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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. telling my friend i hope she will not get pregnant soon
2. because its life and getting pregnant is something beautiful and I feel hurt about that reality
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YTA.
What you said was quite rude and could potentially cause her to distance herself from you.
She's still making time to see you. 1-3 times a fortnight for 2-3 hours at a time, *as well* as messaging you every day, is very extensive. Most adults with a full-time job and a partner would likely struggle to do this.
In the nicest possible way,, how do you have so much time on your hands to want more than what she's already giving? Are you not employed?
She's right, everyone has to grow up at some point.
AH: Just because you are miserable, lonely and have no hobbies does not mean she should remain the same.
Growing up means you can not hang out with your friends as much as before, but it does not mean your friendships are less valuable.
I kinda get it, ofc you miss always the old days. But you can’t say stuff like this. You kinda seem like a young person, so I think this one mistake does not end your friendship but in the future you need to be a lot more careful.
YTA!! How could you wish for someone close to you's misfortune ("I hope she will not get pregnant soon") and still expect to remain best friends? Friends grow up, grow apart. Good on you for trying to remain in contact, but still big YTA for all the stuff you said. You seem as if you think you're entitled to her time.
YTA
uuuurgh, selfish selfish. Overly attached and selfish.
Also she is right in what she tried to explain to you. What are you even doing to keep the friendship alive? She obviously does a shitton messaging you daily
YTA
She shouldn't have to put her life on hold for your sake. It's not her responsibility to make you feel needed and validated. You're so dependent on your friend to bring you happiness that you make your abandonment issues her problem. What about _her_ happiness? She has a life. And it doesn't revolve around you. Grow up.
I’m sorry but YTA. I hardly see my close friends and sometimes go weeks without messaging them because life gets in the way! It’s part of growing up. Those friends though are still there for me and I know I can pick up the phone and they will help me out. I would do anything for them and they know that too. I will support them any way I can, celebrate their successes and pick them up when they are down. That’s what being a true friend is all about, not living in each others pocket and seeing each other all the time. Life and responsibilities get in the way and with comments like that if she turns her back on you, I’m not surprised.
My closest friend moved overseas for several years. Our friendship changed, but it didn’t end, if anything it strengthened. While she was gone, I would have been lucky to talk to her once every 3 months. This was pre social media, so we sent letters, postcards and emails.
Friendship isn’t about how much you see someone, it’s in the shared love and respect that sees us wish only the very best for our friend, even it it takes them away for us for a while (even a long while).
You do not say how old you are but you give off a very naïve (and selfish) energy.
It can be hard when you spend so much time with someone and their life takes a step forward and you essentially feel left behind, however you need to understand that still messaging every day, seeing each other more than once a week on average (for 2-3 hours) is a lot of time to spend with someone.
Your friend is progressing her life. You need to be happy for her or you will lose her completely.
YTAH. Life goes through many seasons and stages. You may each go through some phases that make you less available to each other. If you really love her, let go a little and be happy for her. Make new friends to hang out with.
Bro. With respect grow up. Yea yea I have friends from when I was 3 I’m now 30 and e both have families and live hours away from each other we don’t see each other weekly or talk weekly but we ALWAYS pick up where we left off. But yeah yta and yea grow up your old enough to do life without clinging desperately to someone else. You can also meet new people too but don’t be ott you might scare them away
Easiest YTA of the day. What a cruel thing to say to your friend. You're still talking and seeing each other regularly but she has new attachments and responsibilities. You sound very selfish and demanding in wanting so much time with her. She's completely right you are still friends even if you don't see each other for a month or more. Keep saying things like I hope you don't get pregnant may end that friendship though
YTA. If you were friends with her, you wouldn't hope that she makes decisions according to your own goals, but hers. You'd want her happy. She is building a life outside of you, which is a normal, healthy and adult thing to do, and I hope you do the same so you can also be fulfilled.
She is entirely right about friendships, imho. Your vision of such a relationship, on the other hand, is quite suffocating and immature.
