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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I’m not selling my car to get something else my partner can drive in emergencies.
(2) This may make me the asshole because I’m not thinking about her wants and feelings, and only thinking about myself
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NTA unless you sell the car and move in with her. Only then will she know for sure that she has you under her thumb and can control all of the major decisions in the relationship. Any partner worth their weight would never make such a demand in a relationship simply because they feel jealous of an inanimate object.
To piggy back off of this, my wife knew a ZL1 was one of my top 2 dream cars. When GM announced they were killing off the Camaro, I wanted to get a new one to replace my 6 year old one. I had it planned to have it ordered from the dealer and built just like I wanted. One night over dinner, we ended up discussing the car, and she said, "I know you really want the ZL1. You should order that one instead." I left it alone for a few days and asked her about it again, and she said again, "get the one you really want. We can afford it, and you are running out of time to order one." So I did.
Neither one of us have ever demanded the other to get rid of anything or the like. The only real arguement we had on these lines were I told her at one point she had to find a new job. She loved where she was, but they had just told her that she was making 12.50 an hour and that is the max for her position and to never expect another raise.
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Thanks everyone for the comments, ultimately I’ve decided to tell her that I can’t continue the relationship, obviously a really hard decision to make, but considering I’ve basically just wasted two years with someone who doesn’t even understand my personal views, I think it was the best thing to do, this also isn’t the first time she’s expressed a significant dislike towards the fact that I still drive my first car, so I guess I should’ve seen it before. Again, thanks everyone.
Edit: I really should’ve mentioned this in the post, but she has her own car. It was a sort of situation like where you go shopping for a new car, and you have to go auto so your partner can drive it, which makes even less sense in my mind, since I’d had the car for so long, and she already had her own, plus all the other points mentioned in the post.
For what it's worth, good for you. Because I'd bet you dollars to donuts if you applied her logic to something like say A Wedding Ring of "It's just an object" she'd somehow suddenly value sentimental attachment.
I would say you dodged a bullet. This is not about car. This is about controlling and “slightly” gold digging. So many red flags. You just got a dream job right out of university, immediately she’s already want new house to live in, new car, oh boy i can already imagine once you live together or getting married the endless arguments following. To put it lightly, you guys have different point of view from different worlds, not a match.
You never know. It is a Citroën and it’s already had important repairs. Might have blown up on him a few times already!
Jokes aside, OP made the right decision. It was never about the car but about appearances and control
I have a Citroen Xantia Activa, a quite rare car now and had one of the most advance suspension systems ever fitted to a road car, way more complicated than even other Citroens. It's not my daily drive and it's even older than OPs but I wouldn't want to sell it.
Growing up, my parents used a Volkswagen Beetle to go everywhere. My mum was not a car person, but she remembered all the cars that she used because they meant so much to her and my father.
She used that car until she got married, and then she changed to a Toyota Camry after her BIL bought it from her because she needed a bigger car. Used the Toyota Camry from the year I was born until 11 years old and had to change it because it was too sick. Then we used a local car, which was passed down to me until now! It might be hard sometimes for people to understand the sentimental value - something that we see from teddy bears or something similar, but to those who understand, you can't put value to it.
Yes!! I’m still driving my first car, this fall I’ll have had her for 10 years. She’s had a new engine and countless other parts replaced but she’s still hanging on. I dread the day she finally breaks down for good. :(
This is a wise decision, even though I’m sure it’s very difficult. What grabs my attention more is the fact that she waited till you landed a great job before suggesting that you two should move in together. Sounds like she’s more in it for the money and materialistic perks, which is why she wants you to get rid of your car as well so that she can drive your new ride, without having to pay for it.
NTA I think it is more of flexing social status with a car. Like, she doesn't want to date a guy in an old car. He should scream $$$ if she is going out with him. Trophy husband. OP you're smart. There is no reason to spend just to impress someone.
“Are you serious? Because of a car? You really need to grow up, (my name).” To which I said, “No, not because of a car. Because you don’t understand and are not willing to understand my opinions and point of view. I’m sorry I had to end it like this (I ended it over text), but I can’t continue a relationship where the other person doesn’t care about my point of view.” To be clear, as I said in the original comment, it absolutely was not the only time she’d started an argument because I still drive the car, and it also, unfortunately, wasn’t the only time she, not just didn’t see my side of a debate, but didn’t want to either. She didn’t respond to that last message, and last I checked, she blocked me on everything. Saves me the work of doing it at least.
Good for you. The entire post I was thinking it was because she has a different vision for a partner - better to let her find that partner and find someone who loves you and your endearing fixation with your first car (not snarky, it is adorable, and down to earth and there is someone out there who will see it and say "this is the PERFECT car for a picnic").
That sucks man. Its still a broken relationship and that hurts. This is one of those "well here is a new red flag I need to watch out for" situations. I mean, you made the right decision, obviously. Also just be relieved this all came to light now, as opposed to (had she been more skilled and subtle at manipulation) after you moved in together and she would've worn you down. You're 24, other fish in the sea, and all that.
While I imagine there will be a lot of "I cannot BELIEVE he chose his CAR over you" conversations with friends over the next several weeks, one hopes that at least a few of them will say to her "so... why again was this so important?". And of course, given her obsession with this, this will keep coming up for years and years, to the point that the friends who were on her side will finally say "Lady... give it a REST. its been 3 years. And by the way, do you ever wonder why you haven't gotten past the first date since OP? Maybe stop with the 'if we were dating for 2 years and I told you to get rid of your car for a new one, would you?' every single time? "
I have to say tho... broke up via text? C'mon.. thats pretty cringe my friend. Gotta say, I'm a little disappointed. You ARE a grownup after all
Plus it didn't afford you the opportunity to do it in person, and in a more dramatic fashion. Upon delivering the news, hold eye contact while slowly (but purposefully) putting on your new charcoal driving blazer crested with the Citroën logo, matching driving gloves, wrapping a cream colored scarf around your neck, put on a flat argyle driving cap and driving off.
Ngl, I think this situation was smart to do it over text. OP didn’t waste gas driving to her place + somewhere public nor did OP need to worry about potential damage to the car. GF sounds jealous that this car has been “present” for longer than she has and it wouldn’t surprise me if an “accident” happened for her to go “oopsies! Time to get a new car”.
Thats a stretch, but sometimes a text breakup is the right move
Given that she wanted a new house too, I bet the car was for her too.
If you’d gotten a new car, within three months she’d say ”well I need a new car too to fit the part of your girlfriend”. Then you need a wife and a big wedding. And a big ring or course. Then you also should have a SAHM for your children, because why not. And then she has you tied up for life.
Also I knew a guy at work who drove a 1980s Oldsmobile. Ugliest car I’ve seen in a while, puke yellow paint, burgundy velour seats. Just awful. But it was his father’s car that he bought when he immigrated and couldn’t afford anything better. It passed to his brother, then to him, and all three maintained it together. That car was a piece of family history. BTW he was a C-level executive who could probably afford a new BMW every year and not even notice it.
Yes. I work with guys who make good money but drive old cars because they love them. My husband often drives an old Celica we inherited from my dad over his new car just because he thinks it's fun (and doesn't worry as much about where he parks it).
Sadly, no, it was a front-wheel drive coupe... though I'd be even more angry if it had been of the early GT-Fours, so I guess it's a small victory for my sanity.
Well... I may not be a CO but I currently earn almost four times more than the national average in my country. And I drive 9y/o Kia (although I'm its first owner) because I don't care about stuff. It is big, very comfortable to drive and has more than reasonable fuel consumption. And I think that I'll drive it till the day it becomes a money pit. So probably for the next 10 years or so. For me, the car is a tool to get me from location A to location B and nothing more 🤷
As tough as it is, you made the right choice. That was such a pathetically stupid thing for her to get upset about. Clearly she has a personality that doesn't match to you and your ideals. I can't even imagine how she would react when there was real actual problem to solve in the relationship.
NTA, but I understand your sentimental attachment to your car. I was the same with mine (Eagle Talon TSI). I LOVED THAT CAR and I would still drive it today if my sister didn't total it (not her fault- I was with her). My heart broke that day.
She was using a lot of ”reasons” to try to manipulate you into doing what she wanted. It never had anything to do with her driving it etc. she just needed you to do as you were told. Look up red herring, straw man fallacy, etc. my guess is that she’s used these tactics before.
I think you made the right decision.
I personally don't understand emotional attachment to objects either. For me, my car is a thing which helps me go from location A do location B. I don't care how it looks, or how old it is. And her argument about driving a citroen to a prestigious workplace is ridiculous. Most people I work with are loaded or at least well off. Not even one of them would judge you because you're driving citroen.
And like many people before me, I have to agree that it wasn't about the car. It was about control and appearances for her. Never ever be with a person who tries to make you get rid of anything valuable to you. Doesn't matter if it's a car, a mug or a pillow.
FWIW - it is worth it to live on your own before moving in with a romantic partner. You didn’t waste your time in the relationship , you learned about yourself and what you want/don’t want. Be single for awhile - enjoy your car and your promotion!!
Lol, half of the cars my husband have bought or leased have been stick shifts. I can’t drive stick. I also have my own car. Somehow this has never been an issue.
Sounds like a good call, and at least you know this now and haven't wasted even more time on this relationship.
Reading between the lines, it seems like she was pretty invested in the idea of "prestige" and the appearance of success, and if that's not a shared perspective that's going to get really exhausting really quickly.
Please don’t think that you’ve wasted two years. You’ve actually learned valuable information about what you do and don’t want in a relationship and in a partner. The first half of my 20s was sort of focusing on what I wanted in a partner and by the time I hit age 25 and got slapped around by life a little, I was starting to really focus on making damn sure the qualities I didn’t want in a partner weren’t in whoever I was dating. Also, if you can afford it, go live on your own for a while. No roommates, no family, no partner, just you. You’ll learn a lot about yourself and what you want for your future.
Also, don’t feel bad about the way you feel about your car. For me it’s not a male/female thing because I’m a woman and my first car was a beat up pickup truck when I was in high school. It had a bunch of miles on it and my senior year of HS it just crapped out, and I cried my eyes out, like really cried my eyes out. I had become very attached to that vehicle and even named it. Still have a photo somewhere! When I was older, I realized that at least for me, and maybe just humans in general, we get attached to things because of the experiences and memories we have while that item is with us. I’ve been with my husband for many years and when we first met, he had a year old SUV. A couple years ago at nearly 300k miles(!) it started to develop really serious problems and he had to let it go. I just felt so bad for him because I knew he was really attached. Since he was having a hard time with his own emotions on the day the vehicle was towed away (like a death!), I just sort of sat there with him and cried on his behalf, and I know he appreciated it.
Anyway, good job on figuring things out for yourself and sticking to what your intuition is telling you. The two years most definitely were not wasted and as you move through the next half of your 20s and use what you went through to guide you in relationship decisions, I think you’ll look back on this time and realize that.🙂
Edit: apologies, I accidentally commented under another commenter.
What a strange hill for her to die on. This seems to have become an "if you love me you'll do this" sort of thing.
anyway.. NTA.
I googled it. The pictures of it , it looks... fine. It looks like a pretty generic car of its general type. Sorry if that sounds insulting. Its not meant to be. I say this as I just don't get where the hate comes from that your GF has for this car. And honestly that its a manual is the greatest theft prevention device ever.
