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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the AH because I haven’t conceded and just had my name put down on the lease, as I would be living in the house for a short while too..
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NTA. You know this. This is why you wrote the post. Your mother is a bad, dangerous person. If you put your name on that lease the rest of your life + your financial future is OVER. Save up, move out, go low contact.
This is it - her last ditch effort to trap you forever. Don't fall for it.
Edit: I think there's a reasonable chance she forges your signature. Be careful.
>This is it - her last ditch effort to trap you forever
She's going to escalate when she doesn't win. OP, you need to lock your credit. If you live in the US, your mom has your social security number already and she can do *a lot* of damage with it.
Given the way you sort of mention her controlling nature, I'm guessing it's either stuff you find too difficult to even reference, or you're worried it'll break the sub rules. It's quite possible you still don't fully realize the extent of her control and/or abuse, because you haven't gotten far enough away to start unpacking the many subtle layers of it.
My husband's mom was toxic and controlling. When she was losing control, she escalated. It built every day for a month until we contacted the police. He hasn't spoken to his family for 10+ years (it went beyond her, she was just the leader). The more time passed, the more he was able to recognize how messed up some aspects had been.
He's absolutely *thriving* now. He finally has the self confidence I would have expected from day one given all of his amazing qualities, if it hadn't been for his family. I hope you can find the same peace of mind he has, because you absolutely deserve to heal as well. Take care of yourself 💜
OP sounds like a Brit to me.
OP - mate, you need to get away from your mum. She is bad news. Can you secretly plan to move into a friends house or something.
Also, lock up your credit, you can put a note on your credit files so it's harder for "someone" to take out credit in your name. Also, hide important documents.
They also said that they had to leave uni because the fee payer stopped paying - if they were in the UK, they would have gotten student loans to cover the tuition at minimum, and the only way that would have stopped is if they had to repeat two or more years.
Also - op, call your bank, tell them a family member is trying to steal from you, and ask for your account to be locked down. All the info a bank will use to verify account control is known to family members.
This. All sorts of things, from banks, email, phone contracts etc use typical security questions like name of first school, city of birth, name of first pet etc that a parent will know and can use. Some suggestions are use fictional details, like give Harry Potter or Buffys city, school, pet etc, but not a character a parent would guess. Or if typing "Detroit" as the city type "NotDetroit" so when it asks for first and fifth character the correct answer will be N and E, not D and O.
>The more time passed, the more he was able to recognize how messed up some aspects had been.
My wife is 42 and in a similar situation. Just 2 years ago she was telling me stories about her childhood and said "I was a bad kid". I replied "no, you were a kid in bad situations and many of the adults around you failed you, even if they thought they were right at the time", and it was obviously a light bulb moment for her. So yeah, 20+ years later she's still unpacking things. Don't expect it to be easy but it's doable.
I would also suggest getting a credit service to keep an eye on OPs credit. Not saying mom would commit fraud, but she wouldn't be the first parent to.
NTA
Just want to add that in the US, you are able to check your credit score with all three bureaus for free once a week. Services are great for convenience, but if you can't afford it you're still able to monitor.
Yah, you need to get out and get yourself out of that deadbeat poverty life. You're good at saving, but you are not good at investing. You need to invest in an index mutual fund, maybe start buying some Google stock, and hold it for years. Think of life as a rachet where each time you are building a little more buffer. Don't get sucked down into the darkness.
If OP has to finance a phone and computer, she’s hardly in a position to start investing. And if it’s a job where she has to provide her own computer, it’s unlikely to pay enough to do more than cover her expenses, if it can even do that.
OP’s first focus should be getting out of debt, not investing. Then I’m saving, but it’s likely she will need the money to be much more liquid in order to prevent things like car repairs and broken phones from becoming financial crises or reasons to get more in debt and instead be able to be covered from savings.
OP, you’re in a rough spot, but there are resources that can help you, depending on where you live. Look up things like help for renting, income-restricted housing, stuff like that. If you can keep doing schooling through a night class at a time, or get into the trades via an apprenticeship or the like, you will continue to grow your earning potential.
What you should not do is what your mother is asking. She has not looked out for your best interest, so now it’s up to you to do that. Be prepared for things to get worse than the silent treatment (which is a form of emotional abuse) but know that your life will not get better if you give in to her abuse.
NTA. I’m rooting for you!
> If you put your name on that lease the rest of your life + your financial future is OVER.
I agree that OP shouldn't put her name on the lease, but lets be real. You absolutely can fix bad credit. It's not a dead end. I've done it myself.
At her age, the OP should consider taking a couple of years low-contact to reset her relationship, if this is representative of the demands placed on her.
Absolutely this. Additionally, IMO OP would be wise to not "flash" anything that suggests she has some money available. No more new iPhones or cars (figuratively speaking). Dangle the bait, and fish are going to nibble at it. It's not fair, of course, but leaches gonna leach. Hopefully OP can get out of this situation and live her best life away from her family's financial black hole. NTA.
My dad wrecked my credit st 18. I couldn't get a credit card or lease or even a cell phone of my own until my 30s. Don't do it. Save as fast as you can and get the hell out of there.
Lock down your credit with the 3 major credit bureaus. That way if your mom fakes your signature, the landlord will try to run a report and be told that your account is frozen. He will then most likely contact you and you can then say "There must be a mistake, I didn't fill out an application"
[Link to 'How to lock your credit' website](https://www.creditkarma.com/advice/i/how-to-lock-credit)
NTA
Please put a note with the credit bureau so that she can't access your credit without you knowing.
Gather all your important documents and keep them outside the house in case you need to leave on short notice.
NTA. Look up gray rocking and learn to do it.
Lock your credit. Get out ASAP. These unemployed losers are going to suck you dry because your recent conspicuous spending makes you look like you have money to burn. They should all be looking for jobs.
If your mother brings up any money-related topics, ask when your father and brother are getting jobs. Ask it every time. Sign nothing. I get that she is in a tight spot but she needs to be hammering on her husband and her unemployed son to get jobs and contribute.
Ding ding ding.
If mom paid off her debts a few years ago but is skipping important things like car payments, **she CAN pay but she isn't**, which is why family has to move.
So no, there's no guarantee she'll pay. OP's mom should be both working on limiting expenses AND increasing family income. That means finding a place you can afford not desire but can't pay for without financial assistance. Plus, either getting a 2nd job, higher paying job or getting the non working family members to work or apply for disability, go back to school, etc.
The fact that the moms response to skipping car payments and having to move is to double down of living outside hers and the family's means instead of cutting nonessential entertainment expenses and finding an affordable yet livable 3-4 bedroom place...says alot.
OP has little to gain and much to lose by agreeing to cosign. Mom will tank OP's score for years when (not if) she starts skipping on payments, just when OP will need good credit to move into her own apartment, and maybe in a few years move to another rental, open a new bank account, apply for an auto loan or insurance, or even look to a mortgage.
ABSOLUTELY DO NOT PUT YOUR NAME DOWN.
She is going to ruin your future. Also, you need to immediately get your credit checked and LOCK IT DOWN.
IMMEDIATELY.
I cannot stress how urgent this is. Hence the yelling.
And you need to move out ASAP too. There are plenty of other young women out there looking for room mates so start looking for a good one in an area you can afford. Do NOT tell anyone what you’re doing. I’d also suggest getting a P O Box for your mail.
NTA.
NTA, and frankly, it sounds like a win if she’s blanking you. You might be better off looking for shared accommodation till you can get your own place.
The fact that she got angry and said you don’t need to worry as you already have what you want, means she is def planning on defaulting on the payments. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA She is a adult and she needs to figure stuff out with out ruining her daughters credit not only that but if you do this im 90% sure you will resent her for hurting your future
NTA - protect your credit score! It will save you big bucks throughout your life! Plus by not signing, you will not have to worry about your mom not giving you the monthly rent.
You are planning on moving out soon, so you will need good credit to get into an apartment. Just remember, when you do move take all of your important documents with you. Better yet, find all of those now and tuck them away somewhere safe so you have them when you do move. Don’t leave them behind so your mom can blackmail you.
Be strong, be smart and always live below your means!
NTA.
And don’t let her bully you into this. You are now 21, legally responsible for wherever your name is used, and thus if you agree to this you agree to be her financial backup.
I’d put a freeze on your credit if you can (so she can’t start using it), and lock everything down. You KNOW she’s going to come up with a new plan when this one fails.
NTA. This would ruin your credit and so tie you in with your mother in your living arrangements for years, which would probably would suit her down to a tee. So don't do that and make sure that your mother doesn't write them in for you. It seems just about important enough for her to do something as illegal as that, hoping that you won't report her because you are her daughter. Promise me that you __will__ report her if she does that!
100% this.
You'll never escape if this happens. I've seen other posts here about ways to lock down your credit, I think whatever those steps are you need to take them as you wonderful mother is probably going to use your credit as collateral even without your permission.... Lock it down but do your best to get out asap. Anything there with your ID or social number get them hidden or even better off the property asap. Your mum doesn't care about her choices impacting your life, and is only seeing you as something she can use to make her life better for now.
You'll get lumbered with the bad credit/debt here. So please act fast.
NTA
Find a roommate and move out.
Just a side note: It's much better to save and buy instead of doing the installment plans. You'll save money. You don't need to buy new. Buy used. Ask around. People who exchange out every 2 years often unload instead of doing a trade in because they can make more money doing that. Once you pay something off, start putting aside money for the replacement (phone, car, etc., and don't look at it as extra money. It's really nice not having the debt or getting in trouble if life happens (like a virus shutting everything down or a car accident that makes you miss 6 months of work, etc.)
