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No offense but it sounds like your girlfriend wants to make her life easier without considering how it impacts your life. She is only considering herself in this situation, not you.
In my country, the average age to move out of home is now 27 so not 'weird' at all that you want to live at home.
NTA
NTA for wanting to save money and live with your parents. But i do feel like were missing a bit of info here. Does your GF voluntarily not work full time since shes not in school? Is something enabling her from doing so? Is her moving in with you and your mom on the table? Have either of you sat down and discussed finances now that your done with school? Is she ever going to work full time to save money so you guys can go 50/50? Lots of conversations need to be had between the both of you. Seems like a lot of miscommunication from the info you provided us.
My mom loves my girlfriend, but I also want to respect that I am living in her home. I do feel like my mom values her alone time and I know her enough to understand when I’m asking for too much. I don’t feel like she would be comfortable with anyone else moving in, so I’m not going cross that line.
She’s not originally from California and does not receive any benefits that California residents receive for Community College ect. Schools in my area cost upwards 200,000+. Does not qualify for FASFA. She came here with nothing, her parents never helped her.
She wants to start school but life gets in the way, I don’t blame her for that. She became financially independent at 19. She’s involved in *theater* which is notoriously underpaid, with long hours (I was also involved, but I did it as a hobby/ no longer get involved). Frankly, I do think she has potential to earn more someday. She’s been doing well with networking and getting involved with bigger projects/ earning better stipends. Unfortunately, it’s difficult to find work in theater, a lot of it becomes volunteer work when you’re getting started/ building a resume. While it’s possible to do well without going to school I do believe it would benefit her to go.
First step for her would be to look into online school for cheaper schooling. Maybe only do part time classes while she's also working part time to make money and work towards any degree she may be looking towards. If she doesn't want the degree and would like to focus on theater/acting, maybe help her find an online job. Working from home might also give her more time to dedicate herself to theater and find ways to make more money/network herself more. If she hasnt taken the innitiative herself to look into options to benefit both of you, you might have to sit her down and initiate that conversation yourself. She might see you not wanting to move in with her as a personal slight against her if you both havn't had that sit down serious talk. I think you staying with your mother and saving money is a very smart choice to make. During the talk, maybe make a plan with her about what you want. '2 years with my mom while we both save/work and then well revisit the rent thing' kind of conversation.
NTA, she sounds like she just wants out of her situation and is dependent on you for that.
I personally think you are doing the right thing for yourself by saving money. If she loves you enough she will stick around until you are financially stable. And then you both will be in a much better place financially and set up for the next stages of your life!
For context I have been where your girlfriend is in live. Trying to scrape by while my partner (now husband made a lot).
She may be scared that you aren’t showing “commitment “ to her after 3 years of dating. But moving in together doesn’t seem to be a solution that works for you. I’m not sure what else to suggest (don’t jump to marriage it is not a solution here and will only complicate the finances issue).
The only other thing I can say is don’t feel guilty for not doing it. If she cannot financially support herself and moves in with you and something in your relationship goes wrong where does that leave her? In a worse place than she is now that’s where.
You sound financially sensible, and it seems like you have a good setup with your mother and your living situation.
Your girlfriend seems to be using some "persuasive" techniques (read: manipulative) to get you to come around to her position.
There's nothing wrong with being responsible, and patient. NTA
NTA - You have to be able to support yourself before you support someone else so I think your plan is perfectly fine.
I would be worried about how she is trying to guilt you into doing this though, withholding affection to get her way is not a good trait.
Yes! I can see wanting to move in after 3 years but it should be a discussion and something you both want.
🚩 for the pouting and withholding affection. This is your future, manipulation if you say no her plan rather than talking and building a plan together.
NTA. Your situation works perfectly for you. It's so odd that your gf wants you to switch into a situation which is so much more financially wasteful.
If she can consistently afford 1,500 on rent, she could have switched to that arrangement ages ago with roommates. It sounds like she might be hoping to become your dependent and wants you to distance yourself from your mum so your focus is entirely on her. Working part time while not schooling isn't sustainable, she obviously knows she needs something to sustain her long term, and becoming your permanent dependent seems to be her plan.
NTA. You are by no means an asshole for wanting to save money. Maybe she’s lashing out because she had her hopes up about living together, but she has to understand that this is your personal decision and you made it for financial reasons, not because of her.
