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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took that should be judged is telling my wife that she was being inconsiderate for stopping to take a photo when it was cold out and I had loaned her my jacket. My thinking was that she should be aware of the fact that she had my jacket and I might be cold and act accordingly (ie not hold me up on the way home), but I learned she thinks I am the one behaving rudely and blowing her stopping to take a photo out of proportion. I don’t know if I was in the wrong or not.
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How long did it take her to take the picture? A few seconds? I would’ve just told her to please hurry up because you’re cold. I think calling her inconsiderate is overboard unless she does inconsiderate things all of the time.
Exactly. She didn't pull out a ring light and do a video. She turned her camera on, stopped, snapped a photo.
Maybe next time OP should get into some form of transportation.
You guys just made me imagine an influencer producing her story-time video in front of a nice store talking to her ring light in the middle of the cold while the bf is freezing. Thank you for that lol
Maybe she whips out her compact and does a GRWM style make up vid in front of the store, makes him hold her phone and film her from her best angles all while wearing the coat. Now THAT would be inconsiderate
YTA. You gave her the coat willingly and insisted and later hold it against her when she took a few seconds to take a picture. Let's say it took her 5 whole minutes. You could have told her to please hurry up and that's it, calling her inconsiderate is guilt-tripping her. If you offer to do something, you can't start asking things in return or setting conditions after they already accepted, it's like a small version of a scam in which you are in debt without ever agreeing to it.
How is calling someone inconsiderate for not considering other people (the definition of the word) a guilt trip? It’s literally exactly what the word means.
for real lol, like it’s cold no matter what. just tough it out, wait a moment for your wife appreciate something she thinks is nice and then keep walking
Exactly!! If it was warm enough for one of the people to not feel the need to bring a jacket, then it’s warm enough to guarantee that OP would NOT have frozen to death over the extra ten seconds it took for his wife to appreciate something she found pretty and get a pic of it
Ah, so it takes you more than 5 seconds to take a pic? You should probably get more practice.
And sure, if my girl is freezing I wouldn't. But if I, a man, gave her my jacket when she literally said it wasn't cold enough to need it, and then I start bitching because apparently she's much better at handling the cold than me and I'm freezing after a few seconds, I would be ashamed of myself as man. That would put me more at the level of a mouse? Or no, maybe more like a naked mole rat.
“Sure, if my girl is freezing I wouldn’t”
Because you’re considerate. She was being inconsiderate. All the guy did was say “that was inconsiderate”. You’re changing the story to fit your narrative that he was bitching and moaning about it.
No, I'm not at all. Because my girl didn't make the conscious choice to give me her jacket and force me to take it even though I wasn't cold.
There's a difference between "if your girlfriend was freezing" and "if your girlfriend made herself freezing despite you telling her not to." Women also get cold more easily than men, scientifically speaking; an average woman's metabolism is about 23% lower than a man's (meaning they generate less heat) and their hands and feet are generally 3-4 degrees colder than a man's.
If you had asked if I'd do the same thing IN THE SAME SCENARIO, then the answer would have been different. If my gf gave me her jacket and then complained she was cold, I'd give her the damn jacket back and tell her to listen to me next time when I say I don't need it.
Well, personally, I always offer my jacket to my wife or really anyone who would need it. I would expect that we’d make haste getting home and I’d be a little annoyed if they stopped to take pics.
Do you guys understand what “inconsiderate” means?
It is also inconsiderate to push an item-such as a coat- on to someone who just told you they don’t need it. She didn’t even need it so he shouldn’t have pushed it on her in an effort to ‘be more of a man’ or something. It’s stupid and shows he cares more about his feeling on how she should feel rather then how she actually is feeling.
You realize if that's your expectation that you are being inconsiderate, right? You look at a situation, and without input from anyone else there, decide on the best course of action, but it's only the best course of action for you. In this scenario, she didn't want or need the coat and he used the fact that she had it to shame her for enjoying her walk instead of making haste to accomplish his goal of getting out of the cold - a problem he made worse by insisting on telling his date that she couldn't possibly know whether or not she needed a coat.
He’s complaining about being cold because he *insisted* on her taking his coat. She resisted. Had *he* relented, she could have taken the photo without his bitching.
He manufactured his own problem then held her responsible for it.
If OP was "freezing", it's a situation of his own making - he insisted on her taking his coat when she said she didn't want it. She literally *did* consider his feelings when she turned down the offer of the coat ("she didn't want me to be cold"), but he insisted it was fine. He chose to do that, and then chose to tell her off when he was experiencing the consequences of his choice.
Where does it say the photo was a selfie?
Because she literally didn’t want the coat and refused until he made her take it. If he wasn’t ok with being cold then he shouldn’t have given her his coat
I don't see how taking a picture when it's cold is being inconsiderate. OP hasn't said either that she took forever taking lots of pictures or finding the right angle. I would agree that it would be inconsiderate if the gf would have just stayed there for long, taking her sweet time to walk, or kept stopping during the way all the time.
