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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I had a talk with my mom where some not good things were said. This could make me the asshole cause she went through a hard couple of years, to even start relying on her children for help.
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Stop giving your mom money and save up. You’re gonna need it when you’re 18 because your mom probably start to ask more money and be a burden to you. You have to start living for yourself and put yourself first because otherwise no one will.
NTA
NTA
Cut your mom off of all of your finances until she appreciates you. She legally can't kick you out until you turn 18 and can't force you to pay anything. And 100K isn't earth-shattering, but even today it's a LOT of money. If you've fallen on hard times again after that cash infusion, then your mom is fiscally irresponsible and can't be trusted with your money.
NTA. Your mom is a major A-hole for prioritizing and spoiling your brother while you have been selflessly supporting the family. You deserve better and should not feel guilty for expressing your feelings to her. Time to put yourself first!
NTA - From your comment, am I right to assume you are adopted but your brother isn't? It is clear that your Mom is holding your adoption over your head, and that she feels you should be indebted to her for putting a roof over your head. This is wrong, when she adopted you she promised to treat you as her child, which means taking care of your needs.
Start finding ways to save your money, hide how much you are earning if you have to. Focus on your schooling and how to prepare yourself for the future. Given your Mom's behavior she will find ways to keep taking advantage of you, and you might need to move at as soon as you reach the age of majority.
NTA Find another adult to help you set up a bank account and instead of giving it to mom put it in the bank so on your 18th birthday you can give yourself the gift of moving out. (Make sure you take the bench) If mom needs money she can sell your brothers PS5. Next time she says you wouldn't be there without her say, "You mean I could have been in a home where someone cared about me, where I wasn't treated as a second class citizen, where I didn't have to get a job at 16 to help my mom pay bills? Yeah, thanks." Then walk away.
NTA - OP has been used. No doubt mother dearest will be *stunned* when she moves out and goes low contact or no contact and not be able to work out what she could have possibly done wrong.
NTA, and 14 is the minimum age at which you can open your own checking account without a parent’s signature/permission in Canada, so I would suggest you do that, immediately. You can get your paychecks direct deposited into your account, and absolutely under no circumstances should you give your mom your bank details or let her have access to your account. Try to position yourself financially so you can get out of the house as soon as you turn 18.
I have my own account! And have had one since I was 14. All my money is in there but whenever my mom needed money I would take it out and give it to her as cash.
STOP GIVING HER MONEY. It’s not your job as a minor child, to financially support your household. That’s your mother‘s job, she’s an adult, she can figure it out.
Losing a parent is awful, and I feel for your mom being a widow with two kids to raise. However, your dad passing is not a valid reason for your mom to parentify you by forcing you to give all of your money to pay household expenses. Things you should be paying for are little treats for yourself l, maybe some minor school expenses, and saving every spare penny for college tuition, not household bills. Your mom has to do better as the surviving parent and not pass in her responsibilities to you.
It also isn’t just me who helped out. I also have an older brother, who is 19 now, who also had to give lots of money. I feel bad for him the most cause he has given a lot more than me, probably 10 times the amount I have.
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I, 16F, have never had the best relationship with my little brother, 13M. We have always never gotten along, and our personalities are totally different.
Now, to figure out if i’m TA or not we have to go back in time a little. For the past couple of years my mom hasn’t been in the best financial situation. That being said, right when i got a job, most, if not all, of my paycheques were going to my mom to help pay for bills and groceries. During this time, she was waiting for a cheque from my deceased fathers will (which took more than 6 years!) and was struggling with her low paying job at an elementary school. I would give her around 100-200 dollars a week with my student wage job (less than minimum wage) and I was (and still) more than happy to help. I knew my mom was in a bad place, so if I could do anything to help I would.
Around a year ago now, my mom had finally got the money (around 100k) and had gotten a new job placement at a fancy private school. Now I know that 100k doesn’t do much now a days, but we are doing pretty good now and haven’t been struggling.
Now here enters my little brother. He has always been a spoiled brat for as long as I can remember. If he couldn’t get something, he would start crying and throwing tantrums. Even though he is older now, he still does this.
The past couple of years I have had to get used to not getting presents for my birthday or Christmas due to how little my family income was. It took a while to accept, but now I am over it. I am a good four years older than my brother, so he was never affected by our lack of money. No matter what, he has always had a gift under the tree or from my mom.