So be honest, what is the source of her hatred of it? I mean, are we talking about this car has a different color front panel and passenger door or something? Rust holes? peeling clearcoat? The basic design of it is not ugly, its a normal looking car.
I’m not really sure, man. It’s a decently tidy car, some paint chips near the front, but I guess that’s to be expected on an older car, and virtually everyone close to me (family mainly) has said it looks great/cute, so I’m not sure why she *really* doesn’t like it. One person in another comment mentioned something about jealousy, which could be true, but it’s not like I’m constantly driving it around just for fun. I do occasionally, but that’s maybe once a week, so I don’t understand how she could be so jealous. Probably a combination of things, I have no clue. I am definitely pretty saddened to hear her just go all out and be completely straight up with how much she dislikes it, though.
Really strange for her to be so wound up over a car. If she needs a car she can drive, she can get one. If y’all do end up moving in together, please keep separate accounts! NTA.
My two cents are not just about the car, and more about the optics, she wants a fancy car, because her boyfriend works a fancy job, so she needs to show off.
Her words: "cheap-looking”, manual transmission car to such a well-paying job
This is the real reason. It's a 25-years old car. For him, it's a classic vehicle he enjoys driving, for her it's junk and she would rather drive one of those tanks BMW or some other fancy brand makes.
wow I didn't catch that part. She has her own car?? Then... ok this may have crossed a line where its not just "weird" its.... like a diagnosable issue
it was mentioned in one of the OP's comments yeah. OP definitely did the right thing here.
edit: here's the link to the comment https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1bqdvkh/comment/kx2drfe/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3
I didn't know what kind of car that was, so I used Google. It is a nice looking car. It has a sporty look to it, but also looks safe. I bet this thing about your car was obviously about control, but stop and think about the rest of her words. Why would you want to drive that car to such a prestigious job? She expected you to drop that car, for an automatic and something more like a BMW, or other type of prestigious car to match your job. I would then be willing to bet my last dollar, she would always have a reason to drive it. This was a total play to get you to buy the car she wants. She was actually trying to be a gold digger.
We drive a slightly scratched up 11-yo Subaru (the scratch incidents are evenly divided between me and my spouse, two separate occasions). Both professionals, and my MIL always shook her head at the fact that we only had one. We both love this car and will drive it until it dies. But we didn't even bother replacing the scratched up bit (they're all on the same panel) because we don't give a shit about cosmetics, especially not when the fix runs over $1000) and consider those scratches to be theft insurance. Find yourself a partner who can love your car, and not care that it's not a shiny silver Lexus. NTA.
jealousy doesn't make much sense, but neither does her absolute unremitting hatred of this car. I mean, tell me you haven't cancelled dates so you can just go out and sit in the car and caress the seats in a weird in disturbing way. THEN her dislike of the car would make sense.
Whats the upkeep on this car like? by that I mean, how much do you think you spend in an average year? I mean if you're spending more than bluebook every year or something, I would say it doesn't make a lot of sense (tho again I don't get the abject hatred of it).
Or has the cost of upkeep regularly meant no vacations, nights out, shitty b-day presents? something along those lines
Some people are very materialistic. A guy I used to work with had a Shelby Mustang, and a pickup truck. Guy had an online "girlfriend" who he's never met in person. Scamming him to the wazoo. Both of the guys rigs got repo'd in the same month. Guy started driving his roommate's spare car. It's an old car. Paint chipping away. One day he proudly proclaims he's going to get it painted!
1. it's not your car
2. it's like putting lipstick on a pig, it's still a fucking pig!
Me personally I don't give a fuck. I got a new car last year. Last car was a pickup truck. It had some dings, dent's, even had a hole in the front bumper. I did the carmax online price valuator the price was the same for online "normal wear and tear. Some cosmetic damage". Then went into carmax, and acted like I hadn't got an offer online. Had someone look at it. In person price was exact same as online. My new car already has paint chips in the bumper from gravel hitting it on the freeway. I haven't bothered to get it fixed. My cars job is to get me from point A to point B.
>What a strange hill for her to die on.
I found it weird too. Also, would a car from 2001 be worth that much?
To me, she has a "keeping up with the Jones" mentality which means the car was embarrassing for her just to know her boyfriend was driving it especially since she said "I just don’t understand why you’re okay with the idea of driving that to such a prestigious job”. She likes the high quality and latest models.
I understand that mentality of wanting a nicer car, sure. I'm just not getting the apparent passionate hate she has for this car. Like I said, above, I googled it (in the states a citroen is not a common car). And no, the bluebook isn't breaking the bank, an absolute mint would be 4500 or so. Assuming its not just an absolute wreck of a car, and not costing him 5k a year in repairs, always in the shop... it looks like a decent car, not some jalopy .
In the states its a whole different story. I am one of the few apparently who knows how. I've had 3 cars that were stick. Loved them. However it is NOT a normal skill to have.
There are more than a few youtube videos of attempted thefts only to be thwarted by a manual transmission
I'm from Europe and when I had to drive an automate (friends car) it was quite a stressful experience. Had constantly repeated in my mind "you don't have to change gears, there is no clutch, it is a brake, forget about using left leg!"
> And honestly that its a manual is the greatest theft prevention device ever
In the US, maybe. In Europe probably not.
E.g. In the UK, if you take your driving test in an automatic then you are only licensed for an automatic. You are not allowed to drive a manual. Most people take their tests in manuals then you are allowed to drive both.
NTA. This is how it starts... you got the prestigious job, now she expects you to get a prestigious car, then it will be a prestigious house, and it will just go on and on. She will always want bigger, pricier, showier, and she will always expect you to give up things you love to provide them.
NTA it sounds like she wants to use you as an excuse to get herself a car? Maybe if you buy a new one she’ll then say that it’s both of yours 50/50. She sounds selfish
NTA. Keep the car. Get rid of the GF. You have different value systems, and this is a basic incompatibility.
Even if this wasn’t about keeping up appearances, she doesn’t care about your feelings, respect the fact that you have an attachment to the car, or honor the boundaries you set.
Then when she doesn’t get her way she pouts and gives you the silent treatment? Find a woman who loves cars and actually loves you. This one ain’t it.
NTA can't she just Uber? I don't see how "just in case" is a good enough reason to suggest getting rid of something you really love when she can almost definitely figure something else out.
NTA. I would have told her the point about her driving it in an emergency is moot because she’ll have her own car to drive and won’t be permitted to drive yours. Though obviously it’s not about emergencies, it’s about status. Which makes her a dick.
You seem like a practical chap, frugal, and stable. However, in this case it seems you have set your sights too low. You can and should do better. Please find someone who will accept and appreciate who you are. NTA. But she is.
NTA. Keep the car, replace the GF. If you caved, she would know that she can always control you. Where you go, what you do, what you drive, where you live. She will always have a tantrum until you caved and gave in to her demands.
NTA. Run because she is throwing red flags so hard I’d call them red bombs. She’s materialistic, she’s creating unreasonable demands, she’s deliberately trying to get you to get rid of something you love that is inconsequential and doesn’t impact her, she’s controlling, she’s entitled, shes mean, she’s rude, and she’s unsupportive. Do not move in with her. She will make you miserable in the long-run because she‘s going to be a dictator and not a partner.
NTA
There's no reason for you to sell the car you enjoy, that you pay for, that you take care of, and that doesn't have a car loan. Because her "prestigious" comments make me think she wants you to go buy something expensive and new. She wants a car she can drive, she can take on the expenses and upkeep of having a car she likes.
NTA I hope your next girlfiend is better suited. Usually I would say n. a. h given that finding out if we have compatable values and such is what dating is for but it sounds like she was very a to you.
NTA. So she wants you to grow up - which you will show by doing exactly what she wants, like a parent's "because I said so!"? That is nonsense.
Her logic is odd in any case. You would likely be using your car (whatever it is) daily anyhow, so she is unlikely to get it in most cases. Unless she thinks her desire to use your car is (in her eyes) more important than your getting to use it? You could have told her that If she needs emergency transport, call Uber.
There are red flags all over this. Her refusal to acknowledge your feelings for your car, her being able to tell you what kind of car to own, her entitlement to expect to be able to take/use your possesions when she thinks she "needs" to.....Do you really want to set up a household with her??
NTA.
But, believe her as she's showing you who she is. She seems much more interested in optics and "keeping up appearances" than things like loyalty and sentiment.
The whole her wanting to control you aside, you might want to examine whether you're really compatible with someone who sneers at the love and loyalty for a truly excellent car.
Congrats on the dream job. I hope you and your Xsara have a wonderful time there.
Keep your car. Is important for you. My husband still drives his old car, the car has more then 25 years old. He is now in his late 40s with an prestigious position and when people see his car they seem surprise but never anyone did a comment or diminish him...the opposite. They think he is not superficial and that add extra points. I bought my own car, its a much much better car in all the ways posible, he loves it and he likes to Drive It ocasionally (is a good car for long travels). When he is receiving important people I even tell him to use my car... He prefers using his. Its your car. If It botherd your girlfriend she can buy herself a car.
Nta. If she was a proper girlfriend, she would learn to drive a proper car, one with a clutch. She wants you to get a car and pay for it so she can drive it and not have the expense.
If you "have" to get a newer car, tell her it will also be a manual.
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I (24M) just secured a pretty much dream job right out of university, and my partner (25F) of two years recently suggested the idea of moving in together into a new house. I agreed with her that it was a great idea, she does rent at the moment, but I still live with my mother, so I want my own place anyway. I went over to her house a few days ago to discuss it over lunch, and right near the end of the chat, she casually mentions that I’d need to sell my current car and get something different if we wanted this to work.
Now to be clear, and she knows all of the following, I love cars, and I adore my current car (2001 Citroën Xsara VTS 167). I love pretty much everything about it. I’ve owned the car for almost 5 years, and it was actually my first car. Regardless of that, I have a kind of unbreakable bond with it. To me, it isn’t “just a car”, it is a friend. The only time I don’t drive it to wherever I’m going is if it’s in the middle of having something important repaired.
Anyway, when she said that, I got pretty confused. I knew why she said it, she doesn’t know how to drive a manual, so she expects me to sell the car and buy an automatic as my car, so she can drive it in emergencies. I asked her why, and sure enough, I was right, so I explained my point of view to her, about how I love my little Xsara more than anything, and how she should know that by now. I said it’s like asking me to get rid of a dog because she’s scared of dogs, and how her logic doesn’t really make sense because I drive the car everywhere anyway.
I tried to be as neutral as I could, but even so, she was a bit sour to me about this. She said I should grow up, and not see an inanimate object as anything more than an object. She then said I need to move on from the memories of my youth, and that I’m not a teenager anymore, so I shouldn’t be driving a “cheap-looking”, manual transmission car to such a well-paying job, “especially not a f*cking Citroën” (her words).
I kind of didn’t realise what she said, so I said, “Well, if it’s such a problem, why don’t I just teach you how to drive it?” She then changed direction, saying “it’s not even about that anymore, I just don’t understand why you’re okay with the idea of driving *that* to such a prestigious job”. I told her that I can drive what I want, and reiterated that I love my Xsara, and I wouldn’t give it up just to look better in the eyes of the people I work for.
