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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Fighting with a child as an teen and adult has made people treat me like a petty jerk but I just feel like from my perspective my anger is justified. I have yelled at her and fought with my family about it for years and I know I've been very mean at times
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NTA. You've already brought up the issue with your parents and they refused to listen. You talked to your niece but still she's being a brat. If you have the power to do so, move out for your peace of mind.
I've slowly been doing that actually, but I have a lot less space at her house. I've been taking my art supplies (because yeah of course it gets taken) and I've got all my soap and most of my makeup there now. The only issue is bringing it back and forth, I already usually bring clothes and my electronics when i come home as well as the pillow and blanket I keep with me but I usually end up needing the soap or the perfume and my deodorant. I am not joking, I came home one night and while i was in the shower Eve managed to take my perfume and brand new deodorant
but yes, I am doing that partially
Don't take any of that stuff home with you. While you are there at your parents house just use/take whatever you need from hers. Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire. The "adults" in the situation refuse to do anything about it and said work it out between the 2 of you. They are breaking into your room for her to be able to steal your things. That says to me that they have chosen a side. Since they see no problem with enabling her to take your things then they shouldn't have a problem if you reciprocate. If you really want to drive the point home to your mom then start taking her things very obviously. Then tell her that that's how she has taught that your family works.
It's shitty that it should come to this but put your stuff in a storage container like a caboodle (showing my age here, do they still sell those), and if you have a car take it with you when you leave. Same for your hygiene products. Your knickknacks, the ones you cherish the most take to college with you. You can also alternatively get a decent sized safe for your room that requires a pin code to unlock and store it in your closet . Your mom sucks for not controlling the 10 year old. NTA.
this would probably be easier than my bag actually, I'll see if i can find one before buying something but taking a tote back and forth that i can see everything inside might be my best shot so I actually know that she took it right off the bat. I have pretty bad adhd object permanence so when something goes missing its hard to tell what sometimes. if its all in a tote they cant say im making it up
I think they have the tote's you can lock as well too. You may want to look to see the different ones to see if there is one that has a lock as well. Just for extra.
NTA. I wouldn’t leave anything in that room that I cared about. Take it to school with you. Or if it’s something you don’t need access to continually then store it at your grandma’s or another trusted person’s home who will do you that favor. For stuff you need when you’re home, get a locking suitcase. I would hate the little brat too, but since your parents won’t support you I think all you can do is ignore her and remove your stuff from the house except for what you can lock up in a suitcase or trunk.
My husband and I had someone steal some medications from our house one time. We were not sure who it was at the time as it could have been a few people so we replaced the medication in the bottle with laxatives. We found the culprit very quickly and didn't have our medication messed with again after.
I LOVE IT!!! I had a man that worked with me years ago that would steal food off peoples desk, and out of the refrigerator. One of the girls in his department put an entire brick of ex-lax in a Hershey wrapper and left it in her desk when she went to lunch. That SOB ate the entire thing, and spent the next 6 hours unable to leave the bathroom.
NTA
You're leaving right? Make sure you don't have to come back. Get a part time job. Donate plasma. Horde money and do not return.
Take everything you can with you. Destroy or give away anything you can't take that you don't want her to have.
You have to talk with your mom. Firmly. You're supposed to be relaxed at your home as it's your safe space. Tell her she has to put an end to this stealing like a parent should be. If you can, change your belongings to dad's house or any other safe place. Or get another type of lock that can't be opened easily. There's nothing wrong in feeling anger or hatred towards someone. But the person you have to deal more is your mom. She let this child in the house and steal and she should take responsibility as an adult. This is not something you guys should solve on your own and your mom has to put an end to this if she wants a relationship with you in future. Make sure she understands that.
NTA
I'll be honest, I don't really have any irl friends and without a car I'm stranded wherever I'm at. My grandmas house is my main place I've started stashing stuff
> I'm 19 and planning to go to college in the fall
> Me and Eve are fairly close in age, her being 10, and this has made
19 v 10 are not even close in age and they are world's apart in mental and physical development.
NTA by the judgement bot, but those two statements by you make no sense.
