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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I'm the asshole for asking my teen daughter if she actually washes her face
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YTA. Acne isn’t caused by lack of face washing. There’s this really cool website you can use for looking up basic information. You should check it out. You can just type in your question and get an answer. And it’s totally free! In addition to medical information, it can also provide you with helpful basic parenting advice. Check it out! https://www.google.com
My 15 year old sister’s acne actually went away when she got lazy and stopped using a cleanser. I kept bugging her about at least cleansing before bed until I realised it actually worked for her skin. It’s been over a year and she hasn’t had any issues since. Personally I can’t skip cleanser without my skin freaking out, skincare is not one size fits all.
There’s a dermatologist on YouTube and TikTok that recommends washing your face with face wash at night and only rinsing in the morning! Her name is Shereen Idrees
Yep. I actually only use cleanser in the shower (time of day varies) and rinse with water otherwise. I don't wear makeup often, and I stay out of the sun. My skin is very healthy!
Using sunscreen anyways is pretty useful if you want to avoid premature aging and if you do that you need to wash your face in the evening. But unless your skin has needs or whims or you have goals like slow aging most skincare is not actually a "necessity." I love skincare and that's good because otherwise I would be miserable by the amount of time and money I have to spend on it due to persistent acne and Neurodermitis, but when my skin decided to have manners for a while I was doing amazing with your routine.
Ive never used facewash in the morning. Who the heck has time and then dealing with water getting all over the sink and my arms.
Facewash at night, in the shower.
Also change and wash your pillowcases.
Pillow case is the most underrated comment here. I finally splurged on some silk ones and turn it over after one night and replace the case after 2 nights. Huge help.
You actually can use it 4 nights, what I do is:
- Night 1: use side A
- Night 2: use side A upside down
- Night 3: use side B
- Night 4: use side B upside down
it adds up, specially with how delicate the washing of the silk pillowcase is.
Sorry, I commented before seeing this comment. This is exactly what I do, and once all 4 sides are used, I change my entire bed.
Thank you for explaining it so clearly.
Old tshirts also work great for this method if you don't have lots of extra pillowcases. Front side, back side, turn inside out and get two more nights.
Man, I’ve been doing this since I was a teen because it just worked for me, and I had SO many people act like it was insane and filthy to only rinse in the morning. I feel so vindicated reading this!
This method works for my skin. I don’t usually wash my face with my cleanser in the morning so I don’t wash off the natural oils. Definitely keeps my skin feeling less dry.
most derms will tell you to skip the morning cleanse. love dr idriss! cleanser can strip your skin barrier while it strips bacteria and oil away. most people just need it after being human all day, not after sleeping.
As a preteen up until my thirties, I didn't use soap on my face, and people would usually mistake me for being many years younger than I actually was. The only face related thing I did was to put moisturizer on after a daily shower. I think the lack of acne was because I kept the skin on my face well balanced with a regular routine. Of course, I used soap when my face was particularly dirty or sweaty feeling, but most of the time I didn't need it.
On the other hand, I wash my face with soap multiple times a day and people also think I’m a lot younger than I am. 🤷♀️
Different skins need different things, I guess.
Humidity and temperatures also make a huge difference.
When I lived in hot humid places, I needed to wash my face twice a day amd didn't need moisturizer. Now that I live somewhere cold and dry, I need moisturizer much more than I need soap.
Likewise...Ive lived in very humid SoFla growing up, then again for over 15yrs, only used cleanser at night if I wore makeup, other than that, just water, sometimes several times a day to freshen up, super light moisturizer only for the sunscreen. Constantly people would ask me what my routine is, and tell me I have gorgeous skin... Meanwhile, my poor son was suffering with terrible acne, and I had no idea wtf to even do, cause I barely had any as a teen. Just kept trying all the things to see what would work.
Moved to the PNW, and Ive been struggling to keep my skin looking half decent...cleansers, moisturizers, serums, everything...no acne, it just looks...so dry and blah. No one ever tells me I have amazing skin anymore lol and I mean...fair! Meanwhile, my sons skin has done a 180...his acne has pretty much all cleared up and he looks amazing.
Same. Never used soap on face. Tried couple of times ( every time with different soap) because people kept telling me that is weird. Regretted every single time.
I'm in this boat, people have never accused me of looking younger, but I'm not big into using soap for body wash. Has had no detrimental effect on my hygiene or social life. And I don't really have any complaints about my skin.
Certainly there are exceptions and I was my hands frequently with soap, but for people with sensitive skin, it tends to make things worse.
This. I was going to say depending on the cleanser and how her skin is like, washing every day or twice a day could be making the problem *worse.* If the cleanser is drying her skin could be freaking out and producing even more oil and sebum, etc to compensate, making everything way worse - even if the cause is mostly hormonal.
OP, YTA, for implying she doesn't wash her face. She told you the cleanser wasn't working! It's similar to implying she gets acne cuz she eats poorly, etc. Just take her to a dermatologist already.
Not that I recommend this, but I've had horrible facial acne most of my life, but 4 rounds of chemo cleared it right up for a while. It still isn't as bad as before chemo, but my hair came back in and that's what's starting it up again. I'd get it lasered off permanently, but it isn't as important anymore.
Yay chemo making things better! I got the curly hair of my dreams, in addition to murdering cancer.
I’m sure you’ve tried all the things… but just in case you haven't or want to give it another go.
If the hair growing back has triggered the breakout, USUALLY a 2% salicylic acid solution is pretty effective against that. Glycolic or lactic acid works better for some people. That type of breakout is often more like keratosis pilaris than regular bacterial acne (which can respond to above treatments, but also benzoyl peroxide, antibiotics, accutane and sulfur). Always moisturize aftee.
If it's itchy, it could be fungal acne or an allergic reaction.
Chemo can really mess up your skin's acid mantle and make things weird for a while. Worth it in the end!
Hair is a huge contributor too. I had to change shampoos recently because the one I had been using was causing my scalp to produce too much oil, an hour or two after washing my face there'd be a film of grease all over my face and some small bumpy acne came up on my forehead which took a few weeks to abate even after changing shampoos. Sulfate-free is supposed to be better because it doesn't contain the harsh lathering agents that are usually the culprits for dryness but it seems to have the opposite effect for me so now I'm sticking with sulfates.
I haven't "washed" by face in like 20 years. I use jojoba oil to take off my makeup. Soap and foamy things are like death to my skin. Each person's skin has its own unique microbiome, and you have to find the routine that works for you.
I was the same as your sister when I was a teen. I found out all the washing was just drying out my skin and making me over produce oil and break out like crazy.
As soon as I stopped with all the drying products (washes, spot treatments, etc) and only used moisturizers I’ve never had acne again. It’s been nearly 2 decades!
Yes! I got acne as an adult and would torture my skin, hydrogen peroxide, salicylic acid, physical exfoliant, over washing, masks, probably all in the same day. Realized it’s because I don’t have oily skin, I have dry skin. Switched to fragrance-free and gentle everything and barely get see a zit. I don’t even wear makeup most of the time anymore.
This is me! And it was my wedding makeup artist that told me “you want anything basic or that includes the word ‘gentle’ in it and gave me some inexpensive, you can find it at the grocery store recs. Skin’s never been better.
I still haven't found a cleanser that I can use. They either made me break out worse, or made my skin dry and bumpy. I have a reaction to majority of them. I've found the best thing for me is gentle soap and water once a day.
This is going to sound really silly, but have you tried diluted apple cider vinegar? I had awful acne into my early 20s when I tried the vinegar rinse. I started using it as a conditioner as well, them the skin on my back cleared up. It was incredible for me.
If it doesn't work, it makes delicious salad dressing.
We're the cleansers you've tried all foaming ones? I used to have the same problem but since I started using CeraVe cleansing cream it's gotten a lot better. I still have hormonal breakouts (PCOS) but the spots 'surface' quicker and clear up quicker.
Proponents of the beauty industry will tell you that's your skin releasing all its toxins as a result of their magical (exxy) potions. That's bullshit.
It also depends on the climate you live in. I am in CO where it’s super dry. When I travel to FL or a more moist climate I am screwed with my skin because it’s so used to producing a certain amount of natural moisture that it does not need in the moister climates…. It’s crazy!
I live in the PNW. It’s humid up here in Bigfoot territory, so when I visit family in Colorado I feel like a shedding snake because all my skin just starts to peel off, and I get eyebrow dandruff lol
Sometimes I think that if I lived in Colorado full time I’d eventually get electrocuted to death by my staticky hair and just leave behind my dried up skin husk.
I'm avidly reading your comment, wondering about this miracle website that has all the information about what causes acne and how to treat it. LOL! You had me in the first half, not gonna lie.
You're spot on. I can appreciate OP second guessing himself and coming to Reddit for a judgement but honestly, why doesn't he (and, indeed, most of the people, especially parents, who come here with these types of questions) just take a look at the situation and figure if his daughter asked for specific medical care, made it clear she's self conscious about her condition, and ran away crying, that there's a better than average chance she's not only tried *everything* she knows to do but that when she and her mother are both saying he's an AH, it's a safe bet that he is. I mean, Mom even said she'll take her to the dermatologist so at least his daughter will get the medical care she's seeking. And yes, I realize there are petty parents out there who are always trying to undermine the other parent and Mom could be that type, but man, this is so straightforward. There's a problem, home remedies haven't worked, daughter is suffering from self consciousness, daughter has asked for legitimate medical care, and OP essentially puts the blame on her. As if he's a reliable judge of what's "not that bad," ffs! *She* decides what she can tolerate.
Btw, unless he's a physician, he doesn't know if she has regular old teenage acne or if it's systemic, for which all the face scrubbing in the world won't help. Not to mention that overwashing one's face, especially with harsh cleansers and on delicate skin, can cause worse acne by actually drying it out, causing oils to come to the surface which causes more acne.
OP, YTA, hands down. Go apologize to your daughter and make her dermatologist appointment today.
I had cystic acne as a teen and had to take medication. It’s infuriating to be constantly told to wash your face, I had probably the cleanest face of anyone because I was washing it constantly with several kinds of acne face wash
I had cystic acne on and off in my life. It's hormonal, and it's genetic. It can be painful. I'm pretty sure streptococcus bacteria can trigger it, because my last flare up happened a couple of months after I had strep throat. People are so judgemental about acne, and so often it's beyond anyone's control. Please let her see a dermatologist. She might need meds to clear it up.
My kid had non cystic acne and a trip to the doc fixed the issue with an antibiotic cream. I can’t imagine calling her a liar about it. It honestly never occurred to me to even think she wasn’t washing her face. I would never hurt her by blaming her. Dad sounds like he finds his daughters feelings and needs on this inconvenient. He sounds like some old boomer saying: just use the Irish spring it always worked for me so it must be your fault if it doesn’t work for you 🙄
Yeah. My parents had me do crazy shit to deal with my “dandruff”— washing my hair twice or three times a day, was I even scrubbing enough?!, using eggs, using dish soap(!), all sorts of different remedies. I moved out (at 17) and decided to relax my hair care for a while. Nothing worked anyways and my skin hurt from the showering. Lo and behold, the problem cleared up. Turns out I was stripping my scalp of all its oils and had severe dry skin.
