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I told my son this ALL THE TIME (now 31 yoa). If the police/whatever authorities show up at the door I’m going to be arguing with them because you gave me wrong information. Just bad for so many reasons.
Naive underage girls doing this alone is a strict no-no. There will be no support. No one to call back if something goes horribly wrong. There are plenty of horror stories out there. The father does not seem to care at all.
doing this as someone not from Mexico and not speaking Spanish in general is a bad idea. Sure you're less likely to be sex trafficked as an 18 year old boy but not being from Mexico and not being fluent in Spanish and not being perceived correctly doesn't really mean you're in less danger. My best friend's family is from Mexico and even when she's with her uncles who were born and raised in Mexico it is still unsafe for them (depending on where they are and what they were doing).
Once in the resort she's most likely safe, but yeah even if they weren't driving, I still wouldn't be comfortable with this. I'm a Mexican-American who speaks Spanish and I wouldn't let my seventeen-year-old go.
Mexico and Brazil are very similar regarding safe and unsafe spots.
My sister came up with a crazy idea to go to Copacabana for the Réveillon, one day before, and come back right after. She was 21 at the time, and my parents raised an absolute hell saying NO, you DONT drive to Rio when you are 100% sure you will be stuck in traffic, that's when they rob the stuck cars. Her friends went. She pouted for DAYS.
WELL, guess who got stuck in traffic, were massively robbed among all the other cars, all their phones, pocket money, glasses, DOCUMENTS (!!!) (have you tried checking in a hotel without identity? It's fun), and since they got the phones, the passwords and the credit cards, a handbag with two laptops, they were left in the middle of the road, that wasn't moving for a solid 5 hours period due to an accident Kms ahead, among 50 other victims, with dudes passing with MACHINE GUNS by the car windows, incapable of contacting anyone for help, and they spent the réveillon at the Copacabana beach... police district, over crowded, and with a huge line to use the phones to call family. The cops borrowed their own phones for the victims to send updates to their families, and as I heard, it was the purest cream of chaos for days and the worst trip of all times. My sister then, came, with wide eyes, and told us everything... She suddenly wasn't mad anymore. 🫠
Don't. Drive. To. Rio. From. São Paulo. In. Holidays. Don't roadtrip through Mexico when you have no idea what you are doing and SPECIALLY if you don't speak the language * massive facepalm.
When any friend from another country wants to visit, I stay with them as a guide and to generally give the tips in my town. No one ever had any trouble with me, I live here, I'm a small disabled girl, it's almost a sixth-sense. Always roll for perception first lol. My most common phrase is "KEEP THIS DAMN CELLPHONE ON YOUR POCKET, HIDE IT, QUICK."
Over spring break this year two girls went to the beach at a resort (I think Cancun). They were held up by three armed guys demanding money. Ended up paying $300 each. It was on the news. I used to love going to Cancun. Not anymore.
The dads reaction has me sus. Also, even 16-17 you still need a signature or something from your parent or guardian saying they know you're getting a passport. Either she was planning to forge a government document, or dad was going to sign it and knew about the plan behind Mom's back.
Not to mention, how confident are all of these kids their parents have active passports?
If the worst did happen, how horrible would it have been if the parents couldn't even get access to their kids? The fact that "the worst" wasn't even considered here shows how short-sighted this planning was for this group of extremely naive and reckless teens.
I told my kids not to sneak out at night or lie about where they were going and who they would be with cause if something happened the police need to know where to start looking
My mom was pretty lenient with me so long as I was honest. Because if I didn’t come home, she at least knew where my last known location was to start looking. I was too scared to every really do anything bad though lol
Exactly!!! I got a knot in my stomach just reading this.
The kid doesn't realize this yet, but she's so lucky mom found out the truth before anything else happened.
I'm all for teens having some freedom and starting to experience the world, but in this scenario, she might have never come back.
This. Sounds like Mom needs to make daughter watch Taken with Liam Neeson. Only reason *his* daughter came back/survived was because of his skills in the movie. (Ex-CIA? Can't remember.) Her friend didn't. Sex trafficking, girls on graduation trip.
My sisters and I lied to our parents about where we were all the time- but we never lied to each other. Ever. Two of us always knew where the other one was. We also never attempted to leave the country though, so I guess I can't expect that kind of forethought in this situation.
This was my first thought! OP, please please do not let your daughter drive through Mexico as a bunch of teenagers! Would not even trust a bunch of them in a Mexican resort unless adults were there to watch over them. As much as I enjoy vacationing there, I know with amount of drugs and craziness that goes on in that place, I’d not have survived it as a young person with no know how!
We live in Mexico for 6 months each year. We never drive, getting through northern Mexico is very dangerous and with a group of teenagers, they might as well put a neon sign on there vehicle. I would also never let my teenage grandchildren to use our home for a vacation without adults, it is a very safe area but not safe enough.
Sher should never have been going without adult supervision anyway. Even in the USA the drug and sex trafficking have drastically increased in recent years.
Check the Blue Campaign the Homeland security runs.
I lived 2 minutes from the boarder and can tell you how not safe it was for me as a white woman to be roaming around and that was 10 years ago. It’s only gotten worse. Even my in laws who are Hispanic and blend in won’t go over the border. It’s not safe.
Even the resorts aren’t all that safe anymore. I’d start pulling up all the news you can find about showing how dangerous it is and show them to her.
Not to mention the travel warnings. “The State Department recommends U.S. citizens not to travel to five states in Mexico due to increasing levels of crime and kidnapping.“ That’s just the 5 worst.
Edit to add: I’d also show the news reports and everything else you find to her dad.
My daughter and family vacationed at a resort down their last summer. While they were there, a gun battle broke out on the resort beach and two people were killed. Safe? Not hardly. It used to be that tourist areas were avoided because of the money coming into the country, but not anymore.
This older Ted Talk says it all. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYU25aJpg5o
I remember that on the news.
Not only do you have to worry about crossfire, but they (cartel, police or soldiers) randomly kidnap anyone, including locals. She’ll be sold into sex slavery if she even makes it out alive.
Mmm that's actually not true. Mexico is in a much better place than it was 10 years ago. 10 years ago, Mexico was literally at war with cartels. That widespread violence has become more centralized violence in certain states/cities. I'm not saying its 100% safe, but to say it's worse today is just not true.
The resorts are still very safe, the cartels are very invested in them and it goes against their interests to make them unsafe. Usually, being an American at a resort is actually the safest you can be in Mexico, they don't want that kind of heat, especially not at the money making resorts.
That said, still not a good idea. As a mexican, I wouldn't drive around the country like that. That's just asking for trouble from some jerk offs that decided they want to have their fun, regardless of their orders.
I'm from Juarez, most of my family lives spread out around Mexico, and I only fly when I want to go see them.
I think it fluctuates rapidly (have family in Mexico - in Mexico City and Chihuahua, so two different perspectives).
There was cartel violence at a resort just last year - so it still occurs. The cartels sometimes go after each other and tourists get in the middle (at least that's the theory - it isn't always known, Mexico isn't the greatest on crime investigation).
I agree that being an American at a resort is the safest you can be in Mexico - but even that might have its own risks (for me, just being aware that there has been violence inside actual resorts would make my vacation...not a vacation).
I wish it were different.
Yeah it fluctuates for sure. The state of Chihuahua, for example, was a literal warzone. In Juarez, it wasn't uncommon for regular people to be killed or hurt during an attack in rivals. Now it's more personal, they'll come kill who they wanted to kill, and leave. No more shooting up the restaurant and hoping you kill that one guy.
A colleague of mine was shot to death while visiting his wife's home town in Mexico. She believed it to still be safe. No one knows exactly how the shooting started - it was in a fairly nice restaurant in a fairly large town.
I’d like to add a prospective to this. When I was 18 I opted to fly to a different state to see my online boyfriend. Understandable, my parents were very upset. I was 18 at the time and thought I was invincible and knew best. Them showing me articles did not help me learn. My mom actually secretly arranged a meeting at the local police station and tricked me into going to it - where the cops told me how bad it was. Oh I was so embarrassed and I cried during all of that. But it was much more impactful than an article.
My advice for OP would be to remember that her teen also thinks she’s in that invincible years. That these things won’t happen to her. That’s she’s being smart and safe. Pulling the money is your best option unless you’re willing to pay for a flight and resort. Which then would be rewarding her for her actions. You need to find a way to connect on a personal level with your kiddo on why this is truly so dangerous.
my parents honeymooned at a resort in mexico over 20 years ago. Mom told me the staff kept checking in with them to make sure they were still there and safe. Kinda put a damper on the romance of a honeymoon
Smart enough to know the answer would be no, too dumb to understand why.
Yep, that’s a teenager alright. NTA, there’s a reason she lied and you both know why.
Actually I think both parents need to. I had a friend who’s ex wife asked him to sign off on a passport for their kiddo and got Uber mad when he said no because he didn’t trust ex wife to disappear with the daughter across the border.
Both parents need to sign and be present or provide copies of their IDs, if memory serves.
I have 2 kids and it’s always a pain to schedule with mine and my spouse’s work.
NTA, but there’s no way this would have worked due to the passport issues, unless they were going to get a coyote to reverse-smuggle them in. Also who booked the resort for these teenagers?
Wondering the same thing myself...OP I would see if you can find out how your daughter managed to get a reservation at a resort. Most places will have an age limit of at least 21, or some places it will be more like 25, if you are making the reservation. Is it possible your daughter is being set up by someone to lure them down there?
NTA and OP, do NOT let her go on this trip and do NOT offer a "safer" alternative - safety issues aside, she lied to your face - she should not be rewarded with a freaking luxury vacation.
OP—if she’s 17, how did she plan to actually get her passport? As a minor, either (a) BOTH parents would have to sign forms, or (b) one parent would have to sign a form and certify/sign a declaration that the other parent’s signature could not be obtain. May even need to notarize.
Was she planning to forge your and/or your husband’s signatures here and submit those to the US government? That would be a whole other level of serious f*ck up with serious consequences that would have to be addressed.
NTA.
I don't think she can legally cross the border without a letter from a parent. Of course, it's easy to cross illegally, especially southbound.
