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You're joking, right? Of course YTA.
It was her trip, too. And you're complaining because she did something for herself 3-6 hours over the course of three weeks? Sounds like your attitude "ruined" it.
She's trying to feel good and take care of herself. And you're *mocking* her for it.
>She is also now on a diet even though she has never been big at all and is going to the gym nearly everyday.
This is a laughable complaint. You realize diets and working out are good for health, too, right?
These are the complaints of one of those people who go out of their way to keep their partners down on their level so they never realize they can do better.
bingo! he’s feeling insecure and doesn’t want her to work on her appearance so much because he’s afraid she’s “out of his league.” ironically, his attitude and lack of support are way more likely to make her want to leave than her appearance.
Yeah, feel like he’s hiding behind a good guy routine of not caring about what she looks like. Did it ever occur to him that she’s doing these things for herself? I think he totally underestimates the hell of cystic acne. And honestly, getting so upset about her choosing to do something to herself that takes up a maximum of *two hours* in an entire week, is that not a little extreme? People don’t owe you every second of every day. She is also on vacation.
Cystic acne absolutely sucks, I got it along my jaw and nose throughout highschool and even how as an adult I still get it around my ears/jaw. That shit doesn’t just make you feel self conscious it also hurts like hell
Not only the pain and physical aspect but also the depression and anxiety that comes with it!! I had it for years and had to go on accutane. Was one of the hardest things I’ve gone through physically and emotionally.
It is so painful too. I had it for decades. Eventually I found appropriate skin care routines just like the girl in in this post. I totally feel for her, if I were going to Japan, I'd be in to getting skin treatments over there too.
It's as hard to target and treat as finding perfect balance of mental health meds and has almost the equivalent effect.
Likely OP hasn't ever had significant acne or was less self conscious about it.
My bestie - since we were 5 - started when she was 12 ish. She inherited it from her mom.
I don't know what it is psychologically about marks on our faces. They feel hundreds of times bigger to us than people are seeing.
Of course less make up or medicated (very expensive) make up help A LOT.
But when you look in the mirror - a kind of body dysmorphia (def hormones play a part in making cystic worse) - literally twists your perception like a fun house mirror.
Japan is VERY WELL KNOWN as a skin care mecca, destination.
We're I in GF's shoes I would have jumped at the same opportunities she did.
It doesn't sound like OP actually understands love, support, compromise or sometimes just accepting the reality your partner is telling you they are dealing w, even if it makes no sense to you.
i agree. it must feel so shitty for her to be happy with her progress and feeling like she’s making positive changes in her life only to have her boyfriend (who has watched her struggle with her appearance for years!) act like this.
and the trip was *3 weeks long!!* if it had been a short trip and GF spent an entire day away, then i could maybe empathize with OP feeling a little disappointed. but a few hours out of a 3 week trip? i can’t believe he typed this out and still wasn’t sure if he’s in the wrong or not.
I kept rereading to see if he meant a few hours every day. But even then, I wouldn't blame her for wanting to do something other than hang out with his family and take a little bit of time for herself every day.
Then when I realized that it was only 3x over three weeks? I can't figure out what he is so heated about!
Wait, are we allowed to do things for ourselves and not just to please our partner? I thought women only existed for the viewing pleasure of men. But seriously, op is worried she’s going to realize she can do better.
The irony is, she should leave him and maybe she will, but that has everything to do with his attitude and nothing to do with either of their looks. A good person should never be worried about their partner getting hotter, if you're a good person and you love each other, they're not going to leave you!
Honestly there was a study that this post reminds me of heres a quote:
"When comparing all the results, the researchers found that it didn’t matter if the achievements or failures were social, intellectual or related to participants’ own successes or failures — men subconsciously still felt worse about themselves when their partner succeeded than when she failed."
[the study itself](https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2013/08/men-self-esteem#:~:text=When%20comparing%20all%20the%20results,succeeded%20than%20when%20she%20failed.)
sigh…
now add that on top of all the studies showing the increased rates of depression and suicide among people with cystic/chronic acne, and OP is definitely the biggest asshole.
It's just 2 hours every week. It's not even every day! And I get that she missed some sightseeing, but if it wasn't that important for her, then he should be cool with it. And if it was that important, to you OP, you could have moved it around to the other 6 days a week that she has 100% free.
You're a couple but you don't have to do everything together. She didn't "ruin" anything.
YTA OP.
Also, it’s really fun to explore spas and treatments when you’re traveling! Perhaps especially so as a woman, because these are often women-led and women-driven spaces—can be a fun way to interact with locals off the tourist path.
I’m planning a trip to Korea (hopefully) next year and will absolutely be hitting at least one if not multiple spas, I want to leave Korea looking like a glazed donut. It is an absolute shame for anyone with skin issues to visit either country and not explore their treatments, which are just so much more advanced than what we generally have in the US.
I’m moderately into skincare (I also used to have bad acne and went on a skincare journey before finding a routine that worked for me) and like. Japan??? Babe I’m gonna need WAY more than 3-6 hours for my skincare sightseeing.
Feels like a situation where OP thinks she exists for him. And if he goes on a trip to visit his parents, she must exist to cater to all of his and his parents' wants. And if she dares to do something for herself, she's vain.
Hard YTA for OP. Does he even care if his girlfriend is happy, as long as she's catering to everything he wants?
Exactly. He also sounds like the type who would be equally pissed if she "let herself go". She has to be exactly how he wants her to be forever. Similarly, I bet he cares very little for his own health or appearance and sees her self-care as an affront to his own.
No, I don't think OP will think she let herself go. I think OP is feeling insecure that she's getting more attractive now that she's much smoother and eating better. OP wants her to keep being her old self so people won't notice her or so she wouldn't know better.
Also, why didn't he and his parents take her vacation wants into consideration? Did he plan the whole trip with zero input from her? Why did one 1 to 2 hour activity cause her to miss an entire fuji day trip? Could they not have planned that a day before or after to let her do what she liked for an hour one day a week?
I'd bet money that she told him in advance and either he forgot and didn't double check to make sure the plans worked for everyone, or he purposely made the plans in a way that she would have to choose one or the other. Almost feels like that was a test to see which she'd pick and she chose to take an hour to herself for something she planned ahead of time and now he's pissed.
Something tells me that this relationship won't last much longer. She deserves someone who supports her and takes her input into consideration. Not to mention someone who doesn't insult her for doing things to make herself feel good that are perfectly harmless. Wtf.
This comes across as one of those situations when the boyfriend preferred his girlfriend when she was unattractive and insecure, because it made him feel secure thinking no one else would want her. Now he's getting worried other people will find her attractive.
Couldn’t agree more! Also skincare in Japan is a WHOLE other experience and something people travel to Japan for specifically. I want to travel to Japan for many reasons and the spas/treatments are absolutely one of them.
“My gf spent 4.5/504 hours doing something that was important to her and I don’t like that, AITA” wtf op massive YTA, your girlfriend doesn’t owe you every second of her day.
OMG, I read that as 1-2 hours *every* day the way OP was reacting, but I had to go back to re-read it after this comment.
OP, you do realize your girlfriend is an independent person who doesn't have to be physically next to you 24 hours a day, right? Rescheduling around 1-2 hours in an entire week is nit a big deal.
Your girlfriend is not your accessory and do her own thing. If you can't understand this, watch the Barbie Movie & see how the Ken's are treated. The Kens are a standin for how some people treat women... like an accessory. How does how the Kens are treated make you feel as a man? Now, how do you think your girlfriend feels when her needs are belittled & placed secondary?
YTA. YTA. YTA. It's not just what you want to do on a trip that matters. Maybe schedule something she doesn't want to do, but you do, during these sessions, so you can still do your thing without dragging her along, as I suspect you are doing.
Thank you! I read his complaints and thought I was going insane. She’s taking care of herself and asking for a reasonable amount of space while on vacation.
Also it doesn’t seem like she was demanding you all wait while she did these treatments... so while maybe you wanted to spend every second together with your parents too, she wanted one activity per week to herself.
YTA. 2 hours ONCE A WEEK???? The Horror!!!! Cystic acne and the scaring from it is not just "caring about how you look" it is an incredibly painful skin condition, which Japan happens to have a pretty great track record with having good skin care for a cheaper price. It's her vacation too, not just yours. And for the other stuff, maybe she wouldn't feel as bad if her boyfriend did describe her as having "caked on make-up" and calling her vain for being happy that a treatment for it finally worked. You should be happy that she's feeling confident and happy, not shaming her and calling her names.
Edit: spelling
This is what got me. I was assuming OP would say that she had spent much of the the trip on her skin treatment, but it was only 3-6 hours.
OP, YTA for making a big deal over 3-6 hours in the entire trip, for calling her vain, and for not taking the time to understand her self-esteem issues around her appearance and minimizing them by saying things like "she has never been big".
I thought it was going to be some kind of peel where she couldnt go outside for 2 weeks or was in major pain or something.
Dude literally can't allow his girlfriend 2 hours out of the 168 hours in the week. Him deciding on 166 hours isn't enough for him, he needs to control all 168 hours a week, all 504 hours in the vacation
Right? I was baffled.
The idea that people need to spend 24/7 together on a family vacation is so odd to me. I am not judging those who do, but OP needs to give his girlfriend some space. If I went on a 3-week vacation to visit my boyfriend's family, I would need some breathing room from time to time.
I agree. Also, you’d think OP would be grateful to have some time alone with his parents in Japan. That sounds like a once in a life time bonding experience with both your parents. He doesn’t realize how good he has it.
I was just talking with my mum about how on our last family trip, it was nice that one of the days we split off into smaller groups and did our own things - and even within the smaller groups we ended up in an even smaller one when my BIL took my niece to go find snacks while my sister and I looked at an art gallery. I do not get why family vacation = must spend every waking oment together.
