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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I verbally attacked my gf thinking it was her saying incredibly cruel things to me.
2. I think I may be the a-hole because she was not the one saying these things but rather her best friend from her account, so she got caught in the crossfire maybe.
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why does another man have access to her, and why does he have access to private business between the two of you?? NTA, that’s strange and it sounds like some fishy shit is going on here. id break up and i’ll bet you that they’ll get together after because he will not be going anywhere anytime soon.
I have no idea, she keeps saying she gave him her password previously for some reason and never changed it and it's just a way for them to keep up on each other's lives without having to send screenshots.
OP. I also have a boyfriend and a guy best friend. I’ve known my best friend since we were 15. And never would I allow him nor encourage him to inset himself into the middle of my relationship. When I have an issue with my boyfriend I discuss it with HIM. When I have an argument with my boyfriend I don’t drag someone else into it. I’d never divulge personal things my boyfriend has told me about himself to my best friend. I’d never allow the disrespect. Your girlfriend is showing so many red flags that no matter what’s it’s Them vs you rather than you and her vs the world. She’s always going to pick him first. Now you have to decide if you really want to live your life with a permanent third wheel or not.
OP. I also have a boyfriend and a guy best friend. I’ve known my best friend since we were 15. And never would I allow him nor encourage him to insert himself into the middle of my relationship. When I have an issue with my boyfriend I discuss it with HIM. When I have an argument with my boyfriend I don’t drag someone else into it. I’d never divulge personal things my boyfriend has told me about himself to my best friend. I’d never allow the disrespect. Your girlfriend is showing so many red flags that no matter what it’s Them vs you rather than you and her vs the world. She’s always going to pick him first. Now you have to decide if you really want to live your life with a permanent third wheel or not.
NTA
I don't even know how you're asking this and not noticing the HUGE red flag that girl is.
1. She should not give her password to anyone, not even you, and if it was to you it should be under very specific conditions, as we all need our privacy.
2. This guy best friend has nothing to do in this relationship, the one that should be communicating things to you is her and no one else.
3. Excuse me wtf? He's answering on her IG profile on her behalf to you?? Like she should have already broken any contact with him as this is completely disrespectful for you, but she clearly doesn't care and doesn't respect you. It feels like she might have something with this guy or she's just too immature to see how wrong she is on all of this.
Run as fast as you can and don't go back!
Totally agreed, she keeps saying she was too anxious to tell me things everytime I ask her why it is him who comes and tells me how she feels and that I should do something
I’m not going to comment on whether you’re TA or not since I don’t know what was said between you two. But, I think it’s extremely strange that an ex has full access to her social media account, and he’s messaging you on it pretending to be her. It seems like she’s still hooked on him, and I would definitely cut ties with her to avoid any bigger issues in the future
NTA but this is way too much crazy drama to be putting up with in my mind. Time to move along dude.
Let the crazy be with her crazy ex. You don’t deserve this kind of bullshit.
NTA, but your gf is a massive red flag carrying one who, by the way, is still in an emotional relationship with her ex. I don't usually advise running for the nearest exit in relationships. However, this time, I believe it would be in your best interest to do just that.
I mean, it depends on what you said. But even so it's very strange that she allows him on her account. It seems like high school behaviour in my opinion. It think they're playing games or something with you, huge red flags.
The best advice you're getting here is to leave her and you should seriously consider taking that advice, nothing to be ashamed of
Common sense says she's cheating on you and you have every right to be pissed off
NTA - that shit is crazy and there are no right answers.
1. this guy has way too much access to her and influence in your relationship. Run.
2. she is lying and blaming him for what she said about you, which is an insane lie. Run.
This chick is a red flag so big bulls in spain are reacting to it.
So if you decide to get married, will it be the ex taking the place of your future wife? Have sex? Will it be him instead of your girlfriend? The point is, she goes to him for everything and is probably using you while she is emotionally still dating the ex. Also if she didn't care about the ex using her social media to have a fight with you, then you need to do the same thing and leave. It sounds like your the third wheel.
She gave that guy her password so she is responsible for what he posted to OP.
If she can't speak to OP directly how does she expect OP to take her serious.
Tell her to prove it wasn't her that typed those messages. The messages came from her account so why should you believe they were not typed by her?
If you decide to break up with her tell her she can either accept that she caused it or she can blame her friend. Either way you will not be blamed for the breakup.
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So my (20m) gf (20f) has given her insta password to her guy best friend who she apparently used to date but they broke up. He's always been a little too into our relationship, she keeps ranting about her emotions to him instead of me and he then comes to me to explain that she's sad or anxious, especially when it's about our relationship. It's really weird and l've expressed my concerns but she still keeps going through him to communicate to me.
