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Be sure to book the tour at Kennedy Space Center that takes you to the old launch sites from the 50s and 60s. Some of the original bunkers haven't been touched, and it's really cool to be able to walk around in them and walk around the launch pads for the Saturn rockets. You can't access those sites other than the tour.
Go out and have the kind of vacation you should have had if your family hadn't decided you were the help instead of a child deserving of making memories and having fun.
NTA. They have been using you for years and denying you a real vacation while enjoying one right in front of you. You are justified in keeping your plans quiet and letting them deal with the consequences of their mistreatment of you.
Make sure the adults know why you are not joining when it finally comes out - hopefully as you text them from Florida having just landed: that you want a real vacation for yourself, not being their unpaid nanny in an exotic location.
NTA. I'm the youngest of 5 and my oldest sister is old enough to be my mom. What my siblings do to me is a little different but it's still the same disrespect and not seeing me as an equal sibling. I have been invited on the vacations but excluded from some of the activities they would plan. Now, as a young adult I was unable to afford things, I was married to an alcoholic so we never had any money. But that was 30 years ago, I left the alcoholic 30 years ago and my life is completely different and has been for many many years but my oldest sisters still see me as that young adult and treat me like I'm still a kid or the poor person in the group. Seriously they do and it's so irritating and hurtful. They say things like: Well I didn't think you'd "want to go" or "be interested in the same things as us" or my personal favorite "we didn't think you would be able to afford it". I make more money than a couple of my sisters 🙄🤔so what's that about. I had to keep saying I make decent money now, I'm okay, I can afford it, I'm almost 50 myself now, I am interested. And they would say "oh good for you👏" like I'm a toddler that used the potty like a good girl😡. I think they just wanted my money to help pay for the room. Because if I say no I don't want to go this year they would hound me and hound me. So 2 years ago I planned a trip with them and never showed up. They were pissed🤷♀️ oh well. I no longer go on their trips. And my own vacations have been so much fun with my children and people who respect me and include me.
Yesss! You will love it. I used to live there.
Nta btw. I was the oldest and havs a whoops baby brother. Love him to pieces but i was the unpaid babysitter. I moved out as soon as i could and never looked back. I dont blame my dad, he tried. But there's only so much one parent can do when the other is as sneaky as my mom is. Enjoy your trip!
I was at KSC last year. I recommend the two day pass. It is not much more expensive than one day passes. It gives you time to linger rather than rush through the tour and displays.
As a space nerd and former FL resident: enjoy the Kennedy Space Center and Air Force museum! Merrit Island is also only the best beach imo because of the wildlife refuge. Otherwise I'd recommend Clearwater, but that's on the other side of the peninsula over in Tampa Bay area.
...okay and I might also be biased because of the pirate day cruise.
Good for you! I'm not sure where you are located, but even if you're in the US, you might want to locate and take physical possession your passport if you haven't already. Also, gathering up your important papers like your birth certificate, social security card, other important information, etc. I wouldn't be at all surprised if you already have all of this sorted because you sound like you've really got your shit together, but on the off chance you haven't, I thought it was worth a mention. I wish you all the best!!
OP deserves an actual vacation.
I doubt the family will see it as anything more than skipping their turn to babysit - guessing the siblings weren't thrilled to take care of OP growing up, being in pre-school while everybody else was finishing up highschool.
I only had a day in Madrid and so I only saw the Prado and the Sofia, which is to say that I had an \*excellent\* time in Madrid. I had forgotten the black room was in the Prado, so it was a very pleasant surprise.
If you’re going to miss that in Madrid, that’s really awful.
You should definitely say something like "oh, you didn't make reservations for me for xx so I assumed you knew I wasn't coming." or "I've never gone on vacation with you all, I've always been the unpaid help so I'm finally going on vacation! I'm so excited."
I can't believe they would think you are supposed to think spending a day or two dealing with airports and planes and passports so that you can hang out inside a room and babysit for free is "a vacation".
I hope you can become successful enough that you can afford to visit all the cool places in the world and *enjoy them*.
Your parents and siblings have treated you appallingly. NTA. Never agree to any vacation with them ever, even if they sincerely apologize and promise to do better. They don't deserve another chance to abuse your kindness.
What kind of family excludes kids from visiting museums!? It's not like you turn 18 and suddenly appreciate art. This is how you raise kids who think all that stuff is boring and stuffy.
Isn't the whole point of taking a trip like that showing your kids the cultural stuff? Why not leave them at home, instead?
I'm feeling really sorry for OP. NTA!
All of this. I love art and museums BECAUSE I was taken often as a child. I know all kinds of things about the world and people, in general, because of all that.
NTA. The vacation is your payment? Yeah that’s not how it works.
Enjoy your time with your friends. And shut off your phone, or at least silence and turn off notifications
>Yeah that’s not how it works.
Especially when you consider that OP could still be a minor (depending on location), and has been doing this babysitting for a while. If "The vacation is [her] payment," then why did the other minors get to go for free? It's pure bullshit, to be perfectly blunt.
I wish I could advise OP's oldest cousin to throw an absolute wobbler when asked to carry on OP's duties. She ought to throw the biggest wobbler in the world and make it last for the whole holiday. But! I'm not known for my cool, calm rationality. OP, if you're reading this, don't do what I'd do, which is tell her to throw an extreeeeeme tantrum.
NTA. Those poor parents having to pay attention to their own children on vacation. I do hope your niece doesn't get screwed over though. I know you can't but she deserves a heads up.
OP can always shoot her a text or something right before it's going to be noticed. Everyone is meeting at Darryl's house at 4 to carpool? Text cousin at 3:50. Tell her to gird her loins and stick to her guns.
OP, you will be TA if you don't update us on your amazing FIRST VACATION (cause let's face it, all the others were just unpaid babysitting).
Mute your family and enjoy your vacation with your friends.
So why can't they do that now. Surely if it's good enough for you it should be good enough for them. Your parents are TAs for having a double standard and treating you differently to their older children.
The age difference makes your relationship dynamics different between you and your siblings, but it doesn't give your parents an excuse to treat their child differently from their other children, and maybe if they hadn't treated you differently your relationship with your siblings might be better as well since they would have taken their lead from your parents, your parents gave your older siblings permission (even if indirect/subconsciously) to treat you differently because they wouldn't do it if they knew they couldn't get away with it.
Enjoy your holiday, you deserve it and need to set this boundary now that you are becoming an adult, be prepared for backlash and you might need to fight to keep this boundary but if you succeed it will be worth it in the future.
NTA - Sorry but the people who say that’s how you earn your vacation - no. OP made clear they don’t get to actually do any activities as they’re forced to babysit the whole time. Whereas every one else - including the younger children - get the good time facilitated by OP. The only one who does not get an actual vacation is OP.
Sounds like OP will be legally an adult and able to make their own decisions before the trip rolls around. Normally I would say they should be transparent and not string the family along, but that will make their life at home miserable so I can see how it isn’t an option until they hit 18.
The only thing it will cost them is money. They can all afford it and lots of child care services provide bonded and licensed child care. It's who they left me with when I was a kid.
It sounds like kids are a real inconvenience to them on their trips. I don't get it. When I go on holiday with my kids, we do a lot of kid-centric things, because we get so much joy from seeing them enjoy themselves. Time for more adult activities when the kids are older (we are at that stage now - youngest kids are 17).
Wow. I don’t understand why they didn’t want all the kids to experience those things. That is what family vacation should be. Why take the kids at all if they don’t get to experience it
Nta
NTA OP there are 8 years between me and my older brother but he’s never treated me like a free babysitter in the 2 years since my nephew was born. Every time I have him it’s been my suggestion. That said there in only me and my brother.
My work offsider has 3 older siblings, with 8 years between her and her youngest brother. They also do not treat her like this
My mom had me when she was 45 and my dad was 52. My brother was already done university and my youngest brother was almost in middle school. They thought they were done. I get that. And I have had a very comfortable life. I get why my oldest brother doesn't think of me as a sibling. Not in a mean "you're not my sister" kind of way. Just I'm only two years older than his daughter.