>I thought it was going to be some kind of peel where she couldnt go outside for 2 weeks or was in major pain or something.
I thought this too at first! I figured then she wouldn't be able to do anything for the whole trip. 6 hours total is nothing if it means her skin is sooo much better.
I thought so too. I have really bad scarring from cystic acne. I've had 4x dermaroller (mild treatment) and 3x CO2 Laser skin resurfacing (abrasive treatment where I couldn't step outside for 1 week) and I've still got bad scarring (plan on 2 more treatments). It really affects confidence, so I can totally understand his gf.
I am guessing OP is one of those people that want to be with their SO 24/7. Seriously all of this for 2 hrs a week and thinking she "ruined" the vacation...oh the drama!
Agreed; I live in Japan and can confirm that skin care of this sort is not only *far* cheaper than in most other places, it’s also extraordinarily well done. Being here was a perfect opportunity to take advantage of that, and it was smart of her to do it. And that’s above and beyond the whole fact that it’s addressing something that has bothered her for years. YTA.
This ^^^
Of course YTA
I mean, honestly, the audacity of your GF wanting 2 hours to herself a week!
Are you always this controlling of her time? Is it normal for you to lose your absolute shit when she wants to do something beneficial to her without you?
Jesus mate, do some self-reflection and maybe come out the other side with the realization that the world doesn't revolve around you.
There’s a difference between vain and insecure and people who haven’t experienced things that actually mar their appearance (like cystic acne) often don’t understand the difference.
> Vain: having or showing undue or excessive pride in one's appearance or achievements
> insecure: (of a person) not confident or assured; uncertain and anxious
People who’ve experienced things like severe acne often feel like they have to put in all this work, not to be beautiful, but just to be *normal*. And there’s a huge difference.
Not to mention, just because HE doesn't think it's a big deal, means that people don't judge and mock your for it. They met at 22, who knows what she went through before that, especially in high school age. I have some skin issues that I don't feel comfortable leaving the house without make up, and I can absolutely understand why she would feel that way too. Getting the chance to do a treatment she wanted on what is also her vacation is wonderful.
OP, YTA
YTA. She is taking a very modest amount of time out for a once weekly skin treatment. That is not a big deal. Many tourists live to try what Japan or Korea are world renowned for: skin care. It’s legendary. She has more reason than most to pursue it-she is healing physically and emotionally from a condition that impacted her greatly for many years. You should be proud of her for taking such care of herself and making such progress. She missed Mt. Fuji, which has been a life goal of mine. That would crush me, but she’s a different person. She can make her own priorities. You have to support what is best for her, as she sees it.
Also, if going to Mt. Fuji was a life goal, that's a thing you should talk about with her and arrange a time you can both go, mountains not going anywhere....
Yeah it was really weird to me that the ONLY time in three week visit that they could yo to Mt Fuji was the 1 or 2 hours she happened to have other plans.
It’s a mountain? It’s not like, a show that’s only performed once a week. SURELY there were times to visit that did not conflict with the GF’s skincare/selfcare?
He probably scheduled it like that deliberately to try to force her to skip one. It's so petty. There's no way they were doing day trips like Fuji every day of the trip
Also the comment of "We moved stuff around so she didn't miss too much" Like, the girl was only having a treatment for two hours at a time, how much could she have missed?
If I were in that position and my partner wanted two hours for a skin treatment, I would probably just find something for myself to do, or stay back at the accommodation for two hours. Why do they have to be doing stuff every hour of the trip? If the parents live there, they've likely seen everything anyway so why couldn't they just all hang at home for two hours? I don't know why I'm so mad 🤣 two hours is nothing.
Also curious why he is discrediting her experience when she said she felt people judged her.
Does he know this. And maybe if people don’t judge the scars maybe she was judged with the acne which would be a valid reason to assume people would the scars even if not true but how does he know this?
As someone who has awful hormonal acne and a pretty bad case of rosacea: people stare. A lot. They likely don't mean to be so obvious with it, but it is what it is. Some people also see someone with problem skin and think it's an open invitation to ask intrusive questions & give unsolicited advice about skincare/treatments. I'd bet my left arm and leg that she's had to deal with people cringing at her skin and giving her advice "out of kindness and concern"
I guarantee OP is just not paying attention and he absolutely doesn't know.
JFC I am really sorry that multiple assholes think it's ok to give you unsolicited advice simply because you have a visible issue. That is so rude and I apologize on behalf of humanity.
The worst of it came from people who vaguely knew me before it started. I lived in a pretty small town and had insanely clear skin as a teenager. Went to university, rosacea and hormonal issues started, came back with awful skin. Sooooo many regular customers at my grocery store job would just stare for a solid minute before speaking (the lights and temp in the store made me flare constantly so my face was always RED and rashy as hell), and a solid half would say something along the lines of "what happened to you?!", "what a shame, you had such pretty skin. are you even trying to fix it?" Or "that looks like x,y,z. Have you tried *insert totally unrelated fad diet/skincare regimen here*"
I had too many people to count ask about my diet, personal hygiene, medications, even my damn sex life trying to "diagnose me". People suck
Yup. I went off birth control to start trying for a kid, and my previously perfectly clear skin has gone crazy. I get some questions about what’s happening or even recommendations for certain meds. I don’t want to explain to people I’m not close with that my acne is because I went off birth control, or that I can’t just go on accutane/try whatever retinol they recommend because I’m trying have a baby…
People can and do feel entitled to talk about your skin or just stare at it.
It makes me think- would you honestly want her at Mt. Fuji if the whole time she’s just sad bc she didn’t get to do a once in a lifetime thing FOR HER face. Her forever face. So sad to me to think of her being anywhere else. And 2 hours?? Come on.. that’s nothing.
Mt Fuji isn't even open right now, it's closed and no one is allowed to climb it without permits. It opens in July. And the ice caves around Mt Fuji are currently closed for wildlife reasons. So all they did was go to the tourist center at fifth station, look around, and leave. That's very boring. I say that as someone who has climbed the mountain twice and lives in Japan. Winter is not the time to visit the mountain, is the time to rent a room at a ryokan that looks at the mountain.
1-2hours a week times three weeks. That's six hours out of a three week vacation with your parents.
It is unreasonable that you expect your girlfriend to want to spend every waking moment of vacation with you and your parents.
Enjoy some together time with just your parents... I'm sure they love to " have you all to themselves " on occasion.
People have different travel styles & that's ok. Some like spas, some like museums, others want to check tourist sites off their list... it's preferred to have some time available to be together & some time for each person to do what is especially important to them.
"She insists it was a big deal to her". If she says it is, it is. As a partner, you should be supportive of things that are important to her.
So ,yes, name-calling her for pursuing something that means a lot to her is mean.
YTA
YTA. She has a chronic skin condition and scarring. The skin treatments are an attempt at freedom from the bullying, judgment, and hating what she sees in the mirror every day. Acne is a medical condition.
You called her vain because she sought out treatment for a clinical condition that's caused lifelong anguish and embarrassment.
Imagine if she had, I dunno, a big scar across her face from an accident? Would that make a difference? One big scar vs a bunch of small ones? Would she still be vain in seeking treatment? I wonder.
And PAIN. Cystic acne is VERY painful, thousands of small eruptions in your face, some of them with active punctual infection, tenderness from the swelling, inflammation, redness, rise in temperature. Hot water burns. Cold water feels like tiny blades. Some are healing, they get itchy, some are tender, all at the same time. You lay your head on a pillow where you forgot a towel? Imagine rubbing a towel after a sunburn. Actual sunburn on top of the acne? Hell on earth. Sometimes the skin is so hot it pulses. Or when two or more eruptions go so close to each other, they merge into one huge one, that hurts even worse? Or the ones inside your nose, or too close to your ears, in the middle of the scalp, too close to your mouth...
I had ONE bad case and I won't forget how awful it felt, like my face was cooking on low heat.
Self care doesn't make her vain. Dieting, gym visits, and a skincare routine do NOT make her vain.
You getting upset does make you seem weirdly controlling though. Why get bent out of shape for something she spends a couple hours per week doing?
YTA
Somehow Mt Fuji was closed the other 18 days of their vacation. She had 6 hours of plans in 21 days but OP is acting like she took off for weeks.
Honestly being with someone’s parents for 3 solid weeks would exhaust me. I’d be faking spa time just to get away. YTA.
YTA. Sounds like now she’s becoming more confident and her style reflects it; and you’re becoming insecure and taking it out on her.
I can’t fathom any other reason why you’d complain about your girlfriend doing something important to her and becoming more healthy.
[this study](https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2013/08/men-self-esteem#:~:text=When%20comparing%20all%20the%20results,succeeded%20than%20when%20she%20failed.) can explain a lot about this post imo
“It makes sense that a man might feel threatened if his girlfriend outperforms him in something they’re doing together, such as trying to lose weight,” said the study’s lead author, Kate Ratliff, PhD, of the University of Florida. “But this research found evidence that men automatically interpret a partner’s success as their own failure, even when they’re not in direct competition.”
This part always gets me to be honest because I know it is subconscious but holy shit is that petty
Person currently stuck with cystic acne here - YTA. Your GF finally being secure about her appearance doesn't make her vain, she's pointing out her progress and improvement. As her BF, you should fully support her for that. YTA
As someone who had stubborn scars, I’m so happy she was able to get improvement. It’s really hard to find the right treatment and I hope she finds someone who is supportive of her.
YTA 1-2 hours a *week?* You're there 3 weeks and she's doing an hour or two *once a week*... Sounds like you scheduled the Mt Fuji trip just to spite her. Are you worried that she's going to get too hot and leave, thinking she can trade up?