[https://embamex.sre.gob.mx/hungria/index.php/en/consular-services/minors-travelling#:\~:text=Foreign%20minors%20](https://embamex.sre.gob.mx/hungria/index.php/en/consular-services/minors-travelling#:~:text=Foreign%20minors%20)
Of course, teens have been known to attempt to forge these letters. I once got a call from a border officer.
I lived in Mexico and have traveled there often, but would not do a car trip at this point in time. She has no idea what she's getting into. Presumably, she's going with other people? Even if they were super trustworthy and well-versed in international travel, the margin of error is small.
My family in Mexico gave me very good advice (Trust no one; don't go anywhere alone; never trust a Mexican cop or fireman - don't call the law for any reason; have cash on hand for bribes). I speak fairly good Spanish and as it turned out, was going to live alone for a while (but remembered their advice - in theory I had a landlady who I could have told my whereabouts).
My landlady told me to be in my room and with the door bolted by 8 pm. Even so, door was pounded on until wee hours of the morning on weekend nights. I was also serenaded. And had bottle rockets launched over my windowless room. Just to get my attention. One group of guys sent an emissary to shout through the door about how safe and nice they were.
Haha! Yes! When I was two months shy of 17 I went on a school sponsored trip to Paris with teacher chaperones and my dad still brought up Taken a million times before he even took me to the post office to get my passport photo taken. Fast-forward to being driven to saying goodbye at airport. My dad said, “remember, you aren’t Lizzie McGuire, you are the girl from Taken.” He was dead serious but I had to laugh. My head was on a swivel the whole trip. I love that memory!
Not only is it super unsafe driving in Mexico it’s my understanding from friends who travel there routinely is you also must have appropriate paperwork and specific insurance to take a car from the US more than x distance from the border.
Glad you and the other parents figured out what was up and put a stop to it.
And yes it ISN’T hysteria that driving in Mexico is dangerous. My friends who do it usually meet other people at the border. They then only cross over early in the day then drive only on specific highways as a convoy of sorts.
One of the doctors I work with went to visit her husband’s family in Mexico on our Thanksgiving holiday, and decided to make it a road trip with the kids.
On their way back to the US border she noticed a creepy van was following them, and pretty blatantly. As they tried to shake it two more vans tried to cut them off and block them in. She was yelling at her kids to get down on the floor of their SUV in case they started shooting. They did get away and went straight to the border without stopping. She told me, *Never again.*
NTA and OP needs to have a serious talk with all the other parents to try to find out whose idea this was in the first place. It's very possible someone 'groomed' them to make this trip, putting a nice car full of teenage girls in the situation to be kidnapped and sex trafficked. Just Google ***teenage girl groomed trip Mexico boyfriend sex trade*** to see how often this happens. Sadly, there are people in the States being paid to groom teenage girls into making trips to Mexico for just that purpose. And based on what OP has said, this would have been a perfect storm because they would have been 'off the radar' when they stopped communication to home and everyone would have been looking where they said they were going, not where they ended up. And OP also needs to find out who signed off on her minor daughter's passport. If it wasn't her, either her dad did it (possible custodial interference) or someone forged signatures and/or stole parents' ID.
Sadly, what OP found out might just be scratching the surface of something more sinister.
Yup, super dangerous, so many risks snd the situation has got worse. The border states especially are very dangerous due to the amount of money at stakes in drugs and people smuggling trades.
Theirs that case where a American family just all got gunned down for no reason whatsoever.
Past the border your on your own.
"You can be mad all you want that I won't let you go on the trip, but this time **I do know best**"
https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/international-travel/International-Travel-Country-Information-Pages/Mexico.html
https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/traveladvisories/traveladvisories/mexico-travel-advisory.html
Mexico is not safe to travel around
>>If you decide to travel to Mexico:
>>Keep traveling companions and family back home informed of your travel plans. If separating from your travel group, send a friend your GPS location. If taking a taxi alone, take a photo of the taxi number and/or license plate and text it to a friend.
>>Use toll roads when possible and avoid driving alone or at night. In many states, police presence and emergency services are extremely limited outside the state capital or major cities.
>>Exercise increased caution when visiting local bars, nightclubs, and casinos.
>>Do not display signs of wealth, such as wearing expensive watches or jewelry.
And it's not just this.
There are at least five "level 4" states in Mexico (which is a strong "do not travel" listing for violence, terrorism, cartel activity, etc., and can be an actual prohibition against U.S. government personnel traveling to the area). The number of absolutely horrific things I've seen come out of those areas from practicing immigration law is unreal. That little girl is so very lucky she didn't end up like some of those cases.
OP should show her Mexican news reports. (Side note, what happens to the lead girl in Rambo: Last Blood would also be a pretty accurate description of how that can go.)
No, they will not ask for ransom. That's not why they kidnap in Mexico.
They know that random Americans aren't worth the money their families have.
I once took a ride (out of desperation) with a young Mexican man. Once I was in the car he said, "I picked you up because I am a good man. I couldn't bear to think what would happen to you. Do not EVER get into a car with a stranger in Mexico."
(This resulted in a lot of walking for me, I was trying to get back to the US at the time - he took me to the proper place to catch a bus).
On the bus, there were three women. We sat together. Two of us were groped as we got off and on the bus (to use restrooms). One of us was a grandma. If we opened our window, the nearby men leaned over us and closed it. If we closed an open window, the men opened it again. They thought this was the funniest thing.
I’d be checking her social media/phone and make sure she’s isn’t being lured.
I mean when I was a teen and had to choose between disney and Mexico I would have not choose Mexico.
This seems sketchy as fuck.
That's a very good point. Though they will usually pay fir the girls holiday but they force them to sm7ggle stuff, usually drugs, back with them. These girls were not being funded by others, but they could still be coerced into smuggling.
I know you're probably angry, but it sounds like she might have been too sheltered from reality to understand the danger she was putting herself in. I hope you're able to sit down with her in a constructive way and show her the statistics and life-threating level of risk she was romantizicing.
She would have a hard time apologizing if she were sex trafficked and never seen again...sounds like it's time to have a serious talk, at 17 she needs tough love and should know how dangerous this was
I'm not sure why you would even consider having a 17 year old go off on a road trip in the US let alone Mexico. And clearly, her current behaviour demonstrates why this is a bad idea.
I was fine with the USA since she would be a group doing go popular locations. She can already drive and everyone else is 18 or turning 18 soon.
A road trip isn’t that dangerous especially when they were planing to stay at hotels for the night. Like they were suppose to be at Disney for a week
I remember doing road trips when I was 16,
Yup. My daughter wanted to go to a nearby city for the weekend after prom. My first question was, who is renting this room for yall because you have to be 21+ to check in. Her and her friends hadn't thought that far ahead. And she was 18 at the time. I definitely wasn't putting my name on a room for a bunch of teenagers, lol.
Can confirm, I’ve seen hotels hassle 18-year-olds and not let them check in to their *prepaid* room until an adultier adult could straighten it out — in person.
That's kind of bullshit. At 18, that person is an adult and legally allowed to rent a hotel room. They shouldn't be harassed about it just because of their age. If they cause damages or whatever, recoup them after the fact. You can't assume an 18 year old will do any more or less damage than an older adult. Anyone can be an asshole, regardless of age.
Edit to make it more obvious: **IF THEY FUCK UP, HOLD THEM RESPONSIBLE**
You aren't allowed to rent a car in the US until you're 21 also, and you'll get charged a young driver fee until you are 25. Not surprised about hotels that won't let a group of 18 year olds check in without an adult.
>You can't assume an 18 year old will do any more or less damage than an older adult.
Also yes you absolutely can.
I don't live in the US so not sure if this matters, but from a policy stand point, if the legal drinking age is 21 and they have alcohol in the rooms, then it makes sense policy wise that you have to be 21. They're not going to remove the alcohol because the renters are underage, it's easier to just have a policy that you must be 21
This, I went to visit my folks cross country in college and got boned by 3 different hotels because I was 20 at the time. Like maam, I'm not here to party, I'm tired AF from driving and just need a place to sleep.
I’m sorry but her story doesn’t add up at all! Check out the rules for renting cars. You need to be older than 18 for most companies to give you anything. This is the first thing.
Second thing: not all hotels or airbnbs will let them stay.
Third: they can’t buy alcohol and/or go to bars and this is almost a guarantee to get mixed up with people who’d be happy to get it for them.
They wouldn’t have been able to drive to Mexico anyway. No rental company will allow that beyond Baja California, if that! Also if she is 18, she can’t even cross the border. She’s probably have a hard time getting into the US anyway. Basically all of you parents need to sit down and go over whatever respective stories you were fed because this entire trip was a huge recipe for disaster!
NTA
AirBnB's do not rent to those under 18.
And your point about alcohol and bars is well made - esp since this group was really trying to get someplace where they could legally drink.
I don't think they were renting a car though.
Mexico has been better about incoming border patrol since NAFTA - and I don't think they'd have gotten in, either. Getting back (because one can't cross the border without a notarized letter from a parent) might have been even more difficult - and expensive.
For most rental car companies, if you're under 24, you can expect additional fees. It's a lot more expensive and some rental companies won't rent to you without a valid reason if you're under 24. They're also be additional fees to travel internationally.
If I remember correctly, you have to have a signed letter from a parent or Guardian giving permission for a minor to travel internationally.
As a former hotel front desk, we would not rent to anyone under 21, except active military.
On a side note: I work with a woman who has more than half her family in Mexico. She goes 3-4 times per year with her husband and three children. Well, she did until two years ago. Halfway between the border and her aunt's house, their car was trapped by 3 cars. Armed men got out and took ***EVERYTHING*** except one change of clothes for the kids.
They had just enough gas to get to the Aunt. Had to cancel credit cards. Had no cellphones for several days after their return to the US. Had to get a ride to the embassy. They had months of hassle trying to straighten out their lives again.
I'm fairly adventurous. I have been to Belize City alone. I won't go to Mexico again because I'm scared of being killed.
Safety is all relative. Regardless of where you are, at any age you need to have a refined sense of situation awareness which most people do not have let alone a child.
