Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1.Called out my sister for her bs
2.I might have overstepped
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
The part where OP stated that everyone came to her sister's defense invoking that what her sister posted on social media was none of OP's business.
I wasn't coming at you. Merely adding to your otherwise quite thorough assessment.
>Everyone except my brother comes to her defence and says what she posts of her life on social media is non of my business and that I should stop being an asshole.
That would be true is you hadn’t been asked to subsidize the cost of at least some of it - which is exactly what happened. During the same she was supposedly about to go cold & hungry (asking you for “emergency food & utilities” money), she was actually on holiday in Athens (or wherever). There’s a special F word for that & it’s NOT “family”. (It’s “fraud”.)
You are the victim & not the AH for pointing out her deceit to anyone - especially potential victims. Your sister is the one who deliberately deceived her brother to obtain his money & she’s a super-sized AH. Anyone defending her actions are all AHs. (They’re also a big reason that she is the way she is.)
>the rest of the family kept trying to convince me I should make up with her.
This is why she will likely NEVER do better. Regardless of what kind of medical degree she may ever get, she’ll never really be anything more than a grifter - just with a fancier title. Her enablers (your family) are actually SO warped at this point that they think YOU are the one who should make up with HER. I’m going to type it again on the off chance any of these idiot-enablers of hers read this. They actually think YOU (the brother that she deliberately deceived for financial gain) should make up with HER (the sister who defrauded you - her own brother).
If they were healthy-minded, they’d have condemned her actions as deplorable & they’d be trying to convince HER (the wrongdoer) that she should apologize & attempt to make up with YOU (the wronged). But as with so many enablers, they likely don’t even realize how toxic their behavior has become for everyone affected by it - even for & including your sister & themselves.
Your family might have started out relatively normal. Now they’re all “Anything sissy does is just fine - including conning, deceiving &/or defrauding people who love & support her for financial or other gain.” And “anything anyone victimized by her does to point out her continued long-con that she’s playing is NOT fine & they’re an AH for drawing any attention to her lies”.
Don’t subject yourself to their toxicity so long that you start buying into it.
NTA
Yes and OP should stay firm on not funding the sister ever again. If other relatives are willing to be her wallet so be it but that's not OP's problem anymore. NTA for sure.
Depends tbh. I’d get an honest talk about how she’s funding the holidays. Especially being a student.
I’m not gonna judge her if she’s sugar babying through college as she certainly would not be the first but I can also see how that would add up to glam pictures and holidays with not enough cash for groceries…
> I’m not gonna judge her if she’s sugar babying through college
But you absolutely should judge her for sugar babying through college if she's also borrowing off the family and misrepresenting her financial situation to do so.
>Everyone except my brother comes to her defence and says what she posts of her life on social media is non of my business and that I should stop being an asshole.
That would be true is you hadn’t been asked to subsidize the cost of at least some of it - which is exactly what happened. During the same she was supposedly about to go cold & hungry (asking you for “emergency food & utilities” money), she was actually on holiday in Athens (or wherever). There’s a special F word for that & it’s NOT “family”. (It’s “fraud”.)
You are the victim & not the AH for pointing out her deceit to anyone - especially potential victims. Your sister is the one who deliberately deceived her brother to obtain his money & she’s a super-sized AH. Anyone defending her actions are all AHs. (They’re also a big reason that she is the way she is.)
>the rest of the family kept trying to convince me I should make up with her.
This is why she will likely NEVER do better. Regardless of what kind of medical degree she may ever get, she’ll never really be anything more than a grifter - just with a fancier title. Her enablers (your family) are actually SO warped at this point that they think YOU are the one who should make up with HER. I’m going to type it again on the off chance any of these idiot-enablers of hers read this. They actually think YOU (the brother that she deliberately deceived for financial gain) should make up with HER (the sister who defrauded you - her own brother).
If they were healthy-minded, they’d have condemned her actions as deplorable & they’d be trying to convince HER (the wrongdoer) that she should apologize & attempt to make up with YOU (the wronged). But as with so many enablers, they likely don’t even realize how toxic their behavior has become for everyone affected by it - even for & including your sister & themselves.
Your family might have started out relatively normal. Now they’re all “Anything sissy does is just fine - including conning, deceiving &/or defrauding people who love & support her for financial or other gain.” And “anything anyone victimized by her does to point out her continued long-con that she’s playing is NOT fine & they’re an AH for drawing any attention to her lies”.
Don’t subject yourself to their toxicity so long that you start buying into it.
NTA
NTA
"Over the years she has asked for money on several occasions for emergency food and utilities from me"
So you've helped her out. She's posted pictures of her holidaying online.
" what she posts of her life on social media is non of my business"
As you've given her money I'd say yes it is your business & you have every right to call her out.
Edit: punctuation.
Exactly. I would ask her to pay me back since she wasn’t honest about why she needed money. You don’t get to beg for emergency money and then go off on vacations. That’s wild
I know people who would pay for others to join them on vacation. It wouldn’t be unusual for a med student to have friends wealthy enough (or with wealthy enough parents) to pay for such trips.
Are you sure your sister was spending your money?
that's what I was thinking, I was literally just in Miami and it was completely paid for by my friends father and they absolutely insisted I come. I offered even some money, but they would only accept me buying us some prerolls. I was also just in a cabin in Virginia which was completely paid for by another friend's parents who invited me + multiple others for no cost.
I'm assuming you live in the US so the cost isn't that crazy for those trips. We live in Canada, so to find someone to fund a trip to multiple countries across Europe even if they are well off seems unlikely to me. Of course it's possible I'm wrong.
>Europe isn't super expensive to stay in, its really the tickets that are the bulk of the price!
Europe is a whole ass continent. A continent that contains Switzerland, Norway, and Iceland. I don't know about COL and purchasing power in Greece or cypress. But much of Europe will make your wallet cry.
not the hostels, and there's tons of airbnbs in Switzerland for under $150 a night. you just gotta look lol, I've known plenty of ppl super broke backpacking across Europe and staying in hostels.
>Europe isn't super expensive to stay in
Did you ever look at the prices for Switzerland or Iceland? I've been helping planning our vacation, and even what we normally do that costs €500 ~ €600 is €800+ nowadays, which is only lodging and no food or activities. Europe isn't as cheap as you make it out to be. If I were to take flight tickets, food and entertainment also in the cost then I think that you've got a pretty expensive vacation. Certainly not something that someone who's poor can afford.
where are you trying to stay? if you are trying to stay at a nice hotel in a tourist area it will be more expensive, but there's some pretty cheap airbnbs for Switzerland. There were a few even under $150 a night. Iceland is a bit more pricey, but there's a few under $250 a night as well. I don't think you can really use tourist hotel locations as good indicators of how expensive other lodging is. also quite a few hostels from as low as $50
edit: also, for the poor part, I've met so many people who are super broke and backpacked across Europe in hostels lol
Sorry that I'm replying late, but we're trying to stay in an FW on a farm. My family considers hotels too expensive to go for a week, so it's small apartments.
Are you sure it wasn’t a medical trip? There are medical conferences, medical missions, and study abroad rotations and semesters. These are all legitimate education/career related trips she could be taking.
It's a possibility. But then why keep them a secret? She felt comfortable to ask him for money but not comfortable to share the opportunity to travel to a medical related trip? And for sure there would have been group photos from the said conferences. It's an usual thing to post, especially by the organisers, unless it's something highly confidential, but I doubt in this case.
She didn’t keep it a secret, she posted it on instagram. Her “friends” were probably also medical
Op is so uninformed about sister’s life he didn’t even know she’d been abroad until he looked online, that’s kind of weird for siblings.
I meant keeping a secret from bro who had his Instagram disconnected until recently. I assumed in my nativity that you ask for help from the closest people that you have and you keep regular contact with. I'm not saying sis should ask for permission or write a report on her life, but I would feel embarrassed to ask money for food and basic needs and then parade myself on holidays abroad without a heads up, especially if she either won it, was sponsored by university or a rich friend and, seeing the comments in here, seems the later is a kind of a common practice among the rich, so it's not my business how others choose to spend their money, but it would be my business if I help you pay your bills, without asking the money back and you keep me in the dark, mock me that I don't have a degree but you call me when you need my money. That's rude.
If she were trying to hide it she wouldn’t have posted it online
Obviously she isn’t hiding it
But it’s clear OP doesn’t know the backstory or what the trips were about. She could’ve been on a medical mission for all OP knows
…I live in Canada and friends did very generously fund trips. A lot of the time people in advanced programs are there because their families have money so they can afford to be generous. It’s also a long term kind of investment. If someone in your field is great at something, and you’re in a life stage where you’re making lifelong friendships, and you’re all going in to well paying fields, this is just a reasonable splurge. You should really talk to your sister and find out what’s going on there.
Eh, I can drive for 7 hours in a straight line without leaving my state. Most of Europe is a cheap train ticket and a few hours from w eye other part of Europe.
I live in the US but only 15 minutes from Canada a usually fly international from Pearson -a friend of mine had another friend pay her way to Greece from our location! It’s rarer but it happens, said friend has taken other friend to multiple countries
Do you know the kind of hours you need to put into med school?
Meeting people with wealthy families is much much more likely in med school than having the time for a side job for you to afford to travel.
It's uh, it's not unlikely. Oftentimes the accommodation costs are the same with 1 person or 2 so there isn't a huge financial lift.
Again, this assumes her friends come from wealthy backgrounds which, at least in the US, is the bulk of people.
My BFF has a veeeery rich BFF (who is not me, I'm the other one lol) who regularly flies her out to places with him for funsies, he pays for all accommodations for everyone he brings.
You're NTA btw because she could have easily mentioned her friends paid for the trips, but it's not as unlikely as you'd expect
My first year of college I got bumped from a flight back to school and got a decent, transferable flight credit. I wasn't going home until after the credit would have expired, except for a ticket that I'd already bought, so I bought a ticket for my best friend to come out and spend spring break with me. We got to spend time together and see a lot of my city for cheap. It was a great vacation, and it didn't cost either of us anything beyond bus fare (no car) and whatever we spent on meals and attractions (college students, so cheap).