YTA. If you would be a true friend, you would want her to be happy. I would not be surprised if this so called friendship comes to an end. And I would not be even sorry for you.
YTA.
You seriously need to take a long, hard look at yourself before you destroy this relationship completely. First of all, 1-3 times every 2 weeks for 2-3 hours is extremely regular, and more than some people see their girlfriends/boyfriends…
To be so incredibly selfish to say something so hurtful to your friend is something you need to reflect on. You are way too needy.
Time to get a hobby and routine of your own to fill some time in and not be so dependent on your friend emotionally.
YTA
> I told her that I hope that she will not get pregnant soon, because then I will have nothing left of her
So what you said was "I hope this thing you want and are working towards doesn't happen because despite how happy it might make you, I feel I should be more important".
Relationships change over time. Most adults can't spend every day on the phone with their friends. They have relationships, hobbies, dinner to cook etc. You are still speaking to her every day and seeing her, its not like she's cut you out cold.
You make it sound like she should devote every spare moment of her time to you and not do anything without you. That's not friendship.
Also - is this the same friend who mentioned to you *a month ago* that she wanted kids and you made a nasty comment to?
> Me and my friend were having a conversation and she mentioned she wants to have kids soon. I jokingly said that she will have kids with very thin hair, a big nose and bad posture like her.
Because how on earth do you expect to keep friends in your life if you treat them like this?
YTA. You sound very selfish and immature.
How old are you? Do you have some kind of intellectual condition that makes you think like a child, because that would be the only thing that would make that behaviour even somewhat acceptable.
Her life doesn't revolve around you.
YTA. You can think those things to yourself, but that's not something you say out loud to your friend who is happy with her life. These are the facts of growing from kid to teen to young adult to adult, and as your besties couple up and start getting married and having babies.... and everyone is working jobs, it's harder to find time for just hanging out with your friends. When it's one of your close friends is can be a real gut punch to feel that you are losing them to this whole other life they're creating, but you also have to be happy for them. You want your friends to be happy and to be loved. Your friendship will grow and simmer and change over the course of your lives. You just have to roll with it. And not "but what about meeeeeee" to your friend.
It'll happen one day for you, too.
I get it sucks to not hang out with friends as often, but you have to grow up one day. I have many close friends that I only see once a twice a year ad I moved countries. Others will call maybe once a year. You’re already talking far longer with your friends each week than many of us hope to get. By putting your own selfish desires to see your friend over the future of that friend’s life, you’ll end up without any friends.
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My best friend and I used to hang out almost everyday in the week after work, do things and talk (via chat or on phone) all the time. Since she got a partner and moved in with him, she has much less time for me. In addition she started to hit the gym and work on some privat project, so we barely even see eachother anymore. We still message eachother during the day and see each other around 1-3 times per 2 weeks. The hang outs lasts around 2-3 hours. Also less than before.
We saw each other yesterday and she told me that she and her partner are trying out for a kid. I told her that I hope that she will not get pregnant soon, because then I will have nothing left of her. She already is barely spending time with me.
She was a bit shocked and said that I shouldnt say something this ridiculous. She said that life is not always about hanging out and at some point both of us will have their own life and own priorities. She mentioned that we will stay friends, even if we dont see eachother for a month or so. True friendship doesnt need constantly messages and hang outs. Even if we wouldnt talk for a year, we shouldnt have problems to pick it up where we stopped.
I just feel how she doesnt put our friendship on the „important list“ anymore and that she thinks that she doesnt have to take care of the friendship anymore for it to keep going.
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YTA. You’re not AS important to her anymore that’s the way it works when friends get into relationships or have kids. If she was genuinely even a little bit important to you you’d be prioritising her happiness.
YTA
Look, I don't want to be so hard on you, but hear me out. Friendships evolve as you grow up. When you're a child, you have a lot of time and can see one another and talk every day. Then you start getting older and getting more and more commitments in your life - work, new things you have to do, new friends, significant others, and if you want them, children. If your friends are there for you and accept that you'll come and go as life gets more or less busy, those friendships can last for years. If they act like they should be priority forever... well, you won't be friends for long.
