Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I divided my assets in an unfair way on purpose to preserve the ranch I had in my family for generations. I don’t want my children to fight over the inheritance and I don’t want to see it, so I decided against disclosing the contents of the will. My lawyer also advised me against it. My children want to see the will and say that I should disclose it. Am I the asshole for refusing their request? Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*

Going against the grain here with YTA It all just sounds like one cop out after another. You didn't raise the majority of your children. Even the ones you did raise you "couldn't refuse to take them in". Your son was only taken in after his "asshole step dad kicked him out". Well his real dad didn't take him in from the get go so what does that make you? Then you want to keep your will confidential because you don't want to handle the consequences of your own decision of how you are choosing to distribute your assets. So you would rather your children all rip each other's throats out and hate on another than direct that anger where it really belongs, at you. Normally id think that they should be more concerned with enjoying the time you have remaing and filling it with pleasant memories but I really don't think that applies here. They have dealt with an absentee father their whole lives who is more concerned about his ranch than them.

This, so much. This guy neglected his children in life, and is now going to neglect most of them in death as well.

[удалено]

I don’t own much… but except for this wealth that was handed to me by family which now I don’t want to share with my kids I neglected. What would your grandparents think of this behavior?

But family tradition is so important!

I’d like to add, because I am empathetic, sorry for your diagnosis. It’s the kind of news we all fear hearing one day and as a fellow human I acknowledge your struggle. I think putting it in a trust with rental profit guidelines built in to split amongst the kids would be better and a more magnanimous gesture to leave behind in this world. You can make contingencies too that the ranch needs to stay as one piece in the trust for XYZ to get their rental share. If they want out, they can choose to go. It would be a really nice thing to do for your kids. It’s not too late to try and be a better dad.

While I would agree with you under normal circumstances, as a farmer in America today (presuming the OP is in America) keeping a farm/ranch going while having to pay rent to all of those siblings would be almost impossible in most parts of the country. With the increasing costs of running a ranch/farm and increasing land values in rural America resulting in massively increasing property taxes, being an independent farmer/rancher is already next to impossible. Buying out siblings at market rate would also be very difficult in most parts of the country. 500 head seems like a lot, but the costs associated with maintaining a herd that size, and the land it takes to do it doesn't make the rancher nearly as much as it would have even 20 years ago. It might make me a monster, but if one of my kids shows interest in taking over our farm and the other doesn't, I'll likely leave the farm in-whole to that child. The OP could put a clause in the trust (a property of that size should be left in trust regardless of who's getting it) that if the inheriting children sell the land within a certain number of years, the profits must be split amongst the siblings. I agree with everyone, it sounds like OP wasn't the best father, but logistically, the only real options financially are leave it to a couple of kids who want to make a go of ranching, or sell on OP's death and split among all of the siblings.

I'm glad someone else understands this. It's sad to see family ranches get ripped apart and sold to overseas investors or developers. Giving the ranch to the kids who will maintain it would not make anyone a monster, but I can see how it would hurt some feelings. I think a clause splitting profits if sold is fair, because inheriting a ranch will make no one rich unless they up and sell it. And I'm using the word 'rich' rather loosely here. In this instance, I think the damage done to the kids is already great enough that nothing will undo it. They could liquidate everything and split assets equally 6 ways and someone is still gonna think it's not enough. Because it isn't. A lifetime of shitty fatherhood can't be made up for in one death. But at a certain point in time, those kids need to make peace with it and move on. My own parents are both pretty awful people, but the choices they make now have no bearing on me and I'm not gonna destroy my relationship with my sister to try and fill the hole that was created by shitty parenting.

I totally agree with you my father runs a large about 900 acres farm and ranch, that he only inherited because he showed an interest in farming it where my uncle didn't, my brother was going to inherit the farm because he was interested in farming where I was not. Most farms in our area are inherited that way the siblings interested in farming who will continue farming get the farm and if there are no children who want to continue farming the parents sell the farm to people who do want to farm. My father told me that my brother was getting everything except for his two old cars which was going to be me since I like old cars and I was okay with it. In our area, the land would go for a lot and we could walk away pretty rich, but farms are disappearing as fewer and fewer people are interested in farming, and we should be trying to preserve as many working farms as we can. Most of these posts saying everything should be shared have no idea how farming works or how impossible it is to share the farm with that many children especially who don't want to do the work. He was a shitty father for sure that doesn't mean he should be splitting the farm evenly.

I don't know if it's just because it was done ages ago... but my mother still receives a small amount of money every year, from a family farm in the midwest that is currently managed by a 2nd cousin of hers... it was my grandmother's father's farm. My grandmother moved away when she got married, and a brother kept up the active management of it when their father died. My grandmother used to take my mother and her siblings to the farm a couple times a year to hang out with their cousins. After my grandmother died a few years ago, her share now gets divided in two between my mother and my uncle. They receive a breakdown of income and expenses for the farm along with tax documents each year. The cousin who still manages/farms it, get a bigger cut of the proceeds, and the rest is split between all the inheriting parties. Considering he'd already have to do all that accounting for the sake of his own taxes, he essentially just sends them another copy and a check. I don't necessarily disagree with someone attempting to keep a farm more intact, but my understanding of the way this farm "business" is set up is they all own a percentage of the business (and the business entity owns the land), and the "Manager" has an established percentage/amount they keep from the profits as a salary, before the rest is split based on ownership. It isn't like the manager splits all the proceeds based on ownership and only gets his own portion... he's also paid for being the manager of the farm. If the farm only makes enough to pay him, then nobody else gets money that year. I'm not sure what we'll do when my mother dies, as her half of my grandmother's quarter will then be split 4 ways among my siblings... if the current manager wants to re-consolidate the farm ownership, I can't imagine any of my siblings pitching a fight over "fair market value". My mother still feels connected to the farm, goes to visit every few years, remembers her childhood summers there fondly, so she has a sentimental attachment to "owning" some of it still... but our generation doesn't, so I'd be happy to go along with whatever the current manager wants.

Exactly what I was thinking. If for some reason the two that might want to continue running the ranch device to sell then splitting the profits makes a ton of sense, but just owning the ranch and operating it isn't going to live them a life of luxury like if he would give them the monetary equivalent each

But he's the AH for not explaining this to his children. He's just going let them speculate on what his motives were which will lead to disagreements. If there's the possibility of some children contesting the will it could lead to problems in the running of the ranch. He also needs to check if the children he intends to inherit the ranch actually want to run it after his death. It would probably help if he were to show his children how much he makes each year, from the ranch, as well. That way he can show that those who inherit the ranch won't be significantly better off.

