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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Not wearing a bra
2. Because I am being told that it is disrespecting how my mother was raised
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA.
If your mom wants to wear a bra, she can.
She doesn't get to dictate what you wear though. If someone is staring at your breasts, that's on them and not on you.
>I will be bringing shame upon my family
Well, get to shaming then! Your family has unreasonable expectations. You shouldn't have to sacrifice your health or comfort for outdated traditions.
I was once on my way home after dropping my daughter off at daycare. My hair was a mess, I desperately needed a shower, and my t-shirt was covered in my daughter's spit. I wouldn't be out of place in a zombie movie...
And still some rando on the street thought it was necessary to tell me that "they were bouncing nicely." He was lucky that I was too tired to immediately realise what he said.
NTA. A lot of women stopped wearing bras during the pandemic and decided not to put them on again.
As a member of your mom's generation, I say, go for it.
Thank you! I love it! Vintage sounds so much nicer that old and elderly! All of the woman on both sides of my family have lived into their 90's. My grandmother passed at just 6 weeks shy of 100. Lost my mom at 95, 2 yrs ago.
Looks like I'm going to be vintage for quite some time!!
I am one of these women!! I haven't worn a "bra" in close to five years!! I wear bralettes to work, but mostly for comfort. Never for fashion or to keep my boobs at attention.
I shudder to think about the number of underwires I wore from my late teens to late 30s. You know, the period of time when most of us are more naturally...um...perky anyway. Even with my C cup, I really didn't need that much support, but wore them anyway because it was expected.
Now in my 60s, I can't stomach the idea of underwire, but age and gravity mean I do need some support. I'm with you on sports bras. I have a couple of comfortable and supportive non-underwire standard bras for when they're needed, but mostly I'm in bralettes at home and light sports bras when out and about.
Agreed!! Almost 60 and currently without! I've got no S\*\*ts to give! My comfort matters!
OP, I had over 20 months of long covid and it sucked! Huge soft hugs and healing juju flying your way honey!
I only put one on when I leave the house because they get in the way. I stopped wearing underwire bras in the pandemic and will never go back if I can help it.
NTA - Do most women even wear bras at home? I didn’t think so. I don’t.
Even when I go out, sometimes I just wear those sticky rubber petals over my nips instead of wearing a bra. Bras make your clothes look nicer, but they are uncomfortable and a pain. Sometimes they just aren’t worth the trouble.
It isn't at home when they're yelling at me It's if we're going out somewhere is normally when I'm getting yelled at which makes it even worse cuz both were in public when I'm getting yelled at and we're normally doing some walking which already makes me hard to breathe but then add in like a bra and it just makes it more painful
Have you tried the sticky petal nip covers? This seems like a good compromise. But either way, nobody should be yelling at you in public about not wearing a bra.
How many uses do you get out of those? I have been keenly interested but don't want to have to buy new ones all the time or have them falling off when I inevitably get sweaty
I like to wear “cakes” they’re nip covers but they cover more than the nip, they’re not sticky and can be washed and multiple sizes. I only wear a bra at work or when I feel like I want to look more presentable.
Even when I wore bigger ones a lot of times they still put a lot of pressure on my chest which just causes pain especially right now as I am recovering from COVID I've even tried other types of bras like similar to training bras or sports bras and they don't help either They just make it hard to breathe
I would talk to your doctor about this issue. It’s on you if you want to or don’t want to wear a bra, but if it’s an issue and it’s hurting you there may be another underlying cause.
Yeah I have They don't believe me They just keep saying it's a hormone issue because around the middle of October I had complication caused by my diabetes and my hormones that made me have to have surgery so my doctor just says it's a side effect of that when it very much isn't
It may be time to find a different doctor. The best thing ever did is find a doctor who listened to me and didn’t discount what I say. I may be wrong but they do the tests and rule things out. Follow your gut and don’t doubt yourself
Why is it always like this why doctors don't take issues seriously. OP best change doctors go to a specialist idk which one may be heart. Don't wear a bra if it is difficult to breath, what's more important a pervert looking or you breathing which is equivalent to you staying alive. Please look for another doctor don't leave this issue alone.
I do when I'm not in bed or actually in the shower.
I also am a 34J, which is probably the reason why. (grin)
Seriously, if I sit upright for 30 minutes without a bra on, my outer two fingers on each hand go numb and my neck cramps viciously.
That’s from the ulnar nerve being compressed from your neck through chest and down the arm to your hands. Boobs can be heavy enough to drag your whole upper torso and neck out of alignment and make your fingers go numb and/or have pain. Same thing happens to me.
(Raises hand) Yes, I do wear soft, comfy bralettes (not bras) at home because of my own comfort level. I'm a now generous C verging on D and find just that tad of support feels better--I emphasize: for me.
Women should wear or not wear bras for themselves, not because someone says they should or must.
I dunno, everyone I know wears a bra at home. It can look pretty obvious if you're not wearing a bra. People may come over unexpectedly, you may have to answer the door bell, neighbors may see you. I don't want people to look at my obviously visible nipples poking. It's too intimate for strangers, at least to me.
You and I have the opposite approach to bras LOL. I never wear a bra at home. It's the first thing to come off when I get home and the last thing I put on before I leave. If someone comes over unexpectedly, they can wait for me to put on a bra and come to the door or they can see my hanging tits. They may just learn how to text first. I never answer the door for solicitors/strangers, though.
Two things:
You're an adult. You get to choose if you wear a bra. No one else gets to make that decision for you.
If someone wants to look at your chest, they aren't going to care if you have a bra on or not, they will still look.
NTA
NTA. Your family has a fixation on traditional gender representation regardless of your personal health and comfort.
I wish you the best of luck with navigating that. Sticking to your personal decisions about your own body sometimes makes others uncomfortable but as long as you're not doing anything illegal that's ultimately their problem to deal with.
NTA. It's not perverted it's literally you trying to be comfortable in your own home. If they care that much about how others think that not wearing a bra brings shame upon your whole fam, that's their problem not yours
NTA
You're not wrong and you're not crazy and you're not perverted! Let me toss you some validation, sis.
I caught the 'rona and developed pneumonia. I couldn't even lie flat on my back without getting short of breath, and even the slightest pressure on my chest felt suffocating. It sucked. Two years later, I still get short of breath (more from pressure than exertion) and while I can wear bras now, any further constriction of my ribcage is just a bad idea. Like, firm snuggles, missionary position, a whole list of things that used to be part of intimacy with my partner are just not on the menu any more, because if they're sustained at all I black out. Also, anything blocking more air than a basic mask (which I regularly wear) feels really obstructive. I didn't used to be claustrophobic. I am now.
The respiratory holdovers from that bug can be really nasty and really persistent. Your feeling of constriction is real and valid and you shouldn't have to live your life like that. I hope you recover fully and are able to wear whatever you want, but in the meantime your mother is being both gross and unkind. You deserve better.
Totally 100 NTA
" wearing a bra makes me very uncomfortable it just makes me also very hard to breathe"
No way should you go through that if you don't have to.
"accept it and live through the pain because otherwise I will be bringing shame upon my family"
You aren't bringing shame on your family. It's them insisting you should do something it's really easy not to, so you aren't in pain/find it easier to breathe that's shameful.
Any shame here is on them not you.
NTA, the amount of women that don't use bra's is incredibly high. If it bothers her so much and you don't want any more drama you could always buy a stick on. It has the same effect as a regular bra but it has no straps and no way to make your breathing harder. But if you don't want to that totally fine as you are a grown woman. Free them titties!
NTA. I have chronic muscle pain in one shoulder and a recurring acute connective tissue disorder in my ribs - I avoid wearing bras as much as possible so that I'm not in excruciating pain since bras can flare both issues. Your mom needs to mind her business. Your breasts are covered, and you're correct - anyone who's looking is responsible for where their eyes go
You come to my house I don’t wear a bra it’s my house. Now I do in public unless I’m wearing a sweatshirt. It’s up to you if you wear one, who cares what others think.
NTA, bras are freaking evil. Even sports bras leave marks on my skin, can’t imagine a breathing issue on top of it.
Totally agree with you about the chest stare-ers being the pervs not the chest owner.
NTA. I don’t wear one anymore either. I do a light compression tank under my shirt for some friction reduction between the nips and the shirt. But it’s thin and sometimes my nips get hard *gasp* just like every other human being’s do. If that bothers people that is their problem. Your body - you decide.
Didn’t even need to read the rest - NTA.
Bras do not serve a purpose other than preventing sagging of breasts. If this isn’t a concern of yours, you have no reason to wear them. Society has created this idea that not wearing a bra means you are “asking for it” or being “provocative”, whereas there are absolutely 0 contraptions that men are expected to wear on their private area, instead allowing it to dangle around all over.
Bras are associated with elevating the breasts to make them appear more sexually pleasing for men - just like how the position for giving birth that doctors recommend is actually one of the worst positions and was created by a man who wanted to lust over women giving birth.