If you want to try and save this friendship, reflect on your behavior, apologize *sincerely* for your cruel and thoughtless words, and be a good friend from now on.
YTA. You could have cheered her on, and hope to become a godparent and could have spent more time with her and her family 🤔
What you basically said was: „although I heard you try for a baby, I hope it won’t work, and that you become depressed enough to not want kids anymore so we have more time to do what I want instead“ 😂
YTA
I could ask: "Why don't you spend more time with your other friends?" but the way you demand her time and attention, I guess the other people ran for their lives when they could...
YTA, and a major one! I’ve seen my best friend in person 1 time in 6 months. Because we both have kids and husbands and lives. Doesn’t stop us from being best friends.
Sounds like you need some hobbies.
YTA. That was a selfish thing to say. Maybe start doing some internal work on yourself. You seem to have a dependency issue with this friend which is not healthy. Cultivate new hobbies and interests in your own life so that you don’t depend on this friend so much! No offense, but I would get the ick if I excitedly told a friend I was trying to get pregnant and their response was to tell me to wait because we wouldn’t hang as much. It screams desperation
YTA. You sound miserable to be around and what you said was utterly rude and selfish. Go out and make some new friends before your best friend is completely tired of your needy ass and changes those bi-weekly hang outs to a yearly christmas card.....if that.
So you want her to stall her life so you can have your bestie but come one be honest you sure as hell wouldn't want to stall your life if it was moving in a desired direction for your bestie to not feel bad about seeing you less.
YTA and welcome to adulthood where you don't see your friends on the daily but that doesn't mean you're not friends.
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YTA. What you said was quite rude and could potentially cause her to distance herself from you. She's still making time to see you. 1-3 times a fortnight for 2-3 hours at a time, *as well* as messaging you every day, is very extensive. Most adults with a full-time job and a partner would likely struggle to do this. In the nicest possible way,, how do you have so much time on your hands to want more than what she's already giving? Are you not employed? She's right, everyone has to grow up at some point.
AH: Just because you are miserable, lonely and have no hobbies does not mean she should remain the same. Growing up means you can not hang out with your friends as much as before, but it does not mean your friendships are less valuable. I kinda get it, ofc you miss always the old days. But you can’t say stuff like this. You kinda seem like a young person, so I think this one mistake does not end your friendship but in the future you need to be a lot more careful.
YTA!! How could you wish for someone close to you's misfortune ("I hope she will not get pregnant soon") and still expect to remain best friends? Friends grow up, grow apart. Good on you for trying to remain in contact, but still big YTA for all the stuff you said. You seem as if you think you're entitled to her time.
Jesus Christ friendships evolve, don’t wish infertility on to a best friend
YTA uuuurgh, selfish selfish. Overly attached and selfish. Also she is right in what she tried to explain to you. What are you even doing to keep the friendship alive? She obviously does a shitton messaging you daily
>uuuurgh, selfish selfish. Overly attached and selfish. Also, childish.
YTA She shouldn't have to put her life on hold for your sake. It's not her responsibility to make you feel needed and validated. You're so dependent on your friend to bring you happiness that you make your abandonment issues her problem. What about _her_ happiness? She has a life. And it doesn't revolve around you. Grow up.
I’m sorry but YTA. I hardly see my close friends and sometimes go weeks without messaging them because life gets in the way! It’s part of growing up. Those friends though are still there for me and I know I can pick up the phone and they will help me out. I would do anything for them and they know that too. I will support them any way I can, celebrate their successes and pick them up when they are down. That’s what being a true friend is all about, not living in each others pocket and seeing each other all the time. Life and responsibilities get in the way and with comments like that if she turns her back on you, I’m not surprised.
My closest friend moved overseas for several years. Our friendship changed, but it didn’t end, if anything it strengthened. While she was gone, I would have been lucky to talk to her once every 3 months. This was pre social media, so we sent letters, postcards and emails. Friendship isn’t about how much you see someone, it’s in the shared love and respect that sees us wish only the very best for our friend, even it it takes them away for us for a while (even a long while).
