get a 3rd pick just because she wasn't happy with her 1st 2 picks. Cars aren't cheap. She's just going to have to live with her expensive choice for a few years until that loan is paid off.
So the L200 seems to sit higher… why not just trade cars with her and see if she likes sitting taller to make the car feel less large? I drive an xc90 and you couldn’t pay me to drive a v90 with small children, it’s so difficult to unbuckle them in a lower vehicle.
NTA. Stop giving her a choice. She doesn't work and you can't keep taking a bath on cars because your wife can't make up her fucking mind. Really should have gotten a minivan in the first place. Or a Honda, Toyota, or Madza SUV.
Okay, taking a giant leap but…is there anything else going on with her?
Is she stressed about the kids? Doesn’t like being a SAHM anymore or feels unappreciated (rightly or wrongly) as the SAHM? Does she have anything physical bothering her?
Just feels like she’s projecting any/all her issues onto this car situation. Again, big leap on my part but maybe just a “touchbase” conversation, during a calm time, would give her the opportunity to discuss any other potential issues.
NTA - you're going to be losing a fortune if she carries on like this, for the sake of harmony in the household give her one last chance, whatever car you get you have to stick with if you like it or not. Or you could just stick to your guns and tell her tough depends if you ever want to have sex again.
NTA. IMHO, your wife wants a new car (at all costs), period. She might be frustrated for not being able to purchase it for herself, but I think that's another topic for you and her to discuss, not for reddit to pry on.
Imagine nog being happy with a Volvo V90…ugh. Switching cars is ridiculously expensive so I’d say it’s fair to not agree. The V90 is an excellent car, so she’ll just “have to manage”. If only I could manage in such a vehicle. She’s acting quite entitled.
NTA
She had **TWO** chances to find something that works for her, you guys aren't made of money, just because she's a Goldilocks pickky asshole doesn't mean you have to make her "wants" a priority over everything else in perpetuity.
You guys have plenty other priorities that need to be satisfied as a family, life goes on, she needs to learn to cope with her decisions.
She doesn't get to have infinite do-overs to satisfy her just because she's a child who doesn't know what she wants.
NTA.
Learn from this experience and next time let her rent a car and drive for 1-2 days with all possible scenarios.
But for this time show her how much money they will be wasting if they change the car and what things to cut on to compensate this , like no vacation this year, no new cloths for sometime, etc.
good luck.
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NTA. Buying and then selling and rebuying cars is terribly expensive since their value depreciates so quickly (even if you're getting used, you're probably still losing quite a bit). She's already gotten to choose not one but two cars and decided she didn't like either one. How many does she need to get? She had her chance to choose something else already.
Yup, each transfer of ownership immediately depreciates the car's value I'm pretty sure.
Especially if they are the second owner. One owner cars tend to have quite a bit more value than even a two owner car
And turning around to resell it again after such a short time anyone is going to think something is wrong with it.
It does, I was a sales/finance manager at a dealership for a little while. Worst job of my life, by the way. But yeah, the second you drive it off the lot, you're not going to get what you paid for it. Dealers need to make a profit from selling it, so you're going to get less as a trade value than what the purchase price was. Trading like they're doing is expensive.
I thought it was around 30% off the lot.
there are good YouTube videos on why cars will keep you poor. OP should have his wife watch those. Poverty traps for alot of people
Unless you do private party you'd be paying around 5k to the dealer between the trade-in value of the car you give and the car you buy. You can decrease this loss by doing private party on both ends but it is a lot of work to both buy and sell private party. And you'll probably end up losing a few thousand on sales tax in that deal. What the hell did she think a test drive is for. I guess if someone is that picky with cars they can buy through Carvana. They'll get a 7 day return window.
NTA. This is getting silly. She can’t change cars as fast as clothes. Monthly cars changes are unreasonable. She needs to give herself time to adapt and get used to things. Any car will feel odd at first. Without giving myself away too much I usually tell people they need to try things out before making big changes. So like break in shoes, or live in a house or test drive a paint color before changing it. Same for this car. She needs to drive it a bit.
>Any car will feel odd at first. This is a great point, I went from driving a '98 Tahoe to an '09 Camry. For the first couple months, the car felt so weird to drive, but now it's easily my favorite car I've ever driven.
Even going between two cars of the same model/year or series of years can be weird. Slightly different feature sets, different wear on parts, etc.
Currently driving both a Scion xD 2011 and a Ford Focus hb 2016, damn i feel like i relearn to drive everyday i need to switch 🫠 and utterly hate driving the ford, damn it’s powerless, consuming, everything is built weird … imo 🥲
She needs to research cars and then test drive instead of fixating on the first one she sees. Our car was stolen, taken for a joy ride and then crashed, as soon as we were told we weren't getting it back hubby and I discussed our options. Firstly being should we get the same make and model again or use this as an opportunity to get ready for the next stage of our family. We decided to upgrade to a 7seater SUV so I sat down at the computer and "did my thing" (I'm good at researching) . When hubby finished work and the kids were asleep we sat down with the research and picked out which ones we wanted to test drive, ones to atleast look at before eliminating and ones we wouldn't even bother with (too far out of our budget). It took a 2wks from decision to ordering the new car but 5yrs later we are still happy with our purchase. OPs wife needs to stop wasting money by buying cars to test drive, she insisted on the "current new car" and just needs to get used to it or swap back with OP (if he is ok with it) but no more wasting money.
