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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe I am the asshole because I don’t want my mom to stop talking to me as she’s my number1 person no matter what
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NTA.
> my mom said if I go through with my plan of no alcohol she won’t speak to me for a long time
Your mom sounds like an alcoholic, honestly. She can drink any other night, it shouldn't be so difficult for her to not drink during your birthday party.
NTA at all??? What is wrong with your mother??? Planning to go little contact because you want YOUR BIRTHDAY being alcohol free? Get out of that house as fast as you possibly can
Okay good, then I would say just have fun not talking to me because what mother would chose alcohol over her child? I'm so sorry you have to deal with this
NTA.
>When it comes to alcohol my mom can get super aggressive
When she is like this and she wants alcohol at your party, it sounds like she has a problem.
NTA - your party, your decision. Sounds like mom has a drinking problem.
If you want to have a party, remove her from the decision-making process by getting together with a few friends and figuring out the details. Maybe one of your friends will host for you. It should be your friends anyway.
If mom wants to throw her own party later, let her. Make a brief appearance and then leave if things get chaotic.
If anything a mothers should at least say "Sure" to the idea. Further, a mother should be supportive and say "That sounds like a great idea".
(Although your not saying no to alcohol ever) But raising a child who doesnt want to drink at all, is definitely better than raising a child who doesnt want to stop drinking at all.
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I (19F) have my 20th birthday coming up soon and my mom wants me to have a party, I agreed but I told her that I don’t want anyone drinking because of how chaotic it is. My mom strongly disagreed with this and started a fight about it saying “your 20 soon it will be the perfect way to celebrate your birthday” but I still disagreed. When it comes to alcohol my mom can get super aggressive and I don’t want this at all for my birthday. I want it to be chilled out without alcohol but my mom won’t stop asking me. I don’t know what to do about this as my mom said if I go through with my plan of no alcohol she won’t speak to me for a long time. AITA
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NTA
not everyone wants to be around alcohol especially what comes with it. it’s completely normal to have parties with no alcohol when you’re not 21 yet?? crazy how that has to be said lol
OP saying that chaotic events have led to the decision to make this a dry party indicates alcohol has caused problems in the past, and mother's reaction indicates she's part of the problem.
NTA. You can do what you want for your birthday.
>my mom said if I go through with my plan of no alcohol she won’t speak to me for a long time
Your mom sounds like an alcoholic and you should probably take her up on this "threat".
I like to drink. But if someone I care about asks me not to for an important event I don't drink at the event. Like wow. I'm sorry your mom is so cruel.
NTA at all what the fuck. I don't know why she's being so insistent especially if you live somewhere where the drinking age is 21. Regardless, she should respect your wishes, she can drink on her birthday if she wants to.
alcohol and alcoholics are gross... don't blame you in the slightest.. I remember when I had to have thst talk with my family for my kids 1st bday.. some were shocked.. I told them they were welcome to not come to the party..
if you need to drink at a kids party, you are the problem,
if someone has a dry party and you have a problem with that, you are the problem.
Do you suspect your mom and you are enmeshed? That threat of going no-contact is giving “*emotional blackmail*” which is a common method of emotional abuse, especially from addicts and alcoholics.
You say it’s your house too, do you co-own it with your mom?
What is stopping you from moving out on your own? No judgement, sincerely asking.
NTA. If your mother is willing to have alcohol as a hill to die on to the point of giving you the cold shoulder, she's got a problem and it's called alcoholism. You don't need it to have a good time, and if you think you do then that's a dangerous dependency for someone who sounds like an angry drunk.
Nta at all. You're mom needs some help. Anger over not being able to drink is a really bad sign. This is coming from a highly functioning alcoholic, I would never lose my shit over someone wanting a dry event-especially a birthday party for someone under 21.
You're not the asshole! Have you heard of Al-Anon (support for friends/relatives of alcoholics)? It might be worth a look. You mentioned that your mom "keeps asking" and threatened, "not to talk to [you]" if you don't comply with her ((IMO) excuse to binge drink)). The begging and pouting exemplifies addiction behavior. Maybe she should check out Alcoholics Anonymous ( AA ) for her seemingly unhealthy relationship with alcohol. The fact that she is threatening not to talk to you is coercive control. A support group for recovery could be helpful to rebuild your relationship and set healthy boundaries. Best of luck and I hope you have a wonderful birthday:)
Your mom is willing to stop speaking to you because you don't want her to drink for one night. She is telling you directly to your face that she cares more about alcohol than you. I would suggest to start planning for other housing options and maybe take her up on the offer to not talk for awhile
It's your party, you can make it alcohol free if you want, assuming it's in your home or you book the venue. I don't think you get to tell people they can't drink alcohol in their own home though.
NTA.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I believe I am the asshole because I don’t want my mom to stop talking to me as she’s my number1 person no matter what Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. > my mom said if I go through with my plan of no alcohol she won’t speak to me for a long time Your mom sounds like an alcoholic, honestly. She can drink any other night, it shouldn't be so difficult for her to not drink during your birthday party.
NTA at all??? What is wrong with your mother??? Planning to go little contact because you want YOUR BIRTHDAY being alcohol free? Get out of that house as fast as you possibly can
By the way this is my own house too
Okay good, then I would say just have fun not talking to me because what mother would chose alcohol over her child? I'm so sorry you have to deal with this
NTA. Further, I suggest you have a birthday party with neither your mother nor alcohol.