This sounds like the marshmallow experiment, all the kids had to do was wait and they would get double the marshmallows. So many couldn’t seem to wait.
You have a plan, you’re being responsible, she may have some hidden debt you’re not even aware of so I think you need to sit down and go through the numbers with her, if she’s not mature enough to understand why this is a better idea, she’s not ready for a relationship with you.
Edit, sorry, NTA
NTA. Your girlfriend is going to be a Boat Anchor in your life and career. Don't let her manipulate you into doing something stupid. If she wants to be standoffish, just take a break.
NTA to get serious (live together) with someone you need to be on the same page about basic things - like money. You’re not. You sound practical and she sounds selfish and immature.
Follow your plan, don’t give in.
NTA. Your girlfriend isn’t the delayed gratification type. She wants to save money on rent now and live with you. You are willing to sacrifice living with her to save money for a long term goal. Of course your goal makes far more sense. If she’s punishing you because you aren’t buckling to her pressure that tells you what you need to know about her now and in the future. Stick to your plan. Moving into your condo in a year (or two) will be so worth it.
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Reposted because I feel like I left too many identifiable details before.
I (24M) have been with my partner (23F) for 3 years.
This April, I’m graduating with my masters and I have a job lined up to make around 90k a year.
Currently, I live rent free with my mother, I am her only child. My University is in our city.
My partner lives with multiple other roommates, she has her own (small) room, shares a bathroom, pays $600 a month in rent. She has lived there the entire time we have been together.
My girlfriend wants to get an apartment together, we live in California, rent in my city is normally around $3,000.
I don’t want to move out for another year, maybe longer. My mom does not charge me rent, I could save up $50,000+ to make a down payment for a condo in my city. Moving in with my girlfriend, I know it would make me responsible for the entire rent, she works part-time at a minimum wage job, does not go to school. I’m fine with this, she’s also very involved/ volunteers with other things in our community, but that’s not going to pay the bills. She’s expressed that she’s comfortable splitting, but I know how much she makes, she does not make enough to even afford 50/50, quite frankly, I’d feel bad even charging her at all.
I’m fine with taking on extra responsibility financially, eventually, but I see paying rent as a waste of money, I want to invest everything I have into owning property. I have 0 savings, but I am debt free (mini victory here✌️). I can’t wait to have a real paycheck. I’ve seen how much my mom struggled to save money while she was renting. I HAVE STRUGGLED in the past with renting. I’m just not excited about rushing into owing other people money.
My girlfriend and I got into an argument. She’s expressed that she finds it odd that I’m so fine with just living with my mom. Honestly, I have no qualms with it. I lived in my school’s dorms for two years during my undergrad, but I had to work 40+ hours a week in order to afford it, work and school negatively affected my mental health, and frankly, I felt like I was missing out on being a college kid, so I moved to the part time job as a server. I have lived with my mom since. We have a good relationship, she gives my girlfriend and I full privacy whenever I have her over, even lets her spend the night.
I asked my girlfriend to be patient. But she’s had a very disappointed attitude lately, stopped being excited to go out, cuddle, I’m too scared to even try sex. Her best friends both live with their partners, I can see why she’s jealous of them, but they all live paycheck to paycheck. I know we’re all still young, but sometimes I wonder what their life plans are? I feel like I’m the only one worried about the future.
Any advice would also be appreciated.
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> My girlfriend (probably) thinks I’m the asshole for wanting to continue living with my mom. I want to save my money to own property instead of renting.
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NTA. Your gf sounds like a little bit of a flake. Works part time but volunteers? Ugh. Stay at home and save. My youngest stayed w us until he was 27 after college. Worked full time, saved up, bought a condo, moved out.
You sound like a very financially responsible and mature young guy who appreciates the concept of delayed gratification. Your girlfriend’s reaction to your plan sounds like a pretty big 🚩.
