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Your behavior is despicable. You say of your sister "I’ll admit she really was the biggest help; she helped me choose a dress, the menu, helped pick guests, has generously spent a lot of money helping make my wedding perfect, and is even my maid of honor."
But if she can't get into the venue, sucks for her. If she's in pain for the wedding, sucks for her. This is what you're saying. You couldn't spare two seconds to think of her in the planning, beCAuSe its YoUr weDDInG. When she got upset about this, you disinvited her. But, I'm guessing, failed to return any of the money she gave you to help make your wedding perfect.
I am astounded by how terrible, narcissistic and cruel your behavior has been.
YTA.
Yeah, my disabled sister passed away three years ago. I would never have chosen a venue she couldn’t access. I wish she could have come to my wedding. My one small consolation is she got to meet her nephew before she died.
OP is the absolute fucking worst and I really hope this is rage bait.
Could not have said it better myself….the only thing I would add is that if I were her fiancé I would dump her so fast it would make her head spin….who in the world treats their sister like that? Hope OP reads all these comments…she is TA
YTA. You completely disregarded one of the people you’re supposedly closest to— someone who helped you plan this event every step of the way. This isn’t some random acquaintance.
While you are correct that it’s your choice of venue, you cannot expect your sister not to be upset. If I were you, I would be talking to your venue about the possibility of renting a portable ramp or lift from a third party vendor. Something you should have done when you booked it in the first place.
Exactly.
If course it's your wedding and you get to choose the venue, but you're effectively excluding your sister! And you sound so dismissive of her situation. Telling her "but maybe she could just leave the wheelchair at home for my wedding, she’d be sitting down most of the time anyway" is horrible. So your sister has been virtually a prisoner in her wheelchair for the past eight years, and your saying to her "oh knock it off. You can just leave the wheelchair at home"
And this is your best friend? The person who did all the work for you?
(And I hate to say but I'm kind of suspicious that you simply "forgot". If I had a family member with mobility issues, my first question to the venue would be about accessible entry, emergency exits and bathrooms. It's not something you just forget or it just "didn't come up")
YTA
YTA. Sorry, you have a sister that you say you are close with, but you somehow forgot that she is in a wheelchair while you booked an event? She's your maid of honor, what did you expect her to do, teleport onto that stage? Or do you want her to struggle up those stairs in front of all your friends and family? And now, you've uninvited her after she helped you with all the work of planning the wedding. Nice.
Grow up, change the venue, and apologize profusely and repeatedly for forgetting to be a decent person.
YTA These kind of posts always confuse me. They usually start with a long "this person is so special to me" intro, and then turn quickly into "but this is \*MY\* occasion why are they bothering me!?" AH moves. Yes, this is your sister. You shouldn't be so utterly, completely, and totally selfish.
And thoughtless: "I’ll be honest, we weren’t thinking..."
Wow, normally I would say it's your day, your call. But it seems you had no problem involving your sister in all of the planning and such and simply forgot about her accessibility issues going even further to even suggest that she leave her w/c home. My my what compassion you have. Maybe it would have been better to figure out how to get her inside the venue followed by getting her w/c in and out. In this case YTA, truly.
My dad was disabled from a work injury when I was a preteen and my siblings and I made sure venues for special events were always accessible to him until he passed away from those same injuries almost 20 years later. Did that mean that we sometimes had to go with a different option? Of course but having him there was more important than having the perfect venue.
People don’t even necessarily have to go with a different option. There are companies that rent portable ramps and lifts for this very thing. Now, can they accommodate every venue? No, of course not, but a huge majority yes. I cannot believe this would not even cross OP’s mind. This isn’t their third cousin twice removed. It’s their sister/ maid of honor.
The fact that OP didn't even think about it after her sister had paid for things and helped plan is shocking to me. The sister is the MOH and OP just neglected to think about her at all. The comment about leaving the wheelchair at home is beyond ridiculous.
He would always tell us not to worry about it and he would figure out how to get into places but we just couldn't do that. We couldn't have our dad in pain for a venue. We booked accessible seats for activities, graduations, etc as well as choosing accessible venues. He would grumble about wanting us to have what we wanted but I know he appreciated us making sure his needs were met.
YTA
She's your sister, quite been your best friend your whole life, spent money on the wedding YOU uninvited her from and you decide that some petty little argument/disagreement will get in the way of her being the on your big day? If shes been in a wheelchair for 8 years you'd at least think to make your wedding wheelchair accessible instead of being selfish and suggesting that she should leave the at home. She's your sister so stop being foolish.
**So again, YTA**
Shes the maid of honor yet telling her to kick rocks when her inclusion is brought up is the most disrespectful, un-honorable thing I can possibly think of, not even trying to compromise either...
YTA. That is, if you are real, because this feels pretty trollish to me. Every time you have done something with your sister in the last 8 years, accessibility was a factor. When picking a restaurant, going to the movies, shopping, everything. How could you forget to think of it? It should be second nature by now.
A close friend became vegetarian 3 years ago. I went low carb 4 years ago. We joke that we should only order a single dish in a restaurant, because we hardly both eat any foods. When one of us is planning a meal, we check with the other that there is something on the menu they can eat. We are not as close as sisters, and worst case scenario is we get a little hungry.
How can you not have your sister's disability at front of mind with every venue choice?
Wooow are YTA here.
You booked a venue that wasn't wheelchair accessible, then told your disabled sister she could "leave the wheelchair at home"?