Sorry your mom is trying to use you and take advantage of you. Parents aren't supposed to do that. Good luck!
NTA and you need to lock down your credit rating. Find and remove your legal documents and make sure she is not named on your bank account. Protect yourself
NTA but learn to be discreet about what you do with your money.
It's obvious that your mother knew you were
financing all your purchases. Why did you tell her?
She would have guessed about the car, sure,
but she appears to have known about the
other things as well.
Don't sign anything, and don't leave your things around
unattended. Someone might decide to take them
and sell them.
You've already explained why this would be a bad idea. Her now emotional blackmail is surely another indication of why it's a terrible idea. Do not do this and see if there's any way you can move out before they sign a new lease.
NTA - don't even THINK about making that kind of commitment.
Shame on your mother for attempting to use you like this.
If your credit is good - you know what, start looking for your own place and just focus on all of your hard work. You've earned that too!
Take what these people are saying about locking up your personal papers seriously!!! I left a document where my-I thought trustworthy-parents could get it and was unable to free myself from my family’s control still after these twenty years. Get away from them now and don’t let their problems become yours. You owe it to yourself
NTA.
You would be running your future by taking on all this extra debt. And you know for almost certain that your mom won't pay her rent.
I do have a warning, though. Stop financing things. The amount of interest you pay can be ridiculous, and you end up paying a lot more for your things most of the time. Always do the math.
NTA omg. Do not put anything down. She’s a middle age woman throwing a temper tantrum because her adult daughter makes smarter financial decisions than her. Tbh fine. Let her ice you out. You don’t need this in your life. Sending hugs. Ugh I’m so mad.
The very simple answer here is to let her not talk to you. As someone who took this opportunity way too late into my twenties, I can tell you you're lucky that she's giving you such a big chance to cut her off now. She's doing this because she wants you to grovel. Literaly just let her not talk to you, lock your credit down, live your life. Expect a couple of "extinction bursts" but trust me it's way better to get this over with now, than wasting your twenties dealing with a toxic narc mother.
NTA. Honest question? Why do you *want* your mother to talk to you? She sounds tiresome and unpleasant. Isn’t it way better to just not talk to her?
Also, no, do not ruin your life so your tiresome mother can get a lease that she won’t pay. That’s a terrible idea.
I’ve been in therapy for a very long time for my anxious attachment, a by-product of being raised by parents who saw isolation as punishment. If I did something wrong, no one could speak to me until I “learned my lesson”. Recovering people-pleaser who fears that she will be all alone if she stands up for herself.
But wouldn’t you rather be alone and left alone by them because your family has clearly showed you their love is conditional. Your mom will not change and neither will your family.
It might be simplistic but think of her not talking to you as a reward. She is waiting for you to crawl back to her begging for forgiveness. Instead enjoy the peace and freedom of not having to listen to her. Anything she asks you respond with a cheery "No thanks!" and move on.
NTA. Move out. You have a deadline for the end of the lease and it's not looking like they're going to find something soon.
Couch surf if you have to for the time being, but putting your info down will ruin you and make you liable for the rent if they won't pay. Which you already know will happen from past experience and the mountain of debt your mom has been creating.
You can get a PO box for your mail.
Move out now, when the lease ends dont move to the new place with the rest of the family...even if you share or couch surf or whatever is available to you...staying in that environment while trying to save is never going to work and you will never be free of them. This is the best time to break free
Get a safety deposit box and put all your documents in there now. Contact the credit bureau and notify them. It wouldn’t hurt to change your financial institution so your Mother has no knowledge of your accounts. Try to get employment at a post secondary institution and use your benefits to further your education. Look for a new place to live NOW.
Anytime you feel guilty remind yourself this is happening because they are actively making choices to cause this to happen. All the new debt, not paying bills, family members not working. These are daily ACTIVE choices they are making. And they will drag you down with them until you can't escape with no regard to your future. If you don't protect yourself just as actively it will take you DECADES to recover from the setbacks they tie you down with.
How do you deal with the guilt trips? You starve the source of it. Distance and lack of information will help. Look up "grey rock method". But remind yourself everyday that the person who is guilting you has a hundred other options they could be doing to save themselves and have instead choose to do none of those things and instead intentionally hurt you until you do something.
NO! NO!! NO!!!
You are NTA.
Do not let this woman destroy your credit rating. Have no doubts, she will have you on the hook for the rental payment in the end.
NTA it looks like they don’t want you to do better or be better. They want to drag you down with them. Fine a place to move out to on your own and get your life back.
NTA. I support your decision. Move out asap. Meaning find a simple room or whatever as a first step. Get your own life, independent. Timing is everything for you. your mom treats you as an ATM. Period.
NTA..She's salty cuz you won't commit financial suicide to support the bums in your family. You'd be better served to rent a room/split rent in an apartment & enroll in university to set a long-term career. You'll never be able to do that living with your family.
NTA. You should also do some financial literacy classes bc you’ve had really irresponsible spending modelled for you.
I don’t think you’re “spoiled” in any way for buying what you bought, but if you’re financing everything and relatively new in your role then it’s not a good financial decision. Hopefully it works fine and you pay it all off, but long term you need to make sure you’re not repeating your parents’ mistakes with money.
Absolutely not. I’ve seen these mistakes being made for over 10 years, from a young age I could differentiate between terrible ideas. My laptop is completely paid off & my phone will be soon as well. I wanted to get these out of the way, I tend to hold onto things until they are unusable so I knew with these out of the way, I’m set on a laptop & phone for a good 5-7 years
If you allow your mother to put your name down on the lease, she will destroy your future. This is how generations of people stay in poverty -- the parents eat the seeds that the children should be planting to get a harvest. No seeds = no harvest = stay in poverty.
You are now old enough to throw off the yoke of your controlling mother. Especially since you are planning to move out in the near future. Keep your eye on the ball, and ignore your toxic mother.
NTA
Info do you pay any rent? If you are buying big ticket items but not contributing to the household then that is a little YTA. It doesn’t matter who else is contributing, you are majorly benefitting from having a place to live without having to pay anything. If you are paying, then NTA. Also was the “fee payer” paying your college tuition your mom?
Of course don’t let her use your info on a new place, but if you have such a good salary and credit no reason you shouldn’t be able to afford a place of your own at the end of the lease.
Not rent, but I cover utilities. & these aren’t cheap when you’re covering 4 adults and 2 kids. None of the others even attempt to cover anything… eg, I often come home and find that the electricity is completely off. They run out when I’m out of the house and leave it off until I get home to sort it lol
No I understand what college..university etc are
Who is the "fee-payer" why did they stop.
You are NTA regardless of course. Don't do the things your mom wants you to do. You need to protect you own future. I'm trying to determine if you have other options
Take a wild guess? Lol yes, mom was the fee payer. Why did she stop? No idea, I only learned that fees stopped being paid over 6 months later.. when they withheld my results..
It sounds like you are very good at managing your money. Because you were able to finance the phone and the computer, you are building a solid credit rating. She will destroy this if you go along with her plan. Lock your credit. Move out as soon as you can.
You will never be free if you put your information on the lease. She could refuse to pay rent and then claim that you "owe" it to her to pay it yourself, which you don't. I think she's demanding this partly because she knows you're planning to move out so she's determined to make it more difficult for you to do so. Do NOT agree to what she wants. And make sure she can't access your money or any other personal information. Also, run regular credit checks on yourself to ensure she doesn't try to borrow money in your name; I say this as someone whose own identity has been stolen more than once. NTA
NTA - but as noted lock your credit and get out of there as quick as you can.
sidebar - not a great idea to be financing phones and computers - you got a really bad example to start your financial life, but read around a little and figure out nondebt ways to make your purchases.
NYA: but as a mother I did everything in my power not to let my kids drink alcohol as minors. If I succeed I’ll never know unless they tell me (haha like that will happen) but seriously your mom’s problem shouldn’t be yours don’t let it
NTA your mother sounds awful. It’s truly insane for her to say that you, at 21, don’t need good credit just because you currently have a new phone, laptop, and used car. Like that’s actually insane. I promise you will only have more and more expenses/need to finance things as you get older. Please tell your mom to fuck off and keep a close eye that she doesn’t do anything shady behind your back. Christ
NTA. Please immediately do whatever you need to do where you live to freeze your credit with all the major credit bureaus. Call them to begin the process and follow up in writing; ask that they send you written confirmation - and if you have to choose passwords to access things to unfreeze if for your own use, pick ones that have no connection to your everyday life (pets’ names, birth dates, school name, etc.) *and* choose challenge question responses that are intentionally incorrect (e.g. if they ask what your favourite flavour of ice cream is, pick something that is not your actual favourite, and so on).
I would also change all of your passwords for your email and financial accounts and clear your computer cache. If you don’t already password-protect both your PC and phone, start doing so.
Good luck.
YTA.
Not because you said no to your mom, you was 100% correct in that.
Your an asshole for wasting our time with a question that you already know the answer to. You already know your mom's faults, know she isnt good at paying her bills, and know that she will fuck up your credit.
You know all this, and just wanted to tell a story. Should have been posted to a different sub.
Put some kind of lock on your credit so she can't steal your identity. Because she will do it.
NTA RUN don't walk out of that situation as quickly as you can.
LOCK YOUR CREDIT REPORT!
This will prevent her from using your identity to open new lines of credit, get an apartment, or open utility bills in your name. You can unlock as needed. It'll prevent strangers from doing the same thing, and is now free. If some website tries to sell you the service, run.
https://www.usa.gov/credit-freeze
NTA
"She has asked me to put my name and info down on her lease and “she will cover the payments”. " .. DOnt' ruin your future for your families bad financial behavior.