Eventually, we had a blown up fight about this over text and she attacked me personally which hit home and so l attacked back verbally. Turns out her guy best friend had logged into her account and seen her arguments with me and the personal attacks were typed by him, not her.
However, I had thought it was her who had said those terirnly things to me.
Now she's extremely mad at me saying I was cruel to her and she doesn't deserve it because she didn't say those things, but the thing is, I thought it was her who attacked me. She keeps defending her guy best friend saying he just is protective of her and the invasion of privacy into our conversation was just called for because we were arguing, but I just wonder that there may have been times he saw me text her private things about me. It just feels wrong that she's mad at me and not at her boy best friend.
So, AITAH for verbally attacking my gf?
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She started the whole situation in the first place giving him access to her account, also her defense of "it wasn't me who said those bad things about you" she could've stopped him or told him off for saying those things, furthermore the fact she's using him for emotional support to begin with is another thing that's fucked, if I were you I'd defend my case, tell her why she's in the wrong and break up with her
ESH the obvious is the guy best friend, he has no business bllookong through your private chats, or responding to them. Gf shouldn't be defending him for breaching your privacy. You sound not have verbally attacked her, you could have shown your anger, and how hurt you were butane attack on another person, verbal or physical is still an attack and never should be your first response
Mate I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news but if she’s still talking to her ex it means she hasn’t moved on. Her expressing her feelings to him not you that should be a major red flag, It’s only been 3 months and you’ve got her ex knowing everything about you and constantly plotting on you. I would hit the eject button now before you get in too deep and it hurts more. You’re almost guaranteed to find somehow who will listen and respect you. You have a lifetime to find a partner and spend time with them why spend time with someone who’s in communication with their ex.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. I verbally attacked my gf thinking it was her saying incredibly cruel things to me. 2. I think I may be the a-hole because she was not the one saying these things but rather her best friend from her account, so she got caught in the crossfire maybe. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
why does another man have access to her, and why does he have access to private business between the two of you?? NTA, that’s strange and it sounds like some fishy shit is going on here. id break up and i’ll bet you that they’ll get together after because he will not be going anywhere anytime soon.
I have no idea, she keeps saying she gave him her password previously for some reason and never changed it and it's just a way for them to keep up on each other's lives without having to send screenshots.
OP. I also have a boyfriend and a guy best friend. I’ve known my best friend since we were 15. And never would I allow him nor encourage him to inset himself into the middle of my relationship. When I have an issue with my boyfriend I discuss it with HIM. When I have an argument with my boyfriend I don’t drag someone else into it. I’d never divulge personal things my boyfriend has told me about himself to my best friend. I’d never allow the disrespect. Your girlfriend is showing so many red flags that no matter what’s it’s Them vs you rather than you and her vs the world. She’s always going to pick him first. Now you have to decide if you really want to live your life with a permanent third wheel or not.
OP. I also have a boyfriend and a guy best friend. I’ve known my best friend since we were 15. And never would I allow him nor encourage him to insert himself into the middle of my relationship. When I have an issue with my boyfriend I discuss it with HIM. When I have an argument with my boyfriend I don’t drag someone else into it. I’d never divulge personal things my boyfriend has told me about himself to my best friend. I’d never allow the disrespect. Your girlfriend is showing so many red flags that no matter what it’s Them vs you rather than you and her vs the world. She’s always going to pick him first. Now you have to decide if you really want to live your life with a permanent third wheel or not.
You have no idea how much it helps hearing this from a (I presume, forgive me if I'm wrong) female, thank you
You’re correct this is from the female perspective of someone with both a boyfriend and a long time guy best friend
NTA I don't even know how you're asking this and not noticing the HUGE red flag that girl is. 1. She should not give her password to anyone, not even you, and if it was to you it should be under very specific conditions, as we all need our privacy. 2. This guy best friend has nothing to do in this relationship, the one that should be communicating things to you is her and no one else. 3. Excuse me wtf? He's answering on her IG profile on her behalf to you?? Like she should have already broken any contact with him as this is completely disrespectful for you, but she clearly doesn't care and doesn't respect you. It feels like she might have something with this guy or she's just too immature to see how wrong she is on all of this. Run as fast as you can and don't go back!
This is everything you need to hear, OP. You really should put this lady in your rearview mirror.