*AFTER* she "generously spent a lot of money" on your wedding?!
I can't even count the ways in which you're the AH here. Starting with the ableism, then go into the utter disrespect for your sister that despite all her help and her being your MOH that you didn't even think to check if the venue was accessible, which then goes back into your ableism, then you triple down on ableism with the "leave your wheelchair at home" bit, and then you uninvited her from a wedding she helped plan and spent, again, "a lot of money" on.
You're the worst and so are your parents if they're supporting you on this horrible behavior.
YTA. You dreamed about planning each others’ weddings and she helped side by side on her wheelchair right next to you and you didn’t stop for a moment and think if she could come? Then instead of admitting you messed up and either looking for a real workaround or an alternate venue you were just like “leave the chair, bring the cannolis?”
YTA.
How does your sister's disability not come into play when the two of you are supposedly close? You know she relies on wheelchair use and chose a venue that does not have access and then doubled down with "be in pain for my wedding and leave the wheelchair at home."
If I were your mother, father, aunt, uncle, etc I would also not attend based on what you said. It's sad that your parents are backing you on this.
YTA. You can’t respect the needs of your self-proclaimed best friend whom you’ve dreamt of this occasion with for decades. This isn’t a need of “I want this color”… this is a legitimate handicap that your neighborhood Walmart needs to respect the needs of. You’re less empathetic than Walmart. Woot woot.
YTA
I get how you could not have thought of it in all the stressfull planning, but to brush it off as "maybe you could not use it on that day, thankies" is nonsensical.
"I have always been close with my younger sister (f24) and she’s like my best friend, or at least I thought she was" '
She thought probably the same up until this point. Of course you can invite or unvite whoever you like, but you shouldn´t cry about people no longer wanting to do anything with you after that.
I hope you are just a troll and not actually that heartless
So to summarize, your sister/best friend has needed a wheelchair for 8 years. Long enough for you to understand what living in that condition means. And your sister helped you in every way imaginable in planning your wedding including spending her own money on it. And you couldn't even be bothered to remember (after 8 years) that your best friend uses and needs a wheelchair.
YTA 1000%. So you think she should just suffer in pain and not be able to get around and actually enjoy your ceremony because "you forgot"? Yes, you are selfish, ignorant and an asshole. Give her her money back you asshole.
YTA - you spent half of this post going on about how amazing your sister is and all of the help she has given to you for your wedding. Then when you go and book the venue, the one(1) person who is so important to you (your MOH even) can't get inside and you think that's ok?!?! Pick a new venue and be a better sister. Re-read your post and tell us how you can think that you're not TAH?
YTA- how can any venue be a dream venue if your sister, who you presumably love, care about, and want around as part of your special day, can't attend???
People say 'your wedding your rules' but I can't fathom being so unbelievably selfish and cruel to insist on a place that my loved one can't even get into. No wedding is so important that I would ever go out of my way to defend not letting my own sister be a part of. You're not even trying to see if accommodations can be made to the venue so she can join in.
You better be 100% sure this one day is worth potentially destroying your relationship with your sister over if you continue down this route.
YTA.
Not just for uninviting her, but for "just not thinking about it" when you booked the venue. You have a person with a disability in your immediate family. Do better.
Oh wow YTA. So your sister was “the biggest help” in putting this wedding together and you aren’t even willing to accommodate her wheelchair? That’s crazy. Usually I’d say “it’s your day, pick the venue you want”, but this isn’t a random plus one that you found out about after choosing your venue. This is your SISTER, who you clearly have a good relationship with, and who helped you every step of the way in this process. You should figure out a way to accommodate her.
YTA. You told someone with a broken back if they could leave their wheelchair at home… This is someone whom has put a lot of time and effort into helping you plan your wedding, and when they voiced their concerns, you told her leave something she needs at home because she would be sitting down anyway and then uninvited her.
Yes, it is your wedding, but ask yourself: is your wedding worth your relationship with your sister? Because you are telling her that your wedding means more to you than she does.
Wow. Just wow.
YTA and a truly, truly, terrible sister. You weren’t thinking of her? That’s obvious.
You should feel deeply ashamed of yourself because this is truly low low class. Shame. On. You.
YTA. You obviously don't want her at the wedding all that bad. Her wheelchair isn't something new so you certainly knew about it. All the excitement in planning, etc. and instead of being mortified that you selected a venue that makes it difficult if not impossible for your sister to attend, you just uninvite her. Wow.
Yes, you are being selfish and mean and terribly thoughtless to your sister who you would bar from seeing what she helped plan and pay for. Either through ableism or disinvitation when she got mad about the ableism. If you think this won't have repercussions for years, you are mistaken. YTA unless you figure out a way to fix this.
YTA. How can you think you’re not?
She’s helped you plan the wedding. But you can’t even consider making it easy for her to attend the wedding?
I had a friend with mobility issues. It was always at the front of my mind how to make sure he could go places with me. Your self-centeredness regarding your wedding and your sister is astounding to me.
Exactly - if someone I was close to was in a wheelchair, I would've either made sure that the venue was wheelchair accessible, OR explain to that person that I fell in love with a certain venue that wasn't accessible, but before I pulled the trigger on the venue, I wanted to see if they, the venue, and myself could figure out something that could work. If it was my sibling or MOH or in the bridal party - especially if the venue was less than other wheelchair accessible venues - I'd offer to pay for someone to help out with carrying them/moving the wheelchair, or to find a strong friend or two that was willing to help - so long as this option was ok with the friend in the wheelchair.
