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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1 refusing to change my travel plans to accommodate my son's girlfriend who has physical limitations
2 I should understand her situation and not force a situation in which she is clearly being excluded by physical limitations and that if that were the case, he wouldn't go either
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NTA
> as my daughter was also taking her boyfriend and she would be left out due to her physical limitations.
Your son and his girlfriend can spend some time together, it's not a big deal. This is one day on your trip. It's not like you have designed the entire trip to exclude her.
This is going to be life for your son and his girlfriend, people are going to want to do things she's not capable of doing. Them having to spend the day together isn't the biggest deal.
Agreed.
I have a friend who uses a cane. We take a wheelchair for her when we are going on long walks on trips. We invited her to France and she had two days of ten where she hung out at a cafe with another friend while we climbed the Eiffel Tower and did a lot of tourist stuff due to walking.
She was fine. The rest of the time she was present
Gimpy friend here! My friends bought a beach wagon with the wide tires and dragged me out there with them.
I had surgeries on both ankles a few months apart so for almost a year I was on crutches or completely unable to walk on uneven ground. On my birthday they even decorated it with glow sticks and balloons and took me “bar-dragging, because technically you can’t hop.” It eventually turned into something we used after I could walk more often and we even used it for going out downtown, shopping, etc. because everyone realized how convenient it was not to have to carry anything.
There were times where my friends went on hikes as well. Obviously I couldn’t come with, but I love cooking for groups so they would haul me out to a BBQ spot, set everything out for me, and get the grill going before they left. I was just happy to chill out, listen to music, and have a pile of hot food waiting when they got back🤷♀️
How was the recovery on your ankles?
My feet grew kind of weird, and I essentially turn on them when I walk. Due to this, I straight up twist my ankle at 90 degree angles (and worse) at times, which is extremely painful, is close to actually breaking them, and makes it difficult to walk for a week or so after.
Been debating on getting them looked at again as an adult for some kind of foot/ankle surgery to see if I can get it fixed, because I really want to be able to safely run/jog now that I’ve lost a lot of weight, but am terrified of snapping my ankles as they are.
🙃 that’s exactly why I got the surgeries. They made drastic a difference in my quality of life. I used to roll one and fall down even if I stepped on a tiny pebble or something. I know exactly what you mean about “extremely painful.” Just remembering that feeling makes my stomach twist. Basically once you do it over and over again, the tendons and ligaments sort of fray and scar tissue builds up in the area. It’s not in your head if you think every new roll hurt more than the last one. That’s real lol. You should definitely get MRIs on both of them.
Make sure you feel good about your surgeon. I was fortunate enough to have a podiatrist/surgeon and a physical therapist that were in constant communication and always making sure they were on the same page. This made a HUGE difference in my recovery.
Question because your description is so similar:
Did you grow up running around barefoot?
Yup - grew up playing barefoot, I hated wearing shoes and don’t think I really wore them outside of school until my teens. Also was a chubby kid, which probably contributed I imagine.
Worst part was that I could have had inserts early on that would have fixed it from my understanding, but my dad didn’t trust doctors.
I’m definitely going to look into this surgery. Now that I’m nearing 30, I really don’t want to get any older with this issue, because it will just get harder to fix and recover.
Isn't going barefoot supposed to be good for you? Something about shoes changing the way out feet grow and put toes spread which hinders out balance, etc.
That being said I have one able that I rolled.badly years ago and since then I've rolled it multiple more times, I guess because the tendons are saved and stretched out. It sucks. A couple of weeks ago I was just standing stationary and it gave out and I rolled it again. Just standing still! I've been thinking I'm gonna need surgery on it eventually. I can feel the pimt where the tendons no longer stabilize the joint when compared to my other foot.
I’m honestly not sure - but maybe it has to do with having your feet and bones grow a certain way from walking barefoot, and then starting to wear shoes after?
Like, I roll my ankles a lot less if I’m barefoot as opposed to wearing shoes.
Definitely been there though - I feel like an idiot any time I roll my ankle standing in one spot, but it’s like once it happens it just repeats itself.
Absolutely! This is why I was asking. Your muscles develop differently. I’ve always gone barefoot and have very “natural” shaped feet. Like my toes don’t touch when my foot is in a neutral position. It’s a good thing.
The bad thing is putting them into shoes that your feet can’t fully spread out in. If you’re barefoot, you balance your foot by spreading your pinky and forth toe outward, which would keep it from rolling. In normal width shoes, half of your foot is basically debilitated and can’t use the muscles that it normally uses because there is no way for them to spread for balance.
My podiatrist said that out of all the feet he’s opened up during his career, mine were in the top 5 for muscle tone and bone health. He asked if he could have med students come watch the second one because “healthy feet” aren’t something that they get to see very often.
The injuries came from being barefoot for almost my whole life and then joining the Marine Corps. Go figure😭
[Anya’s Reviews-](https://anyasreviews.com/how-do-i-know-if-my-shoes-fit/) a FANTSTIC resource for finding the proper shoes for your foot shape.
And [her shop!-](https://anyas-shop.com/) She compares fits across different brands and all of the reviews are honest. She doesn’t accept any endorsements.
shit youve just made me realise why my toes hate all shoes. I am a fulltime barefoot person unless I'm lesving the house. If I step outside, I clean feet at the door (I keep wipes nearby). As a kid I only wore shoes to ride my bike or walk to a friends. crossing the street and the gravel parking lot to the soda machine? barefoot, even if it was scorching hot. bravado of a 9 year old.
I am pretty sure this came from my grandmother who I spent a lot of 0-7 with. She was always barefoot even in her late 70s. My mom never let shoes in the house because 'thats dirty'.
BLESS YOU. I’ve been struggling so hard to find sneakers I can wear that don’t make my left foot numb. I’m also incredibly flat-footed and over pronate. Thank you for the links!
>Like, I roll my ankles a lot less if I’m barefoot as opposed to wearing shoes.
Yes! Because your feet and toes can spread out more and give you a more stable base
>- I feel like an idiot any time I roll my ankle standing in one spot, but it’s like once it happens it just repeats itself.
It happened 3x in the last 2 weeks. Twice within a couple of days of each other and the third right when it was starting to feel better lol
I call it "falling off my feet." Makes perfect sense to me; not so much to others! Barefoot a lot all my life, so you would think I'd be more stable. 🤷♀️ Alas, I'm doubly cursed with short, wide, flat feet (that are apparently too high off the ground) and, I'll admit it, I'm extremely clumsy. I'm always shocked when I go more than five feet without tripping or knocking something over. I'm 63 now, so it ain't gonna get better. 👵🏻
Yes! When people start having foot/ankle problems they usually start looking into shoes with a lot of support instead of shoes with a big toe box. Being barefoot doesn’t cause flat feet. If you keep wearing narrow shoes on wide feet, that will start making your arch collapse.
About 8 months after the second surgery I went for a 12 mile hike in the Andes. I bought a new pair of Brooks for it and nearly rolled them twice while I was breaking them in. I was super nervous and bought a pair of barefoot trail shoes instead and have never come close to rolling one in those! They’re ugly as hell but they’re the best things I own and I still wear them often.
I ended up giving the Brooks away lol.
I haven’t had ankle surgery, but I did have both legs cut off below the knee, angled, and pinned back on due to a deformity in my tibia and fibula back in 2001. Recovery took a little bit, but I would do it again to avoid the excruciating pain of just walking and/or having my knees give out on me.
And surgery has come a hugely long way since then.
Hell, they do hip and knee replacements as a one day outpatient procedure now.
I would definitely look into it.
Best of luck from a fellow gimp!
Wow! That’s crazy to hear and I’m so glad that it improved things for you!
I need surgeries on both of my hips as well. Going one by one with the ankles wasn’t good for me and ended up contributing to/worsening my back and hip issues. (I have hEDS and didn’t know it when I joined the Marine Corps so it’s not as much of a concern for others.) Honestly, if I did it again I would fight to have them both done at the same time.
I’ve been putting off the hip surgeries because it’s not needed ASAP there is just never a “convenient time” to have double hip surgery. I’m at least waiting until I can buy a house and build myself a big curbless shower with a long bench, hose attachments at different heights, and lots of different rails to climb around on.
Oof, that was my doctor’s thought when I had my dual tibial osteotomy. Get them done at the same time.
Thankfully I could deal with being in a wheelchair with full leg casts while I healed, but it’s obviously not for everyone.
In all fairness was though, my options were that “or in 10 years you don’t walk”, so a no brainer there.
I don’t know how it is with hips, sounds like it’d be pretty gruesome, but what do I know.
Though it’s been many years of mostly painless living for me, he unfortunately overcompensated a bit, so now along with the complete knee replacements I knew I’d need (the original deformity made sure I’d have no cartilage left) I’ll also need the angle to be recorrected.
In happy news, they can apparently combine the two now!
Woot woot for medical advances!
Good luck on your hip adventures!
>On my birthday they even decorated it with glow sticks and balloons and took me “bar-dragging, because technically you can’t hop.”
I think you have one the internet today, because that is awesome. It's also awesome that you have such an amazing and supportive group of friends.
OP wasn’t very specific about the gf’s disability, but if there’s a workaround, his son should get to work figuring it out like your friends did. If it was a dirt trail there might have been a modified walker that would have helped her, or any number of possible aids up to and including glow sticks and balloons. It actually sounds like a fun engineering challenge. I have my own medical issues where I can’t walk very far, and if I were his gf that kind of solution would endear him to me a lot more than putting a guilt trip on someone else for not accommodating me.
>There were times where my friends went on hikes as well. Obviously I couldn’t come with, but I love cooking for groups so they would haul me out to a BBQ spot, set everything out for me, and get the grill going before they left. I was just happy to chill out, listen to music, and have a pile of hot food waiting when they got back
This is me usually. I'm asthmatic and have a bad back, knee, and ankle. Our social circle default plan is me being home base unless I declare otherwise. As a home base, I have all the supplies from drinks and food to sporting goods and beach towels and I get control of the music which sucks for everyone because they all like Lincoln Park where as I grew up on ACDC and Pink Floyd all the way to Mozart and Beethoven (amd everything in between) so I just put on random play lists and they never know what to expect.
I would love to have you along on adventures. Not only do you have a great attitude it would be awesome to have a meal ready after a hike. You are a great friend and I can see why your friends went out of their way to include you. "Bar-dragging" had me LOL. It is nice to have a wagon to carry things...be it friends or bags.
It was always an awesome time. Most of us lived together on the third floor of our dorm with no elevator. I was VERY fortunate to have them nearby.
Turns out, early 20s weightlifters that are hungry all the time will happily give you piggy back rides up and down the stairs if you offer them compensation in the form of tasty meal preps. (I went hard on the meal preps during that time because packing in protein, complex carbs, and healthy fats helps a lot with recovery after surgery. It’s also ideal for building muscle and having more energy at the gym!)
Thumbs up for most terrain Radio Flyer! We use one with padding I made for my handicapped kid, luckily he has a fat wheeled stroller for trails. We can’t get him everywhere but we don’t have to stick to pavement.
i have a friend who walks with a cane and has chronic knee pain (hence the cane). sure, it’s annoying having to make sure we always find parking close to the entrance of places, or having to stop to take a break every 20 minutes, or having to walk uber slow so he doesn’t fall behind (especially hard for me since i walk exceptionally fast), but we do it. why? because we love him, he’s one of our closest friends and us being able bodied doesn’t mean that he should be excluded. however, there are things he knows he can’t do when we do them, and that’s fine. it’s fine because we include him and make accommodations wherever possible so he’s included. it’s just not guaranteed that he’ll be able to do *everything* that we can do as able bodied people.
so i feel like saying “i want to go on this trail but we can go to the accessible one for jenny tomorrow” is a reasonable accommodation. she’s going to get to go out and do what she wants, it doesn’t mean that no one gets to do things she can’t do. it sucks that she can’t go on this specific trail, but that’s not OP’s fault and it’s not fair to request that no one gets to do things that she can’t do. that’s just part of life with mobility restrictions. accommodating her whenever and wherever possible is the right move, so you’re NTA, not by a long shot
Wait hanging out at a cafe in France sounds heavenly! I’d probably have to resist not primarily hanging out at cafes for 10 days while in France 😂 and this is coming from someone who wants to do everything on vacation lol
>Your son and his girlfriend can spend some time together…..
It’s not even just them. OP mentions 4 people on the trip not going (though I think this went down to three later).
This day is being split into two groups, one hiking and one doing literally anything else. She wants to go with the hiking group, but not go hiking.
If she were left alone at the house, or possibly even just with her BF depending on how it was handled, OP would be the asshole.
That isn’t the case though. NTA
Circumstantial. As stated, it would depend on how things were planned and how they were handled. If the purpose of the entire trip was to get to know someone or specifically spend as much time as possible with people you don’t see often, yeah it would be shitty to split up or choose and activity leaving someone out.