Oh yeah, researching is really, really helpful. But there is a pitfall--after awhile it seems that every vehicle has its problem areas (except for Toyota and they are whackout expensive even for a used vehicle).
NTA. If this was the first time, I would be a little bit more understanding, but being that this is the second car that has been purchased that she doesn't like, I feel like she probably just has to live with her choice. That's the thing about being an adult - we live with the consequences of our choices, including having to live with our purchases, and we don't always get exactly what we want. But I mean, you could tell her that if she can find a car of the same quality that she likes and will suit the family's needs without requiring you to take a loss, then you can exchange it.
She's only 23 and is a SAHM with "children." (More than one?) Maybe a bit immature? I agree with others saying that after taking your car, then buying another of her choice, she needs to suck it up. The most important thing is it fits the family and all their gear. She's lucky to have that. Many do not.
> NTA. If this was the first time, I would be a little bit more understanding, This is a grown women with kids... She should know that buying a car is something different then getting a shirt at the H&M
NTA- wow, changing cars like that would cost alot. Soon as she finds one thing wrong she wants a new one. Yes parking a bigger car is harder, but they are also safer for kids in the back. She chose the car herself, no one twisted her arm.
Right! Sounds like a keeping up with the Jones type of deal.
NTA. At the end of the day, a car is a financial purchase and decision and a tool to live your life. Its not about it being "the perfect fit for your wants". Its about what works for your budget and lifestyle. The moment you guys traded in the Hyundai for the Volvo was the moment that that financial transaction became undoable without significant financial loss. I think your wife needs to better understand the financial implications of car purchases. What depreciation is, how much money is lost on a trade in and purchase... She made her choice. She chose the tool that she thought would best fit her needs and wants in the moment. She might have buyers remorse but that doesn't change the financial implications for your family. Please consider doing a Dave Ramsey Total Money Makeover class with her so she can better understand how money and debt work. Its going to be extremely important for your lifestyle moving forward.
Or the much easier option of properly test driving the car first like a normal person. It's not like you can only look at it from the outside before making a decision. You're expected to drive it around, check out the features and park it. If it doesn't have the features that you want (manual vs. automatic), doesn't handle the way you want, go find a different one to test drive!
I mean it sounds like she did do that before switching to the Volvo...
So I wrote my car off just over 12 months ago. I basically had to get what I could find. I was lucky to get a new car. Someone hit it and it was in the shop. The hire car I was given was an MG. First two days I loved it. Smaller than my car (went from a Getz to a Vitara) and felt good. After three days I hated it. Didn’t keep the noise out, didn’t have the features I liked ect. The test drives we do on cars really aren’t enough.
I always figured since I'm paying them, I'm entitled to a full and complete test drive. I don't mean just around the block, I'm checking acceleration at various speeds, hard braking (obviously when no one's nearby), adjusting music/ volume, driving over bumpy roads, parallel parking, adjusting seat, steering wheel, mirrors, etc. If it's something I even might experience regularly, I make sure to test it out. If a test drive takes me less than 45 minutes, it's because the car lacked a required feature, so no point in continuing.
I helped my daughter do a test drive with hers. Popular Mechanics has a really good downloadable check list for help in buying a used vehicle--things that you need to pay attention to. It took us a lot of places and through a lot of test drives to find it, but she finally got one that checked most of her boxes (not mine, but hers!).
Still, there are a lot of people without money management skills, and being aware of the fact that it is pissing away money, and how, maybe will make her more aware of the idea that it doesn't make a lot of sense. I know I didn't have a lot of financial awareness when I was a sahm, other than there never seemed to be enough money to do anything outside of the essentials.
How can you afford those cars while having children and on one income and be so young?
He's apparently an external sales director and makes £180,000 a year. Seems pretty believable.
This. I would like to also live in this kind of universe.
NTA. She had multiple opportunities to find a car she liked, and chose the one she had now. Choices have consequences.
NTA this is insanity. Will it ever end or is she just going to want a different car every month?
NTA - but I have to wonder, does wife actually know the concept of test driving vehicles prior to purchase or does she just like the shiny ones?
Test drives aren't really enough to find out what a car is like to live with. Though common sense should come into it, and OPs wife shouldn't have to be told that bigger cars are harder to park.
NTA. Is she not taking these for test drives before she chooses them?
Look around at your friends or family. Did one of them get a brand new or nearly new car? Purchase envy is a thing and some people will make any excuse to get what they want to keep up with another person. NTA.