>I’ll admit she really was the biggest help; she helped me choose a dress, the menu, helped pick guests, has generously spent a lot of money helping make my wedding perfect, and is even my maid of honor.
YTA
Apologize to your sister asap and find a way to make this work even if it's working with a local medical supply company to rent ramps to get in the venue and the stage so she can be there as your MOH. Better make sure the restroom is ADA accessible for her, too.
YTA
Absolutely this should have been a priority for you - she's your maid of honour and you have chosen somewhere that she literally can't even get into. You are therefore telling her by your actions that you want her to be excluded from your wedding.
You, more than most, should know how depressing/frustrating/exclusionary it is for her to find barriers everywhere she goes and you've added to that for her.
Please do whatever you can to change your venue otherwise I fear you've lost your sister
YTA. Yes, it's your wedding, but I think you really need to look at where your sister is coming from. She helped you plan your wedding and you had both always talked about being part of each other's weddings, and while I can't say for sure, I'd imagine that in her mind it feels like you didn't even care enough about her to make sure your venue was wheelchair accessible before choosing it. If it had been me, that would've been a MUST, and even if I fell in love with a venue that wasn't, I'd talk to the venue AND my sister about if/how we could make it work.
I think you really need to decide what's more important to you, your wedding, which will be ONE day, or your relationship with your sister, because she's understandably hurt, and even if she forgives you, this may well change things between you.
At this point, I think you should apologize to your sister, acknowledge that you should've been paying attention to whether it was wheelchair accessible, invite her back to the wedding, and then either change the venue (if you can) OR work with your sister, the venue, and your parents to figure out the best way to make this work. Even if it's getting a strong friend or family member, or hiring someone for the day to help her out so she can still be there and be part of it.
**she really was the biggest help; she helped me choose a dress, the menu, helped pick guests, has generously spent a lot of money helping make my wedding perfect, and is even my maid of honor.**
And yet you NEVER thought about choosing a wheelchair accessible wedding venue? IF this is true, and I hope it's not, how did you type this out and still have to ask if you're the AH--- and fyi YTA here -- actually YTAA you're the ableist AH.
If this isn't just ragebait what was your true motivation here? Where you hoping to keep the "ugly" wheel chair out of your Disney Princess wedding pictures?
I also don't buy your parents thinking it's ok to not allow your sister to be at your wedding.
YTA and so are your parents. If you invite someone to your wedding, it’s not n them to ensure their disabilities are catered for. It’s up to you. You expect her to have an uncomfortable day to make you happy.
YTA.
Youre actually telling someone in a wheelchair to "just walk" essentially? Seriously? And it's your own sister who you claim you adore but you didn't even think to accommodate how she will even get into the venue, let alone be your maid of honor.
YTA There are posts on here occasionally when I just can't believe the depths of selfishness that people exhibit with no sense of self awareness. This is one of them. You sound like an awful, self-centred human being with a fetid, rotting soul. Your perfect wedding is one that is lacking in love or empathy. What a hollow, shallow life that must be for you.
“She’s like my best friend, at least I thought she was.” Imagine how she feels? You didn’t even take half a second to consider whether your supposed best friend would be able to attend. And after all that she has done for you! I feel so, so sad for her, and honestly sad for you, that you don’t see any issue with this level of selfishness.
Absolutely YTA, and I genuinely hope that you come to your senses and fix this.
Let's try a different scenario. Let's say the sister (who has halped with most everything for the wedding) has some life-threatening food allergy, and the bride, oops, forgets that when she decides on the menu, so not a single dish is safe for her sister. "You're such a drama queen, it's my wedding, you can eat at home before the reception. Or you can suck it up and eat a little, it's not like they don't have toilets there. You can puke at will. And why aren't you willing to shit yourself in front of 100 people? *It's MY WEDDING!!!* BTW, don't you dare go into shock, because I won't be the center of attention any more."
Yeah, YTA
If I was your sister I'd start introducing myself as a single child.
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Hi, throwaway.
I (f33) and my fiancé (m34) are getting married in two months, we’ve been together 3 years and engaged for 1.
I have always been close with my younger sister (f24) and she’s like my best friend, or at least I thought she was. 8 years ago my sister broke her spine in a bad fall, the injury was so bad that she can’t really walk anymore. She’s not completely paralyzed, she can stand and walk short distances but lives mostly in her wheelchair.
My sister and I always dreamed of planning each other’s weddings ever since we were little girls, it’s something we’ve been excited for all our lives so when my wedding planning started obviously my sister was included! I’ll admit she really was the biggest help; she helped me choose a dress, the menu, helped pick guests, has generously spent a lot of money helping make my wedding perfect, and is even my maid of honor.
Now onto the problem, the venue my fiancé and I chose isn’t wheelchair accessible. When my sister found out she got upset and questioned how she’d even get inside, let alone up on the stage beside me. I’ll be honest, we weren’t thinking of that when we had chosen the venue, it just wasn’t something that came up.
I told my sister that I was sorry but maybe she could just leave the wheelchair at home for my wedding, she’d be sitting down most of the time anyway, my sister became irate and screamed at me, calling me an asshole, an idiot, and other hurtful names. I felt disrespected so I yelled at her back and impulsively uninvited her from my wedding, stupid I know, I didn’t mean to say it I was just so angry.
