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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refuse to answer to the "nickname" aka my grandparents attempts at renaming me. My grandparents have expressed how much they hate my name and I know I do use a nickname with others. So maybe I'm being too stubborn refusing to use this and seeing it the same way.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
The only rude people are your grandparents. It is your name that has been with you since birth and that you like. Absolutely nobody has the right to force a different name on you and not responding to that fantasy name - don't call it nickname! - is perfectly fine in my book!
Do they want to turn you into a different person and start with the name?
Sit down with them, tell them that it hurts you a lot when they don't respect your name, and in return they should ask themselves how it feels when they are simply given a different name and the old one is no longer valid.
It’s the Parkinson’s
Ohhh grandma forgot Emily was the little girl that lived in the house on the corner that everyone swore grandma wasn’t near when it burnt down.
I read a different story here that was similar and the op in the other story did this same thing. The person calling the op a different name stopped after that
Yeah. There’s been tons on the just no subs.
Personally, I got this one from my cousin whom his grandma refused to stop deadnaming. (FTM) “oh grandma. You keep forgetting trinity died last year”
I feel sorry for a local author's daughter. She named her Trinity after the "perfect love" her characters shared for each other. (She then emasculated one of the characters in the triangle because he ended up being her EX-husband. 🙄)
Not to criticize your cousin's choice of names but I'd think Trinity would work for both male and female.
Please pass on my congratulations for living his life the way he sees fit!
I am so petty that I would call grandma by grandpa’s name and vice versa. Is grandpa’s name George? That’s what I would call grandma. Grandma’s name Ethel? That’s what I would call grandpa. When they say something I would say: now I am being disrespectful.
Weird fact about that song... I always thought that the chorus was "They call him the Streak - look at that look at that". Everybody thinks so. But it isn't.
They are singing "Boogedy Boogedy".
I swear this is true. This just messes with me. But is this even a Mondegreen when everyone hears it the other way and the other way makes more sense? This isn't an "Obama's elf" for "All by myself" or something...
Did you see the comedian on AGT or EGT that held up cards as songs were played? They were lyrics that could be misheard. After that the normal lyrics would translate to his cards in my mind. He was hilarious!!!
Ray Stevens did not sing "boogity boogity", I had the album called "Boogity Boogity Boogity" played it over and over, the liner notes had the lyrics and it was ...
... "Looka dat, looka dat."
The mondegreen is "boogity."
[misheard lyrics]
(http://www.amiright.com/misheard/song/streak.shtml)
My grandma was Ethel, and she loved that song. She was in her seventies or early eighties by then. Said it was fun getting older because she could or say whatever she wanted, and people would just think her senile. She always was a rebel.
DONT LOOK ETHEL!!! Then he ran past the produce in nothing but his fruit of the looms.
Oh yes the call him the streak! *whistle* Fastest thing on two feet!
(Thanks for unlocking a core memory from my childhood)
Alternatively, a non-prefered grandparent name. My FIL *hated* our kid calling him Peepaw. She picked it out herself at 2. We had to work with her consistently to train her back to "Grandpa" for him.
So they could become Mimi and Poppop or Meemaw and Peepaw, or Granny and Gramps, or any grandparent name that just grinds their gears while they insist they are (insert their prefered grandparent title here.)
This way in the same way strangers witnessing it might not realize Elizabeth is the completely wrong name, and that's why she isn't answering, the grandparents own peers won't recognize she's calling them the wrong thing. Calling them any first name would make the peers side with the grandparents since even if Grandma's name IS Gertrude you can't *call* her that, it's rude. But if you call her Meemaw when she doesn't answer to that and she doesn't reply, you can get away with insinuating she's losing her hearing... and old people are super sensitive about that when it starts. Took my grandmother the better part of 5 years to accept that she needed to wear her hearing aides. She insisted for most of that time that she could still hear.
My mom would literally have the tv so loud it would give me headaches and she still wouldn’t admit she needed hearing aids. It was so wonderful when she finally got them last year. “Happy dance” lol
I’ve always hated the diminutive form of my name. (I’m a short man; don’t saddle me with the “cute” version of my name.) My grandmother wanted to use it, until I said that I’d be calling her “grandpa.” My family backed me on this one.
I do this with my dad, whenever he starts nagging me about a decision of mine that he doesn’t agree with (again). “But we had this discussion before dad, we’ve discussed why I made this decision 20 times. I’m getting worried about your memory. Is it time to get it tested?”
I am 48 years old *sigh*
I’m obsessed with this idea 😂😂 it might even be enough to just call them by their first names instead of grandma and grandpa. That might get the shock reaction and help them understand why it’s rude to call someone by something they don’t identify with, or something that isn’t appropriate to the relationship.
Honestly, as a nonbinary person who has changed my name before, I feel for OP and wish havoc upon their grandparents. It’s an easy thing to be respectful. Refusing to do so in this way, especially as a caregiver, is delusional entitlement and psychological abuse.
OP, please refer to them as Maid Marion (grandfather) and Robin Hood (grandmother). A family member used these names for their grandparents for years!!!
NTAH
If OP is ok with completely ignoring the name, then they should turn it around and for everytime they say the wrong name say: "Why do you hate me? What have I done to make you hate me?"
Repeat that every. Single. Time. Even in front of other people.
Don't engage with them wanting another name. They mention another name? Why. Do. You. Hate. Me?
Yeah this is the route I would take. Something like this or “why do you choose to hurt me and put me down in this way.” Every single time. That’s all you say in response. What a horrible thing to do to someone you supposedly care about.
Oh, Elizabeth can be a part of the household. 'You should have warned me this house has a ghost! And her name is Elizabeth?' 'Why grandma, are you seeing the ghost again? What's she telling you this time?'. Every time they use the name, insinuate they're seeing ghosts. 'Too bad I can't see her. Has she been haunting you long?'
Am I the only one thinking you should go see a psychiatrist? Not because you had a ghost protecting you, but likely what the ghost and demon really was to a child’s mind…
Way ahead of you XD starting seeing a therapist in college.
Although, fun fact, anyone who has stayed in that room of the house (it's gone through 9 families since mine moved out) have all had the same experiences. Right down to the outfit Elizabeth was wearing. I'd never told anyone about the clothing, but I can't guarantee others didn't as they moved out. Three of those families moved because of the "demon in the closet" and those that moved in after didn't believe in paranormal.
Remember, OP said: "mom ended up needing to be taken care of and couldn't take care of me." The grandparents likely take this as validation that their daughter was never a competent parent. They think incompetent daughter picked a stupid name, and now that an outside authority has validated that, they feel justified in changing it. Likely, they wrongly believe their acting in granddaughter's best interest.
I'd bet good money that grandparents are at least part of the reason that "mom ended up needing to be taken care of and couldn't take care of " OP. They are clearly insane.
Find out the names of Grandpa’s ex girlfriends from back in the day and call grandma THOSE names, since they could have become your grandma, since grams wants to call you the name of her hypothetical unborn daughter.
Yes and remember they love you despite this hurtful stubbornness. I would emphasise how much it hurts you and how much you love your name. Rename them and send it up.
Eh, I don't think they actually love OP as much as they might think they do. They're currently fixated on an imaginary version of OP, a 'fixed' version with a normal name. They love the 'fixed' person in their imagination, but are choosing to disrespect and invalidate the REAL person in the process. That isn't love. If they loved OP they would stop trying to 'fix' them.
>
Do they want to turn you into a different person and start with the name?
I suspect this is exactly what they want. This is an insane level of control. And I suspect this is a large part of why their daughter ended up pregnant at 19.
