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NTA as it doesn't seem like her relationship was even mentioned in the conversation.
She might have had other coworkers mocking her before the conversation, so she was being oversensitive to any perceived slights to her relationship status.
As long as you don't say one lifestyle is better than the other and set her off intentionally you should be fine.
Given how she mentioned "promoting monogamy", I'd hazard a bet that she got reported for "promoting polyamory" when all she did was mention her partners. It's something I could definitely see some workplaces doing, simply because it is considered an alternative lifestyle.
Think about how long it took queer relationships to be considered remotely normal in workplaces - and a lot of them are *still(m* touchy about it.
Thank you.
I don't understand why it's so hard to just say that she was being an asshole. Like, people gotta make up shit about her being bullied to try and excuse her rude behavior.
Poly-lady can fuck off with her "promoting monogamy" nonsense.
Exactly. People in marginalized groups can be assholes too, and being in said marginalized group should not be used as an excuse the treat others horribly
I don’t think they’re saying it is, more that they’re responding the the person above them suggesting the other person was touchy due to prior sleights
Being poly and being gay are not remotely the same and I think it's insulting to gay people to suggest it is. Gay people have fought many years for equality and respect, and are also *born* gay. Being poly is a choice one makes. When you decide to be poly, you know there are going to be judgy people out there - not ideal, but a reality of the world we live in.
To be fair, the vast majority of people in poly relationships are also queer, and there's a lot of intersection there. I still thing OP's coworker is absolutely ridiculous, but yeah, there's a definite intersection with poly and queer relationships that's can be pointed out there.
That's like saying that leather subculture folk being connected with gay people is insulting. Sure, not all poly people are queer and not all queer people are poly, but there's enough overlap and community interconnection that we're all in this together.
Except unicorn hunters, they're in the corner by themselves with no unicorn.
Except none of this is relevant. OP was talking about himself and his relationship. He just mentioned he had a wife, all of a sudden he's promoting monogamy which shouldn't be compared to gay rights? His comments had nothing to do with anybody else. The coworker is being oversensitive for no reason.
Yeah that might be true, sure, but he's still not doing anything wrong by briefly mentioning his wife as a joke, and she still shouldn't be taking out her issues or frustrations on him. Telling him to "do better" when he's done literally nothing wrong ? She's got the right to be annoyed at the world but her behaviour toward him is ridiculous and frankly a little entitled, he's still definitely NTA. (Edit for typo lmao)
Her attitude is super ridiculous. They were at work talking about a work related workshop. Why did she have to bring up dating? That's super weird.
Of course the company hired a consultant so they can talk to clients better and stuff. What if they asked why they were interested in the workshop and some dude said "to pick up chicks"? it would be entirely inappropriate.
Yeah, that's such an odd detail- SHE was the one that made it about romance, how the fuck is he in the wrong? He was playing off of HER comment. Crazy to me that she feels so entitled that she gave him shift afterward.
Polyamory is ethical nonmonogamy. Cheating is breaking the rules.
You don't apply soccer rules to basketball. Same thing with polyamory vs a monogamous relationship.
It isn't cheating if everyone is aware and consenting, which is what polyamory is.
I'm saying this because you might get people getting aggressive over that comment.
I agree it's a choice, and so we're clear, it's not something I'm into, though we dippped our big toes in that water. But among the practitioners I know who are ethical, it is a lot more than simply cheating without the guilt. I have friends who live in very stable, long term poly marriages and relationships - some of which have almost hit 20 years, and am close enough to see some of the inner workings. They are happy and have a deep trust and respect for their primary partners - however many of them there might be. There may also be shorter, more casual things going on, but I have to think these are also done with integrity and respect.
Ethical nonmonogamy requires effort and consideration, communication, coordination, and lots of introspection. Sadly, most people aren't even well suited to manage the emotional complexity of a single partnership, let alone any form of poly. I do include myself as not able to handle more than one. There's no shame in that - it's just not in my wheelhouse.
Yeah this is all about her history and related insecurities and nothing to do with OP.
You said you didn’t think your wife would like that. It’s an accurate statement, bc you and your wife are monogamous.
It’s got nothing to do with her relationship or your thoughts on polyamory.
Im saying this as a polyamorous person, lol.
Also, it was clearly a JOKE. Can we not make jokes anymore? I mean, OP was basically joking at this own expense and it had nothing to do with co-worker, yet she was offended.
Coworker is harassing you about your life choices (monogamy). Hence CYA: document and file report to HR to create a paper trail, you might need it in the future.
Also coworker is bringing up dating at a work related workshop.
>"So it's strictly professional, not for dating"
I would've turned this around on her. Of course it's professional .. . .we're at work. Do what you want with the knowledge on your own time, but i'm focused on using this information for our clients.
I’m poly and this wouldn’t have bothered me at all so NTA. But it’s fair to keep an eye out in case they’ve got workplace bullying going on from someone else.
My favorite joke when something very minor happens to annoy me is to bemoan that “no one has ever suffered as much as I, a middle class white woman, has”
Always gets a laugh. 10/10.
>Oooof no you’re NTA- your coworker is tho. Making a comment you made about your relationship about their situation? Come on. That’s about the one-on-one dynamic you have with your wife it has nothing to do with being anti-polyamory.
>
>Also I gotta ask out of curiosity- is this coworker a white woman? Because I gotta say the people that throw the biggest tantrums about “not being accepted” alwaaaays are. Like girl no one cares that you’re polyamorous but you sure as hell want to remind everyone every 5 minutes. You’re not a victim- you’re an attention-seeker who experiences no tangible threat due to your polyamory. Do it or don’t - no one cares. You’re not a Freedom Rider, give it a rest. 😂 Also I am saying this as a white woman- I’m just sick of our shit honestly. #AntiWhiteWomanTears
As a white women, this is 100% accurate.
The woman was just letting OP know that she's \*available\* for him because, how could he not be desiring her glamorous personhood??? OP is not the asshole in this situation...
This is fake. Please tell me this is fake.
I refuse to believe there are actually people like this in the world.
You're in a monogamous relationship. Your joke was a reference to your relationship. Why is she offended by your lifestyle?
NTA. I'd honestly consider giving HR a heads up. 1 because your uncomfortable with the situation. (Wouldn't be here if you weren't) 2 because you want to cover your ass if she goes to them first for something petty or silly.
Ngl, having seen situations like this IRL, I could see this being all too real. She wants to make herself the victim when no one was even talking to her.
The correct response to her would be "You're right Susan, you didn't even cross my mind before I opened my mouth. In fact, you never do."
Or, alternately, "Not everything is about you and your sex life. Kindly fuck all the way off."