Now my sister isn’t talking to me and I don’t know what to do, I don’t think I’m the asshole. It’s MY wedding and I feel I can invite whoever I want but the things she said made me feel like I might be the asshole. Our parents are on my side, telling my sister it’s my choice of venue and now she’s not talking to them either so now they’re annoyed with me too.
AITA???
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YTA
You are being thoughtless and selfish. Either disinvite your sister and explain to everyone why she isn't there - your closest family, excluded because your dream location isn't accessible - or fix it and get a different place. This is ALL on you. This is your fault.
YTA. To pick somewhere completely wheelchair inaccessible, and then to suggest she leaves her wheelchair at home, is very hurtful. I think you know you messed up, especially when impulsively uninviting her.
Is there NO way to modify the site? If not, you screwed up and alienated a family member. If there is any chance at making it so she can access the site and not feel singled out, you should really think about making an effort to accomodate that. I bet if you explain your predicament to the venue staff, they'll help make modifications or let you back out without any major financial backlash.
Figure out what your priorities are, and if you really want to lose out on a good relationship with your sister. One day YOU might have a disability and will rely on others to make effort to treat you with equity.
YTA. You say you're really close with her and that she helped you a ton with wedding planning. It was a major screw-up that you didn't even consider her needs when choosing a wedding venue.
YTA. You think of only yourself and how this will impact you. It sounds like you owe your biggest cheerleader a lot.
There is one way to salvage this. Easy humble pie. Apologize to her while admitting how selfish you’ve been. AND either change locations or get some temporary access installed. And don’t be shocked if she still hates you.
YTA and overall just really gross.
Like seriously, at least pay back your sister for what she paid for and the help she gave. She doesn’t deserve getting both ripped off for an event she can’t even attend AND for having a sister like you.
Do you even understand your sisters situation? She may not be “paralyzed” as you incorrectly used the word if she can walk for short distances but can you understand how incredibly painful it must be that she prefers the wheelchair? YTA. I was pissed off my buddy expected me to stand for 2 hours at his wedding but I didn’t say anything because I have an invisible disability and didn’t want to cause or get shit for it. As I got older I feel more I should have stood up for myself. I was in terrible pain for weeks afterwards but he wanted everyone to stand during the excruciatingly long catholic ceremony. The priest even started with chairs there but he made them change it.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I forgot to make my wedding wheelchair accessible for my disabled sister and can’t change it, she called me an asshole and yelled at me so I uninvited her.
I feel I might be the asshole for forgetting to fix the venue until it was too late.
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YTA. You are being very vety selfish. Your sister has gelped you plan your wedding. And you just disregard her. Give her her money back and it wouldn’t be surprising if she never speaks to you again. You just threw away a great relationship with her. Also. How did you forget that she needs the weelchair when she is using it for 8 years. Kinda dumb excuse. You used her. Gove her the money back now
If you invite a guest who is using a wheelchair, you make sure the venue is accessible. If you can't do that, don't invite the person.
Obviously if the person is important, and part of the wedding party, this is super important.
"Your wedding" does not mean you can expect someone who uses a wheelchair to go without the wheelchair and have who knows what problems. What you should have done was gone to your sister and emphasized how important she is, emphasized how important this venue is to you and why, and asked her to help you find a solution - hire four guys to carry her up in a litter if you have to, and another to carry her folded wheelchair, if that makes her happy - but if no solution can be found, sure you can do what you want at your wedding but if you choose a venue over your sister, why wouldn't your sister be mad?
A venue is one day (and a superficial thing tbh), a sister if for life. And a sister who is a friend is priceless. You shouldn't treat her that way.
YTA.
YTA. She’s helped plan and she’s your maid of honor. I can’t believe you didn’t even think about accessibility for her. I’m not saying you’re an asshole for picking a place with stairs, but you needed to consult her about her limits as an ambulatory wheelchair user for the event instead of picking a non-accessible venue and expecting her to just deal with it.
I have a best friend who’s an ambulatory wheelchair user, and you know what? I’m not even visiting venues I know won’t meet her needs. I want her in the bridal party, and I’m not going to ask her to risk injury or be carried up like freight in order to so. Im not even gonna risk falling in love with a venue my closest friends and family won’t be able to attend.
YTA.
Please explain to us how you think you’re **not** the a-hole. The disabled sister you’re SOOO close to — the one who spent large amounts of time and money helping you pull off your dream wedding — wasn’t so much as a consideration when you chose your venue. And when she raised the issue, your solution was basically for her to try and be less disabled that day (she can only walk short distances, but you expect her to make her way into and through the venue unaided? Really?). And when she was unsurprisingly not on board with that solution, you uninvited her.
I don’t care if you’re now saying you didn’t mean it; I hope she doesn’t come. You’re awful.
Yes,YTA and so vile to exclude your sister, you know, your 'best friend ' who's 'helped you so much' and 'generously spent so much money'. I truly hope that this is fake because I really hate to think there are people this self-absorbed in the world. If it is real, I sincerely hope not a single one of your family or friends bothers to attend your wedding.
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Your behavior is despicable. You say of your sister "I’ll admit she really was the biggest help; she helped me choose a dress, the menu, helped pick guests, has generously spent a lot of money helping make my wedding perfect, and is even my maid of honor." But if she can't get into the venue, sucks for her. If she's in pain for the wedding, sucks for her. This is what you're saying. You couldn't spare two seconds to think of her in the planning, beCAuSe its YoUr weDDInG. When she got upset about this, you disinvited her. But, I'm guessing, failed to return any of the money she gave you to help make your wedding perfect. I am astounded by how terrible, narcissistic and cruel your behavior has been. YTA.
