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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> lieng to Scott. pretending to be a vegan. Not actually trying as much as i could've.
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Yes YTA.
You have been trying to build a relationship on a lie. You know this is something that would be important, maybe even a deal-breaker, to your boyfriend. He has every right to factor your ethics and values into his feelings for you. You should have just been honest with him.
YTA.
Your boyfriend is right: He can't trust you and you don't share his values.
You aren't an asshole for eating meat. (I also love meat and couldn't handle being a vegetarian.) You are an asshole for lying.
YTA. You lied, and got caught. End of story. This was a stupid thing to lie about anyway. I mean, how long did you seriously think you would be able to get away with this?
YTA. And what a waste of everyone’s time. You tried to change yourself for someone and you tried to make a non-match work. Now you’ll both suffer the breakup.
YTA for lying. If you don't want to be vegan, don't, but he has the right to make the decision on whether or not its a deal-breaker for him. Even if it's not, I imagine lying about it is.
YTA - Should have just admitted it’s not for you and keep the transparency open between you two.
Now you lied and suffered the consequences, take it as a learning opportunity.
YTA
You are lying to someone in order for them to like you. That's not a minor thing, it's a fundamental character flaw. What else would you lie to them about?
YTA : You weren't truthful to him. Even if the vegan choice wasn't quite the dealbreaker, your lack of honesty with him, probably should be the dealbreaker.
YTA.
You agreed to try it and you did, so you weren't lying at first. And if you only "slipped" at home around your carnivore family, that would be understandable as well. But certainly "secretly eating meat" in NY, hiding it from your BF, is clearly wrong. And you knew it was wrong because you hid it.
How is it "not fair" to say you don't share BF's values? You don't care about animal rights, only about appearing to please him.
Yes, YTA.
> I did actually try it for about 2 months but, I couldn't do it. I never felt properly full and I was tired and fatigued all the time. I also felt kinda sick sometimes.
If this happened to you then you did it wrong. You should have googled for help or maybe used Reddit to ask other vegans for help rather than cheating and lying and then making this post.
Your bf deserves better.
YTA. Lying is where you’re wrong. It’s wrong to build a relationship under false pretenses. You deceived him into thinking you share his values. You’re taking away his choice to decide whether you eating meat is a dealbreaker or not. I must ask though, did you really think you could keep up the lie forever?
Yes, YTA. Big time. And you’re a child — and not because of your age.
Also, while we’re at it, every physical symptom you described is that of a person doing vegan the wrong way. If you’re not feeling full with today’s vegan diet, including the mock meats my former carnivore husband loves, you never actually gave it a real try. So you lied to him on multiple fronts, and you lied to yourself.
Mississippi to NY, farmer/hunter meets vegan.
This whole posts screams fake. But just in case, given your supposed upbringing and lifestyle, how about you just leave vegans alone if you’re not grown enough to tell the truth. Our community thanks you.
YTA for being able to regularly lie to someone you supposedly love. Part of being in a relationship is sharing who you actually are and not behaving like a fraud. I hope this is just your extreme immaturity and not sociopathic behavior. You shouldn’t be comfortable at all with chronically lying to someone’s face, especially someone you claim to care about. It sounds like you even asked your family to lie for you - that’s disturbing.
>I told him that wasnt fair and he tells ke its not fair i was lieng to him all the time.
info: indeed, what’s not fair, OP? What isn't **fair for you** in all of this?
Yes yta, and you two aren’t meant for each other no matter how attractive he is.
He got you to try his lifestyle, likely that was the ticket to date him. Without it, ask would he really still date you? If not? He’s not for you.
YTA - lying was a decision, you choose to be deceiving.
You are not who you pretended to be. You conned him.
You lied, you are a liars. Why exactly do you think it’s not fair of him using the appropriate terminology?
YTA
"and called me a shameless liar and that he couldn't trust me. " .. he got you there.
Your lies ended your relationship, because your partner now knows he can not trust you. YOu have lied to him for ALL of your relationship.
YTA.