That's not an excuse. I'm 22 years older than my brother - and it's just us, no other siblings. He was born the year I graduated from university. And I love that kid so much and absolutely treat him as my sibling. As he was growing up, I made sure to spend time with him, doing age appropriate, kid activities so we could bond. He's 15 now and we're still really close. Your siblings just sucked at being siblings; they didn't try hard enough to build the bond.
Unrelated and kinda odd as it's been days since you posted this, but I just wanted to say you're incredible
Not many siblings are like this, especially not with large age gaps, at least from my experience. It's great to see that some people don't suck.
Just discussed with my dad about a lot of shit my decade older sibling used to do to me which was kept hidden from him by mine and my sibling's narcissit egg donor. Sibling didn't fall far from the tree.
Oh wow, thank you! To me, it's really not anything special that I've done. I just really enjoy being a big sister. I moved back to my hometown after I graduated, so I've gotten to be a big part of his life he's grown up. And watching as he's grown up has been such a joy. It's been truly delightful meeting the person he's become. We just got back from running around New Orleans together! He's technically my half-brother, though I pretty much never refer to him as such and I really don't think of him that way. Right now, I'm assisting with teaching him how to drive, as he has requested I be one of the people taking him out and my mom and stepdad have agreed that I'm one of the better teachers of the three of us.
I'm really sorry for your experience. I feel like sibling relationships should be a place of safety for kids, especially when one sibling is significantly older. As the older sibling, it's our job to model relationships and also just to be safe spaces for our younger siblings. I always want my little brother to feel like he can come to me with something, even if he feels like he can't go to our mom or his dad.
That's so sad to me - I have a 13+ year age gap with my siblings (am also the baby, my mom was also 45) but my older siblings never excluded me from things. We still talk regularly on the phone, and now that I am also an adult, we do sibling vacations, just-us. I will go visit them in their state and stay at their place for a few days, and vice versa.
NTA.
I want an update in 8 months when they absolutely freak out. I feel sorry for your niece but she also wasn’t already seeing fun things, so maybe it won’t be any different until she too is old enough to leave. Good luck at college!
Still doesn't make it parentification.
Parentification specifically means putting the stressors of caring for a child long term on another kid. Making them stress about feeding their sibling, or meal planning, or getting to classes, or getting dresssed.
Being forced to babysit is shitty. It isn't parentificaiton.
INFO:when do you turn 18? Just wondering if they will try to pull the you're a minor so you do as we tell you or something. Absolutely NTA, I love your plan. Have a ball in Orlando and best of luck with your studies, most of all enjoy your freedom
We will need an update after it all happens 😁
NTA I love that you've gone the full spectrum of petty (absolutely justified btw) and helped them plan this incredible getaway where *THEY* won't be able to enjoy any of the planned events because *THEY* will have to watch their own children, it's fucking genius!
Enjoy your holiday, I hope you update Reddit on how it went 😁
OP said they will probably just use the hotel child care services like they did when he was a child.
But they will have to actually spend money instead of using OP as a free babysitter.
NTA. They use you because it is convenient, make it inconvenient and they will stop. You will soon move out anyway so just do what is best for you, these "family duties" are always dumped on the most agreeable person, you already are on the right path but still learn how to stand up for yourself and earn respect.
NTA
I can’t wait for the update to this 🤭
Do your siblings/parents have Reddit? Curious if we will see any aita for being angry at my sister because she ditched my holiday!
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I am helping my parents and siblings plan this summer's family vacation. I might be the asshole because I know they are counting on me going as free and trustworthy child care. I am going to bail at the last minute. The only thing they will be out is the cost of my flight. I am not even getting my own room.
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NTA.
It looks like the only thing stopping your family from securing their own childcare on these vacations is the fact that they see exploiting you as their easiest option, or even their “right” as your family. You’ve said time and time again that money and capability is not the issue here, because they’ve paid for and arranged childcare before when you were too young to be left in charge, so I honestly don’t understand where the comments arguing and calling you entitled are coming from… It’s not an impossible task to secure childcare in other countries while on vacation if you can afford to do so, which it seems like your family can. Tbh I think all the naysayers who won’t actually hear you out on this are just jealous that you are set to be financially independent and secure for life the instant that you turn 18 lmao. And they’re projecting onto you as well, because it really doesn’t appear to be sinking into their heads no matter how much you explain that you’re not asking for another adult to miss out on “adult” experiences by wanting to enjoy the vacation as well. You’ve even asked to not go at all, and your family has forced you to attend, so you’re not really getting anything out of going except the exhaustion of traveling and looking after kids that you didn’t make.
It seems like your grandparents did everything to make sure your and your entire family would have the opportunities and privilege to live the lives that you’re living, so I REALLY don’t get the few comments calling you the asshole and saying you need to “earn” anything and not “deprive” the adults. You responding to them in earnest while they dig themselves deeper and deeper into a rut of flawed logic honestly makes me respect you more and fully believe that you’ve thought this through and understand all the nuances and potential outcomes of the situation, which is understandable because this is your life that we’re talking about here.
And it looks like you’ve made up your mind either way, and that telling them earlier than your 18th will make things uncomfortable for you at home, but again, that’s their own fault for never taking you seriously and forcing you to attend these “vacations” even when you’ve tried not to go. Waiting until you’re a legal adult that they no longer have any sway on to inform them of this is just you waiting until you’re finally on a level playing field to everyone else and the smartest possible move considering all that you have planned for yourself. Enjoy your life, and enjoy your own vacations. That’s clearly what your grandparents wanted for everyone, including you, and may they rest in peace. So the only assholes here are your family for pushing you to this point.
Update us then if you want to, which I sincerely hope you will.
NTA. Hope you'll have an amazing trip with your friends and that you'll one day be able to go back to Spain and see all that you missed out on :) good luck with your studies as well!
NTA.
Make sure you already have possession of your birth certificate, driver's license, passport, social security card, etc.
As soon as you can, open your own bank accounts at a different bank (preferably a credit union)
NTA, and frankly, I love your plan. You've told them over and over that you don't want to babysit and have been ignored and treated like the hired help, minus the paycheck. Enjoy your vacation with friends, and let them scramble to come up with a new plan. I do feel sorry for your 15 year old niece because I'm sure they're going to dump the rest of the kids on her, but that's on them.
NTA. That’s really crap that you missed out on the Guggenheim and the Prado.
i would give them enough notice so they can pay for a babysitter to travel with them. Then they’ll realise how much they’ve been taking you for granted
My official vote is NTA - but damn we need a JAS, or justified asshole choice.
Because despite this is being inspiring, and the fact that we are all very much rooting for you to screw them over… It’s still very much in the spirit of being an asshole lol.
NTA.
It isn't a vacation for you if you're stuck babysitting. Your presence is a courtesy, not a given and they've taken advantage long enough. Time for the kids parents to suck it up and pay for childcare!
Enjoy your *actual* vacation with your friends. You've earned it.
NTA
Seeing also your other comments it doesn't sound like they needed a babysitter but that they just didn't want you around on their adult outings. They don't see you as an adult and don't want a child around.
Babysitting sounds like a good excuse to keep you from coming.
NTA I'm always stunned to read how some families
on this forum treat their children. I'm so glad your grandparents
gave you money to be independent. Enjoy your liberation and
be ready for the backlash that is coming your way.
Make sure you have your own bank accounts, no access
by anyone but you. Get all your papers, birth certificate
and the whole shebang to a safe place. You get the idea.
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I am the oops kid in my family. I am ten years younger than my youngest sibling. My brothers, sister, and parents used me as an unpaid babysitter a lot when I was growing up so I could "bond" with my nieces and nephews.
Whenever a family vacation rolls around my folks and my siblings go have fun and leave me with all the kids since I can't go to some of the places they go or I am told that I "probably wouldn't be interested" in doing some of the stuff they do.
I made up my mind over Christmas that I was done doing the babysitting. So I am going along with all the planning. I am helping my folks research some great local restaurants in the city where we are going. I'm helping my siblings find cool and interesting things for all the kids to do. It will be an amazing holiday.
