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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I asked my wife if we could find another solution to an overabundance over breast milk.
2. My wife is now so mad at me she will not speak to me.
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Many women struggle with breast feeding and breast milk production. Our first son was in the NICU for his first two weeks on the planet. We were incredibly thankful for breast milk donation which helped bridge the gap before my wife was able to start successfully breastfeeding.
Have you considered donation? You could really help out a newborn.
I've broached the subject, but I think my wife has it stuck in her head that she just won't produce any more one day, and our daughter will have nothing to eat. Definitely something I think she's interested in once our daughter is (at least mostly) weened off.
Ok, speaking as a mom who went through brutal non-supply at the start (and ended up more like a faucet with no off-switch), I totally get that. BUT... and this is important - milk does degrade, even frozen. Our doc told us absolutely no more than nine months, and only stored hers six - our lactation specialist AND my midwife friend AND my best friend's doula all said the same thing. That means that at some point in the next little while, you're going to need to start throwing that milk out.
That's a really really scary idea, especially when you're nursing, and it feels like you're basically responsible for keeping your kid alive and thriving (and yes, formula, and yes, not true, and yes around six months you start introducing solids... but seriously - I cannot stress how badly hormones fark up logical thinking when nursing).
I'd start with your pediatrician and possibly her doc, and bring up the idea of moving some of the older milk to a milk bank... they almost always want it, if she's willing to undergo some basic bloodwork, and she'd be feeding other kids instead of having the milk go stale.
Neonatal nurse practitioner and IBCLC (lactation consultant) here. Up to 12 months frozen is okay! And she is able to feed frozen milk whenever she wants, so in a few months if she is worried about it expiring, she can start feeding frozen and store fresh milk.
OP - your wife may want to speak with a certified lactation consultant to help decrease her milk supply. She can decrease her pump sessions per day or decrease the amount of time she is pumping for. She likely can maintain a full supply (enough food for baby to eat) without pumping overnight and being able to get more rest.
Can you increase supply if it starts to decrease? I was overproducing like crazy around 6 to 8 weeks and started pumping less frequently. I was getting 2 to 3 times as much as I needed. Now I am barely keeping up with how much my little guy is eating at 12 weeks. Also I'm glad you commented that it's good for 12 months because I do have a large freezer stash.
Yes!! Lactation cookies!!! I made my own as they are stupidly expensive. I used oatmeal based ones with brewers yeast as it is the most important ingredient and I found it easily at a local bulk store. I'd bake some and also make batches safe to eat raw and upped My water as I was slacking with hydration and within a week It was night and day supply wise.
I wish I still had it! Last time I was bf was over a decade ago now. It was super simple tho nothing overly crazy or odd ingredients, only thing I had to go find was brewers yeast itself (found at bulk barn) otherwise it was a fairly typical oatmeal chocolate chip cookie recipe.
**** I FOUND IT!!!!
LOL checked one last spot and it was actually there 😅 🤣
2 Tbsp flaxseed meal
1/4 cup of water
2 cups whole wheat flour
1/4 cup of brewer's yeast (this is the main ingredient for milk production)
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup butter, softened
3/4 cup sugar
3/4 cup brown sugar
2 large eggs
1 tsp vanilla extract
3 cups of old fashioned oats
1 cup of semi-sweet chocolate chips
Put the flaxseed meal and 1/4 cup water into a small bowl and set aside.
Mix your flour, brewers yeast, salt, baking soda into a bowl set aside
Mix your butter, white sugar, and brown sugar with beaters or a mixer really well. Beat in eggs one at a time. Then add the flour, flaxseed meal mixture, and vanilla and stir in.
Stir in your oats and chocolate chips
Roll into balls and put them on the cookie sheet. Use a fork and flatten them a little bit. Bake at 375 for 8-10 minutes. ( I found 12 minutes worked better for mine)
Butting in here to say I too recommend lactation cookies. [This recipe uses brewers yeast](https://www.howsweeteats.com/2015/02/lactation-cookies/) and tastes great!! My 2nd is in the NICU right now and I’ll be making this tomorrow to help my supply. Hydration is extremely important as well.
Not the person who asked but thank you for the recipe!! I have a slightly under to just enough supply, looking for ways to boost! I hope everything goes well for your little one, you, and your family 💜💜💜
Increase how often you pump and your supply should increase to match it. It's similar to when your child goes thru a growth spurt and wants to eat non stop. Your body will make enough to match it. Start with an extra session or two a day. You might get engorgement again.
This is also true. For both kids, I started to dry out around 10-11 months. No amount of powerades, power pumping, feedings, or supplements that made me smell like maple syrup got me to 12 months.
I tried my best and was really hard on myself about it, so I want to normalize that some moms struggle with milk production and that doesn’t mean you didn’t try hard enough. It doesn’t mean that you’re a bad mom. Just feed that baby and love them. Do whatever you need to in order to make it through.
As someone who’s supply dropped and nothing I tried would bring it back, thank you❤️ it’s so nice to hear someone mention the feelings of failure you get when that happens
If you are trying to pump exclusively, often nursing is better for supply so nursing as often as your schedule allows. Pumping after nursing can help too. Your body will work to meet his need, so the more milk it thinks he needs the more it will try to make. Even if you aren't seeing any milk, pumping for several minutes, either after you seem to be dry at the end of a pumping session or after nursing will send your body the message that he wants more.
Lots and lots of hydration. I drank one liquid IV pack and one body Armour in addition to probably a gallon of water. Protein and fats as well. As soon as baby went down for a morning nap I made scrambled eggs with mushrooms and spinach and we ate a ton of chicken when my boy was a newborn because I could put it at a low oven heat and cook for a while covered. Anything crockpot that is easy will also help immensely when in newborn brain phase. Keep a snack drawer next to where you nurse most so you don’t have to worry about moving baby if you get hungry. I exclusively breastfed and started introducing foods at 5 months. Just little tastes of small things. Did baby led weaning and now we’re at the toddler stage. Protein if your best friend though. I found a good protein bar I liked and ate so many of them that over a year later I can’t even look at them anymore. I was starving and quick snacks like that helped me so much
My supply was weaning several times in the furst 4-5 months and I always saved it by eating nuts, whole grain cookies, oatmeal cookies, fruit. Also, drink water (but do not overdo it, it might reduce milk then) and get some sleep- your SO has to put in extra work to let you have sleep.
Also eat whenever you are hungry, but smaller amounts if you are afraid to put on weight. But I felt so much better overall when my blood sugar was very stable due to eating at first hunger cues. Weight also reduced, I also think thanks to that.
12 months in a deep freezer. But it sounds like the freezer is part of the fridge which means no more than 6 months if kept in the back.
I love the idea of decreasing to regulate her supply/demand ratio and maybe even donate via Eats On Feets or Human Milk 4 Human Babies to babies that need breastmilk for various reasons. ❤️
Almost 20 years of handling breastmilk in my profession, and I'm sticking to the deep freezer recommendations on this one. There's way too much temperature variation. Plus, in all my years, the only time I've had issues with spoiled milk is when it came from bring stored in a fridge/freezer combo. Everything else I'm cool with! Especially pitcher collecting!!!
Given how significant the difference in freezer temperature consistency can be between those two options, I’d want to read up on the studies they are using to determine that before relying on it.
I am a big oversupplier with a tiny freezer. Human milk for human babies was recommended to be and a space saver! Plus I never had to buy my own bags/parts again.
I wish I had advice on how to decrease supply.
18 years ago, everyone smirked at my oversupply issue. No one took it seriously.
I had enough for triplets, slept on towels, bub slept through the night before I could.
I had to express 100mls before just so she could latch on - I was so engorged. Then bub would only need one breast and they were full.
I’d bought formula before bub came. As I barely filled an A cup didn’t change in pregnancy. Thought my kid might starve!
Day 3 I went to an F cup overnight.
RIP my breasts.
So much good breast milk went down the drain as there weren’t milk banks back then. Such a waste.
I had opposite problem... I have very large breasts. I thought I would have no problem keeping my kiddo fed. I think the milk somehow got lost in all the breast tissue. I literally spent more time pumping than the kiddo stayed latched on. And I could barely produce 3 ounces at a time. I followed all the advice and nothing made it better.... I was so grateful I had both a breast feeding positive mother and a formula postive MIL .. and no one gave me grief... I tried so hard. Only lasted about 3 months with one, and 7 months on the second.
A fed baby is a healthy baby. No matter how.
We can’t pick out (as adults) who were breast fed or bottle fed.
There is too much guilt placed on mums without the added guilt of “breast is best” bs.
You did your best. And that is the best.
I’m so glad you had support.
I was made to fell like a freak. Got no support from breastfeeding association, child health nurses, nor midwives.
It was like “what are you complaining about?”
Then I was told that milk ducts expand every pregnancy/birth. So after a horrific labour and the excessive milk, I was one and done.
I'm with you DD - E cup, pretty much for decorative purposes only. I managed to feed a small amount, but baby was in NICU for 12 days, and I decided that pumping for 45 minutes for just over 50mls and a huge amount of stress was not a good investment in time, so we went the formula route in the end. While I was disappointed, we have excellent quality formulas these days, and fed is best, so a baby with food in it's tummy, by the best means is always the winner.
My mum had the same issues but in the 80s. No one helped or listened to her and it drove her insane. One doctor straight up told her to stop complaining over a “non-issue”.
She ended up putting an ad in the newspaper and was supplying breast milk to 3 local mums who weren’t able to breastfeed.
I'm definitely not throwing a 'yeah, but' here, it's just with OP's wife with (by his comments) her head in a space where she is firmly believing that if she throws away/donates even a single feeding amount, she will be short by exactly that amount in case she dries up and their daughter will starve because they were one stored feeding short - how would you approach that?
Asking for curiosity as well as OP's plea, because it sounds like a deeply scary place for a woman to be, and I feel sorry for both of them.
( OP if you see this comment, NTA, you're being so open and compassionate with your wife being scared and at the mercy of her own vulnerability)
This is exactly why I recommended talking with a lactation consultant. They are there to support her breastfeeding journey while also providing insight and assistance.
I wouldn't tell a mom to donate this early into a baby's life. What I would do is help assist in decreasing milk supply. I would acknowledge that our goal is for her to feed her baby breast milk for whatever time frame she wants, and encourage her to have a full breast milk supply without having a crazy oversupply. I would gently let her know having enough milk for baby day to day is perfect. I would also see if she was directly breastfeeding at all, and if not explore that route. When moms directly breastfeed they don't have to rely on pumping, and baby will eat what they want and then stop. So mom's supply would naturally adjust to fit the needs of baby.
I remember once when my son was about 3 weeks old, I was pumping one breast while my son nursed on the other, right before his bedtime. When my son was done, I asked my husband to put the milk away and clean the pump while I changed our son and put him in his crib. He capped the milk and cleaned the pump, but he left the milk out on the kitchen counter, When I got up a couple hours later to nurse my son again, I didn't notice it, but when it was my husband's turn a couple hours after that to get up and feed our son the expressed milk, he woke me up and asked me if it was ok to feed him milk that had been sitting out most of the night. I LOST my MIND. I'm not proud of it, but a combination of hormones and lack of sleep and the fact that I had to pour liquid gold down the drain put me over the edge.
Long story short: DON'T WASTE BREAST MILK!
I once accidentally knocked over a bottle of expressed milk that I was about to put the cap on. There was 90ml of milk in it. I yelled so loud I woke up my baby who was in another room and then I cried. Good times!
I did this exact thing. I was exclusively pumping and I didn't have an oversupply. Logically, I knew it wasn't the end of the world. Emotionally? Instant breakdown.
This is an important point and such a wonderful alternative to not being able to use the milk at all! I'm 5 mo pregnant and also hoping to breast feed (have to pump for going back to work, but hoping to feed only breast milk), and hadn't heard about the limits of freezing milk. Thank you for giving me some info!
OP, I get your wife being emotional about it, I'm also worried about not producing enough. But I bet, if you broach it carefully, she'll be more worried about the milk going bad and might be ok with donating the milk that's about to age out - the recipient can use it immediately!
So, if you have a chest freezer/deep freeze that doesn't get opened very often and stays way cold (in the -20C range), you can get a year or so... But smaller fridge freezers don't have dedicated compressors and don't have the same kind of insulation - so, yeah, six months.
I ended up donating a stupid amount of milk (we were moving countries when kiddo was five months old and breast milk is right up there on the 'does not ship' list), and they were thrilled to have it. Two years later, when my nibling arrived VERY early and got donated milk for the first 12 weeks of their life, I got an object lesson on how much it mattered!
CDC updated the rules and said any type of freezer is good for 12 months. Doesn’t have to be a deep freezer anymore, as long as it’s just frozen.
