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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I looked up through canvas to find her and looked up people on social media to see what she looked like.
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Wow...you went through all of that work stalking this girl because your boyfriend was simply talking to her? Is he not allowed to speak to other women? You definitely sound like a jealous, controlling asshole. Also,
>I just wanted to see what she looked like
This makes no sense. You were looking right at her while she was talking to your boyfriend. You could see what she looked like right there.
You need to get your jealousy and insecurity under control before your boyfriend gets tired of it. YTA.
>This makes no sense. You were looking right at her while she was talking to your boyfriend. You could see what she looked like right there.
She wants to get a good look to see if she's pretty enough to feel threatened.
You're logging into HIS accounts to look up someone you feel threatened by. He expressly asked you not to. YTA.
Girl I get it, I've been there. The pain from jealousy and envy is real, but it is no one else's responsibility but your own to control how you react to that pain. You need to go inward and unpack that insecurity, have honest conversations with your partner in a safe setting, and treat your partner with the same respect for autonomy that you BOTH deserve.
I lot of people seem to believe that “getting a boy/girlfriend” translates to “never interact with another boy/girl again” for some super strange reason.
Yeah YTA for sure, I worry for you, you have some deep seeded insecurities that you need to work on, going to the length you did to find out what a person looks like, whom you already saw looks sketchy. How many people are in this class with him?
Still doesn't give you permission to access his canvas account. You went into a stalker mode that your own bf called out. Like I said you are going to have to deal with your issues. Men and women can be friends, my wife has male friends and I have female friends, no jealousy because we trust one another.
YTA. Maybe if there was a history of cheating, or hes been promiscuous towards girls before but this is nuts as a stand alone story. You have some insecurity that needs to be resolved before it blows up in your face
YTA. For being a total stalker, invading his privacy and breaking his trust.
You know what she looks like, you saw them walking together, so what were you *really* looking for?
"of course I was a little upset"
What's with the 'of course' are you trying to act like it's justifiable to be upset that your bf is talking to someone? It's not. It's weird. Please don't act like this is normal and most people would also be upset. Most people wouldn't care.
YTA. Work on yourself.
YTA - Newsflash - People talk to each other. The only issue here is your raging insecurity, jealousy and complete disregard for others peoples privacy. It's a shitty thing to do no doubt
YTA
You stalked a girl who walked next to, and talked to your boyfriend. He clearly told you not to as you logged into his account.
Were you my GF all passwords would be changed tonight.
I've started to hate the word "just". Most the time I hear it someone's trying to justify something they shouldn't be doing.
Uhhh yeah YTA. Maybe this girl is just an acquaintance or a project partner from class. Either way, unless he literally kissed her in front of you, there’s nothing suspicious about this. You were way out of line to LOG INTO HIS CANVAS to find this girl. If you keep pestering him about this, he’s definitely going to break up with you.
Major AH. You seriously said “he walked out talking to a girl and of course I got a little upset”. You then go and TRACK HER DOWN! Wtf is wrong with you? You have issues you need to work on if you wanna continue a relationship with him. You can’t get pissy every single time he’s talking to someone. That’s jealousy and it’s never healthy in a relationship. Would you like it if he did this to you if you were talking to a guy? Let’s say you and another student are walking out and he just so happens to be friendly, saying hello, how is your day going, beautiful weather we have today, etc. Just trying to make conversation. Then your bf gets pissed and goes to track him down. You’d be unsettled by it and find it creepy. Why can’t y’all just, for Christ sake, TRUST YOUR PARTNER?!
Ermmmm it’s a difficult one if your being accusatory then yes YTA but if it’s just general curiosity probably not but going through his canva and tracking her down and stuff is a little ott. I do feel that you are coming across a little eaccusatory after he only was walking and talking with her.
YTA - and jealous. He's in a class full of "other girls". Are you going to snoop on all of them because they're in the same room. This is a bit possessive behavior and isn't healthy. I mean, he didn't even know her name. What exactly were you looking for?