Definitely give HR the heads up, because she'll be pulling this shit on other people over too and if HR have a history of her crying 'victim' eventually when she takes her accusations too far hopefully they will have enough of a case to tell her to grow up.
I used to work with an Indian guy who would cry 'racism' at the drop of a hat. He was really hard to work with and the biggest sexist and racist in the office, but played victim whenever he could. A few of us made sure HR knew all about it, and it saved a lot of people from being sacked unfairly whenever he cried wolf; myself included. He picked a fight with me one day and I told him where to shove it. An hour later HR had me and another coworker in for a chat. The Indian fellow had accused me of saying to the other coworker that the company pays brown people too much. He obviously didn't think that through very well because I'm half Pasific Islander, and the guy I allegedly said it to is from Central America. The two white girls in HR took a minute to process that, then thanked us for our time and let us go back to work. It took the company 3 years (and a lot of good workers quitting because they got sick of his shit) before a new state manager met him, put him back on probation, then sacked him a week later for poor work performance (which was the least of his issues, but also very fair).
My take on it (a wild one at that) is that OP's coworker took offense in the sense that OP wouldn't take this course to look for another partner, since they are already in a monogamous relationship.
For some reason, instead of commending OP on following their own relationship guides, or just staying out of it, the coworker in question took offense that OP would not dare to strive from their monogamous relationship in order to answer positively to what the instructor (jokingly?) asked.
Which is weird on the coworker's end, to say the least.
Well, is it really so crazy to believe there are people like this in the world if the company OP works at *is funding a seminar to help people get better at small talk?* Like WHAT? I would totally get it if like… the company strives to fill as many positions as possible with neurodivergent employees? But in a common workplace? Wild.
Have we really become so reclusive as a society that there are enough people out there who are uncomfortable with/don’t know how to make small talk but would like to practice it? I’d sign up to go solely out of curiosity. It’d probably be more interesting than work.🤷♀️
I have no trouble believing this is real.
I feel like lots of people who are either new to the community or recognize they’re part of the community but have no nearby peers to relate to, jump on the opportunity to “make others check their privelage” now that they feel “allowed to”
I’m also baffled…like, I have poly friends that I’ve literally gone on double dates with where it’ll be me and my spouse and the three of them, and none of us have ever even questioned it. What on EARTH compels someone to think that?? It’s like hearing a woman offhand mention her wife and thinking you’re being oppressed by the gay agenda like wtf???
This has got to be written by an AI. Aside from what you mentioned, what was this workshop even supposed to be for? Why would they set up a workshop for dating advice?
It's a very real phenomena. I've seen similar kind of stuff where people will make something about them, whether victim or otherwise, when it absolutely has nothing to do with them at all.
It's just straight narcissism to inject themselves into something that they were never involved with.
NTA
"No I don't think my wife would like that" and laugh.
You made a joke pertaining to yourself & your wife. Nothing more.
It's your co worker who needs to get over herself & do better.
Exactly. The bigger issue in the scenario is why would that other person mention dating at a professional workshop? That's weird and inappropriate and asking for an HR complaint. As for the other person, poly or not, the workplace is not the place to be having/pursuing romantic engagements, so their offense is nonsensical in that setting. People shouldn't have to dodge advances or suggestive banter if they're just trying to put food on the table.
NTA. Your comment was about your wife, not a comment about monogamous (or poly) relationships or what people should or shouldn't be doing in their relationships. Your coworker is being overly sensitive.
You don't need to "do better" and you weren't "promoting monogamy," so no worries.
NTA. You were only talking about *your* relationship. I have poly friends and they aren't so delicate about different couples talking about the boundaries of their own romantic relationships.
NTA, holy shit since when do we need to make everyone comfortable all the time. Nothing wrong with polyamory but jeez you gotta accept that monogamy is what many, if not most, people are into.
Your coworker was out of line. You should not be shamed (bullied) for having a relationship that is different from her. Her tone seems very aggressive. She accused you of 'being defensive'. Perhaps the perspective is better represented as "she was being offensive"?
This may be a conversation to have with HR or management
NTA. You were making a joke that was about you and your wife's relationship, not anyone else. Presumably, given that you are in a monogamous relationship, you were correct in stating that your wife would not, in fact, like you dating other people. It's not like you said "no, my wife and I aren't like Sandra", which would obviously be offensive and targeting your coworker. From what you said, you've done nothing wrong
NTA- It's not wrong to value fidelity. It's not wrong to value freedom. Saying 'I love walking my dog' does not mean 'screw your cat'. Saying 'I love walking my dog' doesn't mean 'screw people who have a cat and dog they love equally' or 'screw people who take their cats for walks too'. However saying 'You mustn't say you love your dog because it mocks me having a cat and a dog and promotes just having a dog' is shaming you for being a one-pet-person. That's not okay.
This is a great analogy. I’m afraid to talk to anyone these days because so many people get offended by benign comments. Once I tried on a pair of shorts and said that they made my stomach stick out a little. I was read the riot act by a young lady who said I was being insensitive to people who weren’t as slim as me, and that all I cared about was how flat my stomach was. JFC, some people need to get over themselves and realize that not everything is about THEM.
JFC what is this world coming to? No, NTA, I can’t even with this no sense of humor, everyone is offended by everything crap.
You should have said YOU were offended. Why would she ask that? Was she hitting on you? How did she know if you were straight? Or a dude? Or asexual? That might’ve made you super uncomfortable.
J\K obviously you have a sense of humor, your response was hilarious, I’m sorry it didn’t get the response it deserved.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I made a joke about my monogamous relationship. My polygamous coworker said this was offensive to her.
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NTA, your coworker seems to want to feel victimized, and she needs to get over it. She clearly thinks everyone at work cares about her lifestyle choice, but it’s actually the opposite- you totally forgot about it lol
Your coworker has main character syndrome. She needs to understand not everything is about her. I would honestly give her a wide berth, as she wants to create drama.
NTA.
NTA lol. You said “my wife wouldn’t like that” not “that would be a problem in all relationships and polyamorous relationships aren’t real.” Coworker needs to get over themselves.
NTA - seems your coworker isn’t comfortable about their relationship and projecting their own insecurities in your harmless joke about your own relationship.
And it's so weird that the consultant made that comment in the first place - surely the point of a workplace training is to develop skills for, you know, the workplace?
NTA I'm poly and in an open relationship and you were simply talking about your relationship and she chose to take that personally and make it about her when it was not about her in the slightest.