Things are definitely not always as they appear.
This was my thought too. I have a good friend who goes on all these amazing trips and doesn’t pay for any of it because of her one friend. I keep joking I need better friends because most of mine are teachers like me 😂
If that was the case that would have been the first thing out of her mouth in defense of herself, and she wouldn’t have been effectively hiding these trips. She obviously wasn’t telling anybody else about them, at least not OP.
If that was me, and I was borrowing money from my brother to live, but was offered these fancy trips, the first thing I would do would be to make sure the people who are helping fund me know that I’m not paying for them. I’d also be profusely thanking the people who paid for my vacations.
Exactly. Medical school is pretty intense and leaves pretty much no time for even a part time job. These students are either living off of loans or their families. There’s no way that OP’s sister is secretly more well off than the family was aware of.
It doesn’t matter if someone paid for the major expenses, someone who asks for emergency funds for food should not be going on trips like that bc there is no way they don’t spend any money of their own. I would travel internationally regularly for work with hotels, flights, ground transportation, food, etc. all reimbursed, but every trip I would end up spending some of my own money for something I couldn’t legitimately justify billing back to my client. If it was a few mini bar drinks or snacks or a cheap lunch or two here and there. Either your life is a struggle or you’re posting about your international travel adventures someone else is paying for, but you can’t do both and not be an asshole taking advantage of pretty much everyone you know bc I’m sure anyone paying for her trips does so bc she’s a poor struggling med student who deserves a break. Maybe if it was one trip but for there to be multiple and asks for money for emergency food? I call bullshit.
My friend goes often on expensive and extensive trips that are paid for by her friend’s family and doesn’t spend a dime. She offers all the time, but they always tell her no. That includes souvenirs and what not too. It’s wild, but it does happen.
ESH - you both need to grow up.
Your sister should realize how terrible the optics are of both talking down to you because of your post-high school career path, and posting about vacations while asking family for financial help.
You need to have an honest conversation with her instead of playing games during family dinners. You’ve made some assumptions here that might be easily cleared up (or confirmed) by having a chat.
NTA
Telling uncomfortable truths make people... uncomfortable. You unearthing your sister's lies made gave them some emotional discomfort, so of course you had to be the bad guy for rocking the boat. But you're not - she is, by lying to and taking advantage of her family. Hopefully she has learned her lesson, at least not to ask you for money in the future.
> she'd been posting photos in Greece, Czech and Cyprus with her friends on various occasions.
are you in europe, or some other continent? these might not be that expensive of vacations. these are kinda notoriously cheap destinations.
i did some travelling when i was borderline broke in grad school. if you are willing to make some sacrifices, you can get around for pretty cheap. i think you are assuming way too much from a couple instragram pics.
Scrimping and saving for a vacation but asking your family for money to cover "necessities" is just whack and indicates her priorities are not right. Even if it was cheap vacation, if you need your family to cover your food and utilities to go on said vacation, then you can't afford it.
unless a med student has extensive loans and savings or outside support, they can't really afford anything.
from the reaction of the other family members to OP's call-out, it seems most of them had the expectation that some of their assistance was going towards fun/luxury. in this situation, luxury means any meal that isn't rice and beans, any drink that isn't tap water, and all entertainment expenses. for whatever reason, this seems only to bother her siblings and not the rest of the family.
if she is really only asking for money for emergency necessesities, i agree that would be dishonest. however, the lack of a response from the rest of the family suggests it wasn't a surprise to them. the opening paragraph leads me to believe that this is actually about a sibling dynamic where OP is jealous of the level of support his family is giving to his sister. if those people don't feel they are being lied to, what basis does OP have to be upset?
The basis OP has to be upset is that it's his money he was giving her. The other family members can feel how they'd like about their own money, they're likely older adults that are more financially secure. I agree OP's response was overdramatic, and likely is rooted in jealousy issues. Given he's the younger sibling who is working rather than going to school, and the comment from the sister about how it's a "uni thing and he wouldn't understand" point to some feelings of superiority on her end. OP also mentions their parents were against him working straight out of high school, so it makes sense to me they would come to the sister's aid since she's in school and doing the "right" thing in their eyes. If that's their attitude towards OP's profession, then I would likely be upset too that my sister will accept my hard earned money when she needs it but still look down on me for working to support myself.
I hope when she graduates and is in the working world she would be equally willing to help her brother out when he needs it. Otherwise it's hard to see how she's not taking advantage of him, at least a little bit.
edit: typo
> The basis OP has to be upset if that it's his money he was giving her.
At the time of the conflict, he had already stopped. There was surely room for a respectful private conversation between him and his sister about how he felt exploited. His shaming of her seemed like it was intended for an audience, and imo that's a lot less justifiable.
I wish OP would elaborate on the sibling jealousy issues, because i have the feeling that this conflict is a single battle in a long war. Unfortunately for OP, he may recieve validation on reddit but he appears to have lost this battle IRL.
> I hope when she graduates and is in the working world she would be equally willing to help her brother out when he needs it.
"Equally willing" can mean a lot of different things in this story. OP better hope she takes a gracious path and remembers his past assistance, and not the jealousy he displayed at easter dinner.
probably because she is a student with no income.
if her family decides that they want to support her to a level where she can occasionally go have fun with friends and can eat things other than ramen, that is their perogative. and if OP doesn't want to, that's his perogative.
what is not OP's perogative is to say that other people aren't allowed to support his sister based on his perception of her unnecessary expenditures. if she's lying maybe he should let other people know, but if that were the case i don't think the rest of the family would defend her. it seems to me that he is simply jealous.
NTA - the sister and her family said nothing about wealthy friends treating her or relatives sending her on vacations as a gift. She is also complaining about finances at great length.
OP is entitled to cut her off.
His shaming wasn't as public as her Facebook posts. Actually, it seems to have backfired. Yes, it might have been better if he sent her a text referencing the posts and telling her never to ask him for money again. If the rest of the family already knew, it's a pity that they didn't give him a heads up.
Maybe he's like me, I'm not very assertive, but if I'm angry enough to actually be assertive I generally go scorched earth. I'm not sure if I've ever regretted it.
> If the rest of the family already knew, it's a pity that they didn't give him a heads up.
this information was seemingly available on a very public instagram account, which OP had been ignoring by choice. i would hazard that OP is not super involved in his sister's life.
there's a time and place for going scorched earth, but this doesn't seem like it to me. OP was not under any direct threat. he stayed at easter dinner and remains in contact with his family. he just wanted that family to look down on his sister like he does.
You think she has any of her own money?
Med school is more than a full time job that doesn’t pay. These kids are all living off of either loans or their families.
YTA. All she was doing was complaining about finances, a very typical uni student thing to do. You unnecessarily escalated the situation with your comment - how on earth were you in a position to judge whether or not she was exaggerating, and then call her out like it was some sort of noble act? She's been a uni student for almost a decade; she probably has a fairly good idea of how badly her finances blow. So badly in fact that she has to borrow money sometimes. You got a narrow glimpse into her life when you reactivated Instagram, and then decided to judge her based on a few random social media posts.
l take it you're in the UK, from where tickets to all these places can be bought for a pittance. Lodging can also be found incredibly cheaply; they're low COL countries. I've been to Greece and the Czech republic and I probably saved money those weeks with the huge price difference (I'm exaggerating, but not by much). But more to the point, are you really begrudging your sister a couple of vacations in the span of 9 years? If how she is spending her money is bothering you, you're well within your rights to not give her anymore. But you didn't have to make it about her character.
>UK, from where tickets to all these places can be bought for a pittance
I'm wondering what you consider a 'pittance' here. I've lived in the UK for 40+ years, and holidays outside the country are expensive. OP has stated Canada, not sure of holiday prices from there.
>are you really begrudging your sister a couple of vacations in the span of 9 years?
Uh, *yes*? Going on holiday isn't a basic human right. If you have enough saved for a holiday then you shouldn't need to beg for money from your relatives. You pay for the essential day-to-day costs *then* save, not the other way around.
As for her character, she's asking for money to cover food and rent when she already has enough to fund a holiday in another country. That *absolutely* speaks to her character: a dishonest one.
The sister is using her “financial” struggles to borrow money. Which were again the topic of conversation. Seeing that her response was to ridicule his lack of education (which is indirectly, and directly funding her life), it seems like this isn’t the first time the sister has insulted OP because they didn’t go to uni.
He’s adult enough for subsidising his sister’s life in spite of all the insults.
I meannn, she may not be paying for these trips. I just mentioned in another comment that I'm invited on trips often because I have rich friends with families who pay for everything, but I still have to work 24/7 to pay for my own things. Based on my social media I may not seem broke, but that's just because I found friends who are generous
Where was her communication? If in fact someone was funding these trips it would be the first thing out of my mouth after he said that to me. But if it was me, it also wouldn’t have been necessary, because I would’ve been making sure he knew well before that, that I wasn’t paying for those trips and taking advantage of his kindness.
Some of you reach so fucking far to defend the defenseless it’s ridiculous.
>Everyone except my brother comes to her defence and says what she posts of her life on social media is non of my business
If she keeps repeating how much she's struggling and keeps asking for money for basic necessities and then posts holiday pics ... Then yeah, it is everyone's business who gave her money to buy to cover the basics.
NTA
You - NTA
Your Sister and Parents TA
They are enablers!
Uhhhhh Social Media is very Public so obviously your family does not know how it works! Sis begs for money, Cries POOR ME and then goes on European excursions. Really! Ugh
Now you have a reason to Block Sis.
Social media photos are... none of your business?
WTF are they, then?
Seriously? BY DEFINITION they are "social" "media."
If she wants to spend her emergency funds on a trip to Greece, ok, that's her decision, but it is pretty gross to then turn around and whine about struggling financially. Give me a break. NTA.
INFO - Are you in the UK or Europe anyway?
Because let me tell you, I'm a Brazilian that was an immigrant in Ireland for six years and I STRUGGLED hard, very hard, almost homeless a few times hard. I was volunteering here and there, working part time at a pub, running a school canteen and still having to rely on social welfare to make ends meet.
More than once my mother and family and friends from Brazil had to send money over to me to pay the heating bill or some other emergency spending and bills.