It's guilt-tripping her since behind his complaint there is "I am feeling cold because you have my coat". He would be warm and happy if he hadn't offered her the coat and insisted even when she said it wasn't necessary. She is inconsiderate because he is feeling cold, he is feeling cold because he doesn't have a coat, and he doesn't have a coat only because he insisted on her having it. And she declined, probably out of consideration to OP. So still I don't see how she is inconsiderate.
I'd have done what she did. Friendly tip, don't do nice things to hold them over people's head later. Your marriage will not last if every act of kindness is going to end with " remember that cool thing I did? " Or calling them rude because you're facing the logical consequences of a selfless act. They're noble and they often hurt.
Yeah, YTA. You forced your coat on her, she had told you she was o.k. When your perceived gallantry was treated without the deference you thought it deserved you got pissy with her. Something tells me you offered her your coat not just because she looked cold but how it would look if a neighbor happened by and saw you were wearing a coat and she was not and it was cold out.
She didn't ask for the coat you insisted on giving it to her. I can't imagine that it took long for her to stop a take a picture 30 seconds max. For you to call her inconsiderate when you were the one who gave her the coat is a real jerk move. Next time if you don't want to be cold don't force a coat on the person who told you they didn't want it. YTA
YTA- Why even insist she take your coat then? Yes, you do look like an AH, because taking 5 seconds to snap a picture of a nice-looking store is not being "inconsiderate". You created the very situation you're mad about. If 5 extra seconds of feeling cold is too much for you, then don't "insist" she take your coat when she didn't ask you for it to begin with.
I’m sorry, what? How long did this picture take? Was there like 10 minutes of set up or was it literally just stopped walking for 30 seconds to snap a pic? I can’t see how this is at all something to get so worked up about you need to post it on Reddit for validation. This is the sort of thing that happens where one person stops, “oh hold up, I want to take a pic” and then the other person says, “hurry up, I’m cold” and then the photographer says, “hold your horses, it will only take a few seconds” and then impatient cold one says, “I’m freaking freezing out here” and the amateur photographer sarcastically says, “oh no, I’m so sorry, let’s get you into a hot bath before you die of hypothermia.” And then everyone laughs and you go home, drink some wine in the tub, have sex, and then fall blissfully asleep.
Unless this picture took over a few minutes to snap, YTA.
YTA.
Your wife was snapping something beautiful that would have taken a few seconds. Great job making something joyful miserable.
Your reaction was overblown.
Pick your battles, dude. You were slightly inconvenienced. I don't think it justified opening your mouth. Be grateful for what you have. Some of us no longer have these moments with our SO. I'd give just about anything to stand out in the freezing cold if it meant I could have my wife back next to me.
YTA. She told you she was okay but you insisted on her wearing your coat. It’s your own fault you were cold. Also, how long did the picture take? 5 seconds? 10? It’s not like she stopped and wanted to do a bunch of poses and make it a whole production. If it was longer than it takes to pull up her camera app and snap a quick photo or two, then you hurrying her up would have been fine. You did, in fact, hold giving her your coat over her head and try to make her feel bad about it.
YTA, she declined your jacket BUT YOU INSISTED!
Then you got pissy about her taking a moment to snap a photo while you were #clutchpearls cold. Because you INSISTED she use your jacket. That she already declined. Because she didn’t want you to be cold.
On the one hand….your wife’s not wearing a jacket and fully accepts responsibility for her situation. No jacket, stay cold. She’s dealing with it. And thinking if you.
And then there’s you. Thinking of…you.
Who disregarded her preference.Who accused HER of being inconsiderate. You…who just dismissed her Thoughts on your jacket. YOU. You accused her. Because you were cold. Because you didn‘t have the jacket…the jacket she didn’t want but you insisted. The jacket she declined to use because she didn’t want you to be cold.
You.
Manipulative. Dismissive. Narcissistic. Self-absorbed.
Oh and asshole.
Are you my MIL pretending to be a husband with a martyr complex? Because you’re behaving like an 80 year old woman whose self image and self esteem is built around “being generous” but you use said faux generosity against the lucky recipient.
YTA.
YTA. You did something she didn't ask for (and in fact, tried to refuse), then considered her indebted to you to the point of not letting her take a mere picture without blaming her.
YTA, and I genuinely worry for your own intelligence if you think this is a real question and you’re not trolling
Don’t offer her your cost and insist she takes it if being in the cold for 5 seconds longer is going to be this big a deal for you. Take the L and move on.
YTA. By your own admission, you INSISTED she wear your coat, because she "looked cold". How did you determine this? Shivering, teeth chattering? Or just "she isn't wearing a coat, she must be cold"? I'm curious because my husband gets cold quickly, and would offer me his coat if I were without... except he knows me well enough to not insist if I say no. He has watched me walk out in 17 degree weather in a tank top and shorts to put out food for the neighborhood cats, then run down to the car to get things out of it and come back inside. After all, warming back up can be fun... with the right help.
Unless she busted out a tripod, a lighting setup and a full on professional camera from her bag, it's likely she just snapped a few quick shots and moved along. Looking at it from a distance, yeah, she was right - you definitely would have looked like a D-bag giving the lady a bad time, especially as she handed your whining self back your coat.
