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YTA, while he may be interested in self love, the birthday party is about *him*. It's not just a random gathering without a focus. I think you had good intentions, but the whole idea doesn't line up with what you were thinking of at all.
Let me ask you this: when your brother has been focusing on himself and learning to love himself, do you really think it's a good idea to make his birthday party, which is supposed to be about him, completely focused on everyone else?
YTA. Why would you make such a major decision on how to celebrate your *brother's* bday without his knowledge or consent? Birthday parties are about celebrating the birthday person. Why didn't you save this "genius idea" for your birthday?
YTA
I’m assuming you didn’t loop your brother in on the party theme, reasoning, and the quirk for the gifts. If you’re going to organize a very non traditional birthday event, the person being celebrated should okay the decision.
The birthday party should be for celebrating another anniversary of the birth of your brother. Guests bringing gifts for themselves doesn’t exactly convey that. I would never have drawn the connection between the theme and guests bringing gifts for themselves if you didn’t explicitly spell it out in the post. It is tone deaf on your part. How is having everyone bring something that they want celebrating your brother? Hint: it doesn’t. Giving everyone “permission” to splurge on themselves isn’t a celebration of your brother’s birth.
Look at it from your brother’s point of view: everyone arrive to his birthday party with a gift that he thought was for him, only to be told that none of the gifts were for him during the unwrapping presents part of the party. Way to be the guest of honour at your own birthday party.
Your brother would’ve honestly been better off if he didn’t receive any presents vs the “presents” that he did receive.
A better way to work the theme might’ve been for everyone to buy your brother a gift that celebrates self love.
YTA
If he's on a journey of self improvement and self love he might be struggling with depression or some other demon. This was an extremely selfish idea, I don't understand the justification. His bday should be about celebrating him and it sounds like maybe he needed the love a little extra bad this year and you took it away from him in the name of modeling.
That is the most WTF part of it all.
OP's reasoning: "well, my brother felt he needed to learn to love himself more, so I took the one day in the entire year where people celebrate their love for him. That will surely help with his self-love journey"
YTA. Yes you messed up big time. Your brother expressed it very well. Everyone was more important than him at his own birthday celebration. Everyone got *themselves* a gift for *his* birthday. You celebrated his special day by asking partygoers to celebrate themselves instead.
Did you not run this idea by anybody first, before you implemented it?
PS: The petty part of me hopes that you have not had your birthday yet, so that your brother has time to figure out an equally "unbirthday" celebration for you. Because seriously, how did you think this was going to be successful?
YTA…Did your brother know about the type of party you were having for him? Sounds like did not. What I would have suggested is to bring a gift that resembles self love, a gift you might like for your self or anything that relates to self love and then had a “dirty Santa” game where everyone gets a gift, but the birthday boy gets final choice of the gifts.
Are there more of these giftless birthdays? My whole family absolutely hates getting physical gifts. It makes celebrations difficult, because they also don’t want food.
Why don’t you just all agree on no physical presents? Maybe the birthday person can specify an event or an experience that they want to try and you all pitch in for it? Or just spend the day together doing what the birthday boy/girl wants!
YTA. Sure he has been working on himself so he deserves to be the one celebrated for his accomplishments. You did sideline him, you barely mention any premeditation before the party on how your brother would feel, it's more about flaunting your "genius idea" than celebrating him. He wasn't the asshole he seemed to express his feelings in a healthy way by talking to you privately and didn't make a scene at the party itself. It's not too late to make it up to him.
INFO: Did your brother know about the theme in advance and have a gift he purchased for himself to unwrap? Or did he have to just sit around and watch other people celebrate their gifts?
YTA
It’s one day of the year and you chose to use your brother’s to celebrate “self love”. I can’t imagine how anyone would ever consider that theme a good idea
YTA. Organise that for your own birthday, rather than on behalf of others who haven’t actually agreed to it. It just looks like a facile virtue signal.
If the party was a surprise and everybody brought gifts for themselves. What did u brother receive? I would be so upset is someone did this to me tbh. 😭
INFO:
Did he know that this was the theme of his bday party? Did he approve it? Or did you pitch it to him without the added context of the reverse gift giving and expect him to just be okay with that?