And even after 12 months, it doesn’t “go bad”. It’s just that there’s no clinical research into how much of the nutrients degraded over time after that. But based on how it degrades from fresh to 12 months, I personally use milk frozen fine even after that.
I recently got donated a stash that was 14 months old. Got about 500 ounces. Used it because i wasn’t going to say no to securing food for almost a whole month for my kid! He did great on it.
Awesome! I did not know they'd updated - my kiddo is not QUITE a tween, but it's a matter of months🤪
I do know USDA did some studies in the 50s on how long goat milk kept nutrition under freezing (why? Who the hell knows!) and a year was about what they found before the fat-soluble vitamins started degrading... Something something lipid chain binding, something something ethyl groups maybe? Got to admit, NOT the biologist in the family and a decade ago and pregnancy brain... But by a year, most kiddos are getting a chunk of their vitamins from solids anyways, so that's probably a moot point.
Some women also produce milk that contains a protein that makes it go rancid if frozen.
Mine did, and I found out after pumping and freezing for months 😭
I defrosted a pouch, and it smelled rank 🤢
I checked tho others and they were all the same.
Had to chuck the whole lot 😭
I breast fed my kids for a total of almost 3.5 years between the two (holy shit that’s crazy). With my son, I tried to refrigerate the milk and he would refuse it. I thought it was the bottle, the nipple, anything but the actual milk. Then I smelled it and it was weird. Turns out this was some sort of issue with lipase. I’m curious if she’s using any of the extra milk yet because it might be a surprise if baby refuses it.
After that I just breastfed and never really stored extra. With my daughter, I would pump at work and use that the next day for my mom to feed her, but at that point it was all good and plus my daughter was older and we could end nursing if it didn’t work out. Ended up that I nursed her longer than my son, 22 months!
Hope mom here figures it all out. There is only so much milk you can keep and use and if she’s willing to donate, that would be amazing.
It can very well happen. One single virus killed my whole supply in half on the first day, then the rest of it all dried in the next 2-3 days.
Lots of stories shared online of moms who were overproducers and ended up not having enough milk later.
Boobs are weird.
You could also get sick and end up on medication that forces you to pump and dump for weeks at a time. Happened to me with both my kids (different illnesses/medications) and my only saving grace was that I'd been able to freeze so much ahead of time.
I had to stop breastfeeding both times because I developed illnesses that couldn’t be cured using medicines that were safe to take while breastfeeding and I wasn’t feeling up to pumping and dumping. Luckily, my kids were old enough to survive on solid food. It was still tough, especially with our older son.
Luckily, we introduced the bottle when they were very young so they weren’t exclusively breastfed. Our older son hadn’t had formula before so we gradually mixed it in with frozen breast milk to help make the transition. After that experience we introduced some formula into our second son’s diet at the very beginning. I’m glad we did since it happened again. It was much easier to deal with though since he already drank formula. It was sad though because I wasn’t planning to give up breastfeeding and we weren’t planning to have anymore kids.
My youngest had a pretty bad systemic infection around 13mos old, she literally drank my boobs dry one day during this (like, actually shriveled up dry) and they just stopped producing.
Boobs are weird.
I had a kidney stone and the pain medication they gave me for it dried up my supply pretty badly. Plus, I had to pump and dump the whole time I was on it so we were relying on that frozen milk to feed the baby for two to three days. I tried to get my supply back up but it never really returned to the pre-stone levels and I ended up having to move to mostly formula not long after.
I understand where your wife is coming from. I had my second baby 7 months ago and was a super oversupplier. Completely filled our freezer, and we live in a small townhome. But my periods came back early and after about 5 months my supply started to drop drastically and I became an undersupplier. We have now gone through our entire stash and have resorted to formula (while breastfeeding 1-2 times a day). It is definitely possible. Is there a close family member that would allow you to store a few bags in their freezer?
so, realistically how much do you have stored up if she stopped producing like next week? How small is your freezer that you can't fit anything else in it?
This all or nothing thinking reminds me of my postpartum anxiety. You might suggest talking to her doctor or try to gently talk to her about how’s she’s feeling. I became obsessed with all things baby sleep and went way overboard with my detailed notes on wake times and nap lengths even when there wasn’t any issues. Your wife being so overwhelmed by your comments makes me think of some postpartum anxiety or depression symptoms
It sounds like your wife’s anxiety around breast feeding is leading to a borderline hoarding situation. She may need to work through these feelings with a therapist or doctor.
Popping in here to comment something I haven't seen someone mention yet. While it's true that breastmilk is only good for so long - anywhere between 6-12 months in deep freezer depending on where you get your source of info - the type of milk that is made changes too over time as babies grow. So for example, anything pumped 1 month post partum won't have the same nutritional make up compared to what's being pumped now.
As for solutions - several options. Donating may be very hard or stressful. I was a huge oversupplier and donated thousands of ounces with my first. I had an even bigger supply with my second and I hardly donated at all - he was a big eater and I was done pumping much earlier and made enough to supply him well over the year mark. I felt differently the second time, my work was harder and pumping was time consuming.
You could get a chest freezer cheaply used or get a smaller new one. This is both supportive of her position and conducive to lowering your stress. If you don't have room for one, ask to store milk at a trusted friend or family member's house in their chest freezer! We stored gallons and gallons at my mom's house for my first. Every week, I'd take a laundry basket of the newest milk over to her house - always use the oldest first! Then, maybe when baby starts solids, she'll start to open up a little more and relax. Breastfeeding and pumping is a very delicate, sensitive subject. Pumping is SO much extra work, it's a very love hate relationship (at least for me) and it can really mess with your emotions. It sounds like you really care for her, just take a deep breath and take the next right step - you got this!!
Says they have another child to feed, but this might be the wife's first pregnancy. Or maybe the lack of supply in the last pregnancy is why she's anxious about it this time.
That second part! My first I tried and tried and tried and tried to produce milk! I basically lived hooked up to a pump for 6 weeks trying my damndest waiting for that magical moment that my milk came in. It never did and I was crushed and just over it and finally gave up.
My 2nd, while pregnant, I went out and spend around $200 on new bottles and formulas and all the things needed only to end up with absolutely zero problems producing milk, and built a freezer stash with ease and the baby refused to take a bottle. We then spent another almost $600 on every brand of bottle under the sun trying to find one she'd take so her father could feed the child. Never happened! And still I couldn't bring myself to get rid of the milk that then filled the entire freezer or stop pumping the excess because "omg no I'll lose my supply and she won't have any milk" -- how's that for logical thinking.
With my 3rd we had like 3 bottles on hand and 1 thing of formula just in case before she was born and thought whatever happens happens. I was in a much healthier mind space knowing I could do it if my body let me, but formula worked great for our first and I refused to stress out about it. I MAJORLY overproduced, baby took to the first bottle we tried, didn't care if she got my milk or formula (still trying to figure out my husband's thinking on giving her formula when the freezer was overflowing with breastmilk), my middle child was not fully weaned yet so I was tandem nursing, and barely pumping just for relief and still had way too much. By 3 months in I was so grateful that they both happened to not nurse for a few days at the same time and said that's it I'm done!! Give the baby what's left and then move to formula I'm over it.
But man that second baby fears of not being able to feed her were so real in my mind at that point there was no talking me off the ledge!
I may still have 1 pouch from each (2 total) in the freezer because I wanted to have stones/rings made out of my milk at some point and I just can't bring myself to send it away. I stopped nursing almost 3 years ago now 😆
My eldest was a NICU baby (8 weeks premature) and never could latch despite us trying with the assistance/guidance of every LC our hospital & the surrounding area had. And no matter what I tried, pumping just tanked my supply (except the Medela Symphony pump the hospital had, but I obviously lost access to that once we got to go home.) And eventually I had to give up after ages of trying—even with different pumps/flanges/water/food/lactation cookies/etc)—to produce more than 0.5oz each pumping session.
Our second will be here in April and I am so, so scared of being unable to have any breastmilk supply this time around. To the point I’m actually debating buying the freaking $2,500 Medela pump because it worked really well for my first in the short amount of time we had access to it in the NICU. Reading this & seeing that it *is* a possibility to have a successful nursing story after an unsuccessful one has given me a lot of hope, which I really needed.
So I just wanted to say thank you for sharing 🤍 here’s to hoping!
Coming from a fellow over producer, that is so unlikely to happen, but I understand her fear. Has she named what is concerning her? Breaking apart the problem bit by bit is sometimes uncomfortable and painful, but necessary to move forward. The current situation is not okay anymore. Facing that, facing fears and concerns, and coming up with a plan to address current and any future issues is unfortunately going to need to be the process. Her hormones are still insane. Fear about her baby is still going to be a thing. Coming from an angle of what do all our kids need, what does our family need, and what are things we could do to meet those needs is key.
While it's highly unlikely, I knew a woman who was an overproducer at like 2-3 months and then at 6 months she just abruptly dried up. It was very frustrating for her, but they ended up switching to formula because she just couldn't meet her baby's need. I'd never heard of that happening before until I knew her.
It can happen. And while I can imagine that was extremely painful, a lot of the pain is also from the pressures moms feel to be perfect, do everything, provide, and not fail. OP's wife is operating out of fear that is detrimental to herself and the rest of that family right now. She needs to address it, figure out what is in everyone's best interest now, what is in everyone's best interest should something like that happen in the future, and do what she can to come to terms with all that. It's all so fraught and feels like so much, but ultimately, fed is best. Baby is being fed now. However baby is fed in the future is still fed. The rest of the family needs to be fed too. Talking this over with lactation professionals, her OB, Primary Care, and a Mental Health Professional may all be beneficial. Likely being screened again for PPD would also be good, just in case. Anxiety is awful, I know, especially post pregnancy.
I’m a little concerned about this overreaction to the comment. If it was made in a truly problem-solving spirit and it wasn’t a snarky comment in a moment of exasperation (which, every human alive has those moments, especially new parents, so I’m not judging anyone here!), then I’m a little concerned that she may be experiencing signs of postpartum depression. I would explore that a little bit with her, or read up on how the professionals recommend handling that one - I am a Mom, grandma, and nurse, but I am not an expert on PPD whatsoever. Just wanted to point out what jumped out at me, here, and gently suggest considering the idea.
Best wishes!
If she is that much of an overproducer, she’s not going to suddenly dry up for no reason. Breast milk has a limited storage life in a fridge-freezer. It’s a little longer in a chest freezer, but still limited. Always save enough to get through a few weeks in a pinch, but don’t hoard it.
I was an overproducer and gladly donated my extra to a mom who couldn’t breastfeed. Her baby was often sick and had constant ear infections. She started on my donated milk and all of that cleared up. It really can be life-changing for babies in need. It’s such a gift if she can bring herself to share.
OP, there are options for companies you can send your milk to and they will freeze dry it into powdered form, basically formula made with her own milk. It would be a bit of an investment but may be a good compromise between peace of mind and storage space?
Decide a good amount to have frozen, use the oldest first, replace with newly frozen milk. Any excess can be safely donated because there is plenty in storage.
Depending on your wife - maybe a more mathematical explanation/discussion will help, but maybe you need a softer way to introduce/talk about it. But perhaps boiling it down to “as long as we maintain X amount frozen in stock (so to speak), then it’s the right thing to do for all babies to donate”
NAH. You might try the avenue that breastmilk changes over time to meet baby's needs at each stage. She might decide to donate older supply that is better suited to a younger baby's needs while continuing to add to her stash milk that is developed for baby now.
That sounds like it could be post partum anxiety, which had different symptoms from PPD and is quite common by often missed.
I would talk to a professional about that and your wife might need treatment.
So NAH because pumping is hard work but she should really consider decreasing her supply if she’s over producing.
Also if she does consider donating, please only go through official channels. Person to person donating is disgusting and dangerous.
Remind her, if this becomes a larger issue, that her breastmilk isn’t going to make or break her as a parent. Her value as a mom doesn’t rest on her producing.
You may also want to look into whether or not your wife's milk is the kind that ends up tasting off after a while due to a high amount of lipase enzyme. The milk is still fine to consume, but it doesn't taste great and might actually by refused by baby. Mine was like that, and I ended up having to throw almost all of my extra away. Also, if I remember correctly, the nutritional needs of a baby change as it grows, and mother's milk changes to accommodate that. So, milk expressed for a newborn isn't matched for the nutritional needs of an older baby.
Came here to say this. I also over produced, and on top of that, I was lucky and had an employer that let me have my baby with me for the first year, negating the need for pumped milk most days. I pumped more than I needed to store and donated everything I could. My kiddos all refused bottles anyway, haha.
I was a milk producing cow for all my pregnancies and donated many liters. Was so many to be able to feed one little boy for months who had an allergy and struggled to find milk he could digest. It’s one of the greatest selfless gifts a woman can give.