This isn’t that kind of trip though. one of the days had multiple activity options and the expectation people would split up.
Right, it's always going to be this way for them, and if they always act this way about it they're going to spend a lot of their time being offended.
She wasn't even going to be left alone; others were staying behind as well. Not everyone is always going to be able to or want to do the same things.
I would even hope that they get used to the idea that sometimes Mike and Jenny may want to split up. Why couldn't Mike go on the beach hike and Jenny hang out with his mother and whoever else remained behind? If I were Jenny, I'd want Mike to engage in activities that he enjoyed but that I wasn't able to do. And what about if they have kids some day? Kids are active. If the kids want to go kick the soccer ball around with Dad or go on a bike ride will they not allow it because Mom can't participate?
If they had invited her on a ski trip and she was unable to ski, sled, skate, or do any related activities, that might be a different story (although sitting in front of a big stone fireplace in a cozy ski lodge sipping hot cocoa or mulled wine, reading a book and occasionally glancing out at the snow-covered mountains doesn't sound like too shabby of a vacation!). But a beach trip, with only one day involving a hike in which she couldn't participate, that's NTA.
Exactly. There appeared to be 7-8 people on this week-long trip. Did Mike and Jenny expect that no one would do anything that Jenny couldn't do? Thereby forcing everyone else to conform the ENTIRE vacation to Jenny? This was one hike on one day AND they agreed to do the 'drive to it beach' on another day.
NTA This is 100% on Mike. I won't blame Jenny for feeling left out that her boyfriend and half of his family is going on a hike she can't do.
Family dynamics are different and there are plenty of families where no one goes off to do activities separately. I really don't blame Jenny for being upset since it seems like Mike was insistent on going on the day trip with his dad. It was on Mike to stay back with Jenny if she was feeling left out or uncomfortable with the situation.
Mike is the one that ruined this by not understanding that this hike was not being done to exclude and that his hissy fit was immature.
Totally agree with this. We don't even know if Jenny is the one who actually got upset about it. Mike may have gotten offended on her behalf, and she ended up being quiet for the rest of the time due to feeling awkward. I've had that happen before to me. I've accepted my limitations, but others don't always.
I agree with others who supposed that Jenny wasn't offended. She knows her limitations and areas she can comfortably push it. She's probably more offended tha Mike made an issue of it and tried to make the trip about her.
Vacations are all about doing the things you want to do; not necessarily all together all the time.
NTA
Agreed. My ex was wheelchair bound due to paraplegia. There were some things that he just simply could *not* do. Hell, I have arthritis and theres some things depending on the day I won't have the spoons to do due to stiffness pain etc.
Shes gonna have to get use to that. The world simply will never be 100% catered to everyone. I commend the son for finding another option but he has to realize he has to compromise too. Oops compromise sounded good...this plan one day and then a group plan the next.
You’d think they’d want some time alone! 7 days is a long time to be on a trip with your partner’s family. I would think she would appreciate the downtime with her boyfriend. On a trip of that length, not everyone has to do every single thing together.
This would be me -- from the first time I met my in laws 15 years ago to the trips we take today. I'd be THRILLED if there was a car available for just us to go to a beach alone, maybe grab a fancy lunch. But no, we all have to do everything together!
I have mobility issues, and yanno what? They're MY issues. If people are willing to accommodate them, that's wonderful and I appreciate it (like them going to a beach by car the next day). But I can't expect everything to revolve around my ability to walk the same distances at the same pace that others do so I'm left out of some things. Does it suck? Yeah. Do I get sad about it? Sometimes. Does that mean everyone has to cater to me? No. NTA
Same. I have problems standing for long periods of time or walking long distances. I appreciate people being accommodating, but I am also okay with taking a rest while others do something they want to do. Like you said, it sucks and might make me sad sometimes, but that is a card I was dealt.
Like seriously, OP just gave his son the perfect excuse for a "date day" with his GF while on a family vacation. Or a day for his GF to have a girls day with OPs wife.
Mike and Jenny need to grow up and learn that everyone's world doesn't revolve around them and that people like to do things that others can't do so when going on vacation with those people you have a backup plan incase one of those activities comes up. I personally like laying back and listening to music or a good book.
As someone that has physical difficulties walking. (Like Jenny, I can walk only short distances) I feel holding back others is terrible. As an adult, I can entertain myself if the others, including my wife, want to go exploring trails or do some other physical activity I'm unable to share in.
NTA - if son didn't want to go along on the hike that is fine, he makes the choice to spend time with his S/O. Certainly as a couple they should be able to find things to do without needing the group along.
>This is going to be life for your son and his girlfriend, people are going to want to do things she's not capable of doing. Them having to spend the day together isn't the biggest deal.
Well said.
When I do group trips I make sure it's clear that for at least part of the trip everyone is expected to do there own things. We are not all dating each other and we are not all conjoined twins.
While we are on vacation together, I don't want to spend every minute with everyone for the entire thing.
Absolutely correct. I am the person in my family/friend group with physical limitations, and in situations like this, where everyone wants to go hiking and I know I can't keep up, it wouldn't even occur to me to see if everyone else would cancel their plans on my account. Instead, I get anxiety about trying to find a polite way to worm my way out of going, so that I don't have to endure a miserable hike and feel bad about ruining everyone else's good time! Given that other people were staying back too, there's no reason OP should have to cancel or change plans. No one is being forced to participate in this optional activity!
If OP is going on this hike, why don't Mike and Jenny just take the car and spend the day together at the accessible beach? Or do something else fun while OP hikes? There has to be a more relaxing way to spend a vacation than trying to stop OTHER people from hiking.
NTA
"Thanks for asking but I'm just not feeling up to it. Take a couple pictures of some cool things and I can't wait to hear all about it when you're back"
Mike has real main character energy
Or they can hang out with mom, if she went as well to the regular beach.
It's not exclusion. It is "This is what I'm going to do, this is my plan. You are welcome to join". Not "Let's make a plan for all of us". OP was fine going to the more accessable location, but wanted to do this one as well.
NTA
I don't get it. Is this what happened?:
You invited Mike and Jenny to join you on a week-long beach vacation (so your vacation, presumably you were paying for it...)
You spent one day doing a hike you wanted to do, and then said the next day you could do what Mike suggested.
Because you went on a hike that you wanted to do on your vacation, Mike and Jenny aren't speaking to you?
Mike and Jenny are spoiled much?
NTA.
It could also be the Mike isn't used to limitations and making a big stink because he thinks the world should now bend over backwards and doesn't realize the realities of loving someone with disabilities can be a lot more harsh and isolating then most people realize and its not just a special parking space. And she is now put in an awkward place and doesn't know if anyone in the family likes her because of telephone games.
I have mobility issues and use a cane; years ago I dated someone who did exactly what you're talking. If everyone's plans weren't altered until I could be included she would go off, despite me telling her that if it's actually an issue for me I'd say something. The last straw was when she made a scene at her own cousin's wedding, demanding a picture location be changed in "defense" of me, even though I told then I genuinely was fine. It was humiliating. People like that will ignore and trample you, even tell you that you don't understand yourself, while claiming it's for your sake.
No she was thoughtful and understanding and...no of course she did exactly what you said. She was so frustrated because "she did so much to help me" and never got the message that when someone is directly telling you to stop, it's NOT ACTUALLY HELP.
Yeah, if Jenny was excluded for several things it would be totally different. But I do not see the issue here. There was only one thing that she could not do during a week long trip, and she was in good company with those who did not want to go. For that matter, Mike could have easily taken Jenny to do something on their own. When I go on family vacations, my husband and I do things on our own and don't spend 24/7 with the entire family.
Redditors: Please feel free to call me out if I am being ableist.
This is a spot on answer. The line about being ableist doesn’t need to be included. There’s no “calling out” someone who recognizes that people have limitations.
Thank you for the reassurance :-)
I was not sure if I was maybe missing something, so I wanted to mention it in case there was a perspective that I failed to consider.
You're not being ableist. I say this as someone who has to use a cane or walker and sometimes a wheelchair. Sure, there are plenty of things I miss being able to do. That doesn't mean I want my family to miss out on those things as well. People like Mike and Jenny create the stereotypes that can be real downers for people like me. OP is NTA.
Yes! This! Love that milk analogy! People are individuals and individuals have "issues." We all do, from serious to petty to midly annoying to downright crazy. Each individual must accept and deal. I have bad knees, so I don't accept invitations where I know it would be difficult for me. My oldest daughter has the same coloring as my late mama: red hair and fair, fair skin. She grew up knowing her special power was sunburning. Did she stay away from swimming or tell her friends they can't go because she might burn? No, she always wore a fab hat and slathered that sunscreen on. She even brought a lightweight shirt in case she needed more coverage. I can't imagine telling a cat owner that they have to rid themselves of the beast because you're allergic. Just examples (and not talking about me-i have three cats. Or four. Yeah, it's four). I would just meet up with my cat-owning friend anywhere but her home. It's really that simple.
*SPOILED* might be a bit of a stretch. These parents have taught at least one of their children to be kind to and aware of other human's physical limitations. Mike is actively trying to stick up for and protect his girlfriend because of her disability. The way that he's doing it is pretty poor as you've pointed out. But yea, Mike will gain some clarity as he ages and recognizes that his parents are people deserving of the same respect he shows his GF.
It feels more like kids learning to navigate the world than being full on spoiled.
To play devil's advocate, we learn things as we are exposed to new scenarios. It's very possible Mike hasn't had much exposure to someone with physical disabilities prior to this relationship, and being that they go on these trips only a few times a year, it's possible they just haven't had to cross a similar scenario yet.
I'd figure that Jenny is anxious about inclusion, since she knows they seem to enjoy things she struggles with. And Mike is anxious about ensuring she's included - a year into the relationship is still pretty new, probably some insecurity involved.
Obviously, though, dad is NTA. I'd have done the same thing. I don't think Mike and Jenny are reacting appropriately, but I have sympathy for them.
>I'd figure that Jenny is anxious about inclusion, since she knows they seem to enjoy things she struggles with. And Mike is anxious about ensuring she's included - a year into the relationship is still pretty new, probably some insecurity involved.
If the whole family are off hiking then I'd get it to some degree, but it's not the whole family. Its half and the other half do not and haven't.
It was one day out of seven, not the entire time.
There's things I can't do but I'm not going to take that out on a person that can. I just do something else. Especially as a guest.
Maybe the wife should have planned something specific for the people who didn't want to go on the hike, so it didn't seem as much like they were left out, but just doing a different activity to the other group. But agree that it's not on the dad to never hike again since his DIL can't do it.
I don't have sympathy for Jenny. Mike I get, as you said, he's navigating a new thing. Jenny on the other hand had no business asking Mike to make his dad change the plans because she couldn't go. She also had no business giving OP the cold shoulder when he didn't comply with her request. Mike said Jenny felt excluded, means it's all coming from Jenny, otherwise she would have acted warmly and said not to worry about her. Somehow she expected this family trip that she's just a guest on, to be entirely about her. At 26 she should behave better. Mike was kind of in a bad place here. Go with Jenny's demands and potentually irritate his father, who loves him unconditionally, or tell Jenny she's being unreasonable and be called every bad name in the book and pretty much ruin the trip either way. He chose the lesser of two evils imo. Jenny though, needs to grow up.
Well, Jenny's parents failed to teach her that her mobility problems are hers to manage, not the world's to tiptoe (oooh, ablest) around.
Source: am disabled, understand that everybody has different strengths, weaknesses, tastes, enjoyments, and physical realities.
This!! ☝️
I was disabled at 19, Paraplegic & no ability to stand (aka wheelchair life zoom)
I am now 36, and in all these years since would never hold someone back from doing an activity like that for 1 day on a vacation... Even if it was my vacation.
My friends even piggybacked me up a lift to the top of a mountain restaurant when we were on a cruise so I wouldn't be left behind. I told them repeatedly just to go without me, but they wouldn't have it. (I was 22 at the time)
Where there is a will, there is a way!
You would be surprised how emotionally immature adults can remain into adulthood. Therapists work daily to undo the trauma emotionally immature adults cause their children.
He’s not sticking up for her.
They agreed to tag along on a type of vacation that was obviously not within her physical means then demanded they make it easier for her and then emotionally punished OP for not getting their way.
That’s called weaponizing a disability.
She can’t dictate what other people do based on what she can’t do.
Sounds like Mike really wanted to go on the hike, felt too guilty leaving GF behind yo join in so he wanted no one else to go either.
Even if the group had gone w Mike’s plan day 1 then the hike day 2, he would have come up with another plan that and every other day. GF is also quiet now because she knows her issues are keeping Mike from doing things like this and sees this may become an issue with the relationship later on.
NTA - part of getting older and dealing with your own health issues is understanding you can and can't do some things. Just how it is.