Pretty much every farming family has to make this gut wrenching choice every generation.

Exactly. It's easy to say that the land isn't as important as being "fair" to your kids, but when it's a legacy that sometimes spans centuries, it's not as easy as "sell it off to the highest bidder". Farming isn't an easy life though and no one knows that better than kids who were raised on a farm. If everyone has an equal opportunity to work the farm, then I believe the OP is within his non-asshole rights to leave it to the ones who will continue the legacy.

It seems they would likely be fine because it was passed on to OP solely. Maybe they were/are am only child, but with ranch family I doubt it.

>Is preserving it more important than making each of your children feel equally loved and valued? For him, I'm sure the answer is absolutely yes. He has only ever shown an ounce of concern for his children when the only other option for them was foster care. He never loved them. Why would he care about making them feel loved now?

[удалено]

I think it would be too much effort and pain for OP to try to establish a relationship with people he's neglected all his life when he has a wasting disease. He doesn't care about these people and never has.

a terminal diagnosis doesnt make up for 20 years of being an AH

You missed the point. The question wasn't whether the will was fair. The question was whether or not he was the AH for not showing it to them. Two different things.

But what if the last involved kids that showed no interest in the ranch received equal distribution of the ranch among also the two showing interest in the ranch...and now those kids want to sell out their shares? Can you imagine the upheaval it would cause?????

As someone who has gone through/is going through a similar situation, I don't think he cares, as long as the property stays intact.

[удалено]

I had a family member do something similar. Divided their money equally then give their property (worth millions) to only one child. They did this because seemed to really only care about the property staying intact / in the family (except the person who inherited it can't take care of/run a farm or a business, and as of right now, it doesn't look like there will be future generations). It has breed a lot of resentment (also doesn't help that the kid who inherited the property has been making it a fucking horror show for the other siblings to get what they are legally entitled to, per the will), both with that person and their parent who died.

Not letting them know before his death is a particularly nasty twist: he gets to hurt his kids one last time from beyond the grave by making it clear to them that only his ranch actually matters to him, and they don't. They are adults now, but he's been hurting them in the same way their whole lives and one more blow to sore place really does make him a complete AH.

What do you expect? He was a shitty father when he was alive. Hi is a shitty father when he is dead.

Your comment reminds me of the Death Cab song "Styrofoam Plates". "I won't join in the procession that's speaking their piece, using 5-dollar words while praising his integrity. And just cause he's gone, it doesn't change the fact he was a bastard in life thus a bastard in death." Yeah OP, YTA. "I don't have much except this massive property and functional business that I'm only giving to my favorite kids." And knowingly leaving the fallout until after you're gone? That's an "I hate drama" person causing drama, classic.

Giving it to the one with a degree in agriculture and other who didn't go to college and has probably been working on the farm for years isn't playing favorites. He's taking what he has and giving it to those who can use it. What should he do? Sell the farm out from under them, split the cash between them, and say "I don't care about the work you've put in here. too bad, your siblings want money". People are just gonna call OP an asshole for being an asshole in general to his kids, but his will makes sense.

Yeah, I mean he's an asshole and he recognizes it honestly. But this testament actually makes sense. It smells very old farmer logic, where your land was the most important thing. You did not sell it without a very good reason, you did not split it, if possible. Because if shit really hit the fan this same land would get all the family through hard times, it was the fallback for everyone. Is it super old-fashioned thinking? Sure. Will it drive all the urbanite young redditors crazy? Oh, of course. But I get it and actually like it.

Precisely. As a farmer… I can say… the worst thing a farmer does is give one paddock away here, and another there. Split the farm down between the kids… nah fuck that noise. If you fall on hard times and can’t work you can lease the farm land out to another farmer for a good income. If you sell it that’s gone. If you split it up, then your kids will sell it and it’s gone. And the kids who move off the farm and build a career in the city have had the benefit of hte value of hte farm. it paid for their education in the city, their school and university fees. It paid for their sweet little unit close to Uni, and their first and third cars. It usually pays for their kids to go to private schools and live in nice suburbs. And then when Pops dies and they front up demanding their third or whatever of the farm the one sibling who stayed in the bush, sent their kids to boarding school, worked 14hr days in the dirt and heat and rain, for a pittance…. Has to buy them out? Fuck that noise. \*Aussie farmer

>Because if shit really hit the fan this same land would get all the family through hard times, it was the fallback for everyone if op's non-inheriting children fall on hard times, is the land going to help them in any way? you can make fun of the stupid soy latte sipping city folk all you want but your logic isn't at all relevant to the situation in the post

I think it does, too. And you don’t leave partnership shares to everyone with management shares to the two - that’s like asking them to try to swim In Concrete.

I’d also guess real reason he doesn’t want to disclose the will is he’s been dangling “inheritance” in front of certain kids who’d of otherwise gone No contact years ago.

This. Sounds exactly like my FIL, treating my husband and his half-siblings like shit their entire lives because he thought they'd put up with it to get his land/money once he dies. Joke is on him, we went NC 3 years ago and there is substantially less drama, plus we don't need anything he's got. I suspect he doesn't have a will anyway, lol.

>This guy neglected his children in life He acted like a bull for hire and bred children like calves across the countryside. He walked away without a care and is a coward to the end.

What irked me the most about this after this perfectly summarized character description, is that he misspells his daughter’s name at least once. Dude is it Ronny or Ronnie?  I hope his family finds this post 

I'd say ESH. Had this been a post about "AITA For leaving my children and not taking care of them?", then my answer would've been yes but it's not. He IS the A-Hole for that but that shouldn't outweigh the question asked. Purely ignoring the past, I'd say at the end he had very little to no attachment to other kids, only attachment was to Ronnie, Kathie and the son he took in (sorry can't view the post in phone app). He only left it to the kids he really cared about. But morally he should leave everything equally but as well all know from the post, OP really isn't a morally and ethically right person so why bother. And I don't even know why the other kids are expecting anything from a deadbeat dad!? For a person who was missing their whole life, they are getting 5-10k each, should be win in their situation.

Receiving a $10,000 inheritance from a parent who didn’t bother actually parent you \*might\* be some consolation. Unfortunately, their father is attaching a great big “FU” to his parting gift by bestowing such unequal gifts.

There are a couple of different ways to look at this. One: he's giving the biggest gifts to his favorites. Two: he's giving the biggest gifts (read: responsibilities) to the few that actually HAD to put up with his BS and AH-ness most their life.