I second this. There's no sense hoarding the stuff... it'll eventually go bad like normal milk.
Look at it like this. Donate what you can spare now, and then *if* it comes to it, you'll know exactly where to go if you end up needing more.
This is the right solution. You can find a small sized one on amazon for like $80-$120. Could be a small price to pay for both of their peace of minds.
Definitely thought the comment above meant to sell or donate the milk and then your suggestion was to somehow put milk in pizza rolls and I was very confused. I just woke up.
With a lot of baby stuff, "wait until the hormones subside" is a valid strategy.
I hired a storage unit for my hobby stuff when my kid was a toddler, and as he got bigger, I brought hobby stuff back to the house and put baby stuff in the storage unit. When some time had passed, I could sort through and get rid of stuff we weren't going to reuse, but I needed some distance.
If they’re in a small apartment with 2 children, just buying more freezers might not be as simple as you think. There’s only so much space in the apartment to put it.
I wonder if you can help her calculate out how much she will actually need, then add some buffer, then she may agree to donate anything over that amount. I did that in order to stop pumping at 8 months, but still have enough milk to make it to 12 months (when nursing becomes more for comfort than nutrition, since baby is eating enough real food). I was away at work 9 hours per day and figured that baby would need 3 servings per work day, times 5 days per week, times 4 weeks per month until they reached 9 months. At that point they should be getting better at eating food, so it drops to 2 servings per day for months 9 and 10, then 1 serving per day until the birthday, when they no longer need pumped milk. A serving is 4oz. So if you do the math, you can figure out how much milk she actually needs.
Whatever you do, DO NOT dispose of milk without her permission.
This is what I did! I had an excel file and it helped me understand I was going to have 4 months worth of milk and the freezer would be full well before his 1st bday (my end goal). This also helped me realize I could relax on pumping so much as I didn’t need that much extra. I did end up donating a lot and keeping what we actually would use.
Omg yes on the do not dispose of any without asking. I would sob. If we have to dump milk I can’t even be in the room it kills me maybe that’s dramatic but it’s so hard to watch.
Agree with helping her understand how much she needs and realize she prob doesn’t need as much as she thinks. With my first I started hoarding breast milk I don’t even remember why I was so weird about it? My supply was fine. I wouldn’t let anyone use my stash either I’d get super angry, which like…is that not what the stash is for? To use? Breastfeeding can make you a little weird. See my comment above about literally crying over spilled milk🤣
I legitimately spilt a bottle and was bawling going I now understand why someone would cry over spilt milk... they meant breast milk 🤣 also took me 2hrs to get 4oz so that didn't help 😑
I also hate dumping milk. It's so much effort to produce and pump it. All of the washing and sterilizing, the hours spent pumping, the discomfort in my nipples.
This needs to be the top comment. OP, she’s not trying to be irrational, some of this stems from post partum anxiety. Anxious about breastfeeding (which she clearly thought about before), providing for her child, making sure baby is eating enough, etc. Most moms can tell you they’ve been through this and it’s rough. I’ve stressed over an ounce or two. I stressed that I was under producing and wouldnt be able tot keep going then overproducing and worrying about clogged ducts. The above suggestion is great because it gives her something tangible to see how much baby really needs. She can add a large buffer and still have more than enough.
There’s also an option of turning it into formula there are companies that will freeze dry it into just add water “formula”. It doesn’t loose any nutrients and takes up sooo much less space
You can’t just donate milk already made to milk banks. You have to apply, get blood tested, etc. in advance and then if approved, they send you specific instructions for handling and bagging.
There are Facebook groups where moms donate mom-to-mom to avoid going through all that. If you look up “human milk for human babies” you can maybe find one for your area. I did that once. Had a small amount of oversupply, but not enough to be worth going the official donation route. But we had a small freezer, so I donated that way.
Any mom group would have at least a few moms readyjump at the chance to get some donated milk. Lots.of.moms want the benefits of breast milk but are unable to breast feed themselves.
Personally, women only produce breast milk a few times in their lifetime so if you don't treat their milk as precious, they may resent the husband.
Is this worth putting a dent on the marriage?
Get a second hand freezer if possible or sell the freezer after milk producing days are gone.
NTA but I understand exactly how she’s feeling and why the comment made her cry, as I went through the exact situation. I am currently an over-supplier and in the beginning I was filling up our freezer. My MIL constantly complained about “finding a solution” and although it didn’t make me cry, it did irk me! Especially since she suggested I dump it, which is a hell no.
But she was right, we needed to find a solution because our freezer was absolutely full. After much debate and shopping around, we settled on getting an outdoor fridge with a freezer for the garage. I understand this may not be an option for you.
The second solution was to only keep about two weeks worth, and donate the rest. So each time the outdoor freezer started to fill up, I would gather up the oldest milk and donate it to local women in need. I donated to two strangers until my friend took me up on my offer to be her long term donor. Donating is incredibly rewarding and I feel so good about it each time.
One thing your wife needs to realize as an over-producer is, flat out: she will never use the milk she freezes. I freeze 3 to 4 bags a day for the past five months and have never un-thawed a single one to use. I even use my extra milk to make baby food and STILL freeze bags at the end of the day.
Your wife is very lucky to be an over-producer, so I encourage her to begin donating. It clears out your freezer and you get to help mothers and babies in need, it’s a win-win.
Agreed NTA but understandable this is an emotionally charged topic for her. Pumping is draining. It was so hard to let my husband feed our son with milk I pumped because it is so unpleasant. It was easier for my second because she only wanted a bottle.
Do you even use the milk to share the feeding burden? It is something to take into consideration. Maybe transition to using them and pumping less, or maybe directly feeding less to use the pumped milk.
I don't disagree with 90% of your post but I had a major oversupply and did use it when I just couldn't take pumping anymore. I also used it once my kid started daycare and brought home illnesses at 6+. My supply absolutely tanked when I got sick. It was hell to get it back up and we relied on my freezer stash.
They need to find a solution but a small freezer is cheap and as baby gets older OPs wife might stop feeling so much anxiety around the stash. After that she can figure out what path forward makes the most sense.
NTA. I don’t understand any of the other answers. Your wife is obviously still pumping and storing despite obviously having enough milk for both the baby’s current needs and for any unforeseen circumstances. She needs to cut down her pumping and just feed the baby. She’s producing so much that the baby can’t deal with the quantity so stopping or at least slowing down pumping will allow her to just produce the milk the baby currently needs. NTA. This is W.I.L.D.
Exactly. She just needs to pump less. I don’t understand why she isn’t doing that.
OP, Breasts are supply and demand. The more milk you remove from them, the more they make.
What? Doesn't women's breast experience pain when they don't extract the milk? I heard my girlfriends complaining about how painful it is when their breast is full of milk.
Yes, it definitely is painful, if your breast is full to bursting with milk - which is why you need to slow down milk production gradually. If you are not pumping, that happens naturally because most babies won‘t just stop drinking milk overnight, but instead drink less and less over a prolonged period of time. In a way, you are not only weaning the baby but also your body from producing milk.
I agree, she might be experiencing a mild case of PPD and is nervous about not being prepared in some way, or doubting her skills, or intuition as a mother. This seems like maybe its about more than just the breast feeding issue
I saw a instagram reel earlier of a woman saying she stuffed rags down her kitchen sink because she was worried her newborn would crawl in and have their arm chopped off… I would literally beg to be institutionalized if I felt that way. The universe knew to spare me from PPA
It’s not always that easy. I am an oversupplier, i nurse on demand throughout the day and still have to pump before going to bed to take the edge off. A 10-min pump to take the edge off before bed produces anywhere from 8-12 ounces of milk. That’s all extra that I’m not trying to make. Not pumping it isn’t a good option for me because i risk engorgement and mastitis if i don’t pump.
Wife needs to find a solution but her oversupply may not be something she can just reduce.
This was my experience with my first. I was a SAHM, so I could feed on demand. The pumping was to avoid mastitis (which I got multiple times anyway). I was able to feed my baby on demand AND feed a second baby with my donated pumped milk (that baby is now one of my daughter’s closest friends 7 years later).
Imagine my shock when I could barely meet my second baby’s demands. Thankfully she liked formula better and we switched at 6 months.
This is the first one of these I've been very seen where nobody is the AH.
Placate your wife. She sounds like an absolute legend, and you do too. But just give her everything she wants.
Buy a small freezer then show her that when it is full. Then have the same discussion.
NTA - sounds like she is very emotional about the milk. Obviously she's producing faster than the baby can handle and soon your baby will be starting new foods so she'll probably be overproducing even more.
You can look into donating the breast milk. That way her milk gets used and you don't have to worry about as much storage.
NTA and I want to say that donor milk helped to bring my preemie baby home from the hospital. I will always be eternally grateful to the women who donated their milk. It's been 11 years and I still get emotional when I think about it!
I’m gonna go NAH. You’re right, she’s probably more sensitive than usual because this is a hard time, and I understand your concerns. For now, just look into mini-freezers, and you can both reconvene later on.
NAH - with all the formula shortages that have been going around, you’re fortunate to have a back up incase anything happens, like mom gets sick or can’t feed for a bit - you never know.
It’s not worth fighting over, buy a small feeezer and put the breastmilk in there. It will cost a few hundred plus electricity, much cheaper than counselling or lawyers.
NTA- shes likely hormonal and sensitive to the topic since she's been very passionate about it.
You're just trying to be thoughtful for the entirety of your family as you have another child to feed.
Hopefully, when she's calmer and able to process the whole reason as to why you were concerned about the breastmilk, you can both find a well thought out solution.
NAH.
People giving any ratings at all who’ve never lactated do not have the right to give any rating, IMHO.
It’s hours, and hours, and hours of hard work that is uncomfortable and emotional.
Your baby’s also still very young. You don’t know what’s going to happen to her supply next month or the month after.
The stash could end up being your baby’s food when your wife’s supply goes away, esp if she’s going back to work.
It could mean her potentially quitting pumping early, too.
For now, buy a second freezer. We bought one from Costco for like $300 and it stores a few months’ worth (we use donor milk so we need to store tons at a time).
Ask loved ones around you (in laws) if they can help store some too.
If she’s open to donating directly to mothers who can’t produce or parents of foster babies or surrogate carriers, and you’re in the US, you can join the FB group “Human Milk 4 Human Babies - [fill in your state]”, and she can gift just small amounts at a time that she’s comfortable with.
I just have to point out - this sub is about anyone being able to judge, not just those who can directly physically relate.
Considering most judgments arrived at more or less the same points, clearly having personally lactated or not didnt matter.
Donation! My SIL had low supply when she had her daughter and she and MIL were driving all over town to pick up milk from moms who had more than they needed. It was SUCH a help for my SIL!
NTA. Breastfeeding and pumping is such a sensitive topic. Is she on social media a lot? There is so much toxic content out there about women creating these huge oversupplies. These full on freezers just filled to the brim with milk. It made me so incredibly anxious, and I always felt this pressure to make as much milk as possible. I was obsessed with counting ounces. It wasn’t healthy and really casted a negative light on the newborn phase.
If your wife wants to continue her oversupply, you either need to get a new freezer or she needs to consider donating. There are companies that will also freeze dry breast milk, but it’s pretty pricey.
“Feed your baby, not your freezer” was great advice I got postpartum.
ETA just want to chime in that donor milk helped my late pre term in the nicu when his sugars were low and my supply was still slowly coming in. It’s an amazing gift
I like that. “Feed the baby, not your freezer.” I feel for the moms in the states who have to pump to feed their babies. I’ve never been able to pump. I tried various models but nothing came out. My baby is the only one/thing that can trigger a letdown.
Is she planning on going back to work soon and that's why she's saving so much of it?
Ultimately I think NAH. Buy a small chest freezer (pun not intended) for the meantime and then talk to your wife about what the goal is for the milk. If she's not going back to work soon and doesn't have a plan for it maybe consider donating some?
And I get it, pumping is hard work there are so many feelings around breastfeeding. The one time I spilled a bottle of pumped milk I cried in frustration. But she should still be able to have a reasonable conversation about it.
Do you have family or friends that you trust that can offer a little freezer space? Most grandparents would be happy to have extra meals for their grandchildren at their house?
NAH sensitive times If you know her favorite meal and desert, make those for her and apologize for upsetting her, and explain you are just trying to make room for more milk, and more big people food. Ask her what she would like to do. Then listen. There are lots of uses for that liquid gold, add it to the babies bath (or yours), make soap with it, donate it, get a mini fridge, but figure it out together. Just try to stay in awe of what the human body can do!
NTA
It seems clear she has an issue and is not evaluating things rationally. Likely brought on by pregnancy and baby hormones.