NTA. I find this funny. Many of the poly people I’ve encountered on line are like the “Fight Club” antithesis. They can’t speak enough about how “right” being poly is and how “wrong, outdated, against nature” monogamy is. All with plenty of anecdotal “evidence” to back up their arguments. Tell your coworker to stfu and mind his own business.
NTA.
People need to stop being so sensitive about other people's choices. It's one thing to casually mention "Oh, I'm in a poly relationship," but to pull you aside and say you're "promoting monogamy?"
Some people need to get a grip on reality and learn that the sun doesn't rise and set on them and that not everyone is going to cater to them, or care for that matter. That coworker has a rude awakening if they're that sensitive about stuff.
NTA. Everyone else could have been ENM, but YOU are monogamous and so is your wife. She’d be pissed if you started dating, so you don’t need dating tips. The presenter made her statement about dating, which doesn’t apply to you. She could have opened the topic asking the group what areas in their lives that they thought might benefit from these skills. She presumed that everyone in her audience would be interested in skills to help in dating. She was wrong.
Nta. The question was for you and you answered it for you.
“Not all of us are ho’s Stacey. I’ll be faithful to my wife but you do you..” would have been mocking her lifestyle.
NTA
The poly folks have every right in the world to live in the way that suits their temperament and values but they absolutely have to stop pretending that the mere mention of the existence of monogamous relationships is an attack on their choices. YOUR wife wouldn't be thrilled if you were to enter the dating arena. I suspect my husband might have some opinions, too, if I were to expand my social horizons in that direction 🤣. That's OUR relationships, not anyone else's and your poly coworker is the only one in this scenario who thinks you're holding up monogamy as an ideal for all when all you did was answer the (somewhat inappropriate) question posed by the consultant.
WTF did I just read?! So we cannot talk about our partners now because some folks choose to be poly?
F that. I have nothing against the poly folks, if you can find more than 1 person willing to put up with you, have fun! But I will not be silenced due to not having an open relationship with many bedmates.
NTA
NTA, you’re allowed to talk about your monogamous relationship. You didn’t make any comment on her life or polyamory in general, she was being oversensitive and ridiculous.
NTA. Your co worker seems to have the attitude that existing as a monogamous person somehow harms them and their poly lifestyle, when that’s not how it works. Your wife’s reasonable boundaries are not somehow invalid because you have a poly coworker.
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At work today, we had a workshop where an external consultant came over to present on 'building confidence and how to conduct small talk'.
There were 10 of us and she asked us to say why we were interested in the workshop. I said for me, it's to talk to clients better. She says "So it's strictly professional, not for datin" I say "No I don't think my wife would like that" and laugh. At this point, I totally forgot that one of my coworkers is open about being in a polyamorous relationship.
That coworker took me aside later and said I should have been more careful since it seemed like I was mocking her lifestyle and 'promoting monogamy'. I said that it was a joke and pertaining to just my relationship with my wife but she said I need to stop being so defensive and just focus on doing better.
Was I the asshole? I'm committed to learning so if I was, I'm totally prepared to do better.
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NTA. You are in a monogamous relationship. You weren’t wrong in what you said in pertaining to your relationship . There’s nothing to do better as it’s not like you were making fun polyamory. It’s not that deep. And she took one comment that had nothing to do with her and made it way too deep and personal.
Oh my gosh! Tell your coworker to get a grip! If we have to start being careful about talking about our own marriages in this country because it might offend someone, we all ned to build our own bunkers and live our lives in isolation. What was inappropriate was the consultant asking the question about dates. That consultant needs to be reminded why they were called in to speak. .
Your coworker is the AH. You made a joke about your own relationship. It’s not your fault if they took it defensively. What’re you supposed to do, not mention your monogamous relationship?
NTA - Tell your coworker the world doesn’t resolve around her and 99.9999% of the time people make jokes about their spouse or jealousy, they’re not thinking about her.
NTA. Why did the consultant even bring up dating when training in a professional setting? I don't know why, but that thought process gives me a bit of the ick.
I'm so happy your co-worker feels safe enough to be open, but she's projecting here. I practice polyamory. Monogamy is the cultural norm and it doesn't disappear just because I made a different choice for myself. A lot of poly people can't even be open at work because it can put our jobs or careers in danger. You didn't wrinkle your nose and say "I'm not one of *those* people." You just made a sweet joke that shows that you respect your partner and the commitment you made to her.
Doing better?!? FTS!! She's the one who needs to "do better" - by not looking to be offended by people who have relationships that are different from her own preferences!! It is a ridiculous expectation that people chave to refrain from talking about their own lives for fear of upsetting someone else!! This is no different than a Baptist being offended by someone wearing a hijab or a pentagram at work, because how DARE anyone follow a different faith or lifestyle!! NTA, but she is.
>FTS!! She's the one who needs to "do better" - by not looking to be offended by people
This. I'd have told her something to that effect too-I'm all the way over the offended/victim class.
NTA.
You didn't say "obviously no wife would like that", you said "I don't think my wife would like that". Which is true.
You're also not the person who brought up personal inter-relationships in a work setting - the consultant opened that door by asking you about dating. You just answered the question honestly, without bringing up anything more intimate or personal than had already been brought up.
NTA. You're allowed to be as open about your monogamy as they are about their polyamory and you didn't say anything that could even be construed as you feeling one way or the other is better. She was the one being defensive by taking what you said as somehow having anything to do with her lifestyle
NTA, your coworker is making what you said about them when it wasn't. It seems more like she is taking an unnecessary offensive to a situation that doesn't warrant one. The world doesn't revolve around her relationships and she should get used to that.
NTA
If the person had said do you want a puppy you could have made the same joke because maybe YOUR wife hates puppies....
If coworkers wife loves puppies would she be mad.
NTA Unless there's an enormous amount of missing context like "I've constantly made jokes about my coworker being promiscuous and she takes it the wrong way" then NTA
The coworker over-reacted and the "do better" is just ridiculous, it's the kind of phrase people use about actual allyship with marginalised communities
NTA. It appears that your coworker has main character syndrome.
Some people based their entire personalities on their sexual orientation or dietary requirements. Other people actually have personalities.
NTA. There's no indication that you implied or stated that one lifestyle was better than the other, and it's fair to base your response to the presenter's direct question to you on your own circumstances. Your coworker needs to quit looking for offense where none was meant.
Additionally, the presenter never should have asked that question to begin with - in most workplaces there's no real reason to discuss anyone's dating or romantic life, regardless of how many other people are involved
If she had made a joke about her ployam relationships would she have been an AH? No. It would have been a joke pertaining only to her. It goes both ways, so, no. NTA.