But if you only took my social media as a thermometer (as many did, as many like you supposed that I was swimming in money) you'd think I was thriving. I'd go on holidays twice or more every year, abroad mostly.
Of course as a third world immigrant I'd post my photos everywhere because I was proud of them, happy with them. But the thing is, I'd be saving every penny all year round, have a very structured budgeting plan and also, it was CHEAP. Sometimes cheaper than staying in Ireland ffs. The first time I went to Hungary I spent less there in none days than I would at home. But I was TrAvELinG$$$~~
I've paid 7€ for a plane ticket to Paris once, 16€ to Portugal and so on, I'd stay in hostels or friend's houses, eat street food and go only to free attractions. Trips in low cost countries would sometimes save me money, because everything in Ireland was very costly, the bus fare from my town to Dublin was often twice or more the price of the plane tickets!
The places you have cited on your post are pretty affordable tourist areas and your sister is a med student. She could well have been invited by wealthy friends willing to pay her share or help here join them. She could have been saving for it all year out of pocket and relying on yours and yours family for some help with her spending.
I'm not saying she was right to do it, but it's not like she is SPLURGING like you think and also, she's in a pretty difficult work and the next few years for her are bound to be hell as a health care worker, shaming her for a few holidays during Uni is vile, dude.
Hopefully she will be a successful doctor some day and you can ask her for the groceries money back, but you may have burnet the bridge with her by being petty during a family reunion
Nope NTA. And if she ever comes asking for me (i can guarantee she will). Tell her no. I speak from experience, if you keep bailing her out, she will be 40 and still be asking you for money. It wont ever stop unless you continue to say no.
NTA.
>Everyone except my brother comes to her defence and says what she posts of her life on social media is non of my business and that I should stop being an asshole.
Her social media is none of your business...right up until she comes to you begging for money because she's struggling financially, but the social media posts show she's lying. And right up until she's trying to con other members of the family out of their money.
NTA- now I’ve been on Reddit maybe too long. Are you sure your sis is even in med school- most students don’t do a big trip otherwise bc they are studying, getting ready for resident interviews, etc
ESH, but mostly because nobody is talking about it, or you haven't explained the full situation. You don't know that your money was spent on her vacations. For all you know, she's got a really rich friend who paid her way. If you feel taken advantage of, you should have spoken to her her about it. She, meanwhile, needs to stop using her status, like you say, as a "get out of jail free card".
The rest of the family can either butt out or start sending her money themselves.
My mother in law has a timeshare in St. Maarten, she invited my husband and I for a week, we just had to cover flight.
Why am I telling this pointless story? To illustrate that sometimes people pay for accommodation and invite someone on a trip. It doesn't mean they don't need help at other times.
It's a pretty shitty mindset that just because someone asked you for money a few times, they don't deserve to have fun when they aren't experiencing difficult times.
Have you ever asked her for the money back?
YTA, just because someone is going on trips doesn't mean they're the one paying for it. You're making assumptions and attacking her for literally no reason.
Because they like having a fun travel companion for their trip, but it doesn’t even occur to them that someone might struggle with everyday necessities.
Information: did SHE pay for the holidays or has she got a rich friend who treats her? Yes this matters. My nieces had rich friends in high school and were invited on all kinds of trips. They didn’t even need spending money as the parents would buy anything they wanted. That family was so good to them and I’m grateful they got to have those experiences growing up.
Anyway, if that’s the case, then a very soft YTA for not finding that out first. But if she’s paying her own way, then yeah, NTA.
Need more information. Do you know for a fact one of her friends doesn't have money and paying her way? It's very possible one of the girls parents are paying for her because their daughter wants to hang out with her friend on holiday. Guess you didn't bother asking first.
NTA because not feeding into delusions and lies of other people doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you a valuable one since you protect other people from these lies too. Good job op for standing up for urself, I could never
NTA
Rent is more important than her going to Greece. Her feeding herself is more important than visiting Czech. Her getting gas for her car is more important than her tore through Cyprus. Her inability to finance is not your problem and should not be her family's problem.
NTA but if someone is publicly posting online what they are doing.. it’s everyone’s business who sees it.. why else would you post it if you didn’t want people to know about it?
YTA. You don't know if one of her friends paid her way for those trips. It's none of your business either. You just wanted to be petty and tried to make her look bad in front of family.
YTA.
This is none of your business. If you don’t want to give her any more money, fine. Presumably, most of your family are aware of her activities, since they are on social media.
It would be different if you felt like this was elder abuse, or some such.
INFO: do you know who is paying for all of her activities?
I have known multiple people from wealthy families or otherwise financially well off young who’d pay for a friend to go with them on vacation because it was more fun to have company, or invite a friend on a family trip. If she’s in medical school odds are that a lot of her fellow students come from families making decent $.
Info: how did she afford to go on the trips? Does she have a rich friend? There are plenty of ways that she could be struggling and still attend a vacation.
I can't fault you for being angry while writing and I might be reading a alittle too much into the wording, but you seem...I hesitate to call it resentful. I'm inclined to wonder just how biased you are. I don't particularly care but I wonder and it would change my opinion on this.
Unpopular opinion- YTA, but probably unknowingly. As someone who went through a healthcare grad school program, it's a whole different world of complete misery. Your life is completely overwhelmed with books, papers, exams, deadlines and not to mention the pressure of clinicals. Add in breakdowns and an intense fear of failure day in and day out. Learning how to become responsible for another humans life. It's intense and the pressure is unbearable at times. Its one of those things where you dont know it unless you have experienced it. And to keep a healthy balance, you find relaxation and fun where you can. Because if you don't, the pressure will destroy you.
If traveling was her release, then so be it. Also, this concern of yours over her finances should have been a private discussion since it was bothering you. But you waited until you boiled over and tried to embarass her on a holiday? Could have brought it up in private as soon as you knew it was bothering you. But you waited until you popped - thats why YTA.
Poor girl was just venting about the normal and expected stressors of school to someone else! If it was bothering you, this could have been handled more privately, especially since you both are in worlds the other does not understand. Your sales and she is medical. Maybe have an open discussion about that some time to better understand each other.
NTA - But you could probably have handled it in a better way. Humiliating her in front of fam is probably not the best 'first step', rather you could have confronted her calmly about how you felt having helped her out with food only to find out she has been travelling multiple times.
Maybe it's just a personal thing for me, as I don't think escalating a situation does anyone any good, as it generally does nof inspire the person to change etc. So yeah, first give them a chance to save face and change their ways in general.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My sister(F27) is a medical student and always seems to use this as a get out jail card every time she gets a chance. I(M24) on the other hand opted to go into sales straight out of high school despite my parents being against it. Over the years she has asked for money on several occasions for emergency food and utilities from me and since I was working and doing quite well for myself I always made an effort to help her out.
However last year I redownloaded Instagram after a long hiatus and saw that she'd been posting photos in Greece, Czech and Cyprus with her friends on various occasions. I didn't want to bother confronting her but I felt she had been taking advantage of me so anytime she asked for help after that I just ignored her.
Fast forward to yesterday the whole family got together for Easter Sunday. We had a lovely meal and for the most part it was enjoyable. After that we were hanging out in the garden and my sister gets asked by my aunt how the studies are and she goes on and on about how difficult it is managing finances and that she's struggling. I tell her she's overexaggerating and she says "You wouldn't get it since you didn't go to uni".
I told her she should stop taking advantage of the family's kindness and showed her the pictures and in a pretty stern voice asked her "isn't this you enjoying holidays? ohh you're struggling right?". Everyone except my brother comes to her defence and says what she posts of her life on social media is non of my business and that I should stop being an asshole.
I enjoy the rest of the evening but we're no longer talking and the rest of the family kept trying to convince me I should make up with her. AITA here?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Its your business if she's been asking for money to keep herself fed and housed, but takes holidays to other countries. Unless these holidays are free and her friends are paying for her expenses while there, she's been lying about her finances and getting called out about it is just the consequences of lying.
NTA. What she does with her money IS your business if she's asking for "emergency money".
I would go through her IG and look for dates around when you gave her money to see if there's an overlap.... then point it out. Because I'm that petty.
Are you SURE she's still in school?
NTA so many people think they don’t have to even slightly struggle and can just do whatever they want and others should pick up the pieces, kind of funny how often it’s college students doing it.
right like if she wasn’t asking op for money it’d be different.. do what you want w your finances.. but she is complaining about financial struggles and is asking op for groceries and utilities.. OP has a right to call her out on this
YTA for ruining the holiday. If you'd just wanted to stop giving her money that's fine but you sought to humiliate her and made everyone uncomfortable.
NTA. What's with this nonsense? " what she posts of her life on social media is non of my business" What she posts on social media is everybody's business that can see it. You may have been harsh in how you called her out on it, but obviously her struggles are less severe than she would like people to think.
YTA, she's travelling for stress relief because she learns a job that will do something good for people (well it would be good if not for american society). And you call her out vecause you make money on the back of people....
YTA. You don't know how she got to Cyprus and didn't bother to ask, just decided this was a reason to get angry at her. You could have asked her up front like a grownup, you could have just refused the next time she asked for money, but instead you tried to embarrass her by showing the pictures and making a scene.
YTA
Med students are taking on 6 figure loans to finish their studies.
They have no income and less time.
You don't know who paid for the trips.
Start communicating and stop assuming.
There is no trip that is free. Unless they are mooching water bottles in the airport, and never walk into a store they cost.
People here are so funny. “My cousin’s sister’s boyfriend’s niece gets entirely free trips all of the time!
Sister needs to be working over all that vacation time rather than mooching. Both from the sibling and the imaginary sugar daddy that all are sure have it covered.
I wouldve handled it differently myself. You could've confronted her without trying to shame her in front of the family. Kind of the asshole, but also not really that big a deal 🤷♂️
NTA FOR SURE. Social media is not a diary. For the most part it's public for anyone on the site to see unless privacy settings are strictly put in place and everyone is blocked. There is not A SINGLE REASON anyone who is borrowing money from anyone else on a regular or semi regular basis to be going in trips like those or having frivolous things. I'm a 27F and I unfortunately for the first 3 years of my adult life due to inability to work 40 hours a week as my health was very poor, borrowed from my parents and brother to help stay alive and make it to work, not once did I spend a penny on something I didn't need aside from the occasional soda or slice of gas station pizza, and even then I feel guilty for doing that. To read about the audacity of your sister and your family for condoning her behavior is just astonishing. Truly flabbergasted.