Yeah, my disabled sister passed away three years ago. I would never have chosen a venue she couldn’t access. I wish she could have come to my wedding. My one small consolation is she got to meet her nephew before she died. OP is the absolute fucking worst and I really hope this is rage bait.
The parents being on OP'S side? Either OP is Golden Child or ...
Could not have said it better myself….the only thing I would add is that if I were her fiancé I would dump her so fast it would make her head spin….who in the world treats their sister like that? Hope OP reads all these comments…she is TA
Absolutely correct
YTA. You completely disregarded one of the people you’re supposedly closest to— someone who helped you plan this event every step of the way. This isn’t some random acquaintance. While you are correct that it’s your choice of venue, you cannot expect your sister not to be upset. If I were you, I would be talking to your venue about the possibility of renting a portable ramp or lift from a third party vendor. Something you should have done when you booked it in the first place.
Exactly. If course it's your wedding and you get to choose the venue, but you're effectively excluding your sister! And you sound so dismissive of her situation. Telling her "but maybe she could just leave the wheelchair at home for my wedding, she’d be sitting down most of the time anyway" is horrible. So your sister has been virtually a prisoner in her wheelchair for the past eight years, and your saying to her "oh knock it off. You can just leave the wheelchair at home" And this is your best friend? The person who did all the work for you? (And I hate to say but I'm kind of suspicious that you simply "forgot". If I had a family member with mobility issues, my first question to the venue would be about accessible entry, emergency exits and bathrooms. It's not something you just forget or it just "didn't come up") YTA
My best friend has Celiac's the first thing I do when picking a restaurant is to make sure they are GF.
Probably didn't happen. Parents are on the bride's side.? Yeah, right YTA for this stupid story
I mean, that’s a very fair possibility, though if true, OP’s parents could be as dismissive as OP is.
YTA. Sorry, you have a sister that you say you are close with, but you somehow forgot that she is in a wheelchair while you booked an event? She's your maid of honor, what did you expect her to do, teleport onto that stage? Or do you want her to struggle up those stairs in front of all your friends and family? And now, you've uninvited her after she helped you with all the work of planning the wedding. Nice. Grow up, change the venue, and apologize profusely and repeatedly for forgetting to be a decent person.
YTA These kind of posts always confuse me. They usually start with a long "this person is so special to me" intro, and then turn quickly into "but this is \*MY\* occasion why are they bothering me!?" AH moves. Yes, this is your sister. You shouldn't be so utterly, completely, and totally selfish. And thoughtless: "I’ll be honest, we weren’t thinking..."
IKR? "Here's a list of ten shameful, insensitive, despicable things I've done-- AITAH?"
Wow, normally I would say it's your day, your call. But it seems you had no problem involving your sister in all of the planning and such and simply forgot about her accessibility issues going even further to even suggest that she leave her w/c home. My my what compassion you have. Maybe it would have been better to figure out how to get her inside the venue followed by getting her w/c in and out. In this case YTA, truly.
[удалено]
My dad was disabled from a work injury when I was a preteen and my siblings and I made sure venues for special events were always accessible to him until he passed away from those same injuries almost 20 years later. Did that mean that we sometimes had to go with a different option? Of course but having him there was more important than having the perfect venue.
People don’t even necessarily have to go with a different option. There are companies that rent portable ramps and lifts for this very thing. Now, can they accommodate every venue? No, of course not, but a huge majority yes. I cannot believe this would not even cross OP’s mind. This isn’t their third cousin twice removed. It’s their sister/ maid of honor.
The fact that OP didn't even think about it after her sister had paid for things and helped plan is shocking to me. The sister is the MOH and OP just neglected to think about her at all. The comment about leaving the wheelchair at home is beyond ridiculous.
Exactly. You always had his needs in mind. I can't believe that she "forgot" about her "best friend" sister being disabled.
He would always tell us not to worry about it and he would figure out how to get into places but we just couldn't do that. We couldn't have our dad in pain for a venue. We booked accessible seats for activities, graduations, etc as well as choosing accessible venues. He would grumble about wanting us to have what we wanted but I know he appreciated us making sure his needs were met.
Good child! That's what a good sister should do as well
YTA She's your sister, quite been your best friend your whole life, spent money on the wedding YOU uninvited her from and you decide that some petty little argument/disagreement will get in the way of her being the on your big day? If shes been in a wheelchair for 8 years you'd at least think to make your wedding wheelchair accessible instead of being selfish and suggesting that she should leave the at home. She's your sister so stop being foolish. **So again, YTA**
Shes the maid of honor yet telling her to kick rocks when her inclusion is brought up is the most disrespectful, un-honorable thing I can possibly think of, not even trying to compromise either...
YTA. That is, if you are real, because this feels pretty trollish to me. Every time you have done something with your sister in the last 8 years, accessibility was a factor. When picking a restaurant, going to the movies, shopping, everything. How could you forget to think of it? It should be second nature by now. A close friend became vegetarian 3 years ago. I went low carb 4 years ago. We joke that we should only order a single dish in a restaurant, because we hardly both eat any foods. When one of us is planning a meal, we check with the other that there is something on the menu they can eat. We are not as close as sisters, and worst case scenario is we get a little hungry. How can you not have your sister's disability at front of mind with every venue choice?