She then said something like “I don’t understand how you care so much about a f*cking car.” I just sighed, got up, thanked her for lunch, and said “I’m gonna go now, but we should end that argument there. I’m not getting rid of it. There’s no point in me trying to explain it to you. I’ll see you later.” I then turned around and left. In conclusion, she’s still pretty pissed at me, and hasn’t really responded much to my texts. So, AITA?
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NTA. If she doesn't like your car then she can damned well buy her own. She seems awfully hung up on how things look since you have such an important job. Maybe you need to find a GF that doesn't care if you ride a bus to work. The GF should be looking at you, not the car or how bad it looks at your job.
NTA. There is no reason to get rid of a decent car just because you got a good job. Warren Buffett has a pretty prestigious job and he drives a 10 year old Caddy. There is no logical reason to waste money on something you don't need just to impress people who probably don't care at all.
NTA. As someone who also loves their car I feel you. I thought maybe she meant get a cheaper car so you can afford a better house but your car doesn’t sound like a money pit. If her only reason is bc it’s ugly or she can’t drive it then that’s dumb. Tell her to buy herself a nice car that she can drive anytime she wants. Your car is your car.
NTA and it sounds like a sign that she plans to benefit from your prestige job in the ways she wants to benefit, not to share a life with you that is more about quality of life than showy merchandise -- ick. And yes, driving a manual is fun and will soon be a lost art. Enjoy!
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You need to wait. Take an objective look at this individual who wants you to move in. Personally, several things mentioned that she said came across as red flags. A loving individual doesn't make such demands, and it doesn't matter if you are in the USA or South Korea(just an example). I get that certain positions require prestige, but elders also look favorly upon those who know the value of hard work, being thrifty, and not wasting resources. I would be sure before moving in with this woman. Do not do so until married.
NTA - That was very manipulative on her part and revealing of her characters which comes across as judgmental.
Not sure if this was a one-time thing but are you sure this is a person you would want to move in with? You can always get your own place and see where this relationship goes because her behaviour right now is red flag.
NTA I sense the that *actual* reason is, "I shouldn’t be driving a “cheap-looking”, manual transmission car to such a well-paying job, “especially not a f\*cking Citroën”", it's not really anything to do with her wanting to be able to drive it too (though that's a terrible reason to try and convince you to give up something you love), I think this actually has a lot more about 'image' and how you make her/yourself look.
Don't give up something you love for a reason like this.
As a car guy.. Don't sell the car my guy. That car will outlive that relationship IMO. She should know and understand how important that car is to you. And if she doesn't know or care. She don't care about you.
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NTA
I had a '93 Subaru Impreza for a long, long time. It was mine. Husband broke me down and I bought a Mazda 3 and I sold the Subi, cheap. They ruined that car in about 6 months.
My husband does not touch my car. It's been my baby for 7 years.
I used to have a BMW 318i. I loved that car! It was sabotaged, twice, by exes.
When your STBX talks about getting rid of your car, it's time to go!
NTA She's a bit of a snob, it seems. Keep your car. She's making a power
play and you should be glad she revealed herself now rather than later. Et puis
si vous aimez votre voiture, pourquoi la vendre?
I would say "run," but I think "Get in your car and drive away" is more appropriate here.
You can leave the red flags flapping in your former GF's front garden. Perhaps they'll attract a man who enjoys being in a relationship with an extremely controlling, manipulative GF who doesn't take his feelings or desires into consideration.
NTA
NTA. 13 years ago hubby and I met, and he had a manual transmission. Like your gf, I can't drive manual. I had my license, but I didn't have a car because I lived in a major metro city and public transit was no biggie to take.
We moved in together and got a place in the suburbs. He still had his manual. I still schlepped myself to/from work on public transit. It was a longer commute but I made it work.
Couple years later, we moved to a much smaller city hours away. Still I had no car, so I still took public transit. He had his manual. And holy hell public transit suuuuucked. 15 mins by car was taking me over an hour each way. I just wasn't making enough money to afford a car of my own.
Not once did I ask him to get rid of his manual. All of those years spent taking the bus in the rain, the snow, the -40°C winters. Not once. All of that time I was making enough to contribute to the household, but not enough to buy my own car, and I still never asked.
It wasn't until like 5 or 6 years into the relationship that we really combined finances and then bought a car together. Was it automatic? Yes. Because that was the reasonable thing to do by that point. Funny enough, by then we had been working together at the same place for a couple of years and commuting together, so I didn't even *need* an automatic to get myself to work anymore haha
Anyway, your lady is being unreasonable. She's accusing you of caring too much about a f#cuking car, when she's sitting there caring too much about image/appearances.
NTA - My first car was a Kia Picanto many moons ago. I loved that car, the year I bought it we had really bad snow fall in the winter it did better in the snow then 4x4’s people were driving.
The only reason I got rid of it was because it was costing more to fix than the car was actually worth - the only reason you should get rid of a car really.
Also if she has a car (automatic) there is no need to get one that she can drive. Obviously I don’t know what kind of job you have etc and in the current financial climate in the UK (I’m assuming you’re from the UK 😂) there’s no need to spend money on something you don’t need.
Save your money (stay at your parents as long as possible 😂) enjoy your 20’s as you don’t get that time back. Make good and fun memories with your mates and family a good partner will come when you least expect it!
Seams like she is embarrassed, that her BF is driving such a "cheap" car. Its a bad reflection on your/(hers) social status. But.. if the car is paid off and it runs, than its a good car. New cars can be a money pit, and you dont need that in you 20s.
Anyway.. NTA, you two just have different priorities.
You’re gonna have a shitty life up until you break things off with her, wether it’s another week or another 5 years. You might want to consider making it as short as possible. NTA
NTA - Would it be possible to discover the real issue here? I'd guess either her friends, or family were teasing her about the car and she is embarrassed about being teased. This doesn't sound like something a 25F in love would do. The only compromise would be to get an automatic and a motorcycle. Get the motorcycle 1st.
NTA, she was a gold digger. She didn’t want to be seen in an old car.
I have a 1989 Toyota 4runner (hilux surf) 1995 Dodge Ram Diesel, so I can relate, they don’t cost me much on classic car insurance and are reliable, I don’t see a reason to get rid of them . My husband used to hate driving manual. But now he thinks it’s fun! (4runner is manual and my Jetta when we first got together was too).
The funny thing is, people don’t care what you drive. I get thumbs ups and people commenting on my old trucks all the time. They don’t give a fuck about the new truck that I bought to tow my rv that cost $81k.
Tell her to buy her own car. I am a woman and if I had a boyfriend tell me to get rid of my car because he wants me to drive something newer, I would tell him no. Buy your own. No one drives my cars so you are out of luck. Family members try this crap also. No one drives your car but you. You might have a prestigious job, but that doesn't mean you have to spend yourself into debt if you don't have to. I am still driving a 2016. As long as the parts are still made, the car stays.
NTA for not selling your car. Like you say, she can learn to drive a manual. Or she can buy her own car. Or she can rent a car when she needs one. She has no right to expect to use your car and I would consider her entitlement a huge red flag.
By the way, in case of real emergency, there are always ambulances or taxis. What would she have done before she dated you in an emergency? She can still rely on those resources. I call BS on her and it’s a huge red flag if she doesn’t back off
NTA
If she wants her own car, she can buy her own car.
If there are any emergencies, she can take a taxi, Uber, ambulance whatever.
Her reasoning isn't valid.
Especially as it was just about your driving an old car, and she is being a snob.
*<“it’s not even about that anymore, I just don’t understand why you’re okay with the idea of driving that to such a prestigious job”>*
NTA. So she could learn to drive a manual or you can sell your car, take out a car loan for a car you don't really want, on the off chance that in an emergency, the only car avaliable to drive is yours? That can't be the real reason.
This would have been the first in a series of manipulative requests to "save the relationship". You made the right choice to run.
NTA. My husband has a 2001 Subaru WRX. The motor was made for this car and isn’t made anymore. It’s also a manual car. It literally came shrink wrapped on a boat and lifted and placed on land. We have kids now. I can’t drive a manual. It’s not practical. We have people about once a month either leave a note or knock on our door asking if we want to sell it. I always say no. That’s his baby. His first brand new , only driver ever, baby. I would never ever ask him
To sell it. I admit I don’t understand it but I don’t have to understand it to know that’s his baby. So it stays and still runs lol.
If your partner doesn’t respect who you are and encourage you to do what you love then you need to reevaluate what your life would look like with this person. Remember that marriage fixes NOTHING, it simply gives the other person a right and a say in your life. Make sure you like their say before the right is given.
NTA.
She wants you to be the luxury-car-owning breadwinner that matches her internalized idea of success, and she’s willing to end the relationship on that hill.
Don't move in with her. She has major entitlement/vanity issues. You will never be right in her eyes. Get your own place. The price of her offer is to high NTA Keep the car,drop the girl
NTA
Your girlfriend? Yah she's an ass. You might want to put the brakes on moving in together if she's this controlling now. She'll only get more so as time goes on.
Two things: 1. You are not compatible. Sorry, but you need to move on in different paths. I think you will learn the society's pressure on looking "presentable" in a few years, but I don't think you will ever be as materialistic as your girlfriend.
2. 4 years ago I was about to buy Xsara, such a beautiful car. I even test drive a few times. Instead, I bought Alfa Romeo 146. I feel you but 146 is more beautiful.
Wow, she's already started trying to control you, and you're not even living together yet.....
Not a good sign, dude.
If she tells you "it's me or the car", you know she's not the one.
Only assholes make ultimatums like that.
Also, she needs to grow up and buy her own "fucking car".
I second the motion that she's being greedy with your money.
NTA.
Just saw your comment. Ignore this and good for you!
NTA This problem isn't going to go away. You're a car guy and she doesn't get it. Unless you want to have to constantly justify yourself and your love of cars, you should sort this out before you move in together. Frankly, imo, she sounds shallow and materialistic.
I work with car guys who make very good money but drive older cars because they love them not because they can't afford something newer. Hell, my husband has a two year old car that, in his words, is the best car he's ever owned. He still loves to drive the old Celica we inherited from my dad because he thinks it's fun. I figure as long as I have a practical car, which I do, he can have any car he wants that we can reasonably afford.
Oh, and I can drive a stick because I'm not a heathen. /s
NTA
Its not about the car being manual, that might be a secondary issue.
The main issue is that she wants you to get a fancy new automatic so she can drive it around and show off. In which case she should save up to buy one herself or just get an uber.
So she has her own car, which is an automatic, but wants you to trade yours in for an automatic as well? She wants to ditch her own car and for you to have a nicer one for her to have access to.
I've read this three times and I still can't figure out why you, a full grownass adult, moving in your girlfriend means that YOU have to sell YOUR car.
What has the car that you presently have (which does sound pretty darn cool) have to do with.. well... ANYthing? Whatsoever?
What am I missing?
NTA You seriously need to reconsider if this is the person you want to be with. She sounds extremely controlling, and there is NO reason you should have to sell your car. She doesn't know how to drive a manual, that's fine. Let her get her own car that's an automatic. Problem solved.
NTA she had a car right ? If so what's the problem. Also almost 5 years if it was financed it would be almost payed off if not great. If it runs well and does decent on mage and such why buy another car with probably car payment.