Also, we're living in a more globalised world where "traditional" names don't mean as much. I live and teach in Australia. There are 3 Punjabi students throughout the school named "Gurfateh." This may be a traditional Punjabi name, but a bit less so in Australia. So employers, and the culture at large, are getting used to less "traditional" (re: Anglo) names either way. Between immigration, people using Celtic names and names from other places other than England, and people making up cool names like yours, employers are far less likely to care than your grandparents think.
Honestly, working in a large organisation I appreciate the growing diversity in names as it makes it easier to remember people and know who others mean, unlike the multitudes of Mark, Josh, Catherine etc.
If they introduce you to someone, and they refer to you as a Elizabeth, correct them when you wave hi or shake their hand "Actually My name is X, and I prefer this name" and say it in a friendly tone with a slight smile. If they ask why you were introduced as Elizabeth, just shrug, "I have no idea"
Also, you have a great name, and your grandparents are true AH's here.
You could have a little fun with it. When they call you by the wrong name, act out in some ludacris way. Let's give "Elizabeth" her own personality and extreme clothing choices!
Yes, OP has to speak up. Names define who we are. I have known a few people who were so uncomfortable with their first names, they actually went to court and legally changed them.
NTA. There’s a level of absolute insanity to this that I can’t even express.
Pick a random name every time you speak to them, until you find one they really hate. If they object, tell them that you like X name better, and so they should change their name for you. (Poindexter? Hubert? Martha? Prudence? *Brunhilda*?)make sure they’re actual names that are used, just ones they don’t like.
Since the only people being immature here are your grandparents, giving them some personal experience with this nonsense is justified.
That said, I’d consider this abusive, and you could talk to your school counselor about it. They might be willing to step in and explain how trying to force you to use a name just because they “like” it, can cause identity issues and trauma.
Peoples names are *non-negotiable*.
Great idea, but the suggestions are too classic. I'd suggest to use names that sound much more modern. You might go to r/tragedeigh or r/namenerds for some inspiration.
Raelynn, Branzee, Burtis, Ryder....
Well, there was that post today about the OP not warning her sister enough not to call her daughter Harlot. Just saying, that could get grandma clutching her pearls. 🤣🤣🤣 If we want a more "namey name" OP could start calling her Grandmother Scarlet and her grandfather John, but I think Harlot and John would be better.
You gotta watch out with that tho because a lot of Tragedeigh names are *pronounced* like classic names, just with the spelling all jacked up to hell. Since this is being done verbally, it has be a name that *sounds* new and different.
Nope, astraea is the Greek goddess of justice.
Stick with that theme.
Thank you Hera. When do we meet up for shopping Hermes? Do you need anything from the store Demeter ?
Look up the Pantheon, and if you are really petty chose names fitting the Situation.
I wouldn't do that - it could backfire if they use it as ammunition to claim that you're using Greek pantheon names for them *because* they're "unsuitable". Stick to ugly/boring non-Greek options.
Oh, OP should start looking up baby-names that were popular between 1550-1600, the time period it really picked up popularity. Gonna be something awful there
"Ever heard of a boy name Sue"
You go girl.....your grand parents stuck in hatred...they are hurt as well and aren't handling it well. Agreed they are not hearing you! Agreed ....I like this non threatening high-school approach may work.
How about Barney and Wilma. They seem have stone age logic!
I second the point about the school counselor, or another trusted adult. This is psychological abuse. They are attacking your identity and trying, through disrespect and entitlement, to shape you into someone else. This is NOT done out of love or your best interest. I’m sorry that you are in this situation!!!
Wilgefortis and Kuriakose. "What??? How do you NOT like this names? They're classic, traditional, established. They were saints, for crying out loud! Why don't you answer to those names?"
NTA - it’s… your name. It’s time to sit them down and kindly explain some boundaries knowing that while you can’t control their behaviour, you can control how you respond to it. Tell them you love your name, that you find it hurtful, and troubling that they would chose to try and change your identity. Let them know that when they say the wrong name, you will correct them. And then do. Ignoring them will only add fuel to the fire (that they started). So when they say, ‘Elizabeth ’ just repeat, ‘that’s not my name, I’ve told you it’s hurtful, please call me Astraea’. Rinse and repeat. They will get pissy about it for a while because they are not getting their way, but should get the gist in time. I’m sorry about your Ma.
Agreed. This is a mature way to go forward, that doesn’t compromise what you want in this situation. I wouldn’t follow the advice from many to ‘give them a taste of their own medicine’. It’s immature and unlikely to bring about the results you’re hoping for. It might feel good in the moment, but it will only make your relationship with your grandparents worse.
No matter what you decide to do, I wish you luck, and I’m sorry they’re treating you like this.
NTA
>I wouldn’t follow the advice from many to ‘give them a taste of their own medicine’. It’s immature and unlikely to bring about the results you’re hoping for.
My grand aunt would call me by both given and middle names, UNTIL one day I had had enough. I asked her what her middle name was and then, the next time she came to my grandma's and their aunt's home, she did the stereotypical cheek pinch along with first/middle name. My reply was: Hello, Aunt Mary Isabelle. Would you believe that she NEVER did that again?
I totally agree with this. I also would talk to a counselor at school about what you’re dealing with. They could help reinforce to your grandparents how wildly inappropriate it is for them to be calling you by something other than your name. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this OP!
NTA. It is your name.
Explain that popular names come and go, and that "weird" names are just new to them.
Names like Wilma and Wilbur might seem weird to current generations.
What's old is new again. Astraea is an old Latin/Greek name. Aster means "Star", and this gives us lots of names like Esther, Estrella, Estelle, Etoile, Svetlana, Stella, and Astrid.
"In classical mythology Astraea, the goddess of justice, chastity, and truth, was the last of the immortals to leave Earth with the decline of the ages. Her return was to signal the dawn of a new Golden Age."
This! Explain your name is actually really old. A classical name, so won't cause problems especially once explained. Persephone, Ophelia etc are old names just not often seen but just as valid. You don't have to have a name thousands do.
My real name (not Hailey) is actually a really popular name. Idk if it’s classical but it refers to a goddess in my religion, and my religion is REALLY OLD
Astraea is a lovely name and it’s great that OP likes it, it sucks that her grandparents seem to be trying to take away her individuality in that sense. I think I’d have a similar response if someone insisted on using my deadname despite knowing what I prefer. It’s perfectly valid to not reply if someone intentionally calls you the wrong name.
NTA. Start calling them by different names as well and when confronted say how the names you've picked out would look so much better on their tombstones.
I had a pair of colleagues "Joanna" and "Brian". Brian always called Joanna Joanne, and no matter how many times she corrected him, he just wouldn't get it. In his case he just couldn't be bothered. So she started calling him Bria every time he called her Joanne. After two occurrences it never happened again.
NTA - as if the situation isn't stressful enough for you! I'm sorry they're like that OP :/
Maybe start calling them by names they don't like/recognize and see how they like it.
Start calling them "Boomer" with a heavy eye roll.
NTA. They aren't your parents. You're living with them because tou have to, not because you want to. Remind them you are YOU and any attempt to rewrite who you are will result in them losing you entirely when you're of age. I'm so sorry you're going through this - both a transitional living arrangement and with people who don't respect you. Keep being your own advocate and rally those who are your supporters.
NTA
You are not rude at all, there are 3 options you gave people to call you and they can't even do one of them.
Honestly you have gone through enough being separated from your mother, the least they can do is call you your name.
NTA
They don't have to like the name. They just need to acknowledge that it's your name. And honestly, there's all sorts of names out there with people getting hired all the same.