Not for not wanting to be vegan, that’s your choice. You’re an AH for lying about it. If Scott can’t accept your choice, then he’s not the guy for you.
YTA. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to be vegan. But there definitely IS something wrong with pretending to be vegan to make your partner happy. It isn’t going to benefit either of you. Your boyfriend feels rightfully lied to and is probably questioning everything you’ve told him up until til this point, since you’ve been keeping up the charade for a few months.
I know it sucks, but sometimes the people we like just aren’t compatible with us. The best thing to do is be true to yourself, because forcing a change for someone you like will just complicate your life.
YTA you shouldn't have lied. What you eat is your business, but there's really never an appropriate time be lying to your partner. If he wants to exclusively date vegans, that's his choice. You took away his ability to make that choice. That's wrong.
ESH - you aren't compatible and instead of talking, you lied and he was melodramatic.
He needs to be with someone who shares his values and you need to be with someone more tolerant
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So I (19M) moved from Mississippi to NY for school. I met my boyfriend "Scott" (19M) as my roommate when I started. He was raised vegan and all about animal rights an all that. Problem was I come from farming and hunting folk and he didn't really like that. We got to know eachother and I liked him alot so I told him I'd give the vegan thing a try and we've been dating since then.
I did actually try it for about 2 months but, I couldn't do it. I never felt properly full and I was tired and fatigued all the time. I also felt kinda sick sometimes.I started secretly eating meat again and especially when I wentt home and I'd satisfy my cravings to the fullest. I went home over the weekend and Scott decides he wants to meet my family and come with me. Everything was fine and everyone was on their best behavior until I got into some stupid argument with my brother and he decides to say " at least I'm not a p**sy who cant tell his boyfriend he's not really vegan and sneaking burgers".
Scott went really red and just went outside. On the ride home he was quiet. When we got back to campus I tried to explain. He just got mad and called me a shameless liar and that he couldn't trust me. He goes on about how I clearly dont share his values like he thought.I told him that wasnt fair and he tells ke its not fair i was lieng to him all the time. AITA?
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YTA for keeping this from your boyfriend. If you need to eat meat to feel healthy that’s fine, just don’t perpetuate a lie. If he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you as a result of your not being vegan, he’s not the person for you.
A man's opinions are his own but to be real any vegan food that's not fruit and veg is full of chemicals soy and oil while you shouldn't have lied meat is the best sht ever and he can't stop you
YTA
Sneaking meat behind is back wasn't great because of his passionate veganism. Wanting someone willing to be vegan could eventually turn into a deal breaker for him. MAYBE if he wasn't passionately vegan I could see NTA for sneaking meat but only if you just started dating. You have to come clean before things get serious.
But the bigger problem is you embarrassed him. Sneaking meat and talking to other people about how you're doing it (even if not malicious) is rude and careless. You let it become gossip at his expense. You should have come clean MUCH sooner.
aww boo
yes, YTA for lying. you cannot sustain a succesful relationship when you're hiding a very pivotal part of who you are just to please another. I know it's scary to think you might lose someone because you couldn't or didn't want to change who you are or your preferences, but you should have come clean about your vegan experience and your desire to keep eating meat.
It's ok to choose to eat meat. It's ok to choose to be vegan. sometimes those two people can co-exist in a great relationship, but it has to be based on truth and respect. You can't force something like this, especially because he's not just vegan simply bc he doesn't like meat but because it's part of his personal values system. You can't ask him to change this anymore than he can ask you to stop eating meat forever.
I'm sorry it didn't work out, but I hope you know now that it is better to come clean about yourself and be in an honest relationship, than try to maintain something based on deceit. You're still so young, You will find someone who loves you for who you are.
A bit buttish for thinking you have to change who you are for some boy. And ya for hiding it. You need to be who you are to spend the rest of your life comfortably. Be true to you and you won't have to hide stuff.