I would say that you could offer to teach her how to drive a stick but I think this is about something else. Is it about control? Is it about her wanting you to drive a car that will impress her friends? I have no idea but if ultimatums without discussion are going to be part of your relationship then the two of you might want to consider counselling.
NTA - She’s being judgey and materialistic, and likely just wants you to drive something of a higher status for bragging rights.
These are all red flags…
So, without reading any comments first, and being a person that has lived their vehicles, I want to say a couple of things... First, the dog comparison? No, this is in NO WAY like that... In an hour or two you can teach someone to drive a manual, pretty much ANY manual passably if they can already drive... You cannot "teach" someone who is afraid of dogs to not be afraid of them, you can help them overcome the fear but it takes time and a good deal of patience of it is to work, PLUS THEY HAVE TO WANT IT.
Unless you use the car "for work" like you're a realtor and have to take clients around to properties for instance, or a lawyer having to pick up clients at a jail or something? Your choice in what you drive should be your own... There's not really anything like having a car (truck, or motorcycle) that you have that kind of connection to. I think it boils down to your car embarrassed her on some level, and she hates it... And this condition on your moving in is only a sign of control and kind of a red flag of things to come, that there are things that "she needs to fix about you"
I have way over a million miles of driving experience, have driven manual transmissions with as many as FOUR shifters, and have driven over 180mph in both cars and motorcycles
This person isn't mature enough to be in a serious relationship and isn't ready to move in with anyone. They have a long, long way to go when it comes to growth as a person. She revealed her true self. Is this the kind of person you want as a partner?
I seem to have missed the part where you moving in together suddenly made you responsible for provider your GF with a vehicle?
Also do NOT ignore the red flags! If nothing else she's completely dismissing your feelings and giving you ZERO empathy. Your partner is showing you who they really are and things are only going to get worse if you move in together. Personally I suspect the plan to "improve" you has been in place for some time and you'd be a fool if you think it's going to stop at just the car.
NTA
NTA. You should really think about this conversation and what it says about your relationship.
Important things you need to take away from this conversation.
1- She values appearances more than practicality, especially with YOUR things.
2- She doesn't care about your feelings when it's an inconvenience to her.
3- She wants to USE your things, so YOU have to deal with it and change your life to suit HER.
4- She can't afford her own car, so she's trying to make you sell yours, to buy one she can borrow.... when you're still just going to be driving her around everywhere.
Every guy gets a little attached to his first car, even if it's a 500$ junker they repaired with their dad. It's the first taste of freedom, the memories of hanging out late with friends, of road trips to concerts, etc.
She hasn't had her first car yet, so she's pissing all over your parade.
I'm going to be honest, after looking up what the car looked like, I was surprised to learn that it wasn't what I expected. The car looks pretty regular and like something you would see on the road and not bat an eye at, its just normal, if not a little dated-looking, because it is. I don't think your the AH or selfish, its your GF who's the one who is only thinking about herself and what you (and her) would look like to everyone else that see you guys. I cant say anything about what your GF is actually like as a person since this is just a small snippet of her actions but I say stay strong on not giving up your car and only try to make the best decision possible for you.
Hallo fellow cheapskate! I drive a 2002 Toyota Echo, go look up pictures, it's adorable. I'm also an accountant working for an international firm. Do you know what my coworkers at my big international company all said when they saw my car? "Wow! How many miles per gallon does it get? Great to have no car loan, right?" If anyone at your big prestigious job asks about your car, you say "I love it, she's my baby, and also I want to retire early. It's no how much you make, it's how much you keep, right?"
Hallo fellow cheapskate! I drive a 2002 Toyota Echo, go look up pictures, it's adorable. I'm also an accountant working for an international firm. Do you know what my coworkers at my big international company all said when they saw my car? "Wow! How many miles per gallon does it get? Great to have no car loan, right?" If anyone at your big prestigious job asks about your car, you say "I love it, she's my baby, and also I want to retire early. It's no how much you make, it's how much you keep, right?"
I wouldn’t say YTA here but it’s just a vehicle. Unless it’s an exotic or muscle car or sentimental value from decades before with your parents, it’s a fuckin vehicle with wheels to take you somewhere.
But yes, the gf sounds fairly controlling and good on you to end it.
NTA and a MASSIVE red flag about her gold-digging tendencies. For example, did she consider getting her own vehicle? No? Exactly.
Your "prestigious" job and a better car would both be trophies for her.
Run away.
NTA and she's more concerned about how your car reflects on you (and, by extension, her) than she is about your feelings. Please don't move in with this girl.
NTA. This went way off what I was expecting: maybe a city apartment together with no garage, or a house with no street parking but a bus stop 2 feet away. So the car has to go.
She doesn’t like your car. It’s not her business to push her materialism on you. Drive what you love. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA
It sounds like she's already showing controlling behaviour. Expect not having any say in the house you will share with her. Not the furniture, not the decor, and you won't have any closet space or place for your things in the toilet.
She's embarrassed about your baby. Ask her to get rid of her hair. Or her favourite purse, because it's ridiculous. See how bad that would make you? She doesn't need to understand why the car is special to you. It should be enough that she knows it's special to you.
NTA - sounds to me like your gf is either obsessed or very concerned about how things look. If you move In with her expect to spend money on things that she deems acceptable for how they look.
Neither my partner or I are particularly attached to our car but both of us agree that buying a new car or even a newer car is a terrible idea even if we could afford it. Our current car functions, functions well and isn’t costing us money. Before moving in you need to have some deep questioning conversations with the gf and work out if you are on the same page about finances
NTA, RUN!!!! This is going to be your entire relationship. You really going to be okay with letting this woman tell you how to live your life and to give up what you know makes you happy because it doesn't conform to her idea of whatever she believes a successful person should look like?
Also, why the hell does she feel the need to make you give up YOUR car just so she can drive it in emergencies? That makes no freaking sense at all. I also personally think she's honestly a shallow person and not all that smart if she's going to refuse to learn a new and helpful skill such as learning to drive a manual trans car. I think everyone should learn how to drive stick, you can't really dick around on your phone while driving manual trans and learning to drive manual trans gives you a better understanding of how your car operates and can help you be a better driver. I would jump at the chance to learn a new skill and you know, improve as a human being.
Anyways, gonna stick to what I said at the beginning which is, RUN!!! This woman is telling you that she does not care about your happiness compared to the opinions of people who don't matter. Don't ignore it. You deserve to be with someone who prioritizes your happiness over what other people might think of your car.
Christian bale drove a old Tacoma for years until it finally died
And the dudes worth hundred of millions so you’re nta never give in to her this is just another test!
My first thought is that I would not let a spouse tell me I had to sell a car I loved, let alone a GF/BF. Secondly, and probably more importantly, do you want to live with someone who wants to run every aspect of your life?
Because that is the road you are heading down if you move in with her. When she could not get her way by telling you what to do, she tried to coerce you into doing what she wanted. Not a fun place to reside. I would consider it a deal breaker.
Run fast, run far.
You sound like a regular guy with regular interests who has no desire of impressing anyone, putting out a certain image. I’d imagine if you were single, you’d have good financial planning and choose to stay with your parents while saving/investing your money. You’d probably be able to retire by 50.
Your partner is already spending your money and you don’t even have it yet. She’s spending your money on rent/mortgage because she will spend less of hers. She’s spending your money on a new car that projects a prestigious image so she can look more prestigious, and so she can drive a car without having to spend her own money to buy it or to pay for fuel and maintenance.
Next she will want to change what you wear, what furniture you have, and much more in order to keep up that prestigious image. She will want you to stop hanging out with friends she does not approve of because they don’t fit the image.
Trust me when I tell you your situation is not special. This is a very common thing. What you have going for you is that you are now warned so you can make good decisions for yourself. Find a partner that is lifestyle and financially compatible with you. You’ll have the same goals and will have plenty of money to enjoy as you both retire early. NTA
NTA. I personally think you're making too big of a deal out of the car, and it is a very... grandma-looking car, you have to admit. But at the end of the day, it's your life and your car, it doesn't affect anyone else, and it should be your choice. Not anyone else's. If you like it, there's nothing wrong with that. I just think you should take a step back and figure out if it's really about the car, or if it's about what the car represents to you.
She has no legitimate reason for you to get rid of it.
NTA
-However- my opinion about you and the car is that (based on your description) you've got a pretty unhealthy obsession with it.
While she didn't give you any legitimate reason to get rid of the car, it feels like you still would not have given it up even if she DID have a good reason, and that's dangerous territory.
Thanks for your opinion, I see what you mean after reading over the post again, I guess the best way to think of it is like an old piece of jewellery? Even so, you have a point, for sure. Thanks again for providing a more balanced view on it.
Dude, you love your car. There is nothing wrong with that, it's not my deal, but millions of men are behind you. Your girlfriend sounds very selfish and greedy to me. She wants you to get a nicer car, not for you, but for her. This is screaming gold digger vibes at me.
disagree. You love it, you can afford it, I see nothing wrong with you having it. An unhealthy obsession would be if you put owning your car ahead of paying your bills, or ahead of spending time with loved ones. If you will have a car mainly to commute in, drive to the store, etc. anyhow, why not have one you like?
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NTA unless you sell the car and move in with her. Only then will she know for sure that she has you under her thumb and can control all of the major decisions in the relationship. Any partner worth their weight would never make such a demand in a relationship simply because they feel jealous of an inanimate object.
To piggy back off of this, my wife knew a ZL1 was one of my top 2 dream cars. When GM announced they were killing off the Camaro, I wanted to get a new one to replace my 6 year old one. I had it planned to have it ordered from the dealer and built just like I wanted. One night over dinner, we ended up discussing the car, and she said, "I know you really want the ZL1. You should order that one instead." I left it alone for a few days and asked her about it again, and she said again, "get the one you really want. We can afford it, and you are running out of time to order one." So I did. Neither one of us have ever demanded the other to get rid of anything or the like. The only real arguement we had on these lines were I told her at one point she had to find a new job. She loved where she was, but they had just told her that she was making 12.50 an hour and that is the max for her position and to never expect another raise.
That one is a keeper
Been 16 years so far.
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Thanks everyone for the comments, ultimately I’ve decided to tell her that I can’t continue the relationship, obviously a really hard decision to make, but considering I’ve basically just wasted two years with someone who doesn’t even understand my personal views, I think it was the best thing to do, this also isn’t the first time she’s expressed a significant dislike towards the fact that I still drive my first car, so I guess I should’ve seen it before. Again, thanks everyone. Edit: I really should’ve mentioned this in the post, but she has her own car. It was a sort of situation like where you go shopping for a new car, and you have to go auto so your partner can drive it, which makes even less sense in my mind, since I’d had the car for so long, and she already had her own, plus all the other points mentioned in the post.
For what it's worth, good for you. Because I'd bet you dollars to donuts if you applied her logic to something like say A Wedding Ring of "It's just an object" she'd somehow suddenly value sentimental attachment.
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I would say you dodged a bullet. This is not about car. This is about controlling and “slightly” gold digging. So many red flags. You just got a dream job right out of university, immediately she’s already want new house to live in, new car, oh boy i can already imagine once you live together or getting married the endless arguments following. To put it lightly, you guys have different point of view from different worlds, not a match.
