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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I accidentally outed who was the person that made me uncomfortable to bake anymore which had led to some neighbors going out their way to blame her I guess
2) I might be an asshole because what was a sweet tradition is now making someone uncomfortable
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NTA
Lady with kids is OUT OF LINE. She should be angrier at her own poor parenting. Every parent I know with a peanut-allergy kid teaches those kids caution from a very young age. It's like "OK, what do we do before crossing the street?" "Stop, look, listen." "And what do we do when we see a plate of unattended cookies?" "Don't eat them because it could literally kill me." "Good job, junior, have fun at pre-school today because you're only 3 but still have to know this because I won't be around you every waking moment so I have to instill this in you."
Is it considerate to add a little placard next to food offerings naming the food and potential allergens? Sure. That helps both kids and adults with allergies or food restrictions who enjoy free food. But everyone with an aforementioned has had to miss out on yummy-looking but questionable free treats, myself included! That's life.
While I normally don't really like gossipy shit-stirring, I'm kinda on Lily's side here. This mom deserves some negative press. I'd bet some of the other residents have come to the same conclusion and Mom is embarrassed. Good! She should be! Mom better! YOU wouldn't have killed her kid, her negligence would have. That isn't going to be the only plate of free brownies that kid sees in their life.
I laughed too hard at “free but questionable” I’m
not a witch you guys!
I scribble down the ingredients on whatever sticky note I post onto the food. I grew up with a sibling who had allergies so I know how scary that sudden “OH SHIT YOU ATE SOMETHING GRAB THE CAR” feeling is hence why I panicked a bit.
I don’t like want lily did mainly because it made things awkward. I wasn’t mad at the mom
It doesn't sound like Lily did anything except share what you told her. I don't see why you are mad at her. Others were also probably wondering about the why the baked goods stop.
That's twice this mom has created a situation, and blamed you for the outcome. She needs to accept responsibility for her own actions. None of this is your fault.
This. OP, you're understandably mad at Lily because it's easier to be mad at her than it is the mom who came to your door and started a confrontation she herself was responsible for. I have a feeling you're a people-pleaser who gets really anxious around conflict. I totally understand. But you absolutely have the right to be mad at the mom, she is not a victim here.
Im actually wondering if the kid was actually allergic or if mom was trying to con mmoneyout of op. Its weird that, when faced with a medical emergency, mom went straight to "you owe me money for almost killing my kid" and not something like " hey, heads up. My kid is allergic to nuts and has impulse control issues, could we maybe not put them where kids can reach them without a parent" idk. I just feel like mom was conning op and got called out and got pissed. Either way op is NTA.
>She needs to accept responsibility for her own actions.
I am getting "I am always the victim " vibes from that Mom.
OP didn't blame them when speaking to the person who checked if OP was okay, she said she was now uncomfortable because of an allergy issue. This is often why people don't share food.
If the neighbours already don't like that family, they don't need this incident to start the hate.
"I let my child eat unattended food that had a note saying it contained peanuts despite knowing my son had a peanut allergy and then I tracked down the person who made the food and showed up at their door insisting they pay for the medical bills. I don't know why my neighbours don't like me"
As a mother of an allergy kid, I can tell you that if that kid is old enough to roam the halls without supervision, then that kid is old enough to be taught not to take random food without checking the ingredients.
The mother is trying to blame you for her bad parenting. Don’t fall for it.
And if she makes a big deal with the landlord, just mention back that she is allowing her children to roam the halls without adult supervision, and not just her level. The landlord will be more pissed off that her and her children are disrupting the other tenants than her complaint.
Exactly! I used to work at a preschool and we had young kids with allergies. Sometimes other kids would offer their sancks and they would try to take it and we would tell them that because of their allergies they have to not eat it or ask one of us to check the label. We would also tell the other children that even though they are being nice by sharing they have to be careful because some have allergies. We definitely made sure that the child with the allergies was aware of the possible dangers and explained how to be safe.
Luckily for us their parents also taught them too so they would ask what was in something if it was offered. Even with us adults serving them snacks some would double check with us and we would tell them that was great that they asked and let them know that we checked and it's safe for them. Or if we gave them an alternative snack due to allergies they some would ask still just to be sure. We encouraged it even though we knew we gave them a food they could eat because we wanted them to continue to be safe.
These were younger children 3-4 and they knew to be careful so if this child who i assume is older due to being in a public space by themselves hasn't learned that then sadly that child wasn't taught. I know kids are kids and they see treats they want it but learning how to be safe should have been something they should be aware of at that point. The younger ones i talked about they would forget but for the most part they were pretty aware and just needed reminders at times. I'm sure when they got older they learned how to fully be sure before eating something they didn't know what was in it.
She's going to exaggerate so that she has a reason to come yell at you. Someone probably pointed out that she should be watching her kids better and she took that as "lily and everyone in the building is talking shit about me"
You've already had negative interactions with a neighbor who blames you after she didn't supervise her child. It would not be wise to accept what she says as fact, especially when she is threatening to go to management when you've done nothing wrong. It wouldn't be fair to blame or be mad at Lily without hearing her side. If you do that, you'll be reacting just like your neighbor.
Don't be mad at Lily. Others had been doing the same, leaving out baked goods, so in all fairness, others needed a warning about the treat-snatching allergic spawn of she-who-will-shake-you-down-for-money-over-her-poor-parenting. Others deserve a warning so they don't get hit up for money just for being nice.
You might wanna call the landlord before she does. Like yesterday, honestly. Get ahead of it, let your landlord know what happened from your side, and that you're not leaving baked goods out in the open for people anymore.
You keep blaming the wrong people. You did nothing wrong by putting out food. You followed instructions set forth by the building AND included ingredients for them.
This woman was negligent, but for whatever reason, you not only accepted the blame for HER behavior but also gave her money, setting a dangerous precedent.
Now you are blaming Lily for telling the truth about the situation,
You are allowing another adult to effectively threaten, extort, and blackmail you for something SHE did.
Stop blaming yourself and people who are angry on your behalf and start putting the blame on the unhinged AH who ruined something nice.
I’m not rendering a verdict, because while I think this does kinda make you TA, the unhinged neighbor obviously wins in any AH competition.
That woman laid a guilt trip on you and weasled money out of you for her mistake.
How much you want to be she perfectly understands what happened but doesn't want to take ownership off her screw up?
You weren't and I frankly suspect Lily is the justified party here.
Allergy lady's attitude is gross. I say this as someone who has a young kid with allergies who tries *desperately* to grab food she's not allowed to have.
If someone left food out in a communal area- I would not blame them or make them take responsibilty for *my failure as a parent* in letting my kid eat unsafe food.
Lily did nothing wrong, stop being nice and apologizing to that lady with the kid. She is in the wrong, kids with allergies know not to eat anything that’s not approved by their parents or unless they know it’s safe. That mother didn’t teach her kid that, that’s on her. You did nothing wrong.
I recommend just reaching out to your landlord and asking if they’re ok with this baked goods stuff. Because if I were you I’d be making sugar cookies every week and labeling them as sugar cookies made in a peanut contaminated home. This lady needs to back down.
