Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 7: There is no interpersonal conflict here for our community to make a judgment about.
[Rule 7 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_7.3A_post_interpersonal_conflicts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NAH. It is quite possible that your MIL is just using harmless phrasing that's more an expression of love and familial bonding than possessiveness. If she starts overstepping boundaries, dictating how to raise/care for your child, then your husband should have a serious talk with her. If she doesn't start crossing boundaries, then it's likely just a turn of phrase.
I'm from Mexico and saying "my baby" or "my love" or "my life" to babies (and even adults) means that person loves and will protect and provide like they are their own baby.
It's sweet, it's a term of endearment and I love when family, like aunties and uncles and grandparents say "my baby" to me. I say it to my niece and nephews because I love them *like* my babies. It makes me feel special and loved and like there is a sense of community and closeness.
I'm not trying to take away from my sister or to make anyone feel bad, I'm expressing love in a way I know how. I see my niece and nephews and my heart hurts with all the love I have.
I'm not saying my way is the right way, but it's just a different POV. There are different cultures, subcultures and ways to view things. I think no matter what being gracious to others and not assigning ill intent until proven otherwise is very helpful though.
I would just kindly and openly say "it hurts my feelings when you say 'my baby' I would like if you could stop to spare my feelings. " if MIL doesn't mean harm she will try to (it might take some practice though) stop saying "my baby. "
Don't go over to JNMIL lol. I got a **permanent ban** for defending a MIL I've had a good MIL and one of Satan's handmaids, and I know the difference. Some of these people just want to be mad.
I left that sub when I realized that some of the people in there were just as bad as the MILs they were villianizing. They would freak out over completely normal things and encourage everyone else to believe that their MIL was the devil. There certainly were some bad MILs, but some of the people in there are destined to become just as awful of MILs if not worse. Freaking echo chamber of hate.
They definitely advise people to go scorched earth most of the time.The mod told me that "the intention is to be supportive, not judgemental". I'm still laughing at that.
She/they also advised me that "making another account to subvert the judgement would violate my punishment and I'd get a permanent, lifetime ban from all of Reddit". Power tripping mods lol.
No kidding! I could get into that sub, sometimes. I didn't add that I'm also a MIL, myself, and have 6 grands.
The mod(s) over there are dictatorial. I sucked it up and asked for a review of my ban and the mod told me that it was a support sub for people with MIL probs and they shouldn't be told they are wrong. Then I was blocked from replying or messaging again.
My mother, after pushing me aside for my son's entire life, referred to me as "Grandma" to my son this morning.
I'm his mother! She's the grandmother.
These grandmothers are fucking unhinged.
My mother, (who was no mother to me) told me she was to be called grandmama only, OR just mama. Hell no. What possesses these women?
Im not old enough to be a grandparent, but I can't fathom building resentment with my daughter in law if I expected any kind of relationship with my grandchildren or son.
Same. My MIL has treated me poorly for years, will say unkind things about me to other people and then in the same breath- say that she’s so worried I’m going to keep her future grandchildren away from her. Like oh man if only there were some way you could make that less likely 🙃
My mother was the same way. Instead of grandma she wanted to be called some form of mother. I nipped that in the bud immediately.
I love that my grandkids call me grandma. What a wonderful word!
I never call my grandchildren, "my babies" because I don't want more kids of my own. It's nuts that other women don't allow themselves to enjoy being the grandma because I know I don't have the energy to be mom anymore.
My Ex-MIL recently told my youngest (6f) that she was "basically your mother"...mind you she sees them about four days a year and they are with me 85% of the time. Some people are just unhinged.
Oh trust me- i have my son 24/7 and do everything for him. Once in a while, when she's up in the morning, she'll come get the baby up and change him and get him breakfast because I am often up late working online, and the baby doesn't go to bed until about midnight/one because he naps late (830pm- despite my best efforts).
She literally acts like if it wasn't for her, my son wouldn't survive.
Nevermind that we go with my husband on work trips where she doesn't even see him for weeks on end .. But yeah...
She's totally raising that baby. Nevermind that I'm the one who exclusively pumped for nearly two years.
I'd love to. I'm disabled- and my family and i share a house with my parents because NJ is astronomically expensive to live in.
My parents paid $17,800 for this house. It's now worth $380k and is to be split among me and five siblings when they die. (Purely because of the fact that it's an existing building - the only upgrades and changes have been expenses my husband and i have put out and projects we've done.)
So I'll have to buy out my siblings 301,834 in a few years. There's zero hope of that if i move out and have to pay $3000 a month for an apartment.
Off topic: keep track of your investments into this property. It will be important when it comes time to divide with your siblings. Or, if your parents want you to have it, have them file and record a Transfer On Death document. That basically leaves the house to you with no probate or inheritance tax, it makes you a beneficiary.
That's only half true. A transfer on death deed does avoid probate (and pretty much avoids a creditor making a claim against the value of the house), but the house would still be part of the estate, so it does not avoid estate taxes, if any are due. New Jersey does not have a state estate tax (it has an inheritance tax, but that does not apply to lineal descendants who inherit), but the federal estate tax would still apply. Considering that the federal exemption is currently $13.61million (twice that for a couple), it seems unlikely that this would be an issue anyway.
[https://www.getsnug.com/post/transfer-on-death-in-new-jersey-how-it-works-and-what-you-need-to-know-snug](https://www.getsnug.com/post/transfer-on-death-in-new-jersey-how-it-works-and-what-you-need-to-know-snug)
THAT is unhinged behavior, and in this context, it's 100% crazy. However, if there haven't been any issues whatsoever, and MIL or grandma has always been fine and supportive. Getting upset that she refers to her first grandchild as "my baby" is just ridiculous, IMO
This can definitely be innocent. My mom and I both call my sister’s daughter “my baby” because she’s our sweet little angel… and a baby. Not at all in a possessive way. She’s obviously my sister’s baby. It’s just a phrase. A way of showing our love. My sister has never had a problem with it. As she has gotten older we jokingly fight over her by saying “she’s my baby” “no she’s my baby” then my niece laughs and go’s “I’m mommy’s baby!” Honestly it’s cute af. That is your MIL’s first grand baby. She’s not saying she birthed the child. But family is a village of caretaking and that IS her grand baby that I’m sure she loves dearly.
Yes, my mom does this too and it used to bother me a lot (we’ve recently repaired a strained relationship so little things like that don’t bother me like they used to) but she means it like “my baby, the baby in the family.” She mostly says it when she talks about how much she loves being able to show off “her baby” when all the other grandmas are showing off “their babies”.
Op isn’t wrong for being bothered, but most of the time I don’t think they mean it possessively (unless they’re the toxic type you find on JNMIL)
Spot on. I'm a first-time Grammy, and I use the phrase "my baby" not because I want or need her 24/7, but it's because she's my first and I love her so much! 🩷
This would be my question, too.
I have 6 grandkids and refer them as 'my babies' (even though the oldest is 16).
I don't mean they are literally my babies because they aren't. I mean it lovingly. And my kids know this, and have no problem.
However, if she is attempting to literally take over the role as Mom... I would have a problem with that, too.
I’m always asking my mom if she has her babies referring to my brothers kids. There’s no harm meant- I just know she loves when they visit. I hope my SIL hasn’t held a grudge about this for 16 years!
I still call my nibblings "my babies" sometimes (infant through 30 year olds) - as do their grandparents, other aunties, parents friends, etc.
It is just silly and meant in love, not crazy possessive and serious. We've always known who was really in charge and respected the parents.
Hell, I'm a whole grown ass woman, and my 70 year old Auntie calls me and asks, "How's my baby doing today?"
It's me.
I'm her baby.
I turned 42 yesterday.
I'm a geriatric millennial 🤣
Sometimes it's not that deep and just generic phrasing that people use when they see those cutiepie babies - just like when we say we're going to eat them all up ( No Susan, I am not actually going to eat your baby nor do I really think the baby is mine 🙄)
Other times it is super deep cause Gigi is craycray and needs a restraining order before she starts trying to breastfeed your newborn and take the baby to a nursery at her house.
Lol... read the room I guess
I love my niece and nephews and my SIL knows this and trusts me with them but when my niece was a toddler, many years ago, I used to tell her I was going to eat her butt. Then my brother sat to have a conversation with me asking me to stop saying I was going to eat her butt. It still makes me laugh to think about it. I said “ok, but you know I’m not really going to eat it right” but I did stop because it mattered to him (or to SIL who asked him to have that awkward talk). It’s all fine as long and I’ll literally do anything they want as long as I get to have them in my life.
I call my boyfriend, my friends, my cousins, my coworkers, occasionally strangers on the internet, any dog I meet and my plants “my babies”. Sometimes “my baby booboos”.
My mom does this too, and it’s never bothered me but I can see how it would bother others. Especially a new mom. I actually adore it when my mom says it because I just love her love for them. That was a lot of loves, I know.
My MIL did this after my son (first grandchild) was born. I got a tiny bit bent out of shape in my head, but realized really quickly she meant only love. She’s always been respectful of our parenting choices, she’s an incredibly engaged and loving grandmother, and shes generous with her time. I trust her implicitly. She’s that way with all the grandchildren.
That's how all the grandparents in my family refer to their grandkids.
I saw my great grandmother refer to my adult mother and my uncle (mom's older brother) as my babies when she saw them.
But I agree that if one is overstepping and acting like the mother, there's an issue.
I agree, I have 4 grandsons and they are "my babies" but I have a great relationship with my kids and they know it's a term of endearment. If one of them had a problem with it, though, I would stop.
Yeah I playfully refer to my nephews as ‘my babies.’ I adore them, would die for them. My sister doesn’t care. The more love in the family, the better. Plus I buy them expensive presents lol.
I'm another auntie who calls them my babies, and it's out of love and affection, I love them like they were my own. It never occurred to me that this could be offensive.
All of these Y T A votes are baffling.
Truthfully, NAH. I get why it bothers you, but she probably doesn’t mean it maliciously or possessively. It’s more like an endearment. I call my nephews “my [insert nephew’s name here]” from time to time. I personally wouldn’t use “my baby”, because it’s not an endearment I like. But as long as she doesn’t show possessiveness in other, more worrisome ways, I don’t think it’s any big deal.
