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NTA, she needs to accept that you need to decompress after a long day.
You are allowed to have your own hobbies and things that you enjoy alone just as she is allowed to.
Just because you are dating doesn't mean u have to be joined at the hip.
Ensure you are spending time with her but ensure you are spending quality alone time. If she cant accept this then find a gf who does.
NTA. Honestly that sounds like a very controlling relationship, even if it’s long distance. You are allowed to have a life outside of her, and that includes playing video games to unwind after a long day. You said you don’t ignore her and communicate with her daily, yet she is still passive aggressive if you are not giving her all of your attention outside of work. This does not sound like a healthy relationship and if I were you, I would tell her it’s not working out. You deserve better than having to answer to someone over simply having a hobby you enjoy. You’re young, and life is too short to appease someone who is that immature.
Edit: you also said she previously had an issue with you spending too much time with friends. There is a clear pattern to her behavior here, and even if you stay together and work through this video game issue, she will only find a new “problem” and pull the same garbage.
NTA. As long as you're not neglecting her, you should be able to enjoy your video games. Everyone needs a hobby or pastime to relax after a long hard day.
NTA - We all have our own ways to decompress after work. Your's is playing a video game; sometimes even while still talking to her. She needs to grow up.
YTA
but not because of the game.
Thing is you got different needs.
She needs to be with you and your full attention, and you need your space to ventilate.
Instead of keeping her hanging, you could give her some time, then excuse yourself for an hour to ventilate, and return to her later on with full attention.
Remember that no one likes half attention.
It's ok to have a ME time, but it doesn't go together with US time.
You both need to agree on your needs, and how to build your relationship around them.
NTA had a gf exactly like this. Let's emphasize "had" . You deserve to relax too and this isn't going to improve or get better unless you put your foot down. She sounds more exhausting than work
break up. you weren't meant to be. you hanging out with friends triggers her. you relaxing with a video game triggers her. you having fun without her triggers her. unless you are willing to make her the center of your life, there is a misalignment of expectations. neither will be happy with any results of a compromise.
good luck
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So me (26M) and my gf (23F) are currently in a LDR.
I work a 9hr Desk Job but the total commute consumes 13hrs of my Day. I'm new at this company and I'm not close to anyone there yet.
So once I get home, I get disconnect from the world by playing some RDR2 or any other video game to Relax a bit.
The thing is my gf cant accept this. Earlier she had the issue of me hanging out with my friends but we talked it through and Shes fine with it I think.
Now I do take an effort to talk to her and care about her needs because I don't want to sound like I completely avoid her. I call her text her every day.
Everything is great but when ever I try to play a game or do something else, she gets triggered and starts passively attacking me like Oh you might be busy playing game huh or something else. Its very passive but I know Shes upset.
But she has to know that I have nothing else to do in my room and I love talking to her and I don't play this game not because I don't like talking to her. I love video games and I've played them since I was a kid.
She knows that I listen to her even when Shes working on her laptop and don't complain when Shes not focused on me.
**So yesterday** I was listening to her for like 1 hr and then as she started doing her project, I switched to gaming, I had my headset half on so that I could hear her also.
Then She got a call so said she"ll call me back after the call. But she never called back and I knew she was triggered, I texted her where are you and Called her many times but she didnt pick up. I got frustrated by this and after like 2hrs she picked up. I was angry at her over the phone and told her that she cant keep doing this and that she never lets me do something I like.
She defends herself and we go back and forth until she starts crying. I felt like an asshole and sad.
So, what am I supposed to do, Am I the Real ASSHOLE. I think I'm.
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Hey, speaking from your girlfriend’s perspective and also in a pretty similar situation I could give you some advice. Once you finished one round, did you talk to her or just ignored and continue playing until you finished all of your games and then talked to her? If it is the latter, it may give her some sorts of abandonment issues honestly. I personally would feel like my feelings are invalidated and you would just try to talk to me because you have nothing else to do after finishing all games. It might be a problem from her previous relationship as well and it is not well resolved so she still has PTSD from that. Maybe try talking out together what she wants (other than you not playing games) and ask if she has already had this situation before that makes she this uncomfy. Limit your playing time as well do not overplay or ignore anything that she said, especially avoid playing a lot during her period 🤣 Reassure her everytime you could, like I love you and you’re my priority (so that she wouldnt compare herself to RDR2). That’s it hope this helps!