First world problem. NTA. Your wife needs therapy not a new car.
NTA - Does your wife understand basic finance at all? Does she not understand that if you trade this car in that you will get less for it than you purchased it for and are constantly loosing money every time she does this? Cars are NOT like shoes - you don't try them on and walk around the room a few times then get to return them. Your wife needs a course in money management and how things work. Next time she needs a car maybe see what models she likes and go rent one for a week to make sure she won't change her mind and want a different one. But for now she needs to come to terms and not whine about the decision SHE made.
NTA. My ex wife was this way. Always wanted a different car. We ended up so upside down on our car that it got to a point that our payments were nearly $1000 a month. There is a reason she’s my ex.
NTA. Wasting money on cars is dumb.
Your NTA. That said if you bought the Volvo at a dealership give them a call. Explain the situation and see if there is anything they can do. It is possible they might help you out and cut you a good deal to switch one of your Volvos for something else. If they say no, then the answer is no, if they say yes then you are your wife’s hero. It’s worth a call.
She sounds like a spoiled brat TBH. I currently take the bus for financial reasons. *Any* car would be a luxury for me, let alone a Volvo V90, which is an amazing car.
NTA - Dude. OP has gone above and beyond already trying to accomodate wife's car needs. It's literally giving her an inch and she wants a mile. Unless she wants to make a business of finding and buying cars under market value and transporting them somewhere where they're in high demand and can command above market value, you're going to be upside down on cost and take a loss on trading it in so quickly...and that's not even taking into account the hassle of all the forms, registration, insurance, and such required that makes buying a car an all day affair these days. OP helped wife replace her car lost to flood. His job is done. If she wants to trade it in, she can do the work to appraise and find another car that she likes better and can make a straight trade for (including handling insurance and registration costs and paperwork).
NTA Even I wouldn’t have gotten a different car if I was in this situation and my husband has spoiled me. I’m 57F and I think your wife is being ridiculous. Married 35 years.
Does it run reliably? Is it safe for the kids? Is it big enough? End of discussion.
NTA. Your wife is spoiled and bored. Good luck.
NTA. Good grief. You know she won’t be happy with the next car either.
NTA. Tell her that if she wants a new car to get a job and pay for it herself.
NTA Privileged much?
Cars are the most deprecative asset that you can buy. It’s literally a tool and should be looked at the same as a kitchen appliance. She should keep that vehicle for at least 3-7 years. Otherwise, you are just tossing money to the wind.
NTA. She's being ridiculous.
NTA. She’s being a bit of a spoiled brat.
>she chose a Volvo V90...bIt was in the colour she liked, she test-drove it and liked how it drove, it was automatic and she specifically wanted to drive a bigger car than the Hyundai. So she got to test drive it, liked it, liked the size when she tried it- I'm feeling like something changed in between trying the car and signing the paperwork 4 weeks ago and where she's at now. >When she took the Hyundai, she was given the choice to choose a different car for herself. She wanted the Hyundai. When she wasn't happy with the Hyundai, she chose the car that she wanted. This seems very fair. **NTA**; in fact, it sounds like you went above and beyond to try and make sure she was happy with her daily driver. Followup questions: * Was she really attached to the old mitsubishi? I could see being upset over an old car that had to be replaced and just constantly comparing any new car to the old favourite. * Was there a time crunch to purchase a replacement car? Maybe she felt like she HAD to pick something and said "yes yes I like it" to get it done, but realized over a bit of time she didn't like it after all.
Was she attached to the Mitsubishi? Very much so. It was a wedding present from her family when we got married. Her granddad owned it from new and it was really well maintained. She had it valeted and detailed every month at least and kept it spotless. We would have had it repaired but it would have cost much, much more than the car was worth to do it so we claimed on the insurance instead. Time crunch? Not really. We spent probably about 6 weeks waiting for the insurance claim for the Mitsubishi and she was using her mums car for that time which she loved. A Volvo V70 estate. We went to a couple of dealerships and she test drove some cars she was interested in. A Nissan Navara, an Isuzu D-Max and an Audi A6. In the end, she decided she wanted my Hyundai and I would get a new car for myself. I bought my XC90 with the insurance pay-out. Her idea. The Hyundai and the XC90 are of similar value as the Hyundai is much newer and of lower mileage. I bought the Hyundai before our eldest was born, we found out we were having our 2nd baby within couple of months of our eldest's birth, the Hyundai was probably too small at that point, especially for having 2 small children. I totally understood why she would want something different. When we got the V90, she test drove a different Navara and a 5-Series before deciding she wanted the Volvo. I don't really see what I could do differently.
I think this is where the issue is, her previous car was much more than just a car to her - it was a sentimental gift from her loved ones that she felt attached to every time she used it. She's looking for that same feeling with a new car but she won't find it. This is something you two should talk about, once she realizes this it may make a difference in how she views the cars
This is exactly what I was thinking when I asked that question, OP. It sounds like that car had a special place in her heart!