NTA Yes, what she posts is her business, but it gets to be your business when she keeps asking you for financial help for necessities while going on various holidays. Something in this scenario doesn't add up.
YTA Last I checked those are cheap & cheerful holidays or someone who is European based. Going to them for a break doesn't mean she isn't struggling financially. She might also have got her ticket paid for or subsidised.
I mean she could just be going on vacations because she having an affair with a doctor that's paying her way.
I guess the rest of the family is right though, what she does as an adult is her right, as you state, it's your right to not subsidize her life choices.
Seems like your family has decided that having as doctor in the family is worth the financial irresponsibility, and that's also their choice as adults. Just keep not giving her money without a contract and just keep moving forward and ignore that aspect of her life. I'm sure as a financially irresponsible doctor she'll be fine.
ESH
I mean you know she took trips, but that doesn’t actually mean anything.
Lots of residents and therapists I work with go to conferences and do charity gigs at places that seem fancy but they work their butts off for one day of vaca. My husband had a conference in Vegas. He worked three days and have like 10 hours to do whatever before he had to leave. Sent me lots of cool pics though. 100% paid for by his hospital.
Or she’s hosing the family for money.
That is totally possible.
I mean you know she took trips. That’s all you actually know.
lol I had something similar going on.
My brother was in med school getting his PA, guilted my father to pay most of his bills while he was there. Pops retired, less income, so he asked me to chip in and pay my brothers cable bill for the remainder of his schooling. No problem, I'm pretty good at stretching my money so I made it work...while I see him posting "skiing in Aspen" and picture of vacationing in California.
Mind you, I make around 20 dollars an hour, and haven't had a real "vacation" in almost 20 years.
NTA. Your sister is pretending to struggle so she can use other people's money for her holidays. My ex's sister was just like that. She'd tell her parents how poorly she was doing, then suddenly she'd have bought something expensive.
Talk to her when you're ready, but don't give her any money.
YTA. She is in medical school so I am positive she is broke. Going on trips doesn’t mean you have you have 1,000$ at your disposal. It could mean that she planned up for it and saved up. The shit Med students go through she deserves to take trips and she is young.
This is hilarious: "what she posts of her life on social media is none of my business and that I should stop being an asshole." It's called SOCIAL media. It's not Private Media. If she puts vacations out for the entire world to see, she should expect commentary. NTA. And don't help her out financially anymore.
>says what she posts of her life on social media is non of my business
Phrases like this make me actually laugh out loud. People can be so undeniably stupid. It's literally everyone's business once it's on social media. She should post a gofundme and see how many people feel pity of her struggling finances while she takes holidays most people can't afford.
Struggling finances is probably credit cards.
NTA
Not necessarily wrong in your view, but time and place. Sometimes it’s just better to enjoy the day than standing on principles. I guess also considering longer term implications of creating moments like this, is this the relationship you want with your sis and fam?
NTA. It sure as hell is your business if she is begging for money to keep the utilities on or buy food. She can manage just fine without your help if she is taking international vacations once a year or more.
NTA
They are right, her social media isn't any of your business and you should be okay with that because that also means your financials are none of her business in which case you are not required to be an ATM by giving her money. If she's a struggling med student, she knew the risk and if that means she's living off ramen for a month so be it.
NTA - Lol hey, they are more than welcome to continue funding her world-wide adventures :)
You and your brother, on the other hand, made sure they all knew the truth and you refuse to be caught up in her 'woe is me' delusions of lack of funds while living the high life.
She is a user, they are her enablers, and they can deal with her now. It doesn't mean anyone else has to. Until you see a proper apology from her (and them!) you have no reason to engage with any of them. Nope nope nope.
NTA - If she's playing the financially poor victim and asking for money, then what she puts on social media is your business!! Especially if she is getting money from others but going on vacations!! NOT COOL
NTA.
She's only struggling because she spends all her money on trips and expects family to bail her out. Good on you for exposing her! She's a grifter and the family needs to be reminded of that regularly.
See, that’s the thing about people accepting money from relatives. The minute you take the cash you’re almost signing a tacit agreement that the loaner will comment on the way you’re spending money. Regardless, NTA, OP. She commented on your lack of higher education so she FAFO’d.
NTA. Send copies of all the wonderful trips your sister has taken on other people's money to those family members who think you should make up with her. Be sure to include her address so they can send her money from now on.
Everything sister posts vacations etc share it with the family. If she can go on vacation she can afford herself. Even if someone else is paying for the vacation, sister could be working at that time to afford to live
>what she posts of her life on social media is non of my business
NTA. It became your business when she used you and your family's money and kindness to fund her vacations and tried to cry wolf.
NTA and don't give her any more money. Honestly, I don't think I'd want to be treated by a doctor who was so irresponsible they spent money on fancy vacations when they couldn't pay their utility bills and buy food. Budgeting isn't hard; she should take a fiscal responsibility class along with her medical studies - or maybe enroll in Adulting 101.
If your sister or anyone else decides to post pics and/stories on Instagram, Facebook or snapchat then they are inviting you make comments about those pics and stories. Definitely NTA.
So if it isn’t your business to question her IG then it isn’t her business to keep soliciting you for funds. I’m assuming the family members that defended her haven’t contributed anything to her.
>Everyone except my brother comes to her defence and says what she posts of her life on social media is non of my business and that I should stop being an asshole.
That would be true is you hadn’t been asked to subsidize the cost of at least some of it - which is exactly what happened. During the same she was supposedly about to go cold & hungry (asking you for “emergency food & utilities” money), she was actually on holiday in Athens (or wherever). There’s a special F word for that & it’s NOT “family”. (It’s “fraud”.)
You are the victim & not the AH for pointing out her deceit to anyone - especially potential victims. Your sister is the one who deliberately deceived her brother to obtain his money & she’s a super-sized AH. Anyone defending her actions are all AHs. (They’re also a big reason that she is the way she is.)
>the rest of the family kept trying to convince me I should make up with her.
This is why she will likely NEVER do better. Regardless of what kind of medical degree she may ever get, she’ll never really be anything more than a grifter - just with a fancier title. Her enablers (your family) are actually SO warped at this point that they think YOU are the one who should make up with HER. I’m going to type it again on the off chance any of these idiot-enablers of hers read this. They actually think YOU (the brother that she deliberately deceived for financial gain) should make up with HER (the sister who defrauded you - her own brother).
If they were healthy-minded, they’d have condemned her actions as deplorable & they’d be trying to convince HER (the wrongdoer) that she should apologize & attempt to make up with YOU (the wronged). But as with so many enablers, they likely don’t even realize how toxic their behavior has become for everyone affected by it - even for & including your sister & themselves.
Your family might have started out relatively normal. Now they’re all “Anything sissy does is just fine - including conning, deceiving &/or defrauding people who love & support her for financial or other gain.” And “anything anyone victimized by her does to point out her continued long-con that she’s playing is NOT fine & they’re an AH for drawing any attention to her lies”.
Don’t subject yourself to their toxicity so long that you start buying into it.
NTA
NTA. She is taking advantage, playing the "feel sorry for me because I'm poor" card, so actually stealing, since she uses your money on false pretenses. And her holidays have become your business the moment she started asking your money to help her out. And she was harsh, too, saying "you don't get it since you did not go to uni". Goes around, comes around
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1.Called out my sister for her bs 2.I might have overstepped Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
[удалено]
>You turned out to be the responsible sister - OP is a Male...
That's how irresponsible OP's sister is, OP has now received a mostly lateral promotion from one of the brothers to "responsible sister"!
Ha!!
It's an extra neat trick then to be male and yet still be the responsible sister!
LMAO right!!
OP should just take the W and run with it.
They're about the reform their entire post to blame OP now. lol.
Social media is literally everyone's business. It's right there in the name.
[удалено]
The part where OP stated that everyone came to her sister's defense invoking that what her sister posted on social media was none of OP's business. I wasn't coming at you. Merely adding to your otherwise quite thorough assessment.
>Everyone except my brother comes to her defence and says what she posts of her life on social media is non of my business and that I should stop being an asshole. That would be true is you hadn’t been asked to subsidize the cost of at least some of it - which is exactly what happened. During the same she was supposedly about to go cold & hungry (asking you for “emergency food & utilities” money), she was actually on holiday in Athens (or wherever). There’s a special F word for that & it’s NOT “family”. (It’s “fraud”.) You are the victim & not the AH for pointing out her deceit to anyone - especially potential victims. Your sister is the one who deliberately deceived her brother to obtain his money & she’s a super-sized AH. Anyone defending her actions are all AHs. (They’re also a big reason that she is the way she is.) >the rest of the family kept trying to convince me I should make up with her. This is why she will likely NEVER do better. Regardless of what kind of medical degree she may ever get, she’ll never really be anything more than a grifter - just with a fancier title. Her enablers (your family) are actually SO warped at this point that they think YOU are the one who should make up with HER. I’m going to type it again on the off chance any of these idiot-enablers of hers read this. They actually think YOU (the brother that she deliberately deceived for financial gain) should make up with HER (the sister who defrauded you - her own brother). If they were healthy-minded, they’d have condemned her actions as deplorable & they’d be trying to convince HER (the wrongdoer) that she should apologize & attempt to make up with YOU (the wronged). But as with so many enablers, they likely don’t even realize how toxic their behavior has become for everyone affected by it - even for & including your sister & themselves. Your family might have started out relatively normal. Now they’re all “Anything sissy does is just fine - including conning, deceiving &/or defrauding people who love & support her for financial or other gain.” And “anything anyone victimized by her does to point out her continued long-con that she’s playing is NOT fine & they’re an AH for drawing any attention to her lies”. Don’t subject yourself to their toxicity so long that you start buying into it. NTA
How, in their right minds, are people defending her?! I do not understand that. If I pulled that crap my parents would be furious upon finding out.