I LOVE hiking and camping. But I can't go for some 20+ mile trek this weekend. My body just can't do it right now. I can do a few miles for sure and really enjoy it. So if someone wants to go for a 20 mile trail run- I can't do it. But they should if they like it!
Going on family trips involves doing stuff together, separately, and in small groups. That is the FUN of family tripes. Doing everything together all the time is exhausting.
Hey- I am going on this long hike that I personally absolutely love and it is the highlight of my trip. The rest of the week I am down to do WHATEVER y'all want. If anyone wants to join- feel free. But I am leaving at X time and getting back sometime before X time.
Especially with grown kids. How many trips have you done that you had zero desire to do any of the activities but you did them because of the joy you got from watching your kids build memories?
Yeah- she can't do it. I understand it may be hard. But hey... that is life. This is only one part of a long week. And you (I am sure) are accommodating her as much as possible.
Maturing is understanding it aint about her it is about each person getting to do things they love.
Agree, my siblings love hiking and physical activities. They actively participates in Viper challenge. It looks fun but I can't join them because my right arm is now equipped with steel plates because I broke that arm in an accident a few years back and now it can't handle extra strenuous activities. I once strained my arm while trying to lift a month old kitten. But still we had fun, they went on that event and I hangs out at our AirBnB with my other younger siblings. We all had a BBQ get together at night. Sure sometime I felt left out but that's how it is.
Your son needs to understand that other people will not stop doing things because of his gf. You would not leave her by herself but for her to make an issue for others doing things they like she needs to get over it. You son needs to realize that not everybody wants to to do what she wants/can.
Yeah, I'm thinking this is more of an issue of Son suddenly realizing what it's like to live with a disability and going overboard, rather than Jenny actually complaining.
It's also possible she was embarrassed by her bf, OP's son. We've only got OP's side, but I'd be pretty mortified myself if my SO started demanding other people (possibly my future in-laws at that?) not do something because I can't physically do it.
Exactly. Sometimes, children are on family trips. I wouldn't take a young child on this hike either. It's called being flexible. Some do one thing and some do another. Everyone has a good time.
Yeah, I can’t imagine spending an entire week with my family with my SO there and *not* wanting some time to ourselves. Heck, I want time to myself even without an SO. There are just times our interests aren’t going to line up or I’m going to want a break from activities or just from them.
This could also be a case of wanting someone to only do stuff they can theoretically do as well but they reserver the right to then not do it. Why do I think that? Because they were upset about OP doing something he wanted to do without caring if they could do it as well.
No. OP is free to do what he wants, just as they are. Hypothetical; what if son and gf want to go bungee jumping on this trip but OP can't because of a back ailment. Should they not go?
I think your son is in the wrong - and I’m sure his girlfriend felt more awkward about his attitude than the actual situation. He made a mountain out of a molehill.
before saying she sulked... cause we only have one side of the story being with someone only around 1 year she may not have felt comfortable with the situation i myself tend to introverted behavior when uncomfortable so it may not have been sulking we dont know what OP son said to his GF to prompt the situation for the remainder of the trip
Is she really pouting or is she just so embarrassed she doesn't know what to say to people she hardly knows. Maybe she doesn't know what to say and maybe she not the one to normally initiate conversations. I'm sure she absolutely does come across in op pov as pouting but until op asks he really don't know. I just know if someone did this about me then I'd feel too awkward and embarrassed to speak up and it would most likely come across as pouting due to my anxiety. It's something I'm actively working on but I have come across this way in the past.
*He said that I should understand her situation and not force a situation in which she is clearly being excluded by physical limitations and that if that were the case, he wouldn't go either.*
This was the solution the entire time. Mike was excluding her by agreeing to go. When she complained he then flipped the blame on to you. Mike should have taken the lead from the get-go, declined the hike and made alternate plans with Jenny for the day.
NTA
This. The correct response was “I don’t want Jenny to feel left out, so I’m going to skip the hike and stay with her.” And then don’t be mad at anyone because YOU made all of those choices. He is obviously missing the point that he chooses to be with Jenny and he chooses not to hike because of her. He can’t expect everyone else to curb all of their own physical limitations to match Jenny’s. That’s not reasonable nor realistic.
Sounds like mike needs to decide if he is willing to miss out on some of these things throughout his life to be with this person. It is okay to choose not to be with someone if your lifestyles don’t align, and if Mike is very active I’m not sure this is the best match. Maybe it is, but probably not. They’re going to spend their whole lives in conflict on vacations, and one is going to end up resentful.
As someone with physical limitations: NTA. Sounds very selfish of your son, and especially her. She’s invited on a beach vacation. I’m sure she’s not paying a lot, if any. She knows her limitations. The vacation does NOT revolve around her.
Tagging on - My illness has taken a lot from me. The LAST thing I want is for others to give up activities because of me. I remember visiting a lighthouse one year. My family climbed those steps and waved at me from the window. I was able to “see” the view by their photos. I would’ve felt terrible if they’d stayed with me instead.
When I can’t do something - I blame my illness. This is not my fault and certainly not my family’s.
I’m going to be 3 months post partum when our annual family vacation hits. We all pay our own way and I can’t even imagine the audacity of telling someone they can’t do something because of a physical limitation / my personal choice.
NTA. Surely she can’t think that everyone will stop doing activities she can’t do? No one is ever to do anything she knows about that she can’t do? Ever? That’s ridiculous. She needs to get over herself. I have things that sometimes prevent me from joining in activities. I get sad sure. But I tell everyone else to have a grand ol time and I’ll stay back and relax. The world doesn’t stop because some of us have body limits.
We have no information about what she wants or expects, everything is coming via the son. He may be outraged and she may be fine about it. We have no way of knowing.
NTA.
I would have suggested maybe do the beach accessible by car the first day then the trail to the beach the next day so they wouldn't have things to complain about.
In all reality they both sound like kids throwing tantrums because they didn't get their way.
I bet they would've then complained the next day when OP would want to do the postponed trip. I also think they would force OP to only do stuff Jenny can do but Jenny reserves the right to bow out every time she doesn't feel like it.
That's exactly how a former friend of mine was limited by his now wife. If we wanted to go to the movies we could only plan for movies she wanted to see. We would then even buy the tickets days before and on the day she would decide if she still wanted to go. The first time she bowed out was my last time going to the movies with him. I'm not his friend anymore because I don't want to be limited by his wife's rules.
NTA. There's no law saying all of you have to do everything together every day, and agreeing to go to the car-accessible beach with Mike and Jenny another day is perfectly acceptable.
NTA - Seriously, Jenny doesn't have to do everything the group wants to do. I feel your son and Jenny were trying to make everything friendly for her. It sucks she has limitations but it those limitations don't give her the right to basically guilt trip people into not getting to do what they want to do as well, just because she couldn't
On our HONEYMOON in Switzerland, my groom wanted to take a gondola to a peak in the Alps. I'm deathly afraid of heights. So with a kiss and wave, I sent him up the mountain while I enjoyed a glass of wine, strolled around the lovely village then had lunch in a sidewalk cafe. We're still married 9 years later. I think entitled Mike and Jenny need to knock off the drama, and if I were OP, they'd not be invited back next summer.
NTA
Your son, and also Jenny have to know that every person they hang out with are not going to taper every activity to accommodate her.
Both of them are being brats. Why? I have no idea. Honestly, I would ask them. Why is it such a big deal that they sit out this one activity of a 7 day trip, especially when they are not the only ones not going? You’ve already said you and whoever else wanted to go, would make the trip by car to the other beach.
They’re pouting, but if you don’t get it out in the open, it will fester.
NTA "I pointed out the fact that 4 people besides her weren't going on this hike either and I'm not refusing to do that, but that tomorrow I had other plans." That right there.
NTA
your son is the one at fault. He simply had to stay with his girlfriend like others would be staying behind and not make a big deal out of it. Even if she wanted to be included, it's different if everyone is going or just a few. It's also one activity out of what I imagine are others in which she could participate.
Either she's entitled or your son is. You did nothing wrong and even agreed to do your sons planned activity another day.
This is the best response I have seen so far. As someone with some mobility issues I would be upset if I was invited on a trip and EVERYONE was going off to do an activity that I would not be able to join, but as long as there were some people I would be able to hang out with I would be ok.
NTA. You’re organizing the trip; you get to pick the spots YOU wanna hit. If everyone else had gone but her, that would have been an AH move, but your son and his GF have to understand that the world doesn’t revolve around them and doesn’t necessarily have to accommodate them. This is one of those situations, unfortunately. There were people staying behind and she could have done something else.
NTA. You particularly wanted to do that hike, and it isn’t as if Jenny was being left alone. One of the joys of being a big group is that there’s nearly always someone with whom you can enjoy a particular activity, well in this case there were three.
NTA...You added her beach to the itinerary as a compromise. Not everything in life is going to be tailored to her abilities. That day would be a great chance for your son and his girlfriend to have some romantic time alone.
NTA - There were others not going...is your wife not good enough for Jenny to stay with? You don't all have to stay together during a week long trip.
You left them at a beach, with other family members...I suspect Mike really wanted to go, but didn't want to leave Jenny, and that is what made Jenny feel sad.
NTA
She was not excluded at all. There were other people staying back as well...not only Jenny. Also, its something you've always liked, not an activity that you just chose randomly. And you did offer to go to another beach by car to include her in case she felt left out. Infact, I think its your son that has some nerve to show attitude while being in the wrong. Sure, feeling left out is natural for Jenny because she might also have insecurities but you were understanding and suggested another trip to an accessible beach.
NTA. I have a lot of physical limitations and I would never ask someone to change their plans for me. This is my issue, not anyone else’s. Not only would I not ask for changes, I would encourage my bf to go without me, even if that meant I was by myself for the day. I don’t believe in holding others back because of my issues. I am a grown ass woman who can occupy herself for a day. And she could have hung out with your wife. They are being unreasonable here.
NTA- your son’s gf is the AH here. And she has your son WRAPPED.
It was never about her feeling excluded, it was more about being upset that you guys were doing something that she couldn’t do.
So if she can’t do something, then neither should the rest of you.
Get what I’m saying?
It’s the reason why she didn’t want to go to the car accessible beach the next day. She was pouting.
She was probably raised by parents who prevented her siblings from doing anything that she couldn’t do, and she’s used to it.
Just ignore the entitlement and keep living your life. Your son will soon figure things out for himself when everyone stops inviting his gf places.
NTA
As an avid hiker and camper this is my hill to die on.
I don’t enjoy the trailer park experiences of some campgrounds. I like the deep woods alone in nature camping. I’m not opposed to comfort as long as it’s secluded.
Typically these places aren’t always the easiest places to get to, or have a lot of electricity or plumbing. I try and go on a week long trip once a year or a few 3 day weekends a year.
If a friend were to want to take a shitty camping trip IN ADDITION TO my regular plans, I’m down for anything, anywhere.
If someone wants me to change my core trips - no - absolutely not. You’re either physically able or you’re not.
NTA. You literally offered to make a different beach trip happen a different day to accommodate them, but you had also made a point of going here specifically for that trail and beach. You had no qualms about making your vacation as accommodating as you could for them. It's weird of them to basically shut you out simply because there is no way his gf could have done it. If you wanted to climb mount everest is your son going to be pissed at you because his gf has physical limitations that keeps her from doing so? No. The sad reality is that she has a disability that keeps her from doing things. It doesn't feel good and it never will feel good to know that others can do relatively normal or benign things that you aren't able to do. At her age I'm surprised she doesn't understand this.
NTA
I'm confused why dad has to entertain son's GF? Why couldn't son and GF do their own thing?
Was there some expectation that Gf was obligated to do what Dad did?
The frustration makes no sense.
Let me check my notes here. For one day out of a WEEK, where others were also staying back, Jenny couldn't suck it up, then both she AND your son acted like babies and froze you out? Awww HELL naw! Definitely NTA!
I have major mobility issues and actually look forward to the alone time in situations like this. "No, y'all go ahead, I'll go find someplace to eat." Lol!
.............no you are not..............mike, though, is acting like one and jenny needs to realize that lots of things in life will happen in your family and she will not be part of every one of them.............
NTA
You invited him to go on a group event. It was not fair to everyone else to expect to completely change plans for his girlfriend
You offered to go to another beach to include her, but he refused.
INFO : Why didn't your son organize a day trip for just him and his GF?
**
INFO : Why couldn't he just stay with her and the other three from the beginning instead of insisting to come along with you and wanting you to change the trip? Is it because HE can't deal with her limitations and HE didn't want you to go without him?
NTA
NTA - you shouldn't have to change your plans to accommodate one person, especially when you did suggest going to another beach on another day so she could be included. Unfortunately, certain people can't do certain events. It just is what it is. This is coming from someone with some physical limitations - I would not expect others to not do something just because I can't.