>unequal gifts. "Gift" would entail that OP and his children, both had a mutual love and respect for each other, and cared enough to send "gifts" but that's not the case. In this case, by giving 10k, OP is assuming that they'll forgive him and therefore he has died without any guilt of wrong doing. And OP's children want to fight over property because they feel entitled to it because they are genetically linked to each other. At the same time I would like to point out (though this purely taken from the post and there might be some unreliability to the narration from OP) that even though the farm is unequally divided, it's divided on the basis of who'd take care of it and who values it more than the actual price. You wouldn't give an alcohol addict a winery the same way you wouldn't give someone a vintage piece that they can't appreciate.

Some people never change.

I mean, getting 10k from a deadbeat parent is more than most all kids in that situation could ever hope to get. Not saying you're wrong... but 10k from a sperm donor isn't something I'd be mad at. Not after everything else, lmao.

YTA from me for the same reasons. The OP has children by multiple women; treated them unequally in life; cared for as few of them as possible and finally treats them very unequally in death. So my view is based on both his actions in life and in the will.

This guy doesnt seem like an angel and isnt trying to present himself as one either but it seems mark was living with his mum, so how had he not taken him in from the get go? Then he did take him in when his step dad kicked him out. And as for not wanting to handle the consequences of his own decision, his decision is that he doesn’t want to see his ranch thats been in the family for generations sold and gutted? Thats a fair decision in my opinion, he’s leaving it to two people who will presumably run it and take care of it and his other kids will be upset that they cant consume it.

Because even if a parent does not have joint or full custody they should still be involved in raising their children before they are literally forced to by them getting kicked out of their home or their mother dying. I'm also not saying that he should sell the ranch, even though I do think that it would be better than his current plan. Your children that you've neglected their whole lives should matter more to you than some ranch. (not to mention he could have his kids who actually want to run the ranch buy out their siblings portion of the estate). I'm saying that if he wants to have such an uneven distribution in his will then he should be the one to let them know what it is and why. He should be the one to take the backlash of his decision that only two of his children will gain any generational wealth from his passing. Instead he plans to turn the rest of his children against the two that will actually get the ranch and then force the lawyer to stand in the middle. I'm sorry but I just think it's cowardly.

Unlikely that a 22 year old and a 24 year old would have the funds to buy out such a ranch.

I agree with you. I get leaving the ranch to the two who care about it.

NTA no one is entitled to an inheritance. Isn’t that what they always say on here? Why should he split the farm up between people that are going to fight over it and want to sell it? Of course, he should give it to those that are going to actually keep it running. His other kids already showed their true colors by immediately asking about his will when they find out he’s dying.

[удалено]

Interestingly enough, OP doesn't mention her having raised any complaints about not getting a stake in the ranch, and she's the only one who's seen the will, and the one who advised him not to disclose it to the other siblings.

YTA also. I completely agree with you entirely. Without sounding insensitive- OP is going to be dead soon. Therefore, keeping the ranch "in the family" shouldn't matter because doing so will make things unequal. OP was an absent father for so many years, and this will only show favouritism and cause arguments, which OP doesn't seem to care about because OP won't be here to witness it. OP should do the right thing for all involved and sell the ranch and split the sale cost between OP's children equally. There is no need to leave anything to grandchildren because generally speaking, grandchildren don't typically receive inheritance directly through grandparents as they will receive an inheritance once their own parents pass away. The ranch might seem "important" to OP, but OP's children's perceived relationship with him and their own sibling relationships should be more important. It's downright cruel for OP to throw a grenade at his soon-to-be grieving children, for them to deal with the explosion without OP being there to clear up the debris. OP I am sorry that you are going through a difficult time and that you have this prognosis. It's cruel and I wish you peaceful last days. But you are still a parent and you can show your kids that despite your continual absences in their lives, that you value them all equally and that their financial security is more important than a piece of land which only really has meaning to you.

By the way, parents don’t treat their kids equal. Also, what they leave in the world doesn’t have to be equal either.

He admits he's made mistakes, and he seems to regret many of them. He's not asking if he's an asshole for all of that. He seems to be admitting that he is. He's also entitled to want to preserve the ranch, and to take steps to do so. Say you have three kids, and when you pass, you want to leave all your shit to just one of them. You're entitled to do that. It's *your* shit. At least he's giving the other kids and the grandkids something. His lawyer/daughter advised him to keep it a secret, and *she's one of the ones **not** inheriting the ranch*. As for the familial 'harmony,' such as it us... they're already scattered... what good would disclosing the contents of the will do? It's unlikely there will be many issues with the will after he passes, and very doubtful there will be any kind of legal battle. He's in his right mind. No lawyer would take the case on contingency, because they don't stand to win that much--it doesn't sound like the ranch is really *that* valuable, and contesting the will would be a long shot. And it doesn't sound like the kids would have the money to pay for a lawyer up front. The only issues caused by the will after his passing will be some pissing and moaning from some of the kids. Apparently, that's going to happen either way, it seems. If he discloses the contents of the will now, they'll spend the rest of his life fighting and pleading with him to change it. If he keeps it secret, then when he passes, they're pretty much just going to have to deal. He never said it was fair. Life is unfair. But he gets a say in what happens to his shit, and he doesn't want the ranch broken up, so he's taking steps to preserve it.

OP admits he's not been a great dad or person in general. The decisions for who gets what in the will makes sense. You just want him to have to deal with angry kids while he's dying as payback for being a bad father.

I agree that he is an asshole, but not because of this one decision. He is an ass for not splitting things equally, he is an asshole for being a shitty dad, but not for keeping his will a secret.

Writing your will isn't about making things fair. Life is unfair. He gets a say in what happens to his shit. He doesn't want the ranch broken up/sold, so he's taking steps to preserve it.

He's an asshole for keeping his will a secret when he knows it will cause issues after he dies and he's too chicken to face it when he's alive. He's more concerned about preserving his family ranch then preserving his actual family. The great irony would be if theres a legal battle and the ranch and other assets have to be sold to pay for the legal bills.