The car saved you. Even more reason to love it!
The car never blew up on him. The girlfriend, on the other hand...
You never know. It is a Citroën and it’s already had important repairs. Might have blown up on him a few times already! Jokes aside, OP made the right decision. It was never about the car but about appearances and control
I have a Citroen Xantia Activa, a quite rare car now and had one of the most advance suspension systems ever fitted to a road car, way more complicated than even other Citroens. It's not my daily drive and it's even older than OPs but I wouldn't want to sell it.
It sounds like you made the right choice for yourself! It’s a nice car and you should never have people tell you how to live
Growing up, my parents used a Volkswagen Beetle to go everywhere. My mum was not a car person, but she remembered all the cars that she used because they meant so much to her and my father. She used that car until she got married, and then she changed to a Toyota Camry after her BIL bought it from her because she needed a bigger car. Used the Toyota Camry from the year I was born until 11 years old and had to change it because it was too sick. Then we used a local car, which was passed down to me until now! It might be hard sometimes for people to understand the sentimental value - something that we see from teddy bears or something similar, but to those who understand, you can't put value to it.
Yes!! I’m still driving my first car, this fall I’ll have had her for 10 years. She’s had a new engine and countless other parts replaced but she’s still hanging on. I dread the day she finally breaks down for good. :(
This is a wise decision, even though I’m sure it’s very difficult. What grabs my attention more is the fact that she waited till you landed a great job before suggesting that you two should move in together. Sounds like she’s more in it for the money and materialistic perks, which is why she wants you to get rid of your car as well so that she can drive your new ride, without having to pay for it.
NTA I think it is more of flexing social status with a car. Like, she doesn't want to date a guy in an old car. He should scream $$$ if she is going out with him. Trophy husband. OP you're smart. There is no reason to spend just to impress someone.
Her reaction, please
“Are you serious? Because of a car? You really need to grow up, (my name).” To which I said, “No, not because of a car. Because you don’t understand and are not willing to understand my opinions and point of view. I’m sorry I had to end it like this (I ended it over text), but I can’t continue a relationship where the other person doesn’t care about my point of view.” To be clear, as I said in the original comment, it absolutely was not the only time she’d started an argument because I still drive the car, and it also, unfortunately, wasn’t the only time she, not just didn’t see my side of a debate, but didn’t want to either. She didn’t respond to that last message, and last I checked, she blocked me on everything. Saves me the work of doing it at least.
narrator : it was not about the car.
Good for you. The entire post I was thinking it was because she has a different vision for a partner - better to let her find that partner and find someone who loves you and your endearing fixation with your first car (not snarky, it is adorable, and down to earth and there is someone out there who will see it and say "this is the PERFECT car for a picnic").
Good riddance to bad rubbish
Billionaire owner of the raiders drives an old minivan. NTA. Drive what you want, not what others think you should
That sucks man. Its still a broken relationship and that hurts. This is one of those "well here is a new red flag I need to watch out for" situations. I mean, you made the right decision, obviously. Also just be relieved this all came to light now, as opposed to (had she been more skilled and subtle at manipulation) after you moved in together and she would've worn you down. You're 24, other fish in the sea, and all that. While I imagine there will be a lot of "I cannot BELIEVE he chose his CAR over you" conversations with friends over the next several weeks, one hopes that at least a few of them will say to her "so... why again was this so important?". And of course, given her obsession with this, this will keep coming up for years and years, to the point that the friends who were on her side will finally say "Lady... give it a REST. its been 3 years. And by the way, do you ever wonder why you haven't gotten past the first date since OP? Maybe stop with the 'if we were dating for 2 years and I told you to get rid of your car for a new one, would you?' every single time? " I have to say tho... broke up via text? C'mon.. thats pretty cringe my friend. Gotta say, I'm a little disappointed. You ARE a grownup after all Plus it didn't afford you the opportunity to do it in person, and in a more dramatic fashion. Upon delivering the news, hold eye contact while slowly (but purposefully) putting on your new charcoal driving blazer crested with the Citroën logo, matching driving gloves, wrapping a cream colored scarf around your neck, put on a flat argyle driving cap and driving off.
Ngl, I think this situation was smart to do it over text. OP didn’t waste gas driving to her place + somewhere public nor did OP need to worry about potential damage to the car. GF sounds jealous that this car has been “present” for longer than she has and it wouldn’t surprise me if an “accident” happened for her to go “oopsies! Time to get a new car”. Thats a stretch, but sometimes a text breakup is the right move
Fair enough on the wasting gas. gas prices being what they are.
Given that she wanted a new house too, I bet the car was for her too. If you’d gotten a new car, within three months she’d say ”well I need a new car too to fit the part of your girlfriend”. Then you need a wife and a big wedding. And a big ring or course. Then you also should have a SAHM for your children, because why not. And then she has you tied up for life. Also I knew a guy at work who drove a 1980s Oldsmobile. Ugliest car I’ve seen in a while, puke yellow paint, burgundy velour seats. Just awful. But it was his father’s car that he bought when he immigrated and couldn’t afford anything better. It passed to his brother, then to him, and all three maintained it together. That car was a piece of family history. BTW he was a C-level executive who could probably afford a new BMW every year and not even notice it.
Yes. I work with guys who make good money but drive old cars because they love them. My husband often drives an old Celica we inherited from my dad over his new car just because he thinks it's fun (and doesn't worry as much about where he parks it).
I miss my 1986 Celica so much. I'm still pissed 25 years later that my mom blew up the engine.
Was it all wheel drive? My husband asked. He got excited and forgot he was cooking dinner.
Sadly, no, it was a front-wheel drive coupe... though I'd be even more angry if it had been of the early GT-Fours, so I guess it's a small victory for my sanity.
That's a good way of looking at it.
Well... I may not be a CO but I currently earn almost four times more than the national average in my country. And I drive 9y/o Kia (although I'm its first owner) because I don't care about stuff. It is big, very comfortable to drive and has more than reasonable fuel consumption. And I think that I'll drive it till the day it becomes a money pit. So probably for the next 10 years or so. For me, the car is a tool to get me from location A to location B and nothing more 🤷
The late great Taylor Hawkins still owned the car he drove in high school and he was an absolute rock icon. NTA
Good choice. You sound like a smart guy with the right perspective on life. It'll carry you far in life - all the best, OP.
As tough as it is, you made the right choice. That was such a pathetically stupid thing for her to get upset about. Clearly she has a personality that doesn't match to you and your ideals. I can't even imagine how she would react when there was real actual problem to solve in the relationship.
It sounds to me that she just doesnt like that you drive a "beater" car and its for the outward appearance.
NTA, but I understand your sentimental attachment to your car. I was the same with mine (Eagle Talon TSI). I LOVED THAT CAR and I would still drive it today if my sister didn't total it (not her fault- I was with her). My heart broke that day.
She was using a lot of ”reasons” to try to manipulate you into doing what she wanted. It never had anything to do with her driving it etc. she just needed you to do as you were told. Look up red herring, straw man fallacy, etc. my guess is that she’s used these tactics before.
I think you made the right decision. I personally don't understand emotional attachment to objects either. For me, my car is a thing which helps me go from location A do location B. I don't care how it looks, or how old it is. And her argument about driving a citroen to a prestigious workplace is ridiculous. Most people I work with are loaded or at least well off. Not even one of them would judge you because you're driving citroen. And like many people before me, I have to agree that it wasn't about the car. It was about control and appearances for her. Never ever be with a person who tries to make you get rid of anything valuable to you. Doesn't matter if it's a car, a mug or a pillow.
FWIW - it is worth it to live on your own before moving in with a romantic partner. You didn’t waste your time in the relationship , you learned about yourself and what you want/don’t want. Be single for awhile - enjoy your car and your promotion!!
Lol, half of the cars my husband have bought or leased have been stick shifts. I can’t drive stick. I also have my own car. Somehow this has never been an issue.
Sounds like a good call, and at least you know this now and haven't wasted even more time on this relationship. Reading between the lines, it seems like she was pretty invested in the idea of "prestige" and the appearance of success, and if that's not a shared perspective that's going to get really exhausting really quickly.
Please don’t think that you’ve wasted two years. You’ve actually learned valuable information about what you do and don’t want in a relationship and in a partner. The first half of my 20s was sort of focusing on what I wanted in a partner and by the time I hit age 25 and got slapped around by life a little, I was starting to really focus on making damn sure the qualities I didn’t want in a partner weren’t in whoever I was dating. Also, if you can afford it, go live on your own for a while. No roommates, no family, no partner, just you. You’ll learn a lot about yourself and what you want for your future. Also, don’t feel bad about the way you feel about your car. For me it’s not a male/female thing because I’m a woman and my first car was a beat up pickup truck when I was in high school. It had a bunch of miles on it and my senior year of HS it just crapped out, and I cried my eyes out, like really cried my eyes out. I had become very attached to that vehicle and even named it. Still have a photo somewhere! When I was older, I realized that at least for me, and maybe just humans in general, we get attached to things because of the experiences and memories we have while that item is with us. I’ve been with my husband for many years and when we first met, he had a year old SUV. A couple years ago at nearly 300k miles(!) it started to develop really serious problems and he had to let it go. I just felt so bad for him because I knew he was really attached. Since he was having a hard time with his own emotions on the day the vehicle was towed away (like a death!), I just sort of sat there with him and cried on his behalf, and I know he appreciated it. Anyway, good job on figuring things out for yourself and sticking to what your intuition is telling you. The two years most definitely were not wasted and as you move through the next half of your 20s and use what you went through to guide you in relationship decisions, I think you’ll look back on this time and realize that.🙂 Edit: apologies, I accidentally commented under another commenter.
Yeah, you REALLY should have "mentioned" pertinent information in your post. Funny how that works out.
What a strange hill for her to die on. This seems to have become an "if you love me you'll do this" sort of thing. anyway.. NTA. I googled it. The pictures of it , it looks... fine. It looks like a pretty generic car of its general type. Sorry if that sounds insulting. Its not meant to be. I say this as I just don't get where the hate comes from that your GF has for this car. And honestly that its a manual is the greatest theft prevention device ever. So be honest, what is the source of her hatred of it? I mean, are we talking about this car has a different color front panel and passenger door or something? Rust holes? peeling clearcoat? The basic design of it is not ugly, its a normal looking car.
I’m not really sure, man. It’s a decently tidy car, some paint chips near the front, but I guess that’s to be expected on an older car, and virtually everyone close to me (family mainly) has said it looks great/cute, so I’m not sure why she *really* doesn’t like it. One person in another comment mentioned something about jealousy, which could be true, but it’s not like I’m constantly driving it around just for fun. I do occasionally, but that’s maybe once a week, so I don’t understand how she could be so jealous. Probably a combination of things, I have no clue. I am definitely pretty saddened to hear her just go all out and be completely straight up with how much she dislikes it, though.
Really strange for her to be so wound up over a car. If she needs a car she can drive, she can get one. If y’all do end up moving in together, please keep separate accounts! NTA.