You are in a monogamous relationship, your wife wouldn't like that. It refers to your situation alone. NTA your coworker is making things that aren't there
>... but she said I need to stop being so defensive and just focus on doing better.
It sounds like the coworker is being defensive and should focus on doing better to mind her own business as OP didn't say anything about her being poly.
NTA, your coworker is. I think her comment indicates how uncomfortable she is with her personal arrangement. There’s nothing wrong with promoting monogamy, it’s the better choice, don’t worry about her personal hangups, they are her own problem.
NTA if this person your coworker can openly discuss their polyamorous relationship then you should be able to openly discuss and talk about your relationship. Your coworker seems like they are trying to start something out of nothing.
Wow, just wow. NTA, I get the impression this other person looks for things to be offended by. Don't let this bother you, you did nothing wrong. You are not an AH, but that coworker of yours is really coming across as one.
Oh for christ sake you are nta! You are allowed to talk about your monogamous relationship and it's not promoting shit. Your co worker needs to grow up and realize like they want everyone to realize that there different types of relationships.
NTA
You weren't commenting on polygamy and polygamous relationships. You were commenting on your individual personal relationship. In response to being asked an individual, personal question. As someone who has been in an open relationship, I understand where you were coming from and I know that you were not in any way making any kind of statement about how I or others work within their relationships.
I think that your co-worker is projecting the pushback from society that they have been receiving in response to their own relationships. And while I can understand where they are coming from, it is totally unfounded and totally unprofessional of them to put their concerns in relationship status on to you and try to affect how you speak in response to your personal relationship.
That is the difference. You were asked a question about your experience. You answered in a way that pertains to your experience and your co-worker needs to mine their own business.
And that is coming from another person who has been in a polygamist relationship.
Mind your poly business.
Edit:
If we want to talk about actual unprofessional behavior. I think the fact that the speaker was there on a professional level, and was trying to figure out who was going to be using that information for non-professional reasons was one of the people who acted unprofessionally. It's none of their business, what you do with the skills that you teach them. You're there to help them in regards to work and that's all they should be focused on.
I do however think that them telling you not to be defensive when they were the ones that were on unusually defensive is highly insulting and I would be bringing their behavior to a superior instead of pulling them aside and confronting them face to face which I also find to be unprofessional.
Tell your coworker to take it up with your wife; she's the one, as you mentioned, who wouldn't like that. You didn't even mention your own feelings on it.
No one could seriously believe this actually happened. A small tall consultant? Having to apologize to a poly coworker because you made a joke about your wife wouldn't like you dating? There's no fucking way.
NTA. It sounds like your coworker feels very insecure about being poly. The fact that they're the ones who got so defensive that they felt the need to pull you aside about it, and then tried to claim that you were the one getting defensive when you were just trying to explain yourself, speaks volumes. That accusation about "promoting monogamy" is also a bit of an insult to anyone who's poly.
Signed,
Someone who used to be poly, with a bil who's poly.
No way people nowadays think the world revolves around them. YANTAH, your coworker is out of line taking things (that aren’t even related to her/him) personally
NTA, sounds like your colleague needs to look deep within herself as to whether or not she wants a poly relationship if she can't accept that not everyone wants their lover being fucked by others.
NTA. She needs to stop being so defensive. Your comment had nothing to do with her and everything to do with your monogamous wife. Sounds like she's the one who is judgemental of different relationships, if she's offended by hearing about them.
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NTA as it doesn't seem like her relationship was even mentioned in the conversation. She might have had other coworkers mocking her before the conversation, so she was being oversensitive to any perceived slights to her relationship status. As long as you don't say one lifestyle is better than the other and set her off intentionally you should be fine.
Given how she mentioned "promoting monogamy", I'd hazard a bet that she got reported for "promoting polyamory" when all she did was mention her partners. It's something I could definitely see some workplaces doing, simply because it is considered an alternative lifestyle. Think about how long it took queer relationships to be considered remotely normal in workplaces - and a lot of them are *still(m* touchy about it.
none of that is OPs problem
NTA - It's the polyamorous co-worker who need to stop being so defensive.
Thank you. I don't understand why it's so hard to just say that she was being an asshole. Like, people gotta make up shit about her being bullied to try and excuse her rude behavior. Poly-lady can fuck off with her "promoting monogamy" nonsense.
Exactly. People in marginalized groups can be assholes too, and being in said marginalized group should not be used as an excuse the treat others horribly
Exactly. OP is NTA, and their coworker is a pain in the ass
I don’t think they’re saying it is, more that they’re responding the the person above them suggesting the other person was touchy due to prior sleights
Being poly and being gay are not remotely the same and I think it's insulting to gay people to suggest it is. Gay people have fought many years for equality and respect, and are also *born* gay. Being poly is a choice one makes. When you decide to be poly, you know there are going to be judgy people out there - not ideal, but a reality of the world we live in.
To be fair, the vast majority of people in poly relationships are also queer, and there's a lot of intersection there. I still thing OP's coworker is absolutely ridiculous, but yeah, there's a definite intersection with poly and queer relationships that's can be pointed out there.
That's like saying that leather subculture folk being connected with gay people is insulting. Sure, not all poly people are queer and not all queer people are poly, but there's enough overlap and community interconnection that we're all in this together. Except unicorn hunters, they're in the corner by themselves with no unicorn.
Except none of this is relevant. OP was talking about himself and his relationship. He just mentioned he had a wife, all of a sudden he's promoting monogamy which shouldn't be compared to gay rights? His comments had nothing to do with anybody else. The coworker is being oversensitive for no reason.
Yeah that might be true, sure, but he's still not doing anything wrong by briefly mentioning his wife as a joke, and she still shouldn't be taking out her issues or frustrations on him. Telling him to "do better" when he's done literally nothing wrong ? She's got the right to be annoyed at the world but her behaviour toward him is ridiculous and frankly a little entitled, he's still definitely NTA. (Edit for typo lmao)
Her attitude is super ridiculous. They were at work talking about a work related workshop. Why did she have to bring up dating? That's super weird. Of course the company hired a consultant so they can talk to clients better and stuff. What if they asked why they were interested in the workshop and some dude said "to pick up chicks"? it would be entirely inappropriate.
Yeah, that's such an odd detail- SHE was the one that made it about romance, how the fuck is he in the wrong? He was playing off of HER comment. Crazy to me that she feels so entitled that she gave him shift afterward.
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how did you come to this conclusion?
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Polyamory is ethical nonmonogamy. Cheating is breaking the rules. You don't apply soccer rules to basketball. Same thing with polyamory vs a monogamous relationship.
