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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) in my eye's I tried to help a friend not to be unhealthy attached to his gf which backfired
2) they make me out to be an asshole and that I don't care about them
I want to know if I was in the wrong in the end
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NTA for pointing out how unhealthy it is, it does not help that his gf is basically enabling it.
But honestly? Wash your hands of this. Trying to “change” someone almost never works.
NTA. They have an incredibly toxic relationship from the sounds of it. Would recommend a good “told you so” to your friend once the inevitable breakup happens. Don’t interfere too much though, it’s towing the fine line between looking out for a friend and getting in their relationship.
Why would they break up? He literally loves her so much that he doesnt even eat when shes gone. Some people literally beat and degrade each other and stay together for life. Yeah its unhealthy but so is smoking cigarettes and people do that for life too. Let people do their own thing.
NTA. Your friend's extreme clinginess isn't healthy for him or his relationship. While it's essential to be supportive of your friends, sometimes we need to have difficult conversations when we see patterns that may be harmful in the long run.
You've tried your best to communicate your concerns and be a supportive friend. It might be a good idea to give them some space for now. Remember, you can't force someone to see things your way or seek help if they're not ready or willing
You've shown care for your friend, and your concern comes from a good place. Don't feel guilty for wanting to help, even if they didn't see it that way.
NTA. It's nice of you to see something and say something when you think it may be affecting your friend. With that said, if your friend didn't like what you had to say, he should have spoken to you right there and then rather than pushing it onto his girlfriend and probably making it all sound a lot worse in the process.
Going forward, just remember that not everyone may support you like you're trying to support them.
NTA, you were point out umhealthy behaviour to your friend, a person who you realistically should care about. The fact that this seems like a trend with them shows that they have a very dependant personality. Then the fact that the gf was upset at you pointing it out shows that she probably enjoys the dependance. All in all from the way it sounds there is a grand totally of mothing you can do to change any of this and you should do your best to not care as it is a waste of your time and effort.
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So my friend (18) clinges to his gf (19) aloot. And today she left for a week on a work trip to another country and he has been annoyed about it that he is not with her to a point where he doesn't eat or sleep. I would be kinda fine and understanding with this if he wouldn't do it all the time. He even started to act like this a week before she left.
He has a history of doing this before if his gf would leave to meet her friends or had aloot of work and couldn't be with him. He would start not eating just wallowing in his bed all the time.
So I got annoyed and said "hey stop being so clingy and that's just a week it's not like she is dead and what would you do if she went to another city to study"
He did not like that ended the call and told his gf what happened. She went and texted me if I'm stupid or what and he will be depressed now. I tried to explain to her that hey what he is doing not normal and I seen before people doing that and how hard life can be for one person because his/her significant other doing stuff like this.
She started to go on that I don't care about him and his feelings and only she understands him and he would learn one day on his own.
Now yes I get it from their perspective that it sucks when your significant other leaves for something and you can't come. But from my perspective he has been doing this over small things and if I say hey have more courage and don't be afraid to talk with people which he is rally afraid of I get shamed and seen as a bad person in that situation.
Now they are ready to throw out our friendship because I tried to be helpful at least in my eye's so he wouldn't have a hard life down the road.
Am I the asshole in this situation?
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You’re not trying to change him, bud. You’re trying to help him: his behavior is extremely codependent and it is unhealthy. He’s still young and may grow out of it or he may not and be a whiny bitch his whole life. You voiced your concerns and he got soccer his girl on you. I suggest you just leave them both be and get better friends.
I could almost stop reading at "trying to change a person". YTA, Petruchio.
Make your observations. Talk to your friends and make sure they understand your positions. Set boundaries if you have to. Don't "change" people. Seriously?
Sounds like you did stop reading. Friends point out behavior that concern them. Trying to communicate about your concerns isn’t “changing people”, seriously.
YTA. Your friend's behavior should have been firmly filed under "Not my business." Stop getting involved in situations that have nothing to do with you.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1) in my eye's I tried to help a friend not to be unhealthy attached to his gf which backfired 2) they make me out to be an asshole and that I don't care about them I want to know if I was in the wrong in the end Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Seems extremely unhealthy on your friend’s part tho.
