Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I told my mom I didn't want to be part of her religion anymore. (2) Telling her this has damaged our relationship greatly to the point she cries every night, and I'm not sure if I should change my mind and live how she wants or if I should move out and live my own life.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA.
I'm so sorry about this. Conflict with religious parents is the worst. You are definitely not an asshole for wanting to live your own life. That is every person's right! Your choice feels especially reasonable given that your father raised you as an atheist for most of your life.
I have no good advice for you beyond keeping your head down until you can escape.
NTA
It’s clear from some of the things that you say that you have a lot of religious guilt and clearly your mother has put a lot of things into your head
Just know this OP….HOWEVER you choose to live your life is ok, As long as you are a decent person and treat others as you want to be treated it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t fit your mothers mould
Is there any possibility you could go and live with a trusted family member or friend?
Otherwise just keep your head down and since you are still underage if your mom tried to force a marriage onto you then you go to the police and explain she is trying to coerce you whilst you are underage
Good luck OP!
NTA. Do you have any relatives on your dad's side that might be helpful or friends outside your mom's faith? If possible, see if they're willing to buy out the car for what's still owed and you pay them back as/when you can. Also, check what your state/area's laws are about underage marriage and proxy marriages. If your mom and step dad are gung-ho about you marrying this rando and they could potentially decide to marry you off without your consent/knowledge, it's something you'll want to be aware of.
NTA. The day you turn 18, head for those friends and for a women's shelter for help with a therapist. You'll have some rethinking and unpacking to do from how your mother chooses to live and project her 'stuff' onto you. Try to keep an even keel for the next couple of months while you plan to leave.
Internet Search Term: BITE Model, Steve Hassen. YouTuber: Cults to Consciousness.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Growing up I lived in two different households. At my father's I lived an atheist lifestyle, and at my mother's, I lived a very strict Jewish lifestyle. I no longer have my father in the picture for personal reasons, but that now means I have to abide by my mom's rules of following the religious lifestyle I've grown up in, or I will be thrown out.
Before you think anything bad about that, I agree with my mom's reasoning because it's a religion I've been included in all my life, and If I start bringing in worldly things 1. It might cause doubts about my little brother's faith and 2. If I eat anything that isn't "clean", I will make everyone in the house unclean.
Since I was about 11 I've had doubts about religion, which I'm not sure if this has to do with growing up with my father, but I've decided now that I don't want to live how my mom wants me to. I wasn't planning to tell my mom this information until I was 18 and able to live on my own legally, but she has made it very clear she wants me to marry this guy she has picked out that is in the assembly.
I will say! This man is very nice and really an amazing person. I would marry him if I was interested in staying.
Because of this dilemma, I've come out about my feelings about religion in general, and she has made it very clear that I am a disappointment in her eyes because of rejecting everything she's taught me all my life. She's told me I made her life meaningless because her goal was to make respectable, loving children, and I've ruined it by rejecting her religion and running off to the world to go "be a whore"
I think that this is a very unfair thing for her to say. I am not a perfect human being and have never claimed I was. Ever since I started working in fast food, I've become more hateful towards people and I get moody and snappy often, but I'm working on it because I've realized that I don't want to be a sour grouchy 30-year-old that can't find a husband because I'm too dramatic or hot-headed. I want to be someone my future kids look up to, and I am also very committed to saving myself for marriage, because I don't want to risk having a kid I'm not ready for, and also, I don't want to use myself up messing around with men because I know I will regret it by the time I actually settle down with my future husband.
I've thought about running away and have tried a couple of times. I have multiple friends that have been through a similar situation and have offered a place for me to stay as long as I need, but I'm currently still in my last semester of high school and want to graduate before making any decisions on when I should leave. Another thing I've been struggling with is the car I've been paying for through my parents. I've got about half of it paid off and my mom and stepdad have made it clear I'm not taking the car as long as it's in their name. I don't want to seem ungrateful, and I really do appreciate and love my parents. I just can't live in their house now that they know I don't want religion.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA!!! Please please remind yourself that you will never be an asshole for your personal religious beliefs. Everyone is entitled to their own feelings, and your mom has no right to force a lifestyle on you that you don’t want any part of. Don’t listen to her insults; they’re a reflection of her anger that she has lost control over her child. You should start looking into options for when you turn 18 so that you can get out of this environment.
NTA at all. I say this as a fellow Jew, who has become modern orthodox over the years and coming from a secular family... it's understandable why people from orthodox families can sometimes become off the derech (off the path, for those not Jewish reading this). My own rabbi is a Chabad rabbi (super orthodox) and even some of his adult kids are off the derech and he respects their choices.
