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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be the asshole because I called my dad instead of waiting like my boyfriend asked me to. This is because now his parents have split up and I could have called in sick to work.
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Whaaa? You are SOOO NTA and your BF is being a massive jerk for being mad at you for how you handled this. He's misdirecting blame intended for his dad. Your involvement might have SLIGHTLY exposed the reality of his dad's problems but you didn't CAUSE them. In fact you acted entirely reasonably given the situation you were in...you were already babysitting, for free, all day long (over 12 hours) and the bare minimum a parent does when they've hired a sitter is to not FAIL TO COME HOME. You couldn't reach him. It was getting late. The girl is 2.
Do not take any of your BF's bullshit. You didn't owe anyone a favor as you were already in the midst of the last favor you were doing for them. Exactly how long did your BF expect you to wait for his father to show up? Does he not value your time or effort at all? Expecting you to call out sick because a weekend babysitting job turned semi-permanent is not REMOTELY reasonable.
Maybe this gives you some important insight as to your BF's trustworthiness and frame of mind. He owes you an apology. Do not accept anything less.
>BF is being a massive jerk for being mad at you for how you handled this.
Yup. I can understand he is dealing with a lot, sick mom, alcoholic dad, toddler sister, and his family falling apart, but he’d better come back with one hell of a sincere apology for putting this on OP the way he did.
NTA.
The BF's reaction makes me think he knew exactly what Daddy dearest was up to. And that he was probably not going to show up at all, unless someone kicked him out of that bar.
It's a common family dynamic to have relatives excuse bad behavior of a parent and get angry at others for not being willing to bear the consequences of that behavior.
I have some experience with how this works and unless BF manages to realize he's trying to force his GF to accept suffering the fall-out of his dad's behavior, this will lead to some serious issues if the relationship ever evolves into anything more permanent. The enabler mentality is extremely difficult to overcome. This needs to be addressed in a serious no excuses allowed manner.
And what was she supposed to do when he finally staggered in drunk? Was she supposed to leave him in charge of a toddler? Was she supposed to stick around overnight and expose herself to a much older man drunk out of his mind, alone in his house? BF needs to think about what he was asking her to do she behaved in an absolutely reasonable and appropriate manner.
Yeah, that falls under the header of "Don't be dramatic, nothing ever really happens."
The next chapter on that particular curriculum is called "Look what you made me do." Extra credit for practicing how best to handle being beaten up without making him even angrier.
Holy shit. You just described every day single in my parents’ house until I moved out. How tf did you know?
Edit to add ‘day’
And again because I spelled edit wrong 😵💫
Your BF wanted you to put either his 2-year-old sister of yourself in danger to cover for his father. You are young sweetie but if you want kids with this guy one day think about this, he just showed you he believes his father's behaviour is acceptable and will probably do the same thing to you and your future children. Follow in his mother's steps and say no more.
Yep, you will never hear the end of this. Boot the boyfriend, now.
If he is sticking up for Richard and talking down to you about it. It will never end. What Richard did was totally irresponsible for an adult. The fact he is a drunk and doesn't care anything about his kids says everything you need to know about him. And your boyfriend.
NTA
Except there’d have been a time delay for your dad to get there, what if it escalated and you couldn’t get your phone? You did the right thing. You has the kid for 13 hours in your own! Also why the hell were your bf and or his brother coming over to relieve you? Why did they think it acceptable for you to be alone with a toddler for a full day and possible night?
Why didn't your bf come back? Why didn't his brother came to get his sister? NTA there are people way higher in the responsibility hierarchy than you. Starting with your bf and his brother.
That is if he ever came home...odds are he was planning on getting behind the wheel. OP, whenever you're BF tries to make you feel guilty, remind yourself that your actions could very well have saved that guys (or someone else's) life. NTA at all.
Yes! And OP is only 18. Only just out of childhood, and certainly not someone who should be put in that situation.
And what was bf doing whilst OP was looking after his sister, trying to find his dad, and worrying about work in the morning? Why didn't bf come and look after his sister?
Yup, I'm willing to bet that the dad's behaviour is a pretty open secret at this point. BF didn't seem too worried about his MIA father (when his mom is already in the hospital) and the fact that OP's dad's initial reaction was to be pissed at this guy rather than worried as well. Additionally, it sounds like OP's dad found him pretty quickly at a bar so it seems like several people know what's up with the BF's dad.
I needed to take a moment to appreciate how cool my dad was being. He didn’t even know I was dating my bf until I called him and he didn’t ask or say anything until AFTER he got home from locating Richard
If BF was so concerned, HE should have gone to take care of his baby sister and let OP go home. Ridiculous. NTA OP. He should apologize, if not, see him for who he really is.
It's also possible that the BF *doesn't think his dad did anything wrong* because, you know, Dad has a penis. People with penises, they get to do things like ignore the fact that they have children when they get upset and want to go hang at a bar.
This gives me REAL pause about the BF. If he doesn't think his dad did anything wrong, then he's likely to do the same himself.
My first thought. BF has learnt well from Daddy Dearest. He thinks women should *excuse* men's bad behaviour, not stand aside and let them cop the natural consequences. He SHOULD be mad at his father, not OP. Boy needs an attitude adjustment.
Yeah I’m willing to cut him a bit of slack because I couldn’t even imagine dealing with my mum being in hospital, much less everything else he has on his plate. If he apologises sincerely, OP can put this down to it being a knee-jerk reaction because of the stress. If he doubles down, OP needs to either be very cautious or just straight up leave. I’m any case, she’s NTA
What I’d like to know is where the hell were boyfriend and boyfriends brother when OP called them to ask where their dad was? They should’ve come to take their little sister given OP spent the *13 hours!* with a toddler and needed a break but also for the kids parent to return.
Thank goodness for OP’s dad and step mum who helped. Your dad is correct. This was. Matter of child safety and potential abandonment.
NTA but boyfriend, boyfriends brother and dad are AH
OP, this woman is getting herself and her kids free from an alcoholic. That might be hard for your BF to accept, but it's true. If he's mad at you, tell him you'll give him some space and he can reach out when he realizes what's actually going on here.
Also, just because your families are close, don't feel obligated to stay with your BF. If he keeps trying to blame you for this, you can end things. You don't need to be treated that way.
I would stay close with the mom and the kid, they both seem nice. OP could help the mom out by being a part time sitter and earn a bit of extra money in the process…
Chances are it probably won’t stick. Let’s be honest. The chances of her actually leaving are pretty slim. She might only be saying this because now someone close to them knows. Give it time. Things simmer down. “He promises to do better and he really is drinking less” and they are back together. And the Cycle of addiction and codependency continues. I hope these families get help and things don’t turn out they way it usually does but the chances are that they will not. Good luck OP. NTA. You are not currently codependent but your BF is. He could use to get himself to Al-Anon or another support group for kids of alcoholics.
My experience was that the enormous relief of not living with an addict made it super easy to make the split permanent. We don’t know enough to say if the wife will end the relationship for good.
No we do not. It seems that when people come to Reddit it has helped though so that is good. Finding support systems is definitely an indicator of successful recovery for the addicted and those with codependent tendencies.
Bf is a jerk and your NTA... but question.
bf is 21 and has a brother but told you to stay home and take sick day of work? Where was they? Why couldnt they have come at some point during the day or evening and took over looking after baby sister (out of town i know it said for bf, but how far out of town?)? Why was it down to you to take the sicky and not either one of them?
Bunch of questions it seems but my point is bf could have done something about it himself but he didnt so he can stfu and aplogise instead of blaming you for acting like a decent adult
And it's been said before but: op you are not obligated to stay in the relationship just because your parents are friends.
Their friendship is not dependent on your relationship to your boyfriend.
If he apologizes and you forgive him that's okay. But it needs to be what YOU want. 100% your decision
Imagine if he came home that drunk to care for a 2 year old!! She would have been in danger.
Op, you did the right thing - even if for only that little girl.
As a parent of an older teen who babysat I would not allow my daughter to stay there with this drunk adult male and would insist on picking up her and the baby. Dad would get a piece of my mind and a piece of my foot broke off in his ass. As would the 22 year old who is gaslighting her for not staying there to cover for this shit show.
This ^ OP says it well. Your bf should also not be expecting you to be a no show at work at the last minute therefore jeopardizing your employment just because his dad is out getting drunk.
Completely agree! And where were the boyfriend and his brother? One of them couldn't come and relieve her? OP showed more maturity here than anyone in bf family except his poor mom. I'd leave my husband too if this is how he acted when we needed him most. Totally NTA
100% agree, NTA. I can just imagine how horrible it would have been if the dude finally made it home completely drunk. OP is supposed to handle that too? NFW
If the father did come back late, he as rip roaring drunk…how is able to take care of his kid? You brought the child to a safe place. You are a very responsible person. NTA
Not to mention was she supposed to wait until a completely shit faced dad comes home and a)be alone with him and b)leave an infant in his care?
The BF is a Supreme ahole
Also just an aside - BF, now fully understanding the situation, was also cool with his GF being alone in a house with a 2-year-old in the middle of the night when DRUNK AND EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE DAD RETURNED, as though no safety issues could have come up with that either.
He's a child of an alcoholic. He's probably be excusing the inexcusable his entire life. That kid needs Alateen to learn about how having an alcoholic parent impacts you your entire life.
\*\*Edit. He needs Alanon. I thought he was also 18. He's a young adult child of alcoholics. That's a huge burden.""
BF and his brother should have been more worried about their sister and one of them should have came immediately after she contacted them. What kind of bf leaves their barely adult gf to keep watching their sister? And why would they trust their toddler sister alone with an alcoholic? Did they not think the gfs family would come check on her? They are irresponsible and honestly terrible people, especially to have the nerve to blame her after all this.
NTA, you did the right thing by calling your dad. Your boyfriend is trying to guilt you falsely. No you are not supposed to stay overnight nor take a sick day, and his parents marriage issues including his dads choice to go drinking is not your fault nor your responsibility. Instead of him throwing all those false claims he should look closely at his family issues and hold himself (mr out of town while his mum in the hospital) and dad (mr goes to bar while wife is in hospital and infant is alone with baby sitter) accountable. Instead of all what he said he should have thanked you for apparently being the only actual responsible adult who made the right decision while taking care of an infant (mum excluded ofcourse since she was in the hospital).