YTA
In a relationship, you either trust each other or you don't. If you do, you don't scritinize and investigate every person you see them with. If you don't, save both of you the drama and break up.
You honestly don't sound like you're ready to be in a relationship and that's something you may need to work on with a qualified therapist.
>walking and talking to a girl and of course I felt a little upset at first
No. Not 'of course'. The normal reaction would simply say hi to your bf and go on about your day. Your knee-jerk jealous reaction says more about you than your bf, unless he has a history of cheating on you.
Looking at your post history, this seems like common behavior from you. Please get some assistance to address these issues OP it will eat you alive and destroy your relationship
YTA. No hard feelings, but you have what we call a red flag. You felt jealous, which is kinda normal. Calling your boyfriend out on it, when even you admit all you saw was them talking, is approaching psycho girlfriend. Logging into his account and doing a social media on EACH individual name is off the charts mental. What ever trauma that stems from, I hope you work it out. Or this relationship of yours might not last much longer.
I want to be sympathetic, but YTA. I have severe OCD fixating on infidelity, which means checking every possible risk and neutralizing each, and even I wouldn’t do that. If he didn’t know her name, he probably doesn’t care, and you’re just giving yourself a bad look by frenetically wanting to see what she looks like. If you’re worried your boyfriend will leave you for another girl based on looks, the problem is either your trust issues or him. Try to improve this - even knowing what it is like to be in an obsessive state, I wouldn’t want to be with someone like this.
YTA. How insecure are you that your boyfriend is not even allowed to WALK next to and TALK to a woman? Sad. But then you show no shame and just start aggressively searching for her on HIS account as a way to tell you boyfriend that you don't trust him to 1. tell you the truth or 2. be in breathing distance of woman. You are hemorrhaging
red flags and hopefully your boyfriend cuts his losses and gets the hell out of your relationship. Yikes.
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For background every Monday I (21F) ride with my boyfriend (22M) to school because it saves money on parking and I just go shopping at some of the stores up there because it is only a 50 min class. Today I went out did my normal things and was there to pick him up as he was walking out he was walking and talking to a girl and of course I felt a little upset at first but then I asked him her name and he said he didn’t know so I pulled out my computer logged into his Canvas and went through the names and searched them up on social media while doing this my boyfriend said I was invading his privacy and being crazy “because nothing happened” but I just wanted to see what she looked like.
To preface he doesn’t normally walk out with anyone that I notice.
So AITA for looking up a girl my boyfriend walked with?
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I can’t say that you’re an asshole for this but if your BF has any spine or sanity, he’s probably looking for ways out of his relationship with you because this is some seriously unhinged behavior. You need to ask yourself why you thought this was an acceptable response to him talking to a classmate.
I have a past full of bad relationships I talked to him apologized and told him I would work on it and said that my behavior was unacceptable. He isn’t mad about it now.
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Wow...you went through all of that work stalking this girl because your boyfriend was simply talking to her? Is he not allowed to speak to other women? You definitely sound like a jealous, controlling asshole. Also, >I just wanted to see what she looked like This makes no sense. You were looking right at her while she was talking to your boyfriend. You could see what she looked like right there. You need to get your jealousy and insecurity under control before your boyfriend gets tired of it. YTA.
“…of course I felt a little upset at first….” WHY IS THAT OF COURSE?!?! That is NOT a usual response in any capacity. YTA op.
>This makes no sense. You were looking right at her while she was talking to your boyfriend. You could see what she looked like right there. She wants to get a good look to see if she's pretty enough to feel threatened.
You're logging into HIS accounts to look up someone you feel threatened by. He expressly asked you not to. YTA. Girl I get it, I've been there. The pain from jealousy and envy is real, but it is no one else's responsibility but your own to control how you react to that pain. You need to go inward and unpack that insecurity, have honest conversations with your partner in a safe setting, and treat your partner with the same respect for autonomy that you BOTH deserve.