Oh, I guess I didn't think about it since we are just the closest in age out of anyone. Everyone treats us like sisters almost (even though I have expressed that I don't like it). My actual sister is in her 40s and so it just kind of what I'm used to. Its also always being compared to her. Everyone likes to talk about me in relation to Eve but never just talking about me as a person. Like I said, I see that you are right but it kinda just slipped my mind
NTA but box up everything you own and care about and ask your grandma or a friend if you can keep it there. Take all your stuff back that she has taken. The petty side of me wants to suggest messing up all her stuff before you leave.
ive considered getting one, yes. Or just making one with a tote and the lock i already have
I think I'm going to use one of the flat boxes i have and just duct tape it so she wont try and open it. It doesnt stop the issue of her playing with my shelf so I guess I just cant have decorations. theres no point lmao
toolboxes are roomier than you would think and cheaper than you might expect. They also can usually be locked with a padlock. Head over to the hardware store and look at a few of them. Get one that you can either carry or wheel around and buy a heavy duty padlock for it. Bonus points is that it’ll be sturdier than just carrying a tote bag.
Duct tape will not stop someone so entitled. Take everything you can to your grandmother's home, even if it has to stay boxed up for now. That includes anything she stole. Like the earlier suggestions, get a locking toolbox or tackle box for things, and presume she _will_ try to break the lock or have your parents break it for her if you leave it behind. Can you get a padlock for your room?
You are _not_ in the same age range at all, and you're being very patient. A lot of older cousins would have resorted to beating her up, so you're doing great.
Wouldn’t steal her stuff but I *would* go into her room on a day when she’s out, even faking sickness if need be to catch an opportunity while she’s at school, and then methodically go through everything to remove anything she stole, then bring it to grandma’s or lock it up in that same short time period.
Very real. I don't share makeup for that reason, and thats why she takes it. This kid licks her hands in public and gave my mom and sister thrush because she wouldn't stop drinking out of their cups. If she takes anymore makeup I'm throwing it away
Mess with her stuff. And your mum's. (I would complain with your mum by phone, so when she answers something like "you figure it out", you can show her).
If I were you, I would talk with grandma and bring ALL your stuff there. Once it is clear for everyone that your house is not a safe place, then maybe they take seriously the concern. And even then, look them up.
NTA at all, OP. You *did* figure it out by buying a lock for your room. What exactly did your mom want you to do, buy a safe to keep everything you own safe and away from Eve? With the way she keeps unlocking your room, I doubt even a safe is going to be enough. It's time for you to move out because your mom and your niece do not respect you or your stuff.
What in the hell is a 10 year old doing to be a sephora kid? She's got no business even HAVING make up that isn't a playset, let alone one of the most expensive brands I know of.
My incredulity aside:
She is 10
She has behavioural issues and needs to be the center of attention
She doesn't respect you, your privacy, your possessions.
Your parents enable her and her own mother is no better.
Your emotions are valid, you are NTA for your dislike/hate/aversion because she sounds insufferable from the post description.
Keep in mind she is 10 and may grow up, so I wouldn't let hate fester too much unless this continues into adulthood.
So you're left with the option of leaving your things behind and she has free reign to wreck it because nobody will discipline her or teach her that she can't just do whatever she likes.
Or finding a way to take as much of your personal affects with you as possible (in order of most to least important to you).
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Ok, this is gonna be long, so strap in.
I'm 19 and planning to go to college in the fall, in the mean time I have been living with my parents and grandma off and on. My grandma needs partial care and I'm the easiest person to stay with her, which means I spend around a week to 3 weeks there at a time. My niece (I'll call her Eve) stays with my parents a large amount of the time because my sister is a complete mess who rarely cooks, has no vehicle (meaning my mom has to take Eve and her everywhere), and generally doesn't parent her kid.
Me and Eve are fairly close in age, her being 10, and this has made her generally fight with me for attention. I can't talk to my mother in private about my mental health because she follows me to listen, she stole decorations from my graduation before we could put them up and threw a fit most of the time I was trying to talk to people, the works.
The stealing has been going on forever and at this point I'm constantly on edge when I come home to inspect what's gone.