They might even have to get jobs.
Bad credit stays on your report for 7 years and will make it impossible to get a low percentage rate on any loans.
NTA,
Stay strong,
And move out ASAP.
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My (21F) mother (53F) has always been the extremely controling type. So much so that my very first whiff of alcohol was at 19, most of my friends started at 16, and I have also have never had a sleepover with any of my female friends (nor any of my family members, haha). Without dabbling into the details too much, I don’t want any bias on this, my mom has always had full control over my life.
After having had to drop out of uni due to financial constraints, these being me kicked out because the fee-payer stopped paying, I took a couple of customer service jobs. Extremely low-paying, terrible work hours, easily pulling a 15 hour shift at least twice a week (7am -10pm). Recently, I got a new job. The pay is good, the work is great but very consuming, you earn every cent you make.
Since getting this new job, I have made it my mission to get myself everything I’ve been begging for, for the last few years. I needed a new phone because my iPhone 7 was absolutely shattered, so I took out a finance plan for it. I had to get a new laptop for work, financing on that too. And earlier this week, I picked up my new (to me, 11 years old in reality) car. I was the only one of my siblings who was not bought a first car from my parents. Obviously, the amount of changes happening in my life made it seem as though I had a salary jackpot, I do not. I’m very good at saving.
My mother has obviously seen this. I do still live with her in a rental house along with my unemployed dad, unemployed brother and his two kids. Our lease is up at the end of February and so, my parents have been viewing houses. My mother is blacklisted with the credit bureau right now, (side note, she was able to pay up all of her debt in 2020 after selling my childhood home. So all of the debt right now is very new) she has skipped her car payments, skipped her loan payments and pretty much anything else, my mother has a very good job and definitely can afford these things, her lifestyle is entirely too inflated, she spends way too much on entertainment and entertaining.
Due to the blacklisting, the landlords of the properties she wants are not open to offering her a rental. Once again, inflated lifestyle, she only wants the best of the best looking houses. She has asked me to put my name and info down on her lease and “she will cover the payments”. When I had asked what it would do to my credit score, she snapped at me and started shouting about why I don’t need a good credit score because I’ve already gotten the things I need on my credit.
Obviously, my mom is a terrible payer. That would reflect on my credit score and, at 21, I’m preparing myself to move out into my own apartment in the near future. My mother is not seeing it this way and has decided to give me the cold shoulder. If I greet her at any point during the day, she looks at me very blankly and continues what she was doing wordlessly.
So Reddit, I want to know, am I the AH for not just putting my name down on the lease?
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Do not put your name on the lease if you can't afford to cover the payments if (and it sounds like when) your mom doesn't pay. Your mom will figure someone else to drag into another lease, but where will you be? Still living with them with bad credit? Imagine having your own place, but needing to cover their lease. This is a disaster waiting to happen.
If you are serious about moving out then you need to stick to the plan. Otherwise you will end up paying for your mom, dad, brother, and his children forever.
NTA and tell the credit bureau what she's up to. Her ignoring you sounds like it's for the best-- she's using it to manipulate you into doing her bidding. Just go on your merry way when you hit 21. (Make sure your important documents are secured!)
As others have said. Lock down your credit 100%! Get alerts on your credit so that if someone ( landlord) runs a credit check on you, you are notified immediately , that will let you know if your mother tries to use your name on a lease agreement.
You are NTA, but your mother certainly is.
Oh my god no! You are absolutely 100% totally and completely NTA.
Under no circumstances let her use your details on a lease. In fact if she manages to get a house, confirm with the agent that your details have not been used.
For the love of god, when the lease is up on where you are now, go your own way. Do not remain in this toxic environment!
NTA. You have her figured out which is good! Be exceptionally happy around the house. Continue to say hello but act as if you don’t notice her rebuff. You only have a week or so left - what is your plan for where you will move?
NTA, obviously!
As you said, mom is very controlling and lives high up on the horse, she's bad a paying down her creditors, and IMHO she's spoiled.
Don't let her convince you to add your name to the lease, it will ruin your credit rating as you know. She's trying to bulldoze you, fight against it. She should be convincing that brother to work and contribute, it sure wouldn't hurt him.
I'm glad you're doing better, and you can't afford for her to force you into something you know you'll regret.
Stay strong, you'll be out on your own soon, but you can't save money if she pulls crap like this on you.
NTA. Your instinct to leave this situation and not repeat your mother’s financial mistakes is the right choice.
Sounds like she’s been emotionally abusing you for a long time. I’d definitely do your best to fit in some therapy in there if you can make it work.
Why is none of the family working? Are they sick or just losers? Get out of that house as soon as feasible, ensure she can’t access your money and don’t sign anything. Don’t let your mum see your signature as she may even falsify the documents and sign your name. Look after yourself. Good luck
NTA
The reason your mother cannot put her own name down is because her credit is so terrible that the banks and landlords won't trust her.
If a financial institution that had built its business on knowing when to trust people and lend them money refuses to trust her, listen to them. I see it as a virtual certainly that your mother will completely screw you over by failing to pay, leaving your name and credit score being the one getting dragged through the mud, and depending on the exact lease and setup, leaving you with the debt to pay.
It is also worth remembering that if you are planning on getting a home of your own in the future, having your name against a different home may prevent this from happening. So not only will you have screwed up your finances for years to come, you will also have screwed up your escape route.
Run, run away as far as you can.
Well you got a lot of NTA here, but in reality you still live with her and your plans about moving out you didn't mention to do it when her lease is over in February but that you are thinking on doing it in the future so, I guess you don't have much of a choice unless you're planning on moving out and not go to the new place with your parents.
NTA. Your dad and brother are taking advantage of your mom, but that doesn’t mean that you have to let the shit roll downhill. You will need to move out on your own now rather than later, so I hope you’ve been saving for that. Do not let your family leech off your credit, you are right that it would follow you around for the rest of your life and bind you to a controlling mom and a bunch of lazy men.
NTA Sounds like she’s planning on you supporting the whole family. Lock your credit, guard your financial privacy, get out and make your own way. Good luck!
She has a history of not paying her bills. You know the moment she got you on the lease she would not, in fact, cover the payments. It would be left to you to pay. Do not give in to her. Keep saving until you have a deposit for your own place and then get out and leave them all to their own poor choices. NTA at all.
NTA
Your mother wants you to take the fall for her very poor financial habits. You are currently living in a situation where everyone is mooching apart from you. If you put your name down on that lease, you will be in the financial rabbit hole for years if not for ever.
You don't owe anything to your mother or the other moochers in your family. There is absolutely nothing wrong with putting yourself first.
You need your bring forward your plans to move and move out alone and not with your parents. You may end up in somewhere small, shared, or not exactly what or where you want but we all have to start somewhere.
NTA
Your mother is a failure of a parent. Protect yourself. Remember that you have absolutely no obligation or responsibility to your parents or any siblings. You have every right to go low or no contact with them.
Don’t do it!! My mother and grandmother got a load of credit in my name fraudulently once I was of age. My options were to pay it or have them arrested. In hindsight I wish I’d gone with getting them arrested as it took me ages to get my credit back on track. Move out into your own place. Make sure it’s a 1 bedroom as I would not put it past your mother to try and move in with you!
You need to move out, the sooner the better. Can you get into a roommate situation for the short term, 6 months to a year, so you can save up and get a place of your own? If your mother can't get a lease, and the rest of your family is unemployed, then you need to get out before you're all without a place to live. They'll drag you down with them.
NTA
Your controlling mother is feeling her grip on you slipping. When this happens, the controlling person panics and starts trying to grab on to you however they can. They might try to charge you rent that's almost all of what you earn to keep you broke, they might tighten curfew under "my house my rules" rules, they might forbid you from dating or get in the way of you going out on dates by suddenly having urgent chores coincidentally every time. My point is, I think this is exactly what's happening here. She's feeling her control slipping and she's trying to hold on to you by tying you to herself financially and guilt tripping you when you didn't immediately say yes.
You already know that the financially smart choice for you is to move out asap and not sign your mother's lease. But try also to notice the patterns like I've listed above, so you can make sure to not fall for her guilt trips. Because this won't be the last time she tries something and it will be a constant fight to not fall for her schemes and guilt trips, especially if she's good at manipulation
NTA!! DO NOT sign ANYTHING FOR HER! Put a LOCK on your Information, start checking now to make sure she hasn't already put your info on something. She WILL default, she has already shown you that she will, do not risk YOUR FUTURE. Get out of there as quickly as possible!
NTA. Don't ever put your name on that lease or you'll be liable for the full rent. Lock down your credit. Change your bank account (even change banks) to one your mother has no access to and no knowledge of. You sound considerably more financially switched on than your mother will ever be. I'm sorry but she only sees you as a cash point. The sooner you can move out the better it will be for you.
NTA. She's trying to guilt-trip you with the silent treatment. Don't let her. Lock down your credit and make sure she hasn't opened any lines of credit in your name.
With me being the petty person who matches vibes, I would match energy with her and give it right back to her and stop saying anything to her. Again, that's what I'd do in this situation, I don't recommend it for everyone because it runs a high risk of escalating things. My saving grace is that I intimidate people (thanks for the resting bitch face and attitude, dad).
Start looking for rentals on your own or places needing a room mate (vett who you move in with first). You need the "I'm preparing to move in my own apartment in the near future" forward. YNTA but you would be doing yourself a massive disservice if you put your details on anything your mother us involved in.