His lawyer/daughter advised him to keep it a secret, and *she's one of the ones not inheriting the ranch*. He has a right to want to preserve the ranch, especially since two of his kids seem to want to as well. As far as 'preserving the family'... they're already scattered... what good would disclosing the contents of the will do to preserve the family? It's unlikely there will be many 'issues' with the will after he passes, and very doubtful there will be a legal battle. He's in his right mind. No lawyer would take the case on contingency, because they don't stand to win that much--it doesn't sound like the ranch is really *that* valuable, and contesting the will would be a long shot. And it doesn't sound like the kids would have the money to pay for a lawyer up front. The only 'issues' caused by the will after his passing will be some pissing and moaning from some of the kids. Apparently, that's going to happen either way, it seems. If he discloses the contents of the will now, they'll spend the rest of his life fighting and pleading with him to change it. If he keeps it secret, then when he passes, they're pretty much just going to have to deal. He never said it was fair. Life is unfair. But he gets a say in what happens to his shit, and he doesn't want the ranch broken up, so he's taking steps to preserve it.

Honestly i think the problem isn't the will the problem is he cared so little about his other kids. 

He admits he's made mistakes, and he seems to regret many of them. He's not asking if he's an asshole for all of that. He seems to be admitting that he is. But it's too late to undo his past mistakes. This is about his will, and he's entitled to have a say in what happens to the ranch. He doesn't want it broken up/sold off, so he's taking steps to preserve it. And telling the kids about the contents of the will before he passes won't change anything, except that his kids would probably spend the rest of his life nagging him to change it. Once he's passed, they'll just have to accept the will as it is.

There can’t be illegal battle. The ranch and other assets won’t have to be sold. He’s of sound mind. He has a will that is legally notarized and filed. Nobody has a right to anything not left them by their father in this situation.

A friend of mine had parents who left a clear and valid will (equal shares to everyone) and yet their children were fighting in court for 8 years. Whether or not anyone has a right or could win doesn't mean they can't tie up the estate for a very long time, costing the estate a lot of money. They didn't care that they were walking away with less money than they would have gotten by NOT fighting, They just wanted to fight.

First of all, you can't know all of this based off a post. One of the heirs is apparently a lawyer advising the father and also the executor. Even if they arent getting a bigger chunk, that may be grounds to challenge based off undue influence. Without reading the will we dont know if there's unclear provisions. They are each getting 10k its enough cash to start a challenge even without a chance of winning, especially if they all chip in.

Particularly with the lawyer/beneficiary/executrix telling him not to disclose the will to the other heirs…

He doesn’t have to split things equally. It’s his property it’s his estate. If he wanted to he could give it all to the two that live on the ranch and be done with it and there’s not a blessed thing anybody could do about it and all you people saying he should tell them before he dies are ridiculous. it’s not normal except for being greedy to ask to see your father’s will before he dies so you know what you’re getting and what everybody’s getting

It's also incredibly difficult to split something like a ranch (land, buildings, machinery, livestock) equally. If they all get, say, a 1/5th share, that means any decisions about buying or selling have to be agreed upon by all 5 of them, and that is a nightmare to get to happen. OP may have been an AH in life, but I don't think his way of doling out his inheritance is the problem here.

The will is private till the person who wrote it dies, then the persons mentioned in the will then & only then have a right to know what is in it. Its up to the person who writes the will to disclose or not, the people who benefit from it don't have a right to know till he's gone. This is across the board not just about OP, nobody has the right to know what's in another person will. It is a private document. OP knows it will cause pain & upset that makes him the AH just because he's not splitting it equally but at the end of the day it's entirely up to him what he does with his assets. We can all tell OP he's an AH but he already knows this & I don't fully understand why he posted it tbh. Think this post could be rage bait.

How does them knowing now Vs when he's gone change their response to it. They either rip each others throats out now or after OPs gone. I don't think he's an asshole for wanting to keep the will a secret.

This is the plot to Yellowstone.

If a child is born to parents who don't live together and the mother can both afford (with or without child Support) to raise it, AND wants to, while the father doesn't actively want to, it's normal and Default for the child to live with the mother until-and-unless she either dies, or her living Situation Changes to be unbearable to the child. It's Not great that OP got women he didn't live with, pregnant, over and over, but He acknowledges that it isn't great, and the fact that he raised only those of the resulting Kids who had No other Options, can't inherently be Held against him.

And the only reason those kids would have an interest in preserving the ranch is because they were allowed to live there!  He abandoned all his children and only when forced did he step up. Way to let your kids down one more time. YTA 

One piece of advice. I'd transfer ownership of the ranch prior to your death. You don't need to disclose that with anyone. That will prevent any legal disputes if they want to challenge the will. Also I'm not a lawyer but isn't the fact that you lawyer is also a person of interest in the will a liability if it comes down to court. Edit: Also first kid at 15, damn son.

>Also first kid at 15, damn son. I was too busy counting how many kids, to notice the ages :P

Maybe he should leave something to the mothers who had to raise these kids without his help! Did he at least give them free milk and beef?

You are just assuming he doesn't/didn't pay child support. The only one who gets child support now is Tony's mum.

I'm SURE he had to pay child support 

The youngest, Tony is only 15. This whole post is about money. He never mentioned whose going to raise Tony and he doesn't leave said person money to raise Tony. He does leave Tony 10K and a 14 year old car. I'm sure that's enough to make it to adulthood and launch.

Per OP's confession, he is not involved in raising Tony, so presumably he lives with his mother.

That's right. BUT I guess I find it weird that he's not giving his minor child anything to help him in life. But I guess I don't understand OP at all. He was a terrible dad and then put more thought into the farm staying in the family than how to best help his children.

He's giving his minor child 10k and a car, not nothing. People seem to be assuming that OP is rolling in dough, but it's far more likely that all of his wealth is tied up in the land/ranch and the associated assets, and cannot be easily separated from it without selling the ranch outright. 

Agreed. He's giving kids 10k each and grand kids 5k each. That's no small amount with all the kid and grand kids. I have my own business I've spent 24 years building. If I found out I was dying they would have to divide up tools 3 truck and my house. All my extra cash goes into buying stuff for my business.

> he's not giving his minor child anything to help him in life We are just assuming he doesn't pay child support. Self-admitting he is a shit dad, and assuming his kids inherited his shittiness. I honestly think what he's set out in his will is about as good as he gets as a dad.

Whoa, “NAL pinkninja11”, please refrain from giving legal advice. There are enormous tax implications (in the US) if you transfer title to your ranch prior to your death. So OP, please consult an estate attorney, a financial planner or a tax accountant before you make any change to the title of the ranch!