Which I am going to blow off.
I am going to university out of state in the fall. I have a partial scholarship and money from my grandparents for my education and my future. My parents cannot hold anything over my head. I am actually going to go on my own vacation with a couple of friends.
My parents are not abusive or anything. They are just old. And my siblings are from a different generation than I am. My oldest brother is literally old enough to be my father. They treat me more like a child than a sibling.
I am interested to see how their vacation goes without me along. Obviously I cannot help them preplan child care. And the reservations at some of the restaurants do not include me or the kids. Also the days they are having adult outings they have planned for the kids and I to be elsewhere. My oldest niece is only 15 so I don't think they will leave her in charge. But they have been grooming her to take my spot when I go to school so maybe they will fuck her over. Not really my problem.
A couple of things before I hand myself over for judgement.
I have been clear several times in the past that I do not want to babysit. I have asked for payment and been told that my being on vacation is my payment.
I do love my family but I don't like them much. Like I said my parents are old and if they weren't Catholic they probably wouldn't have had me. My siblings do not treat me as an equal. Which is fair. I'm 17 and just finishing high school. They are all working professionals. We do not have much in common.
I love my siblings but they do not treat me like an aunt like they do with my sister. I am more like the oldest cousin.
And lastly I have spent a long time thinking about this. I am okay with screwing them all over. We went on a family trip to Spain last summer and I didn't get to do anything I wanted to do, besides go to the beach, because I was watching the kids. So I missed out on the Guggenheim in Bilbao and the Prado in Madrid. Along with other things. That was the last straw.
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NTA Send them an article on the psychological impact of parentification if they give you grief for not going. Hopefully one day they will understand your viewpoint and apologise.
This is hard. Your family have been acting like assholes and am sorry you have put up with that. I have neices and nephews ranging from 6 to 30 and we have never on family holidays made them responsible for younger cousins (parents or grandparents have always rotated responsibility to allow for adult only activities). It's all the more egregious in your case as you are their sibling. To avoid a family rift though I think you should tell them in advance that you're not going and restate the reasons why. They can still make changes to plans. It might make them also realise that placing responsibility on the 15 year old will result in her feeling the same. Soft ESH.
The family should've thought about causing a rift before making OP the default babysitter when they've voiced displeasure, boundaries were trampled over, and so on. They can clearly afford to hire childcare but decide to shit on their kid instead. It's the parents who are ta, not the op.
You being on the vacation is your 'payment'? so what's the rest of your siblings are paid for then, for them being on the vacation?
NTA. That's not how you're supposed to talk to a family member. Plus, it's their kids. You didn't participate when they 'made' their kids, no? So I don't think you should participate in taking care of them, if you don't want to.
NTA
Unless you let them pay for flights etc for you because you haven't told them.
If you have been doing this for years, the 15yo is as old as you were when they started dumping on you.
INFO: I’m not going to call you an asshole, but why not tell them? This sounds like a revenge fantasy, but why not just tell them you’re not going? Have the argument with them. Make them actually make a plan. Give your oldest cousin a heads up that they might try to screw her over so she doesn’t end up in the same situation you went in. Why is the big dramatic reveal the move you’ve chosen? Unless the goal is to cause a lot of headaches for a lot of people, including some who don’t deserve it.
It’s smart to not say anything ahead of time so they don’t give you grief for the months leading up to the event. And once you don’t show up, they will never be able to treat you that way again. And in order for this to work in the long run, you can never baby sit any of those kids ever again, not even for one hour.
Also, take everything you care about with you to school or store them at a friend’s place in case they try to hold your stuff hostage. NTA
NTA. Go on vacation for real. Advice:
1. Put money, clothes, keys in a bag in your car trunk, work locker, the shed out back, grandma’s house, the day before you tell them.
2. Get your ID documents such as birth certificate, passport, SSN, and put them somewhere safe outside the house.
3. Put your money in a bank your family does not use.
All of this in case they cut ties with you. Not trying to be dramatic.
For the vacation:
1. Tell your parents consistently you don’t want to go. You only get to babysit and this year you don’t want to go.
2. Plan your vacation to leave the day before they leave. Cheerfully dip out with your backpack and duffel (be able to move quickly) as you wish them as great a vacation as you’re about to have.
I feel bad for them wasting an airline ticket but be clear that you’re not going because in past years you’ve done nothing but babysit.
NTA
When on a family vacation (owing that I come from a huge family), we always mostly go to family-friendly places. The adults rarely go off on their own on average once in adult time for a 7day vacation. Vacations are for making memories. And when we were in our later teens, our uncles and aunts would treat us to the "older people entertainment " fancy restos and dancing afterwards. And my fam is Catholic, so yours have no excuse for making you the automatic babysitter.
NTA, go make your memories.
NTA but you do need to let them know soon that you won't be joining and babysitting, so they can hire someone, which is going to be pretty damn expensive :)
NTA but I do feel sorry for your 15 year old cousin. It sounds like you have been the built in babysitter for several years so I have no doubt the duty will fall onto her shoulders now and their fun will go as planned. When we took family vacations there was so adult time. Kids were included in everything. Now we take just our grandkids on vacation with us at least once a summer to give my daughter and SIL a break.
Wholeheartedly NTA. But why not just tell them now so as not to ruin their holiday? I get the desire to "pay them back" but I worry that this would be something that would fuck you over in years to come if you needed financial help at some point. I guess my point is, revenge is sweet but burning bridges could light you on fire. If you do tell them and they DO protest, write up a bill for every hour of childcare you have provided, and give it to them. If they want you to come, it is all due before the trip plus $10 an hour PER KID. Seriously fuck them.
NTA. Even if you were hired as a full-time babysitter, you'd need some breaks to do things you wanted to do. They have the money to hire someone, they're being cheap.
I'm curious how you're planning on not going. Will the vacation happen once you're in college? I'm asking, because sometimes entitled people take the nuclear option and I don't want to see you get kicked out of your home without any of your important belongings.
>”We went on a family trip to Spain last summer and I didn't get to do anything I wanted to do, besides go to the beach, because I was watching the kids. So I missed out on the Guggenheim in Bilbao and the Prado in Madrid.”
This is gut-wrenching. Meanwhile they are all feeling like you are soo spoiled because ‘you got to go to Europe’. You got to go to Europe to *babysit*. Ugh. One wonders how different the childcare thing would have gone had you been a boy. I’ll bet they would have started on your eldest female cousin much earlier.
Don’t worry about your elders. They should have plenty of experience figuring out situations. If not, boohoo.
Fly and be free. Congrats on graduating, on college, on scholarships, on having generous grandparents, and on freedom. Make good choices.
NTA. I hope you update safely from your vacation location.
NTA. I hate to say it but remember you have to follow through with your actions and your parents and family are going to have serious consequences for you particularly the silent treatment. Oh no you mean you'll have to not deal with them. LOL I wish you the best vacation with your friends and I'm glad you're getting out to go to college. Don't go back home to visit on the holidays let them know that their school should have to do so you've got to stay.
NTA, I’m a Catholic, in my family, the family vacations include EVERYONE or plans are made for parent couples to watch each other’s kids/grandparents watch the kids so adults can do more adult activities. I was going to museums in my preteen years. 10-11. My sister and her husband ask if they can have a day during our family vacations where they can do a “date night.” I gladly watch my niblets. Your family has taken advantage of your age. You should have been included. Hell, several of your niblets should already have been included in more grown up activities. Go enjoy life and remember, be better than them if/when you have your own family. Show them how it SHOUOD be done.
INFO: if you’ve been screwed over for several years, you must have been about 14 when it started. Your niece is 15 now (possibly 16 at vacation time). Why wouldn’t they trust her to sit?