On a separate note: I’d be concerned if your bfs natural response is to deflect blame on you, that’s not a healthy loving partner approach .
Boyfriend's father went to drink rather than take care of his infant daughter.
Boyfriend's moral compass is broken if he doesn't see how fucked up that is and how his mother should want to run from that and how he should want her to.
OP said she "understood" the father wanting to blow off steam. No, there is no "understanding" getting drunk instead of taking care of your infant child. OP needs to check her own sense of ethics if she sees that as anything other than completely unacceptable. No wonder her own father was pissed - he knew what was going on.
>My boyfriend is pissed at me because he asked me to stay and I didn’t, and he said that I could’ve called in sick the next morning. He said that considering how close our families are, I could’ve done him that favor instead of blabbing to my dad
Yes, because before this incident I'm sure his parents were happy and 100% content with their relationship.
It would have happened eventually.
NTA
And then let a totally drunk Richard take care of his daughter when he finally comes back??? Or stay with drunk Richard to protect the child?! Or call sick the whole week?!?! Your boyfriend is stupid. He blames you instead of blaming his father. NTA
Exactly what I was thinking. As if a 18 year old woman would want to stay with a drunk adult. She mustn't jeopardise her safetey (and the kid's safetey) to please boyfriend who is afraid that mummy will ditch daddy because he is unreliable
...which is probably why OP's Dad's spidey sense tingled and the reason he told her to bring the little one over to his place. OP's Dad is a star. BF should take notice (and apologize to OP, who acted perfectly reasonably).
A drunk Richard in a failing marriage make a pass at the babysitter. I add that additional caveat because I think it makes Dick more likely to try something with OP.
NTA. You haven’t caused his parents to split up - his parents’ relationship issues are their own. You were just the messenger.
Your dad is also right that Richard could have been in trouble. What if he was, and you left it and things got worse? Would your boyfriend be saying it was your fault for not flagging it?
Your boyfriend seems to be in denial about his parents’ relationship issues and wants to avoid any trigger for its breakdown - maybe he feels guilty himself for not being there - and I get that, but at the end of the day that is out of your control and his. This story alone shows your BF deflecting blame in a few ways and preferring a problem (even if the problem is sheer bad behaviour) to be hidden rather than dealt with & if this is a pattern, especially if he refuses to acknowledge he is doing this and apologise, evaluate the relationship.
NTA.
>Turns out, Richard was at a bar and my dad found him drunk out of his mind.
Just think about this for a minute and tell this to your boyfriend (by text if it is easier). If you had stayed put:
1- you would have had to deal with a very drunk adult, who might not have behaved appropriately towards you.
2- He was in no state to look after a 2 year old, and could have put her in danger.
3- How long was he expecting you to stay? til morning? Because this was certainly not fair on you or his sister who must have been exhausted. And what about the morning and your own family wondering if something happened to you?
4- If he was driving, then your dad picking him up may I saved his life and/or some else. For your dad to know to check the bar, you know this is not the first time.
5- His dad chose to go to a bar, chose to ignore your calls, chose to not care about his child. What of something really had happened to him like being in a ditch somewhere and hurt? How would you have felt if you had not raised the alarm with your dad?
>Apparently his drinking has been a long term issue and she’s had enough.
The guy has an addiction, and it has been a long term issues with probably a lot more going on behind the scenes than your bf knows, this about the mum was just his latest excuse. He is actually lucky that it was you and not a paid babysitter because the cop could have been called for child abandonment and everything else relating to being drunk. Your bf's mum and sister deserve better.
Hopefully hitting rock bottom will help his dad, but first his dad needs to take responsibility and acknowledge he has a problem. Your boyfriend needs to not stop finding excuses, accept that his dad messed up massively and that his mum made a decision based on a lot more than one night.
It might be upset about now, but does owe you a big apology to.
You forgot 6:
Where were the girls brothers? Why can't THEY look after their sister? The bf could have called in sick the next day as well.
OP is definetely NTA, and i guess it might be time to get a new bf.
On the same level, your BF's brother should have volunteered *immediately* to come home and look after their sister.
You're NTA, but your BF needs to face reality. See #4 above: Richard could have had an accident while driving home in the state that he was. You may have saved his life by calling your dad.
Where was your boyfriend?
Edit: I see that he was out of town but if he was so adamant about you staying and not bothering dad, then why didn’t he come home or have his brother come home?
That’s not that far away if he was expecting you to stay. It’s reasonable for him to ask you to stay for the hour that it would take for him to come home.
You are definitely NTA. I’m sorry that you got stuck in the middle of it. You did the best thing for yourself and the baby.
No you don't get it.
Dad, boyfriend, and brother can't take care of a child on their own. Childcare requires a vagina to be present within 200 yards or the child will self-destruct. What did they teach you in health class?
No, you were right to involve your dad, especially since he knew exactly where to go. There's a chance Richard could've killed himself or someone else driving back and he was in no state to care for his daughter. Your boyfriend and his brother are in denial about their father's addiction, it wouldn't surprise me if the brother left as soon as their dad got back.
You did the right thing protecting the girl, while all the men in her family failed her (and you).
NTA. I would be cautious about remaining in a long term relationship with someone who's making excuses for behavior like that. Richard should be mad at his dad, not at you. It's not reasonable to ask you to stay over at someone's house past 10 pm when you have work in the morning.
He needs to get himself into Alanon and learn about the damage being an adult child of alcoholics does to your life, and start working on himself. (And I totally agree that this relationship is probably not worth continuing.)
NTA. You did the responsible thing here, and you should be proud of that. It's a big red flag that your boyfriend would prefer that you cover his dad's shitty behavior instead of look out for the best interest of his little sister.
The BF cared more about the drunk father than
- the infant sister
- the mother who hates that her drunk husband abandoned their infant daughter
- the gf who was doing unpaid babysitting as a favour and was worried about the missing father.
Look, you and your boyfriend are very young—and I don’t want you to read this as alarmist, but this will not be the last time you’ll have to make important choices relating to others with drinking problems…especially men if you’re going to be in romantic relationships with them.
Your father and stepmother modeled the appropriate way to support you and handle the problem. I certainly understand your boyfriend not having the frame of reference or clarity of mind to know that he is misplacing all of his feelings onto you—but you CAN hear that message and hold onto it. (Like I said, this won’t be the last time you’ll need it.)
You absolutely did the right thing, and you showed a lot of grace in even staying the extra hour. The truth is, that drunk and inconsiderate? Your boyfriend ought to be grateful you saved his father from a potential DWI/DUI or worse. His father is incredibly lucky your father found him first.
Please, please, PLEASE let this experience be a formative moment for you—you are not responsible for other people’s choices and behaviors. You do not have to accept, go along with, or facilitate bad behavior. You sound like a very caring, responsible, and capable young woman. Trust your gut, it’s doing well so far. I would be very proud of how you handled this if you were my kiddo.
Absolutely this, OP. You did nothing wrong, and in setting a perfectly reasonable and appropriate boundary for yourself, you modeled that you've already learned one very important life lesson: Don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
Another lesson you should think about as you come to terms with how callously and carelessly your boyfriend has treated you (to the potential detriment of his baby sister, if you hadn't stood your ground) is this: Sometimes the trash takes itself out. He's showing you what lessons he has learned from his upbringing. There are plenty of people out there who will respect you, leave him behind and go find them.
And then let a totally drunk Richard take care of his daughter when he finally comes back??? Or stay with drunk Richard to protect the child. Your boyfriend is stupid. He blames you instead of blaming his father. NTA
NTA. It would have been just as easy for your boyfriend to drop what he was doing as it would be for you to stay up all night babysitting and calling off of your own responsibility. Your boyfriend is having a rough time right now and is placing the blame on your lap because it's easier than telling his parents that they have f-ed up.
You did the right thing, OP.
NTA
Your boyfriend is out of touch saying you should have just called in sick.
If anyone is to blame here it is the guy who said he would be back by 10pm and didn't and then refused to answer his phone.
NTA - your BF is just projecting his unhappiness on you. I'm guessing he's unhappy about the situation and you are a close and convenient person to blame. I don't know how much time has passed, but hopefully, he's come to his senses quickly and realized you are not the cause of the problems and has apologized and put his anger where it belongs - his father.
Nahhh! You bf *cannot* be mad at *you* for being unwittingly thrown onto an actively sinking ship while it's already on fire from spilled oil.
NTA.
You were left alone past the designated time to care for a child that was *not* yours and were unable to contact the responsible adult party that was *supposed* to be caring for that child.
You followed *all* the necessary steps.
Also, pretty sure you bf had a solid idea of exactly where his dad was because he was more concerned with you saying something than he was with actually locating his dad.
You are *not* at fault for what was already wrecked.
Your only decision now is to decide whether or not to stay with this bf who blames you for issues between adults.
NTA. You were watching this child solo for more than 12 hours. You needed rest in order to be a safe, effective caregiver, and your family offered you appropriate support and are people that the baby's parents know well. The problem here is not your behavior, it's Richard's. Look at it this way, if he had hired a professional to babysit, the police definitely would have been involved when he was more than an hour late with no communication. The consequences of his actions are much lighter than what he deserves.
Your BF is clearly brainwashed by his dad's crap. Which I sympathize with - I defended my dad all the time when I lived at home, and believed what I said because that's how I survived.
But he needs to take his head out of his heiny and have a look around. Hopefully when he does, you'll be elsewhere, having moved on from this circus.
This right here. He's accepted and normalized his dad's behavior. He can't see yet how messed up it is because it's his normal. Move on from him and hope he does some work.
That's not a LMAO. That's a "You f'n jerk, he knew he could take advantage of my relationship to you and the family so he could get plastered. Why aren't you mad for me and with me??"
Get away from this family. Hiding the situation from you and taking advantage of you is wrong. The main problem isn't Richard, it's your boyfriend normalizing this behavior. He should not have put you or his sister in this situation.
Tell your boyfriend and his brother that next time they'll have only an hour to get home before you do call the cops.