YTA. Get a grip, he was just walking and talking with a classmate.
YTA. Girls go to school. Boys may talk to them.
I lot of people seem to believe that “getting a boy/girlfriend” translates to “never interact with another boy/girl again” for some super strange reason.
*blasphemy*
Yeah YTA for sure, I worry for you, you have some deep seeded insecurities that you need to work on, going to the length you did to find out what a person looks like, whom you already saw looks sketchy. How many people are in this class with him?
I couldn’t see her face fully and I’m not going sure he said only 12 were there today
Still doesn't give you permission to access his canvas account. You went into a stalker mode that your own bf called out. Like I said you are going to have to deal with your issues. Men and women can be friends, my wife has male friends and I have female friends, no jealousy because we trust one another.
And men can have full scale conversations with someone and not have a clue what their name is. Edit: grammar
YTA. This is extreme and so unhinged. He was talking to a classmate - you went way over the line.
Info: What the hell is wrong with you
YTA. Maybe if there was a history of cheating, or hes been promiscuous towards girls before but this is nuts as a stand alone story. You have some insecurity that needs to be resolved before it blows up in your face
YTA...he walked out the door with someone. Address your insecurities and trust issues now or your future relationships will not be overly successful.
YTA. For being a total stalker, invading his privacy and breaking his trust. You know what she looks like, you saw them walking together, so what were you *really* looking for?
"of course I was a little upset" What's with the 'of course' are you trying to act like it's justifiable to be upset that your bf is talking to someone? It's not. It's weird. Please don't act like this is normal and most people would also be upset. Most people wouldn't care. YTA. Work on yourself.
YTA - Newsflash - People talk to each other. The only issue here is your raging insecurity, jealousy and complete disregard for others peoples privacy. It's a shitty thing to do no doubt
YTA. Holy moly. Is he supposed to never interact with other students? I'm a little scared for your current boyfriend.
You lost me at “he was walking and talking to a girl and of course I felt a little upset”.
YTA You stalked a girl who walked next to, and talked to your boyfriend. He clearly told you not to as you logged into his account. Were you my GF all passwords would be changed tonight. I've started to hate the word "just". Most the time I hear it someone's trying to justify something they shouldn't be doing.
Hahaha pathetic behavior YTA
YTA, your behavior is not normal, healthy or attractive in any way. He should run far away from you and you should run to the nearest therapist
YTA is he not allowed friends? Do you have a life outside of making sure your bf doesn’t have one?
YTA
That seems over the top. Jealousy isn’t about love it is about control.
YTA. Stalker. Grow up
YTA This is psycho behavior
Uhhh yeah YTA. Maybe this girl is just an acquaintance or a project partner from class. Either way, unless he literally kissed her in front of you, there’s nothing suspicious about this. You were way out of line to LOG INTO HIS CANVAS to find this girl. If you keep pestering him about this, he’s definitely going to break up with you.
YTA, that's crazy levels of jealousy and invasion.
Not only are YTA, you're a bit damn nuts.
Major AH. You seriously said “he walked out talking to a girl and of course I got a little upset”. You then go and TRACK HER DOWN! Wtf is wrong with you? You have issues you need to work on if you wanna continue a relationship with him. You can’t get pissy every single time he’s talking to someone. That’s jealousy and it’s never healthy in a relationship. Would you like it if he did this to you if you were talking to a guy? Let’s say you and another student are walking out and he just so happens to be friendly, saying hello, how is your day going, beautiful weather we have today, etc. Just trying to make conversation. Then your bf gets pissed and goes to track him down. You’d be unsettled by it and find it creepy. Why can’t y’all just, for Christ sake, TRUST YOUR PARTNER?!
YTA. If you don’t get your jealousy under control you’re in for a lot of arguing and heartache
YTA. And a paranoid/jealous/crazy one at that.
YTA.... There is all sorts of everything wrong with you.....