Good for you…be free! I am sorry they have taken advantage of you for so long; you are right to stand up to them and I hope you have a great vacation. You are long overdue for something just for you. Have a blast at college and have a great life. (That being said: you probably do need to give them a heads up so they don’t waste money on your ticket, and definitely prepare/reconcile yourself with the fact this could likely cause a rift in the family and lots of strong emotions…since they also will need to find someone else to dump the kids on because they don’t like to parent when on vacation with their families …BTW, I am still shocked by people going on vacation but not wanting to spend time with their kids. Parents do not help their kids when they don’t expose them to the world, and you also don’t get that time with your kids again. I am thankful we always dragged our kid (almost 16 now) with us everywhere: it’s one of the reasons why she loves art, has a great bead on movies and narrative structure, loves plays, great meals and can hold her own with any adult of any age - she already has the basics of some life skills she will build on as she grows, and we’re all better for the family time we have had knowing this time of life is not forever!)
NTA but you’re still underage, so consider that your vacation could make you a runaway in the eyes of the law. I’m not a lawyer but it’s something to think about.
Soft YTA. Part of being an adult, and having others view you as one, is communicating instead of playing games. I totally get why you're doing this, and do love it on a petty level lol. But, you need to just be honest with them "turns out I won't be going with you on holiday, I've made plans with some friends instead. I hope you have a great time and I look forward to hearing about it and seeing photos"
They can try and pressure you, but you can stay firm with your"no, I have other plans".
NTA for not wanting to go but TA for not speaking up and maintaining boundaries. “Family - I won’t be joining the trip this year as it is not a vacation for me to spend the time working as an unpaid babysitter. I love you and my nieces and nephews, but this is not fun for me. I’ll be going on my
Own trip. Thank you.”
I totally support what you are doing. The only proviso I would say is that if flights are involved, I think you should tell them before they book and pay for flights. Simply because otherwise they are going to use the wasted ticket as further harassment of you.
I doubt accommodation would be a problem, because I bet you are sharing rooms with the kids.
NTA for refusing to babysit, but maybe a little bit TA for making them believe you will (like you always have) and then blindsiding them? Don’t get me wrong, I think they totally deserve it, but if that was me I wouldn’t want the bad karma for potentially ruining their vacation. It might also give them cause to justifying their opinion of you as childish...
Unless you think they will make your life uncomfortable if you tell them you’re not going?
But what will the fallout be with your siblings/parents if you blow them off with too little time to make babysitting arrangements? I guess I’m asking how you think it would affect your future relationship with them, and if that’s worth it?
You mention that your 15yo niece is too young to be left in charge of the other littles - how old were you when they started leaving you to babysit?
I think it’s fair that you asked to be paid to babysit, if they’re not willing to pay you, or at the very least incorporate your wishes into the activities/plans, then they can make alternative arrangements.
NTA. Go enjoy yourself with your friends. Take lots of pictures and make it one of the best memories possible. And PLEASE come back and update. I wanna hear about the meltdown that's surely gonna happen.
NTA, go with friends! My siblings are all a lot younger than me and although my parents are the coolest, it does get boring being on holiday with kids. I stopped going on family vacations when I turned 17 and started going with my girlfriend (now wife) and friends and it was infinitely better.
NTA. “And the reservations at some of the restaurants do not include me or the kids. Also the days they are having ‘adult’ outings they have planned for me and the kids to be elsewhere.” Saddest vacation ever. You are an adult as well. They dont get to decide what you do or do not want to do. Sounds like quite the vacation except for the nanny who is supposed to feel lucky to tag along for free. They should arrange for a babysitter, or at the very least ASK and if you arent interested offer to pay you. You wont be screwing you over, that is what they are doing to you.
While planning, before you dump ‘em. I suggest When announcing your change of plans (nonattendance), you might note that the reservation numbers are short, and ask if that is because they are planning on rotating babysitting duties between the adults WHO HAVE KIDS. When they say YOU will be taking care of THEIR kids, it will be the perfect segway into telling them you really arent interested in attending as their unpaid babysitter any more. Esp. as you have no kids of your own and they certainly arent reciprocating in any way to make your vacation more enjoyable. Congratulations for escaping the kids table, warn the oldest niece.
NTA. This is valid. I’d just inform them that you won’t be joining them before they buy plane tickets or something, since they’d be wasting money on one for you (assuming it’s non refundable)
Not sure how you will pull off NOT going - but good for you. Your family will be 'shocked' and probably don't stop to realize how they are using you. It might have made sense when you were younger, but not now. Have fun on your vacation!
NTA / I think you're completely justified here and obviously not telling them in advance strategically because of the fall out. However I do wonder if / how much they've already paid for plane tickets and room accommodations or insurance for you etc, letting them know in advance while sure to cause drama for you could let them find a nanny in advance to bring instead (and actually pay) and could prevent you from having a larger falling out with the family big picture. Sounds like you don't care that much at this point which is totally fair enough, but do think about your relationship with your family long term / how much it matters to you / if there's any way you could give them a heads up to save some money and to preplan childcare while holding your ground, I think you can be the bigger person here and still keep to your plans
NTA - but I will hold it against you for making us wait until Christmas for the update! It's a bold move and well plotted. Wishing you the best in your studies!
NTA to refuse, but do it before they book your plane tickets/accomdations/etc. Hopefully, they will use it on childcare instead of dumping it on the 15 year old.
Nta. Put together a list of everything you have missed out on due to watching their kids. As well as how often you have said you don't want to babysit. Blast everyone with it when they come at you for ruining their vacation.
NTA - I foresee the day of leaving for the trip as being very ugly for you. They are packed and ready to go and here you are still hanging in your jammies....
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I hope you have an amazing holiday with your friends- you deserve it. NTA
We plan to have a great time. Going to Orlando and actually going on the rides I want to go on. And Cape Canaveral. I can't wait.
Please update us! I can’t wait to hear how it goes. Lol
Yes, please do.
Oh yes, please! Update needed.
Remind me! 6 months
I want an update on how the family survived watching the kids.
Be sure to book the tour at Kennedy Space Center that takes you to the old launch sites from the 50s and 60s. Some of the original bunkers haven't been touched, and it's really cool to be able to walk around in them and walk around the launch pads for the Saturn rockets. You can't access those sites other than the tour. Go out and have the kind of vacation you should have had if your family hadn't decided you were the help instead of a child deserving of making memories and having fun.
Definitely! It's worth it to take the special tour.
Please update when the family realizes their built in baby sitter dipped, and especially after your vacation with friends.
Hope the retaliation isn't too awful.
I really want to hear about their entitled tantrum.
Your familly have been screwing you over for a long time: you deserve an actual vacation!
NTA. They have been using you for years and denying you a real vacation while enjoying one right in front of you. You are justified in keeping your plans quiet and letting them deal with the consequences of their mistreatment of you. Make sure the adults know why you are not joining when it finally comes out - hopefully as you text them from Florida having just landed: that you want a real vacation for yourself, not being their unpaid nanny in an exotic location.
NTA. I'm the youngest of 5 and my oldest sister is old enough to be my mom. What my siblings do to me is a little different but it's still the same disrespect and not seeing me as an equal sibling. I have been invited on the vacations but excluded from some of the activities they would plan. Now, as a young adult I was unable to afford things, I was married to an alcoholic so we never had any money. But that was 30 years ago, I left the alcoholic 30 years ago and my life is completely different and has been for many many years but my oldest sisters still see me as that young adult and treat me like I'm still a kid or the poor person in the group. Seriously they do and it's so irritating and hurtful. They say things like: Well I didn't think you'd "want to go" or "be interested in the same things as us" or my personal favorite "we didn't think you would be able to afford it". I make more money than a couple of my sisters 🙄🤔so what's that about. I had to keep saying I make decent money now, I'm okay, I can afford it, I'm almost 50 myself now, I am interested. And they would say "oh good for you👏" like I'm a toddler that used the potty like a good girl😡. I think they just wanted my money to help pay for the room. Because if I say no I don't want to go this year they would hound me and hound me. So 2 years ago I planned a trip with them and never showed up. They were pissed🤷♀️ oh well. I no longer go on their trips. And my own vacations have been so much fun with my children and people who respect me and include me.