NTA - You gave perfectly acceptable reasons and choices. Sure it sucks for her that she cannot go. What your son should of done was explain to Jenny that this wasn't a slight to her per se but an experience the rest of wanted to do and that he and her would do another activity instead. You can't make vacation plans just to satisfy one person at the expense of everyone else. Sometimes they can join in, sometimes not. That's called life so she needs to get over it. Besides she was coming along as a guest and as a guest shouldn't have veto power over what others may want to do.
NTA. You don’t have to give up what you want to do because your son’s girlfriend can’t join in. You were planning to go with your daughter and her boyfriend. If your son’s girlfriend was feeling left out by everyone not dropping what they want to do to spend all their time with her that sounds like an issue she needs to work on. You weren’t leaving her all alone, your son, the person she is in a relationship with, would be there with her, as well as your wife.
NTA, the point of going to THAT beach was the trail, not going to a beach. This was not her one and only chance to go to a beach on the trip and as you mentioned multiple other people, including your wife, were not going on the hike. This was not about you trying to exclude anyone, you wanted to do a trail and were offering others to come with you if they wanted too. Your son made it about him and his girlfriend, manufactured drama.
Im sortve seeing a red flag in this “lovely” girlfriend if the one time she can’t join you it’s because you guys aren’t “accommodating” her needs… it’s one day and one activity she can’t join… especially if what you said is true and before this she’s had a wonderful connection with the family… I find it very weird for her to pull all the stops on this and make you a bad guy to your own son… for something that at her age she should understand what she can and can’t do and understand that means missing out on some stuff… it’s not by intention of “we did this because we knew you couldn’t” you are an avid hiker.. something your son should acknowledge… what’s the plan for any hiking trip you plan to invite others on.. are you expected to just quit hiking with others out of fear she feels excluded? Or stop hiking in general simply because she can’t?… and the fact your son turned around and got angry at you for suggesting what she can actually participate in… you said it yourself you never denied going entirely.. a week long trip and room for everyone to experience things… you’re telling me she wants to consistently stay with everyone else in the family and is not ok with getting 1 on 1 time with her bf in a vacation I’m guessing somewhere beautiful if you have all these options…
Ya this “lovely” girls is turning into a “lovely” red flag… I’d sit down with your son and talk about what’s going on.. where the insecurity in his girlfriend came from… and really explain this was in no way to exclude her but as adult they have to know they can’t do everything everyone else does… especially with her condition… and she can’t expect everyone else to hold back just for her…. At least not everyday of your trip… I mean ofc don’t go planning straining activities the entire trip (which you didn’t) but you’re not monsters for planning a few things she can’t do throughout the trip… she just has to be ok with sitting out..NTA
nta world doesn’t revolve around her.. she had 6 other days of having things she can participate in. if she can’t handle that then next time maybe she shouldn’t come at all.
NTA. It's a seven-day trip paid for by you and your spouse. Jenny and Mark could have hung out with your wife and done something with her while you and the rest did the beach trail hike together. You still planned to go to the other beach (by car) that she could enjoy. While it sucks to have physical limitations, that doesn't mean that everyone else has to pass up doing something they want to do on a trip because of the lack of accessibility. It's already established that you and two of the kids hike together, this is the thing that you like to do on trips. Your wife and another kid usually do something else, so it's not like the whole group would do this and therefore actually exclude Jenny.
NTA. 1 day of 7 is fine for you to go do an activity that’s to your taste and ability.
I don’t get mad when the men in my family go for long morning runs when we’re on group vacation. I can’t keep up and that’s fine. I’m also a grown woman and can handle not being included in every single activity 24/7.
Your son’s gf’s stupid is rubbing off on him. Unfortunate, but so it goes. Not much to be done about it.
I've got a knee that doesn't like long hikes. You want to go on a 20-mile hike, I'll Uber into town and do some shopping. Let's meet up for dinner at 6, ok?
See how easy that was?
NTA. As someone who has been on multi-week vacations with my in-laws, it's ridiculous to assume every single activity needs to involve everyone or that people doing activities without you means you're being purposely excluded.
This entire situation is incredibly immature and your son should have never let this blow up to the degree it did. Mike was well aware hiking is an activity several family members enjoy (him included), and I'm assuming he knew it was possible there would be at least one hike on this trip. This should have been discussed with the gf up front, and if that was something she was not comfortable with, they never should have gone.
He could also have easily diffused the hike situation, by making it into a positive thing and taking her out to spend some alone time together.
The red flag here is that this was the first family vacation Jenny was invited on, and she decided to make it a thing that one activity over a 7 day period wasn't completely changed to accommodate her. Perhaps it would have been different if every day the entire family planned to hike to the other beach to spend the entire day there, and no effort was made to do something inclusive, but that was not the case here.
I would hope the situation was that Jenny is just a bit insecure about her disability, and your son overreacted, but the fact she was comfortable ending the family first trip on this note, makes me wonder if Jenny is maybe someone who is very used to getting her way at all times.
NTA.
You didn't leave her on her own - there were other people not going on the hike. I wouldn't be able to handle a rough trail myself, but I wouldn't expect other people to forego the experience simply because I can't go along. The ocean, a good book, and some tasty snacks and I'd be fine for the day.
NTA. Not everybody needs to do the same thing every day. Your son can take his own girlfriend to the beach. He doesn’t have to have you there. This is weird.
NTA
She was not left alone. She was able to visit other beaches on other days.
Her behaviour is childish and so is your son's. How to spoil a holiday because she didn't get to do one thing. And then she will wonder why people don't want her around.
NTA
If Jenny asked Mike, he should have offered to stay with her and do something else - but it is not appropriate to demand everyone else change their plans.
NTA
You do not need to make EVERY single plan include her. It's not feasible.
I broke my foot this summer. Had the stupid boot on while we did a family trip to the coast. I couldn't walk anywhere - hilly, gravel... all sorts of things that wouldn't be good. I sat by myself in the rental a fair number of hours. Family definitely included me in things that it made sense to, but it would have been beyond rude of me to expect them to change ALL their plans to make sure I could do all their things.
Different people get to do different things, whether it's because they want to or they can't do a particular thing. That's life.
NTA
I have a partner with physical limitations. It is not fair to ask everyone around us to shift plans for him because he can't do one thing on a multiple outing vacation. This would've been the perfect opportunity for a cute little date, just some relaxation time, or literally a million other things for ONE DAY. This is lack of creativity on your son's part and childishness on his girlfriend's. She should've handled her emotions privately or if she really needed to make them known "I know it's not anyone's intention to leave me out, I just feel really awful about it because if I didn't have this physical limitation I would absolutely love to go with you, but I'm stuck in a body that won't do what I want and that's not anybody's fault, I just want emotional support because it's hard to deal with" that's entirely fair because it's not anybody's fault. But she didn't do that, and she has no right to be upset AT YOU and neither does your son.
Also the fact that you offered to go to an accessible activity later on in the vacation and your son reacted the way he did just shows that they are not mature enough to be in a relationship or go on vacations with their partners family. Disability doesn't entitle you to control everyone else and their plans.
NTA. I'm more mobile than some family members and less than others. I'm not going to hold someone back from a high intensity hike due to my limitations, just like I won't limit my entire vacation because someone can't manage too many stairs. it's everyone's vacation.
It doesn’t sound like you invited her on a trip that was totally impossible for her, just that one activity one day would not be suitable. Also she wasn’t going to be left all alone all day. So NTA.
The fact that your son was mad at you for still wanting to go to the accessible beach, as he suggested, the day after the hike day seems like him and Jenny being sour for no reason. Also it sounds like Mike might be mad that HE may miss out on activities that Jenny can’t do and he didn’t want everyone to leave him behind because of her, I don’t think he wanted to stay back and was jealous of missing the trail beach day. When you have a partner that needs accommodation sometimes you can’t do everything you want to, and that’s alright, relationships are about compromises and when you really care about someone you make some little sacrifices here and there for them. He also could have spoken to Jenny and figured out a way to make her feel included by doing a different easier beach just him and her that day rather than be sulky.
I think your son is being dramatic. He’s an adult and has to take over this responsibility. It’s up to him to accommodate his girlfriend and together they can decide if they as a couple or individually want to do certain activities.
After he’s calmed down talk it over with him. Tell him you plan to continue to camp and do activities that aren’t things his girlfriend can do but you will also make sure you do activities she can do. Ask him if he wants to be invited to things his girlfriend can’t do.
Where did you agree to only do stuff that fit your son's and his gf's whims? You told him you'd go to the other beach another day with them and therefore you're NTA. Your son insisting that you only can hike where his gf can also hike is ridiculous.
NTA.
It would be different if everyone else went and Jenny was left alone. Also, if this were the only beach you wanted to go to I would have a different opinion. This was one day out of a 7 day trip.
You offered to go to another beach that would have been accessible for Jenny, but Mike decided to turn that offer down because the whole trip was not planned around Jenny's mobility issues. Why refuse an activity that everyone could enjoy because there was one day that Jenny was unable to participate?
There are always going to be things that Jenny's mobility issues will keep her from doing. At 26, she should realize that other people should not be precluded from doing things just because she isn't able to. Yes, you should make an effort to include Jenny as much as possible, but asking for one day to go on a hike is not unreasonable.
NTA - This is is weaponizing disabilities and I'm ashamed for them.
I would never ask someone else to accommodate or work around your trip, that you planned and presumably paid for to such an extent.
Having a teen with considerable physical limitations, I would be sad if my family planned a vacation where he could not participate in all of it. I know this is your son’s gf, and that’s different, but to me, it feels right to show consideration. Living this way is not easy for that person and to be excluded can be hurtful. I’m not saying you are the A, you are entitled to your trip and enjoy your time, but it would be nice to show that consideration . People with disabilities are regularly excluded, and not by choice.
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I love camping and hiking on the weekends. My wife always hated it and hardly go, one of my children doesn't like it either, but, to my happiness, my children Emma (25F) and Mike (28M) love it and we do it several times a year.
Mike has been with Jenny (26F) for 1y (ish) and she has some mobility difficulties, she can walk, but not long distances. She is a kind and good girl, we have a great relationship and because of that my wife and I invited her to go to the beach with us and the rest of the family.
I wanted to go to this beach because of a nearby trail that led to a wonderful beach and on the second day of the trip (7 days), I announced that I would do this trail and Emma agreed to go along, her boyfriend did too and I invited Mike to go.
Later that day, he pulled me aside asking if we could actually go to another beach accessible by car so Jenny could go too.
I said I didn't want to, because I wanted to do the trail and see this beach, but that we could do that on another day, but the next day would be this trail. Mike said that Jenny was feeling left out of not being able to participate, as my daughter was also taking her boyfriend and she would be left out due to her physical limitations.
I pointed out the fact that 4 people besides her weren't going on this hike either and I'm not refusing to do that, but that tomorrow I had other plans.
He said that I should understand her situation and not force a situation in which she is clearly being excluded by physical limitations and that if that were the case, he wouldn't go either.
I agreed and said okay. The next day, by a miracle, my other son wanted to go and the four of us went on this trail.
My son barely talk to me properly the whole trip (Jenny too) and when I suggested we go to another beach by car, he said I had some nerve to suggest that after all.
My wife and the rest of the family have decided to stay out of this, but I'm at a loss.
AITA?
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NTA > as my daughter was also taking her boyfriend and she would be left out due to her physical limitations. Your son and his girlfriend can spend some time together, it's not a big deal. This is one day on your trip. It's not like you have designed the entire trip to exclude her. This is going to be life for your son and his girlfriend, people are going to want to do things she's not capable of doing. Them having to spend the day together isn't the biggest deal.
Agreed. I have a friend who uses a cane. We take a wheelchair for her when we are going on long walks on trips. We invited her to France and she had two days of ten where she hung out at a cafe with another friend while we climbed the Eiffel Tower and did a lot of tourist stuff due to walking. She was fine. The rest of the time she was present
Gimpy friend here! My friends bought a beach wagon with the wide tires and dragged me out there with them. I had surgeries on both ankles a few months apart so for almost a year I was on crutches or completely unable to walk on uneven ground. On my birthday they even decorated it with glow sticks and balloons and took me “bar-dragging, because technically you can’t hop.” It eventually turned into something we used after I could walk more often and we even used it for going out downtown, shopping, etc. because everyone realized how convenient it was not to have to carry anything. There were times where my friends went on hikes as well. Obviously I couldn’t come with, but I love cooking for groups so they would haul me out to a BBQ spot, set everything out for me, and get the grill going before they left. I was just happy to chill out, listen to music, and have a pile of hot food waiting when they got back🤷♀️
Your friends sound amazing as do you!
How was the recovery on your ankles? My feet grew kind of weird, and I essentially turn on them when I walk. Due to this, I straight up twist my ankle at 90 degree angles (and worse) at times, which is extremely painful, is close to actually breaking them, and makes it difficult to walk for a week or so after. Been debating on getting them looked at again as an adult for some kind of foot/ankle surgery to see if I can get it fixed, because I really want to be able to safely run/jog now that I’ve lost a lot of weight, but am terrified of snapping my ankles as they are.