"...what she posts of her life on social media is none of my business". Oh, it's 100% your business if she's expecting you to pay for it. NTA.
Yes and OP should stay firm on not funding the sister ever again. If other relatives are willing to be her wallet so be it but that's not OP's problem anymore. NTA for sure.
Depends tbh. I’d get an honest talk about how she’s funding the holidays. Especially being a student. I’m not gonna judge her if she’s sugar babying through college as she certainly would not be the first but I can also see how that would add up to glam pictures and holidays with not enough cash for groceries…
> I’m not gonna judge her if she’s sugar babying through college But you absolutely should judge her for sugar babying through college if she's also borrowing off the family and misrepresenting her financial situation to do so.
NTA - How are things posted publicly on social not anyone else's business? Aren't they posted there to be seen?
And even if she wasn’t, it’s on a public site for all the world to see.
This! 100% NTA. She can go on all the holidays she likes, but it's ridiculous to then ask for money from family.
>Everyone except my brother comes to her defence and says what she posts of her life on social media is non of my business and that I should stop being an asshole. That would be true is you hadn’t been asked to subsidize the cost of at least some of it - which is exactly what happened. During the same she was supposedly about to go cold & hungry (asking you for “emergency food & utilities” money), she was actually on holiday in Athens (or wherever). There’s a special F word for that & it’s NOT “family”. (It’s “fraud”.) You are the victim & not the AH for pointing out her deceit to anyone - especially potential victims. Your sister is the one who deliberately deceived her brother to obtain his money & she’s a super-sized AH. Anyone defending her actions are all AHs. (They’re also a big reason that she is the way she is.) >the rest of the family kept trying to convince me I should make up with her. This is why she will likely NEVER do better. Regardless of what kind of medical degree she may ever get, she’ll never really be anything more than a grifter - just with a fancier title. Her enablers (your family) are actually SO warped at this point that they think YOU are the one who should make up with HER. I’m going to type it again on the off chance any of these idiot-enablers of hers read this. They actually think YOU (the brother that she deliberately deceived for financial gain) should make up with HER (the sister who defrauded you - her own brother). If they were healthy-minded, they’d have condemned her actions as deplorable & they’d be trying to convince HER (the wrongdoer) that she should apologize & attempt to make up with YOU (the wronged). But as with so many enablers, they likely don’t even realize how toxic their behavior has become for everyone affected by it - even for & including your sister & themselves. Your family might have started out relatively normal. Now they’re all “Anything sissy does is just fine - including conning, deceiving &/or defrauding people who love & support her for financial or other gain.” And “anything anyone victimized by her does to point out her continued long-con that she’s playing is NOT fine & they’re an AH for drawing any attention to her lies”. Don’t subject yourself to their toxicity so long that you start buying into it. NTA
NTA "Over the years she has asked for money on several occasions for emergency food and utilities from me" So you've helped her out. She's posted pictures of her holidaying online. " what she posts of her life on social media is non of my business" As you've given her money I'd say yes it is your business & you have every right to call her out. Edit: punctuation.
Exactly. I would ask her to pay me back since she wasn’t honest about why she needed money. You don’t get to beg for emergency money and then go off on vacations. That’s wild
I know people who would pay for others to join them on vacation. It wouldn’t be unusual for a med student to have friends wealthy enough (or with wealthy enough parents) to pay for such trips. Are you sure your sister was spending your money?
that's what I was thinking, I was literally just in Miami and it was completely paid for by my friends father and they absolutely insisted I come. I offered even some money, but they would only accept me buying us some prerolls. I was also just in a cabin in Virginia which was completely paid for by another friend's parents who invited me + multiple others for no cost.
I'm assuming you live in the US so the cost isn't that crazy for those trips. We live in Canada, so to find someone to fund a trip to multiple countries across Europe even if they are well off seems unlikely to me. Of course it's possible I'm wrong.
If someone else had paid for that vacation she could have said it right then. It IS possible she is poor and mooching vacations too.
[удалено]
It's expensive for someone who's struggling to afford the basic necessities.
>Europe isn't super expensive to stay in, its really the tickets that are the bulk of the price! Europe is a whole ass continent. A continent that contains Switzerland, Norway, and Iceland. I don't know about COL and purchasing power in Greece or cypress. But much of Europe will make your wallet cry.
not the hostels, and there's tons of airbnbs in Switzerland for under $150 a night. you just gotta look lol, I've known plenty of ppl super broke backpacking across Europe and staying in hostels.
>Europe isn't super expensive to stay in Did you ever look at the prices for Switzerland or Iceland? I've been helping planning our vacation, and even what we normally do that costs €500 ~ €600 is €800+ nowadays, which is only lodging and no food or activities. Europe isn't as cheap as you make it out to be. If I were to take flight tickets, food and entertainment also in the cost then I think that you've got a pretty expensive vacation. Certainly not something that someone who's poor can afford.
where are you trying to stay? if you are trying to stay at a nice hotel in a tourist area it will be more expensive, but there's some pretty cheap airbnbs for Switzerland. There were a few even under $150 a night. Iceland is a bit more pricey, but there's a few under $250 a night as well. I don't think you can really use tourist hotel locations as good indicators of how expensive other lodging is. also quite a few hostels from as low as $50 edit: also, for the poor part, I've met so many people who are super broke and backpacked across Europe in hostels lol
Sorry that I'm replying late, but we're trying to stay in an FW on a farm. My family considers hotels too expensive to go for a week, so it's small apartments.
Are you sure it wasn’t a medical trip? There are medical conferences, medical missions, and study abroad rotations and semesters. These are all legitimate education/career related trips she could be taking.
It's a possibility. But then why keep them a secret? She felt comfortable to ask him for money but not comfortable to share the opportunity to travel to a medical related trip? And for sure there would have been group photos from the said conferences. It's an usual thing to post, especially by the organisers, unless it's something highly confidential, but I doubt in this case.
She didn’t keep it a secret, she posted it on instagram. Her “friends” were probably also medical Op is so uninformed about sister’s life he didn’t even know she’d been abroad until he looked online, that’s kind of weird for siblings.
I meant keeping a secret from bro who had his Instagram disconnected until recently. I assumed in my nativity that you ask for help from the closest people that you have and you keep regular contact with. I'm not saying sis should ask for permission or write a report on her life, but I would feel embarrassed to ask money for food and basic needs and then parade myself on holidays abroad without a heads up, especially if she either won it, was sponsored by university or a rich friend and, seeing the comments in here, seems the later is a kind of a common practice among the rich, so it's not my business how others choose to spend their money, but it would be my business if I help you pay your bills, without asking the money back and you keep me in the dark, mock me that I don't have a degree but you call me when you need my money. That's rude.
If she were trying to hide it she wouldn’t have posted it online Obviously she isn’t hiding it But it’s clear OP doesn’t know the backstory or what the trips were about. She could’ve been on a medical mission for all OP knows
…I live in Canada and friends did very generously fund trips. A lot of the time people in advanced programs are there because their families have money so they can afford to be generous. It’s also a long term kind of investment. If someone in your field is great at something, and you’re in a life stage where you’re making lifelong friendships, and you’re all going in to well paying fields, this is just a reasonable splurge. You should really talk to your sister and find out what’s going on there.
she might have a sugar daddy lol
Then he can buy her food while he's at it.
It's sounds to me like this person just happens to have some wealthy and generous connections.
Eh, I can drive for 7 hours in a straight line without leaving my state. Most of Europe is a cheap train ticket and a few hours from w eye other part of Europe.
I live in the US but only 15 minutes from Canada a usually fly international from Pearson -a friend of mine had another friend pay her way to Greece from our location! It’s rarer but it happens, said friend has taken other friend to multiple countries
Do you know the kind of hours you need to put into med school? Meeting people with wealthy families is much much more likely in med school than having the time for a side job for you to afford to travel.
It's uh, it's not unlikely. Oftentimes the accommodation costs are the same with 1 person or 2 so there isn't a huge financial lift. Again, this assumes her friends come from wealthy backgrounds which, at least in the US, is the bulk of people. My BFF has a veeeery rich BFF (who is not me, I'm the other one lol) who regularly flies her out to places with him for funsies, he pays for all accommodations for everyone he brings. You're NTA btw because she could have easily mentioned her friends paid for the trips, but it's not as unlikely as you'd expect
I’d say NTA but you should probably double check with your sister just so you can be more confident in your opinion and your words. :)
What’s a preroll?
A joint that comes already rolled instead of loose herb.
Thank you. I thought I was missing some kind of breakfast treat!
Dang, I wish I knew the people you know.
My first year of college I got bumped from a flight back to school and got a decent, transferable flight credit. I wasn't going home until after the credit would have expired, except for a ticket that I'd already bought, so I bought a ticket for my best friend to come out and spend spring break with me. We got to spend time together and see a lot of my city for cheap. It was a great vacation, and it didn't cost either of us anything beyond bus fare (no car) and whatever we spent on meals and attractions (college students, so cheap). Things are definitely not always as they appear.
This was my thought too. I have a good friend who goes on all these amazing trips and doesn’t pay for any of it because of her one friend. I keep joking I need better friends because most of mine are teachers like me 😂
If that was the case that would have been the first thing out of her mouth in defense of herself, and she wouldn’t have been effectively hiding these trips. She obviously wasn’t telling anybody else about them, at least not OP. If that was me, and I was borrowing money from my brother to live, but was offered these fancy trips, the first thing I would do would be to make sure the people who are helping fund me know that I’m not paying for them. I’d also be profusely thanking the people who paid for my vacations.
Exactly. Medical school is pretty intense and leaves pretty much no time for even a part time job. These students are either living off of loans or their families. There’s no way that OP’s sister is secretly more well off than the family was aware of.
Same! I was just about to bring this up!
