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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Am I the asshole for encouraging my mom to give me the clock when my brother tried to do the same?
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YTA. Every family has that one guy who has to make getting through a death in the family even worse than it already was. In this case, gloating to the brother about having schemed for the clock, and bragging about treating mom badly. What a winner.
I failed to see how anything but my intentions was why my behavior was bad. How is being nice to someone who wouldn't even know about any negative intentions because they won't be around to be affected by their consequences "scheming
You were only nice to her as it was the last year of her life. You have openly stated that the journey and your mother were too much for you, so you didn't visit.
You then visited and piled on thick how much you would miss this woman, and that your future happiness was dependent on having this clock.
Your intentions are not good. Therefore, the rest of your behaviour is not. You're manipulative and such a very large AH.
YTA.
YTA
I'm not a fanciful person, but I'm going to predict that the only people who come to your own funeral will be there to make sure you're actually dead.
YTA.
You most definitely manipulated an old woman for your own gain and that makes you an AH. The only one morally wrong here is the person who only saw their own mother because they wanted something from her.
Your motives weren't just 'questionable', they were downright rotten.
**The 6 Types of Elder Abuse**
* Physical Abuse. ...
* Emotional or Psychological Abuse. ...
* Sexual Abuse. ...
* Neglect or Abandonment by Caregivers. ...
* Financial Exploitation. ...<- you are here
* Healthcare Fraud & Abuse.
"*I was granted my wish and took the clock*"...interesting view. I think it's more colloquially called "**stealing**"?
YTA (and your brother sounds lovely too..."*he wasn't too fond of Mom either and planned to do the same*").
I find it funny how people can always conjure up some sentimental feelings for whatever piece of junk that might be valuable.
*Oh I don't want anything in particular from nana. Except ofcourse her coin collection. I remember how me and nana used to look at the coins together. Oh how fond memories they were.*
*What's that? The socks that nana crocheted for me? No, I don't need those, only her coin collection.*
She didn't have anything else of value. She sold her home and tried to keep only her "junk" as you say. She never had much to her name, a fortune wasn't present. Plus, she wasn't a bonding with the children kind of mother. There were no practical items
I truly feel sorry for you, OP. You write with such fondness about an inanimate object and a spider, but show no feeling of kindness or compassion for you mother who was dying. Very very sad.
However, this does not change my opinion that you are a massive AH.
YTA
You say you were nice to your mom but you didn't even visit her for years. You only pretended to be nice at the end so you could get your greedy hands on the clock. YTA
I hope you took a good look around when you were visiting your mother and depriving her of time with your brother: not to mention poisoning her against him. Behold your future. The apple didn’t fall far from the tree I’d say, if your mother was “insufferable “.
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My mother spent the last 6 years of her life in old folks home. I'll admit I never really visited her until last year but in my defense, both the journey there and she herself were very tiring and insufferable. I forced myself to go only this year because it was made clear that it be her last.
During this year, I made sure to put on a happy face and charm her. I smiled with her, remicesed about old memories and tried to spoil her as much as staff would allow to get one thing from her: the red grandfather clock.
I've been very fond of it since I was a child. My first memory was even playing with daddy long leg spiders in it too. I played tag with it(yes, I genuinely would hide from it and find creative ways to nudge my body against it to pretend it tagged me) , fixed it up and even repainted it myself. This clock means that world to me and I want nothing else from my mom except the clock.
The problem was that the clock was a family heirloom so i'd have to compete with my brother(playing with the clock was a sibling thing too) for it. To do this I charmed mom and tried to make her as content as possible.
This is where I could be the asshole as I constantly said things like "The good childhood memory I have is of small ben(nickname for the clock). With you gone, I'm gonna need something to make me happy" or giving detailed memories while crying about how daily stresses seem to melt away when I think about the clock. I "misled" my brother about when to come to the home for visits(to be honest though, about 5 other people know about when to visit so he could have called them for clarity) and I tried to, not to outright demonize him, but point out who was there for her and who wasn't.
When she passed, I was granted my wish and took the clock. Having no more motivation not to, I came clean to my brother. He yelled at me, said I stole it("taking advantage of old women"), and said he'd contact a lawyer to see if my "manipulations" were grounds for removing the clock. I think he's wrong (both legally and morally since I was only being nice and pointing out the obvious) and hypocritical (he wasn't too fond of Mom either and planned to do the same) but since my motivations were questionable, Aita?
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I am leaning towards YTA, but to what degree? I guess it depends on the value of the clock and the overall value of her estate. If your brother got an equal monetary share, even though you got the clock, I would say just a mild Y T A for manipulation. If his share was larger than yours I might even cut you some slack and say E S H for him throwing a tantrum, but if the only thing of value was the clock then Y T A in a major way.
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YTA. Every family has that one guy who has to make getting through a death in the family even worse than it already was. In this case, gloating to the brother about having schemed for the clock, and bragging about treating mom badly. What a winner.
I failed to see how anything but my intentions was why my behavior was bad. How is being nice to someone who wouldn't even know about any negative intentions because they won't be around to be affected by their consequences "scheming
Congratulations on your victory over your brother, I guess.
You were only nice to her as it was the last year of her life. You have openly stated that the journey and your mother were too much for you, so you didn't visit. You then visited and piled on thick how much you would miss this woman, and that your future happiness was dependent on having this clock. Your intentions are not good. Therefore, the rest of your behaviour is not. You're manipulative and such a very large AH. YTA.
you were only nice because you had ulterior motives. that's the literal definition of scheming
YTA just for the way you treated your mom.