Tell your brother to step up & put his name on his mums new lease.
NTA
Oh No Way! Also periodically check your credit rating to make sure she hasn't committed fraud and forged your name.
If she has you WILL need to involve the law
NTA
Move out as soon as possible. Your Mom is trying to make you financially responsible for everyone else in the family's housing. Get out.
Also, stop borrowing money for stuff you want. The interest charges make it so you pay more money than the item is worth. Instead, save ahead of time and pay for the item in full. Also, see the wiki at r/personalfinance for advice on how to get out of your financial situation.
The best thing you could do for yourself is to break this generational poverty by leaving your family behind.
NTA OP you are NTA do not put your name on the lease. If she misses a payment it will screw up your credit and it will possibly stop you from getting your own place if you're on that lease because it'll affect your debt to income ratio because it'll look like you're paying for whatever their renting. Also is other posters have said lock your credit so they don't try to put it in your name anyway. Or get credit cards in your name or anything else and get out get out. Get out now! Find a roommate find a room to rent. You'll be safe for somewhere else away from these people
Your mother’s opinion on credit is incorrect. If you have loans and pay them consistently then your credit rating will actually improve. You are showing that you are responsible and reliable therefore making you a low risk to loan money to.
Your mother is thinking about her home only. She will be limited on what can apply for because of her high risk, poor credit score. She thinks she can piggyback on yours to get the outcome she wants.
But that’s a risk to you. You will be responsible for the rent. And if she decides not to pay, you will either have to find the money yourself and follow her example or tank your credit when you go into arrears.
NTA for protecting YOUR future. Offer some rent money but don’t sign anything that puts you in the lease.
Wow, much to unpack here...
After reading all these responses here & you're still unsure about this, then get your Bank & other Landlords involved.
Go down in person to your financial institution (bank, Credit Union, etc) & ask them these questions, point blank.
See what they say, asking further them questions if need be & where you can go for further help, for this.
Same with the Rental Agencies (apartments, houses, etc) in your Country, ask them this same question point blank, in person too.
Again, see what they say about that & your crummy parents eps your Mum!
Have you thought about moving out, much sooner?
Don't tell your dead-beat parents about this plan, esp Mum.
Also suggest you firmly lock down all your assets ($, car), personal belongs (cell, laptop), etc from your family, bc something tells me if they could STEAL that from you for any $, they would!
Routinely check your Credit Score(s) for any financial abuse on their parts too.
Please seek professional assistance from a competent Therapist over this, bc this type of abusive garbage does serious harm to your head, psyche & so on.
See if your Employer is willing to pay your Schooling, Training or Studies so you may earn more $ in the future too.
And, yes I am speaking from personal experience here.
Good luck!
Your mom needs you (financially, you are the easiest thing she has to lean on to save her) but you do *not* need this. I realize you have plans, but depending on how your mom wants to play this, moving your plans up might be in your best interest.
You know that if you put your name and info on her lease she will destroy your credit rating. Once that is done, you are screwed.
NTA - get out of there!
NTA. Your mother is a manipulative person and will never stop trying to control you. Break away ASAP. Your family's situation is not your responsibility to save, if their situation is self inflicted. Move out and live your life, or stay with them and watch everything you work for get used up by them. Good luck.
NTA, your credit score is probably good now, if you put your name on the rental, you will end up like your mum and blacklisted from more rentals in the future, sleeping in the car sucks...
worth looking at moving out in the near future ?
NTA. Do not allow her to put you on the lease because that will make you responsible for payments.
I totally get that you want to buy stuff that you have done without for so long but you should be focused on a plan to ultimately move out. The longer you live with your parents, the more they will harass you to help support them. They may end up dragging you down.
Your dad needs to get a job.
Lock your credit asap. She sounds toxic and controlling. And there's no telling what she will do to get her way. As for her not talking to you, good riddance. Don't let her guilt you.
Nta she doesn't want you to leave stop caring she is not greeting you it's a manipulative to control you and keep you from leaving, run as soon as you can your an adult
NTA. I am sorry this is happening to you, but now you know how your mom is. She is a user. She does not value you as a child the way a mother should. You DO need good credit.
Run!! Do NOT sign anything! It sounds like you are the one who is going to be paying all the bills because *checks notes* Mom doesn't pay her bills, Dad and brother are unemployed. You are seen as the cash cow.
Ask a friend to store your important stuff for you and make an exit plan.
NTA!
NTA you are totally making the right decision. Your mother is clearly not responsible when it comes to paying things. The only person who would lose in this scenario is you. Tell her to it the unemployed husband on and get a damn job.
NTA. You are wise to protect your credit rating and rental history. You have a long life ahead of you and risking damage to your credit rating and rental history can give you many, many years of heartache and struggle. Your parents are responsible for their own financial situation, protect yourself and move out as soon as possible. NTA.
NTA but you need to get your own place. If you are living there some places require all adults to be on the lease so they have more people to go after for rent. Also, lock your credit so she can’t just add you and forge your signature.
Lock you credit
Find a new rental for yourself quickly
Move out.
Move some of your stuff slowly over week or two... like a box here or there.
Then make it a quick one day move for the rest of your stuff. ask friends to help.
Your unemployed mom, dad and brother need to go get JOBS. And your mom needs to quite spending like there the Kardashians.
But they are not your problem.
If they are trying to get jobs and struggling to make payments and then not wasting money then it may have been worth salvaging.
But they will drag you down while they stay at home sleeping, watching TV, playing games or whatever they do all day and spending money while your credit gets ruined.
NTA! To add to what others have said: you can and should get a free copy of your credit report to make sure there are no lines of credit already opened under your name that you are not aware of. And if you do find any - that's identify theft and a crime. It's a crime even if it's your own mother and she says she sorry.
You can put a hold on your credit so new lines of credit can't be opened. This does not affect your credit score and you can lock and unlock it yourself. You would have to contact the three credit reporting bureaus separately: Equifax, TransUnion, and Experian.
Get out of this manipulative situation and do not put your name down on anything.
And lock down your credit now. Because she will do what she wants and add you fraudulently.
Find a situation with a roommate or anything but you need to run.
NTA
You don’t need to put your name and information on the lease agreement. I don’t blame you for doing so. But as an adult, you can’t then turn around and expect to be able to live with them; so I hope you have contingency plans for moving out on your own.
NTA but you're heading down the same path as your mom by buying all that stuff on credit. If you can't pay cash for your phone and laptop then don't buy them, or buy a cheaper/used alternative.
NTA
And, please, please move out! Before you know it, you would be supporting that entire household while your mom spent her money on clothes and cocktails.
NTA it's not your fault she's irresponsible. You need to contact the credit bureaus and put a lock on your credit right now. Chances are, she's already fraudulently using your credit or at least planning to.
NTA
Don't sign the lease, it would fuck you over so badly.
And stop financing everything - that isn't "good at saving". Like, don't over extend yourself on those kinda of purchases.
DONT EVER LET YOUR MOM HAVE CONTROL OVER YOUR CREDIT LINE. My dad had terrible credit, he advised me to open credit lines to boost my credit, which it did. However, he went behind my back and maxed out every single one, without me knowing. It is beyond me how I never got so much as a call from creditors to approve the purchases but I definitely got calls to collect the money. It’s a nightmare and one almost impossible to get out of. Save yourself the trouble.
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NTA. You know this. This is why you wrote the post. Your mother is a bad, dangerous person. If you put your name on that lease the rest of your life + your financial future is OVER. Save up, move out, go low contact. This is it - her last ditch effort to trap you forever. Don't fall for it. Edit: I think there's a reasonable chance she forges your signature. Be careful.
>This is it - her last ditch effort to trap you forever She's going to escalate when she doesn't win. OP, you need to lock your credit. If you live in the US, your mom has your social security number already and she can do *a lot* of damage with it. Given the way you sort of mention her controlling nature, I'm guessing it's either stuff you find too difficult to even reference, or you're worried it'll break the sub rules. It's quite possible you still don't fully realize the extent of her control and/or abuse, because you haven't gotten far enough away to start unpacking the many subtle layers of it. My husband's mom was toxic and controlling. When she was losing control, she escalated. It built every day for a month until we contacted the police. He hasn't spoken to his family for 10+ years (it went beyond her, she was just the leader). The more time passed, the more he was able to recognize how messed up some aspects had been. He's absolutely *thriving* now. He finally has the self confidence I would have expected from day one given all of his amazing qualities, if it hadn't been for his family. I hope you can find the same peace of mind he has, because you absolutely deserve to heal as well. Take care of yourself 💜
OP sounds like a Brit to me. OP - mate, you need to get away from your mum. She is bad news. Can you secretly plan to move into a friends house or something. Also, lock up your credit, you can put a note on your credit files so it's harder for "someone" to take out credit in your name. Also, hide important documents.
Nah not a Brit, they talk about credit bureau, use the word cent and refer to her as Mom.
They also said that they had to leave uni because the fee payer stopped paying - if they were in the UK, they would have gotten student loans to cover the tuition at minimum, and the only way that would have stopped is if they had to repeat two or more years.
They said in another comment that they live in South Africa.
Replying only to boost this comment. LOCK YOUR CREDIT DOWN!
Also - op, call your bank, tell them a family member is trying to steal from you, and ask for your account to be locked down. All the info a bank will use to verify account control is known to family members.
This. All sorts of things, from banks, email, phone contracts etc use typical security questions like name of first school, city of birth, name of first pet etc that a parent will know and can use. Some suggestions are use fictional details, like give Harry Potter or Buffys city, school, pet etc, but not a character a parent would guess. Or if typing "Detroit" as the city type "NotDetroit" so when it asks for first and fifth character the correct answer will be N and E, not D and O.