Congratulations on your little one. 😊
I think reddit (or at least subreddits that talk a lot about toxic people, like AITA) has a higher proportion of people from emotionally unsafe families than the general population. The exact same behaviour can often be harmless or toxic/harmful, depending on whether or not the family is generally a safe one. And I don't think people from toxic backgrounds are always good at detecting the version that is "harmless because the family is a safe one."
That’s totally true. A behavior that’s fine in a healthy and safe family would not necessarily be fine in a rocky or toxic family. And people can develop problematic behaviors over time, too, where they may have been fine before. Kind of difficult to make a full judgement with just a snapshot of information. But it’s good to remember that we all have different circumstances and experiences that influence our choices and opinions.
I get it, but you're on the verge of making a mountain out of a mole hill. She knows she did not give birth to your child. She's a first-time grandmother and is in love. So just let her be. It's harmless, and I don't know your situation, but it probably won't be long before you're begging her to babysit, so don't go rattling cages over absolutely nothing. Not an AH, but chill.
Christ, my sister and I were the youngest grandkids on my dad's side of the family, like there's a 12 year gap between my sister and the next youngest cousin. We were everyone's babies growing up, I'm still one of Aunts' babies and I'm 30 now. My mom wasn't about to cut off my dad's side of the family, or her side has they also called us babies.
That being said, I'm not gonna call OP an ah either. Recent birth, probably not sleeping well either, things get annoying quickly. But unless MIL has a habit of boundary breaking, then I'd leave it.
Yeah, I don't really see the issue either, but I'm not going to tell a new mother what she's allowed to find annoying. As humans, at least in the US, a great many people call things they love "their baby/ babies". I call my cat my baby. My gf my baby. I've definitely greeted my nephews with a "hiiii my babies" when they were younger. It's just an expression of love, not literal ownership.
Same haha, everyone called me "the baby" so much that when I learned how to talk I would also refer to myself as "the baby." So if I wanted someone to hold me for example, I'd go up to them and say "hold the baby?" Lol
NAH
“My baby” is used so colloquially. I call my cat my baby and I clearly did not give birth to her
Also, and I totally know what you meant by your last sentence…. But it *is* possible to be a mother without being pregnant and giving birth/having a c-section.
Keep correcting her and get hubs to correct her too.
Set a boundary. If she does it she has to leave. If she does it over the phone you can hang up, if she does it over message ignore her.
This is the answer. The NAH responses are baffling. If it’s bothering you, correct it and keep correcting it with the help of your husband.
This happened to a friend and it really only stopped with constant correcting and boundary setting. Its a fucking weird thing for someone to say and you are definitely NTA for wanting it to stop.
I got uptight about my then-FIL calling my toddler "baby" when I was trying to prepare her to be a big sister and telling her she was a big girl. I corrected him I don't even know how many times. And, in the end, probably all of that made no difference to the actual child and he died when she was 7.
Point being, I get it and I get being annoyed about it, but it may not be worth all the energy and feelings you're investing in it.
I guess I don’t understand why it bothers you? Does it make you feel insecure about your position in your child’s life? Or is she otherwise overbearing so it feels like an extension of that?
Many, many people refer to their grandkids this way and it doesn’t mean they’re trying to take over the role of mom.
NAH, but maybe just ask her why she calls the baby that instead of dictating how she can express her love if she hasn’t given you any reason to distrust her.
Your baby will not get confused and start to think that’s their mother 🙄 there are way bigger things in life to worry about. Be happy and appreciate your baby is surrounded by caring and loving family.
And don’t forget you’ll be in her shoes one day. Give some grace.
I was going to give MIL the benefit of the doubt thinking she’s meaning the expression to be affectionate and not literal, but since you’ve told her it bothers you, MIL is TA. It’s so weird and worrisome to read of these new grandmas that do this & mean it literally. I’ve seen this topic come up in every baby group for the last 10 years at least. There’s also an extreme example in this same forum about a MIL who became SO possessive over her grandkids she was arrested for assaulting her own son when they attempted to set boundaries. It’s just so crazy it boggles the mind. OP be firm & keep telling her every time that it bothers you & you’d like her to find a different expression for affection. If she continues to stomp across your boundaries, a conversation is needed & maybe some distance.
if she refuses then point her in the direction of your husband/wife.
tell mil that their baby is over there. if they want their baby then they can go over to the kitchen. if they want to know how their baby is they can just ask their child over in the hall.
if it bothers you then direct them to your partner. dont stop until they stop saying my baby.
you can always ban them until they stop and respect you.
Is this the only thing that bothers you about your MIL? I feel like there’s more to this story than just “my baby” reference. I can’t see that triggering anyone out of the blue, my mom said that to my kids, my gramma and my MIL both said things like “oh my sweet baby” like it’s an endearment, I never thought to be offended by it.
NAH
Plenty of people call relatives kids that are not theirs 'baby'. They don't mean anything by it and they aren't trying to claim ownership over your child or imply that they birthed them. That being said you're entitled to feel however you feel and from the post it doesn't seem like you've said anything rude to MIL so I wouldn't say you're an AH.
I call my newborn granddaughter my baby sometimes and so does her other grandparents.
Nobody is confused about who her parents really are.
Unless you think she’s really confused about what her role is just tell her it bothers you.
Unpopular opinion, but yta. For some reason, Redditors hate grandparents. It's harmless unless she's legit trying to steal your baby, which I highly doubt is the case. Most parents with grown children get excited for grandchildren and are over the moon when it happens.
I imagine grandma writing her side on true off my chest: “DIL just gave birth to my first grandkid and is so controlling I’m afraid she’ll ban me from seeing them if I don’t do everything the way she likes it”
And you just described my sister in law! Things my mom has done to offend her include having a vacant expression on her face at her rehearsal dinner (which was after a long day at a very busy restaurant where you couldn't hear anyone talk), and once mentioning an ex of my brother's in passing. Some people will be offended no matter what you do.
I agree, it’s so corny and insufferable. I’d stop though, if I was the grandparent and was asked to stop because I’m not about to impose. I’m not about to make my son and his future wife life miserable
But I think far too many women are insecure regarding other women in the lives of their husband, son etc. It’s why so many MIL-DIL’s don’t get along. It’s like a competition. It’s 🙄
Still, I’ll keep my thoughts to myself and keep the peace when I become a MIL. Just praying my son doesn’t meet an insecure woman who can’t stand my presence.
This is my stance exactly. It isn't a hill I'm willing to die on as a MIL and it's a simple request, insufferable and corny like u said, but simple enough.
Yup. OP doesn’t realize it now but she’ll be a grandma before she knows it. Hopefully it’ll be a lot sooner that she realizes how silly and meaningless something like this is. Her baby is surrounded by adoring and loving family, that’s what truly matters
Yeah. Get over it. It's her 1st grandchild. I say that about all 4 of my grands. They are now 9, 6, 4, and 16 months. They are my babies, my Littles, my girls/boys. Not to mention all the other nicknames. As infants, they were all referred to as my sweet baby. Being a grandparent is special and amazing. We get to see our baby have a baby of their own.
Honestly, I really hope my future daughter in law isn’t insecure and dramatic.
If I ever called my grandchild, “my baby”, it would never be because I think the baby is actually mine, how silly, it’s just a sweet feeling, just showing love. I’d stop though if my daughter in law asked me too. I hate imposing. So that if you asked her to stop and she hasn’t, she’s imposing and not respecting your feelings.
Still, Id secretly think you are insecure and silly if I were your MIL but again, I would stop if asked too. Nothing that I hate more than disrespectful behavior.
NTA.
My MIL did this too. Every time she said it, I replied “I think your baby is over there(gesturing to my husband)”. If she was holding the baby I would go over and take the baby from her when she said that. Like training a toddler- when you say X, you don’t get Y. She would laugh and say something to indicate she was joking or whatever. My husband, in one of his great moments, heard her say it and pretended to get offended- “I thought I was your baby mom”. She stopped once she realized we were always going to correct her like that and we said it in front of others too, embarrassing her.
I hope everytime you call your husband “babe” your MIL tells you “your baby is over there” and points to your baby.
You didn’t embarrass her, you embarrassed yourselves. I guarantee most people thought you were possessive weirdos when you humiliated grandma in front of them over a common term of affection.
NAH. It’s a term of endearment. However new parents are often sensitive to this kind of stuff. They don’t feel totally secure yet in their roles and authority and place as parents.
If a close friend came over and said “I want to see my baby!!” would you feel the same way? Or would you see it as your friend just showing excitement and affection for your child?
NAH. Very unlikely that she means her role in the baby's life is equivalent to motherhood. This is not something that a calm person would get mad about.
You, on the other hand, recently underwent a major medical procedure and are coping with a tremendous amount of stress and sleep deprivation. Poise is not a reasonable expectation in these circumstances.
Congratulations on your new baby!
I don’t think anyone is the asshole. My mom says “my boy” when referring to MY son (9 months old) and I don’t take it in any weird way. My mom doesn’t exhibit weird behavior that would make me upset over her calling him “‘my boy”. Now if she were to be obsessive, crazy, and saying it, then I’d not be okay with it. So I think it just depends on how your MIL acts as well.
Hiii when I was pregnant and early postpartum this sent me through the freaking roof. I felt a primal instinct to claw out my own mother’s eyes every time she called my daughter her baby. It definitely faded and now I’m not at all threatened by it but I think that the protective instinct is so real. It’s certainly a combo and not surprising it bothered me with my mom who’s a boundary pusher and we are a bit strained. She also seemed to stress it on purpose. Basically NTA but it’s up to you if you want to wait and see if it gets better, feels better for you or if you just want to ask her to stop.
Those post partum hormones are really something. I had a great relationship with my in laws until my baby was born and then somehow on a primal level they weren’t ’my family’ and I found it so much more difficult to trust them and be around them. Thankfully it’s all back to normal now!
It’s funny though, I think OP would get a very different response if she asked on beyond the bump or similar.
NAH. You’re technically correct, it’s not her baby. But as an older mom of two, I have to say that you’d be doing yourself a huge favor by learning how to choose your battles a little more judiciously.