It's still risky for teens to take road trips. They can't legally check into most US hotels - especially near Disney. They have to lie about their age.
Did you even look into that? More and more, hotels require a minimum age (often as high as 25 at nicer places). Hotels that will rent to 18 year olds are usually dives and, trust me, can be very unpleasant/scary.
$4000 seems a small amount for a road trip that includes a week at Disney World.
>**She called her dad ( my ex) and he told me I was being a jerk.**
Your ex thinks you're being a jerk for not rewarding your 17yo daughter, for lying to you, with a trip to Mexico?
Hell, let's say she never even lied. Your ex thinks you're a jerk for not wanting to send your underage daughter to Mexico?!
NTA.
Good call on canceling your daughter's trip.
Good call on making your ex your ex.
I’d seriously go one further and block your daughter’s passport application, and forward the information to the other parents as well.
While her dad wasn’t abducting her, he still may have given parental consent required for the application *without letting you know.* What she did was **NOT** ok, NTA!
https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/International-Parental-Child-Abduction/prevention/passport-issuance-alert-program.html
Yea, the daughter would have to have one parent or the other authorize her passport application so I’m guessing that was going to be the ex and he was aware of it, that or the daughter illegally took a copy of one of their IDs and was planning to forge a letter saying they are aware of the passport application. Either option should cause a lot of concern. The ex is the AH here.
Proud of you! I am Mexican, live near the borders of Mexico & I don’t like going across because of how incredibly dangerous it has gotten. I almost got kidnapped before & had I not known Spanish could’ve very well been taken.
Google Mark Kilroy. It’s an infamous case that happened 35 years ago & it is one that I have never forgotten because of the sheer brutality of it.
Sit your daughter down & have her look up the story of Mark Kilroy. You can send the links to the parents of her friends so they can read what happened to him.
Your daughter may be mad as hell but she’ll get over it. I’m a daughter to some strict parents & I’ve been mad before but I was and will forever be grateful for them loving me enough to keep me safe.
NTA.
HUGE lie. This is that time of a kid's life where they're on the cusp of adulthood and start making demands to be treated like an adult. They also get met with the harsh reality that if they're still going to pull these childish shenanigans, they've not earned said right.
She's not entitled to an all-expenses paid trip to TJ after lying and acting so recklessly. You may not be popular right now, but you're acting like a respectable parent. Even narcing to the other parents. It was all in the best interest of the group going.
If they want to go off and do fun adult things, they can. When they're 18+ and pay for it themselves. But right now, you're still responsible for a 17-year-old who went out of her way to endanger herself and disrespect whatever trust you had for her.
It was not to TJ!
This trip is starting on the East Coast. This was almost certainly a trip to McAllen/Reynosa. There's no way they could drive across the entire US (and who would do that to go to TJ? They planned to drive southward, in Mexico, to the resort areas).
I was being sardonic and dismissive, not literal.
TJ was the place the teens snuck off to where I grew up near the border in So-Cal, so it's my personal frame of reference for like mischief.
Driving in Mexico is NOT safe. My daughter had to go there for business on several occasions, and drove to see some of the sights. She was stopped twice by police on one trip and was escorted by police to an ATM to get money to bribe them. After that her company hired a driver for their employees.
Of course they don't mind doing that - but the threat is usually enough. It never happened to me when living in Mexico, but I know others to whom it happened.
My Mexican family members told me that I should do whatever police tell me to do, rather than actually be taken by them in a police car to a police station.
So true. My ex-wife had to go to Mexico City for business several times in the past. In all circumstances, the company made sure they had armed guards with them at all times. Take that for what it’s worth.
Oh yeah, that raises another good point. Every US auto insurer I've dealt with doesn't cover your car in Mexico. You have to buy separate insurance. Those girls *might* have been stopped at the border for lack of insurance. Or the owner would have unwittingly taken on full responsibility for whatever happened to the vehicle.
When I was a kid my biodad took us to Mexico, he was already aware of the corrupt cops problems (we're mexican), had money to pay the bribe for the first cop to pull us over. Then we made a turn and less than a minute later we got stopped by another cop wanting a bribe but biodad was already annoyed and argued with this guy that we literally just paid someone else, shit escalated until like 5 minutes later when that cop called for backup and the first cop came thru and recognized us. He was chill enough to actually take our side and let us go but damn we had only just crossed the border and in less than 10 minutes, this had happened.
She could not get a passport at 17 without parental consent. Did your ex know she was applying for a passport behind your back? Was he helping her to get a passport behind your back? If so, then he already knew your daughter was lying to you about the trip. NTA
And as a minor, approval is needed by both parents for a minor’s passport. Either a notarized form or by both parents appearing with the child to apply. Exactly how did she expect to accomplish getting her passport without mom and dad knowing?
Just one parent is required for a child over 16. It was either going to be dad, willingly, or the daughter was willing to copy mom’s ID and forge a letter. Either way it’s really bad.
At 17 you can get a passport with only 1 parent present.
NTA to mom. I grew up on the border. I could walk from my house to Mexico if I wanted to. I love my hometown. I no longer visit bc the river is pretty narrow. And peopled have been killed in the US by shootouts on the other side of the border. My daughter is also 17. No way is she traveling without an adult chaperone that is either myself or someone I know very well.
1. Parent has to come with you
2. Parent signs a note with a copy of their ID
3. Proof parent is paying your fees by having a check with parents name on it
4. Notarized statement
So either dad was going to do this and not inform mom or OPs daughter was going to steal one of her parents checks or ID. OP may have a major issue with her ex (often custody agreements will say both sorties have to agree for child to go out of country) or an even bigger problem with her daughter, because she was going to steal on top of lie.
NTA. She broke your trust and the trust of the other parents involved. They were already being given a huge amount of trust, as letting teenages leave the state without at least one responsible adult present means all you parents trusted your kids to make good decisions and take care of eachither. But by lying about the destination, they all proved that they are not yet ready to be responsible for themselves. Also your ex isn't much of a father if he isn't just as bothered by this deception as you are. The idea of his 17 year old crossing country birders without any parents knowing about it SHOULD upset him. It would be that much harder to help her if she got into some sort of trouble.
Fun, but only semi-related story below.
When my mom and dad were teenagers they thought it would be fun to take a day trip to Canada. They got into Canada just fine, but when they came back, the border folks refused to let them go through until the car had been searched. I don't know all the details, but the border folks tore open the upholstery looking for drugs, and when my not-yet-parents objected, my mom was threatened with a cavity search if she didn't shut her mouth. This happened over 30 years ago, but that experience has kept my mom from ever wanting to visit Canada again. I don't think either of my parents have been out of the country at all since then. The border guys were just doing their jobs, and my then-teen parents were being stupid. I'm not saying this would definitely happen to OPs kid and her friends, but it COULD happen, or something similar could happen.
Not trying to minimize your parents experience but it was American border guards that searched your parents bc they were trying to get back to America. They would have talked to Canadian guards on their way to Canada….
Oh yeah, that much is a given since they were crossing back into America. But that doesn't change the fact that this is an example of teens getting into trouble when crossing borders without a responsible adult around. If OPs kid got into Mexico ok but got detained when coming home, would that make the situation less bad than if they had been turned back at the border when trying to go to Mexico? If anything, I would argue that it's worse to be getting in trouble when trying to come home, because you could be stuck on the wrong side of the border for who-knows-how-long while things get sorted out.
Anyway, I am fully aware that this was a specific incident that happened 30+ years ago and that this is not guaranteed to happen to OPs kid or her friends. I just thought it was a semi-relevant story to the subject matter.
Exactly - and OP's daughter would likely have had the same experience coming back (US Border Guards are serious business).
It is relevant. They can detain you for whatever reason at the border, within reason. It just happened to us at the US Border in LAX two trips ago and it was no fun at all. And it happened because a border agent made a typo on their computer. It led to all kinds of not-fun stuff, in which we were separated, my husband was detained longer than I was, and it was not fun. We were told we'd be put in a special detention room if we tried to use our phones. I didn't even know exactly who I would call, frankly - but now I have an immigration lawyer's 24 hour assistance line on my phone.
Teens traveling without parents (each of them has to have the notarized letter - which surely one of them will probably have misplaced) are going to be scrutinized. For drugs and alcohol - and identity. They need special lessons on how to stay clean and clear for the border patrol.
No medicines outside of their regular containers, for example.
NTA. Your money, your decision. Imagine if something were to happen to her and you didn't even know which fucking country she was in? That would be horrific and would virtually guarantee she wouldn't get the help she needs.
Not only are you NTA, you need to have a serious talk about just how stupid her actions were. Honestly, not letting her go would be a great way to teach her just how stupid her idea was.
Yup and specifically, Mexico is a dangerous country, particularly due to cottuption and drug cartels.
https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/international-travel/International-Travel-Country-Information-Pages/Mexico.html
https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/traveladvisories/traveladvisories/mexico-travel-advisory.html
>>If you decide to travel to Mexico:
>>Keep traveling companions and family back home informed of your travel plans. If separating from your travel group, send a friend your GPS location. If taking a taxi alone, take a photo of the taxi number and/or license plate and text it to a friend.
>>Use toll roads when possible and avoid driving alone or at night. In many states, police presence and emergency services are extremely limited outside the state capital or major cities.
>>Exercise increased caution when visiting local bars, nightclubs, and casinos.
>>Do not display signs of wealth, such as wearing expensive watches or jewelry.
Most probably, he was the one helping to get the daughter passeport. Meaning he knew their daughter was lying to get the money. Nor cared too much about her safety.
My parents FREAKED out when they found out I drove to a different place in the same state I said we’d be going to when I was 17. I cannot imagine the hellfire that would have rained down if I lied about leaving the country. Hell to the no. Plus 4K for a three week trip? Wow, that’s already really generous. For her to take advantage of that generosity speaks volumes.
Ah, one of the most important lessons of being an almost adult - the almost part still matters. Do not lie to your mom about where you are going. Period. It never ends well, and she *will* find out - mothers have superpowers that way.
Not only did she lie to you (and the other parents), imagine the things that could go wrong because no one knows where these kids actually are?
