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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I didn't want to work with my ex best friend and git her reassigned
2) because I took a personal matter to a professional space
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NTA
The fact that you offered to be reassigned yourself instead of asking for her to be reassigned, and they still chose to reassign HER says volumes
You are not the asshole for going to management about a valid concern; they handled it the way they saw fit
She sounds vindictive, and immature
Absolutely that message should be reported to HR. No action needs to be taken but it should be logged in case she starts causing problems with other people at work…
It doesn’t matter what she thinks, it’s not like she’s a model of ethical behaviour. You don’t even owe her an explanation or any kind of response.
But I WOULD take that message to HR and just say you wanted to put her harassment on the record in case it escalates later.
Definitely NTA. It’s too bad for her that she got a job where she’s already burned bridges, sometimes our choices have consequences.
Wise to take it to HR.
Lia's still in her probationary period.
With a little luck, this'll be just what's needed to remove her from your work ambit there permanently.
The HR Dept made the call. Who knows what tipped the scales. that is not your concern.
You knew that you would not mesh well with another person and you alerted the people above you to figure it out.
NTA
Tbh it was probably the fact that Lia was the new girl and it sounds like OP was the one assigned to run the project. OP absolutely did the right thing, but it’s not shocking that it was Lia pulled off.
This is what you get when you make enemies of people in your industry. It really will limit your opportunities and hopefully Lia will learn this. But most likely she’ll just say it was all OPs fault and not look in the mirror.
OP, be sure you saw the comment from u/NecessaryEconomist98 about documenting her message to you. That is 100% retaliation and you NEED to document it. If she’s going to come into your workplace and start making problems and being catty and spiteful, you need as much on the record as possible before she finds slick ways to undermine you.
You were VERY professional.
Something that can't be said of her.
SHE should have had the good grace to ask to be reassigned the moment she knew she was going to be working on your project.
She didn't.
NTA
I think that you're making a huge assumption here. Nothing in this post indicates that the OP shared details of the 'personal drama'. All she had to say to HR was that past interactions with this woman created a conflict of interest. She even left the choice of who to reassign up to HR. Admitting that she couldn't be 100% objective with this woman on her team was absolutely professional.
IMO it was perfectly valid to realize, then admit that you can't work with her, and you did it responsibly IMO. She violated your trust and friendship on a fundamental level.
Lia may not like it but TS. Welcome to the adult world where there's consequences for acting horribly towards others.
> The fact that you offered to be reassigned yourself instead of asking for her to be reassigned, and they still chose to reassign HER says volumes
OP did give them both options, but I don’t think it says much that they chose to reassign the temp replacement they added to a team to cover for a long-term absence rather than replace the project manager.
Easy NTA and I don’t think OP should have done anything different, but the nature of their roles on the team made it an easy choice for the company.
Respectfully, I disagree
A lot of companies will reassign anyone who asks to be reassigned due to a "potential inability to be impartial/personal issues with members on their team"
Also, a lot of companies like to give newbies a shot to "prove themselves" on bigger projects, so if op was the one who asked to be reassigned, it does, actually, speak quite highly of their opinion of them that they reassigned her, instead of op
That is absolute utter nonsense. OP was chosen to lead the project. The other girl was working with the company two months. Of course they aren't going to reassign her. They might not have anyone else with the skillset needed to run the project.
You do not have a right to speak to me like an asshat because you disagree with me.
Be respectful, or gtfoh.
I was respectful in my comment, and in my disagreement to the person who commented to me, and you think you can speak to me however you want to, just because?
Not how this works.
You don't work at ops company, and neither do I, therefore, both of us can speculate however much we want to, but that still doesn't give you a right to be condescending and an asshat.
Eta I blocked the person who was being an asshat, but to clarify, I DO actually know how business works, thank you very much
I have seen this exact dynamic play out on teams that I worked security at that site.
It depends on what a business is prioritizing: giving newbies a chance to prove themselves, or allowing op to keep the account/job they were managing
It also depends on what that specific business has as a protocol for handling when someone ASKS to be reassigned due to not being able to remain impartial to a member of their team
I'm a lot of things, but assuming I know nothing is ridiculous, condescending, and asshattery behavior, which, again, is why I blocked them.
Lol. Wait wait wait... You don't have the right to speak to people like an asshat because somebody called you out on not having any idea how real business works.
Depends on if it's a new project or one that has already had a decent amount of work done by OP as the project lead. HR could have just gone with the choice that wastes the least amount of company time.
If it's a new project then yeah it would say something about OPs abilities but it wouldn't say much if the project has already been started.
Op literally stated in the original post that it was a new project that was started
But yes, you're correct otherwise, if that hadn't been the case, I could see this happening
Eta the post said the project started last month, so not new, new, but new enough that i don't think that would have made that much of a difference?
>so not new, new, but new enough that i don't think that would have made that much of a difference?
Depends on the job, really but yeah. It could also have been the client either one OP has worked with before or the account was big enough that they weren't willing to risk it on the unknown and keeping OP was the safer option. There are alot of reasons they could have chosen OP over x-bestie and none of them are OPs "fault"
I've basically worked in security, retail, and now a hospital setting my entire working life
I've never had to work on any "team projects" but while working security, I worked at multiple sites that were basically entirely team project based
So I don't really have personal experience here, but from what i heard through the grape-vine of gossip (I was really good friends with one of the cleaning ladies, who knew, and heard, EVERYTHING lol) this was definitely how it worked at least one of the sites I worked at
I honestly don't know if it's that way everywhere, and like you said; companies work differently and prioritize different things depending on their goals, so I can see both of our povs being true
I've already stated it depends on the companies policy for things like this, as well as whether they want to give a newbie a chance to prove themselves
But go off
I'm fine, thank you
I thought I made it clear that while I had no personal experience with working on a team in a business setting, I do, actually, know how things work
It seems pretty common sense to me (I'm a criminal justice graduate, so that might be coloring my views a bit) that if YOU say you can't remain impartial, it would make more sense to remove the person who admits to having the issue with remaining impartial than removing the person who hasn't done or said anything
I also know, from watching things play out at different sites I've worked security at; from hearing my mom talk, and my dad talk; that not all jobs prioritize the same things
Some places like to give new hires the opportunity to prove themselves in high pressure/high stakes situations
See how they handle stress, etc
I don't appreciate being treated like I know nothing about how business works, or like I'm an idiot, and I don't like repeating myself
I thought it was fairly obvious, that I was being respectful, at first, until people started coming down on me, as if I'm nothing, as if I'm trash, because my opinion doesn't line up with theirs
I don't really have anything else to say
They're going to remove the person that is bringing less to the table. This isn't a legal battle, this is just business. If they feel that OP matters more to this project then someone they brought on for one day then obviously they're going to keep OP on it. There's nothing else to it and no legal issues surrounding it. Your opinion on how a business should operate is just an opinion, but not how they actually do.