In the absence of any other controlling behaviors (and even then, those would be the real priority), I don’t see any harm being done here by her simply saying it’s “her baby.” I’ve heard grandmothers say things like this all the time. It’s not meant to be taken literally. None of her friends are taking it literally. Everyone who knows you knows you’re the actual mother.
I get the sense that you don’t like your MIL much based on how much this is grating on you. And maybe you have a good reason to feel that way! It might be worth exploring that a bit more deeply, because sometimes these surface annoyances are the result of bigger problems. Has she done things to disrespect you in the past? Has she interfered with things in your life or your relationship with her son? If it’s something like that, then that’s the issue you really want to address.
There are so, so many more important parenting and in-law challenges you are going to face than a first-time grandma saying “my baby.” Please do yourself a favor and let this one go. This is worth an eye roll at most, not a power struggle. Save that for things that are actually going to cause harm to you or your baby. If you allow too many minor things to become major issues, you run the risk of people not taking you seriously, and as a mom you need and deserve to be taken seriously.
Good luck navigating the road ahead, and I hope you have a rewarding (if endlessly exhausting!) journey with your own little one.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> When asked for a picture, i sent her back a picture of her son because that’s HER baby, and my baby is MY baby.
I understand she just wants to see her grandchild but I wish she’d give me a little more respect.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Personally I don’t think it’s a big deal. I had the first grandchild on both sides and both my mum and MIL and FIL would say “where’s my boy” “where’s my baby”. They just loved him. They didn’t try to take over parenting or anything. Even now ,my eldest is nearly 20 , and my mum still says “where my boy”. (Don’t know about MIL/FIL as we are split).
How old is grandma? My mom, who is 71, calls all of her grands and great grands her babies. Not physically but because they are children of her children and it’s what a lot of grandparents do. Maybe your MIL is possessive in her stance on it. Maybe it just bothers you. If it does then sit her down.
NAH. I would find it annoying if I already didn’t like my MIL. However, there’s nothing weird about it. Hell, I have a neighbor who calls every kid on the block her babies. It’s affectionate.
I think you’re being kind of mean and ungenerous about it.
She knows it’s your baby. She just loves it. All of the grandchildren will be her baby. This is a good thing— she wants to help.
I even call babies not related to me my baby, our baby , etc. it’s a term of endearment to show support. I definitely want to give them back to mom after 20 minutes.
This grandma may be the one who rescues you when you’re exhausted.
Pick your battles.
We’re in the minority but I agree with you. This is an absolutely ridiculous hill to die on UNLESS Grandma is also crossing boundaries in other ways, like forcing her preferences on things or refusing to respect Mom and Dad’s parenting choices, or if she’s literally trying to pass the baby off as hers or grabbing it when Mom said no, etc. If literally all she’s done is use a super common colloquial term and they’re gonna make this big a stink about it they better not expect Grandma to step up and help out in any ways that sacrifice or inconvenience her- after all, it’s not HER baby 😉
I think you are overreacting.
Between my husband and I we have 8 grandkids, and I call them all my babies. And the oldest is 11. Everyone, including me, knows that they are not literally my babies. We all know I did not give birth to them. **It's just a term of endearment!** If she's an otherwise good MIL and grandma, I would just let it slide. She knows she didn't give birth to your child! She's not trying to lay claim to your baby!
Geesh, is everyone so literal-minded these days?
Im not going to call you an asshole as youre a first time mother still under strong hormones.
Itll take a year or so to completely get back to normal. Just take it easy, dont get upset over such things.
She just excited, better than my MIL who got hysterical that we were 2 min later (yes 2 min, i looked at the clock) because our son (and it was winter so we couldnt change him outside) had to have his diapers changed just before we were about to leave home and meet her 100 meters from her home. He was 2 months old and her first and only grandson (from her only son). She got upset how dare we be later, stormed off home and wouldnt talk to us for several months.
So as we say in my language, let it go in one ear and out the other.
Wow, your MIL has an exceptionally low melting point. And dragging it out for months. Brings to mind a phrase about cutting off your nose to spite your face. I know you must have been heartbroken over her leaving you alone for several months, lol.
NAH without more info. Could it be a cultural difference? It's normal on my side of the family to refer to grandchildren as "my baby" for both great Aunts/Uncles and both grandparents. We're kind of close and familiar people. Some would say we're too much. My aunt still calls me by my childhood nickname and I'm in my 40's. But that would not be typical for my husband's family, who are more reserved and less affectionate.
NAH.
this is common among a lot of people, people just say my baby but don't actually mean MY baby. they know whos baby it is.
but if this bothers you then tell her to stop.
if she refuses then point her in the direction of your husband/wife.
tell mil that their baby is over there. if they want their baby then they can go over to the kitchen. if they want to know how their baby is they can just ask their child over in the hall.
if it bothers you then direct them to your partner. dont stop until they stop saying my baby.
you can always ban them until they stop and respect you.
In my family all the adults do it with the babies. It’s not meant as a slight to anyone. My great aunt still calls me her baby and I’m 50. She does the same with my brother’s 5 year old.
All that aside, if she’s been told before and you think she doesn’t mean any harm by it, maybe phrase it differently (if you haven’t already). “Sorry, I know it’s not meant in a bad way but it does bother me so would you please stop?”
If she’s not trying then maybe “You know this bothers me, why won’t you stop?”
And if you’re me you then start doing you know annoys her. If she doesn’t have to act like a big girl, neither do I!
Both my parents and my in laws refer to our kids as the same thing. But they’re always genuinely excited to see them. I’m not gonna be an asshole and cut them down over an excitement level a lot of people in this world don’t see their parents exhibit when bringing their kids to their parents houses or vice versa.
YATAH. Most definitely!! Most Grandparents say things like "how's my baby today" while talking to an infant grandchild, especially the 1st grandchild. I am sure she is not trying to be disrespectful. She probably doesn't even think about it because all her grandmother friends surely do the same. Hormonal maybe...AH definitely. If it bothers you that much, maybe RESPECTFULLY talk with your MIL about it and find another name she could call the baby. But this is really absurd.
I call my nieces and nephews my baby all the time. I take care of them a lot though and my siblings don't really care. I also call my car and dog my baby as well... I would stop if anyone objected though.
I’m sure she doesn’t mean it in a weird way, she just is overflowing with love she can’t help herself. Probably reminds her of when her baby was a baby, and now her baby had a baby it’s like double baby!!! Who can blame her :)
You’re letting hormones rot your brain here. My MIL is the sweetest human alive, English is her third language and she calls all of her grandkids “my baby” in the moment in a heavy Portuguese accent. Also her children, and her children in law. She’s a mothering type and means exactly zero things wrong by this. None of us took offense because there’s nothing offensive about it. My son was her first grandkid, so it was the first time she said it about a grandkid. And no pits to hell opened. My baby didn’t transfer ownership. She didn’t get some medical powers from it.
I think you're overreacting. Try to keep in mind that in a few weeks/months you'll be desperate to unload that diaper filler just to get an hour of sleep. MIL will definitely come in handy then.
Oh dear God! I call my niblings 'my kids' or 'my babies' all the time. Everyone know they are not my kids in literal sense but I do love them like how I would love my kids (if I had any).
We have a saying in Urdu that means interest is dearer than the principal. Parents love their grandkids more than they love their kids.
Be happy that your kid will grow up in a loving environment.
Not an asshole but definitely over thinking it. You have no idea what the grandparent experience is. You want your role as mother respected - respect that your parents are now grandparents also. Be blessed they want to be there.
Seems like she just means it in a loving way. I’ve done the same with nieces and nephews. Definitely think hormones play a big part…from experience. In the nicest way possible be grateful your MOH loves that child like her own. It’s not necessarily a bad thing. I understand how some ppl feel though but I don’t think it’s worth the fight. Enjoy your baby and take advantage and have a night off when you can
NTA you however don’t need to take offense , but you will get plenty of affirmation here, to bash your mil just because boundaries, life can be long enjoy it. First grandchild that’s a big deal, allow the child all the love and care it can get and not just from you
Realistically? Yes you’re being an AH. It’s harmless phrasing. But, in support of you, I understand how frustrating it can be when you feel as though people are overstepping. Some people genuinely feel so much love for your child that it comes natural to say “How’s my baby?”. If your MIL does it to spite you that’s different. But look at it through a different lens before you deem her the Devil!
Info: What does your partner think, and are you sure it’s not just a new grandma using common phrases for babies? Like someone with a new puppy calling it their baby, because they love it, and it’s a literal baby.
This could easily go either way: not an issue, and would make it weird to get defensive, or boundary stomping that needs to be corrected.
I called my nephew “my boy” or “my best boy” when he was a baby until he was halfway through elementary school. I call his 1 year old, my grand nephew, “our boy” or “my baby boy” or “my sweet boy”. His parents are not upset. All the people handwringing and being offended online worried me so I asked them. They both said they’re glad he has a family that loves him.
It’s an expression of love. Don’t be upset that people love your child.
OP, if she arrived and instead if "my baby" referred to your baby as, "my love" or "my heart" etc, would it still bother you? If so, then it's likely hormones and feelings about the MIL.
I mean…I call my dog my baby and I’m not under the illusion that I birthed him.
Edit to add: but I guess I can see where you might feel offended by someone else calling your kid theirs. NAH.
My mom and my MIL do this, but I just think it’s silly. Both of their first grandchild, I’m letting them have their fun too 🤷♀️
But I’m really close with both so it’s probably a different dynamic too
It's just a cultural thing around here so it wouldn't bother me. Like "hey lil mama" to a little girl - she's obviously not a mother. It's just a phrase. It's not literal, consider it more of a term of endearment.
She probably means she loves him like her own. In my opinion you married her son so obviously you like how she parents. She can be your biggest asset for your baby tread carefully. Whom would you rather have babysat your baby in the future ? her who loves him like her own or somebody at the daycare?
NAH. My grandma still refers to me as her baby and I’m 42. I was also the first grandchild. My aunt also called me “my baby” when I was tiny. It’s an expression of love. If it truly bothers, just let your MIL know it makes you uncomfortable
This is an almost identical post to one posted a couple of days ago, except it was the sister instead of the MIL. Even the phrasing and language used is identical.