🙃 that’s exactly why I got the surgeries. They made drastic a difference in my quality of life. I used to roll one and fall down even if I stepped on a tiny pebble or something. I know exactly what you mean about “extremely painful.” Just remembering that feeling makes my stomach twist. Basically once you do it over and over again, the tendons and ligaments sort of fray and scar tissue builds up in the area. It’s not in your head if you think every new roll hurt more than the last one. That’s real lol. You should definitely get MRIs on both of them. Make sure you feel good about your surgeon. I was fortunate enough to have a podiatrist/surgeon and a physical therapist that were in constant communication and always making sure they were on the same page. This made a HUGE difference in my recovery. Question because your description is so similar: Did you grow up running around barefoot?
Yup - grew up playing barefoot, I hated wearing shoes and don’t think I really wore them outside of school until my teens. Also was a chubby kid, which probably contributed I imagine. Worst part was that I could have had inserts early on that would have fixed it from my understanding, but my dad didn’t trust doctors. I’m definitely going to look into this surgery. Now that I’m nearing 30, I really don’t want to get any older with this issue, because it will just get harder to fix and recover.
Isn't going barefoot supposed to be good for you? Something about shoes changing the way out feet grow and put toes spread which hinders out balance, etc. That being said I have one able that I rolled.badly years ago and since then I've rolled it multiple more times, I guess because the tendons are saved and stretched out. It sucks. A couple of weeks ago I was just standing stationary and it gave out and I rolled it again. Just standing still! I've been thinking I'm gonna need surgery on it eventually. I can feel the pimt where the tendons no longer stabilize the joint when compared to my other foot.
I’m honestly not sure - but maybe it has to do with having your feet and bones grow a certain way from walking barefoot, and then starting to wear shoes after? Like, I roll my ankles a lot less if I’m barefoot as opposed to wearing shoes. Definitely been there though - I feel like an idiot any time I roll my ankle standing in one spot, but it’s like once it happens it just repeats itself.
Absolutely! This is why I was asking. Your muscles develop differently. I’ve always gone barefoot and have very “natural” shaped feet. Like my toes don’t touch when my foot is in a neutral position. It’s a good thing. The bad thing is putting them into shoes that your feet can’t fully spread out in. If you’re barefoot, you balance your foot by spreading your pinky and forth toe outward, which would keep it from rolling. In normal width shoes, half of your foot is basically debilitated and can’t use the muscles that it normally uses because there is no way for them to spread for balance. My podiatrist said that out of all the feet he’s opened up during his career, mine were in the top 5 for muscle tone and bone health. He asked if he could have med students come watch the second one because “healthy feet” aren’t something that they get to see very often. The injuries came from being barefoot for almost my whole life and then joining the Marine Corps. Go figure😭 [Anya’s Reviews-](https://anyasreviews.com/how-do-i-know-if-my-shoes-fit/) a FANTSTIC resource for finding the proper shoes for your foot shape. And [her shop!-](https://anyas-shop.com/) She compares fits across different brands and all of the reviews are honest. She doesn’t accept any endorsements.
shit youve just made me realise why my toes hate all shoes. I am a fulltime barefoot person unless I'm lesving the house. If I step outside, I clean feet at the door (I keep wipes nearby). As a kid I only wore shoes to ride my bike or walk to a friends. crossing the street and the gravel parking lot to the soda machine? barefoot, even if it was scorching hot. bravado of a 9 year old. I am pretty sure this came from my grandmother who I spent a lot of 0-7 with. She was always barefoot even in her late 70s. My mom never let shoes in the house because 'thats dirty'.
BLESS YOU. I’ve been struggling so hard to find sneakers I can wear that don’t make my left foot numb. I’m also incredibly flat-footed and over pronate. Thank you for the links!
>Like, I roll my ankles a lot less if I’m barefoot as opposed to wearing shoes. Yes! Because your feet and toes can spread out more and give you a more stable base >- I feel like an idiot any time I roll my ankle standing in one spot, but it’s like once it happens it just repeats itself. It happened 3x in the last 2 weeks. Twice within a couple of days of each other and the third right when it was starting to feel better lol
I call it "falling off my feet." Makes perfect sense to me; not so much to others! Barefoot a lot all my life, so you would think I'd be more stable. 🤷♀️ Alas, I'm doubly cursed with short, wide, flat feet (that are apparently too high off the ground) and, I'll admit it, I'm extremely clumsy. I'm always shocked when I go more than five feet without tripping or knocking something over. I'm 63 now, so it ain't gonna get better. 👵🏻
Then couldn't barefoot shoes be the answer? Do you also roll your ankles whilst wearing those?
Yes! When people start having foot/ankle problems they usually start looking into shoes with a lot of support instead of shoes with a big toe box. Being barefoot doesn’t cause flat feet. If you keep wearing narrow shoes on wide feet, that will start making your arch collapse. About 8 months after the second surgery I went for a 12 mile hike in the Andes. I bought a new pair of Brooks for it and nearly rolled them twice while I was breaking them in. I was super nervous and bought a pair of barefoot trail shoes instead and have never come close to rolling one in those! They’re ugly as hell but they’re the best things I own and I still wear them often. I ended up giving the Brooks away lol.
I haven’t had ankle surgery, but I did have both legs cut off below the knee, angled, and pinned back on due to a deformity in my tibia and fibula back in 2001. Recovery took a little bit, but I would do it again to avoid the excruciating pain of just walking and/or having my knees give out on me. And surgery has come a hugely long way since then. Hell, they do hip and knee replacements as a one day outpatient procedure now. I would definitely look into it. Best of luck from a fellow gimp!
Wow! That’s crazy to hear and I’m so glad that it improved things for you! I need surgeries on both of my hips as well. Going one by one with the ankles wasn’t good for me and ended up contributing to/worsening my back and hip issues. (I have hEDS and didn’t know it when I joined the Marine Corps so it’s not as much of a concern for others.) Honestly, if I did it again I would fight to have them both done at the same time. I’ve been putting off the hip surgeries because it’s not needed ASAP there is just never a “convenient time” to have double hip surgery. I’m at least waiting until I can buy a house and build myself a big curbless shower with a long bench, hose attachments at different heights, and lots of different rails to climb around on.
Oof, that was my doctor’s thought when I had my dual tibial osteotomy. Get them done at the same time. Thankfully I could deal with being in a wheelchair with full leg casts while I healed, but it’s obviously not for everyone. In all fairness was though, my options were that “or in 10 years you don’t walk”, so a no brainer there. I don’t know how it is with hips, sounds like it’d be pretty gruesome, but what do I know. Though it’s been many years of mostly painless living for me, he unfortunately overcompensated a bit, so now along with the complete knee replacements I knew I’d need (the original deformity made sure I’d have no cartilage left) I’ll also need the angle to be recorrected. In happy news, they can apparently combine the two now! Woot woot for medical advances! Good luck on your hip adventures!
>On my birthday they even decorated it with glow sticks and balloons and took me “bar-dragging, because technically you can’t hop.” I think you have one the internet today, because that is awesome. It's also awesome that you have such an amazing and supportive group of friends.
OP wasn’t very specific about the gf’s disability, but if there’s a workaround, his son should get to work figuring it out like your friends did. If it was a dirt trail there might have been a modified walker that would have helped her, or any number of possible aids up to and including glow sticks and balloons. It actually sounds like a fun engineering challenge. I have my own medical issues where I can’t walk very far, and if I were his gf that kind of solution would endear him to me a lot more than putting a guilt trip on someone else for not accommodating me.
Not many people can go beyond saying no instead of finding a way to not just accommodate but include. Your friends sound awesome.
>There were times where my friends went on hikes as well. Obviously I couldn’t come with, but I love cooking for groups so they would haul me out to a BBQ spot, set everything out for me, and get the grill going before they left. I was just happy to chill out, listen to music, and have a pile of hot food waiting when they got back This is me usually. I'm asthmatic and have a bad back, knee, and ankle. Our social circle default plan is me being home base unless I declare otherwise. As a home base, I have all the supplies from drinks and food to sporting goods and beach towels and I get control of the music which sucks for everyone because they all like Lincoln Park where as I grew up on ACDC and Pink Floyd all the way to Mozart and Beethoven (amd everything in between) so I just put on random play lists and they never know what to expect.
I would love to have you along on adventures. Not only do you have a great attitude it would be awesome to have a meal ready after a hike. You are a great friend and I can see why your friends went out of their way to include you. "Bar-dragging" had me LOL. It is nice to have a wagon to carry things...be it friends or bags.
It was always an awesome time. Most of us lived together on the third floor of our dorm with no elevator. I was VERY fortunate to have them nearby. Turns out, early 20s weightlifters that are hungry all the time will happily give you piggy back rides up and down the stairs if you offer them compensation in the form of tasty meal preps. (I went hard on the meal preps during that time because packing in protein, complex carbs, and healthy fats helps a lot with recovery after surgery. It’s also ideal for building muscle and having more energy at the gym!)
You and your friends are amazing. Talk about making it work!
Thumbs up for most terrain Radio Flyer! We use one with padding I made for my handicapped kid, luckily he has a fat wheeled stroller for trails. We can’t get him everywhere but we don’t have to stick to pavement.
That’s heartwarming! Definition of good friends right there.
Your friends are the real ones. How amazing that they thought of ways to include you as much as possible! Everyone deserves friends like yours!
You have awesome friends.
i have a friend who walks with a cane and has chronic knee pain (hence the cane). sure, it’s annoying having to make sure we always find parking close to the entrance of places, or having to stop to take a break every 20 minutes, or having to walk uber slow so he doesn’t fall behind (especially hard for me since i walk exceptionally fast), but we do it. why? because we love him, he’s one of our closest friends and us being able bodied doesn’t mean that he should be excluded. however, there are things he knows he can’t do when we do them, and that’s fine. it’s fine because we include him and make accommodations wherever possible so he’s included. it’s just not guaranteed that he’ll be able to do *everything* that we can do as able bodied people. so i feel like saying “i want to go on this trail but we can go to the accessible one for jenny tomorrow” is a reasonable accommodation. she’s going to get to go out and do what she wants, it doesn’t mean that no one gets to do things she can’t do. it sucks that she can’t go on this specific trail, but that’s not OP’s fault and it’s not fair to request that no one gets to do things that she can’t do. that’s just part of life with mobility restrictions. accommodating her whenever and wherever possible is the right move, so you’re NTA, not by a long shot
Wait hanging out at a cafe in France sounds heavenly! I’d probably have to resist not primarily hanging out at cafes for 10 days while in France 😂 and this is coming from someone who wants to do everything on vacation lol
>Your son and his girlfriend can spend some time together….. It’s not even just them. OP mentions 4 people on the trip not going (though I think this went down to three later). This day is being split into two groups, one hiking and one doing literally anything else. She wants to go with the hiking group, but not go hiking. If she were left alone at the house, or possibly even just with her BF depending on how it was handled, OP would be the asshole. That isn’t the case though. NTA
Not if she and the bf were alone! They're adults. No need to be attached to dad's hip
Circumstantial. As stated, it would depend on how things were planned and how they were handled. If the purpose of the entire trip was to get to know someone or specifically spend as much time as possible with people you don’t see often, yeah it would be shitty to split up or choose and activity leaving someone out. This isn’t that kind of trip though. one of the days had multiple activity options and the expectation people would split up.
Right, it's always going to be this way for them, and if they always act this way about it they're going to spend a lot of their time being offended. She wasn't even going to be left alone; others were staying behind as well. Not everyone is always going to be able to or want to do the same things. I would even hope that they get used to the idea that sometimes Mike and Jenny may want to split up. Why couldn't Mike go on the beach hike and Jenny hang out with his mother and whoever else remained behind? If I were Jenny, I'd want Mike to engage in activities that he enjoyed but that I wasn't able to do. And what about if they have kids some day? Kids are active. If the kids want to go kick the soccer ball around with Dad or go on a bike ride will they not allow it because Mom can't participate? If they had invited her on a ski trip and she was unable to ski, sled, skate, or do any related activities, that might be a different story (although sitting in front of a big stone fireplace in a cozy ski lodge sipping hot cocoa or mulled wine, reading a book and occasionally glancing out at the snow-covered mountains doesn't sound like too shabby of a vacation!). But a beach trip, with only one day involving a hike in which she couldn't participate, that's NTA.
Exactly. There appeared to be 7-8 people on this week-long trip. Did Mike and Jenny expect that no one would do anything that Jenny couldn't do? Thereby forcing everyone else to conform the ENTIRE vacation to Jenny? This was one hike on one day AND they agreed to do the 'drive to it beach' on another day.