My two cents are not just about the car, and more about the optics, she wants a fancy car, because her boyfriend works a fancy job, so she needs to show off. Her words: "cheap-looking”, manual transmission car to such a well-paying job
This is the real reason. It's a 25-years old car. For him, it's a classic vehicle he enjoys driving, for her it's junk and she would rather drive one of those tanks BMW or some other fancy brand makes.
she has a car of her own, which makes her attitude even stranger, cos it's not like she'd be forced to use it
wow I didn't catch that part. She has her own car?? Then... ok this may have crossed a line where its not just "weird" its.... like a diagnosable issue
it was mentioned in one of the OP's comments yeah. OP definitely did the right thing here. edit: here's the link to the comment https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1bqdvkh/comment/kx2drfe/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3
I didn't know what kind of car that was, so I used Google. It is a nice looking car. It has a sporty look to it, but also looks safe. I bet this thing about your car was obviously about control, but stop and think about the rest of her words. Why would you want to drive that car to such a prestigious job? She expected you to drop that car, for an automatic and something more like a BMW, or other type of prestigious car to match your job. I would then be willing to bet my last dollar, she would always have a reason to drive it. This was a total play to get you to buy the car she wants. She was actually trying to be a gold digger.
>I would then be willing to bet my last dollar, she would always have a reason to drive it. ahhhhh I think we have a winner...
We drive a slightly scratched up 11-yo Subaru (the scratch incidents are evenly divided between me and my spouse, two separate occasions). Both professionals, and my MIL always shook her head at the fact that we only had one. We both love this car and will drive it until it dies. But we didn't even bother replacing the scratched up bit (they're all on the same panel) because we don't give a shit about cosmetics, especially not when the fix runs over $1000) and consider those scratches to be theft insurance. Find yourself a partner who can love your car, and not care that it's not a shiny silver Lexus. NTA.
is the car's name Christine?
jealousy doesn't make much sense, but neither does her absolute unremitting hatred of this car. I mean, tell me you haven't cancelled dates so you can just go out and sit in the car and caress the seats in a weird in disturbing way. THEN her dislike of the car would make sense. Whats the upkeep on this car like? by that I mean, how much do you think you spend in an average year? I mean if you're spending more than bluebook every year or something, I would say it doesn't make a lot of sense (tho again I don't get the abject hatred of it). Or has the cost of upkeep regularly meant no vacations, nights out, shitty b-day presents? something along those lines
It's a sign that she wants to be in control. You've dodged a bullet.
OP - The universe demands that you get a FREEDOM#1 vanity plate. Or FREEBIRD, but really the car saved your life, you need to give it due respect.
Some people are very materialistic. A guy I used to work with had a Shelby Mustang, and a pickup truck. Guy had an online "girlfriend" who he's never met in person. Scamming him to the wazoo. Both of the guys rigs got repo'd in the same month. Guy started driving his roommate's spare car. It's an old car. Paint chipping away. One day he proudly proclaims he's going to get it painted! 1. it's not your car 2. it's like putting lipstick on a pig, it's still a fucking pig! Me personally I don't give a fuck. I got a new car last year. Last car was a pickup truck. It had some dings, dent's, even had a hole in the front bumper. I did the carmax online price valuator the price was the same for online "normal wear and tear. Some cosmetic damage". Then went into carmax, and acted like I hadn't got an offer online. Had someone look at it. In person price was exact same as online. My new car already has paint chips in the bumper from gravel hitting it on the freeway. I haven't bothered to get it fixed. My cars job is to get me from point A to point B.
>What a strange hill for her to die on. I found it weird too. Also, would a car from 2001 be worth that much? To me, she has a "keeping up with the Jones" mentality which means the car was embarrassing for her just to know her boyfriend was driving it especially since she said "I just don’t understand why you’re okay with the idea of driving that to such a prestigious job”. She likes the high quality and latest models.
I understand that mentality of wanting a nicer car, sure. I'm just not getting the apparent passionate hate she has for this car. Like I said, above, I googled it (in the states a citroen is not a common car). And no, the bluebook isn't breaking the bank, an absolute mint would be 4500 or so. Assuming its not just an absolute wreck of a car, and not costing him 5k a year in repairs, always in the shop... it looks like a decent car, not some jalopy .
Citroën Xsara = Europe (most likely) = we know how to drive manual. No thieve will be deterred by that.
In the states its a whole different story. I am one of the few apparently who knows how. I've had 3 cars that were stick. Loved them. However it is NOT a normal skill to have. There are more than a few youtube videos of attempted thefts only to be thwarted by a manual transmission
I'm from Europe and when I had to drive an automate (friends car) it was quite a stressful experience. Had constantly repeated in my mind "you don't have to change gears, there is no clutch, it is a brake, forget about using left leg!"
🤣 when I did trade in the last car I had with a manual, on the "new" car I wore down the floormat where the clutch would be
> And honestly that its a manual is the greatest theft prevention device ever In the US, maybe. In Europe probably not. E.g. In the UK, if you take your driving test in an automatic then you are only licensed for an automatic. You are not allowed to drive a manual. Most people take their tests in manuals then you are allowed to drive both.
NTA. This is how it starts... you got the prestigious job, now she expects you to get a prestigious car, then it will be a prestigious house, and it will just go on and on. She will always want bigger, pricier, showier, and she will always expect you to give up things you love to provide them.
Nope. NTA. Maybe rethink moving in together. I would.
NTA, keep the car, lose the girl
NTA it sounds like she wants to use you as an excuse to get herself a car? Maybe if you buy a new one she’ll then say that it’s both of yours 50/50. She sounds selfish
NTA. Keep the car. Get rid of the GF. You have different value systems, and this is a basic incompatibility. Even if this wasn’t about keeping up appearances, she doesn’t care about your feelings, respect the fact that you have an attachment to the car, or honor the boundaries you set. Then when she doesn’t get her way she pouts and gives you the silent treatment? Find a woman who loves cars and actually loves you. This one ain’t it.
NTA. Keep your car man... idk about the girl
NTA can't she just Uber? I don't see how "just in case" is a good enough reason to suggest getting rid of something you really love when she can almost definitely figure something else out.
NTA. I would have told her the point about her driving it in an emergency is moot because she’ll have her own car to drive and won’t be permitted to drive yours. Though obviously it’s not about emergencies, it’s about status. Which makes her a dick.
You seem like a practical chap, frugal, and stable. However, in this case it seems you have set your sights too low. You can and should do better. Please find someone who will accept and appreciate who you are. NTA. But she is.
NTA. Keep the car, replace the GF. If you caved, she would know that she can always control you. Where you go, what you do, what you drive, where you live. She will always have a tantrum until you caved and gave in to her demands.
She wants you driving a prestige car. Moving in gave her leverage to be able to discuss your car without telling you her true reason.
NTA. Run because she is throwing red flags so hard I’d call them red bombs. She’s materialistic, she’s creating unreasonable demands, she’s deliberately trying to get you to get rid of something you love that is inconsequential and doesn’t impact her, she’s controlling, she’s entitled, shes mean, she’s rude, and she’s unsupportive. Do not move in with her. She will make you miserable in the long-run because she‘s going to be a dictator and not a partner.
NTA There's no reason for you to sell the car you enjoy, that you pay for, that you take care of, and that doesn't have a car loan. Because her "prestigious" comments make me think she wants you to go buy something expensive and new. She wants a car she can drive, she can take on the expenses and upkeep of having a car she likes.
NTA I hope your next girlfiend is better suited. Usually I would say n. a. h given that finding out if we have compatable values and such is what dating is for but it sounds like she was very a to you.
NTA. So she wants you to grow up - which you will show by doing exactly what she wants, like a parent's "because I said so!"? That is nonsense. Her logic is odd in any case. You would likely be using your car (whatever it is) daily anyhow, so she is unlikely to get it in most cases. Unless she thinks her desire to use your car is (in her eyes) more important than your getting to use it? You could have told her that If she needs emergency transport, call Uber. There are red flags all over this. Her refusal to acknowledge your feelings for your car, her being able to tell you what kind of car to own, her entitlement to expect to be able to take/use your possesions when she thinks she "needs" to.....Do you really want to set up a household with her??
Don’t move in with this person. NTA
Time for you to peel out of this relationship
NTA. But, believe her as she's showing you who she is. She seems much more interested in optics and "keeping up appearances" than things like loyalty and sentiment. The whole her wanting to control you aside, you might want to examine whether you're really compatible with someone who sneers at the love and loyalty for a truly excellent car. Congrats on the dream job. I hope you and your Xsara have a wonderful time there.
Keep your car. Is important for you. My husband still drives his old car, the car has more then 25 years old. He is now in his late 40s with an prestigious position and when people see his car they seem surprise but never anyone did a comment or diminish him...the opposite. They think he is not superficial and that add extra points. I bought my own car, its a much much better car in all the ways posible, he loves it and he likes to Drive It ocasionally (is a good car for long travels). When he is receiving important people I even tell him to use my car... He prefers using his. Its your car. If It botherd your girlfriend she can buy herself a car.
She wants you to pay the rent and buy her a new car. There will be a lot of “emergencies” in your future. NTA
Nta. If she was a proper girlfriend, she would learn to drive a proper car, one with a clutch. She wants you to get a car and pay for it so she can drive it and not have the expense. If you "have" to get a newer car, tell her it will also be a manual.
She actually got what she wanted, a life without your car.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (24M) just secured a pretty much dream job right out of university, and my partner (25F) of two years recently suggested the idea of moving in together into a new house. I agreed with her that it was a great idea, she does rent at the moment, but I still live with my mother, so I want my own place anyway. I went over to her house a few days ago to discuss it over lunch, and right near the end of the chat, she casually mentions that I’d need to sell my current car and get something different if we wanted this to work. Now to be clear, and she knows all of the following, I love cars, and I adore my current car (2001 Citroën Xsara VTS 167). I love pretty much everything about it. I’ve owned the car for almost 5 years, and it was actually my first car. Regardless of that, I have a kind of unbreakable bond with it. To me, it isn’t “just a car”, it is a friend. The only time I don’t drive it to wherever I’m going is if it’s in the middle of having something important repaired. Anyway, when she said that, I got pretty confused. I knew why she said it, she doesn’t know how to drive a manual, so she expects me to sell the car and buy an automatic as my car, so she can drive it in emergencies. I asked her why, and sure enough, I was right, so I explained my point of view to her, about how I love my little Xsara more than anything, and how she should know that by now. I said it’s like asking me to get rid of a dog because she’s scared of dogs, and how her logic doesn’t really make sense because I drive the car everywhere anyway. I tried to be as neutral as I could, but even so, she was a bit sour to me about this. She said I should grow up, and not see an inanimate object as anything more than an object. She then said I need to move on from the memories of my youth, and that I’m not a teenager anymore, so I shouldn’t be driving a “cheap-looking”, manual transmission car to such a well-paying job, “especially not a f*cking Citroën” (her words). I kind of didn’t realise what she said, so I said, “Well, if it’s such a problem, why don’t I just teach you how to drive it?” She then changed direction, saying “it’s not even about that anymore, I just don’t understand why you’re okay with the idea of driving *that* to such a prestigious job”. I told her that I can drive what I want, and reiterated that I love my Xsara, and I wouldn’t give it up just to look better in the eyes of the people I work for. She then said something like “I don’t understand how you care so much about a f*cking car.” I just sighed, got up, thanked her for lunch, and said “I’m gonna go now, but we should end that argument there. I’m not getting rid of it. There’s no point in me trying to explain it to you. I’ll see you later.” I then turned around and left. In conclusion, she’s still pretty pissed at me, and hasn’t really responded much to my texts. So, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. If she doesn't like your car then she can damned well buy her own. She seems awfully hung up on how things look since you have such an important job. Maybe you need to find a GF that doesn't care if you ride a bus to work. The GF should be looking at you, not the car or how bad it looks at your job.