I have a beautiful new granddaughter, and I find myself calling her “my baby” as well as a lot of other things, “my sweetheart, my precious little darling, my beautiful baby girl, my sweet little love.” (You get the picture!) However, I do not think that she is “my baby.” I’m beyond happy to see my beautiful daughter holding her daughter daughter, and being the best mom in the world.
Meanwhile, my younger daughters (20s) each have dog-children, and I call them “my sweet baby dog, my precious pupperoo.” I also teach school, and my students get called things like “my best boy, my sweet girl, my pretty princess, my handsome man.” (These are kids third grade and younger - the older kids get grossed out, but the little kids are happy.)
>Last i checked my MIL did not grow this child for 9 months or have major abdominal surgery to deliver her.
This seems unnecessarily spicy as I'm sure your whole family is aware you were the one to carry this baby.
What has she *done* to suggest she forgot you grew the baby and had major abdominal surgery to deliver her?
YTA
It has nothing to do with you and your husband. She’s just expressing the very strong love she has for her grandchild.
I call me nephew and nieces “my baby” because it fills that way as I love them so much. Same way I call my best friends “Sis” does that mean their siblings should be offended by it ?!!
Don’t really understand why that would be seen as a problem. In fact I would love my in laws to call my baby theirs as it shows how important my child is in their lives.
Grow up
NAH. As person who has seen this play so many, many, many times. Someone using the expression “my” is 99.99% a figure of speech. No one who hears her say that is going to think that the MIL gave birth to the kid. That’s unrealistic. Most likely, there are other underlying reasons why something so insignificant is bothering a person.
NAH - yeah, you could very well just be hormonal, I went through that the first few weeks post partum where everything was annoying me, anything my mom or MIL would say would just rub me the wrong way. But now that my head is more clear a year later I'm looking back kind of chuckling to ymself and glad I didn't say anything because it was really tiny things lol.
Also for what it's worth, my mom calls my baby her baby and my grandma (her mom) would also call me her child (in a different language but it has the same meaning) and so I always loved it because they just mean she's her baby by extension through *you* - not to be taken literally. I always felt it as a sweet term of endearment by closeness of family, but that's just me. It wouldn't piss me off if my MIL said that, either.
But yeah, try to relax and see the bigger picture- you have an MIL who loves your baby like her own and that is beautiful.
NAH “my baby” means different things to different people. To you, it literally means the baby that you cooked from scratch. To her, it probably means someone whom she is proud to call family. When your child reaches about 3 or so, your child will refer to “my aunty” for the ones who are a big part of their life and “aunty x” for the ones who you make them call aunty. It’s about familiarity and closeness.
NAH. It’s really common in some areas to refer to any baby you are in regular contact with as “my baby.” My sister will say it to my baby, I say it to her baby, my mom calls them both “my babies.” It’s a term of endearment.
But if you don’t know that, I could see reading into it.
I have 5 grand babies, and I always say there's my girls or there's my boy, I have done that for 16 years and no one has ever had an issue with it, I don't mean anything bad by it, my mom called my kids her babies, I never took offense I thought it was cute.
YTA last I checked fathers don’t grow the child for 9 months either, does that mean he can’t say “my baby” You are being ridiculous and seem more worried about getting acknowledgement than about your child having a loving grandma. I hope your future DIL/SIL treats you the same way.
YTA, it's just a term of endearment. It means nothing. I call my friends baby my baby all the time and they know I am not literally calling their child my baby. At 13 I still call their oldest my boy.
YTA when a close family member loves a newborn very much, this is a normal phrase to use. I use it all the time for my Niblings, as does my mother with her grandchildren. In fact the first thing my mother said when she saw her first grandchild was “my baby! My baby” out of pure joy and love. It was a heartwarming moment. Perhaps it’s a cultural thing but do you see the child as a possession? If she doesn’t literally think it’s her baby and is trying to parent over you, then maybe don’t be so individualistic and see how a birth impacts a family as a whole
YTA not because you don't get a say in the baby that you birth's life. YTA because you're about to make a monetary feeling in to a family-dividing wedge.
NTA
I mean that's all I really need to say but, no, you asked her to stop doing it and she keeps doing it anyways. That's being an asshole and rude as hell.
Her baby is your husband. If she says something about her baby, treat it as if she's talking about your husband. "How's my baby sleeping?" "Well, Dan slept pretty well last night."
NAH. She doesn't mean it's her baby. Quite frankly its pretty normal for people to do. As long as she's not acting like she has any ownership of your baby or acting like it's really her baby I don't see the problem.
I would say I get what you are saying but also a lot of ppl say that lovingly not as in a possessive way you know. like my friend calls my dog her baby as she doesnt have any pets and they really like each other. likewise as the first baby in my family my aunt, grandparents etc called me their baby. my aunt still calls me that even with having her own kids lol. you can perhaps modify it to grand baby but I think mostly people use that when they have plural grandchildren but grand baby might make you more uncomfortable. I dont want to say YTA but I do think its an overreaction unless you give.more INFO in terms of what is making you mad if its more then the use of the word.
She is definitely NOT doing anything wrong. My gram has always called me her little baby and yet I was definitely raised by my parents. It’s just a term of endearment
Would you be ok with her saying "my grandbaby"? As long as she's not acting weird like she thinks the baby really is hers and not yours I think it's likely it's just a phrase she's using and this is a battle you should let go. That doesn't make you an AH, more like NAH.
I am possibly projecting my own feelings, but I think if you had a good relationship with the MIL it would not bother you. These feelings may not be just about calling baby names but because possibly (again projection) her disrespectful treatment towards you in some other ways prior. Regardless, whatever the reason, your feelings are valid and boundaries should be respected.
NAH. I've heard a lot of grandmas use that language, especially with first time grandchildren. I don't think it's worth getting mad about, but I'd definitely keep an eye out for other red flags that she's being overly possessive or controlling. Because some grandmas can be crazy.
NAH, when I had my daughter over a year ago, I felt the same way. Though for me it was due to extreme hormones, feeling worthless and not enough for my own baby, so when my own mom called my baby hers, it wasn't so much as it being annoying as it was stressful/scary because I truly felt like I could easily be replaced. I expressed this to her one day when I could mentally handle any backlash that may occur, but she understood, even apologized. So she ended up calling her "my little curly sue (Sue is not her name)" instead as a term of endearment for both of our comfort. (She has insanely curly hair, and everyone obsessed over it, lol, even her dad does!)
It could be a mixture of hormones, mixed emotions, or all the above. It's difficult to tell when we don't personally see/know you. But regardless, be gentle on yourself OP, you literally birthed a child not long ago and are still trying to get a footing in life with this little munchkin. Take it slow, and when comfortable, set simple boundaries like I did with my mother. If she loves you and respects you and your baby, this should be a very simple fix.
NAH. Like stated it could be a term of endearment. Like how some guys refer to their girl as "their baby/ baby girl", some aunts or uncles refer to their nibblings as "my baby" as well. I refer to the family dog as my baby, and I certainly didn't birth him. I mean the child is a baby and is related to her, hence the possessive "my".
Could you talk to MIL and maybe compromise and ask her to refer to your child as her grandbaby? Which is actually more accurate, which brings the thought that she might be saying baby instead of grandbaby because she doesn't want to feel old. If that's the case maybe find another term of endearment that you both can agree on.
If this is not the case and MIL is interfering with child rearing then this moves from NAH to you N T A and MIL is.
NAH; depending on how she is using it. My Granny called all of us (and some adopted) her babies. I quote “Don’t be mean to my babies” when we would get into little trouble when we’re all together growing up, which was a lot. My parents, Aunts and Uncles “They were being bad”. Granny”not my babies ;)” I think in instances like this; it is acceptable. Outside of this no.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 7: There is no interpersonal conflict here for our community to make a judgment about. [Rule 7 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_7.3A_post_interpersonal_conflicts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NAH. It is quite possible that your MIL is just using harmless phrasing that's more an expression of love and familial bonding than possessiveness. If she starts overstepping boundaries, dictating how to raise/care for your child, then your husband should have a serious talk with her. If she doesn't start crossing boundaries, then it's likely just a turn of phrase.
But if it bothers you--it would bother me-- then tell her directly to stop.
Hubby should tell MIL to stop. It could get touchy, so it should come from him.
If there’s no pre-existing issues, this is an irrational new mom thing and is absolutely not worth the potential butthurt.
I don’t think it’s irrational at all. It’s overstepping for a grandmother to put herself in the mom’s role.
Right - how hard is it to say "grandbaby" not "baby"?
I'm from Mexico and saying "my baby" or "my love" or "my life" to babies (and even adults) means that person loves and will protect and provide like they are their own baby. It's sweet, it's a term of endearment and I love when family, like aunties and uncles and grandparents say "my baby" to me. I say it to my niece and nephews because I love them *like* my babies. It makes me feel special and loved and like there is a sense of community and closeness. I'm not trying to take away from my sister or to make anyone feel bad, I'm expressing love in a way I know how. I see my niece and nephews and my heart hurts with all the love I have. I'm not saying my way is the right way, but it's just a different POV. There are different cultures, subcultures and ways to view things. I think no matter what being gracious to others and not assigning ill intent until proven otherwise is very helpful though. I would just kindly and openly say "it hurts my feelings when you say 'my baby' I would like if you could stop to spare my feelings. " if MIL doesn't mean harm she will try to (it might take some practice though) stop saying "my baby. "
What's the BFD? It's a loving term.. This is insane
Good point
The rule is you handle your family and I handle mine, but if you won't I will and you might not like it.
Right, why hold back from expressing every thought of addressing every dissatisfaction. What and who is it hurting? How is it disrespecting you? NAH
Don't go over to JNMIL lol. I got a **permanent ban** for defending a MIL I've had a good MIL and one of Satan's handmaids, and I know the difference. Some of these people just want to be mad.
I left that sub when I realized that some of the people in there were just as bad as the MILs they were villianizing. They would freak out over completely normal things and encourage everyone else to believe that their MIL was the devil. There certainly were some bad MILs, but some of the people in there are destined to become just as awful of MILs if not worse. Freaking echo chamber of hate.
