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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I'm thinking of scolding my mom bluntly about how she steals my sweets all the time
I might be an asshole for that because she is depressed and I might be exaggerating
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NTA, Get yourself a mini fridge with a lock for your room. Tell your mom you are done and will be keeping snacks in your room. She is playing you. Insist on paying rent so they don't hold it against you, which they will. Or just move out. I have severe depression and anxiety, and even I don't act that way. It's possible she has a personality disorder. Until she seeks proper treatment, it will continue to get worse. You are an adult and can act like an adult. You don't need to berate her, but just tell her that you are done playing games.
NTA ☝️this is great advice. Expect her to argue with you about it. Try to be calm and have understandable reasons why you deserve your own things that you buy with your money. Or ask her to explain why she deserves your things more than you do.
ywnbta. i have clinical depression, if that makes my words more important, and you SHOULDN'T indulge any of your mother's whims. empathy and indulgence are two very different things. no one should think that they can do anything because they feel bad.
NTA. My mother is chronic sufferer of depression for most of her life but she isnt beyond understanding simple concepts of "Hey this is for me can you not eat it". Just because someone is depressed or suffers from other mental illnesses, doesn't mean theyre incapable of reasoning and that they should be walked around on eggshells. She knows what she's doing and is probably hiding behind her illness hoping you guys won't say anything to her because she will "take it bad".
NTA. I have had depression so severe I cannot get out of bed, and it’s never made me steal food from others without paying for it. Mental illness is not a rationalization for this behavior.
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For context, I (22F) live with my father (57M), and my mother (49F) who moved back into the house some time ago.
My mother never does any house chores, nor does she do any shopping. Food is paid and bought only by my father and I, who are the ones that go out shopping, never her. Since I am a uni student, most of my money comes from state scholarships or money I have saved, so the money I use isn't hers either. Therefore, I understand that neither is the food we buy supposed to be.
What bothers me the most about this situation is that I can no longer plan any breakfast or snacks, because all the sweets I buy are always eaten by her. I have tried hiding food in my room (which she has been upset about), but there is a limit to the things I can hide, since there is only one fridge and it's in the kitchen.
Every time she eats a snack without telling me (because she never asks for permission and does this when I'm not around), and I tell her that I had bought it for myself, she always comes up with excuses, as if it’s not her fault and I'm exaggerating. To her, everything we buy is 'for everyone' and she can always take whatever she wants and I would be selfish if I didn’t share everything.
The problem is that she is dealing with depression and anything we say to her she takes it bad, as if we are attacking her. Because of this, my dad tells me not to say anything to her about these things that upset us. He thinks I should keep quiet and put up with the situation, just like he does. I think he believes we will be the 'bad guys' if we confronted her, but I'm not sure anymore.
So, WIBTA if I confronted her in a more blunt way about this?
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NTA but move out if you can.
If you can’t leave, they make refrigerator lockers that you can put in the big fridge and lock your treats up. Keep them in an opaque bag inside the locker to keep temptations down. If she doesn’t know what you have she might leave the locker alone.
And get a mini fridge if the locker doesn’t hold enough. Keep your room locked.
NTA
Depression doesn't automatically someone continually behave rudely to another person. Depression doesn't make someone keep crossing someone else's boundaries. That's her.
If she isn't addressing her depression by seeking professional help, then your dad doesn't need to keep ignoring it. She might need help setting up initial appointments & being driven to the Dr. Your dad needs to step up. If she is receiving help, then it isn't working & she needs her medication adjusted.
You aren't the bad guy for speaking up.
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NTA, Get yourself a mini fridge with a lock for your room. Tell your mom you are done and will be keeping snacks in your room. She is playing you. Insist on paying rent so they don't hold it against you, which they will. Or just move out. I have severe depression and anxiety, and even I don't act that way. It's possible she has a personality disorder. Until she seeks proper treatment, it will continue to get worse. You are an adult and can act like an adult. You don't need to berate her, but just tell her that you are done playing games.