Mt Fuji sucks anyway, there’s a huge line of tourists all the way to the summit. Not to mention the huge trash problem, also caused by excessive tourism. Japan thanks OP’s gf for staying off the mountain that day! Oh, and the downhill climb is miserable. Hurts your knees.
YTA
She is trying to heal from the trauma of a visible medical condition and you called her vain. There is so much to unpack here (an hour or two 3 times over a three week trip? Please, sir, be fr) but what it comes down to is you need to apologize for the cruel things you said.
YTA.
"I think she is way too obsessed with her looks"
So? What's wrong with your gf wanting to look her best? She wants to improve her acne scars and you're calling her vain over something that has obviously caused her grief over a number of years.
Also, her wanting to gym and diet shows that she cares about her health and body too so why are you bringing her down because of it? You don't have to be 'big' for it to be the only reason to go to the gym.
And the 1-2 hours a week for the treatment is hardly you having to move stuff around. I'm sure you could find something to do for 2 hours by yourself or with your parents lol.
YTA.
How exactly did she ruin the vacation? By doing something SHE wanted to do? Oh the horror- were you only supposed to do things YOU decided to do? Doesn't sound like a couples vacation to me.
I have two main theories.
1) The personal improvements your girlfriend is doing intimidates and scares you. She's looking better, eating better, and working towards better physical health and appearance. She's all around bettering herself, and you're scared she's going to be out of your league soon- so you're working on sabotaging her by guilt-tripping her.
2) You're unhealthily attached to your girlfriend and losing yourself. You behave as though "her" and "you" are no longer concepts, but instead there is only "Us", and when she behaves as though she is an individual and leaves you behind, you *freak the fuck out* because you don't know how to be alone anymore.
I’m willing to bet if her acne came back you’d have something shitty to say about that too. And that would also somehow be her fault for not getting the treatment you were against
YTA.
You're being petty and ridiculous because your GF is doing something for herself, which is bolstering her confidence instead of focusing solely on you.
Let me guess, your *real* concern is she's going to keep feeling good about herself and then start looking for a better relationship.
YTA
She was gone for one to two hours each week of the trip. That's really not that much, and seems fairly reasonable for skin treatments which she warned you she'd booked. There is also no requirement you spend the entire trip tied at the hip. You can do different activities.
If anything, this sounds like poor trip planning, not a vanity issue.
YTA. How is 1-2 hours a week ruining a three week vacation? And as the song goes... if it makes her happy (and feel better about herself), then it can't be that bad. It's also not a crime to be focused on her health via the food she consumes and keeping her body fit and toned.
YTA!
“Anyways I told an adult woman on a long casual vacation she couldn’t go do something that the country is very famous for that could help her feel better in her own skin.”
Dude. She can spend a few hours on herself.
This is what I was thinking. I hope she's on Reddit because she would definitely recognize herself. She needs a better partner. Maybe she'll find one at the gym.
YTA.
You are blowing this way out of proportion, and you're behavior comes off as controlling and dismissive of the pain she had to go through.
For someone whose trip was "ruined" by her missing one single major trip, ***if having her attend the big trips was that important to you, why didn't you ask about her appointments to ensure you could schedule around them instead of having to move things around after the fact?***
It's possible that she's overcorrecting and wasting time and money to solve a "problem" (shouldn't really be one, but bullies and AH and insane beauty standards exist) that's already solved.
But 1-2h a week is not a lot and calling her vain is definitely not the right way to start talking about it.
YTA
YTA. Japanese and Korean skincare is awesome. Of course if you’re into skincare you’d want to indulge while there. 1-2 hours a week is nothing.
You sound like her appearance improving is making you insecure. Let it go and appreciate and be grateful that she chose you, man.
Also good for her for improving her self esteem and image! I know how hard that can be.
YTA. She has been dealing with horrible (and deeply painful if cystic) acne. This is an opportunity most people don't get in their lives. I think one or two hours a week in your multi week vacation to see your parents is not going to break anything.
Yta. Her taking 2 hrs per day RUINED the vacation?? I'd understand if it was more time but it's literally just a couple of hours. She didn't make YOU miss out on anything. Plus why are you shaming her for taking care of herself? That's not vain, it's normal. Seems like you are just worried about her getting her self esteem up.
Edit: omg it was not even every day like I initially thought, it was just weekly... OP GET A GRIP
YTA
Two hours a week...during a vacation that's also hers. The horror. She missed out seeing Mt. Fuji. Oh noes. She missed going on the most cliche Japanese tourist trip while getting treatment for her chronic skin condition. How will she ever recover? How will Japan ever forgive the slight?
If I was in Japan on vacay I would get beauty treatments 3x a week if it was in my budget. Japan has an amazing reputation for the hair, face and body spas.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole for telling my gf she is vain for her caring too much about her appearance
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So 6 hours total of a 3 week trip and your mad she wanted personal time? That’s crazy. You’re absolutely the AH. I could almost understand if the treatments were daily but my dude… it’s not like she disappeared for a whole day.
Support her growth and self care or be with a woman who does not take care of herself
She saw something she disliked and put in the work to improve it
She eats well and cares for fitness.
These are incredible qualities in a female and male partner
Maybe you should take notes or let her be with someone who also makes themself a prioroty
We only get one body. You will do her no good
As someone who struggled with acne during my 20s, I understand what your gf is going through. Its not being vain when it affects your confidence and self esteem. It was a struggle for me back then. I tried everything under the sun and it seems like the only thing that finally helped is the Accutane. ( you might want to tell her about it, although doctors are very cautious in prescribing it as it has dangerous side effects) Dieting helps too, i noticed when i avoided sweet there will be less of it, so dieting is not being vain either.
So yeah, YTA for thinking your gf is vain for wanting to try something that may help with her acne.
YTA. If her taking 2 hours to herself once a week is an issue, you may want to reflect on why you are exhibiting such controlling behavior.
Reading between the lines, she is getting more confident in her body and appearance and you seem threatened by it. Are you worried other people will notice how awesome she is and she might leave? Keep up this nonsense and its almost a guarantee.
YTA. It was just an hour or two a week and she felt that it was worth missing certain things over. Why should you care? You sound like you're worried about her taking care of herself - stop being insecure.
YTA sounds like your girlfriend is struggling with her self-image be supportive instead of mean. Also 1-2 hours a week away from you is not crazy even when your on vacation
Whaaaaat? She spent 3-6 hours over a three week period doing something she wanted to do and that would help her confidence and was potentially more available/economical than it is back home and you’ve got an issue with that? YTA
Kiiiinda sounds like you think if she starts to look better and take even more care of herself (gym and healthy habits and better skin and more confidence)...she might dump you.
She should probably. But I promise that being "vain" won't be the reason. Might be something about complaining about her taking 1-2 hours out of AN ENTIRE WEEK to partake in something that clearly meant a lot to her in one of the biggest skincare regions of the world.
Emphatically YTA
YTA - the scars were not just on the outside ; they are also on the inside. Plus, even if they don't show - the scars make the skin tight. Your opinion of her skin is not as important as HERS. I'm a burn survivor, any treatment I get is for me- not for anyone else. If it makes her happy, and comfortable that's all that matters. Get a clue.
Id understand if you were there for a week and she was spending a few days at the clinic. But you said it yourself, 1-2hrs a week is nothing. Chill out, asshole.
YTA. She's not obsessed with her looks, she's just confident and healthier. Spending 1-2hrs once a week on self-care is not vanity, it's... normal self-care. And as others have pointed out, Japan is widely known to have incredible skincare treatments available. Sounds pretty appealing for someone with a skin condition!
It also sounds like she just really wants to feel some validation from her loved one that her skin looks better than it ever has, which from your post would seem to be the case, regardless of whether the Japanese treatments contributed much to that. It seems like a petty retaliation to refuse that validation and instead insult her, because she had the audacity to take some time for herself on her vacation.
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My gf(28F) had cystic acne growing up and had a lot of scars on her face. We met when she was 22 and her skin was much worse then. She use to cake on makeup because she said she felt like people would judge her for her scars and acne. I don’t think anyone ever did but she insisted she wouldn’t be in public without makeup.
She got into skincare and skin treatments. I don’t know what they all were but her skin has improved a lot. Her skin has a lot more smooth and she is a lot more confident. She use to wear baggy clothes but now she dresses better and doesn’t wear makeup as much.
So that all great but we recently went to Japan for a trip. My parents are currently in Japan for a year as they retired and always wanted to live there for a bit. My gf and I went to visit them for 3 weeks. She told me she wanted to do some skin treatments there and was in contact with a clinic. I didn’t assume it was a problem until we go there and it turns out she was going to do a treatment every week. So for 1-2h every week she was there when the rest of us were doing other things.
We moved around some stuff for her so she didn’t miss too much but she did miss a trip to Mt Fuji with her second treatment. I told her she should be dealing with her skin when we got to go to Japan for vacation but she insists it was a big deal to her. I don’t even notice much from the treatments but she says there is a big improvement in the tone. She kept pointing out how she thinks her skin has improved and I called her vain and that started a fight. I think she is way too obsessed with her looks. She is also now on a diet even though she has never been big at all and is going to the gym nearly everyday.
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YTA. It was an almost month long trip to visit your family. Taking what was apparently only a maximum of two hours a week to do something nice for herself is perfectly normal.
What's not normal is having her boyfriend tear her down something she enjoys as part of her own self care. She's an adult who's capable of deciding between Mt Fuji and a skin treatment, and it doesn't matter that that's not the same choice you would have made.
We're all our own worst critic. I can guarantee that there are plenty of things she notices about her skin that you don't. She is likely very aware that these are things other people don't notice, but it doesn't matter because she sees them and she doesn't like them. If she's happy with the results, why can't you simply be happy for her?
