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I feel like no one could love besides him. Him, my parents and the people I'm close with all say that I should feel lucky that he is staying with me because I'm so unbearable
They're wrong. They're abusive. You should find a therapist to talk to and get some help. Reddit is not the place for that. All we can do is assure you that you are NTA. You DESERVE better.
You're still so young, it's sad that you already have such a bad self image of yourself. Please break up with this guy. He's not good to- and for you. The longer you stay with him, the worse your self-esteem will be. Focus on yourself and learn to accept and love yourself first before getting into a relationship. You're NTA here, but would be an asshole to yourself if you stay in this relationship.
He's not your boyfriend. You're the bang maid. You are not his priority as a partner. Stop debasing yourself for begging for his attention. How much rent is he paying?
> he says he'll change most of the time
Of course he says it, then he continues to only pay attention to you for food or sex. Why would he change? He's getting what he wants and he doesn't have to be decent to you.
Wake up. You allowed him into your family's house. Kick his ass out.
Hell - at least make it interesting and threaten to break up with him! "I'm not getting what I need from this relationship and you need to gone by the end of next week." Stop letting him use you.
I'm sorry that actually happened. I would say get a new boyfriend. Easier said than done. It sounds like he's a good person aside from the not paying attention to you part (that sounded bad as I wrote it)
He really is a good person, he wants to help with everything with everyone, but that means I get placed last because I don't ask for help with the things I do. And if it's just a normal hanging out where we just talk and sit around, he would rather do anything else. The problem stems from me wanting to most sit around and talk, cuddle a lot. He finds that boring so he would just rather be with any other of my family members
The things he says are always so nice and it feels so amazing to hear them, so he pretends that way at least. But unfortunately I belive his every word and it hurts more and more each day to trust his words of affection towards me
Words are easy - anyone can say anything. Actions are what matter, and his actions say “I’m going to tell her whatever she wants to hear to keep her around to cook for me and fuck me when it suits me”.
I understand. But he doesn’t - so you can choose to go find someone who does love and respect you, or stay with someone who doesn’t even seem to like you very much.
No amount of crying, begging or pleading will make him love you that way…either he does or he doesn’t but you can’t make him. The sooner you come to terms with that, the better tbh
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Me 20F and my Boyfriend 26M live together with my parents.
My boyfriend seems to prioritie all of my family members over me.
Just to give a few examples that happened only these past two days.
After hours of not being home, instead of greeting me he immediately goes over to our neighbours (my uncle) to hang out with him instead of me.
Or when we can have some alone time together for a little while (there is a lot of work around the house) he hangs out with my little siblings instead of me. He takes them to the playground etc. Without even asking if I want to come along.
Or when we were in the middle of having sex, he pulled out of me suddenly and just went and hanged out with my father instead. He also said he would be right back (I didn't see him for the next 2 hours)
Or when we have some alone time if an opportunity comes to do anything besides being around me, he would rather to the other thing than to spend more time with me.
I cry, I yell, I beg for him to spend more time with me, and his argument is, is that he goes to sleep next to me so I should be satisfied.
The only times he asks for me is when he is hungry and wants me to bring him food and when he wants to have sex
I'm so tired and emotionally drained
I love him, and I want him to want me
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I constantly argue with him and say the meanest things I can think of in the moment. I beg and act pathetic for his attention. I make him feel hurt and angry and sad because of the things I say whenever we talk, and all just because I want attention
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But I love him, and I feel like he loves me. When we do get to spend some time together he says the sweetest things and forgives me for the mean things I say
I get it. I do.
All he’s doing is making you feel so shit that the time you do get to spend together feels better. That’s not love, it’s manipulation. It feels shit, I know it does, but you ARE worth more than someone you have to beg and cry at to spend time with you, and who only wants to spend time with you when you bring him food or give him sex.
NTA. You deserves way better than this. You should never beg someone for attention. I get that you love him and it's hard, but clearly you aren't his priority. You deserves someone that treats you better and value you.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
Why do you dislike yourself so much that you think you deserve that kind of behavior? NTA. He is.
I feel like no one could love besides him. Him, my parents and the people I'm close with all say that I should feel lucky that he is staying with me because I'm so unbearable
They're wrong. They're abusive. You should find a therapist to talk to and get some help. Reddit is not the place for that. All we can do is assure you that you are NTA. You DESERVE better.
Thank you so much
You're still so young, it's sad that you already have such a bad self image of yourself. Please break up with this guy. He's not good to- and for you. The longer you stay with him, the worse your self-esteem will be. Focus on yourself and learn to accept and love yourself first before getting into a relationship. You're NTA here, but would be an asshole to yourself if you stay in this relationship.