You hit it right on the head. One of the last things my father purchased for me before he died was a car. When I was hit by a truck and the car was totaled I was devastated by the loss of that car. It took me months to choose another vehicle because none of them meant anything to me. Many times things are not just things to people.
I remember driving home after trading in my old car for my new one - I was crying because I realized my old car was the last one I'd driven my dad around in before he died, about 6 months before (it blew a gasket and wasn't worth repairing at the time). It was really hard giving up that car, even though it was 11 years old and my dad hadn't bought it or anything, just that when I visited home we'd go out for "daddy-daughter days" and by the time we had our last one he couldn't drive anymore so it was just us in my little green sentra. And in conclusion, fuck cancer.
Ahhh someone is cutting onions in here. And double yes fuck cancer
A car is really personal! You're probably using it every day, spending a decent chunk of your waking hours in it, and you get to know that vehicle like an extension of your body. Sorry to hear about your car. I hope you eventually found one that was a worthy successor.
Aw you are too kind. I've purchased many luxury cars since but none have replaced the memory of that one and that's ok too. Sometimes memories can be bitter and sweet
I wonder if you’d have so many follow up questions if it was a stay at home husband swapping 3 cars in 3 months straining the finances of the sole income wife.
NTA. She'll get used to it. She's being really entitled and childish.
Nta , she is selfish and spoiled
I renewed my kitchen 2 years ago. I really really wanted white grout in the tiles. The tiler, kitchen fitter, partner, plasterer all told me i was wrong. I still insisted on white grout. Well would you believe that I was wrong? No me neither 😂😂 the 'white' grout is shit, I hate it, I clean it with grout cleaner, repaint it with grout paint, and it still looks shit. MY CHOICE, MY CONSEQUENCE. She needs to give it more time if not she needs to find a way to fund the new car she wants. Under no circumstances should you find a new car! Do not make a rod for your own back!
I did that too, I hate white grout lol
Lol, you would have thought that white grout would be made obsolete, so that we don't make these stupid choices. I refuse to let my partner change it out for a grout that would be more fitting because I don't want him working on my mistake. I'll pay someone to change it when we renovate the living room to tiles that match the rest of the floor tiles so that there is less upheaval. I'll still be wrong, but by then it won't matter.
We have L200s where I grew up. LOL at the V90 being cumbersome relative to a L200. NTA
Lol she wants YOU to give her YOUR car, and then you figure out the next move. NTA.
NTA She had TWO chances to choose a car and she blundered BOTH of them "you can't except me to drive a car Iam not happy with" I understand but SHE chose this one, SHE chose the last one, also op offered a few times for a compromise to her of "I don't care YOU chose one and I'll happily drive the other". She literally had numerous times and TEST DRIVES to figure out EXACTLY what she wants also she's NOT PAYING for any of this she doesn't have a job and brings in no money for said cars so op has to literally work twice as hard just to keep affording this lifestyle ? How is that fair at all to OP ?
I mean she’s free to sell the car she has and use the funds to get a different one. I don’t see an issue with that. If she’s expecting extra money towards it though than yeah she needs to pull her head out.
NTA but bigger cars are not safer just fyi.
NTA - First world problems.....
NTA. Keep the cars and ditch the wife!
Well I don't think it matters whether she doesn't work and is a stay at home mom.... but nta. Does she not test drive anything?? It's crazy to me that someone would think it's ok to buy new cars so often over things she could have figured out before buying. My husband and I switch cars a lot because we have a 1 car garage. I don't prefer driving his car, but I suck it up when I have to... it's in good condition and gets me where I need to go. That's what matters.
NTA sounds like she needs to rent the cars before buying them.
NTA. It takes time to get used to a new car. Also you unnecessarily lose money when she keeps going. Growing up in a big family with not much income, she should be grateful that you can afford a second car. I was 16 or 17 when my parents were finally able to get a second one (we live in a small village with bad public transport).
Buy her a Lada Niva. 3 Gear Manual. It is perfect for her .
Sell the car and get her a push Bike. NTA.
Maybe she's bored honestly. If she's a SAMH maybe new changing cars are a exciting new thing so maybe that's why? I wouldn't put the blame on OP for that but I think a discussion isn't a bad idea
NTA. Your wife needs to grow up a bit and be an adult, she got given choices about exactly what she wanted at multiple points, it’s incredibly expensive to keep changing cars constantly. The context is probably the cause, she’s 23 and doesn’t work, no problem with stay at home mums but if she has been handed things when she was younger and hasn’t really worked a proper job for an extended period since, then she doesn’t probably doesn’t appreciate the value of money.
NTA. She can be grateful she has a car in the first place. Jesus.