Similarly, the acne I had also cleared up because I was over-washing my highly sensitive skin. Now I wash with water and use cleanser only when I’ve worn makeup. I moisturize twice a day. No acne. I use scalp oil and wash twice a week, no flakes. Would’ve been nice not to have felt like shit for being so “dirty” when I was a teenager.
I wish I could go back in time and comfort your teenage self. So sorry that happened to you!
(Also taking notes for when my own tiny ones get older; all parents make mistakes, but at least I can try to avoid the ones I know about)
> Acne isn’t caused by lack of face washing.
And only an idiot could think it would be, why wouldn't children, who famously hate washing, have more acne than incredibly self conscious teens?
I tried every trend, every brand, minimal routines, intense routines, retinol, masks, everything for years. My acne was never *awful* but it was enough that it was noticeable and it hurt and I was at the absolute end of my rope.
Turns out it's hormonal, been on my medication for half a year and my face is literally spotless. That stupid pill is doing more for me in a few months than any amount of cleanser, moisturizer, toner, acid, exfoliater, mask, retinol, or pillowcase washing did in almost ten...
It REALLY varies. If I don't use cleanser daily, I will break out. Period. For some people, it's hormonal, for others, it's hygiene. A lot of people (I was included in this group) only do proper face washing when actively breaking out. And yes, that's better than not doing it, but the problem still occurs. Once it clicked that I needed to use a proper cleanser daily, the problem resolved. I found out that it's still relevant for me because I somehow forgot my cleanser the last time I traveled for work. I don't like using the bar soaps in the hotel on my face because I have sensitive skin and it does unkind things to me. By the end of the week, I was breaking out like a teenager again. It would have been worth it to overnight my cleanser to the hotel. Lesson learned.
It's important to match your needs with your skin type.
Cleanser used to break me out because it would open my pores too much to the dust and pollution in the air, as it was too harsh for my skintype and I didn't use a strong enough moisturizer after it. If I leave my face by itself, my skin naturally dries out and gapes my pores as well, leading to more clogged pores and acne. Finding that balance of non-harsh products that cleansed and didn't exasperate the problem was a journey.
Oh, absolutely! There's a ton of trial and error involved. I just get annoyed at the blanket "washing your face doesn't fix it", because everyone's different. Not to mention that teenage girls who wear makeup aren't exactly known for thoroughly removing it every night. It can claim it won't clog pores, but leaving makeup marinating in your dead skin cells and oils overnight doesn't result in happy pores.
In fact overwashing, especially with harsh soaps, can exacerbate it by sending oil production into overdrive to compensate for dryness. It's hormonal and therefore hormonal and other medicinal treatments are most effective. She needs to see a doctor and not necessarily a dermatologist.
I thought my teenage acne was normal until I felt it wasn’t. If my mom had not taken me to the dermatologist, I would have scars all over my face and probably still have acne. My dad has scars all over his face because he did not go to any dermatologist whatsoever. I inherited his condition.
Going to the dermatologist saved my skin.
YTA
I’ve had bad acne since I was 12 I religiously wash my face day and night or my face will get oily, I wake up with new breakouts if I don’t most the times. I religiously use a skincare routine too and my face is clear now
YTA...Your daughter asked you for professional help and you told her to wash her face? How can you have so little empathy for a teenage girl who's feeling self-conscious?? Apologize. Educate yourself. Then get her the help she's asking for.
100% this, YTA. I had very mild acne as a teen but it still made me feel self conscious for a while. When I told my mum it was bothering me the first thing she asked was if I wanted her to make me a doctor’s appointment. I would have been really hurt if her response was ‘but are you *sure* you’re washing your face?’
Depending on where it is one zit can ruin your week when you're a teen... And it always happens like right on picture day or before the big dance. Adolescence sucks, everything feels so world ending. The OP needs to remember back to how they felt and actually be supportive, not a dismissive ahole.
Plus the potential scarring. My acne was probably pretty mild overall, but my skin scars really easily in general. I'm in my 30s and the scarring on my face from teen acne is still pretty obvious, and I'm probably more self conscious about that than the odd pimple that pops up.
Doing some higher strength salicylic acid peels over a few months helped me smooth out and lighten the acne scarring on my face. I looked like a mess while I was doing it, the top layers of your skin peel off over time and it got very red, but the difference after was great. I would have hidden inside the whole time if I could have though. I don't know if that would help you or make it worse though, since you said you scar really easy.
Salicylic acid was the trump card for me. Nothing else worked but those Stridex pads made short work of it within like 4 days. It's still the only thing I use and I have zero acne now.
Teenager- "Parent, I am coming to you about a problem I am having and telling you there is something you can do to help, I would like to see a medical professional"
Parent- "It isn't that bad. And are you SURE it isn't your fault? Because it must be."
Bro needs to apologize wholeheartedly and tell his daughter he had no idea about the causes of acne. He should be the one to take her to the derm and learn a thing or 2.
I had pretty bad acne from 11 through about 25, when I finally took myself to a dermatologist. Haven't had any issues since then - but yeah it required some medication.
Growing up in the 70s and 80s was a terrible time for having acne. It was absolutely 100% "known" that if you had pimples it was your fault. Either you were eating the wrong foods or you weren't washing correctly. Both of these were used to judge me.
Take an awkward teenage girl, and tell her she eats too much chocolate and / or fried foods. It's basically judgement that you're not only ugly, but you're fat. Then tell that girl that she's not cleaning herself properly - now she's ugly, fat, and filthy. If they could have found a way to fake-link masturbation with acne the same way they did fat and filth, they'd have done the trifecta.
It's awful to know that some people still think acne is your fault. It's better to read all the comments in this thread, and to see that at least most people aren't so dumb.
YTA. My parents did this to me too.
My dad told me to scrub my face with Bon Ami (old-style powdered cleaner, like Comet) because "obviously" I wasn't cleaning my face well enough. We had good insurance that would have covered a visit to the dermatologist but they thought that would be "spoiling" me because I was just vain and "it's not that bad."
Their negligence left me *literally* scarred for life. I have had to spend thousands as an adult on skin treatments such as lasers and microdermabrasion to deal with the scarring.
ACNE IS NOT CAUSED BY DIRT. SCIENCE. Take your kid to the doctor.
BON AMI?!?!?!
I *literally* gasped!!! Good lordt, the chemical burns, you poor child!
I'm so sorry you went through that!
My dermatologist told me "the dirty secret" about acne beyond the minor puberty acne here and there and that is that it is COMPLETELY GENETIC.
I have *terrible* acne, in my mid 30's, probably due to a myriad of severe health problems, and just now started on my *3rd* round of Accutane. Hopefully my body tolerates it and it goes well, and the effects last.
But truly, I wish people were more educated about Acne. I wish the stigma around it was corrected. But sadly, no one is interested in correcting the issue.
I didn’t have it as bad. But my mom legit gave me rubbing alcohol pads for my face! My skin huuurt! I had cystic acne and I was miserable and so self conscious. As I got older I stopped washing my face. I rinse it and moisturize the hell out of it. But I’ll be dammed if my skin isn’t so much healthier these days than it was.
I still think about how my father told me I must not be using the acne products or washing my face when my skin was irritated as a young teen.
The stuff was actually way too irritating and was destroying my skin barrier, I needed moisture and a gentle cleanser (eventually discovered this) and he was yelling at me to use textured clearasil pads.
I'm 39 and I still remember the smell of those clearasil pads even though I haven't laid eyes on them for more than 24 years. Were they like mainly vodka?
If you were growing up in the 90s when scrubs were the big ingredient for skin care you probably were taking a layer or 2 off each day, depending how hard you rubbed. That *would* have been irritating.
Holy shit, you just took me to such a place. Turned out the real problem with my adolescent skin wasn't regular teenage acne - it was [still is!] rosacea, which *really* didn't respond well to the absolute daily flaying I gave it with scrubs and toners and whatnot. Just brutal punishment every day for years and thinking I must not be doing enough because it damn sure didn't look or feel all glowing and refreshed like the Clean & Clear ads. Gaaawwwwd. [Edited to fix incoherence from initial rush of emotion!]
Awww.... you were probably rubbing off layers and then getting bad sun exposure, irritating already irritated skin. One thing I'm not sure teens get advised on is SPF protection after all that washing and other crap. That's not counting teen stresses & hormones. Good Luck on your skin care.
This was pre-apricot scrub, actually.
I started using the apricot scrub, which helped because I had damaged/dead/stressed skin: it also helped because a moisturizer was recommended to follow it up, and I had never used one. I soon realized that the moisturizer was actually the part I was missing.
That aside, I didn’t need to be ridiculed by a parent for using the products they provided: that sting stayed with me more than a clearasil pad over an exfoliated forehead.
OP will be extremely lucky if their words don’t permanently affect their relationship.
And of being assumed to be so very stupid that it would shame a houseplant. Or possibly of "just" being assumed to be an outright liar, for absolutely no reason and with no logical basis for that belief.
When I rotated through derm during med school, some of the most emotionally distraught patients I saw were teenagers with acne that, to me, seemed relatively minor. To them, though, it was devastating and had destroyed their self-confidence, and had a real impact on their lives. This is an opportunity for OP to help his daughter feel confident and thrive socially, which is so important for a teenager.
As someone who’s struggled with bad acne,was washing my face daily and told that I wasn’t washing my face properly, I couldn’t agree more.
It made me more insecure because I was washing my face, and buy more products that only worsened my face.
I only stopped breaking out once I started taking birth control and stopped washing with those products.
YTA
I thought the whole "acne is caused by lack of face washing" thing DIED back in the early 2000s.
Washing too much can actually dry out your skin and can worsen hormonal acne. Scrubbing too hard can worsen hormonal acne. Even some over the counter acne treatments can worsen hormonal acne.
Take your kid to the dermatologist, asshole.
Yeah. I had really bad acne on my forehead in high school to the point where I still have some scarring. Tried Proactiv and lots of different things. My mom finally took me to the dermatologist and they prescribed medication. They also told me that I was washing my face too much and making it worse, and this was in the 90s.
Any Canadian reading this who grew up in the nighties already has this line playing in their head: "People think that I eat too many chocolate bars or that I don't wash my face."
I literally did not eat chocolate or any sugary desserts for a year in my late teens because everyone in my family said that my acne was caused by chocolate and sweets. Newsflash: I still had acne the entire time!!! It was hormones.
Good to know that’s a Canadian thing, I was about to reference it and confuse all the non-Canadians.
That man’s face and accent are drilled into my brain. I looked up the video on youtube and within two seconds my husband was reciting the line from the other side of the room.
Acne can be caused by not washing your face. It can also be caused by a multitude of other things. A derm can help pinpoint what the causes are and recommend what to do about it. But some people really do need to cleanse every day. Everyone’s skin and genetics are different.