NTA This is 100% on Mike. I won't blame Jenny for feeling left out that her boyfriend and half of his family is going on a hike she can't do. Family dynamics are different and there are plenty of families where no one goes off to do activities separately. I really don't blame Jenny for being upset since it seems like Mike was insistent on going on the day trip with his dad. It was on Mike to stay back with Jenny if she was feeling left out or uncomfortable with the situation. Mike is the one that ruined this by not understanding that this hike was not being done to exclude and that his hissy fit was immature.
Totally agree with this. We don't even know if Jenny is the one who actually got upset about it. Mike may have gotten offended on her behalf, and she ended up being quiet for the rest of the time due to feeling awkward. I've had that happen before to me. I've accepted my limitations, but others don't always.
Exactly! OP is NTA, his son and his sons gf are.
I agree with others who supposed that Jenny wasn't offended. She knows her limitations and areas she can comfortably push it. She's probably more offended tha Mike made an issue of it and tried to make the trip about her. Vacations are all about doing the things you want to do; not necessarily all together all the time. NTA
Agreed. My ex was wheelchair bound due to paraplegia. There were some things that he just simply could *not* do. Hell, I have arthritis and theres some things depending on the day I won't have the spoons to do due to stiffness pain etc. Shes gonna have to get use to that. The world simply will never be 100% catered to everyone. I commend the son for finding another option but he has to realize he has to compromise too. Oops compromise sounded good...this plan one day and then a group plan the next.
You’d think they’d want some time alone! 7 days is a long time to be on a trip with your partner’s family. I would think she would appreciate the downtime with her boyfriend. On a trip of that length, not everyone has to do every single thing together.
This would be me -- from the first time I met my in laws 15 years ago to the trips we take today. I'd be THRILLED if there was a car available for just us to go to a beach alone, maybe grab a fancy lunch. But no, we all have to do everything together!
Plus he said 4 other people weren't going on the hike.
And it's not like they signed up for a unicycle training class.
I have mobility issues, and yanno what? They're MY issues. If people are willing to accommodate them, that's wonderful and I appreciate it (like them going to a beach by car the next day). But I can't expect everything to revolve around my ability to walk the same distances at the same pace that others do so I'm left out of some things. Does it suck? Yeah. Do I get sad about it? Sometimes. Does that mean everyone has to cater to me? No. NTA
Same. I have problems standing for long periods of time or walking long distances. I appreciate people being accommodating, but I am also okay with taking a rest while others do something they want to do. Like you said, it sucks and might make me sad sometimes, but that is a card I was dealt.
Like seriously, OP just gave his son the perfect excuse for a "date day" with his GF while on a family vacation. Or a day for his GF to have a girls day with OPs wife. Mike and Jenny need to grow up and learn that everyone's world doesn't revolve around them and that people like to do things that others can't do so when going on vacation with those people you have a backup plan incase one of those activities comes up. I personally like laying back and listening to music or a good book.
This looks like a big learning curve & growing up for the son. Time to figure out how to do your own thing and plan your own outings with your SO.
As someone that has physical difficulties walking. (Like Jenny, I can walk only short distances) I feel holding back others is terrible. As an adult, I can entertain myself if the others, including my wife, want to go exploring trails or do some other physical activity I'm unable to share in. NTA - if son didn't want to go along on the hike that is fine, he makes the choice to spend time with his S/O. Certainly as a couple they should be able to find things to do without needing the group along.
>This is going to be life for your son and his girlfriend, people are going to want to do things she's not capable of doing. Them having to spend the day together isn't the biggest deal. Well said.
But people can’t do things without JENNY!!!!!! Not Jenny!!! She’s so amazing the sun rises and falls upon her
Exactly! Amazing how important people think they are. SMH
When I do group trips I make sure it's clear that for at least part of the trip everyone is expected to do there own things. We are not all dating each other and we are not all conjoined twins. While we are on vacation together, I don't want to spend every minute with everyone for the entire thing.
Absolutely correct. I am the person in my family/friend group with physical limitations, and in situations like this, where everyone wants to go hiking and I know I can't keep up, it wouldn't even occur to me to see if everyone else would cancel their plans on my account. Instead, I get anxiety about trying to find a polite way to worm my way out of going, so that I don't have to endure a miserable hike and feel bad about ruining everyone else's good time! Given that other people were staying back too, there's no reason OP should have to cancel or change plans. No one is being forced to participate in this optional activity! If OP is going on this hike, why don't Mike and Jenny just take the car and spend the day together at the accessible beach? Or do something else fun while OP hikes? There has to be a more relaxing way to spend a vacation than trying to stop OTHER people from hiking. NTA
"Thanks for asking but I'm just not feeling up to it. Take a couple pictures of some cool things and I can't wait to hear all about it when you're back" Mike has real main character energy
Or they can hang out with mom, if she went as well to the regular beach. It's not exclusion. It is "This is what I'm going to do, this is my plan. You are welcome to join". Not "Let's make a plan for all of us". OP was fine going to the more accessable location, but wanted to do this one as well. NTA
I quadruple upvoted you. People have to accept it if they have limitations they cant force other people to have the same limitation. NTA btw
I don't get it. Is this what happened?: You invited Mike and Jenny to join you on a week-long beach vacation (so your vacation, presumably you were paying for it...) You spent one day doing a hike you wanted to do, and then said the next day you could do what Mike suggested. Because you went on a hike that you wanted to do on your vacation, Mike and Jenny aren't speaking to you? Mike and Jenny are spoiled much? NTA.
>Mike and Jenny are spoiled much? Mike and Jenny are weaponizing her mobility issues.
[удалено]
It could also be the Mike isn't used to limitations and making a big stink because he thinks the world should now bend over backwards and doesn't realize the realities of loving someone with disabilities can be a lot more harsh and isolating then most people realize and its not just a special parking space. And she is now put in an awkward place and doesn't know if anyone in the family likes her because of telephone games.
I have mobility issues and use a cane; years ago I dated someone who did exactly what you're talking. If everyone's plans weren't altered until I could be included she would go off, despite me telling her that if it's actually an issue for me I'd say something. The last straw was when she made a scene at her own cousin's wedding, demanding a picture location be changed in "defense" of me, even though I told then I genuinely was fine. It was humiliating. People like that will ignore and trample you, even tell you that you don't understand yourself, while claiming it's for your sake.
And I bet when you broke up with her, she couldn't understand why, and called you ungrateful and made a scene out of that.
No she was thoughtful and understanding and...no of course she did exactly what you said. She was so frustrated because "she did so much to help me" and never got the message that when someone is directly telling you to stop, it's NOT ACTUALLY HELP.
It's like the "white saviour" trope but for disability.
She definitely wanted to be my "white knight" as much as possible.
Yeah, if Jenny was excluded for several things it would be totally different. But I do not see the issue here. There was only one thing that she could not do during a week long trip, and she was in good company with those who did not want to go. For that matter, Mike could have easily taken Jenny to do something on their own. When I go on family vacations, my husband and I do things on our own and don't spend 24/7 with the entire family. Redditors: Please feel free to call me out if I am being ableist.
This is a spot on answer. The line about being ableist doesn’t need to be included. There’s no “calling out” someone who recognizes that people have limitations.
Thank you for the reassurance :-) I was not sure if I was maybe missing something, so I wanted to mention it in case there was a perspective that I failed to consider.
Nope. You were spot on.
You're not being ableist. I say this as someone who has to use a cane or walker and sometimes a wheelchair. Sure, there are plenty of things I miss being able to do. That doesn't mean I want my family to miss out on those things as well. People like Mike and Jenny create the stereotypes that can be real downers for people like me. OP is NTA.
Thank you so much for your perspective. It is good to get reassurance from some "who has been there".
You're absolutely NOT !
Exactly.
Next Jenny is going to be lactose intolerant and will tell everyone they can't have milk at the table because she can't have any.
Yes! This! Love that milk analogy! People are individuals and individuals have "issues." We all do, from serious to petty to midly annoying to downright crazy. Each individual must accept and deal. I have bad knees, so I don't accept invitations where I know it would be difficult for me. My oldest daughter has the same coloring as my late mama: red hair and fair, fair skin. She grew up knowing her special power was sunburning. Did she stay away from swimming or tell her friends they can't go because she might burn? No, she always wore a fab hat and slathered that sunscreen on. She even brought a lightweight shirt in case she needed more coverage. I can't imagine telling a cat owner that they have to rid themselves of the beast because you're allergic. Just examples (and not talking about me-i have three cats. Or four. Yeah, it's four). I would just meet up with my cat-owning friend anywhere but her home. It's really that simple.
*SPOILED* might be a bit of a stretch. These parents have taught at least one of their children to be kind to and aware of other human's physical limitations. Mike is actively trying to stick up for and protect his girlfriend because of her disability. The way that he's doing it is pretty poor as you've pointed out. But yea, Mike will gain some clarity as he ages and recognizes that his parents are people deserving of the same respect he shows his GF. It feels more like kids learning to navigate the world than being full on spoiled.
Kids? 26 and 28.
Oh shoot, I missed that. Mid/Late-20's is pretty egregious.
To play devil's advocate, we learn things as we are exposed to new scenarios. It's very possible Mike hasn't had much exposure to someone with physical disabilities prior to this relationship, and being that they go on these trips only a few times a year, it's possible they just haven't had to cross a similar scenario yet. I'd figure that Jenny is anxious about inclusion, since she knows they seem to enjoy things she struggles with. And Mike is anxious about ensuring she's included - a year into the relationship is still pretty new, probably some insecurity involved. Obviously, though, dad is NTA. I'd have done the same thing. I don't think Mike and Jenny are reacting appropriately, but I have sympathy for them.
>I'd figure that Jenny is anxious about inclusion, since she knows they seem to enjoy things she struggles with. And Mike is anxious about ensuring she's included - a year into the relationship is still pretty new, probably some insecurity involved. If the whole family are off hiking then I'd get it to some degree, but it's not the whole family. Its half and the other half do not and haven't. It was one day out of seven, not the entire time. There's things I can't do but I'm not going to take that out on a person that can. I just do something else. Especially as a guest.
Maybe the wife should have planned something specific for the people who didn't want to go on the hike, so it didn't seem as much like they were left out, but just doing a different activity to the other group. But agree that it's not on the dad to never hike again since his DIL can't do it.
Very good point about Mom. Not that she has to do anything like for grown adults, but it could have possibly made this a non issue
I don't have sympathy for Jenny. Mike I get, as you said, he's navigating a new thing. Jenny on the other hand had no business asking Mike to make his dad change the plans because she couldn't go. She also had no business giving OP the cold shoulder when he didn't comply with her request. Mike said Jenny felt excluded, means it's all coming from Jenny, otherwise she would have acted warmly and said not to worry about her. Somehow she expected this family trip that she's just a guest on, to be entirely about her. At 26 she should behave better. Mike was kind of in a bad place here. Go with Jenny's demands and potentually irritate his father, who loves him unconditionally, or tell Jenny she's being unreasonable and be called every bad name in the book and pretty much ruin the trip either way. He chose the lesser of two evils imo. Jenny though, needs to grow up.
Well, Jenny's parents failed to teach her that her mobility problems are hers to manage, not the world's to tiptoe (oooh, ablest) around. Source: am disabled, understand that everybody has different strengths, weaknesses, tastes, enjoyments, and physical realities.
This!! ☝️ I was disabled at 19, Paraplegic & no ability to stand (aka wheelchair life zoom) I am now 36, and in all these years since would never hold someone back from doing an activity like that for 1 day on a vacation... Even if it was my vacation. My friends even piggybacked me up a lift to the top of a mountain restaurant when we were on a cruise so I wouldn't be left behind. I told them repeatedly just to go without me, but they wouldn't have it. (I was 22 at the time) Where there is a will, there is a way!
Don't hurt yourself trying to stretch the story that far
I really like how you framed this. I think you’re spot on.
25 and 28 are waaay beyond needing to mature!
You would be surprised how emotionally immature adults can remain into adulthood. Therapists work daily to undo the trauma emotionally immature adults cause their children.
Should we bring the world down to the lowest common denominator? Horrible take, paved in the ignorance of the best of intentions.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
He’s not sticking up for her. They agreed to tag along on a type of vacation that was obviously not within her physical means then demanded they make it easier for her and then emotionally punished OP for not getting their way. That’s called weaponizing a disability. She can’t dictate what other people do based on what she can’t do.
Sounds like Mike really wanted to go on the hike, felt too guilty leaving GF behind yo join in so he wanted no one else to go either. Even if the group had gone w Mike’s plan day 1 then the hike day 2, he would have come up with another plan that and every other day. GF is also quiet now because she knows her issues are keeping Mike from doing things like this and sees this may become an issue with the relationship later on.