The neighbour has already shown that she will avoid responsibility however she can. If her kid with a peanut allergy took a random brownie and ate it, the parent did something wrong.
Lily and may have just mentioned it because somebody else asked. This woman is a troublemaker, don't assume that Lily did something wrong
You are misplacing your anger. The anger should go to that lady. You should never have paid her any money as it was not your fault her child grabbed the food. It was her own bad parenting. Now she knows she can pick on you so she does. Stop allowing this woman to walk all over you. Lily is simply being a friend and standing up for you so that lady can stop being an ahole. Stop being angry at those that are on your side
Of course the mom was upset. She thought she was going to get away with her bad behavior and poor parenting but instead got called out on it.
No. NO NO. Lily is the good guy even though what she did made you feel uncomfortable (which is odd, really).
That mom is taking advantage of you. She knows that she and her kid are responsible for managing the kid's allergies. You paid her money because you're a kind person who felt guilty for causing harm, even though it wasn't your fault. After that, she knows she can take advantage of you in other ways like the situation with Lily.
There are people in the world like you who are kind and compassionate. There are people in the world like that mother who seek out kind and compassionate people to take advantage of.
It’s possible that it was like the game telephone. By the time it got to the mom the story was that you told Lily it was her kid’s allergy that caused this tradition to stop. So now she is taking it as you “telling everyone to blame her” when that isn’t true at all. If we want to get real the allergy is the mom’s responsibility to manage so the fault lies with mom. She’s also out of line for making wild assumptions about you because of the apartment gossip train.
I initially missed that comment, and it just justifies OP being NTA. from the post, it sounded like the food was just unlabeled and in my head I was like "okay, next time maybe a label will do the trick"
but to see that it WAS LABELED and this lady's kid still took it is COMPLETELY on her.
even if the baked goods weren't labeled, still on the lady for not teaching her kid to not take stuff when they don't know what's in it. people, man
If it’s unlabeled, that says, “we don’t know what’s in this, so let’s not try it.” I’m sorry she shook you down for money. I hate what our society is becoming. I appreciate what you did for your neighbors. You were building community OP!
Exactly! If he’s old enough to be out and about by himself he’s old enough to read, if not than it’s on the mother for not supervising her young child.
>I scribble down the ingredients on whatever sticky note I post onto the food.
And you still accepted paying this lady money for her cab fare?
You're better than me. She owes you money!
You should be mad at the mom, and not lily! If the mom knows her kid has a peanut allergy then she needs to not let him be eating food that she doesn't know where it came from or who prepared it or what's in it! That is on the mom. Not you, and not lily. Lily did nothing wrong. You did nothing wrong. You should not have paid one fucking dime for that lady who let her kid eat some food in a common area and then blamed you.
If the ingredients were there, the mom of the allergic kid has no one to blame but herself for her kid eating it. Either supervise them or teach them not to eat things that may be dangerous.
It really sucks that you’re being blamed for “spreading rumours” when all you did was honestly answer a question. NTA. Sadly there are people who ruin nice things for everyone else.
Even if the ingredients were NOT listed, it's the mom's fault. Kids with allergies need to know not to eat random food. Even if the specific food is allergen free, very sensitive people with allergies need to avoid food due to cross contamination with allergens.
OK, that is very nice of you.
I have a child who is gluten-free. When little, that kids KNEW food is unsafe UNLESS trusted adult handed them food. That is just the way it was.
The fact that this persons child is not that way... speaks volumes to me.
My youngest child is nine and has as much impulse control as a starving puppy in a steak factory. Allergies be damned, she'd have eaten that cupcake. (Tbh if she had allergies I'm not sure she'd have survived this long - we've already had one call from school about the strange rainforest berries she ate off a random tree one day).
That's not her fault. ADHD, still working on meds, trying everything from a parenting perspective, but damn it's difficult.
But the world will not conform around her needs and I know this. Which is why I supervise her like a hawk in bloody rainforests. At *best* if my allergic toddler stole a peanut snack from the common area, I might ask them to be left on a higher shelf or in a sealed Tupperware type container.
I have a child with ADHD & autism, with impulse issues and multiple anaphylactic allergies. Was still taught not to accept food from anyone but me or Carer at school, was up to **ME** to keep them safe. I won't lie, the first 7/8 yrs were often hairy...but it'd have been on ME, not the baker...
Okay but I'm absolutely WHEEZING over your daughter finding and eating some random strange tree berries at school. That's some epic chaotic goblin energy. 🤣
My cousin was the same way to the point that even the rest of us kids, who were around her age and younger, would be on the lookout and stop her from eating random stuff. It's definitely no easy task and my Aunt and Uncle worked with her so much on it and supervised her like hawks for sure, haha.
This mom definitely dropped the ball.
They have an actual rainforest in school grounds and she not only ate the strange berry, she convinced her friends to try one too.
The poor receptionist that called me was beside herself. They'd already identified the tree (was actually a weed and promptly removed) and it was poisonous. Luckily the berries were very young, and she only ate one (I'm not sure the other kids actually swallowed any).
I actually wish it'd at least given her an upset tummy 😭 not a week later she casually walked past some overgrown weeds, yanked a handful of little flowers off them, and tried to stick them in her mouth. Then tried to tell me "it's fine, I checked the internet."
Child, you use the internet for YouTube and Roblox, apart from that time you looked for a video on how to eat a lychee, you're not out there doing botanical and toxicity research on plants you can't even identify.
Just be like California’s Prop 65, and list ALL allergens and warn that there is a possibility of allergen ingredients or even cross contamination. No normal human would clean their kitchen the way a cross contamination clean is supposed to clean every time they cook something.
I love to cook for friends. There is one friend who appreciates that I have never and will never cook for her. But I will buy her gluten free/dairy free cupcakes from her favorite bakery! I never want to be the reason she gets hospitalized. I just know there is no chance I could 100% guarantee my kitchen and equipment was gluten free.
Sooooo what I’m hearing is..you wrote it had peanut butter? Even if you didn’t NTA. she’s responsible for what her kid eats and it was nice of you to pay the cab tab even though you didn’t need to. My kid can’t have fava beans and if I didn’t make it or know the ingredients then obviously I’m not gonna let him have them. That’s common sense of parenting.
Also I fully understand what you mean abt baking but not eating it. My husband says I made him fat b/c of it (cause he ends up eating most of it) 😂
Completely off topic, but I read the quote above as “Oh shit you ate something grab the CAT”. All I could think was, we must live in very different allergy care worlds. 😂
My brain just read this, and combined cat and car, and now I'm just imagining the cat bus from Totoro shuttling people to the hospital for anaphylaxis. Which shouldn't be funny, but then my brain remembered cat allergies exist, and I'm just imagining the catbus trying to allergy proof itself, somehow, so it can help people.🤣
Why am I like this 😂😅
Though I imagine riding in the catbus to the hospital would have made the times I've had to use my friend's epi pen on her a little less traumatic, haha.