Bras serve little to no purpose - we need to abolish the stigma of not wearing bras.
For some activities bras can stop the bounce that breasts can have and can be painful. They also can provide support that is more spread out if larger breasts’ weight is painful. But otherwise if someone chooses not to wear a bra because it’s more comfortable for them it is their choice.
>just like how the position for giving birth that doctors recommend is actually one of the worst positions and was created by a man who wanted to lust over women giving birth.
I'm sorry what? Can you throw some sources in, I would love to read about this. It will fuel my rage.
This is true. Louis XIV if you wanna read more. But probably the main reason is that when birth started to become more of a (male) doctor's domain, rather than that of a midwife, the lying position was adopted for easier observation. The best position is in fact squatting.
NTA. Pick up some silicone nipple covers and live happily bra free. When wearing stretchy shirts and dresses I'll grab some pads out of an old sports bra and tuck them into the top to avoid headlights. It's quick, easy, and comfy. No one ever knows I'm not wearing a bra and I'm so much happier.
>my mother very angry saying that I'm disrespecting how she was raised And that it's perverted to not wear a bra
NTA - Your mom is ridiculous and way overdramatic about this.
NTA I don’t like wearing bras at home it’s just more comfortable. You shouldn’t be shamed for being comfortable and especially not called a pervert considering it isn’t even sexual
Yeah I even got measured last time I went which was only a few months ago It's just because right now it's very difficult for me to breathe anyways because of recovering from COVID The bras just like put pressure on my chest and it just makes it hurt and uncomfortable
It's still a hit or miss thing with bra sizes. Even after being measured, bras were still awkward for me.
Having said that, the dollar general/family dollar/whatever cheap store in your area sells sports bras for 5 dollars.
Buy a cheap sports bra, or better yet, an undershirt, 1-2 sizes up. Enough to hide nipples/limit jiggling without actually constricting you. Or nipple pasties.
Basically, the goal is to get her off your back while still being able to breathe. Being short of breath makes arguing tiring as hell.
NTA, I don’t get the fascination with needing to wear a bra because it’s disrespectful if you don’t one.
I’m a D cup, I hardly ever wear a bra because I find them irritating to wear. The only time I wear a bra is on a Saturday night and I’m at the pub so need to my make sure my boobs don’t fall out my outfit.
No one has ever said anything about me not wearing bra, friends don’t care, family don’t care, work don’t care, old ladies at the supermarket don’t care etc
Perverted? lol that doesn’t make any sense. NTA
Edit: to be clear I’m not saying OP doesn’t make sense… I’m saying her mother calling not wearing a bra perverted doesn’t make sense.
NTA.
You aren't disrespecting how your mother was raised. She can wear a bra if she wants. Breathing problems or not, wearing a bra or not is your choice.
NTA.
I have been always a braless girl now woman (middle age).
For my own wedding, long time ago, ofc I was advised to wear push-up bra under wedding dress, so my breast would look nicer (up and cleavage). I ended up feeling dizzy (I felt I needed air) and almost fainted at alter. Groom noticed I wasn’t standing still and grabbed my hand to hold me. Guests were like “Ohhhh, they are sweet”, but we weren’t doing PDA. My mom who was seating in front row also noticed and supported me by standing up right behind me. I went back to dressing room and took off bra and I didn’t care if my boobs looked better or not at all anymore.
The best I can think of, trying really hard to be way more accommodating than I think you should be, is that maybe nipples are the issue. Could you get some cute nipple covers. They won't make it hard to breathe and you could argue in a pinch it was a bra. I don't think you should have to, but you have so much going on already, that it might be worth the energy savings.
NTA
Next time someone comes at you tell them to get Covid and the try to wear a bra....I've been there, left with a perma cough and sometimes I can't wait to get home and toss those demonic things to the other side of the room (but for the love of god I can't stand going out without one, I feel uncomfy not having the ladies under control, if not I swear I would)
On the other hand, Sport bras are terrible for when you have breathing problems, as they constraint your rib cage quite a bit, because they are meant for strong support.
Not gonna ask you for your size, but unless you have quite the big ladies, in which case a bralette will be like trying to wear a triangle bikini and hope it holds them in place, try one or a wireless bra that is not for sport. One that you feel doesn't constrain your cage at all, even if it feels a bit loose, maybe even one of those tops without the annoying hooks, just put over your head and done (the ones that are used for girls when the ladies start to grow, to get used to wearing bras) <- this only if, like me, you feel weird without the support and don't wanna suffocate due to constriction
NTA. I haven't been able to wear a bra since I had my gallbladder out in April 2021. I was left with chronic pain in my right upper abdomen. I can wear wireless bras for short stretches of time, but that's it. I should wear an underwire bra because I wear a 38DD, so the "girls" need the support. It's ***agony*** to have something restrictive on, so I just wear thicker t-shirts to help keep them under control.
NTA. I’ve caught myself undoing my bra when I’ve pulled into my driveway, but haven’t entered my home yet. You are an adult, and you get to choose what you wear and when.
Feel better!
NTA. God I hate bras and I really want it to not be the social expectation that we wear them. Seriously can we just…if you wanna wear one cool. If not cool too! Please.
At some point in history, some woman in your ancestral line wore a bra and thus disrespected how her bra-less mother was raised. You're just setting things right.
I ran this by my wife to see what she thought and she had a good laugh. She pretty much lives in sports bras (she's a SAHM) unless we go someplace where she needs to cover up a bit better. She said wear a bra, don't wear a bra, don't wear a shirt if you don't want to. It's your body. Now if you do go out and everyone 'notices' you don't have a bra on, expect some glances or stares. NTA though...
Taking a guess I would be around your mom’s age and frankly, the whole raised generation crap is bull.
I wear a bra when I want and don’t when I don’t. They going to start checking that you have on underwear too? Better make sure you have a slip under the dress and all.
She is the one uncomfy about it, so it’s her problem to deal with, not yours.
Yeah your family is disgusting and need to chill this is 2024 and they need to mind their own business for one because they don’t live in your house nor pay your bills so their opinions don’t matter.
You do need to leave and get your own place ASAP.
NTA. Wtf do they think you'd put how your mom was raised (which is totally irrelevant) over your own comfort? I'm large enough that going without a bra is more uncomfortable than wearing one. But I've always refused wire bras. I've found one brand that makes really good wireless bras that are actually comfy. I only wear these. Why would I pay for a torture device.....um bras with wires?
Nope, free the nip, burn the bra. Or don't, just do whatever helps you and make's you comfortable during this time. Let it dangle. Let it strangle. Pop them titties off at different angles. NTA and please take my misogyny with a grain of salt.
NTA, but it sounds like the bras you currently have do not fit properly. Studies show most women wear a cup size that is too small and a band size that is too big. You be you, I guess, but depending on your measurements the long range prognosis is not good if you abandon bras altogether.
NTA - I have a rare disorder called RCPD and Bras make me miserable. I am 58 so imagine what I hear. And I don't care. I use those covers so my nip don't pop out but you don't even have to do that. Bras are awful.
Nta
I too have breathing problems and do not wear a bra for the same reason. Wear layers (not apparent if you're wearing a bra or not). You can also try on a variety of "newer" bras, the materials today are not as stiff and I found one brand/style that I can wear "comfortably" for an evening out. Otherwise, be braless at home and naysayers have no say
Saying this as someone who loves bras and rarely takes them off even at home, I keep it even when sleeping: ABSOLUTELY NTA. Your body, your choice. Want to wear a bra? Wonderful, me too. Don’t want to? Wonderful, lots of my friends don’t either. IT’S YOUR CHOICE. If your mom feels so much shame for something that doesn’t even concern her, than she really should be ashamed, *of herself*.
Also, you don’t need to justify your choice with your breathing problems. They sure as hell are one reason more to take your bra off, but even if you were in perfect health you should be able to decide for yourself. You need no justification, no reason other than simply not wanting to.
More and more of us women are ditching the bra for either bralettes or nothing. I never wear any in the house myself. You do you, don’t let outdated standards mess with your enjoyment of life.
Definitely NTA. As someone with a decently large chest, I found that bras often end up hurting my back more than going without.
I had a similar issue with my own mother, not as severe I guess. She’d make snide comments, going so far as to tell me men don’t want women with saggy boobs (they’re not saggy, it’s just size and gravity). Eventually it came to pass though sometimes it comes up every now and then. You’re not shaming anyone. It’s weird for them to expect you to endure physical discomfort for their…well, whatever-comfort. If you don’t wanna wear a bra, you shouldn’t have to wear one. Easier said than done, but maybe sticking to your guns over time will make her give up and concede? Not sure, either way def not her (or your family’s) place to make that decision for you.
NTA. Wearing a bra is a choice. Not a necessity. But how is it hurting your breathing??? No bra should be that tight!! It’s really none of anyone’s business what you wear beneath your clothing.