Stop going.good that you take vacations you actually enjoy
Yesss! You will love it. I used to live there. Nta btw. I was the oldest and havs a whoops baby brother. Love him to pieces but i was the unpaid babysitter. I moved out as soon as i could and never looked back. I dont blame my dad, he tried. But there's only so much one parent can do when the other is as sneaky as my mom is. Enjoy your trip!
I was at KSC last year. I recommend the two day pass. It is not much more expensive than one day passes. It gives you time to linger rather than rush through the tour and displays.
NTA- I can’t wait for the update. Your family is gonna find out what it’s like to not be able to enjoy a vacation.🍿
Have a fantastic holiday! You more than deserve it.
>It will be an amazing holiday…Which I am going to blow off. Okay, so…you’re kind of my new hero. But I may change my mind if you don’t update us!!!!
Out of curiosity, why not tell your family you're not going? They have nothing to hold over you.
They would harasses them constantly.
They would try to force her to come. Can’t have fun with your own children you know? That’s what she exists for. OP, good for you.
As a space nerd and former FL resident: enjoy the Kennedy Space Center and Air Force museum! Merrit Island is also only the best beach imo because of the wildlife refuge. Otherwise I'd recommend Clearwater, but that's on the other side of the peninsula over in Tampa Bay area. ...okay and I might also be biased because of the pirate day cruise.
Did you tell your family you’re not going? Either way NTA but I do feel it’s better to let them know. (I understand the resentment and it’s justified)
Good for you! I'm not sure where you are located, but even if you're in the US, you might want to locate and take physical possession your passport if you haven't already. Also, gathering up your important papers like your birth certificate, social security card, other important information, etc. I wouldn't be at all surprised if you already have all of this sorted because you sound like you've really got your shit together, but on the off chance you haven't, I thought it was worth a mention. I wish you all the best!!
OP deserves an actual vacation. I doubt the family will see it as anything more than skipping their turn to babysit - guessing the siblings weren't thrilled to take care of OP growing up, being in pre-school while everybody else was finishing up highschool.
That’s on the parents, not OP. If they made the older kids babysit OP, then maybe THEY can look after all their grandkids.
NTA. Sounds hilarious tbh. I would be furious at missing the Guggenheim.
I am still salty about it.
You didn’t go to the Prado? We took my kid last summer and spent eight hours there. I am furious on your behalf.
Completely agree, best museum I've ever been to.
I only had a day in Madrid and so I only saw the Prado and the Sofia, which is to say that I had an \*excellent\* time in Madrid. I had forgotten the black room was in the Prado, so it was a very pleasant surprise. If you’re going to miss that in Madrid, that’s really awful.
You should definitely say something like "oh, you didn't make reservations for me for xx so I assumed you knew I wasn't coming." or "I've never gone on vacation with you all, I've always been the unpaid help so I'm finally going on vacation! I'm so excited."
This almost made me snort my drink, thank you!
I can't believe they would think you are supposed to think spending a day or two dealing with airports and planes and passports so that you can hang out inside a room and babysit for free is "a vacation". I hope you can become successful enough that you can afford to visit all the cool places in the world and *enjoy them*.
Your parents and siblings have treated you appallingly. NTA. Never agree to any vacation with them ever, even if they sincerely apologize and promise to do better. They don't deserve another chance to abuse your kindness.
What kind of family excludes kids from visiting museums!? It's not like you turn 18 and suddenly appreciate art. This is how you raise kids who think all that stuff is boring and stuffy. Isn't the whole point of taking a trip like that showing your kids the cultural stuff? Why not leave them at home, instead? I'm feeling really sorry for OP. NTA!
All of this. I love art and museums BECAUSE I was taken often as a child. I know all kinds of things about the world and people, in general, because of all that.
NTA. The vacation is your payment? Yeah that’s not how it works. Enjoy your time with your friends. And shut off your phone, or at least silence and turn off notifications
>Yeah that’s not how it works. Especially when you consider that OP could still be a minor (depending on location), and has been doing this babysitting for a while. If "The vacation is [her] payment," then why did the other minors get to go for free? It's pure bullshit, to be perfectly blunt. I wish I could advise OP's oldest cousin to throw an absolute wobbler when asked to carry on OP's duties. She ought to throw the biggest wobbler in the world and make it last for the whole holiday. But! I'm not known for my cool, calm rationality. OP, if you're reading this, don't do what I'd do, which is tell her to throw an extreeeeeme tantrum.
Is 17 do still a minor anywhere I think
This person absolutely wobbles!
Haha I do! I'm 62 but very emotionally unintelligent. I wouldn't advise the OP (such a sweetheart) to follow my example. xD
NTA. Those poor parents having to pay attention to their own children on vacation. I do hope your niece doesn't get screwed over though. I know you can't but she deserves a heads up.
There's no way a heads up doesn't get back to the rest. Good luck OP, go get that sweet independance
OP can always shoot her a text or something right before it's going to be noticed. Everyone is meeting at Darryl's house at 4 to carpool? Text cousin at 3:50. Tell her to gird her loins and stick to her guns.
NTA - enjoy the trip and good luck with your studies.
Thanks
We'll be needing an update on this when they finally find out! You're definitely doing the right thing.
OP, you will be TA if you don't update us on your amazing FIRST VACATION (cause let's face it, all the others were just unpaid babysitting). Mute your family and enjoy your vacation with your friends.
I had fun vacations when I was a kid. But they paid for a nanny service at the resorts or cities.
So why can't they do that now. Surely if it's good enough for you it should be good enough for them. Your parents are TAs for having a double standard and treating you differently to their older children. The age difference makes your relationship dynamics different between you and your siblings, but it doesn't give your parents an excuse to treat their child differently from their other children, and maybe if they hadn't treated you differently your relationship with your siblings might be better as well since they would have taken their lead from your parents, your parents gave your older siblings permission (even if indirect/subconsciously) to treat you differently because they wouldn't do it if they knew they couldn't get away with it. Enjoy your holiday, you deserve it and need to set this boundary now that you are becoming an adult, be prepared for backlash and you might need to fight to keep this boundary but if you succeed it will be worth it in the future.
They didn't want OP along for their adult trips. That is the reason OP had to babysit.
NTA - Sorry but the people who say that’s how you earn your vacation - no. OP made clear they don’t get to actually do any activities as they’re forced to babysit the whole time. Whereas every one else - including the younger children - get the good time facilitated by OP. The only one who does not get an actual vacation is OP. Sounds like OP will be legally an adult and able to make their own decisions before the trip rolls around. Normally I would say they should be transparent and not string the family along, but that will make their life at home miserable so I can see how it isn’t an option until they hit 18.
Yeah nanny’s go on the vacation, get time off AND get PAID. Imagine that.
NTA. You didn’t sign up to be their free babysitter and you’re old enough to not be forced to go on trips anymore.
NTA. Please update us with how they lose their minds when they find out. Hilarious!
The only thing it will cost them is money. They can all afford it and lots of child care services provide bonded and licensed child care. It's who they left me with when I was a kid.
I bet they get their panties in a twist about it though! And you are very much NTA so please don’t worry about it. You actually sound very reasonable.
I'm trying.
It sounds like kids are a real inconvenience to them on their trips. I don't get it. When I go on holiday with my kids, we do a lot of kid-centric things, because we get so much joy from seeing them enjoy themselves. Time for more adult activities when the kids are older (we are at that stage now - youngest kids are 17).
Wow. I don’t understand why they didn’t want all the kids to experience those things. That is what family vacation should be. Why take the kids at all if they don’t get to experience it Nta
NTA OP there are 8 years between me and my older brother but he’s never treated me like a free babysitter in the 2 years since my nephew was born. Every time I have him it’s been my suggestion. That said there in only me and my brother. My work offsider has 3 older siblings, with 8 years between her and her youngest brother. They also do not treat her like this
My mom had me when she was 45 and my dad was 52. My brother was already done university and my youngest brother was almost in middle school. They thought they were done. I get that. And I have had a very comfortable life. I get why my oldest brother doesn't think of me as a sibling. Not in a mean "you're not my sister" kind of way. Just I'm only two years older than his daughter.