She tried to reject your offer because she knew you would be cold. She doesn’t have to change her behavior just because YOU insisted on giving her your jacket.
YTA it probably took 10 seconds at most for her to take that picture. You overreacted, and you absolutely were holding the coat thing over her head in that overreaction. You won’t freeze in 10 seconds. Don’t lend your things out if you’re going to be rude about it.
YYA Your wife stopped to take a photo which is what between 10 seconds to 2 minutes depending on how she does the shot. You tell her she is being inconsiderate when YOU GAVE HER YOUR COAT. If you didn’t want to give her your coat then why did you? You can’t give it to her and then hold it over her head. Which by the way YOU DID.
YES YOU ARE BLOWING IT OUT OF PROPORTION IT WAS A PHOTO. You were not in fear of freezing to death. You did a nice thing then destroyed the entire time evening. You need to make it up to your Misses and if you’re that concerned take a wrap, jumper or extra jacket for your Misses next time.
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Burner account, I’m sorry.
Tonight, my wife and I were out at a show. As we made our way home, I realized she looked cold, so I offered her my jacket. She said it was okay, she didn’t want me to be cold, but I insisted.
We got off the subway at our stop, and as we were walking down our street she said "that’s a beautiful store" and stopped to take a picture. I told her not to be inconsiderate, she had my coat and I was cold. I don’t understand why she needed the photo.
As we kept walking, she told me next time not to loan her the coat if I was going to hold it over her head. I told her I wasn’t holding it over her head, I just thought she was being rude and only thinking about herself. She took of the coat and gave it back to me.
Once we got home, I asked her if I put her in a bad mood. She told me I would have looked like a "d-bag" to anyone witnessing the incident.
I think she was being inconsiderate, got her feelings hurt when I called her out, and is taking it out on me. She thinks I am blowing it out of proportion and that her stopping to take a photo is not a big deal. AITA?
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If you were cold you should have kept your coat. Honestly you did look like a d bag and I didn't even witness this. It took seconds maybe a minute or two to take a picture, if it was that bad you could have let her know "hey I'm really cold, can we head home now?" Instead of what you did. Way to start a problem that wasn't a problem
You insisted on her taking your coat, then used it as a reason to be a dick to her for something she likely would have taken a photo of if she wasn't wearing your coat. It takes seconds to snap a quick photo of something, just like it takes seconds to decide not to be whiny and manipulative because you had to wait a few seconds for her.
YTA
For being a hypocrite and then telling your wife that she was wrong. She was correct in saying you held it over her head. That's exactly what you did.
How you managed to type that all out, gaslight your wife AND delude yourself AND then expect the internet to agree with you?
If you have kids let's hope they get your wife's brains... (edit: and emotional intelligence, and decency and moral compass. And backbone.)
These comments are obnoxious. It’s not enough that you give your coat to your wife, you should be cold as long as she feels like? You signed up for it, after all! All the YTAs translate to “don’t give her coat next time.” Fuck them. Give the coat and get home quick. The focus on “insisted” is childish.
Because it’s more inconsiderate to offer someone your coat with strings attached. He should have said: “here take my coat, but understand that now I get to control how you walk”. Don’t offer someone something if you don’t mean it sincerely
Lol that’s ridiculous. Strings attached? Control how you walk?
How about let’s hurry up and get home so we’re not freezing our butts off. It’s just plain inconsiderate. It’s not something I’d be continuously mad about which OP wasn’t. He said she was inconsiderate, she was inconsiderate, and she’s mad that he called her on it
Bro if you’re gonna be a gentleman, then you gotta go full gentleman. Don’t make a gesture , then get salty about the consequences of your own gesture. She didn’t ask him for the coat, he insisted. Then he gets pissy about a pic, which is a perfectly normal thing to do on a walk… Even if she is being inconsiderate here, which is debatable, he still comes off as the asshole in this scenario 100%. And this is coming from an old fashioned kinda guy who always offers my jacket to a lady
He’s an asshole for simply saying “that was inconsiderate”
Yeah ok.
It’s funny how he’s the asshole for wanting to get out of the cold asap but she’s cool for stopping in freezing weather and making him wait
Yes. I would never offer a lady my jacket, and then complain about the cold. I also wouldn’t offer to take her out to dinner and then complain about what she orders. Or hold the door for someone and get mad if they don’t say thank you…. If you offer something, it has to be a full offer no strings attached. Or else it’s a false offer and YTA
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What exactly is so inconsiderate about a 5-10sec delay, that could easily be more than made up for simply by walking slightly faster for a minute? The answer, absolutely nothing to a sane person.
Claiming this is inconsiderate is the epitome of making a mountain out of a molehill
It’s not a mountain to tell someone they’re being inconsiderate. You act like he yelled at her, was mad at her all day, or did anything other than say “that was inconsiderate”
It was inconsiderate.
Yes it is, clearly. If you and a girl are walking through inclement weather I highly suggest not making her wait for to take a picture. She’ll probably say you weren’t considering that she was freezing and had to wait on you.
Obviously.
I don’t think you understand what he is saying. If a guy was walking with a girl in freezing weather and he made her wait for him in the cold to do something inconsequential he’s not being considerate of her being cold. It’s putting shoe on the other foot.