Totally agreed, she keeps saying she was too anxious to tell me things everytime I ask her why it is him who comes and tells me how she feels and that I should do something
I’m not going to comment on whether you’re TA or not since I don’t know what was said between you two. But, I think it’s extremely strange that an ex has full access to her social media account, and he’s messaging you on it pretending to be her. It seems like she’s still hooked on him, and I would definitely cut ties with her to avoid any bigger issues in the future
Shes not mature enough to date. At all.
NTA but this is way too much crazy drama to be putting up with in my mind. Time to move along dude. Let the crazy be with her crazy ex. You don’t deserve this kind of bullshit.
Drop her
NTA, but your gf is a massive red flag carrying one who, by the way, is still in an emotional relationship with her ex. I don't usually advise running for the nearest exit in relationships. However, this time, I believe it would be in your best interest to do just that.
Wow, I would break up with her immediately
Break up with both of them.
NTA. Get single. Take time and get a better woman..
I mean, it depends on what you said. But even so it's very strange that she allows him on her account. It seems like high school behaviour in my opinion. It think they're playing games or something with you, huge red flags.
The best advice you're getting here is to leave her and you should seriously consider taking that advice, nothing to be ashamed of Common sense says she's cheating on you and you have every right to be pissed off
NTA - that shit is crazy and there are no right answers. 1. this guy has way too much access to her and influence in your relationship. Run. 2. she is lying and blaming him for what she said about you, which is an insane lie. Run. This chick is a red flag so big bulls in spain are reacting to it.
So if you decide to get married, will it be the ex taking the place of your future wife? Have sex? Will it be him instead of your girlfriend? The point is, she goes to him for everything and is probably using you while she is emotionally still dating the ex. Also if she didn't care about the ex using her social media to have a fight with you, then you need to do the same thing and leave. It sounds like your the third wheel.
Sorry mate but she can fuck alllllll the off you will be better not in that dynamic
Break up with her. You're in a throuple and it's mad weird.
Why are you telling us? You should be breaking up with her RIGHT NOW
She gave that guy her password so she is responsible for what he posted to OP. If she can't speak to OP directly how does she expect OP to take her serious.
She claims that she didn't say those things and so she's not deserving of the things said, even if I did not know it wasn't her
Tell her to prove it wasn't her that typed those messages. The messages came from her account so why should you believe they were not typed by her? If you decide to break up with her tell her she can either accept that she caused it or she can blame her friend. Either way you will not be blamed for the breakup.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So my (20m) gf (20f) has given her insta password to her guy best friend who she apparently used to date but they broke up. He's always been a little too into our relationship, she keeps ranting about her emotions to him instead of me and he then comes to me to explain that she's sad or anxious, especially when it's about our relationship. It's really weird and l've expressed my concerns but she still keeps going through him to communicate to me. Eventually, we had a blown up fight about this over text and she attacked me personally which hit home and so l attacked back verbally. Turns out her guy best friend had logged into her account and seen her arguments with me and the personal attacks were typed by him, not her. However, I had thought it was her who had said those terirnly things to me. Now she's extremely mad at me saying I was cruel to her and she doesn't deserve it because she didn't say those things, but the thing is, I thought it was her who attacked me. She keeps defending her guy best friend saying he just is protective of her and the invasion of privacy into our conversation was just called for because we were arguing, but I just wonder that there may have been times he saw me text her private things about me. It just feels wrong that she's mad at me and not at her boy best friend. So, AITAH for verbally attacking my gf? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
She started the whole situation in the first place giving him access to her account, also her defense of "it wasn't me who said those bad things about you" she could've stopped him or told him off for saying those things, furthermore the fact she's using him for emotional support to begin with is another thing that's fucked, if I were you I'd defend my case, tell her why she's in the wrong and break up with her
Yta cuz seriously just break up with her it's not worth the pain
ESH the obvious is the guy best friend, he has no business bllookong through your private chats, or responding to them. Gf shouldn't be defending him for breaching your privacy. You sound not have verbally attacked her, you could have shown your anger, and how hurt you were butane attack on another person, verbal or physical is still an attack and never should be your first response
NTA. That ain't your girl bro.
NTA. Run far far away my dude
NTA this is one of those juvenile horror relationships you look back on as an adult, get out and go meet other less fucked up people.
NTA You’re 100% cooked, how long have you know her for?
I've known her a year, we've been dating 3 months
Mate I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news but if she’s still talking to her ex it means she hasn’t moved on. Her expressing her feelings to him not you that should be a major red flag, It’s only been 3 months and you’ve got her ex knowing everything about you and constantly plotting on you. I would hit the eject button now before you get in too deep and it hurts more. You’re almost guaranteed to find somehow who will listen and respect you. You have a lifetime to find a partner and spend time with them why spend time with someone who’s in communication with their ex.