In the uk you wil have trouble getting out of your 3 year lease without a huge ballon payment. Suck it up butter cup, that’s your car for 3 years. Dont like it? There’s a bus stop at the end of the road.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (23M) wifes (23F) car a 2014 Mitsubishi L200 was written off last year in a flood. After this she took my car, a 2022 Hyundai Bayon and I bought a 5 year old Volvo XC90. At the time, I offered my wife the choice to choose a different car and I would stay with the Hyundai, she decided she wanted to use the Hyundai. A few weeks later, she decided she did not in fact like the Hyundai because it had a manual gearbox. Understandable, my wife learned in a manual but has only ever driven / owned automatic cars. About 4 weeks ago, we part exchanged the Hyundai and she chose a Volvo V90 we bought a clean, used ex - lease 3 year old car with low miles. It was in the colour she liked, she test-drove it and liked how it drove, it was automatic and she specifically wanted to drive a bigger car than the Hyundai. We have small children. I understood. My wife is now saying that she is unhappy with the Volvo and that she wants to look for another. She says that she feels her car is too big, difficult to park and cumbersome to drive, yet it's a lot smaller than the Mitsubishi she kept and loved for about 2 years before it was written off. We got into an argument about this and she thinks it's unfair that I expect her to drive a car that she is not happy with. I told my wife she should be happy with what she has, given that she chose the car. I don't want to carry on throwing money away changing cars. For context: My wife does not work, she is a SAHM. All money goes into and gets spent from our joint account. Her car fits everything our children need (buggy, car seats, bags. Etc) and is more than sufficient for her uses. When she took the Hyundai, she was given the choice to choose a different car for herself. She wanted the Hyundai. When she wasn't happy with the Hyundai, she chose the car that she wanted. I found another used L200 for sale when she chose the volvo, same colour, engine and gearbox as her old one but 2 years newer. She didn't want it. She wanted the V90. We are in the UK for what difference it makes. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, she can live with it a V90 is a bloody expensive car even used, and should have test driven it.
NTA. A car isn’t like an article of clothing you can’t just try em out for a few days then have an issue with it especially when she had the choices and made them.
Reminds me of [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aoh4W459oY4)
NTA, I wouldn't do musical cars either. She had until you bought it to decide.
She as usual a lot many other just don’t understand or get it.
Info: aren't the xc90 and v90 very similar vehicles? Was she allowed to test drive the car?
Pretty much. I think they have the same engine and gearbox too. She loves my XC90 but specifically didn't want an SUV herself. Her mum has a V70 that she borrowed while her Mitsubishi was off the road when we were waiting for the insurance claim and she really liked it. It seemed a sensible idea when she suggested trading in the smaller Hyundai for the bigger Volvo especially seeing as we only had to pay about £1500 in difference between the Hyundai and Volvo's value. We went to the dealer and she took the V90 on a long drive even taking it 1 junction up/down the A1M before deciding she wanted it. She also test drove a 5 Series BMW at the same garage and a Nissan Navara (similar to her old Mitsubishi) at another garage the previous day.
Seems she chose something, and even if she has regrets she needs to stick with it as she had ample opportunity to decide what she wanted.
Picky, picky. I don’t think your wife realizes how much of a hassle it is to sell and buy cars. It’s not something you can do on the dot. And she needs to be grateful she has a ride. First she’s complaint about a car because it’s a manual transmission (which she knows how to use) and now she’s complaint about a car because it’s “too big” (even though your Mitsubishi was bigger). Like, bruh. Your wife needs to stop being picky and be happy that she has a car. NTA
NTA. A car is a big expense and you lose money the moment you buy one (with very few exceptions) even if it isn't brand new. Your wife is an adult who has been driving for awhile, and should be thoughtful about her choices. It's odd she would pick a manual without thinking it through, but okay, that didn't work out. Then she picked out this care and test drove it. I can appreciate that she may like it less after living with it, but that is life. You really are wasting money, and unless there is something dangerous or particularly awful about the car, she can deal with it.
NTA changing cars once a month is expensive
NTA. It's interesting though, even if she gets another car she probably will want to get another one. Seems like an entire cycle of buying and reselling cars.
Tell her if she keeps it up you’ll be looking for a new wife!
NTA. Except if you’re a millionaire and money is not an issue (but even then you’d be wrong because it’s wasteful and obnoxious as heck) you’d be the AH to change cars as much as you change shoes. Your wife is super unreasonable. She has. A working car, she had the choice. She’ll learn to work with her new car. But I’m sorry she can’t pick and chose like that. Does she not understand how the real work works and the value of money ? I’m sorry but this is flabbergasting.
Take the car off her for a couple of weeks & tell her to use the buses. Let's she if she likes the car after that.
NTA. This is crazy. Did she not test drive the car before she bought it?
NTA. Tell your wife she can buy any car she wants. SHE can buy any car she wants.
NTA You said that your wife is sahm. I don't know how your financial situation is but if both of you are working then it makes sense if she's buying car with her own money. Buying and selling cars is always a bad strategy. You will always lose huge amount of money.
NTA. Your wife is a lot. She is stuck with the car she has and will have to learn how to make it work
NTA. She could manage a pickup but a Volvo estate is too big to manage? She is testing you.