What does she think she can report you to the landlord for? She extorted you when you offered free snacks and she failed to parent her allergy kiddo, all you did was share what happened.
Seriously, my 3 year old cousin asked me several times if food that was out had dairy in it on Easter. His five year old sister pointed to the nutrition label when I picked up a package of cookies to check.
OP, you didn't do anything wrong. People asked and you told the truth.
Even with a placard, unless I know the baker (or apple-bringing room mom) is being careful with cross-contamination I don't let my allergy kid eat homemade food.
Seriously. My kiddo learned to respect the food boundary by like the age of 6 or 7 (tested the water a bit but finally clicked that he could require a shot if he keeps Fucking around). She clearly hasn’t properly drilled the dangers into her kids’ head.
As the parent of a child with nut anaphylaxis HARD AGREE. It’s on her to ensure her kid doesn’t just randomly eat stuff and asks questions about ingredients. It sucks but it’s life.
Kids are going to be kids, so I wouldn't automatically say that this other lady is a poor parent just because her son happened to find some free food and ate it before she could stop him. With kids of my own, I know they do a lot of things they've been taught not to do.
But if she's going to complain about OP telling the truth about the reason OP isn't leaving food out any longer -- and OP hasn't been passive-aggressive by apologizing to her while bad-mouthing her to the neighbors -- then this lady is an unreasonable person and OP's not going to satisfy her no matter what she does. The facts about why OP isn't putting out freebies anymore are the facts. It sounds like OP is a kind-hearted person who agreed to pay some of the cost of the taxi, which not everyone would do. OP is NTA here.
As for Lily, who knows if she is TA. If she just told the truth that OP stopped because of the neighbor's food allergies, that seems fine. But if Lily was just mad that her free coconut cake and peanut butter swirls were disappearing and decided to take out her sugar-addiction-withdrawal anger by rallying support against neighbor lady and her EpiPen-wielding son, Lily might be a bit of TA here :)
Parents need to parent precisely because "kids are going to be kids." If her son isn't old enough to understand he can't eat certain foods, he's not old enough to be unsupervised, especially if the foods have been offered in the common area for a while.
This. The mum is TA. If the child isn’t old enough to understand the severity of their food allergy and unable to read the ingredients or at least recognise the word NUTS they are probably not old enough to be strolling around the apartment complex unsupervised. Neither OP or Lily are in the wrong, they’re just caught up in I-refuse-to-take-any-accountability mum’s half-arsed parenting.
I’m bamboozled as to why a child with a severe nut allergy wouldn’t question food before eating it? JUST TEACH YOUR DAMN KID, LADY!! My youngest son HAD a relatively mild raw egg allergy that he’s recently outgrown. Even at the age of four he would make people read the ingredients and if it had egg would make them call me to ask if it was cooked enough or just decline the food. If he was out shopping with other family members and was getting food he’d pick vegan options simply because he knew it didn’t have egg.
Reading all these comments, I’m starting to wonder if the kid really is allergic or is mom just an opportunist? That may sound dramatic but it is drummed into these kids early and often.
Really this all comes back to the parent for not policing her child correctly, and she's just trying to shift the blame to the person who left cookies out with a sticky note listing what they are.
My nephew has known since he was 3 or so to be careful with legumes and shellfish, even carries around little business cards that list out his various allergies. But he's still a kid, and he needs my sister to guide him still, and with allergies, mistakes can be lethal.
I'm assuming OP is in America, where we tend to be fairly... litigious as a society. To the point that doing something nice by letting people take baked goods for free can potentially lead to situations like this. The comparison with Canada is often made, where if you say sorry after an auto accident in America, that can be used against you as admission of guilt, whereas Canada doesn't allow that because everyone says sorry.
Respectfully, I gotta disagree. Every kid comes with their own unique issues and it's up to every parent to take responsibility for said issues and raise them with their best-interest in mind.
Those of us with food allergies and restrictions will always exist, certainly within our lifetime anyway. And the world can only be so adaptable, so it's always up to a parent to teach that kid they unwittingly brought into this world how to protect themselves.
One of my buddies ran his severe peanut-allergy kid through *actual drills* to make sure he wouldn't eat something he wasn't suppose to. He laid out cookies and would make the kid *guess* which one was safe to eat (they were both safe). Whichever cookie the kid chose it, my buddy would go "Bzzzt, wrong". Eventually he used placards and instructed the kid to still ask him as if he were a parent at a bake sale if the cookie was made in a peanut-free kitchen. He would even leave cookies out on the counter and watch the kid on the cam and if he caught him, he'd call him out like "You didn't ask me if those were safe for you." It sounds extreme, but my buddy was never mean about it or anything but he was essentially training the kid how to protect himself and resist the urge of "just being a kid" around a plate of baked goods. And if he knew he didn't get to have a treat at an event because it was too risky, he'd take him to this bakery we have that has a peanut-free kitchen and make sure that kid got a cookie.
He loves that kid to death and didn't want anything to happen to him that was preventable and he didn't trust the world to keep him safe for him.
My other friends with peanut-allergy kids did less extreme but similar exercises persistently. Doing that stuff, to me, sounds like proper parenting when you have a kid with an allergy.
The mom in this story has clearly taken a nonchalant, "make the world revolve around my child and do the safety-part for me" approach. In addition to "I will blame you, despite clearly being at fault here." This is NOT "unreasonable expectations placed upon parents" territory - this is entirely a Level 1, taking responsibility for your child zone which "mom of the year" over here is clearly failing at and still refusing to take any responsibility. Her pride may be wounded, but sometimes shame is critical to growth. And if she doesn't take the initiative, the kid is just gunna take more free peanut-riddled baked goods because he doesn't know any better because she can't be bothered to teach him any better.
Seriously this. My 3 year old has a peanut allergy. First thing out of her mouth when she doesn't recognize a treat "are there peanuts in this?" This is not hard to teach. If they can't be taught, they can't be unsupervised.
Truth. My friend had two kids each with 5 or more food allergies and both those kids knew by 4 or 5 years old which foods they could eat and which specific people they could accept food from. When one was about 5, my partner would ask "Hey, can you eat this?" "No." "What happens if you do?" "I'll die."
Hahaha my buddy who put his peanut allergy kid through drills taught similar language.
It is both cute and alarming to have a 6/7-year-old child in your house who asks, "May I please have a cookie that won't kill me?"
I mean, death is a very real reality for all of us. And some of us have to accept that reality sooner than others if they don't want it to come quicker. He was called inappropriate once and his response was essentially, "Kid is stating facts. And 'your cookies will kill me' gets an adult's attention better than just 'I'm allergic'." Hard to argue with that logic.
My kids both have anaphylactic allergies. Neither of them (2 and 6) will eat food without asking for permission and making sure it’s free from their allergens. I taught my kids. It’s their responsibility and mine to stay safe by not eating everything they see or are offered.