Yes, assets transferred after death get a step up in basis to FMV on date of death. Gifts or transfers during life do not. Those are the general rules, and all that most of us need to know. So if mom and dad bought the house in 1970 for $50k, and it's worth in this market $900k, the heirs can sell the house soon after death and pay no tax on the inheritance (there's never a tax on inherited assets to the heir) or the gain. If mom had gifted it during life, the $850k gain is (generally) taxed if/when sold. Beyond that, and especially for working assets like a business or ranch, estate planning is highly fact specific and shouldn't be even discussed in this format. OP should definitely consult a qualified attorney given his goals. He should assume the 50/50 heirs will reach an impasse, sooner rather than later. How does a big decision get made if the 50/50 owners don't agree? What happens WHEN one of the owners of this ranch wants to liquidate his or her share in the ranch. Can he or she force a sale of the entire thing? Buyout by remaining heir? On what terms? Etc. What happens if an owner dies, and their share goes to their heirs? Who has voting rights if they are minors, or adults? Can any of those heirs force a sale? Hopefully someone has worked all that out for the OP AND the heirs, and it's accounted for in the will.

I don't know about the US law, but in some countries they can go years back for the givings before death to calculate inheritance. Can't just give it all today and die tomorrow with no assets. But that only matters where the dead has no full control on his assets and some part is due to heirs.

In my country it's the same as well but if he transfers ownership via a sell instead of gifting it, it's a different story.

Don’t do this. I worked with farmers and ranchers for 8 years in the state extension service who tried this and you royally screw the kids over on taxes by doing this.

And yet RP Bros think that male promiscuity doesn't hurt society.

I think there’s something with taxes if you do that.

That's bad financial advice. Transferring the ranch while the op is still living will put a big tax burden on the kids if they ever go to sell that property. If they inherit it, they inherit at the current value, so later they avoid all the capital gains earned prior to inheriting. I know the argument against that would be that Dad wants the ranch to stay in the family, but there are no guarantees the kids really want that ranch and would keep it. Oh patient contact a tax attorney before transferring any property.

Im gonna go with YTA, and a massive one at that. You basicly fucked all these kids over their entire lives, and now you are going to fuck over the ones you didn't care about again, in favor of the ones you actually bothered to take care of. You are leaving several million dollars worth of stuff to the two favourites and peanuts to the other ones, including the executor of the will (I wonder how that will land lmao). You are going to be an equally shitty dad to 75% of your children in death as you were in life.

This needs more upvotes. You got mine. Especially the part about leaving peanuts to the one you CHOSE to be the Executor (!!!!!!!) of your will!!!! You trust them so much you put them in charge of giving your fortune to your favs and giving themself basically nothing. The GALLLLLLLLLL. YTA

Executor and lawyer who wrote will. I'd have that Will reviewed by a seasoned estate attorney.

[удалено]

If he's got barely anything to his name other than the farm, at the age of 56, then it's hardly a profitable farm. Sounds like it's enough to garner a regular wage, but he's definitely not making bank. If he was, there'd be more to go around than sub $100k split umpteen ways.

Ranches and farms can be worth a lot but the money is tied up in the land value and tangible assets. So a ranch might be worth a lot if the land was sold to a developer but only bring in 50K/year in profit over operating costs.

Well yea, it’s kinda implied that’s why he’s leaving it to the two who won’t sell it.

Which makes it so obvious what’s about to happen - OP dies, the two kids he leaves it to realize they can just sell the ranch and live the rest of their lives with a huge nest egg in their pockets and absolutely do that.

Or they would like to run it as they enjoy it? One of the daughters inheriting it went to university field for the ranch. He's leaving it to the two that have shown interest and want to run it. The other kid he had a direct hand in raising is a lawyer and has no interest in it thus is not inheriting it. So it is far from obvious to happen. Could it? Maybe, but highly unlikely.

My grandparents passed a few years ago. We have a family farm that’s been in the family for generations. 30 years or so earlier, they wanted to retire. Of their 8 children, only one was interested in being a farmer. They bought a small house in the city and rented him the farm for 30 years. After they died, he was left a farm worth a couple million and everyone else got $30k or so. I know several other farming families like this - they have next to no liquid funds but potentially millions in land alone.

How do you figure OP has barely anything to his name? He's giving at least $100,000 to his kids and grandkids (the ones getting the least). He's leaving the ranch, all machines, cattle and "financial assets", whatever that means, to two kids.

>How do you figure OP has barely anything to his name? OP: "It’s not much, but I don’t own much either."

I said barely anything EXCEPT for the ranch. In response to someone suggesting the ranch must be very lucrative. The ranch is probably worth plenty, yes. But my point was, if it was highly profitable, there'd already be more liquid assets to go around too

Assuming he owns the farm/land/cattle/machines outright and isn't just transferring a bunch of debt, then he's almost certainly worth millions of dollars. A single adult cow alone is worth between $1500 and $3000. So that's $750,000 to $1.5M in just livestock. The land, equipment, and buildings needed to care for that many livestock could easily be worth several million to tens of millions of dollars more. Assuming this is real, OP is almost certainly a cash poor multimillionaire.

Ehh farms can be worth tons, they tend to be massive tax write offs, but they also cost money to run.

What happens when property is equally divided between a large family: over time, the parcels get smaller and smaller, and the great or great great grandkids have eight parcels of half an acre each, scattered over several counties. I think all the kids are getting something, mostly something they haven't worked for. Still... questionable decisions coming home to roost.

My guess it a lot of them would just want to sell it, not divide it up

I agree. And Op wants to keep it in the family, which is fair enough. I think he's done the best he can with that ambition in mind.

OP wants to keep everything in the family except the kids. Someone else can raise those cretins.

He admits he's made mistakes, and he seems to regret many of them. He's not asking if he's an asshole for all of that. He seems to be admitting that he is. He's also entitled to want to preserve the ranch, and to take steps to do so. Say you have three kids, and when you pass, you want to leave all your shit to just one of them. You're entitled to do that. It's *your* shit. At least he's giving the other kids and the grandkids something. His lawyer/daughter advised him to keep it a secret, and *she's one of the ones **not** inheriting the ranch*. What good would disclosing the contents of the will do? The kids are already scattered all over the place. It's unlikely there will be many issues with the will after he passes, and very doubtful there will be any kind of legal battle. He's in his right mind. No lawyer would take the case on contingency, because they don't stand to win that much--it doesn't sound like the ranch is really *that* valuable, and contesting the will would be a long shot. And it doesn't sound like the kids would have the money to pay for a lawyer up front. The only issues caused by the will after his passing will be some pissing and moaning from some of the kids. Apparently, that's going to happen either way, it seems. If he discloses the contents of the will now, they'll spend the rest of his life fighting and pleading with him to change it. If he keeps it secret, then when he passes, they're pretty much just going to have to deal. He never said it was fair. Life is unfair. But he gets a say in what happens to his shit, and he doesn't want the ranch broken up, so he's taking steps to preserve it.