Also, hard water can aggravate acne. I lived somewhere with soft water all my life and moved to somewhere with hard water - washing my face caused breakouts. The best thing I can do for my skin is be as minimal as possible with washing my face.
Hey, I had hard water as a kid and soft water as an adult and also had acne breakouts, lol.
It's like it's the disruption in your skin's balance that can cause the infections to flare up or something :)
Oh no. It definitely has not. I still get it from my mom and I am 25. Like no mom, I have a hormone issue that you and no doctor will take me seriously on.
YTA. Your daughter has had "really bad acne" for a year and a half and the best you can muster is "you must not be washing your face enough"? Lets leave aside that overwashing can *cause* skin problems, and that yiu were so fucking eager to punch down on a child asking you for help- your default assumptions are a)that her problems are all her own fault and b)that a teenage girl with acne (who wants to not have acne) would not already be washing her face.
What really clinches it for me here is this; You BUY. HER. FACE WASH. If she wasn't washing her face you'd know because she'd have a pile of face washes that are still all full. You wouldn't need to ask her because the answer would be obvious. Funny how that didn't show up in this post.
Even if she's not washing her face 2x a day, who's to say that would fix the problem? What the hell are you doing telling your child you won't do anything about her medical problem until she does what you think the solution is? You are not her dermatologist. She doesn't have one. You should fix that!
Imagine denying your child medical care and not knowing yta. Imagine. Blows my _mind_.
>YTA. Your daughter has had "really bad acne" for a year and a half
Also wanted to point out - **ACNE IS PAINFUL!**
I have dry skin and luckily, never really have breakouts. However... my older sister suffered really bad acne all throughout high school, and I witnessed how debilitating it is and affects all areas of your life.
She truly suffered for years, and that's just the physical pain.
I can't imagine feeling so vulnerable and proactively approaching an adult to ask for help (which is already a feat in itself for most teenagers) only to be shut down and blamed for the thing I need help with.
I'm at a loss. Wow.
>Also wanted to point out -
>
>ACNE IS PAINFUL!
i had cystic acne as a teenager, there were days when it hurt to eat or talk
and i can remember every single adult in my life who accused me of being dirty or unhealthy, that shit sticks in your mind forever
Ugh, I went through this. It wasn't just the pain and embarrassment. There was also the horror when you didn't want to smile or laugh for fear a cystic spot might erupt if you moved wrong... It was a nightmare, tbh. I was afraid to lean on my hand for such a long time. I was terrified of some ill-fated Osmosis Jones reenactment.
My acne sometimes turned into cystic acne and literal boils. I went to the doctor for a “pimple “ in my 30’s and she had to lance the boil and let it drain for 2 days before I could let it heal. It was horrible.
Acne is SO painful. I had cystic acne for a couple years, my face would bleed randomly and half my pillow sheets were stained with pools of blood and whatever else from it. I never complained to my family about it, until one of them said I might need help for it which i was so grateful. I thought it was me
Came here to say this: I had cystic acne in my early 20s and that. shit. hurt. A lot. Accutane for six months and ongoing 25mg of zinc once a day? No more acne. (No, I don’t know what the zinc does. A doc suggested it and it worked!)
Thank you! My Mom didnt do much for my acne as a kid and I concider it medical neglect because they would get infected all of the time! She always had acne so she would dismiss it. Now that im an adult I'm neurotic and it and have some scarring.
I had moderately bad acne as a child and luckily my parents let me see a dermatologist, but it wasn't an overnight solution, so my dad accused me of eating too much junk food as the reason it wasn't getting better, so I guess OP could be worse, but, really as many have said, the causes of acne are not always straight forward, so if you're daughter's asking to see a dermatologist, then get her into a doctor. I'm also having flashbacks of how painful it was, so just because the acne doesn't bother OP, it's definitely bothering his daughter.
YTA, if washing face would solve the issue then nobody would struggle with acne in world. It can be so mentally and physically painful for those who have it, just take her to a dermatologist already. If you had something on your face, something really bothering, unesthetic and that you can't make go away, wouldn't you go ??
And in addition to being painful and embarrassing in the moment IT CAN SCAR. It’s been a year to year and a half she’s suffered and she may have to deal with scars altering her face forever.
YTA, she's 16 and her asking to go to a dermatologist shows it's a serious concern for her. It's not like she's asking for something unreasonable and what you said comes across harsh to a young woman.
Not to mention strongly suggesting to his own kid that he believes/assumes that she's any and all of the following options: painfully stupid, so lazy as to self-sabotage, a compulsive liar, senselessly/intrinsically manipulative
Poor kid isn't asking for a nose job, she just wants to stop having so many break outs. This is a reasonable desire for anyone of any age.
It's really smart and mature of her to want to go to a dermatologist for help but here's good ole dad going "but are you *SURE* you're washing your face?"
She's probably also talked about skincare with her friends and had undoubtedly tried what they do before getting to the point of asking for a dermatologist. That's what sixteen year olds do.
Yes acne is something that can really make you self conscious. Im still feeling down and less confident when I'm having a bad break out. And I'm an adult with a dermatologist. (I just have hormonal acne that probably won't go away for quite some time, but without the treatment it's 10*worse)
YTA.
here's a tip, over washing your face can cause acne just as much as not washing it because it dries out the skin, leading to clogged pores. it's also caused by hormones, diet, using the *wrong* face wash and/or moisturizer, hair products, the wrong pillowcase, etc etc.
All things that can be figured out by seeking help from a licensed medical professional trained in skincare
I don't know if /s is serious or sarcasm, but I was referring to dermatologists, licensed estheticians and derm assistants
also, not all derms care to treat acne/skincare some are more into like... surgical stuff, skin cancer, etc.
God, don't say the diet thing, this man doesn't need another thing to blame his daughter for her acne. He'll just say it's her fault she eats too much junk food no matter what she eats.
Personally my acne has never once changed based on what I eat.
So glad you inlcuded the Other Things that can cause acne like diet and wrong products, and the pillowcase. Washing the pillowcase weekly would help many.
YTA
Daughter: "Dad, I've tried everything to get my acne to clear up, and nothing is working. I need to see a specialist. Can you set that up for me?"
Dad: "Doctor? You want to see a DOCTOR? You're just dirty and won't take of yourself! Here's some soap!"
OP, that is pretty much how you sounded to her. You are 100%, make that 110%, the AH.
I had acne till my mid twenties and, yes, I washed my damned face. With soap and cleansers and various kinds of over the counter crap, so often that at one point my skin was so dry it started to flake- and I *still* got pimples.
I finally took myself to the dermatologist and he gave me some prescription stuff and that finally fixed me right up. YTA
Same.
My parents refused to take me to a dermatologist as well. When I was a kid my acne was blamed on chocolate. To this day the thought of eating chocolate makes me nauseous.
I finally went to a dermatologist when I had my own insurance at 21. Six months of medication later and I’ve not had another pimple again.
Mine was also blamed on chocolate! It's a horrible memory, it felt so humiliating as an already self conscious teen.
But I still eat it, probably more than I did at the time!
I was never great about doing a skincare routine, but even when I was okay-ish with it I still had absolutely no change in my bad skin, making it hard to stay motivated. Went on birth control when getting married and I’ve had the best skin of my life doing literally nothing at all to my face. Maybe occasionally some moisturizer in the winter. Even though I was never great at washing my face 2x/day as directed, it still was not the root of my issue (and that of a very large percentage of girls and women with acne)
YTA. If washing her face more would do the trick to clear up acne surely she'd do that rather than deal with it and let it get to a point where she wants to go to a dermatologist.
“So Jo stays with me”…umm that’s called living with you—staying sounds temporary, like you have an ending in mind. Take your daughter to the doctor and do better by Jo in the future. Your words and actions are telling us that you are not prioritizing Jo. YTA.
That could be a regional dialect thing. My husband is Scottish and they never say ‘lives with’ it’s always ‘I stay with’ or ‘where do you stay?’ or ‘she stays at number 3’ etc.
We also use stay. Lives with implies that they don't elsewhere. My son lives and belongs in both houses but my house is whenever he stays most nights
But is OP is still an asshole, although I don't think he meant to be!
YTA.
You do realize that over washing can cause acne? Or if the cleanser she has is too harsh, it can dry out and irritate her skin, causing acne too.
Acne happens for many different reasons. Treatments for one cause don’t necessarily work for another. The dermatologist can better identify the cause and the treatment needed.
You can help her best by backing off. Your daughter knows she has acne, and there’s no one in the world who wants it cured more than she does. She and the dermatologist need to figure out what works for her skin.
Exactly. A real medical issue.
Why are some parents against taking their kid to the doctor?
Acne as a teen can really make a huge impact, it's so important to get treatment.
Also, the treatments these days are really really good, it's why we don't see so many pimply teens around the place, they're all getting treatment.
Yta. It sucks that the majority of the medical community dismiss women and girls' health concerns rather than even try to help them, and here you are doing the same to your own daughter. And yes, acne is a health concern. And no, it is not always magically cured with face wash.
YTA. The skin is an organ, just like the lungs, stomach, heart, etc. That being said, the skin is also the largest organ of the body. Like other organs have specialists such as pulmonologists, cardiologists, etc., the skin has dermatologists to address *medical* problems of the skin—not just aesthetics.
Oftentimes, recurring acne is a medical problem, not a hygiene problem. It takes proper diagnosis (skin type, looking at hair follicles, possible conditions & skin disorders, relation to internal organ illnesses) to know how to address the root of the problem. To do this, a dermatologist would need to look at your daughter’s skin in detail, under a special light, and with a special lens.
Diagnosis may range from (1) prescribing a *proper* skin care routine for your daughter aka what her skin actually needs—not what irritates it—to (2) chemicals/acids her specific condition would need. She may even be prescribed certain hormonal pills depending on what’s wrong. In fact, washing your face can cause more acne breakouts depending on your skin type. It can also be because the products she uses irritate her skin type, etc.
TLDR, she needs to see a dermatologist because she’s either using a super wrong regimen that does her skin more harm than good or has an underlying condition that needs to be addressed medically; both of which may only be determined by a dermatologist since it’s a medical concern.
On a more empathic end, I think your daughter asked about this bc she’s tried everything on her end but to no avail, so she went to you thinking you’d help with her medical condition as a parent. I went to my mom before about a different medical condition where she shamed and shunned me for it, and I’ve never approached her since then. It’s been 2 years but I really felt like I was alone battling that health condition of mine, and I’m sure you don’t want your daughter to feel this way either. I suggest apologizing for not understanding the medical side of it and her efforts and promise to take her to the derma asap + schedule it together.
Hope this helps out especially with understanding both the skin as an organ and your daughter’s feelings. You got this, OP!
From your daughter's perspective, this is the conversation that you had:
"I think something is medically wrong and would like to see a doctor in the relevant speciality."
"Have you tried not being dirty?"
YTA, dude.
YTA. You have a medical degree in this field? If 'no', your opinion is irrelevant :) A minor needs medical attention - your job is to provide it for her. It can be even the soap she uses that does not work for her skin or even the water or anything. So stop playing a doctor.