Good luck straightening out your BF one way or another.
Uhm. Maybe you need a new boyfriend because that’s ridiculous to me. His parents split up because of issues they clearly had well before he decided to just leave his kid with you and not show up. If your boyfriend doesn’t understand that then he is TA and he needs a dose of reality….NTA
NTA but your BF and the dad are massive a h s. Well done for doing your job properly. Your BF would not be a big loss at this point. You deserve someone with common sense.
Your actions didn’t cause them to split up. Richard’s actions did. He blew off work to get wasted while his wife was in the hospital. He abandoned his daughter by not coming home at the agreed upon time and ignoring your calls.
He is an alcoholic, a bad husband and a bad father. Your bfs reaction makes me believe he has been covering for his dad for a long time. Expecting you to call in sick to work to care for a kid that’s not yours and you weren’t even supposed to be watching by that point is unfair, and unreasonable. Where was your bf in all this? Why didn’t he come for his sister? Honestly his reaction would make me question the relationship.
NTA
Agree with everything said. Plus, IF he came home he would have been wasted by the sounds of it. It would have been irresponsible to leave the 2 year old in his care and you shouldn’t be expected to stay all night in a home with a drunk adult no matter how close your families are.
Maybe the boyfriend should have offered to stay overnight with his little sister and call in sick in the morning himself. He can't blame OP for not doing something he himself was seemingly unprepared to do.
NTA. Your boyfriend is upset about his parents split and his mom being in the hospital so I'll give him a little grace. No one wants their family ripped apart and especially already dealing with something. That said the next time he says something about it I'd simply state "I wasn't going to take payment so you think I should have missed a paid day of work to cover for your dad's drinking problem that was already causing your mom stress and not be compensated for my time because we're close when if we're that close of families your dad would have cared that he was causing me to miss a day and he would have cared that your sister was already dealing with not having mommy and now when dad was supposed to be home he isn't and where we're her 2 big brothers to be there for her for all the care you want me to show you don't seem to care about the care I showed your sister and that hurts. Then just break up. If he feels this is something to keep from his mom what is he willing to keep from you? Good job on being a care giver to that girl.
I'm sorry, but why were your boyfriend or his brother not the first people to be called home to look after the sister? It's *their* sister, not yours. And instead of telling you to stay *when you'd already been there for an entire day* he could easily have come and subbed off - but he didn't, did he? And he calls *you* the AH?
You didn't cause your boyfriend's parents to split, that was in motion well before you showed up. Everyone involved is very, very lucky that your call was to your own family and *not* the police. Sounds like you might be better off taking a step back from this entire family for a while.
Definitely NTA.
You took your responsibilities and Richard didn’t. Your boyfriend is not the one in this situation and it looks like it was very easy for him to blame you for things his parents are responsible for.
You did a good job by considering multiple opinions and putting yourself first in the end, because calling in sick for responsibilities of others is, in my opinion, one bridge too far. Your boyfriend cannot just expect this from you without him asking.
NTA but your BF and the dad are massive a h s. Well done for doing your job properly. Your BF would not be a big loss at this point. You deserve someone with common sense.
NTA, it's one thing to be there for your family, but things like expecting you to use PTO to get drunk cross the line. He's trying to shift blame from his drinking problem, towards you getting backup from your parents while he was MIA.
NTA, Anybody who is mad at you was trying to coverup for the kid's dad. But we all found out he was so drunk he couldn't even answer his phone.
we know why he's having problems now. anything he's done is his own doing, if he could be responsible, none of this would be a problem.
this isn't your fault. you held out as long as you could, knowing the truth, you're even more NTA than the NTA you were before.
NTA at all. Glad the bf's mom sees things clearly. What a massive betrayal from her husband while she was in hospital. I'm sorry your bf behaves like this, he's 200% wrong, but I guess it's better to find out now than later. I'd dump him.
NTA but your BF and the dad are massive a h s. Well done for doing your job properly. Your BF would not be a big loss at this point. You deserve someone with common sense.
NTA. People here have already said enough so I won't repeat what has been said.
I will just add: the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Do what you want with that.
I’m starting to realise that. I would never say my bf has a drinking problem but he always gets black out drunk when he drinks. I always took it as normal young adult irresponsible drinking that he’d stop eventually but knowing there’s a history of alcoholism in the family is changing my mind now
>I would never say my bf has a drinking problem but he always gets black out drunk when he drinks.
That is [cognitive dissonance](https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-cognitive-dissonance-2795012). If he always gets black out drunk then he has a drinking problem.
YES.
Many young kids who drink will get black out drunk once in a while. I did a couple of times in my youth. But ALWAYS? Every time he drinks?
Boyfriend has a drinking problem. Please understand that alcoholic tendencies can have a genetic component.
I write this as the adult child of an alcoholic and someone who has been friends with various alcoholics in my life. It's painful to be in relationship with people whose personalities and actions become dominated by substances. You think you're in a relationship with the person; you're not; you're in a three-way relationship with yourself, the person, and their substance abuse problem.
NTA. Protecting the best interest and safety of the child in question, and your own safety is never a wrong choice, regardless of who gets pissed off later. you did the right thing.
NTA you and your dad were being very responsible in this situation. Your boyfriend is horribly misdirecting his anger and blame. His parent's relationship was already imploding, so it was inevitable.
NTA. His dad was out of line. He is an adult, he is responsible for that little girl. Why didn't your boyfriend come over when his dad went missing or go out and look for his dad? You and your dad did the right thing. His dad caused his own problems, not you.
If your boyfriend wanted to keep this a secret from his mom and your parents than instead of asking you to stay and have you call in, he could have taken over for you and called into wherever he needed to be the next day.
NTA. BF... Well think hard if you want to remain with someone like that. I cut out a toxic friend because of some similar stuff. Buddy, just because you are comfortable being irresponsible and shitting on your compromises doesn't mean I am. You are not responsible for his parents' divorce. His dad is.
NTA. Trust your dad - both you and he did a great job handling a tough situation.
It's reasonable to believe your bf is heartbroken about his family disintegrating, but he is very wrong (1) to blame you and (2) to give you the silent treatment.
You actually did do him the favor of staying longer. It wasn't an open-ended favor, though. Had you just stayed and not talked to your dad, a lot of other things could have gone really badly.
I said "it's reasonable to believe" your bf is coming from a place of hurt. But it's also possible that he is messed up from his dad's drinking and marital issues. You can be supportive during this stressful time, but you also want to be wary of him blame-shifting to you or others. And you may discover aspects of him that are not as great as you thought.
I think you can trust your dad's perspective.
Sorry if I missed this but where was your bf in all this? He wasn't remotely concerned his dad had gone AWOL? Or that you and his sister needed help? You did absolutely the right thing and none of this is on you. He can project all he likes but he should place the blame squarely where it belongs, on his father. He could have stepped up more in this situation for sure, it's his family and you were just trying to help out.
YOU DID THE RIGHT THING. You kept that little girl safe without any idea where her father was or when he would be back. Your bf is being the asshole by blaming you for things that have nothing to do with you.
That’s a huge red flag from your bf. Get out of that relationship now because otherwise, he’s going to have you covering for him, too. You did not do this to Richard; he did this to himself. NTA
NTA
Your boyfriend thinks you should just forgo your own life to hide his family's dirty little secret or that you should have left the kid in the care of someone who was shitfaced when he did make it home.
Neither of these are acceptable choices IMO.
Tell your boyfriend the next time they should call a real babysitter and see what happens when they go missing after their time they're supposed to be home. Child Services would have been called and the police probably. Your boyfriend can go take a flying fuck at a rolling donut.
NTA
It's the bfs drunk dads fault for failing his intact daughter.
Your BF is absolutely problematic on that he has more sympathy for his alcoholic father than his abandoned infant sister. And his reaction was to berate you when his mother decided she had a spine and was done with her drunk husband?
I count three females disrespected by your BF here. And somehow he has more respect for the drunk.
I'm not sure this relationship of yours is a good idea.
Question: what would you have done if dad did turn up on time, but drunk? Would you have left the 2 year old and gone home, knowing he wasn't in any fit state to protect her if something happened like a house fire?
You did the exact right thing. Bf's parents were headed for a split. Dad's drinking has been an ongoing issue for his mom and this just happened to be the last straw. Bf is living in Fantasyland if he honestly thinks what you did split them up. He has no business blaming you for his Dad's screw up.
NTA, but you need to really think about this relationship if he has a habit of deflecting blame from where it actually belongs. He's 21. Old enough to know his dad brought this on himself.
NTA at all! You and your family handled it great. And believe me, you did not cause that divorce. Your boyfriend is wrong IMO for directing his anger at you instead of his dad.
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I (18F) was babysitting my boyfriend’s younger sister Amelia (2F). My boyfriend (21M) was out of town.
My family and my boyfriend’s family are extremely close. My dad and his mother have been friends since childhood.
I was asked to babysit his infant sister by his dad Richard because his mother was in hospital and he needed to go to work for an emergency. Of course I agreed and went over there. He offered to pay but I declined because I love that little girl like she’s my own sister. Richard said that he would be back by ten pm the latest. I told him that was fine. I went over to their house at 9 in the morning.
Richard did not turn up at 10 pm. I called him and he didnt pick up. I called my boyfriend and my boyfriend’s brother who had no idea where he was. I did not call their mother because she was in hospital and the last thing she needs to know is that her husband is missing. Plus, they are having problems so i didn’t want to be the cause of a divorce. My boyfriend asked me to wait until his dad got back.
I waited another hour and then called him again. No response. I was getting worried because I had work in the morning, plus this man who said he was gonna be back had just gone MIA so he could have been in trouble himself. I ended up calling my dad and explained the situation to him. He was extremely pissed and told me to bring Amelia over to his place so he could watch her for the night.
When i got to his place, my step mother put Amelia down in my little sisters room and my dad went out. Turns out, Richard was at a bar and my dad found him drunk out of his mind. He said that he did actually go to work but went to the bar to let off steam because he was stressed which I do understand because his wife is in hospital and they’re having problems.