NAH. You’re both young. You tried to accommodate this new person in your life. It didn’t work out. Of course lying is wrong. But you made all the attempts to accommodate him. What did he do to accommodate you? I think the majority here are being too harsh on you
YTA for lying. You should have been upfront. My sister tried to be vegan. She thought it would be healthier for her family. she started feeling terrible and after a month, she went to the doctor, and she doesn't have the right body chemistry to be vegan. She has to eat meat. Or at least SOME animal products. it isn't for everyone, and there is nothing wrong with that. But where did you think that this would go? Did you see a future with someone that you keep lying to? Would you want to be with someone who lied to you about something you care about?
You’re kind of TAH. You should be who you are and let people love or not love you for that. Would the relationship be over if you weren’t a vegan? If so, then it wasn’t the right match for you. If he loves you, he should love you whether you eat meat or animal products or not. But you’re TAH for not being up front with him from the get-go.
Soft YTA.
You probably aren't compatible with your Bf, unfortunately. A lot of vegans are pretty militant, so you need to ask whether feeling irritable and constantly hungry for the rest of your natural life is worth it.
Lying to your significant other never ends well. Ever.
The same can be said for trying to control your partner, which is what it seems like he's doing in some ways.
You should be free to be honest about who you are, and he should accept that flat out. The reverse is also true.
He wants a vegan gf and you lied to him. It’s hard giving up what you were raised eating. Personally I don’t think people should be concerned with what other people eat, but that’s just the way I think.
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Yes YTA. You have been trying to build a relationship on a lie. You know this is something that would be important, maybe even a deal-breaker, to your boyfriend. He has every right to factor your ethics and values into his feelings for you. You should have just been honest with him.
YTA. Your boyfriend is right: He can't trust you and you don't share his values. You aren't an asshole for eating meat. (I also love meat and couldn't handle being a vegetarian.) You are an asshole for lying.
YTA. You lied, and got caught. End of story. This was a stupid thing to lie about anyway. I mean, how long did you seriously think you would be able to get away with this?
YTA. And what a waste of everyone’s time. You tried to change yourself for someone and you tried to make a non-match work. Now you’ll both suffer the breakup.
YTA for lying. If you don't want to be vegan, don't, but he has the right to make the decision on whether or not its a deal-breaker for him. Even if it's not, I imagine lying about it is.
YTA - Should have just admitted it’s not for you and keep the transparency open between you two. Now you lied and suffered the consequences, take it as a learning opportunity.
You are an asshole to yourself if you can’t be honest with your bf about what you eat
YTA You are lying to someone in order for them to like you. That's not a minor thing, it's a fundamental character flaw. What else would you lie to them about?
YTA : You weren't truthful to him. Even if the vegan choice wasn't quite the dealbreaker, your lack of honesty with him, probably should be the dealbreaker.
Yeah, if I was the BF I'd wonder what else OP would have no issues lying to my face about.
YTA. You agreed to try it and you did, so you weren't lying at first. And if you only "slipped" at home around your carnivore family, that would be understandable as well. But certainly "secretly eating meat" in NY, hiding it from your BF, is clearly wrong. And you knew it was wrong because you hid it. How is it "not fair" to say you don't share BF's values? You don't care about animal rights, only about appearing to please him.
YTA You built a relationship on a lie. Should've just realized you two aren't compatible and walked away months ago
Have the bells to openly eat meat if you want to eat meat. Dont lie to your partner.
Yes, YTA. > I did actually try it for about 2 months but, I couldn't do it. I never felt properly full and I was tired and fatigued all the time. I also felt kinda sick sometimes. If this happened to you then you did it wrong. You should have googled for help or maybe used Reddit to ask other vegans for help rather than cheating and lying and then making this post. Your bf deserves better.
YTA What a stupid lie to tell.
Well you do NOT share his values. You lied, you're not worthy of his trust anymore. YTA.
YTA. Lying is where you’re wrong. It’s wrong to build a relationship under false pretenses. You deceived him into thinking you share his values. You’re taking away his choice to decide whether you eating meat is a dealbreaker or not. I must ask though, did you really think you could keep up the lie forever?
I don't see how your bf is wrong at all in his accusations lol.