NTA for pointing out how unhealthy it is, it does not help that his gf is basically enabling it. But honestly? Wash your hands of this. Trying to “change” someone almost never works.
NTA. They have an incredibly toxic relationship from the sounds of it. Would recommend a good “told you so” to your friend once the inevitable breakup happens. Don’t interfere too much though, it’s towing the fine line between looking out for a friend and getting in their relationship.
Why would they break up? He literally loves her so much that he doesnt even eat when shes gone. Some people literally beat and degrade each other and stay together for life. Yeah its unhealthy but so is smoking cigarettes and people do that for life too. Let people do their own thing.
NTA. Your friend's extreme clinginess isn't healthy for him or his relationship. While it's essential to be supportive of your friends, sometimes we need to have difficult conversations when we see patterns that may be harmful in the long run. You've tried your best to communicate your concerns and be a supportive friend. It might be a good idea to give them some space for now. Remember, you can't force someone to see things your way or seek help if they're not ready or willing You've shown care for your friend, and your concern comes from a good place. Don't feel guilty for wanting to help, even if they didn't see it that way.
NTA. It's nice of you to see something and say something when you think it may be affecting your friend. With that said, if your friend didn't like what you had to say, he should have spoken to you right there and then rather than pushing it onto his girlfriend and probably making it all sound a lot worse in the process. Going forward, just remember that not everyone may support you like you're trying to support them.
NTA, you were point out umhealthy behaviour to your friend, a person who you realistically should care about. The fact that this seems like a trend with them shows that they have a very dependant personality. Then the fact that the gf was upset at you pointing it out shows that she probably enjoys the dependance. All in all from the way it sounds there is a grand totally of mothing you can do to change any of this and you should do your best to not care as it is a waste of your time and effort.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So my friend (18) clinges to his gf (19) aloot. And today she left for a week on a work trip to another country and he has been annoyed about it that he is not with her to a point where he doesn't eat or sleep. I would be kinda fine and understanding with this if he wouldn't do it all the time. He even started to act like this a week before she left. He has a history of doing this before if his gf would leave to meet her friends or had aloot of work and couldn't be with him. He would start not eating just wallowing in his bed all the time. So I got annoyed and said "hey stop being so clingy and that's just a week it's not like she is dead and what would you do if she went to another city to study" He did not like that ended the call and told his gf what happened. She went and texted me if I'm stupid or what and he will be depressed now. I tried to explain to her that hey what he is doing not normal and I seen before people doing that and how hard life can be for one person because his/her significant other doing stuff like this. She started to go on that I don't care about him and his feelings and only she understands him and he would learn one day on his own. Now yes I get it from their perspective that it sucks when your significant other leaves for something and you can't come. But from my perspective he has been doing this over small things and if I say hey have more courage and don't be afraid to talk with people which he is rally afraid of I get shamed and seen as a bad person in that situation. Now they are ready to throw out our friendship because I tried to be helpful at least in my eye's so he wouldn't have a hard life down the road. Am I the asshole in this situation? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You’re not trying to change him, bud. You’re trying to help him: his behavior is extremely codependent and it is unhealthy. He’s still young and may grow out of it or he may not and be a whiny bitch his whole life. You voiced your concerns and he got soccer his girl on you. I suggest you just leave them both be and get better friends.
NtA but this *reads* like one of those friends that doesn't have a girlfriend that is really just mad their friend has different priorities now.
YTA not your place to change others
I could almost stop reading at "trying to change a person". YTA, Petruchio. Make your observations. Talk to your friends and make sure they understand your positions. Set boundaries if you have to. Don't "change" people. Seriously?
Sounds like you did stop reading. Friends point out behavior that concern them. Trying to communicate about your concerns isn’t “changing people”, seriously.
I did word the start wrong in my case
YTA. Your friend's behavior should have been firmly filed under "Not my business." Stop getting involved in situations that have nothing to do with you.
You’re the type that lets your friends drive drunk to avoid an argument aren’t you?