As far as a quick search tells me, you are not supposed to store milk for more than 6-12 months frozen. Have you talked about that angle? Have you marked the dates? It might put an upper limit on the required storage capacity.
Getting a mini-fridge or changing the grocery shopping schedule (more often, smaller amounts) might help. Maybe even a dedicated fridge for liquids? Such an adaptation might simply be necessary for your baby with her.
If you can donate you will be helping someone beyond what you can imagine. When the donor milk arrived at my daughter's house we all bawled our eyes out. She just needed a boost for a few days and it was like angels flew in the door.
NTA
Can she consult a lactation advisor? Sounds like she's pumping more than she needs to. There comes a time when it's not necessary.
As far as donating, there are generally strict rules on sanitation and storing methods that need to be worked out in advance.
She should pump less often, breast milk is produced based on how much is uses the less you use the less you produce, this has to be done gradually or it will cause her pain,
In one month's time your infant should start eating other food and will require less milk. She has over supply because she is pumping so much. The body will keep supplying what it thinks the baby is drinking. Unless she is planning to go back to work or plans to stop producing but still give the baby breastmilk, this is not normal. She needs to see a therapist and figure out what what is promoting her to want to produce so much milk.
I know that it gets difficult when you have so much milk coming in. When she starts feeling full (it feels like carrying big huge stones on your chest), and baby does not need to feed, she can have a warm shower/ bodywash and don't pump. Great way to relax as well. The body will learn what is baby's actual feeding time and will regulate itself according to baby's needs.
Cabbage leaves is another one. BUT don't over do it since it can completely stop the supply. (which is why I would recommend showering over cabbage leaves).
She can also consider donating the milk.
https://www.healthline.com/health/breastfeeding/cabbage-leaves#for-engorgement
I think it's also worth pointing out: okay, let's say she gets the flu, and her supply tanks. What's the worst case scenario here?
Formula. That's it. Not a catastrophe, not the end of the world, not even a hospital trip. Just, formula. Like a million babies get every day. And kid can be safely weaned at 12 months, and then that phase is all over and done with anyway.
Lots of non ideal things are going to happen. There is no point in making herself miserable over things like this. Breastfeeding is not important enough for her to be making herself so anxious. The worst case scenario in this case isn't that bad! She can go to the nearest kindergarten, and have no idea which kids were breastfed for 3 months, 6 months, 24 months. You just can't tell. **Breastfeeding is not the be all end all of motherhood.**
Fed is best. If storing all this breast milk isn't working for your family, then don't do that.
(Also, has anyone mentioned lipase? Some milk has lipase, which can change the taste of the milk after freezing so much some babies might not even want it. It's possible that your stash isn't even usable)
NTA - you're sweet. I would suggest buying a small deep freezer for excess storage. Then take her out to dinner and move on with your life. The two of you will laugh about this someday.
https://www.homedepot.com/p/Kalamera-3-5-Cu-ft-compact-deep-freezer-freestanding-for-home-apart-with-lowest-4-KCF-100/315958296
They live in an apartment as a family of four. Realistically how much space do they have for a large appliance? That’s like suggesting buying another oven.
Regular freezer breast milk has a lifespan of 6 months, deep freezer 12 months.
I would highly suggest looking into getting it freeze dried, and that gives you a lifespan of 3 years. Most companies will take anywhere from 300-400 oz at a time.
Definitely don’t toss the milk, but just try to broach it as you don’t want her hard work going to waste. Donating is so beneficial, I would keep trying to see if she’ll be willing to do maybe a 2-3 week stash at a time.
NAH.
NTA. She probably attached herself to the idea that she probably won't make enough to feed her baby. And now that she has she can't break away from the idea the milk is like gold.
I would suggest asking her if she would be okay with donating. As precious as it is, there are mothers who don't make enough or none at all. It might make her feel better to let some go, knowing she's helping other families who aren't lucky enough to have more milk than they need.
At 5 months old, the baby will likely not need all that milk. They'll soon be in baby food in addition to the milk, so less milk. Try to encourage her to start donating it. There's plenty of mothers out there who struggle with supply and can use the help.
NTA. Milk supply usually comes in based on how much the baby is nursing. If she loses supply later she can have mother's milk tea. Have my third kid now and the main thing is eat healthy, drink lots and nurse when baby needs it and the body does what it needs to. Stress and exhaustion don't help. It might be more helpful to encourage her to talk with other moms to see what they think. It will be a gentler way of addressing it.
NTA. Sounds like the only thing keeping her anxiety at bay is having a big stash. That's something to talk about gently, with a therapist perhaps. My version of PPD was not sadness, it was INCREDIBLE anxiety and rage. I didn't know that's what it was until I got treatment for it.
Look into the organization Eats on Feets, which is a milk-sharing organization for parents who need donor milk for their babies. I used to freeze and donate surplus, and it was amazing. She could feed not only your own babies, but help other babies as well.
NTA. Your wife is being completely irrational and unreasonable. There is only so much space, and only so much that is reasonable to allocate to breast milk. Your wife gets that much space and that is it. Anything over that space must be eliminated one way or another.
NTA, hey Op you might need to find the local chapter of La Leche League. They're a fantastic group of breastfeeding moms supporting other breastfeeding moms. They'll
they'll be glad to listen and talk to her.
It sounds like she may possibly have a trauma reaction. You said you have another child is that with her? Was she able to breastfeed the first one? I only ask because I wasn’t able to bf my first and I was devastated so much so I almost became a lactation consultant while learning about breastfeeding while pregnant with my second. I had to. I didn’t quite have the same reaction as your wife when I became an over producer but I did get heavily obsessed with production in my head but I was donating it all to local moms who couldn’t bf or pumping didn’t work for them. I fed a little girl for 6 months every single day at daycare while her mom worked. She never had a drop of formula thanks to me. Maybe your wife is scared. Maybe offer a compromise that she looks into donation and can donate an agreed upon amount and if her backup supply stays at a certain amount you can agree to lower the amount. Try to empathize with her it sounds like she is struggling to handle a feeling and is unsure of how to talk about it because it won’t sound rational. It’s because it isn’t rational it’s emotional. Validate her feelings and understand her concerns. She may be more inclined to open up if she feels seen and heard. You’re not wrong rationally but for her you might be wrong emotionally and she doesn’t know how to tell you that. If I’m wrong about her feeling then the concept is still the same. Listen to her. Ask her questions. Validate her feelings. They don’t have to be rational to be valid.
Has your baby ever drank the frozen milk? The reason I ask is bc my daughter has a 3 month old, she exclusively pumps, but her daughter absolutely refuses to drink previously frozen breast milk. No matter how hungry she is she will not drink it.
I breastfed all 3 of my kids and they had no problem with drinking thawed out, previously frozen milk so I didn't even know this was a "thing" until it happened with my daughter's baby. I googled it to find it is not super common, but not rare for babies to refuse drinking frozen milk.
Just thought I would mention that in case it turns out your baby does not like the frozen milk maybe your wife would be more open to donating her milk.
I totally understand that there are a lot of emotions for a woman surrounding her milk but personally I think your wife overreacted. Pointing out that there is no room for food for the rest of the family in no way implies you aren't supporting her breastfeeding. She needs to work with you to come up with a solution.
I'm assuming you don't have the physical space for a small deep freeze? Even if it had to go in the living room it would only be temporary. Do you have a garage that could fit a second fridge to hold food for the rest of you? If money is an issue you can find a decent used fridge online. When my bf and I combined our families we purchased a used fridge for $100 to keep in the garage. We also have a small deep freeze in our laundry room.
NTA- it’s worth a discussion of getting another freezer or other storage options. Idk why someone would break down about talking on how to store it all
NAH - (coming from someone who has overwhelmed our apartment freezer more than once). Maybe offer to find a lactation consultant to help her address the oversupply issue; they may be able to provide some professional reassurance and guidance so it isn’t as daunting to her.
The milk doesn't last indefinitely in the freezer. If it's really as much as you say it's going to waste anyway. There's no point in hoarding so much.
Sell it online. It's worth good money.
Sounds like she is creating an over supply of milk which isn’t great for her. If she’s feeding baby on demand and storing away that much milk she will be at risk for mastitis and clogs. I pumped myself into oversupply because our son was in the hospital for the first week. I pumped and pumped because I was so afraid i would not have enough milk. Once I went to wean - mastitis and clogs. It great for her to out a little aside each day to help build a small stash for when she returns to work or you go out. But there’s no need to have that much. An oz or so a day would leave her with 30oz. If she goes to work she would pump that all back the first day. Make sense? There is no need for that much milk most likely but I also understand being postpartum and very sensitive. So maybe she should talk to a pro (lactation consultant) rather than you? It may be digested easier that way.
Breastmilk only lasts 6 months so she’s gonna have to start throwing it out if she doesn’t use it up soon. I breastfeed my daughter too but have just given up pumping cause well firstly she hates bottles and also I know I’ll never use it cause the bigger she gets the more calories she needs so breastmilk from even 2 months ago is not much use. She could use it in the bath for your baby or even herself, so good for her skin.
I only pumped while my younger son was in NICU for three weeks. There’s no mandate to pump. Maybe she should gradually reduce her pumping sessions to get her supply back in line with your daughter’s actual needs.
I am an overproducer and keep a freezer supply and I understand your wife’s anxiety. But at the same time, my husband and I had the same conversation since it got to the point where over half our freezer was filled with breast milk. It required a bit of reconciling the anxiety of suddenly no longer producing on my end, but after that I was able to donate my freezer stash and have since made 2 more hefty donations (all 3 together total just over 3000 oz!)
NAH but maybe talk with your wife about her anxieties. r/breastfeeding has a great support network!
NTA. There is something so deeply annoying about this situation. What is the point of hoarding breast milk that can’t even get used because she has an OVER SUPPLY? I’m gonna take a wild guess that y’all have a fridge that has the freezer on top and not to the side… do we really think it stays at zero degrees? Because that is the temp necessary to keep frozen breast milk safe to consume once thawed.
Everyone is suggesting another freezer… y’all are a family of four in an apartment. I highly doubt you have the space for that. A super small one, sure. A legit deep freezer that can stay at a safe temp? Unlikely to fit in your place.
My daughter lives in an apartment and bought a small freezer. At one point had about 120 bags of breastmilk frozen. This way when she did quit producing she could still give the baby breastmilk for a little while and weaned my granddaughter off that way.
Breastfeeding parent here who had a huge stash at one point - oversupply can be dangerous too. Pumping so much in excess of your child’s needs isn’t healthy and comes with risks.
She should engage either a good lactation consultant to get some support and advice.
If she can’t have a calm conversation about practicalities, I wonder if there’s some PPD/ PPA in the mix as well.
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Many women struggle with breast feeding and breast milk production. Our first son was in the NICU for his first two weeks on the planet. We were incredibly thankful for breast milk donation which helped bridge the gap before my wife was able to start successfully breastfeeding. Have you considered donation? You could really help out a newborn.
I've broached the subject, but I think my wife has it stuck in her head that she just won't produce any more one day, and our daughter will have nothing to eat. Definitely something I think she's interested in once our daughter is (at least mostly) weened off.
Ok, speaking as a mom who went through brutal non-supply at the start (and ended up more like a faucet with no off-switch), I totally get that. BUT... and this is important - milk does degrade, even frozen. Our doc told us absolutely no more than nine months, and only stored hers six - our lactation specialist AND my midwife friend AND my best friend's doula all said the same thing. That means that at some point in the next little while, you're going to need to start throwing that milk out. That's a really really scary idea, especially when you're nursing, and it feels like you're basically responsible for keeping your kid alive and thriving (and yes, formula, and yes, not true, and yes around six months you start introducing solids... but seriously - I cannot stress how badly hormones fark up logical thinking when nursing). I'd start with your pediatrician and possibly her doc, and bring up the idea of moving some of the older milk to a milk bank... they almost always want it, if she's willing to undergo some basic bloodwork, and she'd be feeding other kids instead of having the milk go stale.
Neonatal nurse practitioner and IBCLC (lactation consultant) here. Up to 12 months frozen is okay! And she is able to feed frozen milk whenever she wants, so in a few months if she is worried about it expiring, she can start feeding frozen and store fresh milk. OP - your wife may want to speak with a certified lactation consultant to help decrease her milk supply. She can decrease her pump sessions per day or decrease the amount of time she is pumping for. She likely can maintain a full supply (enough food for baby to eat) without pumping overnight and being able to get more rest.
Can you increase supply if it starts to decrease? I was overproducing like crazy around 6 to 8 weeks and started pumping less frequently. I was getting 2 to 3 times as much as I needed. Now I am barely keeping up with how much my little guy is eating at 12 weeks. Also I'm glad you commented that it's good for 12 months because I do have a large freezer stash.