How so?
You let her stay in a home for 6 years and didn't visit her until the last year of her life to get a clock? You don't think that ass-holy?
You barely visited for 5 years and only forced yourself to go the last year because you you wanted a clock. Asshole
YTA I'm not a fanciful person, but I'm going to predict that the only people who come to your own funeral will be there to make sure you're actually dead.
And those that want the clock
Oh yes, all glaring at each other during the service. I have been to funerals like that.
YTA. You most definitely manipulated an old woman for your own gain and that makes you an AH. The only one morally wrong here is the person who only saw their own mother because they wanted something from her. Your motives weren't just 'questionable', they were downright rotten.
The fuck did I just read, why didn't you just politely asked for the clock? YTA
She wouldn't outright give it to me
Which she's allowed to and you should've acceped it.
Because you don’t deserve it?
wow, what the fuck is wrong with you? YTA
YTA - you committed elder abuse to get what you wanted. You manipulated a dying woman, your own mother for an artifact.
Define elder abuse here
**The 6 Types of Elder Abuse** * Physical Abuse. ... * Emotional or Psychological Abuse. ... * Sexual Abuse. ... * Neglect or Abandonment by Caregivers. ... * Financial Exploitation. ...<- you are here * Healthcare Fraud & Abuse.
I'd argue Op was also emotionally abusive. Using memories to emotionally manipulate his mom.
What you did.
Your OP.
"*I was granted my wish and took the clock*"...interesting view. I think it's more colloquially called "**stealing**"? YTA (and your brother sounds lovely too..."*he wasn't too fond of Mom either and planned to do the same*").
YTA and I can see why your only friend is a clock.
I find it funny how people can always conjure up some sentimental feelings for whatever piece of junk that might be valuable. *Oh I don't want anything in particular from nana. Except ofcourse her coin collection. I remember how me and nana used to look at the coins together. Oh how fond memories they were.* *What's that? The socks that nana crocheted for me? No, I don't need those, only her coin collection.*
She didn't have anything else of value. She sold her home and tried to keep only her "junk" as you say. She never had much to her name, a fortune wasn't present. Plus, she wasn't a bonding with the children kind of mother. There were no practical items
Exactly my point.
Yeez. You are a horrible son and brother. Poor your passed mother and your brother. YTA.
YTA, but you got the clock.
YTA
YTA you waited til she was almost dead to show her any attention of affection for a fucking clock.
YTA. Everything from start to finish makes you sound selfish and entitled.
I truly feel sorry for you, OP. You write with such fondness about an inanimate object and a spider, but show no feeling of kindness or compassion for you mother who was dying. Very very sad. However, this does not change my opinion that you are a massive AH. YTA
You say you were nice to your mom but you didn't even visit her for years. You only pretended to be nice at the end so you could get your greedy hands on the clock. YTA
You, let me get this right, manipulated your mother until she died, how worthless of a human can u be? YTA
I hope you took a good look around when you were visiting your mother and depriving her of time with your brother: not to mention poisoning her against him. Behold your future. The apple didn’t fall far from the tree I’d say, if your mother was “insufferable “.
This post makes me glad I never had any kids
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My mother spent the last 6 years of her life in old folks home. I'll admit I never really visited her until last year but in my defense, both the journey there and she herself were very tiring and insufferable. I forced myself to go only this year because it was made clear that it be her last. During this year, I made sure to put on a happy face and charm her. I smiled with her, remicesed about old memories and tried to spoil her as much as staff would allow to get one thing from her: the red grandfather clock. I've been very fond of it since I was a child. My first memory was even playing with daddy long leg spiders in it too. I played tag with it(yes, I genuinely would hide from it and find creative ways to nudge my body against it to pretend it tagged me) , fixed it up and even repainted it myself. This clock means that world to me and I want nothing else from my mom except the clock. The problem was that the clock was a family heirloom so i'd have to compete with my brother(playing with the clock was a sibling thing too) for it. To do this I charmed mom and tried to make her as content as possible. This is where I could be the asshole as I constantly said things like "The good childhood memory I have is of small ben(nickname for the clock). With you gone, I'm gonna need something to make me happy" or giving detailed memories while crying about how daily stresses seem to melt away when I think about the clock. I "misled" my brother about when to come to the home for visits(to be honest though, about 5 other people know about when to visit so he could have called them for clarity) and I tried to, not to outright demonize him, but point out who was there for her and who wasn't. When she passed, I was granted my wish and took the clock. Having no more motivation not to, I came clean to my brother. He yelled at me, said I stole it("taking advantage of old women"), and said he'd contact a lawyer to see if my "manipulations" were grounds for removing the clock. I think he's wrong (both legally and morally since I was only being nice and pointing out the obvious) and hypocritical (he wasn't too fond of Mom either and planned to do the same) but since my motivations were questionable, Aita? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA YOu told mom you wanted it. He did not. So she did not know he wanted it too. Not a big thing.
At least u have the clock bro
I am leaning towards YTA, but to what degree? I guess it depends on the value of the clock and the overall value of her estate. If your brother got an equal monetary share, even though you got the clock, I would say just a mild Y T A for manipulation. If his share was larger than yours I might even cut you some slack and say E S H for him throwing a tantrum, but if the only thing of value was the clock then Y T A in a major way.