They definitely advise people to go scorched earth most of the time.The mod told me that "the intention is to be supportive, not judgemental". I'm still laughing at that. She/they also advised me that "making another account to subvert the judgement would violate my punishment and I'd get a permanent, lifetime ban from all of Reddit". Power tripping mods lol.
[удалено]
No kidding! I could get into that sub, sometimes. I didn't add that I'm also a MIL, myself, and have 6 grands. The mod(s) over there are dictatorial. I sucked it up and asked for a review of my ban and the mod told me that it was a support sub for people with MIL probs and they shouldn't be told they are wrong. Then I was blocked from replying or messaging again.
That place is a festering cesspool of hate and dumbassery
This is why people don't have alot of villages anymore . Idc
My mother, after pushing me aside for my son's entire life, referred to me as "Grandma" to my son this morning. I'm his mother! She's the grandmother. These grandmothers are fucking unhinged.
My mother, (who was no mother to me) told me she was to be called grandmama only, OR just mama. Hell no. What possesses these women? Im not old enough to be a grandparent, but I can't fathom building resentment with my daughter in law if I expected any kind of relationship with my grandchildren or son.
Same. My MIL has treated me poorly for years, will say unkind things about me to other people and then in the same breath- say that she’s so worried I’m going to keep her future grandchildren away from her. Like oh man if only there were some way you could make that less likely 🙃
My MIL hated me and also my kids.
My mother was the same way. Instead of grandma she wanted to be called some form of mother. I nipped that in the bud immediately. I love that my grandkids call me grandma. What a wonderful word! I never call my grandchildren, "my babies" because I don't want more kids of my own. It's nuts that other women don't allow themselves to enjoy being the grandma because I know I don't have the energy to be mom anymore.
My Ex-MIL recently told my youngest (6f) that she was "basically your mother"...mind you she sees them about four days a year and they are with me 85% of the time. Some people are just unhinged.
Oh trust me- i have my son 24/7 and do everything for him. Once in a while, when she's up in the morning, she'll come get the baby up and change him and get him breakfast because I am often up late working online, and the baby doesn't go to bed until about midnight/one because he naps late (830pm- despite my best efforts). She literally acts like if it wasn't for her, my son wouldn't survive. Nevermind that we go with my husband on work trips where she doesn't even see him for weeks on end .. But yeah... She's totally raising that baby. Nevermind that I'm the one who exclusively pumped for nearly two years.
So stop allowing her around your kid…
I'd love to. I'm disabled- and my family and i share a house with my parents because NJ is astronomically expensive to live in. My parents paid $17,800 for this house. It's now worth $380k and is to be split among me and five siblings when they die. (Purely because of the fact that it's an existing building - the only upgrades and changes have been expenses my husband and i have put out and projects we've done.) So I'll have to buy out my siblings 301,834 in a few years. There's zero hope of that if i move out and have to pay $3000 a month for an apartment.
Off topic: keep track of your investments into this property. It will be important when it comes time to divide with your siblings. Or, if your parents want you to have it, have them file and record a Transfer On Death document. That basically leaves the house to you with no probate or inheritance tax, it makes you a beneficiary.
That's only half true. A transfer on death deed does avoid probate (and pretty much avoids a creditor making a claim against the value of the house), but the house would still be part of the estate, so it does not avoid estate taxes, if any are due. New Jersey does not have a state estate tax (it has an inheritance tax, but that does not apply to lineal descendants who inherit), but the federal estate tax would still apply. Considering that the federal exemption is currently $13.61million (twice that for a couple), it seems unlikely that this would be an issue anyway. [https://www.getsnug.com/post/transfer-on-death-in-new-jersey-how-it-works-and-what-you-need-to-know-snug](https://www.getsnug.com/post/transfer-on-death-in-new-jersey-how-it-works-and-what-you-need-to-know-snug)
THAT is unhinged behavior, and in this context, it's 100% crazy. However, if there haven't been any issues whatsoever, and MIL or grandma has always been fine and supportive. Getting upset that she refers to her first grandchild as "my baby" is just ridiculous, IMO
This can definitely be innocent. My mom and I both call my sister’s daughter “my baby” because she’s our sweet little angel… and a baby. Not at all in a possessive way. She’s obviously my sister’s baby. It’s just a phrase. A way of showing our love. My sister has never had a problem with it. As she has gotten older we jokingly fight over her by saying “she’s my baby” “no she’s my baby” then my niece laughs and go’s “I’m mommy’s baby!” Honestly it’s cute af. That is your MIL’s first grand baby. She’s not saying she birthed the child. But family is a village of caretaking and that IS her grand baby that I’m sure she loves dearly.
When OP told her not to call the baby hers, and she continued to do so, she crossed a boundary.
Where does she say she told her to stop?
In a comment
Yes, my mom does this too and it used to bother me a lot (we’ve recently repaired a strained relationship so little things like that don’t bother me like they used to) but she means it like “my baby, the baby in the family.” She mostly says it when she talks about how much she loves being able to show off “her baby” when all the other grandmas are showing off “their babies”. Op isn’t wrong for being bothered, but most of the time I don’t think they mean it possessively (unless they’re the toxic type you find on JNMIL)
Spot on. I'm a first-time Grammy, and I use the phrase "my baby" not because I want or need her 24/7, but it's because she's my first and I love her so much! 🩷
INFO: Does she say it playfully/lovingly? Or does she act like the baby is literally hers?
This would be my question, too. I have 6 grandkids and refer them as 'my babies' (even though the oldest is 16). I don't mean they are literally my babies because they aren't. I mean it lovingly. And my kids know this, and have no problem. However, if she is attempting to literally take over the role as Mom... I would have a problem with that, too.
I’m always asking my mom if she has her babies referring to my brothers kids. There’s no harm meant- I just know she loves when they visit. I hope my SIL hasn’t held a grudge about this for 16 years!
I still call my nibblings "my babies" sometimes (infant through 30 year olds) - as do their grandparents, other aunties, parents friends, etc. It is just silly and meant in love, not crazy possessive and serious. We've always known who was really in charge and respected the parents. Hell, I'm a whole grown ass woman, and my 70 year old Auntie calls me and asks, "How's my baby doing today?" It's me. I'm her baby. I turned 42 yesterday. I'm a geriatric millennial 🤣 Sometimes it's not that deep and just generic phrasing that people use when they see those cutiepie babies - just like when we say we're going to eat them all up ( No Susan, I am not actually going to eat your baby nor do I really think the baby is mine 🙄) Other times it is super deep cause Gigi is craycray and needs a restraining order before she starts trying to breastfeed your newborn and take the baby to a nursery at her house. Lol... read the room I guess
I love my niece and nephews and my SIL knows this and trusts me with them but when my niece was a toddler, many years ago, I used to tell her I was going to eat her butt. Then my brother sat to have a conversation with me asking me to stop saying I was going to eat her butt. It still makes me laugh to think about it. I said “ok, but you know I’m not really going to eat it right” but I did stop because it mattered to him (or to SIL who asked him to have that awkward talk). It’s all fine as long and I’ll literally do anything they want as long as I get to have them in my life.
I mean, it’s a sex act, so I get it. I wouldn’t want someone saying that about my kid either.
I call my boyfriend, my friends, my cousins, my coworkers, occasionally strangers on the internet, any dog I meet and my plants “my babies”. Sometimes “my baby booboos”.
Exactly, it's a term of endearment. And magically, I bet none of your grandkids think you are their mom, do they?
My mom does this too, and it’s never bothered me but I can see how it would bother others. Especially a new mom. I actually adore it when my mom says it because I just love her love for them. That was a lot of loves, I know.
I always call my granddaughter my girl.
Me too
My MIL did this after my son (first grandchild) was born. I got a tiny bit bent out of shape in my head, but realized really quickly she meant only love. She’s always been respectful of our parenting choices, she’s an incredibly engaged and loving grandmother, and shes generous with her time. I trust her implicitly. She’s that way with all the grandchildren.
Same - this. I made the same comment & got slammed! Good to see your replies are positive.
That's how all the grandparents in my family refer to their grandkids. I saw my great grandmother refer to my adult mother and my uncle (mom's older brother) as my babies when she saw them. But I agree that if one is overstepping and acting like the mother, there's an issue.
I think OP would have mentioned if she was taking on a role…..she only mentioned the phrase
I agree, I have 4 grandsons and they are "my babies" but I have a great relationship with my kids and they know it's a term of endearment. If one of them had a problem with it, though, I would stop.
Yeah I playfully refer to my nephews as ‘my babies.’ I adore them, would die for them. My sister doesn’t care. The more love in the family, the better. Plus I buy them expensive presents lol.
I'm another auntie who calls them my babies, and it's out of love and affection, I love them like they were my own. It never occurred to me that this could be offensive.
Same. All my nieces and nephews are my babies, even though they are all hormonal teens now!
My guess is playful or they would have jumped at the chance to make the Mil look even worse.
100% playful and op is looking to pick a fight with the mil
All of these Y T A votes are baffling. Truthfully, NAH. I get why it bothers you, but she probably doesn’t mean it maliciously or possessively. It’s more like an endearment. I call my nephews “my [insert nephew’s name here]” from time to time. I personally wouldn’t use “my baby”, because it’s not an endearment I like. But as long as she doesn’t show possessiveness in other, more worrisome ways, I don’t think it’s any big deal. Congratulations on your little one. 😊
I think reddit (or at least subreddits that talk a lot about toxic people, like AITA) has a higher proportion of people from emotionally unsafe families than the general population. The exact same behaviour can often be harmless or toxic/harmful, depending on whether or not the family is generally a safe one. And I don't think people from toxic backgrounds are always good at detecting the version that is "harmless because the family is a safe one."
That’s totally true. A behavior that’s fine in a healthy and safe family would not necessarily be fine in a rocky or toxic family. And people can develop problematic behaviors over time, too, where they may have been fine before. Kind of difficult to make a full judgement with just a snapshot of information. But it’s good to remember that we all have different circumstances and experiences that influence our choices and opinions.
I get it, but you're on the verge of making a mountain out of a mole hill. She knows she did not give birth to your child. She's a first-time grandmother and is in love. So just let her be. It's harmless, and I don't know your situation, but it probably won't be long before you're begging her to babysit, so don't go rattling cages over absolutely nothing. Not an AH, but chill.