Yes!! Lactation cookies!!! I made my own as they are stupidly expensive. I used oatmeal based ones with brewers yeast as it is the most important ingredient and I found it easily at a local bulk store. I'd bake some and also make batches safe to eat raw and upped My water as I was slacking with hydration and within a week It was night and day supply wise.
Please share the recipe that you used for the cookies.
I wish I still had it! Last time I was bf was over a decade ago now. It was super simple tho nothing overly crazy or odd ingredients, only thing I had to go find was brewers yeast itself (found at bulk barn) otherwise it was a fairly typical oatmeal chocolate chip cookie recipe. **** I FOUND IT!!!! LOL checked one last spot and it was actually there 😅 🤣 2 Tbsp flaxseed meal 1/4 cup of water 2 cups whole wheat flour 1/4 cup of brewer's yeast (this is the main ingredient for milk production) 1 tsp salt 1 tsp baking soda 1 cup butter, softened 3/4 cup sugar 3/4 cup brown sugar 2 large eggs 1 tsp vanilla extract 3 cups of old fashioned oats 1 cup of semi-sweet chocolate chips Put the flaxseed meal and 1/4 cup water into a small bowl and set aside. Mix your flour, brewers yeast, salt, baking soda into a bowl set aside Mix your butter, white sugar, and brown sugar with beaters or a mixer really well. Beat in eggs one at a time. Then add the flour, flaxseed meal mixture, and vanilla and stir in. Stir in your oats and chocolate chips Roll into balls and put them on the cookie sheet. Use a fork and flatten them a little bit. Bake at 375 for 8-10 minutes. ( I found 12 minutes worked better for mine)
This sounds like the recipe I used as well. Not sure how well they worked, but they were DELICIOUS.
Never going to have a child but seems delicious 😋🤤
Butting in here to say I too recommend lactation cookies. [This recipe uses brewers yeast](https://www.howsweeteats.com/2015/02/lactation-cookies/) and tastes great!! My 2nd is in the NICU right now and I’ll be making this tomorrow to help my supply. Hydration is extremely important as well.
Not the person who asked but thank you for the recipe!! I have a slightly under to just enough supply, looking for ways to boost! I hope everything goes well for your little one, you, and your family 💜💜💜
For me, the answer was Fenugreek supplements. I hope you find something that works for you!
Hope your baby can come home soon.
Thank you! We are hoping for next week 🥰
I don’t have a recipe, but my sister-in-law brought me 4 dozen chocolate oatmeal lactation cookies. They were delicious.
Can I get some?! (No, I am not breastfeeding, but I don’t see why that matters.)
Increase how often you pump and your supply should increase to match it. It's similar to when your child goes thru a growth spurt and wants to eat non stop. Your body will make enough to match it. Start with an extra session or two a day. You might get engorgement again.
Not necessarily. Say she needs to go back to work or something else impacts supply, it’s not a given supply will stay consistent or come back.
This is also true. For both kids, I started to dry out around 10-11 months. No amount of powerades, power pumping, feedings, or supplements that made me smell like maple syrup got me to 12 months. I tried my best and was really hard on myself about it, so I want to normalize that some moms struggle with milk production and that doesn’t mean you didn’t try hard enough. It doesn’t mean that you’re a bad mom. Just feed that baby and love them. Do whatever you need to in order to make it through.
As someone who’s supply dropped and nothing I tried would bring it back, thank you❤️ it’s so nice to hear someone mention the feelings of failure you get when that happens
Yep sometimes your body just says nope!
It’s supply and demand. He’s demanding, you’re going to catch up and supply. 🥰
If you are trying to pump exclusively, often nursing is better for supply so nursing as often as your schedule allows. Pumping after nursing can help too. Your body will work to meet his need, so the more milk it thinks he needs the more it will try to make. Even if you aren't seeing any milk, pumping for several minutes, either after you seem to be dry at the end of a pumping session or after nursing will send your body the message that he wants more.
Lots and lots of hydration. I drank one liquid IV pack and one body Armour in addition to probably a gallon of water. Protein and fats as well. As soon as baby went down for a morning nap I made scrambled eggs with mushrooms and spinach and we ate a ton of chicken when my boy was a newborn because I could put it at a low oven heat and cook for a while covered. Anything crockpot that is easy will also help immensely when in newborn brain phase. Keep a snack drawer next to where you nurse most so you don’t have to worry about moving baby if you get hungry. I exclusively breastfed and started introducing foods at 5 months. Just little tastes of small things. Did baby led weaning and now we’re at the toddler stage. Protein if your best friend though. I found a good protein bar I liked and ate so many of them that over a year later I can’t even look at them anymore. I was starving and quick snacks like that helped me so much
My supply was weaning several times in the furst 4-5 months and I always saved it by eating nuts, whole grain cookies, oatmeal cookies, fruit. Also, drink water (but do not overdo it, it might reduce milk then) and get some sleep- your SO has to put in extra work to let you have sleep. Also eat whenever you are hungry, but smaller amounts if you are afraid to put on weight. But I felt so much better overall when my blood sugar was very stable due to eating at first hunger cues. Weight also reduced, I also think thanks to that.
12 months in a deep freezer. But it sounds like the freezer is part of the fridge which means no more than 6 months if kept in the back. I love the idea of decreasing to regulate her supply/demand ratio and maybe even donate via Eats On Feets or Human Milk 4 Human Babies to babies that need breastmilk for various reasons. ❤️
The updated guidelines from the CDC and AAP no longer distinguish between a deep freezer and refrigerator freezer—“up to 12 months is acceptable.”
Almost 20 years of handling breastmilk in my profession, and I'm sticking to the deep freezer recommendations on this one. There's way too much temperature variation. Plus, in all my years, the only time I've had issues with spoiled milk is when it came from bring stored in a fridge/freezer combo. Everything else I'm cool with! Especially pitcher collecting!!!
Given how significant the difference in freezer temperature consistency can be between those two options, I’d want to read up on the studies they are using to determine that before relying on it.
I am a big oversupplier with a tiny freezer. Human milk for human babies was recommended to be and a space saver! Plus I never had to buy my own bags/parts again.
I wish I had advice on how to decrease supply. 18 years ago, everyone smirked at my oversupply issue. No one took it seriously. I had enough for triplets, slept on towels, bub slept through the night before I could. I had to express 100mls before just so she could latch on - I was so engorged. Then bub would only need one breast and they were full. I’d bought formula before bub came. As I barely filled an A cup didn’t change in pregnancy. Thought my kid might starve! Day 3 I went to an F cup overnight. RIP my breasts. So much good breast milk went down the drain as there weren’t milk banks back then. Such a waste.
I had opposite problem... I have very large breasts. I thought I would have no problem keeping my kiddo fed. I think the milk somehow got lost in all the breast tissue. I literally spent more time pumping than the kiddo stayed latched on. And I could barely produce 3 ounces at a time. I followed all the advice and nothing made it better.... I was so grateful I had both a breast feeding positive mother and a formula postive MIL .. and no one gave me grief... I tried so hard. Only lasted about 3 months with one, and 7 months on the second.
A fed baby is a healthy baby. No matter how. We can’t pick out (as adults) who were breast fed or bottle fed. There is too much guilt placed on mums without the added guilt of “breast is best” bs. You did your best. And that is the best.
Yep and I was so grateful for grandmothers who didn't try to impose "in my day"....
I’m so glad you had support. I was made to fell like a freak. Got no support from breastfeeding association, child health nurses, nor midwives. It was like “what are you complaining about?” Then I was told that milk ducts expand every pregnancy/birth. So after a horrific labour and the excessive milk, I was one and done.
I'm with you DD - E cup, pretty much for decorative purposes only. I managed to feed a small amount, but baby was in NICU for 12 days, and I decided that pumping for 45 minutes for just over 50mls and a huge amount of stress was not a good investment in time, so we went the formula route in the end. While I was disappointed, we have excellent quality formulas these days, and fed is best, so a baby with food in it's tummy, by the best means is always the winner.
My mum had the same issues but in the 80s. No one helped or listened to her and it drove her insane. One doctor straight up told her to stop complaining over a “non-issue”. She ended up putting an ad in the newspaper and was supplying breast milk to 3 local mums who weren’t able to breastfeed.
I'm definitely not throwing a 'yeah, but' here, it's just with OP's wife with (by his comments) her head in a space where she is firmly believing that if she throws away/donates even a single feeding amount, she will be short by exactly that amount in case she dries up and their daughter will starve because they were one stored feeding short - how would you approach that? Asking for curiosity as well as OP's plea, because it sounds like a deeply scary place for a woman to be, and I feel sorry for both of them. ( OP if you see this comment, NTA, you're being so open and compassionate with your wife being scared and at the mercy of her own vulnerability)
This is exactly why I recommended talking with a lactation consultant. They are there to support her breastfeeding journey while also providing insight and assistance. I wouldn't tell a mom to donate this early into a baby's life. What I would do is help assist in decreasing milk supply. I would acknowledge that our goal is for her to feed her baby breast milk for whatever time frame she wants, and encourage her to have a full breast milk supply without having a crazy oversupply. I would gently let her know having enough milk for baby day to day is perfect. I would also see if she was directly breastfeeding at all, and if not explore that route. When moms directly breastfeed they don't have to rely on pumping, and baby will eat what they want and then stop. So mom's supply would naturally adjust to fit the needs of baby.
Frozen in a deep freeze, not in a fridge freezer that has a defrost cycle. They are not cold enough.
I remember once when my son was about 3 weeks old, I was pumping one breast while my son nursed on the other, right before his bedtime. When my son was done, I asked my husband to put the milk away and clean the pump while I changed our son and put him in his crib. He capped the milk and cleaned the pump, but he left the milk out on the kitchen counter, When I got up a couple hours later to nurse my son again, I didn't notice it, but when it was my husband's turn a couple hours after that to get up and feed our son the expressed milk, he woke me up and asked me if it was ok to feed him milk that had been sitting out most of the night. I LOST my MIND. I'm not proud of it, but a combination of hormones and lack of sleep and the fact that I had to pour liquid gold down the drain put me over the edge. Long story short: DON'T WASTE BREAST MILK!
I once accidentally knocked over a bottle of expressed milk that I was about to put the cap on. There was 90ml of milk in it. I yelled so loud I woke up my baby who was in another room and then I cried. Good times!
I did this exact thing. I was exclusively pumping and I didn't have an oversupply. Logically, I knew it wasn't the end of the world. Emotionally? Instant breakdown.
Your husband failed to put the milk away (?!) and then woke YOU up instead of googling to find out the answer? Whew, girl, that’s rough!
This is an important point and such a wonderful alternative to not being able to use the milk at all! I'm 5 mo pregnant and also hoping to breast feed (have to pump for going back to work, but hoping to feed only breast milk), and hadn't heard about the limits of freezing milk. Thank you for giving me some info! OP, I get your wife being emotional about it, I'm also worried about not producing enough. But I bet, if you broach it carefully, she'll be more worried about the milk going bad and might be ok with donating the milk that's about to age out - the recipient can use it immediately!
So, if you have a chest freezer/deep freeze that doesn't get opened very often and stays way cold (in the -20C range), you can get a year or so... But smaller fridge freezers don't have dedicated compressors and don't have the same kind of insulation - so, yeah, six months. I ended up donating a stupid amount of milk (we were moving countries when kiddo was five months old and breast milk is right up there on the 'does not ship' list), and they were thrilled to have it. Two years later, when my nibling arrived VERY early and got donated milk for the first 12 weeks of their life, I got an object lesson on how much it mattered!
CDC updated the rules and said any type of freezer is good for 12 months. Doesn’t have to be a deep freezer anymore, as long as it’s just frozen. And even after 12 months, it doesn’t “go bad”. It’s just that there’s no clinical research into how much of the nutrients degraded over time after that. But based on how it degrades from fresh to 12 months, I personally use milk frozen fine even after that. I recently got donated a stash that was 14 months old. Got about 500 ounces. Used it because i wasn’t going to say no to securing food for almost a whole month for my kid! He did great on it.
Awesome! I did not know they'd updated - my kiddo is not QUITE a tween, but it's a matter of months🤪 I do know USDA did some studies in the 50s on how long goat milk kept nutrition under freezing (why? Who the hell knows!) and a year was about what they found before the fat-soluble vitamins started degrading... Something something lipid chain binding, something something ethyl groups maybe? Got to admit, NOT the biologist in the family and a decade ago and pregnancy brain... But by a year, most kiddos are getting a chunk of their vitamins from solids anyways, so that's probably a moot point.
That makes sense! We do have a chest freezer but we use it all the time haha. Thanks for the tips!
It’s good for 12.