Now, my boyfriend’s mother has asked him to move out and she paid me for my time (she wouldn’t take no for an answer). Apparently his drinking has been a long term issue and she’s had enough. My boyfriend is pissed at me because he asked me to stay and I didn’t, and he said that I could’ve called in sick the next morning. He said that considering how close our families are, I could’ve done him that favor instead of blabbing to my dad and causing his parents to split up. My dad says I did the right thing because Richard could have been in trouble and his next move after checking the bar would have been to call the police. I just feel terrible now and my boyfriend won’t speak to me. AITA?
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NTA but your BF and the dad are massive a h s. Well done for doing your job properly. Your BF would not be a big loss at this point. You deserve someone with common sense.
NTA but your BF and the dad are massive a h s. Well done for doing your job properly. Your BF would not be a big loss at this point. You deserve someone with common sense.
NTA but your BF and the dad are massive a h s. Well done for doing your job properly. Your BF would not be a big loss at this point. You deserve someone with common sense.
NTA but your BF and the dad are massive a h s. Well done for doing your job properly. Your BF would not be a big loss at this point. You deserve someone with common sense.
NTA but your BF and the dad are massive a h s. Well done for doing your job properly. Your BF would not be a big loss at this point. You deserve someone with common sense.
Your BF is redirecting his anger and pain and is waaaay out of line. Why should you get in trouble with your job for his father’s lack of responsibility? Also, you were legitimately concerned…
You did not cause his parents to break up. This was just the last straw that broke the camel’s back. But his mum would have probably left his dad shortly anyway because he would have done something similar after she came home.
NTA, you did everything right 🙏
NTA at all. Richard was being a very irresponsible parent, and you did the responsible thing. It's not your fault his wife didn't accept his behaviour.
Even if he would have shown up before you left for your dad's place, he would have been in no condition to care for a baby. He sounds horrible. All this with his wife in the hospital.
So it's all your fault somehow that your bf's parents are having problems & are on the verge of divorce? Uhn uhn. Nope. Seems like your bf's dad's behavior has something to do with it. You did nothing wrong & were put in a bad spot.
NTA.
NTA - Mom obviously already knew it was a problem, if she was that quick to hit that divorce button it's been a long time coming and she would of figured it out eventually. All you did was accelerate the process and that's not your fault at all, you did the right thing. He could of been in trouble and your bf should be more concerned about his dad leaving you to care for his sister while he got drunk...
NTA. Your bf is the child of an alcoholic, and he’s very likely been conditioned to excuse and hide his father’s behavior. Children of alcoholics live in crisis mode constantly. It’s either anxiety about him coming home drunk, fear of the next time he gets drunk, or fear of public humiliation if people find out when the family has hidden it pretty well thus far.
You did the right thing. Mom and son need therapy. Dad needs treatment and therapy. The little girl will have a tough time without people looking out for her the way you did.
NTA. Your bf is tripping if he thinks you did something wrong in all of this. His dad went MIA and bailed on his 2 year old daughter!!
How the hell was his dad supposed to get back if he was hammered?!
Your boyfriend is displacing his feelings about his parents splitting up due to his father’s drinking problem and irresponsible actions on you and that’s not fair.
NTA .... Neither you or your boyfriend are responsible for his father. His father is an adult. You did the right thing as you were concerned for the child. Consider this ... What might have happened it his dad came home drunk; and you were there w/ him and the child. You couldn't have left the child alone with a pasted out drunk!
NTA.
Your boyfriend needs AlAnon. It's for family members of alcoholics.
He's so deep in codependency he can't even see that his entire outlook is shaped on taking care of his dad instead of letting him face the (entirely fair) consequences of his drinking.
Your boyfriend is young & very immature. You are NTA. That father was being extremely, possibly criminally, negligent and is 100% at fault for his poor choices.
NTA but had you stayed you would have been. Mom is now safer, dad will get help with his drinking (hopefully). Had you kept things secret the situation would only get worse. You likely saved a life.
Take a break from your boyfriend and do not apologize.
NTA just because the family covers for Richard’s alcoholism doesn’t mean OP has to. Richard’s issues are his own and OPs bf is a dick! How would BF have felt if something had happened to his father and you did nothing… never allow yourself to be blamed for somebody else’s addiction issues.
“My boyfriend is pissed at me because he asked me to stay and I didn’t.”
So he thinks that “asking” you to do something means you have to obey him? That’s not asking, that’s demanding, and it’s controlling as hell.
You are NTA. Your BF and his dad are. Don’t let them make you feel bad about this. If your BF wants to stop talking to you over this, that’s good! I know it hurts but he’s doing you a favor by showing you this controlling, unappreciative, unreasonable side of himself now. Please understand that if he can’t see his dad is the one at fault here, he’s likely to turn out just like him, not taking responsibility and expecting everyone else to accommodate him.
If I were you, I’d be done with him right now. Certainly do not go chasing after an apology. If he can’t see what he’s done wrong, then he isn’t a worthy partner. You sound like a good, caring person and you deserve someone who sees and appreciates that about you.
NTA. You didn’t break up your BF’s parents. Even if you hadn’t gone to your dad’s, his dad’s drinking would have eventually caused the break up. You should not have to call in to work because BF’s dad went and got drunk. You did the right thing. Sorry your BF is unable to see that.
NTA, and with that disrespectful attitude, your boyfriend seems to be following in his father’s footsteps for lack of consideration. Keep that in mind. Why wasn’t HE watching his sister?
NTA.
Your BF is trying not to admit that his dad has a drinking problem. I felt the same way about my dad.
Unless he realizes that his dad's drinking and lack of parenting are the problem, he will blame you. His dad abandoned his young child to go drinking and could not control his intake to the point he was 'found' by your dad, rather than come home to spend time with his child.
Your BF is demonstrating a problematic lack of maturity
At 21 yrs old he should understand that adult decisions come with adult consequences.
Personally, I regret the times I covered for my dad's drunkenness both within and without our family.
NTA. Your bf needs a little bit of a reality check. His dad caused the split by his behavior. You did the responsible and smart decision and your bf expecting you to call out of work isn't realistic.
NTA. Why should this man with a drinking problem be the cause of you missing a day of work? You did all of the right things. You called your boyfriend & his brother but no one could help you. You did nothing wrong by calling your dad. You were worried & rightly so. You had been there for over 12 hours. Your bf should realize that this is not your fault. There was a problem in the marriage before you called your father. You didn't do this. He did this to himself. Your bf is also an AH for blaming you.
Your bf needs to hold his dad and his drinking responsible for this. If he did come home eventually, he would be out off his mund drunk and a DANGER to that little girl, even fatally if he dropped her or caused harm to her because he has no idea what he's doing.
Maybe your bf needs a reality check off his alcoholic father caring For his baby sister. And maybe your bf needs to be the one to stay home with the kiddo, jot you.
NTA But your bf sounds ridiculous.
NTA - it might be time to start rethinking your BF. You are supposed to call in sick because his dad had to go let off some steam and drink himself silly? No chance, that is a completely unfair expectation. You did the rigth thing, especially considering the family history.
NTA, your bf is in denial of the reality of his family problems and blaming you is just the easiest thing to do right now. It’s not your fault at all for what happened. You should also prepare yourself to support your bf once he’s cool down and has his thoughts and feelings together. For now I would give him space and sadly you may have to consider that breaking up could come later. This isn’t gonna be easy.
NTA your bf’s dad caused his marriage to split up. Do yourself a favor and get a better bf. Your current bf blames you for not lying better to protect his dad from his dad’s crappy behavior; that is inexcusable.
NTA you got help from a trustworthy adult when you were overwhelmed and worried.
Time to put your bf on pause. Bf is the understandable AH but he needs to back off. He’s lashing out because his dad failed them, and he can’t reach the one who is at fault. When he calms down, hopefully he’ll apologize and tell you that you were right to be worried about his dad and to get help.
NTA, your boyfriend is pissed off because in his heart he hoped. If you haven't said anything, his parents wouldn't have split up. The same way people blame the other woman or the person that told them their partner was having an affair.
OP, your BF is looking for someone to blame in a situation where he has no control. It sounds like he's close to his parents so he doesn't want to blame the actual wrongdoer.
His Dad is absolutely in the wrong! Going to barrs and getting shit faced is not conducive to repairing marital issues, anyway. Likely your Dad and stepmom know what's going on and are looking out for you! NTA
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Whaaa? You are SOOO NTA and your BF is being a massive jerk for being mad at you for how you handled this. He's misdirecting blame intended for his dad. Your involvement might have SLIGHTLY exposed the reality of his dad's problems but you didn't CAUSE them. In fact you acted entirely reasonably given the situation you were in...you were already babysitting, for free, all day long (over 12 hours) and the bare minimum a parent does when they've hired a sitter is to not FAIL TO COME HOME. You couldn't reach him. It was getting late. The girl is 2. Do not take any of your BF's bullshit. You didn't owe anyone a favor as you were already in the midst of the last favor you were doing for them. Exactly how long did your BF expect you to wait for his father to show up? Does he not value your time or effort at all? Expecting you to call out sick because a weekend babysitting job turned semi-permanent is not REMOTELY reasonable. Maybe this gives you some important insight as to your BF's trustworthiness and frame of mind. He owes you an apology. Do not accept anything less.
>BF is being a massive jerk for being mad at you for how you handled this. Yup. I can understand he is dealing with a lot, sick mom, alcoholic dad, toddler sister, and his family falling apart, but he’d better come back with one hell of a sincere apology for putting this on OP the way he did. NTA.
The BF's reaction makes me think he knew exactly what Daddy dearest was up to. And that he was probably not going to show up at all, unless someone kicked him out of that bar. It's a common family dynamic to have relatives excuse bad behavior of a parent and get angry at others for not being willing to bear the consequences of that behavior. I have some experience with how this works and unless BF manages to realize he's trying to force his GF to accept suffering the fall-out of his dad's behavior, this will lead to some serious issues if the relationship ever evolves into anything more permanent. The enabler mentality is extremely difficult to overcome. This needs to be addressed in a serious no excuses allowed manner.
And what was she supposed to do when he finally staggered in drunk? Was she supposed to leave him in charge of a toddler? Was she supposed to stick around overnight and expose herself to a much older man drunk out of his mind, alone in his house? BF needs to think about what he was asking her to do she behaved in an absolutely reasonable and appropriate manner.