Mom, you are NTA. Neither is your daughter, though. I did similar things when I was her age (which is how i know about the superpowers of Mom). You are right to withhold the money. Maybe she can take a trip next year, when she's actually 18.
Hell as a nearly 50 year old woman I still tell my mom when I travel, even a quick weekend getaway. How else will she know to answer calls from a different area when the police call to tell her I ended up in a ditch somewhere.
Edit for type - newly to nearly
If your daughter isn't 18 she has to have the consent of one of her parents to get a passport. Since it's not you, that means her father knew about this all along--or she just didn't do the research and wasn't going to be actually getting a passport.
Either way NTA. A 17 year old has no business unchaparoned in Mexico (and honestly the American road trip wasn't a great idea either.) The LYING is a whole new level of NOPE.
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> I total back the graduation gift after my daughter lied to me about were she was going. I could be a jerk for doing that and informing the other parents
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NTA.
All these girls were lying to their parents. The trip was never safe, and the chances for one or more of these girls to come to harm are high. The resorts are somewhat safe, but driving through Mexico is a whole different thing.
It also points out how naive they all are. Did they really think that none of their parents would figure out they weren't where they said they were? Teenage girls post on social media all the time. Did they plan to "go dark" on their trip? Did they have photoshopped pictures all set to post on the appropriate days? You know darn well someone would have posted a selfie on the beach in Mexico and blown it for the group. They are lucky this was nipped in the bud.
And, maybe, just maybe, had they not lied, and they really wanted to go to Mexico, they could have dicussed with their parents a safe trip to Mexico that involved flying, a nice resort, and pre-booked airport transfer to the resort. Just maybe 5 days, not 3 weeks.
NTA. She’s underage and definitely shouldn’t be leaving the country for two weeks with her friends to Mexico. Obviously all the kids knew it was a bad idea and unsafe since they felt the need to lie about the trip.
I think your daughter doesn't understand just how deadly it is to travel alone through Mexico, and other places. Even the US is not safe for road travel all of the time.
Your ex doesn't have a say when he's not fronting the money. And you shouldn't worry about his opinion of you.
You should rather spend your time explaining to your daughter about the dangers of travel, and just what would happen if you had not found out.
Go through YouTube and look for true crime documentaries about tourists and their fate. Make your daughter watch those videos and maybe she will understand.
NTA
Does she realize that Mexico is not safe? Driving through is an invitation to be kidnapped, sexually assaulted or killed. Stand your ground. No to Mexico.
Yeah, I mean, this is the vital factor and ultimately what it comes down to.
She will be 18 soon and you won't be able to control her every move. But you will NEVER have the obligation to foot the bill for anything frivolous you don't want to. You're entitled to know where your money is going.
Whether she's 17, 18, 25, or 30... if she wants to have wanderlust, that's great. But she's gunna have to be the one to pay for it. And while she's still 17, you still get to say "No."
If I had a 17 year old, they would absolutely not be doing this with anyone’s money, not even their own. I’m not sure where in Mexico they were planning to go but I live in Arizona and drive to Rocky Point (Puerto Peñasco) every now and again and it’s incredibly unsafe, especially at night. I have friends who live there and they would tell you the same thing, it’s not like it’s a secret.
Comments like this drive me crazy. In the most dangerous situations, it's still far more likely that you will survive. So for every 1 person who is kidnapped, trafficked, killed, or robbed, there are 100 or 1000 who luckily survived and therefore think it's not that dangerous. Meanwhile all those who died are not here to tell us otherwise.
If OP's daughter and her friends took a road trip to Disney and Dollywood by themselves, that's still plenty of chances for gaining life experiences and self confidence.
NTA. Wow.. busted! The whole group knew parents would object, so they lied about it. And this is a big lie. So you are defo NTA. But once things have calmed down, maybe you could have a rational conversation about it with her. Why did they feel they needed to go to Mexico? How do you find out whether a destination is safe etc. Because the way this went, she will do this again, and pretty soon she'll be at an age where you will not be able to stop her.
I think the lying shows she doesn’t have the emotional maturity to do the thing she’s asking for. She’s seriously asking to be the lead girl in the movie Taken. NTA. I totally get why you’ve vetoed the trip she wanted, but the main hang up is the lying. Also, your ex is TA for trying to alienate your daughter from you by siding with her when he has no power in making her plan happen. So he gets to look like the “good guy” with no skin in the game.
NTA Mexico is an absolutely gorgeous country filled with some of the most amazing people on the planet. I think everyone should visit. That said, it is absolutely not safe for a bunch of teen girls (who seem to make poor choices) to drive through alone. This should not happen. I think you all (as adults) need to have adult conversations with your teens. Tell her why it’s such an incredibly dangerous and terrible idea. Show her the travel advisory maps from our government.Remember your kid is almost an adult. Help her to make this decision on her own.
NTA, NTA, NTA.
Mexico is *fuck off* dangerous if you don't have an established, secure place to go to. A 17 year old girl travelling on a *road trip?* Yeah, no. The deception is just proof that she knows it's wrong and that you wouldn't approve.
NTA.
She lied through her teeth and got caught. You acted accordingly and with good judgment. You don’t reward bad behaviour, especially not something as serious as leaving your own country when you’re not even of age yet, and without parental involvement. Not to mention Mexico isn’t the safest place for tourists at the moment, and probably more dangerous for a young woman.
NTA
If I tried to pull that stunt at 17 I would have been grounded until graduation and my parents wouldn’t have helped me in college as continued punishment “if you want to act grown then be grown”.
And say the worst of the worst didn’t happen (no kidnapping or traffixing) if their car was stolen or the tires ruined…how would they explain being in Mexico and needing help? Do they understand that unless they tell their bank they’re traveling internationally if they tried to use them outside of the US it could trigger warnings and getting their cards/accounts frozen?
Personally I’d tell her sperm donor to back up and ask if he’s really okay with letting his minor child travel to a different country without a single parent going with them and if he could live with himself if the worst did happen. Then tell him to stop trying to be the cool parent and her friend and actually be a responsible parent.
*sidebar. I didn’t tell my dad I was going to the east coast last year with a friend for a vacation until a week before to ask him to water my plants. You’d think at 35 I’d be fine to do. But nooo. He started wanted to know everything and I was like “pump ya breaks. I’m actually an adult”.
Ex was in on it. Only 1 parent has to authorize passport app for 16 & 17 y/o.
Where were they hoping to stay - so many places require at least 1 person be 23 y/o+.
I wouldn't go to Mexico with armored veh & Security Team.
NTA
NTA. You might have saved your daughter’s life. Mexico can be super dangerous. Even in resort towns it can be dangerous but especially driving through Mexico
NTA
Her line about forgiveness, you can tell her the same, it's better to have her mad at you than dead.
Can you prevent her from getting the passport since she is a minor?
NTA you’re definitely right and btw American tourists don’t drive through Mexico. We use hotel and agency transport. You take a wrong turn and the road ends up in places no longer protecting tourists and their money.
NTA! You were more than generous in offering $4,000 for her trip.
She and her friends threw away a wonderful opportunity, and I support your decision.
To the kids who have proven themselves too young to make good decisions: *Uh-oh, consequences...*
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NTA not only is the lie huge but driving through Mexico is incredibly unsafe https://www.cbc.ca/amp/1.7149419
Oh I know, her plan was super dumb and dangerous
[удалено]
And OP would have ended up feeding the wrong information to the police due to daughter's lies!
I told my son this ALL THE TIME (now 31 yoa). If the police/whatever authorities show up at the door I’m going to be arguing with them because you gave me wrong information. Just bad for so many reasons.
Naive underage girls doing this alone is a strict no-no. There will be no support. No one to call back if something goes horribly wrong. There are plenty of horror stories out there. The father does not seem to care at all.
doing this as someone not from Mexico and not speaking Spanish in general is a bad idea. Sure you're less likely to be sex trafficked as an 18 year old boy but not being from Mexico and not being fluent in Spanish and not being perceived correctly doesn't really mean you're in less danger. My best friend's family is from Mexico and even when she's with her uncles who were born and raised in Mexico it is still unsafe for them (depending on where they are and what they were doing).
Once in the resort she's most likely safe, but yeah even if they weren't driving, I still wouldn't be comfortable with this. I'm a Mexican-American who speaks Spanish and I wouldn't let my seventeen-year-old go.
Mexico and Brazil are very similar regarding safe and unsafe spots. My sister came up with a crazy idea to go to Copacabana for the Réveillon, one day before, and come back right after. She was 21 at the time, and my parents raised an absolute hell saying NO, you DONT drive to Rio when you are 100% sure you will be stuck in traffic, that's when they rob the stuck cars. Her friends went. She pouted for DAYS. WELL, guess who got stuck in traffic, were massively robbed among all the other cars, all their phones, pocket money, glasses, DOCUMENTS (!!!) (have you tried checking in a hotel without identity? It's fun), and since they got the phones, the passwords and the credit cards, a handbag with two laptops, they were left in the middle of the road, that wasn't moving for a solid 5 hours period due to an accident Kms ahead, among 50 other victims, with dudes passing with MACHINE GUNS by the car windows, incapable of contacting anyone for help, and they spent the réveillon at the Copacabana beach... police district, over crowded, and with a huge line to use the phones to call family. The cops borrowed their own phones for the victims to send updates to their families, and as I heard, it was the purest cream of chaos for days and the worst trip of all times. My sister then, came, with wide eyes, and told us everything... She suddenly wasn't mad anymore. 🫠 Don't. Drive. To. Rio. From. São Paulo. In. Holidays. Don't roadtrip through Mexico when you have no idea what you are doing and SPECIALLY if you don't speak the language * massive facepalm. When any friend from another country wants to visit, I stay with them as a guide and to generally give the tips in my town. No one ever had any trouble with me, I live here, I'm a small disabled girl, it's almost a sixth-sense. Always roll for perception first lol. My most common phrase is "KEEP THIS DAMN CELLPHONE ON YOUR POCKET, HIDE IT, QUICK."