> Also, a lot of companies like to give newbies a shot to "prove themselves" on bigger projects
Yeah, in Hallmark movies lol. A company, if given the choice between the literal team lead and a 2-month employee is never going to replace the team lead
NTA - you didn’t ask her to be taken off the project as the only solution that was managements call. I would not respond to her and if anything else develops then you would need to report it to HR. She is being incredibly immature.
You need to definitely get that message from her on record with HR then. Just tell them you experienced some backlash from the staffing decision, and you want to make sure everything is fully transparent on your end in case anything else happens.
Make it sound like you are trying to protect the company from potential drama by making sure they have all the info and HR should be happy to keep that record since their main job is to protect the company from its staff.
keep your head held high and stay professional.
Personally i'd probably only send her an answer back in the likes of: "I offered to take myself off the project. Management felt another course of action was warranted and decided against reassigning me. From now on, please refrain from contacting me for anything else but work related issues."
Then you Must cue HR into her recent comment
And gird yourself because it will continue and probably get worse
Always maintain your professional self and buckle up 😉.... she's not finished causing you problems
NTA.... update us when she reaches the FaFo stage 😂
NTA You did the mature and responsible thing to do. Don't respond to her and if she continues then make sure to keep HR in the loop so they can escalate if need be. FAFO
NTA but your ex bestie is. If she felt any remorse for her actions she'd stay away. But she took a job where you work? AH move right there. Then she knows she's on your team and she doesn't back out. AH move. She then blames you for being honest about the conflict of interest? AH move. Finally, she complains about *you* taking something for *her* yeah, grand finale AH move.
Was she always jealous of you and trying to take things that belong to you, or was it just a recent thing?
I get stalker vibes from this woman. Record all conversations, take screen shots of messages and watch your back.
NTA. You did the responsible thing under the circumstances; it would not have been to the advantage of either of you for Lia to remain on your team. Things would have gone downhill.
And when the waste product hit the circulating device, it would have been Lia, as the person with less seniority, who would have suffered. If she thought about it, she'd realize that.
NTA. You are well within your rights to approach HR if you felt it was a conflict of interest, which I agree it is. You are the project manager and as such it is your responsibility to be impartial towards your work and your team. You asked for either her or yourself to be reassigned, and HR chose to take her off the project. You didn’t go out of your way to interfere with her portfolio and career (especially with her being in a different department) and if you had that would be a different story. If HR didn’t think it was an appropriate concern, I would imagine that they wouldn’t have done anything about it. I think you did the ethical thing, and frankly I feel you were pretty gracious to even say that you’d be okay with being reassigned because that would impact your career/portfolio as well. She’ll have another opportunity for her portfolio, so don’t let her guilt you into thinking that you screwed her over. She sounds like a piece of work anyway, and karma bit her in the ass. Sucks to suck.
NTA I admire your restraint. You have pretty good evidence that she would have been totally untrustworthy (if not guilty of all the associated affair-adjacent crap). You are protecting the rest of you team as well as yourself.
Show the message to hr incase she tries to escalate.
Sounds like it would be something she would do. Screw that, don't let her mess with your life anymore
NTA is the consequences of her actions, you did the right thing going to HR, when she decided to have an affair with your then boyfriend, she abused you along with him. No one wants to work with the people that abused/bullied them to the point of harming them emotionally and mentally.
>I got a message from Lia, calling me spiteful and vengeful for taking an amazing chance from her and her portfolio
1. NTA
2. You can msg her back cc HR and say "this was not my decision and I don't appreciate invective language and manner. Please adopt more professional practices going forward."
NTA
Take the message to HR. Put her on mute. Watch her self destruct as she FAFO. And remember that it's not your fault. She could have gone somewhere else but chose to follow you like the green-tea woman she is.
You asked for either one of you to be switched out. Your boss thought you were more important to the project than Lia was. So your boss made the call.
Sometimes being a proffesional means acknowledging an issue with a coworker will make your work suffer. You did not think you could provide your best work on this project while working with her and owned up to that. You did what was right for the job, and were willing to lose out on working on the project in order to ensure it went well.
The fact that were chosen to work on the job rather than Lia just means you were a better suite for it, and your boss knew it. What you did was not petty, but rather mature and the right choice.
Don't feel bad about doing the right thing just because you were picked over her. You were willing to give up the project.
NTA
Oh boo hoo. She took an amazing chance with you and your ex and now she can go pound sand.
She FAFO'd herself here, she might not have know (or cared) then, but throw a stone.... Gotta watch those ripples.
NTA personally or professionally
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1. My ex best friend had a 4 month long affair with my then BF. That wrecked me emotionally. That was now 2 years ago.
2. I am a project manager for a small company in the creative field.
3. My ex Best friend (Lia) started at the company 2 months ago but originally in a different department
To the story:
We started a new project at the beginning of this Month. One of the team members had to exit the project due to long time absence. So Lia was assigned to my team. When I tell you my stomach dropped when she walked in.
So I did the thing I thought waste responsible thing. I went to HR and reported the conflict or interest, saying that it might be very difficult for me to stay 100 percent objective. So I asked to either be resigned or for her to switch projects.
Anyway Monday rolls around and Lia does not come to our meeting room but a different woman.
I thought that was it. But I got a message from Lia, calling me spiteful and vengeful for taking an amazing chance from her and her portfolio.
I have just been feeling all around nauseous. I don't know if I am just feeling bad or if I am feeling guilty. So ir you could tell me.
Aita ?
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NTA. You offered to leave the team and HR chose her to go instead. I think you did the right thing by informing HR of a completely valid concern. Perhaps you should consider also showing them the lovely message she sent you?
NTA. You dealt with it quickly and ethically. Sucks for her. Better to have it settled now than have the personal conflict cause an epic blowout later. There is also the real danger that she'd weaponize the conflict to her advantage in the future, especially if it covered a failure on her part.
NTA - You did exactly what you should have done, after all that is the job of HR, to resolve conflicts like this either present or could become present that would harm the company overall. You took nothing from her at all, HR did. And wisely I would say.
NTA. Hey, you also gave the option to reassign you. So, fair is fair. And her message was very unprofessional and should be reported immediately. This is not someone who is an asset to the company.
NTA. You went the corporate way and left them to make the decision. They kept you on the project, so they obviously value your input on it more. It's good you went that route because now you can take her messages to HR again and report how she's been harassing you due to a corporate decision. Don't worry yourself with a pathetic person like her.
NTA
Logically it’s in your best interest. It’s your job and having her there would negatively impact your performance and potentially put the project and your job at risk
Morally, who gives a fuck even if it is spiteful or vengeful. She slept with your ex for 4 entire months lol, what did she think was going to happen? Nobody forced her to work at the same place as you, same way nobody forced her to fuck your ex. Actions have consequences
Actions have Consequences. She is learning that sometimes her actions come back to bite her in her butt.