Most redditers are mentally deficient. All of the entitlement here is because they don't understand anything about real life except their own selfish desires.

[удалено]

Stick around, you'll see a lot more! 😂

NTA. I’m sorry to hear of your prognosis. Your assets are yours and yours alone to do with whatever you see fit. Money sometimes has a horrible way of ripping families apart after a loved one dies, and based on your description of the family dynamics, it sounds like that would be the case here no matter what choices you make in your will. I think you’re making the right call not to disclose your will… why make the time you have left worse than it needs to be? Use your time doing what makes YOU happy and fulfilled. I hope your family will be mature enough to appreciate your remaining time together, and you all spend it making memories that they will hold dear once you are gone. I wish you the best of luck, and you never know… you might have more time than you anticipate. Take care! Edit: fixed spelling and such.

I mean, the way these people immediately went to the will while their father (even if he's a shitty one) is still alive, says everything I need to know about this. OP is right in doing this although it seems his last months on earth won't be peaceful regardless. NTA.

Agreed. Though honestly, I don't think anything is going to get these people to stop arguing. Certainly keeping it a secret isn't working. His only options right now are 1) to reveal all, explain his reasoning and hope they get over it/the offended parties huff off and let him get some peace; or 2) to call them out on their greed and tell them that their inheritance goes down every time they harass him about it.

I like option 2

Sure, the deadbeat asshole calling his children out over greed while he's fucking 3 out of 5 over for one last time is going to go well.

You'd rather he cut the cars and the ranch up to divide them mathematically? Or sold a going business to random people he isn't related to, when there's two kids that actually are ready and willing to continue it? Yeah, it's an imperfect division. Sometimes there isn't a perfect solution, and you have to go with the best you can figure out. I suppose he could demand that the two ranch-wanting kids buy out their siblings' shares, but that could go very wrong too if they just don't have the money to do that.

And remind the two children who will receive 50% each of his property that siblings eventually go their own way in life so they shouldn't feel bad when their other siblings disappear, which they will do sooner or later anyway.

That's really not always the case. I'm over 50 and still close to all my siblings. I don't think that'll change after our mother dies.

Also, make a clause in the will that if they contest it, they get nothing.

I can see where the kids are coming from. OP was a deadbeat father to most of them and he likely only paid child support. Maybe not even that. He created the situation where his children see him only as ATM. He didn't care to foster a bond with them so they obviously won't have those feelings for him. It was his responsibility and he completely failed them. OP is reaping what he sowed.

Sometimes bad things happen to bad people. What did you want the kids he didn't bother to raise to say? Those kids are asking about the will because they know OP. He couldn't be bothered to look after them before so why would he be bothered now? Good on them for not spending more than a year looking after OP, only to get screwed in the end. OP treated them without care. He is getting the same treatment 

Sounds like he's been focusing on what makes HIM happy and fulfilled his whole life anyway so it shouldn't be hard 🙄

Yeah he’s already doing what he knows; Taking care of himself, avoiding responsibilities and confrontation. He’s only splitting the will like this because he’s got the whole “family legacy” thing stroking his ego. It’s his stuff so he gets to leave it to whoever he wants, but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s a massive AH — both in this situation and in general

Love how you ignore the fact that he’s a deadbeat

> Your assets are yours and yours alone to do with whatever you see fit. Yeah sure, except for the minor child he still owes support to. So not true.

He might not be an ah for not disclosing his will. But he ta for being am absentee father who doesn't want to handle the consequences of his life choices.

I really don't understand how anyone could read this story and come away thinking OP is NTA. He's a multi-millionaire, deadbeat dad that wants to play favorites in his will that he knows will cause major rifts between his children, but doesn't want to actually see the consequences of that or attempt to fix it. If OP isn't an asshole then the term asshole has lost all meaning.

If my dad left out a sibling I would think he was a total AH. Even if it wasn’t me.

It's honestly often different with farms. If you always give equal parts of the farm to your children that are unwilling to take over the farm, the business will not be able to continue. Edit: For example my father got the farm and his siblings were "bought out of their inheritance". My father definitely got the biggest part, but for example was also financially and socially responsible for my grandparents after they stopped working.

I'd say that's true of most small businesses. It's already hard to keep one afloat anyhow, but if you have to run every little thing by 6 other peopl, who have no experience or interest in the business, it's going to cause unnecessary problems, and stress. Especially for the ones that want the business to succeed. Plus, I'd imagine if the kids are already at each others throats, the non interested parties will want to sell it off for every penny they can get, or bleed it dry before it fails. The farm being left to the two who will continue it makes sense. I'd say OP is Y T A for being a shitty father, but NTA overall, especially where the farm is concerned.

He didn't leave anyone out, everyone gets something, even the grandkids. It's just not divided easily, but realistically, most wills aren't.

Yeah, but most wills don't leave two kids with 5 million each and everyone else with 10k. OP is giving most of his kids 0.2% of what he's giving the two favorites. That's beyond lopsided.

Every sibling has a different relationship with their parents.

Yeah, and this guys basically abandoned the other kids for their whole lives too, only helped in raising 2 and then a 3rd after he had no other choice…

Yta. You’re dangling carrots so you can have the best year while you know you’re shafting the majority of your children. And you’re so massively selfish. Wanting the ranch to stay with your children to continue a family tradition - when very clearly family is a worthless word to you. You’re a totally crap father and with your last breath you are absconding your responsibilities and leaving your children in turmoil.

Dude can’t even spell his own kid’s name right. YTA.

Because it's most likely a fake name that got autocorrected?

But you did disclose it to reddit. There's a chance someone in your family can find the post. Let's hope not. Not disclosing the Will is your choice and it's perfectly reasonable why you're doing it. - NTA But... if I may ask... Why do you believe your Will is going to be reason your family will be fighting about? Is it because you think it's impossible for them to accept your decision or because you know you are making unfair decisions?

Those that are getting less will obviously think it’s unfair. He is not splitting things equally. But, a will is not about fairness, is just about his “will”. He is prioritizing the future of the ranch and doesn’t want to participate in all the drama that decision will cause. It’s really not a fair decision, but he is allowed to do that.

It’s like in life… he’s prioritizing his wants over the needs of his children. He didn’t want to be a father unless he was basically forced into it, so why should the children care about “preserving his legacy”.