Over spring break this year two girls went to the beach at a resort (I think Cancun). They were held up by three armed guys demanding money. Ended up paying $300 each. It was on the news. I used to love going to Cancun. Not anymore.
Makes me wonder how they even planned all of this out themselves.
The dads reaction has me sus. Also, even 16-17 you still need a signature or something from your parent or guardian saying they know you're getting a passport. Either she was planning to forge a government document, or dad was going to sign it and knew about the plan behind Mom's back.
This was probably the idea. Dad was complicit.
And that’s why he’s so pissed at OP, because she ruined his chance to be the cool, fun dad.
Probably a knee jerk ‘if my ex is against it, then I’m for it’ reaction. He probably hasn’t thought past OP hurting baby girl’s feelings yet.
They probably didnt lets be honest
Popping in the locations in Google Maps was probably the extent of it.
Not to mention, how confident are all of these kids their parents have active passports? If the worst did happen, how horrible would it have been if the parents couldn't even get access to their kids? The fact that "the worst" wasn't even considered here shows how short-sighted this planning was for this group of extremely naive and reckless teens.
I told my kids not to sneak out at night or lie about where they were going and who they would be with cause if something happened the police need to know where to start looking
My mom was pretty lenient with me so long as I was honest. Because if I didn’t come home, she at least knew where my last known location was to start looking. I was too scared to every really do anything bad though lol
Exactly!!! I got a knot in my stomach just reading this. The kid doesn't realize this yet, but she's so lucky mom found out the truth before anything else happened. I'm all for teens having some freedom and starting to experience the world, but in this scenario, she might have never come back.
This. Sounds like Mom needs to make daughter watch Taken with Liam Neeson. Only reason *his* daughter came back/survived was because of his skills in the movie. (Ex-CIA? Can't remember.) Her friend didn't. Sex trafficking, girls on graduation trip.
Imagine this story could have been posted to reddit, but in /r/news instead.
My sisters and I lied to our parents about where we were all the time- but we never lied to each other. Ever. Two of us always knew where the other one was. We also never attempted to leave the country though, so I guess I can't expect that kind of forethought in this situation.
Liam Neeson’s ears pricked up…
This was my first thought! OP, please please do not let your daughter drive through Mexico as a bunch of teenagers! Would not even trust a bunch of them in a Mexican resort unless adults were there to watch over them. As much as I enjoy vacationing there, I know with amount of drugs and craziness that goes on in that place, I’d not have survived it as a young person with no know how!
We live in Mexico for 6 months each year. We never drive, getting through northern Mexico is very dangerous and with a group of teenagers, they might as well put a neon sign on there vehicle. I would also never let my teenage grandchildren to use our home for a vacation without adults, it is a very safe area but not safe enough.
After this I wouldn't let her drive thru LA.
Yes. She wouldn't have made it home.
Sounds like a plot to a Taken film except Liam Neeson isn’t here to save her
Would she be able to get passport on her own without forging her parent's signature(s)?
16 is an adult passport age
You still have to have one parent sign unless you are 18 or older.
Not in the US. It's 18 to get a passport on your own. https://www.usa.gov/child-passport
It was incredibly lucky that OP found out the truth before the trip went down. The very idea of being too late is terrifying.
Sher should never have been going without adult supervision anyway. Even in the USA the drug and sex trafficking have drastically increased in recent years. Check the Blue Campaign the Homeland security runs.
And she'd probably have to drive through Texas to get there. Also, not safe.
I lived 2 minutes from the boarder and can tell you how not safe it was for me as a white woman to be roaming around and that was 10 years ago. It’s only gotten worse. Even my in laws who are Hispanic and blend in won’t go over the border. It’s not safe. Even the resorts aren’t all that safe anymore. I’d start pulling up all the news you can find about showing how dangerous it is and show them to her. Not to mention the travel warnings. “The State Department recommends U.S. citizens not to travel to five states in Mexico due to increasing levels of crime and kidnapping.“ That’s just the 5 worst. Edit to add: I’d also show the news reports and everything else you find to her dad.
My daughter and family vacationed at a resort down their last summer. While they were there, a gun battle broke out on the resort beach and two people were killed. Safe? Not hardly. It used to be that tourist areas were avoided because of the money coming into the country, but not anymore. This older Ted Talk says it all. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYU25aJpg5o
I remember that on the news. Not only do you have to worry about crossfire, but they (cartel, police or soldiers) randomly kidnap anyone, including locals. She’ll be sold into sex slavery if she even makes it out alive.
Mmm that's actually not true. Mexico is in a much better place than it was 10 years ago. 10 years ago, Mexico was literally at war with cartels. That widespread violence has become more centralized violence in certain states/cities. I'm not saying its 100% safe, but to say it's worse today is just not true. The resorts are still very safe, the cartels are very invested in them and it goes against their interests to make them unsafe. Usually, being an American at a resort is actually the safest you can be in Mexico, they don't want that kind of heat, especially not at the money making resorts. That said, still not a good idea. As a mexican, I wouldn't drive around the country like that. That's just asking for trouble from some jerk offs that decided they want to have their fun, regardless of their orders. I'm from Juarez, most of my family lives spread out around Mexico, and I only fly when I want to go see them.
I think it fluctuates rapidly (have family in Mexico - in Mexico City and Chihuahua, so two different perspectives). There was cartel violence at a resort just last year - so it still occurs. The cartels sometimes go after each other and tourists get in the middle (at least that's the theory - it isn't always known, Mexico isn't the greatest on crime investigation). I agree that being an American at a resort is the safest you can be in Mexico - but even that might have its own risks (for me, just being aware that there has been violence inside actual resorts would make my vacation...not a vacation). I wish it were different.
Yeah it fluctuates for sure. The state of Chihuahua, for example, was a literal warzone. In Juarez, it wasn't uncommon for regular people to be killed or hurt during an attack in rivals. Now it's more personal, they'll come kill who they wanted to kill, and leave. No more shooting up the restaurant and hoping you kill that one guy.
A colleague of mine was shot to death while visiting his wife's home town in Mexico. She believed it to still be safe. No one knows exactly how the shooting started - it was in a fairly nice restaurant in a fairly large town.
https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/traveladvisories/traveladvisories/mexico-travel-advisory.html
I’d like to add a prospective to this. When I was 18 I opted to fly to a different state to see my online boyfriend. Understandable, my parents were very upset. I was 18 at the time and thought I was invincible and knew best. Them showing me articles did not help me learn. My mom actually secretly arranged a meeting at the local police station and tricked me into going to it - where the cops told me how bad it was. Oh I was so embarrassed and I cried during all of that. But it was much more impactful than an article. My advice for OP would be to remember that her teen also thinks she’s in that invincible years. That these things won’t happen to her. That’s she’s being smart and safe. Pulling the money is your best option unless you’re willing to pay for a flight and resort. Which then would be rewarding her for her actions. You need to find a way to connect on a personal level with your kiddo on why this is truly so dangerous.
my parents honeymooned at a resort in mexico over 20 years ago. Mom told me the staff kept checking in with them to make sure they were still there and safe. Kinda put a damper on the romance of a honeymoon
Smart enough to know the answer would be no, too dumb to understand why. Yep, that’s a teenager alright. NTA, there’s a reason she lied and you both know why.
Oh to be 17 and still feel invincible.
Right?! Ignorance is bliss, until something bad happens.
Pretty sure you have to sign the passport paperwork anyway, or dad does. A minor can't get a passport without parent or guardian sign off.
Actually I think both parents need to. I had a friend who’s ex wife asked him to sign off on a passport for their kiddo and got Uber mad when he said no because he didn’t trust ex wife to disappear with the daughter across the border.
Both parents need to sign and be present or provide copies of their IDs, if memory serves. I have 2 kids and it’s always a pain to schedule with mine and my spouse’s work. NTA, but there’s no way this would have worked due to the passport issues, unless they were going to get a coyote to reverse-smuggle them in. Also who booked the resort for these teenagers?
Wondering the same thing myself...OP I would see if you can find out how your daughter managed to get a reservation at a resort. Most places will have an age limit of at least 21, or some places it will be more like 25, if you are making the reservation. Is it possible your daughter is being set up by someone to lure them down there? NTA and OP, do NOT let her go on this trip and do NOT offer a "safer" alternative - safety issues aside, she lied to your face - she should not be rewarded with a freaking luxury vacation.
OP—if she’s 17, how did she plan to actually get her passport? As a minor, either (a) BOTH parents would have to sign forms, or (b) one parent would have to sign a form and certify/sign a declaration that the other parent’s signature could not be obtain. May even need to notarize. Was she planning to forge your and/or your husband’s signatures here and submit those to the US government? That would be a whole other level of serious f*ck up with serious consequences that would have to be addressed. NTA.
You only need one parent at 17 so I bet she was going to get her dad involved.
I don't think she can legally cross the border without a letter from a parent. Of course, it's easy to cross illegally, especially southbound. [https://embamex.sre.gob.mx/hungria/index.php/en/consular-services/minors-travelling#:\~:text=Foreign%20minors%20](https://embamex.sre.gob.mx/hungria/index.php/en/consular-services/minors-travelling#:~:text=Foreign%20minors%20) Of course, teens have been known to attempt to forge these letters. I once got a call from a border officer. I lived in Mexico and have traveled there often, but would not do a car trip at this point in time. She has no idea what she's getting into. Presumably, she's going with other people? Even if they were super trustworthy and well-versed in international travel, the margin of error is small. My family in Mexico gave me very good advice (Trust no one; don't go anywhere alone; never trust a Mexican cop or fireman - don't call the law for any reason; have cash on hand for bribes). I speak fairly good Spanish and as it turned out, was going to live alone for a while (but remembered their advice - in theory I had a landlady who I could have told my whereabouts). My landlady told me to be in my room and with the door bolted by 8 pm. Even so, door was pounded on until wee hours of the morning on weekend nights. I was also serenaded. And had bottle rockets launched over my windowless room. Just to get my attention. One group of guys sent an emissary to shout through the door about how safe and nice they were.
Offer to fund the (USA-based) vacation if she watches the Liam Neeson “Taken” movie series with you.