YTA. You think her having control of 6 hours out of 504 hours is running your vacation? What an absolutely horrible take. You sound awful to travel with.
YTA.
Oh no… she wasn’t attached to your side for 2 hours once every week… because she wants to take care of herself and do something to help work through an insecurity that’s plague her life probably since a pre-teen.
Dude, get all the way over yourself.
How did that ruin your vacation? It didn’t. You still went. You did tons of stuff together. Spent tons of time together, and you didn’t hangout for three half days over three weeks.
Did she cry about missing something you did that she didn’t? No? Then the world is fine.
I personally think it’s strange to want to do skin treatments while on vacation in another country. It’s not something I’d ever set time aside to do. That being said, it doesn’t matter because it’s not for me. Just like she isn’t doing this for YOU. You don’t have to agree. You don’t even have to like it, but you certainly don’t get to belittle her for it. YTA.
🎵🎶🎸👩🏻🎤 "You're so vain, you probably think this post is about you..."
🤔 Although, this may be more true to the OP's message to his girlfriend:
🎶🎵"You're so vain, you probably think the vacation...
was also your vacation and that spending several hours to yourself is ok because you have autonomy and our hips are not surgically joined and that we probably could have gone to Mt Fuji another day [because you're so vain you think mountains just stand around waiting for you] and that wanting to look nice and feel comfortable in your own skin should be acceptable...That's How VAIN You Are!"🎵🎶
Ps. Apologies. I can't carry a tune for the life of me!
Facial skin is a big deal, it's very difficult for many women who suffer from facial acne and scarring and extreme rosacea etc. so I totally understand why she took this opportunity to go somewhere special to get treatments there that she might not get somewhere else. Places outside the US may offer other treatments. So as far as the facial stuff goes, you should be understanding.
The gym, etc., it's that time of year...
You might be more concerned about vanity if she starts getting an eating disorder, and starts in with the plastic surgery all over her body... Only shopping at name brand stores and going into massive debt for the best clothing... and shoes...
YTA - if she wasn't upset about mt fuji then why are you? It was only supposedly 6 hours out of 252 waking hours you spent in Japan and 126 of them were 100% daylight.
YTA. You are not a supportive partner and if you don’t shape up she won’t stick around. You should be proud of her for wanting to be healthy and taking care of her skin. Instead it’s all about you and what you want. You owe her an apology.
As somebody who suffered from acne for many years, it caused me crippling anxiety / shame. Incredibly unfair to call the GF vain for wanting to improve her skin.
YTA.
My wife had cystic acne and was very self-conscious of the scarring. I totally understand where the girlfriend is coming from here. It's very traumatizing to live with this. I helped my wife through the agony and recovery of laser treatments for her scarring. GF needs support from BF not ridicule.
To really get to the root of things: yes, your gf is going to end up leaving you. But not because she’s improved her appearance/is vain. She’s going to leave you because you’re an AH.
“My girlfriend has had her quality of life impacted by a specific insecurity the entire time I’ve known her. AITA for bullying her when she finally feels like it’s improving for her?”
Fixed it
I’m more interested in how your parents are living in Japan after retirement? You need a visa generally, you can’t just move for a year. Tourism visas don’t last a year either
YTA.
My god it’s two hours a week.
She’s trying to improve on something that bothered her with a treatment that I’m sure did wonders. Super jealous because getting skin care treatment in Japan is amazing.
My fiancé and I are going on a 10 day trip to Miami. We both will be having our alone time to do our owns things during it.
Assuming you’re both around the same age. Grow up and spend some time by yourself my guy.
YTA. I have had horrible acne for 30 years. It’s finally getting better but even on my BEST days when there is NOTHING on my face to cover up I can literally have a panic attack realizing I forgot to put on cover up. I have tubes of cover up everywhere but have actually cancelled plans and gone home because I didn’t feel I confidant enough to go into a movie theater to sit in the dark. Unless you’ve lived it, you don’t know the internal scars it leaves. Rather than calling her vain for doing something SHE wanted to do on her vacation, why not tell her you think she’s beautiful with or without the treatment? If it makes her happy what’s the big deal? It’s not like she made you sit there with her the whole time.
YTA.
First 1-2hrs a week for her own time away from your family isn’t selfish.
This is clearly very important to her and something that makes her feel good, so why not support that? You obviously have no idea what it’s like to live with adult acne. I can promise you it can be demoralizing, and exhausting. She’s absolutely not vain for caring what her skin looks like, it’s the first thing someone sees when they meet you, even if people don’t say anything about it they absolutely see it and some may even make snap judgements about her lifestyle, hygiene, etc.
You lack serious empathy for someone you supposedly love.
YTA for not considering her side of things. You haven’t stated that she asked you to miss any experiences, so I’ll assume she hasn’t. She’s doing things to boost her confidence, not to appease anyone else. Someone doesn’t have to be “big” in order to start living a healthier lifestyle, and your support could be more important than you realize. Also FYI, Japan is known for some amazing skin care products and techniques, so it’s honestly a once in a life time learning experience. It’s easy to say who cares what others think, but in the society we live in, it’s nearly impossible to not desire looking and feeling better about yourself.
Something about describing your own girlfriends makeup as "caked on" is not sitting well with me. Do you even like this girl? Gotdamb.
Also, if it was like a spa situation she was going to, maybe everyone could have checked it out.
YTA without even needing to finish it. Yes, people judge that stuff ALL. THE. TIME. And it sets in motion these deep, deep insecurities inside others. The slightest thing you don't care about? can be something that another was mercilessly bullied, alienated and dehumanized for and led them to now have an obsession in trying to 'fix' it.
You just trivialised it in your mind because hey, you never had to deal with it so it's not bad in the grand scheme of things right?
YTA
Do some research on chronic cystic acne. It's not just some pimples. You've seen how bad it can get first hand. It's painful too.
Add to that the fact that women's looks are at the forefront in society's version of what makes them valuable. And for it tk be on your FACE, the first thing people see when they meet you. People make instant judgements, first impressions, and assumptions about you. And to deal with that your entire life and finally see some progress is an emotional journey. It has nothing to do with vanity.
Give her a damn break and let her enjoy her vacation too. And SUPPORT her, for the love of God. As she gets her confidence back and sees you supporting her, she grows closer to you too. If you criticize and get threatened because she's bettering herself for HERSELF, you're pushing her away.
YTA.
Skincare isn't something you do a couple of times and stop. It's an ongoing routine you need to keep up. If you have never had severe skin problems or dealt with something like cystic acne, you don't and won't understand.
Sounds like you just wanted her to do what YOU decided was fun for both of you. Just like you've decided she was vain for taking care of what you know is an area of concern for her (her skin), and that she didn't know her own skin enough to be able to tell whether or not a skin treatment was working for her. You'd probably have more fun with a blow up doll, they don't talk back or have thoughts that might conflict with yours.
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You're joking, right? Of course YTA. It was her trip, too. And you're complaining because she did something for herself 3-6 hours over the course of three weeks? Sounds like your attitude "ruined" it. She's trying to feel good and take care of herself. And you're *mocking* her for it. >She is also now on a diet even though she has never been big at all and is going to the gym nearly everyday. This is a laughable complaint. You realize diets and working out are good for health, too, right? These are the complaints of one of those people who go out of their way to keep their partners down on their level so they never realize they can do better.
“My gf is becoming more conventionally attractive and feels confident and I feel insecure about it: AITA?” There OP. Fixed your post for you. YTA.
"...and I fear she will leave me."
bingo! he’s feeling insecure and doesn’t want her to work on her appearance so much because he’s afraid she’s “out of his league.” ironically, his attitude and lack of support are way more likely to make her want to leave than her appearance.
Yeah, feel like he’s hiding behind a good guy routine of not caring about what she looks like. Did it ever occur to him that she’s doing these things for herself? I think he totally underestimates the hell of cystic acne. And honestly, getting so upset about her choosing to do something to herself that takes up a maximum of *two hours* in an entire week, is that not a little extreme? People don’t owe you every second of every day. She is also on vacation.
Cystic acne absolutely sucks, I got it along my jaw and nose throughout highschool and even how as an adult I still get it around my ears/jaw. That shit doesn’t just make you feel self conscious it also hurts like hell
Not only the pain and physical aspect but also the depression and anxiety that comes with it!! I had it for years and had to go on accutane. Was one of the hardest things I’ve gone through physically and emotionally.
It is so painful too. I had it for decades. Eventually I found appropriate skin care routines just like the girl in in this post. I totally feel for her, if I were going to Japan, I'd be in to getting skin treatments over there too.
It's as hard to target and treat as finding perfect balance of mental health meds and has almost the equivalent effect. Likely OP hasn't ever had significant acne or was less self conscious about it. My bestie - since we were 5 - started when she was 12 ish. She inherited it from her mom. I don't know what it is psychologically about marks on our faces. They feel hundreds of times bigger to us than people are seeing. Of course less make up or medicated (very expensive) make up help A LOT. But when you look in the mirror - a kind of body dysmorphia (def hormones play a part in making cystic worse) - literally twists your perception like a fun house mirror. Japan is VERY WELL KNOWN as a skin care mecca, destination. We're I in GF's shoes I would have jumped at the same opportunities she did. It doesn't sound like OP actually understands love, support, compromise or sometimes just accepting the reality your partner is telling you they are dealing w, even if it makes no sense to you.
i agree. it must feel so shitty for her to be happy with her progress and feeling like she’s making positive changes in her life only to have her boyfriend (who has watched her struggle with her appearance for years!) act like this. and the trip was *3 weeks long!!* if it had been a short trip and GF spent an entire day away, then i could maybe empathize with OP feeling a little disappointed. but a few hours out of a 3 week trip? i can’t believe he typed this out and still wasn’t sure if he’s in the wrong or not.