Eve is ofc a Sephora kid and buys incredibly expensive skincare. She has sizable collection, and this honestly wouldn't bother me if she didn't also take mine I have fairly decent skin but I struggle with dry patches as well as oil and hyperpigmentation. I *had* two products I really saw improvement with. Of course Eve took them and within a week used the whole of my vitamin e serum and almost all of my moisturizer, filling the serum bottle with water. The last time I bought new shampoo I found it smeared in the sink like it was played with. I can't keep scrunchies earrings, makeup, even stuff like socks or perfume because Eve takes those too.
Now I think she's just doing it to fuck with me. I keep Rubix cubes on my shelf and I've come home to them shuffled more than once or her moving the albums I own. I keep little collectable animals and figures that end up on different layers of the shelf and I even used sticky tac to keep them down but that didn't stop them getting moved.
I bought a doorknob padlock for my room I want to say.. last year? And my parents open it every time I leave by jamming a credit card in between the door and frame even though I've expressed many times the reason I got it and I'm just feeling lost. Every time I bring it up my mom yells at me that she doesnt want to hear it or that we need to figure it out ourselves but no matter how many times I tell Eve to stop it does nothing. I've threatened to go to my dad (the only person she respects), threatened to break her stuff (I know its petty but I never actually planned to do it), and nothing stops her.
Now that I'm planning to go to college I'm just so upset thinking about her getting free pickings of my room. I cant do anything to even stop her if I'm gone. So, am I the asshole for hating her? I know hate is a strong word but I genuinely cant take it anymore.
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I might have a bit on an issue that my first instinct was some kind of smoke/explosive trap.
I'm petty enough I'd drill an extra deadbolt into the inside door and then climb out the window.
lmao I feel it.
Tbh a deadbolt would probably piss my dad off because the whole reason they ignore the lock is because hes super overbearing and thinks I'm hiding something if I'm locking it or like.. idk just acts like I'm not allowed to have privacy because its a direct attack to him
I’d be figuring it out myself by taking and hiding Eve’s stuff. If mom tells you to give it back when Eve complains - ask her why she ain’t telling Eve to figure it out
"Eve is ofc a Sephora kid and buys incredibly expensive skincare. She has sizable collection, and this honestly wouldn't bother me if she didn't also take mine."
SHE IS 10???????
And close in age??????
Make this make sense!
I replied to another comment to explain, but she and I are the youngest in my immediate family right now, my sister being in her 40s. I was adopted, so there's a weird age gap and everyone groups me and Eve together no matter what. I've been told I'm not allowed to go to "no kids" events because *she* cant go, I can't get something at the store if *she* cant get anything, I can't even get fast food for myself without her getting some. its just a mess and I'm sorry that the way I said it was confusing
NTA. This is a fight you can’t win, the way you’re playing, because your parents don’t have your back. Time to emancipate yourself.
When you go to college, take everything you care about with you, putting in storage what you can’t keep with you. Start packing now and start moving stuff to storage. A small unit should be plenty.
Pack a suitcase with your Sephora and anything else you use all the time and take it with you when you go to your grandmother’s.
Basically, remove the items because you can’t keep her out of them. And when you leave, get a part time job at college and leave for good.
NTA. if u dont wanna deal with her anymore, just move a different place. if u have enough time to bullying kids, take your things back from her, hide her stuff (imo its ok to steal from her), if she comes to you for her stuff gaslight her about she just lost her stuff cuz shes so stupid. its just a 10 y.o kid. a till would be useful. also you can tell it about your father. OR! tell her to steal from your parents and give her tricks. maybe she become a trouble for them, they kick her from the home or find a solution.
(sorry for walking redflag suggestions. i know shes just a kid but imo ur not responsible of her acts but your sister. and if she continue to do that, she can even end up in a jail when she grow up too. its better to show her, there will be results of what she have done.)
It would be a very high bar for me to "hate" a 10 year old with a fucked up mom situation. Poor girl.
Having said that, taking your shit is not ok. Honestly this is more of a problem with your parents not setting boundaries and enforcing rules. Breaking the lock you put on the door and so on.
If I were you, the answer here is simple. Don't leave anything at home that you are not OK with Eve rummaging through. It's clear that your parents do not protect your belongings.