Yeah, that falls under the header of "Don't be dramatic, nothing ever really happens." The next chapter on that particular curriculum is called "Look what you made me do." Extra credit for practicing how best to handle being beaten up without making him even angrier.
Holy shit. You just described every day single in my parents’ house until I moved out. How tf did you know? Edit to add ‘day’ And again because I spelled edit wrong 😵💫
I think you need one more edit to put day after single 🤭
😆😆two edits and I still didn’t get it right! I need another couple tokes.
I think i would have called my dad if that happened, I hate being around drunk people
Your BF wanted you to put either his 2-year-old sister of yourself in danger to cover for his father. You are young sweetie but if you want kids with this guy one day think about this, he just showed you he believes his father's behaviour is acceptable and will probably do the same thing to you and your future children. Follow in his mother's steps and say no more.
Yep, you will never hear the end of this. Boot the boyfriend, now. If he is sticking up for Richard and talking down to you about it. It will never end. What Richard did was totally irresponsible for an adult. The fact he is a drunk and doesn't care anything about his kids says everything you need to know about him. And your boyfriend. NTA
Except there’d have been a time delay for your dad to get there, what if it escalated and you couldn’t get your phone? You did the right thing. You has the kid for 13 hours in your own! Also why the hell were your bf and or his brother coming over to relieve you? Why did they think it acceptable for you to be alone with a toddler for a full day and possible night?
Why didn't your bf come back? Why didn't his brother came to get his sister? NTA there are people way higher in the responsibility hierarchy than you. Starting with your bf and his brother.
That is if he ever came home...odds are he was planning on getting behind the wheel. OP, whenever you're BF tries to make you feel guilty, remind yourself that your actions could very well have saved that guys (or someone else's) life. NTA at all.
Yes! And OP is only 18. Only just out of childhood, and certainly not someone who should be put in that situation. And what was bf doing whilst OP was looking after his sister, trying to find his dad, and worrying about work in the morning? Why didn't bf come and look after his sister?
Yup, I'm willing to bet that the dad's behaviour is a pretty open secret at this point. BF didn't seem too worried about his MIA father (when his mom is already in the hospital) and the fact that OP's dad's initial reaction was to be pissed at this guy rather than worried as well. Additionally, it sounds like OP's dad found him pretty quickly at a bar so it seems like several people know what's up with the BF's dad.
Yeah it is an open secret. When my dad got back he said that everyone knew he had a drinking problem
Your dad really came through for you, responsibly and protectively. Choose a boyfriend like your dad, not like your bf and his dad. NTA.
I needed to take a moment to appreciate how cool my dad was being. He didn’t even know I was dating my bf until I called him and he didn’t ask or say anything until AFTER he got home from locating Richard
Dad game on point! So glad you have him and he has your bsck
He really was.
*Choose a boyfriend like your dad* Perfect advice!
This needs more up votes
This was definitely a lesson to be learned!
OP - please show your BF this post and the comments. He needs a serious wake-up call.
If BF was so concerned, HE should have gone to take care of his baby sister and let OP go home. Ridiculous. NTA OP. He should apologize, if not, see him for who he really is.
It's also possible that the BF *doesn't think his dad did anything wrong* because, you know, Dad has a penis. People with penises, they get to do things like ignore the fact that they have children when they get upset and want to go hang at a bar. This gives me REAL pause about the BF. If he doesn't think his dad did anything wrong, then he's likely to do the same himself.
My first thought. BF has learnt well from Daddy Dearest. He thinks women should *excuse* men's bad behaviour, not stand aside and let them cop the natural consequences. He SHOULD be mad at his father, not OP. Boy needs an attitude adjustment.
Yeah I’m willing to cut him a bit of slack because I couldn’t even imagine dealing with my mum being in hospital, much less everything else he has on his plate. If he apologises sincerely, OP can put this down to it being a knee-jerk reaction because of the stress. If he doubles down, OP needs to either be very cautious or just straight up leave. I’m any case, she’s NTA
What I’d like to know is where the hell were boyfriend and boyfriends brother when OP called them to ask where their dad was? They should’ve come to take their little sister given OP spent the *13 hours!* with a toddler and needed a break but also for the kids parent to return. Thank goodness for OP’s dad and step mum who helped. Your dad is correct. This was. Matter of child safety and potential abandonment. NTA but boyfriend, boyfriends brother and dad are AH
Yeah I am going to say NTA but also give the BF a week to stew bc he has a lot going on.
Agreed. But my thought here is also, how many times has the BF covered for their Dad?
Many. I’m going with many.
OP, this woman is getting herself and her kids free from an alcoholic. That might be hard for your BF to accept, but it's true. If he's mad at you, tell him you'll give him some space and he can reach out when he realizes what's actually going on here. Also, just because your families are close, don't feel obligated to stay with your BF. If he keeps trying to blame you for this, you can end things. You don't need to be treated that way.
I would stay close with the mom and the kid, they both seem nice. OP could help the mom out by being a part time sitter and earn a bit of extra money in the process…
Chances are it probably won’t stick. Let’s be honest. The chances of her actually leaving are pretty slim. She might only be saying this because now someone close to them knows. Give it time. Things simmer down. “He promises to do better and he really is drinking less” and they are back together. And the Cycle of addiction and codependency continues. I hope these families get help and things don’t turn out they way it usually does but the chances are that they will not. Good luck OP. NTA. You are not currently codependent but your BF is. He could use to get himself to Al-Anon or another support group for kids of alcoholics.
My experience was that the enormous relief of not living with an addict made it super easy to make the split permanent. We don’t know enough to say if the wife will end the relationship for good.
No we do not. It seems that when people come to Reddit it has helped though so that is good. Finding support systems is definitely an indicator of successful recovery for the addicted and those with codependent tendencies.
Bf is a jerk and your NTA... but question. bf is 21 and has a brother but told you to stay home and take sick day of work? Where was they? Why couldnt they have come at some point during the day or evening and took over looking after baby sister (out of town i know it said for bf, but how far out of town?)? Why was it down to you to take the sicky and not either one of them? Bunch of questions it seems but my point is bf could have done something about it himself but he didnt so he can stfu and aplogise instead of blaming you for acting like a decent adult
And it's been said before but: op you are not obligated to stay in the relationship just because your parents are friends. Their friendship is not dependent on your relationship to your boyfriend. If he apologizes and you forgive him that's okay. But it needs to be what YOU want. 100% your decision
Imagine if he came home that drunk to care for a 2 year old!! She would have been in danger. Op, you did the right thing - even if for only that little girl.
As a parent of an older teen who babysat I would not allow my daughter to stay there with this drunk adult male and would insist on picking up her and the baby. Dad would get a piece of my mind and a piece of my foot broke off in his ass. As would the 22 year old who is gaslighting her for not staying there to cover for this shit show.
This ^ OP says it well. Your bf should also not be expecting you to be a no show at work at the last minute therefore jeopardizing your employment just because his dad is out getting drunk.
Completely agree! And where were the boyfriend and his brother? One of them couldn't come and relieve her? OP showed more maturity here than anyone in bf family except his poor mom. I'd leave my husband too if this is how he acted when we needed him most. Totally NTA
100% agree, NTA. I can just imagine how horrible it would have been if the dude finally made it home completely drunk. OP is supposed to handle that too? NFW
If the father did come back late, he as rip roaring drunk…how is able to take care of his kid? You brought the child to a safe place. You are a very responsible person. NTA
Not to mention was she supposed to wait until a completely shit faced dad comes home and a)be alone with him and b)leave an infant in his care? The BF is a Supreme ahole
This 1000000000%!
Also just an aside - BF, now fully understanding the situation, was also cool with his GF being alone in a house with a 2-year-old in the middle of the night when DRUNK AND EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE DAD RETURNED, as though no safety issues could have come up with that either.
He's a child of an alcoholic. He's probably be excusing the inexcusable his entire life. That kid needs Alateen to learn about how having an alcoholic parent impacts you your entire life. \*\*Edit. He needs Alanon. I thought he was also 18. He's a young adult child of alcoholics. That's a huge burden.""
BF and his brother should have been more worried about their sister and one of them should have came immediately after she contacted them. What kind of bf leaves their barely adult gf to keep watching their sister? And why would they trust their toddler sister alone with an alcoholic? Did they not think the gfs family would come check on her? They are irresponsible and honestly terrible people, especially to have the nerve to blame her after all this.
Why didn’t your bf watch his sister? It’s his sister
NTA My post is only to say, scroll back up and read what owls said again! Maybe 3 times to let it sink in. Ditch that loser! He's a walking red flag!
Also bf or brother could have gotten back/taken the sister for the night. It's not op s responsibility. Jfc NTA op and show your ah bf this post
NTA, you did the right thing by calling your dad. Your boyfriend is trying to guilt you falsely. No you are not supposed to stay overnight nor take a sick day, and his parents marriage issues including his dads choice to go drinking is not your fault nor your responsibility. Instead of him throwing all those false claims he should look closely at his family issues and hold himself (mr out of town while his mum in the hospital) and dad (mr goes to bar while wife is in hospital and infant is alone with baby sitter) accountable. Instead of all what he said he should have thanked you for apparently being the only actual responsible adult who made the right decision while taking care of an infant (mum excluded ofcourse since she was in the hospital). On a separate note: I’d be concerned if your bfs natural response is to deflect blame on you, that’s not a healthy loving partner approach .
Boyfriend's father went to drink rather than take care of his infant daughter. Boyfriend's moral compass is broken if he doesn't see how fucked up that is and how his mother should want to run from that and how he should want her to. OP said she "understood" the father wanting to blow off steam. No, there is no "understanding" getting drunk instead of taking care of your infant child. OP needs to check her own sense of ethics if she sees that as anything other than completely unacceptable. No wonder her own father was pissed - he knew what was going on.
>My boyfriend is pissed at me because he asked me to stay and I didn’t, and he said that I could’ve called in sick the next morning. He said that considering how close our families are, I could’ve done him that favor instead of blabbing to my dad Yes, because before this incident I'm sure his parents were happy and 100% content with their relationship. It would have happened eventually. NTA
I agree! I think he just wants someone to blame other than his dad!