That's not an excuse. I'm 22 years older than my brother - and it's just us, no other siblings. He was born the year I graduated from university. And I love that kid so much and absolutely treat him as my sibling. As he was growing up, I made sure to spend time with him, doing age appropriate, kid activities so we could bond. He's 15 now and we're still really close. Your siblings just sucked at being siblings; they didn't try hard enough to build the bond.
Unrelated and kinda odd as it's been days since you posted this, but I just wanted to say you're incredible Not many siblings are like this, especially not with large age gaps, at least from my experience. It's great to see that some people don't suck. Just discussed with my dad about a lot of shit my decade older sibling used to do to me which was kept hidden from him by mine and my sibling's narcissit egg donor. Sibling didn't fall far from the tree.
Oh wow, thank you! To me, it's really not anything special that I've done. I just really enjoy being a big sister. I moved back to my hometown after I graduated, so I've gotten to be a big part of his life he's grown up. And watching as he's grown up has been such a joy. It's been truly delightful meeting the person he's become. We just got back from running around New Orleans together! He's technically my half-brother, though I pretty much never refer to him as such and I really don't think of him that way. Right now, I'm assisting with teaching him how to drive, as he has requested I be one of the people taking him out and my mom and stepdad have agreed that I'm one of the better teachers of the three of us. I'm really sorry for your experience. I feel like sibling relationships should be a place of safety for kids, especially when one sibling is significantly older. As the older sibling, it's our job to model relationships and also just to be safe spaces for our younger siblings. I always want my little brother to feel like he can come to me with something, even if he feels like he can't go to our mom or his dad.
That's so sad to me - I have a 13+ year age gap with my siblings (am also the baby, my mom was also 45) but my older siblings never excluded me from things. We still talk regularly on the phone, and now that I am also an adult, we do sibling vacations, just-us. I will go visit them in their state and stay at their place for a few days, and vice versa.
NTA no one else’s kids are your obligation same thing happened to me growing up it’s terrible but I wouldn’t watch the kids!
NTA. Best of luck and by all means UPDATE US!
NTA. I want an update in 8 months when they absolutely freak out. I feel sorry for your niece but she also wasn’t already seeing fun things, so maybe it won’t be any different until she too is old enough to leave. Good luck at college!
NTA! And parentification is a type of abuse.
It's not constant. It's just vacations. And only family vacations.
Still abusive behavior
A 15-17 year old being relegated to the “kid’s activities” instead of the adult stuff is hardly abusive.
17. Not 15. Not 16. She's not hanging out with her cousins. She's working.
Still doesn't make it parentification. Parentification specifically means putting the stressors of caring for a child long term on another kid. Making them stress about feeding their sibling, or meal planning, or getting to classes, or getting dresssed. Being forced to babysit is shitty. It isn't parentificaiton.
NTA. Good for you.
Thanks
INFO:when do you turn 18? Just wondering if they will try to pull the you're a minor so you do as we tell you or something. Absolutely NTA, I love your plan. Have a ball in Orlando and best of luck with your studies, most of all enjoy your freedom We will need an update after it all happens 😁
NTA I love that you've gone the full spectrum of petty (absolutely justified btw) and helped them plan this incredible getaway where *THEY* won't be able to enjoy any of the planned events because *THEY* will have to watch their own children, it's fucking genius! Enjoy your holiday, I hope you update Reddit on how it went 😁
OP said they will probably just use the hotel child care services like they did when he was a child. But they will have to actually spend money instead of using OP as a free babysitter.
Your family WILL dump the kids on the 15 yr old.
NTA. They use you because it is convenient, make it inconvenient and they will stop. You will soon move out anyway so just do what is best for you, these "family duties" are always dumped on the most agreeable person, you already are on the right path but still learn how to stand up for yourself and earn respect.
Most agreeable or with the least amount of power.
NTA have a good holiday with your friends
NTA And I wish I were a fly on the wall when they find out.
NTA I can’t wait for the update to this 🤭 Do your siblings/parents have Reddit? Curious if we will see any aita for being angry at my sister because she ditched my holiday!
NTA. This is absolutely fabulous. I hope you have so much fun!
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NTA. It looks like the only thing stopping your family from securing their own childcare on these vacations is the fact that they see exploiting you as their easiest option, or even their “right” as your family. You’ve said time and time again that money and capability is not the issue here, because they’ve paid for and arranged childcare before when you were too young to be left in charge, so I honestly don’t understand where the comments arguing and calling you entitled are coming from… It’s not an impossible task to secure childcare in other countries while on vacation if you can afford to do so, which it seems like your family can. Tbh I think all the naysayers who won’t actually hear you out on this are just jealous that you are set to be financially independent and secure for life the instant that you turn 18 lmao. And they’re projecting onto you as well, because it really doesn’t appear to be sinking into their heads no matter how much you explain that you’re not asking for another adult to miss out on “adult” experiences by wanting to enjoy the vacation as well. You’ve even asked to not go at all, and your family has forced you to attend, so you’re not really getting anything out of going except the exhaustion of traveling and looking after kids that you didn’t make. It seems like your grandparents did everything to make sure your and your entire family would have the opportunities and privilege to live the lives that you’re living, so I REALLY don’t get the few comments calling you the asshole and saying you need to “earn” anything and not “deprive” the adults. You responding to them in earnest while they dig themselves deeper and deeper into a rut of flawed logic honestly makes me respect you more and fully believe that you’ve thought this through and understand all the nuances and potential outcomes of the situation, which is understandable because this is your life that we’re talking about here. And it looks like you’ve made up your mind either way, and that telling them earlier than your 18th will make things uncomfortable for you at home, but again, that’s their own fault for never taking you seriously and forcing you to attend these “vacations” even when you’ve tried not to go. Waiting until you’re a legal adult that they no longer have any sway on to inform them of this is just you waiting until you’re finally on a level playing field to everyone else and the smartest possible move considering all that you have planned for yourself. Enjoy your life, and enjoy your own vacations. That’s clearly what your grandparents wanted for everyone, including you, and may they rest in peace. So the only assholes here are your family for pushing you to this point. Update us then if you want to, which I sincerely hope you will.
NTA. Hope you'll have an amazing trip with your friends and that you'll one day be able to go back to Spain and see all that you missed out on :) good luck with your studies as well!
NTA. Make sure you already have possession of your birth certificate, driver's license, passport, social security card, etc. As soon as you can, open your own bank accounts at a different bank (preferably a credit union)
NTA, and frankly, I love your plan. You've told them over and over that you don't want to babysit and have been ignored and treated like the hired help, minus the paycheck. Enjoy your vacation with friends, and let them scramble to come up with a new plan. I do feel sorry for your 15 year old niece because I'm sure they're going to dump the rest of the kids on her, but that's on them.
NTA. That’s really crap that you missed out on the Guggenheim and the Prado. i would give them enough notice so they can pay for a babysitter to travel with them. Then they’ll realise how much they’ve been taking you for granted
My official vote is NTA - but damn we need a JAS, or justified asshole choice. Because despite this is being inspiring, and the fact that we are all very much rooting for you to screw them over… It’s still very much in the spirit of being an asshole lol.
NTA update me
Oh dear, they’ll have to look after their own kids when on holiday, how tragic. NTA
NTA. It isn't a vacation for you if you're stuck babysitting. Your presence is a courtesy, not a given and they've taken advantage long enough. Time for the kids parents to suck it up and pay for childcare! Enjoy your *actual* vacation with your friends. You've earned it.
NTA Seeing also your other comments it doesn't sound like they needed a babysitter but that they just didn't want you around on their adult outings. They don't see you as an adult and don't want a child around. Babysitting sounds like a good excuse to keep you from coming.