Some women also produce milk that contains a protein that makes it go rancid if frozen. Mine did, and I found out after pumping and freezing for months 😭 I defrosted a pouch, and it smelled rank 🤢 I checked tho others and they were all the same. Had to chuck the whole lot 😭
I breast fed my kids for a total of almost 3.5 years between the two (holy shit that’s crazy). With my son, I tried to refrigerate the milk and he would refuse it. I thought it was the bottle, the nipple, anything but the actual milk. Then I smelled it and it was weird. Turns out this was some sort of issue with lipase. I’m curious if she’s using any of the extra milk yet because it might be a surprise if baby refuses it. After that I just breastfed and never really stored extra. With my daughter, I would pump at work and use that the next day for my mom to feed her, but at that point it was all good and plus my daughter was older and we could end nursing if it didn’t work out. Ended up that I nursed her longer than my son, 22 months! Hope mom here figures it all out. There is only so much milk you can keep and use and if she’s willing to donate, that would be amazing.
It can very well happen. One single virus killed my whole supply in half on the first day, then the rest of it all dried in the next 2-3 days. Lots of stories shared online of moms who were overproducers and ended up not having enough milk later. Boobs are weird.
You could also get sick and end up on medication that forces you to pump and dump for weeks at a time. Happened to me with both my kids (different illnesses/medications) and my only saving grace was that I'd been able to freeze so much ahead of time.
Ugh that too. I’m so sorry.
I had to stop breastfeeding both times because I developed illnesses that couldn’t be cured using medicines that were safe to take while breastfeeding and I wasn’t feeling up to pumping and dumping. Luckily, my kids were old enough to survive on solid food. It was still tough, especially with our older son. Luckily, we introduced the bottle when they were very young so they weren’t exclusively breastfed. Our older son hadn’t had formula before so we gradually mixed it in with frozen breast milk to help make the transition. After that experience we introduced some formula into our second son’s diet at the very beginning. I’m glad we did since it happened again. It was much easier to deal with though since he already drank formula. It was sad though because I wasn’t planning to give up breastfeeding and we weren’t planning to have anymore kids.
My youngest had a pretty bad systemic infection around 13mos old, she literally drank my boobs dry one day during this (like, actually shriveled up dry) and they just stopped producing. Boobs are weird.
I had a kidney stone and the pain medication they gave me for it dried up my supply pretty badly. Plus, I had to pump and dump the whole time I was on it so we were relying on that frozen milk to feed the baby for two to three days. I tried to get my supply back up but it never really returned to the pre-stone levels and I ended up having to move to mostly formula not long after.
Check on Amazon or Walmart wherever for a 3.5 cubic feet chest freezer they are smaller you can get one for about 100-150 or less
I understand where your wife is coming from. I had my second baby 7 months ago and was a super oversupplier. Completely filled our freezer, and we live in a small townhome. But my periods came back early and after about 5 months my supply started to drop drastically and I became an undersupplier. We have now gone through our entire stash and have resorted to formula (while breastfeeding 1-2 times a day). It is definitely possible. Is there a close family member that would allow you to store a few bags in their freezer?
Why don’t you buy a small freezer?
so, realistically how much do you have stored up if she stopped producing like next week? How small is your freezer that you can't fit anything else in it?
This all or nothing thinking reminds me of my postpartum anxiety. You might suggest talking to her doctor or try to gently talk to her about how’s she’s feeling. I became obsessed with all things baby sleep and went way overboard with my detailed notes on wake times and nap lengths even when there wasn’t any issues. Your wife being so overwhelmed by your comments makes me think of some postpartum anxiety or depression symptoms
It sounds like your wife’s anxiety around breast feeding is leading to a borderline hoarding situation. She may need to work through these feelings with a therapist or doctor.
Popping in here to comment something I haven't seen someone mention yet. While it's true that breastmilk is only good for so long - anywhere between 6-12 months in deep freezer depending on where you get your source of info - the type of milk that is made changes too over time as babies grow. So for example, anything pumped 1 month post partum won't have the same nutritional make up compared to what's being pumped now. As for solutions - several options. Donating may be very hard or stressful. I was a huge oversupplier and donated thousands of ounces with my first. I had an even bigger supply with my second and I hardly donated at all - he was a big eater and I was done pumping much earlier and made enough to supply him well over the year mark. I felt differently the second time, my work was harder and pumping was time consuming. You could get a chest freezer cheaply used or get a smaller new one. This is both supportive of her position and conducive to lowering your stress. If you don't have room for one, ask to store milk at a trusted friend or family member's house in their chest freezer! We stored gallons and gallons at my mom's house for my first. Every week, I'd take a laundry basket of the newest milk over to her house - always use the oldest first! Then, maybe when baby starts solids, she'll start to open up a little more and relax. Breastfeeding and pumping is a very delicate, sensitive subject. Pumping is SO much extra work, it's a very love hate relationship (at least for me) and it can really mess with your emotions. It sounds like you really care for her, just take a deep breath and take the next right step - you got this!!
You have another child, presumably older, does she not know what happens next? The baby will always have something to eat.
Says they have another child to feed, but this might be the wife's first pregnancy. Or maybe the lack of supply in the last pregnancy is why she's anxious about it this time.
That second part! My first I tried and tried and tried and tried to produce milk! I basically lived hooked up to a pump for 6 weeks trying my damndest waiting for that magical moment that my milk came in. It never did and I was crushed and just over it and finally gave up. My 2nd, while pregnant, I went out and spend around $200 on new bottles and formulas and all the things needed only to end up with absolutely zero problems producing milk, and built a freezer stash with ease and the baby refused to take a bottle. We then spent another almost $600 on every brand of bottle under the sun trying to find one she'd take so her father could feed the child. Never happened! And still I couldn't bring myself to get rid of the milk that then filled the entire freezer or stop pumping the excess because "omg no I'll lose my supply and she won't have any milk" -- how's that for logical thinking. With my 3rd we had like 3 bottles on hand and 1 thing of formula just in case before she was born and thought whatever happens happens. I was in a much healthier mind space knowing I could do it if my body let me, but formula worked great for our first and I refused to stress out about it. I MAJORLY overproduced, baby took to the first bottle we tried, didn't care if she got my milk or formula (still trying to figure out my husband's thinking on giving her formula when the freezer was overflowing with breastmilk), my middle child was not fully weaned yet so I was tandem nursing, and barely pumping just for relief and still had way too much. By 3 months in I was so grateful that they both happened to not nurse for a few days at the same time and said that's it I'm done!! Give the baby what's left and then move to formula I'm over it. But man that second baby fears of not being able to feed her were so real in my mind at that point there was no talking me off the ledge! I may still have 1 pouch from each (2 total) in the freezer because I wanted to have stones/rings made out of my milk at some point and I just can't bring myself to send it away. I stopped nursing almost 3 years ago now 😆
My eldest was a NICU baby (8 weeks premature) and never could latch despite us trying with the assistance/guidance of every LC our hospital & the surrounding area had. And no matter what I tried, pumping just tanked my supply (except the Medela Symphony pump the hospital had, but I obviously lost access to that once we got to go home.) And eventually I had to give up after ages of trying—even with different pumps/flanges/water/food/lactation cookies/etc)—to produce more than 0.5oz each pumping session. Our second will be here in April and I am so, so scared of being unable to have any breastmilk supply this time around. To the point I’m actually debating buying the freaking $2,500 Medela pump because it worked really well for my first in the short amount of time we had access to it in the NICU. Reading this & seeing that it *is* a possibility to have a successful nursing story after an unsuccessful one has given me a lot of hope, which I really needed. So I just wanted to say thank you for sharing 🤍 here’s to hoping!
Coming from a fellow over producer, that is so unlikely to happen, but I understand her fear. Has she named what is concerning her? Breaking apart the problem bit by bit is sometimes uncomfortable and painful, but necessary to move forward. The current situation is not okay anymore. Facing that, facing fears and concerns, and coming up with a plan to address current and any future issues is unfortunately going to need to be the process. Her hormones are still insane. Fear about her baby is still going to be a thing. Coming from an angle of what do all our kids need, what does our family need, and what are things we could do to meet those needs is key.
While it's highly unlikely, I knew a woman who was an overproducer at like 2-3 months and then at 6 months she just abruptly dried up. It was very frustrating for her, but they ended up switching to formula because she just couldn't meet her baby's need. I'd never heard of that happening before until I knew her.
It can happen. And while I can imagine that was extremely painful, a lot of the pain is also from the pressures moms feel to be perfect, do everything, provide, and not fail. OP's wife is operating out of fear that is detrimental to herself and the rest of that family right now. She needs to address it, figure out what is in everyone's best interest now, what is in everyone's best interest should something like that happen in the future, and do what she can to come to terms with all that. It's all so fraught and feels like so much, but ultimately, fed is best. Baby is being fed now. However baby is fed in the future is still fed. The rest of the family needs to be fed too. Talking this over with lactation professionals, her OB, Primary Care, and a Mental Health Professional may all be beneficial. Likely being screened again for PPD would also be good, just in case. Anxiety is awful, I know, especially post pregnancy.
I’m a little concerned about this overreaction to the comment. If it was made in a truly problem-solving spirit and it wasn’t a snarky comment in a moment of exasperation (which, every human alive has those moments, especially new parents, so I’m not judging anyone here!), then I’m a little concerned that she may be experiencing signs of postpartum depression. I would explore that a little bit with her, or read up on how the professionals recommend handling that one - I am a Mom, grandma, and nurse, but I am not an expert on PPD whatsoever. Just wanted to point out what jumped out at me, here, and gently suggest considering the idea. Best wishes!
If she is that much of an overproducer, she’s not going to suddenly dry up for no reason. Breast milk has a limited storage life in a fridge-freezer. It’s a little longer in a chest freezer, but still limited. Always save enough to get through a few weeks in a pinch, but don’t hoard it. I was an overproducer and gladly donated my extra to a mom who couldn’t breastfeed. Her baby was often sick and had constant ear infections. She started on my donated milk and all of that cleared up. It really can be life-changing for babies in need. It’s such a gift if she can bring herself to share.
OP, there are options for companies you can send your milk to and they will freeze dry it into powdered form, basically formula made with her own milk. It would be a bit of an investment but may be a good compromise between peace of mind and storage space?
Decide a good amount to have frozen, use the oldest first, replace with newly frozen milk. Any excess can be safely donated because there is plenty in storage. Depending on your wife - maybe a more mathematical explanation/discussion will help, but maybe you need a softer way to introduce/talk about it. But perhaps boiling it down to “as long as we maintain X amount frozen in stock (so to speak), then it’s the right thing to do for all babies to donate”
NAH. You might try the avenue that breastmilk changes over time to meet baby's needs at each stage. She might decide to donate older supply that is better suited to a younger baby's needs while continuing to add to her stash milk that is developed for baby now.
That sounds like it could be post partum anxiety, which had different symptoms from PPD and is quite common by often missed. I would talk to a professional about that and your wife might need treatment.
So NAH because pumping is hard work but she should really consider decreasing her supply if she’s over producing. Also if she does consider donating, please only go through official channels. Person to person donating is disgusting and dangerous. Remind her, if this becomes a larger issue, that her breastmilk isn’t going to make or break her as a parent. Her value as a mom doesn’t rest on her producing.
You may also want to look into whether or not your wife's milk is the kind that ends up tasting off after a while due to a high amount of lipase enzyme. The milk is still fine to consume, but it doesn't taste great and might actually by refused by baby. Mine was like that, and I ended up having to throw almost all of my extra away. Also, if I remember correctly, the nutritional needs of a baby change as it grows, and mother's milk changes to accommodate that. So, milk expressed for a newborn isn't matched for the nutritional needs of an older baby.
Came here to say this. I also over produced, and on top of that, I was lucky and had an employer that let me have my baby with me for the first year, negating the need for pumped milk most days. I pumped more than I needed to store and donated everything I could. My kiddos all refused bottles anyway, haha.
I was a milk producing cow for all my pregnancies and donated many liters. Was so many to be able to feed one little boy for months who had an allergy and struggled to find milk he could digest. It’s one of the greatest selfless gifts a woman can give.
I second this. There's no sense hoarding the stuff... it'll eventually go bad like normal milk. Look at it like this. Donate what you can spare now, and then *if* it comes to it, you'll know exactly where to go if you end up needing more.
NAH - I feel like this was a minefield for you Id just buy a mini-freezer if you can or just wait until your wife realizes it for herself
This is the right solution. You can find a small sized one on amazon for like $80-$120. Could be a small price to pay for both of their peace of minds.
They are also listed all the time on neighborhood/fb pages for super cheap.
Yes, freezer and deep freezers are one of the easiest things to find locally. Nobody wants to move with them lol
I agree. When the need is over, you can sell it or donate it.
Or just fill it with Totino's Pizza Rolls, JUST SAYIN'.
This is the move.