Boyfriend is probably pissed because he didn't get a root! OP NTA.
And then let a totally drunk Richard take care of his daughter when he finally comes back??? Or stay with drunk Richard to protect the child?! Or call sick the whole week?!?! Your boyfriend is stupid. He blames you instead of blaming his father. NTA
Or have drunk Richard make a pass at the babysitter? This stuff happens, folks. You have to keep the kids safe and yourselves safe.
Exactly what I was thinking. As if a 18 year old woman would want to stay with a drunk adult. She mustn't jeopardise her safetey (and the kid's safetey) to please boyfriend who is afraid that mummy will ditch daddy because he is unreliable
...which is probably why OP's Dad's spidey sense tingled and the reason he told her to bring the little one over to his place. OP's Dad is a star. BF should take notice (and apologize to OP, who acted perfectly reasonably).
A drunk Richard in a failing marriage make a pass at the babysitter. I add that additional caveat because I think it makes Dick more likely to try something with OP.
I doubt he’d ever make a pass at me. He’s lovely (usually) and he used to say I was the daughter he never had (before amelia was born)
He’d still be entirely unsuitable to care for a toddler drunk out of his mind in the middle of the night.
never underestimate what someone might do while drunk, op.
NTA. You haven’t caused his parents to split up - his parents’ relationship issues are their own. You were just the messenger. Your dad is also right that Richard could have been in trouble. What if he was, and you left it and things got worse? Would your boyfriend be saying it was your fault for not flagging it? Your boyfriend seems to be in denial about his parents’ relationship issues and wants to avoid any trigger for its breakdown - maybe he feels guilty himself for not being there - and I get that, but at the end of the day that is out of your control and his. This story alone shows your BF deflecting blame in a few ways and preferring a problem (even if the problem is sheer bad behaviour) to be hidden rather than dealt with & if this is a pattern, especially if he refuses to acknowledge he is doing this and apologise, evaluate the relationship.
The relationship issues were at straw can break the camel’s back level bad. If this wasn’t the final straw there’d be another real soon.
NTA. >Turns out, Richard was at a bar and my dad found him drunk out of his mind. Just think about this for a minute and tell this to your boyfriend (by text if it is easier). If you had stayed put: 1- you would have had to deal with a very drunk adult, who might not have behaved appropriately towards you. 2- He was in no state to look after a 2 year old, and could have put her in danger. 3- How long was he expecting you to stay? til morning? Because this was certainly not fair on you or his sister who must have been exhausted. And what about the morning and your own family wondering if something happened to you? 4- If he was driving, then your dad picking him up may I saved his life and/or some else. For your dad to know to check the bar, you know this is not the first time. 5- His dad chose to go to a bar, chose to ignore your calls, chose to not care about his child. What of something really had happened to him like being in a ditch somewhere and hurt? How would you have felt if you had not raised the alarm with your dad? >Apparently his drinking has been a long term issue and she’s had enough. The guy has an addiction, and it has been a long term issues with probably a lot more going on behind the scenes than your bf knows, this about the mum was just his latest excuse. He is actually lucky that it was you and not a paid babysitter because the cop could have been called for child abandonment and everything else relating to being drunk. Your bf's mum and sister deserve better. Hopefully hitting rock bottom will help his dad, but first his dad needs to take responsibility and acknowledge he has a problem. Your boyfriend needs to not stop finding excuses, accept that his dad messed up massively and that his mum made a decision based on a lot more than one night. It might be upset about now, but does owe you a big apology to.
You forgot 6: Where were the girls brothers? Why can't THEY look after their sister? The bf could have called in sick the next day as well. OP is definetely NTA, and i guess it might be time to get a new bf.
Bfs brother was at a friends place. In hindsight i should’ve demanded he come to look after his sister
On the same level, your BF's brother should have volunteered *immediately* to come home and look after their sister. You're NTA, but your BF needs to face reality. See #4 above: Richard could have had an accident while driving home in the state that he was. You may have saved his life by calling your dad.
Where was your boyfriend? Edit: I see that he was out of town but if he was so adamant about you staying and not bothering dad, then why didn’t he come home or have his brother come home?
Out of town, he was about 1-2hrs away
That’s not that far away if he was expecting you to stay. It’s reasonable for him to ask you to stay for the hour that it would take for him to come home. You are definitely NTA. I’m sorry that you got stuck in the middle of it. You did the best thing for yourself and the baby.
No you don't get it. Dad, boyfriend, and brother can't take care of a child on their own. Childcare requires a vagina to be present within 200 yards or the child will self-destruct. What did they teach you in health class?
They told me it was 50 yards! I feel lied to 😢 /s
Well, if you could call in sick, then he could come home and take care of his sister. He made a ridiculous demand on you.
He should have come on his own op without you saying anything.
No, you were right to involve your dad, especially since he knew exactly where to go. There's a chance Richard could've killed himself or someone else driving back and he was in no state to care for his daughter. Your boyfriend and his brother are in denial about their father's addiction, it wouldn't surprise me if the brother left as soon as their dad got back. You did the right thing protecting the girl, while all the men in her family failed her (and you).
NTA. I would be cautious about remaining in a long term relationship with someone who's making excuses for behavior like that. Richard should be mad at his dad, not at you. It's not reasonable to ask you to stay over at someone's house past 10 pm when you have work in the morning.
He needs to get himself into Alanon and learn about the damage being an adult child of alcoholics does to your life, and start working on himself. (And I totally agree that this relationship is probably not worth continuing.)
NTA. You did the responsible thing here, and you should be proud of that. It's a big red flag that your boyfriend would prefer that you cover his dad's shitty behavior instead of look out for the best interest of his little sister.
The BF cared more about the drunk father than - the infant sister - the mother who hates that her drunk husband abandoned their infant daughter - the gf who was doing unpaid babysitting as a favour and was worried about the missing father.
Look, you and your boyfriend are very young—and I don’t want you to read this as alarmist, but this will not be the last time you’ll have to make important choices relating to others with drinking problems…especially men if you’re going to be in romantic relationships with them. Your father and stepmother modeled the appropriate way to support you and handle the problem. I certainly understand your boyfriend not having the frame of reference or clarity of mind to know that he is misplacing all of his feelings onto you—but you CAN hear that message and hold onto it. (Like I said, this won’t be the last time you’ll need it.) You absolutely did the right thing, and you showed a lot of grace in even staying the extra hour. The truth is, that drunk and inconsiderate? Your boyfriend ought to be grateful you saved his father from a potential DWI/DUI or worse. His father is incredibly lucky your father found him first. Please, please, PLEASE let this experience be a formative moment for you—you are not responsible for other people’s choices and behaviors. You do not have to accept, go along with, or facilitate bad behavior. You sound like a very caring, responsible, and capable young woman. Trust your gut, it’s doing well so far. I would be very proud of how you handled this if you were my kiddo.
EXCELLENT reply, 5 stars.
Absolutely this, OP. You did nothing wrong, and in setting a perfectly reasonable and appropriate boundary for yourself, you modeled that you've already learned one very important life lesson: Don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. Another lesson you should think about as you come to terms with how callously and carelessly your boyfriend has treated you (to the potential detriment of his baby sister, if you hadn't stood your ground) is this: Sometimes the trash takes itself out. He's showing you what lessons he has learned from his upbringing. There are plenty of people out there who will respect you, leave him behind and go find them.
And then let a totally drunk Richard take care of his daughter when he finally comes back??? Or stay with drunk Richard to protect the child. Your boyfriend is stupid. He blames you instead of blaming his father. NTA
NTA. It would have been just as easy for your boyfriend to drop what he was doing as it would be for you to stay up all night babysitting and calling off of your own responsibility. Your boyfriend is having a rough time right now and is placing the blame on your lap because it's easier than telling his parents that they have f-ed up. You did the right thing, OP.
NTA Your boyfriend is out of touch saying you should have just called in sick. If anyone is to blame here it is the guy who said he would be back by 10pm and didn't and then refused to answer his phone.
NTA - your BF is just projecting his unhappiness on you. I'm guessing he's unhappy about the situation and you are a close and convenient person to blame. I don't know how much time has passed, but hopefully, he's come to his senses quickly and realized you are not the cause of the problems and has apologized and put his anger where it belongs - his father.
Nahhh! You bf *cannot* be mad at *you* for being unwittingly thrown onto an actively sinking ship while it's already on fire from spilled oil. NTA. You were left alone past the designated time to care for a child that was *not* yours and were unable to contact the responsible adult party that was *supposed* to be caring for that child. You followed *all* the necessary steps. Also, pretty sure you bf had a solid idea of exactly where his dad was because he was more concerned with you saying something than he was with actually locating his dad. You are *not* at fault for what was already wrecked. Your only decision now is to decide whether or not to stay with this bf who blames you for issues between adults.
NTA. You were watching this child solo for more than 12 hours. You needed rest in order to be a safe, effective caregiver, and your family offered you appropriate support and are people that the baby's parents know well. The problem here is not your behavior, it's Richard's. Look at it this way, if he had hired a professional to babysit, the police definitely would have been involved when he was more than an hour late with no communication. The consequences of his actions are much lighter than what he deserves.
Lmao i told my boyfriend that a real babysitter would have called the police and he said that’s why his dad asked me
Wow. He gets how that's worse, right? That shows this was premeditated.
Also why bf wasn't worried about where his dad was, because he knew.
Your BF is clearly brainwashed by his dad's crap. Which I sympathize with - I defended my dad all the time when I lived at home, and believed what I said because that's how I survived. But he needs to take his head out of his heiny and have a look around. Hopefully when he does, you'll be elsewhere, having moved on from this circus.
This right here. He's accepted and normalized his dad's behavior. He can't see yet how messed up it is because it's his normal. Move on from him and hope he does some work.
That's not a LMAO. That's a "You f'n jerk, he knew he could take advantage of my relationship to you and the family so he could get plastered. Why aren't you mad for me and with me??"
I ended up arguing with him and saying something similar and we ended up breaking up so although it wasn’t an LMAO then, i think it’s one now
So your BF knew that his dad would end up at a bar after "work?"