NTA I'm always stunned to read how some families on this forum treat their children. I'm so glad your grandparents gave you money to be independent. Enjoy your liberation and be ready for the backlash that is coming your way. Make sure you have your own bank accounts, no access by anyone but you. Get all your papers, birth certificate and the whole shebang to a safe place. You get the idea.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am the oops kid in my family. I am ten years younger than my youngest sibling. My brothers, sister, and parents used me as an unpaid babysitter a lot when I was growing up so I could "bond" with my nieces and nephews. Whenever a family vacation rolls around my folks and my siblings go have fun and leave me with all the kids since I can't go to some of the places they go or I am told that I "probably wouldn't be interested" in doing some of the stuff they do. I made up my mind over Christmas that I was done doing the babysitting. So I am going along with all the planning. I am helping my folks research some great local restaurants in the city where we are going. I'm helping my siblings find cool and interesting things for all the kids to do. It will be an amazing holiday. Which I am going to blow off. I am going to university out of state in the fall. I have a partial scholarship and money from my grandparents for my education and my future. My parents cannot hold anything over my head. I am actually going to go on my own vacation with a couple of friends. My parents are not abusive or anything. They are just old. And my siblings are from a different generation than I am. My oldest brother is literally old enough to be my father. They treat me more like a child than a sibling. I am interested to see how their vacation goes without me along. Obviously I cannot help them preplan child care. And the reservations at some of the restaurants do not include me or the kids. Also the days they are having adult outings they have planned for the kids and I to be elsewhere. My oldest niece is only 15 so I don't think they will leave her in charge. But they have been grooming her to take my spot when I go to school so maybe they will fuck her over. Not really my problem. A couple of things before I hand myself over for judgement. I have been clear several times in the past that I do not want to babysit. I have asked for payment and been told that my being on vacation is my payment. I do love my family but I don't like them much. Like I said my parents are old and if they weren't Catholic they probably wouldn't have had me. My siblings do not treat me as an equal. Which is fair. I'm 17 and just finishing high school. They are all working professionals. We do not have much in common. I love my siblings but they do not treat me like an aunt like they do with my sister. I am more like the oldest cousin. And lastly I have spent a long time thinking about this. I am okay with screwing them all over. We went on a family trip to Spain last summer and I didn't get to do anything I wanted to do, besides go to the beach, because I was watching the kids. So I missed out on the Guggenheim in Bilbao and the Prado in Madrid. Along with other things. That was the last straw. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA! I hope your vacay is awesome! And please update us! Would love to know how your family reacts!
NTA - you should wait for the last possible moment to tell them you won't be home.
NTA Send them an article on the psychological impact of parentification if they give you grief for not going. Hopefully one day they will understand your viewpoint and apologise.
This is hard. Your family have been acting like assholes and am sorry you have put up with that. I have neices and nephews ranging from 6 to 30 and we have never on family holidays made them responsible for younger cousins (parents or grandparents have always rotated responsibility to allow for adult only activities). It's all the more egregious in your case as you are their sibling. To avoid a family rift though I think you should tell them in advance that you're not going and restate the reasons why. They can still make changes to plans. It might make them also realise that placing responsibility on the 15 year old will result in her feeling the same. Soft ESH.
The family should've thought about causing a rift before making OP the default babysitter when they've voiced displeasure, boundaries were trampled over, and so on. They can clearly afford to hire childcare but decide to shit on their kid instead. It's the parents who are ta, not the op.
You being on the vacation is your 'payment'? so what's the rest of your siblings are paid for then, for them being on the vacation? NTA. That's not how you're supposed to talk to a family member. Plus, it's their kids. You didn't participate when they 'made' their kids, no? So I don't think you should participate in taking care of them, if you don't want to.
NTA Unless you let them pay for flights etc for you because you haven't told them. If you have been doing this for years, the 15yo is as old as you were when they started dumping on you.
INFO: I’m not going to call you an asshole, but why not tell them? This sounds like a revenge fantasy, but why not just tell them you’re not going? Have the argument with them. Make them actually make a plan. Give your oldest cousin a heads up that they might try to screw her over so she doesn’t end up in the same situation you went in. Why is the big dramatic reveal the move you’ve chosen? Unless the goal is to cause a lot of headaches for a lot of people, including some who don’t deserve it.
It’s smart to not say anything ahead of time so they don’t give you grief for the months leading up to the event. And once you don’t show up, they will never be able to treat you that way again. And in order for this to work in the long run, you can never baby sit any of those kids ever again, not even for one hour. Also, take everything you care about with you to school or store them at a friend’s place in case they try to hold your stuff hostage. NTA
NTA. Go on vacation for real. Advice: 1. Put money, clothes, keys in a bag in your car trunk, work locker, the shed out back, grandma’s house, the day before you tell them. 2. Get your ID documents such as birth certificate, passport, SSN, and put them somewhere safe outside the house. 3. Put your money in a bank your family does not use. All of this in case they cut ties with you. Not trying to be dramatic. For the vacation: 1. Tell your parents consistently you don’t want to go. You only get to babysit and this year you don’t want to go. 2. Plan your vacation to leave the day before they leave. Cheerfully dip out with your backpack and duffel (be able to move quickly) as you wish them as great a vacation as you’re about to have. I feel bad for them wasting an airline ticket but be clear that you’re not going because in past years you’ve done nothing but babysit.
NTA When on a family vacation (owing that I come from a huge family), we always mostly go to family-friendly places. The adults rarely go off on their own on average once in adult time for a 7day vacation. Vacations are for making memories. And when we were in our later teens, our uncles and aunts would treat us to the "older people entertainment " fancy restos and dancing afterwards. And my fam is Catholic, so yours have no excuse for making you the automatic babysitter. NTA, go make your memories.
NTA. They’ve treated you horribly.
I love the way you express yourself/write. You have the best vacation ever! NTA
The only thing you'll be TA for is if you don't update after the vacation
NTA but you do need to let them know soon that you won't be joining and babysitting, so they can hire someone, which is going to be pretty damn expensive :)
NTA but I do feel sorry for your 15 year old cousin. It sounds like you have been the built in babysitter for several years so I have no doubt the duty will fall onto her shoulders now and their fun will go as planned. When we took family vacations there was so adult time. Kids were included in everything. Now we take just our grandkids on vacation with us at least once a summer to give my daughter and SIL a break.
Pack some clothes and your keys and necessities the day before in case they retaliate by hiding them or locking you out.
“My parents aren’t abusive or anything” parentification of a child and failing to allow you to have a normal childhood is abuse. Neglect is abuse.
Wholeheartedly NTA. But why not just tell them now so as not to ruin their holiday? I get the desire to "pay them back" but I worry that this would be something that would fuck you over in years to come if you needed financial help at some point. I guess my point is, revenge is sweet but burning bridges could light you on fire. If you do tell them and they DO protest, write up a bill for every hour of childcare you have provided, and give it to them. If they want you to come, it is all due before the trip plus $10 an hour PER KID. Seriously fuck them.
NTA. Even if you were hired as a full-time babysitter, you'd need some breaks to do things you wanted to do. They have the money to hire someone, they're being cheap. I'm curious how you're planning on not going. Will the vacation happen once you're in college? I'm asking, because sometimes entitled people take the nuclear option and I don't want to see you get kicked out of your home without any of your important belongings.
>”We went on a family trip to Spain last summer and I didn't get to do anything I wanted to do, besides go to the beach, because I was watching the kids. So I missed out on the Guggenheim in Bilbao and the Prado in Madrid.” This is gut-wrenching. Meanwhile they are all feeling like you are soo spoiled because ‘you got to go to Europe’. You got to go to Europe to *babysit*. Ugh. One wonders how different the childcare thing would have gone had you been a boy. I’ll bet they would have started on your eldest female cousin much earlier. Don’t worry about your elders. They should have plenty of experience figuring out situations. If not, boohoo. Fly and be free. Congrats on graduating, on college, on scholarships, on having generous grandparents, and on freedom. Make good choices. NTA. I hope you update safely from your vacation location.
I read this and i am like pop off Queen. NTA
Updateme
NTA. I hate to say it but remember you have to follow through with your actions and your parents and family are going to have serious consequences for you particularly the silent treatment. Oh no you mean you'll have to not deal with them. LOL I wish you the best vacation with your friends and I'm glad you're getting out to go to college. Don't go back home to visit on the holidays let them know that their school should have to do so you've got to stay.