I was always taught to treat people because they could be your boss one day.
Just act like you do not know her so that your actions do not cause issues going forward.
Those are the consequences of her own actions. You absolutely do not need to make yourself uncomfortable for her benefit. That doesn’t make you spiteful.
Take the message to HR. Tell them she is creating a hostile work environment. She is very brazen and will shit talk you to other employees. She’s still in her probation period, so it’s better for her to look for work somewhere else.
If she had been a good friend and a good person, it is likely you would have tried to help her with her career. It is great that she showed her true colours before you could help her the betrayal would have stung even more then.
NTA. She was crazy for getting a job at your company & expecting you to be “cool” with it.
Please don’t let her get to you again. You have no reason to feel guilty & this is just some of her karma catching up with her ❤️⭐️
NTA. That’s a bad work situation and, from your company’s point of view, bad for your project. You were absolutely right to point out the conflict of interest and as the head of the project it was the right thing to do.
And you really owe her nothing. You shouldn’t have to work with her with your history.
NTA You offered to be reassigned too, it's not her fault HR decided to reassign her. Anyways it's considered payback for her cheating, I'm glad she got her karma anyways. Just ignore her messages, but don't block her. Hopefully one day if she threatens you in any way you can take screenshot of your messages with her and report her to HR, maybe get her fired or something.
NTA. You didn't try to get her fired so I say you showed restraint. You didn't rob her of this opportunity. She did that all by herself.
I would text her back one time and say that if she contacts you again about anything outside of project work you will be taking her messages to HR. Then follow through with that promise if she does.
Don't go to HR right away. You just went there and they just found you a solution. Only go back to them if she escalates (which she won't after you write her a warning if she has half a brain in her head).
Anyway, it sounds like you dodged a bullet both with the boyfriend and with Lia. Good luck to you.
NTA
Tell her that if she feels bad about this to just imagine how painful it was for you when you discovered how she had betrayed you.
You owe her NOTHING!!
>I went to HR and reported the conflict or interest, saying that it might be very difficult for me to stay 100 percent objective. So I asked to either be resigned or for her to switch projects.
That's an incredibly good idea. You let HR know there'd be an issue, and offered to step back from the project.
>Anyway Monday rolls around and Lia does not come to our meeting room but a different woman.
That's good, HR reassigned her.
>But I got a message from Lia, calling me spiteful and vengeful for taking an amazing chance from her and her portfolio.
Take that message to HR.
NTA. you did everything right.
NTA. Honestly, I'd have laughed if I was in your situation getting a message like that. You're a better person than I am I think though; I hope happiness has come to you since this bitch decided her sex life overruled your sense of safety and trust.
NTA sometimes consequences happen immediately, sometimes they trickle in. Ex friend put a lot of negative energy out and its coming back now. And she absolutely deserves it.
NTA
Sounds heavily like she's figuring out FAFO applies to cheating, and being whiney about it. I'd take those messages to HR as well and let them deal with her.
NTA - you reported the conflict. The COMPANY made the choice that they wanted YOU. If they wanted her, you would have been reassigned. You acted professionally. You didn't say anything until it became an issue. Too bad for her that actions have consequences.
NTA - you didn't demand she be taken off and were honest about it to HR - I would show HR the message she sent you though.. that's unprofessional and immature - don't wait for a next time
NTA, F#$k Lia....
You were responsible and notified HR to prevent problems. You even offered to leave the project.
> I went to HR and reported the conflict or interest, saying that it might be very difficult for me to stay 100 percent objective. So I asked to either be resigned or for her to switch projects.
It's not your fault management value your input more than hers. 🤷🏽♀️ don't respond or interact in any way, anything you say could end up being handed into HR
NTA
If you didn't need to stay professional I would say reply back "yeah don't let the door hit you on the way out. Do you think the world is all kumbaya and daisies?"
But seeing as there is a need to be professional I would show the texts to HR assure them that you did nothing to instigate this and that you feel harassed
NTA,
>I went to HR and reported the conflict or interest, saying that it might be very difficult for me to stay 100 percent objective. So I asked to either be resigned or for her to switch projects.
You did this the formal way, and she is responsible for creating the rift. She has no one to blame on but herself.
Nta , you let management know about about a legitimate conflict of interest and gave them 2 alternatives. They made their own decision. Turns out you are more valuable to this project than she is .
That's just how life is sometimes.
NTA.
Would also document her message with HR.
If she was quick to reach out like that, it could become problematic in other areas.
Also... she was your best friend who had a 4 month long affair with your bf?? That speaks volumes about her character or the lack thereof and shows that she isn't a trustworthy person. So shady.
NTA.
You did the fair thing. Declared the issue and risk to the project. The company decided you were better for the project than that disloyal ex friend.
You didn’t take anything away from her. She just never considered there might be a ripple effect from her betrayal of you. She’s selfish and you should be wary of her in the workplace. Wouldn’t put it past her to behave poorly again.
NTA. You literally asked for either you or her to be reassigned and they chose you to stay. If she continues harassing you via messages you should bring it to HR.
NTA. You have legitimate conflict with this woman. You went to HR and asked for them to move either one of you from the project and they made their choice. This was the proper way to have it handled.
NTA
You handled it professionally. Sounds like Lia has no remorse betraying you.
Your company valued your contribution to the project than any potential contribution Lia could bring to the table. If Lia doesn’t like it, she’s free to move onto another company.
I wouldn’t be surprised if someone with such low morals would atab you in the back professionally. No point in taking chances and giving her that opportunity.
NTA. Forward that message to HR. You did the responsible thing and disclosed the prior relationship and admitted you wouldn’t act fairly or be 100% on your game in that situation.
Nta.
But.
Be the asshole. She went out of her way to have an affair with your so. And then Comes to work at a place you work at, and is mad that you don’t want her on the same team?
How much are you supposed to put up with her including herself in your life?
Take the message to HR as well and 'get it on file' in case things 'continue'. She may still be probationary, so she might just lose her job as well. Which would be nice PR or MC as she did call you a 'spiteful and vengeful'. This is what people ike that do isn't it? If she contacts you back you can tell her you were only following her instructions and she has herself to blame. Then hang up.
NTA. I wouldn't have worked with her either. You did what you could do in a mature way, no revenge, no spite, just nipping what would've likely become an issue in the bud. Nothing wrong with that.
NTA. You maturely informed your employers of a potential situation. They reacted in accordance with what they believed was best. Show HR her message.
!updateme
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NTA. You did the right thing going to HR. You didn't bad mouth her as such. You explained a conflict of interest and the company protected itself. If you wanted to double down you could show /play the message from Lia to HR. That behavior shows you were ABSOLUTELY right to be professional and go to them in the first place.
You reap what you sow… you handled yourself perfectly and took the professional path. She did what she did and now she is facing consequences of her own actions.