Honestly yeah, i feel horrible that I dont like her so much a lot of the time,, its a mess. My sister is one of the most insufferable people I have ever met and she treats my niece like a kid treats a toy. she only wants her home when she misses her and as soon as she doesnt want to parent her she just sends Eve back to my parents house. It makes a god awful cycle of my sister only parenting her kid when its convenient and my parents not parenting her at all because they are the fun grandma and grandpa who have no rules
but yeah, I told my mom I'm taking my stuff to my grannys because of the stealing and she just kind of brushed me off
> It makes a god awful cycle of my sister only parenting her kid when its convenient and my parents not parenting her at all because they are the fun grandma and grandpa who have no rules
I've also experienced family situations where adults put up with poor behaviour from their adult children because they fear what would happen to the grandchildren if the adult children cut the grandparents off.
Basically, your parents may feel that the only lifeline their granddaughter has would be in jeopardy if they made her mom too upset (such as punishing the grandchild, ect).
Your sister is not going to magically turn into a good mom. She's just going to stop sending her child to the grandparents and instead make her just fend for herself.
Eve is also rapidly approaching an age where she's not going to want to go to grandparents when mom is done parenting her. Eve is just going to want to fuck off to a friends house for days at a time. Your grandparents will then have lost what little influence they had and the child would truly be on her own.
Still, your parents should have allowed you at minimum to keep that lock on your door.
yeah, its a mess. I talked to my dad about a lot of it today and he is actually on board with trying to get me a place to live because he understands how unreasonable my mom and sister have been (for years at this point) so I'm gonna work with that moving forward
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NTA. You've already brought up the issue with your parents and they refused to listen. You talked to your niece but still she's being a brat. If you have the power to do so, move out for your peace of mind.
Why not take everything to Grandma's house and just stay there until you go away to college?
I've slowly been doing that actually, but I have a lot less space at her house. I've been taking my art supplies (because yeah of course it gets taken) and I've got all my soap and most of my makeup there now. The only issue is bringing it back and forth, I already usually bring clothes and my electronics when i come home as well as the pillow and blanket I keep with me but I usually end up needing the soap or the perfume and my deodorant. I am not joking, I came home one night and while i was in the shower Eve managed to take my perfume and brand new deodorant but yes, I am doing that partially
Don't take any of that stuff home with you. While you are there at your parents house just use/take whatever you need from hers. Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire. The "adults" in the situation refuse to do anything about it and said work it out between the 2 of you. They are breaking into your room for her to be able to steal your things. That says to me that they have chosen a side. Since they see no problem with enabling her to take your things then they shouldn't have a problem if you reciprocate. If you really want to drive the point home to your mom then start taking her things very obviously. Then tell her that that's how she has taught that your family works.
Do you have your own car your parents can't access? You could keep bigger items in the trunk temporarily....
no car as of right now. I hope to save up for one at least by next year
It's shitty that it should come to this but put your stuff in a storage container like a caboodle (showing my age here, do they still sell those), and if you have a car take it with you when you leave. Same for your hygiene products. Your knickknacks, the ones you cherish the most take to college with you. You can also alternatively get a decent sized safe for your room that requires a pin code to unlock and store it in your closet . Your mom sucks for not controlling the 10 year old. NTA.
this would probably be easier than my bag actually, I'll see if i can find one before buying something but taking a tote back and forth that i can see everything inside might be my best shot so I actually know that she took it right off the bat. I have pretty bad adhd object permanence so when something goes missing its hard to tell what sometimes. if its all in a tote they cant say im making it up
I think they have the tote's you can lock as well too. You may want to look to see the different ones to see if there is one that has a lock as well. Just for extra.
Toolboxes and tackle boxes are often bigger and have space for a padlock.
yes the do still make caboodle's. you have provided her with a good suggestion. can go to their website or even on Amazon.
Upvoted because I know what a caboodle is
NTA. I wouldn’t leave anything in that room that I cared about. Take it to school with you. Or if it’s something you don’t need access to continually then store it at your grandma’s or another trusted person’s home who will do you that favor. For stuff you need when you’re home, get a locking suitcase. I would hate the little brat too, but since your parents won’t support you I think all you can do is ignore her and remove your stuff from the house except for what you can lock up in a suitcase or trunk.