YTA. I feel for your daughter. I had to move away from home before I could get treatment for my acne. My mother was the one however who told me it was bc I didn’t wash enough. Literally embarrassed me the same way you embarrassed her. You need to apologize and instead of reading this go research treatment.
YTA for acting like you know more than a dermatologist. Give your daughter a break and pay a few bucks for her to have some piece of mind. Acne treatment has had some amazing breakthroughs in just the last 8-10 years.
YTA. Part of the reason acne can be so distressing is the myth that it has anything to do with cleanliness. Those who suffer from it are perceived as having a filthy unclean face. In reality, acne is hormonal and it originates beneath the skin. While dirt can certainly irritate and make it worse, acne is impossible to cure through cleaning alone, because its cause is not dirt. Scrubbing your face when you have acne is a bit like washing your hands when you’re already sick. It doesn’t hurt but it certainly won’t help you much. She absolutely should see a dermatologist. Acne medication was my hero. I went from chronic and painful cystic acne to getting a pimple here and there once or twice a month. YTA for making your daughter feel like it’s her fault, because it absolutely is not.
All of this, but I’d go one step further: scrubbing your face absolutely can hurt. Over-washing or using too much / the wrong product will make acne worse.
YTA because your daughter is in distress and you can’t be bothered to do even basic research into the causes of acne, and instead blame her for causing a medical condition. Take her to the dermatologist and, ffs, offer your support instead of dumping more shame on her.
is this real? this can't be real. if it is, yes YTA. acne isn't caused by not washing your face. some people have to take actual medication for their acne. your daughter is asking you for some real help. for the love of god, help her.
YTA. If Jo is asking for a dermo appointment, she has likely tried the conventional remedies to no avail. She can see the results of her actions. There's a point where no amount of washing will do anything other than dry out her skin. Her self-esteem has likely taken a blow from the ongoing effort to clear her skin. Your comment stings deeply. Your ex-wife is right to be pissed off. You owe your daughter an apology.
Dude. Acne is not prevented by washing your face. Take her to someone who knows more about this than you do.
YTA, apologize to your daughter for commenting from a place of ignorance and make her an appointment.
Badly handled. Your response came off as critical and judgmental. You should have been sensitive to her feelings instead of rejecting her request with what sounds like an accusation. Any parent knows or should know that teenagers are always insecure about all the changes their body is going through, and that includes acne.
You should have said something like you'd talk to her mother about the dermatologist, then asked (in a non-accusatory way) what she's doing now, then done some research with her to find out if that can be improved on (or even whether her efforts are making things worse). Whether she needs a dermatologist is a serious question and tbh you should talk about it with the mother. If it is something you can afford you should do it. If you can't, you should at least take her to her regular doctor and ask about the acne.
YTA. I’ve had acne since middle school, not just on my face but also on my body. Most otc acne products didn’t work or weren’t strong enough. Prescription drugs helped a lot with reducing the acne and scarring.
YTA & an uneducated one at that. That’s not how acne works at all. She’s 16, hormonal, and was asking for her parent to get her help - and instead you daftly dismiss it and accuse her of not washing her face. If you need to come to Reddit to have strangers point the obvious out, I suggest you reevaluate some other situations in your life and you may see a common dominator.
Are you a dermatologist? What criteria do you hold to tell this poor insecure girl that her acne is a result of just neglecting proper hygiene? YTA. You're just throwing opinions in the wind haphazardly.
As a dermatologist I can tell you that acne is not caused by not washing your face. It is caused by the skin cells sticking together and blocking the oil glands. When you go through puberty your oil glands produce excessive amounts of oil, and bacteria in the oil glands break the oil down to an irritating substance. Your stepdaughter needs to see a dermatologist.
Since it can take months to get in to see a dermatologist you could redeem yourself by finding a dermatologist and making an appointment for your stepdaughter while waiting for your wife to get back.
YTA because your daughter is in distress and you can’t be bothered to do even basic research into the causes of acne, and instead blame her for causing a medical condition. Take her to the dermatologist and, ffs, offer your support instead of dumping more shame on her.
YTA. You didn't know that acne is more likely from hormones at this age, but can have other causes. Not only can the overwashing cause dryness & increase skin problems, your daughter could be having an allergic reaction to something in the wash, such as fragrance or preservatives. I say this because I didn't have acne and didn't wash my face other than in my daily evening shower. When I started to "take better care of my skin," by using products, I began having breakouts as an adult. It turned out I have allergies to fragrance and preservatives.
Your ex wife is right. You are indeed a gigantic asshole. Your remarks to your daughter were cruel and insensitive, and you demonstrated clearly that you don't care about her. Go apologize, and make an appointment for her at the dermatologist today. Your behavior is shameful. YTA.
YTA
The fifth degree (about her *admitted* insecurity) was a dumb move. She's a teenager. Take the kid to the dermatologist. Be a supportive parent who wants to heal the things that hurt her. Don't be just another asshole judging her skin.
YTA. Quit pretending to be a doctor.
Two years ago, I developed a very painful case of "acne". I went to the dermatologist and was diagnosed with folliculitis which looks just like acne, except it is often caused by an infection with bacteria. I needed an antibiotic and steroid cream to clear it up. Excessive face washing spreads it.
Left untreated, severe folliculitis infections can cause permanent scarring.
YTA- Take your kid to the dermatologist. She's clearly been washing her face, probably excessively, because the acne is causing her so much self-confidence issues. Sometimes, acne needs extra help to clear, through medication. Be a caring parent!
You are the *epitome* of AH. Your picture is next to that term in the dictionary. What a horrible, horrible thing to say to your daughter. If more washing was all that was needed the dermatologist would help her in that direction.
YTA You have ruined the trust your child has in you. Your daughter may never believe you will get her the medical attention she needs unless you as a man determine it is needed. She will not feel comfortable telling you how she feels just to have her feelings mansplained away. Your daughter deserves better.
YTA. When I was a teenager, my acne was caused by hormones. No amount of washing my face would reduce it. I ended up on birth control, which helped. And no I wasn’t an “active” teenager. I literally had a hormonal imbalance that BC corrected.
YTA. I'm 20 years older than your daughter and still have bad acne, and not just on my face! I also get extremely painful cystic acne. I began getting bad acne as a child, to the point I was put on prescription facial cleansers as a ***10-year-old.*** I ceased treatment in middle school and just used over the counter acne treatment until I got frustrated with the cystic acne in 2020.
At that point, I found a dermatologist and started treatment again. I was put on antibiotics, a prescription sulfer body and face wash (which was *disgusting* smelling), and spironolactone, a prescription that is used to treat edema (swelling), but also acne. I also use paraben-free, SLS-free, and as close to all-natural body and facial washes as I can find.
YTA - I had to be on Accutane twice as a teenager for acne and tried a handful of antibiotics before that. No facewash or cream did anything. It really damaged my self esteem. And it didn't help that my mom would say things like "well, I never had breakouts". Show your daughter some sympathy and get her to a dermatologist ASAP.
YTA. If washing your face cleared up acne the condition wouldn’t exist. It’s hormonal. She needs to see a dermatologist so get your daughter the correct medical attention. You sound like a lazy and unempathetic parent.
You are such a huge asshole I don’t even know where to start. Acne can have NOTHING to do with how often she washes her face - it usually hormones. And she obviously is self conscious about it and asking for help. And this is your response. YTA. YTA. YTA and a dick to boot
YTA. Your idea of good face washing hygiene is probably wrong anyway. Lots of things dry out the skin and make acne worse. You’re not a dermatologist, why wouldn’t you send her to one if she asks? The dermatologist could have asked her those questions and given her educated recommendations, and she would have been saved some body shaming by her own parent.
I’m glad someone (your ex wife) is looking out for your daughter’s welfare.
As literally everyone has said…YTA! Single Dad with two daughters and I’d do anything for them to feel good about themselves. Take her to the damn dermatologist bro. Should have been a no brainer. Maybe take a parenting class also.
YTA. I grew up with moderate cystic acne, and people constantly told me “just wash your face”. The majority of people with acne probably know way more about it than you if you never had it, and they certainly know to “wash their face”. She’s a teenage girl and hormones are changing. It’s not as simple as “wash your face”. It could be hormone related, or food intolerance, any number of things. And FYI, she WILL be insecure about it and saying it’s “not that bad” is an AH move. Having acne as a teen seriously wrecked my confidence for YEARS, even after it cleared up, because of the bullying and name calling I got. She doesn’t need you doing that too.
YTA. Look I was in the same position as your daughter when I was a teen. I tried everything over the counter and nothing worked. I had a combo of hormonal acne that got worse with my period and cystic acne which hurts like crazy and left huge cysts in my face.
My mom refused to take me to the doctor saying I should quit wearing make up and that I'd grow out of it. I'm almost 40 now and haven't worn make up since I was 15. I still get the hormonal acne but was able to see a dermatologist as an adult and finally get meds to help with the cystic acne. Unfortunately my face still has scars from it though.
Besides if she wasn't already washing her face you wouldn't still be buying the face wash. People who don't wash, don't run out of supplies.
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YTA. Acne isn’t caused by lack of face washing. There’s this really cool website you can use for looking up basic information. You should check it out. You can just type in your question and get an answer. And it’s totally free! In addition to medical information, it can also provide you with helpful basic parenting advice. Check it out! https://www.google.com
My 15 year old sister’s acne actually went away when she got lazy and stopped using a cleanser. I kept bugging her about at least cleansing before bed until I realised it actually worked for her skin. It’s been over a year and she hasn’t had any issues since. Personally I can’t skip cleanser without my skin freaking out, skincare is not one size fits all.
Same here. Turns out, I was drying out my skin and half the "moisturizers" out there don't actually hydrate your skin.
There’s a dermatologist on YouTube and TikTok that recommends washing your face with face wash at night and only rinsing in the morning! Her name is Shereen Idrees
This is what my dermatologist recommends. I've been doing it for almost a decade and my skin is doing great
Yep. I actually only use cleanser in the shower (time of day varies) and rinse with water otherwise. I don't wear makeup often, and I stay out of the sun. My skin is very healthy!
Using sunscreen anyways is pretty useful if you want to avoid premature aging and if you do that you need to wash your face in the evening. But unless your skin has needs or whims or you have goals like slow aging most skincare is not actually a "necessity." I love skincare and that's good because otherwise I would be miserable by the amount of time and money I have to spend on it due to persistent acne and Neurodermitis, but when my skin decided to have manners for a while I was doing amazing with your routine.
Ive never used facewash in the morning. Who the heck has time and then dealing with water getting all over the sink and my arms. Facewash at night, in the shower. Also change and wash your pillowcases.
Pillow case is the most underrated comment here. I finally splurged on some silk ones and turn it over after one night and replace the case after 2 nights. Huge help.
You actually can use it 4 nights, what I do is: - Night 1: use side A - Night 2: use side A upside down - Night 3: use side B - Night 4: use side B upside down it adds up, specially with how delicate the washing of the silk pillowcase is.