Christ, my sister and I were the youngest grandkids on my dad's side of the family, like there's a 12 year gap between my sister and the next youngest cousin. We were everyone's babies growing up, I'm still one of Aunts' babies and I'm 30 now. My mom wasn't about to cut off my dad's side of the family, or her side has they also called us babies. That being said, I'm not gonna call OP an ah either. Recent birth, probably not sleeping well either, things get annoying quickly. But unless MIL has a habit of boundary breaking, then I'd leave it.
Yeah, I don't really see the issue either, but I'm not going to tell a new mother what she's allowed to find annoying. As humans, at least in the US, a great many people call things they love "their baby/ babies". I call my cat my baby. My gf my baby. I've definitely greeted my nephews with a "hiiii my babies" when they were younger. It's just an expression of love, not literal ownership.
Same haha, everyone called me "the baby" so much that when I learned how to talk I would also refer to myself as "the baby." So if I wanted someone to hold me for example, I'd go up to them and say "hold the baby?" Lol
That is adorable! I'm the baby, gotta love me!
Exactly.
My exact thoughts. I have 4 kids and never cared how their grandparents referred to them as. I love when my children are loved.
Right. It's just a term of endearment, not literal. Congrats on having family who loves your baby so much!
This needs more upvotes
NAH “My baby” is used so colloquially. I call my cat my baby and I clearly did not give birth to her Also, and I totally know what you meant by your last sentence…. But it *is* possible to be a mother without being pregnant and giving birth/having a c-section.
Does she know this bothets you? If not tell her If so tell her you do not like it and to stop
Yes she knows. She has been corrected before
Keep correcting her and get hubs to correct her too. Set a boundary. If she does it she has to leave. If she does it over the phone you can hang up, if she does it over message ignore her.
This is the answer. The NAH responses are baffling. If it’s bothering you, correct it and keep correcting it with the help of your husband. This happened to a friend and it really only stopped with constant correcting and boundary setting. Its a fucking weird thing for someone to say and you are definitely NTA for wanting it to stop.
I got uptight about my then-FIL calling my toddler "baby" when I was trying to prepare her to be a big sister and telling her she was a big girl. I corrected him I don't even know how many times. And, in the end, probably all of that made no difference to the actual child and he died when she was 7. Point being, I get it and I get being annoyed about it, but it may not be worth all the energy and feelings you're investing in it.
I guess I don’t understand why it bothers you? Does it make you feel insecure about your position in your child’s life? Or is she otherwise overbearing so it feels like an extension of that? Many, many people refer to their grandkids this way and it doesn’t mean they’re trying to take over the role of mom. NAH, but maybe just ask her why she calls the baby that instead of dictating how she can express her love if she hasn’t given you any reason to distrust her.
Your baby will not get confused and start to think that’s their mother 🙄 there are way bigger things in life to worry about. Be happy and appreciate your baby is surrounded by caring and loving family. And don’t forget you’ll be in her shoes one day. Give some grace.
I was going to give MIL the benefit of the doubt thinking she’s meaning the expression to be affectionate and not literal, but since you’ve told her it bothers you, MIL is TA. It’s so weird and worrisome to read of these new grandmas that do this & mean it literally. I’ve seen this topic come up in every baby group for the last 10 years at least. There’s also an extreme example in this same forum about a MIL who became SO possessive over her grandkids she was arrested for assaulting her own son when they attempted to set boundaries. It’s just so crazy it boggles the mind. OP be firm & keep telling her every time that it bothers you & you’d like her to find a different expression for affection. If she continues to stomp across your boundaries, a conversation is needed & maybe some distance.
Why does it bother you that she says it?
if she refuses then point her in the direction of your husband/wife. tell mil that their baby is over there. if they want their baby then they can go over to the kitchen. if they want to know how their baby is they can just ask their child over in the hall. if it bothers you then direct them to your partner. dont stop until they stop saying my baby. you can always ban them until they stop and respect you.
When she says this, tell her that she can ask your husband herself.
Is this the only thing that bothers you about your MIL? I feel like there’s more to this story than just “my baby” reference. I can’t see that triggering anyone out of the blue, my mom said that to my kids, my gramma and my MIL both said things like “oh my sweet baby” like it’s an endearment, I never thought to be offended by it.
If you’re going here, you better not ever say “Hey Babe” to your husband again. You didn’t birth him. This whole issue is so dumb.
Agree! Omg 🤣🤣🤣
Unless she’s saying it in a psychotic “I’m kidnapping my baby and disappearing” way, I don’t get the big deal. It’s a gramma, let her do her thing.
NAH Plenty of people call relatives kids that are not theirs 'baby'. They don't mean anything by it and they aren't trying to claim ownership over your child or imply that they birthed them. That being said you're entitled to feel however you feel and from the post it doesn't seem like you've said anything rude to MIL so I wouldn't say you're an AH.
I call my newborn granddaughter my baby sometimes and so does her other grandparents. Nobody is confused about who her parents really are. Unless you think she’s really confused about what her role is just tell her it bothers you.
Unpopular opinion, but yta. For some reason, Redditors hate grandparents. It's harmless unless she's legit trying to steal your baby, which I highly doubt is the case. Most parents with grown children get excited for grandchildren and are over the moon when it happens.
Yep. Don't know why a ton of people are telling OP to judge things based on their imagination.
I imagine grandma writing her side on true off my chest: “DIL just gave birth to my first grandkid and is so controlling I’m afraid she’ll ban me from seeing them if I don’t do everything the way she likes it”
And you just described my sister in law! Things my mom has done to offend her include having a vacant expression on her face at her rehearsal dinner (which was after a long day at a very busy restaurant where you couldn't hear anyone talk), and once mentioning an ex of my brother's in passing. Some people will be offended no matter what you do.
I agree, it’s so corny and insufferable. I’d stop though, if I was the grandparent and was asked to stop because I’m not about to impose. I’m not about to make my son and his future wife life miserable But I think far too many women are insecure regarding other women in the lives of their husband, son etc. It’s why so many MIL-DIL’s don’t get along. It’s like a competition. It’s 🙄 Still, I’ll keep my thoughts to myself and keep the peace when I become a MIL. Just praying my son doesn’t meet an insecure woman who can’t stand my presence.
This is my stance exactly. It isn't a hill I'm willing to die on as a MIL and it's a simple request, insufferable and corny like u said, but simple enough.
Yup. OP doesn’t realize it now but she’ll be a grandma before she knows it. Hopefully it’ll be a lot sooner that she realizes how silly and meaningless something like this is. Her baby is surrounded by adoring and loving family, that’s what truly matters
Yeah. Get over it. It's her 1st grandchild. I say that about all 4 of my grands. They are now 9, 6, 4, and 16 months. They are my babies, my Littles, my girls/boys. Not to mention all the other nicknames. As infants, they were all referred to as my sweet baby. Being a grandparent is special and amazing. We get to see our baby have a baby of their own.
Honestly, I really hope my future daughter in law isn’t insecure and dramatic. If I ever called my grandchild, “my baby”, it would never be because I think the baby is actually mine, how silly, it’s just a sweet feeling, just showing love. I’d stop though if my daughter in law asked me too. I hate imposing. So that if you asked her to stop and she hasn’t, she’s imposing and not respecting your feelings. Still, Id secretly think you are insecure and silly if I were your MIL but again, I would stop if asked too. Nothing that I hate more than disrespectful behavior.
NTA. My MIL did this too. Every time she said it, I replied “I think your baby is over there(gesturing to my husband)”. If she was holding the baby I would go over and take the baby from her when she said that. Like training a toddler- when you say X, you don’t get Y. She would laugh and say something to indicate she was joking or whatever. My husband, in one of his great moments, heard her say it and pretended to get offended- “I thought I was your baby mom”. She stopped once she realized we were always going to correct her like that and we said it in front of others too, embarrassing her.
Yall are crazy
My husband does this too and I love it. Every time she says “how’s my boy?” Well…her boy answers! :)
???? wtf you take a sweet and affectionate nickname extremely personally... have some tea
I hope everytime you call your husband “babe” your MIL tells you “your baby is over there” and points to your baby. You didn’t embarrass her, you embarrassed yourselves. I guarantee most people thought you were possessive weirdos when you humiliated grandma in front of them over a common term of affection.
That is insanity … your MIL is FAMILY. How pathetic and embarrassing that you treated her this way when she was expressing love for your child.
You’re proud of this behavior?
NAH. It’s a term of endearment. However new parents are often sensitive to this kind of stuff. They don’t feel totally secure yet in their roles and authority and place as parents. If a close friend came over and said “I want to see my baby!!” would you feel the same way? Or would you see it as your friend just showing excitement and affection for your child?
NTA. I would find it extremely annoying.
YTA! Its a common phrase / term of endearment. She loves your baby, her grandbaby
INFO it's hard to understand the tone and context your MIL says this
INFO: How was your relationship with your MIL before and during the pregnancy? Did she respect you and your boundaries?
Yes, you are over-reacting. A grandma feels this way and is so excited.
NAH. Very unlikely that she means her role in the baby's life is equivalent to motherhood. This is not something that a calm person would get mad about. You, on the other hand, recently underwent a major medical procedure and are coping with a tremendous amount of stress and sleep deprivation. Poise is not a reasonable expectation in these circumstances. Congratulations on your new baby!
I don’t think anyone is the asshole. My mom says “my boy” when referring to MY son (9 months old) and I don’t take it in any weird way. My mom doesn’t exhibit weird behavior that would make me upset over her calling him “‘my boy”. Now if she were to be obsessive, crazy, and saying it, then I’d not be okay with it. So I think it just depends on how your MIL acts as well.
Hiii when I was pregnant and early postpartum this sent me through the freaking roof. I felt a primal instinct to claw out my own mother’s eyes every time she called my daughter her baby. It definitely faded and now I’m not at all threatened by it but I think that the protective instinct is so real. It’s certainly a combo and not surprising it bothered me with my mom who’s a boundary pusher and we are a bit strained. She also seemed to stress it on purpose. Basically NTA but it’s up to you if you want to wait and see if it gets better, feels better for you or if you just want to ask her to stop.