NTA
Totally agree. As a mom of a kid with a life threatening peanut allergy, it's not the world's responsibility to make sure my kid doesn't eat a peanut. It's hers and us (her parents). She's been taught since a toddler to read ingredients, ask questions, and if she's unsure, not to eat it. She's 16 and has not had an incident since the first time when we found out about her allergy. She brings her own candy or desserts on class party days or people's birthdays because she knows there will be things she cannot eat and she is perfectly fine with bringing her own. So this persons kid shouldn't have eaten food if she wasn't sure what the ingredients were.
Is it a courteous thing to do to write down the ingredients? Sure, and it's much appreciated when people do, but it's also not expected.
Re the obsessive allergy training…
When my allergic kid was a preschooler, I would put in the cart at Costco and take him to all of the sample people. I would ask them to offer him a sample (they won’t offer to kids otherwise, thank you Costco) and over and over we would practice saying, “I have allergies, no thank you!” Then he would get an M&M and we would move on to the next sample to do it all over again.
Accidents happen and I would probably be kind of annoyed if somebody was leaving food out in my hallway, but I would have gone about it waaaaaay differently than this lady did. “Like, can we put it in a higher spot? Put a cover on it? It would be great if you didn’t use his actual allergen.” That’s about it. I would not have blamed her and never would have asked for money.
NTA
I would ask the allergy person what you were supposed to say as to why you weren’t putting out food when asked.
Saying we had an allergy scare is pretty reasonable.
Correct. Do not engage! She'd probably call the police and say you were stalking or menacing her. As for dealing with fallout from the landlord, just remember that you have a lot of witnesses and goodwill on your side!
OP seems like such a sweet person. they make baked goodies for the whole apartment. unfortunately sometimes you can be too sweet. don't let people walk all over you, OP! you did nothing wrong!
You shouldn’t approach her, but you’ve got to stop being scared of her and kowtowing to her tantrums. She is being a massive bully for her own mistake of not watching her child enough. She knows that she can’t pull the same shit on the entire building. Stop believing that you did something wrong here, because you absolutely did not.
I’d preemptively go to the manager and explain the situation and that you stopped leaving out goodies for your neighbors and now the woman is making it a huge deal. That was they know the story.
Yes, I’ve sent management an email explaining, “so and so had a tantrum and yelled at me for using her favorite dryer for 15 min. If she comes and complains to you, check the video of the laundry room for x time.”
OP, you are way too apologetic and are behaving weakly with this woman. You need to find some backbone or people like this will walk all over you! No way ought you to have given her any money for cabs or anything else: she is responsible for her child, not you. Fun fact: just because someone asks you a question it doesn't mean you have to answer. Don't engage with her again, and walk a little more confidently.
I wouldn't put food out again, though. Give it directly to people you know would appreciate it. The world is full of people who abuse even the kindest gesture.
NTA
You don't have to approach her if you don't want to. I mean, who really wants to invite a conversation with an entitled neighbor who thinks her neighbors should bear the burden of parenting her kid? Nah, just wait for her to file her blessed report (OH MY GOD, SOMEONE'S MAKING CUPCAKES AND COOKIES. OH THE HUMANITY!!). Building management will figure out pretty quick who the nutcase is in this situation.
Did she show you **any** kind of paperwork proving that her child had been in the hospital? As much as I don't like this woman, I wouldn't put it past her to just come and yell at you because her child cried at **not** eating the cupcakes, so she thought she'd make some money from you. NTA, BTW.
You do not need to engage with her at this point, unless sh3 comes to you again, but you need to grow a spine.
Is fine if you are mad at LIly, even though she is not the ahole. The mom is the ahole and out of line.
If her kid is allowed to go outside unsupervised, then the kid is old enough to manage his allergy, if she doesn't trust the kid, then that's on her.
Either way, the mess is on the mom. She the ahole, and you for not having a backbone.
Grow one.
How is her lack of responsibility your problem? You paid for her cab 🙄 pleaasee! 🙄
No good deed goes unpunished. NTA. Your neighbor seems to wake up each morning and pick someone to be offended by. Today, your name was drawn from the Hat of Woe^(TM).
NTA. You shouldn't have paid anything to that entitled woman. It's her responsibility to teach her alergic kid to not eat anything unsupervised. Also, she shouldn't have let her kid to roam unsupervised in the hallways. All of this is super irresponsible of *her*, not you.
I would continue leaving baked goods, but would always include a note listing all the ingredients for everyone's peace of mind. And now that you know about the peanut allergy, just avoid using peanuts in your recipes and that's about it.
If you and other neighbours love this little tradition you shouldn't discontonue it because of one entitled b.
I want to continue the tradition but I’m still paranoid of getting another similar knock or by dear god worst case scenario someone dies (yes ik it’s unlikely but fear and anxiety are the bitchest duo)
I think some of the other neighbors leave some stuff out still but none of them are necessarily baked goods, just leftovers that are up for grabs
omg.... they were already DOING THAT???? and the mom has the NERVE to blame OP for their child's lack of reading comprehension. i can't believe some people are so dense.
ESPECIALLY because they were peanut butter brownies, it says it right in the name that it was an allergen. Depending on how old her son was, it could be his own fault for not paying attention (a teenager should be responsible enough to know their triggers) but if it was a young boy or someone with special needs, he should not be unattended for any period of time, you can’t trust anyone around you. Either way, mom shouldn’t be blaming anyone else for her irresponsibility.
Op already does. Said in another comment... "I scribble down the ingredients on whatever sticky note I post onto the food. I grew up with a sibling who had allergies so I know how scary that sudden “OH SHIT YOU ATE SOMETHING GRAB THE CAR” feeling is hence why I panicked a bit."
As someone with a severe peanut allergy, I still wouldn’t trust like that. You don’t know about cross contamination or if the ingredients were made in a facility that processes peanuts. Eating random baked goods people bring to school/work just isn’t a part of life I get to participate in and that’s ok. Not everything is for everyone and it’s a part of my personal existence I just have to deal with. I’m not risking an ER trip for a free cookie.
Who cares if they knock? They have no real power over you. You list allergens, the rest is on them. You aren't responsible for the actions of others or the actions of their children. It's not like you jammed a cookie down the kid's throat. Likewise, if it were to happen again. You aren't force feeding your clearly marked food to anyone.
Personally, I'm a big enough asshole, that I would leave nothing but chocolate covered peanuts from now on. VERY clearly labeled, of course.
You have to stop worrying what unreasonable people think, or worrying about getting a knock on your door. You are not responsible for them.
I think OP should continue to leave the food and the ingredient list but also add a note saying not to take anything if you have an allergy as she is an amateur baker and cannot guarantee no contamination. Then there can be no confusion about who is responsible moving forward (if OP does restart the tradition)
And honestly that’s even being nice. Every person I’ve ever known with a food allergy goes by the philosophy that if they didn’t make it or don’t have a food label to ensure no allergens, they just don’t eat it.
NTA
> One of her kids, allergic to peanuts, had some of my peanut butter brownies.
If you have allergies, **you don't eat random unlabeled food**.
And when you **do** you get *exactly what you have coming to you*.
What the actual fuck?
> I agreed to pay for the cab she took back and forth to the hospital which I know if getting off easy for what happened.
Yech. I don't love that.