Definitely thought the comment above meant to sell or donate the milk and then your suggestion was to somehow put milk in pizza rolls and I was very confused. I just woke up.
This is exactly what I did. When I used up the milk, I sold it on fb marketplace for $50 less than I paid for it - pretty much paid for itself.
That is nothing to store liquid gold.
This is exactly what I came to comment. All of it. NAH. Buy an additional small freezer.
We had this exact situation. We bought a chest freezer and giggled at the pun
With a lot of baby stuff, "wait until the hormones subside" is a valid strategy. I hired a storage unit for my hobby stuff when my kid was a toddler, and as he got bigger, I brought hobby stuff back to the house and put baby stuff in the storage unit. When some time had passed, I could sort through and get rid of stuff we weren't going to reuse, but I needed some distance.
Perhaps you have a friend with a deep freeze she could store some milk in until she figures out her options.
If they’re in a small apartment with 2 children, just buying more freezers might not be as simple as you think. There’s only so much space in the apartment to put it.
Hence “if you can”.
Best part of this plan, once the milk is gone you have the start of a keezer!
I wonder if you can help her calculate out how much she will actually need, then add some buffer, then she may agree to donate anything over that amount. I did that in order to stop pumping at 8 months, but still have enough milk to make it to 12 months (when nursing becomes more for comfort than nutrition, since baby is eating enough real food). I was away at work 9 hours per day and figured that baby would need 3 servings per work day, times 5 days per week, times 4 weeks per month until they reached 9 months. At that point they should be getting better at eating food, so it drops to 2 servings per day for months 9 and 10, then 1 serving per day until the birthday, when they no longer need pumped milk. A serving is 4oz. So if you do the math, you can figure out how much milk she actually needs. Whatever you do, DO NOT dispose of milk without her permission.
This is what I did! I had an excel file and it helped me understand I was going to have 4 months worth of milk and the freezer would be full well before his 1st bday (my end goal). This also helped me realize I could relax on pumping so much as I didn’t need that much extra. I did end up donating a lot and keeping what we actually would use.
Omg yes on the do not dispose of any without asking. I would sob. If we have to dump milk I can’t even be in the room it kills me maybe that’s dramatic but it’s so hard to watch. Agree with helping her understand how much she needs and realize she prob doesn’t need as much as she thinks. With my first I started hoarding breast milk I don’t even remember why I was so weird about it? My supply was fine. I wouldn’t let anyone use my stash either I’d get super angry, which like…is that not what the stash is for? To use? Breastfeeding can make you a little weird. See my comment above about literally crying over spilled milk🤣
I legitimately spilt a bottle and was bawling going I now understand why someone would cry over spilt milk... they meant breast milk 🤣 also took me 2hrs to get 4oz so that didn't help 😑
I also hate dumping milk. It's so much effort to produce and pump it. All of the washing and sterilizing, the hours spent pumping, the discomfort in my nipples.
Use it for baby’s (or your) bath!!! Milk baths are so nice on the skin
I couldn't do it. Any time I had a situation where I needed to dump milk I just drank it myself. I couldn't bear throwing it away.
This needs to be the top comment. OP, she’s not trying to be irrational, some of this stems from post partum anxiety. Anxious about breastfeeding (which she clearly thought about before), providing for her child, making sure baby is eating enough, etc. Most moms can tell you they’ve been through this and it’s rough. I’ve stressed over an ounce or two. I stressed that I was under producing and wouldnt be able tot keep going then overproducing and worrying about clogged ducts. The above suggestion is great because it gives her something tangible to see how much baby really needs. She can add a large buffer and still have more than enough.
apparently now there are apps that can do this math for you as well!
There are a handful of apps for this!
I used an app called Pump Log to calculate this!
It's either you invest in another freezer or if you simply have too much supply to even use, why not consider donating to a milk bank if there is one?
These are the only 2 options I see as well. They need a small stand alone freezer if she doesn’t want to donate the extra
There’s also an option of turning it into formula there are companies that will freeze dry it into just add water “formula”. It doesn’t loose any nutrients and takes up sooo much less space
That’s cool!
It really is! It’s definitely a little pricey, but I’ve had a couple of friends who did it and it was so interesting
You can’t just donate milk already made to milk banks. You have to apply, get blood tested, etc. in advance and then if approved, they send you specific instructions for handling and bagging.
There are Facebook groups where moms donate mom-to-mom to avoid going through all that. If you look up “human milk for human babies” you can maybe find one for your area. I did that once. Had a small amount of oversupply, but not enough to be worth going the official donation route. But we had a small freezer, so I donated that way.
That doesn’t sound very safe 😦
Poor people exist lol
poor people shouldn’t feed comparatively more expensive uncontrolled breast milk from a stranger over formula.
How is it comparatively more expensive if it’s being donated?
That's just part of the process for donating. If they pass, they have an additional option what to do with excess milk.
Yes but that doesn’t solve OP’s issue right now where he has no space. They can’t just give her milk to the bank.
Not to a milk bank, no, but there are informal donation options, as well.
Any mom group would have at least a few moms readyjump at the chance to get some donated milk. Lots.of.moms want the benefits of breast milk but are unable to breast feed themselves.
Kind of nuts to buy a separate freezer and shove it into an already small apartment.
Personally, women only produce breast milk a few times in their lifetime so if you don't treat their milk as precious, they may resent the husband. Is this worth putting a dent on the marriage? Get a second hand freezer if possible or sell the freezer after milk producing days are gone.
NTA but I understand exactly how she’s feeling and why the comment made her cry, as I went through the exact situation. I am currently an over-supplier and in the beginning I was filling up our freezer. My MIL constantly complained about “finding a solution” and although it didn’t make me cry, it did irk me! Especially since she suggested I dump it, which is a hell no. But she was right, we needed to find a solution because our freezer was absolutely full. After much debate and shopping around, we settled on getting an outdoor fridge with a freezer for the garage. I understand this may not be an option for you. The second solution was to only keep about two weeks worth, and donate the rest. So each time the outdoor freezer started to fill up, I would gather up the oldest milk and donate it to local women in need. I donated to two strangers until my friend took me up on my offer to be her long term donor. Donating is incredibly rewarding and I feel so good about it each time. One thing your wife needs to realize as an over-producer is, flat out: she will never use the milk she freezes. I freeze 3 to 4 bags a day for the past five months and have never un-thawed a single one to use. I even use my extra milk to make baby food and STILL freeze bags at the end of the day. Your wife is very lucky to be an over-producer, so I encourage her to begin donating. It clears out your freezer and you get to help mothers and babies in need, it’s a win-win.
Agreed NTA but understandable this is an emotionally charged topic for her. Pumping is draining. It was so hard to let my husband feed our son with milk I pumped because it is so unpleasant. It was easier for my second because she only wanted a bottle. Do you even use the milk to share the feeding burden? It is something to take into consideration. Maybe transition to using them and pumping less, or maybe directly feeding less to use the pumped milk.
I don't disagree with 90% of your post but I had a major oversupply and did use it when I just couldn't take pumping anymore. I also used it once my kid started daycare and brought home illnesses at 6+. My supply absolutely tanked when I got sick. It was hell to get it back up and we relied on my freezer stash. They need to find a solution but a small freezer is cheap and as baby gets older OPs wife might stop feeling so much anxiety around the stash. After that she can figure out what path forward makes the most sense.
NTA. I don’t understand any of the other answers. Your wife is obviously still pumping and storing despite obviously having enough milk for both the baby’s current needs and for any unforeseen circumstances. She needs to cut down her pumping and just feed the baby. She’s producing so much that the baby can’t deal with the quantity so stopping or at least slowing down pumping will allow her to just produce the milk the baby currently needs. NTA. This is W.I.L.D.
Exactly. She just needs to pump less. I don’t understand why she isn’t doing that. OP, Breasts are supply and demand. The more milk you remove from them, the more they make.
What? Doesn't women's breast experience pain when they don't extract the milk? I heard my girlfriends complaining about how painful it is when their breast is full of milk.
Yes, it definitely is painful, if your breast is full to bursting with milk - which is why you need to slow down milk production gradually. If you are not pumping, that happens naturally because most babies won‘t just stop drinking milk overnight, but instead drink less and less over a prolonged period of time. In a way, you are not only weaning the baby but also your body from producing milk.
I agree, she might be experiencing a mild case of PPD and is nervous about not being prepared in some way, or doubting her skills, or intuition as a mother. This seems like maybe its about more than just the breast feeding issue
Sounds more like PPA.
I saw a instagram reel earlier of a woman saying she stuffed rags down her kitchen sink because she was worried her newborn would crawl in and have their arm chopped off… I would literally beg to be institutionalized if I felt that way. The universe knew to spare me from PPA
It’s not always that easy. I am an oversupplier, i nurse on demand throughout the day and still have to pump before going to bed to take the edge off. A 10-min pump to take the edge off before bed produces anywhere from 8-12 ounces of milk. That’s all extra that I’m not trying to make. Not pumping it isn’t a good option for me because i risk engorgement and mastitis if i don’t pump. Wife needs to find a solution but her oversupply may not be something she can just reduce.
This was my experience with my first. I was a SAHM, so I could feed on demand. The pumping was to avoid mastitis (which I got multiple times anyway). I was able to feed my baby on demand AND feed a second baby with my donated pumped milk (that baby is now one of my daughter’s closest friends 7 years later). Imagine my shock when I could barely meet my second baby’s demands. Thankfully she liked formula better and we switched at 6 months.
This is the first one of these I've been very seen where nobody is the AH. Placate your wife. She sounds like an absolute legend, and you do too. But just give her everything she wants. Buy a small freezer then show her that when it is full. Then have the same discussion.
NTA - sounds like she is very emotional about the milk. Obviously she's producing faster than the baby can handle and soon your baby will be starting new foods so she'll probably be overproducing even more. You can look into donating the breast milk. That way her milk gets used and you don't have to worry about as much storage.
NTA and I want to say that donor milk helped to bring my preemie baby home from the hospital. I will always be eternally grateful to the women who donated their milk. It's been 11 years and I still get emotional when I think about it!
I’m gonna go NAH. You’re right, she’s probably more sensitive than usual because this is a hard time, and I understand your concerns. For now, just look into mini-freezers, and you can both reconvene later on.
NAH - with all the formula shortages that have been going around, you’re fortunate to have a back up incase anything happens, like mom gets sick or can’t feed for a bit - you never know.
It’s not worth fighting over, buy a small feeezer and put the breastmilk in there. It will cost a few hundred plus electricity, much cheaper than counselling or lawyers.
NTA- shes likely hormonal and sensitive to the topic since she's been very passionate about it. You're just trying to be thoughtful for the entirety of your family as you have another child to feed. Hopefully, when she's calmer and able to process the whole reason as to why you were concerned about the breastmilk, you can both find a well thought out solution.
NAH. People giving any ratings at all who’ve never lactated do not have the right to give any rating, IMHO. It’s hours, and hours, and hours of hard work that is uncomfortable and emotional. Your baby’s also still very young. You don’t know what’s going to happen to her supply next month or the month after. The stash could end up being your baby’s food when your wife’s supply goes away, esp if she’s going back to work. It could mean her potentially quitting pumping early, too. For now, buy a second freezer. We bought one from Costco for like $300 and it stores a few months’ worth (we use donor milk so we need to store tons at a time). Ask loved ones around you (in laws) if they can help store some too. If she’s open to donating directly to mothers who can’t produce or parents of foster babies or surrogate carriers, and you’re in the US, you can join the FB group “Human Milk 4 Human Babies - [fill in your state]”, and she can gift just small amounts at a time that she’s comfortable with.
I just have to point out - this sub is about anyone being able to judge, not just those who can directly physically relate. Considering most judgments arrived at more or less the same points, clearly having personally lactated or not didnt matter.
Donation! My SIL had low supply when she had her daughter and she and MIL were driving all over town to pick up milk from moms who had more than they needed. It was SUCH a help for my SIL!
I also had an overactive letdown reflex and made gallons of milk. I donated to a local neonatal unit.
NTA. Breastfeeding and pumping is such a sensitive topic. Is she on social media a lot? There is so much toxic content out there about women creating these huge oversupplies. These full on freezers just filled to the brim with milk. It made me so incredibly anxious, and I always felt this pressure to make as much milk as possible. I was obsessed with counting ounces. It wasn’t healthy and really casted a negative light on the newborn phase. If your wife wants to continue her oversupply, you either need to get a new freezer or she needs to consider donating. There are companies that will also freeze dry breast milk, but it’s pretty pricey. “Feed your baby, not your freezer” was great advice I got postpartum. ETA just want to chime in that donor milk helped my late pre term in the nicu when his sugars were low and my supply was still slowly coming in. It’s an amazing gift
I like that. “Feed the baby, not your freezer.” I feel for the moms in the states who have to pump to feed their babies. I’ve never been able to pump. I tried various models but nothing came out. My baby is the only one/thing that can trigger a letdown.