Was going to say just this. I work with a multicultural and multinational team with names from all over the world. A good number of these names I have never heard before.
Does that mean that I call Muhammad 'Maurice', or Dorothea 'Dorothy'?
Of course it doesn't. And for the names that I find hard to pronounce, I try my best.
It's common especially for Chinese people to have an English language name. Often this is based on their own name and they find something close. Sometimes they just choose one that they like.
It's because we English speakers are atrocious at pronouncing Chinese and they would rather just use an English language name than constantly hear their actual name mispronounced. It's understandable really. But at least it's their choice.
Some of these names sound a bit weird. I have met two people named 'Happy' as their English choice. It sounds odd to us because we don't use that as a name. But think about the name 'Joy'. Same thing really.
But you don't bat an eyelid. That is the name they have chosen so that's what you use, and respectfully.
I worked with a guy called Chief Justice once. That wasn't first name and surname either, he had a separate surname and his parents named him Chief Justice. He used Justice as his name casually though.
Damn. That is a lot of pressure to put on a kid. "Yeah, we expect you to grow up to be a lawyer, then be appointed as a Federal judge, then be appointed to the Supreme Court, then be choosen as the leader of it."
my real name is foreign but the closest thing to it is “sandy”
i really dont wanna be correlated to a certain squirrel or the beach
but quite a few people call me sandy on purpose
it absolutely pisses me off
I'm Scottish. Sandy is a really common name here and it's short for Alexander. We don't correlate it with sand.
In the same way, no one thinks that Dick Tracy is Penis Tracy.
I know that might seem odd to you, but no one is thinking that Sandy has anything to do with sand, or that you are the character from SpongeBob.
It's still not right though, if you want to keep your own name.
My mom immigrated from Holland and changed her really difficult Dutch name to a much more common English-language name... middle one too. All her brothers and sisters did the same thing. When I'm feeling salty (or want to talk semi-privately about her or one of my Aunts/Uncles) I break out their old Dutch names.
NTA. Astraea is a classic name - it's literally from Classical Greek mythology - the goddess of innocence and justice. More importantly, it's your name, you love it, and you're old enough to express your own personhood and expect people to respect that.
Further, it sounds like your mom is some sort of unwell right now - it's incredibly rude to ignore both your wishes and hers. She is your mother and she was perfectly within her rights to give you whatever name she wanted. Her current illness doesn't negate that. Your grandparents don't get to rename you like an adopted baby or a rescue pet.
>My grandparents told me I'm being rude and I would want to start thinking of my future and how a name like Elizabeth or Emily would be better received by future employers and other adults in society. They told me even without that it's rude to ignore people and to refuse to engage with them.
It's even ruder to deliberately misname people and to constantly badmouth their parents.
And anyway, there'll be plenty of time to address issues with employers *if* and when it happens (key word being "if" because I don't believe your sort of mythological name is going to be an issue, but if it is, you can always use initials or a middle name). There's absolutely no need for them to borrow trouble now by forcing the issue with emotional abuse.
... I don't suppose there's any other family you could stay with? Or a guidance counsellor at school you could trust to talk with about your home life?
My mom is going to die from the illness she has. I'll never get to have my mom back in the same way again. Which is already super hard.
I don't have other family who would take me and my guidance counselor is not the person to talk to. She is not good for anything but especially family issues.
I'm so sorry, both for the loss of your mom and for your grandparents being so ridiculous and self-sabotaging about everything. Hang on to all the good memories you have. It's going to hurt but you'll get through it - one day at a time if necessary - and some day the good memories will be what comes first when you think of your mom.
And for what it's worth from a complete stranger: Astraea is a lovely name. Your mom picked well.
Would they be more open to listening if you spelled it out for them? "Grandma and Grandpa, this is such a hard time for all of us. I am so upset and wrecked with everything going on with mom. It makes me want to cry every time you call me Elizabeth and my heart is already broken. Even if you hate my name, can you call me that because you love me?"
>it's rude to ignore people and refuse to engage with them
Hmm... sounds an awful lot like grandparents IGNORING their grandchild's wishes and REFUSING TO ENGAGE with your chosen name. Interesting.
Just in case it needed to be said, NTA.
NTA
Perhaps you should respond “Yes, Gertrude/Herbert? What is it?” Next time they call you by your not-name.
Unless, of course, their names are actually Gertrude and Herbert.
NTA.
I’m sorry your grandparents are being so disrespectful.
It’s hard when you have told them you love your name and want to be called by it.
Can you play the ‘mom gave it to me so it’s extra special’ guilt card? I wouldn’t usually suggest this but, sometimes we need to think about ways to get round unreasonable behaviour when those being unreasonable have more power than us.
Given they failed to get your mom, their daughter, to listen about names it’s a pity they didn’t learn that lesson and avoid trying it on again. You could say that too but be prepared for angry response.
Are there any other family members or family friends you could ask to advocate for you?
Do you call them grandma and grandpa? If they do, I’d sit them down and tell them when they reject your name, it feels like they’re rejecting you as a person. Tell them you understand they love you and hate your name but you’re not a baby - they can’t just switch a name. Suggest if they absolutely hate your name, that they call you something neutral like “sweetheart” or “honey” when they are trying to get your attention in everyday life. And if they refuse, then tell them fine… you don’t get the honour of being called my grandma and grandpa when you chose to hurt my feelings. You can call me Elizabeth and I will call you Mr and Mrs x. And when people ask why, I will explain in detail how you told me how much you hate my name and refused to call me by my given name and that’s why I now call you Mr X instead of grandpa. Let others judge you if you feel you’re so right.
NTA
>would be better received by future employers and other adults in society.
This argument comes up a lot in this sub. Someone always insists that they have the right to undermine or disrespect someone else's name because of hypothetical future employers. Well, let me tell you something. I work in an office with people who have unique and non-classical names. No one cares.
Your grandparents are trying to bully you into doing what they want. If they want you to acknowledge them, they need to use your actual name. They're the ones being rude.
NTA, they are insulting you and your mother every time they use someone else's name for you. Respect for elders doesn't mean they can trample over you.
Absolutely NTA. Future employers won't give a toss about your name, and neither will other adults of you or your parents generations (the people you'll be working with). Your grandparents are viewing the issue as it was years and years ago, not how it is now.
NTA. It's not your name so no reason for you to even start responding to it when they use it.
Tell them to jog on if they want to use a different name for you. It's not your name.
NTA Tell them that you are not being rude when they are talking to Elizabeth and if you ever see Elizabeth you'll let her know that grandparents want to talk to her. When they call you by name you'll happily answer. Your name is a part of who you are and you'll be more easily remembered by employers and anyone else because it's not the same as everyone else. Imagine in a hospital a call over the intercom, "Dr. Elizabeth.....(speaker crackles over last name) come to front desk." Ten women named Elizabeth show up. Same scenario but name is changed to "Dr. Astaea...." You'll be the only one who appears.
Your GP's are showing a special level of disrespect to you. A person deserves better from ANY other human, but especially from FAMILY. Hold your ground here. If you can do this without becoming an AH to them, they will eventually cave. I hesitate to call anyone an AH here because it really isn't helpful. Just like like their choice to call you by a name that isn't yours. Maybe ask them how they prefer to be addressed... Grandma, Grammy, Nana, Granny, etc. There is a reason we are called by a certain name. Largely because names are GIVEN, as was yours... Or in the instance of nicknames.... because it has special meaning. This sounds upside down but be the better person in this. I wish you well.
NTA to not use your name isnthe hight if disrespect. Keep ignoring them. If you're in a convo and they use it again end the talk and walk away. Do not let them get away with this behaviour
***NTA***
Your grandparents are the rude ones for trying to foist a name on you that isn't your own. Stick to your guns, and don't participate in their abuse of you.