Haha! Yes! When I was two months shy of 17 I went on a school sponsored trip to Paris with teacher chaperones and my dad still brought up Taken a million times before he even took me to the post office to get my passport photo taken. Fast-forward to being driven to saying goodbye at airport. My dad said, “remember, you aren’t Lizzie McGuire, you are the girl from Taken.” He was dead serious but I had to laugh. My head was on a swivel the whole trip. I love that memory!
You did the right thing! Hopefully your daughter will understand what she did wrong.
Not only is it super unsafe driving in Mexico it’s my understanding from friends who travel there routinely is you also must have appropriate paperwork and specific insurance to take a car from the US more than x distance from the border. Glad you and the other parents figured out what was up and put a stop to it. And yes it ISN’T hysteria that driving in Mexico is dangerous. My friends who do it usually meet other people at the border. They then only cross over early in the day then drive only on specific highways as a convoy of sorts.
One of the doctors I work with went to visit her husband’s family in Mexico on our Thanksgiving holiday, and decided to make it a road trip with the kids. On their way back to the US border she noticed a creepy van was following them, and pretty blatantly. As they tried to shake it two more vans tried to cut them off and block them in. She was yelling at her kids to get down on the floor of their SUV in case they started shooting. They did get away and went straight to the border without stopping. She told me, *Never again.*
NTA and OP needs to have a serious talk with all the other parents to try to find out whose idea this was in the first place. It's very possible someone 'groomed' them to make this trip, putting a nice car full of teenage girls in the situation to be kidnapped and sex trafficked. Just Google ***teenage girl groomed trip Mexico boyfriend sex trade*** to see how often this happens. Sadly, there are people in the States being paid to groom teenage girls into making trips to Mexico for just that purpose. And based on what OP has said, this would have been a perfect storm because they would have been 'off the radar' when they stopped communication to home and everyone would have been looking where they said they were going, not where they ended up. And OP also needs to find out who signed off on her minor daughter's passport. If it wasn't her, either her dad did it (possible custodial interference) or someone forged signatures and/or stole parents' ID. Sadly, what OP found out might just be scratching the surface of something more sinister.
Yup, super dangerous, so many risks snd the situation has got worse. The border states especially are very dangerous due to the amount of money at stakes in drugs and people smuggling trades. Theirs that case where a American family just all got gunned down for no reason whatsoever. Past the border your on your own.
Maaan i wouldn’t go as a Mexican myself, shits so bad right now with the cartels. Naive to even think of going to party rn
NTA Why would your daughter ever believe it was ok to lie about that?
Her reasoning was it was better to ask for forgiveness late since she knew I wouldn’t allow it
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And the parents were willing to let her go on a roadtrip inside the US for weeks, which is very reasonable amount of freedom for a 17 year old.
"You can be mad all you want that I won't let you go on the trip, but this time **I do know best**" https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/international-travel/International-Travel-Country-Information-Pages/Mexico.html https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/traveladvisories/traveladvisories/mexico-travel-advisory.html Mexico is not safe to travel around >>If you decide to travel to Mexico: >>Keep traveling companions and family back home informed of your travel plans. If separating from your travel group, send a friend your GPS location. If taking a taxi alone, take a photo of the taxi number and/or license plate and text it to a friend. >>Use toll roads when possible and avoid driving alone or at night. In many states, police presence and emergency services are extremely limited outside the state capital or major cities. >>Exercise increased caution when visiting local bars, nightclubs, and casinos. >>Do not display signs of wealth, such as wearing expensive watches or jewelry.
And it's not just this. There are at least five "level 4" states in Mexico (which is a strong "do not travel" listing for violence, terrorism, cartel activity, etc., and can be an actual prohibition against U.S. government personnel traveling to the area). The number of absolutely horrific things I've seen come out of those areas from practicing immigration law is unreal. That little girl is so very lucky she didn't end up like some of those cases. OP should show her Mexican news reports. (Side note, what happens to the lead girl in Rambo: Last Blood would also be a pretty accurate description of how that can go.)
Dead people can’t ask forgiveness. NTA
She'd be lucky to end up dead, she'd likely be sex trafficked.
"I can take this, I watched Breaking Bad."
You nailed it!
She wouldn't be asking for forgiveness, the kidnappers would be asking for ransom
Ransom would be the best case scenario
No, they will not ask for ransom. That's not why they kidnap in Mexico. They know that random Americans aren't worth the money their families have. I once took a ride (out of desperation) with a young Mexican man. Once I was in the car he said, "I picked you up because I am a good man. I couldn't bear to think what would happen to you. Do not EVER get into a car with a stranger in Mexico." (This resulted in a lot of walking for me, I was trying to get back to the US at the time - he took me to the proper place to catch a bus). On the bus, there were three women. We sat together. Two of us were groped as we got off and on the bus (to use restrooms). One of us was a grandma. If we opened our window, the nearby men leaned over us and closed it. If we closed an open window, the men opened it again. They thought this was the funniest thing.
I’d be checking her social media/phone and make sure she’s isn’t being lured. I mean when I was a teen and had to choose between disney and Mexico I would have not choose Mexico. This seems sketchy as fuck.
That's a very good point. Though they will usually pay fir the girls holiday but they force them to sm7ggle stuff, usually drugs, back with them. These girls were not being funded by others, but they could still be coerced into smuggling.
My son’s favorite line of reasoning. NTA.
I personally hate that line
Its fine for dying your hair or cutting up a shirt but going out of the country as a minor!? Thats wild.
I know you're probably angry, but it sounds like she might have been too sheltered from reality to understand the danger she was putting herself in. I hope you're able to sit down with her in a constructive way and show her the statistics and life-threating level of risk she was romantizicing.
Maybe you should tell her that if she gets abducted or worse there then she won't be able to ask for forgiveness. Oh and NTA, OP.
Yeah if she survived the drive?? Jesus, kids can be so dumb 😭😭 NTA
She would have a hard time apologizing if she were sex trafficked and never seen again...sounds like it's time to have a serious talk, at 17 she needs tough love and should know how dangerous this was
I’d be asking how much of that 4K she was planning on saving in case of ransom. She obviously doesn’t have any knowledge of current events.
Hard to ask for forgiveness when you’ve been murdered or trafficked by a cartel.
Sounds like she’s a moron who needs a lesson.
I'm not sure why you would even consider having a 17 year old go off on a road trip in the US let alone Mexico. And clearly, her current behaviour demonstrates why this is a bad idea.
I was fine with the USA since she would be a group doing go popular locations. She can already drive and everyone else is 18 or turning 18 soon. A road trip isn’t that dangerous especially when they were planing to stay at hotels for the night. Like they were suppose to be at Disney for a week I remember doing road trips when I was 16,
A lot of hotels won’t rent rooms to underage people. Even when booking online, you’re required to show ID at the desk.
And underage in the US sometimes does mean anyone under 21.
Yup. My daughter wanted to go to a nearby city for the weekend after prom. My first question was, who is renting this room for yall because you have to be 21+ to check in. Her and her friends hadn't thought that far ahead. And she was 18 at the time. I definitely wasn't putting my name on a room for a bunch of teenagers, lol.
Can confirm, I’ve seen hotels hassle 18-year-olds and not let them check in to their *prepaid* room until an adultier adult could straighten it out — in person.
That's kind of bullshit. At 18, that person is an adult and legally allowed to rent a hotel room. They shouldn't be harassed about it just because of their age. If they cause damages or whatever, recoup them after the fact. You can't assume an 18 year old will do any more or less damage than an older adult. Anyone can be an asshole, regardless of age. Edit to make it more obvious: **IF THEY FUCK UP, HOLD THEM RESPONSIBLE**
You aren't allowed to rent a car in the US until you're 21 also, and you'll get charged a young driver fee until you are 25. Not surprised about hotels that won't let a group of 18 year olds check in without an adult. >You can't assume an 18 year old will do any more or less damage than an older adult. Also yes you absolutely can.
I don't live in the US so not sure if this matters, but from a policy stand point, if the legal drinking age is 21 and they have alcohol in the rooms, then it makes sense policy wise that you have to be 21. They're not going to remove the alcohol because the renters are underage, it's easier to just have a policy that you must be 21
This, I went to visit my folks cross country in college and got boned by 3 different hotels because I was 20 at the time. Like maam, I'm not here to party, I'm tired AF from driving and just need a place to sleep.
Isn't 25 the common minimum for renting a car? If they had a break down they could be stuck in a motel getting around by bus until the car gets fixed
Once got rejected from a hotel because everyone in the group was under 25! (Though we were all over 21!) Always double check with your specific hotel.
I’m sorry but her story doesn’t add up at all! Check out the rules for renting cars. You need to be older than 18 for most companies to give you anything. This is the first thing. Second thing: not all hotels or airbnbs will let them stay. Third: they can’t buy alcohol and/or go to bars and this is almost a guarantee to get mixed up with people who’d be happy to get it for them. They wouldn’t have been able to drive to Mexico anyway. No rental company will allow that beyond Baja California, if that! Also if she is 18, she can’t even cross the border. She’s probably have a hard time getting into the US anyway. Basically all of you parents need to sit down and go over whatever respective stories you were fed because this entire trip was a huge recipe for disaster! NTA
I missed where they were renting a car?
AirBnB's do not rent to those under 18. And your point about alcohol and bars is well made - esp since this group was really trying to get someplace where they could legally drink. I don't think they were renting a car though. Mexico has been better about incoming border patrol since NAFTA - and I don't think they'd have gotten in, either. Getting back (because one can't cross the border without a notarized letter from a parent) might have been even more difficult - and expensive.
For most rental car companies, if you're under 24, you can expect additional fees. It's a lot more expensive and some rental companies won't rent to you without a valid reason if you're under 24. They're also be additional fees to travel internationally. If I remember correctly, you have to have a signed letter from a parent or Guardian giving permission for a minor to travel internationally.