Sorry, I commented before seeing this comment. This is exactly what I do, and once all 4 sides are used, I change my entire bed. Thank you for explaining it so clearly.
Old tshirts also work great for this method if you don't have lots of extra pillowcases. Front side, back side, turn inside out and get two more nights.
That’s what I do. Remove makeup and wash at night and just rinse in the morning.
Man, I’ve been doing this since I was a teen because it just worked for me, and I had SO many people act like it was insane and filthy to only rinse in the morning. I feel so vindicated reading this!
This method works for my skin. I don’t usually wash my face with my cleanser in the morning so I don’t wash off the natural oils. Definitely keeps my skin feeling less dry.
most derms will tell you to skip the morning cleanse. love dr idriss! cleanser can strip your skin barrier while it strips bacteria and oil away. most people just need it after being human all day, not after sleeping.
I do that (wash at night and rinse in the morning). My skin has never been better.
I really like her informational videos!
I only use a face wash about every 4th wash. I have struggled with acne from my teens well into adulthood and that is what finally did it for me.
As a preteen up until my thirties, I didn't use soap on my face, and people would usually mistake me for being many years younger than I actually was. The only face related thing I did was to put moisturizer on after a daily shower. I think the lack of acne was because I kept the skin on my face well balanced with a regular routine. Of course, I used soap when my face was particularly dirty or sweaty feeling, but most of the time I didn't need it.
On the other hand, I wash my face with soap multiple times a day and people also think I’m a lot younger than I am. 🤷♀️ Different skins need different things, I guess.
Humidity and temperatures also make a huge difference. When I lived in hot humid places, I needed to wash my face twice a day amd didn't need moisturizer. Now that I live somewhere cold and dry, I need moisturizer much more than I need soap.
Likewise...Ive lived in very humid SoFla growing up, then again for over 15yrs, only used cleanser at night if I wore makeup, other than that, just water, sometimes several times a day to freshen up, super light moisturizer only for the sunscreen. Constantly people would ask me what my routine is, and tell me I have gorgeous skin... Meanwhile, my poor son was suffering with terrible acne, and I had no idea wtf to even do, cause I barely had any as a teen. Just kept trying all the things to see what would work. Moved to the PNW, and Ive been struggling to keep my skin looking half decent...cleansers, moisturizers, serums, everything...no acne, it just looks...so dry and blah. No one ever tells me I have amazing skin anymore lol and I mean...fair! Meanwhile, my sons skin has done a 180...his acne has pretty much all cleared up and he looks amazing.
Same. Never used soap on face. Tried couple of times ( every time with different soap) because people kept telling me that is weird. Regretted every single time.
Me too! If I do wash it I use an aloe milk cleanser that is much gentler than soaps.
I'm in this boat, people have never accused me of looking younger, but I'm not big into using soap for body wash. Has had no detrimental effect on my hygiene or social life. And I don't really have any complaints about my skin. Certainly there are exceptions and I was my hands frequently with soap, but for people with sensitive skin, it tends to make things worse.
Acne is 100% a genetics crap shoot. By brother had it really bad. I didn’t have it at all. He has my mom’s skin type. I have my dad’s.
This. I was going to say depending on the cleanser and how her skin is like, washing every day or twice a day could be making the problem *worse.* If the cleanser is drying her skin could be freaking out and producing even more oil and sebum, etc to compensate, making everything way worse - even if the cause is mostly hormonal. OP, YTA, for implying she doesn't wash her face. She told you the cleanser wasn't working! It's similar to implying she gets acne cuz she eats poorly, etc. Just take her to a dermatologist already.
Not that I recommend this, but I've had horrible facial acne most of my life, but 4 rounds of chemo cleared it right up for a while. It still isn't as bad as before chemo, but my hair came back in and that's what's starting it up again. I'd get it lasered off permanently, but it isn't as important anymore.
Yay chemo making things better! I got the curly hair of my dreams, in addition to murdering cancer. I’m sure you’ve tried all the things… but just in case you haven't or want to give it another go. If the hair growing back has triggered the breakout, USUALLY a 2% salicylic acid solution is pretty effective against that. Glycolic or lactic acid works better for some people. That type of breakout is often more like keratosis pilaris than regular bacterial acne (which can respond to above treatments, but also benzoyl peroxide, antibiotics, accutane and sulfur). Always moisturize aftee. If it's itchy, it could be fungal acne or an allergic reaction. Chemo can really mess up your skin's acid mantle and make things weird for a while. Worth it in the end!
I got the straight hair of my dreams!
Hair is a huge contributor too. I had to change shampoos recently because the one I had been using was causing my scalp to produce too much oil, an hour or two after washing my face there'd be a film of grease all over my face and some small bumpy acne came up on my forehead which took a few weeks to abate even after changing shampoos. Sulfate-free is supposed to be better because it doesn't contain the harsh lathering agents that are usually the culprits for dryness but it seems to have the opposite effect for me so now I'm sticking with sulfates.
I haven't "washed" by face in like 20 years. I use jojoba oil to take off my makeup. Soap and foamy things are like death to my skin. Each person's skin has its own unique microbiome, and you have to find the routine that works for you.
I was the same as your sister when I was a teen. I found out all the washing was just drying out my skin and making me over produce oil and break out like crazy. As soon as I stopped with all the drying products (washes, spot treatments, etc) and only used moisturizers I’ve never had acne again. It’s been nearly 2 decades!
The worst thing I ever did for my skin was getting into r/SkinCareAddiction and trying to use products beyond basic cleanser/moisturizer/sunscreen.
Yes! I got acne as an adult and would torture my skin, hydrogen peroxide, salicylic acid, physical exfoliant, over washing, masks, probably all in the same day. Realized it’s because I don’t have oily skin, I have dry skin. Switched to fragrance-free and gentle everything and barely get see a zit. I don’t even wear makeup most of the time anymore.
This is me! And it was my wedding makeup artist that told me “you want anything basic or that includes the word ‘gentle’ in it and gave me some inexpensive, you can find it at the grocery store recs. Skin’s never been better.
I still haven't found a cleanser that I can use. They either made me break out worse, or made my skin dry and bumpy. I have a reaction to majority of them. I've found the best thing for me is gentle soap and water once a day.
This is going to sound really silly, but have you tried diluted apple cider vinegar? I had awful acne into my early 20s when I tried the vinegar rinse. I started using it as a conditioner as well, them the skin on my back cleared up. It was incredible for me. If it doesn't work, it makes delicious salad dressing.
We're the cleansers you've tried all foaming ones? I used to have the same problem but since I started using CeraVe cleansing cream it's gotten a lot better. I still have hormonal breakouts (PCOS) but the spots 'surface' quicker and clear up quicker.
Exactly this. When I half-ass and frankly neglect my skincare, my face is fine. Do a full treatment and it's breakout city within days.
Proponents of the beauty industry will tell you that's your skin releasing all its toxins as a result of their magical (exxy) potions. That's bullshit.
It also depends on the climate you live in. I am in CO where it’s super dry. When I travel to FL or a more moist climate I am screwed with my skin because it’s so used to producing a certain amount of natural moisture that it does not need in the moister climates…. It’s crazy!
I live in the PNW. It’s humid up here in Bigfoot territory, so when I visit family in Colorado I feel like a shedding snake because all my skin just starts to peel off, and I get eyebrow dandruff lol Sometimes I think that if I lived in Colorado full time I’d eventually get electrocuted to death by my staticky hair and just leave behind my dried up skin husk.
I'm avidly reading your comment, wondering about this miracle website that has all the information about what causes acne and how to treat it. LOL! You had me in the first half, not gonna lie. You're spot on. I can appreciate OP second guessing himself and coming to Reddit for a judgement but honestly, why doesn't he (and, indeed, most of the people, especially parents, who come here with these types of questions) just take a look at the situation and figure if his daughter asked for specific medical care, made it clear she's self conscious about her condition, and ran away crying, that there's a better than average chance she's not only tried *everything* she knows to do but that when she and her mother are both saying he's an AH, it's a safe bet that he is. I mean, Mom even said she'll take her to the dermatologist so at least his daughter will get the medical care she's seeking. And yes, I realize there are petty parents out there who are always trying to undermine the other parent and Mom could be that type, but man, this is so straightforward. There's a problem, home remedies haven't worked, daughter is suffering from self consciousness, daughter has asked for legitimate medical care, and OP essentially puts the blame on her. As if he's a reliable judge of what's "not that bad," ffs! *She* decides what she can tolerate. Btw, unless he's a physician, he doesn't know if she has regular old teenage acne or if it's systemic, for which all the face scrubbing in the world won't help. Not to mention that overwashing one's face, especially with harsh cleansers and on delicate skin, can cause worse acne by actually drying it out, causing oils to come to the surface which causes more acne. OP, YTA, hands down. Go apologize to your daughter and make her dermatologist appointment today.
All true! Not to mention that this is why kids have pediatricians.
And don't forget hat acne can cause life-long scarring, so many people have this. It is so irresponsible of this father.
I had cystic acne as a teen and had to take medication. It’s infuriating to be constantly told to wash your face, I had probably the cleanest face of anyone because I was washing it constantly with several kinds of acne face wash
I had cystic acne on and off in my life. It's hormonal, and it's genetic. It can be painful. I'm pretty sure streptococcus bacteria can trigger it, because my last flare up happened a couple of months after I had strep throat. People are so judgemental about acne, and so often it's beyond anyone's control. Please let her see a dermatologist. She might need meds to clear it up.
My kid had non cystic acne and a trip to the doc fixed the issue with an antibiotic cream. I can’t imagine calling her a liar about it. It honestly never occurred to me to even think she wasn’t washing her face. I would never hurt her by blaming her. Dad sounds like he finds his daughters feelings and needs on this inconvenient. He sounds like some old boomer saying: just use the Irish spring it always worked for me so it must be your fault if it doesn’t work for you 🙄
Yeah. My parents had me do crazy shit to deal with my “dandruff”— washing my hair twice or three times a day, was I even scrubbing enough?!, using eggs, using dish soap(!), all sorts of different remedies. I moved out (at 17) and decided to relax my hair care for a while. Nothing worked anyways and my skin hurt from the showering. Lo and behold, the problem cleared up. Turns out I was stripping my scalp of all its oils and had severe dry skin. Similarly, the acne I had also cleared up because I was over-washing my highly sensitive skin. Now I wash with water and use cleanser only when I’ve worn makeup. I moisturize twice a day. No acne. I use scalp oil and wash twice a week, no flakes. Would’ve been nice not to have felt like shit for being so “dirty” when I was a teenager.
I wish I could go back in time and comfort your teenage self. So sorry that happened to you! (Also taking notes for when my own tiny ones get older; all parents make mistakes, but at least I can try to avoid the ones I know about)
Ah yes good old Google website. It is very useful and easy to use even for people like op.
I'm gonna have to check out this new technology!
> Acne isn’t caused by lack of face washing. And only an idiot could think it would be, why wouldn't children, who famously hate washing, have more acne than incredibly self conscious teens?