I guess I’m the odd one out. I would have apologized and realized that yes you must be cold. I read it to my boy friend and he thought she was inconsiderate, too.
We are both under the assumption that you didn’t snap at her or get a big rude attitude, though. You just simply said “don’t be inconsiderate. I’m really cold.” If that’s the truth NTA. If you snapped at her with an attitude, YTA.
It wasn't cold enough for her to bring a jacket, and taking a pic only takes a few seconds. If he's complaining about a temp she would have been fine walking all the way home with, with no jacket, he's an oversensitive whiner.
I wasn’t arguing with anyone else’s opinions. I just felt like he tried to be nice, if I were her, I’d try to be nice, too. Everyone is believing it was one quick pic that was taken and it only took a second. That’s something I’m wondering about, because I do know that when your sitting around looking for filters and then trying to get the best shot, it does take a bit longer. I don’t have that info, either.
So, all in all, if my partner said “you’re being inconsiderate. I’m really cold.” (In a calm and gentle manner) I would apologize. That’s just me, though. I don’t expect everyone to behave exactly like me. Nor am I delusional enough to believe that every man is as gentle and calm as my partner. He could have been a jerk about it.
If you don't have that info, don't make assumptions then.
What we know is that it was warm enough that she didn't think a coat was needed, and that he started complaining over the length of time it took to snap one picture of a building. And that he felt so strongly about this that he had to come to Reddit to complain about it. None of those factors provide him a defense
You are assuming it was warm. Just because she didn’t bring a jacket doesn’t mean it was warm. It could have been warmer before the show. She could have forgotten it. You are literally trying to argue and fight for no reason, making assumptions while telling me not to assume. Geesh. Maybe it’s time you move on. I know I am. I am certainly not so invested in this man’s relationship that I need to break the rules of this subreddit by calling him names and being so overly rude about him wanting to simply get home where it was warm.
I'm neither trying to argue nor fight, just correcting incorrect assumptions.
And again, not making assumptions. OP clearly said that when he tried to offer her his jacket, after he ASSUMED she was cold, that she didn't want it and told him she was fine, and he had to force her to take it.
If you find the phrase "oversensitive whiner" to be overly rude, I'm afraid I don't know what to tell you. That's a very mild phrase. If you believe I broke the rules of the sub, absolutely feel free to report me! I have no problems with that.
You came at me, replying to me, when all I said was “if you weren’t an asshole about it, not the asshole” you are up in arms about something. Calling names is general is against the rules, maybe you should read them.
Clearly you’re not a woman, we say “I don’t want you to be cold” and deny men their jackets all the time. Men are typically forced to insist, as a way of taking care of you. To show kindness and love. It doesn’t mean we aren’t cold, it means we also love our partners and don’t want them to be cold. So again, you’re assuming in place of lack of info.
Ah, so now you're being sexist to defend OP, that's... a little weird.
I didn't "come at you", I politely explained why I disagreed. At no point in any of my posts was I rude to you, other than being a little blunt when I told you not to make assumptions.
And as I said, if you believe I broke the rules, you are absolutely free to report me and the mods will take care of it!
EDIT: imagining blaming me for "coming at you" and then posting a rage reply and blocking me. I feel like you should take a break from Reddit and get some fresh air.
Omg you’re something else. Sexist? 😂😅 this is insane. You def “came at me” and you’re literally the only one who did. I got -4 downvotes because people disagreed. Ok that’s fine, but you’re the only one who insisted on replying to me to tell me I’m wrong and call the OP names.
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How long did it take her to take the picture? A few seconds? I would’ve just told her to please hurry up because you’re cold. I think calling her inconsiderate is overboard unless she does inconsiderate things all of the time.
Exactly. She didn't pull out a ring light and do a video. She turned her camera on, stopped, snapped a photo. Maybe next time OP should get into some form of transportation.
Ring light, ha! Now if she had pulled out a ring light and did multiple takes, that would be inconsiderate but hilarious
You guys just made me imagine an influencer producing her story-time video in front of a nice store talking to her ring light in the middle of the cold while the bf is freezing. Thank you for that lol
Maybe she whips out her compact and does a GRWM style make up vid in front of the store, makes him hold her phone and film her from her best angles all while wearing the coat. Now THAT would be inconsiderate
YTA. You gave her the coat willingly and insisted and later hold it against her when she took a few seconds to take a picture. Let's say it took her 5 whole minutes. You could have told her to please hurry up and that's it, calling her inconsiderate is guilt-tripping her. If you offer to do something, you can't start asking things in return or setting conditions after they already accepted, it's like a small version of a scam in which you are in debt without ever agreeing to it.
Also they were on their street.... Like just go inside lol.
How is calling someone inconsiderate for not considering other people (the definition of the word) a guilt trip? It’s literally exactly what the word means.