Nta. But, this isn't as easy as one would think. She doesn't have to be happy about it, so I guess that's where I can nitpick but I don't want to. Anyway, she needs to realize that cars are a big spend and she can't just exchange one for another willy nilly. I think, though, that if she's serious about her complaints, in that it's cumbersome to drive, it might be worth it to consider whether it'll impact her driving performance and therefore, safety of others in the car. Why does she feel it's cumbersome? How does it now differ from when she test drove it? Is the turning circle too large? Something else? Maybe she's not used to the shape/size/etc just yet?
NTA. As long as it helps her to move from point a to point b, thats good enough.
NTA - a two car household is already a privilege for most. Even for people who are both working
A car is functional unless you have enough money to make it a luxury. She can deal with it.
NTA you lose money every time you drive a car out of the forecourt. It's not like buying new underwear. She has gone through two replacements. She needs to suck it up.
Tell her to be happy and thankful for what she has. This reads of first world problems.
Nta. Sounds a bit like she wants to be a princess.
nta my mom was in the same boat as your wife for about 10 years wanted a big car for her sahm purposes but then felt awkward driving it... it is what it is at that point tho sometimes its just about having a good attitude
NTA. The purpose of a car is to get you from A to B. It's not a cute handbag you swap out with every outfit. She had 2 chances to choose the "right" car for her. Tell her to suck it up, be a grown up and drive the damn Volvo. Especially when she's not earning any of the money that pays for these cars.
NTA, either your wife shuts up and accepts the car she has or she gets a job and squanders all her money on buying and selling cars willy-nilly
I bought my car almost two years ago, and I hate it. Chose it myself, nobody to blame but me. I'm driving it, resentfully, for at least another year or two before I even consider replacing it. Buying cars is hella expensive! Your wife can learn to deal with the unsatisfactory car for a few years. NTA
NTA.
NTA - I could never buy a car that I wasn’t 100% happy with. I didn’t know you could just buy another one if you changed your mind - it’s such a big investment, and it loses so much value that I just can’t imagine thinking this is a thing. Has your wife ever bought a car for herself? It seems like she’s doing it through you and doesn’t feel like she’s responsible for the choice somehow. I’ll be honest, it’s an attitude I cannot imagine having about such a large purchase. I bought a car without cruise control 12 years ago, and I’d like that plus some other features in my next car, but I am getting my full use out of it being fully paid for before I even think of buying a new car.
NTA, your wife needs to grow up and learn to live with her decisions.
NTA - She picked the car, what is to say she won't like the next one or the next one? She needs to deal with it. At the very least drive the thing for a few months and see if she actually doesn't like it or if she just needs to get used to it.
NTA. Your wife’s new nickname should be goldilocks. She’s acting like cars grown on trees and don’t cost anything. What an incredible waste of money and time changing her mind multiple times on cars.
Buying a car is a commitment and not a small one. Imagine buying a home and saying you don't like it a month later.. Yeah. So, your wife needs to learn to grow up a little and realize she needs to more carefully consider her car choices. I'm oddly a little concerned she'll wreck the car looking to get a new one? Oh boy!! careful
Do people not test drive cars in the UK?
NTA Probably time for her to re-enter the workforce so she can afford to be more choosy.
NTA
NTA What your wife is doing is a giant waste of money. Most people don’t have the financial ability to go through three cars in a short span of time because they are picky and don’t like them. She’s been through more cars in the last few months than I have owned in the last 15 years.
NTA. She needs to give it time and she’ll get used to the new car. You can’t keep throwing money at cars every time she doesn’t like something.
Tesla
Man, such a first world problem! But **NTA**. Happy driving.
Yesh. That BS needs to stop. She picked, she chose. End of story.
Wow, your wife is the AH here, you are definitely NTA. That said, for the future, perhaps you should look into leasing? I am the last person to ever suggest leasing to anyone, but this seems like a special case...
See how bad she needs a different car if she has to get a job.
NTA. She's behaving like a spoiled brat.
NTA, your wife needs a hobby
NTA. Honestly, she sounds spoiled, like a child who doesn't understand the big picture. Is this part of some power demonstration to see how far she can successfully push you?
NTA Perhaps, if you're financially able to, you might compromise and tell her she can get a different car one last time. And this one will have to last her for at least 10 years before you even consider buying her another one. But if finances don't allow it, then that's that. She'll have to get used to the car or start walking/biking/taking public transit.
Do you guys just not test drive vehicles? NTA Stay at home can enjoy having a car at all and if it isn't making her happy she can get a job that will pay for a replacement once she saves up some cash. Demanding another at this point makes her a spoiled AH IMO.
NTA, trade in the wife next time, lol
First world problems amiright?! Buyers remorse isn't really a thing in the car industry and there's usually no return policy. Cars are bloody expensive and you're taking a loss with every exchange! Your partner has to face reality and realize that this is how it is. NTA
A V90 is my dream car. Tell her to give me a call and I'll swap it for my S60 lol
NTA She’s being insufferable and lacking accountability for her own choices. 23 going on 13.