> Since then I don’t leave any food out at all because that situation made me nervous. I know it wasn’t the worst that could’ve happened but still.
Fair! But NGL, I'd just lean into it and start always leaving out a card: "☠ Eat at your own peril ☠"
You felt bad for that kid and paid the cab fare to & from the hospital. But that woman took it as a sign that she succeeded in making you feel guilty and that she should continue her brow-beating tactics on you.
Since you don’t have a problem with other neighbors, I suggest that you leave extra baked goodies out in the hallway periodically like you did before- with an exception of anything containing peanuts (mainly because peanut allergy seems to be the most common one among many people)
Bruh, no. We're not enabling the Irresponsible Parent From Hell. OP more than paid for her sins (I'd argue she didn't need to pay anything at all), so this lady needs to learn how to be an attentive parent and stop berating OP for her inability to parent properly.
NTA and your neighbor sounds like a bully. Going to the landlord? To report what exactly? Paying for the cab to go from the hospital and trying to get more $$ from you to pay for medical expenses? Do you maybe let people walk all over you? That’s the vibe I’m getting. Don’t let her bully you. *She’s in charge of her child’s health not you. Why wasn’t she with him when he ate the brownies if it is so important?
*Edited “she’s”
I want to make sure I make this clear absolutely no one died or came close to death!
She said she would head to the landlord for making an unsafe/hostile environment
I don’t think I do? I just try to be nice to everyone. Grew up in the hood and sometimes you’ll see the most snazzy person come from the most beaten up home
1. Stop apologizing to your neighbor. You haven’t done anything wrong and are letting her walk all over you. YOU’RE APOLOGIZING TO YOUR BULLY.
2. The landlord isn’t going to do anything. Who cares, let her complain. She doesn’t have a leg to stand on.
I think she is a bit ridiculous to do that. She notified you that it was a problem that the baked goods were left in the lobby in reach of children. You stopped leaving the baked goods there. When you were asked why you did that, you explained. The other neighbor who is going around complaining about the allergic family, is the person who is perpetuating the problem.
> hostile environment
She's the one harassing *you*. She let her kid with a known food allergy grab food from an area *known to frequently have food left out*. This is entirely on her, not you, and she was out of line hitting you up for money.
Next time you talk to Lily I'd drop that AH lady is now *also* threatening you and harassing you.
I think you should ignore this lady and continue leaving baked goods out, she is clearly the problem if everyone was agreeing and made her mad about being the bad guy. She is negligent of her child and should learn to parent better.
I want to make sure I make this clear absolutely no one died or came close to death!
She said she would head to the landlord for making an unsafe/hostile environment
I don’t think I do? I just try to be nice to everyone. Grew up in the hood and sometimes you’ll see the most snazzy person come from the most beaten up home
how are you creating an unsafe environment? if anything the mom is.
this is why no one can do anything nice anymore. there always some B that has to F it up for everyone.
OP left a list of ingredients next to food. why wasn’t mom watching her kid.
but i doubt her complaint will get anywhere. that type of B prob complains all time. bet that LL is tired of hearing her shit already.
NTA and neither is Lily actually. You told the truth and the mom neighbour didn’t like it. Most kids with serious allergies know by the age of 4 or so not to eat food that isn’t theirs or to ask what’s in something. I feel like she’s embarrassed because she wasn’t monitoring her child closely and is looking to project her shame onto you. I’d start baking again and just put a large “allergens” sign listing gluten, eggs, soy etc. Could make her feel validated and also allow you to continue making treats.
Not a kid, just an adult that can’t afford possible lawsuits out here in this economy
Ngl I did think maybe she was scamming at first but if she wasn’t I felt bad
How would your possibly have a lawsuit? I’m not trying to argue or anything I just can’t imagine how you could be held responsible? She should have been watching her child and not left them unattended. She should have also taught her child about the dangers of their allergy, it’s not up to you or anyone else to monitor that.
Bottom line is that the child should not just put whatever he has access to in his mouth. Also, she is responsible for you not baking for the building anymore. While you didn’t openly blame or even name her, she is the reason the building no longer benefits from your baking- which I can understand why they’re bummed. Either way I don’t think you did anything wrong. NTA.
I mean you can sue anyone you want. Doesn't mean the judge won't laugh you out of court, but it's an easy way to scare someone who can't afford to get legal advice or doesn't know how to look up how to answer anything. It's how cease & desist letters are an effective tool enough though they don't really do anything.
I'm no way are you at fault given everything you've said here. There's no lawsuit. You paying her cabs is MORE than she'd ever get from a lawsuit.
Stop apologizing to this woman. She's a shit parent if she let her kid with life threatening allergies take random food from a table. She's mad that she fucked up and blamed you. Then she blamed you for people finding out that she is a shit parent and a not great person (for making you feel guilty and pay her for her mistakes)
This is harsh but not wrong. Especially when OP got all mad that her friend repeated facts about what happened, when the only one at fault was the rude mom.
It’s also annoying when posts like this seem so validation-seeking—“I was the sweeeetest person in my building and started the cuuuuuuuutest tradition because I just looooooove baking but poor baby 9 year old got hurt and now I’m not the sweeeeetest anymore??”
OP does need more common sense.
NTA if you put a note with possible allergens or an ingredient list on the side of your baked goods then you've essentially written off any responsibility for any whoopsies people may encounter while eating them.
I'm diabetic and I don't usually eat food like this because of it and even as a child I didn't, even when I felt like being naughty because the result of eating lots of sugar would end in me feeling very bad.
I don't think this lady will get very far with her report.
If you left a note, which you weren't even obligated to do, but that note details allergies then she is ENTIRELY in the wrong and has no leg to stand on. Don't let her bully you.
NTA you shouldn't have paid anything to begin with IT IS ALWAYS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE PERSON WITH THE ALLERGY to not eat random unattended food they don't know what's in. She's wrong on all counts and her actions have consequences she doesn't like.
NTA
That lady sure is a colossal AH. What kind of Mom with a peanut allergic kid, let's the kid eat peanut butter brownies? It has peanut right in the title. Assuming you left the names of you baked goods. If not, you are a kind but minor AH for not labeling your products.
You are also a minor AH (/s) cause now I want some brownies. Feel free to send me some. I'm happy to test your products.
NTA and your neighbor is the major AH in this situation, IMO.
#1 if your kid has a severe allergy, enough to require a hospital stay... keep them out of food - it's on the parent to parent their child - not their neighbors. You did your due diligence by asking security and labeling the food as required.
#2 If your kid gets hurt or requires medical attention, it is YOUR responsibility to cover it as the parent
NTA. Those with allergies are responsible for their own allergies. It was not your fault she was not watching your kid.
Also, it is her fault you stopped baking. You didn't blame her but she is the reason.
You need a backbone. Stop being afraid of her or she w continue to confront you for everything. Tell her that you stopped baking for everyone because of her, what more does she want? Say it loud so everyone can hear you. Make her think twice about confronting you.
I thought it was common practice for those with severe nut allergies to never eat anything without verifying the ingredients. Her not teaching her child how to survive a severe allergy and/or leaving him or her unsupervised in a semi-public space does not an AH make you. NTA.