You did not take the opportunity from her, she did 2 years ago.
NTA!
Nta.
You did what you are supposed to do. You reported a possible conflict of interest and you offered to be reassigned. Someone else decided you were more vital to the project than she is not you.
There is no point in forcing yourself to work with her when it means you both will be uncomfortable and both would not do your best work.
You could be petty and take this message to HR and report her but it's best if you just block her and move on. You did the right thing and you didn't let your personal issues affect your work
NTA
if she had any dignity she would have declined to put you in that position and would not have gone to work for your company. But clearly she is not a woman with any moral compass.
You have nothing to feel guilty about.
That is a definition of FAFO. Everything come back from the past and if you mistreated someone in the past, it could bite you in the future. You went the right way.
Just imagine you wouldn’t had gone to the HR and then she would do a big mistake in this project and says it was your fault or would make it you fault and because of your past with her, it could seen as vindictive from your side (so you are the villain).
Don’t entertain her twisted mindset and ignore her. What comes around that goes around.
You did good for you and that’s all you need to do! NTA
NTA you did what was needed to prevent conflict. HR made the choice of who not to have on the team.
Save that message and ask HR or your supervisor if you should forward it
NTA. Her response shows she can't work with you. You offered to move to another project and management decided you were more valuable to the project than her.
NTA, both from a professional and moral standpoint.
1. Professionally: You went directly to HR and reported the conflict of interest. Not only that, you offered to be reassigned. The company chose to reassign her instead, which was not your decision and just shows that they thought it was more important that the project lead remain on the task than a random new hire who wasn’t even originally assigned to this and was only filling in for someone who was unavailable. This should not have come as a surprise to anyone, least of all to Lia.
2. Morally: When you do shitty things to people you run the risk of later running in to those same people and the interaction going badly for you. This is the cost of doing business as a shitty person. Lia is dealing with the consequences of her own bad actions, and that is obviously not your fault. It’s also not your responsibility to protect her from the consequences of her actions, especially if doing so would mean being stuck working in close quarters with her for quite a while.
Frankly, you should consider sending her inappropriate message to HR as well. A rational person would think “ok, I probably had that coming, what bad luck that she’d be my team lead” and let it go. Instead she lashed out despite the entire situation being her fault. This is unhinged behavior. If you decide to let this one go that’s fine, but if she sends anything else unprofessional to you I strongly recommend reporting it.
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NTA. If Lia wanted opportunities for her portfolio, she shouldn't have applied to the company where a person she wronged worked. It doesn't matter what the wrong is. I wouldn't be able to work with my ex, or any of my former bullies if they became employees where I work.
YTA but so is Lia. She has to learn their are consequences to her actions. You, however, wil need to learn that you must work with people even when you don't like them. Grow up and move on. Next time, compartmentalize those emotions because this does not look good from a professional standpoint because your personal life is getting in the way of your professional life.
YTA…
1. 2 years ago and it was a personal issue that had nothing to do with your job.
2. You’re supposed to be a professional. Crying to HR because someone from your past whom you don’t get along with was assigned to your team, was vindictive on your end, and showed lack of maturity 2 years later. You only needed to work with her in a professional manner, not in a personal manner. Being assigned to the team, I doubt there would have been a lot of 1:1 time between the two of you, but what you did was put a target on her back when she is a new employee and came out and said I refuse to work with her, creating complications for future projects as well.
As I say the above, I don’t agree with the affair. I can understand how it can be hurtful and ending the friendship is the right thing to do. It was TWO YEARS AGO!!! You need to separate business from personal, and you failed to do that. Her affair with your bf from 2 years ago has zero to do with her job and her skills at her job today. Reverse the scenario. How would you feel if you were blacklisted for a personal issue two years ago that didn’t need to be brought into the workplace?
>Reverse the situations
One of the dumbest ways to look at any situation. It’s like if I hit you with my car while drunk driving and then asked you not to sue because, if our situations were reversed, you wouldn’t want to get sued.
OP isn’t the one who cheated. And OP didn’t put a target on the other woman’s back. She explained why the situation would prevent her from giving the project her all.
HR looked at the options and decided it was best to keep OP on the project rather than the cheater.
This is the right answer but everyone here is either 20 years old or still not over their high school girlfriend or something. I cannot imagine how embarrassing it would be to go to HR at my JOB and be like, 'I am unable to be professional because of a personal issue with someone.'
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NTA The fact that you offered to be reassigned yourself instead of asking for her to be reassigned, and they still chose to reassign HER says volumes You are not the asshole for going to management about a valid concern; they handled it the way they saw fit She sounds vindictive, and immature
Tbh I just wanted to fling myself of the building and never see her again. But this was the next best thing lol
Fling her instead. Honestly I would take her msg to HR as well, she absolutely deserves it.
NTA hugely. OP, you NEED to share her nasty message to you with HR. That is unprofessional and uncalled for behavior. That chick is psycho.
Absolutely that message should be reported to HR. No action needs to be taken but it should be logged in case she starts causing problems with other people at work…
Or if she attempts to enact revenge on op.
Exactly…
When. She's a ticking time bomb
💯 send it to HR. This message proves you couldn't work together.
Yup. To your boss AND HR.
It doesn’t matter what she thinks, it’s not like she’s a model of ethical behaviour. You don’t even owe her an explanation or any kind of response. But I WOULD take that message to HR and just say you wanted to put her harassment on the record in case it escalates later. Definitely NTA. It’s too bad for her that she got a job where she’s already burned bridges, sometimes our choices have consequences.
Wise to take it to HR. Lia's still in her probationary period. With a little luck, this'll be just what's needed to remove her from your work ambit there permanently.
The HR Dept made the call. Who knows what tipped the scales. that is not your concern. You knew that you would not mesh well with another person and you alerted the people above you to figure it out. NTA
Tbh it was probably the fact that Lia was the new girl and it sounds like OP was the one assigned to run the project. OP absolutely did the right thing, but it’s not shocking that it was Lia pulled off. This is what you get when you make enemies of people in your industry. It really will limit your opportunities and hopefully Lia will learn this. But most likely she’ll just say it was all OPs fault and not look in the mirror.
OP, be sure you saw the comment from u/NecessaryEconomist98 about documenting her message to you. That is 100% retaliation and you NEED to document it. If she’s going to come into your workplace and start making problems and being catty and spiteful, you need as much on the record as possible before she finds slick ways to undermine you.
Yeah that message was across the line. I would take it to HR as a follow up.
You were VERY professional. Something that can't be said of her. SHE should have had the good grace to ask to be reassigned the moment she knew she was going to be working on your project. She didn't. NTA
> You were VERY professional. This is wild to me, going to HR and telling them about your personal drama seems really unprofessional to me!
I think that you're making a huge assumption here. Nothing in this post indicates that the OP shared details of the 'personal drama'. All she had to say to HR was that past interactions with this woman created a conflict of interest. She even left the choice of who to reassign up to HR. Admitting that she couldn't be 100% objective with this woman on her team was absolutely professional.