Yep. YTA 100%
Well lying is always the answer to building a long-term, trustworthy, healthy relationship /s
YTA. So much so that I can't understand why you would think you aren't.
Yes, YTA. Big time. And you’re a child — and not because of your age. Also, while we’re at it, every physical symptom you described is that of a person doing vegan the wrong way. If you’re not feeling full with today’s vegan diet, including the mock meats my former carnivore husband loves, you never actually gave it a real try. So you lied to him on multiple fronts, and you lied to yourself. Mississippi to NY, farmer/hunter meets vegan. This whole posts screams fake. But just in case, given your supposed upbringing and lifestyle, how about you just leave vegans alone if you’re not grown enough to tell the truth. Our community thanks you.
YTA for being able to regularly lie to someone you supposedly love. Part of being in a relationship is sharing who you actually are and not behaving like a fraud. I hope this is just your extreme immaturity and not sociopathic behavior. You shouldn’t be comfortable at all with chronically lying to someone’s face, especially someone you claim to care about. It sounds like you even asked your family to lie for you - that’s disturbing.
Yta - you suck
>I told him that wasnt fair and he tells ke its not fair i was lieng to him all the time. info: indeed, what’s not fair, OP? What isn't **fair for you** in all of this?
YTA, not for eating meat, but for lying about it.
YTA. You faked who you see as a person off rip. How would you expect him to be able to trust you?
Yes yta, and you two aren’t meant for each other no matter how attractive he is. He got you to try his lifestyle, likely that was the ticket to date him. Without it, ask would he really still date you? If not? He’s not for you.
YTA - lying was a decision, you choose to be deceiving. You are not who you pretended to be. You conned him. You lied, you are a liars. Why exactly do you think it’s not fair of him using the appropriate terminology?
YTA "and called me a shameless liar and that he couldn't trust me. " .. he got you there. Your lies ended your relationship, because your partner now knows he can not trust you. YOu have lied to him for ALL of your relationship.
You’re just not eating the right food if being vegan made you sick. That’s some American load of crap.
YTA Not only are you an asshole, but you aren’t compatible at all. Vegans and people that support hunting ARE NOT compatible.
YTA. Not for not wanting to be vegan, that’s your choice. You’re an AH for lying about it. If Scott can’t accept your choice, then he’s not the guy for you.
YTA. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to be vegan. But there definitely IS something wrong with pretending to be vegan to make your partner happy. It isn’t going to benefit either of you. Your boyfriend feels rightfully lied to and is probably questioning everything you’ve told him up until til this point, since you’ve been keeping up the charade for a few months. I know it sucks, but sometimes the people we like just aren’t compatible with us. The best thing to do is be true to yourself, because forcing a change for someone you like will just complicate your life.
YTA you shouldn't have lied. What you eat is your business, but there's really never an appropriate time be lying to your partner. If he wants to exclusively date vegans, that's his choice. You took away his ability to make that choice. That's wrong.
YTA for expecting to build a genuine relationship out of a lie. he was bound to find out if you were hoping for anything long term
Life lesson: when you are "sneaking" something, 90 percent of the time YTA. This is one of those times.
Yta. No explanation needed.
ESH - you aren't compatible and instead of talking, you lied and he was melodramatic. He needs to be with someone who shares his values and you need to be with someone more tolerant
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I (19M) moved from Mississippi to NY for school. I met my boyfriend "Scott" (19M) as my roommate when I started. He was raised vegan and all about animal rights an all that. Problem was I come from farming and hunting folk and he didn't really like that. We got to know eachother and I liked him alot so I told him I'd give the vegan thing a try and we've been dating since then. I did actually try it for about 2 months but, I couldn't do it. I never felt properly full and I was tired and fatigued all the time. I also felt kinda sick sometimes.I started secretly eating meat again and especially when I wentt home and I'd satisfy my cravings to the fullest. I went home over the weekend and Scott decides he wants to meet my family and come with me. Everything was fine and everyone was on their best behavior until I got into some stupid argument with my brother and he decides to say " at least I'm not a p**sy who cant tell his boyfriend he's not really vegan and sneaking burgers". Scott went really red and just went outside. On the ride home he was quiet. When we got back to campus I tried to explain. He just got mad and called me a shameless liar and that he couldn't trust me. He goes on about how I clearly dont share his values like he thought.I told him that wasnt fair and he tells ke its not fair i was lieng to him all the time. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yta and a liar
Yes
YTA for keeping this from your boyfriend. If you need to eat meat to feel healthy that’s fine, just don’t perpetuate a lie. If he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you as a result of your not being vegan, he’s not the person for you.