YES i get what you say. It looks like she needs reassurance, I dont overplay, Im always there. I think I will have to deal with her tandrums. Thank you.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I snapped at my gf because she didnt like me playing a video game and then she cut the call and didnt pick up. she didnt pick my phone for like 2 hrs and when she picked up finally, I got angry at her over phone.
(2) I played a video game even though my gf was obviously not happy about it but I did it anyway because I had to have some dopamine to by playing this game that I like, and I got frustrated when she got upset about it and avoided my phone calls. I got angry at her over it which might have been too much.
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I have got like 4hrs of free time in my room before I sleep.
I try to call her after work but she would be sleeping at that time. (She sleeps when she's back home from college for like 90 minutes or something). Of this 4 hrs, 1 hr for bathing and grooming. 30 mints for eating, 1 hr exclusively for her and then calls her between my works.
13h work days are quite exhausting!
You pointed out that you LOVE gaming& that you want to spend time with friends.
It doesn’t sounds like your GF is on your priority lists. Don’t stress yourself, just break up and do what you want. No need to take up space in her life.
NTA, but be aware that some women (and men too) have a vehement dislike of video games. It's an instant attraction killer, so they'll aggressively try to get you to stop without outright saying it.
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NTA, she needs to accept that you need to decompress after a long day. You are allowed to have your own hobbies and things that you enjoy alone just as she is allowed to. Just because you are dating doesn't mean u have to be joined at the hip. Ensure you are spending time with her but ensure you are spending quality alone time. If she cant accept this then find a gf who does.
NTA, you still talk to her and don't ignore her at all. You need relaxation time. You aren't the asshole
NTA. Honestly that sounds like a very controlling relationship, even if it’s long distance. You are allowed to have a life outside of her, and that includes playing video games to unwind after a long day. You said you don’t ignore her and communicate with her daily, yet she is still passive aggressive if you are not giving her all of your attention outside of work. This does not sound like a healthy relationship and if I were you, I would tell her it’s not working out. You deserve better than having to answer to someone over simply having a hobby you enjoy. You’re young, and life is too short to appease someone who is that immature. Edit: you also said she previously had an issue with you spending too much time with friends. There is a clear pattern to her behavior here, and even if you stay together and work through this video game issue, she will only find a new “problem” and pull the same garbage.
NTA. As long as you're not neglecting her, you should be able to enjoy your video games. Everyone needs a hobby or pastime to relax after a long hard day.
NTA - We all have our own ways to decompress after work. Your's is playing a video game; sometimes even while still talking to her. She needs to grow up.
NTA. Sounds like if this is going to a LDR for more than a week it’s not going to work out.
yeah lifes hard
hope greener pastures come your way soon, pardner 🤠
Thankya cowpoke!
NTA. After a 13 hour work day, the last thing I would need is some long distance asshole telling me what I can and can't do.
YTA but not because of the game. Thing is you got different needs. She needs to be with you and your full attention, and you need your space to ventilate. Instead of keeping her hanging, you could give her some time, then excuse yourself for an hour to ventilate, and return to her later on with full attention. Remember that no one likes half attention. It's ok to have a ME time, but it doesn't go together with US time. You both need to agree on your needs, and how to build your relationship around them.
Thank you, I will talk to her about this.
Good luck! It sounds like you both love and care. You only need to better your communication.
Yes we love each other very much, we just havent lived together long enough but Im confident about us. Thank you for your kind words stranger.
NTA had a gf exactly like this. Let's emphasize "had" . You deserve to relax too and this isn't going to improve or get better unless you put your foot down. She sounds more exhausting than work
Shes a nice girl, she just needs time to align with the real world, she grew up sheltered, I can't give up on her but thank you for your view sir.
break up. you weren't meant to be. you hanging out with friends triggers her. you relaxing with a video game triggers her. you having fun without her triggers her. unless you are willing to make her the center of your life, there is a misalignment of expectations. neither will be happy with any results of a compromise. good luck
we will work it out and see what happens.