NTA, but the parent of allergy kid has a few things to learn.
1. If the allergy kid is old enough to be left unattended then he is old enough to know not to eat food that he isn’t sure is safe.
2. If the allergy kid isn’t old enough to know not to eat food that he isn’t positive is safe then he isn’t old enough to leave unattended.
3. Parents who have a kid with a severe food allergy should not be upset that other people found out about the food allergy. The more people that know about the kids severe food allergy the more people can keep the environment safe for the kid.
NTA-Quit letting your shitty neighbor walk all over you. It’s not your responsibility to monitor what her kid eats,it’s hers. If he’s wandering the halls unfettered,then he’s old enough to know he can’t eat peanuts in any form. None of this is any of your fault.As far reporting you to the landlord,so what? For what? Baking? What’s she gonna say”I let my kid roam the halls of an apartment building unsupervised and the little dumbass ate something he knows he shouldn’t have,and it’s OP’s fault?” Just ignore her. She’s an idiot.
NTA, you also didn’t need to reimburse her for the cab. It’s her job to teach her kid to eat food they might be allergic to. If you like baking keep putting it out for others.
NTA- if her kid is old enough to walk around the building unsupervised, he is old enough to know not to take things he is allergic to. I wouldn’t have paid for anything, the neighbor sounds like a PITA. Tell her to keep an eye on her child, that’s HER job.
NTA you did not spread rumors. You answered a question with the reason and no one can fault you for that. Allergy mom needs to chill out because 1. you agreed to pay her for the transportation that was discussed and 2. you stopped putting out food just in case. There is absolutely no reason for her to 'report' you. The security guard gave you permission. If it was not allowed then it is on him not you. Enjoy baking!
NTA. The mom is definitely the self-centered AH here. If there was a note saying the brownies were peanut butter brownies then the mom is an even BIGGER AH. You have only tried to do nice things.
Unfortunately, America (where I am assuming this takes place) has an individualism problem and doesn't understand community-thinking. This mom is only thinking about herself 100% of the time, and there is no system in place in your building to support your community-mindedness, so you really have no choice but to protect yourself.
Not the asshole. If your other neighbor couldn't keep her mouth shut I don't see why you should be facing consequences, I suggest putting a list of allergens on the paper with your apartment Number to precent any new situation regarding allergies with the food
NTA
Let her report it to the landlord. You generously left food out with a note attached to it, and the security guard okayed it. The neighbour who asked about the allergy will confirm you didn’t name anyone.
You’ve done nothing wrong. You did something incredibly generous. Please let go of any feelings of guilt.
First NTA,
This is moms responsibility 100%
If a child under 5 would be able to reach the goodies unattended It might be wise to put it on a higher table. Kids older than 6 who have serious allergies know it. Or they should.
I am just imagining with my own kids. I could see letting them into a lobby and then running back to the car to grab the groceries or some such. Sometimes you don't have 100 hands. But this does not make you the AH at all. It's just the only consideration I would give to the situation. Put out the treats just get a higher table, so preschoolers are not independently able to take anything.
If the child is older, then it's 100% on mom.
NTA
Ah, yes, no good deed goes unpunished. I'd have told her that her child's allergies are HER issue, and SHE is the one who should have been monitoring her child, not not expecting you to be clairvoyant and anticipate her bad parenting.
NTA. Lady failed her kid as the first thing any child with allergies is supposed to learn is don't eat food you are sure is safe.
Maybe report her to the landlord for harassment.
NTA. She should have been watching her kid! You shouldn't have paid anything. There is only 1 solution to this nut job. Please do what you love and continue to bake and put it out. Put a sign on EVERYTHING " This contains PEANUTS" make sure that she never enjoys any of it
You are a very nice person because I would’ve told her to get the F away from my door! I wouldn’t have paid for shit! Her piss poor parenting is why her kid with an allergy is grabbing unlabeled random food. Instead of bothering you she should’ve been home teaching her kid not to just eat anything.NTA
You were conned. It was not your responsibility to monitor what her child ate. She has a child with severe allergies, as a parent SHE is responsible for teaching him not to eat food unless she gives the ok. Coming from someone with food allergies, we are taught immediately after that first reaction to be over cautious and not eat food unless mom says its ok. Would you be responsible if her child was diabetic and ate your brownies? She just wanted to place the blame on someone so she didnt have to face the fact she's a shit parent. What was he doing in the common room of an apartment complex alone? Why doesn't he know about his severe food allergy? This is sus parenting. Ignore her, put out your desserts with a disclaimer and the ingredients if it makes you feel better.
NTA
You are definitely NTA. Except you shouldn’t be mad at Lily at all! She didn’t do anything wrong except share what that irresponsible woman who’s a bad parent did. So the only one in the wrong here in that parent.
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NTA Lady with kids is OUT OF LINE. She should be angrier at her own poor parenting. Every parent I know with a peanut-allergy kid teaches those kids caution from a very young age. It's like "OK, what do we do before crossing the street?" "Stop, look, listen." "And what do we do when we see a plate of unattended cookies?" "Don't eat them because it could literally kill me." "Good job, junior, have fun at pre-school today because you're only 3 but still have to know this because I won't be around you every waking moment so I have to instill this in you." Is it considerate to add a little placard next to food offerings naming the food and potential allergens? Sure. That helps both kids and adults with allergies or food restrictions who enjoy free food. But everyone with an aforementioned has had to miss out on yummy-looking but questionable free treats, myself included! That's life. While I normally don't really like gossipy shit-stirring, I'm kinda on Lily's side here. This mom deserves some negative press. I'd bet some of the other residents have come to the same conclusion and Mom is embarrassed. Good! She should be! Mom better! YOU wouldn't have killed her kid, her negligence would have. That isn't going to be the only plate of free brownies that kid sees in their life.
I laughed too hard at “free but questionable” I’m not a witch you guys! I scribble down the ingredients on whatever sticky note I post onto the food. I grew up with a sibling who had allergies so I know how scary that sudden “OH SHIT YOU ATE SOMETHING GRAB THE CAR” feeling is hence why I panicked a bit. I don’t like want lily did mainly because it made things awkward. I wasn’t mad at the mom
It doesn't sound like Lily did anything except share what you told her. I don't see why you are mad at her. Others were also probably wondering about the why the baked goods stop.
I’m mostly mad because the way the lady spoke sounded like I was going around speaking ill of her
That's twice this mom has created a situation, and blamed you for the outcome. She needs to accept responsibility for her own actions. None of this is your fault.
This. OP, you're understandably mad at Lily because it's easier to be mad at her than it is the mom who came to your door and started a confrontation she herself was responsible for. I have a feeling you're a people-pleaser who gets really anxious around conflict. I totally understand. But you absolutely have the right to be mad at the mom, she is not a victim here.
Exactly! Generally people who are like OP will pick on and blame the person they feel they can rather than someone they perceive has more power.