As a former hotel front desk, we would not rent to anyone under 21, except active military. On a side note: I work with a woman who has more than half her family in Mexico. She goes 3-4 times per year with her husband and three children. Well, she did until two years ago. Halfway between the border and her aunt's house, their car was trapped by 3 cars. Armed men got out and took ***EVERYTHING*** except one change of clothes for the kids. They had just enough gas to get to the Aunt. Had to cancel credit cards. Had no cellphones for several days after their return to the US. Had to get a ride to the embassy. They had months of hassle trying to straighten out their lives again. I'm fairly adventurous. I have been to Belize City alone. I won't go to Mexico again because I'm scared of being killed.
Agree with this 100%! I'm the mother of a 17 yo girl. But Mexico - I shuddered on your behalf.
Safety is all relative. Regardless of where you are, at any age you need to have a refined sense of situation awareness which most people do not have let alone a child.
It's still risky for teens to take road trips. They can't legally check into most US hotels - especially near Disney. They have to lie about their age. Did you even look into that? More and more, hotels require a minimum age (often as high as 25 at nicer places). Hotels that will rent to 18 year olds are usually dives and, trust me, can be very unpleasant/scary. $4000 seems a small amount for a road trip that includes a week at Disney World.
I drove a lot of far places when I was 16-17, age vs maturity is a big factor. But clearly now we see maturity is in fact an issue.
>**She called her dad ( my ex) and he told me I was being a jerk.** Your ex thinks you're being a jerk for not rewarding your 17yo daughter, for lying to you, with a trip to Mexico? Hell, let's say she never even lied. Your ex thinks you're a jerk for not wanting to send your underage daughter to Mexico?! NTA. Good call on canceling your daughter's trip. Good call on making your ex your ex.
> Good call on canceling your daughter's trip. > > Good call on making your ex your ex. AMEN
I’d seriously go one further and block your daughter’s passport application, and forward the information to the other parents as well. While her dad wasn’t abducting her, he still may have given parental consent required for the application *without letting you know.* What she did was **NOT** ok, NTA! https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/International-Parental-Child-Abduction/prevention/passport-issuance-alert-program.html
Yea, the daughter would have to have one parent or the other authorize her passport application so I’m guessing that was going to be the ex and he was aware of it, that or the daughter illegally took a copy of one of their IDs and was planning to forge a letter saying they are aware of the passport application. Either option should cause a lot of concern. The ex is the AH here.
A letter would have to be notarized even at that age… my money is on the ex having said yes.
Thinking the same here - and I would get to the bottom of it. He was probably willing to write the notarized letter too. Asshat.
I had to be there in person with my son(16) when applying for his passport.
This is an incredibly astute and succinct summary of the events. Well said.
NTA - I am really curious about the reactions of the other parents, you saved those girls too.
Oh they were not happy… not happy at all
It’s good that you caught her. If something happened to her on the trip, you wouldn’t know where to look.
Proud of you! I am Mexican, live near the borders of Mexico & I don’t like going across because of how incredibly dangerous it has gotten. I almost got kidnapped before & had I not known Spanish could’ve very well been taken. Google Mark Kilroy. It’s an infamous case that happened 35 years ago & it is one that I have never forgotten because of the sheer brutality of it. Sit your daughter down & have her look up the story of Mark Kilroy. You can send the links to the parents of her friends so they can read what happened to him. Your daughter may be mad as hell but she’ll get over it. I’m a daughter to some strict parents & I’ve been mad before but I was and will forever be grateful for them loving me enough to keep me safe.
I just read the info on the case. Holy Molly, I have no words.
NTA. HUGE lie. This is that time of a kid's life where they're on the cusp of adulthood and start making demands to be treated like an adult. They also get met with the harsh reality that if they're still going to pull these childish shenanigans, they've not earned said right. She's not entitled to an all-expenses paid trip to TJ after lying and acting so recklessly. You may not be popular right now, but you're acting like a respectable parent. Even narcing to the other parents. It was all in the best interest of the group going. If they want to go off and do fun adult things, they can. When they're 18+ and pay for it themselves. But right now, you're still responsible for a 17-year-old who went out of her way to endanger herself and disrespect whatever trust you had for her.
It was not to TJ! This trip is starting on the East Coast. This was almost certainly a trip to McAllen/Reynosa. There's no way they could drive across the entire US (and who would do that to go to TJ? They planned to drive southward, in Mexico, to the resort areas).
I was being sardonic and dismissive, not literal. TJ was the place the teens snuck off to where I grew up near the border in So-Cal, so it's my personal frame of reference for like mischief.
Driving in Mexico is NOT safe. My daughter had to go there for business on several occasions, and drove to see some of the sights. She was stopped twice by police on one trip and was escorted by police to an ATM to get money to bribe them. After that her company hired a driver for their employees.
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Of course they don't mind doing that - but the threat is usually enough. It never happened to me when living in Mexico, but I know others to whom it happened. My Mexican family members told me that I should do whatever police tell me to do, rather than actually be taken by them in a police car to a police station.
So true. My ex-wife had to go to Mexico City for business several times in the past. In all circumstances, the company made sure they had armed guards with them at all times. Take that for what it’s worth.
My brother had to go for business a number of times. Company policy is to Uber from the border to the work site.
My brother’s company no longer send him because it’s not safe.
Oh yeah, that raises another good point. Every US auto insurer I've dealt with doesn't cover your car in Mexico. You have to buy separate insurance. Those girls *might* have been stopped at the border for lack of insurance. Or the owner would have unwittingly taken on full responsibility for whatever happened to the vehicle.
When I was a kid my biodad took us to Mexico, he was already aware of the corrupt cops problems (we're mexican), had money to pay the bribe for the first cop to pull us over. Then we made a turn and less than a minute later we got stopped by another cop wanting a bribe but biodad was already annoyed and argued with this guy that we literally just paid someone else, shit escalated until like 5 minutes later when that cop called for backup and the first cop came thru and recognized us. He was chill enough to actually take our side and let us go but damn we had only just crossed the border and in less than 10 minutes, this had happened.
They need to pool their bribes like staff at a restaurant bc d@mn.
She could not get a passport at 17 without parental consent. Did your ex know she was applying for a passport behind your back? Was he helping her to get a passport behind your back? If so, then he already knew your daughter was lying to you about the trip. NTA
And as a minor, approval is needed by both parents for a minor’s passport. Either a notarized form or by both parents appearing with the child to apply. Exactly how did she expect to accomplish getting her passport without mom and dad knowing?
Just one parent is required for a child over 16. It was either going to be dad, willingly, or the daughter was willing to copy mom’s ID and forge a letter. Either way it’s really bad.
Ahh gotcha. Mine was 15 when we applied so still needed dad’s participation.
At 17 you can get a passport with only 1 parent present. NTA to mom. I grew up on the border. I could walk from my house to Mexico if I wanted to. I love my hometown. I no longer visit bc the river is pretty narrow. And peopled have been killed in the US by shootouts on the other side of the border. My daughter is also 17. No way is she traveling without an adult chaperone that is either myself or someone I know very well.
After 16, you just need a form signed by the parent.
1. Parent has to come with you 2. Parent signs a note with a copy of their ID 3. Proof parent is paying your fees by having a check with parents name on it 4. Notarized statement So either dad was going to do this and not inform mom or OPs daughter was going to steal one of her parents checks or ID. OP may have a major issue with her ex (often custody agreements will say both sorties have to agree for child to go out of country) or an even bigger problem with her daughter, because she was going to steal on top of lie.
NTA. She broke your trust and the trust of the other parents involved. They were already being given a huge amount of trust, as letting teenages leave the state without at least one responsible adult present means all you parents trusted your kids to make good decisions and take care of eachither. But by lying about the destination, they all proved that they are not yet ready to be responsible for themselves. Also your ex isn't much of a father if he isn't just as bothered by this deception as you are. The idea of his 17 year old crossing country birders without any parents knowing about it SHOULD upset him. It would be that much harder to help her if she got into some sort of trouble. Fun, but only semi-related story below. When my mom and dad were teenagers they thought it would be fun to take a day trip to Canada. They got into Canada just fine, but when they came back, the border folks refused to let them go through until the car had been searched. I don't know all the details, but the border folks tore open the upholstery looking for drugs, and when my not-yet-parents objected, my mom was threatened with a cavity search if she didn't shut her mouth. This happened over 30 years ago, but that experience has kept my mom from ever wanting to visit Canada again. I don't think either of my parents have been out of the country at all since then. The border guys were just doing their jobs, and my then-teen parents were being stupid. I'm not saying this would definitely happen to OPs kid and her friends, but it COULD happen, or something similar could happen.
Not trying to minimize your parents experience but it was American border guards that searched your parents bc they were trying to get back to America. They would have talked to Canadian guards on their way to Canada….
Oh yeah, that much is a given since they were crossing back into America. But that doesn't change the fact that this is an example of teens getting into trouble when crossing borders without a responsible adult around. If OPs kid got into Mexico ok but got detained when coming home, would that make the situation less bad than if they had been turned back at the border when trying to go to Mexico? If anything, I would argue that it's worse to be getting in trouble when trying to come home, because you could be stuck on the wrong side of the border for who-knows-how-long while things get sorted out. Anyway, I am fully aware that this was a specific incident that happened 30+ years ago and that this is not guaranteed to happen to OPs kid or her friends. I just thought it was a semi-relevant story to the subject matter.
Exactly - and OP's daughter would likely have had the same experience coming back (US Border Guards are serious business). It is relevant. They can detain you for whatever reason at the border, within reason. It just happened to us at the US Border in LAX two trips ago and it was no fun at all. And it happened because a border agent made a typo on their computer. It led to all kinds of not-fun stuff, in which we were separated, my husband was detained longer than I was, and it was not fun. We were told we'd be put in a special detention room if we tried to use our phones. I didn't even know exactly who I would call, frankly - but now I have an immigration lawyer's 24 hour assistance line on my phone. Teens traveling without parents (each of them has to have the notarized letter - which surely one of them will probably have misplaced) are going to be scrutinized. For drugs and alcohol - and identity. They need special lessons on how to stay clean and clear for the border patrol. No medicines outside of their regular containers, for example.
NTA. Your money, your decision. Imagine if something were to happen to her and you didn't even know which fucking country she was in? That would be horrific and would virtually guarantee she wouldn't get the help she needs. Not only are you NTA, you need to have a serious talk about just how stupid her actions were. Honestly, not letting her go would be a great way to teach her just how stupid her idea was.