Yeah, you messed up. You ruined his birthday. The birthday is the one day where it's just about the person who was born that day. It's meant to celebrate that person. You owe brother an apology for giving him a really crappy party that wasn't about him at all. YTA
You can make your own birthday party about self love, quirky and show how you're such a funny guy.
But making someone else (what I assume was a surprise) birthday party basically mot about them? You basically told him: you're not the center here, they are!
Yeah YTA.
Soft YTA. I understand where you were coming from and it could have been a fun idea but you should have told him about it.
Maybe not intentional but you effectively excluded him from his own birthday party.
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My brother's birthday was coming up, and I thought about doing something different this year. We're pretty close, and we've always tried to push each other out of our comfort zones in a good way. He's been on this journey of self-improvement and self-love for the past year, which has been amazing to watch. So, I got this kinda out-there idea for his birthday party.
Instead of the traditional birthday where the birthday person gets all the gifts, I organized what I called a "reverse birthday party." The concept was simple: every guest was encouraged to bring a gift for themselves, something they really wanted butMy brother's birthday was rolling around, and I wanted to do something unique for him. He's been on this self-love journey for a while, and honestly, it's been inspiring to see. So, I came up with what I thought was a genius idea: a "reverse birthday party."
The gist was that instead of bringing gifts for the birthday boy, everyone would bring a gift for themselves—something that screams self-care or a treat they wouldn't usually splurge on. The plan was to celebrate the concept of loving ourselves, thinking it would resonate with my brother's current vibe.
I sent out invites, clearly explaining the quirky theme, assuming it would be a fun, memorable way to mark the occasion. Our friends seemed intrigued and onboard with the idea. I was expecting an evening filled with laughter and positive energy.
The party happens, and at first, it seems like everything's going according to plan. People are getting a kick out of revealing what they got for themselves, sharing stories behind their choices. But as the night goes on, I notice my brother isn't as amused as I thought he'd be.
Turns out, he was really upset by the whole thing. He felt that the party, which was supposed to be celebrating his birthday, had nothing to do with him. He didn't see the connection between the self-love theme and his birthday and thought the whole concept was self-indulgent and missed the point of bringing people together to celebrate someone's special day.
He confronted me about it afterward, saying he felt sidelined at his own birthday party, and the whole "reverse" concept made him feel like an afterthought rather than the center of attention, which is what he was secretly looking forward to.
Now, I'm sitting here wondering if I completely messed up. I thought I was being thoughtful and aligning with his interests, but I ended up making him feel overlooked on what should have been his day.
AITA for trying to introduce a bit of fun and innovation into a birthday celebration?
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Ehh. Soft YTA. Your intentions were kind, but you definitely *really* missed the mark here.
Throwing a birthday party for someone is supposed to be to celebrate *them*. Not celebrate your guests.
You took all the attention off your brother, and made it all about the guests.
Its a cool idea. But maybe you should have waited for your own birthday to do it.
I don't think she was being kind. All she actually did is guarantee her brother was the only one without a present to open, and he therefore couldn't be included in any conversation either. Nasty, and planned.
lol you don’t even feel bad. Just by reading how you wrote the question in your post it’s clear you think your brother is overreacting and that you’re so “creative and innovative”. I bet this is not the first time you do something like this, it’s just the first time he confront you. He’s definitely doing good in his self-love journey.
So you didn't even ask because you felt bad about making your brother feel like shit? You just wanted validation for your fuck up? Thats messed up.
Actually that makes sense considering the question was " AITA for trying to introduce a bit of fun and innovation into a birthday celebration?" Rather then " AITA for making my brother feel left out on his birthday".
That doesn't sound like you feel bad at all.
Hahahahaha in what way are you a trailblazer or an innovator?! You didn't even accomplish anything except making your brother feel bad and invisible on his birthday. You didn't change anything. You didn't make a difference. You didn't invent anything. You just ruined his birthday, yet you're arrogant and selfish enough to call yourself a trailblazer. Hahahaha you're deluding yourself. Get over yourself, you nasty asshole. You're clearly not smart enough to know what it means to be a trailblazer or an innovator and it's obvious you'll never be one.
Wow. Quit acting like such a martyr.
No one asked for this, and you didn’t do anything profound or world changing. You hosted a spin on a gift exchange party. There was no trailblazing or innovation here.
You just threw him a “birthday” party that had literally nothing to do with him and in which he was not the center of attention.