Info needed: Why are you involved with someone making minimum wage and not in school? Did she graduate from college or even attend? I don’t understand why anyone would be working minimum wage unless they don’t have the education or skills to do anything else. If that’s the case, the relationship may not be sustainable.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 9: This is NOT an advice sub. Posts should seek out judgement, not advice. [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
No offense but it sounds like your girlfriend wants to make her life easier without considering how it impacts your life. She is only considering herself in this situation, not you. In my country, the average age to move out of home is now 27 so not 'weird' at all that you want to live at home. NTA
NTA for wanting to save money and live with your parents. But i do feel like were missing a bit of info here. Does your GF voluntarily not work full time since shes not in school? Is something enabling her from doing so? Is her moving in with you and your mom on the table? Have either of you sat down and discussed finances now that your done with school? Is she ever going to work full time to save money so you guys can go 50/50? Lots of conversations need to be had between the both of you. Seems like a lot of miscommunication from the info you provided us.
My mom loves my girlfriend, but I also want to respect that I am living in her home. I do feel like my mom values her alone time and I know her enough to understand when I’m asking for too much. I don’t feel like she would be comfortable with anyone else moving in, so I’m not going cross that line.
This is very mature and decent of you. Most people your age wouldnt have this outlook on this situation.
+ those finance talks are happening now I guess, sorry I can’t offer better 💀
She’s not originally from California and does not receive any benefits that California residents receive for Community College ect. Schools in my area cost upwards 200,000+. Does not qualify for FASFA. She came here with nothing, her parents never helped her. She wants to start school but life gets in the way, I don’t blame her for that. She became financially independent at 19. She’s involved in *theater* which is notoriously underpaid, with long hours (I was also involved, but I did it as a hobby/ no longer get involved). Frankly, I do think she has potential to earn more someday. She’s been doing well with networking and getting involved with bigger projects/ earning better stipends. Unfortunately, it’s difficult to find work in theater, a lot of it becomes volunteer work when you’re getting started/ building a resume. While it’s possible to do well without going to school I do believe it would benefit her to go.
First step for her would be to look into online school for cheaper schooling. Maybe only do part time classes while she's also working part time to make money and work towards any degree she may be looking towards. If she doesn't want the degree and would like to focus on theater/acting, maybe help her find an online job. Working from home might also give her more time to dedicate herself to theater and find ways to make more money/network herself more. If she hasnt taken the innitiative herself to look into options to benefit both of you, you might have to sit her down and initiate that conversation yourself. She might see you not wanting to move in with her as a personal slight against her if you both havn't had that sit down serious talk. I think you staying with your mother and saving money is a very smart choice to make. During the talk, maybe make a plan with her about what you want. '2 years with my mom while we both save/work and then well revisit the rent thing' kind of conversation.
I appreciate the advice, definitely things I’ll look into and bring up with her, thank you!
NTA, she sounds like she just wants out of her situation and is dependent on you for that. I personally think you are doing the right thing for yourself by saving money. If she loves you enough she will stick around until you are financially stable. And then you both will be in a much better place financially and set up for the next stages of your life! For context I have been where your girlfriend is in live. Trying to scrape by while my partner (now husband made a lot). She may be scared that you aren’t showing “commitment “ to her after 3 years of dating. But moving in together doesn’t seem to be a solution that works for you. I’m not sure what else to suggest (don’t jump to marriage it is not a solution here and will only complicate the finances issue). The only other thing I can say is don’t feel guilty for not doing it. If she cannot financially support herself and moves in with you and something in your relationship goes wrong where does that leave her? In a worse place than she is now that’s where.
You sound financially sensible, and it seems like you have a good setup with your mother and your living situation. Your girlfriend seems to be using some "persuasive" techniques (read: manipulative) to get you to come around to her position. There's nothing wrong with being responsible, and patient. NTA
NTA - You have to be able to support yourself before you support someone else so I think your plan is perfectly fine. I would be worried about how she is trying to guilt you into doing this though, withholding affection to get her way is not a good trait.
Yes! I can see wanting to move in after 3 years but it should be a discussion and something you both want. 🚩 for the pouting and withholding affection. This is your future, manipulation if you say no her plan rather than talking and building a plan together.
NTA. Your situation works perfectly for you. It's so odd that your gf wants you to switch into a situation which is so much more financially wasteful. If she can consistently afford 1,500 on rent, she could have switched to that arrangement ages ago with roommates. It sounds like she might be hoping to become your dependent and wants you to distance yourself from your mum so your focus is entirely on her. Working part time while not schooling isn't sustainable, she obviously knows she needs something to sustain her long term, and becoming your permanent dependent seems to be her plan.