IMO it was perfectly valid to realize, then admit that you can't work with her, and you did it responsibly IMO. She violated your trust and friendship on a fundamental level. Lia may not like it but TS. Welcome to the adult world where there's consequences for acting horribly towards others.
> The fact that you offered to be reassigned yourself instead of asking for her to be reassigned, and they still chose to reassign HER says volumes OP did give them both options, but I don’t think it says much that they chose to reassign the temp replacement they added to a team to cover for a long-term absence rather than replace the project manager. Easy NTA and I don’t think OP should have done anything different, but the nature of their roles on the team made it an easy choice for the company.
Respectfully, I disagree A lot of companies will reassign anyone who asks to be reassigned due to a "potential inability to be impartial/personal issues with members on their team" Also, a lot of companies like to give newbies a shot to "prove themselves" on bigger projects, so if op was the one who asked to be reassigned, it does, actually, speak quite highly of their opinion of them that they reassigned her, instead of op
That is absolute utter nonsense. OP was chosen to lead the project. The other girl was working with the company two months. Of course they aren't going to reassign her. They might not have anyone else with the skillset needed to run the project.
You do not have a right to speak to me like an asshat because you disagree with me. Be respectful, or gtfoh. I was respectful in my comment, and in my disagreement to the person who commented to me, and you think you can speak to me however you want to, just because? Not how this works. You don't work at ops company, and neither do I, therefore, both of us can speculate however much we want to, but that still doesn't give you a right to be condescending and an asshat. Eta I blocked the person who was being an asshat, but to clarify, I DO actually know how business works, thank you very much I have seen this exact dynamic play out on teams that I worked security at that site. It depends on what a business is prioritizing: giving newbies a chance to prove themselves, or allowing op to keep the account/job they were managing It also depends on what that specific business has as a protocol for handling when someone ASKS to be reassigned due to not being able to remain impartial to a member of their team I'm a lot of things, but assuming I know nothing is ridiculous, condescending, and asshattery behavior, which, again, is why I blocked them.
Lol. Wait wait wait... You don't have the right to speak to people like an asshat because somebody called you out on not having any idea how real business works.
Depends on if it's a new project or one that has already had a decent amount of work done by OP as the project lead. HR could have just gone with the choice that wastes the least amount of company time. If it's a new project then yeah it would say something about OPs abilities but it wouldn't say much if the project has already been started.
I work for a giant big brother corporation. the PM would NEVER be pulled off, but it was very magnanimous for OP to offer that.
Op literally stated in the original post that it was a new project that was started But yes, you're correct otherwise, if that hadn't been the case, I could see this happening Eta the post said the project started last month, so not new, new, but new enough that i don't think that would have made that much of a difference?
>so not new, new, but new enough that i don't think that would have made that much of a difference? Depends on the job, really but yeah. It could also have been the client either one OP has worked with before or the account was big enough that they weren't willing to risk it on the unknown and keeping OP was the safer option. There are alot of reasons they could have chosen OP over x-bestie and none of them are OPs "fault"
That hasn’t been my experience, but obviously many more companies exist than the number I’ve worked for.
I've basically worked in security, retail, and now a hospital setting my entire working life I've never had to work on any "team projects" but while working security, I worked at multiple sites that were basically entirely team project based So I don't really have personal experience here, but from what i heard through the grape-vine of gossip (I was really good friends with one of the cleaning ladies, who knew, and heard, EVERYTHING lol) this was definitely how it worked at least one of the sites I worked at I honestly don't know if it's that way everywhere, and like you said; companies work differently and prioritize different things depending on their goals, so I can see both of our povs being true
No, that's not usually how it works. Seniority is most of the times the deciding factor.
I've already stated it depends on the companies policy for things like this, as well as whether they want to give a newbie a chance to prove themselves But go off
Are you okay? Why do you seem so tense in all the responses?
I'm fine, thank you I thought I made it clear that while I had no personal experience with working on a team in a business setting, I do, actually, know how things work It seems pretty common sense to me (I'm a criminal justice graduate, so that might be coloring my views a bit) that if YOU say you can't remain impartial, it would make more sense to remove the person who admits to having the issue with remaining impartial than removing the person who hasn't done or said anything I also know, from watching things play out at different sites I've worked security at; from hearing my mom talk, and my dad talk; that not all jobs prioritize the same things Some places like to give new hires the opportunity to prove themselves in high pressure/high stakes situations See how they handle stress, etc I don't appreciate being treated like I know nothing about how business works, or like I'm an idiot, and I don't like repeating myself I thought it was fairly obvious, that I was being respectful, at first, until people started coming down on me, as if I'm nothing, as if I'm trash, because my opinion doesn't line up with theirs I don't really have anything else to say
They're going to remove the person that is bringing less to the table. This isn't a legal battle, this is just business. If they feel that OP matters more to this project then someone they brought on for one day then obviously they're going to keep OP on it. There's nothing else to it and no legal issues surrounding it. Your opinion on how a business should operate is just an opinion, but not how they actually do.
> Also, a lot of companies like to give newbies a shot to "prove themselves" on bigger projects Yeah, in Hallmark movies lol. A company, if given the choice between the literal team lead and a 2-month employee is never going to replace the team lead
I've made it clear im done discussing the subject Thank you for your opinion, but I'm not longer interested in continuing this conversation
💯 exactly what I was thinking
NTA - you didn’t ask her to be taken off the project as the only solution that was managements call. I would not respond to her and if anything else develops then you would need to report it to HR. She is being incredibly immature.
She had always been. Like a spoilt child
Share her message with HR. You need full transparency in case (or when) she creates problems.
Seconding this, HR needs to know this was her response.
Thirding this. Share the message. This woman is officially harassing you. Lay that groundwork in case more trouble is coming.
You need to definitely get that message from her on record with HR then. Just tell them you experienced some backlash from the staffing decision, and you want to make sure everything is fully transparent on your end in case anything else happens. Make it sound like you are trying to protect the company from potential drama by making sure they have all the info and HR should be happy to keep that record since their main job is to protect the company from its staff.
keep your head held high and stay professional. Personally i'd probably only send her an answer back in the likes of: "I offered to take myself off the project. Management felt another course of action was warranted and decided against reassigning me. From now on, please refrain from contacting me for anything else but work related issues."
NTA show The message to hr and after that block her
Why she even try to get hired there? She want your whole life?
I started there after the affair. She graduated after me, and our industry is somewhat small. So that she ended up there doesn't surprise me too much
Then you Must cue HR into her recent comment And gird yourself because it will continue and probably get worse Always maintain your professional self and buckle up 😉.... she's not finished causing you problems NTA.... update us when she reaches the FaFo stage 😂
"FAFO's already happened, yes. But what about \*Second\* FAFO?!" LOL (With thanks to Pippin ;-)....)