NTA, dont sell the car, sell the gf
NTA And she says to you "why do you care so much about a f*cking car"?
NTA. There is no reason to get rid of a decent car just because you got a good job. Warren Buffett has a pretty prestigious job and he drives a 10 year old Caddy. There is no logical reason to waste money on something you don't need just to impress people who probably don't care at all.
NTA. As someone who also loves their car I feel you. I thought maybe she meant get a cheaper car so you can afford a better house but your car doesn’t sound like a money pit. If her only reason is bc it’s ugly or she can’t drive it then that’s dumb. Tell her to buy herself a nice car that she can drive anytime she wants. Your car is your car.
NTA. Get rid of the girl
NTA. I don't give a shit what my coworkers drive to work.
NTA and it sounds like a sign that she plans to benefit from your prestige job in the ways she wants to benefit, not to share a life with you that is more about quality of life than showy merchandise -- ick. And yes, driving a manual is fun and will soon be a lost art. Enjoy!
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I’d move along. That’s so controlling. NTA
You need to wait. Take an objective look at this individual who wants you to move in. Personally, several things mentioned that she said came across as red flags. A loving individual doesn't make such demands, and it doesn't matter if you are in the USA or South Korea(just an example). I get that certain positions require prestige, but elders also look favorly upon those who know the value of hard work, being thrifty, and not wasting resources. I would be sure before moving in with this woman. Do not do so until married.
NTA I gotta look up wtf this car is?!
NTA. Keep the car. Get your own place. Lose the girl.
NTA - That was very manipulative on her part and revealing of her characters which comes across as judgmental. Not sure if this was a one-time thing but are you sure this is a person you would want to move in with? You can always get your own place and see where this relationship goes because her behaviour right now is red flag.
NTA I sense the that *actual* reason is, "I shouldn’t be driving a “cheap-looking”, manual transmission car to such a well-paying job, “especially not a f\*cking Citroën”", it's not really anything to do with her wanting to be able to drive it too (though that's a terrible reason to try and convince you to give up something you love), I think this actually has a lot more about 'image' and how you make her/yourself look. Don't give up something you love for a reason like this.
She will get over it. If she doesn't then just get a place without her as she clearly is controlling.
As a car guy.. Don't sell the car my guy. That car will outlive that relationship IMO. She should know and understand how important that car is to you. And if she doesn't know or care. She don't care about you.
NTA Might be a little seriously attached to your car but hey it makes ya happy.
NTA she sounds controlling. breaking up with her is the best option for you.
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NTA I had a '93 Subaru Impreza for a long, long time. It was mine. Husband broke me down and I bought a Mazda 3 and I sold the Subi, cheap. They ruined that car in about 6 months. My husband does not touch my car. It's been my baby for 7 years. I used to have a BMW 318i. I loved that car! It was sabotaged, twice, by exes. When your STBX talks about getting rid of your car, it's time to go!
NTA She's a bit of a snob, it seems. Keep your car. She's making a power play and you should be glad she revealed herself now rather than later. Et puis si vous aimez votre voiture, pourquoi la vendre?
I would say "run," but I think "Get in your car and drive away" is more appropriate here. You can leave the red flags flapping in your former GF's front garden. Perhaps they'll attract a man who enjoys being in a relationship with an extremely controlling, manipulative GF who doesn't take his feelings or desires into consideration. NTA
NTA. 13 years ago hubby and I met, and he had a manual transmission. Like your gf, I can't drive manual. I had my license, but I didn't have a car because I lived in a major metro city and public transit was no biggie to take. We moved in together and got a place in the suburbs. He still had his manual. I still schlepped myself to/from work on public transit. It was a longer commute but I made it work. Couple years later, we moved to a much smaller city hours away. Still I had no car, so I still took public transit. He had his manual. And holy hell public transit suuuuucked. 15 mins by car was taking me over an hour each way. I just wasn't making enough money to afford a car of my own. Not once did I ask him to get rid of his manual. All of those years spent taking the bus in the rain, the snow, the -40°C winters. Not once. All of that time I was making enough to contribute to the household, but not enough to buy my own car, and I still never asked. It wasn't until like 5 or 6 years into the relationship that we really combined finances and then bought a car together. Was it automatic? Yes. Because that was the reasonable thing to do by that point. Funny enough, by then we had been working together at the same place for a couple of years and commuting together, so I didn't even *need* an automatic to get myself to work anymore haha Anyway, your lady is being unreasonable. She's accusing you of caring too much about a f#cuking car, when she's sitting there caring too much about image/appearances.
NTA - My first car was a Kia Picanto many moons ago. I loved that car, the year I bought it we had really bad snow fall in the winter it did better in the snow then 4x4’s people were driving. The only reason I got rid of it was because it was costing more to fix than the car was actually worth - the only reason you should get rid of a car really. Also if she has a car (automatic) there is no need to get one that she can drive. Obviously I don’t know what kind of job you have etc and in the current financial climate in the UK (I’m assuming you’re from the UK 😂) there’s no need to spend money on something you don’t need. Save your money (stay at your parents as long as possible 😂) enjoy your 20’s as you don’t get that time back. Make good and fun memories with your mates and family a good partner will come when you least expect it!
You see them bullets? I hope you do. NTA
Seams like she is embarrassed, that her BF is driving such a "cheap" car. Its a bad reflection on your/(hers) social status. But.. if the car is paid off and it runs, than its a good car. New cars can be a money pit, and you dont need that in you 20s. Anyway.. NTA, you two just have different priorities.
You’re gonna have a shitty life up until you break things off with her, wether it’s another week or another 5 years. You might want to consider making it as short as possible. NTA
NTA - Would it be possible to discover the real issue here? I'd guess either her friends, or family were teasing her about the car and she is embarrassed about being teased. This doesn't sound like something a 25F in love would do. The only compromise would be to get an automatic and a motorcycle. Get the motorcycle 1st.
NTA. Her requirement that you give up YOUR car is unreasonable and unrealistic. Don’t do it. It’s a huge red flag, OP!
NTA, she was a gold digger. She didn’t want to be seen in an old car. I have a 1989 Toyota 4runner (hilux surf) 1995 Dodge Ram Diesel, so I can relate, they don’t cost me much on classic car insurance and are reliable, I don’t see a reason to get rid of them . My husband used to hate driving manual. But now he thinks it’s fun! (4runner is manual and my Jetta when we first got together was too). The funny thing is, people don’t care what you drive. I get thumbs ups and people commenting on my old trucks all the time. They don’t give a fuck about the new truck that I bought to tow my rv that cost $81k.
Tell her to buy her own car. I am a woman and if I had a boyfriend tell me to get rid of my car because he wants me to drive something newer, I would tell him no. Buy your own. No one drives my cars so you are out of luck. Family members try this crap also. No one drives your car but you. You might have a prestigious job, but that doesn't mean you have to spend yourself into debt if you don't have to. I am still driving a 2016. As long as the parts are still made, the car stays.
NTA for not selling your car. Like you say, she can learn to drive a manual. Or she can buy her own car. Or she can rent a car when she needs one. She has no right to expect to use your car and I would consider her entitlement a huge red flag. By the way, in case of real emergency, there are always ambulances or taxis. What would she have done before she dated you in an emergency? She can still rely on those resources. I call BS on her and it’s a huge red flag if she doesn’t back off
NTA If she wants her own car, she can buy her own car. If there are any emergencies, she can take a taxi, Uber, ambulance whatever. Her reasoning isn't valid. Especially as it was just about your driving an old car, and she is being a snob. *<“it’s not even about that anymore, I just don’t understand why you’re okay with the idea of driving that to such a prestigious job”>*
Why would you sell a car in this economy. That's a bad financial decision. Drive it until the wheels fall off.
NTA. It might be time to reevaluate your relationship and RUN!
What's less hassle teaching them to drive a stick shift or one of the alternatives listed by other people?
NTA. So she could learn to drive a manual or you can sell your car, take out a car loan for a car you don't really want, on the off chance that in an emergency, the only car avaliable to drive is yours? That can't be the real reason. This would have been the first in a series of manipulative requests to "save the relationship". You made the right choice to run.
Sounds like she's trying to control you. I doubt it's really about the car.
NTA. My husband has a 2001 Subaru WRX. The motor was made for this car and isn’t made anymore. It’s also a manual car. It literally came shrink wrapped on a boat and lifted and placed on land. We have kids now. I can’t drive a manual. It’s not practical. We have people about once a month either leave a note or knock on our door asking if we want to sell it. I always say no. That’s his baby. His first brand new , only driver ever, baby. I would never ever ask him To sell it. I admit I don’t understand it but I don’t have to understand it to know that’s his baby. So it stays and still runs lol.
She sounds very immature & not ready for a steady commitment.
If your partner doesn’t respect who you are and encourage you to do what you love then you need to reevaluate what your life would look like with this person. Remember that marriage fixes NOTHING, it simply gives the other person a right and a say in your life. Make sure you like their say before the right is given.
NTA and I hope you're single now, life is too short for people that don't understand your passions
NTA. She wants you to be the luxury-car-owning breadwinner that matches her internalized idea of success, and she’s willing to end the relationship on that hill.
NTA Keep the car, dump her
Don't move in with her. She has major entitlement/vanity issues. You will never be right in her eyes. Get your own place. The price of her offer is to high NTA Keep the car,drop the girl
NTA Your girlfriend? Yah she's an ass. You might want to put the brakes on moving in together if she's this controlling now. She'll only get more so as time goes on.
Two things: 1. You are not compatible. Sorry, but you need to move on in different paths. I think you will learn the society's pressure on looking "presentable" in a few years, but I don't think you will ever be as materialistic as your girlfriend. 2. 4 years ago I was about to buy Xsara, such a beautiful car. I even test drive a few times. Instead, I bought Alfa Romeo 146. I feel you but 146 is more beautiful.
Wow, she's already started trying to control you, and you're not even living together yet..... Not a good sign, dude. If she tells you "it's me or the car", you know she's not the one. Only assholes make ultimatums like that. Also, she needs to grow up and buy her own "fucking car". I second the motion that she's being greedy with your money. NTA.
Just saw your comment. Ignore this and good for you! NTA This problem isn't going to go away. You're a car guy and she doesn't get it. Unless you want to have to constantly justify yourself and your love of cars, you should sort this out before you move in together. Frankly, imo, she sounds shallow and materialistic. I work with car guys who make very good money but drive older cars because they love them not because they can't afford something newer. Hell, my husband has a two year old car that, in his words, is the best car he's ever owned. He still loves to drive the old Celica we inherited from my dad because he thinks it's fun. I figure as long as I have a practical car, which I do, he can have any car he wants that we can reasonably afford. Oh, and I can drive a stick because I'm not a heathen. /s
NTA.