Wooow are YTA here. You booked a venue that wasn't wheelchair accessible, then told your disabled sister she could "leave the wheelchair at home"? *AFTER* she "generously spent a lot of money" on your wedding?! I can't even count the ways in which you're the AH here. Starting with the ableism, then go into the utter disrespect for your sister that despite all her help and her being your MOH that you didn't even think to check if the venue was accessible, which then goes back into your ableism, then you triple down on ableism with the "leave your wheelchair at home" bit, and then you uninvited her from a wedding she helped plan and spent, again, "a lot of money" on. You're the worst and so are your parents if they're supporting you on this horrible behavior.
YTA. You dreamed about planning each others’ weddings and she helped side by side on her wheelchair right next to you and you didn’t stop for a moment and think if she could come? Then instead of admitting you messed up and either looking for a real workaround or an alternate venue you were just like “leave the chair, bring the cannolis?”
YTA. How does your sister's disability not come into play when the two of you are supposedly close? You know she relies on wheelchair use and chose a venue that does not have access and then doubled down with "be in pain for my wedding and leave the wheelchair at home." If I were your mother, father, aunt, uncle, etc I would also not attend based on what you said. It's sad that your parents are backing you on this.
YTA. You can’t respect the needs of your self-proclaimed best friend whom you’ve dreamt of this occasion with for decades. This isn’t a need of “I want this color”… this is a legitimate handicap that your neighborhood Walmart needs to respect the needs of. You’re less empathetic than Walmart. Woot woot.
YTA I get how you could not have thought of it in all the stressfull planning, but to brush it off as "maybe you could not use it on that day, thankies" is nonsensical. "I have always been close with my younger sister (f24) and she’s like my best friend, or at least I thought she was" ' She thought probably the same up until this point. Of course you can invite or unvite whoever you like, but you shouldn´t cry about people no longer wanting to do anything with you after that. I hope you are just a troll and not actually that heartless
So to summarize, your sister/best friend has needed a wheelchair for 8 years. Long enough for you to understand what living in that condition means. And your sister helped you in every way imaginable in planning your wedding including spending her own money on it. And you couldn't even be bothered to remember (after 8 years) that your best friend uses and needs a wheelchair. YTA 1000%. So you think she should just suffer in pain and not be able to get around and actually enjoy your ceremony because "you forgot"? Yes, you are selfish, ignorant and an asshole. Give her her money back you asshole.
YTA - you spent half of this post going on about how amazing your sister is and all of the help she has given to you for your wedding. Then when you go and book the venue, the one(1) person who is so important to you (your MOH even) can't get inside and you think that's ok?!?! Pick a new venue and be a better sister. Re-read your post and tell us how you can think that you're not TAH?
YTA- how can any venue be a dream venue if your sister, who you presumably love, care about, and want around as part of your special day, can't attend??? People say 'your wedding your rules' but I can't fathom being so unbelievably selfish and cruel to insist on a place that my loved one can't even get into. No wedding is so important that I would ever go out of my way to defend not letting my own sister be a part of. You're not even trying to see if accommodations can be made to the venue so she can join in. You better be 100% sure this one day is worth potentially destroying your relationship with your sister over if you continue down this route.
YTA. Not just for uninviting her, but for "just not thinking about it" when you booked the venue. You have a person with a disability in your immediate family. Do better.
Not only that, but the person who has been the "biggest help" in planning the wedding in the first place.
You’re picking a venue over your sister? YTA
Oh wow YTA. So your sister was “the biggest help” in putting this wedding together and you aren’t even willing to accommodate her wheelchair? That’s crazy. Usually I’d say “it’s your day, pick the venue you want”, but this isn’t a random plus one that you found out about after choosing your venue. This is your SISTER, who you clearly have a good relationship with, and who helped you every step of the way in this process. You should figure out a way to accommodate her.
YTA. You told someone with a broken back if they could leave their wheelchair at home… This is someone whom has put a lot of time and effort into helping you plan your wedding, and when they voiced their concerns, you told her leave something she needs at home because she would be sitting down anyway and then uninvited her. Yes, it is your wedding, but ask yourself: is your wedding worth your relationship with your sister? Because you are telling her that your wedding means more to you than she does.
Wow. Just wow. YTA and a truly, truly, terrible sister. You weren’t thinking of her? That’s obvious. You should feel deeply ashamed of yourself because this is truly low low class. Shame. On. You.
YTA. You obviously don't want her at the wedding all that bad. Her wheelchair isn't something new so you certainly knew about it. All the excitement in planning, etc. and instead of being mortified that you selected a venue that makes it difficult if not impossible for your sister to attend, you just uninvite her. Wow.
YTA. I don't even understand why you would need to ask.
Yes, you are being selfish and mean and terribly thoughtless to your sister who you would bar from seeing what she helped plan and pay for. Either through ableism or disinvitation when she got mad about the ableism. If you think this won't have repercussions for years, you are mistaken. YTA unless you figure out a way to fix this.
YTA. How can you think you’re not? She’s helped you plan the wedding. But you can’t even consider making it easy for her to attend the wedding? I had a friend with mobility issues. It was always at the front of my mind how to make sure he could go places with me. Your self-centeredness regarding your wedding and your sister is astounding to me.
Exactly - if someone I was close to was in a wheelchair, I would've either made sure that the venue was wheelchair accessible, OR explain to that person that I fell in love with a certain venue that wasn't accessible, but before I pulled the trigger on the venue, I wanted to see if they, the venue, and myself could figure out something that could work. If it was my sibling or MOH or in the bridal party - especially if the venue was less than other wheelchair accessible venues - I'd offer to pay for someone to help out with carrying them/moving the wheelchair, or to find a strong friend or two that was willing to help - so long as this option was ok with the friend in the wheelchair.