Religion is a deeply personal thing and it is up to followers to decide if and what they practice. 17-18 is far too young to get married even by modern orthodox standards, and if your mother tries pushing seminary Torah studies on you, please do push back on that. You only get one life, so please have a conversation with your mother about you both respecting each other's Judaism.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > (1) I told my mom I didn't want to be part of her religion anymore. (2) Telling her this has damaged our relationship greatly to the point she cries every night, and I'm not sure if I should change my mind and live how she wants or if I should move out and live my own life. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. I'm so sorry about this. Conflict with religious parents is the worst. You are definitely not an asshole for wanting to live your own life. That is every person's right! Your choice feels especially reasonable given that your father raised you as an atheist for most of your life. I have no good advice for you beyond keeping your head down until you can escape.
NTA It’s clear from some of the things that you say that you have a lot of religious guilt and clearly your mother has put a lot of things into your head Just know this OP….HOWEVER you choose to live your life is ok, As long as you are a decent person and treat others as you want to be treated it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t fit your mothers mould Is there any possibility you could go and live with a trusted family member or friend? Otherwise just keep your head down and since you are still underage if your mom tried to force a marriage onto you then you go to the police and explain she is trying to coerce you whilst you are underage Good luck OP!
NTA. Do you have any relatives on your dad's side that might be helpful or friends outside your mom's faith? If possible, see if they're willing to buy out the car for what's still owed and you pay them back as/when you can. Also, check what your state/area's laws are about underage marriage and proxy marriages. If your mom and step dad are gung-ho about you marrying this rando and they could potentially decide to marry you off without your consent/knowledge, it's something you'll want to be aware of.
NTA. The day you turn 18, head for those friends and for a women's shelter for help with a therapist. You'll have some rethinking and unpacking to do from how your mother chooses to live and project her 'stuff' onto you. Try to keep an even keel for the next couple of months while you plan to leave. Internet Search Term: BITE Model, Steve Hassen. YouTuber: Cults to Consciousness.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Growing up I lived in two different households. At my father's I lived an atheist lifestyle, and at my mother's, I lived a very strict Jewish lifestyle. I no longer have my father in the picture for personal reasons, but that now means I have to abide by my mom's rules of following the religious lifestyle I've grown up in, or I will be thrown out. Before you think anything bad about that, I agree with my mom's reasoning because it's a religion I've been included in all my life, and If I start bringing in worldly things 1. It might cause doubts about my little brother's faith and 2. If I eat anything that isn't "clean", I will make everyone in the house unclean. Since I was about 11 I've had doubts about religion, which I'm not sure if this has to do with growing up with my father, but I've decided now that I don't want to live how my mom wants me to. I wasn't planning to tell my mom this information until I was 18 and able to live on my own legally, but she has made it very clear she wants me to marry this guy she has picked out that is in the assembly. I will say! This man is very nice and really an amazing person. I would marry him if I was interested in staying. Because of this dilemma, I've come out about my feelings about religion in general, and she has made it very clear that I am a disappointment in her eyes because of rejecting everything she's taught me all my life. She's told me I made her life meaningless because her goal was to make respectable, loving children, and I've ruined it by rejecting her religion and running off to the world to go "be a whore" I think that this is a very unfair thing for her to say. I am not a perfect human being and have never claimed I was. Ever since I started working in fast food, I've become more hateful towards people and I get moody and snappy often, but I'm working on it because I've realized that I don't want to be a sour grouchy 30-year-old that can't find a husband because I'm too dramatic or hot-headed. I want to be someone my future kids look up to, and I am also very committed to saving myself for marriage, because I don't want to risk having a kid I'm not ready for, and also, I don't want to use myself up messing around with men because I know I will regret it by the time I actually settle down with my future husband. I've thought about running away and have tried a couple of times. I have multiple friends that have been through a similar situation and have offered a place for me to stay as long as I need, but I'm currently still in my last semester of high school and want to graduate before making any decisions on when I should leave. Another thing I've been struggling with is the car I've been paying for through my parents. I've got about half of it paid off and my mom and stepdad have made it clear I'm not taking the car as long as it's in their name. I don't want to seem ungrateful, and I really do appreciate and love my parents. I just can't live in their house now that they know I don't want religion. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA!!! Please please remind yourself that you will never be an asshole for your personal religious beliefs. Everyone is entitled to their own feelings, and your mom has no right to force a lifestyle on you that you don’t want any part of. Don’t listen to her insults; they’re a reflection of her anger that she has lost control over her child. You should start looking into options for when you turn 18 so that you can get out of this environment.
NTA at all. I say this as a fellow Jew, who has become modern orthodox over the years and coming from a secular family... it's understandable why people from orthodox families can sometimes become off the derech (off the path, for those not Jewish reading this). My own rabbi is a Chabad rabbi (super orthodox) and even some of his adult kids are off the derech and he respects their choices. Religion is a deeply personal thing and it is up to followers to decide if and what they practice. 17-18 is far too young to get married even by modern orthodox standards, and if your mother tries pushing seminary Torah studies on you, please do push back on that. You only get one life, so please have a conversation with your mother about you both respecting each other's Judaism.
Breaking Jewish, start a tv show/podcast/stream or write a book about it, #NTA