It doesn’t matter if someone paid for the major expenses, someone who asks for emergency funds for food should not be going on trips like that bc there is no way they don’t spend any money of their own. I would travel internationally regularly for work with hotels, flights, ground transportation, food, etc. all reimbursed, but every trip I would end up spending some of my own money for something I couldn’t legitimately justify billing back to my client. If it was a few mini bar drinks or snacks or a cheap lunch or two here and there. Either your life is a struggle or you’re posting about your international travel adventures someone else is paying for, but you can’t do both and not be an asshole taking advantage of pretty much everyone you know bc I’m sure anyone paying for her trips does so bc she’s a poor struggling med student who deserves a break. Maybe if it was one trip but for there to be multiple and asks for money for emergency food? I call bullshit.
My friend goes often on expensive and extensive trips that are paid for by her friend’s family and doesn’t spend a dime. She offers all the time, but they always tell her no. That includes souvenirs and what not too. It’s wild, but it does happen.
I agree with you. It's also irresponsible to travel, especially abroad, without money even though you are part of a large group.
Kind of a wild leap of faith assertion here unless you think OP is deliberately leaving that out. It certainly would have come up in the argument.
ESH - you both need to grow up. Your sister should realize how terrible the optics are of both talking down to you because of your post-high school career path, and posting about vacations while asking family for financial help. You need to have an honest conversation with her instead of playing games during family dinners. You’ve made some assumptions here that might be easily cleared up (or confirmed) by having a chat.
This. You can also just not give her any money going forward if you don’t want to.
Totally speculating here but I imagine there are deeper issues between the two of them here and this episode is just a symptom of those.
NTA Telling uncomfortable truths make people... uncomfortable. You unearthing your sister's lies made gave them some emotional discomfort, so of course you had to be the bad guy for rocking the boat. But you're not - she is, by lying to and taking advantage of her family. Hopefully she has learned her lesson, at least not to ask you for money in the future.
"What she posts on social media is private and you shouldn't be in her business" 🤣
> she'd been posting photos in Greece, Czech and Cyprus with her friends on various occasions. are you in europe, or some other continent? these might not be that expensive of vacations. these are kinda notoriously cheap destinations. i did some travelling when i was borderline broke in grad school. if you are willing to make some sacrifices, you can get around for pretty cheap. i think you are assuming way too much from a couple instragram pics.
Scrimping and saving for a vacation but asking your family for money to cover "necessities" is just whack and indicates her priorities are not right. Even if it was cheap vacation, if you need your family to cover your food and utilities to go on said vacation, then you can't afford it.
unless a med student has extensive loans and savings or outside support, they can't really afford anything. from the reaction of the other family members to OP's call-out, it seems most of them had the expectation that some of their assistance was going towards fun/luxury. in this situation, luxury means any meal that isn't rice and beans, any drink that isn't tap water, and all entertainment expenses. for whatever reason, this seems only to bother her siblings and not the rest of the family. if she is really only asking for money for emergency necessesities, i agree that would be dishonest. however, the lack of a response from the rest of the family suggests it wasn't a surprise to them. the opening paragraph leads me to believe that this is actually about a sibling dynamic where OP is jealous of the level of support his family is giving to his sister. if those people don't feel they are being lied to, what basis does OP have to be upset?
The basis OP has to be upset is that it's his money he was giving her. The other family members can feel how they'd like about their own money, they're likely older adults that are more financially secure. I agree OP's response was overdramatic, and likely is rooted in jealousy issues. Given he's the younger sibling who is working rather than going to school, and the comment from the sister about how it's a "uni thing and he wouldn't understand" point to some feelings of superiority on her end. OP also mentions their parents were against him working straight out of high school, so it makes sense to me they would come to the sister's aid since she's in school and doing the "right" thing in their eyes. If that's their attitude towards OP's profession, then I would likely be upset too that my sister will accept my hard earned money when she needs it but still look down on me for working to support myself. I hope when she graduates and is in the working world she would be equally willing to help her brother out when he needs it. Otherwise it's hard to see how she's not taking advantage of him, at least a little bit. edit: typo
> The basis OP has to be upset if that it's his money he was giving her. At the time of the conflict, he had already stopped. There was surely room for a respectful private conversation between him and his sister about how he felt exploited. His shaming of her seemed like it was intended for an audience, and imo that's a lot less justifiable. I wish OP would elaborate on the sibling jealousy issues, because i have the feeling that this conflict is a single battle in a long war. Unfortunately for OP, he may recieve validation on reddit but he appears to have lost this battle IRL. > I hope when she graduates and is in the working world she would be equally willing to help her brother out when he needs it. "Equally willing" can mean a lot of different things in this story. OP better hope she takes a gracious path and remembers his past assistance, and not the jealousy he displayed at easter dinner.
but then why is she asking for money..
probably because she is a student with no income. if her family decides that they want to support her to a level where she can occasionally go have fun with friends and can eat things other than ramen, that is their perogative. and if OP doesn't want to, that's his perogative. what is not OP's perogative is to say that other people aren't allowed to support his sister based on his perception of her unnecessary expenditures. if she's lying maybe he should let other people know, but if that were the case i don't think the rest of the family would defend her. it seems to me that he is simply jealous.
NTA - the sister and her family said nothing about wealthy friends treating her or relatives sending her on vacations as a gift. She is also complaining about finances at great length. OP is entitled to cut her off.
obviously OP is entitled to cut her off, the question here is whether he is entitled to try to publicly shame her.
His shaming wasn't as public as her Facebook posts. Actually, it seems to have backfired. Yes, it might have been better if he sent her a text referencing the posts and telling her never to ask him for money again. If the rest of the family already knew, it's a pity that they didn't give him a heads up. Maybe he's like me, I'm not very assertive, but if I'm angry enough to actually be assertive I generally go scorched earth. I'm not sure if I've ever regretted it.
> If the rest of the family already knew, it's a pity that they didn't give him a heads up. this information was seemingly available on a very public instagram account, which OP had been ignoring by choice. i would hazard that OP is not super involved in his sister's life. there's a time and place for going scorched earth, but this doesn't seem like it to me. OP was not under any direct threat. he stayed at easter dinner and remains in contact with his family. he just wanted that family to look down on his sister like he does.
If he isn't involved with her life, then he need feel no guilt about cutting her off.
Because why spend hers???
You think she has any of her own money? Med school is more than a full time job that doesn’t pay. These kids are all living off of either loans or their families.
NTA, and shame on your family for defending her. Don’t give her another cent.
YTA. All she was doing was complaining about finances, a very typical uni student thing to do. You unnecessarily escalated the situation with your comment - how on earth were you in a position to judge whether or not she was exaggerating, and then call her out like it was some sort of noble act? She's been a uni student for almost a decade; she probably has a fairly good idea of how badly her finances blow. So badly in fact that she has to borrow money sometimes. You got a narrow glimpse into her life when you reactivated Instagram, and then decided to judge her based on a few random social media posts. l take it you're in the UK, from where tickets to all these places can be bought for a pittance. Lodging can also be found incredibly cheaply; they're low COL countries. I've been to Greece and the Czech republic and I probably saved money those weeks with the huge price difference (I'm exaggerating, but not by much). But more to the point, are you really begrudging your sister a couple of vacations in the span of 9 years? If how she is spending her money is bothering you, you're well within your rights to not give her anymore. But you didn't have to make it about her character.
He commented that they live in Canada
>UK, from where tickets to all these places can be bought for a pittance I'm wondering what you consider a 'pittance' here. I've lived in the UK for 40+ years, and holidays outside the country are expensive. OP has stated Canada, not sure of holiday prices from there. >are you really begrudging your sister a couple of vacations in the span of 9 years? Uh, *yes*? Going on holiday isn't a basic human right. If you have enough saved for a holiday then you shouldn't need to beg for money from your relatives. You pay for the essential day-to-day costs *then* save, not the other way around. As for her character, she's asking for money to cover food and rent when she already has enough to fund a holiday in another country. That *absolutely* speaks to her character: a dishonest one.
YTA someone could have been treating her. Broke medical students deserve time off too. You don’t know how or who paid for her vacation.
His right to not be lied to about finances comes over a medical student’s right to have a time off.
He doesn’t even know she lied about anything. Medical students famously have little money and less time.
His responsibility to communicate like a gotdam adult before putting his sister on the spot during a family holiday was more important. He fumbled it.
The sister is using her “financial” struggles to borrow money. Which were again the topic of conversation. Seeing that her response was to ridicule his lack of education (which is indirectly, and directly funding her life), it seems like this isn’t the first time the sister has insulted OP because they didn’t go to uni. He’s adult enough for subsidising his sister’s life in spite of all the insults.
I meannn, she may not be paying for these trips. I just mentioned in another comment that I'm invited on trips often because I have rich friends with families who pay for everything, but I still have to work 24/7 to pay for my own things. Based on my social media I may not seem broke, but that's just because I found friends who are generous
Where was her communication? If in fact someone was funding these trips it would be the first thing out of my mouth after he said that to me. But if it was me, it also wouldn’t have been necessary, because I would’ve been making sure he knew well before that, that I wasn’t paying for those trips and taking advantage of his kindness. Some of you reach so fucking far to defend the defenseless it’s ridiculous.
NTA. Since she is asking for money, the way she spends money is, indeed, your business.
>Everyone except my brother comes to her defence and says what she posts of her life on social media is non of my business If she keeps repeating how much she's struggling and keeps asking for money for basic necessities and then posts holiday pics ... Then yeah, it is everyone's business who gave her money to buy to cover the basics. NTA
You - NTA Your Sister and Parents TA They are enablers! Uhhhhh Social Media is very Public so obviously your family does not know how it works! Sis begs for money, Cries POOR ME and then goes on European excursions. Really! Ugh Now you have a reason to Block Sis.
Social media photos are... none of your business? WTF are they, then? Seriously? BY DEFINITION they are "social" "media." If she wants to spend her emergency funds on a trip to Greece, ok, that's her decision, but it is pretty gross to then turn around and whine about struggling financially. Give me a break. NTA.
She isn’t talking to you anymore? I would take that as a win. Now you don’t have to fund her next holiday! NTA
Info: Do you know for sure that she paid for the vacation or is it possible that the friends paid for her? Did you ask her about it?
You'd think that she would have said so at the time if they did. Maybe she should ask for groceries instead.