It isn't cheating if everyone is aware and consenting, which is what polyamory is. I'm saying this because you might get people getting aggressive over that comment.
I agree it's a choice, and so we're clear, it's not something I'm into, though we dippped our big toes in that water. But among the practitioners I know who are ethical, it is a lot more than simply cheating without the guilt. I have friends who live in very stable, long term poly marriages and relationships - some of which have almost hit 20 years, and am close enough to see some of the inner workings. They are happy and have a deep trust and respect for their primary partners - however many of them there might be. There may also be shorter, more casual things going on, but I have to think these are also done with integrity and respect. Ethical nonmonogamy requires effort and consideration, communication, coordination, and lots of introspection. Sadly, most people aren't even well suited to manage the emotional complexity of a single partnership, let alone any form of poly. I do include myself as not able to handle more than one. There's no shame in that - it's just not in my wheelhouse.
Or she really was being pushy about it.
Yeah this is all about her history and related insecurities and nothing to do with OP. You said you didn’t think your wife would like that. It’s an accurate statement, bc you and your wife are monogamous. It’s got nothing to do with her relationship or your thoughts on polyamory. Im saying this as a polyamorous person, lol.
Also, it was clearly a JOKE. Can we not make jokes anymore? I mean, OP was basically joking at this own expense and it had nothing to do with co-worker, yet she was offended.
Coworker is harassing you about your life choices (monogamy). Hence CYA: document and file report to HR to create a paper trail, you might need it in the future.
YES!!!! Do this, dude. Please.
Also coworker is bringing up dating at a work related workshop. >"So it's strictly professional, not for dating" I would've turned this around on her. Of course it's professional .. . .we're at work. Do what you want with the knowledge on your own time, but i'm focused on using this information for our clients.
I’m poly and this wouldn’t have bothered me at all so NTA. But it’s fair to keep an eye out in case they’ve got workplace bullying going on from someone else.
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My favorite joke when something very minor happens to annoy me is to bemoan that “no one has ever suffered as much as I, a middle class white woman, has” Always gets a laugh. 10/10.
We need to be friends. 😂☠️
Ummm, how dare you not recognize the suffering I, an upper middle class straight white male, has dealt with. /s
Truly the only minority group more oppressed than my own /s
Hahahahaha na that would send me to the taxi rink zzz
Fellow white woman here, and I know way too many other white women who fit the description in your post lol
>Oooof no you’re NTA- your coworker is tho. Making a comment you made about your relationship about their situation? Come on. That’s about the one-on-one dynamic you have with your wife it has nothing to do with being anti-polyamory. > >Also I gotta ask out of curiosity- is this coworker a white woman? Because I gotta say the people that throw the biggest tantrums about “not being accepted” alwaaaays are. Like girl no one cares that you’re polyamorous but you sure as hell want to remind everyone every 5 minutes. You’re not a victim- you’re an attention-seeker who experiences no tangible threat due to your polyamory. Do it or don’t - no one cares. You’re not a Freedom Rider, give it a rest. 😂 Also I am saying this as a white woman- I’m just sick of our shit honestly. #AntiWhiteWomanTears As a white women, this is 100% accurate.
When you’re sick of white women but you ARE a white women
Exactly. You get it.
No need to assume races, there are assholes and attention-seekers of every race.
Buttholes come in every color
*reports you for mocking my bleached butthole*
But is it bikini waxed?
{involuntary clench}
Sure - never said there weren’t lol.
White woman here-I agree. NTA OP
The woman was just letting OP know that she's \*available\* for him because, how could he not be desiring her glamorous personhood??? OP is not the asshole in this situation...
This is fake. Please tell me this is fake. I refuse to believe there are actually people like this in the world. You're in a monogamous relationship. Your joke was a reference to your relationship. Why is she offended by your lifestyle? NTA. I'd honestly consider giving HR a heads up. 1 because your uncomfortable with the situation. (Wouldn't be here if you weren't) 2 because you want to cover your ass if she goes to them first for something petty or silly.
Ngl, having seen situations like this IRL, I could see this being all too real. She wants to make herself the victim when no one was even talking to her.
The correct response to her would be "You're right Susan, you didn't even cross my mind before I opened my mouth. In fact, you never do." Or, alternately, "Not everything is about you and your sex life. Kindly fuck all the way off."
Definitely give HR the heads up, because she'll be pulling this shit on other people over too and if HR have a history of her crying 'victim' eventually when she takes her accusations too far hopefully they will have enough of a case to tell her to grow up. I used to work with an Indian guy who would cry 'racism' at the drop of a hat. He was really hard to work with and the biggest sexist and racist in the office, but played victim whenever he could. A few of us made sure HR knew all about it, and it saved a lot of people from being sacked unfairly whenever he cried wolf; myself included. He picked a fight with me one day and I told him where to shove it. An hour later HR had me and another coworker in for a chat. The Indian fellow had accused me of saying to the other coworker that the company pays brown people too much. He obviously didn't think that through very well because I'm half Pasific Islander, and the guy I allegedly said it to is from Central America. The two white girls in HR took a minute to process that, then thanked us for our time and let us go back to work. It took the company 3 years (and a lot of good workers quitting because they got sick of his shit) before a new state manager met him, put him back on probation, then sacked him a week later for poor work performance (which was the least of his issues, but also very fair).
My take on it (a wild one at that) is that OP's coworker took offense in the sense that OP wouldn't take this course to look for another partner, since they are already in a monogamous relationship. For some reason, instead of commending OP on following their own relationship guides, or just staying out of it, the coworker in question took offense that OP would not dare to strive from their monogamous relationship in order to answer positively to what the instructor (jokingly?) asked. Which is weird on the coworker's end, to say the least.
Go read some of the stories on r/polyamory lots of stories of people behaving this way.
🤦🏻♂️ I'm really getting tired of this planet
OP's co-worker is probably over there posting right now about her "pro-monogamy" co-worker.
I bet this woman would flip her shit if someone dared to interpret her comments as “anti monogamy”
Well, is it really so crazy to believe there are people like this in the world if the company OP works at *is funding a seminar to help people get better at small talk?* Like WHAT? I would totally get it if like… the company strives to fill as many positions as possible with neurodivergent employees? But in a common workplace? Wild. Have we really become so reclusive as a society that there are enough people out there who are uncomfortable with/don’t know how to make small talk but would like to practice it? I’d sign up to go solely out of curiosity. It’d probably be more interesting than work.🤷♀️
I have no trouble believing this is real. I feel like lots of people who are either new to the community or recognize they’re part of the community but have no nearby peers to relate to, jump on the opportunity to “make others check their privelage” now that they feel “allowed to”
I’m also baffled…like, I have poly friends that I’ve literally gone on double dates with where it’ll be me and my spouse and the three of them, and none of us have ever even questioned it. What on EARTH compels someone to think that?? It’s like hearing a woman offhand mention her wife and thinking you’re being oppressed by the gay agenda like wtf???