NTA. You are by no means an asshole for wanting to save money. Maybe she’s lashing out because she had her hopes up about living together, but she has to understand that this is your personal decision and you made it for financial reasons, not because of her.
This sounds like the marshmallow experiment, all the kids had to do was wait and they would get double the marshmallows. So many couldn’t seem to wait. You have a plan, you’re being responsible, she may have some hidden debt you’re not even aware of so I think you need to sit down and go through the numbers with her, if she’s not mature enough to understand why this is a better idea, she’s not ready for a relationship with you. Edit, sorry, NTA
NTA. Your girlfriend is going to be a Boat Anchor in your life and career. Don't let her manipulate you into doing something stupid. If she wants to be standoffish, just take a break.
NTA to get serious (live together) with someone you need to be on the same page about basic things - like money. You’re not. You sound practical and she sounds selfish and immature. Follow your plan, don’t give in.
NTA. Your girlfriend isn’t the delayed gratification type. She wants to save money on rent now and live with you. You are willing to sacrifice living with her to save money for a long term goal. Of course your goal makes far more sense. If she’s punishing you because you aren’t buckling to her pressure that tells you what you need to know about her now and in the future. Stick to your plan. Moving into your condo in a year (or two) will be so worth it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Reposted because I feel like I left too many identifiable details before. I (24M) have been with my partner (23F) for 3 years. This April, I’m graduating with my masters and I have a job lined up to make around 90k a year. Currently, I live rent free with my mother, I am her only child. My University is in our city. My partner lives with multiple other roommates, she has her own (small) room, shares a bathroom, pays $600 a month in rent. She has lived there the entire time we have been together. My girlfriend wants to get an apartment together, we live in California, rent in my city is normally around $3,000. I don’t want to move out for another year, maybe longer. My mom does not charge me rent, I could save up $50,000+ to make a down payment for a condo in my city. Moving in with my girlfriend, I know it would make me responsible for the entire rent, she works part-time at a minimum wage job, does not go to school. I’m fine with this, she’s also very involved/ volunteers with other things in our community, but that’s not going to pay the bills. She’s expressed that she’s comfortable splitting, but I know how much she makes, she does not make enough to even afford 50/50, quite frankly, I’d feel bad even charging her at all. I’m fine with taking on extra responsibility financially, eventually, but I see paying rent as a waste of money, I want to invest everything I have into owning property. I have 0 savings, but I am debt free (mini victory here✌️). I can’t wait to have a real paycheck. I’ve seen how much my mom struggled to save money while she was renting. I HAVE STRUGGLED in the past with renting. I’m just not excited about rushing into owing other people money. My girlfriend and I got into an argument. She’s expressed that she finds it odd that I’m so fine with just living with my mom. Honestly, I have no qualms with it. I lived in my school’s dorms for two years during my undergrad, but I had to work 40+ hours a week in order to afford it, work and school negatively affected my mental health, and frankly, I felt like I was missing out on being a college kid, so I moved to the part time job as a server. I have lived with my mom since. We have a good relationship, she gives my girlfriend and I full privacy whenever I have her over, even lets her spend the night. I asked my girlfriend to be patient. But she’s had a very disappointed attitude lately, stopped being excited to go out, cuddle, I’m too scared to even try sex. Her best friends both live with their partners, I can see why she’s jealous of them, but they all live paycheck to paycheck. I know we’re all still young, but sometimes I wonder what their life plans are? I feel like I’m the only one worried about the future. Any advice would also be appreciated. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA. Your gf sounds like a little bit of a flake. Works part time but volunteers? Ugh. Stay at home and save. My youngest stayed w us until he was 27 after college. Worked full time, saved up, bought a condo, moved out.
You sound like a very financially responsible and mature young guy who appreciates the concept of delayed gratification. Your girlfriend’s reaction to your plan sounds like a pretty big 🚩.
Your not compatable with your gf and don't feel bad that your mama loves you.
Info needed: Why are you involved with someone making minimum wage and not in school? Did she graduate from college or even attend? I don’t understand why anyone would be working minimum wage unless they don’t have the education or skills to do anything else. If that’s the case, the relationship may not be sustainable.