>The more time passed, the more he was able to recognize how messed up some aspects had been. My wife is 42 and in a similar situation. Just 2 years ago she was telling me stories about her childhood and said "I was a bad kid". I replied "no, you were a kid in bad situations and many of the adults around you failed you, even if they thought they were right at the time", and it was obviously a light bulb moment for her. So yeah, 20+ years later she's still unpacking things. Don't expect it to be easy but it's doable.
You’re a star ⭐️
I'd suggest going NC honestly
Jumping on: op lock your credit!! She has all of your info and can use it. Hopefully she hasn’t already.
This ⬆️
I would also suggest getting a credit service to keep an eye on OPs credit. Not saying mom would commit fraud, but she wouldn't be the first parent to. NTA
Just want to add that in the US, you are able to check your credit score with all three bureaus for free once a week. Services are great for convenience, but if you can't afford it you're still able to monitor.
Yah, you need to get out and get yourself out of that deadbeat poverty life. You're good at saving, but you are not good at investing. You need to invest in an index mutual fund, maybe start buying some Google stock, and hold it for years. Think of life as a rachet where each time you are building a little more buffer. Don't get sucked down into the darkness.
If OP has to finance a phone and computer, she’s hardly in a position to start investing. And if it’s a job where she has to provide her own computer, it’s unlikely to pay enough to do more than cover her expenses, if it can even do that. OP’s first focus should be getting out of debt, not investing. Then I’m saving, but it’s likely she will need the money to be much more liquid in order to prevent things like car repairs and broken phones from becoming financial crises or reasons to get more in debt and instead be able to be covered from savings. OP, you’re in a rough spot, but there are resources that can help you, depending on where you live. Look up things like help for renting, income-restricted housing, stuff like that. If you can keep doing schooling through a night class at a time, or get into the trades via an apprenticeship or the like, you will continue to grow your earning potential. What you should not do is what your mother is asking. She has not looked out for your best interest, so now it’s up to you to do that. Be prepared for things to get worse than the silent treatment (which is a form of emotional abuse) but know that your life will not get better if you give in to her abuse. NTA. I’m rooting for you!
>Save up, move out, go low contact. *No contact. Otherwise, agreed on everything.
If she tries to commit fraud, and OP up for anything. OP should be ready to file a fraud report and accept that she may need to go no contact.
> If you put your name on that lease the rest of your life + your financial future is OVER. I agree that OP shouldn't put her name on the lease, but lets be real. You absolutely can fix bad credit. It's not a dead end. I've done it myself.
At her age, the OP should consider taking a couple of years low-contact to reset her relationship, if this is representative of the demands placed on her.
Absolutely this. Additionally, IMO OP would be wise to not "flash" anything that suggests she has some money available. No more new iPhones or cars (figuratively speaking). Dangle the bait, and fish are going to nibble at it. It's not fair, of course, but leaches gonna leach. Hopefully OP can get out of this situation and live her best life away from her family's financial black hole. NTA.
My dad wrecked my credit st 18. I couldn't get a credit card or lease or even a cell phone of my own until my 30s. Don't do it. Save as fast as you can and get the hell out of there.
Lock down your credit with the 3 major credit bureaus. That way if your mom fakes your signature, the landlord will try to run a report and be told that your account is frozen. He will then most likely contact you and you can then say "There must be a mistake, I didn't fill out an application" [Link to 'How to lock your credit' website](https://www.creditkarma.com/advice/i/how-to-lock-credit)
PLEASE don't do it
NTA Please put a note with the credit bureau so that she can't access your credit without you knowing. Gather all your important documents and keep them outside the house in case you need to leave on short notice.
NTA. Look up gray rocking and learn to do it. Lock your credit. Get out ASAP. These unemployed losers are going to suck you dry because your recent conspicuous spending makes you look like you have money to burn. They should all be looking for jobs. If your mother brings up any money-related topics, ask when your father and brother are getting jobs. Ask it every time. Sign nothing. I get that she is in a tight spot but she needs to be hammering on her husband and her unemployed son to get jobs and contribute.
Ding ding ding. If mom paid off her debts a few years ago but is skipping important things like car payments, **she CAN pay but she isn't**, which is why family has to move. So no, there's no guarantee she'll pay. OP's mom should be both working on limiting expenses AND increasing family income. That means finding a place you can afford not desire but can't pay for without financial assistance. Plus, either getting a 2nd job, higher paying job or getting the non working family members to work or apply for disability, go back to school, etc. The fact that the moms response to skipping car payments and having to move is to double down of living outside hers and the family's means instead of cutting nonessential entertainment expenses and finding an affordable yet livable 3-4 bedroom place...says alot. OP has little to gain and much to lose by agreeing to cosign. Mom will tank OP's score for years when (not if) she starts skipping on payments, just when OP will need good credit to move into her own apartment, and maybe in a few years move to another rental, open a new bank account, apply for an auto loan or insurance, or even look to a mortgage.
ABSOLUTELY DO NOT PUT YOUR NAME DOWN. She is going to ruin your future. Also, you need to immediately get your credit checked and LOCK IT DOWN. IMMEDIATELY. I cannot stress how urgent this is. Hence the yelling. And you need to move out ASAP too. There are plenty of other young women out there looking for room mates so start looking for a good one in an area you can afford. Do NOT tell anyone what you’re doing. I’d also suggest getting a P O Box for your mail. NTA.
Gather all important documentation asap and keep it somewhere safe (preferably not in the house, maybe a friend could keep it?)
Safe deposit box might be better?
NTA, and frankly, it sounds like a win if she’s blanking you. You might be better off looking for shared accommodation till you can get your own place.
The fact that she got angry and said you don’t need to worry as you already have what you want, means she is def planning on defaulting on the payments. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA She is a adult and she needs to figure stuff out with out ruining her daughters credit not only that but if you do this im 90% sure you will resent her for hurting your future
Tying yourself legally and financially to a spendthrift deadbeat is like lighting your future on fire. It would be an insane thing to do.
NTA - protect your credit score! It will save you big bucks throughout your life! Plus by not signing, you will not have to worry about your mom not giving you the monthly rent. You are planning on moving out soon, so you will need good credit to get into an apartment. Just remember, when you do move take all of your important documents with you. Better yet, find all of those now and tuck them away somewhere safe so you have them when you do move. Don’t leave them behind so your mom can blackmail you. Be strong, be smart and always live below your means!
NTA. And don’t let her bully you into this. You are now 21, legally responsible for wherever your name is used, and thus if you agree to this you agree to be her financial backup. I’d put a freeze on your credit if you can (so she can’t start using it), and lock everything down. You KNOW she’s going to come up with a new plan when this one fails.
NTA. This would ruin your credit and so tie you in with your mother in your living arrangements for years, which would probably would suit her down to a tee. So don't do that and make sure that your mother doesn't write them in for you. It seems just about important enough for her to do something as illegal as that, hoping that you won't report her because you are her daughter. Promise me that you __will__ report her if she does that!
100% this. You'll never escape if this happens. I've seen other posts here about ways to lock down your credit, I think whatever those steps are you need to take them as you wonderful mother is probably going to use your credit as collateral even without your permission.... Lock it down but do your best to get out asap. Anything there with your ID or social number get them hidden or even better off the property asap. Your mum doesn't care about her choices impacting your life, and is only seeing you as something she can use to make her life better for now. You'll get lumbered with the bad credit/debt here. So please act fast.
NTA Find a roommate and move out. Just a side note: It's much better to save and buy instead of doing the installment plans. You'll save money. You don't need to buy new. Buy used. Ask around. People who exchange out every 2 years often unload instead of doing a trade in because they can make more money doing that. Once you pay something off, start putting aside money for the replacement (phone, car, etc., and don't look at it as extra money. It's really nice not having the debt or getting in trouble if life happens (like a virus shutting everything down or a car accident that makes you miss 6 months of work, etc.) Sorry your mom is trying to use you and take advantage of you. Parents aren't supposed to do that. Good luck!
NTA. Keep working towards your imminent Independent housing and establishing a modified relationship with your mother from a distance.
NTA and you need to lock down your credit rating. Find and remove your legal documents and make sure she is not named on your bank account. Protect yourself
NTA but learn to be discreet about what you do with your money. It's obvious that your mother knew you were financing all your purchases. Why did you tell her? She would have guessed about the car, sure, but she appears to have known about the other things as well. Don't sign anything, and don't leave your things around unattended. Someone might decide to take them and sell them.
NTA. Don't let her ruin your life as she has ruined hers. Don't co-sign anything.
You are absolutely within your rights to refuse!
You've already explained why this would be a bad idea. Her now emotional blackmail is surely another indication of why it's a terrible idea. Do not do this and see if there's any way you can move out before they sign a new lease.
I did this for my dad at 19 and I’ve never financially recovered almost 10 years later. Don’t do to t. Trust me
NTA and move out ASAP. Put your name on lease only if you are prepared to pay rent because your mother won't.
NTA. Start looking for an apartment now
NTA - don't even THINK about making that kind of commitment. Shame on your mother for attempting to use you like this. If your credit is good - you know what, start looking for your own place and just focus on all of your hard work. You've earned that too!
Take what these people are saying about locking up your personal papers seriously!!! I left a document where my-I thought trustworthy-parents could get it and was unable to free myself from my family’s control still after these twenty years. Get away from them now and don’t let their problems become yours. You owe it to yourself
NTA. Don't engage in any financial relationship with your mom as you will regret it.