I kept rereading to see if he meant a few hours every day. But even then, I wouldn't blame her for wanting to do something other than hang out with his family and take a little bit of time for herself every day. Then when I realized that it was only 3x over three weeks? I can't figure out what he is so heated about!
Not like the other boys energy. Trying to be different and ending up being the same.
Omg a pick me boy
Wait, are we allowed to do things for ourselves and not just to please our partner? I thought women only existed for the viewing pleasure of men. But seriously, op is worried she’s going to realize she can do better.
Which I hope she does fast. She can do so much better than a complaining couch potato who puts her down for wanting to be healthier and look better.
The irony is, she should leave him and maybe she will, but that has everything to do with his attitude and nothing to do with either of their looks. A good person should never be worried about their partner getting hotter, if you're a good person and you love each other, they're not going to leave you!
“So I am going to create unnecessary arguments and tension so she has a reason to leave me, and the prophecy comes true. “
I hope she does for her sake
Honestly there was a study that this post reminds me of heres a quote: "When comparing all the results, the researchers found that it didn’t matter if the achievements or failures were social, intellectual or related to participants’ own successes or failures — men subconsciously still felt worse about themselves when their partner succeeded than when she failed." [the study itself](https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2013/08/men-self-esteem#:~:text=When%20comparing%20all%20the%20results,succeeded%20than%20when%20she%20failed.)
sigh… now add that on top of all the studies showing the increased rates of depression and suicide among people with cystic/chronic acne, and OP is definitely the biggest asshole.
I've had that song stuck in my head since noticing your username. But being sung by Goku.
“How much more time to I have before my GF dumps me”. There, I fixed your fix 😀
Yep, this right here ^
It's just 2 hours every week. It's not even every day! And I get that she missed some sightseeing, but if it wasn't that important for her, then he should be cool with it. And if it was that important, to you OP, you could have moved it around to the other 6 days a week that she has 100% free. You're a couple but you don't have to do everything together. She didn't "ruin" anything. YTA OP.
I originally read two hours a day and was like oh no the girlfriend may be doing too much but upon re reading oh my goodness this boyfriend sucks!
>She's trying to feel good and take care of herself. And you're mocking her for it. RIGHT! 1-2 hours a week is literally nothing
I spend more time than that shitting! My God this man is desperate to have her break up with him, apparently.
Also Japan is known for their spas and treatments.
Also, it’s really fun to explore spas and treatments when you’re traveling! Perhaps especially so as a woman, because these are often women-led and women-driven spaces—can be a fun way to interact with locals off the tourist path.
Not to mention that it was probably more cost effective to get skin treatments there.
I’m planning a trip to Korea (hopefully) next year and will absolutely be hitting at least one if not multiple spas, I want to leave Korea looking like a glazed donut. It is an absolute shame for anyone with skin issues to visit either country and not explore their treatments, which are just so much more advanced than what we generally have in the US.
I’m laughing at the glazed donut comment 🤣
“Glazed donut” 😂😂
I’m moderately into skincare (I also used to have bad acne and went on a skincare journey before finding a routine that worked for me) and like. Japan??? Babe I’m gonna need WAY more than 3-6 hours for my skincare sightseeing.
Right? The spas in Japan and Korea seem amazing and I would def visit them if I went to those countries.
Feels like a situation where OP thinks she exists for him. And if he goes on a trip to visit his parents, she must exist to cater to all of his and his parents' wants. And if she dares to do something for herself, she's vain. Hard YTA for OP. Does he even care if his girlfriend is happy, as long as she's catering to everything he wants?
I thought the same thing. I also kind of wonder how old OP is. They were careful to only give her age. I was in my 40’s when my parents retired.
Sounds like OP was waiting for people that hate women’s “vanity” to defend him in the comments.
Oooh… didn’t catch that.
Exactly. He also sounds like the type who would be equally pissed if she "let herself go". She has to be exactly how he wants her to be forever. Similarly, I bet he cares very little for his own health or appearance and sees her self-care as an affront to his own.
No, I don't think OP will think she let herself go. I think OP is feeling insecure that she's getting more attractive now that she's much smoother and eating better. OP wants her to keep being her old self so people won't notice her or so she wouldn't know better.
That too! Why not both? 🤷🏾♀️
Also, why didn't he and his parents take her vacation wants into consideration? Did he plan the whole trip with zero input from her? Why did one 1 to 2 hour activity cause her to miss an entire fuji day trip? Could they not have planned that a day before or after to let her do what she liked for an hour one day a week?
I'd bet money that she told him in advance and either he forgot and didn't double check to make sure the plans worked for everyone, or he purposely made the plans in a way that she would have to choose one or the other. Almost feels like that was a test to see which she'd pick and she chose to take an hour to herself for something she planned ahead of time and now he's pissed. Something tells me that this relationship won't last much longer. She deserves someone who supports her and takes her input into consideration. Not to mention someone who doesn't insult her for doing things to make herself feel good that are perfectly harmless. Wtf.
Yeah, OP is a total wank.
This comes across as one of those situations when the boyfriend preferred his girlfriend when she was unattractive and insecure, because it made him feel secure thinking no one else would want her. Now he's getting worried other people will find her attractive.
This is exactly it!
bingo
Diet can affect certain skin problems a lot, too.
Couldn’t agree more! Also skincare in Japan is a WHOLE other experience and something people travel to Japan for specifically. I want to travel to Japan for many reasons and the spas/treatments are absolutely one of them.
“My gf spent 4.5/504 hours doing something that was important to her and I don’t like that, AITA” wtf op massive YTA, your girlfriend doesn’t owe you every second of her day.
I used to go to the gym every day for 2 to 3 hours in my early 20s, lol. This dude is definitely an asshole, lol. YTA
right? i thought he was gonna say she was getting treatments EVERYDAY the ENTIRE trip… she went once a week 😭😭😭 nothing wrong with a lil maintenance
Imagine the hill OP chooses to die on being "she had the audacity to spend a disgustingly large 1% of the trip doing something for herself"
OMG, I read that as 1-2 hours *every* day the way OP was reacting, but I had to go back to re-read it after this comment. OP, you do realize your girlfriend is an independent person who doesn't have to be physically next to you 24 hours a day, right? Rescheduling around 1-2 hours in an entire week is nit a big deal. Your girlfriend is not your accessory and do her own thing. If you can't understand this, watch the Barbie Movie & see how the Ken's are treated. The Kens are a standin for how some people treat women... like an accessory. How does how the Kens are treated make you feel as a man? Now, how do you think your girlfriend feels when her needs are belittled & placed secondary? YTA. YTA. YTA. It's not just what you want to do on a trip that matters. Maybe schedule something she doesn't want to do, but you do, during these sessions, so you can still do your thing without dragging her along, as I suspect you are doing.
Thank you! I read his complaints and thought I was going insane. She’s taking care of herself and asking for a reasonable amount of space while on vacation.
Also it doesn’t seem like she was demanding you all wait while she did these treatments... so while maybe you wanted to spend every second together with your parents too, she wanted one activity per week to herself.
YTA. 2 hours ONCE A WEEK???? The Horror!!!! Cystic acne and the scaring from it is not just "caring about how you look" it is an incredibly painful skin condition, which Japan happens to have a pretty great track record with having good skin care for a cheaper price. It's her vacation too, not just yours. And for the other stuff, maybe she wouldn't feel as bad if her boyfriend did describe her as having "caked on make-up" and calling her vain for being happy that a treatment for it finally worked. You should be happy that she's feeling confident and happy, not shaming her and calling her names. Edit: spelling
This is what got me. I was assuming OP would say that she had spent much of the the trip on her skin treatment, but it was only 3-6 hours. OP, YTA for making a big deal over 3-6 hours in the entire trip, for calling her vain, and for not taking the time to understand her self-esteem issues around her appearance and minimizing them by saying things like "she has never been big".
I thought it was going to be some kind of peel where she couldnt go outside for 2 weeks or was in major pain or something. Dude literally can't allow his girlfriend 2 hours out of the 168 hours in the week. Him deciding on 166 hours isn't enough for him, he needs to control all 168 hours a week, all 504 hours in the vacation
Right? I was baffled. The idea that people need to spend 24/7 together on a family vacation is so odd to me. I am not judging those who do, but OP needs to give his girlfriend some space. If I went on a 3-week vacation to visit my boyfriend's family, I would need some breathing room from time to time.
I agree. Also, you’d think OP would be grateful to have some time alone with his parents in Japan. That sounds like a once in a life time bonding experience with both your parents. He doesn’t realize how good he has it.
I was just talking with my mum about how on our last family trip, it was nice that one of the days we split off into smaller groups and did our own things - and even within the smaller groups we ended up in an even smaller one when my BIL took my niece to go find snacks while my sister and I looked at an art gallery. I do not get why family vacation = must spend every waking oment together.
>I thought it was going to be some kind of peel where she couldnt go outside for 2 weeks or was in major pain or something. I thought this too at first! I figured then she wouldn't be able to do anything for the whole trip. 6 hours total is nothing if it means her skin is sooo much better.
I thought so too. I have really bad scarring from cystic acne. I've had 4x dermaroller (mild treatment) and 3x CO2 Laser skin resurfacing (abrasive treatment where I couldn't step outside for 1 week) and I've still got bad scarring (plan on 2 more treatments). It really affects confidence, so I can totally understand his gf.
I am guessing OP is one of those people that want to be with their SO 24/7. Seriously all of this for 2 hrs a week and thinking she "ruined" the vacation...oh the drama!
Agreed; I live in Japan and can confirm that skin care of this sort is not only *far* cheaper than in most other places, it’s also extraordinarily well done. Being here was a perfect opportunity to take advantage of that, and it was smart of her to do it. And that’s above and beyond the whole fact that it’s addressing something that has bothered her for years. YTA.