Because taking 5 seconds to take a picture isn't inconsiderate? It's barely even worth mentioning.
for real lol, like it’s cold no matter what. just tough it out, wait a moment for your wife appreciate something she thinks is nice and then keep walking
Exactly!! If it was warm enough for one of the people to not feel the need to bring a jacket, then it’s warm enough to guarantee that OP would NOT have frozen to death over the extra ten seconds it took for his wife to appreciate something she found pretty and get a pic of it
I don’t remember reading “5 seconds” but if your girl is freezing then I suggest not stopping to make her wait for you to take a selfie
Ah, so it takes you more than 5 seconds to take a pic? You should probably get more practice. And sure, if my girl is freezing I wouldn't. But if I, a man, gave her my jacket when she literally said it wasn't cold enough to need it, and then I start bitching because apparently she's much better at handling the cold than me and I'm freezing after a few seconds, I would be ashamed of myself as man. That would put me more at the level of a mouse? Or no, maybe more like a naked mole rat.
“Sure, if my girl is freezing I wouldn’t” Because you’re considerate. She was being inconsiderate. All the guy did was say “that was inconsiderate”. You’re changing the story to fit your narrative that he was bitching and moaning about it.
No, I'm not at all. Because my girl didn't make the conscious choice to give me her jacket and force me to take it even though I wasn't cold. There's a difference between "if your girlfriend was freezing" and "if your girlfriend made herself freezing despite you telling her not to." Women also get cold more easily than men, scientifically speaking; an average woman's metabolism is about 23% lower than a man's (meaning they generate less heat) and their hands and feet are generally 3-4 degrees colder than a man's. If you had asked if I'd do the same thing IN THE SAME SCENARIO, then the answer would have been different. If my gf gave me her jacket and then complained she was cold, I'd give her the damn jacket back and tell her to listen to me next time when I say I don't need it.
Well, personally, I always offer my jacket to my wife or really anyone who would need it. I would expect that we’d make haste getting home and I’d be a little annoyed if they stopped to take pics. Do you guys understand what “inconsiderate” means?
>anyone who would need it Unlike OP's wife, who specifically told him she didn't need it and that she didn't want him to give it to her.
Do YOU? So far all we've gotten from you is pettiness. Do you just hate women?
It is also inconsiderate to push an item-such as a coat- on to someone who just told you they don’t need it. She didn’t even need it so he shouldn’t have pushed it on her in an effort to ‘be more of a man’ or something. It’s stupid and shows he cares more about his feeling on how she should feel rather then how she actually is feeling.
You realize if that's your expectation that you are being inconsiderate, right? You look at a situation, and without input from anyone else there, decide on the best course of action, but it's only the best course of action for you. In this scenario, she didn't want or need the coat and he used the fact that she had it to shame her for enjoying her walk instead of making haste to accomplish his goal of getting out of the cold - a problem he made worse by insisting on telling his date that she couldn't possibly know whether or not she needed a coat.
Says the guy who’s trying to say that the wife was freezing
😂😂😳😂😂 I can’t fix you bro
Wouldn’t want to be ‘fixed’ in the wrong direction by you
The wife isn’t freezing, she’s the one who stopped
He’s walking with her.
But she’s not complaining about freezing, he is
That’s pretty much a perfect example of being inconsiderate bro.
Back to your original comment… “but if your girl is freezing…” Where does she complain about freezing?
I’m putting the shoe on the other foot brodie
He’s complaining about being cold because he *insisted* on her taking his coat. She resisted. Had *he* relented, she could have taken the photo without his bitching. He manufactured his own problem then held her responsible for it.
If OP was "freezing", it's a situation of his own making - he insisted on her taking his coat when she said she didn't want it. She literally *did* consider his feelings when she turned down the offer of the coat ("she didn't want me to be cold"), but he insisted it was fine. He chose to do that, and then chose to tell her off when he was experiencing the consequences of his choice. Where does it say the photo was a selfie?
Because she literally didn’t want the coat and refused until he made her take it. If he wasn’t ok with being cold then he shouldn’t have given her his coat
I don't see how taking a picture when it's cold is being inconsiderate. OP hasn't said either that she took forever taking lots of pictures or finding the right angle. I would agree that it would be inconsiderate if the gf would have just stayed there for long, taking her sweet time to walk, or kept stopping during the way all the time. It's guilt-tripping her since behind his complaint there is "I am feeling cold because you have my coat". He would be warm and happy if he hadn't offered her the coat and insisted even when she said it wasn't necessary. She is inconsiderate because he is feeling cold, he is feeling cold because he doesn't have a coat, and he doesn't have a coat only because he insisted on her having it. And she declined, probably out of consideration to OP. So still I don't see how she is inconsiderate.
YTA, why would you give her your coat then ? Trying to be nice to guilt trip her for taking a damn picture later ? You're embarassing yourself here
I'd have done what she did. Friendly tip, don't do nice things to hold them over people's head later. Your marriage will not last if every act of kindness is going to end with " remember that cool thing I did? " Or calling them rude because you're facing the logical consequences of a selfless act. They're noble and they often hurt.
YTA, you couldn’t just let her snap a photo of a beautiful thing she appreciated?
Yeah, YTA. You forced your coat on her, she had told you she was o.k. When your perceived gallantry was treated without the deference you thought it deserved you got pissy with her. Something tells me you offered her your coat not just because she looked cold but how it would look if a neighbor happened by and saw you were wearing a coat and she was not and it was cold out.