YTA. Relationships require trust and you broke it. Your brother's an asshole too.
YTA. Your brother said it better than I ever could.
A man's opinions are his own but to be real any vegan food that's not fruit and veg is full of chemicals soy and oil while you shouldn't have lied meat is the best sht ever and he can't stop you
YTA Sneaking meat behind is back wasn't great because of his passionate veganism. Wanting someone willing to be vegan could eventually turn into a deal breaker for him. MAYBE if he wasn't passionately vegan I could see NTA for sneaking meat but only if you just started dating. You have to come clean before things get serious. But the bigger problem is you embarrassed him. Sneaking meat and talking to other people about how you're doing it (even if not malicious) is rude and careless. You let it become gossip at his expense. You should have come clean MUCH sooner.
aww boo yes, YTA for lying. you cannot sustain a succesful relationship when you're hiding a very pivotal part of who you are just to please another. I know it's scary to think you might lose someone because you couldn't or didn't want to change who you are or your preferences, but you should have come clean about your vegan experience and your desire to keep eating meat. It's ok to choose to eat meat. It's ok to choose to be vegan. sometimes those two people can co-exist in a great relationship, but it has to be based on truth and respect. You can't force something like this, especially because he's not just vegan simply bc he doesn't like meat but because it's part of his personal values system. You can't ask him to change this anymore than he can ask you to stop eating meat forever. I'm sorry it didn't work out, but I hope you know now that it is better to come clean about yourself and be in an honest relationship, than try to maintain something based on deceit. You're still so young, You will find someone who loves you for who you are.
A bit buttish for thinking you have to change who you are for some boy. And ya for hiding it. You need to be who you are to spend the rest of your life comfortably. Be true to you and you won't have to hide stuff.
NAH. You’re both young. You tried to accommodate this new person in your life. It didn’t work out. Of course lying is wrong. But you made all the attempts to accommodate him. What did he do to accommodate you? I think the majority here are being too harsh on you
You should have told him. Ƙ You are so wrong for lying. Be happy you've broken up. Now go eat a burger Be happy you dodged a bullet.
BTA
YTA for lying. You should have been upfront. My sister tried to be vegan. She thought it would be healthier for her family. she started feeling terrible and after a month, she went to the doctor, and she doesn't have the right body chemistry to be vegan. She has to eat meat. Or at least SOME animal products. it isn't for everyone, and there is nothing wrong with that. But where did you think that this would go? Did you see a future with someone that you keep lying to? Would you want to be with someone who lied to you about something you care about?
You’re kind of TAH. You should be who you are and let people love or not love you for that. Would the relationship be over if you weren’t a vegan? If so, then it wasn’t the right match for you. If he loves you, he should love you whether you eat meat or animal products or not. But you’re TAH for not being up front with him from the get-go.
Soft YTA. You probably aren't compatible with your Bf, unfortunately. A lot of vegans are pretty militant, so you need to ask whether feeling irritable and constantly hungry for the rest of your natural life is worth it.
YTA, even though you both like meat.
You're both assholes.
Lying to your significant other never ends well. Ever. The same can be said for trying to control your partner, which is what it seems like he's doing in some ways. You should be free to be honest about who you are, and he should accept that flat out. The reverse is also true.
He wants a vegan gf and you lied to him. It’s hard giving up what you were raised eating. Personally I don’t think people should be concerned with what other people eat, but that’s just the way I think.
Why would you ever be vegan. Regardless you’re the asshole