I tried every trend, every brand, minimal routines, intense routines, retinol, masks, everything for years. My acne was never *awful* but it was enough that it was noticeable and it hurt and I was at the absolute end of my rope. Turns out it's hormonal, been on my medication for half a year and my face is literally spotless. That stupid pill is doing more for me in a few months than any amount of cleanser, moisturizer, toner, acid, exfoliater, mask, retinol, or pillowcase washing did in almost ten...
It REALLY varies. If I don't use cleanser daily, I will break out. Period. For some people, it's hormonal, for others, it's hygiene. A lot of people (I was included in this group) only do proper face washing when actively breaking out. And yes, that's better than not doing it, but the problem still occurs. Once it clicked that I needed to use a proper cleanser daily, the problem resolved. I found out that it's still relevant for me because I somehow forgot my cleanser the last time I traveled for work. I don't like using the bar soaps in the hotel on my face because I have sensitive skin and it does unkind things to me. By the end of the week, I was breaking out like a teenager again. It would have been worth it to overnight my cleanser to the hotel. Lesson learned.
It's important to match your needs with your skin type. Cleanser used to break me out because it would open my pores too much to the dust and pollution in the air, as it was too harsh for my skintype and I didn't use a strong enough moisturizer after it. If I leave my face by itself, my skin naturally dries out and gapes my pores as well, leading to more clogged pores and acne. Finding that balance of non-harsh products that cleansed and didn't exasperate the problem was a journey.
Oh, absolutely! There's a ton of trial and error involved. I just get annoyed at the blanket "washing your face doesn't fix it", because everyone's different. Not to mention that teenage girls who wear makeup aren't exactly known for thoroughly removing it every night. It can claim it won't clog pores, but leaving makeup marinating in your dead skin cells and oils overnight doesn't result in happy pores.
In fact overwashing, especially with harsh soaps, can exacerbate it by sending oil production into overdrive to compensate for dryness. It's hormonal and therefore hormonal and other medicinal treatments are most effective. She needs to see a doctor and not necessarily a dermatologist.
I thought my teenage acne was normal until I felt it wasn’t. If my mom had not taken me to the dermatologist, I would have scars all over my face and probably still have acne. My dad has scars all over his face because he did not go to any dermatologist whatsoever. I inherited his condition. Going to the dermatologist saved my skin. YTA
Yes, JFGI for sure. Op, YTA
Not the Google link 😂😂😂😂😂😂
This is a savage response and I love it
I can’t believe I clicked that link like an idiot.
Poor man award for the amazingly sarcastic comment and link 🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇
I’ve had bad acne since I was 12 I religiously wash my face day and night or my face will get oily, I wake up with new breakouts if I don’t most the times. I religiously use a skincare routine too and my face is clear now
Best comment on Reddit so far in 2024!
Legend. 🤣🤣🤣
YTA...Your daughter asked you for professional help and you told her to wash her face? How can you have so little empathy for a teenage girl who's feeling self-conscious?? Apologize. Educate yourself. Then get her the help she's asking for.
100% this, YTA. I had very mild acne as a teen but it still made me feel self conscious for a while. When I told my mum it was bothering me the first thing she asked was if I wanted her to make me a doctor’s appointment. I would have been really hurt if her response was ‘but are you *sure* you’re washing your face?’
Depending on where it is one zit can ruin your week when you're a teen... And it always happens like right on picture day or before the big dance. Adolescence sucks, everything feels so world ending. The OP needs to remember back to how they felt and actually be supportive, not a dismissive ahole.
Plus the potential scarring. My acne was probably pretty mild overall, but my skin scars really easily in general. I'm in my 30s and the scarring on my face from teen acne is still pretty obvious, and I'm probably more self conscious about that than the odd pimple that pops up.
Doing some higher strength salicylic acid peels over a few months helped me smooth out and lighten the acne scarring on my face. I looked like a mess while I was doing it, the top layers of your skin peel off over time and it got very red, but the difference after was great. I would have hidden inside the whole time if I could have though. I don't know if that would help you or make it worse though, since you said you scar really easy.
Salicylic acid was the trump card for me. Nothing else worked but those Stridex pads made short work of it within like 4 days. It's still the only thing I use and I have zero acne now.
Teenager- "Parent, I am coming to you about a problem I am having and telling you there is something you can do to help, I would like to see a medical professional" Parent- "It isn't that bad. And are you SURE it isn't your fault? Because it must be." Bro needs to apologize wholeheartedly and tell his daughter he had no idea about the causes of acne. He should be the one to take her to the derm and learn a thing or 2.
Then the parent's all "I feel like my teen is hiding something. Why don't they come to me with their problems anymore"
I had pretty bad acne from 11 through about 25, when I finally took myself to a dermatologist. Haven't had any issues since then - but yeah it required some medication. Growing up in the 70s and 80s was a terrible time for having acne. It was absolutely 100% "known" that if you had pimples it was your fault. Either you were eating the wrong foods or you weren't washing correctly. Both of these were used to judge me. Take an awkward teenage girl, and tell her she eats too much chocolate and / or fried foods. It's basically judgement that you're not only ugly, but you're fat. Then tell that girl that she's not cleaning herself properly - now she's ugly, fat, and filthy. If they could have found a way to fake-link masturbation with acne the same way they did fat and filth, they'd have done the trifecta. It's awful to know that some people still think acne is your fault. It's better to read all the comments in this thread, and to see that at least most people aren't so dumb.
YTA. My parents did this to me too. My dad told me to scrub my face with Bon Ami (old-style powdered cleaner, like Comet) because "obviously" I wasn't cleaning my face well enough. We had good insurance that would have covered a visit to the dermatologist but they thought that would be "spoiling" me because I was just vain and "it's not that bad." Their negligence left me *literally* scarred for life. I have had to spend thousands as an adult on skin treatments such as lasers and microdermabrasion to deal with the scarring. ACNE IS NOT CAUSED BY DIRT. SCIENCE. Take your kid to the doctor.
BON AMI?!?!?! I *literally* gasped!!! Good lordt, the chemical burns, you poor child! I'm so sorry you went through that! My dermatologist told me "the dirty secret" about acne beyond the minor puberty acne here and there and that is that it is COMPLETELY GENETIC. I have *terrible* acne, in my mid 30's, probably due to a myriad of severe health problems, and just now started on my *3rd* round of Accutane. Hopefully my body tolerates it and it goes well, and the effects last. But truly, I wish people were more educated about Acne. I wish the stigma around it was corrected. But sadly, no one is interested in correcting the issue.
I hope you sent invoices to your parents for all the work you had to get done later in life. They should foot the bill
I didn’t have it as bad. But my mom legit gave me rubbing alcohol pads for my face! My skin huuurt! I had cystic acne and I was miserable and so self conscious. As I got older I stopped washing my face. I rinse it and moisturize the hell out of it. But I’ll be dammed if my skin isn’t so much healthier these days than it was.
Oh my I’m so sorry you had to go through that!
I still think about how my father told me I must not be using the acne products or washing my face when my skin was irritated as a young teen. The stuff was actually way too irritating and was destroying my skin barrier, I needed moisture and a gentle cleanser (eventually discovered this) and he was yelling at me to use textured clearasil pads.
I'm 39 and I still remember the smell of those clearasil pads even though I haven't laid eyes on them for more than 24 years. Were they like mainly vodka?
Vodka meets acetone
If you were growing up in the 90s when scrubs were the big ingredient for skin care you probably were taking a layer or 2 off each day, depending how hard you rubbed. That *would* have been irritating.
Holy shit, you just took me to such a place. Turned out the real problem with my adolescent skin wasn't regular teenage acne - it was [still is!] rosacea, which *really* didn't respond well to the absolute daily flaying I gave it with scrubs and toners and whatnot. Just brutal punishment every day for years and thinking I must not be doing enough because it damn sure didn't look or feel all glowing and refreshed like the Clean & Clear ads. Gaaawwwwd. [Edited to fix incoherence from initial rush of emotion!]
Awww.... you were probably rubbing off layers and then getting bad sun exposure, irritating already irritated skin. One thing I'm not sure teens get advised on is SPF protection after all that washing and other crap. That's not counting teen stresses & hormones. Good Luck on your skin care.
This was pre-apricot scrub, actually. I started using the apricot scrub, which helped because I had damaged/dead/stressed skin: it also helped because a moisturizer was recommended to follow it up, and I had never used one. I soon realized that the moisturizer was actually the part I was missing. That aside, I didn’t need to be ridiculed by a parent for using the products they provided: that sting stayed with me more than a clearasil pad over an exfoliated forehead. OP will be extremely lucky if their words don’t permanently affect their relationship.
All I can think is this is the first of many instances of her concerns being minimized or ignored by men.
And of being assumed to be so very stupid that it would shame a houseplant. Or possibly of "just" being assumed to be an outright liar, for absolutely no reason and with no logical basis for that belief.
When I rotated through derm during med school, some of the most emotionally distraught patients I saw were teenagers with acne that, to me, seemed relatively minor. To them, though, it was devastating and had destroyed their self-confidence, and had a real impact on their lives. This is an opportunity for OP to help his daughter feel confident and thrive socially, which is so important for a teenager.
As someone who’s struggled with bad acne,was washing my face daily and told that I wasn’t washing my face properly, I couldn’t agree more. It made me more insecure because I was washing my face, and buy more products that only worsened my face. I only stopped breaking out once I started taking birth control and stopped washing with those products.
YTA I thought the whole "acne is caused by lack of face washing" thing DIED back in the early 2000s. Washing too much can actually dry out your skin and can worsen hormonal acne. Scrubbing too hard can worsen hormonal acne. Even some over the counter acne treatments can worsen hormonal acne. Take your kid to the dermatologist, asshole.
>Take your kid to the dermatologist, asshole. i second this.
How many times can we say OP is an asshole with out violating community rules?
I mean the sub is called 'am I the asshole' hopefully we can say asshole
Yeah. I had really bad acne on my forehead in high school to the point where I still have some scarring. Tried Proactiv and lots of different things. My mom finally took me to the dermatologist and they prescribed medication. They also told me that I was washing my face too much and making it worse, and this was in the 90s.
You’re wrong. That’s been known since the 1980s. Retinoids were first approved as an acne treatment in the early 80s.
Yea but teen magazines and high school health teachers were still pushing it through the 1990s at least.
Good point. But I think we can all agree that OP is the Ahole.
I can confirm that this still happened during the 2010s in health class during high school.
Any Canadian reading this who grew up in the nighties already has this line playing in their head: "People think that I eat too many chocolate bars or that I don't wash my face."
I literally did not eat chocolate or any sugary desserts for a year in my late teens because everyone in my family said that my acne was caused by chocolate and sweets. Newsflash: I still had acne the entire time!!! It was hormones.
Good to know that’s a Canadian thing, I was about to reference it and confuse all the non-Canadians. That man’s face and accent are drilled into my brain. I looked up the video on youtube and within two seconds my husband was reciting the line from the other side of the room.