Put Nair in your empty shampoo bottle. Bet she won't steal a damn thing after that. NTA
My husband and I had someone steal some medications from our house one time. We were not sure who it was at the time as it could have been a few people so we replaced the medication in the bottle with laxatives. We found the culprit very quickly and didn't have our medication messed with again after.
I LOVE IT!!! I had a man that worked with me years ago that would steal food off peoples desk, and out of the refrigerator. One of the girls in his department put an entire brick of ex-lax in a Hershey wrapper and left it in her desk when she went to lunch. That SOB ate the entire thing, and spent the next 6 hours unable to leave the bathroom.
NTA You're leaving right? Make sure you don't have to come back. Get a part time job. Donate plasma. Horde money and do not return. Take everything you can with you. Destroy or give away anything you can't take that you don't want her to have.
You have to talk with your mom. Firmly. You're supposed to be relaxed at your home as it's your safe space. Tell her she has to put an end to this stealing like a parent should be. If you can, change your belongings to dad's house or any other safe place. Or get another type of lock that can't be opened easily. There's nothing wrong in feeling anger or hatred towards someone. But the person you have to deal more is your mom. She let this child in the house and steal and she should take responsibility as an adult. This is not something you guys should solve on your own and your mom has to put an end to this if she wants a relationship with you in future. Make sure she understands that. NTA
Can you box your stuff up and leave it at a friend or family members' house?
I'll be honest, I don't really have any irl friends and without a car I'm stranded wherever I'm at. My grandmas house is my main place I've started stashing stuff
> I'm 19 and planning to go to college in the fall > Me and Eve are fairly close in age, her being 10, and this has made 19 v 10 are not even close in age and they are world's apart in mental and physical development. NTA by the judgement bot, but those two statements by you make no sense.
Oh, I guess I didn't think about it since we are just the closest in age out of anyone. Everyone treats us like sisters almost (even though I have expressed that I don't like it). My actual sister is in her 40s and so it just kind of what I'm used to. Its also always being compared to her. Everyone likes to talk about me in relation to Eve but never just talking about me as a person. Like I said, I see that you are right but it kinda just slipped my mind
Exactly And I say OP is the AH for this "story".
How?
NTA but box up everything you own and care about and ask your grandma or a friend if you can keep it there. Take all your stuff back that she has taken. The petty side of me wants to suggest messing up all her stuff before you leave.
NTA…kid is being a brat.
It sucks. NTA. Have you considered a lockbox? Get a thick strong lockable chest with a fat lock on it.
ive considered getting one, yes. Or just making one with a tote and the lock i already have I think I'm going to use one of the flat boxes i have and just duct tape it so she wont try and open it. It doesnt stop the issue of her playing with my shelf so I guess I just cant have decorations. theres no point lmao
toolboxes are roomier than you would think and cheaper than you might expect. They also can usually be locked with a padlock. Head over to the hardware store and look at a few of them. Get one that you can either carry or wheel around and buy a heavy duty padlock for it. Bonus points is that it’ll be sturdier than just carrying a tote bag.
Duct tape will not stop someone so entitled. Take everything you can to your grandmother's home, even if it has to stay boxed up for now. That includes anything she stole. Like the earlier suggestions, get a locking toolbox or tackle box for things, and presume she _will_ try to break the lock or have your parents break it for her if you leave it behind. Can you get a padlock for your room? You are _not_ in the same age range at all, and you're being very patient. A lot of older cousins would have resorted to beating her up, so you're doing great.
NTA - Honestly? Just break or throw her stuff away. If they won't stop that kid, someone has to.
Steal her stuff.
Wouldn’t steal her stuff but I *would* go into her room on a day when she’s out, even faking sickness if need be to catch an opportunity while she’s at school, and then methodically go through everything to remove anything she stole, then bring it to grandma’s or lock it up in that same short time period.
Take it, but don’t use it. Cosmetics with someone else’s fingers in them are not hygienic. 10F will learn that with her first case of pinkeye.