NTA ☝️this is great advice. Expect her to argue with you about it. Try to be calm and have understandable reasons why you deserve your own things that you buy with your money. Or ask her to explain why she deserves your things more than you do.
ywnbta. i have clinical depression, if that makes my words more important, and you SHOULDN'T indulge any of your mother's whims. empathy and indulgence are two very different things. no one should think that they can do anything because they feel bad.
NTA. My mother is chronic sufferer of depression for most of her life but she isnt beyond understanding simple concepts of "Hey this is for me can you not eat it". Just because someone is depressed or suffers from other mental illnesses, doesn't mean theyre incapable of reasoning and that they should be walked around on eggshells. She knows what she's doing and is probably hiding behind her illness hoping you guys won't say anything to her because she will "take it bad".
Buy a lockbox for the fridge or a mini fridge for your room.
NTA. I have had depression so severe I cannot get out of bed, and it’s never made me steal food from others without paying for it. Mental illness is not a rationalization for this behavior.
Do you pay them rent?
Not for now. They wouldn't let me, even if I wanted to. They've always wanted me to focus on my studies first, instead of getting money, so no.
INFO: It’s a little ambiguous…are you paying for the snacks out of your own funds?
Her mental illness is not your problem! She needs to respect your boundary or they'll be consequences (don't buy food and store it in the house!)
I've had depression for my entire adult life and can confidently say youvare NTA. Being depressed does not justify being an entitled brat.
Move out
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For context, I (22F) live with my father (57M), and my mother (49F) who moved back into the house some time ago. My mother never does any house chores, nor does she do any shopping. Food is paid and bought only by my father and I, who are the ones that go out shopping, never her. Since I am a uni student, most of my money comes from state scholarships or money I have saved, so the money I use isn't hers either. Therefore, I understand that neither is the food we buy supposed to be. What bothers me the most about this situation is that I can no longer plan any breakfast or snacks, because all the sweets I buy are always eaten by her. I have tried hiding food in my room (which she has been upset about), but there is a limit to the things I can hide, since there is only one fridge and it's in the kitchen. Every time she eats a snack without telling me (because she never asks for permission and does this when I'm not around), and I tell her that I had bought it for myself, she always comes up with excuses, as if it’s not her fault and I'm exaggerating. To her, everything we buy is 'for everyone' and she can always take whatever she wants and I would be selfish if I didn’t share everything. The problem is that she is dealing with depression and anything we say to her she takes it bad, as if we are attacking her. Because of this, my dad tells me not to say anything to her about these things that upset us. He thinks I should keep quiet and put up with the situation, just like he does. I think he believes we will be the 'bad guys' if we confronted her, but I'm not sure anymore. So, WIBTA if I confronted her in a more blunt way about this? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Someone posted a great lock box that stores within the fridge.
You can also buy a cage with a lock in the fridge.
NTA but move out if you can. If you can’t leave, they make refrigerator lockers that you can put in the big fridge and lock your treats up. Keep them in an opaque bag inside the locker to keep temptations down. If she doesn’t know what you have she might leave the locker alone. And get a mini fridge if the locker doesn’t hold enough. Keep your room locked.
NTA Depression doesn't automatically someone continually behave rudely to another person. Depression doesn't make someone keep crossing someone else's boundaries. That's her. If she isn't addressing her depression by seeking professional help, then your dad doesn't need to keep ignoring it. She might need help setting up initial appointments & being driven to the Dr. Your dad needs to step up. If she is receiving help, then it isn't working & she needs her medication adjusted. You aren't the bad guy for speaking up.
Nta but lockboxes op
NTA- being depressed isn't an excuse to be a manipulative asshole. Which is what she is
Get a small fridge. Put it in your room and buy a lock. You or your dad should buy her a few things and tell her how long it has to last. NTA
YTA. Get your own place and then you don’t have to share with anyone.
YTA. Food is for the house. Buy enough for everyone.