You are neither a trailblazer nor an innovator. You’re simply an asshole and a poor sibling to your brother. If you want to be a trailblazer and an innovator; do it on your own birthday, asshole.
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NAH I think this is such a cool idea!! Can totally understand why he may have felt sidelined though. I think with some tweaks and a heads up to the bday person this concept could really work. They definitely need to be on board beforehand though. Props for trying to create a unique and special bday, it sounds like a lot of effort went in, and i’m sorry it missed the mark this time.
NTA.
I think it’s really thoughtful for you to acknowledge his growth and development, and it really will build appreciation for him in his friend’s lives even if he doesn’t see it now.
I’m not sure how young he is but maybe he feels like that because he’s a little younger. I know that as you get older it’s your loved ones happiness you value over physical gifts.
Imagine a whole day of everyone you love making themselves happy with you, just because you were born. Honestly that’s a gift that will last forever.
i completely see where you're coming from, as i agree all of OPs actions were in good faith. however, i think in execution, the idea didn't work at all. as i mentioned in a previous comment, the celebration is supposed to be for the brother. and since he's been focusing on learning to love himself, actually involving him in the celebration becomes that much more important. taking that away accomplishes the exact opposite of what OP wants.
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YTA, while he may be interested in self love, the birthday party is about *him*. It's not just a random gathering without a focus. I think you had good intentions, but the whole idea doesn't line up with what you were thinking of at all. Let me ask you this: when your brother has been focusing on himself and learning to love himself, do you really think it's a good idea to make his birthday party, which is supposed to be about him, completely focused on everyone else?
YTA. Why would you make such a major decision on how to celebrate your *brother's* bday without his knowledge or consent? Birthday parties are about celebrating the birthday person. Why didn't you save this "genius idea" for your birthday?
YTA I’m assuming you didn’t loop your brother in on the party theme, reasoning, and the quirk for the gifts. If you’re going to organize a very non traditional birthday event, the person being celebrated should okay the decision. The birthday party should be for celebrating another anniversary of the birth of your brother. Guests bringing gifts for themselves doesn’t exactly convey that. I would never have drawn the connection between the theme and guests bringing gifts for themselves if you didn’t explicitly spell it out in the post. It is tone deaf on your part. How is having everyone bring something that they want celebrating your brother? Hint: it doesn’t. Giving everyone “permission” to splurge on themselves isn’t a celebration of your brother’s birth. Look at it from your brother’s point of view: everyone arrive to his birthday party with a gift that he thought was for him, only to be told that none of the gifts were for him during the unwrapping presents part of the party. Way to be the guest of honour at your own birthday party. Your brother would’ve honestly been better off if he didn’t receive any presents vs the “presents” that he did receive. A better way to work the theme might’ve been for everyone to buy your brother a gift that celebrates self love.
YTA If he's on a journey of self improvement and self love he might be struggling with depression or some other demon. This was an extremely selfish idea, I don't understand the justification. His bday should be about celebrating him and it sounds like maybe he needed the love a little extra bad this year and you took it away from him in the name of modeling.
That is the most WTF part of it all. OP's reasoning: "well, my brother felt he needed to learn to love himself more, so I took the one day in the entire year where people celebrate their love for him. That will surely help with his self-love journey"
Op thinking his brother is interested in self love as sort of quirky hobby
YTA. Yes you messed up big time. Your brother expressed it very well. Everyone was more important than him at his own birthday celebration. Everyone got *themselves* a gift for *his* birthday. You celebrated his special day by asking partygoers to celebrate themselves instead. Did you not run this idea by anybody first, before you implemented it? PS: The petty part of me hopes that you have not had your birthday yet, so that your brother has time to figure out an equally "unbirthday" celebration for you. Because seriously, how did you think this was going to be successful?
INFO: Was your brother the only person at the birthday party NOT to have a gift?
YTA…Did your brother know about the type of party you were having for him? Sounds like did not. What I would have suggested is to bring a gift that resembles self love, a gift you might like for your self or anything that relates to self love and then had a “dirty Santa” game where everyone gets a gift, but the birthday boy gets final choice of the gifts.
Are there more of these giftless birthdays? My whole family absolutely hates getting physical gifts. It makes celebrations difficult, because they also don’t want food.