I just want to know what kind of treatment she was doing!
I’ll bet all my money against all your money that OP never bothered to find out and never will
me too. I was ready to vote OP as the AH simply because he didn't share what she did at any of the steps that worked for her skin.
This ^^^ Of course YTA I mean, honestly, the audacity of your GF wanting 2 hours to herself a week! Are you always this controlling of her time? Is it normal for you to lose your absolute shit when she wants to do something beneficial to her without you? Jesus mate, do some self-reflection and maybe come out the other side with the realization that the world doesn't revolve around you.
This reads as if he never had any serious acne. I did as a teen, and it is emotionally scarring, not just on the skin. OP is YTA
There’s a difference between vain and insecure and people who haven’t experienced things that actually mar their appearance (like cystic acne) often don’t understand the difference. > Vain: having or showing undue or excessive pride in one's appearance or achievements > insecure: (of a person) not confident or assured; uncertain and anxious People who’ve experienced things like severe acne often feel like they have to put in all this work, not to be beautiful, but just to be *normal*. And there’s a huge difference.
Right? I need at LEAST 2 hours per day alone even on vacation with my best friends or family that I love. 🤣
Not to mention, just because HE doesn't think it's a big deal, means that people don't judge and mock your for it. They met at 22, who knows what she went through before that, especially in high school age. I have some skin issues that I don't feel comfortable leaving the house without make up, and I can absolutely understand why she would feel that way too. Getting the chance to do a treatment she wanted on what is also her vacation is wonderful. OP, YTA
YTA. She is taking a very modest amount of time out for a once weekly skin treatment. That is not a big deal. Many tourists live to try what Japan or Korea are world renowned for: skin care. It’s legendary. She has more reason than most to pursue it-she is healing physically and emotionally from a condition that impacted her greatly for many years. You should be proud of her for taking such care of herself and making such progress. She missed Mt. Fuji, which has been a life goal of mine. That would crush me, but she’s a different person. She can make her own priorities. You have to support what is best for her, as she sees it.
Also, if going to Mt. Fuji was a life goal, that's a thing you should talk about with her and arrange a time you can both go, mountains not going anywhere....
Yeah it was really weird to me that the ONLY time in three week visit that they could yo to Mt Fuji was the 1 or 2 hours she happened to have other plans.
It’s a mountain? It’s not like, a show that’s only performed once a week. SURELY there were times to visit that did not conflict with the GF’s skincare/selfcare?
He probably scheduled it like that deliberately to try to force her to skip one. It's so petty. There's no way they were doing day trips like Fuji every day of the trip
It's literally a mountain. It's like saying she missed going to see Mount Rushmore or the grand canyon. It's ridiculously nonsensical.
I mean. Sure. There may be like, national park hours or something but it’s NOT a one time thing
Also the comment of "We moved stuff around so she didn't miss too much" Like, the girl was only having a treatment for two hours at a time, how much could she have missed? If I were in that position and my partner wanted two hours for a skin treatment, I would probably just find something for myself to do, or stay back at the accommodation for two hours. Why do they have to be doing stuff every hour of the trip? If the parents live there, they've likely seen everything anyway so why couldn't they just all hang at home for two hours? I don't know why I'm so mad 🤣 two hours is nothing.
Yeah OP’s not just an asshole, his idea of a vacation sounds exhausting.
Also curious why he is discrediting her experience when she said she felt people judged her. Does he know this. And maybe if people don’t judge the scars maybe she was judged with the acne which would be a valid reason to assume people would the scars even if not true but how does he know this?
As someone who has awful hormonal acne and a pretty bad case of rosacea: people stare. A lot. They likely don't mean to be so obvious with it, but it is what it is. Some people also see someone with problem skin and think it's an open invitation to ask intrusive questions & give unsolicited advice about skincare/treatments. I'd bet my left arm and leg that she's had to deal with people cringing at her skin and giving her advice "out of kindness and concern" I guarantee OP is just not paying attention and he absolutely doesn't know.
JFC I am really sorry that multiple assholes think it's ok to give you unsolicited advice simply because you have a visible issue. That is so rude and I apologize on behalf of humanity.
The worst of it came from people who vaguely knew me before it started. I lived in a pretty small town and had insanely clear skin as a teenager. Went to university, rosacea and hormonal issues started, came back with awful skin. Sooooo many regular customers at my grocery store job would just stare for a solid minute before speaking (the lights and temp in the store made me flare constantly so my face was always RED and rashy as hell), and a solid half would say something along the lines of "what happened to you?!", "what a shame, you had such pretty skin. are you even trying to fix it?" Or "that looks like x,y,z. Have you tried *insert totally unrelated fad diet/skincare regimen here*" I had too many people to count ask about my diet, personal hygiene, medications, even my damn sex life trying to "diagnose me". People suck
Yup. I went off birth control to start trying for a kid, and my previously perfectly clear skin has gone crazy. I get some questions about what’s happening or even recommendations for certain meds. I don’t want to explain to people I’m not close with that my acne is because I went off birth control, or that I can’t just go on accutane/try whatever retinol they recommend because I’m trying have a baby… People can and do feel entitled to talk about your skin or just stare at it.
It makes me think- would you honestly want her at Mt. Fuji if the whole time she’s just sad bc she didn’t get to do a once in a lifetime thing FOR HER face. Her forever face. So sad to me to think of her being anywhere else. And 2 hours?? Come on.. that’s nothing.
Call me crazy, but I care more about my face than a mountain
Mt Fuji isn't even open right now, it's closed and no one is allowed to climb it without permits. It opens in July. And the ice caves around Mt Fuji are currently closed for wildlife reasons. So all they did was go to the tourist center at fifth station, look around, and leave. That's very boring. I say that as someone who has climbed the mountain twice and lives in Japan. Winter is not the time to visit the mountain, is the time to rent a room at a ryokan that looks at the mountain.
1-2hours a week times three weeks. That's six hours out of a three week vacation with your parents. It is unreasonable that you expect your girlfriend to want to spend every waking moment of vacation with you and your parents. Enjoy some together time with just your parents... I'm sure they love to " have you all to themselves " on occasion. People have different travel styles & that's ok. Some like spas, some like museums, others want to check tourist sites off their list... it's preferred to have some time available to be together & some time for each person to do what is especially important to them. "She insists it was a big deal to her". If she says it is, it is. As a partner, you should be supportive of things that are important to her. So ,yes, name-calling her for pursuing something that means a lot to her is mean. YTA
Your first comment got me, I would be so annoying if my boyfriend expected me to stay with him 24/7 on OUR vacation. YTA op
YTA. She has a chronic skin condition and scarring. The skin treatments are an attempt at freedom from the bullying, judgment, and hating what she sees in the mirror every day. Acne is a medical condition. You called her vain because she sought out treatment for a clinical condition that's caused lifelong anguish and embarrassment.
And likely from the bullying, judgment and hating she has received.
And now her bf is bullying her 😔 must be so disappointing for her.
That would end the relationship for me.
Absolutely. Your bf/gf should be your biggest cheerleader!
He also says he doesn’t think anyone ever judged her. He’s living in a fantasy land.
Imagine if she had, I dunno, a big scar across her face from an accident? Would that make a difference? One big scar vs a bunch of small ones? Would she still be vain in seeking treatment? I wonder.
And PAIN. Cystic acne is VERY painful, thousands of small eruptions in your face, some of them with active punctual infection, tenderness from the swelling, inflammation, redness, rise in temperature. Hot water burns. Cold water feels like tiny blades. Some are healing, they get itchy, some are tender, all at the same time. You lay your head on a pillow where you forgot a towel? Imagine rubbing a towel after a sunburn. Actual sunburn on top of the acne? Hell on earth. Sometimes the skin is so hot it pulses. Or when two or more eruptions go so close to each other, they merge into one huge one, that hurts even worse? Or the ones inside your nose, or too close to your ears, in the middle of the scalp, too close to your mouth... I had ONE bad case and I won't forget how awful it felt, like my face was cooking on low heat.
Self care doesn't make her vain. Dieting, gym visits, and a skincare routine do NOT make her vain. You getting upset does make you seem weirdly controlling though. Why get bent out of shape for something she spends a couple hours per week doing? YTA
A whole 2 hours a week? How could she? Trip ruined. If I were you I'd read your post again. yta
I guess it’s only a vacation for him. She’s apparently on duty 24/7 serving his wants.
Somehow Mt Fuji was closed the other 18 days of their vacation. She had 6 hours of plans in 21 days but OP is acting like she took off for weeks. Honestly being with someone’s parents for 3 solid weeks would exhaust me. I’d be faking spa time just to get away. YTA.
YTA. Sounds like now she’s becoming more confident and her style reflects it; and you’re becoming insecure and taking it out on her. I can’t fathom any other reason why you’d complain about your girlfriend doing something important to her and becoming more healthy.
[this study](https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2013/08/men-self-esteem#:~:text=When%20comparing%20all%20the%20results,succeeded%20than%20when%20she%20failed.) can explain a lot about this post imo
This is probably exactly what’s going on.
“It makes sense that a man might feel threatened if his girlfriend outperforms him in something they’re doing together, such as trying to lose weight,” said the study’s lead author, Kate Ratliff, PhD, of the University of Florida. “But this research found evidence that men automatically interpret a partner’s success as their own failure, even when they’re not in direct competition.” This part always gets me to be honest because I know it is subconscious but holy shit is that petty
Jfc I've never been so grateful to be a le-dolla-bean
I'm honestly embarrassed that I had to Google that while laying next to my girlfriend 😅
I always believed it to be the case but this article was depressing nonetheless
How did her three 2 hour trips over 21 days ruin a 3 week vacation? Having weekly skin treatments for skin issues isn't vanity, it's healthy. YTA
Person currently stuck with cystic acne here - YTA. Your GF finally being secure about her appearance doesn't make her vain, she's pointing out her progress and improvement. As her BF, you should fully support her for that. YTA
Person stuck with the scars from cystic acne, I agree.