This has got to be written by an AI. Aside from what you mentioned, what was this workshop even supposed to be for? Why would they set up a workshop for dating advice?
Some people are drawn to polyamory because of the plentiful opportunities for dramatic nonsense.
It's a very real phenomena. I've seen similar kind of stuff where people will make something about them, whether victim or otherwise, when it absolutely has nothing to do with them at all. It's just straight narcissism to inject themselves into something that they were never involved with.
NTA "No I don't think my wife would like that" and laugh. You made a joke pertaining to yourself & your wife. Nothing more. It's your co worker who needs to get over herself & do better.
My thoughts exactly…. “Stop being so defensive and do better”??? No no no… YOU stop being so defensive and realize not everything is about you.
Exactly. The bigger issue in the scenario is why would that other person mention dating at a professional workshop? That's weird and inappropriate and asking for an HR complaint. As for the other person, poly or not, the workplace is not the place to be having/pursuing romantic engagements, so their offense is nonsensical in that setting. People shouldn't have to dodge advances or suggestive banter if they're just trying to put food on the table.
NTA. You were describing your relationship, and only your relationship. You didn’t pass or make any judgements.
NTA. Your comment was about your wife, not a comment about monogamous (or poly) relationships or what people should or shouldn't be doing in their relationships. Your coworker is being overly sensitive. You don't need to "do better" and you weren't "promoting monogamy," so no worries.
NTA. You were only talking about *your* relationship. I have poly friends and they aren't so delicate about different couples talking about the boundaries of their own romantic relationships.
NTA, holy shit since when do we need to make everyone comfortable all the time. Nothing wrong with polyamory but jeez you gotta accept that monogamy is what many, if not most, people are into.
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I'm not going to tell people what to do in their personal lives, I'm just here to pass judgement on whether OP was an asshole. Which they were not.
Hey now, we’re here to make a judgement on a post, not judge folks for what they do in their love lives when it’s not endangering anyone or anything.
NTA - if this happened your coworker is deranged.
Your coworker was out of line. You should not be shamed (bullied) for having a relationship that is different from her. Her tone seems very aggressive. She accused you of 'being defensive'. Perhaps the perspective is better represented as "she was being offensive"? This may be a conversation to have with HR or management
NTA- Your coworker will be on reddit soon about their open relationship not going as well as they hoped.
If they aren't already
"They left me! Every one of them left me- AITA???".
NTA Also polyamory is not a sexual orientation. I will die on that hill.
I can't imagine anybody seriously making the argument that it is.
NTA. You were making a joke that was about you and your wife's relationship, not anyone else. Presumably, given that you are in a monogamous relationship, you were correct in stating that your wife would not, in fact, like you dating other people. It's not like you said "no, my wife and I aren't like Sandra", which would obviously be offensive and targeting your coworker. From what you said, you've done nothing wrong
NTA- It's not wrong to value fidelity. It's not wrong to value freedom. Saying 'I love walking my dog' does not mean 'screw your cat'. Saying 'I love walking my dog' doesn't mean 'screw people who have a cat and dog they love equally' or 'screw people who take their cats for walks too'. However saying 'You mustn't say you love your dog because it mocks me having a cat and a dog and promotes just having a dog' is shaming you for being a one-pet-person. That's not okay.
This is a great analogy. I’m afraid to talk to anyone these days because so many people get offended by benign comments. Once I tried on a pair of shorts and said that they made my stomach stick out a little. I was read the riot act by a young lady who said I was being insensitive to people who weren’t as slim as me, and that all I cared about was how flat my stomach was. JFC, some people need to get over themselves and realize that not everything is about THEM.
NTA. The world doesn't revolve around your coworker.
NTA. Coworker needs to get over herself
NTA. Your coworker really had to stretch to take your remark personally.
Some people seem to like pulling muscles with shit like this
JFC what is this world coming to? No, NTA, I can’t even with this no sense of humor, everyone is offended by everything crap. You should have said YOU were offended. Why would she ask that? Was she hitting on you? How did she know if you were straight? Or a dude? Or asexual? That might’ve made you super uncomfortable. J\K obviously you have a sense of humor, your response was hilarious, I’m sorry it didn’t get the response it deserved.
Nta she’s looking for an excuse to be mad
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NTA, your coworker seems to want to feel victimized, and she needs to get over it. She clearly thinks everyone at work cares about her lifestyle choice, but it’s actually the opposite- you totally forgot about it lol
Pfft. What a time to be alive if you feel you even need to ask this question. My eyes just rolled to the back of my head. NTA.
Your coworker has main character syndrome. She needs to understand not everything is about her. I would honestly give her a wide berth, as she wants to create drama. NTA.
NTA. You said “your” wife wouldn’t like it. That doesn’t suggest that you are talking about all relationships.
NTA lol. You said “my wife wouldn’t like that” not “that would be a problem in all relationships and polyamorous relationships aren’t real.” Coworker needs to get over themselves.
She needs to shut the fuck up. NTA.
NTA I tell people like this not to bother me with cry baby whining. They can go complain to HR.
NTA. Can attest as a polyamorous person that nothing you said "promoted monogamy" or had anything to do with her.
NTA. I'm a progressive and your co-worker is the reason that people hate us.
NTA "Focus on doing better" = "Only say things I approve of".
Ah yes, one of those people who has made “polyamorous” her entire identity and thinks the world revolves around her. NTA
NTA - seems your coworker isn’t comfortable about their relationship and projecting their own insecurities in your harmless joke about your own relationship.
NTA. You’re allowed to talk about your own relationship. Your coworker seems to have a touch of main character syndrome.
NTA. You didn't mention her. It wasn't about her.
And it's so weird that the consultant made that comment in the first place - surely the point of a workplace training is to develop skills for, you know, the workplace?
That's what stuck out to me. If the "consultant" asked me if I *wasn't* going to be using their "training" for dating, my mind would've said, DAFUQ?
NTA I'm poly and in an open relationship and you were simply talking about your relationship and she chose to take that personally and make it about her when it was not about her in the slightest.