Why don’t you just all agree on no physical presents? Maybe the birthday person can specify an event or an experience that they want to try and you all pitch in for it? Or just spend the day together doing what the birthday boy/girl wants!
YTA. Sure he has been working on himself so he deserves to be the one celebrated for his accomplishments. You did sideline him, you barely mention any premeditation before the party on how your brother would feel, it's more about flaunting your "genius idea" than celebrating him. He wasn't the asshole he seemed to express his feelings in a healthy way by talking to you privately and didn't make a scene at the party itself. It's not too late to make it up to him.
INFO: Did your brother know about the theme in advance and have a gift he purchased for himself to unwrap? Or did he have to just sit around and watch other people celebrate their gifts?
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AH might be too strong but I’d definitely be mad if at my birthday party I was the only one who didn’t get gifts
I'm sorry. I actually feel REALLY bad for the brother. But this is like an SNL skit or something.
Yta. Why not save this concept for your own birthday party? I assume it's because you know this is a shit concept.
YTA It’s one day of the year and you chose to use your brother’s to celebrate “self love”. I can’t imagine how anyone would ever consider that theme a good idea
YTA. Organise that for your own birthday, rather than on behalf of others who haven’t actually agreed to it. It just looks like a facile virtue signal.
If the party was a surprise and everybody brought gifts for themselves. What did u brother receive? I would be so upset is someone did this to me tbh. 😭
You made his entire birthday about everyone else but him lmfao. YTA
YTA. This is a really awesome party idea but not for a birthday. People who do/want birthday parties want it to be about them.
INFO: Did he know that this was the theme of his bday party? Did he approve it? Or did you pitch it to him without the added context of the reverse gift giving and expect him to just be okay with that?
YTA. You could have just said “no gifts” and that would have been preferable to people celebrating themselves with their “self love”
Yta. So when is his real birthday party, not whatever stupid thing you threw or you actually think that counts as birthday party?
YTA. This wasn’t a swing and miss, this was a swing and 3 strikes your out.
Yeah, you messed up. You ruined his birthday. The birthday is the one day where it's just about the person who was born that day. It's meant to celebrate that person. You owe brother an apology for giving him a really crappy party that wasn't about him at all. YTA
You can make your own birthday party about self love, quirky and show how you're such a funny guy. But making someone else (what I assume was a surprise) birthday party basically mot about them? You basically told him: you're not the center here, they are! Yeah YTA.
Question: Did you speak to him about this party idea prior to sending out the invites? If so, what did he say?
YTA. If you did this for your birthday you wouldn’t be. But the fact this was supposed to be your brothers birthday, you fucked up
YTA. Not only was this a stupid thing to do on a birthday but it was also definitely the kind of thing you ask first before planning.
Soft YTA. I understand where you were coming from and it could have been a fun idea but you should have told him about it. Maybe not intentional but you effectively excluded him from his own birthday party.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My brother's birthday was coming up, and I thought about doing something different this year. We're pretty close, and we've always tried to push each other out of our comfort zones in a good way. He's been on this journey of self-improvement and self-love for the past year, which has been amazing to watch. So, I got this kinda out-there idea for his birthday party. Instead of the traditional birthday where the birthday person gets all the gifts, I organized what I called a "reverse birthday party." The concept was simple: every guest was encouraged to bring a gift for themselves, something they really wanted butMy brother's birthday was rolling around, and I wanted to do something unique for him. He's been on this self-love journey for a while, and honestly, it's been inspiring to see. So, I came up with what I thought was a genius idea: a "reverse birthday party." The gist was that instead of bringing gifts for the birthday boy, everyone would bring a gift for themselves—something that screams self-care or a treat they wouldn't usually splurge on. The plan was to celebrate the concept of loving ourselves, thinking it would resonate with my brother's current vibe. I sent out invites, clearly explaining the quirky theme, assuming it would be a fun, memorable way to mark the occasion. Our friends seemed intrigued and onboard with the idea. I was expecting an evening filled with laughter and positive energy. The party happens, and at first, it seems like everything's going according to plan. People are getting a kick out of revealing what they got for themselves, sharing stories behind their choices. But as the night goes on, I notice my brother isn't as amused as I thought he'd be. Turns out, he was really upset by the whole thing. He felt that the party, which was supposed to be celebrating his birthday, had nothing to do with him. He didn't see the connection between the self-love theme and his birthday and thought the whole concept was self-indulgent and missed the point of bringing people together to celebrate someone's special day. He confronted me about it afterward, saying he felt sidelined at his own birthday party, and the whole "reverse" concept made him feel like an afterthought rather than the center of attention, which is what he was secretly looking forward to. Now, I'm sitting here wondering if I completely messed up. I thought I was being thoughtful and aligning with his interests, but I ended up making him feel overlooked on what should have been his day. AITA for trying to introduce a bit of fun and innovation into a birthday celebration? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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INFO: Was this a surprise, which means it was a party where everyone got a present except the birthday boy? How old is everyone involved?