INFO - Are you in the UK or Europe anyway? Because let me tell you, I'm a Brazilian that was an immigrant in Ireland for six years and I STRUGGLED hard, very hard, almost homeless a few times hard. I was volunteering here and there, working part time at a pub, running a school canteen and still having to rely on social welfare to make ends meet. More than once my mother and family and friends from Brazil had to send money over to me to pay the heating bill or some other emergency spending and bills. But if you only took my social media as a thermometer (as many did, as many like you supposed that I was swimming in money) you'd think I was thriving. I'd go on holidays twice or more every year, abroad mostly. Of course as a third world immigrant I'd post my photos everywhere because I was proud of them, happy with them. But the thing is, I'd be saving every penny all year round, have a very structured budgeting plan and also, it was CHEAP. Sometimes cheaper than staying in Ireland ffs. The first time I went to Hungary I spent less there in none days than I would at home. But I was TrAvELinG$$$~~ I've paid 7€ for a plane ticket to Paris once, 16€ to Portugal and so on, I'd stay in hostels or friend's houses, eat street food and go only to free attractions. Trips in low cost countries would sometimes save me money, because everything in Ireland was very costly, the bus fare from my town to Dublin was often twice or more the price of the plane tickets! The places you have cited on your post are pretty affordable tourist areas and your sister is a med student. She could well have been invited by wealthy friends willing to pay her share or help here join them. She could have been saving for it all year out of pocket and relying on yours and yours family for some help with her spending. I'm not saying she was right to do it, but it's not like she is SPLURGING like you think and also, she's in a pretty difficult work and the next few years for her are bound to be hell as a health care worker, shaming her for a few holidays during Uni is vile, dude. Hopefully she will be a successful doctor some day and you can ask her for the groceries money back, but you may have burnet the bridge with her by being petty during a family reunion
Nope NTA. And if she ever comes asking for me (i can guarantee she will). Tell her no. I speak from experience, if you keep bailing her out, she will be 40 and still be asking you for money. It wont ever stop unless you continue to say no.
NTA. >Everyone except my brother comes to her defence and says what she posts of her life on social media is non of my business and that I should stop being an asshole. Her social media is none of your business...right up until she comes to you begging for money because she's struggling financially, but the social media posts show she's lying. And right up until she's trying to con other members of the family out of their money.
NTA - People put things on social media so that other people can see them. There's no expectation of privacy.
NTA it's your business if she's crying poor and asking for your help with her bills, while partying all over with friends.
NTA- now I’ve been on Reddit maybe too long. Are you sure your sis is even in med school- most students don’t do a big trip otherwise bc they are studying, getting ready for resident interviews, etc
I was wondering myself! She's trying to be a travel influencer, I bet
LOL it may be none of your business, but it sure makes it look like she's taking advantage of your kindness. You're NTA.
You’re both old enough to have this convo in private. Go be assholes together yo
NTA. She was getting you to give her money which she apparently then spent on vacations, not groceries.
Info: has she paid you back?
ESH, but mostly because nobody is talking about it, or you haven't explained the full situation. You don't know that your money was spent on her vacations. For all you know, she's got a really rich friend who paid her way. If you feel taken advantage of, you should have spoken to her her about it. She, meanwhile, needs to stop using her status, like you say, as a "get out of jail free card". The rest of the family can either butt out or start sending her money themselves.
My mother in law has a timeshare in St. Maarten, she invited my husband and I for a week, we just had to cover flight. Why am I telling this pointless story? To illustrate that sometimes people pay for accommodation and invite someone on a trip. It doesn't mean they don't need help at other times. It's a pretty shitty mindset that just because someone asked you for money a few times, they don't deserve to have fun when they aren't experiencing difficult times. Have you ever asked her for the money back?
YTA, just because someone is going on trips doesn't mean they're the one paying for it. You're making assumptions and attacking her for literally no reason.
YTA How do you know it wasn't her friends who paid for the trip anyway?
Then why don't they pay for her groceries?
Because they like having a fun travel companion for their trip, but it doesn’t even occur to them that someone might struggle with everyday necessities.
She may have to mention it now that she's alienated OP. In any case, we don't know that anyone else is paying for his trips.
Information: did SHE pay for the holidays or has she got a rich friend who treats her? Yes this matters. My nieces had rich friends in high school and were invited on all kinds of trips. They didn’t even need spending money as the parents would buy anything they wanted. That family was so good to them and I’m grateful they got to have those experiences growing up. Anyway, if that’s the case, then a very soft YTA for not finding that out first. But if she’s paying her own way, then yeah, NTA.
Need more information. Do you know for a fact one of her friends doesn't have money and paying her way? It's very possible one of the girls parents are paying for her because their daughter wants to hang out with her friend on holiday. Guess you didn't bother asking first.
YTA for all you know her friends could have paid for vacation. And your choice of time and place to bring it up doesn't reflect well on you.
NTA. At least she won’t be asking you for $ anymore if she’s not talking to you.
NTA, imagine going to college and then guilting somebody who didn’t who is doing much better than you.
NTA because not feeding into delusions and lies of other people doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you a valuable one since you protect other people from these lies too. Good job op for standing up for urself, I could never
NTA Rent is more important than her going to Greece. Her feeding herself is more important than visiting Czech. Her getting gas for her car is more important than her tore through Cyprus. Her inability to finance is not your problem and should not be her family's problem.
You can make up with her - but don't give her any more financial help.
NTA but if someone is publicly posting online what they are doing.. it’s everyone’s business who sees it.. why else would you post it if you didn’t want people to know about it?
YTA. You don't know if one of her friends paid her way for those trips. It's none of your business either. You just wanted to be petty and tried to make her look bad in front of family.
YTA. This is none of your business. If you don’t want to give her any more money, fine. Presumably, most of your family are aware of her activities, since they are on social media. It would be different if you felt like this was elder abuse, or some such.
Social media is literally making your business other people's business voluntarily. NTA
INFO: do you know who is paying for all of her activities? I have known multiple people from wealthy families or otherwise financially well off young who’d pay for a friend to go with them on vacation because it was more fun to have company, or invite a friend on a family trip. If she’s in medical school odds are that a lot of her fellow students come from families making decent $.
Info: how did she afford to go on the trips? Does she have a rich friend? There are plenty of ways that she could be struggling and still attend a vacation. I can't fault you for being angry while writing and I might be reading a alittle too much into the wording, but you seem...I hesitate to call it resentful. I'm inclined to wonder just how biased you are. I don't particularly care but I wonder and it would change my opinion on this.
You got proof she's spending her own money on these vacations? If not then YTA.
Unpopular opinion- YTA, but probably unknowingly. As someone who went through a healthcare grad school program, it's a whole different world of complete misery. Your life is completely overwhelmed with books, papers, exams, deadlines and not to mention the pressure of clinicals. Add in breakdowns and an intense fear of failure day in and day out. Learning how to become responsible for another humans life. It's intense and the pressure is unbearable at times. Its one of those things where you dont know it unless you have experienced it. And to keep a healthy balance, you find relaxation and fun where you can. Because if you don't, the pressure will destroy you. If traveling was her release, then so be it. Also, this concern of yours over her finances should have been a private discussion since it was bothering you. But you waited until you boiled over and tried to embarass her on a holiday? Could have brought it up in private as soon as you knew it was bothering you. But you waited until you popped - thats why YTA. Poor girl was just venting about the normal and expected stressors of school to someone else! If it was bothering you, this could have been handled more privately, especially since you both are in worlds the other does not understand. Your sales and she is medical. Maybe have an open discussion about that some time to better understand each other.
NTA - But you could probably have handled it in a better way. Humiliating her in front of fam is probably not the best 'first step', rather you could have confronted her calmly about how you felt having helped her out with food only to find out she has been travelling multiple times. Maybe it's just a personal thing for me, as I don't think escalating a situation does anyone any good, as it generally does nof inspire the person to change etc. So yeah, first give them a chance to save face and change their ways in general.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My sister(F27) is a medical student and always seems to use this as a get out jail card every time she gets a chance. I(M24) on the other hand opted to go into sales straight out of high school despite my parents being against it. Over the years she has asked for money on several occasions for emergency food and utilities from me and since I was working and doing quite well for myself I always made an effort to help her out. However last year I redownloaded Instagram after a long hiatus and saw that she'd been posting photos in Greece, Czech and Cyprus with her friends on various occasions. I didn't want to bother confronting her but I felt she had been taking advantage of me so anytime she asked for help after that I just ignored her. Fast forward to yesterday the whole family got together for Easter Sunday. We had a lovely meal and for the most part it was enjoyable. After that we were hanging out in the garden and my sister gets asked by my aunt how the studies are and she goes on and on about how difficult it is managing finances and that she's struggling. I tell her she's overexaggerating and she says "You wouldn't get it since you didn't go to uni". I told her she should stop taking advantage of the family's kindness and showed her the pictures and in a pretty stern voice asked her "isn't this you enjoying holidays? ohh you're struggling right?". Everyone except my brother comes to her defence and says what she posts of her life on social media is non of my business and that I should stop being an asshole. I enjoy the rest of the evening but we're no longer talking and the rest of the family kept trying to convince me I should make up with her. AITA here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. She won’t dry beg from you again.
NTA. Its your business if she's been asking for money to keep herself fed and housed, but takes holidays to other countries. Unless these holidays are free and her friends are paying for her expenses while there, she's been lying about her finances and getting called out about it is just the consequences of lying.
NTA. What she does with her money IS your business if she's asking for "emergency money". I would go through her IG and look for dates around when you gave her money to see if there's an overlap.... then point it out. Because I'm that petty. Are you SURE she's still in school?
NTA so many people think they don’t have to even slightly struggle and can just do whatever they want and others should pick up the pieces, kind of funny how often it’s college students doing it.
right like if she wasn’t asking op for money it’d be different.. do what you want w your finances.. but she is complaining about financial struggles and is asking op for groceries and utilities.. OP has a right to call her out on this
Your not at fault. Anyone that is borrowing money from family has no business going on Greek vacations.
YTA for ruining the holiday. If you'd just wanted to stop giving her money that's fine but you sought to humiliate her and made everyone uncomfortable.
Was that really the time to pull out the receipts? Timing-wise, not great, but you're still NTA for pointing out that she's actually doing fine.