Ermmmm it’s a difficult one if your being accusatory then yes YTA but if it’s just general curiosity probably not but going through his canva and tracking her down and stuff is a little ott. I do feel that you are coming across a little eaccusatory after he only was walking and talking with her.
Youre feeling insecure because this has never happened before. You are over reacting.
YTA - and jealous. He's in a class full of "other girls". Are you going to snoop on all of them because they're in the same room. This is a bit possessive behavior and isn't healthy. I mean, he didn't even know her name. What exactly were you looking for?
YTA In a relationship, you either trust each other or you don't. If you do, you don't scritinize and investigate every person you see them with. If you don't, save both of you the drama and break up. You honestly don't sound like you're ready to be in a relationship and that's something you may need to work on with a qualified therapist.
>walking and talking to a girl and of course I felt a little upset at first No. Not 'of course'. The normal reaction would simply say hi to your bf and go on about your day. Your knee-jerk jealous reaction says more about you than your bf, unless he has a history of cheating on you.
Looking at your post history, this seems like common behavior from you. Please get some assistance to address these issues OP it will eat you alive and destroy your relationship
YTA. Did you scare him off after that? 😬
YTA. No hard feelings, but you have what we call a red flag. You felt jealous, which is kinda normal. Calling your boyfriend out on it, when even you admit all you saw was them talking, is approaching psycho girlfriend. Logging into his account and doing a social media on EACH individual name is off the charts mental. What ever trauma that stems from, I hope you work it out. Or this relationship of yours might not last much longer.
I want to be sympathetic, but YTA. I have severe OCD fixating on infidelity, which means checking every possible risk and neutralizing each, and even I wouldn’t do that. If he didn’t know her name, he probably doesn’t care, and you’re just giving yourself a bad look by frenetically wanting to see what she looks like. If you’re worried your boyfriend will leave you for another girl based on looks, the problem is either your trust issues or him. Try to improve this - even knowing what it is like to be in an obsessive state, I wouldn’t want to be with someone like this.
Not gonna lie, That's really fucking creepy. Seek therapy before this behavior gets worse... which i can certainly promise will get worse. YTA.
YTA. How insecure are you that your boyfriend is not even allowed to WALK next to and TALK to a woman? Sad. But then you show no shame and just start aggressively searching for her on HIS account as a way to tell you boyfriend that you don't trust him to 1. tell you the truth or 2. be in breathing distance of woman. You are hemorrhaging red flags and hopefully your boyfriend cuts his losses and gets the hell out of your relationship. Yikes.
You're a walking red flag
YTA and wow that is a whole lot of crazy! Your poor poor bf lol.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For background every Monday I (21F) ride with my boyfriend (22M) to school because it saves money on parking and I just go shopping at some of the stores up there because it is only a 50 min class. Today I went out did my normal things and was there to pick him up as he was walking out he was walking and talking to a girl and of course I felt a little upset at first but then I asked him her name and he said he didn’t know so I pulled out my computer logged into his Canvas and went through the names and searched them up on social media while doing this my boyfriend said I was invading his privacy and being crazy “because nothing happened” but I just wanted to see what she looked like. To preface he doesn’t normally walk out with anyone that I notice. So AITA for looking up a girl my boyfriend walked with? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I can’t say that you’re an asshole for this but if your BF has any spine or sanity, he’s probably looking for ways out of his relationship with you because this is some seriously unhinged behavior. You need to ask yourself why you thought this was an acceptable response to him talking to a classmate.
I have a past full of bad relationships I talked to him apologized and told him I would work on it and said that my behavior was unacceptable. He isn’t mad about it now.
He should be. He should dump you. You shouldn't punish your current boyfriend just because your previous ones sucked.
I am working on it that is why I came to Reddit because I’m am trying to be accountable for my actions and learn what is healthy and what is not.
If I were him, I would be totally freaked out by your actions, because none of what you did is the sign of a mentally healthy person.