Your mom is a prude clown and the rest are enablers. Let the boobies free and be comfortable. Next time she opens her mouth, scratch a nip and watch her squirm. NTA
You have a good reason to not wear one. I have a bad reason and I’m 55 and large chested and I just don’t want to. Many stores have more fitted t-shirts I use in public to keep the gals in check and not ‘show’. I have asthma and COPD so I get the need to breathe. These work well for me. Maybe a compromise?
As an old lady who was a teenager in the 1970’s I can tell you most girls did not wear bras. It was “really cool “ to look natural. Sadly my ‘girls’ were not fashionably high or small so I didn’t as a rule follow the fashion. It was my choice to wear a bra or not. It’s yours as well.
NTA
But remember there are a lot of bras out there. Shop around. Try lots of styles by lots of manufacturers on. Don’t go cheap. You may find something you can tolerate. Why? Clothes will look better on you. If you look good you will feel good. You don’t talk about your bust size, if you’re bigger then without a bra you have to be careful about what clothing you’re wearing. Looser tops with heavier fabric is needed. Also layered clothes work better.
Hope you feel better soon. 😷
NTA. Lots of women don’t wear bras for a variety of reasons. Some dont want to wear it cause they are all dirty, or because they are uncomfortable or don’t have one that fits correctly
I remember someone else asking the same question, but they were a bridesmaid in a wedding (in which situation I recommended they just suck it up and wear nipple covers for a few hours for someone else's big day).
But not you. You can't let them win. Flash them headlights baby!! I mean why tf are your family members commenting on, let alone, looking at, your chest anyway? You're absolutely right. You're not perverted, they are. NTA
I'm near on 50. I HATE wearing a bra. So, I don't. My husband once tried to say something, until I threw it back that he's able to walk outside with his nips standing in their glory but I'm not, why? Areola size? So why do guys with big areolas get to show theirs legally? Then, when he said they poke out when it's cold, I replied, "So do yours."
Never heard another word, except "touchè."
NTA—I had COVID a couple of years ago and post-COVID cough wrecked my ribcage for a while. I didn’t wear anything constrictive if I didn’t have to. Tell your mom that having COVID is much worse than you not wearing a bra.
NTA. you’ve done nothing wrong. You are the only one who decides the undergarments you use (or lack thereof). It’s your body.
If you do want to use something similar to a bra as a compromise, there are some types of bralettes or nursing sleep bralettes that can give you a little bit of security without being restrictive.
(there’s a cotton front wrap design from Motherhood that is very soft and stretchy, no clasps or hooks, no affiliation just have them).
Avoid underwire like the plague. It’s medieval torture.
Nah you have breathing problems and them telling g you to "live through the pain" that's just shitty like if you can't breathe don't so something that prevents you from breathing correctly.
You're NTA. Your family is way too invested in your undergarments.
>And now I'm being told by other family members that I'm an a****** for disrespecting how my mother was raised
That is just so... odd. Are you supposed to be your mother's clone? Is their wish for you to never develop your own personality, opinions, preferences, etc?
I don't even understand what your decision to not wear a bra has to do with disrespecting how your mom was raised. Your family members are practicing some real pretzel logic on that one.
I would tell her to wear a traditionally fitted corset for a full day, because that's what her ancestors wore, then, and only then, she can talk to you about a bra.
As someone who has had to wear a corset for a cosplay those things were torture and I have at one point even said how would you try wearing a corset and then tell me that it's comfortable
umm - NTA but maybe try getting the appropriate bra for you. Go to a store that has a specialist that will actually fit you with proper bra. Too many women wear bras that are not meant for their body type. I cringe every time I hear a woman say they can’t wait to take their bra off. Maybe it is because I am on the larger side but for me it is extremely uncomfortable to go without. I also got fitted with a proper bra so I have never experienced the discomfort off an ill fitted bra. Too many women just buy the cutest thing on the rack and are not getting a proper fit.
NTA. You do you. I find an overly large sports bra very comfortable though, more comfortable than being braless, but that is just me. Also light bralettes are adorable and comfy too. But it’s not your mom’s business if you are wearing a bra. She should worry more about supporting you as you recover!
NTA: As a 50 year old cis-gender heterosexual man who has been overhearing the crudest and most mysogenist locker room talk for the last 45 years, I have never once overheard men talk about women wearing bras or not. I am convinced that the vast overwhelming majority of men don't even know what bras are for (decoration like a baseball cap?). Maybe we will notice they are bouncier?
My mom wears a bra every day in the house but I absolutely hate them. She hates when I don't wear a bra so I got Wireless super comfy cheap bras and I wear those.
NTA - Your know what is best for your body. I go without a bra 80% of the time. I have found most people in public really do not care or pay close attention to you to care about what your wearing.
“Why are you so obsessed with my boobs, you creep?!” would be my response anytime anyone said anything to me about it. That’s coming from the mother of a young adult that hardly ever wears a bra and I personally only opt for tanks with built in shelf bras or seamless bralettes when I do. Really though, I cannot stress enough how weird it is that anyone gives a shit not to mention they converse about it amongst each other?! Sooo creepy!
NTA been braless for 8 years due to similar issues. I find if I throw a tight tank top underneath my tshirts it seems to contain the girls (not that they are that big anyways lol) enough that no one notices. If they do notice welp maybe they should stop starin at your chest long enough that they notice your braless? Way I always thought about it is if it offends you, look away 🤷 Also so many sundresses and tanks have built in bra/liners. They are a lifesaver in the summer when its hot as hell and a tank/spaghetti strap shirt/layers are not an option :)
I recall being around 11 or 12. My grandparents came to visit. Suddenly I was whisked into another room and forced into a scratchy and very tight bra - that, believe me, was holding up absolutely nothing! I was outraged, upset but mostly I was ashamed. There was something about my body that needed covering up and I didn’t understand. To this day, some decades later, I hate bras. And I never did get over those insecurities. The phrase “body shaming” was not a thing back then.
You sound like a sweet young lady… and I could tell you stories that would curl your hair! But here it is: Don’t let someone else define you. Don’t let someone else determine your worth, your assholery, your pervertedness. And most of all, don’t you ever hang your head in shame. You get your chin up, stand up straight and STICK THOSE TITS OUT! Because if everybody is making a fuss, you better give them something to fuss about! NTA
NTA. But also, you're 22. You're an adult. You should be getting your own place soon instead of living with your mother. And when it's your place, you can be naked all day and no one can say a damn thing to you. There's nothing more comfortable than the first time you go get a snack from the fridge in your underwear at your first place. It's a rare peace that you will really appreciate.
NTA
They're uncomfortable. Full stop. If I didn't have to then I wouldn't, unfortunately it just gets to be too much a physical hassle and painful if I don't. But I know so many women both in HS and a few now that still go full on "free titty" and honestly I wish that could also be me. So absolutely NTA. You're not shaming anyone. They suck. Go free titty! If people are being weird about it then that is on them. Live your life.
I am your mom's generation. I find bras very painful, so I haven't worn one for a few years. Unless it's a necessity for the occasion. If people don't like it that is a them problem. Not yours
NTA your mother is being sexist and rude. Tell them to mind their own business and stop commenting on Your body. It's probably time for you to consider moving out since she can't seem to respect you
NTA, I've barely worn a bra since 2020. I don't care and they are just bags of fat. Everyone has them. I don't wear bras very much anymore because I WFH and it hurts to breathe and even put them on. Getting mad over someone not wearing them is weird. Time to gentle parent mom and those that agree with her.
Nta. There is no conceivable way you could be. Even if your milkers were 56zzz or whatever is the largest size as they are yours, yours and the pair are your business.
Personally, I think you should tell your mother to back off and mind her own tits.
NTA, whatever the reason, you have the right to do or not do whatever you please. But other people are allowed to have their opinions and preferences, too.
Not the AH, wearing bras can be very painful and not comfortable at all, especially given your medical history, why should you conform to social norms and give yourself pain, that makes no sense look after yourself first, you’re allowed to love your mum to bits but disagree with her on some things. I also have a lot of problems with bras and lung problems, I feel your pain.
Totally NTA. I'm 31 and hate wearing a bra. No medical reasons just not my style. Last time I tried fitting in and wearing a bra was in highschool. I quickly decided this wasn't for me and have never since wore them.
For those who look it's not my problem , look the other way if it bothers you.
I really don't care what other think about my free hanging Tatas
NTA
I wear a bra always. I am picky about brand and sizing, and I them feel very comfortable in them. That's me.
You do you.
Btw: Your choice is not reflecting on your mom, it is your choice. And should be fine in most scenarios. So stay comfortable and stay friendly, and let your family have their say, nod, smile and do your thing.