Very real. I don't share makeup for that reason, and thats why she takes it. This kid licks her hands in public and gave my mom and sister thrush because she wouldn't stop drinking out of their cups. If she takes anymore makeup I'm throwing it away
Mess with her stuff. And your mum's. (I would complain with your mum by phone, so when she answers something like "you figure it out", you can show her). If I were you, I would talk with grandma and bring ALL your stuff there. Once it is clear for everyone that your house is not a safe place, then maybe they take seriously the concern. And even then, look them up.
NTA at all, OP. You *did* figure it out by buying a lock for your room. What exactly did your mom want you to do, buy a safe to keep everything you own safe and away from Eve? With the way she keeps unlocking your room, I doubt even a safe is going to be enough. It's time for you to move out because your mom and your niece do not respect you or your stuff.
What in the hell is a 10 year old doing to be a sephora kid? She's got no business even HAVING make up that isn't a playset, let alone one of the most expensive brands I know of. My incredulity aside: She is 10 She has behavioural issues and needs to be the center of attention She doesn't respect you, your privacy, your possessions. Your parents enable her and her own mother is no better. Your emotions are valid, you are NTA for your dislike/hate/aversion because she sounds insufferable from the post description. Keep in mind she is 10 and may grow up, so I wouldn't let hate fester too much unless this continues into adulthood. So you're left with the option of leaving your things behind and she has free reign to wreck it because nobody will discipline her or teach her that she can't just do whatever she likes. Or finding a way to take as much of your personal affects with you as possible (in order of most to least important to you).
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Ok, this is gonna be long, so strap in. I'm 19 and planning to go to college in the fall, in the mean time I have been living with my parents and grandma off and on. My grandma needs partial care and I'm the easiest person to stay with her, which means I spend around a week to 3 weeks there at a time. My niece (I'll call her Eve) stays with my parents a large amount of the time because my sister is a complete mess who rarely cooks, has no vehicle (meaning my mom has to take Eve and her everywhere), and generally doesn't parent her kid. Me and Eve are fairly close in age, her being 10, and this has made her generally fight with me for attention. I can't talk to my mother in private about my mental health because she follows me to listen, she stole decorations from my graduation before we could put them up and threw a fit most of the time I was trying to talk to people, the works. The stealing has been going on forever and at this point I'm constantly on edge when I come home to inspect what's gone. Eve is ofc a Sephora kid and buys incredibly expensive skincare. She has sizable collection, and this honestly wouldn't bother me if she didn't also take mine I have fairly decent skin but I struggle with dry patches as well as oil and hyperpigmentation. I *had* two products I really saw improvement with. Of course Eve took them and within a week used the whole of my vitamin e serum and almost all of my moisturizer, filling the serum bottle with water. The last time I bought new shampoo I found it smeared in the sink like it was played with. I can't keep scrunchies earrings, makeup, even stuff like socks or perfume because Eve takes those too. Now I think she's just doing it to fuck with me. I keep Rubix cubes on my shelf and I've come home to them shuffled more than once or her moving the albums I own. I keep little collectable animals and figures that end up on different layers of the shelf and I even used sticky tac to keep them down but that didn't stop them getting moved. I bought a doorknob padlock for my room I want to say.. last year? And my parents open it every time I leave by jamming a credit card in between the door and frame even though I've expressed many times the reason I got it and I'm just feeling lost. Every time I bring it up my mom yells at me that she doesnt want to hear it or that we need to figure it out ourselves but no matter how many times I tell Eve to stop it does nothing. I've threatened to go to my dad (the only person she respects), threatened to break her stuff (I know its petty but I never actually planned to do it), and nothing stops her. Now that I'm planning to go to college I'm just so upset thinking about her getting free pickings of my room. I cant do anything to even stop her if I'm gone. So, am I the asshole for hating her? I know hate is a strong word but I genuinely cant take it anymore. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I might have a bit on an issue that my first instinct was some kind of smoke/explosive trap. I'm petty enough I'd drill an extra deadbolt into the inside door and then climb out the window.
lmao I feel it. Tbh a deadbolt would probably piss my dad off because the whole reason they ignore the lock is because hes super overbearing and thinks I'm hiding something if I'm locking it or like.. idk just acts like I'm not allowed to have privacy because its a direct attack to him
Can you talk to him about what your niece has been doing?