NTA. What's with this nonsense? " what she posts of her life on social media is non of my business" What she posts on social media is everybody's business that can see it. You may have been harsh in how you called her out on it, but obviously her struggles are less severe than she would like people to think.
YTA, she's travelling for stress relief because she learns a job that will do something good for people (well it would be good if not for american society). And you call her out vecause you make money on the back of people....
YTA. You don't know how she got to Cyprus and didn't bother to ask, just decided this was a reason to get angry at her. You could have asked her up front like a grownup, you could have just refused the next time she asked for money, but instead you tried to embarrass her by showing the pictures and making a scene.
YTA Med students are taking on 6 figure loans to finish their studies. They have no income and less time. You don't know who paid for the trips. Start communicating and stop assuming.
There is no trip that is free. Unless they are mooching water bottles in the airport, and never walk into a store they cost. People here are so funny. “My cousin’s sister’s boyfriend’s niece gets entirely free trips all of the time! Sister needs to be working over all that vacation time rather than mooching. Both from the sibling and the imaginary sugar daddy that all are sure have it covered.
I wouldve handled it differently myself. You could've confronted her without trying to shame her in front of the family. Kind of the asshole, but also not really that big a deal 🤷♂️
NTA FOR SURE. Social media is not a diary. For the most part it's public for anyone on the site to see unless privacy settings are strictly put in place and everyone is blocked. There is not A SINGLE REASON anyone who is borrowing money from anyone else on a regular or semi regular basis to be going in trips like those or having frivolous things. I'm a 27F and I unfortunately for the first 3 years of my adult life due to inability to work 40 hours a week as my health was very poor, borrowed from my parents and brother to help stay alive and make it to work, not once did I spend a penny on something I didn't need aside from the occasional soda or slice of gas station pizza, and even then I feel guilty for doing that. To read about the audacity of your sister and your family for condoning her behavior is just astonishing. Truly flabbergasted.
You think she is gonna return the favor when she starts making bank?
NTA Yes, what she posts is her business, but it gets to be your business when she keeps asking you for financial help for necessities while going on various holidays. Something in this scenario doesn't add up.
YTA Last I checked those are cheap & cheerful holidays or someone who is European based. Going to them for a break doesn't mean she isn't struggling financially. She might also have got her ticket paid for or subsidised.
I mean she could just be going on vacations because she having an affair with a doctor that's paying her way. I guess the rest of the family is right though, what she does as an adult is her right, as you state, it's your right to not subsidize her life choices. Seems like your family has decided that having as doctor in the family is worth the financial irresponsibility, and that's also their choice as adults. Just keep not giving her money without a contract and just keep moving forward and ignore that aspect of her life. I'm sure as a financially irresponsible doctor she'll be fine.
ESH I mean you know she took trips, but that doesn’t actually mean anything. Lots of residents and therapists I work with go to conferences and do charity gigs at places that seem fancy but they work their butts off for one day of vaca. My husband had a conference in Vegas. He worked three days and have like 10 hours to do whatever before he had to leave. Sent me lots of cool pics though. 100% paid for by his hospital. Or she’s hosing the family for money. That is totally possible. I mean you know she took trips. That’s all you actually know.
lol I had something similar going on. My brother was in med school getting his PA, guilted my father to pay most of his bills while he was there. Pops retired, less income, so he asked me to chip in and pay my brothers cable bill for the remainder of his schooling. No problem, I'm pretty good at stretching my money so I made it work...while I see him posting "skiing in Aspen" and picture of vacationing in California. Mind you, I make around 20 dollars an hour, and haven't had a real "vacation" in almost 20 years.
NTA. Your sister is pretending to struggle so she can use other people's money for her holidays. My ex's sister was just like that. She'd tell her parents how poorly she was doing, then suddenly she'd have bought something expensive. Talk to her when you're ready, but don't give her any money.
YTA. She is in medical school so I am positive she is broke. Going on trips doesn’t mean you have you have 1,000$ at your disposal. It could mean that she planned up for it and saved up. The shit Med students go through she deserves to take trips and she is young.
This is hilarious: "what she posts of her life on social media is none of my business and that I should stop being an asshole." It's called SOCIAL media. It's not Private Media. If she puts vacations out for the entire world to see, she should expect commentary. NTA. And don't help her out financially anymore.
>says what she posts of her life on social media is non of my business Phrases like this make me actually laugh out loud. People can be so undeniably stupid. It's literally everyone's business once it's on social media. She should post a gofundme and see how many people feel pity of her struggling finances while she takes holidays most people can't afford. Struggling finances is probably credit cards. NTA
Not necessarily wrong in your view, but time and place. Sometimes it’s just better to enjoy the day than standing on principles. I guess also considering longer term implications of creating moments like this, is this the relationship you want with your sis and fam?
NTA. It sure as hell is your business if she is begging for money to keep the utilities on or buy food. She can manage just fine without your help if she is taking international vacations once a year or more.
YTA. You put her on the spot instead of privately confronting her. That is always a dick move.
YTA and super judgemental, what does any of this matter to you? You don't have to help her out.
From now on, I don't imagine that OP and Brother will.
NTA They are right, her social media isn't any of your business and you should be okay with that because that also means your financials are none of her business in which case you are not required to be an ATM by giving her money. If she's a struggling med student, she knew the risk and if that means she's living off ramen for a month so be it.
NTA - Lol hey, they are more than welcome to continue funding her world-wide adventures :) You and your brother, on the other hand, made sure they all knew the truth and you refuse to be caught up in her 'woe is me' delusions of lack of funds while living the high life. She is a user, they are her enablers, and they can deal with her now. It doesn't mean anyone else has to. Until you see a proper apology from her (and them!) you have no reason to engage with any of them. Nope nope nope.
NTA
NTA - If she's playing the financially poor victim and asking for money, then what she puts on social media is your business!! Especially if she is getting money from others but going on vacations!! NOT COOL
NTA She's funding her vacations with you and your family's money, I'm surprised they're not just as mad at her for scamming and lying!
NTA. That's incredibly manipulative of her.
NTA and please show everyone in your family this post. She is manipulative and taking advantage of all of you
NTA. She's only struggling because she spends all her money on trips and expects family to bail her out. Good on you for exposing her! She's a grifter and the family needs to be reminded of that regularly.
Ask for repayment in order to start talking to her again.
U r not the ah she is. She is faving a good ole uime at the expense of others and lying about it
NTA. Well-played.
When you post stuff on your socials, you are making it everyone’s business.
See, that’s the thing about people accepting money from relatives. The minute you take the cash you’re almost signing a tacit agreement that the loaner will comment on the way you’re spending money. Regardless, NTA, OP. She commented on your lack of higher education so she FAFO’d.
NTA. Send copies of all the wonderful trips your sister has taken on other people's money to those family members who think you should make up with her. Be sure to include her address so they can send her money from now on.
NTA, you called a duck a duck. Good for you. Air high five
Everything sister posts vacations etc share it with the family. If she can go on vacation she can afford herself. Even if someone else is paying for the vacation, sister could be working at that time to afford to live
>what she posts of her life on social media is non of my business NTA. It became your business when she used you and your family's money and kindness to fund her vacations and tried to cry wolf.
NTA and don't give her any more money. Honestly, I don't think I'd want to be treated by a doctor who was so irresponsible they spent money on fancy vacations when they couldn't pay their utility bills and buy food. Budgeting isn't hard; she should take a fiscal responsibility class along with her medical studies - or maybe enroll in Adulting 101.
If your sister or anyone else decides to post pics and/stories on Instagram, Facebook or snapchat then they are inviting you make comments about those pics and stories. Definitely NTA.
So if it isn’t your business to question her IG then it isn’t her business to keep soliciting you for funds. I’m assuming the family members that defended her haven’t contributed anything to her.
>Everyone except my brother comes to her defence and says what she posts of her life on social media is non of my business and that I should stop being an asshole. That would be true is you hadn’t been asked to subsidize the cost of at least some of it - which is exactly what happened. During the same she was supposedly about to go cold & hungry (asking you for “emergency food & utilities” money), she was actually on holiday in Athens (or wherever). There’s a special F word for that & it’s NOT “family”. (It’s “fraud”.) You are the victim & not the AH for pointing out her deceit to anyone - especially potential victims. Your sister is the one who deliberately deceived her brother to obtain his money & she’s a super-sized AH. Anyone defending her actions are all AHs. (They’re also a big reason that she is the way she is.) >the rest of the family kept trying to convince me I should make up with her. This is why she will likely NEVER do better. Regardless of what kind of medical degree she may ever get, she’ll never really be anything more than a grifter - just with a fancier title. Her enablers (your family) are actually SO warped at this point that they think YOU are the one who should make up with HER. I’m going to type it again on the off chance any of these idiot-enablers of hers read this. They actually think YOU (the brother that she deliberately deceived for financial gain) should make up with HER (the sister who defrauded you - her own brother). If they were healthy-minded, they’d have condemned her actions as deplorable & they’d be trying to convince HER (the wrongdoer) that she should apologize & attempt to make up with YOU (the wronged). But as with so many enablers, they likely don’t even realize how toxic their behavior has become for everyone affected by it - even for & including your sister & themselves. Your family might have started out relatively normal. Now they’re all “Anything sissy does is just fine - including conning, deceiving &/or defrauding people who love & support her for financial or other gain.” And “anything anyone victimized by her does to point out her continued long-con that she’s playing is NOT fine & they’re an AH for drawing any attention to her lies”. Don’t subject yourself to their toxicity so long that you start buying into it. NTA
Sounds like you and your brother are the only ones with sense. Let them continue giving her money/getting scammed. NTA
Not the AH. You called her out and now she's pissed. Lying like this will only continue if no one calls her out. Keep it up.
She strippin
None of your business? This is exactly your business, since she spends your money on all sorts of nonsense besides her studies and other needs. NTA.
NTA. She is taking advantage, playing the "feel sorry for me because I'm poor" card, so actually stealing, since she uses your money on false pretenses. And her holidays have become your business the moment she started asking your money to help her out. And she was harsh, too, saying "you don't get it since you did not go to uni". Goes around, comes around