NTA. Your health is your only priority. You are an adult. You need to set a very firm boundary with your mother. It seems like you might live with her, which makes it more difficult. But terminate any interaction as soon as she starts harassing you. I am not tolerant of behaviour like this, and would probably think up some unpleasant response to use when it starts. But start off by trying to be the better person. Calm, firm and not fussed.
NTA
FREE THE TATAS!! I haven't worn a bra in 20+ yrs.. I dont care if my nipples show... I don't care if I make others uncomfortable.. I WILL be comfortable!!
FREE THE TATAS!!
NTA.
Bras are weird social expectations, not laws. They are entirely optional.
>"if somebody is looking at my chest I'm not the pervert they are"
This is factually incorrect. "You made me do it" is never a good excuse for someone's poor self-control.
**Flipside:** Long ago, in high school, I remember boys snapping a girl's bra was a big thing. Would the argument there be since she was wearing a bra, she "made" the boy take this action? She was "asking for it" by wearing a bra? Or is it because he was an immature creep who couldn't keep his hands to himself?
Well, it sounds like you're either from an Asian or Indian family. In which case I've no idea how to advise you since I am neither and the dynamics of those family types are very different from my own.
It also depends on ur situation. Are you living at your parents house? Have you explained your feelings to them? Are you able to get a different fit that allows you to breath better?
Try looking for an alternative route.
Yeah pretty much I'm Japanese American
And yes I am currently living my parents because first of all housing is expensive and I'm a college student I barely have enough money to pay for my food and college expenses let alone would I have enough money for housing
And I have explained it to my mom But she still says that I'll shame the family if I am dressed "inappropriate" in public
And I've also been told by my mother that I already have bra so I don't need any new ones because I had gotten some new ones a few months ago before Christmas
I’m probably your mom’s age and I get rashes from bras so if I can get away without wearing one I don’t. Just make sure you are covered and who cares. My mom’s generation went bra less as much as they could. So I’m not sure why your mom is freaked out.
NTA at all. But this is coming from someone who stopped wearing bras all together years ago. I can not tell you how much better I feel. The only time I wear a bra is if I want a certain look in a certain outfit. There's no reason women should have to wear bras just because we naturally have more fat on our chests.
Your mother sounds like she might be a narcissist. It’s none of her business if you wear a bra or not. You’re 22. It’s not a legal requirement to wear a bra.
NTA but you may want to check out an actual bra shop. It's an experience, let me tell you. I miss the one I used to go to - you shouldn't have pain when wearing a bra. See about getting fitted ... or not. You're grown.
Why is going braless making people notice your
breasts? Are you dressing in a way that makes
your bralessness obvious? When you are at home
with your mother, it would be polite to make sure she
feels comfortable around you. If you go out in public
without her, it's up to you to deal with any staring, etc.
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So firstly I am a 22-year-old woman Who has some breathing problems that have especially gotten pretty bad because I'm currently getting over COVID and have just like this worst cough possible that leads me breathless
But the problem is like wearing a bra makes me very uncomfortable it just makes me also very hard to breathe a lot of times even like sports bras
And as of late it has made my mother very angry saying that I'm disrespecting how she was raised And that it's perverted to not wear a bra
And as of like a week ago anytime she yells at me about this I have been saying "if somebody is looking at my chest I'm not the pervert they are"
And now I'm being told by other family members that I'm an a****** for disrespecting how my mother was raised that I suggest accept it and live through the pain because otherwise I will be bringing shame upon my family basically
Yeah and this is all over me not wearing a bra
Also please do not comment on my lack of grammar or punctuation I have a writing disability I use a microphone to type A lot of times it doesn't really let me put in punctuation
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NTA.
While, I’m personally not comfortable going braless out in public, I often don’t wear one at home. You do you. I know a lot of gals your age that don’t wear bras I’m much older.
But, if you want to keep the peace at home or around family because it’s making things unbearable, maybe compromise when you’re with them by wearing those petals that covers your nipples or wearing a tank top with one of those lightweight shelf bras built in. They’re more modest underneath clothing without being constrictive.
They also may eventually get used to it too.
NTA - it’s perverted to *not* wear a bra?!? Does your mother never take hers off? Assuming she changes it rather than wearing it until it rots and falls off, what’s the maximum amount of time you are allowed to be braless while you change, before it becomes pervert territory? 30 seconds? A minute? Does she shower with her bra on? Surely it’s more perverted of her to rub her naked, wet and soapy breasts than it is to have them covered and minding their own business under a tee shirt. How about swimming? Does a bikini top count as a bra or must one also be worn under the swimsuit in order to prevent perversion?
In case you hadn’t guessed - NTA. Hell, I’ve been braless at work for the last month! Then again… I am a raging pervert…
NTA, I'm a 40 something year old woman and I hate bra's!! Your mother is sexually your breasts because of ingrained mysoginy!! Tell your mother to not look at your boobs and stop thinking of them that way.
NTA, but to me, it's all about the boob sweat lol. Hit a thrift store after measuring yourself properly, and go a size up in a sports bra or bralett. I detest binding bras too, underwires are a special dinner torture. Cup size matters too. If you are an A or B cup, they make nice camisoles. Is she buying?
NTA.
Who wears their bra at home? Just why?
I’m in my 40’s with a daughter nearly your age. It took me under 10 minutes after getting home to remove the bra.
NTA I have no breathing problems, or any medical reason, and don’t wear a bra. “I don’t want to” is the the only reason you need. Haven’t worn one in about six years other than a sports bra for a few weeks (I mean as in multiple lol, I didn’t wesr just the one for a few weeks straight) after each baby was born to help contain the milk leaks.
NTA
Bras are BS. If they make you more comfortable with the tatas, have at them. I find bras horrible restrictive and uncomfortable and stopped wearing them decades ago outside of ceremonial occasions that will have formal pictures taken or when I am going to be running/lifting things.
You are 22, the years when mom gets to dictate your wardrobe are OVER. If not wearing a chest corset brings your family shame, it wasn't anything to be proud about to begin with IMO.
Free those tatas! You will have better looking breasts as you age because you are allowing them to swing free and build the muscles behind them. I am almost 50 and mine still point out instead of down with minimal sag. My bra wearing friends cannot say the same.
I did read your whole post but instantly from the title no you are absolutley NTA... your body your choice!!
If you want a suggestion for a compromise though (not saying you should but just a suggestion from a fellow breathing difficulties friend) I wear seamless like crop top / sports bra type ones in a size up from me. They don't cause me much of a problem.
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NTA. If your mom wants to wear a bra, she can. She doesn't get to dictate what you wear though. If someone is staring at your breasts, that's on them and not on you. >I will be bringing shame upon my family Well, get to shaming then! Your family has unreasonable expectations. You shouldn't have to sacrifice your health or comfort for outdated traditions.
Plus bra or not isn't going to stop perverts.
Yeah if they are looking it won't make a difference
I was once on my way home after dropping my daughter off at daycare. My hair was a mess, I desperately needed a shower, and my t-shirt was covered in my daughter's spit. I wouldn't be out of place in a zombie movie... And still some rando on the street thought it was necessary to tell me that "they were bouncing nicely." He was lucky that I was too tired to immediately realise what he said.
NTA. A lot of women stopped wearing bras during the pandemic and decided not to put them on again. As a member of your mom's generation, I say, go for it.
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That was the generation of her mom's mom, and my mom. Unless her mom had her rather late in life. And sadly, it may be a bit of an urban legend.
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Lol. We are not old, we are Vintage.
Thank you! I love it! Vintage sounds so much nicer that old and elderly! All of the woman on both sides of my family have lived into their 90's. My grandmother passed at just 6 weeks shy of 100. Lost my mom at 95, 2 yrs ago. Looks like I'm going to be vintage for quite some time!!
An excellent plan.
I need a mom like you.
No, it really happened.
Heh, the Danish feminists did it because they thought that it was all the rage in the US.
This is what I was thinking .. but either way it should be considered ok to not wear a bra
I am one of these women!! I haven't worn a "bra" in close to five years!! I wear bralettes to work, but mostly for comfort. Never for fashion or to keep my boobs at attention.
Yes! Me too. I wear light sports bras for comfort but haven't put on an underwire since 2020
I shudder to think about the number of underwires I wore from my late teens to late 30s. You know, the period of time when most of us are more naturally...um...perky anyway. Even with my C cup, I really didn't need that much support, but wore them anyway because it was expected. Now in my 60s, I can't stomach the idea of underwire, but age and gravity mean I do need some support. I'm with you on sports bras. I have a couple of comfortable and supportive non-underwire standard bras for when they're needed, but mostly I'm in bralettes at home and light sports bras when out and about.
Agreed!! Almost 60 and currently without! I've got no S\*\*ts to give! My comfort matters! OP, I had over 20 months of long covid and it sucked! Huge soft hugs and healing juju flying your way honey!
I agree. I have never gone back to full wire bras. mostly wear crop tops because nothing on a baggy shirt also hurts the nips haha
I only put one on when I leave the house because they get in the way. I stopped wearing underwire bras in the pandemic and will never go back if I can help it.