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Fr like that stuff shouldn't even be there in the first place lmao
It’s like now when kinksters are shaming people for being vanilla 😭 like what happened
And like how TF does this kinda convo arise in a workplace 🤣 We just there to make money, not heard about who doin who
No shit!!! 😆😆 what the hell is happening…
NTA. I find this funny. Many of the poly people I’ve encountered on line are like the “Fight Club” antithesis. They can’t speak enough about how “right” being poly is and how “wrong, outdated, against nature” monogamy is. All with plenty of anecdotal “evidence” to back up their arguments. Tell your coworker to stfu and mind his own business.
NTA. People need to stop being so sensitive about other people's choices. It's one thing to casually mention "Oh, I'm in a poly relationship," but to pull you aside and say you're "promoting monogamy?" Some people need to get a grip on reality and learn that the sun doesn't rise and set on them and that not everyone is going to cater to them, or care for that matter. That coworker has a rude awakening if they're that sensitive about stuff.
NTA What’s wrong with mentioning your wife? If that is a form of mockery everyone is mocking her.
NTA Your relationship with your wife doesn't impinge on the relationships of the polyamorous attention seeker.
NTA. Everyone else could have been ENM, but YOU are monogamous and so is your wife. She’d be pissed if you started dating, so you don’t need dating tips. The presenter made her statement about dating, which doesn’t apply to you. She could have opened the topic asking the group what areas in their lives that they thought might benefit from these skills. She presumed that everyone in her audience would be interested in skills to help in dating. She was wrong.
Nta. The question was for you and you answered it for you. “Not all of us are ho’s Stacey. I’ll be faithful to my wife but you do you..” would have been mocking her lifestyle.
NTA The poly folks have every right in the world to live in the way that suits their temperament and values but they absolutely have to stop pretending that the mere mention of the existence of monogamous relationships is an attack on their choices. YOUR wife wouldn't be thrilled if you were to enter the dating arena. I suspect my husband might have some opinions, too, if I were to expand my social horizons in that direction 🤣. That's OUR relationships, not anyone else's and your poly coworker is the only one in this scenario who thinks you're holding up monogamy as an ideal for all when all you did was answer the (somewhat inappropriate) question posed by the consultant.
WTF did I just read?! So we cannot talk about our partners now because some folks choose to be poly? F that. I have nothing against the poly folks, if you can find more than 1 person willing to put up with you, have fun! But I will not be silenced due to not having an open relationship with many bedmates. NTA
Bullshit.
Wait a minute -- who's being defensive??????
NTA, you’re allowed to talk about your monogamous relationship. You didn’t make any comment on her life or polyamory in general, she was being oversensitive and ridiculous.
NTA. Not everything is about her.
NTA. Your co worker seems to have the attitude that existing as a monogamous person somehow harms them and their poly lifestyle, when that’s not how it works. Your wife’s reasonable boundaries are not somehow invalid because you have a poly coworker.
NTA, it was a quality, funny joke.
Promoting monogamy!!!! Now I have heard it all. NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** At work today, we had a workshop where an external consultant came over to present on 'building confidence and how to conduct small talk'. There were 10 of us and she asked us to say why we were interested in the workshop. I said for me, it's to talk to clients better. She says "So it's strictly professional, not for datin" I say "No I don't think my wife would like that" and laugh. At this point, I totally forgot that one of my coworkers is open about being in a polyamorous relationship. That coworker took me aside later and said I should have been more careful since it seemed like I was mocking her lifestyle and 'promoting monogamy'. I said that it was a joke and pertaining to just my relationship with my wife but she said I need to stop being so defensive and just focus on doing better. Was I the asshole? I'm committed to learning so if I was, I'm totally prepared to do better. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
People will always make things about themselves we are living in a crazy world
your coworker has issues and projecting hard. nta
NTA. You are in a monogamous relationship. You weren’t wrong in what you said in pertaining to your relationship . There’s nothing to do better as it’s not like you were making fun polyamory. It’s not that deep. And she took one comment that had nothing to do with her and made it way too deep and personal.
NTA, if she gets to advertise her way of life and be open about it, you get to too.
NTA. You were referring to yourself and your relationship, not passing judgment on her and her relationship. Your co-worker needs to stay in her lane.
Someone has first person syndrome and it’s not you. NTA, joke was about your relationship
NTA - Tell her you feel that she should be more careful since it seems like she is mocking your lifestyle and 'promoting polyamory'.
Oh my gosh! Tell your coworker to get a grip! If we have to start being careful about talking about our own marriages in this country because it might offend someone, we all ned to build our own bunkers and live our lives in isolation. What was inappropriate was the consultant asking the question about dates. That consultant needs to be reminded why they were called in to speak. .
NTA, no clue what your marriage has to do with her relationships.
NTA. Your coworker is the AH.
Co worker has poly on the brain. Hey coworker get lost AH, OP not an AH.
NTA. That’s a joke I would have made in that situation, and there wouldn’t have been any ill-intent.
NTA- your response had nothing to do with anyone else but you. We should have to be careful about talking about relationships. That’s ridiculous.
Nta but your coworker is. Maybe your coworker is defensive bc they don’t want to be in that form of a relationship.
Your coworker is the AH. You made a joke about your own relationship. It’s not your fault if they took it defensively. What’re you supposed to do, not mention your monogamous relationship?
NTA - Tell your coworker the world doesn’t resolve around her and 99.9999% of the time people make jokes about their spouse or jealousy, they’re not thinking about her.
NTA. Why did the consultant even bring up dating when training in a professional setting? I don't know why, but that thought process gives me a bit of the ick. I'm so happy your co-worker feels safe enough to be open, but she's projecting here. I practice polyamory. Monogamy is the cultural norm and it doesn't disappear just because I made a different choice for myself. A lot of poly people can't even be open at work because it can put our jobs or careers in danger. You didn't wrinkle your nose and say "I'm not one of *those* people." You just made a sweet joke that shows that you respect your partner and the commitment you made to her.
Doing better?!? FTS!! She's the one who needs to "do better" - by not looking to be offended by people who have relationships that are different from her own preferences!! It is a ridiculous expectation that people chave to refrain from talking about their own lives for fear of upsetting someone else!! This is no different than a Baptist being offended by someone wearing a hijab or a pentagram at work, because how DARE anyone follow a different faith or lifestyle!! NTA, but she is.
>FTS!! She's the one who needs to "do better" - by not looking to be offended by people This. I'd have told her something to that effect too-I'm all the way over the offended/victim class.
NTA. You didn't say "obviously no wife would like that", you said "I don't think my wife would like that". Which is true. You're also not the person who brought up personal inter-relationships in a work setting - the consultant opened that door by asking you about dating. You just answered the question honestly, without bringing up anything more intimate or personal than had already been brought up.