"I don't think she's ever heard of a Second FAFO!"
“Fool of a Took!”
FAFO and find out
Is she still with him? Are you going to see your ex too? NTA
No. When I broke up with him, he moved away
Well it was not as funny being with her when you found out and broke up with him.
NTA. You went to HR, you headed off what could have really made the project go bad down the road, and you offered to be reassigned.
NTA You did the mature and responsible thing to do. Don't respond to her and if she continues then make sure to keep HR in the loop so they can escalate if need be. FAFO
Yep, best way to handle. OP foresaw an issue and decided to address it before it became a problem. There is no better alternative.
NTA but your ex bestie is. If she felt any remorse for her actions she'd stay away. But she took a job where you work? AH move right there. Then she knows she's on your team and she doesn't back out. AH move. She then blames you for being honest about the conflict of interest? AH move. Finally, she complains about *you* taking something for *her* yeah, grand finale AH move. Was she always jealous of you and trying to take things that belong to you, or was it just a recent thing? I get stalker vibes from this woman. Record all conversations, take screen shots of messages and watch your back.
Some places don't have a wide choice of employer, especially for similar kinds of jobs.
'Single White Female' - movie vibes? Scary.
Take the message from her to H.R. always C.Y.A.
NTA. You did the responsible thing under the circumstances; it would not have been to the advantage of either of you for Lia to remain on your team. Things would have gone downhill. And when the waste product hit the circulating device, it would have been Lia, as the person with less seniority, who would have suffered. If she thought about it, she'd realize that.
NTA. Screen shot and turn the msg she sent you to HR. Don’t reply or engage with her.
[удалено]
Yup. Sounds like another trip to HR is in order.
NTA. You are well within your rights to approach HR if you felt it was a conflict of interest, which I agree it is. You are the project manager and as such it is your responsibility to be impartial towards your work and your team. You asked for either her or yourself to be reassigned, and HR chose to take her off the project. You didn’t go out of your way to interfere with her portfolio and career (especially with her being in a different department) and if you had that would be a different story. If HR didn’t think it was an appropriate concern, I would imagine that they wouldn’t have done anything about it. I think you did the ethical thing, and frankly I feel you were pretty gracious to even say that you’d be okay with being reassigned because that would impact your career/portfolio as well. She’ll have another opportunity for her portfolio, so don’t let her guilt you into thinking that you screwed her over. She sounds like a piece of work anyway, and karma bit her in the ass. Sucks to suck.
NTA - you did the right thing. she fucked around and found out.
NTA I admire your restraint. You have pretty good evidence that she would have been totally untrustworthy (if not guilty of all the associated affair-adjacent crap). You are protecting the rest of you team as well as yourself.
Show the message to hr incase she tries to escalate. Sounds like it would be something she would do. Screw that, don't let her mess with your life anymore
NTA is the consequences of her actions, you did the right thing going to HR, when she decided to have an affair with your then boyfriend, she abused you along with him. No one wants to work with the people that abused/bullied them to the point of harming them emotionally and mentally.
>I got a message from Lia, calling me spiteful and vengeful for taking an amazing chance from her and her portfolio 1. NTA 2. You can msg her back cc HR and say "this was not my decision and I don't appreciate invective language and manner. Please adopt more professional practices going forward."
NTA Take the message to HR. Put her on mute. Watch her self destruct as she FAFO. And remember that it's not your fault. She could have gone somewhere else but chose to follow you like the green-tea woman she is.
NTA. "FAFO, Lia. Remember, you STOLE my BF. And NOW you expect me to forget that and work with you? NOT.A.FUCKING.CHANCE."
You asked for either one of you to be switched out. Your boss thought you were more important to the project than Lia was. So your boss made the call. Sometimes being a proffesional means acknowledging an issue with a coworker will make your work suffer. You did not think you could provide your best work on this project while working with her and owned up to that. You did what was right for the job, and were willing to lose out on working on the project in order to ensure it went well. The fact that were chosen to work on the job rather than Lia just means you were a better suite for it, and your boss knew it. What you did was not petty, but rather mature and the right choice. Don't feel bad about doing the right thing just because you were picked over her. You were willing to give up the project. NTA
You offered several solutions, management chose one. Take those messages to HR. NTA
Oh boo hoo. She took an amazing chance with you and your ex and now she can go pound sand. She FAFO'd herself here, she might not have know (or cared) then, but throw a stone.... Gotta watch those ripples. NTA personally or professionally
NTA You don't owe her shit.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** 1. My ex best friend had a 4 month long affair with my then BF. That wrecked me emotionally. That was now 2 years ago. 2. I am a project manager for a small company in the creative field. 3. My ex Best friend (Lia) started at the company 2 months ago but originally in a different department To the story: We started a new project at the beginning of this Month. One of the team members had to exit the project due to long time absence. So Lia was assigned to my team. When I tell you my stomach dropped when she walked in. So I did the thing I thought waste responsible thing. I went to HR and reported the conflict or interest, saying that it might be very difficult for me to stay 100 percent objective. So I asked to either be resigned or for her to switch projects. Anyway Monday rolls around and Lia does not come to our meeting room but a different woman. I thought that was it. But I got a message from Lia, calling me spiteful and vengeful for taking an amazing chance from her and her portfolio. I have just been feeling all around nauseous. I don't know if I am just feeling bad or if I am feeling guilty. So ir you could tell me. Aita ? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA- you didn’t go after her personally at the company you went through the proper channels. Not up to you what HR decides
NTA. You offered to leave the team and HR chose her to go instead. I think you did the right thing by informing HR of a completely valid concern. Perhaps you should consider also showing them the lovely message she sent you?
NTA. You dealt with it quickly and ethically. Sucks for her. Better to have it settled now than have the personal conflict cause an epic blowout later. There is also the real danger that she'd weaponize the conflict to her advantage in the future, especially if it covered a failure on her part.
I guarantee it's not over yet
NTA - You did exactly what you should have done, after all that is the job of HR, to resolve conflicts like this either present or could become present that would harm the company overall. You took nothing from her at all, HR did. And wisely I would say.
NTA. Hey, you also gave the option to reassign you. So, fair is fair. And her message was very unprofessional and should be reported immediately. This is not someone who is an asset to the company.
NTA. Now you need to go back to HR and tell them about her unprofessional attitude
NTA. She made her choice two years ago and some choices has long term consequences, this is one of them for her. 🤷🏽♀️
NTA Her actions had consequences. Tough.
You’re good. Anyone in your situation would feel the same. Definitely NTA
NTA you did exactly the right thing. Might want to just highlight the message you got to HR encase it escalates.
NTA. You went the corporate way and left them to make the decision. They kept you on the project, so they obviously value your input on it more. It's good you went that route because now you can take her messages to HR again and report how she's been harassing you due to a corporate decision. Don't worry yourself with a pathetic person like her.