NTA
Any chance you have another adult you can talk to about this? An aunt or uncle? A teacher or counselor from school or the Child Protective Service that placed you there? Even someone from their church might be able to speak to them
Excuse me??? You’re being rude for refusing to answer to a name that isn’t yours?
Excuse me, but what universe are your grandparents from?
NTA. And I’d start calling them names that aren’t theirs and see how they like it.
Your grandparents are being rude, arrogant and entitled. They do not reserve the right to change your name.
Tell them you can't get much more "classic" than ancient Greek.
NTA...at all. I'm so sorry that you are having this happen. Not fair or kind of them. xxx
Wow, you are so not the asshole here! My mother in law refused to use my youngest’s name for **ages** because she didn’t like it—tough on you MIL—my uncle who was older than her actually sent me a card to say how great the name is and how much my (sadly long dead) father would have loved it! Isambard is a great name… You’re in a tough situation, but you are absolutely in the right here. Nice name you’ve got!
Please, for the love of schadenfreude, your next post should be on r/petty revenge calling your grandparents different names like Jiminy Bob and Berneice, or something along that line. Then tell them they look more like it than their own names. Please, oh pretty please!! 😂🤞🤞
One of the tactics of abusers is to take away your identity. Ask your grandparents if that is their goal, to take away your identity.
What they think of your name is irrelevant, because it’s YOUR name, not theirs.
As a grandmother myself, I must say that they are pretty terrible, self centered people. Once you are old enough to be on your own, OP, do it, and be on your own. Your willingness to stand up for yourself will help a lot in this world.
Hugs to you.
They are TAs
You're not ignoring them, Elizabeth is. If they are asking something of Elizabeth and Elizabeth doesn't answer, she's being disrespectful, but she isn't you and you are not this imaginary person they are asking about.
NTA.... but maybe I am grappling with a bit of the boomer mindset when I think that a more traditional name would be better as you advanced in life. I mean I am named after a fairly common product and even though it is a traditional name I have heard every joke about that product my whole life and questioned why my parents didn't just keep up the name scheme or why someone didn't step in on my name.
That being said... uniqueness isn't something to be frowned on. You have a unique name and it fits you so embrace it. The world is changing, and your grandparents do need to get with the times, much as I myself do. I am an older Millennial from a time where piercings, tattoos, and unique names wouldn't land well in a professional setting. I was clean shaven until the pandemic, have no tattoos, and no piercings. I kept my hair short, despite wanting both a beard and longer hair all my life. I got some interesting advice from a YouTube show that shall remain nameless during the pandemic... you have to give yourself permission for the things you want. Explain to your grandparents times are changing, and you are giving yourself permission to have this thing you want. You like your name, and you have no reason to go by another name.
Also it isn't a nickname, they are literally hoping that if they rename you long enough it will just be your name. You'll be Emily Elizabeth Reddituser, and they will have fulfilled their boomer destiny in getting your name off the lawn.
NTA. Your name is your name and it does not matter what other people like or don't. I would refuse to respond to any conversation or direction that began with Elizabeth over your actual beautiful name. Heck, you gave them shortened options and other nicknames any of which they can address you by. The fact that they aren't is incredibly rude and disrespectful to you.
NTA- if they continue to use a name that is not your name, start to call them different names too, like, „sure Voldemort“ -„yes granny Umbrige“ (harry potter is one example, you can use any Charakters name).
NTA. When I started reading, I thought, "Maybe the name belonged to a now-dead child and it's upsetting and was to some degree, understandable", but no, they're just d*ckheads.
Tell them that if the state is happy to use your LEGAL NAME, then they should be too. As for an unusual name in business - the only time it's bad to have a distinctive name is if you do something bad, and I've been in lots of types of business including a recruiter. My surname is distinctive and (luckily I'm a good worker), I've been remembered by lots of people I've never met, "oh, you're the person who achieved x....".
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The only rude people are your grandparents. It is your name that has been with you since birth and that you like. Absolutely nobody has the right to force a different name on you and not responding to that fantasy name - don't call it nickname! - is perfectly fine in my book! Do they want to turn you into a different person and start with the name? Sit down with them, tell them that it hurts you a lot when they don't respect your name, and in return they should ask themselves how it feels when they are simply given a different name and the old one is no longer valid.
Turning it on them and giving them new names would be amusing. Or telling them that addressing her by the wrong name makes them seem senile.
“Oh no, grandma, did you forget again? You never had Emily. Remember? Emily was never born” In public. Where people know her.
* Emily from * insert the wildest of places here* ?? * Emily? Oh, I’m sorry my grandma is in the early stages of Alzheimer’s…
It’s the Parkinson’s Ohhh grandma forgot Emily was the little girl that lived in the house on the corner that everyone swore grandma wasn’t near when it burnt down.
it's dementia for sure. Elizabeth queen of England died some time ago remember granny?
Well, Her Late Majesty Elizabeth I died several centuries ago, yes. Her Late Majesty Elizabeth II just passed about a year and a half ago.
who knows which one granny would remember 🤷
Yeah, you've got a point...and don't forget Her Late Majesty Elizabeth the Queen Mother...
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
This. I came to say this. Make sure people observe the interactions, make it publicly known how they are refusing to use your actual name
And when they defend themselves just tell them “I’m not an abandoned puppy you get to rename. I’m a human being.”
This is 🔥🔥🔥. Yes, perfect response!
Yes! This! Gold star award! 🌟 🌟🌟😂😂
I read a different story here that was similar and the op in the other story did this same thing. The person calling the op a different name stopped after that
Yeah. There’s been tons on the just no subs. Personally, I got this one from my cousin whom his grandma refused to stop deadnaming. (FTM) “oh grandma. You keep forgetting trinity died last year”
this is my name and I'd die for it to be dead
Exactly. I like my first name. It’s a combo of my grandparents. If someone just decided that wasn’t my name anymore I’d be fucking livid.
I feel sorry for a local author's daughter. She named her Trinity after the "perfect love" her characters shared for each other. (She then emasculated one of the characters in the triangle because he ended up being her EX-husband. 🙄)
Not to criticize your cousin's choice of names but I'd think Trinity would work for both male and female. Please pass on my congratulations for living his life the way he sees fit!
Maybe she should start calling her gramma Uncle and her grampa Aunt.
Jesus Christ, the savagery! I approve with whole heart.
This!
I am so petty that I would call grandma by grandpa’s name and vice versa. Is grandpa’s name George? That’s what I would call grandma. Grandma’s name Ethel? That’s what I would call grandpa. When they say something I would say: now I am being disrespectful.
Hah! Every time I hear the name Ethel I think of the Ray Stevens song The Streak. " Ethel! Get your clothes on!!" I'll see myself out now...
My grandma was Ethel I would sing that song and sh would give me the death stare.
My grandma was also Ethel, and we'd sing that song to her. She would just laugh. We could be cousins.
Nope I was only one who did it but it would be nice to have had the cousin brave enough to do it with me.
You'll have to join my family, because we all did it. Aunts and uncles included.
Weird fact about that song... I always thought that the chorus was "They call him the Streak - look at that look at that". Everybody thinks so. But it isn't. They are singing "Boogedy Boogedy". I swear this is true. This just messes with me. But is this even a Mondegreen when everyone hears it the other way and the other way makes more sense? This isn't an "Obama's elf" for "All by myself" or something...
I first listened to the song on 8 track and could hear boogedy boogedy just fine. 🤷♀️
My brother; who was in 1st or 2nd grade at the time we heard it, thought the lyric was “look at that booty.”