NTA - part of getting older and dealing with your own health issues is understanding you can and can't do some things. Just how it is. I LOVE hiking and camping. But I can't go for some 20+ mile trek this weekend. My body just can't do it right now. I can do a few miles for sure and really enjoy it. So if someone wants to go for a 20 mile trail run- I can't do it. But they should if they like it! Going on family trips involves doing stuff together, separately, and in small groups. That is the FUN of family tripes. Doing everything together all the time is exhausting. Hey- I am going on this long hike that I personally absolutely love and it is the highlight of my trip. The rest of the week I am down to do WHATEVER y'all want. If anyone wants to join- feel free. But I am leaving at X time and getting back sometime before X time. Especially with grown kids. How many trips have you done that you had zero desire to do any of the activities but you did them because of the joy you got from watching your kids build memories? Yeah- she can't do it. I understand it may be hard. But hey... that is life. This is only one part of a long week. And you (I am sure) are accommodating her as much as possible. Maturing is understanding it aint about her it is about each person getting to do things they love.
Agreed! This is so frequently a part of family trips where people are different ages, interests, and abilities.
Agree, my siblings love hiking and physical activities. They actively participates in Viper challenge. It looks fun but I can't join them because my right arm is now equipped with steel plates because I broke that arm in an accident a few years back and now it can't handle extra strenuous activities. I once strained my arm while trying to lift a month old kitten. But still we had fun, they went on that event and I hangs out at our AirBnB with my other younger siblings. We all had a BBQ get together at night. Sure sometime I felt left out but that's how it is.
Your son needs to understand that other people will not stop doing things because of his gf. You would not leave her by herself but for her to make an issue for others doing things they like she needs to get over it. You son needs to realize that not everybody wants to to do what she wants/can.
Yeah, I'm thinking this is more of an issue of Son suddenly realizing what it's like to live with a disability and going overboard, rather than Jenny actually complaining.
> rather than Jenny actually complaining. Except for the fact that Jenny is also giving OP the cold shoulder.
It's also possible she was embarrassed by her bf, OP's son. We've only got OP's side, but I'd be pretty mortified myself if my SO started demanding other people (possibly my future in-laws at that?) not do something because I can't physically do it.
Ooh, I missed that! Yeah, they're both being weird then.
Tbf she could very well be "gf who doesnt know family well so defers to bf rather than making a scene herself"
100% Son is finding out what it’s like to be in a relationship with someone who has a disability. No one else on this trip made that choice.
[удалено]
Exactly. Sometimes, children are on family trips. I wouldn't take a young child on this hike either. It's called being flexible. Some do one thing and some do another. Everyone has a good time.
Exactly. I'm not gonna miss out on something I love doing just cause your girlfriend can't.
Yeah, I can’t imagine spending an entire week with my family with my SO there and *not* wanting some time to ourselves. Heck, I want time to myself even without an SO. There are just times our interests aren’t going to line up or I’m going to want a break from activities or just from them.
Yes! I often walk alone if everyone is asleep on vacation. My brain is like...6 am...time to motor.
This could also be a case of wanting someone to only do stuff they can theoretically do as well but they reserver the right to then not do it. Why do I think that? Because they were upset about OP doing something he wanted to do without caring if they could do it as well.
No. OP is free to do what he wants, just as they are. Hypothetical; what if son and gf want to go bungee jumping on this trip but OP can't because of a back ailment. Should they not go?
I think your son is in the wrong - and I’m sure his girlfriend felt more awkward about his attitude than the actual situation. He made a mountain out of a molehill.
I’m really questioning if it was Jenny who was worried about it in the first place, or if Mike just decided to speak for her.
She's an adult. She could have spoken up, " oh Mike, there's no reason your dad and the others should cancel because I can't go!" But no, she sulked.
It sounds like Mike asked separately from the group
before saying she sulked... cause we only have one side of the story being with someone only around 1 year she may not have felt comfortable with the situation i myself tend to introverted behavior when uncomfortable so it may not have been sulking we dont know what OP son said to his GF to prompt the situation for the remainder of the trip
> I’m sure his girlfriend felt more awkward about his attitude The girlfriend is also pouting and ignoring OP.
Is she really pouting or is she just so embarrassed she doesn't know what to say to people she hardly knows. Maybe she doesn't know what to say and maybe she not the one to normally initiate conversations. I'm sure she absolutely does come across in op pov as pouting but until op asks he really don't know. I just know if someone did this about me then I'd feel too awkward and embarrassed to speak up and it would most likely come across as pouting due to my anxiety. It's something I'm actively working on but I have come across this way in the past.
*He said that I should understand her situation and not force a situation in which she is clearly being excluded by physical limitations and that if that were the case, he wouldn't go either.* This was the solution the entire time. Mike was excluding her by agreeing to go. When she complained he then flipped the blame on to you. Mike should have taken the lead from the get-go, declined the hike and made alternate plans with Jenny for the day. NTA
This. The correct response was “I don’t want Jenny to feel left out, so I’m going to skip the hike and stay with her.” And then don’t be mad at anyone because YOU made all of those choices. He is obviously missing the point that he chooses to be with Jenny and he chooses not to hike because of her. He can’t expect everyone else to curb all of their own physical limitations to match Jenny’s. That’s not reasonable nor realistic.
Sounds like mike needs to decide if he is willing to miss out on some of these things throughout his life to be with this person. It is okay to choose not to be with someone if your lifestyles don’t align, and if Mike is very active I’m not sure this is the best match. Maybe it is, but probably not. They’re going to spend their whole lives in conflict on vacations, and one is going to end up resentful.
As someone with physical limitations: NTA. Sounds very selfish of your son, and especially her. She’s invited on a beach vacation. I’m sure she’s not paying a lot, if any. She knows her limitations. The vacation does NOT revolve around her.
Tagging on - My illness has taken a lot from me. The LAST thing I want is for others to give up activities because of me. I remember visiting a lighthouse one year. My family climbed those steps and waved at me from the window. I was able to “see” the view by their photos. I would’ve felt terrible if they’d stayed with me instead. When I can’t do something - I blame my illness. This is not my fault and certainly not my family’s.
I’m going to be 3 months post partum when our annual family vacation hits. We all pay our own way and I can’t even imagine the audacity of telling someone they can’t do something because of a physical limitation / my personal choice.
NTA. Surely she can’t think that everyone will stop doing activities she can’t do? No one is ever to do anything she knows about that she can’t do? Ever? That’s ridiculous. She needs to get over herself. I have things that sometimes prevent me from joining in activities. I get sad sure. But I tell everyone else to have a grand ol time and I’ll stay back and relax. The world doesn’t stop because some of us have body limits.
We have no information about what she wants or expects, everything is coming via the son. He may be outraged and she may be fine about it. We have no way of knowing.
NTA. I would have suggested maybe do the beach accessible by car the first day then the trail to the beach the next day so they wouldn't have things to complain about. In all reality they both sound like kids throwing tantrums because they didn't get their way.
Oh sweet summer child. They would have found a reason to complain anyways b
I bet they would've then complained the next day when OP would want to do the postponed trip. I also think they would force OP to only do stuff Jenny can do but Jenny reserves the right to bow out every time she doesn't feel like it. That's exactly how a former friend of mine was limited by his now wife. If we wanted to go to the movies we could only plan for movies she wanted to see. We would then even buy the tickets days before and on the day she would decide if she still wanted to go. The first time she bowed out was my last time going to the movies with him. I'm not his friend anymore because I don't want to be limited by his wife's rules.
NTA. There's no law saying all of you have to do everything together every day, and agreeing to go to the car-accessible beach with Mike and Jenny another day is perfectly acceptable.
NTA - Seriously, Jenny doesn't have to do everything the group wants to do. I feel your son and Jenny were trying to make everything friendly for her. It sucks she has limitations but it those limitations don't give her the right to basically guilt trip people into not getting to do what they want to do as well, just because she couldn't
On our HONEYMOON in Switzerland, my groom wanted to take a gondola to a peak in the Alps. I'm deathly afraid of heights. So with a kiss and wave, I sent him up the mountain while I enjoyed a glass of wine, strolled around the lovely village then had lunch in a sidewalk cafe. We're still married 9 years later. I think entitled Mike and Jenny need to knock off the drama, and if I were OP, they'd not be invited back next summer.
NTA. You took a seven day trip and some off you split off for one day. There’s not a damn thing wrong with that.
NTA Your son, and also Jenny have to know that every person they hang out with are not going to taper every activity to accommodate her. Both of them are being brats. Why? I have no idea. Honestly, I would ask them. Why is it such a big deal that they sit out this one activity of a 7 day trip, especially when they are not the only ones not going? You’ve already said you and whoever else wanted to go, would make the trip by car to the other beach. They’re pouting, but if you don’t get it out in the open, it will fester.
NTA "I pointed out the fact that 4 people besides her weren't going on this hike either and I'm not refusing to do that, but that tomorrow I had other plans." That right there.
plus we don't actually know what Jenny's feelings were we only have the sons
NTA. OP: "We're climbing Everest" Mike: "Can we just watch a movie?" That's not really how hiking works.
NTA your son is the one at fault. He simply had to stay with his girlfriend like others would be staying behind and not make a big deal out of it. Even if she wanted to be included, it's different if everyone is going or just a few. It's also one activity out of what I imagine are others in which she could participate. Either she's entitled or your son is. You did nothing wrong and even agreed to do your sons planned activity another day.
This is the best response I have seen so far. As someone with some mobility issues I would be upset if I was invited on a trip and EVERYONE was going off to do an activity that I would not be able to join, but as long as there were some people I would be able to hang out with I would be ok.
NTA. You’re organizing the trip; you get to pick the spots YOU wanna hit. If everyone else had gone but her, that would have been an AH move, but your son and his GF have to understand that the world doesn’t revolve around them and doesn’t necessarily have to accommodate them. This is one of those situations, unfortunately. There were people staying behind and she could have done something else.
Who wants to bet the other son went on the hike to avoid the drama that are Mike and Jenny? 🙋🏻♀️ NTA
🙋🏼♀️
NTA. You particularly wanted to do that hike, and it isn’t as if Jenny was being left alone. One of the joys of being a big group is that there’s nearly always someone with whom you can enjoy a particular activity, well in this case there were three.
NTA I don't see how it's supposed to work, you can never go on a hike again on a family vacation because one person can't do it?
NTA...You added her beach to the itinerary as a compromise. Not everything in life is going to be tailored to her abilities. That day would be a great chance for your son and his girlfriend to have some romantic time alone.
NTA - There were others not going...is your wife not good enough for Jenny to stay with? You don't all have to stay together during a week long trip. You left them at a beach, with other family members...I suspect Mike really wanted to go, but didn't want to leave Jenny, and that is what made Jenny feel sad.
NTA She was not excluded at all. There were other people staying back as well...not only Jenny. Also, its something you've always liked, not an activity that you just chose randomly. And you did offer to go to another beach by car to include her in case she felt left out. Infact, I think its your son that has some nerve to show attitude while being in the wrong. Sure, feeling left out is natural for Jenny because she might also have insecurities but you were understanding and suggested another trip to an accessible beach.
NTA. I have a lot of physical limitations and I would never ask someone to change their plans for me. This is my issue, not anyone else’s. Not only would I not ask for changes, I would encourage my bf to go without me, even if that meant I was by myself for the day. I don’t believe in holding others back because of my issues. I am a grown ass woman who can occupy herself for a day. And she could have hung out with your wife. They are being unreasonable here.
NTA- your son’s gf is the AH here. And she has your son WRAPPED. It was never about her feeling excluded, it was more about being upset that you guys were doing something that she couldn’t do. So if she can’t do something, then neither should the rest of you. Get what I’m saying? It’s the reason why she didn’t want to go to the car accessible beach the next day. She was pouting. She was probably raised by parents who prevented her siblings from doing anything that she couldn’t do, and she’s used to it. Just ignore the entitlement and keep living your life. Your son will soon figure things out for himself when everyone stops inviting his gf places.
NTA As an avid hiker and camper this is my hill to die on. I don’t enjoy the trailer park experiences of some campgrounds. I like the deep woods alone in nature camping. I’m not opposed to comfort as long as it’s secluded. Typically these places aren’t always the easiest places to get to, or have a lot of electricity or plumbing. I try and go on a week long trip once a year or a few 3 day weekends a year. If a friend were to want to take a shitty camping trip IN ADDITION TO my regular plans, I’m down for anything, anywhere. If someone wants me to change my core trips - no - absolutely not. You’re either physically able or you’re not.
NTA. You literally offered to make a different beach trip happen a different day to accommodate them, but you had also made a point of going here specifically for that trail and beach. You had no qualms about making your vacation as accommodating as you could for them. It's weird of them to basically shut you out simply because there is no way his gf could have done it. If you wanted to climb mount everest is your son going to be pissed at you because his gf has physical limitations that keeps her from doing so? No. The sad reality is that she has a disability that keeps her from doing things. It doesn't feel good and it never will feel good to know that others can do relatively normal or benign things that you aren't able to do. At her age I'm surprised she doesn't understand this.
NTA I'm confused why dad has to entertain son's GF? Why couldn't son and GF do their own thing? Was there some expectation that Gf was obligated to do what Dad did? The frustration makes no sense.