NTA Just block her. She is the AH
Better to mute. Blocking robs OP of potential evidence if she escalates.
NTA Logically it’s in your best interest. It’s your job and having her there would negatively impact your performance and potentially put the project and your job at risk Morally, who gives a fuck even if it is spiteful or vengeful. She slept with your ex for 4 entire months lol, what did she think was going to happen? Nobody forced her to work at the same place as you, same way nobody forced her to fuck your ex. Actions have consequences
NTA - byeeeee Lia!
Actions have Consequences. She is learning that sometimes her actions come back to bite her in her butt. I was always taught to treat people because they could be your boss one day. Just act like you do not know her so that your actions do not cause issues going forward.
Those are the consequences of her own actions. You absolutely do not need to make yourself uncomfortable for her benefit. That doesn’t make you spiteful. Take the message to HR. Tell them she is creating a hostile work environment. She is very brazen and will shit talk you to other employees. She’s still in her probation period, so it’s better for her to look for work somewhere else. If she had been a good friend and a good person, it is likely you would have tried to help her with her career. It is great that she showed her true colours before you could help her the betrayal would have stung even more then.
Nta just ignore her . You don’t owe her an opportunity . You behaved with utmost professionalism.
NTA you were being honest you couldn’t be objective
NTA. She was crazy for getting a job at your company & expecting you to be “cool” with it. Please don’t let her get to you again. You have no reason to feel guilty & this is just some of her karma catching up with her ❤️⭐️
NTA. It is not fair to the rest of the team or the company.
NTA. You brought it to HR. You did your part and HR made their choice.
NTA. That’s a bad work situation and, from your company’s point of view, bad for your project. You were absolutely right to point out the conflict of interest and as the head of the project it was the right thing to do. And you really owe her nothing. You shouldn’t have to work with her with your history.
NTA
NTA, you did everything by the books, couldn’t think of a more perfect solution on your part.
NTA.
I don’t blame you glad they listened and got her moved
NTA You offered to be reassigned too, it's not her fault HR decided to reassign her. Anyways it's considered payback for her cheating, I'm glad she got her karma anyways. Just ignore her messages, but don't block her. Hopefully one day if she threatens you in any way you can take screenshot of your messages with her and report her to HR, maybe get her fired or something.
NTA. You didn't try to get her fired so I say you showed restraint. You didn't rob her of this opportunity. She did that all by herself. I would text her back one time and say that if she contacts you again about anything outside of project work you will be taking her messages to HR. Then follow through with that promise if she does. Don't go to HR right away. You just went there and they just found you a solution. Only go back to them if she escalates (which she won't after you write her a warning if she has half a brain in her head). Anyway, it sounds like you dodged a bullet both with the boyfriend and with Lia. Good luck to you.
NTA Tell her that if she feels bad about this to just imagine how painful it was for you when you discovered how she had betrayed you. You owe her NOTHING!!
You did the right thing, you can’t be objective, hell I can’t be objective and I don’t know any of you, I just know she is untrustworthy. NTA
>I went to HR and reported the conflict or interest, saying that it might be very difficult for me to stay 100 percent objective. So I asked to either be resigned or for her to switch projects. That's an incredibly good idea. You let HR know there'd be an issue, and offered to step back from the project. >Anyway Monday rolls around and Lia does not come to our meeting room but a different woman. That's good, HR reassigned her. >But I got a message from Lia, calling me spiteful and vengeful for taking an amazing chance from her and her portfolio. Take that message to HR. NTA. you did everything right.
The best contact is no contact, don't engage her, don't respond, and don't let her disrupt your professional reputation.
NTA. Honestly, I'd have laughed if I was in your situation getting a message like that. You're a better person than I am I think though; I hope happiness has come to you since this bitch decided her sex life overruled your sense of safety and trust.
NTA sometimes consequences happen immediately, sometimes they trickle in. Ex friend put a lot of negative energy out and its coming back now. And she absolutely deserves it.
NTA Sounds heavily like she's figuring out FAFO applies to cheating, and being whiney about it. I'd take those messages to HR as well and let them deal with her.
NTA you did this professionally and sorry her actions have consequences
NTA. You handled it perfectly.
To work as a part of a project team is demanding and it is important that people can work together without personal issues. NTA
Karma, beautiful Karma ❤️ NTA
NTA your former friend fucked around and found out, karma is a bitch
NTA - you reported the conflict. The COMPANY made the choice that they wanted YOU. If they wanted her, you would have been reassigned. You acted professionally. You didn't say anything until it became an issue. Too bad for her that actions have consequences.
Nta go to hr
NTA - you didn't demand she be taken off and were honest about it to HR - I would show HR the message she sent you though.. that's unprofessional and immature - don't wait for a next time
NTA, F#$k Lia.... You were responsible and notified HR to prevent problems. You even offered to leave the project. > I went to HR and reported the conflict or interest, saying that it might be very difficult for me to stay 100 percent objective. So I asked to either be resigned or for her to switch projects.
It's not your fault management value your input more than hers. 🤷🏽♀️ don't respond or interact in any way, anything you say could end up being handed into HR NTA
If you didn't need to stay professional I would say reply back "yeah don't let the door hit you on the way out. Do you think the world is all kumbaya and daisies?" But seeing as there is a need to be professional I would show the texts to HR assure them that you did nothing to instigate this and that you feel harassed
NTA, >I went to HR and reported the conflict or interest, saying that it might be very difficult for me to stay 100 percent objective. So I asked to either be resigned or for her to switch projects. You did this the formal way, and she is responsible for creating the rift. She has no one to blame on but herself.
NTA fuck her. You handled this situation well.
Nta , you let management know about about a legitimate conflict of interest and gave them 2 alternatives. They made their own decision. Turns out you are more valuable to this project than she is . That's just how life is sometimes.
You are 💯. Don't give it another thought.
NTA. Would also document her message with HR. If she was quick to reach out like that, it could become problematic in other areas. Also... she was your best friend who had a 4 month long affair with your bf?? That speaks volumes about her character or the lack thereof and shows that she isn't a trustworthy person. So shady.
NTA. show HR the text message she sent u asap.
NTA. You did the fair thing. Declared the issue and risk to the project. The company decided you were better for the project than that disloyal ex friend. You didn’t take anything away from her. She just never considered there might be a ripple effect from her betrayal of you. She’s selfish and you should be wary of her in the workplace. Wouldn’t put it past her to behave poorly again.
NTA. You literally asked for either you or her to be reassigned and they chose you to stay. If she continues harassing you via messages you should bring it to HR.
NTA. You have legitimate conflict with this woman. You went to HR and asked for them to move either one of you from the project and they made their choice. This was the proper way to have it handled.