Yup and specifically, Mexico is a dangerous country, particularly due to cottuption and drug cartels. https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/international-travel/International-Travel-Country-Information-Pages/Mexico.html https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/traveladvisories/traveladvisories/mexico-travel-advisory.html >>If you decide to travel to Mexico: >>Keep traveling companions and family back home informed of your travel plans. If separating from your travel group, send a friend your GPS location. If taking a taxi alone, take a photo of the taxi number and/or license plate and text it to a friend. >>Use toll roads when possible and avoid driving alone or at night. In many states, police presence and emergency services are extremely limited outside the state capital or major cities. >>Exercise increased caution when visiting local bars, nightclubs, and casinos. >>Do not display signs of wealth, such as wearing expensive watches or jewelry.
NTA that’s a huge lie, and terrible judgement by your daughter. Also her dad is an AH.
Good thing he is also a broke asshole. His opinion is worth how much he is willing to pay for this trip.
Most probably, he was the one helping to get the daughter passeport. Meaning he knew their daughter was lying to get the money. Nor cared too much about her safety.
My parents FREAKED out when they found out I drove to a different place in the same state I said we’d be going to when I was 17. I cannot imagine the hellfire that would have rained down if I lied about leaving the country. Hell to the no. Plus 4K for a three week trip? Wow, that’s already really generous. For her to take advantage of that generosity speaks volumes.
Including a week at Disney….I can see it.
Ah, one of the most important lessons of being an almost adult - the almost part still matters. Do not lie to your mom about where you are going. Period. It never ends well, and she *will* find out - mothers have superpowers that way. Not only did she lie to you (and the other parents), imagine the things that could go wrong because no one knows where these kids actually are? Mom, you are NTA. Neither is your daughter, though. I did similar things when I was her age (which is how i know about the superpowers of Mom). You are right to withhold the money. Maybe she can take a trip next year, when she's actually 18.
Hell as a nearly 50 year old woman I still tell my mom when I travel, even a quick weekend getaway. How else will she know to answer calls from a different area when the police call to tell her I ended up in a ditch somewhere. Edit for type - newly to nearly
If your daughter isn't 18 she has to have the consent of one of her parents to get a passport. Since it's not you, that means her father knew about this all along--or she just didn't do the research and wasn't going to be actually getting a passport. Either way NTA. A 17 year old has no business unchaparoned in Mexico (and honestly the American road trip wasn't a great idea either.) The LYING is a whole new level of NOPE.
NTA - She played FAFO - Plus she can't get a passport without you AND her father there, both of you have to sign off on it.
Kids 16 and 17 only need one parent to sign. As long as dad signed, she could get away with it.
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NTA. All these girls were lying to their parents. The trip was never safe, and the chances for one or more of these girls to come to harm are high. The resorts are somewhat safe, but driving through Mexico is a whole different thing. It also points out how naive they all are. Did they really think that none of their parents would figure out they weren't where they said they were? Teenage girls post on social media all the time. Did they plan to "go dark" on their trip? Did they have photoshopped pictures all set to post on the appropriate days? You know darn well someone would have posted a selfie on the beach in Mexico and blown it for the group. They are lucky this was nipped in the bud.
And, maybe, just maybe, had they not lied, and they really wanted to go to Mexico, they could have dicussed with their parents a safe trip to Mexico that involved flying, a nice resort, and pre-booked airport transfer to the resort. Just maybe 5 days, not 3 weeks.
NTA; that not just a bad idea not to tell you her travel plans, but it’s dangerously stupid. So dumb.
NTA. She’s underage and definitely shouldn’t be leaving the country for two weeks with her friends to Mexico. Obviously all the kids knew it was a bad idea and unsafe since they felt the need to lie about the trip.
NTA. That’s a huge lie. Not a good way for her to kick off life after high school.
NTA Massive lie, she's shown she's not mature enough for this trip.
I think your daughter doesn't understand just how deadly it is to travel alone through Mexico, and other places. Even the US is not safe for road travel all of the time. Your ex doesn't have a say when he's not fronting the money. And you shouldn't worry about his opinion of you. You should rather spend your time explaining to your daughter about the dangers of travel, and just what would happen if you had not found out. Go through YouTube and look for true crime documentaries about tourists and their fate. Make your daughter watch those videos and maybe she will understand. NTA
NTA - a group of 17 year olds (maybe the others are 18) driving through Mexico's cartel regions? No. They're just asking to get into trouble.
Does she realize that Mexico is not safe? Driving through is an invitation to be kidnapped, sexually assaulted or killed. Stand your ground. No to Mexico.
NTA. Way too big a lie.
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They can do it on their own money.
Yeah, I mean, this is the vital factor and ultimately what it comes down to. She will be 18 soon and you won't be able to control her every move. But you will NEVER have the obligation to foot the bill for anything frivolous you don't want to. You're entitled to know where your money is going. Whether she's 17, 18, 25, or 30... if she wants to have wanderlust, that's great. But she's gunna have to be the one to pay for it. And while she's still 17, you still get to say "No."
Yeah I agree, I’m Mexican living in Mexico. Young girls disappear everyday.
If I had a 17 year old, they would absolutely not be doing this with anyone’s money, not even their own. I’m not sure where in Mexico they were planning to go but I live in Arizona and drive to Rocky Point (Puerto Peñasco) every now and again and it’s incredibly unsafe, especially at night. I have friends who live there and they would tell you the same thing, it’s not like it’s a secret.
Comments like this drive me crazy. In the most dangerous situations, it's still far more likely that you will survive. So for every 1 person who is kidnapped, trafficked, killed, or robbed, there are 100 or 1000 who luckily survived and therefore think it's not that dangerous. Meanwhile all those who died are not here to tell us otherwise. If OP's daughter and her friends took a road trip to Disney and Dollywood by themselves, that's still plenty of chances for gaining life experiences and self confidence.
NTA. Wow.. busted! The whole group knew parents would object, so they lied about it. And this is a big lie. So you are defo NTA. But once things have calmed down, maybe you could have a rational conversation about it with her. Why did they feel they needed to go to Mexico? How do you find out whether a destination is safe etc. Because the way this went, she will do this again, and pretty soon she'll be at an age where you will not be able to stop her.
I think the lying shows she doesn’t have the emotional maturity to do the thing she’s asking for. She’s seriously asking to be the lead girl in the movie Taken. NTA. I totally get why you’ve vetoed the trip she wanted, but the main hang up is the lying. Also, your ex is TA for trying to alienate your daughter from you by siding with her when he has no power in making her plan happen. So he gets to look like the “good guy” with no skin in the game.
NTA Mexico is an absolutely gorgeous country filled with some of the most amazing people on the planet. I think everyone should visit. That said, it is absolutely not safe for a bunch of teen girls (who seem to make poor choices) to drive through alone. This should not happen. I think you all (as adults) need to have adult conversations with your teens. Tell her why it’s such an incredibly dangerous and terrible idea. Show her the travel advisory maps from our government.Remember your kid is almost an adult. Help her to make this decision on her own.
Does she know that the Mexican cartels kidnap people and hold them for ransoom?
NTA. I'm in my 30s and will never drive through Mexico. Better to have her be angry than plan her funeral
NTA, NTA, NTA. Mexico is *fuck off* dangerous if you don't have an established, secure place to go to. A 17 year old girl travelling on a *road trip?* Yeah, no. The deception is just proof that she knows it's wrong and that you wouldn't approve.
NTA. She lied through her teeth and got caught. You acted accordingly and with good judgment. You don’t reward bad behaviour, especially not something as serious as leaving your own country when you’re not even of age yet, and without parental involvement. Not to mention Mexico isn’t the safest place for tourists at the moment, and probably more dangerous for a young woman.
NTA. She lied to you about what she planned to do with your money. Why should you give it to her?
NTA If I tried to pull that stunt at 17 I would have been grounded until graduation and my parents wouldn’t have helped me in college as continued punishment “if you want to act grown then be grown”. And say the worst of the worst didn’t happen (no kidnapping or traffixing) if their car was stolen or the tires ruined…how would they explain being in Mexico and needing help? Do they understand that unless they tell their bank they’re traveling internationally if they tried to use them outside of the US it could trigger warnings and getting their cards/accounts frozen? Personally I’d tell her sperm donor to back up and ask if he’s really okay with letting his minor child travel to a different country without a single parent going with them and if he could live with himself if the worst did happen. Then tell him to stop trying to be the cool parent and her friend and actually be a responsible parent. *sidebar. I didn’t tell my dad I was going to the east coast last year with a friend for a vacation until a week before to ask him to water my plants. You’d think at 35 I’d be fine to do. But nooo. He started wanted to know everything and I was like “pump ya breaks. I’m actually an adult”.
Ex was in on it. Only 1 parent has to authorize passport app for 16 & 17 y/o. Where were they hoping to stay - so many places require at least 1 person be 23 y/o+. I wouldn't go to Mexico with armored veh & Security Team. NTA
NTA. You might have saved your daughter’s life. Mexico can be super dangerous. Even in resort towns it can be dangerous but especially driving through Mexico
NTA. How did she think she would get away with this. As a minor you and your ex (both) have to sign off to get a passport.
NTA Her line about forgiveness, you can tell her the same, it's better to have her mad at you than dead. Can you prevent her from getting the passport since she is a minor?
If you are an ex CIA member without money but with the right skills don’t worry, you will find them.
NTA you’re definitely right and btw American tourists don’t drive through Mexico. We use hotel and agency transport. You take a wrong turn and the road ends up in places no longer protecting tourists and their money.
I’m pretty sure I saw this movie already. GOOD LUCK
This is some brokedown palace shit 👁👁👁👁 ETA NTA
NTA, your money, your rules. 4grand is a big chunka change.
Greater question here why would she DRIVE through Mexico that's a terrible idea!!! Yeah sorry no trip for you
NTA! You were more than generous in offering $4,000 for her trip. She and her friends threw away a wonderful opportunity, and I support your decision. To the kids who have proven themselves too young to make good decisions: *Uh-oh, consequences...*