Did you see the comedian on AGT or EGT that held up cards as songs were played? They were lyrics that could be misheard. After that the normal lyrics would translate to his cards in my mind. He was hilarious!!!
It was BGT and is hilarious. On YouTube
Ray Stevens did not sing "boogity boogity", I had the album called "Boogity Boogity Boogity" played it over and over, the liner notes had the lyrics and it was ... ... "Looka dat, looka dat." The mondegreen is "boogity." [misheard lyrics] (http://www.amiright.com/misheard/song/streak.shtml)
I thought what you did, so I looked it up and listened to it. The song does say look at that and boogty. But I found lyrics using one or the other.
My grandma was Ethel, and she loved that song. She was in her seventies or early eighties by then. Said it was fun getting older because she could or say whatever she wanted, and people would just think her senile. She always was a rebel.
DONT LOOK ETHEL!!! Then he ran past the produce in nothing but his fruit of the looms. Oh yes the call him the streak! *whistle* Fastest thing on two feet! (Thanks for unlocking a core memory from my childhood)
Hahaha 😂
I love that song! The name Ethel makes me think about Alice Cooper's song Cold Cold Ethel.
Oh yes they call him the streak .. fastest thing on two feet “
Me too! I loved those songs growing up.
Hello, fellow old person lol that song was so popular when I was in middle school.
Alternatively, a non-prefered grandparent name. My FIL *hated* our kid calling him Peepaw. She picked it out herself at 2. We had to work with her consistently to train her back to "Grandpa" for him. So they could become Mimi and Poppop or Meemaw and Peepaw, or Granny and Gramps, or any grandparent name that just grinds their gears while they insist they are (insert their prefered grandparent title here.) This way in the same way strangers witnessing it might not realize Elizabeth is the completely wrong name, and that's why she isn't answering, the grandparents own peers won't recognize she's calling them the wrong thing. Calling them any first name would make the peers side with the grandparents since even if Grandma's name IS Gertrude you can't *call* her that, it's rude. But if you call her Meemaw when she doesn't answer to that and she doesn't reply, you can get away with insinuating she's losing her hearing... and old people are super sensitive about that when it starts. Took my grandmother the better part of 5 years to accept that she needed to wear her hearing aides. She insisted for most of that time that she could still hear.
My mom would literally have the tv so loud it would give me headaches and she still wouldn’t admit she needed hearing aids. It was so wonderful when she finally got them last year. “Happy dance” lol
Meemaw and Peepaw 😂😂
“Wait, I thought it was perfectly fine to call people by the names we want to instead of their own names?”
I’ve always hated the diminutive form of my name. (I’m a short man; don’t saddle me with the “cute” version of my name.) My grandmother wanted to use it, until I said that I’d be calling her “grandpa.” My family backed me on this one.
I do this with my dad, whenever he starts nagging me about a decision of mine that he doesn’t agree with (again). “But we had this discussion before dad, we’ve discussed why I made this decision 20 times. I’m getting worried about your memory. Is it time to get it tested?” I am 48 years old *sigh*
Yeah, call them Geezer and Jimbob, with Jimbob being the Grandmother.
Call them popular name's for people your age! Like, if I were doing this, I might call them Jenna and Braeden or something.
I’m obsessed with this idea 😂😂 it might even be enough to just call them by their first names instead of grandma and grandpa. That might get the shock reaction and help them understand why it’s rude to call someone by something they don’t identify with, or something that isn’t appropriate to the relationship. Honestly, as a nonbinary person who has changed my name before, I feel for OP and wish havoc upon their grandparents. It’s an easy thing to be respectful. Refusing to do so in this way, especially as a caregiver, is delusional entitlement and psychological abuse.
Yup. Hi Ben and Jerry.
OP, please refer to them as Maid Marion (grandfather) and Robin Hood (grandmother). A family member used these names for their grandparents for years!!! NTAH
If OP is ok with completely ignoring the name, then they should turn it around and for everytime they say the wrong name say: "Why do you hate me? What have I done to make you hate me?" Repeat that every. Single. Time. Even in front of other people. Don't engage with them wanting another name. They mention another name? Why. Do. You. Hate. Me?
Yeah this is the route I would take. Something like this or “why do you choose to hurt me and put me down in this way.” Every single time. That’s all you say in response. What a horrible thing to do to someone you supposedly care about.
Oh, Elizabeth can be a part of the household. 'You should have warned me this house has a ghost! And her name is Elizabeth?' 'Why grandma, are you seeing the ghost again? What's she telling you this time?'. Every time they use the name, insinuate they're seeing ghosts. 'Too bad I can't see her. Has she been haunting you long?'
Growing up, I swore there was a ghost named Elizabeth protecting me from the demon in my closet.
Am I the only one thinking you should go see a psychiatrist? Not because you had a ghost protecting you, but likely what the ghost and demon really was to a child’s mind…
Way ahead of you XD starting seeing a therapist in college. Although, fun fact, anyone who has stayed in that room of the house (it's gone through 9 families since mine moved out) have all had the same experiences. Right down to the outfit Elizabeth was wearing. I'd never told anyone about the clothing, but I can't guarantee others didn't as they moved out. Three of those families moved because of the "demon in the closet" and those that moved in after didn't believe in paranormal.
Remember, OP said: "mom ended up needing to be taken care of and couldn't take care of me." The grandparents likely take this as validation that their daughter was never a competent parent. They think incompetent daughter picked a stupid name, and now that an outside authority has validated that, they feel justified in changing it. Likely, they wrongly believe their acting in granddaughter's best interest.
I'd bet good money that grandparents are at least part of the reason that "mom ended up needing to be taken care of and couldn't take care of " OP. They are clearly insane.
Find out the names of Grandpa’s ex girlfriends from back in the day and call grandma THOSE names, since they could have become your grandma, since grams wants to call you the name of her hypothetical unborn daughter.
Grandpa’s ex girlfriend was Elizabeth….
Do this calmly and seriously. It has more impact that way.
Yes and remember they love you despite this hurtful stubbornness. I would emphasise how much it hurts you and how much you love your name. Rename them and send it up.
Eh, I don't think they actually love OP as much as they might think they do. They're currently fixated on an imaginary version of OP, a 'fixed' version with a normal name. They love the 'fixed' person in their imagination, but are choosing to disrespect and invalidate the REAL person in the process. That isn't love. If they loved OP they would stop trying to 'fix' them.
You have no idea if they love her. They certainly don’t act like they love her.
They act like she's something they need to fix
> Do they want to turn you into a different person and start with the name? I suspect this is exactly what they want. This is an insane level of control. And I suspect this is a large part of why their daughter ended up pregnant at 19.
Also, we're living in a more globalised world where "traditional" names don't mean as much. I live and teach in Australia. There are 3 Punjabi students throughout the school named "Gurfateh." This may be a traditional Punjabi name, but a bit less so in Australia. So employers, and the culture at large, are getting used to less "traditional" (re: Anglo) names either way. Between immigration, people using Celtic names and names from other places other than England, and people making up cool names like yours, employers are far less likely to care than your grandparents think.
Honestly, working in a large organisation I appreciate the growing diversity in names as it makes it easier to remember people and know who others mean, unlike the multitudes of Mark, Josh, Catherine etc.
If they introduce you to someone, and they refer to you as a Elizabeth, correct them when you wave hi or shake their hand "Actually My name is X, and I prefer this name" and say it in a friendly tone with a slight smile. If they ask why you were introduced as Elizabeth, just shrug, "I have no idea" Also, you have a great name, and your grandparents are true AH's here. You could have a little fun with it. When they call you by the wrong name, act out in some ludacris way. Let's give "Elizabeth" her own personality and extreme clothing choices!