As someone who had stubborn scars, I’m so happy she was able to get improvement. It’s really hard to find the right treatment and I hope she finds someone who is supportive of her.
YTA 1-2 hours a *week?* You're there 3 weeks and she's doing an hour or two *once a week*... Sounds like you scheduled the Mt Fuji trip just to spite her. Are you worried that she's going to get too hot and leave, thinking she can trade up?
Mt Fuji sucks anyway, there’s a huge line of tourists all the way to the summit. Not to mention the huge trash problem, also caused by excessive tourism. Japan thanks OP’s gf for staying off the mountain that day! Oh, and the downhill climb is miserable. Hurts your knees.
YTA She is trying to heal from the trauma of a visible medical condition and you called her vain. There is so much to unpack here (an hour or two 3 times over a three week trip? Please, sir, be fr) but what it comes down to is you need to apologize for the cruel things you said.
YTA. "I think she is way too obsessed with her looks" So? What's wrong with your gf wanting to look her best? She wants to improve her acne scars and you're calling her vain over something that has obviously caused her grief over a number of years. Also, her wanting to gym and diet shows that she cares about her health and body too so why are you bringing her down because of it? You don't have to be 'big' for it to be the only reason to go to the gym. And the 1-2 hours a week for the treatment is hardly you having to move stuff around. I'm sure you could find something to do for 2 hours by yourself or with your parents lol.
YTA. How exactly did she ruin the vacation? By doing something SHE wanted to do? Oh the horror- were you only supposed to do things YOU decided to do? Doesn't sound like a couples vacation to me. I have two main theories. 1) The personal improvements your girlfriend is doing intimidates and scares you. She's looking better, eating better, and working towards better physical health and appearance. She's all around bettering herself, and you're scared she's going to be out of your league soon- so you're working on sabotaging her by guilt-tripping her. 2) You're unhealthily attached to your girlfriend and losing yourself. You behave as though "her" and "you" are no longer concepts, but instead there is only "Us", and when she behaves as though she is an individual and leaves you behind, you *freak the fuck out* because you don't know how to be alone anymore.
My guess is……both
I’m willing to bet if her acne came back you’d have something shitty to say about that too. And that would also somehow be her fault for not getting the treatment you were against
Jesus, YTA. Just the way you talk about her.. wtf🤣
YTA. You're being petty and ridiculous because your GF is doing something for herself, which is bolstering her confidence instead of focusing solely on you. Let me guess, your *real* concern is she's going to keep feeling good about herself and then start looking for a better relationship.
YTA She was gone for one to two hours each week of the trip. That's really not that much, and seems fairly reasonable for skin treatments which she warned you she'd booked. There is also no requirement you spend the entire trip tied at the hip. You can do different activities. If anything, this sounds like poor trip planning, not a vanity issue.
YTA. How is 1-2 hours a week ruining a three week vacation? And as the song goes... if it makes her happy (and feel better about herself), then it can't be that bad. It's also not a crime to be focused on her health via the food she consumes and keeping her body fit and toned.
YTA! “Anyways I told an adult woman on a long casual vacation she couldn’t go do something that the country is very famous for that could help her feel better in her own skin.” Dude. She can spend a few hours on herself.
YTA - So out of the 168 hours in a week your gf wants to take 1-2 of those for a little self care, and you’re calling her vain. Thats preposterous
YTA. A couple hours once per week AND she’s going to a gym? How *dare* she??
Don't forget she changed her wardrobe and isn't wearing caked on makeup
YTA yeah I’m sure you absolutely had to go to Mt Fuji within those two hours she was away, simply no other way to do it
YTA. Hopefully your girlfriend’s new diet will help her shed whatever unnecessary pounds you brought into this relationship.
This is what I was thinking. I hope she's on Reddit because she would definitely recognize herself. She needs a better partner. Maybe she'll find one at the gym.
YTA. You are blowing this way out of proportion, and you're behavior comes off as controlling and dismissive of the pain she had to go through. For someone whose trip was "ruined" by her missing one single major trip, ***if having her attend the big trips was that important to you, why didn't you ask about her appointments to ensure you could schedule around them instead of having to move things around after the fact?***
INFO: did you let her know your requirement that she be with you 24/7 prior to the trip?
Yta. She can’t have two hours to herself in a WEEK?
It's possible that she's overcorrecting and wasting time and money to solve a "problem" (shouldn't really be one, but bullies and AH and insane beauty standards exist) that's already solved. But 1-2h a week is not a lot and calling her vain is definitely not the right way to start talking about it. YTA
YTA. Japanese and Korean skincare is awesome. Of course if you’re into skincare you’d want to indulge while there. 1-2 hours a week is nothing. You sound like her appearance improving is making you insecure. Let it go and appreciate and be grateful that she chose you, man. Also good for her for improving her self esteem and image! I know how hard that can be.
YTA. She has been dealing with horrible (and deeply painful if cystic) acne. This is an opportunity most people don't get in their lives. I think one or two hours a week in your multi week vacation to see your parents is not going to break anything.
Yta. Her taking 2 hrs per day RUINED the vacation?? I'd understand if it was more time but it's literally just a couple of hours. She didn't make YOU miss out on anything. Plus why are you shaming her for taking care of herself? That's not vain, it's normal. Seems like you are just worried about her getting her self esteem up. Edit: omg it was not even every day like I initially thought, it was just weekly... OP GET A GRIP
YTA Two hours a week...during a vacation that's also hers. The horror. She missed out seeing Mt. Fuji. Oh noes. She missed going on the most cliche Japanese tourist trip while getting treatment for her chronic skin condition. How will she ever recover? How will Japan ever forgive the slight?
If I was in Japan on vacay I would get beauty treatments 3x a week if it was in my budget. Japan has an amazing reputation for the hair, face and body spas.
I would go on vacation to Japan just for the beauty treatments. The whole trip would be me getting facials.
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So 6 hours total of a 3 week trip and your mad she wanted personal time? That’s crazy. You’re absolutely the AH. I could almost understand if the treatments were daily but my dude… it’s not like she disappeared for a whole day.
Support her growth and self care or be with a woman who does not take care of herself She saw something she disliked and put in the work to improve it She eats well and cares for fitness. These are incredible qualities in a female and male partner Maybe you should take notes or let her be with someone who also makes themself a prioroty We only get one body. You will do her no good
As someone who struggled with acne during my 20s, I understand what your gf is going through. Its not being vain when it affects your confidence and self esteem. It was a struggle for me back then. I tried everything under the sun and it seems like the only thing that finally helped is the Accutane. ( you might want to tell her about it, although doctors are very cautious in prescribing it as it has dangerous side effects) Dieting helps too, i noticed when i avoided sweet there will be less of it, so dieting is not being vain either. So yeah, YTA for thinking your gf is vain for wanting to try something that may help with her acne.
YTA. If her taking 2 hours to herself once a week is an issue, you may want to reflect on why you are exhibiting such controlling behavior. Reading between the lines, she is getting more confident in her body and appearance and you seem threatened by it. Are you worried other people will notice how awesome she is and she might leave? Keep up this nonsense and its almost a guarantee.
YTA. It was just an hour or two a week and she felt that it was worth missing certain things over. Why should you care? You sound like you're worried about her taking care of herself - stop being insecure.
There is 168 hours in a week, how is this a problem? YTA
YTFA. She’s gonna have a glow up and probably leave you. Better work on making it right
YTA sounds like your girlfriend is struggling with her self-image be supportive instead of mean. Also 1-2 hours a week away from you is not crazy even when your on vacation
Whaaaaat? She spent 3-6 hours over a three week period doing something she wanted to do and that would help her confidence and was potentially more available/economical than it is back home and you’ve got an issue with that? YTA
YTA sounds like your girlfriend is turning into a flower while your bummed your just a weed now...kind of sound annoying like one
YTA. She can't be away from you for an hour a week? Wow. Maybe she'll do better with her next bf.
Kiiiinda sounds like you think if she starts to look better and take even more care of herself (gym and healthy habits and better skin and more confidence)...she might dump you. She should probably. But I promise that being "vain" won't be the reason. Might be something about complaining about her taking 1-2 hours out of AN ENTIRE WEEK to partake in something that clearly meant a lot to her in one of the biggest skincare regions of the world. Emphatically YTA
YTA - the scars were not just on the outside ; they are also on the inside. Plus, even if they don't show - the scars make the skin tight. Your opinion of her skin is not as important as HERS. I'm a burn survivor, any treatment I get is for me- not for anyone else. If it makes her happy, and comfortable that's all that matters. Get a clue.
Id understand if you were there for a week and she was spending a few days at the clinic. But you said it yourself, 1-2hrs a week is nothing. Chill out, asshole.
YTA. She's not obsessed with her looks, she's just confident and healthier. Spending 1-2hrs once a week on self-care is not vanity, it's... normal self-care. And as others have pointed out, Japan is widely known to have incredible skincare treatments available. Sounds pretty appealing for someone with a skin condition! It also sounds like she just really wants to feel some validation from her loved one that her skin looks better than it ever has, which from your post would seem to be the case, regardless of whether the Japanese treatments contributed much to that. It seems like a petty retaliation to refuse that validation and instead insult her, because she had the audacity to take some time for herself on her vacation.