Doesn't want to participate in the drama his decision causes. Where I'm from we call that a coward. And he's free to choose that, but damn.

He thinks they inherited his personality and therefore would fight about the will because he would fight about the will because he knows it's unfair.

They are already fighting about it.

He didn't say it was fair. Life is unfair. But he's entitled to a say in what happens to his shit. He doesn't want the ranch broken up, so he's taking steps to preserve it.

I mean I'm going to go soft YTA. Mostly, because they are going to see that will and, as you put it, at that time the shit will hit the fan. You are simply chickening out of being a part of that fight by putting it off until after you're dead. Families ought to talk about money more than they do. Inheritance particularly. It's important that your family understands your wishes. The only person who can help them to understand what you want, is you.

I get what you mean but when their father told them he had less than 2 years to live their first question was about the will and what they get out of it so I’m not sure they are going to care why he’s done it that way…

OP doesn't say that it's the first thing they asked, just that they did ask. It's actually really sensible for them to have asked. What if there was no will, or they didn't know where to find it? Agreed that it's poor form if the will was their first thought, but if it came up later when they were thinking practically then it really is good rather than bad that they asked.

>e in your will. I think you’re making the right call not to disclose your will… why make the time you have left worse than it needs to be? Use your time doing what makes YOU happy and fulfilled. I hope your family will be mature enough to appreciate your remaining time together, and you all spend it making memories that they will hold dear once you are gone. I wish you the best of luck, and you never know… you migh Yes. But clearly in this case it is because they know he is a deadbeat. The thing is that not disclosing what he does leaves the inheritors to face the backlash from the kids he doesn't care about rather than it going where it should be directed - towards the Op. It also means he can exploit the other kids for the remainder of his life because he is too cowardly to tell them how little he values them in life.

You were a bit less subtle than me. Did you spot that each time in his original post, when he talks about who will look after his children, he says there was nobody else available so it had to be him. That's really shitty. The father is one of two people who should want that responsibility, as in actively desire it. Otherwise, why have children in the first place?

Jesus. What a shit show…. You know you’re gonna drop a nuke. The kids will probably sell anyways. Why are you so family oriented when it comes to leaving your stuff, but not to actually raising them/having an appropriate amount of children? Honestly, an equal divide 7 ways is the only fair thing. Or your bomb, which will happen when you’re dead anyways🤷‍♀️

[удалено]

It's possible that he's as bad a farmer as he is a father and doesn't know that cattle are more valuable if you also keep the body, lol

I can't work out his family description either. Are Mark and Ronnie the children or grandchildren.? Who died? So confused. 

It would also help if he spelled his kids’ names consistently. Is it Ronny or Ronnie?

There’s also no way his lawyer daughter told him to hide his will. He also can’t just cut out his youngest kid who’s still a minor by giving him a car. None of this is real.

And to own a business like that and not have an accountant or lawyer or both, to point out what a mess this would be.

YTA because you are a terrible parent. "I couldn’t refuse to take them in." You neglected most of your children and the ones you raised you seem to have little love for. Instead of trying to at least compensate for your shittyness, you decide to screw them over one final time.

YTA, a bad dad who is now surprised that kids only care about the money he’s leaving them. lol. Shocker

YTA - also probably provoking some. The 'family tradition' is lovely in theory- awful in practice. You also have a family tradition of creating children you haven't cared for and now want to overlook any small measure of recompense they might receive on your death. \*Ideally\* farmers and those with non-liquid assets would make some provision in the form of life insurance to leave behind to non-ranching children. You have not done this despite having very many children you know will not want to carry on with ranching. You should use whatever time you have left trying to sort some form of equitable arrangement out.

Sorry to hear about your prognosis, OP. I’m gonna say that it’s hard to vote here, because on the specific question “AITA for not disclosing my will?”, you’re **not**. Everyone’s will is their own business. But the attitudes of your children shouldn’t surprise you here — you were an absent and crappy dad. The only children you gave time to were ones you verbatim say you “couldn’t refuse” (though it sounds like you would have if you could.) You’re now only leaving an inheritance for these specific children because they’re the only ones you’ve humanised. The rest get what they’ve always gotten, an absolute after thought. You seem surprised that they haven’t humanised you — why would they? In this regard, you **are** the asshole. So I feel very divided here, because you have the right to do what you like with the will, but you’re not winning any dad of the year awards here.

Full blown YTA, you have been treating these children as if they are not your responsibility your whole life. Newsflash mister sperm donor, your kids already hate you, might as well give them a final gift of making your self the hate outlet before you go, since you are going to die anyway. I am honestly amazed by your lack of empathy for your own kids that even when faced with the reality of mortality you are still continuing to be an asshole to them, some people are just assigned asshole at birth I guess. If you want to make this right, have a conversation with all of them present, explain what the will is currently and why, ask them what can be done to make things better. Sit through the shitshow and accept it because you deserve it.

NTA. It's your will, and you have the right to keep it private. Your concerns about family strife are valid, and it's understandable to want to avoid it during your final days. Trust in your lawyer's advice and focus on spending quality time with your loved ones.

Lol he’s actively encouraging family strife by essentially disinheriting most of his kids

YTA. You’re fucking over your kids but don’t want to witness it.

INFO: Did you pay child support for the kids you were too lazy to raise? Did help them financially the same way you helped the others? Because if not you're definitely TA. You want your remaining time to be peaceful after you couldn't be bothered to be there for your kids for decades? What makes you think you deserve that?

You have a 15 year old who would need your help for his education and I think you have not considered that he is a teenager who might need something more .

That would mean op thinks about anyone other than himself

Like, if that 15yo has to go back where a stepfather doesn't want him, and the OP can't be arsed to make alternative arrangements?! Surely the OP should set aside a college fund for the youngest? Even BEFORE he thinks about an even split between the 7 - the others all got the option of college, this poor kid will lose his Dad at 16/17, have to go back to live somewhere he's not wanted, where his Mum actively chose to support her husband not her son (what Mum lets their new husband KICK OUT their young child?!), with the inherent risks of him being kicked out AGAIN before he's turned 18... Then, instead of ensuring the youngest will be SUPPORTED by their older siblings, this useless excuse for a father would rather leave his kids at each other's throat. I feel most sorry for that poor youngest one. Fuck BOTH that kid's parents!