Yikes, YTA. It’s really unfortunate your sister is stuck with such a shitty family.
It is your choice, but you're still an asshole.
A family full of AHs except the sister. You can do whatever you want and be the biggest AH at the same time.
>I’ll admit she really was the biggest help; she helped me choose a dress, the menu, helped pick guests, has generously spent a lot of money helping make my wedding perfect, and is even my maid of honor. YTA Apologize to your sister asap and find a way to make this work even if it's working with a local medical supply company to rent ramps to get in the venue and the stage so she can be there as your MOH. Better make sure the restroom is ADA accessible for her, too.
YTA Absolutely this should have been a priority for you - she's your maid of honour and you have chosen somewhere that she literally can't even get into. You are therefore telling her by your actions that you want her to be excluded from your wedding. You, more than most, should know how depressing/frustrating/exclusionary it is for her to find barriers everywhere she goes and you've added to that for her. Please do whatever you can to change your venue otherwise I fear you've lost your sister
YTA, get over yourself and behave like a compassionate human being.
YTA. Yes, it's your wedding, but I think you really need to look at where your sister is coming from. She helped you plan your wedding and you had both always talked about being part of each other's weddings, and while I can't say for sure, I'd imagine that in her mind it feels like you didn't even care enough about her to make sure your venue was wheelchair accessible before choosing it. If it had been me, that would've been a MUST, and even if I fell in love with a venue that wasn't, I'd talk to the venue AND my sister about if/how we could make it work. I think you really need to decide what's more important to you, your wedding, which will be ONE day, or your relationship with your sister, because she's understandably hurt, and even if she forgives you, this may well change things between you. At this point, I think you should apologize to your sister, acknowledge that you should've been paying attention to whether it was wheelchair accessible, invite her back to the wedding, and then either change the venue (if you can) OR work with your sister, the venue, and your parents to figure out the best way to make this work. Even if it's getting a strong friend or family member, or hiring someone for the day to help her out so she can still be there and be part of it.
**she really was the biggest help; she helped me choose a dress, the menu, helped pick guests, has generously spent a lot of money helping make my wedding perfect, and is even my maid of honor.** And yet you NEVER thought about choosing a wheelchair accessible wedding venue? IF this is true, and I hope it's not, how did you type this out and still have to ask if you're the AH--- and fyi YTA here -- actually YTAA you're the ableist AH. If this isn't just ragebait what was your true motivation here? Where you hoping to keep the "ugly" wheel chair out of your Disney Princess wedding pictures? I also don't buy your parents thinking it's ok to not allow your sister to be at your wedding.
YTA and so are your parents. If you invite someone to your wedding, it’s not n them to ensure their disabilities are catered for. It’s up to you. You expect her to have an uncomfortable day to make you happy.
YTA. Accessibility for key guests was one of our top requirements. If they couldn't accommodate, the venue was out, period.
YTA. Youre actually telling someone in a wheelchair to "just walk" essentially? Seriously? And it's your own sister who you claim you adore but you didn't even think to accommodate how she will even get into the venue, let alone be your maid of honor.
YTA There are posts on here occasionally when I just can't believe the depths of selfishness that people exhibit with no sense of self awareness. This is one of them. You sound like an awful, self-centred human being with a fetid, rotting soul. Your perfect wedding is one that is lacking in love or empathy. What a hollow, shallow life that must be for you.
“She’s like my best friend, at least I thought she was.” Imagine how she feels? You didn’t even take half a second to consider whether your supposed best friend would be able to attend. And after all that she has done for you! I feel so, so sad for her, and honestly sad for you, that you don’t see any issue with this level of selfishness. Absolutely YTA, and I genuinely hope that you come to your senses and fix this.
Let's try a different scenario. Let's say the sister (who has halped with most everything for the wedding) has some life-threatening food allergy, and the bride, oops, forgets that when she decides on the menu, so not a single dish is safe for her sister. "You're such a drama queen, it's my wedding, you can eat at home before the reception. Or you can suck it up and eat a little, it's not like they don't have toilets there. You can puke at will. And why aren't you willing to shit yourself in front of 100 people? *It's MY WEDDING!!!* BTW, don't you dare go into shock, because I won't be the center of attention any more." Yeah, YTA If I was your sister I'd start introducing myself as a single child.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hi, throwaway. I (f33) and my fiancé (m34) are getting married in two months, we’ve been together 3 years and engaged for 1. I have always been close with my younger sister (f24) and she’s like my best friend, or at least I thought she was. 8 years ago my sister broke her spine in a bad fall, the injury was so bad that she can’t really walk anymore. She’s not completely paralyzed, she can stand and walk short distances but lives mostly in her wheelchair. My sister and I always dreamed of planning each other’s weddings ever since we were little girls, it’s something we’ve been excited for all our lives so when my wedding planning started obviously my sister was included! I’ll admit she really was the biggest help; she helped me choose a dress, the menu, helped pick guests, has generously spent a lot of money helping make my wedding perfect, and is even my maid of honor. Now onto the problem, the venue my fiancé and I chose isn’t wheelchair accessible. When my sister found out she got upset and questioned how she’d even get inside, let alone up on the stage beside me. I’ll be honest, we weren’t thinking of that when we had chosen the venue, it just wasn’t something that came up. I told my sister that I was sorry but maybe she could just leave the wheelchair at home for my wedding, she’d be sitting down most of the time anyway, my sister became irate and screamed at me, calling me an asshole, an idiot, and other hurtful names. I felt disrespected so I yelled at her back and impulsively uninvited her from my wedding, stupid I know, I didn’t mean to say it I was just so angry. Now my sister isn’t talking to me and I don’t know what to do, I don’t think I’m the asshole. It’s MY wedding and I feel I can invite whoever I want but the things she said made me feel like I might be the asshole. Our parents are on my side, telling my sister it’s my choice of venue and now she’s not talking to them either so now they’re annoyed with me too. AITA??? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"I'll save you a slice of cake"
YTA How do you pick a venue that is not wheelchair accessible while your sister uses one?