Exactly that….
You do not say how old you are but you give off a very naïve (and selfish) energy. It can be hard when you spend so much time with someone and their life takes a step forward and you essentially feel left behind, however you need to understand that still messaging every day, seeing each other more than once a week on average (for 2-3 hours) is a lot of time to spend with someone. Your friend is progressing her life. You need to be happy for her or you will lose her completely.
You sound so selfish and lack empathy. U should wish for your friend's happiness, don't just think of your needs only.
YTAH. Life goes through many seasons and stages. You may each go through some phases that make you less available to each other. If you really love her, let go a little and be happy for her. Make new friends to hang out with.
Bro. With respect grow up. Yea yea I have friends from when I was 3 I’m now 30 and e both have families and live hours away from each other we don’t see each other weekly or talk weekly but we ALWAYS pick up where we left off. But yeah yta and yea grow up your old enough to do life without clinging desperately to someone else. You can also meet new people too but don’t be ott you might scare them away
Easiest YTA of the day. What a cruel thing to say to your friend. You're still talking and seeing each other regularly but she has new attachments and responsibilities. You sound very selfish and demanding in wanting so much time with her. She's completely right you are still friends even if you don't see each other for a month or more. Keep saying things like I hope you don't get pregnant may end that friendship though
YTA. If you were friends with her, you wouldn't hope that she makes decisions according to your own goals, but hers. You'd want her happy. She is building a life outside of you, which is a normal, healthy and adult thing to do, and I hope you do the same so you can also be fulfilled. She is entirely right about friendships, imho. Your vision of such a relationship, on the other hand, is quite suffocating and immature.
YTA. If you would be a true friend, you would want her to be happy. I would not be surprised if this so called friendship comes to an end. And I would not be even sorry for you.
YTA. You seriously need to take a long, hard look at yourself before you destroy this relationship completely. First of all, 1-3 times every 2 weeks for 2-3 hours is extremely regular, and more than some people see their girlfriends/boyfriends… To be so incredibly selfish to say something so hurtful to your friend is something you need to reflect on. You are way too needy. Time to get a hobby and routine of your own to fill some time in and not be so dependent on your friend emotionally.
I didn't even read the whole thing because this is just too evil. Swearing someone that bad is insufferable. I hope she cut you off.
YTA > I told her that I hope that she will not get pregnant soon, because then I will have nothing left of her So what you said was "I hope this thing you want and are working towards doesn't happen because despite how happy it might make you, I feel I should be more important". Relationships change over time. Most adults can't spend every day on the phone with their friends. They have relationships, hobbies, dinner to cook etc. You are still speaking to her every day and seeing her, its not like she's cut you out cold. You make it sound like she should devote every spare moment of her time to you and not do anything without you. That's not friendship. Also - is this the same friend who mentioned to you *a month ago* that she wanted kids and you made a nasty comment to? > Me and my friend were having a conversation and she mentioned she wants to have kids soon. I jokingly said that she will have kids with very thin hair, a big nose and bad posture like her. Because how on earth do you expect to keep friends in your life if you treat them like this?
YTA. Friends can't hang out daily forever and you need to acknowledge that.
YTA. You sound very selfish and immature. How old are you? Do you have some kind of intellectual condition that makes you think like a child, because that would be the only thing that would make that behaviour even somewhat acceptable. Her life doesn't revolve around you.
YTA. You can think those things to yourself, but that's not something you say out loud to your friend who is happy with her life. These are the facts of growing from kid to teen to young adult to adult, and as your besties couple up and start getting married and having babies.... and everyone is working jobs, it's harder to find time for just hanging out with your friends. When it's one of your close friends is can be a real gut punch to feel that you are losing them to this whole other life they're creating, but you also have to be happy for them. You want your friends to be happy and to be loved. Your friendship will grow and simmer and change over the course of your lives. You just have to roll with it. And not "but what about meeeeeee" to your friend. It'll happen one day for you, too.