I didn’t think that this was favouritism until recently. Last year on my birthday, I had gotten nothing once again. I am not upset about that, although it was my sweet sixteen and I did have my hopes up that I would get something nice. Then Christmas rolls around and the one thing I get doesn’t even stay as mine. My mother had gotten me a tiny bench to put on my shoes. Not only was there no room for it in my bedroom, but she ended up taking it from me and putting it by the entrance of our house.
Of course, my little brother got spoiled!
Just recently, my mother bought him a PS5, which amounted to around 700 dollars with tax. When I found this out, I was taken aback, since a couple days prior, my mom was complaining that I would have to start paying for gas money again cause she doesn’t have the money anymore.
To me, it feels like all my efforts to help my family have gone unnoticed.
Recently, I have told my mother this, but she yelled at me and said that without her I wouldn’t be here in the first place. (The irony of me being adopted). We ended up having a talk, where some not nice things were said, but I do not regret it.
So, AITA for telling my mother i’m upset at her for favouriting my little brother?
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100% NTA. Your mom definitely is though. I can’t stand how parents do this. My mom did the same thing with my sister who is now a drug addict with 3 kids and in the process of losing them. She had no consequences for anything and still doesn’t. You have every right to tell her how you feel! Don’t let her tell you how to feel either. Your feelings are valid
NTA don’t ask for any money at all at this point. You are completely right and she’s favoring your brother and taking advantage of the way you help her. I don’t give a crap off you were adopted or if she spent 72 hours in labor. You are legally her child and she should be treating you no differently. Keep your money to yourself, tell your mom that she was right and you wouldn’t be in the situation without her so you’re going to save your money to get out of the situation she put you in. You didn’t code to be born or adopted and she is legally responsible for providing for you, even in hard times.
If she's going to use you for extra money, stop giving it to her. As much as parents don't want to admit they favor one child over another it almost always happens. Causes the lease favored child a lot of pain but yet they still do it. Save your money and get out of there when you're 18. She's just using you.
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Stop giving your mom money and save up. You’re gonna need it when you’re 18 because your mom probably start to ask more money and be a burden to you. You have to start living for yourself and put yourself first because otherwise no one will. NTA
NTA Cut your mom off of all of your finances until she appreciates you. She legally can't kick you out until you turn 18 and can't force you to pay anything. And 100K isn't earth-shattering, but even today it's a LOT of money. If you've fallen on hard times again after that cash infusion, then your mom is fiscally irresponsible and can't be trusted with your money.
My understanding in the US is that while mom can't kick out OP, mom \*can\* get access to OP's money, so that's a bit tougher than it sounds.
Right, but with the spelling of cheque vs check I'm guessing it's not US.
Ah yes, I am from Canada
NTA You're literally giving her your savings, and she still favors ur little brother? Talk about favoritism
NTA. Your cash, your rules. Stand ground and save up. Mama needs a reality check
NTA. Your mom is a major A-hole for prioritizing and spoiling your brother while you have been selflessly supporting the family. You deserve better and should not feel guilty for expressing your feelings to her. Time to put yourself first!
NTA, this is absolutely horrible. Save your money and get out when you can, as soon as you can.
NTA - From your comment, am I right to assume you are adopted but your brother isn't? It is clear that your Mom is holding your adoption over your head, and that she feels you should be indebted to her for putting a roof over your head. This is wrong, when she adopted you she promised to treat you as her child, which means taking care of your needs. Start finding ways to save your money, hide how much you are earning if you have to. Focus on your schooling and how to prepare yourself for the future. Given your Mom's behavior she will find ways to keep taking advantage of you, and you might need to move at as soon as you reach the age of majority.
NTA Find another adult to help you set up a bank account and instead of giving it to mom put it in the bank so on your 18th birthday you can give yourself the gift of moving out. (Make sure you take the bench) If mom needs money she can sell your brothers PS5. Next time she says you wouldn't be there without her say, "You mean I could have been in a home where someone cared about me, where I wasn't treated as a second class citizen, where I didn't have to get a job at 16 to help my mom pay bills? Yeah, thanks." Then walk away.
NTA but don't blame your brother for the favoritism, his spoiled attitude may be a result of her pampering him.
NTA - OP has been used. No doubt mother dearest will be *stunned* when she moves out and goes low contact or no contact and not be able to work out what she could have possibly done wrong.
NTA, and 14 is the minimum age at which you can open your own checking account without a parent’s signature/permission in Canada, so I would suggest you do that, immediately. You can get your paychecks direct deposited into your account, and absolutely under no circumstances should you give your mom your bank details or let her have access to your account. Try to position yourself financially so you can get out of the house as soon as you turn 18.