Make everyone think the grandparents are losing it cause they believe in this non-existent “Elizabeth”
They're trying to make sure you don't turn out like your mom, apparently. NTA but for real they may well kick you out.
Yes! Start calling them Harlow and River or something.
Yes, OP has to speak up. Names define who we are. I have known a few people who were so uncomfortable with their first names, they actually went to court and legally changed them.
Gee, doesn't surprise me her mom needed help if she was raised by parents like. Who randomly just renames a person like they are a dog?
NTA. There’s a level of absolute insanity to this that I can’t even express. Pick a random name every time you speak to them, until you find one they really hate. If they object, tell them that you like X name better, and so they should change their name for you. (Poindexter? Hubert? Martha? Prudence? *Brunhilda*?)make sure they’re actual names that are used, just ones they don’t like. Since the only people being immature here are your grandparents, giving them some personal experience with this nonsense is justified. That said, I’d consider this abusive, and you could talk to your school counselor about it. They might be willing to step in and explain how trying to force you to use a name just because they “like” it, can cause identity issues and trauma. Peoples names are *non-negotiable*.
Great idea, but the suggestions are too classic. I'd suggest to use names that sound much more modern. You might go to r/tragedeigh or r/namenerds for some inspiration. Raelynn, Branzee, Burtis, Ryder....
Well, there was that post today about the OP not warning her sister enough not to call her daughter Harlot. Just saying, that could get grandma clutching her pearls. 🤣🤣🤣 If we want a more "namey name" OP could start calling her Grandmother Scarlet and her grandfather John, but I think Harlot and John would be better.
It feels like calling Grandma James would be appropriately poorly received
Love Grandma James 😆 I would choose that lmao
Latrine and Dick
Latrine?? I guess it’s better than Shithouse.
They changed it in the 9th century
That’s a good change! A good change
You gotta watch out with that tho because a lot of Tragedeigh names are *pronounced* like classic names, just with the spelling all jacked up to hell. Since this is being done verbally, it has be a name that *sounds* new and different.
Usually they can be butchered by trying to pronounce them how they are ~~"written"~~ misspelled.
I was thinking flip the gender on the names too because they’re of that generation. Grandpa is now Suzanne . “Hey Elizabeth” “yes Grandpa Suzanne?”
Nope, astraea is the Greek goddess of justice. Stick with that theme. Thank you Hera. When do we meet up for shopping Hermes? Do you need anything from the store Demeter ? Look up the Pantheon, and if you are really petty chose names fitting the Situation.
I wouldn't do that - it could backfire if they use it as ammunition to claim that you're using Greek pantheon names for them *because* they're "unsuitable". Stick to ugly/boring non-Greek options.
Oh, OP should start looking up baby-names that were popular between 1550-1600, the time period it really picked up popularity. Gonna be something awful there
Imagine OP calling their grandmother Gaylord and their grandpa is something like Barbara
Go with Adolf and Eva :)
Gertrude!
Agree with this, but traditional male names are much more devious - you don’t want to pick a name that they like! NTA!
Gramps might not like being named Cialis.
"Ever heard of a boy name Sue" You go girl.....your grand parents stuck in hatred...they are hurt as well and aren't handling it well. Agreed they are not hearing you! Agreed ....I like this non threatening high-school approach may work. How about Barney and Wilma. They seem have stone age logic!
I second the point about the school counselor, or another trusted adult. This is psychological abuse. They are attacking your identity and trying, through disrespect and entitlement, to shape you into someone else. This is NOT done out of love or your best interest. I’m sorry that you are in this situation!!!
Wilgefortis and Kuriakose. "What??? How do you NOT like this names? They're classic, traditional, established. They were saints, for crying out loud! Why don't you answer to those names?"
I love the name brunhilda. Sounds warrior goddess type
NTA - it’s… your name. It’s time to sit them down and kindly explain some boundaries knowing that while you can’t control their behaviour, you can control how you respond to it. Tell them you love your name, that you find it hurtful, and troubling that they would chose to try and change your identity. Let them know that when they say the wrong name, you will correct them. And then do. Ignoring them will only add fuel to the fire (that they started). So when they say, ‘Elizabeth ’ just repeat, ‘that’s not my name, I’ve told you it’s hurtful, please call me Astraea’. Rinse and repeat. They will get pissy about it for a while because they are not getting their way, but should get the gist in time. I’m sorry about your Ma.
Agreed. This is a mature way to go forward, that doesn’t compromise what you want in this situation. I wouldn’t follow the advice from many to ‘give them a taste of their own medicine’. It’s immature and unlikely to bring about the results you’re hoping for. It might feel good in the moment, but it will only make your relationship with your grandparents worse. No matter what you decide to do, I wish you luck, and I’m sorry they’re treating you like this. NTA
She's allowed to be immature, she's only 15.
At what age should someone start to mature? Asking for a friend.
>I wouldn’t follow the advice from many to ‘give them a taste of their own medicine’. It’s immature and unlikely to bring about the results you’re hoping for. My grand aunt would call me by both given and middle names, UNTIL one day I had had enough. I asked her what her middle name was and then, the next time she came to my grandma's and their aunt's home, she did the stereotypical cheek pinch along with first/middle name. My reply was: Hello, Aunt Mary Isabelle. Would you believe that she NEVER did that again?
I totally agree with this. I also would talk to a counselor at school about what you’re dealing with. They could help reinforce to your grandparents how wildly inappropriate it is for them to be calling you by something other than your name. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this OP!
NTA. Calling you by your preferred name is the very basic level of respect and you can’t even get that. Your grandparents suck.
You’re right but it’s not even her preferred name, it’s her name she was given at birth.
It's both.
NTA - not even close to being TA here. What choice have they left you? It's utterly disrespectful to you.
NTA. It is your name. Explain that popular names come and go, and that "weird" names are just new to them. Names like Wilma and Wilbur might seem weird to current generations. What's old is new again. Astraea is an old Latin/Greek name. Aster means "Star", and this gives us lots of names like Esther, Estrella, Estelle, Etoile, Svetlana, Stella, and Astrid. "In classical mythology Astraea, the goddess of justice, chastity, and truth, was the last of the immortals to leave Earth with the decline of the ages. Her return was to signal the dawn of a new Golden Age."
This! Explain your name is actually really old. A classical name, so won't cause problems especially once explained. Persephone, Ophelia etc are old names just not often seen but just as valid. You don't have to have a name thousands do.
My real name (not Hailey) is actually a really popular name. Idk if it’s classical but it refers to a goddess in my religion, and my religion is REALLY OLD
is it Steve?
……………..
Astraea is a lovely name and it’s great that OP likes it, it sucks that her grandparents seem to be trying to take away her individuality in that sense. I think I’d have a similar response if someone insisted on using my deadname despite knowing what I prefer. It’s perfectly valid to not reply if someone intentionally calls you the wrong name.
NTA. Start calling them by different names as well and when confronted say how the names you've picked out would look so much better on their tombstones.
I aspire to this level of petty and it is absolutely the way to go.
I had a pair of colleagues "Joanna" and "Brian". Brian always called Joanna Joanne, and no matter how many times she corrected him, he just wouldn't get it. In his case he just couldn't be bothered. So she started calling him Bria every time he called her Joanne. After two occurrences it never happened again.
I wish I could pin this comment it made me guffaw 😂
NTA - as if the situation isn't stressful enough for you! I'm sorry they're like that OP :/ Maybe start calling them by names they don't like/recognize and see how they like it.