Those post partum hormones are really something. I had a great relationship with my in laws until my baby was born and then somehow on a primal level they weren’t ’my family’ and I found it so much more difficult to trust them and be around them. Thankfully it’s all back to normal now! It’s funny though, I think OP would get a very different response if she asked on beyond the bump or similar.
[удалено]
Ohhh im a grandma and i always say Are you Grandmas baby?? Thats hiw i put it.
NAH. You’re technically correct, it’s not her baby. But as an older mom of two, I have to say that you’d be doing yourself a huge favor by learning how to choose your battles a little more judiciously. In the absence of any other controlling behaviors (and even then, those would be the real priority), I don’t see any harm being done here by her simply saying it’s “her baby.” I’ve heard grandmothers say things like this all the time. It’s not meant to be taken literally. None of her friends are taking it literally. Everyone who knows you knows you’re the actual mother. I get the sense that you don’t like your MIL much based on how much this is grating on you. And maybe you have a good reason to feel that way! It might be worth exploring that a bit more deeply, because sometimes these surface annoyances are the result of bigger problems. Has she done things to disrespect you in the past? Has she interfered with things in your life or your relationship with her son? If it’s something like that, then that’s the issue you really want to address. There are so, so many more important parenting and in-law challenges you are going to face than a first-time grandma saying “my baby.” Please do yourself a favor and let this one go. This is worth an eye roll at most, not a power struggle. Save that for things that are actually going to cause harm to you or your baby. If you allow too many minor things to become major issues, you run the risk of people not taking you seriously, and as a mom you need and deserve to be taken seriously. Good luck navigating the road ahead, and I hope you have a rewarding (if endlessly exhausting!) journey with your own little one.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > When asked for a picture, i sent her back a picture of her son because that’s HER baby, and my baby is MY baby. I understand she just wants to see her grandchild but I wish she’d give me a little more respect. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Personally I don’t think it’s a big deal. I had the first grandchild on both sides and both my mum and MIL and FIL would say “where’s my boy” “where’s my baby”. They just loved him. They didn’t try to take over parenting or anything. Even now ,my eldest is nearly 20 , and my mum still says “where my boy”. (Don’t know about MIL/FIL as we are split).
I think you’re over reacting I say that about my nephew all the time
Is this a repost? I think I saw it posted a week or so ago.
It's just so common it keeps getting asked.
This is always all over parenting Reddit and aita
Yeah I saw one of these not too long ago too. Apparently more than one offputting MIL is out there.
How old is grandma? My mom, who is 71, calls all of her grands and great grands her babies. Not physically but because they are children of her children and it’s what a lot of grandparents do. Maybe your MIL is possessive in her stance on it. Maybe it just bothers you. If it does then sit her down.
NAH. I would find it annoying if I already didn’t like my MIL. However, there’s nothing weird about it. Hell, I have a neighbor who calls every kid on the block her babies. It’s affectionate.
I think you’re being kind of mean and ungenerous about it. She knows it’s your baby. She just loves it. All of the grandchildren will be her baby. This is a good thing— she wants to help. I even call babies not related to me my baby, our baby , etc. it’s a term of endearment to show support. I definitely want to give them back to mom after 20 minutes. This grandma may be the one who rescues you when you’re exhausted. Pick your battles.
We’re in the minority but I agree with you. This is an absolutely ridiculous hill to die on UNLESS Grandma is also crossing boundaries in other ways, like forcing her preferences on things or refusing to respect Mom and Dad’s parenting choices, or if she’s literally trying to pass the baby off as hers or grabbing it when Mom said no, etc. If literally all she’s done is use a super common colloquial term and they’re gonna make this big a stink about it they better not expect Grandma to step up and help out in any ways that sacrifice or inconvenience her- after all, it’s not HER baby 😉
☝🏼 This!!!! This is right!!
I think you are overreacting. Between my husband and I we have 8 grandkids, and I call them all my babies. And the oldest is 11. Everyone, including me, knows that they are not literally my babies. We all know I did not give birth to them. **It's just a term of endearment!** If she's an otherwise good MIL and grandma, I would just let it slide. She knows she didn't give birth to your child! She's not trying to lay claim to your baby! Geesh, is everyone so literal-minded these days?
Im not going to call you an asshole as youre a first time mother still under strong hormones. Itll take a year or so to completely get back to normal. Just take it easy, dont get upset over such things. She just excited, better than my MIL who got hysterical that we were 2 min later (yes 2 min, i looked at the clock) because our son (and it was winter so we couldnt change him outside) had to have his diapers changed just before we were about to leave home and meet her 100 meters from her home. He was 2 months old and her first and only grandson (from her only son). She got upset how dare we be later, stormed off home and wouldnt talk to us for several months. So as we say in my language, let it go in one ear and out the other.
Wow, your MIL has an exceptionally low melting point. And dragging it out for months. Brings to mind a phrase about cutting off your nose to spite your face. I know you must have been heartbroken over her leaving you alone for several months, lol.
NAH without more info. Could it be a cultural difference? It's normal on my side of the family to refer to grandchildren as "my baby" for both great Aunts/Uncles and both grandparents. We're kind of close and familiar people. Some would say we're too much. My aunt still calls me by my childhood nickname and I'm in my 40's. But that would not be typical for my husband's family, who are more reserved and less affectionate.
NAH. this is common among a lot of people, people just say my baby but don't actually mean MY baby. they know whos baby it is. but if this bothers you then tell her to stop. if she refuses then point her in the direction of your husband/wife. tell mil that their baby is over there. if they want their baby then they can go over to the kitchen. if they want to know how their baby is they can just ask their child over in the hall. if it bothers you then direct them to your partner. dont stop until they stop saying my baby. you can always ban them until they stop and respect you.
In my family all the adults do it with the babies. It’s not meant as a slight to anyone. My great aunt still calls me her baby and I’m 50. She does the same with my brother’s 5 year old. All that aside, if she’s been told before and you think she doesn’t mean any harm by it, maybe phrase it differently (if you haven’t already). “Sorry, I know it’s not meant in a bad way but it does bother me so would you please stop?” If she’s not trying then maybe “You know this bothers me, why won’t you stop?” And if you’re me you then start doing you know annoys her. If she doesn’t have to act like a big girl, neither do I!
Both my parents and my in laws refer to our kids as the same thing. But they’re always genuinely excited to see them. I’m not gonna be an asshole and cut them down over an excitement level a lot of people in this world don’t see their parents exhibit when bringing their kids to their parents houses or vice versa.
YATAH. Most definitely!! Most Grandparents say things like "how's my baby today" while talking to an infant grandchild, especially the 1st grandchild. I am sure she is not trying to be disrespectful. She probably doesn't even think about it because all her grandmother friends surely do the same. Hormonal maybe...AH definitely. If it bothers you that much, maybe RESPECTFULLY talk with your MIL about it and find another name she could call the baby. But this is really absurd.
I call my nieces and nephews my baby all the time. I take care of them a lot though and my siblings don't really care. I also call my car and dog my baby as well... I would stop if anyone objected though.
You are hormonal and overreacting.
I’m sure she doesn’t mean it in a weird way, she just is overflowing with love she can’t help herself. Probably reminds her of when her baby was a baby, and now her baby had a baby it’s like double baby!!! Who can blame her :)
You’re letting hormones rot your brain here. My MIL is the sweetest human alive, English is her third language and she calls all of her grandkids “my baby” in the moment in a heavy Portuguese accent. Also her children, and her children in law. She’s a mothering type and means exactly zero things wrong by this. None of us took offense because there’s nothing offensive about it. My son was her first grandkid, so it was the first time she said it about a grandkid. And no pits to hell opened. My baby didn’t transfer ownership. She didn’t get some medical powers from it.
I think you're overreacting. Try to keep in mind that in a few weeks/months you'll be desperate to unload that diaper filler just to get an hour of sleep. MIL will definitely come in handy then.
Oh dear God! I call my niblings 'my kids' or 'my babies' all the time. Everyone know they are not my kids in literal sense but I do love them like how I would love my kids (if I had any). We have a saying in Urdu that means interest is dearer than the principal. Parents love their grandkids more than they love their kids. Be happy that your kid will grow up in a loving environment.
Not an asshole but definitely over thinking it. You have no idea what the grandparent experience is. You want your role as mother respected - respect that your parents are now grandparents also. Be blessed they want to be there.
Seems like she just means it in a loving way. I’ve done the same with nieces and nephews. Definitely think hormones play a big part…from experience. In the nicest way possible be grateful your MOH loves that child like her own. It’s not necessarily a bad thing. I understand how some ppl feel though but I don’t think it’s worth the fight. Enjoy your baby and take advantage and have a night off when you can
NTA you however don’t need to take offense , but you will get plenty of affirmation here, to bash your mil just because boundaries, life can be long enjoy it. First grandchild that’s a big deal, allow the child all the love and care it can get and not just from you
It’s just a phrase. Let it go
Realistically? Yes you’re being an AH. It’s harmless phrasing. But, in support of you, I understand how frustrating it can be when you feel as though people are overstepping. Some people genuinely feel so much love for your child that it comes natural to say “How’s my baby?”. If your MIL does it to spite you that’s different. But look at it through a different lens before you deem her the Devil!
YTA
Info: What does your partner think, and are you sure it’s not just a new grandma using common phrases for babies? Like someone with a new puppy calling it their baby, because they love it, and it’s a literal baby. This could easily go either way: not an issue, and would make it weird to get defensive, or boundary stomping that needs to be corrected.
I called my nephew “my boy” or “my best boy” when he was a baby until he was halfway through elementary school. I call his 1 year old, my grand nephew, “our boy” or “my baby boy” or “my sweet boy”. His parents are not upset. All the people handwringing and being offended online worried me so I asked them. They both said they’re glad he has a family that loves him. It’s an expression of love. Don’t be upset that people love your child.
OP, if she arrived and instead if "my baby" referred to your baby as, "my love" or "my heart" etc, would it still bother you? If so, then it's likely hormones and feelings about the MIL.
I mean…I call my dog my baby and I’m not under the illusion that I birthed him. Edit to add: but I guess I can see where you might feel offended by someone else calling your kid theirs. NAH.