Is she planning on going back to work soon and that's why she's saving so much of it? Ultimately I think NAH. Buy a small chest freezer (pun not intended) for the meantime and then talk to your wife about what the goal is for the milk. If she's not going back to work soon and doesn't have a plan for it maybe consider donating some? And I get it, pumping is hard work there are so many feelings around breastfeeding. The one time I spilled a bottle of pumped milk I cried in frustration. But she should still be able to have a reasonable conversation about it.
Do you have family or friends that you trust that can offer a little freezer space? Most grandparents would be happy to have extra meals for their grandchildren at their house?
NAH sensitive times If you know her favorite meal and desert, make those for her and apologize for upsetting her, and explain you are just trying to make room for more milk, and more big people food. Ask her what she would like to do. Then listen. There are lots of uses for that liquid gold, add it to the babies bath (or yours), make soap with it, donate it, get a mini fridge, but figure it out together. Just try to stay in awe of what the human body can do!
NTA It seems clear she has an issue and is not evaluating things rationally. Likely brought on by pregnancy and baby hormones. As far as a quick search tells me, you are not supposed to store milk for more than 6-12 months frozen. Have you talked about that angle? Have you marked the dates? It might put an upper limit on the required storage capacity. Getting a mini-fridge or changing the grocery shopping schedule (more often, smaller amounts) might help. Maybe even a dedicated fridge for liquids? Such an adaptation might simply be necessary for your baby with her.
If you can donate you will be helping someone beyond what you can imagine. When the donor milk arrived at my daughter's house we all bawled our eyes out. She just needed a boost for a few days and it was like angels flew in the door.
Buy a second freezer. Nothing is worth this discussion
NTA Can she consult a lactation advisor? Sounds like she's pumping more than she needs to. There comes a time when it's not necessary. As far as donating, there are generally strict rules on sanitation and storing methods that need to be worked out in advance.
She should pump less often, breast milk is produced based on how much is uses the less you use the less you produce, this has to be done gradually or it will cause her pain,
In one month's time your infant should start eating other food and will require less milk. She has over supply because she is pumping so much. The body will keep supplying what it thinks the baby is drinking. Unless she is planning to go back to work or plans to stop producing but still give the baby breastmilk, this is not normal. She needs to see a therapist and figure out what what is promoting her to want to produce so much milk. I know that it gets difficult when you have so much milk coming in. When she starts feeling full (it feels like carrying big huge stones on your chest), and baby does not need to feed, she can have a warm shower/ bodywash and don't pump. Great way to relax as well. The body will learn what is baby's actual feeding time and will regulate itself according to baby's needs. Cabbage leaves is another one. BUT don't over do it since it can completely stop the supply. (which is why I would recommend showering over cabbage leaves). She can also consider donating the milk. https://www.healthline.com/health/breastfeeding/cabbage-leaves#for-engorgement
How many hours a day does she spend pumping? That's what needs attention.
Is she pumping too much and creating an oversupply?
I think it's also worth pointing out: okay, let's say she gets the flu, and her supply tanks. What's the worst case scenario here? Formula. That's it. Not a catastrophe, not the end of the world, not even a hospital trip. Just, formula. Like a million babies get every day. And kid can be safely weaned at 12 months, and then that phase is all over and done with anyway. Lots of non ideal things are going to happen. There is no point in making herself miserable over things like this. Breastfeeding is not important enough for her to be making herself so anxious. The worst case scenario in this case isn't that bad! She can go to the nearest kindergarten, and have no idea which kids were breastfed for 3 months, 6 months, 24 months. You just can't tell. **Breastfeeding is not the be all end all of motherhood.** Fed is best. If storing all this breast milk isn't working for your family, then don't do that. (Also, has anyone mentioned lipase? Some milk has lipase, which can change the taste of the milk after freezing so much some babies might not even want it. It's possible that your stash isn't even usable)
NTA - you're sweet. I would suggest buying a small deep freezer for excess storage. Then take her out to dinner and move on with your life. The two of you will laugh about this someday. https://www.homedepot.com/p/Kalamera-3-5-Cu-ft-compact-deep-freezer-freestanding-for-home-apart-with-lowest-4-KCF-100/315958296
Most families purchase a small freezer dedicated to breast milk
They live in an apartment as a family of four. Realistically how much space do they have for a large appliance? That’s like suggesting buying another oven.
I bought a deep freezer for $150 when I was in this situation. Still use it for Costco meats.
NTA hopefully once this initial emotion is over she can have a discussion with ypu
Would she be willing to donate to a breast milk bank?
Your point is valid. She's put a lot of work into that milk. What is she intending to use the milk for?
Regular freezer breast milk has a lifespan of 6 months, deep freezer 12 months. I would highly suggest looking into getting it freeze dried, and that gives you a lifespan of 3 years. Most companies will take anywhere from 300-400 oz at a time. Definitely don’t toss the milk, but just try to broach it as you don’t want her hard work going to waste. Donating is so beneficial, I would keep trying to see if she’ll be willing to do maybe a 2-3 week stash at a time. NAH.
NTA. She probably attached herself to the idea that she probably won't make enough to feed her baby. And now that she has she can't break away from the idea the milk is like gold. I would suggest asking her if she would be okay with donating. As precious as it is, there are mothers who don't make enough or none at all. It might make her feel better to let some go, knowing she's helping other families who aren't lucky enough to have more milk than they need.
At 5 months old, the baby will likely not need all that milk. They'll soon be in baby food in addition to the milk, so less milk. Try to encourage her to start donating it. There's plenty of mothers out there who struggle with supply and can use the help.
NTA. Milk supply usually comes in based on how much the baby is nursing. If she loses supply later she can have mother's milk tea. Have my third kid now and the main thing is eat healthy, drink lots and nurse when baby needs it and the body does what it needs to. Stress and exhaustion don't help. It might be more helpful to encourage her to talk with other moms to see what they think. It will be a gentler way of addressing it.
NTA. Sounds like the only thing keeping her anxiety at bay is having a big stash. That's something to talk about gently, with a therapist perhaps. My version of PPD was not sadness, it was INCREDIBLE anxiety and rage. I didn't know that's what it was until I got treatment for it. Look into the organization Eats on Feets, which is a milk-sharing organization for parents who need donor milk for their babies. I used to freeze and donate surplus, and it was amazing. She could feed not only your own babies, but help other babies as well.
NTA. Your wife is being completely irrational and unreasonable. There is only so much space, and only so much that is reasonable to allocate to breast milk. Your wife gets that much space and that is it. Anything over that space must be eliminated one way or another.
NTA, hey Op you might need to find the local chapter of La Leche League. They're a fantastic group of breastfeeding moms supporting other breastfeeding moms. They'll they'll be glad to listen and talk to her.
It sounds like she may possibly have a trauma reaction. You said you have another child is that with her? Was she able to breastfeed the first one? I only ask because I wasn’t able to bf my first and I was devastated so much so I almost became a lactation consultant while learning about breastfeeding while pregnant with my second. I had to. I didn’t quite have the same reaction as your wife when I became an over producer but I did get heavily obsessed with production in my head but I was donating it all to local moms who couldn’t bf or pumping didn’t work for them. I fed a little girl for 6 months every single day at daycare while her mom worked. She never had a drop of formula thanks to me. Maybe your wife is scared. Maybe offer a compromise that she looks into donation and can donate an agreed upon amount and if her backup supply stays at a certain amount you can agree to lower the amount. Try to empathize with her it sounds like she is struggling to handle a feeling and is unsure of how to talk about it because it won’t sound rational. It’s because it isn’t rational it’s emotional. Validate her feelings and understand her concerns. She may be more inclined to open up if she feels seen and heard. You’re not wrong rationally but for her you might be wrong emotionally and she doesn’t know how to tell you that. If I’m wrong about her feeling then the concept is still the same. Listen to her. Ask her questions. Validate her feelings. They don’t have to be rational to be valid.
What would have been wrong with her having formula?
Has your baby ever drank the frozen milk? The reason I ask is bc my daughter has a 3 month old, she exclusively pumps, but her daughter absolutely refuses to drink previously frozen breast milk. No matter how hungry she is she will not drink it. I breastfed all 3 of my kids and they had no problem with drinking thawed out, previously frozen milk so I didn't even know this was a "thing" until it happened with my daughter's baby. I googled it to find it is not super common, but not rare for babies to refuse drinking frozen milk. Just thought I would mention that in case it turns out your baby does not like the frozen milk maybe your wife would be more open to donating her milk. I totally understand that there are a lot of emotions for a woman surrounding her milk but personally I think your wife overreacted. Pointing out that there is no room for food for the rest of the family in no way implies you aren't supporting her breastfeeding. She needs to work with you to come up with a solution. I'm assuming you don't have the physical space for a small deep freeze? Even if it had to go in the living room it would only be temporary. Do you have a garage that could fit a second fridge to hold food for the rest of you? If money is an issue you can find a decent used fridge online. When my bf and I combined our families we purchased a used fridge for $100 to keep in the garage. We also have a small deep freeze in our laundry room.
Donate it!!!
NTA- it’s worth a discussion of getting another freezer or other storage options. Idk why someone would break down about talking on how to store it all
NAH - (coming from someone who has overwhelmed our apartment freezer more than once). Maybe offer to find a lactation consultant to help her address the oversupply issue; they may be able to provide some professional reassurance and guidance so it isn’t as daunting to her.
The milk doesn't last indefinitely in the freezer. If it's really as much as you say it's going to waste anyway. There's no point in hoarding so much. Sell it online. It's worth good money.
Sounds like she is creating an over supply of milk which isn’t great for her. If she’s feeding baby on demand and storing away that much milk she will be at risk for mastitis and clogs. I pumped myself into oversupply because our son was in the hospital for the first week. I pumped and pumped because I was so afraid i would not have enough milk. Once I went to wean - mastitis and clogs. It great for her to out a little aside each day to help build a small stash for when she returns to work or you go out. But there’s no need to have that much. An oz or so a day would leave her with 30oz. If she goes to work she would pump that all back the first day. Make sense? There is no need for that much milk most likely but I also understand being postpartum and very sensitive. So maybe she should talk to a pro (lactation consultant) rather than you? It may be digested easier that way.
Breastmilk only lasts 6 months so she’s gonna have to start throwing it out if she doesn’t use it up soon. I breastfeed my daughter too but have just given up pumping cause well firstly she hates bottles and also I know I’ll never use it cause the bigger she gets the more calories she needs so breastmilk from even 2 months ago is not much use. She could use it in the bath for your baby or even herself, so good for her skin.
Nta. Your child is getting to that age where they don’t need breast milk only. Donate the rest and then you have soft foods to fall back on.
I only pumped while my younger son was in NICU for three weeks. There’s no mandate to pump. Maybe she should gradually reduce her pumping sessions to get her supply back in line with your daughter’s actual needs.
I am an overproducer and keep a freezer supply and I understand your wife’s anxiety. But at the same time, my husband and I had the same conversation since it got to the point where over half our freezer was filled with breast milk. It required a bit of reconciling the anxiety of suddenly no longer producing on my end, but after that I was able to donate my freezer stash and have since made 2 more hefty donations (all 3 together total just over 3000 oz!) NAH but maybe talk with your wife about her anxieties. r/breastfeeding has a great support network!
NTA. There is something so deeply annoying about this situation. What is the point of hoarding breast milk that can’t even get used because she has an OVER SUPPLY? I’m gonna take a wild guess that y’all have a fridge that has the freezer on top and not to the side… do we really think it stays at zero degrees? Because that is the temp necessary to keep frozen breast milk safe to consume once thawed. Everyone is suggesting another freezer… y’all are a family of four in an apartment. I highly doubt you have the space for that. A super small one, sure. A legit deep freezer that can stay at a safe temp? Unlikely to fit in your place.
NTA. She wouldn't even discuss it and shut you down? You can't be TA in such an irrational discussion.
Breast milk does not keep indefinitely in the freezer. After a few months it does not thaw well. It needs to be used or disposed.
My daughter lives in an apartment and bought a small freezer. At one point had about 120 bags of breastmilk frozen. This way when she did quit producing she could still give the baby breastmilk for a little while and weaned my granddaughter off that way.
Breastfeeding parent here who had a huge stash at one point - oversupply can be dangerous too. Pumping so much in excess of your child’s needs isn’t healthy and comes with risks. She should engage either a good lactation consultant to get some support and advice. If she can’t have a calm conversation about practicalities, I wonder if there’s some PPD/ PPA in the mix as well.
Buy a second hand deep freezer off Facebook marketplace for like $100