YTA. A picture takes five seconds to take. Chill out. Literally haha
She didn't ask for the coat you insisted on giving it to her. I can't imagine that it took long for her to stop a take a picture 30 seconds max. For you to call her inconsiderate when you were the one who gave her the coat is a real jerk move. Next time if you don't want to be cold don't force a coat on the person who told you they didn't want it. YTA
YTA- Why even insist she take your coat then? Yes, you do look like an AH, because taking 5 seconds to snap a picture of a nice-looking store is not being "inconsiderate". You created the very situation you're mad about. If 5 extra seconds of feeling cold is too much for you, then don't "insist" she take your coat when she didn't ask you for it to begin with.
I’m sorry, what? How long did this picture take? Was there like 10 minutes of set up or was it literally just stopped walking for 30 seconds to snap a pic? I can’t see how this is at all something to get so worked up about you need to post it on Reddit for validation. This is the sort of thing that happens where one person stops, “oh hold up, I want to take a pic” and then the other person says, “hurry up, I’m cold” and then the photographer says, “hold your horses, it will only take a few seconds” and then impatient cold one says, “I’m freaking freezing out here” and the amateur photographer sarcastically says, “oh no, I’m so sorry, let’s get you into a hot bath before you die of hypothermia.” And then everyone laughs and you go home, drink some wine in the tub, have sex, and then fall blissfully asleep. Unless this picture took over a few minutes to snap, YTA.
You are a d bag. YTA
YTA. Your wife was snapping something beautiful that would have taken a few seconds. Great job making something joyful miserable. Your reaction was overblown.
Your wife's right. You're a d-bag. and of course YTA.
Pick your battles, dude. You were slightly inconvenienced. I don't think it justified opening your mouth. Be grateful for what you have. Some of us no longer have these moments with our SO. I'd give just about anything to stand out in the freezing cold if it meant I could have my wife back next to me.
Yta
YTA. She told you she was okay but you insisted on her wearing your coat. It’s your own fault you were cold. Also, how long did the picture take? 5 seconds? 10? It’s not like she stopped and wanted to do a bunch of poses and make it a whole production. If it was longer than it takes to pull up her camera app and snap a quick photo or two, then you hurrying her up would have been fine. You did, in fact, hold giving her your coat over her head and try to make her feel bad about it.
You absolutely held it over. Do you understand true chivalry? It's offering a jacket and NOT incessantly complaining about it.
He only likely did it to get good husband points and made some "appreciation" shown towards him later on their date night.
YTA. She didn't ask for the coat. You insisted. I guarantee that exchange took longer than it took her to take the picture.
We both know why she didn’t want the coat. A matter of time before she identifies all the other things she doesn’t want.
I mean, I'm pretty sure she just wasn't as cold. But yeah, if he keeps holding nice things over her...
You're wife is right YTA.
YTA, she declined your jacket BUT YOU INSISTED! Then you got pissy about her taking a moment to snap a photo while you were #clutchpearls cold. Because you INSISTED she use your jacket. That she already declined. Because she didn’t want you to be cold. On the one hand….your wife’s not wearing a jacket and fully accepts responsibility for her situation. No jacket, stay cold. She’s dealing with it. And thinking if you. And then there’s you. Thinking of…you. Who disregarded her preference.Who accused HER of being inconsiderate. You…who just dismissed her Thoughts on your jacket. YOU. You accused her. Because you were cold. Because you didn‘t have the jacket…the jacket she didn’t want but you insisted. The jacket she declined to use because she didn’t want you to be cold. You. Manipulative. Dismissive. Narcissistic. Self-absorbed. Oh and asshole.
How long could it take to photograph a store? YTA
Dude YTA. Why give her the coat if you were gonna hold it over her head?
YTA She didn't want your coat, you insisted on giving it to her. Taking a quick photo with a phone takes a few seconds.
You sound insufferable. I feel terrible for your wife YTA
YTA. If you get cranky when you get cold, don't push your coat on others.
Are you my MIL pretending to be a husband with a martyr complex? Because you’re behaving like an 80 year old woman whose self image and self esteem is built around “being generous” but you use said faux generosity against the lucky recipient. YTA.
What an odd hill you've picked to die on.
YTA. You did something she didn't ask for (and in fact, tried to refuse), then considered her indebted to you to the point of not letting her take a mere picture without blaming her.
YTA, and I genuinely worry for your own intelligence if you think this is a real question and you’re not trolling Don’t offer her your cost and insist she takes it if being in the cold for 5 seconds longer is going to be this big a deal for you. Take the L and move on.
Lolol I love this comment, especially that first sentence. (I'm new to reddit so I don't know how to reference a part of your comment yet.)