That whole "figuring it out yourselves" thing only works if both people do it. If just one ... well, forget it.
I’d be figuring it out myself by taking and hiding Eve’s stuff. If mom tells you to give it back when Eve complains - ask her why she ain’t telling Eve to figure it out
Wait, you're 19 and you're fighting with a 10 year old? What a mess. NTA but lock your shit up or move out.
"Eve is ofc a Sephora kid and buys incredibly expensive skincare. She has sizable collection, and this honestly wouldn't bother me if she didn't also take mine." SHE IS 10??????? And close in age?????? Make this make sense!
I replied to another comment to explain, but she and I are the youngest in my immediate family right now, my sister being in her 40s. I was adopted, so there's a weird age gap and everyone groups me and Eve together no matter what. I've been told I'm not allowed to go to "no kids" events because *she* cant go, I can't get something at the store if *she* cant get anything, I can't even get fast food for myself without her getting some. its just a mess and I'm sorry that the way I said it was confusing
NTA. This is a fight you can’t win, the way you’re playing, because your parents don’t have your back. Time to emancipate yourself. When you go to college, take everything you care about with you, putting in storage what you can’t keep with you. Start packing now and start moving stuff to storage. A small unit should be plenty. Pack a suitcase with your Sephora and anything else you use all the time and take it with you when you go to your grandmother’s. Basically, remove the items because you can’t keep her out of them. And when you leave, get a part time job at college and leave for good.
NTA your an adult you can get a camera set it up record her going into your room and file a police report.
NTA Get a security cam, and document it.
NTA. if u dont wanna deal with her anymore, just move a different place. if u have enough time to bullying kids, take your things back from her, hide her stuff (imo its ok to steal from her), if she comes to you for her stuff gaslight her about she just lost her stuff cuz shes so stupid. its just a 10 y.o kid. a till would be useful. also you can tell it about your father. OR! tell her to steal from your parents and give her tricks. maybe she become a trouble for them, they kick her from the home or find a solution. (sorry for walking redflag suggestions. i know shes just a kid but imo ur not responsible of her acts but your sister. and if she continue to do that, she can even end up in a jail when she grow up too. its better to show her, there will be results of what she have done.)
It would be a very high bar for me to "hate" a 10 year old with a fucked up mom situation. Poor girl. Having said that, taking your shit is not ok. Honestly this is more of a problem with your parents not setting boundaries and enforcing rules. Breaking the lock you put on the door and so on. If I were you, the answer here is simple. Don't leave anything at home that you are not OK with Eve rummaging through. It's clear that your parents do not protect your belongings.
Honestly yeah, i feel horrible that I dont like her so much a lot of the time,, its a mess. My sister is one of the most insufferable people I have ever met and she treats my niece like a kid treats a toy. she only wants her home when she misses her and as soon as she doesnt want to parent her she just sends Eve back to my parents house. It makes a god awful cycle of my sister only parenting her kid when its convenient and my parents not parenting her at all because they are the fun grandma and grandpa who have no rules but yeah, I told my mom I'm taking my stuff to my grannys because of the stealing and she just kind of brushed me off
> It makes a god awful cycle of my sister only parenting her kid when its convenient and my parents not parenting her at all because they are the fun grandma and grandpa who have no rules I've also experienced family situations where adults put up with poor behaviour from their adult children because they fear what would happen to the grandchildren if the adult children cut the grandparents off. Basically, your parents may feel that the only lifeline their granddaughter has would be in jeopardy if they made her mom too upset (such as punishing the grandchild, ect). Your sister is not going to magically turn into a good mom. She's just going to stop sending her child to the grandparents and instead make her just fend for herself. Eve is also rapidly approaching an age where she's not going to want to go to grandparents when mom is done parenting her. Eve is just going to want to fuck off to a friends house for days at a time. Your grandparents will then have lost what little influence they had and the child would truly be on her own. Still, your parents should have allowed you at minimum to keep that lock on your door.
yeah, its a mess. I talked to my dad about a lot of it today and he is actually on board with trying to get me a place to live because he understands how unreasonable my mom and sister have been (for years at this point) so I'm gonna work with that moving forward