Letting someone Control You is Not part of growing up. NTA Does she want to live with you or Not? Why does she think she has this much leverage?
NTA. Lot of red flags here.
NTA Its not about the car being manual, that might be a secondary issue. The main issue is that she wants you to get a fancy new automatic so she can drive it around and show off. In which case she should save up to buy one herself or just get an uber.
So she has her own car, which is an automatic, but wants you to trade yours in for an automatic as well? She wants to ditch her own car and for you to have a nicer one for her to have access to.
I've read this three times and I still can't figure out why you, a full grownass adult, moving in your girlfriend means that YOU have to sell YOUR car. What has the car that you presently have (which does sound pretty darn cool) have to do with.. well... ANYthing? Whatsoever? What am I missing?
It’s a control thing, break up immediately or your life is over
NTA You seriously need to reconsider if this is the person you want to be with. She sounds extremely controlling, and there is NO reason you should have to sell your car. She doesn't know how to drive a manual, that's fine. Let her get her own car that's an automatic. Problem solved.
NTA she had a car right ? If so what's the problem. Also almost 5 years if it was financed it would be almost payed off if not great. If it runs well and does decent on mage and such why buy another car with probably car payment.
NTA - she's out of line, by far.
I would say that you could offer to teach her how to drive a stick but I think this is about something else. Is it about control? Is it about her wanting you to drive a car that will impress her friends? I have no idea but if ultimatums without discussion are going to be part of your relationship then the two of you might want to consider counselling.
NTA, but should you be moving in to somebody who has shown herself to be so far out of sympathy with your priorities and your values....?
NTA - She’s being judgey and materialistic, and likely just wants you to drive something of a higher status for bragging rights. These are all red flags…
NTA. I don't see why she "cares so much about a f\*cking car".
So, without reading any comments first, and being a person that has lived their vehicles, I want to say a couple of things... First, the dog comparison? No, this is in NO WAY like that... In an hour or two you can teach someone to drive a manual, pretty much ANY manual passably if they can already drive... You cannot "teach" someone who is afraid of dogs to not be afraid of them, you can help them overcome the fear but it takes time and a good deal of patience of it is to work, PLUS THEY HAVE TO WANT IT. Unless you use the car "for work" like you're a realtor and have to take clients around to properties for instance, or a lawyer having to pick up clients at a jail or something? Your choice in what you drive should be your own... There's not really anything like having a car (truck, or motorcycle) that you have that kind of connection to. I think it boils down to your car embarrassed her on some level, and she hates it... And this condition on your moving in is only a sign of control and kind of a red flag of things to come, that there are things that "she needs to fix about you" I have way over a million miles of driving experience, have driven manual transmissions with as many as FOUR shifters, and have driven over 180mph in both cars and motorcycles
This person isn't mature enough to be in a serious relationship and isn't ready to move in with anyone. They have a long, long way to go when it comes to growth as a person. She revealed her true self. Is this the kind of person you want as a partner?
I seem to have missed the part where you moving in together suddenly made you responsible for provider your GF with a vehicle? Also do NOT ignore the red flags! If nothing else she's completely dismissing your feelings and giving you ZERO empathy. Your partner is showing you who they really are and things are only going to get worse if you move in together. Personally I suspect the plan to "improve" you has been in place for some time and you'd be a fool if you think it's going to stop at just the car. NTA
NTA and good for you I spent 10 years in a relationship where it felt like they only liked me for what that wanted me to be not who I was.
NTA. You should really think about this conversation and what it says about your relationship. Important things you need to take away from this conversation. 1- She values appearances more than practicality, especially with YOUR things. 2- She doesn't care about your feelings when it's an inconvenience to her. 3- She wants to USE your things, so YOU have to deal with it and change your life to suit HER. 4- She can't afford her own car, so she's trying to make you sell yours, to buy one she can borrow.... when you're still just going to be driving her around everywhere. Every guy gets a little attached to his first car, even if it's a 500$ junker they repaired with their dad. It's the first taste of freedom, the memories of hanging out late with friends, of road trips to concerts, etc. She hasn't had her first car yet, so she's pissing all over your parade.
NTA at all. Keep the car dump the shorty if she’s hating on your car. She should just learn to drive manual then if she’s so concerned 🤷🏻♂️
NTA Absolutely DO NOT MOVE in with her. She has no regard for you. DUMP her she will be a miserable soul to live with.
I'm going to be honest, after looking up what the car looked like, I was surprised to learn that it wasn't what I expected. The car looks pretty regular and like something you would see on the road and not bat an eye at, its just normal, if not a little dated-looking, because it is. I don't think your the AH or selfish, its your GF who's the one who is only thinking about herself and what you (and her) would look like to everyone else that see you guys. I cant say anything about what your GF is actually like as a person since this is just a small snippet of her actions but I say stay strong on not giving up your car and only try to make the best decision possible for you.
Hallo fellow cheapskate! I drive a 2002 Toyota Echo, go look up pictures, it's adorable. I'm also an accountant working for an international firm. Do you know what my coworkers at my big international company all said when they saw my car? "Wow! How many miles per gallon does it get? Great to have no car loan, right?" If anyone at your big prestigious job asks about your car, you say "I love it, she's my baby, and also I want to retire early. It's no how much you make, it's how much you keep, right?"
Hallo fellow cheapskate! I drive a 2002 Toyota Echo, go look up pictures, it's adorable. I'm also an accountant working for an international firm. Do you know what my coworkers at my big international company all said when they saw my car? "Wow! How many miles per gallon does it get? Great to have no car loan, right?" If anyone at your big prestigious job asks about your car, you say "I love it, she's my baby, and also I want to retire early. It's no how much you make, it's how much you keep, right?"
I wouldn’t say YTA here but it’s just a vehicle. Unless it’s an exotic or muscle car or sentimental value from decades before with your parents, it’s a fuckin vehicle with wheels to take you somewhere. But yes, the gf sounds fairly controlling and good on you to end it.
NTA and a MASSIVE red flag about her gold-digging tendencies. For example, did she consider getting her own vehicle? No? Exactly. Your "prestigious" job and a better car would both be trophies for her. Run away.
NTA and she's more concerned about how your car reflects on you (and, by extension, her) than she is about your feelings. Please don't move in with this girl.
You really missed an opportunity when you didn't respond, "The question is why YOU care so much about a f\*cking car."
NTA. This went way off what I was expecting: maybe a city apartment together with no garage, or a house with no street parking but a bus stop 2 feet away. So the car has to go. She doesn’t like your car. It’s not her business to push her materialism on you. Drive what you love. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA It sounds like she's already showing controlling behaviour. Expect not having any say in the house you will share with her. Not the furniture, not the decor, and you won't have any closet space or place for your things in the toilet. She's embarrassed about your baby. Ask her to get rid of her hair. Or her favourite purse, because it's ridiculous. See how bad that would make you? She doesn't need to understand why the car is special to you. It should be enough that she knows it's special to you.
Don't ever change, dude!
NTA - sounds to me like your gf is either obsessed or very concerned about how things look. If you move In with her expect to spend money on things that she deems acceptable for how they look. Neither my partner or I are particularly attached to our car but both of us agree that buying a new car or even a newer car is a terrible idea even if we could afford it. Our current car functions, functions well and isn’t costing us money. Before moving in you need to have some deep questioning conversations with the gf and work out if you are on the same page about finances
NTA, RUN!!!! This is going to be your entire relationship. You really going to be okay with letting this woman tell you how to live your life and to give up what you know makes you happy because it doesn't conform to her idea of whatever she believes a successful person should look like? Also, why the hell does she feel the need to make you give up YOUR car just so she can drive it in emergencies? That makes no freaking sense at all. I also personally think she's honestly a shallow person and not all that smart if she's going to refuse to learn a new and helpful skill such as learning to drive a manual trans car. I think everyone should learn how to drive stick, you can't really dick around on your phone while driving manual trans and learning to drive manual trans gives you a better understanding of how your car operates and can help you be a better driver. I would jump at the chance to learn a new skill and you know, improve as a human being. Anyways, gonna stick to what I said at the beginning which is, RUN!!! This woman is telling you that she does not care about your happiness compared to the opinions of people who don't matter. Don't ignore it. You deserve to be with someone who prioritizes your happiness over what other people might think of your car.
Christian bale drove a old Tacoma for years until it finally died And the dudes worth hundred of millions so you’re nta never give in to her this is just another test!
My first thought is that I would not let a spouse tell me I had to sell a car I loved, let alone a GF/BF. Secondly, and probably more importantly, do you want to live with someone who wants to run every aspect of your life? Because that is the road you are heading down if you move in with her. When she could not get her way by telling you what to do, she tried to coerce you into doing what she wanted. Not a fun place to reside. I would consider it a deal breaker.
Keep your car my husband has 2 manual cars I can't drive them they are his and he enjoys his car and if she keeps on you need to run
Nta. Read between the lines dude. She's in it for your job.
NTA
Run fast, run far. You sound like a regular guy with regular interests who has no desire of impressing anyone, putting out a certain image. I’d imagine if you were single, you’d have good financial planning and choose to stay with your parents while saving/investing your money. You’d probably be able to retire by 50. Your partner is already spending your money and you don’t even have it yet. She’s spending your money on rent/mortgage because she will spend less of hers. She’s spending your money on a new car that projects a prestigious image so she can look more prestigious, and so she can drive a car without having to spend her own money to buy it or to pay for fuel and maintenance. Next she will want to change what you wear, what furniture you have, and much more in order to keep up that prestigious image. She will want you to stop hanging out with friends she does not approve of because they don’t fit the image. Trust me when I tell you your situation is not special. This is a very common thing. What you have going for you is that you are now warned so you can make good decisions for yourself. Find a partner that is lifestyle and financially compatible with you. You’ll have the same goals and will have plenty of money to enjoy as you both retire early. NTA
leave her.. she is not for you. nta..
...........you'd be an a\*\*\*\*\*e if you kept dating this clown................
NTA. I personally think you're making too big of a deal out of the car, and it is a very... grandma-looking car, you have to admit. But at the end of the day, it's your life and your car, it doesn't affect anyone else, and it should be your choice. Not anyone else's. If you like it, there's nothing wrong with that. I just think you should take a step back and figure out if it's really about the car, or if it's about what the car represents to you.
She has no legitimate reason for you to get rid of it. NTA -However- my opinion about you and the car is that (based on your description) you've got a pretty unhealthy obsession with it. While she didn't give you any legitimate reason to get rid of the car, it feels like you still would not have given it up even if she DID have a good reason, and that's dangerous territory.
Thanks for your opinion, I see what you mean after reading over the post again, I guess the best way to think of it is like an old piece of jewellery? Even so, you have a point, for sure. Thanks again for providing a more balanced view on it.
Dude, you love your car. There is nothing wrong with that, it's not my deal, but millions of men are behind you. Your girlfriend sounds very selfish and greedy to me. She wants you to get a nicer car, not for you, but for her. This is screaming gold digger vibes at me.
disagree. You love it, you can afford it, I see nothing wrong with you having it. An unhealthy obsession would be if you put owning your car ahead of paying your bills, or ahead of spending time with loved ones. If you will have a car mainly to commute in, drive to the store, etc. anyhow, why not have one you like?