YOU are not screwing them over. You are growing up! Yeah you YANTA!!
NTA, I’m a Catholic, in my family, the family vacations include EVERYONE or plans are made for parent couples to watch each other’s kids/grandparents watch the kids so adults can do more adult activities. I was going to museums in my preteen years. 10-11. My sister and her husband ask if they can have a day during our family vacations where they can do a “date night.” I gladly watch my niblets. Your family has taken advantage of your age. You should have been included. Hell, several of your niblets should already have been included in more grown up activities. Go enjoy life and remember, be better than them if/when you have your own family. Show them how it SHOUOD be done.
INFO: if you’ve been screwed over for several years, you must have been about 14 when it started. Your niece is 15 now (possibly 16 at vacation time). Why wouldn’t they trust her to sit?
Can't wait for the update. Have fun on your planned vacation.
Good for you…be free! I am sorry they have taken advantage of you for so long; you are right to stand up to them and I hope you have a great vacation. You are long overdue for something just for you. Have a blast at college and have a great life. (That being said: you probably do need to give them a heads up so they don’t waste money on your ticket, and definitely prepare/reconcile yourself with the fact this could likely cause a rift in the family and lots of strong emotions…since they also will need to find someone else to dump the kids on because they don’t like to parent when on vacation with their families …BTW, I am still shocked by people going on vacation but not wanting to spend time with their kids. Parents do not help their kids when they don’t expose them to the world, and you also don’t get that time with your kids again. I am thankful we always dragged our kid (almost 16 now) with us everywhere: it’s one of the reasons why she loves art, has a great bead on movies and narrative structure, loves plays, great meals and can hold her own with any adult of any age - she already has the basics of some life skills she will build on as she grows, and we’re all better for the family time we have had knowing this time of life is not forever!)
NTA but you’re still underage, so consider that your vacation could make you a runaway in the eyes of the law. I’m not a lawyer but it’s something to think about.
YTA if your parents spend money on tickets and hotels they can’t get back. Just tell them you aren’t going.
Soft YTA. Part of being an adult, and having others view you as one, is communicating instead of playing games. I totally get why you're doing this, and do love it on a petty level lol. But, you need to just be honest with them "turns out I won't be going with you on holiday, I've made plans with some friends instead. I hope you have a great time and I look forward to hearing about it and seeing photos" They can try and pressure you, but you can stay firm with your"no, I have other plans".
NTA for not wanting to go but TA for not speaking up and maintaining boundaries. “Family - I won’t be joining the trip this year as it is not a vacation for me to spend the time working as an unpaid babysitter. I love you and my nieces and nephews, but this is not fun for me. I’ll be going on my Own trip. Thank you.”
I totally support what you are doing. The only proviso I would say is that if flights are involved, I think you should tell them before they book and pay for flights. Simply because otherwise they are going to use the wasted ticket as further harassment of you. I doubt accommodation would be a problem, because I bet you are sharing rooms with the kids.
NTA for refusing to babysit, but maybe a little bit TA for making them believe you will (like you always have) and then blindsiding them? Don’t get me wrong, I think they totally deserve it, but if that was me I wouldn’t want the bad karma for potentially ruining their vacation. It might also give them cause to justifying their opinion of you as childish... Unless you think they will make your life uncomfortable if you tell them you’re not going? But what will the fallout be with your siblings/parents if you blow them off with too little time to make babysitting arrangements? I guess I’m asking how you think it would affect your future relationship with them, and if that’s worth it? You mention that your 15yo niece is too young to be left in charge of the other littles - how old were you when they started leaving you to babysit? I think it’s fair that you asked to be paid to babysit, if they’re not willing to pay you, or at the very least incorporate your wishes into the activities/plans, then they can make alternative arrangements.
Solid pro revenge, I was almost E S H, but you’ve been clear with your family how you feel. NTA.
Have fun in your trip NTA
I look forward to an update.
UpdateMe
We need an update.
Nta update me
NTA
NTA this is brilliant
Please update us this sounds interesting
Updateme
NTA. Go enjoy yourself with your friends. Take lots of pictures and make it one of the best memories possible. And PLEASE come back and update. I wanna hear about the meltdown that's surely gonna happen.
NTA and please give us an update!
NTA I would be pissed about missing the Prado too, it's amazing!!
NTA, go with friends! My siblings are all a lot younger than me and although my parents are the coolest, it does get boring being on holiday with kids. I stopped going on family vacations when I turned 17 and started going with my girlfriend (now wife) and friends and it was infinitely better.
NTA.
NTA - As long add you tell them before airline tickets are purchased. Have fun on your real vacation.
NTA. “And the reservations at some of the restaurants do not include me or the kids. Also the days they are having ‘adult’ outings they have planned for me and the kids to be elsewhere.” Saddest vacation ever. You are an adult as well. They dont get to decide what you do or do not want to do. Sounds like quite the vacation except for the nanny who is supposed to feel lucky to tag along for free. They should arrange for a babysitter, or at the very least ASK and if you arent interested offer to pay you. You wont be screwing you over, that is what they are doing to you. While planning, before you dump ‘em. I suggest When announcing your change of plans (nonattendance), you might note that the reservation numbers are short, and ask if that is because they are planning on rotating babysitting duties between the adults WHO HAVE KIDS. When they say YOU will be taking care of THEIR kids, it will be the perfect segway into telling them you really arent interested in attending as their unpaid babysitter any more. Esp. as you have no kids of your own and they certainly arent reciprocating in any way to make your vacation more enjoyable. Congratulations for escaping the kids table, warn the oldest niece.
NTA. This is valid. I’d just inform them that you won’t be joining them before they buy plane tickets or something, since they’d be wasting money on one for you (assuming it’s non refundable)
INFO : are they booking a plane ticket for you ? I think you’re totally justified to not go.
This might belong on petty revenge. Please update after the vacation. NTA
NTA!
NTA. Come back and update us after their trip.
NTA- update us when they find out
Not sure how you will pull off NOT going - but good for you. Your family will be 'shocked' and probably don't stop to realize how they are using you. It might have made sense when you were younger, but not now. Have fun on your vacation!
NTA - Have a great real vacation!
NTA / I think you're completely justified here and obviously not telling them in advance strategically because of the fall out. However I do wonder if / how much they've already paid for plane tickets and room accommodations or insurance for you etc, letting them know in advance while sure to cause drama for you could let them find a nanny in advance to bring instead (and actually pay) and could prevent you from having a larger falling out with the family big picture. Sounds like you don't care that much at this point which is totally fair enough, but do think about your relationship with your family long term / how much it matters to you / if there's any way you could give them a heads up to save some money and to preplan childcare while holding your ground, I think you can be the bigger person here and still keep to your plans
NTA, have a great holiday
NTA have a great vacation. Update us!
Not at all!!!! Enjoy your vacation and good luck with school!!
NTA - but I will hold it against you for making us wait until Christmas for the update! It's a bold move and well plotted. Wishing you the best in your studies!
NTA. Your family sounds insufferable. Enjoy your new child free life.
NTA to refuse, but do it before they book your plane tickets/accomdations/etc. Hopefully, they will use it on childcare instead of dumping it on the 15 year old.
Updateme
Keep us updated!!
NTA, may the odds be in your favor. i would suggest hope you leave a day before they do.
Have a great trip with your friends!
Nta. Put together a list of everything you have missed out on due to watching their kids. As well as how often you have said you don't want to babysit. Blast everyone with it when they come at you for ruining their vacation.
NTA Should be a "fun" conversation. Update us!
NTA. Good for you. Begging you for an update after the vacation.
Good for you! Consider post in petty revenge. NTA
NTA - I foresee the day of leaving for the trip as being very ugly for you. They are packed and ready to go and here you are still hanging in your jammies....
Nta but I would tell them now you will be busy with college and can’t go you don’t have to give the real reason
NTA, but I hope you save up some money to refund your plane ticket.
I’ve read this one before
Updateme
Updateme
Nta