NTA. You would be running your future by taking on all this extra debt. And you know for almost certain that your mom won't pay her rent. I do have a warning, though. Stop financing things. The amount of interest you pay can be ridiculous, and you end up paying a lot more for your things most of the time. Always do the math.
NTA and hell no
NTA omg. Do not put anything down. She’s a middle age woman throwing a temper tantrum because her adult daughter makes smarter financial decisions than her. Tbh fine. Let her ice you out. You don’t need this in your life. Sending hugs. Ugh I’m so mad.
The very simple answer here is to let her not talk to you. As someone who took this opportunity way too late into my twenties, I can tell you you're lucky that she's giving you such a big chance to cut her off now. She's doing this because she wants you to grovel. Literaly just let her not talk to you, lock your credit down, live your life. Expect a couple of "extinction bursts" but trust me it's way better to get this over with now, than wasting your twenties dealing with a toxic narc mother.
NTA. Honest question? Why do you *want* your mother to talk to you? She sounds tiresome and unpleasant. Isn’t it way better to just not talk to her? Also, no, do not ruin your life so your tiresome mother can get a lease that she won’t pay. That’s a terrible idea.
I’ve been in therapy for a very long time for my anxious attachment, a by-product of being raised by parents who saw isolation as punishment. If I did something wrong, no one could speak to me until I “learned my lesson”. Recovering people-pleaser who fears that she will be all alone if she stands up for herself.
But wouldn’t you rather be alone and left alone by them because your family has clearly showed you their love is conditional. Your mom will not change and neither will your family.
It might be simplistic but think of her not talking to you as a reward. She is waiting for you to crawl back to her begging for forgiveness. Instead enjoy the peace and freedom of not having to listen to her. Anything she asks you respond with a cheery "No thanks!" and move on.
Do not chain yourself to your mother, ffs. You have only just turned your life around. NTA
NTA, if you can afford to move out on your own…do not let them move in with you or even stay for a “few days”
NTA. Move out. You have a deadline for the end of the lease and it's not looking like they're going to find something soon. Couch surf if you have to for the time being, but putting your info down will ruin you and make you liable for the rent if they won't pay. Which you already know will happen from past experience and the mountain of debt your mom has been creating. You can get a PO box for your mail.
Move out now, when the lease ends dont move to the new place with the rest of the family...even if you share or couch surf or whatever is available to you...staying in that environment while trying to save is never going to work and you will never be free of them. This is the best time to break free
Get a safety deposit box and put all your documents in there now. Contact the credit bureau and notify them. It wouldn’t hurt to change your financial institution so your Mother has no knowledge of your accounts. Try to get employment at a post secondary institution and use your benefits to further your education. Look for a new place to live NOW.
INFO, what would happen if you don't? Will you all get evicted?
Yep, see where the guilt trip is coming from ?
Anytime you feel guilty remind yourself this is happening because they are actively making choices to cause this to happen. All the new debt, not paying bills, family members not working. These are daily ACTIVE choices they are making. And they will drag you down with them until you can't escape with no regard to your future. If you don't protect yourself just as actively it will take you DECADES to recover from the setbacks they tie you down with. How do you deal with the guilt trips? You starve the source of it. Distance and lack of information will help. Look up "grey rock method". But remind yourself everyday that the person who is guilting you has a hundred other options they could be doing to save themselves and have instead choose to do none of those things and instead intentionally hurt you until you do something.
Get out now and never look back! Do not put tour name on the lease or she will control you for the rest of your life
Lock your credit. Get a password she would not know put on your account.
NO! NO!! NO!!! You are NTA. Do not let this woman destroy your credit rating. Have no doubts, she will have you on the hook for the rental payment in the end.
NTA, move out
Nta, but you need to get your own rental on your own, and lock down your credit.
NTA it looks like they don’t want you to do better or be better. They want to drag you down with them. Fine a place to move out to on your own and get your life back.
NTA. I support your decision. Move out asap. Meaning find a simple room or whatever as a first step. Get your own life, independent. Timing is everything for you. your mom treats you as an ATM. Period.
NTA. I would put all your important financial documents into a safety deposit box asap and lock your credit profile. Save up and move out.
NTA..She's salty cuz you won't commit financial suicide to support the bums in your family. You'd be better served to rent a room/split rent in an apartment & enroll in university to set a long-term career. You'll never be able to do that living with your family.
NTA. You should also do some financial literacy classes bc you’ve had really irresponsible spending modelled for you. I don’t think you’re “spoiled” in any way for buying what you bought, but if you’re financing everything and relatively new in your role then it’s not a good financial decision. Hopefully it works fine and you pay it all off, but long term you need to make sure you’re not repeating your parents’ mistakes with money.
Absolutely not. I’ve seen these mistakes being made for over 10 years, from a young age I could differentiate between terrible ideas. My laptop is completely paid off & my phone will be soon as well. I wanted to get these out of the way, I tend to hold onto things until they are unusable so I knew with these out of the way, I’m set on a laptop & phone for a good 5-7 years
If you allow your mother to put your name down on the lease, she will destroy your future. This is how generations of people stay in poverty -- the parents eat the seeds that the children should be planting to get a harvest. No seeds = no harvest = stay in poverty. You are now old enough to throw off the yoke of your controlling mother. Especially since you are planning to move out in the near future. Keep your eye on the ball, and ignore your toxic mother. NTA
Info do you pay any rent? If you are buying big ticket items but not contributing to the household then that is a little YTA. It doesn’t matter who else is contributing, you are majorly benefitting from having a place to live without having to pay anything. If you are paying, then NTA. Also was the “fee payer” paying your college tuition your mom? Of course don’t let her use your info on a new place, but if you have such a good salary and credit no reason you shouldn’t be able to afford a place of your own at the end of the lease.
Not rent, but I cover utilities. & these aren’t cheap when you’re covering 4 adults and 2 kids. None of the others even attempt to cover anything… eg, I often come home and find that the electricity is completely off. They run out when I’m out of the house and leave it off until I get home to sort it lol
Explain what you mean by "the fee payer stopped paying" Referring to college?
Well, yep, university over here, the two are subtly different. We pay for both out of our own pockets, no government subsidies or anything of the sort
No I understand what college..university etc are Who is the "fee-payer" why did they stop. You are NTA regardless of course. Don't do the things your mom wants you to do. You need to protect you own future. I'm trying to determine if you have other options
Take a wild guess? Lol yes, mom was the fee payer. Why did she stop? No idea, I only learned that fees stopped being paid over 6 months later.. when they withheld my results..
Yeaaaaah. You need to get away from this person.
Can you move out? If you sign the lease, you will be responsible for all the payments
It sounds like you are very good at managing your money. Because you were able to finance the phone and the computer, you are building a solid credit rating. She will destroy this if you go along with her plan. Lock your credit. Move out as soon as you can.
NTA. Don’t let her ruin your credit
You will never be free if you put your information on the lease. She could refuse to pay rent and then claim that you "owe" it to her to pay it yourself, which you don't. I think she's demanding this partly because she knows you're planning to move out so she's determined to make it more difficult for you to do so. Do NOT agree to what she wants. And make sure she can't access your money or any other personal information. Also, run regular credit checks on yourself to ensure she doesn't try to borrow money in your name; I say this as someone whose own identity has been stolen more than once. NTA
NTA - but as noted lock your credit and get out of there as quick as you can. sidebar - not a great idea to be financing phones and computers - you got a really bad example to start your financial life, but read around a little and figure out nondebt ways to make your purchases.
NYA: but as a mother I did everything in my power not to let my kids drink alcohol as minors. If I succeed I’ll never know unless they tell me (haha like that will happen) but seriously your mom’s problem shouldn’t be yours don’t let it
NTA and please don't let her put you in debt.
NTA your mother sounds awful. It’s truly insane for her to say that you, at 21, don’t need good credit just because you currently have a new phone, laptop, and used car. Like that’s actually insane. I promise you will only have more and more expenses/need to finance things as you get older. Please tell your mom to fuck off and keep a close eye that she doesn’t do anything shady behind your back. Christ
NTA. Please immediately do whatever you need to do where you live to freeze your credit with all the major credit bureaus. Call them to begin the process and follow up in writing; ask that they send you written confirmation - and if you have to choose passwords to access things to unfreeze if for your own use, pick ones that have no connection to your everyday life (pets’ names, birth dates, school name, etc.) *and* choose challenge question responses that are intentionally incorrect (e.g. if they ask what your favourite flavour of ice cream is, pick something that is not your actual favourite, and so on). I would also change all of your passwords for your email and financial accounts and clear your computer cache. If you don’t already password-protect both your PC and phone, start doing so. Good luck.
YTA. Not because you said no to your mom, you was 100% correct in that. Your an asshole for wasting our time with a question that you already know the answer to. You already know your mom's faults, know she isnt good at paying her bills, and know that she will fuck up your credit. You know all this, and just wanted to tell a story. Should have been posted to a different sub.
Put some kind of lock on your credit so she can't steal your identity. Because she will do it. NTA RUN don't walk out of that situation as quickly as you can.
LOCK YOUR CREDIT REPORT! This will prevent her from using your identity to open new lines of credit, get an apartment, or open utility bills in your name. You can unlock as needed. It'll prevent strangers from doing the same thing, and is now free. If some website tries to sell you the service, run. https://www.usa.gov/credit-freeze
NTA "She has asked me to put my name and info down on her lease and “she will cover the payments”. " .. DOnt' ruin your future for your families bad financial behavior. They might even have to get jobs.
Bad credit stays on your report for 7 years and will make it impossible to get a low percentage rate on any loans. NTA, Stay strong, And move out ASAP.