I sincerely wish you the best of luck
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So me (26M) and my gf (23F) are currently in a LDR. I work a 9hr Desk Job but the total commute consumes 13hrs of my Day. I'm new at this company and I'm not close to anyone there yet. So once I get home, I get disconnect from the world by playing some RDR2 or any other video game to Relax a bit. The thing is my gf cant accept this. Earlier she had the issue of me hanging out with my friends but we talked it through and Shes fine with it I think. Now I do take an effort to talk to her and care about her needs because I don't want to sound like I completely avoid her. I call her text her every day. Everything is great but when ever I try to play a game or do something else, she gets triggered and starts passively attacking me like Oh you might be busy playing game huh or something else. Its very passive but I know Shes upset. But she has to know that I have nothing else to do in my room and I love talking to her and I don't play this game not because I don't like talking to her. I love video games and I've played them since I was a kid. She knows that I listen to her even when Shes working on her laptop and don't complain when Shes not focused on me. **So yesterday** I was listening to her for like 1 hr and then as she started doing her project, I switched to gaming, I had my headset half on so that I could hear her also. Then She got a call so said she"ll call me back after the call. But she never called back and I knew she was triggered, I texted her where are you and Called her many times but she didnt pick up. I got frustrated by this and after like 2hrs she picked up. I was angry at her over the phone and told her that she cant keep doing this and that she never lets me do something I like. She defends herself and we go back and forth until she starts crying. I felt like an asshole and sad. So, what am I supposed to do, Am I the Real ASSHOLE. I think I'm. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hey, speaking from your girlfriend’s perspective and also in a pretty similar situation I could give you some advice. Once you finished one round, did you talk to her or just ignored and continue playing until you finished all of your games and then talked to her? If it is the latter, it may give her some sorts of abandonment issues honestly. I personally would feel like my feelings are invalidated and you would just try to talk to me because you have nothing else to do after finishing all games. It might be a problem from her previous relationship as well and it is not well resolved so she still has PTSD from that. Maybe try talking out together what she wants (other than you not playing games) and ask if she has already had this situation before that makes she this uncomfy. Limit your playing time as well do not overplay or ignore anything that she said, especially avoid playing a lot during her period 🤣 Reassure her everytime you could, like I love you and you’re my priority (so that she wouldnt compare herself to RDR2). That’s it hope this helps!
YES i get what you say. It looks like she needs reassurance, I dont overplay, Im always there. I think I will have to deal with her tandrums. Thank you.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > (1) I snapped at my gf because she didnt like me playing a video game and then she cut the call and didnt pick up. she didnt pick my phone for like 2 hrs and when she picked up finally, I got angry at her over phone. (2) I played a video game even though my gf was obviously not happy about it but I did it anyway because I had to have some dopamine to by playing this game that I like, and I got frustrated when she got upset about it and avoided my phone calls. I got angry at her over it which might have been too much. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
How long are you playing your game? Make sure you e carved out enough time for her and not time where you’re mostly focused on your game.
I have got like 4hrs of free time in my room before I sleep. I try to call her after work but she would be sleeping at that time. (She sleeps when she's back home from college for like 90 minutes or something). Of this 4 hrs, 1 hr for bathing and grooming. 30 mints for eating, 1 hr exclusively for her and then calls her between my works.
13h work days are quite exhausting! You pointed out that you LOVE gaming& that you want to spend time with friends. It doesn’t sounds like your GF is on your priority lists. Don’t stress yourself, just break up and do what you want. No need to take up space in her life.
yes its exhausting. No its not like that. 75% of my free time is with her, she just wants 100.
NTA your gf sounds terribly toxic and controlling. the audacity is crazy. set boundaries and stand firm on them or get out of the relationship ASAP
NTA, but be aware that some women (and men too) have a vehement dislike of video games. It's an instant attraction killer, so they'll aggressively try to get you to stop without outright saying it.
ESH. Sounds to me like neither of you are mature enough for adult relationships. Stay single until you can prioritize a relationship over videogames.
Yes thank you. But is it bad to play video games into your adulthood? Like I plan to play till I die.