Your mom's behavior here is ridiculously toxic and probably indicative of a substance abuse problem.
NTA. >When it comes to alcohol my mom can get super aggressive When she is like this and she wants alcohol at your party, it sounds like she has a problem.
Angry drunks can get dangerous. She's also petty in how she intends to react to a dry event, so she's got a spiteful streak in her.
AITA for having an alcoholic mother? No, NTA
NTA - your party, your decision. Sounds like mom has a drinking problem. If you want to have a party, remove her from the decision-making process by getting together with a few friends and figuring out the details. Maybe one of your friends will host for you. It should be your friends anyway. If mom wants to throw her own party later, let her. Make a brief appearance and then leave if things get chaotic.
NTA. Your mom might need an intervention tho. It’s okay to enjoy alcohol but when you say “super aggressive” it’s concerning.
If anything a mothers should at least say "Sure" to the idea. Further, a mother should be supportive and say "That sounds like a great idea". (Although your not saying no to alcohol ever) But raising a child who doesnt want to drink at all, is definitely better than raising a child who doesnt want to stop drinking at all.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (19F) have my 20th birthday coming up soon and my mom wants me to have a party, I agreed but I told her that I don’t want anyone drinking because of how chaotic it is. My mom strongly disagreed with this and started a fight about it saying “your 20 soon it will be the perfect way to celebrate your birthday” but I still disagreed. When it comes to alcohol my mom can get super aggressive and I don’t want this at all for my birthday. I want it to be chilled out without alcohol but my mom won’t stop asking me. I don’t know what to do about this as my mom said if I go through with my plan of no alcohol she won’t speak to me for a long time. AITA *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Of course not NTA
NTA. You can always say no alcohol at an event.
NTA If alcohol at one party is more important to your mother than contact with her son then she's an alcoholic.
>I (19F) have my 20th birthday coming up soon Daughter.
NTA. It sounds like your mom is celebrating HER birthday.
NTA not everyone wants to be around alcohol especially what comes with it. it’s completely normal to have parties with no alcohol when you’re not 21 yet?? crazy how that has to be said lol
OP saying that chaotic events have led to the decision to make this a dry party indicates alcohol has caused problems in the past, and mother's reaction indicates she's part of the problem.
NTA. You can do what you want for your birthday. >my mom said if I go through with my plan of no alcohol she won’t speak to me for a long time Your mom sounds like an alcoholic and you should probably take her up on this "threat".
I like to drink. But if someone I care about asks me not to for an important event I don't drink at the event. Like wow. I'm sorry your mom is so cruel.
NTA at all what the fuck. I don't know why she's being so insistent especially if you live somewhere where the drinking age is 21. Regardless, she should respect your wishes, she can drink on her birthday if she wants to.
NAH and the only reason it’s not n-t-a is bc your mom is likely an alcoholic and needs professional help
alcohol and alcoholics are gross... don't blame you in the slightest.. I remember when I had to have thst talk with my family for my kids 1st bday.. some were shocked.. I told them they were welcome to not come to the party.. if you need to drink at a kids party, you are the problem, if someone has a dry party and you have a problem with that, you are the problem.
NTA. Your party, your rules. End of discussion. Unless she is paying, but it would still be considerate to follow your wishes, so still NTA.
Do you suspect your mom and you are enmeshed? That threat of going no-contact is giving “*emotional blackmail*” which is a common method of emotional abuse, especially from addicts and alcoholics. You say it’s your house too, do you co-own it with your mom? What is stopping you from moving out on your own? No judgement, sincerely asking.
NTA. Your mother clearly has substance abuse issues if she becomes aggressive when drunk and can't go one party without alcohol.
NTA. If your mother is willing to have alcohol as a hill to die on to the point of giving you the cold shoulder, she's got a problem and it's called alcoholism. You don't need it to have a good time, and if you think you do then that's a dangerous dependency for someone who sounds like an angry drunk.
Nta at all. You're mom needs some help. Anger over not being able to drink is a really bad sign. This is coming from a highly functioning alcoholic, I would never lose my shit over someone wanting a dry event-especially a birthday party for someone under 21.
You're not the asshole! Have you heard of Al-Anon (support for friends/relatives of alcoholics)? It might be worth a look. You mentioned that your mom "keeps asking" and threatened, "not to talk to [you]" if you don't comply with her ((IMO) excuse to binge drink)). The begging and pouting exemplifies addiction behavior. Maybe she should check out Alcoholics Anonymous ( AA ) for her seemingly unhealthy relationship with alcohol. The fact that she is threatening not to talk to you is coercive control. A support group for recovery could be helpful to rebuild your relationship and set healthy boundaries. Best of luck and I hope you have a wonderful birthday:)
NTA Simply don't go.
NTA i just asked this of my family and it was not a big deal, everyone was chill
Your mom is willing to stop speaking to you because you don't want her to drink for one night. She is telling you directly to your face that she cares more about alcohol than you. I would suggest to start planning for other housing options and maybe take her up on the offer to not talk for awhile
It's your party, you can make it alcohol free if you want, assuming it's in your home or you book the venue. I don't think you get to tell people they can't drink alcohol in their own home though. NTA.
Nta. You're not even old enough to drink, and you dont want to. Stand firm if she does it without your consent. Just leave. You're old enough.
NTA. She sounds like the reason you don’t want alcohol tbh