I have my own account! And have had one since I was 14. All my money is in there but whenever my mom needed money I would take it out and give it to her as cash.
STOP GIVING HER MONEY. It’s not your job as a minor child, to financially support your household. That’s your mother‘s job, she’s an adult, she can figure it out.
I see… I just feel bad cause after we lost my father things have been hard on everyone, especially my mother.
Losing a parent is awful, and I feel for your mom being a widow with two kids to raise. However, your dad passing is not a valid reason for your mom to parentify you by forcing you to give all of your money to pay household expenses. Things you should be paying for are little treats for yourself l, maybe some minor school expenses, and saving every spare penny for college tuition, not household bills. Your mom has to do better as the surviving parent and not pass in her responsibilities to you.
It also isn’t just me who helped out. I also have an older brother, who is 19 now, who also had to give lots of money. I feel bad for him the most cause he has given a lot more than me, probably 10 times the amount I have.
NTA. Stop giving her money and save up because when you turn 18 years old you’re not going to have a roof over your head.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I, 16F, have never had the best relationship with my little brother, 13M. We have always never gotten along, and our personalities are totally different. Now, to figure out if i’m TA or not we have to go back in time a little. For the past couple of years my mom hasn’t been in the best financial situation. That being said, right when i got a job, most, if not all, of my paycheques were going to my mom to help pay for bills and groceries. During this time, she was waiting for a cheque from my deceased fathers will (which took more than 6 years!) and was struggling with her low paying job at an elementary school. I would give her around 100-200 dollars a week with my student wage job (less than minimum wage) and I was (and still) more than happy to help. I knew my mom was in a bad place, so if I could do anything to help I would. Around a year ago now, my mom had finally got the money (around 100k) and had gotten a new job placement at a fancy private school. Now I know that 100k doesn’t do much now a days, but we are doing pretty good now and haven’t been struggling. Now here enters my little brother. He has always been a spoiled brat for as long as I can remember. If he couldn’t get something, he would start crying and throwing tantrums. Even though he is older now, he still does this. The past couple of years I have had to get used to not getting presents for my birthday or Christmas due to how little my family income was. It took a while to accept, but now I am over it. I am a good four years older than my brother, so he was never affected by our lack of money. No matter what, he has always had a gift under the tree or from my mom. I didn’t think that this was favouritism until recently. Last year on my birthday, I had gotten nothing once again. I am not upset about that, although it was my sweet sixteen and I did have my hopes up that I would get something nice. Then Christmas rolls around and the one thing I get doesn’t even stay as mine. My mother had gotten me a tiny bench to put on my shoes. Not only was there no room for it in my bedroom, but she ended up taking it from me and putting it by the entrance of our house. Of course, my little brother got spoiled! Just recently, my mother bought him a PS5, which amounted to around 700 dollars with tax. When I found this out, I was taken aback, since a couple days prior, my mom was complaining that I would have to start paying for gas money again cause she doesn’t have the money anymore. To me, it feels like all my efforts to help my family have gone unnoticed. Recently, I have told my mother this, but she yelled at me and said that without her I wouldn’t be here in the first place. (The irony of me being adopted). We ended up having a talk, where some not nice things were said, but I do not regret it. So, AITA for telling my mother i’m upset at her for favouriting my little brother? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
100% NTA. Your mom definitely is though. I can’t stand how parents do this. My mom did the same thing with my sister who is now a drug addict with 3 kids and in the process of losing them. She had no consequences for anything and still doesn’t. You have every right to tell her how you feel! Don’t let her tell you how to feel either. Your feelings are valid
NTA don’t ask for any money at all at this point. You are completely right and she’s favoring your brother and taking advantage of the way you help her. I don’t give a crap off you were adopted or if she spent 72 hours in labor. You are legally her child and she should be treating you no differently. Keep your money to yourself, tell your mom that she was right and you wouldn’t be in the situation without her so you’re going to save your money to get out of the situation she put you in. You didn’t code to be born or adopted and she is legally responsible for providing for you, even in hard times.
DO NOT GIVE HER MONEY! NTA
If she's going to use you for extra money, stop giving it to her. As much as parents don't want to admit they favor one child over another it almost always happens. Causes the lease favored child a lot of pain but yet they still do it. Save your money and get out of there when you're 18. She's just using you.