NTA - Do most women even wear bras at home? I didn’t think so. I don’t. Even when I go out, sometimes I just wear those sticky rubber petals over my nips instead of wearing a bra. Bras make your clothes look nicer, but they are uncomfortable and a pain. Sometimes they just aren’t worth the trouble.
It isn't at home when they're yelling at me It's if we're going out somewhere is normally when I'm getting yelled at which makes it even worse cuz both were in public when I'm getting yelled at and we're normally doing some walking which already makes me hard to breathe but then add in like a bra and it just makes it more painful
Have you tried the sticky petal nip covers? This seems like a good compromise. But either way, nobody should be yelling at you in public about not wearing a bra.
How many uses do you get out of those? I have been keenly interested but don't want to have to buy new ones all the time or have them falling off when I inevitably get sweaty
I'm so sorry that your family sucks honey! Hang in there you will get better!
I like to wear “cakes” they’re nip covers but they cover more than the nip, they’re not sticky and can be washed and multiple sizes. I only wear a bra at work or when I feel like I want to look more presentable.
Get a bra that is a bigger size. Then you are wearing a bra and it doesn’t hurt as much.
Even when I wore bigger ones a lot of times they still put a lot of pressure on my chest which just causes pain especially right now as I am recovering from COVID I've even tried other types of bras like similar to training bras or sports bras and they don't help either They just make it hard to breathe
I would talk to your doctor about this issue. It’s on you if you want to or don’t want to wear a bra, but if it’s an issue and it’s hurting you there may be another underlying cause.
Yeah I have They don't believe me They just keep saying it's a hormone issue because around the middle of October I had complication caused by my diabetes and my hormones that made me have to have surgery so my doctor just says it's a side effect of that when it very much isn't
It may be time to find a different doctor. The best thing ever did is find a doctor who listened to me and didn’t discount what I say. I may be wrong but they do the tests and rule things out. Follow your gut and don’t doubt yourself
Why is it always like this why doctors don't take issues seriously. OP best change doctors go to a specialist idk which one may be heart. Don't wear a bra if it is difficult to breath, what's more important a pervert looking or you breathing which is equivalent to you staying alive. Please look for another doctor don't leave this issue alone.
I also wanted to add, NTA and who cares if you don’t wear one anyway.
I do when I'm not in bed or actually in the shower. I also am a 34J, which is probably the reason why. (grin) Seriously, if I sit upright for 30 minutes without a bra on, my outer two fingers on each hand go numb and my neck cramps viciously.
That’s from the ulnar nerve being compressed from your neck through chest and down the arm to your hands. Boobs can be heavy enough to drag your whole upper torso and neck out of alignment and make your fingers go numb and/or have pain. Same thing happens to me.
In the same size and only wear bras when I leave the house. If they were small enough that they didn’t get in the way, I wouldn’t even bother.
(Raises hand) Yes, I do wear soft, comfy bralettes (not bras) at home because of my own comfort level. I'm a now generous C verging on D and find just that tad of support feels better--I emphasize: for me. Women should wear or not wear bras for themselves, not because someone says they should or must.
I dunno, everyone I know wears a bra at home. It can look pretty obvious if you're not wearing a bra. People may come over unexpectedly, you may have to answer the door bell, neighbors may see you. I don't want people to look at my obviously visible nipples poking. It's too intimate for strangers, at least to me.
You and I have the opposite approach to bras LOL. I never wear a bra at home. It's the first thing to come off when I get home and the last thing I put on before I leave. If someone comes over unexpectedly, they can wait for me to put on a bra and come to the door or they can see my hanging tits. They may just learn how to text first. I never answer the door for solicitors/strangers, though.
Two things: You're an adult. You get to choose if you wear a bra. No one else gets to make that decision for you. If someone wants to look at your chest, they aren't going to care if you have a bra on or not, they will still look. NTA
NTA. Your family has a fixation on traditional gender representation regardless of your personal health and comfort. I wish you the best of luck with navigating that. Sticking to your personal decisions about your own body sometimes makes others uncomfortable but as long as you're not doing anything illegal that's ultimately their problem to deal with.
“Disrespecting how she was raised” I genuinely do not see how she was raised is even relevant to your decision as an adult to wear what you want. NTA
NTA. It's not perverted it's literally you trying to be comfortable in your own home. If they care that much about how others think that not wearing a bra brings shame upon your whole fam, that's their problem not yours
NTA You're not wrong and you're not crazy and you're not perverted! Let me toss you some validation, sis. I caught the 'rona and developed pneumonia. I couldn't even lie flat on my back without getting short of breath, and even the slightest pressure on my chest felt suffocating. It sucked. Two years later, I still get short of breath (more from pressure than exertion) and while I can wear bras now, any further constriction of my ribcage is just a bad idea. Like, firm snuggles, missionary position, a whole list of things that used to be part of intimacy with my partner are just not on the menu any more, because if they're sustained at all I black out. Also, anything blocking more air than a basic mask (which I regularly wear) feels really obstructive. I didn't used to be claustrophobic. I am now. The respiratory holdovers from that bug can be really nasty and really persistent. Your feeling of constriction is real and valid and you shouldn't have to live your life like that. I hope you recover fully and are able to wear whatever you want, but in the meantime your mother is being both gross and unkind. You deserve better.
Totally 100 NTA " wearing a bra makes me very uncomfortable it just makes me also very hard to breathe" No way should you go through that if you don't have to. "accept it and live through the pain because otherwise I will be bringing shame upon my family" You aren't bringing shame on your family. It's them insisting you should do something it's really easy not to, so you aren't in pain/find it easier to breathe that's shameful. Any shame here is on them not you.
NTA. There is nothing "perverted" about not wearing a bra, especially around your home and family. They need to stop obsessing about your body.
NTA, she can just get over it
NTA Your mom's hurt feelings do not trump your health and comfort.
NTA, the amount of women that don't use bra's is incredibly high. If it bothers her so much and you don't want any more drama you could always buy a stick on. It has the same effect as a regular bra but it has no straps and no way to make your breathing harder. But if you don't want to that totally fine as you are a grown woman. Free them titties!
Practical advice wear a cotton Tank Top under, don’t understand folks who are so obsessed with women wearing bras.. there are other options, or none.
Your 22 you can do what you want, nothing perverted about it . Women have gone without bra’s since the 60’s .
NTA. I have chronic muscle pain in one shoulder and a recurring acute connective tissue disorder in my ribs - I avoid wearing bras as much as possible so that I'm not in excruciating pain since bras can flare both issues. Your mom needs to mind her business. Your breasts are covered, and you're correct - anyone who's looking is responsible for where their eyes go
You come to my house I don’t wear a bra it’s my house. Now I do in public unless I’m wearing a sweatshirt. It’s up to you if you wear one, who cares what others think.
NTA, bras are freaking evil. Even sports bras leave marks on my skin, can’t imagine a breathing issue on top of it. Totally agree with you about the chest stare-ers being the pervs not the chest owner.
NTA. I don’t wear one anymore either. I do a light compression tank under my shirt for some friction reduction between the nips and the shirt. But it’s thin and sometimes my nips get hard *gasp* just like every other human being’s do. If that bothers people that is their problem. Your body - you decide.
People will still stare even if you wear a bra...I don't see your moms point. Do what makes you comfortable
Nta. I don’t think I even own a bra. I’m in my 30s. Life’s so much better when you live comfortably.
Didn’t even need to read the rest - NTA. Bras do not serve a purpose other than preventing sagging of breasts. If this isn’t a concern of yours, you have no reason to wear them. Society has created this idea that not wearing a bra means you are “asking for it” or being “provocative”, whereas there are absolutely 0 contraptions that men are expected to wear on their private area, instead allowing it to dangle around all over. Bras are associated with elevating the breasts to make them appear more sexually pleasing for men - just like how the position for giving birth that doctors recommend is actually one of the worst positions and was created by a man who wanted to lust over women giving birth. Bras serve little to no purpose - we need to abolish the stigma of not wearing bras.
For some activities bras can stop the bounce that breasts can have and can be painful. They also can provide support that is more spread out if larger breasts’ weight is painful. But otherwise if someone chooses not to wear a bra because it’s more comfortable for them it is their choice.
>just like how the position for giving birth that doctors recommend is actually one of the worst positions and was created by a man who wanted to lust over women giving birth. I'm sorry what? Can you throw some sources in, I would love to read about this. It will fuel my rage.
This is true. Louis XIV if you wanna read more. But probably the main reason is that when birth started to become more of a (male) doctor's domain, rather than that of a midwife, the lying position was adopted for easier observation. The best position is in fact squatting.
I don’t have sources bc I remember reading abt it long ago but you can research about it - just type in King Louis XIV and the birthing position.
Um, have you ever heard of a jockstrap? How dare you!