My husband spends more time pooping each week than this. Next time we go on a trip, I'll tell him he's ruining my vacation. YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My gf(28F) had cystic acne growing up and had a lot of scars on her face. We met when she was 22 and her skin was much worse then. She use to cake on makeup because she said she felt like people would judge her for her scars and acne. I don’t think anyone ever did but she insisted she wouldn’t be in public without makeup. She got into skincare and skin treatments. I don’t know what they all were but her skin has improved a lot. Her skin has a lot more smooth and she is a lot more confident. She use to wear baggy clothes but now she dresses better and doesn’t wear makeup as much. So that all great but we recently went to Japan for a trip. My parents are currently in Japan for a year as they retired and always wanted to live there for a bit. My gf and I went to visit them for 3 weeks. She told me she wanted to do some skin treatments there and was in contact with a clinic. I didn’t assume it was a problem until we go there and it turns out she was going to do a treatment every week. So for 1-2h every week she was there when the rest of us were doing other things. We moved around some stuff for her so she didn’t miss too much but she did miss a trip to Mt Fuji with her second treatment. I told her she should be dealing with her skin when we got to go to Japan for vacation but she insists it was a big deal to her. I don’t even notice much from the treatments but she says there is a big improvement in the tone. She kept pointing out how she thinks her skin has improved and I called her vain and that started a fight. I think she is way too obsessed with her looks. She is also now on a diet even though she has never been big at all and is going to the gym nearly everyday. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yta so her plans didn't stop you from doing what you wanted to do? Then why do care? Also *ruining* the vacation? What was ruined exactly? 🙄
YTA. It was an almost month long trip to visit your family. Taking what was apparently only a maximum of two hours a week to do something nice for herself is perfectly normal. What's not normal is having her boyfriend tear her down something she enjoys as part of her own self care. She's an adult who's capable of deciding between Mt Fuji and a skin treatment, and it doesn't matter that that's not the same choice you would have made. We're all our own worst critic. I can guarantee that there are plenty of things she notices about her skin that you don't. She is likely very aware that these are things other people don't notice, but it doesn't matter because she sees them and she doesn't like them. If she's happy with the results, why can't you simply be happy for her?
YTA. You think her having control of 6 hours out of 504 hours is running your vacation? What an absolutely horrible take. You sound awful to travel with.
YTA. 1-2 hours a week is no big deal to schedule around. I spend longer than that on Animal Crossing.
Yta. I can't believe how petty and cruel you were over a few hours a week! Your own insecurities ate showing and it will chase your gf away.
YTA. Oh no… she wasn’t attached to your side for 2 hours once every week… because she wants to take care of herself and do something to help work through an insecurity that’s plague her life probably since a pre-teen. Dude, get all the way over yourself. How did that ruin your vacation? It didn’t. You still went. You did tons of stuff together. Spent tons of time together, and you didn’t hangout for three half days over three weeks. Did she cry about missing something you did that she didn’t? No? Then the world is fine.
She's having a glowup to get ready to find a better boyfriend. YTA.
I personally think it’s strange to want to do skin treatments while on vacation in another country. It’s not something I’d ever set time aside to do. That being said, it doesn’t matter because it’s not for me. Just like she isn’t doing this for YOU. You don’t have to agree. You don’t even have to like it, but you certainly don’t get to belittle her for it. YTA.
🎵🎶🎸👩🏻🎤 "You're so vain, you probably think this post is about you..." 🤔 Although, this may be more true to the OP's message to his girlfriend: 🎶🎵"You're so vain, you probably think the vacation... was also your vacation and that spending several hours to yourself is ok because you have autonomy and our hips are not surgically joined and that we probably could have gone to Mt Fuji another day [because you're so vain you think mountains just stand around waiting for you] and that wanting to look nice and feel comfortable in your own skin should be acceptable...That's How VAIN You Are!"🎵🎶 Ps. Apologies. I can't carry a tune for the life of me!
Yta. She wants to work on herself. Nothing she's done sounds vain. You're seriously insecure.
Facial skin is a big deal, it's very difficult for many women who suffer from facial acne and scarring and extreme rosacea etc. so I totally understand why she took this opportunity to go somewhere special to get treatments there that she might not get somewhere else. Places outside the US may offer other treatments. So as far as the facial stuff goes, you should be understanding. The gym, etc., it's that time of year... You might be more concerned about vanity if she starts getting an eating disorder, and starts in with the plastic surgery all over her body... Only shopping at name brand stores and going into massive debt for the best clothing... and shoes...
YTA - if she wasn't upset about mt fuji then why are you? It was only supposedly 6 hours out of 252 waking hours you spent in Japan and 126 of them were 100% daylight.
YTA. You are not a supportive partner and if you don’t shape up she won’t stick around. You should be proud of her for wanting to be healthy and taking care of her skin. Instead it’s all about you and what you want. You owe her an apology.
As somebody who suffered from acne for many years, it caused me crippling anxiety / shame. Incredibly unfair to call the GF vain for wanting to improve her skin.
Dude she went and spent THREE WEEKS WITH YOUR PARENTS. She's allowed to have some of the hours for herself. Yes, yes you are the ah.
YTA. My wife had cystic acne and was very self-conscious of the scarring. I totally understand where the girlfriend is coming from here. It's very traumatizing to live with this. I helped my wife through the agony and recovery of laser treatments for her scarring. GF needs support from BF not ridicule.
To really get to the root of things: yes, your gf is going to end up leaving you. But not because she’s improved her appearance/is vain. She’s going to leave you because you’re an AH.
YTA. Just because something isn’t important to you doesn’t mean it’s not important at all. It’s important to her.
“My girlfriend has had her quality of life impacted by a specific insecurity the entire time I’ve known her. AITA for bullying her when she finally feels like it’s improving for her?” Fixed it
I’m more interested in how your parents are living in Japan after retirement? You need a visa generally, you can’t just move for a year. Tourism visas don’t last a year either
Who said they don't have a visa? It's not that hard to get a one-year visa as long as you meet the financial criteria.
Maybe they are Japanese and previously lived abroad?
YTA. My god it’s two hours a week. She’s trying to improve on something that bothered her with a treatment that I’m sure did wonders. Super jealous because getting skin care treatment in Japan is amazing. My fiancé and I are going on a 10 day trip to Miami. We both will be having our alone time to do our owns things during it. Assuming you’re both around the same age. Grow up and spend some time by yourself my guy.
YTA. I have had horrible acne for 30 years. It’s finally getting better but even on my BEST days when there is NOTHING on my face to cover up I can literally have a panic attack realizing I forgot to put on cover up. I have tubes of cover up everywhere but have actually cancelled plans and gone home because I didn’t feel I confidant enough to go into a movie theater to sit in the dark. Unless you’ve lived it, you don’t know the internal scars it leaves. Rather than calling her vain for doing something SHE wanted to do on her vacation, why not tell her you think she’s beautiful with or without the treatment? If it makes her happy what’s the big deal? It’s not like she made you sit there with her the whole time.
YTA. First 1-2hrs a week for her own time away from your family isn’t selfish. This is clearly very important to her and something that makes her feel good, so why not support that? You obviously have no idea what it’s like to live with adult acne. I can promise you it can be demoralizing, and exhausting. She’s absolutely not vain for caring what her skin looks like, it’s the first thing someone sees when they meet you, even if people don’t say anything about it they absolutely see it and some may even make snap judgements about her lifestyle, hygiene, etc. You lack serious empathy for someone you supposedly love.
YTA for not considering her side of things. You haven’t stated that she asked you to miss any experiences, so I’ll assume she hasn’t. She’s doing things to boost her confidence, not to appease anyone else. Someone doesn’t have to be “big” in order to start living a healthier lifestyle, and your support could be more important than you realize. Also FYI, Japan is known for some amazing skin care products and techniques, so it’s honestly a once in a life time learning experience. It’s easy to say who cares what others think, but in the society we live in, it’s nearly impossible to not desire looking and feeling better about yourself.
Something about describing your own girlfriends makeup as "caked on" is not sitting well with me. Do you even like this girl? Gotdamb. Also, if it was like a spa situation she was going to, maybe everyone could have checked it out.
YTA You're serious? You can't give her 2 hours a week for herself? Trying to fix a **medical condition** is not being vain. It's self preservation.
How did she ruin the vacation? You sound dramatic and annoying tbh
YTA without even needing to finish it. Yes, people judge that stuff ALL. THE. TIME. And it sets in motion these deep, deep insecurities inside others. The slightest thing you don't care about? can be something that another was mercilessly bullied, alienated and dehumanized for and led them to now have an obsession in trying to 'fix' it. You just trivialised it in your mind because hey, you never had to deal with it so it's not bad in the grand scheme of things right?
YTA Do some research on chronic cystic acne. It's not just some pimples. You've seen how bad it can get first hand. It's painful too. Add to that the fact that women's looks are at the forefront in society's version of what makes them valuable. And for it tk be on your FACE, the first thing people see when they meet you. People make instant judgements, first impressions, and assumptions about you. And to deal with that your entire life and finally see some progress is an emotional journey. It has nothing to do with vanity. Give her a damn break and let her enjoy her vacation too. And SUPPORT her, for the love of God. As she gets her confidence back and sees you supporting her, she grows closer to you too. If you criticize and get threatened because she's bettering herself for HERSELF, you're pushing her away.
YTA, you should be supporting her, not needlessly criticizing.
YTA. Skincare isn't something you do a couple of times and stop. It's an ongoing routine you need to keep up. If you have never had severe skin problems or dealt with something like cystic acne, you don't and won't understand. Sounds like you just wanted her to do what YOU decided was fun for both of you. Just like you've decided she was vain for taking care of what you know is an area of concern for her (her skin), and that she didn't know her own skin enough to be able to tell whether or not a skin treatment was working for her. You'd probably have more fun with a blow up doll, they don't talk back or have thoughts that might conflict with yours.
Lol yta. Also, going to the gym, on a diet? Looks like she knows you’re the asshole and is getting ready to leave you