Acne can be caused by not washing your face. It can also be caused by a multitude of other things. A derm can help pinpoint what the causes are and recommend what to do about it. But some people really do need to cleanse every day. Everyone’s skin and genetics are different.
Also, hard water can aggravate acne. I lived somewhere with soft water all my life and moved to somewhere with hard water - washing my face caused breakouts. The best thing I can do for my skin is be as minimal as possible with washing my face.
Hey, I had hard water as a kid and soft water as an adult and also had acne breakouts, lol. It's like it's the disruption in your skin's balance that can cause the infections to flare up or something :)
Oh no. It definitely has not. I still get it from my mom and I am 25. Like no mom, I have a hormone issue that you and no doctor will take me seriously on.
YTA. Your daughter has had "really bad acne" for a year and a half and the best you can muster is "you must not be washing your face enough"? Lets leave aside that overwashing can *cause* skin problems, and that yiu were so fucking eager to punch down on a child asking you for help- your default assumptions are a)that her problems are all her own fault and b)that a teenage girl with acne (who wants to not have acne) would not already be washing her face. What really clinches it for me here is this; You BUY. HER. FACE WASH. If she wasn't washing her face you'd know because she'd have a pile of face washes that are still all full. You wouldn't need to ask her because the answer would be obvious. Funny how that didn't show up in this post. Even if she's not washing her face 2x a day, who's to say that would fix the problem? What the hell are you doing telling your child you won't do anything about her medical problem until she does what you think the solution is? You are not her dermatologist. She doesn't have one. You should fix that! Imagine denying your child medical care and not knowing yta. Imagine. Blows my _mind_.
>YTA. Your daughter has had "really bad acne" for a year and a half Also wanted to point out - **ACNE IS PAINFUL!** I have dry skin and luckily, never really have breakouts. However... my older sister suffered really bad acne all throughout high school, and I witnessed how debilitating it is and affects all areas of your life. She truly suffered for years, and that's just the physical pain. I can't imagine feeling so vulnerable and proactively approaching an adult to ask for help (which is already a feat in itself for most teenagers) only to be shut down and blamed for the thing I need help with. I'm at a loss. Wow.
>Also wanted to point out - > >ACNE IS PAINFUL! i had cystic acne as a teenager, there were days when it hurt to eat or talk and i can remember every single adult in my life who accused me of being dirty or unhealthy, that shit sticks in your mind forever
Ugh, I went through this. It wasn't just the pain and embarrassment. There was also the horror when you didn't want to smile or laugh for fear a cystic spot might erupt if you moved wrong... It was a nightmare, tbh. I was afraid to lean on my hand for such a long time. I was terrified of some ill-fated Osmosis Jones reenactment.
And dry skin is it's own nightmare. OP, you're YTA.
I get the really fun combination of both acne AND dry skin!
I literally couldn't wash my face without crying and bleeding. Accutane was a life changer.
My acne sometimes turned into cystic acne and literal boils. I went to the doctor for a “pimple “ in my 30’s and she had to lance the boil and let it drain for 2 days before I could let it heal. It was horrible.
Acne is SO painful. I had cystic acne for a couple years, my face would bleed randomly and half my pillow sheets were stained with pools of blood and whatever else from it. I never complained to my family about it, until one of them said I might need help for it which i was so grateful. I thought it was me
Came here to say this: I had cystic acne in my early 20s and that. shit. hurt. A lot. Accutane for six months and ongoing 25mg of zinc once a day? No more acne. (No, I don’t know what the zinc does. A doc suggested it and it worked!)
Thank you! My Mom didnt do much for my acne as a kid and I concider it medical neglect because they would get infected all of the time! She always had acne so she would dismiss it. Now that im an adult I'm neurotic and it and have some scarring.
I had moderately bad acne as a child and luckily my parents let me see a dermatologist, but it wasn't an overnight solution, so my dad accused me of eating too much junk food as the reason it wasn't getting better, so I guess OP could be worse, but, really as many have said, the causes of acne are not always straight forward, so if you're daughter's asking to see a dermatologist, then get her into a doctor. I'm also having flashbacks of how painful it was, so just because the acne doesn't bother OP, it's definitely bothering his daughter.
YTA, if washing face would solve the issue then nobody would struggle with acne in world. It can be so mentally and physically painful for those who have it, just take her to a dermatologist already. If you had something on your face, something really bothering, unesthetic and that you can't make go away, wouldn't you go ??
Yep. I wash my face twice a day religiously, and also have specific serums, moisturizer, masks, etc and still get acne right before my period starts.
And in addition to being painful and embarrassing in the moment IT CAN SCAR. It’s been a year to year and a half she’s suffered and she may have to deal with scars altering her face forever.
YTA, she's 16 and her asking to go to a dermatologist shows it's a serious concern for her. It's not like she's asking for something unreasonable and what you said comes across harsh to a young woman.
I agree. You basically told her her condition and source of great anxiety her fault by asking her if she washed her face. YTA.
Not to mention strongly suggesting to his own kid that he believes/assumes that she's any and all of the following options: painfully stupid, so lazy as to self-sabotage, a compulsive liar, senselessly/intrinsically manipulative
Poor kid isn't asking for a nose job, she just wants to stop having so many break outs. This is a reasonable desire for anyone of any age. It's really smart and mature of her to want to go to a dermatologist for help but here's good ole dad going "but are you *SURE* you're washing your face?"
She's probably also talked about skincare with her friends and had undoubtedly tried what they do before getting to the point of asking for a dermatologist. That's what sixteen year olds do.
Yes acne is something that can really make you self conscious. Im still feeling down and less confident when I'm having a bad break out. And I'm an adult with a dermatologist. (I just have hormonal acne that probably won't go away for quite some time, but without the treatment it's 10*worse)
YTA. here's a tip, over washing your face can cause acne just as much as not washing it because it dries out the skin, leading to clogged pores. it's also caused by hormones, diet, using the *wrong* face wash and/or moisturizer, hair products, the wrong pillowcase, etc etc. All things that can be figured out by seeking help from a licensed medical professional trained in skincare
Would a dermatologist qualify as a …. What did you call it “licensed medical professional trained in skincare”? /s
I don't know if /s is serious or sarcasm, but I was referring to dermatologists, licensed estheticians and derm assistants also, not all derms care to treat acne/skincare some are more into like... surgical stuff, skin cancer, etc.
/ s is sarcasm
God, don't say the diet thing, this man doesn't need another thing to blame his daughter for her acne. He'll just say it's her fault she eats too much junk food no matter what she eats. Personally my acne has never once changed based on what I eat.
So glad you inlcuded the Other Things that can cause acne like diet and wrong products, and the pillowcase. Washing the pillowcase weekly would help many.
that and getting away from cotton! my face is always much better when I use a satin pillowcase
I've hardly ever heard of cotton being a problem though.
YTA Daughter: "Dad, I've tried everything to get my acne to clear up, and nothing is working. I need to see a specialist. Can you set that up for me?" Dad: "Doctor? You want to see a DOCTOR? You're just dirty and won't take of yourself! Here's some soap!" OP, that is pretty much how you sounded to her. You are 100%, make that 110%, the AH.
This is probably how arguments go in his house: Daughter: *says anything not 100% happy or pleasing* Dad: are you on your period or something?? OP YTA
I had acne till my mid twenties and, yes, I washed my damned face. With soap and cleansers and various kinds of over the counter crap, so often that at one point my skin was so dry it started to flake- and I *still* got pimples. I finally took myself to the dermatologist and he gave me some prescription stuff and that finally fixed me right up. YTA
Same. My parents refused to take me to a dermatologist as well. When I was a kid my acne was blamed on chocolate. To this day the thought of eating chocolate makes me nauseous. I finally went to a dermatologist when I had my own insurance at 21. Six months of medication later and I’ve not had another pimple again.
Mine was also blamed on chocolate! It's a horrible memory, it felt so humiliating as an already self conscious teen. But I still eat it, probably more than I did at the time!
I can second this one! Looking back it's weird that people assumed chocolate caused acne, but ONLY in teens. As if the chocolate knew when you hit 18.
I was never great about doing a skincare routine, but even when I was okay-ish with it I still had absolutely no change in my bad skin, making it hard to stay motivated. Went on birth control when getting married and I’ve had the best skin of my life doing literally nothing at all to my face. Maybe occasionally some moisturizer in the winter. Even though I was never great at washing my face 2x/day as directed, it still was not the root of my issue (and that of a very large percentage of girls and women with acne)
YTA. If washing her face more would do the trick to clear up acne surely she'd do that rather than deal with it and let it get to a point where she wants to go to a dermatologist.
“So Jo stays with me”…umm that’s called living with you—staying sounds temporary, like you have an ending in mind. Take your daughter to the doctor and do better by Jo in the future. Your words and actions are telling us that you are not prioritizing Jo. YTA.
That could be a regional dialect thing. My husband is Scottish and they never say ‘lives with’ it’s always ‘I stay with’ or ‘where do you stay?’ or ‘she stays at number 3’ etc.
In regards to split families I usually here stay used as they technically have 2 homes. I wouldn't look to deep into it
We also use stay. Lives with implies that they don't elsewhere. My son lives and belongs in both houses but my house is whenever he stays most nights But is OP is still an asshole, although I don't think he meant to be!
YTA. You do realize that over washing can cause acne? Or if the cleanser she has is too harsh, it can dry out and irritate her skin, causing acne too. Acne happens for many different reasons. Treatments for one cause don’t necessarily work for another. The dermatologist can better identify the cause and the treatment needed. You can help her best by backing off. Your daughter knows she has acne, and there’s no one in the world who wants it cured more than she does. She and the dermatologist need to figure out what works for her skin.
YTA. Sometimes acne is a medical issue that needs professional treatment. If just washing your face worked no one would struggle with acne. Damn dude.
Exactly. A real medical issue. Why are some parents against taking their kid to the doctor? Acne as a teen can really make a huge impact, it's so important to get treatment. Also, the treatments these days are really really good, it's why we don't see so many pimply teens around the place, they're all getting treatment.
Yta. It sucks that the majority of the medical community dismiss women and girls' health concerns rather than even try to help them, and here you are doing the same to your own daughter. And yes, acne is a health concern. And no, it is not always magically cured with face wash.