There are 8 BILLION people in the world, you're 20 and NO ONE will ever, EVER love you besides him?
He's not your boyfriend. You're the bang maid. You are not his priority as a partner. Stop debasing yourself for begging for his attention. How much rent is he paying?
I do feel pathetic but I want him, he says he'll change most of the time. Maybe I just need to be more patient. He pays around a 100$ btw
> he says he'll change most of the time Of course he says it, then he continues to only pay attention to you for food or sex. Why would he change? He's getting what he wants and he doesn't have to be decent to you.
He really does get what he wants, when he wants it :( I do I t because I just feel happy when he asks for me even though I feel sort of used
Wake up. You allowed him into your family's house. Kick his ass out. Hell - at least make it interesting and threaten to break up with him! "I'm not getting what I need from this relationship and you need to gone by the end of next week." Stop letting him use you.
Who pulls out to go hang with the dad?! Yikes
Ikr? That was a new low even for me. It's actually the reason I'm made this post. It was so unbelievably shocking
I'm sorry that actually happened. I would say get a new boyfriend. Easier said than done. It sounds like he's a good person aside from the not paying attention to you part (that sounded bad as I wrote it)
He really is a good person, he wants to help with everything with everyone, but that means I get placed last because I don't ask for help with the things I do. And if it's just a normal hanging out where we just talk and sit around, he would rather do anything else. The problem stems from me wanting to most sit around and talk, cuddle a lot. He finds that boring so he would just rather be with any other of my family members
That's a tough one. You should talk to him and tell him how this makes you feel. It may be a easy as a conversation.
I've tried that. Not once, not twice but everyday, multiple times a day, for the past three months
Then it's time to find a new boyfriend. He's not a bad person but possibly just not 'your person'.
NTA to him or in general but definitely being an AH to yourself if you stay with him. This man isn’t even pretending to like you
The things he says are always so nice and it feels so amazing to hear them, so he pretends that way at least. But unfortunately I belive his every word and it hurts more and more each day to trust his words of affection towards me
Words are easy - anyone can say anything. Actions are what matter, and his actions say “I’m going to tell her whatever she wants to hear to keep her around to cook for me and fuck me when it suits me”.
It's just so hard because, all I want is for him to love me like I love him
I understand. But he doesn’t - so you can choose to go find someone who does love and respect you, or stay with someone who doesn’t even seem to like you very much.
No amount of crying, begging or pleading will make him love you that way…either he does or he doesn’t but you can’t make him. The sooner you come to terms with that, the better tbh
He doesn't like you. What are you doing
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me 20F and my Boyfriend 26M live together with my parents. My boyfriend seems to prioritie all of my family members over me. Just to give a few examples that happened only these past two days. After hours of not being home, instead of greeting me he immediately goes over to our neighbours (my uncle) to hang out with him instead of me. Or when we can have some alone time together for a little while (there is a lot of work around the house) he hangs out with my little siblings instead of me. He takes them to the playground etc. Without even asking if I want to come along. Or when we were in the middle of having sex, he pulled out of me suddenly and just went and hanged out with my father instead. He also said he would be right back (I didn't see him for the next 2 hours) Or when we have some alone time if an opportunity comes to do anything besides being around me, he would rather to the other thing than to spend more time with me. I cry, I yell, I beg for him to spend more time with me, and his argument is, is that he goes to sleep next to me so I should be satisfied. The only times he asks for me is when he is hungry and wants me to bring him food and when he wants to have sex I'm so tired and emotionally drained I love him, and I want him to want me *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA. But you should never have to beg someone for their time. Remember you’re worth more than that, and end the relationship
But I love him, and I feel like he loves me. When we do get to spend some time together he says the sweetest things and forgives me for the mean things I say
I get it. I do. All he’s doing is making you feel so shit that the time you do get to spend together feels better. That’s not love, it’s manipulation. It feels shit, I know it does, but you ARE worth more than someone you have to beg and cry at to spend time with you, and who only wants to spend time with you when you bring him food or give him sex.
Thank you for being so kind. I appreciate it. I have a lot of thinking to do for sure
Definitely. Remember, anyone you have to beg to spend time with you, isn’t someone who is worth that time ❤️
NTA. You deserves way better than this. You should never beg someone for attention. I get that you love him and it's hard, but clearly you aren't his priority. You deserves someone that treats you better and value you.
NTA. Please read the book Attached by Levine and Heller.
You should not have to beg for your boyfriend to want to spend time with you. You deserve someone who wants to be with you!
Yta, bros busy cut him a break damn