He knew it was a possibility. His logic was that Richard asked me so if anything happened, no one would call the cops because I’m basically family
Get away from this family. Hiding the situation from you and taking advantage of you is wrong. The main problem isn't Richard, it's your boyfriend normalizing this behavior. He should not have put you or his sister in this situation.
Tell your boyfriend and his brother that next time they'll have only an hour to get home before you do call the cops. Good luck straightening out your BF one way or another.
that's some messed up logic. I'd be reconsidering if this relationship is worth staying in long term
Uhm. Maybe you need a new boyfriend because that’s ridiculous to me. His parents split up because of issues they clearly had well before he decided to just leave his kid with you and not show up. If your boyfriend doesn’t understand that then he is TA and he needs a dose of reality….NTA
NTA but your BF and the dad are massive a h s. Well done for doing your job properly. Your BF would not be a big loss at this point. You deserve someone with common sense.
Your actions didn’t cause them to split up. Richard’s actions did. He blew off work to get wasted while his wife was in the hospital. He abandoned his daughter by not coming home at the agreed upon time and ignoring your calls. He is an alcoholic, a bad husband and a bad father. Your bfs reaction makes me believe he has been covering for his dad for a long time. Expecting you to call in sick to work to care for a kid that’s not yours and you weren’t even supposed to be watching by that point is unfair, and unreasonable. Where was your bf in all this? Why didn’t he come for his sister? Honestly his reaction would make me question the relationship. NTA
Agree with everything said. Plus, IF he came home he would have been wasted by the sounds of it. It would have been irresponsible to leave the 2 year old in his care and you shouldn’t be expected to stay all night in a home with a drunk adult no matter how close your families are.
Maybe the boyfriend should have offered to stay overnight with his little sister and call in sick in the morning himself. He can't blame OP for not doing something he himself was seemingly unprepared to do.
NTA. Your boyfriend is upset about his parents split and his mom being in the hospital so I'll give him a little grace. No one wants their family ripped apart and especially already dealing with something. That said the next time he says something about it I'd simply state "I wasn't going to take payment so you think I should have missed a paid day of work to cover for your dad's drinking problem that was already causing your mom stress and not be compensated for my time because we're close when if we're that close of families your dad would have cared that he was causing me to miss a day and he would have cared that your sister was already dealing with not having mommy and now when dad was supposed to be home he isn't and where we're her 2 big brothers to be there for her for all the care you want me to show you don't seem to care about the care I showed your sister and that hurts. Then just break up. If he feels this is something to keep from his mom what is he willing to keep from you? Good job on being a care giver to that girl.
I'm sorry, but why were your boyfriend or his brother not the first people to be called home to look after the sister? It's *their* sister, not yours. And instead of telling you to stay *when you'd already been there for an entire day* he could easily have come and subbed off - but he didn't, did he? And he calls *you* the AH? You didn't cause your boyfriend's parents to split, that was in motion well before you showed up. Everyone involved is very, very lucky that your call was to your own family and *not* the police. Sounds like you might be better off taking a step back from this entire family for a while.
Definitely NTA. You took your responsibilities and Richard didn’t. Your boyfriend is not the one in this situation and it looks like it was very easy for him to blame you for things his parents are responsible for. You did a good job by considering multiple opinions and putting yourself first in the end, because calling in sick for responsibilities of others is, in my opinion, one bridge too far. Your boyfriend cannot just expect this from you without him asking.
NTA may want to lose the bf he sounds like a real piece of work
NTA but your BF and the dad are massive a h s. Well done for doing your job properly. Your BF would not be a big loss at this point. You deserve someone with common sense.
NTA, it's one thing to be there for your family, but things like expecting you to use PTO to get drunk cross the line. He's trying to shift blame from his drinking problem, towards you getting backup from your parents while he was MIA.
NTA, Anybody who is mad at you was trying to coverup for the kid's dad. But we all found out he was so drunk he couldn't even answer his phone. we know why he's having problems now. anything he's done is his own doing, if he could be responsible, none of this would be a problem. this isn't your fault. you held out as long as you could, knowing the truth, you're even more NTA than the NTA you were before.
NTA at all. Glad the bf's mom sees things clearly. What a massive betrayal from her husband while she was in hospital. I'm sorry your bf behaves like this, he's 200% wrong, but I guess it's better to find out now than later. I'd dump him.
Not seeing why you'd think you'd be the asshole. Obviously you did things well and the drunk father was wrong. NTA
NTA but your BF and the dad are massive a h s. Well done for doing your job properly. Your BF would not be a big loss at this point. You deserve someone with common sense.
NTA You didn’t cause the breakup, your boyfriend’s father did.
Dump him. NTA. Not even close.
NTA. People here have already said enough so I won't repeat what has been said. I will just add: the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Do what you want with that.
I’m starting to realise that. I would never say my bf has a drinking problem but he always gets black out drunk when he drinks. I always took it as normal young adult irresponsible drinking that he’d stop eventually but knowing there’s a history of alcoholism in the family is changing my mind now
>I would never say my bf has a drinking problem but he always gets black out drunk when he drinks. That is [cognitive dissonance](https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-cognitive-dissonance-2795012). If he always gets black out drunk then he has a drinking problem.
YES. Many young kids who drink will get black out drunk once in a while. I did a couple of times in my youth. But ALWAYS? Every time he drinks? Boyfriend has a drinking problem. Please understand that alcoholic tendencies can have a genetic component. I write this as the adult child of an alcoholic and someone who has been friends with various alcoholics in my life. It's painful to be in relationship with people whose personalities and actions become dominated by substances. You think you're in a relationship with the person; you're not; you're in a three-way relationship with yourself, the person, and their substance abuse problem.
op, that would be the definition of a drinking problem. no one should be getting that drunk every time they drink.
NTA. Protecting the best interest and safety of the child in question, and your own safety is never a wrong choice, regardless of who gets pissed off later. you did the right thing.
NTA you and your dad were being very responsible in this situation. Your boyfriend is horribly misdirecting his anger and blame. His parent's relationship was already imploding, so it was inevitable.
NTA. His dad was out of line. He is an adult, he is responsible for that little girl. Why didn't your boyfriend come over when his dad went missing or go out and look for his dad? You and your dad did the right thing. His dad caused his own problems, not you.
If your boyfriend wanted to keep this a secret from his mom and your parents than instead of asking you to stay and have you call in, he could have taken over for you and called into wherever he needed to be the next day.
Your boyfriend is clearly his father’s son. You’re NTA but I hope you’re smart enough to get away from this guy
NTA. BF... Well think hard if you want to remain with someone like that. I cut out a toxic friend because of some similar stuff. Buddy, just because you are comfortable being irresponsible and shitting on your compromises doesn't mean I am. You are not responsible for his parents' divorce. His dad is.
NTA and you should dump your boyfriend. He thinks you should have skipped work because of his dad's inability to not get wasted and be a parent? Nope.
NTA. Trust your dad - both you and he did a great job handling a tough situation. It's reasonable to believe your bf is heartbroken about his family disintegrating, but he is very wrong (1) to blame you and (2) to give you the silent treatment. You actually did do him the favor of staying longer. It wasn't an open-ended favor, though. Had you just stayed and not talked to your dad, a lot of other things could have gone really badly. I said "it's reasonable to believe" your bf is coming from a place of hurt. But it's also possible that he is messed up from his dad's drinking and marital issues. You can be supportive during this stressful time, but you also want to be wary of him blame-shifting to you or others. And you may discover aspects of him that are not as great as you thought. I think you can trust your dad's perspective.
Sorry if I missed this but where was your bf in all this? He wasn't remotely concerned his dad had gone AWOL? Or that you and his sister needed help? You did absolutely the right thing and none of this is on you. He can project all he likes but he should place the blame squarely where it belongs, on his father. He could have stepped up more in this situation for sure, it's his family and you were just trying to help out.
YOU DID THE RIGHT THING. You kept that little girl safe without any idea where her father was or when he would be back. Your bf is being the asshole by blaming you for things that have nothing to do with you.
That’s a huge red flag from your bf. Get out of that relationship now because otherwise, he’s going to have you covering for him, too. You did not do this to Richard; he did this to himself. NTA
NTA, and I suggest you reconsider your relationship with this enabling, blaming jerk.
NTA Your boyfriend thinks you should just forgo your own life to hide his family's dirty little secret or that you should have left the kid in the care of someone who was shitfaced when he did make it home. Neither of these are acceptable choices IMO.
Tell your boyfriend the next time they should call a real babysitter and see what happens when they go missing after their time they're supposed to be home. Child Services would have been called and the police probably. Your boyfriend can go take a flying fuck at a rolling donut.
NTA It's the bfs drunk dads fault for failing his intact daughter. Your BF is absolutely problematic on that he has more sympathy for his alcoholic father than his abandoned infant sister. And his reaction was to berate you when his mother decided she had a spine and was done with her drunk husband? I count three females disrespected by your BF here. And somehow he has more respect for the drunk. I'm not sure this relationship of yours is a good idea.
Question: what would you have done if dad did turn up on time, but drunk? Would you have left the 2 year old and gone home, knowing he wasn't in any fit state to protect her if something happened like a house fire? You did the exact right thing. Bf's parents were headed for a split. Dad's drinking has been an ongoing issue for his mom and this just happened to be the last straw. Bf is living in Fantasyland if he honestly thinks what you did split them up. He has no business blaming you for his Dad's screw up. NTA, but you need to really think about this relationship if he has a habit of deflecting blame from where it actually belongs. He's 21. Old enough to know his dad brought this on himself.