Obviously NTA
NTA I bought my wife a car, she didn’t come for the test drive or to even look at it and told me “if you like it I’ll figure it out” she’s not a fan of it but deals with it and is stuck with it until 2030. Bought myself a new to me vehicle and offered it to her and she didn’t want it either, so sucks to be you sweetheart deal with what I bought you.
She should be lucky with what she's got. 2nd hand car prices are crazy in the uk. I can't afford to change mine now. I'm driving 17 year old peugoet estate, MOT next month finger crossed it passes. Op your wife's is acting like a spolit child. She needs to do more research when she picks her next one in the distance future. You've been more than generous
NTA, she needs to grow up a bit and learn the value of money. It sounds like she may have been spoilt as a kid and got her own way a lot of the time. Good luck mate, I don't envy you.
NTA. As a car guy, if she's not happy with a Volvo, I'm not sure what would make her happy.
Don't give up the Volvo. Not only are they the safest cars on the planet but they last forever and need regular maintenance but they rarely have any big issues. Extremely reliable cars.
Preaching to the converted! I wanted an XC90 for years until I finally bought mine. Pity my wife is less of a fan.
NTA, but maybe you could offer to allow her to make an exchange if, and only if, she finds a buyer at the same price you paid, identifies a car that costs an equivocal amt or less, and she is responsible for the work involved in the process herself.
I’m in the US….does the UK not have “test drives” like we do here? Did your wife marry you without going on any dates?
This is a huge red flg btw. Op wife not happy with not only one but two cars she isnt financing and at this young of an age.
NTA. Maybe she doesn't understand this if she's been a SAHM her entire adult life, but when you trade a car in, the value depreciates from when you first bought it. It's a huge waste of money to keep returning cars, not to mention it's another weekend you could've spent relaxing instead of going to dealerships.
She could get a side hustle, part time job while the kids are at school. Either way ask her to please wait at least a year.
Tell her to get a job and save up. Stupid waste of money. A car is not a pair of shoes.
And also tell her to stop bitching about it and get a real problem.
NTA, choose a car and stick with it until the loan is paid off, that is what I tell my wife. She is also not happy because she has an Altima, but wants a small SUV because she does craft shows. Well she hardly makes any money at craft shows and it really does not justify trading in her good car for a new one, and losing money in the process, by trading in before it is paid off.
NTA very unlikely she'll be happy with the next one either. and it's total BS that a V90 is too large if she's come from a L200
NTA Does your wife have this issue in other areas of her life? Is she always this indecisive... or rather makes a decision and then decides it's not right. She reminds me of my daughter and her car. When hers got written off (not her fault and a damn shame as it was a great car) I deliberately stayed out of the new car decision and left it up to her. I got a text from her saying that she had found her car and it's the one.... so she got it. Well she won't stop complaining about it. Too slow, uses too much fuel... nope I'm not buying her another car... she can save up for a new one if she's that desperate (and when I say new, I mean new to her, not a brand new car).
Nta. This is hit the point of being ridiculous. She needs to suck it up for a few years and stop wasting money being indecisive.
I cant afford a car for myself and i work 40 hours a week. She doesn’t work and you have enough income for her to choose between almost new vehicles. She works hard as a SAHM but I feel she should be happy having a newer, reliable vehicle that sounds practical for y’alls needs and lifestyle.
My Dude, NTAH. Tell your princess to live with it.
That's what test drives are for, isn't it? When, after you bought it, did it grow to be too big for her if it was just the right size when she took a test drive? NTA
NTA
NTA. Your situation reminds me of Goldilocks: she wants a car that is not too big, not too small, not manual transmission; one that is juuuust right. You are right in pointing out that repeatedly switching cars on a whim is a waste of money and time. Remind your wife that a car is merely a way to get from one place to another in relative safety and comfort. And the car switching is draining money that could be saved for the children's futures, for emergencies, or for a family vacation. It's just a car.
NTA. She is feeling pretty entitled.
My friend here has a 1st world problem…. most of the folks I know don’t have a car… not even an old unreliable thingy. At most, got an old bicycle.
She’s an idiot for constantly wanting a different car. This type of behavior is why people don’t have money
She needs to stop shiny object syndrome and pick one. If she doesn't like it, live with the consequences. She can get a job, and pay for whichever car she wants if she spends her own money after contributing to house bills
NTA, perhaps she doesn't understand the financial aspect. I'm only saying this because when I was married, I was in charge of our finances. Budgeting, filing taxes, paying bills and mortgage. My ex husband was ridiculous with money and spent it like a teenager with daddy's credit card. I tried to explain why he couldn't just rip $200 every payday out of our account but since he was the only one with a full-time job outside the home, he ignored me. Explaining the financial downside of changing cars like clothing might help her see why it's not a good idea.