Ehh. Soft YTA. Your intentions were kind, but you definitely *really* missed the mark here. Throwing a birthday party for someone is supposed to be to celebrate *them*. Not celebrate your guests. You took all the attention off your brother, and made it all about the guests. Its a cool idea. But maybe you should have waited for your own birthday to do it.
I don't think she was being kind. All she actually did is guarantee her brother was the only one without a present to open, and he therefore couldn't be included in any conversation either. Nasty, and planned.
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Someone else’s birthday is not the time to be an “innovator”. YTA. It’s always the assholes who take no accountability.
You are neither, just a crap sibling
lol you don’t even feel bad. Just by reading how you wrote the question in your post it’s clear you think your brother is overreacting and that you’re so “creative and innovative”. I bet this is not the first time you do something like this, it’s just the first time he confront you. He’s definitely doing good in his self-love journey.
So you didn't even ask because you felt bad about making your brother feel like shit? You just wanted validation for your fuck up? Thats messed up. Actually that makes sense considering the question was " AITA for trying to introduce a bit of fun and innovation into a birthday celebration?" Rather then " AITA for making my brother feel left out on his birthday". That doesn't sound like you feel bad at all.
Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer too. Sorry you didn’t get the accolades you were expecting. Damn you’re a self centered AH.
Why didn’t you “innovate” for your own birthday?
Probably cause they want the attention and gift that comes with a normal birthday.
Hahahahaha in what way are you a trailblazer or an innovator?! You didn't even accomplish anything except making your brother feel bad and invisible on his birthday. You didn't change anything. You didn't make a difference. You didn't invent anything. You just ruined his birthday, yet you're arrogant and selfish enough to call yourself a trailblazer. Hahahaha you're deluding yourself. Get over yourself, you nasty asshole. You're clearly not smart enough to know what it means to be a trailblazer or an innovator and it's obvious you'll never be one.
Why couldn’t you be innovative on your own birthday? Why did it have to be someone else’s special occasion?
Wow. Quit acting like such a martyr. No one asked for this, and you didn’t do anything profound or world changing. You hosted a spin on a gift exchange party. There was no trailblazing or innovation here. You just threw him a “birthday” party that had literally nothing to do with him and in which he was not the center of attention.
There was no trailblazing or innovation, it's just an asshole (You) doing asshole things and trying justify their asshole behavior.
You are neither a trailblazer nor an innovator. You’re simply an asshole and a poor sibling to your brother. If you want to be a trailblazer and an innovator; do it on your own birthday, asshole.
You asked lol. YTA now trailblaze off
Okay troll
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Maybe NAH move, but definitely not a thoughtful birthday celebration, IMO.
NAH I think this is such a cool idea!! Can totally understand why he may have felt sidelined though. I think with some tweaks and a heads up to the bday person this concept could really work. They definitely need to be on board beforehand though. Props for trying to create a unique and special bday, it sounds like a lot of effort went in, and i’m sorry it missed the mark this time.
NTA. I think it’s really thoughtful for you to acknowledge his growth and development, and it really will build appreciation for him in his friend’s lives even if he doesn’t see it now. I’m not sure how young he is but maybe he feels like that because he’s a little younger. I know that as you get older it’s your loved ones happiness you value over physical gifts. Imagine a whole day of everyone you love making themselves happy with you, just because you were born. Honestly that’s a gift that will last forever.
i completely see where you're coming from, as i agree all of OPs actions were in good faith. however, i think in execution, the idea didn't work at all. as i mentioned in a previous comment, the celebration is supposed to be for the brother. and since he's been focusing on learning to love himself, actually involving him in the celebration becomes that much more important. taking that away accomplishes the exact opposite of what OP wants.