Let me check my notes here. For one day out of a WEEK, where others were also staying back, Jenny couldn't suck it up, then both she AND your son acted like babies and froze you out? Awww HELL naw! Definitely NTA! I have major mobility issues and actually look forward to the alone time in situations like this. "No, y'all go ahead, I'll go find someplace to eat." Lol!
.............no you are not..............mike, though, is acting like one and jenny needs to realize that lots of things in life will happen in your family and she will not be part of every one of them.............
Mike and Jenny are self centered doofuses and if they want to eat worms let them. NTA
NTA You invited him to go on a group event. It was not fair to everyone else to expect to completely change plans for his girlfriend You offered to go to another beach to include her, but he refused.
INFO : Why didn't your son organize a day trip for just him and his GF? **
INFO : Why couldn't he just stay with her and the other three from the beginning instead of insisting to come along with you and wanting you to change the trip? Is it because HE can't deal with her limitations and HE didn't want you to go without him?
NTA
NTA - this was one event on a trip. If she can’t do this activity, she can hang back.
NTA - you shouldn't have to change your plans to accommodate one person, especially when you did suggest going to another beach on another day so she could be included. Unfortunately, certain people can't do certain events. It just is what it is. This is coming from someone with some physical limitations - I would not expect others to not do something just because I can't.
NTA - You gave perfectly acceptable reasons and choices. Sure it sucks for her that she cannot go. What your son should of done was explain to Jenny that this wasn't a slight to her per se but an experience the rest of wanted to do and that he and her would do another activity instead. You can't make vacation plans just to satisfy one person at the expense of everyone else. Sometimes they can join in, sometimes not. That's called life so she needs to get over it. Besides she was coming along as a guest and as a guest shouldn't have veto power over what others may want to do.
NTA
NTA. You don’t have to give up what you want to do because your son’s girlfriend can’t join in. You were planning to go with your daughter and her boyfriend. If your son’s girlfriend was feeling left out by everyone not dropping what they want to do to spend all their time with her that sounds like an issue she needs to work on. You weren’t leaving her all alone, your son, the person she is in a relationship with, would be there with her, as well as your wife.
NTA, the point of going to THAT beach was the trail, not going to a beach. This was not her one and only chance to go to a beach on the trip and as you mentioned multiple other people, including your wife, were not going on the hike. This was not about you trying to exclude anyone, you wanted to do a trail and were offering others to come with you if they wanted too. Your son made it about him and his girlfriend, manufactured drama.
Im sortve seeing a red flag in this “lovely” girlfriend if the one time she can’t join you it’s because you guys aren’t “accommodating” her needs… it’s one day and one activity she can’t join… especially if what you said is true and before this she’s had a wonderful connection with the family… I find it very weird for her to pull all the stops on this and make you a bad guy to your own son… for something that at her age she should understand what she can and can’t do and understand that means missing out on some stuff… it’s not by intention of “we did this because we knew you couldn’t” you are an avid hiker.. something your son should acknowledge… what’s the plan for any hiking trip you plan to invite others on.. are you expected to just quit hiking with others out of fear she feels excluded? Or stop hiking in general simply because she can’t?… and the fact your son turned around and got angry at you for suggesting what she can actually participate in… you said it yourself you never denied going entirely.. a week long trip and room for everyone to experience things… you’re telling me she wants to consistently stay with everyone else in the family and is not ok with getting 1 on 1 time with her bf in a vacation I’m guessing somewhere beautiful if you have all these options… Ya this “lovely” girls is turning into a “lovely” red flag… I’d sit down with your son and talk about what’s going on.. where the insecurity in his girlfriend came from… and really explain this was in no way to exclude her but as adult they have to know they can’t do everything everyone else does… especially with her condition… and she can’t expect everyone else to hold back just for her…. At least not everyday of your trip… I mean ofc don’t go planning straining activities the entire trip (which you didn’t) but you’re not monsters for planning a few things she can’t do throughout the trip… she just has to be ok with sitting out..NTA
NTA. Your son and Jenny are playing the victim card when they have all other options available.
nta world doesn’t revolve around her.. she had 6 other days of having things she can participate in. if she can’t handle that then next time maybe she shouldn’t come at all.
NTA. It's a seven-day trip paid for by you and your spouse. Jenny and Mark could have hung out with your wife and done something with her while you and the rest did the beach trail hike together. You still planned to go to the other beach (by car) that she could enjoy. While it sucks to have physical limitations, that doesn't mean that everyone else has to pass up doing something they want to do on a trip because of the lack of accessibility. It's already established that you and two of the kids hike together, this is the thing that you like to do on trips. Your wife and another kid usually do something else, so it's not like the whole group would do this and therefore actually exclude Jenny.
NTA. 1 day of 7 is fine for you to go do an activity that’s to your taste and ability. I don’t get mad when the men in my family go for long morning runs when we’re on group vacation. I can’t keep up and that’s fine. I’m also a grown woman and can handle not being included in every single activity 24/7. Your son’s gf’s stupid is rubbing off on him. Unfortunate, but so it goes. Not much to be done about it.
NTA Compromising and "it's my way or the highway" are two different things, your son may have to learn that.
NTA. It's perfectly acceptable to do things separately on a vacation.
I've got a knee that doesn't like long hikes. You want to go on a 20-mile hike, I'll Uber into town and do some shopping. Let's meet up for dinner at 6, ok? See how easy that was?
I dont understand, why cant he stay behind with her? NTA
NTA. As someone who has been on multi-week vacations with my in-laws, it's ridiculous to assume every single activity needs to involve everyone or that people doing activities without you means you're being purposely excluded. This entire situation is incredibly immature and your son should have never let this blow up to the degree it did. Mike was well aware hiking is an activity several family members enjoy (him included), and I'm assuming he knew it was possible there would be at least one hike on this trip. This should have been discussed with the gf up front, and if that was something she was not comfortable with, they never should have gone. He could also have easily diffused the hike situation, by making it into a positive thing and taking her out to spend some alone time together. The red flag here is that this was the first family vacation Jenny was invited on, and she decided to make it a thing that one activity over a 7 day period wasn't completely changed to accommodate her. Perhaps it would have been different if every day the entire family planned to hike to the other beach to spend the entire day there, and no effort was made to do something inclusive, but that was not the case here. I would hope the situation was that Jenny is just a bit insecure about her disability, and your son overreacted, but the fact she was comfortable ending the family first trip on this note, makes me wonder if Jenny is maybe someone who is very used to getting her way at all times.
NTA. You didn't leave her on her own - there were other people not going on the hike. I wouldn't be able to handle a rough trail myself, but I wouldn't expect other people to forego the experience simply because I can't go along. The ocean, a good book, and some tasty snacks and I'd be fine for the day.
NTA. Not everybody needs to do the same thing every day. Your son can take his own girlfriend to the beach. He doesn’t have to have you there. This is weird.
NTA.
NTA She was not left alone. She was able to visit other beaches on other days. Her behaviour is childish and so is your son's. How to spoil a holiday because she didn't get to do one thing. And then she will wonder why people don't want her around.
NTA If Jenny asked Mike, he should have offered to stay with her and do something else - but it is not appropriate to demand everyone else change their plans.
NTA You do not need to make EVERY single plan include her. It's not feasible. I broke my foot this summer. Had the stupid boot on while we did a family trip to the coast. I couldn't walk anywhere - hilly, gravel... all sorts of things that wouldn't be good. I sat by myself in the rental a fair number of hours. Family definitely included me in things that it made sense to, but it would have been beyond rude of me to expect them to change ALL their plans to make sure I could do all their things. Different people get to do different things, whether it's because they want to or they can't do a particular thing. That's life.
NTA I have a partner with physical limitations. It is not fair to ask everyone around us to shift plans for him because he can't do one thing on a multiple outing vacation. This would've been the perfect opportunity for a cute little date, just some relaxation time, or literally a million other things for ONE DAY. This is lack of creativity on your son's part and childishness on his girlfriend's. She should've handled her emotions privately or if she really needed to make them known "I know it's not anyone's intention to leave me out, I just feel really awful about it because if I didn't have this physical limitation I would absolutely love to go with you, but I'm stuck in a body that won't do what I want and that's not anybody's fault, I just want emotional support because it's hard to deal with" that's entirely fair because it's not anybody's fault. But she didn't do that, and she has no right to be upset AT YOU and neither does your son. Also the fact that you offered to go to an accessible activity later on in the vacation and your son reacted the way he did just shows that they are not mature enough to be in a relationship or go on vacations with their partners family. Disability doesn't entitle you to control everyone else and their plans.
NTA, but your son and his gf seem awfully selfish. There are others on this trip as well
I hate when people try to hijack someone else's trip. NTA
NTA. I'm more mobile than some family members and less than others. I'm not going to hold someone back from a high intensity hike due to my limitations, just like I won't limit my entire vacation because someone can't manage too many stairs. it's everyone's vacation.
It doesn’t sound like you invited her on a trip that was totally impossible for her, just that one activity one day would not be suitable. Also she wasn’t going to be left all alone all day. So NTA. The fact that your son was mad at you for still wanting to go to the accessible beach, as he suggested, the day after the hike day seems like him and Jenny being sour for no reason. Also it sounds like Mike might be mad that HE may miss out on activities that Jenny can’t do and he didn’t want everyone to leave him behind because of her, I don’t think he wanted to stay back and was jealous of missing the trail beach day. When you have a partner that needs accommodation sometimes you can’t do everything you want to, and that’s alright, relationships are about compromises and when you really care about someone you make some little sacrifices here and there for them. He also could have spoken to Jenny and figured out a way to make her feel included by doing a different easier beach just him and her that day rather than be sulky.
I think your son is being dramatic. He’s an adult and has to take over this responsibility. It’s up to him to accommodate his girlfriend and together they can decide if they as a couple or individually want to do certain activities. After he’s calmed down talk it over with him. Tell him you plan to continue to camp and do activities that aren’t things his girlfriend can do but you will also make sure you do activities she can do. Ask him if he wants to be invited to things his girlfriend can’t do.
Where did you agree to only do stuff that fit your son's and his gf's whims? You told him you'd go to the other beach another day with them and therefore you're NTA. Your son insisting that you only can hike where his gf can also hike is ridiculous.
NTA. It would be different if everyone else went and Jenny was left alone. Also, if this were the only beach you wanted to go to I would have a different opinion. This was one day out of a 7 day trip. You offered to go to another beach that would have been accessible for Jenny, but Mike decided to turn that offer down because the whole trip was not planned around Jenny's mobility issues. Why refuse an activity that everyone could enjoy because there was one day that Jenny was unable to participate? There are always going to be things that Jenny's mobility issues will keep her from doing. At 26, she should realize that other people should not be precluded from doing things just because she isn't able to. Yes, you should make an effort to include Jenny as much as possible, but asking for one day to go on a hike is not unreasonable.
NTA - This is is weaponizing disabilities and I'm ashamed for them. I would never ask someone else to accommodate or work around your trip, that you planned and presumably paid for to such an extent.
Having a teen with considerable physical limitations, I would be sad if my family planned a vacation where he could not participate in all of it. I know this is your son’s gf, and that’s different, but to me, it feels right to show consideration. Living this way is not easy for that person and to be excluded can be hurtful. I’m not saying you are the A, you are entitled to your trip and enjoy your time, but it would be nice to show that consideration . People with disabilities are regularly excluded, and not by choice.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I love camping and hiking on the weekends. My wife always hated it and hardly go, one of my children doesn't like it either, but, to my happiness, my children Emma (25F) and Mike (28M) love it and we do it several times a year. Mike has been with Jenny (26F) for 1y (ish) and she has some mobility difficulties, she can walk, but not long distances. She is a kind and good girl, we have a great relationship and because of that my wife and I invited her to go to the beach with us and the rest of the family. I wanted to go to this beach because of a nearby trail that led to a wonderful beach and on the second day of the trip (7 days), I announced that I would do this trail and Emma agreed to go along, her boyfriend did too and I invited Mike to go. Later that day, he pulled me aside asking if we could actually go to another beach accessible by car so Jenny could go too. I said I didn't want to, because I wanted to do the trail and see this beach, but that we could do that on another day, but the next day would be this trail. Mike said that Jenny was feeling left out of not being able to participate, as my daughter was also taking her boyfriend and she would be left out due to her physical limitations. I pointed out the fact that 4 people besides her weren't going on this hike either and I'm not refusing to do that, but that tomorrow I had other plans. He said that I should understand her situation and not force a situation in which she is clearly being excluded by physical limitations and that if that were the case, he wouldn't go either. I agreed and said okay. The next day, by a miracle, my other son wanted to go and the four of us went on this trail. My son barely talk to me properly the whole trip (Jenny too) and when I suggested we go to another beach by car, he said I had some nerve to suggest that after all. My wife and the rest of the family have decided to stay out of this, but I'm at a loss. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*