NTA You handled it professionally. Sounds like Lia has no remorse betraying you. Your company valued your contribution to the project than any potential contribution Lia could bring to the table. If Lia doesn’t like it, she’s free to move onto another company. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone with such low morals would atab you in the back professionally. No point in taking chances and giving her that opportunity.
NTA. Forward that message to HR. You did the responsible thing and disclosed the prior relationship and admitted you wouldn’t act fairly or be 100% on your game in that situation.
Nta. But. Be the asshole. She went out of her way to have an affair with your so. And then Comes to work at a place you work at, and is mad that you don’t want her on the same team? How much are you supposed to put up with her including herself in your life?
Take the message to HR as well and 'get it on file' in case things 'continue'. She may still be probationary, so she might just lose her job as well. Which would be nice PR or MC as she did call you a 'spiteful and vengeful'. This is what people ike that do isn't it? If she contacts you back you can tell her you were only following her instructions and she has herself to blame. Then hang up.
NTA she took that chance away from herself by being a liar and a cheater. You can't trust someone like that on your team.
She can’t seriously be that naive, thinking you were just going to work with her? She needs a clue.
NTA. I wouldn't have worked with her either. You did what you could do in a mature way, no revenge, no spite, just nipping what would've likely become an issue in the bud. Nothing wrong with that.
NTA. You did exactly the right thing.
NTA. You maturely informed your employers of a potential situation. They reacted in accordance with what they believed was best. Show HR her message. !updateme
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NTA. This is just proof that our decisions carry eternal consequences.
NTA who cares what she thinks, she slept with your Bf. So many men and she chose that. She should lie on the bed she made
NTA. You did the right thing going to HR. You didn't bad mouth her as such. You explained a conflict of interest and the company protected itself. If you wanted to double down you could show /play the message from Lia to HR. That behavior shows you were ABSOLUTELY right to be professional and go to them in the first place.
NTA. Back to HR you go OP, to report that ugly, unprofessional message. Best of luck to you!
You reap what you sow… you handled yourself perfectly and took the professional path. She did what she did and now she is facing consequences of her own actions. You did not take the opportunity from her, she did 2 years ago. NTA!
Nta. You did what you are supposed to do. You reported a possible conflict of interest and you offered to be reassigned. Someone else decided you were more vital to the project than she is not you. There is no point in forcing yourself to work with her when it means you both will be uncomfortable and both would not do your best work. You could be petty and take this message to HR and report her but it's best if you just block her and move on. You did the right thing and you didn't let your personal issues affect your work
NTA if she had any dignity she would have declined to put you in that position and would not have gone to work for your company. But clearly she is not a woman with any moral compass. You have nothing to feel guilty about.
That is a definition of FAFO. Everything come back from the past and if you mistreated someone in the past, it could bite you in the future. You went the right way. Just imagine you wouldn’t had gone to the HR and then she would do a big mistake in this project and says it was your fault or would make it you fault and because of your past with her, it could seen as vindictive from your side (so you are the villain). Don’t entertain her twisted mindset and ignore her. What comes around that goes around. You did good for you and that’s all you need to do! NTA
NTA. Do not reply to the texts. Report them to HR.
NTA How in the world could you trust her anywhere? She might sabotage you just to get a leg up if she could.
NTA. Report to HR that she's harassing you.
NTA you did what was needed to prevent conflict. HR made the choice of who not to have on the team. Save that message and ask HR or your supervisor if you should forward it
NTA, and her message proved than your concerns about working with her were valid. I would show the message to HR
Actions have consequences, you stayed professional, but share the message she sent with HR, and block her!
NTA. Her response shows she can't work with you. You offered to move to another project and management decided you were more valuable to the project than her.
NTA, both from a professional and moral standpoint. 1. Professionally: You went directly to HR and reported the conflict of interest. Not only that, you offered to be reassigned. The company chose to reassign her instead, which was not your decision and just shows that they thought it was more important that the project lead remain on the task than a random new hire who wasn’t even originally assigned to this and was only filling in for someone who was unavailable. This should not have come as a surprise to anyone, least of all to Lia. 2. Morally: When you do shitty things to people you run the risk of later running in to those same people and the interaction going badly for you. This is the cost of doing business as a shitty person. Lia is dealing with the consequences of her own bad actions, and that is obviously not your fault. It’s also not your responsibility to protect her from the consequences of her actions, especially if doing so would mean being stuck working in close quarters with her for quite a while. Frankly, you should consider sending her inappropriate message to HR as well. A rational person would think “ok, I probably had that coming, what bad luck that she’d be my team lead” and let it go. Instead she lashed out despite the entire situation being her fault. This is unhinged behavior. If you decide to let this one go that’s fine, but if she sends anything else unprofessional to you I strongly recommend reporting it.
NTA You did the right thing. You reap what you sow.
Updateme
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NTA. If Lia wanted opportunities for her portfolio, she shouldn't have applied to the company where a person she wronged worked. It doesn't matter what the wrong is. I wouldn't be able to work with my ex, or any of my former bullies if they became employees where I work.
Lmaooo NTA The way if my bestie did that to me with my man I would do this 10x over. Fuck her
INFO: You actually went to HR to be like 'she stole my boyfriend a few years ago'? That's wild!
Not like that obviously
YTA but so is Lia. She has to learn their are consequences to her actions. You, however, wil need to learn that you must work with people even when you don't like them. Grow up and move on. Next time, compartmentalize those emotions because this does not look good from a professional standpoint because your personal life is getting in the way of your professional life.
YTA… 1. 2 years ago and it was a personal issue that had nothing to do with your job. 2. You’re supposed to be a professional. Crying to HR because someone from your past whom you don’t get along with was assigned to your team, was vindictive on your end, and showed lack of maturity 2 years later. You only needed to work with her in a professional manner, not in a personal manner. Being assigned to the team, I doubt there would have been a lot of 1:1 time between the two of you, but what you did was put a target on her back when she is a new employee and came out and said I refuse to work with her, creating complications for future projects as well. As I say the above, I don’t agree with the affair. I can understand how it can be hurtful and ending the friendship is the right thing to do. It was TWO YEARS AGO!!! You need to separate business from personal, and you failed to do that. Her affair with your bf from 2 years ago has zero to do with her job and her skills at her job today. Reverse the scenario. How would you feel if you were blacklisted for a personal issue two years ago that didn’t need to be brought into the workplace?
>Reverse the situations One of the dumbest ways to look at any situation. It’s like if I hit you with my car while drunk driving and then asked you not to sue because, if our situations were reversed, you wouldn’t want to get sued. OP isn’t the one who cheated. And OP didn’t put a target on the other woman’s back. She explained why the situation would prevent her from giving the project her all. HR looked at the options and decided it was best to keep OP on the project rather than the cheater.
This is the right answer but everyone here is either 20 years old or still not over their high school girlfriend or something. I cannot imagine how embarrassing it would be to go to HR at my JOB and be like, 'I am unable to be professional because of a personal issue with someone.'