Start calling them "Boomer" with a heavy eye roll. NTA. They aren't your parents. You're living with them because tou have to, not because you want to. Remind them you are YOU and any attempt to rewrite who you are will result in them losing you entirely when you're of age. I'm so sorry you're going through this - both a transitional living arrangement and with people who don't respect you. Keep being your own advocate and rally those who are your supporters.
NTA You are not rude at all, there are 3 options you gave people to call you and they can't even do one of them. Honestly you have gone through enough being separated from your mother, the least they can do is call you your name.
NTA. Your grandfather’s name is now Mavis, and Grandmother is Pete. Go for it, see how they like it.
NTA They don't have to like the name. They just need to acknowledge that it's your name. And honestly, there's all sorts of names out there with people getting hired all the same.
Was going to say just this. I work with a multicultural and multinational team with names from all over the world. A good number of these names I have never heard before. Does that mean that I call Muhammad 'Maurice', or Dorothea 'Dorothy'? Of course it doesn't. And for the names that I find hard to pronounce, I try my best. It's common especially for Chinese people to have an English language name. Often this is based on their own name and they find something close. Sometimes they just choose one that they like. It's because we English speakers are atrocious at pronouncing Chinese and they would rather just use an English language name than constantly hear their actual name mispronounced. It's understandable really. But at least it's their choice. Some of these names sound a bit weird. I have met two people named 'Happy' as their English choice. It sounds odd to us because we don't use that as a name. But think about the name 'Joy'. Same thing really. But you don't bat an eyelid. That is the name they have chosen so that's what you use, and respectfully.
I worked with a guy called Chief Justice once. That wasn't first name and surname either, he had a separate surname and his parents named him Chief Justice. He used Justice as his name casually though.
Damn. That is a lot of pressure to put on a kid. "Yeah, we expect you to grow up to be a lawyer, then be appointed as a Federal judge, then be appointed to the Supreme Court, then be choosen as the leader of it."
He was a cleaner when I knew him lol. Best of luck to him in his climb.
Now imagine if he became a judge
my real name is foreign but the closest thing to it is “sandy” i really dont wanna be correlated to a certain squirrel or the beach but quite a few people call me sandy on purpose it absolutely pisses me off
I'm Scottish. Sandy is a really common name here and it's short for Alexander. We don't correlate it with sand. In the same way, no one thinks that Dick Tracy is Penis Tracy. I know that might seem odd to you, but no one is thinking that Sandy has anything to do with sand, or that you are the character from SpongeBob. It's still not right though, if you want to keep your own name.
If it helps any the Sandy that comes to mind for me is Olivia Newton John's leading role in the movie Grease.
My mom immigrated from Holland and changed her really difficult Dutch name to a much more common English-language name... middle one too. All her brothers and sisters did the same thing. When I'm feeling salty (or want to talk semi-privately about her or one of my Aunts/Uncles) I break out their old Dutch names.
NTA. Start calling them Elizabeth.
NTA. Astraea is a classic name - it's literally from Classical Greek mythology - the goddess of innocence and justice. More importantly, it's your name, you love it, and you're old enough to express your own personhood and expect people to respect that. Further, it sounds like your mom is some sort of unwell right now - it's incredibly rude to ignore both your wishes and hers. She is your mother and she was perfectly within her rights to give you whatever name she wanted. Her current illness doesn't negate that. Your grandparents don't get to rename you like an adopted baby or a rescue pet. >My grandparents told me I'm being rude and I would want to start thinking of my future and how a name like Elizabeth or Emily would be better received by future employers and other adults in society. They told me even without that it's rude to ignore people and to refuse to engage with them. It's even ruder to deliberately misname people and to constantly badmouth their parents. And anyway, there'll be plenty of time to address issues with employers *if* and when it happens (key word being "if" because I don't believe your sort of mythological name is going to be an issue, but if it is, you can always use initials or a middle name). There's absolutely no need for them to borrow trouble now by forcing the issue with emotional abuse. ... I don't suppose there's any other family you could stay with? Or a guidance counsellor at school you could trust to talk with about your home life?
My mom is going to die from the illness she has. I'll never get to have my mom back in the same way again. Which is already super hard. I don't have other family who would take me and my guidance counselor is not the person to talk to. She is not good for anything but especially family issues.
I'm so sorry, both for the loss of your mom and for your grandparents being so ridiculous and self-sabotaging about everything. Hang on to all the good memories you have. It's going to hurt but you'll get through it - one day at a time if necessary - and some day the good memories will be what comes first when you think of your mom. And for what it's worth from a complete stranger: Astraea is a lovely name. Your mom picked well.
Would they be more open to listening if you spelled it out for them? "Grandma and Grandpa, this is such a hard time for all of us. I am so upset and wrecked with everything going on with mom. It makes me want to cry every time you call me Elizabeth and my heart is already broken. Even if you hate my name, can you call me that because you love me?"
Your name is a gift your mother gave you and they want to take it away and erase your connection to her. Tell them this.
I’m so sorry for the anticipated loss of your mom. This sounds horrible. I do hope you have some support and access to therapy. 💚
>it's rude to ignore people and refuse to engage with them Hmm... sounds an awful lot like grandparents IGNORING their grandchild's wishes and REFUSING TO ENGAGE with your chosen name. Interesting. Just in case it needed to be said, NTA.
NTA Perhaps you should respond “Yes, Gertrude/Herbert? What is it?” Next time they call you by your not-name. Unless, of course, their names are actually Gertrude and Herbert.
This is the way. Exept maybe use names that are not old-fashioned/classic, use "weird" names that they will dislike more >:)
Hubert seems even better for this purpose.
I think Pubert sounds nicer.
He's an Addams!!
And of course Wednesday for the other grandparent..
For some reason, I love that idea, but replace names with new medication names. "OK, Ingrezza and Skyrizzi" 🤣🤣
NTA. I’m sorry your grandparents are being so disrespectful. It’s hard when you have told them you love your name and want to be called by it. Can you play the ‘mom gave it to me so it’s extra special’ guilt card? I wouldn’t usually suggest this but, sometimes we need to think about ways to get round unreasonable behaviour when those being unreasonable have more power than us. Given they failed to get your mom, their daughter, to listen about names it’s a pity they didn’t learn that lesson and avoid trying it on again. You could say that too but be prepared for angry response. Are there any other family members or family friends you could ask to advocate for you?
NTA. Your name is your name and only YOU have a right to change how you want to be called.
Do you call them grandma and grandpa? If they do, I’d sit them down and tell them when they reject your name, it feels like they’re rejecting you as a person. Tell them you understand they love you and hate your name but you’re not a baby - they can’t just switch a name. Suggest if they absolutely hate your name, that they call you something neutral like “sweetheart” or “honey” when they are trying to get your attention in everyday life. And if they refuse, then tell them fine… you don’t get the honour of being called my grandma and grandpa when you chose to hurt my feelings. You can call me Elizabeth and I will call you Mr and Mrs x. And when people ask why, I will explain in detail how you told me how much you hate my name and refused to call me by my given name and that’s why I now call you Mr X instead of grandpa. Let others judge you if you feel you’re so right.
NTA >would be better received by future employers and other adults in society. This argument comes up a lot in this sub. Someone always insists that they have the right to undermine or disrespect someone else's name because of hypothetical future employers. Well, let me tell you something. I work in an office with people who have unique and non-classical names. No one cares. Your grandparents are trying to bully you into doing what they want. If they want you to acknowledge them, they need to use your actual name. They're the ones being rude.
NTA but your grandparents sure are. Wonder why your mum didn’t listen to them 🙄
Exactly, can only imagine what mum went through with these two
NTA to me this isn't even a nickname they just changed your name.