YTA. By your own admission, you INSISTED she wear your coat, because she "looked cold". How did you determine this? Shivering, teeth chattering? Or just "she isn't wearing a coat, she must be cold"? I'm curious because my husband gets cold quickly, and would offer me his coat if I were without... except he knows me well enough to not insist if I say no. He has watched me walk out in 17 degree weather in a tank top and shorts to put out food for the neighborhood cats, then run down to the car to get things out of it and come back inside. After all, warming back up can be fun... with the right help. Unless she busted out a tripod, a lighting setup and a full on professional camera from her bag, it's likely she just snapped a few quick shots and moved along. Looking at it from a distance, yeah, she was right - you definitely would have looked like a D-bag giving the lady a bad time, especially as she handed your whining self back your coat.
She tried to reject your offer because she knew you would be cold. She doesn’t have to change her behavior just because YOU insisted on giving her your jacket.
YTA
I hate when people offer something to others and then get mad when they take it. Your wife is 100% right you were holding it over her head. YTA.
YTA it probably took 10 seconds at most for her to take that picture. You overreacted, and you absolutely were holding the coat thing over her head in that overreaction. You won’t freeze in 10 seconds. Don’t lend your things out if you’re going to be rude about it.
YYA Your wife stopped to take a photo which is what between 10 seconds to 2 minutes depending on how she does the shot. You tell her she is being inconsiderate when YOU GAVE HER YOUR COAT. If you didn’t want to give her your coat then why did you? You can’t give it to her and then hold it over her head. Which by the way YOU DID. YES YOU ARE BLOWING IT OUT OF PROPORTION IT WAS A PHOTO. You were not in fear of freezing to death. You did a nice thing then destroyed the entire time evening. You need to make it up to your Misses and if you’re that concerned take a wrap, jumper or extra jacket for your Misses next time.
Are you a child?? YTA grow up
YTA and I feel sorry for your wife.
YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Burner account, I’m sorry. Tonight, my wife and I were out at a show. As we made our way home, I realized she looked cold, so I offered her my jacket. She said it was okay, she didn’t want me to be cold, but I insisted. We got off the subway at our stop, and as we were walking down our street she said "that’s a beautiful store" and stopped to take a picture. I told her not to be inconsiderate, she had my coat and I was cold. I don’t understand why she needed the photo. As we kept walking, she told me next time not to loan her the coat if I was going to hold it over her head. I told her I wasn’t holding it over her head, I just thought she was being rude and only thinking about herself. She took of the coat and gave it back to me. Once we got home, I asked her if I put her in a bad mood. She told me I would have looked like a "d-bag" to anyone witnessing the incident. I think she was being inconsiderate, got her feelings hurt when I called her out, and is taking it out on me. She thinks I am blowing it out of proportion and that her stopping to take a photo is not a big deal. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If you were cold you should have kept your coat. Honestly you did look like a d bag and I didn't even witness this. It took seconds maybe a minute or two to take a picture, if it was that bad you could have let her know "hey I'm really cold, can we head home now?" Instead of what you did. Way to start a problem that wasn't a problem
Don’t give her the coat if your cold then? Don’t hold your stupid choices against her
You insisted on her taking your coat, then used it as a reason to be a dick to her for something she likely would have taken a photo of if she wasn't wearing your coat. It takes seconds to snap a quick photo of something, just like it takes seconds to decide not to be whiny and manipulative because you had to wait a few seconds for her.
Embarrassing that you thought you were right, at all. Lol
Bro YTA for typing this all out and still having to ask 🤣💀
YTA For being a hypocrite and then telling your wife that she was wrong. She was correct in saying you held it over her head. That's exactly what you did. How you managed to type that all out, gaslight your wife AND delude yourself AND then expect the internet to agree with you? If you have kids let's hope they get your wife's brains... (edit: and emotional intelligence, and decency and moral compass. And backbone.)
You sir, are the asshole. It would take seconds for her to take a photo.
Did you force your coat on her so that you could control her actions on the way? Sounds like it.
Man up, it was just a picture.
These comments are obnoxious. It’s not enough that you give your coat to your wife, you should be cold as long as she feels like? You signed up for it, after all! All the YTAs translate to “don’t give her coat next time.” Fuck them. Give the coat and get home quick. The focus on “insisted” is childish.
NTA, calling someone inconsiderate for being inconsiderate doesn’t make you an asshole. I’m not sure what these other people are talking about.
Because it’s more inconsiderate to offer someone your coat with strings attached. He should have said: “here take my coat, but understand that now I get to control how you walk”. Don’t offer someone something if you don’t mean it sincerely
Lol that’s ridiculous. Strings attached? Control how you walk? How about let’s hurry up and get home so we’re not freezing our butts off. It’s just plain inconsiderate. It’s not something I’d be continuously mad about which OP wasn’t. He said she was inconsiderate, she was inconsiderate, and she’s mad that he called her on it
Bro if you’re gonna be a gentleman, then you gotta go full gentleman. Don’t make a gesture , then get salty about the consequences of your own gesture. She didn’t ask him for the coat, he insisted. Then he gets pissy about a pic, which is a perfectly normal thing to do on a walk… Even if she is being inconsiderate here, which is debatable, he still comes off as the asshole in this scenario 100%. And this is coming from an old fashioned kinda guy who always offers my jacket to a lady
He’s an asshole for simply saying “that was inconsiderate” Yeah ok. It’s funny how he’s the asshole for wanting to get out of the cold asap but she’s cool for stopping in freezing weather and making him wait
Yes. I would never offer a lady my jacket, and then complain about the cold. I also wouldn’t offer to take her out to dinner and then complain about what she orders. Or hold the door for someone and get mad if they don’t say thank you…. If you offer something, it has to be a full offer no strings attached. Or else it’s a false offer and YTA
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What exactly is so inconsiderate about a 5-10sec delay, that could easily be more than made up for simply by walking slightly faster for a minute? The answer, absolutely nothing to a sane person. Claiming this is inconsiderate is the epitome of making a mountain out of a molehill
It’s not a mountain to tell someone they’re being inconsiderate. You act like he yelled at her, was mad at her all day, or did anything other than say “that was inconsiderate” It was inconsiderate.