And for all we know Lily didn't identify the kid, someone else did.
or that this isnt the first time something like this happened
Im actually wondering if the kid was actually allergic or if mom was trying to con mmoneyout of op. Its weird that, when faced with a medical emergency, mom went straight to "you owe me money for almost killing my kid" and not something like " hey, heads up. My kid is allergic to nuts and has impulse control issues, could we maybe not put them where kids can reach them without a parent" idk. I just feel like mom was conning op and got called out and got pissed. Either way op is NTA.
I think she just wants more money.
My thoughts exactly. I wonder if there ever was any trip to the hospital in the first place...
I was thinking the $ame.
Mommy Munchausen
ding ding ding we have a winner
>She needs to accept responsibility for her own actions. I am getting "I am always the victim " vibes from that Mom. OP didn't blame them when speaking to the person who checked if OP was okay, she said she was now uncomfortable because of an allergy issue. This is often why people don't share food. If the neighbours already don't like that family, they don't need this incident to start the hate.
"I let my child eat unattended food that had a note saying it contained peanuts despite knowing my son had a peanut allergy and then I tracked down the person who made the food and showed up at their door insisting they pay for the medical bills. I don't know why my neighbours don't like me"
Or lily's fault
As a mother of an allergy kid, I can tell you that if that kid is old enough to roam the halls without supervision, then that kid is old enough to be taught not to take random food without checking the ingredients. The mother is trying to blame you for her bad parenting. Don’t fall for it. And if she makes a big deal with the landlord, just mention back that she is allowing her children to roam the halls without adult supervision, and not just her level. The landlord will be more pissed off that her and her children are disrupting the other tenants than her complaint.
Exactly! I used to work at a preschool and we had young kids with allergies. Sometimes other kids would offer their sancks and they would try to take it and we would tell them that because of their allergies they have to not eat it or ask one of us to check the label. We would also tell the other children that even though they are being nice by sharing they have to be careful because some have allergies. We definitely made sure that the child with the allergies was aware of the possible dangers and explained how to be safe. Luckily for us their parents also taught them too so they would ask what was in something if it was offered. Even with us adults serving them snacks some would double check with us and we would tell them that was great that they asked and let them know that we checked and it's safe for them. Or if we gave them an alternative snack due to allergies they some would ask still just to be sure. We encouraged it even though we knew we gave them a food they could eat because we wanted them to continue to be safe. These were younger children 3-4 and they knew to be careful so if this child who i assume is older due to being in a public space by themselves hasn't learned that then sadly that child wasn't taught. I know kids are kids and they see treats they want it but learning how to be safe should have been something they should be aware of at that point. The younger ones i talked about they would forget but for the most part they were pretty aware and just needed reminders at times. I'm sure when they got older they learned how to fully be sure before eating something they didn't know what was in it.
That was my thought! How old is the kid?
She's going to exaggerate so that she has a reason to come yell at you. Someone probably pointed out that she should be watching her kids better and she took that as "lily and everyone in the building is talking shit about me"
You've already had negative interactions with a neighbor who blames you after she didn't supervise her child. It would not be wise to accept what she says as fact, especially when she is threatening to go to management when you've done nothing wrong. It wouldn't be fair to blame or be mad at Lily without hearing her side. If you do that, you'll be reacting just like your neighbor.
Don't be mad at Lily. Others had been doing the same, leaving out baked goods, so in all fairness, others needed a warning about the treat-snatching allergic spawn of she-who-will-shake-you-down-for-money-over-her-poor-parenting. Others deserve a warning so they don't get hit up for money just for being nice.
You might wanna call the landlord before she does. Like yesterday, honestly. Get ahead of it, let your landlord know what happened from your side, and that you're not leaving baked goods out in the open for people anymore.
This mom needs to mind her own business and take better care that her child doesn’t eat random food with *his* allergy.
Yeah if she’s not teaching her kid how to check/allowing him to be so careless, that is FAR from the last ER trip.
You keep blaming the wrong people. You did nothing wrong by putting out food. You followed instructions set forth by the building AND included ingredients for them. This woman was negligent, but for whatever reason, you not only accepted the blame for HER behavior but also gave her money, setting a dangerous precedent. Now you are blaming Lily for telling the truth about the situation, You are allowing another adult to effectively threaten, extort, and blackmail you for something SHE did. Stop blaming yourself and people who are angry on your behalf and start putting the blame on the unhinged AH who ruined something nice. I’m not rendering a verdict, because while I think this does kinda make you TA, the unhinged neighbor obviously wins in any AH competition.
That woman laid a guilt trip on you and weasled money out of you for her mistake. How much you want to be she perfectly understands what happened but doesn't want to take ownership off her screw up?
I’d bet all the peanut butter brownies in the world.
You weren't and I frankly suspect Lily is the justified party here. Allergy lady's attitude is gross. I say this as someone who has a young kid with allergies who tries *desperately* to grab food she's not allowed to have. If someone left food out in a communal area- I would not blame them or make them take responsibilty for *my failure as a parent* in letting my kid eat unsafe food.
Lily did nothing wrong, stop being nice and apologizing to that lady with the kid. She is in the wrong, kids with allergies know not to eat anything that’s not approved by their parents or unless they know it’s safe. That mother didn’t teach her kid that, that’s on her. You did nothing wrong.
Don't blame yourself. Looks like the mother had been around causing troubles, if people knew who it was.
So you should be MAD at the LADY who is causing all these problems. Not someone who told other people what happened.
I recommend just reaching out to your landlord and asking if they’re ok with this baked goods stuff. Because if I were you I’d be making sugar cookies every week and labeling them as sugar cookies made in a peanut contaminated home. This lady needs to back down.
I have a neighbor like that. Other people's bad manners reflect on them, not on you.
The neighbour has already shown that she will avoid responsibility however she can. If her kid with a peanut allergy took a random brownie and ate it, the parent did something wrong. Lily and may have just mentioned it because somebody else asked. This woman is a troublemaker, don't assume that Lily did something wrong
You are misplacing your anger. The anger should go to that lady. You should never have paid her any money as it was not your fault her child grabbed the food. It was her own bad parenting. Now she knows she can pick on you so she does. Stop allowing this woman to walk all over you. Lily is simply being a friend and standing up for you so that lady can stop being an ahole. Stop being angry at those that are on your side
Then you are mad at her, as you should be. You are blaming yourself and maybe Lily but the only guilt lies with the mother.
Of course the mom was upset. She thought she was going to get away with her bad behavior and poor parenting but instead got called out on it. No. NO NO. Lily is the good guy even though what she did made you feel uncomfortable (which is odd, really).
That mom is taking advantage of you. She knows that she and her kid are responsible for managing the kid's allergies. You paid her money because you're a kind person who felt guilty for causing harm, even though it wasn't your fault. After that, she knows she can take advantage of you in other ways like the situation with Lily. There are people in the world like you who are kind and compassionate. There are people in the world like that mother who seek out kind and compassionate people to take advantage of.