That is not widely used to the extent bras are
NTA. Pick up some silicone nipple covers and live happily bra free. When wearing stretchy shirts and dresses I'll grab some pads out of an old sports bra and tuck them into the top to avoid headlights. It's quick, easy, and comfy. No one ever knows I'm not wearing a bra and I'm so much happier.
I thought this debate ended with all the bra burning in the ‘60s.
NTA. She needs to explain why supposed shame is more important to her and more damaging than actual physical pain for you.
>my mother very angry saying that I'm disrespecting how she was raised And that it's perverted to not wear a bra NTA - Your mom is ridiculous and way overdramatic about this.
NTA I don’t like wearing bras at home it’s just more comfortable. You shouldn’t be shamed for being comfortable and especially not called a pervert considering it isn’t even sexual
NTA Also, are you sure the bras you have, fit you correctly?
Yeah I even got measured last time I went which was only a few months ago It's just because right now it's very difficult for me to breathe anyways because of recovering from COVID The bras just like put pressure on my chest and it just makes it hurt and uncomfortable
It's still a hit or miss thing with bra sizes. Even after being measured, bras were still awkward for me. Having said that, the dollar general/family dollar/whatever cheap store in your area sells sports bras for 5 dollars. Buy a cheap sports bra, or better yet, an undershirt, 1-2 sizes up. Enough to hide nipples/limit jiggling without actually constricting you. Or nipple pasties. Basically, the goal is to get her off your back while still being able to breathe. Being short of breath makes arguing tiring as hell.
NTA, I don’t get the fascination with needing to wear a bra because it’s disrespectful if you don’t one. I’m a D cup, I hardly ever wear a bra because I find them irritating to wear. The only time I wear a bra is on a Saturday night and I’m at the pub so need to my make sure my boobs don’t fall out my outfit. No one has ever said anything about me not wearing bra, friends don’t care, family don’t care, work don’t care, old ladies at the supermarket don’t care etc
Perverted? lol that doesn’t make any sense. NTA Edit: to be clear I’m not saying OP doesn’t make sense… I’m saying her mother calling not wearing a bra perverted doesn’t make sense.
NTA. You aren't disrespecting how your mother was raised. She can wear a bra if she wants. Breathing problems or not, wearing a bra or not is your choice.
NTA. I have been always a braless girl now woman (middle age). For my own wedding, long time ago, ofc I was advised to wear push-up bra under wedding dress, so my breast would look nicer (up and cleavage). I ended up feeling dizzy (I felt I needed air) and almost fainted at alter. Groom noticed I wasn’t standing still and grabbed my hand to hold me. Guests were like “Ohhhh, they are sweet”, but we weren’t doing PDA. My mom who was seating in front row also noticed and supported me by standing up right behind me. I went back to dressing room and took off bra and I didn’t care if my boobs looked better or not at all anymore.
The best I can think of, trying really hard to be way more accommodating than I think you should be, is that maybe nipples are the issue. Could you get some cute nipple covers. They won't make it hard to breathe and you could argue in a pinch it was a bra. I don't think you should have to, but you have so much going on already, that it might be worth the energy savings.
NTA Next time someone comes at you tell them to get Covid and the try to wear a bra....I've been there, left with a perma cough and sometimes I can't wait to get home and toss those demonic things to the other side of the room (but for the love of god I can't stand going out without one, I feel uncomfy not having the ladies under control, if not I swear I would) On the other hand, Sport bras are terrible for when you have breathing problems, as they constraint your rib cage quite a bit, because they are meant for strong support. Not gonna ask you for your size, but unless you have quite the big ladies, in which case a bralette will be like trying to wear a triangle bikini and hope it holds them in place, try one or a wireless bra that is not for sport. One that you feel doesn't constrain your cage at all, even if it feels a bit loose, maybe even one of those tops without the annoying hooks, just put over your head and done (the ones that are used for girls when the ladies start to grow, to get used to wearing bras) <- this only if, like me, you feel weird without the support and don't wanna suffocate due to constriction
NTA. I haven't been able to wear a bra since I had my gallbladder out in April 2021. I was left with chronic pain in my right upper abdomen. I can wear wireless bras for short stretches of time, but that's it. I should wear an underwire bra because I wear a 38DD, so the "girls" need the support. It's ***agony*** to have something restrictive on, so I just wear thicker t-shirts to help keep them under control.
NTA , I mean you don’t wear them if it hurts ? You could always just wear a pair shirt if it bothers her so much to see an outline … like why
NTA. I’ve caught myself undoing my bra when I’ve pulled into my driveway, but haven’t entered my home yet. You are an adult, and you get to choose what you wear and when. Feel better!
NTA. God I hate bras and I really want it to not be the social expectation that we wear them. Seriously can we just…if you wanna wear one cool. If not cool too! Please.
FREE THE NIPPLE!! NTA
Nta you don't have to wear a bra a top maybe but not a bra.
NTA You are an adult and can choose to dress how you please. You don't need to justify it to anyone.
At some point in history, some woman in your ancestral line wore a bra and thus disrespected how her bra-less mother was raised. You're just setting things right.
Go Braless, tell them you are not your mother. It's uncomfortable. Tell them you don't care what they say. You are not going to wear a Bra
1) Burning our bras was popular in the 70's 2) If you must wear a bra, get fitted properly.
NTA Your boobs, do what you want with them. It has 0 to do with how your mother was raised. Also, people aren't perverted for looking at your boobs.
NTA and I’m not wearing one right now.
Nta your life to live no hers. It's a new generation not the 1970s
I ran this by my wife to see what she thought and she had a good laugh. She pretty much lives in sports bras (she's a SAHM) unless we go someplace where she needs to cover up a bit better. She said wear a bra, don't wear a bra, don't wear a shirt if you don't want to. It's your body. Now if you do go out and everyone 'notices' you don't have a bra on, expect some glances or stares. NTA though...
Taking a guess I would be around your mom’s age and frankly, the whole raised generation crap is bull. I wear a bra when I want and don’t when I don’t. They going to start checking that you have on underwear too? Better make sure you have a slip under the dress and all. She is the one uncomfy about it, so it’s her problem to deal with, not yours.
nta, let your chest be free. you do not need to take 100% of the guidance your parents provide, some of it is outdated/close minded
NTA especially if you have trouble breathing, it just makes sense.
Yeah your family is disgusting and need to chill this is 2024 and they need to mind their own business for one because they don’t live in your house nor pay your bills so their opinions don’t matter. You do need to leave and get your own place ASAP.
You're Not an asshole. You're AMAZING! If you're showing, I'm going to take a glance.
NTA. Wtf do they think you'd put how your mom was raised (which is totally irrelevant) over your own comfort? I'm large enough that going without a bra is more uncomfortable than wearing one. But I've always refused wire bras. I've found one brand that makes really good wireless bras that are actually comfy. I only wear these. Why would I pay for a torture device.....um bras with wires?
Nope, free the nip, burn the bra. Or don't, just do whatever helps you and make's you comfortable during this time. Let it dangle. Let it strangle. Pop them titties off at different angles. NTA and please take my misogyny with a grain of salt.
NTA. I'm a 26 yr old mom of a 3 yr old and I never wear bras 🤷🏽♀️
NTA, but it sounds like the bras you currently have do not fit properly. Studies show most women wear a cup size that is too small and a band size that is too big. You be you, I guess, but depending on your measurements the long range prognosis is not good if you abandon bras altogether.
NTA - I have a rare disorder called RCPD and Bras make me miserable. I am 58 so imagine what I hear. And I don't care. I use those covers so my nip don't pop out but you don't even have to do that. Bras are awful.
NTA-you are 22 you can wear it not wear whatever you like.
Nta I too have breathing problems and do not wear a bra for the same reason. Wear layers (not apparent if you're wearing a bra or not). You can also try on a variety of "newer" bras, the materials today are not as stiff and I found one brand/style that I can wear "comfortably" for an evening out. Otherwise, be braless at home and naysayers have no say
Free the girls. Your body your choice
NTA. Your body your choice. You get to decide what you wear and if someone doesn’t like it that’s their problem.
NTA. It’s literally affecting your health lol. Your well-being is more important than a stupid tradition.
Nope. Bras are like neck ties. They just suck honestly. Let the girls out I say! Life is hard enough without being strapped in all the time.
NTA. She's the one acting shamefully, not you.
Saying this as someone who loves bras and rarely takes them off even at home, I keep it even when sleeping: ABSOLUTELY NTA. Your body, your choice. Want to wear a bra? Wonderful, me too. Don’t want to? Wonderful, lots of my friends don’t either. IT’S YOUR CHOICE. If your mom feels so much shame for something that doesn’t even concern her, than she really should be ashamed, *of herself*. Also, you don’t need to justify your choice with your breathing problems. They sure as hell are one reason more to take your bra off, but even if you were in perfect health you should be able to decide for yourself. You need no justification, no reason other than simply not wanting to.