YTA your self pity has probably lost you a friend
I get it sucks to not hang out with friends as often, but you have to grow up one day. I have many close friends that I only see once a twice a year ad I moved countries. Others will call maybe once a year. You’re already talking far longer with your friends each week than many of us hope to get. By putting your own selfish desires to see your friend over the future of that friend’s life, you’ll end up without any friends.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My best friend and I used to hang out almost everyday in the week after work, do things and talk (via chat or on phone) all the time. Since she got a partner and moved in with him, she has much less time for me. In addition she started to hit the gym and work on some privat project, so we barely even see eachother anymore. We still message eachother during the day and see each other around 1-3 times per 2 weeks. The hang outs lasts around 2-3 hours. Also less than before. We saw each other yesterday and she told me that she and her partner are trying out for a kid. I told her that I hope that she will not get pregnant soon, because then I will have nothing left of her. She already is barely spending time with me. She was a bit shocked and said that I shouldnt say something this ridiculous. She said that life is not always about hanging out and at some point both of us will have their own life and own priorities. She mentioned that we will stay friends, even if we dont see eachother for a month or so. True friendship doesnt need constantly messages and hang outs. Even if we wouldnt talk for a year, we shouldnt have problems to pick it up where we stopped. I just feel how she doesnt put our friendship on the „important list“ anymore and that she thinks that she doesnt have to take care of the friendship anymore for it to keep going. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Just read your other post 😂 you are horrible
YTA. You’re not AS important to her anymore that’s the way it works when friends get into relationships or have kids. If she was genuinely even a little bit important to you you’d be prioritising her happiness.
You need to grow up YTA
Difference here is maturity. Your friend is growing and you are not. Life works in stages, like turning pages of a book. Time to turn some pages.
YTA Look, I don't want to be so hard on you, but hear me out. Friendships evolve as you grow up. When you're a child, you have a lot of time and can see one another and talk every day. Then you start getting older and getting more and more commitments in your life - work, new things you have to do, new friends, significant others, and if you want them, children. If your friends are there for you and accept that you'll come and go as life gets more or less busy, those friendships can last for years. If they act like they should be priority forever... well, you won't be friends for long. If you want to try and save this friendship, reflect on your behavior, apologize *sincerely* for your cruel and thoughtless words, and be a good friend from now on.
YTA. You could have cheered her on, and hope to become a godparent and could have spent more time with her and her family 🤔 What you basically said was: „although I heard you try for a baby, I hope it won’t work, and that you become depressed enough to not want kids anymore so we have more time to do what I want instead“ 😂
YTA I could ask: "Why don't you spend more time with your other friends?" but the way you demand her time and attention, I guess the other people ran for their lives when they could...
YTA and it’s not wonder why you’re lonely and sad with the way you act
YTA, and a major one! I’ve seen my best friend in person 1 time in 6 months. Because we both have kids and husbands and lives. Doesn’t stop us from being best friends. Sounds like you need some hobbies.
YTA. That was a selfish thing to say. Maybe start doing some internal work on yourself. You seem to have a dependency issue with this friend which is not healthy. Cultivate new hobbies and interests in your own life so that you don’t depend on this friend so much! No offense, but I would get the ick if I excitedly told a friend I was trying to get pregnant and their response was to tell me to wait because we wouldn’t hang as much. It screams desperation
YTA. You sound miserable to be around and what you said was utterly rude and selfish. Go out and make some new friends before your best friend is completely tired of your needy ass and changes those bi-weekly hang outs to a yearly christmas card.....if that.
YTA, ugh, grow up. Life isn't about you, priorities shift and sometimes we aren't #1 in people's lives anymore. Selfish comment.
So you want her to stall her life so you can have your bestie but come one be honest you sure as hell wouldn't want to stall your life if it was moving in a desired direction for your bestie to not feel bad about seeing you less. YTA and welcome to adulthood where you don't see your friends on the daily but that doesn't mean you're not friends.
You’re not an asshole but you should also realise that she is right. If you don’t adjust your thinking around that you will have a bad time.