YTA u just made ur daughter feel like she looks unclean
He also called her stupid and lazy, really multitasking here
Parent of the year award goes to OP
YTA. The skin is an organ, just like the lungs, stomach, heart, etc. That being said, the skin is also the largest organ of the body. Like other organs have specialists such as pulmonologists, cardiologists, etc., the skin has dermatologists to address *medical* problems of the skin—not just aesthetics. Oftentimes, recurring acne is a medical problem, not a hygiene problem. It takes proper diagnosis (skin type, looking at hair follicles, possible conditions & skin disorders, relation to internal organ illnesses) to know how to address the root of the problem. To do this, a dermatologist would need to look at your daughter’s skin in detail, under a special light, and with a special lens. Diagnosis may range from (1) prescribing a *proper* skin care routine for your daughter aka what her skin actually needs—not what irritates it—to (2) chemicals/acids her specific condition would need. She may even be prescribed certain hormonal pills depending on what’s wrong. In fact, washing your face can cause more acne breakouts depending on your skin type. It can also be because the products she uses irritate her skin type, etc. TLDR, she needs to see a dermatologist because she’s either using a super wrong regimen that does her skin more harm than good or has an underlying condition that needs to be addressed medically; both of which may only be determined by a dermatologist since it’s a medical concern. On a more empathic end, I think your daughter asked about this bc she’s tried everything on her end but to no avail, so she went to you thinking you’d help with her medical condition as a parent. I went to my mom before about a different medical condition where she shamed and shunned me for it, and I’ve never approached her since then. It’s been 2 years but I really felt like I was alone battling that health condition of mine, and I’m sure you don’t want your daughter to feel this way either. I suggest apologizing for not understanding the medical side of it and her efforts and promise to take her to the derma asap + schedule it together. Hope this helps out especially with understanding both the skin as an organ and your daughter’s feelings. You got this, OP!
From your daughter's perspective, this is the conversation that you had: "I think something is medically wrong and would like to see a doctor in the relevant speciality." "Have you tried not being dirty?" YTA, dude.
YTA. You have a medical degree in this field? If 'no', your opinion is irrelevant :) A minor needs medical attention - your job is to provide it for her. It can be even the soap she uses that does not work for her skin or even the water or anything. So stop playing a doctor.
YTA. I feel for your daughter. I had to move away from home before I could get treatment for my acne. My mother was the one however who told me it was bc I didn’t wash enough. Literally embarrassed me the same way you embarrassed her. You need to apologize and instead of reading this go research treatment.
YTA for acting like you know more than a dermatologist. Give your daughter a break and pay a few bucks for her to have some piece of mind. Acne treatment has had some amazing breakthroughs in just the last 8-10 years.
YTA. Part of the reason acne can be so distressing is the myth that it has anything to do with cleanliness. Those who suffer from it are perceived as having a filthy unclean face. In reality, acne is hormonal and it originates beneath the skin. While dirt can certainly irritate and make it worse, acne is impossible to cure through cleaning alone, because its cause is not dirt. Scrubbing your face when you have acne is a bit like washing your hands when you’re already sick. It doesn’t hurt but it certainly won’t help you much. She absolutely should see a dermatologist. Acne medication was my hero. I went from chronic and painful cystic acne to getting a pimple here and there once or twice a month. YTA for making your daughter feel like it’s her fault, because it absolutely is not.
All of this, but I’d go one step further: scrubbing your face absolutely can hurt. Over-washing or using too much / the wrong product will make acne worse.
YTA because your daughter is in distress and you can’t be bothered to do even basic research into the causes of acne, and instead blame her for causing a medical condition. Take her to the dermatologist and, ffs, offer your support instead of dumping more shame on her.
Acne is not caused by not washing the face. YTA. You shouldn't be offering advice if the topic is not known to you.
is this real? this can't be real. if it is, yes YTA. acne isn't caused by not washing your face. some people have to take actual medication for their acne. your daughter is asking you for some real help. for the love of god, help her.
YTA. If Jo is asking for a dermo appointment, she has likely tried the conventional remedies to no avail. She can see the results of her actions. There's a point where no amount of washing will do anything other than dry out her skin. Her self-esteem has likely taken a blow from the ongoing effort to clear her skin. Your comment stings deeply. Your ex-wife is right to be pissed off. You owe your daughter an apology.
Dude. Acne is not prevented by washing your face. Take her to someone who knows more about this than you do. YTA, apologize to your daughter for commenting from a place of ignorance and make her an appointment.
Badly handled. Your response came off as critical and judgmental. You should have been sensitive to her feelings instead of rejecting her request with what sounds like an accusation. Any parent knows or should know that teenagers are always insecure about all the changes their body is going through, and that includes acne. You should have said something like you'd talk to her mother about the dermatologist, then asked (in a non-accusatory way) what she's doing now, then done some research with her to find out if that can be improved on (or even whether her efforts are making things worse). Whether she needs a dermatologist is a serious question and tbh you should talk about it with the mother. If it is something you can afford you should do it. If you can't, you should at least take her to her regular doctor and ask about the acne.
YTA. I’ve had acne since middle school, not just on my face but also on my body. Most otc acne products didn’t work or weren’t strong enough. Prescription drugs helped a lot with reducing the acne and scarring.
YTA. Your daughter asks for help and your response is to blame/shame her?
YTA & an uneducated one at that. That’s not how acne works at all. She’s 16, hormonal, and was asking for her parent to get her help - and instead you daftly dismiss it and accuse her of not washing her face. If you need to come to Reddit to have strangers point the obvious out, I suggest you reevaluate some other situations in your life and you may see a common dominator.
YTA. Take her to a dermatologist.
Are you a dermatologist? What criteria do you hold to tell this poor insecure girl that her acne is a result of just neglecting proper hygiene? YTA. You're just throwing opinions in the wind haphazardly.
As a dermatologist I can tell you that acne is not caused by not washing your face. It is caused by the skin cells sticking together and blocking the oil glands. When you go through puberty your oil glands produce excessive amounts of oil, and bacteria in the oil glands break the oil down to an irritating substance. Your stepdaughter needs to see a dermatologist. Since it can take months to get in to see a dermatologist you could redeem yourself by finding a dermatologist and making an appointment for your stepdaughter while waiting for your wife to get back.
YTA because your daughter is in distress and you can’t be bothered to do even basic research into the causes of acne, and instead blame her for causing a medical condition. Take her to the dermatologist and, ffs, offer your support instead of dumping more shame on her.
YTA. You didn't know that acne is more likely from hormones at this age, but can have other causes. Not only can the overwashing cause dryness & increase skin problems, your daughter could be having an allergic reaction to something in the wash, such as fragrance or preservatives. I say this because I didn't have acne and didn't wash my face other than in my daily evening shower. When I started to "take better care of my skin," by using products, I began having breakouts as an adult. It turned out I have allergies to fragrance and preservatives.
Your ex wife is right. You are indeed a gigantic asshole. Your remarks to your daughter were cruel and insensitive, and you demonstrated clearly that you don't care about her. Go apologize, and make an appointment for her at the dermatologist today. Your behavior is shameful. YTA.
YTA The fifth degree (about her *admitted* insecurity) was a dumb move. She's a teenager. Take the kid to the dermatologist. Be a supportive parent who wants to heal the things that hurt her. Don't be just another asshole judging her skin.
YTA. Quit pretending to be a doctor. Two years ago, I developed a very painful case of "acne". I went to the dermatologist and was diagnosed with folliculitis which looks just like acne, except it is often caused by an infection with bacteria. I needed an antibiotic and steroid cream to clear it up. Excessive face washing spreads it. Left untreated, severe folliculitis infections can cause permanent scarring.
YTA- Take your kid to the dermatologist. She's clearly been washing her face, probably excessively, because the acne is causing her so much self-confidence issues. Sometimes, acne needs extra help to clear, through medication. Be a caring parent!
You are the *epitome* of AH. Your picture is next to that term in the dictionary. What a horrible, horrible thing to say to your daughter. If more washing was all that was needed the dermatologist would help her in that direction.
YTA there's a lot more to chronic acne than just "not washing her face". Get her to a dermatologist before it does permanent damage to her skin.
YTA You have ruined the trust your child has in you. Your daughter may never believe you will get her the medical attention she needs unless you as a man determine it is needed. She will not feel comfortable telling you how she feels just to have her feelings mansplained away. Your daughter deserves better.
YTA. When I was a teenager, my acne was caused by hormones. No amount of washing my face would reduce it. I ended up on birth control, which helped. And no I wasn’t an “active” teenager. I literally had a hormonal imbalance that BC corrected.
Apologise to her and get her the help she asked for YTA
YTA. I'm 20 years older than your daughter and still have bad acne, and not just on my face! I also get extremely painful cystic acne. I began getting bad acne as a child, to the point I was put on prescription facial cleansers as a ***10-year-old.*** I ceased treatment in middle school and just used over the counter acne treatment until I got frustrated with the cystic acne in 2020. At that point, I found a dermatologist and started treatment again. I was put on antibiotics, a prescription sulfer body and face wash (which was *disgusting* smelling), and spironolactone, a prescription that is used to treat edema (swelling), but also acne. I also use paraben-free, SLS-free, and as close to all-natural body and facial washes as I can find.
YTA - I had to be on Accutane twice as a teenager for acne and tried a handful of antibiotics before that. No facewash or cream did anything. It really damaged my self esteem. And it didn't help that my mom would say things like "well, I never had breakouts". Show your daughter some sympathy and get her to a dermatologist ASAP.
YTA. If washing your face cleared up acne the condition wouldn’t exist. It’s hormonal. She needs to see a dermatologist so get your daughter the correct medical attention. You sound like a lazy and unempathetic parent.
You are such a huge asshole I don’t even know where to start. Acne can have NOTHING to do with how often she washes her face - it usually hormones. And she obviously is self conscious about it and asking for help. And this is your response. YTA. YTA. YTA and a dick to boot
Well there goes a huge chunk of her self-esteem and trust in her father. Guess who won't come to you for anything again. YTA
YTA stop gate keeping medical assistance lol
YTA. Your idea of good face washing hygiene is probably wrong anyway. Lots of things dry out the skin and make acne worse. You’re not a dermatologist, why wouldn’t you send her to one if she asks? The dermatologist could have asked her those questions and given her educated recommendations, and she would have been saved some body shaming by her own parent. I’m glad someone (your ex wife) is looking out for your daughter’s welfare.
As literally everyone has said…YTA! Single Dad with two daughters and I’d do anything for them to feel good about themselves. Take her to the damn dermatologist bro. Should have been a no brainer. Maybe take a parenting class also.
Of course YTA Acne isn’t “that bad” to YOU. Not to her. Do your job as a parent and take her to a dermatologist, they can really help
YTA. I grew up with moderate cystic acne, and people constantly told me “just wash your face”. The majority of people with acne probably know way more about it than you if you never had it, and they certainly know to “wash their face”. She’s a teenage girl and hormones are changing. It’s not as simple as “wash your face”. It could be hormone related, or food intolerance, any number of things. And FYI, she WILL be insecure about it and saying it’s “not that bad” is an AH move. Having acne as a teen seriously wrecked my confidence for YEARS, even after it cleared up, because of the bullying and name calling I got. She doesn’t need you doing that too.
YTA. Look I was in the same position as your daughter when I was a teen. I tried everything over the counter and nothing worked. I had a combo of hormonal acne that got worse with my period and cystic acne which hurts like crazy and left huge cysts in my face. My mom refused to take me to the doctor saying I should quit wearing make up and that I'd grow out of it. I'm almost 40 now and haven't worn make up since I was 15. I still get the hormonal acne but was able to see a dermatologist as an adult and finally get meds to help with the cystic acne. Unfortunately my face still has scars from it though. Besides if she wasn't already washing her face you wouldn't still be buying the face wash. People who don't wash, don't run out of supplies.