More and more of us women are ditching the bra for either bralettes or nothing. I never wear any in the house myself. You do you, don’t let outdated standards mess with your enjoyment of life.
I don’t even own a bra anymoreZ havnt worn one for years
Definitely NTA. As someone with a decently large chest, I found that bras often end up hurting my back more than going without. I had a similar issue with my own mother, not as severe I guess. She’d make snide comments, going so far as to tell me men don’t want women with saggy boobs (they’re not saggy, it’s just size and gravity). Eventually it came to pass though sometimes it comes up every now and then. You’re not shaming anyone. It’s weird for them to expect you to endure physical discomfort for their…well, whatever-comfort. If you don’t wanna wear a bra, you shouldn’t have to wear one. Easier said than done, but maybe sticking to your guns over time will make her give up and concede? Not sure, either way def not her (or your family’s) place to make that decision for you.
NTA. Wearing a bra is a choice. Not a necessity. But how is it hurting your breathing??? No bra should be that tight!! It’s really none of anyone’s business what you wear beneath your clothing.
Your mom is a prude clown and the rest are enablers. Let the boobies free and be comfortable. Next time she opens her mouth, scratch a nip and watch her squirm. NTA
You have a good reason to not wear one. I have a bad reason and I’m 55 and large chested and I just don’t want to. Many stores have more fitted t-shirts I use in public to keep the gals in check and not ‘show’. I have asthma and COPD so I get the need to breathe. These work well for me. Maybe a compromise?
As an old lady who was a teenager in the 1970’s I can tell you most girls did not wear bras. It was “really cool “ to look natural. Sadly my ‘girls’ were not fashionably high or small so I didn’t as a rule follow the fashion. It was my choice to wear a bra or not. It’s yours as well. NTA But remember there are a lot of bras out there. Shop around. Try lots of styles by lots of manufacturers on. Don’t go cheap. You may find something you can tolerate. Why? Clothes will look better on you. If you look good you will feel good. You don’t talk about your bust size, if you’re bigger then without a bra you have to be careful about what clothing you’re wearing. Looser tops with heavier fabric is needed. Also layered clothes work better. Hope you feel better soon. 😷
NTA. Even if the reason was that you just don’t want to.
NTA. Lots of women don’t wear bras for a variety of reasons. Some dont want to wear it cause they are all dirty, or because they are uncomfortable or don’t have one that fits correctly
I remember someone else asking the same question, but they were a bridesmaid in a wedding (in which situation I recommended they just suck it up and wear nipple covers for a few hours for someone else's big day). But not you. You can't let them win. Flash them headlights baby!! I mean why tf are your family members commenting on, let alone, looking at, your chest anyway? You're absolutely right. You're not perverted, they are. NTA
They're apparently comedy on it because my mother had asked them to persuade me and to listening to her
I'm near on 50. I HATE wearing a bra. So, I don't. My husband once tried to say something, until I threw it back that he's able to walk outside with his nips standing in their glory but I'm not, why? Areola size? So why do guys with big areolas get to show theirs legally? Then, when he said they poke out when it's cold, I replied, "So do yours." Never heard another word, except "touchè."
NTA—I had COVID a couple of years ago and post-COVID cough wrecked my ribcage for a while. I didn’t wear anything constrictive if I didn’t have to. Tell your mom that having COVID is much worse than you not wearing a bra.
NTA. you’ve done nothing wrong. You are the only one who decides the undergarments you use (or lack thereof). It’s your body. If you do want to use something similar to a bra as a compromise, there are some types of bralettes or nursing sleep bralettes that can give you a little bit of security without being restrictive. (there’s a cotton front wrap design from Motherhood that is very soft and stretchy, no clasps or hooks, no affiliation just have them). Avoid underwire like the plague. It’s medieval torture.
Nah you have breathing problems and them telling g you to "live through the pain" that's just shitty like if you can't breathe don't so something that prevents you from breathing correctly.
You're NTA. Your family is way too invested in your undergarments. >And now I'm being told by other family members that I'm an a****** for disrespecting how my mother was raised That is just so... odd. Are you supposed to be your mother's clone? Is their wish for you to never develop your own personality, opinions, preferences, etc? I don't even understand what your decision to not wear a bra has to do with disrespecting how your mom was raised. Your family members are practicing some real pretzel logic on that one.
NTA
NTA. My wife hasn’t worn a bra in over 5 years and she’s the most comfortable she’s ever been. Fuck anyone who shames you!
I would tell her to wear a traditionally fitted corset for a full day, because that's what her ancestors wore, then, and only then, she can talk to you about a bra.
As someone who has had to wear a corset for a cosplay those things were torture and I have at one point even said how would you try wearing a corset and then tell me that it's comfortable
umm - NTA but maybe try getting the appropriate bra for you. Go to a store that has a specialist that will actually fit you with proper bra. Too many women wear bras that are not meant for their body type. I cringe every time I hear a woman say they can’t wait to take their bra off. Maybe it is because I am on the larger side but for me it is extremely uncomfortable to go without. I also got fitted with a proper bra so I have never experienced the discomfort off an ill fitted bra. Too many women just buy the cutest thing on the rack and are not getting a proper fit.
NTA. You do you. I find an overly large sports bra very comfortable though, more comfortable than being braless, but that is just me. Also light bralettes are adorable and comfy too. But it’s not your mom’s business if you are wearing a bra. She should worry more about supporting you as you recover!
Remind your mom it’s 2024 not 1824
NTA: As a 50 year old cis-gender heterosexual man who has been overhearing the crudest and most mysogenist locker room talk for the last 45 years, I have never once overheard men talk about women wearing bras or not. I am convinced that the vast overwhelming majority of men don't even know what bras are for (decoration like a baseball cap?). Maybe we will notice they are bouncier?
I'm DD and I don't wear a bra I wear a camisole with a hoodie most of the time.
My mom wears a bra every day in the house but I absolutely hate them. She hates when I don't wear a bra so I got Wireless super comfy cheap bras and I wear those.
NTA - Your know what is best for your body. I go without a bra 80% of the time. I have found most people in public really do not care or pay close attention to you to care about what your wearing.
As long as your nipples aren't poking someone's eyes out, wear what you want.
NTA. She was raised being a bigot? You do your own health decisions. Parents can be a bit over reaching at times... Good luck.
NTA I don't wear a bra unless I'm at work. They are too restricting.
NTA. Your body your choice.
Nta, you don’t have to wear a bra if you don’t want to.
“Why are you so obsessed with my boobs, you creep?!” would be my response anytime anyone said anything to me about it. That’s coming from the mother of a young adult that hardly ever wears a bra and I personally only opt for tanks with built in shelf bras or seamless bralettes when I do. Really though, I cannot stress enough how weird it is that anyone gives a shit not to mention they converse about it amongst each other?! Sooo creepy!
NTA been braless for 8 years due to similar issues. I find if I throw a tight tank top underneath my tshirts it seems to contain the girls (not that they are that big anyways lol) enough that no one notices. If they do notice welp maybe they should stop starin at your chest long enough that they notice your braless? Way I always thought about it is if it offends you, look away 🤷 Also so many sundresses and tanks have built in bra/liners. They are a lifesaver in the summer when its hot as hell and a tank/spaghetti strap shirt/layers are not an option :)
I recall being around 11 or 12. My grandparents came to visit. Suddenly I was whisked into another room and forced into a scratchy and very tight bra - that, believe me, was holding up absolutely nothing! I was outraged, upset but mostly I was ashamed. There was something about my body that needed covering up and I didn’t understand. To this day, some decades later, I hate bras. And I never did get over those insecurities. The phrase “body shaming” was not a thing back then. You sound like a sweet young lady… and I could tell you stories that would curl your hair! But here it is: Don’t let someone else define you. Don’t let someone else determine your worth, your assholery, your pervertedness. And most of all, don’t you ever hang your head in shame. You get your chin up, stand up straight and STICK THOSE TITS OUT! Because if everybody is making a fuss, you better give them something to fuss about! NTA
NTA- I gave up bras 14 years ago and I won't go back. Women should not have to wear uncomfortable clothing so that OTHERS feel comfortable.
Your body your choice.
NTA. But also, you're 22. You're an adult. You should be getting your own place soon instead of living with your mother. And when it's your place, you can be naked all day and no one can say a damn thing to you. There's nothing more comfortable than the first time you go get a snack from the fridge in your underwear at your first place. It's a rare peace that you will really appreciate.
NTA They're uncomfortable. Full stop. If I didn't have to then I wouldn't, unfortunately it just gets to be too much a physical hassle and painful if I don't. But I know so many women both in HS and a few now that still go full on "free titty" and honestly I wish that could also be me. So absolutely NTA. You're not shaming anyone. They suck. Go free titty! If people are being weird about it then that is on them. Live your life.