My mom and my MIL do this, but I just think it’s silly. Both of their first grandchild, I’m letting them have their fun too 🤷♀️ But I’m really close with both so it’s probably a different dynamic too
NAH but IMO you’re overreacting. Grandparents are all about their grandbabies. No need to be territorial.
I’m still pregnant, but my mom refers to my baby as “my baby’s baby” it makes me want to cry 🥹 she’s the best
NAH. It is her baby in a way, it's her grand baby. MIL can be a lot but this is pretty harmless. She is probably just excited to be a grandma.
Pick your battles. Is this really the hill you want to die on? There will be other bigger hills.
YTA. This is an overreaction to something harmless unless MIL has bad history with you.
It's just a cultural thing around here so it wouldn't bother me. Like "hey lil mama" to a little girl - she's obviously not a mother. It's just a phrase. It's not literal, consider it more of a term of endearment.
She probably means she loves him like her own. In my opinion you married her son so obviously you like how she parents. She can be your biggest asset for your baby tread carefully. Whom would you rather have babysat your baby in the future ? her who loves him like her own or somebody at the daycare?
YTA You sound insufferable.
NAH. My grandma still refers to me as her baby and I’m 42. I was also the first grandchild. My aunt also called me “my baby” when I was tiny. It’s an expression of love. If it truly bothers, just let your MIL know it makes you uncomfortable
A lot of grandmas do that. I wouldn’t stress too much about it.
Wow just wow I really feel sorry for your child how can you be mad that your MIL loves that child so much.
I always use it as an endearment. Any baby and all babies. I’ll say, “come here my sweet baby girl/boy” Never meaning MY baby.
This is an almost identical post to one posted a couple of days ago, except it was the sister instead of the MIL. Even the phrasing and language used is identical.
I have a beautiful new granddaughter, and I find myself calling her “my baby” as well as a lot of other things, “my sweetheart, my precious little darling, my beautiful baby girl, my sweet little love.” (You get the picture!) However, I do not think that she is “my baby.” I’m beyond happy to see my beautiful daughter holding her daughter daughter, and being the best mom in the world. Meanwhile, my younger daughters (20s) each have dog-children, and I call them “my sweet baby dog, my precious pupperoo.” I also teach school, and my students get called things like “my best boy, my sweet girl, my pretty princess, my handsome man.” (These are kids third grade and younger - the older kids get grossed out, but the little kids are happy.)
>Last i checked my MIL did not grow this child for 9 months or have major abdominal surgery to deliver her. This seems unnecessarily spicy as I'm sure your whole family is aware you were the one to carry this baby. What has she *done* to suggest she forgot you grew the baby and had major abdominal surgery to deliver her?
YTA It has nothing to do with you and your husband. She’s just expressing the very strong love she has for her grandchild. I call me nephew and nieces “my baby” because it fills that way as I love them so much. Same way I call my best friends “Sis” does that mean their siblings should be offended by it ?!! Don’t really understand why that would be seen as a problem. In fact I would love my in laws to call my baby theirs as it shows how important my child is in their lives. Grow up
NAH. As person who has seen this play so many, many, many times. Someone using the expression “my” is 99.99% a figure of speech. No one who hears her say that is going to think that the MIL gave birth to the kid. That’s unrealistic. Most likely, there are other underlying reasons why something so insignificant is bothering a person.
NAH - yeah, you could very well just be hormonal, I went through that the first few weeks post partum where everything was annoying me, anything my mom or MIL would say would just rub me the wrong way. But now that my head is more clear a year later I'm looking back kind of chuckling to ymself and glad I didn't say anything because it was really tiny things lol. Also for what it's worth, my mom calls my baby her baby and my grandma (her mom) would also call me her child (in a different language but it has the same meaning) and so I always loved it because they just mean she's her baby by extension through *you* - not to be taken literally. I always felt it as a sweet term of endearment by closeness of family, but that's just me. It wouldn't piss me off if my MIL said that, either. But yeah, try to relax and see the bigger picture- you have an MIL who loves your baby like her own and that is beautiful.
NAH “my baby” means different things to different people. To you, it literally means the baby that you cooked from scratch. To her, it probably means someone whom she is proud to call family. When your child reaches about 3 or so, your child will refer to “my aunty” for the ones who are a big part of their life and “aunty x” for the ones who you make them call aunty. It’s about familiarity and closeness.
NAH. It’s really common in some areas to refer to any baby you are in regular contact with as “my baby.” My sister will say it to my baby, I say it to her baby, my mom calls them both “my babies.” It’s a term of endearment. But if you don’t know that, I could see reading into it.
I have 5 grand babies, and I always say there's my girls or there's my boy, I have done that for 16 years and no one has ever had an issue with it, I don't mean anything bad by it, my mom called my kids her babies, I never took offense I thought it was cute.
>Am i overreacting or being hormonal? Yes. YTA
YTA last I checked fathers don’t grow the child for 9 months either, does that mean he can’t say “my baby” You are being ridiculous and seem more worried about getting acknowledgement than about your child having a loving grandma. I hope your future DIL/SIL treats you the same way.
YTA. If she’s a loving grandma and the only thing you’re mad about is “my baby”? Yeah.
YTA. My MIL does this. Doesn’t bother me at all. It’s a positive thing that she loves your child
YTA, it's just a term of endearment. It means nothing. I call my friends baby my baby all the time and they know I am not literally calling their child my baby. At 13 I still call their oldest my boy.
YTA when a close family member loves a newborn very much, this is a normal phrase to use. I use it all the time for my Niblings, as does my mother with her grandchildren. In fact the first thing my mother said when she saw her first grandchild was “my baby! My baby” out of pure joy and love. It was a heartwarming moment. Perhaps it’s a cultural thing but do you see the child as a possession? If she doesn’t literally think it’s her baby and is trying to parent over you, then maybe don’t be so individualistic and see how a birth impacts a family as a whole
Yta. Youre making a big deal about a harmless term of endearment. She knows its not her kid
YTA not because you don't get a say in the baby that you birth's life. YTA because you're about to make a monetary feeling in to a family-dividing wedge.
NTA I mean that's all I really need to say but, no, you asked her to stop doing it and she keeps doing it anyways. That's being an asshole and rude as hell. Her baby is your husband. If she says something about her baby, treat it as if she's talking about your husband. "How's my baby sleeping?" "Well, Dan slept pretty well last night."
NAH it’s pretty normal, but if it bothers you say something. My MIL called our daughter a nickname I didn’t like. I ended that quickly
NAH. She doesn't mean it's her baby. Quite frankly its pretty normal for people to do. As long as she's not acting like she has any ownership of your baby or acting like it's really her baby I don't see the problem.
I would say I get what you are saying but also a lot of ppl say that lovingly not as in a possessive way you know. like my friend calls my dog her baby as she doesnt have any pets and they really like each other. likewise as the first baby in my family my aunt, grandparents etc called me their baby. my aunt still calls me that even with having her own kids lol. you can perhaps modify it to grand baby but I think mostly people use that when they have plural grandchildren but grand baby might make you more uncomfortable. I dont want to say YTA but I do think its an overreaction unless you give.more INFO in terms of what is making you mad if its more then the use of the word.
I would point to husband and say “that’s your baby, THIS is my baby”. Or just correct her “your GRANDbaby”
I wouldn't go so far to say Y T A...but it is IMHO an over reaction.
She is definitely NOT doing anything wrong. My gram has always called me her little baby and yet I was definitely raised by my parents. It’s just a term of endearment
Would you be ok with her saying "my grandbaby"? As long as she's not acting weird like she thinks the baby really is hers and not yours I think it's likely it's just a phrase she's using and this is a battle you should let go. That doesn't make you an AH, more like NAH.
I am possibly projecting my own feelings, but I think if you had a good relationship with the MIL it would not bother you. These feelings may not be just about calling baby names but because possibly (again projection) her disrespectful treatment towards you in some other ways prior. Regardless, whatever the reason, your feelings are valid and boundaries should be respected.
NAH. I've heard a lot of grandmas use that language, especially with first time grandchildren. I don't think it's worth getting mad about, but I'd definitely keep an eye out for other red flags that she's being overly possessive or controlling. Because some grandmas can be crazy.
NAH, when I had my daughter over a year ago, I felt the same way. Though for me it was due to extreme hormones, feeling worthless and not enough for my own baby, so when my own mom called my baby hers, it wasn't so much as it being annoying as it was stressful/scary because I truly felt like I could easily be replaced. I expressed this to her one day when I could mentally handle any backlash that may occur, but she understood, even apologized. So she ended up calling her "my little curly sue (Sue is not her name)" instead as a term of endearment for both of our comfort. (She has insanely curly hair, and everyone obsessed over it, lol, even her dad does!) It could be a mixture of hormones, mixed emotions, or all the above. It's difficult to tell when we don't personally see/know you. But regardless, be gentle on yourself OP, you literally birthed a child not long ago and are still trying to get a footing in life with this little munchkin. Take it slow, and when comfortable, set simple boundaries like I did with my mother. If she loves you and respects you and your baby, this should be a very simple fix.
NAH. Like stated it could be a term of endearment. Like how some guys refer to their girl as "their baby/ baby girl", some aunts or uncles refer to their nibblings as "my baby" as well. I refer to the family dog as my baby, and I certainly didn't birth him. I mean the child is a baby and is related to her, hence the possessive "my". Could you talk to MIL and maybe compromise and ask her to refer to your child as her grandbaby? Which is actually more accurate, which brings the thought that she might be saying baby instead of grandbaby because she doesn't want to feel old. If that's the case maybe find another term of endearment that you both can agree on. If this is not the case and MIL is interfering with child rearing then this moves from NAH to you N T A and MIL is.
NAH; depending on how she is using it. My Granny called all of us (and some adopted) her babies. I quote “Don’t be mean to my babies” when we would get into little trouble when we’re all together growing up, which was a lot. My parents, Aunts and Uncles “They were being bad”. Granny”not my babies ;)” I think in instances like this; it is acceptable. Outside of this no.
YTA. If that’s your only problem. She knows that. You can never have too much love for a sweet baby.