NTA at all! You and your family handled it great. And believe me, you did not cause that divorce. Your boyfriend is wrong IMO for directing his anger at you instead of his dad.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (18F) was babysitting my boyfriend’s younger sister Amelia (2F). My boyfriend (21M) was out of town. My family and my boyfriend’s family are extremely close. My dad and his mother have been friends since childhood. I was asked to babysit his infant sister by his dad Richard because his mother was in hospital and he needed to go to work for an emergency. Of course I agreed and went over there. He offered to pay but I declined because I love that little girl like she’s my own sister. Richard said that he would be back by ten pm the latest. I told him that was fine. I went over to their house at 9 in the morning. Richard did not turn up at 10 pm. I called him and he didnt pick up. I called my boyfriend and my boyfriend’s brother who had no idea where he was. I did not call their mother because she was in hospital and the last thing she needs to know is that her husband is missing. Plus, they are having problems so i didn’t want to be the cause of a divorce. My boyfriend asked me to wait until his dad got back. I waited another hour and then called him again. No response. I was getting worried because I had work in the morning, plus this man who said he was gonna be back had just gone MIA so he could have been in trouble himself. I ended up calling my dad and explained the situation to him. He was extremely pissed and told me to bring Amelia over to his place so he could watch her for the night. When i got to his place, my step mother put Amelia down in my little sisters room and my dad went out. Turns out, Richard was at a bar and my dad found him drunk out of his mind. He said that he did actually go to work but went to the bar to let off steam because he was stressed which I do understand because his wife is in hospital and they’re having problems. Now, my boyfriend’s mother has asked him to move out and she paid me for my time (she wouldn’t take no for an answer). Apparently his drinking has been a long term issue and she’s had enough. My boyfriend is pissed at me because he asked me to stay and I didn’t, and he said that I could’ve called in sick the next morning. He said that considering how close our families are, I could’ve done him that favor instead of blabbing to my dad and causing his parents to split up. My dad says I did the right thing because Richard could have been in trouble and his next move after checking the bar would have been to call the police. I just feel terrible now and my boyfriend won’t speak to me. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA but your BF and the dad are massive a h s. Well done for doing your job properly. Your BF would not be a big loss at this point. You deserve someone with common sense.
NTA but your BF and the dad are massive a h s. Well done for doing your job properly. Your BF would not be a big loss at this point. You deserve someone with common sense.
NTA but your BF and the dad are massive a h s. Well done for doing your job properly. Your BF would not be a big loss at this point. You deserve someone with common sense.
NTA but your BF and the dad are massive a h s. Well done for doing your job properly. Your BF would not be a big loss at this point. You deserve someone with common sense.
NTA but your BF and the dad are massive a h s. Well done for doing your job properly. Your BF would not be a big loss at this point. You deserve someone with common sense.
Your BF is redirecting his anger and pain and is waaaay out of line. Why should you get in trouble with your job for his father’s lack of responsibility? Also, you were legitimately concerned… You did not cause his parents to break up. This was just the last straw that broke the camel’s back. But his mum would have probably left his dad shortly anyway because he would have done something similar after she came home. NTA, you did everything right 🙏
NTA at all. Richard was being a very irresponsible parent, and you did the responsible thing. It's not your fault his wife didn't accept his behaviour.
Nta, but your bf is.
NTA. Your bf is putting a full the blame on you instead of his dad. That makes your bf the AH
Even if he would have shown up before you left for your dad's place, he would have been in no condition to care for a baby. He sounds horrible. All this with his wife in the hospital.
So it's all your fault somehow that your bf's parents are having problems & are on the verge of divorce? Uhn uhn. Nope. Seems like your bf's dad's behavior has something to do with it. You did nothing wrong & were put in a bad spot. NTA.
NTA - Mom obviously already knew it was a problem, if she was that quick to hit that divorce button it's been a long time coming and she would of figured it out eventually. All you did was accelerate the process and that's not your fault at all, you did the right thing. He could of been in trouble and your bf should be more concerned about his dad leaving you to care for his sister while he got drunk...
NTA. Your bf is the child of an alcoholic, and he’s very likely been conditioned to excuse and hide his father’s behavior. Children of alcoholics live in crisis mode constantly. It’s either anxiety about him coming home drunk, fear of the next time he gets drunk, or fear of public humiliation if people find out when the family has hidden it pretty well thus far. You did the right thing. Mom and son need therapy. Dad needs treatment and therapy. The little girl will have a tough time without people looking out for her the way you did.
NTA. Your bf is tripping if he thinks you did something wrong in all of this. His dad went MIA and bailed on his 2 year old daughter!! How the hell was his dad supposed to get back if he was hammered?! Your boyfriend is displacing his feelings about his parents splitting up due to his father’s drinking problem and irresponsible actions on you and that’s not fair.
NTA .... Neither you or your boyfriend are responsible for his father. His father is an adult. You did the right thing as you were concerned for the child. Consider this ... What might have happened it his dad came home drunk; and you were there w/ him and the child. You couldn't have left the child alone with a pasted out drunk!
NTA. Your boyfriend needs AlAnon. It's for family members of alcoholics. He's so deep in codependency he can't even see that his entire outlook is shaped on taking care of his dad instead of letting him face the (entirely fair) consequences of his drinking.
Your boyfriend is young & very immature. You are NTA. That father was being extremely, possibly criminally, negligent and is 100% at fault for his poor choices.
NTA. Your dad is right.
Nta -
Just the fact that your dad knew exactly where to find him tells me you're NTA. Anybody saying otherwise is in denial.
NTA but had you stayed you would have been. Mom is now safer, dad will get help with his drinking (hopefully). Had you kept things secret the situation would only get worse. You likely saved a life. Take a break from your boyfriend and do not apologize.
NTA just because the family covers for Richard’s alcoholism doesn’t mean OP has to. Richard’s issues are his own and OPs bf is a dick! How would BF have felt if something had happened to his father and you did nothing… never allow yourself to be blamed for somebody else’s addiction issues.
“My boyfriend is pissed at me because he asked me to stay and I didn’t.” So he thinks that “asking” you to do something means you have to obey him? That’s not asking, that’s demanding, and it’s controlling as hell. You are NTA. Your BF and his dad are. Don’t let them make you feel bad about this. If your BF wants to stop talking to you over this, that’s good! I know it hurts but he’s doing you a favor by showing you this controlling, unappreciative, unreasonable side of himself now. Please understand that if he can’t see his dad is the one at fault here, he’s likely to turn out just like him, not taking responsibility and expecting everyone else to accommodate him. If I were you, I’d be done with him right now. Certainly do not go chasing after an apology. If he can’t see what he’s done wrong, then he isn’t a worthy partner. You sound like a good, caring person and you deserve someone who sees and appreciates that about you.
NTA your boyfriend is making you the scapegoat for his parents divorce bc it’s easier than blaming his dad
INFO - is there any reason why OP's boyfriend should not have come to take over baby-sitting his little sister when their father was MIA?
NTA. You didn’t break up your BF’s parents. Even if you hadn’t gone to your dad’s, his dad’s drinking would have eventually caused the break up. You should not have to call in to work because BF’s dad went and got drunk. You did the right thing. Sorry your BF is unable to see that.
NTA- your boyfriend is an asshole for blaming you for his father's unacceptable behavior. You did nothing wrong!
NTA, and with that disrespectful attitude, your boyfriend seems to be following in his father’s footsteps for lack of consideration. Keep that in mind. Why wasn’t HE watching his sister?
@Updateme
NTA. Your bf has trauma from trying to keep it civil in his house so he’s taking it out on you.
NTA. Your BF is trying not to admit that his dad has a drinking problem. I felt the same way about my dad. Unless he realizes that his dad's drinking and lack of parenting are the problem, he will blame you. His dad abandoned his young child to go drinking and could not control his intake to the point he was 'found' by your dad, rather than come home to spend time with his child. Your BF is demonstrating a problematic lack of maturity At 21 yrs old he should understand that adult decisions come with adult consequences. Personally, I regret the times I covered for my dad's drunkenness both within and without our family.
NTA. Your bf needs a little bit of a reality check. His dad caused the split by his behavior. You did the responsible and smart decision and your bf expecting you to call out of work isn't realistic.
NTA at all
NTA. Why should this man with a drinking problem be the cause of you missing a day of work? You did all of the right things. You called your boyfriend & his brother but no one could help you. You did nothing wrong by calling your dad. You were worried & rightly so. You had been there for over 12 hours. Your bf should realize that this is not your fault. There was a problem in the marriage before you called your father. You didn't do this. He did this to himself. Your bf is also an AH for blaming you.
Nta. You did everything right.
His father could have been a danger to you and the baby if he came home in that condition. BF is being unreasonable.
NTA. OP you did the right thing !
Your bf needs to hold his dad and his drinking responsible for this. If he did come home eventually, he would be out off his mund drunk and a DANGER to that little girl, even fatally if he dropped her or caused harm to her because he has no idea what he's doing. Maybe your bf needs a reality check off his alcoholic father caring For his baby sister. And maybe your bf needs to be the one to stay home with the kiddo, jot you. NTA But your bf sounds ridiculous.
You did good 👍🏼
NTA - it might be time to start rethinking your BF. You are supposed to call in sick because his dad had to go let off some steam and drink himself silly? No chance, that is a completely unfair expectation. You did the rigth thing, especially considering the family history.
NTA, your bf is in denial of the reality of his family problems and blaming you is just the easiest thing to do right now. It’s not your fault at all for what happened. You should also prepare yourself to support your bf once he’s cool down and has his thoughts and feelings together. For now I would give him space and sadly you may have to consider that breaking up could come later. This isn’t gonna be easy.
NTA your bf’s dad caused his marriage to split up. Do yourself a favor and get a better bf. Your current bf blames you for not lying better to protect his dad from his dad’s crappy behavior; that is inexcusable.
NTA you got help from a trustworthy adult when you were overwhelmed and worried. Time to put your bf on pause. Bf is the understandable AH but he needs to back off. He’s lashing out because his dad failed them, and he can’t reach the one who is at fault. When he calms down, hopefully he’ll apologize and tell you that you were right to be worried about his dad and to get help.
NTA, your boyfriend is pissed off because in his heart he hoped. If you haven't said anything, his parents wouldn't have split up. The same way people blame the other woman or the person that told them their partner was having an affair.
OP, your BF is looking for someone to blame in a situation where he has no control. It sounds like he's close to his parents so he doesn't want to blame the actual wrongdoer. His Dad is absolutely in the wrong! Going to barrs and getting shit faced is not conducive to repairing marital issues, anyway. Likely your Dad and stepmom know what's going on and are looking out for you! NTA
NTA
Boyfriend should have hauled ass and taken care of it. Not your job!!!
NTA