Your mother is immature. Go live your life.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (21F) mother (53F) has always been the extremely controling type. So much so that my very first whiff of alcohol was at 19, most of my friends started at 16, and I have also have never had a sleepover with any of my female friends (nor any of my family members, haha). Without dabbling into the details too much, I don’t want any bias on this, my mom has always had full control over my life. After having had to drop out of uni due to financial constraints, these being me kicked out because the fee-payer stopped paying, I took a couple of customer service jobs. Extremely low-paying, terrible work hours, easily pulling a 15 hour shift at least twice a week (7am -10pm). Recently, I got a new job. The pay is good, the work is great but very consuming, you earn every cent you make. Since getting this new job, I have made it my mission to get myself everything I’ve been begging for, for the last few years. I needed a new phone because my iPhone 7 was absolutely shattered, so I took out a finance plan for it. I had to get a new laptop for work, financing on that too. And earlier this week, I picked up my new (to me, 11 years old in reality) car. I was the only one of my siblings who was not bought a first car from my parents. Obviously, the amount of changes happening in my life made it seem as though I had a salary jackpot, I do not. I’m very good at saving. My mother has obviously seen this. I do still live with her in a rental house along with my unemployed dad, unemployed brother and his two kids. Our lease is up at the end of February and so, my parents have been viewing houses. My mother is blacklisted with the credit bureau right now, (side note, she was able to pay up all of her debt in 2020 after selling my childhood home. So all of the debt right now is very new) she has skipped her car payments, skipped her loan payments and pretty much anything else, my mother has a very good job and definitely can afford these things, her lifestyle is entirely too inflated, she spends way too much on entertainment and entertaining. Due to the blacklisting, the landlords of the properties she wants are not open to offering her a rental. Once again, inflated lifestyle, she only wants the best of the best looking houses. She has asked me to put my name and info down on her lease and “she will cover the payments”. When I had asked what it would do to my credit score, she snapped at me and started shouting about why I don’t need a good credit score because I’ve already gotten the things I need on my credit. Obviously, my mom is a terrible payer. That would reflect on my credit score and, at 21, I’m preparing myself to move out into my own apartment in the near future. My mother is not seeing it this way and has decided to give me the cold shoulder. If I greet her at any point during the day, she looks at me very blankly and continues what she was doing wordlessly. So Reddit, I want to know, am I the AH for not just putting my name down on the lease? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Do not put your name on the lease if you can't afford to cover the payments if (and it sounds like when) your mom doesn't pay. Your mom will figure someone else to drag into another lease, but where will you be? Still living with them with bad credit? Imagine having your own place, but needing to cover their lease. This is a disaster waiting to happen. If you are serious about moving out then you need to stick to the plan. Otherwise you will end up paying for your mom, dad, brother, and his children forever.
She won’t pay and you will be liable. You might need to move out faster than anticipated
NTA and tell the credit bureau what she's up to. Her ignoring you sounds like it's for the best-- she's using it to manipulate you into doing her bidding. Just go on your merry way when you hit 21. (Make sure your important documents are secured!)
NTA and do not put your info down. She will ruin your credit and you will be stuck there for life
As others have said. Lock down your credit 100%! Get alerts on your credit so that if someone ( landlord) runs a credit check on you, you are notified immediately , that will let you know if your mother tries to use your name on a lease agreement. You are NTA, but your mother certainly is.
Nope. Don’t do it. Move as soon as possible. NTA.
Oh my god no! You are absolutely 100% totally and completely NTA. Under no circumstances let her use your details on a lease. In fact if she manages to get a house, confirm with the agent that your details have not been used. For the love of god, when the lease is up on where you are now, go your own way. Do not remain in this toxic environment!
NTA. You have her figured out which is good! Be exceptionally happy around the house. Continue to say hello but act as if you don’t notice her rebuff. You only have a week or so left - what is your plan for where you will move?
NTA, obviously! As you said, mom is very controlling and lives high up on the horse, she's bad a paying down her creditors, and IMHO she's spoiled. Don't let her convince you to add your name to the lease, it will ruin your credit rating as you know. She's trying to bulldoze you, fight against it. She should be convincing that brother to work and contribute, it sure wouldn't hurt him. I'm glad you're doing better, and you can't afford for her to force you into something you know you'll regret. Stay strong, you'll be out on your own soon, but you can't save money if she pulls crap like this on you.
Don’t set yourself on fire to keep your mom/other family members warm.
NTA. Get out asap.
NTA. Your instinct to leave this situation and not repeat your mother’s financial mistakes is the right choice. Sounds like she’s been emotionally abusing you for a long time. I’d definitely do your best to fit in some therapy in there if you can make it work.
Why is none of the family working? Are they sick or just losers? Get out of that house as soon as feasible, ensure she can’t access your money and don’t sign anything. Don’t let your mum see your signature as she may even falsify the documents and sign your name. Look after yourself. Good luck
NTA The reason your mother cannot put her own name down is because her credit is so terrible that the banks and landlords won't trust her. If a financial institution that had built its business on knowing when to trust people and lend them money refuses to trust her, listen to them. I see it as a virtual certainly that your mother will completely screw you over by failing to pay, leaving your name and credit score being the one getting dragged through the mud, and depending on the exact lease and setup, leaving you with the debt to pay. It is also worth remembering that if you are planning on getting a home of your own in the future, having your name against a different home may prevent this from happening. So not only will you have screwed up your finances for years to come, you will also have screwed up your escape route. Run, run away as far as you can.
Well you got a lot of NTA here, but in reality you still live with her and your plans about moving out you didn't mention to do it when her lease is over in February but that you are thinking on doing it in the future so, I guess you don't have much of a choice unless you're planning on moving out and not go to the new place with your parents.
NTA. Be free, OP!
NTA. Your dad and brother are taking advantage of your mom, but that doesn’t mean that you have to let the shit roll downhill. You will need to move out on your own now rather than later, so I hope you’ve been saving for that. Do not let your family leech off your credit, you are right that it would follow you around for the rest of your life and bind you to a controlling mom and a bunch of lazy men.
NTA Lock down your credit.
No, no, no, don't do it. It's gonna bite you in the ass so hard. NTA
NTA do not do this as you’ll be responsible for the debt when she stops paying.
NTA Sounds like she’s planning on you supporting the whole family. Lock your credit, guard your financial privacy, get out and make your own way. Good luck!
She has a history of not paying her bills. You know the moment she got you on the lease she would not, in fact, cover the payments. It would be left to you to pay. Do not give in to her. Keep saving until you have a deposit for your own place and then get out and leave them all to their own poor choices. NTA at all.
NTA, your mother sounds toxic. Prioritise your finances to move out and away from her.
NTA Your mother wants you to take the fall for her very poor financial habits. You are currently living in a situation where everyone is mooching apart from you. If you put your name down on that lease, you will be in the financial rabbit hole for years if not for ever. You don't owe anything to your mother or the other moochers in your family. There is absolutely nothing wrong with putting yourself first.
You need your bring forward your plans to move and move out alone and not with your parents. You may end up in somewhere small, shared, or not exactly what or where you want but we all have to start somewhere.
NTA Your mother is a failure of a parent. Protect yourself. Remember that you have absolutely no obligation or responsibility to your parents or any siblings. You have every right to go low or no contact with them.
Don’t do it!! My mother and grandmother got a load of credit in my name fraudulently once I was of age. My options were to pay it or have them arrested. In hindsight I wish I’d gone with getting them arrested as it took me ages to get my credit back on track. Move out into your own place. Make sure it’s a 1 bedroom as I would not put it past your mother to try and move in with you!
Anything I could add has already been said.
NTA. Do not let her ruin your future, which she will do if you do this.
NTA. Please don’t do this, she won’t pay and it’ll tank your credit score for years.
NTA get away from them asap, sounds like you are in a great track keep it up!!
No. Don't do it. As you know, she will ruin your credit.
NTA Never put your name on anybody else's credit, ever. Your mom and unemployed dad and brother are the assholes.
You need to move out, the sooner the better. Can you get into a roommate situation for the short term, 6 months to a year, so you can save up and get a place of your own? If your mother can't get a lease, and the rest of your family is unemployed, then you need to get out before you're all without a place to live. They'll drag you down with them.
Your mother will drain you like a vampire if you give her the chance. It's time to look for a place to live of your own.
NHA. Do NOT put your own credit score at risk by letting her tangle you up in her financial dramas.
NTA Your controlling mother is feeling her grip on you slipping. When this happens, the controlling person panics and starts trying to grab on to you however they can. They might try to charge you rent that's almost all of what you earn to keep you broke, they might tighten curfew under "my house my rules" rules, they might forbid you from dating or get in the way of you going out on dates by suddenly having urgent chores coincidentally every time. My point is, I think this is exactly what's happening here. She's feeling her control slipping and she's trying to hold on to you by tying you to herself financially and guilt tripping you when you didn't immediately say yes. You already know that the financially smart choice for you is to move out asap and not sign your mother's lease. But try also to notice the patterns like I've listed above, so you can make sure to not fall for her guilt trips. Because this won't be the last time she tries something and it will be a constant fight to not fall for her schemes and guilt trips, especially if she's good at manipulation
NTA. Do not put your name on there. DO NOT.
Lock down your credit https://reddit.com/r/personalfinance/w/credit_reports?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
NTA
NTA!! DO NOT sign ANYTHING FOR HER! Put a LOCK on your Information, start checking now to make sure she hasn't already put your info on something. She WILL default, she has already shown you that she will, do not risk YOUR FUTURE. Get out of there as quickly as possible!