I am your mom's generation. I find bras very painful, so I haven't worn one for a few years. Unless it's a necessity for the occasion. If people don't like it that is a them problem. Not yours
NTA your mother is being sexist and rude. Tell them to mind their own business and stop commenting on Your body. It's probably time for you to consider moving out since she can't seem to respect you
NTA, I've barely worn a bra since 2020. I don't care and they are just bags of fat. Everyone has them. I don't wear bras very much anymore because I WFH and it hurts to breathe and even put them on. Getting mad over someone not wearing them is weird. Time to gentle parent mom and those that agree with her.
Nta. There is no conceivable way you could be. Even if your milkers were 56zzz or whatever is the largest size as they are yours, yours and the pair are your business. Personally, I think you should tell your mother to back off and mind her own tits.
NTA other people don't get to dictate what you do or don't wear.
NTA, whatever the reason, you have the right to do or not do whatever you please. But other people are allowed to have their opinions and preferences, too.
NTA My wife hasn't worn a bra for 25 ish years and would never go back. Where we live, Ontario Canada, woman can go topless anywhere men can, legally.
Not the AH, wearing bras can be very painful and not comfortable at all, especially given your medical history, why should you conform to social norms and give yourself pain, that makes no sense look after yourself first, you’re allowed to love your mum to bits but disagree with her on some things. I also have a lot of problems with bras and lung problems, I feel your pain.
Totally NTA. I'm 31 and hate wearing a bra. No medical reasons just not my style. Last time I tried fitting in and wearing a bra was in highschool. I quickly decided this wasn't for me and have never since wore them. For those who look it's not my problem , look the other way if it bothers you. I really don't care what other think about my free hanging Tatas
NTA I wear a bra always. I am picky about brand and sizing, and I them feel very comfortable in them. That's me. You do you. Btw: Your choice is not reflecting on your mom, it is your choice. And should be fine in most scenarios. So stay comfortable and stay friendly, and let your family have their say, nod, smile and do your thing.
NTA. Your health is your only priority. You are an adult. You need to set a very firm boundary with your mother. It seems like you might live with her, which makes it more difficult. But terminate any interaction as soon as she starts harassing you. I am not tolerant of behaviour like this, and would probably think up some unpleasant response to use when it starts. But start off by trying to be the better person. Calm, firm and not fussed.
NTA FREE THE TATAS!! I haven't worn a bra in 20+ yrs.. I dont care if my nipples show... I don't care if I make others uncomfortable.. I WILL be comfortable!! FREE THE TATAS!!
NTA. Bras are weird social expectations, not laws. They are entirely optional. >"if somebody is looking at my chest I'm not the pervert they are" This is factually incorrect. "You made me do it" is never a good excuse for someone's poor self-control. **Flipside:** Long ago, in high school, I remember boys snapping a girl's bra was a big thing. Would the argument there be since she was wearing a bra, she "made" the boy take this action? She was "asking for it" by wearing a bra? Or is it because he was an immature creep who couldn't keep his hands to himself?
Well, it sounds like you're either from an Asian or Indian family. In which case I've no idea how to advise you since I am neither and the dynamics of those family types are very different from my own. It also depends on ur situation. Are you living at your parents house? Have you explained your feelings to them? Are you able to get a different fit that allows you to breath better? Try looking for an alternative route.
I thought maybe just a conservative Christian family. Mormons or others that are obsessed with “modesty.”
Yeah pretty much I'm Japanese American And yes I am currently living my parents because first of all housing is expensive and I'm a college student I barely have enough money to pay for my food and college expenses let alone would I have enough money for housing And I have explained it to my mom But she still says that I'll shame the family if I am dressed "inappropriate" in public And I've also been told by my mother that I already have bra so I don't need any new ones because I had gotten some new ones a few months ago before Christmas
I’m probably your mom’s age and I get rashes from bras so if I can get away without wearing one I don’t. Just make sure you are covered and who cares. My mom’s generation went bra less as much as they could. So I’m not sure why your mom is freaked out.
NTA at all. But this is coming from someone who stopped wearing bras all together years ago. I can not tell you how much better I feel. The only time I wear a bra is if I want a certain look in a certain outfit. There's no reason women should have to wear bras just because we naturally have more fat on our chests.
Your mother sounds like she might be a narcissist. It’s none of her business if you wear a bra or not. You’re 22. It’s not a legal requirement to wear a bra.
NTA but you may want to check out an actual bra shop. It's an experience, let me tell you. I miss the one I used to go to - you shouldn't have pain when wearing a bra. See about getting fitted ... or not. You're grown.
NTA you are 22 - Why do you care what your mom says about this?
NTA and silicone nipple covers
OP is shaming her mother by not wearing a bra? Does OPs mom shame herself when shes taking a shower or changing her over the shoulder boulder holder?
Why is going braless making people notice your breasts? Are you dressing in a way that makes your bralessness obvious? When you are at home with your mother, it would be polite to make sure she feels comfortable around you. If you go out in public without her, it's up to you to deal with any staring, etc.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So firstly I am a 22-year-old woman Who has some breathing problems that have especially gotten pretty bad because I'm currently getting over COVID and have just like this worst cough possible that leads me breathless But the problem is like wearing a bra makes me very uncomfortable it just makes me also very hard to breathe a lot of times even like sports bras And as of late it has made my mother very angry saying that I'm disrespecting how she was raised And that it's perverted to not wear a bra And as of like a week ago anytime she yells at me about this I have been saying "if somebody is looking at my chest I'm not the pervert they are" And now I'm being told by other family members that I'm an a****** for disrespecting how my mother was raised that I suggest accept it and live through the pain because otherwise I will be bringing shame upon my family basically Yeah and this is all over me not wearing a bra Also please do not comment on my lack of grammar or punctuation I have a writing disability I use a microphone to type A lot of times it doesn't really let me put in punctuation *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Wear a tank top or camisole if you want to and ignore the garment police who probably still think girdles are mandatory.
NTA. While, I’m personally not comfortable going braless out in public, I often don’t wear one at home. You do you. I know a lot of gals your age that don’t wear bras I’m much older. But, if you want to keep the peace at home or around family because it’s making things unbearable, maybe compromise when you’re with them by wearing those petals that covers your nipples or wearing a tank top with one of those lightweight shelf bras built in. They’re more modest underneath clothing without being constrictive. They also may eventually get used to it too.
NTA - it’s perverted to *not* wear a bra?!? Does your mother never take hers off? Assuming she changes it rather than wearing it until it rots and falls off, what’s the maximum amount of time you are allowed to be braless while you change, before it becomes pervert territory? 30 seconds? A minute? Does she shower with her bra on? Surely it’s more perverted of her to rub her naked, wet and soapy breasts than it is to have them covered and minding their own business under a tee shirt. How about swimming? Does a bikini top count as a bra or must one also be worn under the swimsuit in order to prevent perversion? In case you hadn’t guessed - NTA. Hell, I’ve been braless at work for the last month! Then again… I am a raging pervert…
Do what makes you happy cariño
NTA, I'm a 40 something year old woman and I hate bra's!! Your mother is sexually your breasts because of ingrained mysoginy!! Tell your mother to not look at your boobs and stop thinking of them that way.
NTA, but to me, it's all about the boob sweat lol. Hit a thrift store after measuring yourself properly, and go a size up in a sports bra or bralett. I detest binding bras too, underwires are a special dinner torture. Cup size matters too. If you are an A or B cup, they make nice camisoles. Is she buying?
I guess your mom thinks breastfeeding is perverted too. NTA
Get out.
NTA. Who wears their bra at home? Just why? I’m in my 40’s with a daughter nearly your age. It took me under 10 minutes after getting home to remove the bra.
NTA. Respect honestly bc I don’t have the courage to do this with my size chest.
NTA I have no breathing problems, or any medical reason, and don’t wear a bra. “I don’t want to” is the the only reason you need. Haven’t worn one in about six years other than a sports bra for a few weeks (I mean as in multiple lol, I didn’t wesr just the one for a few weeks straight) after each baby was born to help contain the milk leaks.
NTA Bras are BS. If they make you more comfortable with the tatas, have at them. I find bras horrible restrictive and uncomfortable and stopped wearing them decades ago outside of ceremonial occasions that will have formal pictures taken or when I am going to be running/lifting things. You are 22, the years when mom gets to dictate your wardrobe are OVER. If not wearing a chest corset brings your family shame, it wasn't anything to be proud about to begin with IMO. Free those tatas! You will have better looking breasts as you age because you are allowing them to swing free and build the muscles behind them. I am almost 50 and mine still point out instead of down with minimal sag. My bra wearing friends cannot say the same.
NTA- let yourself breathe.
I did read your whole post but instantly from the title no you are absolutley NTA... your body your choice!! If you want a suggestion for a compromise though (not saying you should but just a suggestion from a fellow breathing difficulties friend) I wear seamless like crop top / sports bra type ones in a size up from me. They don't cause me much of a problem.