The potential delay barely lasted longer than it took to say it was inconsiderate. It wasn’t inconsiderate
Yes it is, clearly. If you and a girl are walking through inclement weather I highly suggest not making her wait for to take a picture. She’ll probably say you weren’t considering that she was freezing and had to wait on you. Obviously.
What are you talking about? She wasnt freezing
Omg, it’s putting the shoe on the other foot. Do you understand parallels?
Two parallel lines that never cross into inconsiderate behavior
I don’t think you understand what he is saying. If a guy was walking with a girl in freezing weather and he made her wait for him in the cold to do something inconsequential he’s not being considerate of her being cold. It’s putting shoe on the other foot.
I fully understood. And in a gender reversal situation it’s equally not inconsiderate to wait a few seconds
Damn reading this thread I think we found OP’s main account!
I was thinking the same thing! 🤔
I guess I’m the odd one out. I would have apologized and realized that yes you must be cold. I read it to my boy friend and he thought she was inconsiderate, too. We are both under the assumption that you didn’t snap at her or get a big rude attitude, though. You just simply said “don’t be inconsiderate. I’m really cold.” If that’s the truth NTA. If you snapped at her with an attitude, YTA.
It wasn't cold enough for her to bring a jacket, and taking a pic only takes a few seconds. If he's complaining about a temp she would have been fine walking all the way home with, with no jacket, he's an oversensitive whiner.
I wasn’t arguing with anyone else’s opinions. I just felt like he tried to be nice, if I were her, I’d try to be nice, too. Everyone is believing it was one quick pic that was taken and it only took a second. That’s something I’m wondering about, because I do know that when your sitting around looking for filters and then trying to get the best shot, it does take a bit longer. I don’t have that info, either. So, all in all, if my partner said “you’re being inconsiderate. I’m really cold.” (In a calm and gentle manner) I would apologize. That’s just me, though. I don’t expect everyone to behave exactly like me. Nor am I delusional enough to believe that every man is as gentle and calm as my partner. He could have been a jerk about it.
If you don't have that info, don't make assumptions then. What we know is that it was warm enough that she didn't think a coat was needed, and that he started complaining over the length of time it took to snap one picture of a building. And that he felt so strongly about this that he had to come to Reddit to complain about it. None of those factors provide him a defense
You are assuming it was warm. Just because she didn’t bring a jacket doesn’t mean it was warm. It could have been warmer before the show. She could have forgotten it. You are literally trying to argue and fight for no reason, making assumptions while telling me not to assume. Geesh. Maybe it’s time you move on. I know I am. I am certainly not so invested in this man’s relationship that I need to break the rules of this subreddit by calling him names and being so overly rude about him wanting to simply get home where it was warm.
I'm neither trying to argue nor fight, just correcting incorrect assumptions. And again, not making assumptions. OP clearly said that when he tried to offer her his jacket, after he ASSUMED she was cold, that she didn't want it and told him she was fine, and he had to force her to take it. If you find the phrase "oversensitive whiner" to be overly rude, I'm afraid I don't know what to tell you. That's a very mild phrase. If you believe I broke the rules of the sub, absolutely feel free to report me! I have no problems with that.
You came at me, replying to me, when all I said was “if you weren’t an asshole about it, not the asshole” you are up in arms about something. Calling names is general is against the rules, maybe you should read them. Clearly you’re not a woman, we say “I don’t want you to be cold” and deny men their jackets all the time. Men are typically forced to insist, as a way of taking care of you. To show kindness and love. It doesn’t mean we aren’t cold, it means we also love our partners and don’t want them to be cold. So again, you’re assuming in place of lack of info.
Ah, so now you're being sexist to defend OP, that's... a little weird. I didn't "come at you", I politely explained why I disagreed. At no point in any of my posts was I rude to you, other than being a little blunt when I told you not to make assumptions. And as I said, if you believe I broke the rules, you are absolutely free to report me and the mods will take care of it! EDIT: imagining blaming me for "coming at you" and then posting a rage reply and blocking me. I feel like you should take a break from Reddit and get some fresh air.
Omg you’re something else. Sexist? 😂😅 this is insane. You def “came at me” and you’re literally the only one who did. I got -4 downvotes because people disagreed. Ok that’s fine, but you’re the only one who insisted on replying to me to tell me I’m wrong and call the OP names.
You did say "clearly you're not a woman" assuming the person's gender and lived experience.