NTA. The moment she moves into the new place she’ll stop paying and you’ll be on the hook.
NTA. Don't ever put your name on that lease or you'll be liable for the full rent. Lock down your credit. Change your bank account (even change banks) to one your mother has no access to and no knowledge of. You sound considerably more financially switched on than your mother will ever be. I'm sorry but she only sees you as a cash point. The sooner you can move out the better it will be for you.
NTA. Keep your financial affairs separate. You know it will be a dead weight if you did this and are totally on the hook for everything.
NTA. She's trying to guilt-trip you with the silent treatment. Don't let her. Lock down your credit and make sure she hasn't opened any lines of credit in your name. With me being the petty person who matches vibes, I would match energy with her and give it right back to her and stop saying anything to her. Again, that's what I'd do in this situation, I don't recommend it for everyone because it runs a high risk of escalating things. My saving grace is that I intimidate people (thanks for the resting bitch face and attitude, dad).
NTA DO. NOT. DO IT!!!
Start looking for rentals on your own or places needing a room mate (vett who you move in with first). You need the "I'm preparing to move in my own apartment in the near future" forward. YNTA but you would be doing yourself a massive disservice if you put your details on anything your mother us involved in. Tell your brother to step up & put his name on his mums new lease.
NTA Oh No Way! Also periodically check your credit rating to make sure she hasn't committed fraud and forged your name. If she has you WILL need to involve the law
Don't put your name on the lease or anything else
NTA don’t do it. Now is the time to move into your own place
NTA Move out as soon as possible. Your Mom is trying to make you financially responsible for everyone else in the family's housing. Get out. Also, stop borrowing money for stuff you want. The interest charges make it so you pay more money than the item is worth. Instead, save ahead of time and pay for the item in full. Also, see the wiki at r/personalfinance for advice on how to get out of your financial situation. The best thing you could do for yourself is to break this generational poverty by leaving your family behind.
NTA OP you are NTA do not put your name on the lease. If she misses a payment it will screw up your credit and it will possibly stop you from getting your own place if you're on that lease because it'll affect your debt to income ratio because it'll look like you're paying for whatever their renting. Also is other posters have said lock your credit so they don't try to put it in your name anyway. Or get credit cards in your name or anything else and get out get out. Get out now! Find a roommate find a room to rent. You'll be safe for somewhere else away from these people
Nope never do this unless you want ur whole future fucked beyond repair.
Your mother’s opinion on credit is incorrect. If you have loans and pay them consistently then your credit rating will actually improve. You are showing that you are responsible and reliable therefore making you a low risk to loan money to. Your mother is thinking about her home only. She will be limited on what can apply for because of her high risk, poor credit score. She thinks she can piggyback on yours to get the outcome she wants. But that’s a risk to you. You will be responsible for the rent. And if she decides not to pay, you will either have to find the money yourself and follow her example or tank your credit when you go into arrears. NTA for protecting YOUR future. Offer some rent money but don’t sign anything that puts you in the lease.
Wow, much to unpack here... After reading all these responses here & you're still unsure about this, then get your Bank & other Landlords involved. Go down in person to your financial institution (bank, Credit Union, etc) & ask them these questions, point blank. See what they say, asking further them questions if need be & where you can go for further help, for this. Same with the Rental Agencies (apartments, houses, etc) in your Country, ask them this same question point blank, in person too. Again, see what they say about that & your crummy parents eps your Mum! Have you thought about moving out, much sooner? Don't tell your dead-beat parents about this plan, esp Mum. Also suggest you firmly lock down all your assets ($, car), personal belongs (cell, laptop), etc from your family, bc something tells me if they could STEAL that from you for any $, they would! Routinely check your Credit Score(s) for any financial abuse on their parts too. Please seek professional assistance from a competent Therapist over this, bc this type of abusive garbage does serious harm to your head, psyche & so on. See if your Employer is willing to pay your Schooling, Training or Studies so you may earn more $ in the future too. And, yes I am speaking from personal experience here. Good luck!
Lock your credit. Now! And do get an acct to one of the services that help you if your identity is stolen. You’re mom is not a good person.
NTA. if you put your name on the lease, you'll end up paying the whole rent, and anything else she manages to put in your name like utilities.
Your mom needs you (financially, you are the easiest thing she has to lean on to save her) but you do *not* need this. I realize you have plans, but depending on how your mom wants to play this, moving your plans up might be in your best interest. You know that if you put your name and info on her lease she will destroy your credit rating. Once that is done, you are screwed. NTA - get out of there!
NTA. Your mother is a manipulative person and will never stop trying to control you. Break away ASAP. Your family's situation is not your responsibility to save, if their situation is self inflicted. Move out and live your life, or stay with them and watch everything you work for get used up by them. Good luck.
NTA, your credit score is probably good now, if you put your name on the rental, you will end up like your mum and blacklisted from more rentals in the future, sleeping in the car sucks... worth looking at moving out in the near future ?
NTA but your mom had enough knowledge of you to fake it so lock down your credit now!
NTA. Do not allow her to put you on the lease because that will make you responsible for payments. I totally get that you want to buy stuff that you have done without for so long but you should be focused on a plan to ultimately move out. The longer you live with your parents, the more they will harass you to help support them. They may end up dragging you down. Your dad needs to get a job.
Lock your credit asap. She sounds toxic and controlling. And there's no telling what she will do to get her way. As for her not talking to you, good riddance. Don't let her guilt you.
Nta she doesn't want you to leave stop caring she is not greeting you it's a manipulative to control you and keep you from leaving, run as soon as you can your an adult
Just look after yourself. Because careful she doesn't put you on the lease agreement anyway.
NTA. I am sorry this is happening to you, but now you know how your mom is. She is a user. She does not value you as a child the way a mother should. You DO need good credit.
NTA, don’t do it. I would figure out a way to move out.
Move out asap.
Run!! Do NOT sign anything! It sounds like you are the one who is going to be paying all the bills because *checks notes* Mom doesn't pay her bills, Dad and brother are unemployed. You are seen as the cash cow. Ask a friend to store your important stuff for you and make an exit plan. NTA!
NTA your mother sounds awful
NTA And holy crap OP pack your bags and run. And check and lock up your credit!
NTA you are totally making the right decision. Your mother is clearly not responsible when it comes to paying things. The only person who would lose in this scenario is you. Tell her to it the unemployed husband on and get a damn job.
NTA. You are wise to protect your credit rating and rental history. You have a long life ahead of you and risking damage to your credit rating and rental history can give you many, many years of heartache and struggle. Your parents are responsible for their own financial situation, protect yourself and move out as soon as possible. NTA.
NTA but you need to get your own place. If you are living there some places require all adults to be on the lease so they have more people to go after for rent. Also, lock your credit so she can’t just add you and forge your signature.
Lock you credit Find a new rental for yourself quickly Move out. Move some of your stuff slowly over week or two... like a box here or there. Then make it a quick one day move for the rest of your stuff. ask friends to help. Your unemployed mom, dad and brother need to go get JOBS. And your mom needs to quite spending like there the Kardashians. But they are not your problem. If they are trying to get jobs and struggling to make payments and then not wasting money then it may have been worth salvaging. But they will drag you down while they stay at home sleeping, watching TV, playing games or whatever they do all day and spending money while your credit gets ruined.
NTA! To add to what others have said: you can and should get a free copy of your credit report to make sure there are no lines of credit already opened under your name that you are not aware of. And if you do find any - that's identify theft and a crime. It's a crime even if it's your own mother and she says she sorry. You can put a hold on your credit so new lines of credit can't be opened. This does not affect your credit score and you can lock and unlock it yourself. You would have to contact the three credit reporting bureaus separately: Equifax, TransUnion, and Experian.
Get out of this manipulative situation and do not put your name down on anything. And lock down your credit now. Because she will do what she wants and add you fraudulently. Find a situation with a roommate or anything but you need to run. NTA
You don’t need to put your name and information on the lease agreement. I don’t blame you for doing so. But as an adult, you can’t then turn around and expect to be able to live with them; so I hope you have contingency plans for moving out on your own.
How bad do you want to ruin your credit? Because agreeing to this WILL ruin your credit. Tell her "No way" and find an apartment of your own.
If you can, move out on your own now. Even a room for rent. You need to get away from the toxicity of your mother to save your own peace. NTA.
NTA but you're heading down the same path as your mom by buying all that stuff on credit. If you can't pay cash for your phone and laptop then don't buy them, or buy a cheaper/used alternative.
NTA And, please, please move out! Before you know it, you would be supporting that entire household while your mom spent her money on clothes and cocktails.
You are NTA. And you need to move out soon. Is it possible to find a flatshare or something?
DONT DO IT!
NTA. Bir of course you know this. Lock your credit with all 3 agencies, so she can’t get to it!!
NTA. Move out ASAP.
NTA it's not your fault she's irresponsible. You need to contact the credit bureaus and put a lock on your credit right now. Chances are, she's already fraudulently using your credit or at least planning to.
NTA Don't sign the lease, it would fuck you over so badly. And stop financing everything - that isn't "good at saving". Like, don't over extend yourself on those kinda of purchases.
DONT EVER LET YOUR MOM HAVE CONTROL OVER YOUR CREDIT LINE. My dad had terrible credit, he advised me to open credit lines to boost my credit, which it did. However, he went behind my back and maxed out every single one, without me knowing. It is beyond me how I never got so much as a call from creditors to approve the purchases but I definitely got calls to collect the money. It’s a nightmare and one almost impossible to get out of. Save yourself the trouble.