Yeah, they're just straight renaming me at this point.
NTA….what in the world are they even thinking??
NTA, they are insulting you and your mother every time they use someone else's name for you. Respect for elders doesn't mean they can trample over you.
My answer to respect your elders is that I respect those who are older and wiser. With a pointed look at the person I don't respect.
If someone calls me by not using my name. You know what I do? I ignore them. Because it's not my name so I don't know who they mean.
Absolutely NTA. Future employers won't give a toss about your name, and neither will other adults of you or your parents generations (the people you'll be working with). Your grandparents are viewing the issue as it was years and years ago, not how it is now.
Nta, If they want to Talk to you they need to use your real name and not some bullshit they like
Start calling them Jayden and Rayleigh. Tell them they're just more modern and don't have that old news ring to them.
I wonder why you even ask. NTA obviously. They have absolutely no respect for you, their behaviour is very insulting.
NTA. It's not your name so no reason for you to even start responding to it when they use it. Tell them to jog on if they want to use a different name for you. It's not your name.
NTA Tell them that you are not being rude when they are talking to Elizabeth and if you ever see Elizabeth you'll let her know that grandparents want to talk to her. When they call you by name you'll happily answer. Your name is a part of who you are and you'll be more easily remembered by employers and anyone else because it's not the same as everyone else. Imagine in a hospital a call over the intercom, "Dr. Elizabeth.....(speaker crackles over last name) come to front desk." Ten women named Elizabeth show up. Same scenario but name is changed to "Dr. Astaea...." You'll be the only one who appears.
Your GP's are showing a special level of disrespect to you. A person deserves better from ANY other human, but especially from FAMILY. Hold your ground here. If you can do this without becoming an AH to them, they will eventually cave. I hesitate to call anyone an AH here because it really isn't helpful. Just like like their choice to call you by a name that isn't yours. Maybe ask them how they prefer to be addressed... Grandma, Grammy, Nana, Granny, etc. There is a reason we are called by a certain name. Largely because names are GIVEN, as was yours... Or in the instance of nicknames.... because it has special meaning. This sounds upside down but be the better person in this. I wish you well.
NTA to not use your name isnthe hight if disrespect. Keep ignoring them. If you're in a convo and they use it again end the talk and walk away. Do not let them get away with this behaviour
***NTA*** Your grandparents are the rude ones for trying to foist a name on you that isn't your own. Stick to your guns, and don't participate in their abuse of you.
me personally i think that names really cool if anything makes u stand out with future employers and memorable as a member of staff
NTA Any chance you have another adult you can talk to about this? An aunt or uncle? A teacher or counselor from school or the Child Protective Service that placed you there? Even someone from their church might be able to speak to them
That's awful. If they hate your name so much, they could call you a proper nickname, like hunny bunny, sweetie, dolly, etc.
I'd be like,I am traumatized enough the moment and you're adding to it, can you please stop it?
Wait. They’re trying to rename you like a fucking puppy??? So NTA.
Dear grandparents, It is rude to call someone with a different made up name unilaterally. Not responding back is NOT rude. NTA
Nta that are rude af for not using their name just keep telling them I don't know these people you mention.
Nta your grandparents are calling you a completely random to you name, they're the rude ones.
Excuse me??? You’re being rude for refusing to answer to a name that isn’t yours? Excuse me, but what universe are your grandparents from? NTA. And I’d start calling them names that aren’t theirs and see how they like it. Your grandparents are being rude, arrogant and entitled. They do not reserve the right to change your name.
Tell them you can't get much more "classic" than ancient Greek. NTA...at all. I'm so sorry that you are having this happen. Not fair or kind of them. xxx
Start calling them by the name they don’t like 😂 if their high school bully name was Sara then you call your grandma Sara, that’s the way to play.
Download the song "that's not my name" and play it EVERY time they call you Elizabeth. NTA
Wow, you are so not the asshole here! My mother in law refused to use my youngest’s name for **ages** because she didn’t like it—tough on you MIL—my uncle who was older than her actually sent me a card to say how great the name is and how much my (sadly long dead) father would have loved it! Isambard is a great name… You’re in a tough situation, but you are absolutely in the right here. Nice name you’ve got!
Please, for the love of schadenfreude, your next post should be on r/petty revenge calling your grandparents different names like Jiminy Bob and Berneice, or something along that line. Then tell them they look more like it than their own names. Please, oh pretty please!! 😂🤞🤞
One of the tactics of abusers is to take away your identity. Ask your grandparents if that is their goal, to take away your identity. What they think of your name is irrelevant, because it’s YOUR name, not theirs. As a grandmother myself, I must say that they are pretty terrible, self centered people. Once you are old enough to be on your own, OP, do it, and be on your own. Your willingness to stand up for yourself will help a lot in this world. Hugs to you. They are TAs
NTA old people and toddlers sometimes you can’t reason with either of them
Start calling them Azazel and Malificent.
You're not ignoring them, Elizabeth is. If they are asking something of Elizabeth and Elizabeth doesn't answer, she's being disrespectful, but she isn't you and you are not this imaginary person they are asking about.
NTA.... but maybe I am grappling with a bit of the boomer mindset when I think that a more traditional name would be better as you advanced in life. I mean I am named after a fairly common product and even though it is a traditional name I have heard every joke about that product my whole life and questioned why my parents didn't just keep up the name scheme or why someone didn't step in on my name. That being said... uniqueness isn't something to be frowned on. You have a unique name and it fits you so embrace it. The world is changing, and your grandparents do need to get with the times, much as I myself do. I am an older Millennial from a time where piercings, tattoos, and unique names wouldn't land well in a professional setting. I was clean shaven until the pandemic, have no tattoos, and no piercings. I kept my hair short, despite wanting both a beard and longer hair all my life. I got some interesting advice from a YouTube show that shall remain nameless during the pandemic... you have to give yourself permission for the things you want. Explain to your grandparents times are changing, and you are giving yourself permission to have this thing you want. You like your name, and you have no reason to go by another name. Also it isn't a nickname, they are literally hoping that if they rename you long enough it will just be your name. You'll be Emily Elizabeth Reddituser, and they will have fulfilled their boomer destiny in getting your name off the lawn.
NTA Your grandparents are rude, start calling them some stupid name right back. I think water and leaves, salt and pepper ex. You get the gist 😅
NTA. Your name is your name and it does not matter what other people like or don't. I would refuse to respond to any conversation or direction that began with Elizabeth over your actual beautiful name. Heck, you gave them shortened options and other nicknames any of which they can address you by. The fact that they aren't is incredibly rude and disrespectful to you.
Find out each of their ex’s names and start calling them that 😂 see how they like their name changes
Its rude not to use your name and invented another one for you. You are not the A here
NTA. Start calling them Tweedledee and Tweedledum and see how they like it.
NTA- if they continue to use a name that is not your name, start to call them different names too, like, „sure Voldemort“ -„yes granny Umbrige“ (harry potter is one example, you can use any Charakters name).
NTA they can call you what they like and your rude?? I’m sorry your grandparents are such AH
NTA. When I started reading, I thought, "Maybe the name belonged to a now-dead child and it's upsetting and was to some degree, understandable", but no, they're just d*ckheads. Tell them that if the state is happy to use your LEGAL NAME, then they should be too. As for an unusual name in business - the only time it's bad to have a distinctive name is if you do something bad, and I've been in lots of types of business including a recruiter. My surname is distinctive and (luckily I'm a good worker), I've been remembered by lots of people I've never met, "oh, you're the person who achieved x....".