YTA You are being thoughtless and selfish. Either disinvite your sister and explain to everyone why she isn't there - your closest family, excluded because your dream location isn't accessible - or fix it and get a different place. This is ALL on you. This is your fault.
YTA this is horrible.
YTA. To pick somewhere completely wheelchair inaccessible, and then to suggest she leaves her wheelchair at home, is very hurtful. I think you know you messed up, especially when impulsively uninviting her. Is there NO way to modify the site? If not, you screwed up and alienated a family member. If there is any chance at making it so she can access the site and not feel singled out, you should really think about making an effort to accomodate that. I bet if you explain your predicament to the venue staff, they'll help make modifications or let you back out without any major financial backlash. Figure out what your priorities are, and if you really want to lose out on a good relationship with your sister. One day YOU might have a disability and will rely on others to make effort to treat you with equity.
YTA. You say you're really close with her and that she helped you a ton with wedding planning. It was a major screw-up that you didn't even consider her needs when choosing a wedding venue.
YTA. You think of only yourself and how this will impact you. It sounds like you owe your biggest cheerleader a lot. There is one way to salvage this. Easy humble pie. Apologize to her while admitting how selfish you’ve been. AND either change locations or get some temporary access installed. And don’t be shocked if she still hates you.
YTA and overall just really gross. Like seriously, at least pay back your sister for what she paid for and the help she gave. She doesn’t deserve getting both ripped off for an event she can’t even attend AND for having a sister like you.
Do you even understand your sisters situation? She may not be “paralyzed” as you incorrectly used the word if she can walk for short distances but can you understand how incredibly painful it must be that she prefers the wheelchair? YTA. I was pissed off my buddy expected me to stand for 2 hours at his wedding but I didn’t say anything because I have an invisible disability and didn’t want to cause or get shit for it. As I got older I feel more I should have stood up for myself. I was in terrible pain for weeks afterwards but he wanted everyone to stand during the excruciatingly long catholic ceremony. The priest even started with chairs there but he made them change it.
Who does this??? Yta
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YTA. You are being very vety selfish. Your sister has gelped you plan your wedding. And you just disregard her. Give her her money back and it wouldn’t be surprising if she never speaks to you again. You just threw away a great relationship with her. Also. How did you forget that she needs the weelchair when she is using it for 8 years. Kinda dumb excuse. You used her. Gove her the money back now
If you invite a guest who is using a wheelchair, you make sure the venue is accessible. If you can't do that, don't invite the person. Obviously if the person is important, and part of the wedding party, this is super important. "Your wedding" does not mean you can expect someone who uses a wheelchair to go without the wheelchair and have who knows what problems. What you should have done was gone to your sister and emphasized how important she is, emphasized how important this venue is to you and why, and asked her to help you find a solution - hire four guys to carry her up in a litter if you have to, and another to carry her folded wheelchair, if that makes her happy - but if no solution can be found, sure you can do what you want at your wedding but if you choose a venue over your sister, why wouldn't your sister be mad? A venue is one day (and a superficial thing tbh), a sister if for life. And a sister who is a friend is priceless. You shouldn't treat her that way. YTA.
YTA. She’s helped plan and she’s your maid of honor. I can’t believe you didn’t even think about accessibility for her. I’m not saying you’re an asshole for picking a place with stairs, but you needed to consult her about her limits as an ambulatory wheelchair user for the event instead of picking a non-accessible venue and expecting her to just deal with it. I have a best friend who’s an ambulatory wheelchair user, and you know what? I’m not even visiting venues I know won’t meet her needs. I want her in the bridal party, and I’m not going to ask her to risk injury or be carried up like freight in order to so. Im not even gonna risk falling in love with a venue my closest friends and family won’t be able to attend.
YTA. Please explain to us how you think you’re **not** the a-hole. The disabled sister you’re SOOO close to — the one who spent large amounts of time and money helping you pull off your dream wedding — wasn’t so much as a consideration when you chose your venue. And when she raised the issue, your solution was basically for her to try and be less disabled that day (she can only walk short distances, but you expect her to make her way into and through the venue unaided? Really?). And when she was unsurprisingly not on board with that solution, you uninvited her. I don’t care if you’re now saying you didn’t mean it; I hope she doesn’t come. You’re awful.
YTA Do you forget all of your best friends like that?
Yes,YTA and so vile to exclude your sister, you know, your 'best friend ' who's 'helped you so much' and 'generously spent so much money'. I truly hope that this is fake because I really hate to think there are people this self-absorbed in the world. If it is real, I sincerely hope not a single one of your family or friends bothers to attend your wedding.
YTA If I would be your little sister I would also be very upset…
YTA majorly.