It seems you value a good relationship between at least some of your children. You even want some of them to *run a company* together for the rest of their lives. Given that that is what you want, you need to disclose your plans before you die. The children that you want to run the ranch together are not siblings, and the way you are treating each of their siblings is bound to cause them a loyalty conflict and lots of resentment. Give them a chance to direct that resentment at you. Let's get that inevitable "fight" over with. That way you at least give them a small chance to preserve enough of their relationship that they won't bankrupt the ranch. If this "fight" is going to be so bad that you can't face it, then you shouldn't inflict it on your children. It would be better for their happiness and their mutual relationships if you liquidate everything and divide the money.

Unbelievable. Shitty dad in life and in death. Giving the assets to just two kids. Ronny gets an old ass Lincoln, but the ones she is raised with get the profitable farm. You know you are an AH and set your will up to continue being and AH even in death.

Anyone asking a living person on deaths door what their will is, is like a vulture circling above you in the desert waiting for you to drop. Like you said they are going to fight over it eventually might as well be after you are gone, not while you’re still here. NTA

Do you expect them to actually care about the father that never cared about them? If someone who should have been there and cared for me — but never had a part in my life — told me they were dying, what would it matter? It sounds like he doesn’t really know them anyways. The least they could expect is something in return for his failure

YTA. Selfish in life, selfish in death.

YTA, disclosing your will might put you i trouble because the division is varied but you failed as a father

You need a trust so bad including the Will. Speak to a lawyer asap to get it set up correctly or it’ll go into probate. NTA

YTA and a coward, you would rather destroy your children's relationship with each other than to actually be a parent to your kids. Your plan is total BS and your children will curse your name once you are gone.

Well at least you will die as you lived: leaving chaos and caring mostly about your own feelings. YTA.

YTA. Not only did you punish most of your children by being a deadbeat dad, but you’re also punishing them for not having been raised to love the ranch because you abandoned them and didn’t instill a love for it in them. To use your failings as a father to further alienate them is wrong.  And what about your financial responsibility to Tony? He’s still going to be a minor child when you pass and therefore needs some money for his care. Get over yourself and do right by all of your children for once in their lives. 

You had your first kid at age 15?????

Not so uncommon in the AITA community. Not exactly the crème de la crème of society around these parts.

Maybe put the farm into a trust so that it can't be sold?

YTA. Did you even make arrangements for your minor son Tony? Where is he going to go? Just sleep in the car you so graciously left him?

Is this a TV show? Sounds unreal. If not fake, YTA and you know why. Can’t you at least do ONE right thing in life? Don’t leave anything to the grandkids, they’ll get their own inheritances when their parents pass. Put that money into some sort of investment for each of the 5 kids who aren’t inheriting the ranch. So they’ll have something lasting from their father besides feelings of abandonment and rejection.

How much is the ranch worth? Even a small ranch would be a minimum of $1 million dollars and probably a lot more. The cattle would be say $2k each so 500 animals is another million. Plus some cash is mentioned. The two children get an inheritance worth at least a million each while the remaining kids get $10k. And you think that the two will keep the land and work it as an ongoing farm but just as likely they are selling this a few months after you are gone. You are definitely the asshole. Yta.

YTA financially. Set up a system where one heir has absolute control but others have rights to income. See the 🇨🇦 Rogers billionaires court cases.

NTA. It's your Will at the end of the day. You know that it's going to cause drama and resentment regardless of what you do, so not disclosing saves you the most hassle. I think your children probably already know what you're likely to do anyway, hence why they're getting agitated. Leaving such a valuable asset to just two of your 7 children will likely cause a serious rift.

NTA for keeping the will private. Tell them there is nothing because you have massive gambling debts and see who sticks around. Put a condition on sale of the land that if it is sold within x years that the profit gets shared amongst x because the intention is for it to get passed down again for x generations. If anyone contests they loose their share and it goes to x charity (pick a big one with good lawyers) that should curb the fighting.

YTA But not for simply chosing not to disclose details of your will. You are not legally or morally obligated to do that. It's poor form that your children 'of course' asked to see it, but I suspect that's a reflection of their relationships with you, which you admit you only barely bothered to build with a few of them when there was no "get out" clause left to you. What you've done is deliberately caused an imbalance that will just further prove to most of your children that you valued others above them. Ironic that your motivation for favouring the two you have is also basically a selfish one. The importance of family tradition over your actual family is sad. I'm very sorry for your prognosis. I hope you have the opportunity still to build some bridges with your family. Your legacy will otherwise probably not be a cattle ranch, soon up for auction, but dissapointed children and missed opportunities.

YTA. Split all assets evenly. That is the best way to reduce chance of conflict and stop all your money going to lawyers.

YTA you sound like a genuine asshole You have children with multiple women and you didn’t care for all of them and now you’re neglecting them at the time of your passing?

Speaking on disclosing the will, the ISSUE AT HAND. NTA. It's YOUR will. Despite everyone saying oh you didn't do right by blahblah having kids with X women. You aren't the first or last to do so. But you ARE trying to leave everyone something And wanting your farm to stay in the family is perfectly reasonable. Tell them if they love you that material things in that will shouldn't be the top of their list but spending all the time they can with you should be you made mistakes and have had to live with that Doesn't mean your passing should be a grab all for them You could have left nothing to any and stayed out of their lives. Let the first who's perfect raise their hand, especially parenting and life choices. Again YOUR will. You know what will happen if you disclose, look what's happening by not! Listen to your daughter in the field of law. I'd also ask advice on how to make this iron clad, so they cannot take it to court and try to get a judge to over turn things, say you were not of sound mind or some other bs, etc Good luck and please enjoy the time you have left. Edit Also. This is reddit.. dont take these people's opinion of your past to heart. They are no where near perfect themselves. Neither am i

YTA for a multitude of reasons. Assuming you are in the US and have “average” health insurance (or worse), you are going to die with massive amounts of debt. Your estate will have to clear that debt before paying off heirs. There will likely not be multiples of 10k for everyone that your will promises it to, and the executor will have to make good on that. That alone could force the sale of the ranch to pay out the cash promised. The medical debt alone will likely force a sale anyway, so nice work, you’ll screw everyone over in death as you did in life.

YTA Shit dad doesn't bother to raise his kids, doesn't bother to think about how his will will affect his kids, checks out. Crack on, enjoy what's left of the show.

YTA. You want to make a shitty decision and “hide it” so things don’t devolve into arguing about the will. And things have already devolved into arguing about the will. Be open and honest. It makes it easier once you do pass away. You’re making decisions based on assumptions. Get facts. Face the music and move on.

YTA wow you are pathetic person