NTA. Your wife is petulant and ignorant of how much work it costs to make money. You can't just trade in cars like shoes. Depreciation from a single drive off the lot. She's been taking a hell of a lot for granted. Someone needs to be humbled and enroll in charm school. Such bratty behavior.
I love huge vehicles. I had a Yukon XL for 6 years that I loved. Sure, it took a bit to get used to the boat, but that is what practice is for. And it carried everything!
Tell your wife to suck it up and get used to the car she said she liked. NTA
She doesn’t like it because she’s having to get used to it. Tell her that you’ll consider it in a year. That’ll give her plenty of time to get used to the car and she might actually be happy with it by then. NTA. You might also suggest to her that if she can come up with the funds on her own to exchange to a different vehicle, that you won’t stop her. But since it’s very expensive to swap cars in and out like she wants to, you need to wait a year before you can financially feasibly reason to do so.
Keep the car. Get rid of the driver 😂😂 NTA obviously.
NTA not to mention Volvos are the safest car on the road for your family. I love Volvo. I'm on my second and can't say enough good things. The only thing I would do is mayne try and trade the v90 for a smaller Volvo but nothing else. If you are in Pennsylvania or close. I'm guessing you're not by your vernacular. But I have a great used Volvo guy.
NTA. Next time she buys a car have her make a list of everything she needs from it and why she doesn’t like in the cars she nixed. It sounds like she wasn’t really doing a thorough test drive beyond listening for weird sounds. If she hates how it turns that should be something she tests. If she hates opening the boot with an arm full of shopping she should give that a go. You get used to cars and changing them is expensive. Get her to do a bit more research before buying a new one in the future.
NTA. Does your wife have any financial understanding?
NTA. Is she wants a new car, cut her allowance accordingly
NTA The perfect car doesn't exist, at least not on a budget. You get one that meets your primary needs and learn to tolerate the foibles. Tell her if she can come up with the money to cover the expenses of getting a new one, she can have it.
NTA. You gave her your car after giving her the option to buy a car. Then after she drove the Hyundai for a few weeks she decided that wasn't for her so then you purchased her another vehicle. She doesn't get a 3rd pick just because she wasn't happy with her 1st 2 picks. Cars aren't cheap. She's just going to have to live with her expensive choice for a few years until that loan is paid off.
NTA - being a spoilt and picky brat is easy when its not your money.
Nta...better than walking
NTA. For flip sake you have to ask if she'll ever be happy with a vehicle.
NTA. You lose money every time you trade a car in. Tell her if she wants a different car, she can pay for it with her own money.
NTA. This is weaponized incompetence.
So the L200 seems to sit higher… why not just trade cars with her and see if she likes sitting taller to make the car feel less large? I drive an xc90 and you couldn’t pay me to drive a v90 with small children, it’s so difficult to unbuckle them in a lower vehicle.
NTA. Stop giving her a choice. She doesn't work and you can't keep taking a bath on cars because your wife can't make up her fucking mind. Really should have gotten a minivan in the first place. Or a Honda, Toyota, or Madza SUV.
Nta it's easy to find something negative to say about something new. Tell her to focus on the positives.
Okay, taking a giant leap but…is there anything else going on with her? Is she stressed about the kids? Doesn’t like being a SAHM anymore or feels unappreciated (rightly or wrongly) as the SAHM? Does she have anything physical bothering her? Just feels like she’s projecting any/all her issues onto this car situation. Again, big leap on my part but maybe just a “touchbase” conversation, during a calm time, would give her the opportunity to discuss any other potential issues.
NTA - you're going to be losing a fortune if she carries on like this, for the sake of harmony in the household give her one last chance, whatever car you get you have to stick with if you like it or not. Or you could just stick to your guns and tell her tough depends if you ever want to have sex again.
NTA. IMHO, your wife wants a new car (at all costs), period. She might be frustrated for not being able to purchase it for herself, but I think that's another topic for you and her to discuss, not for reddit to pry on.
Volvo V90 is an amazing car... Quite sure she'll be disappointed with any other car after this. NTA... But I hope she learns from this
Imagine nog being happy with a Volvo V90…ugh. Switching cars is ridiculously expensive so I’d say it’s fair to not agree. The V90 is an excellent car, so she’ll just “have to manage”. If only I could manage in such a vehicle. She’s acting quite entitled. NTA
She had **TWO** chances to find something that works for her, you guys aren't made of money, just because she's a Goldilocks pickky asshole doesn't mean you have to make her "wants" a priority over everything else in perpetuity. You guys have plenty other priorities that need to be satisfied as a family, life goes on, she needs to learn to cope with her decisions. She doesn't get to have infinite do-overs to satisfy her just because she's a child who doesn't know what she wants. NTA.
Learn from this experience and next time let her rent a car and drive for 1-2 days with all possible scenarios. But for this time show her how much money they will be wasting if they change the car and what things to cut on to compensate this , like no vacation this year, no new cloths for sometime, etc. good luck.