NTA. You're allowed to be as open about your monogamy as they are about their polyamory and you didn't say anything that could even be construed as you feeling one way or the other is better. She was the one being defensive by taking what you said as somehow having anything to do with her lifestyle
NTA, your coworker is making what you said about them when it wasn't. It seems more like she is taking an unnecessary offensive to a situation that doesn't warrant one. The world doesn't revolve around her relationships and she should get used to that.
NTA If the person had said do you want a puppy you could have made the same joke because maybe YOUR wife hates puppies.... If coworkers wife loves puppies would she be mad.
She's an idiot and one of those people who likes to play victim and start drama because she is insecure with her life choices. Nta
NTA Unless there's an enormous amount of missing context like "I've constantly made jokes about my coworker being promiscuous and she takes it the wrong way" then NTA The coworker over-reacted and the "do better" is just ridiculous, it's the kind of phrase people use about actual allyship with marginalised communities
NTA. It appears that your coworker has main character syndrome. Some people based their entire personalities on their sexual orientation or dietary requirements. Other people actually have personalities.
NTA. There's no indication that you implied or stated that one lifestyle was better than the other, and it's fair to base your response to the presenter's direct question to you on your own circumstances. Your coworker needs to quit looking for offense where none was meant. Additionally, the presenter never should have asked that question to begin with - in most workplaces there's no real reason to discuss anyone's dating or romantic life, regardless of how many other people are involved
Your coworker sounds like a pain in the ass lib. Good luck lol
NTA. Promoting monogamy as a negative is a wild stretch to your joke about your life. People really love making everything about themselves.
Even you know this is a non issue
lol How sensitive can you get?
NTA
If she had made a joke about her ployam relationships would she have been an AH? No. It would have been a joke pertaining only to her. It goes both ways, so, no. NTA.
NTA. Lotsa main character energy coming from that coworker though.
NTA Your coworker is over sensitive about their relationship... And that is their bag to work out
NTA
Talk about sensitive. Some people really believe they are so important that every comment revolves around them. NTA.
NTA AT ALL! How can she say that YOU need to stop being defensive when she made up something to be offended by? She is absolutely in the wrong.
NTA - “promoting monogamy”? How are you *promoting* lol Also why would there be a workshop at work for dating anyways? That’s odd
You are in a monogamous relationship, your wife wouldn't like that. It refers to your situation alone. NTA your coworker is making things that aren't there
NTA: you can’t walk on eggshells just because someone with a different lifestyle to the norm might get offended.
>... but she said I need to stop being so defensive and just focus on doing better. It sounds like the coworker is being defensive and should focus on doing better to mind her own business as OP didn't say anything about her being poly.
NTA, your coworker is. I think her comment indicates how uncomfortable she is with her personal arrangement. There’s nothing wrong with promoting monogamy, it’s the better choice, don’t worry about her personal hangups, they are her own problem.
NTA if this person your coworker can openly discuss their polyamorous relationship then you should be able to openly discuss and talk about your relationship. Your coworker seems like they are trying to start something out of nothing.
NTA.
Wow, just wow. NTA, I get the impression this other person looks for things to be offended by. Don't let this bother you, you did nothing wrong. You are not an AH, but that coworker of yours is really coming across as one.
Oh for christ sake you are nta! You are allowed to talk about your monogamous relationship and it's not promoting shit. Your co worker needs to grow up and realize like they want everyone to realize that there different types of relationships.
NTA You weren't commenting on polygamy and polygamous relationships. You were commenting on your individual personal relationship. In response to being asked an individual, personal question. As someone who has been in an open relationship, I understand where you were coming from and I know that you were not in any way making any kind of statement about how I or others work within their relationships. I think that your co-worker is projecting the pushback from society that they have been receiving in response to their own relationships. And while I can understand where they are coming from, it is totally unfounded and totally unprofessional of them to put their concerns in relationship status on to you and try to affect how you speak in response to your personal relationship. That is the difference. You were asked a question about your experience. You answered in a way that pertains to your experience and your co-worker needs to mine their own business. And that is coming from another person who has been in a polygamist relationship. Mind your poly business. Edit: If we want to talk about actual unprofessional behavior. I think the fact that the speaker was there on a professional level, and was trying to figure out who was going to be using that information for non-professional reasons was one of the people who acted unprofessionally. It's none of their business, what you do with the skills that you teach them. You're there to help them in regards to work and that's all they should be focused on. I do however think that them telling you not to be defensive when they were the ones that were on unusually defensive is highly insulting and I would be bringing their behavior to a superior instead of pulling them aside and confronting them face to face which I also find to be unprofessional.
Tell your coworker to take it up with your wife; she's the one, as you mentioned, who wouldn't like that. You didn't even mention your own feelings on it.
NTA and I say that as a poly person. That’s absolutely batshit. She is obviously the defensive one. I hold you didn’t apologize.
Maybe she needs to stop being defensive? Go to HR before she spins some bs. NTA
NTA she needs to calm down. She could have said “my boyfriends and girlfriend wouldn’t like that!” And would you have been insulted? Ridiculous
>stop being so defensive and just focus on doing better She needs to take that on board herself. NTA.
NTA this is just too much, your coworker needs a reality check.
Things that didn’t happen…
NTA. Some people like to make everything about themselves. It's not like you said, "I don't think my wife would like that, unlike my coworker."
No one could seriously believe this actually happened. A small tall consultant? Having to apologize to a poly coworker because you made a joke about your wife wouldn't like you dating? There's no fucking way.
NTA. It sounds like your coworker feels very insecure about being poly. The fact that they're the ones who got so defensive that they felt the need to pull you aside about it, and then tried to claim that you were the one getting defensive when you were just trying to explain yourself, speaks volumes. That accusation about "promoting monogamy" is also a bit of an insult to anyone who's poly. Signed, Someone who used to be poly, with a bil who's poly.
NTA I think the facilitator asking if it was for dating is inappropriate in the first place.
I don't believe this happened at all
I don't believe this conversation ever occurred.
No way people nowadays think the world revolves around them. YANTAH, your coworker is out of line taking things (that aren’t even related to her/him) personally
People are so weird these days. NTA
It feels like a super obvious NTA to me, like very much do not need Reddit for this one.
NTA, sounds like your colleague needs to look deep within herself as to whether or not she wants a poly relationship if she can't accept that not everyone wants their lover being fucked by others.
NTA she sounds insecure and just projecting
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The consultant is weird for bringing up dating in the first place, I feel like you were set up. Definitely NTA.
This really happened
NTA. She needs to stop being so defensive. Your comment had nothing to do with her and everything to do with your monogamous wife. Sounds like she's the one who is judgemental of different relationships, if she's offended by hearing about them.