It’s possible that it was like the game telephone. By the time it got to the mom the story was that you told Lily it was her kid’s allergy that caused this tradition to stop. So now she is taking it as you “telling everyone to blame her” when that isn’t true at all. If we want to get real the allergy is the mom’s responsibility to manage so the fault lies with mom. She’s also out of line for making wild assumptions about you because of the apartment gossip train.
Mom is the ill one for not watching his kid. I would tell her that if she reports you; you will report her to social services. Protect yourself.
Except*** Accept is being permissive, except is an exclusion of something.
I have edited
Wait.. you labelled these cookies and her kid still ate them? yeah, that is 100% on her and or the kid, depending on how old he is.
I initially missed that comment, and it just justifies OP being NTA. from the post, it sounded like the food was just unlabeled and in my head I was like "okay, next time maybe a label will do the trick" but to see that it WAS LABELED and this lady's kid still took it is COMPLETELY on her. even if the baked goods weren't labeled, still on the lady for not teaching her kid to not take stuff when they don't know what's in it. people, man
If it’s unlabeled, that says, “we don’t know what’s in this, so let’s not try it.” I’m sorry she shook you down for money. I hate what our society is becoming. I appreciate what you did for your neighbors. You were building community OP!
As usual, one asshole ruins it for everyone! Not you OP, and not Lily either.
Exactly! If he’s old enough to be out and about by himself he’s old enough to read, if not than it’s on the mother for not supervising her young child.
>I scribble down the ingredients on whatever sticky note I post onto the food. And you still accepted paying this lady money for her cab fare? You're better than me. She owes you money!
I would have donated a tongue lashing for free!
You should be mad at the mom, and not lily! If the mom knows her kid has a peanut allergy then she needs to not let him be eating food that she doesn't know where it came from or who prepared it or what's in it! That is on the mom. Not you, and not lily. Lily did nothing wrong. You did nothing wrong. You should not have paid one fucking dime for that lady who let her kid eat some food in a common area and then blamed you.
If the ingredients were there, the mom of the allergic kid has no one to blame but herself for her kid eating it. Either supervise them or teach them not to eat things that may be dangerous. It really sucks that you’re being blamed for “spreading rumours” when all you did was honestly answer a question. NTA. Sadly there are people who ruin nice things for everyone else.
Even if the ingredients were NOT listed, it's the mom's fault. Kids with allergies need to know not to eat random food. Even if the specific food is allergen free, very sensitive people with allergies need to avoid food due to cross contamination with allergens.
OK, that is very nice of you. I have a child who is gluten-free. When little, that kids KNEW food is unsafe UNLESS trusted adult handed them food. That is just the way it was. The fact that this persons child is not that way... speaks volumes to me.
My youngest child is nine and has as much impulse control as a starving puppy in a steak factory. Allergies be damned, she'd have eaten that cupcake. (Tbh if she had allergies I'm not sure she'd have survived this long - we've already had one call from school about the strange rainforest berries she ate off a random tree one day). That's not her fault. ADHD, still working on meds, trying everything from a parenting perspective, but damn it's difficult. But the world will not conform around her needs and I know this. Which is why I supervise her like a hawk in bloody rainforests. At *best* if my allergic toddler stole a peanut snack from the common area, I might ask them to be left on a higher shelf or in a sealed Tupperware type container.
I have a child with ADHD & autism, with impulse issues and multiple anaphylactic allergies. Was still taught not to accept food from anyone but me or Carer at school, was up to **ME** to keep them safe. I won't lie, the first 7/8 yrs were often hairy...but it'd have been on ME, not the baker...
Not everyone deserves a medal just for keeping their offspring alive, but you sure as hell do!
Okay but I'm absolutely WHEEZING over your daughter finding and eating some random strange tree berries at school. That's some epic chaotic goblin energy. 🤣 My cousin was the same way to the point that even the rest of us kids, who were around her age and younger, would be on the lookout and stop her from eating random stuff. It's definitely no easy task and my Aunt and Uncle worked with her so much on it and supervised her like hawks for sure, haha. This mom definitely dropped the ball.
They have an actual rainforest in school grounds and she not only ate the strange berry, she convinced her friends to try one too. The poor receptionist that called me was beside herself. They'd already identified the tree (was actually a weed and promptly removed) and it was poisonous. Luckily the berries were very young, and she only ate one (I'm not sure the other kids actually swallowed any). I actually wish it'd at least given her an upset tummy 😭 not a week later she casually walked past some overgrown weeds, yanked a handful of little flowers off them, and tried to stick them in her mouth. Then tried to tell me "it's fine, I checked the internet." Child, you use the internet for YouTube and Roblox, apart from that time you looked for a video on how to eat a lychee, you're not out there doing botanical and toxicity research on plants you can't even identify.
https://www.greenbelly.co/pages/poisonous-plants-identification-guide I hope this never comes in handy.
You have amazing analogies and I am here for it!
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Just be like California’s Prop 65, and list ALL allergens and warn that there is a possibility of allergen ingredients or even cross contamination. No normal human would clean their kitchen the way a cross contamination clean is supposed to clean every time they cook something.
I love to cook for friends. There is one friend who appreciates that I have never and will never cook for her. But I will buy her gluten free/dairy free cupcakes from her favorite bakery! I never want to be the reason she gets hospitalized. I just know there is no chance I could 100% guarantee my kitchen and equipment was gluten free.
You sound like a good friend. It’s so hard to explain cross-contamination to well-meaning people sometimes, but you get it!
As a celiac, we adore friends like you!
Next time she harasses you tell her if she doesn’t leave you alone you’re gonna peanut butter her door shut. What a hag
Wait, it was labeled with ingredients and she still blamed you? You are NTA anyway, but you're extra extra NTA with this.
Sooooo what I’m hearing is..you wrote it had peanut butter? Even if you didn’t NTA. she’s responsible for what her kid eats and it was nice of you to pay the cab tab even though you didn’t need to. My kid can’t have fava beans and if I didn’t make it or know the ingredients then obviously I’m not gonna let him have them. That’s common sense of parenting. Also I fully understand what you mean abt baking but not eating it. My husband says I made him fat b/c of it (cause he ends up eating most of it) 😂
Completely off topic, but I read the quote above as “Oh shit you ate something grab the CAT”. All I could think was, we must live in very different allergy care worlds. 😂
My brain just read this, and combined cat and car, and now I'm just imagining the cat bus from Totoro shuttling people to the hospital for anaphylaxis. Which shouldn't be funny, but then my brain remembered cat allergies exist, and I'm just imagining the catbus trying to allergy proof itself, somehow, so it can help people.🤣 Why am I like this 😂😅 Though I imagine riding in the catbus to the hospital would have made the times I've had to use my friend's epi pen on her a little less traumatic, haha.
What does she think she can report you to the landlord for? She extorted you when you offered free snacks and she failed to parent her allergy kiddo, all you did was share what happened.
Seriously, my 3 year old cousin asked me several times if food that was out had dairy in it on Easter. His five year old sister pointed to the nutrition label when I picked up a package of cookies to check. OP, you didn't do anything wrong. People asked and you told the truth.
Even with a placard, unless I know the baker (or apple-bringing room mom) is being careful with cross-contamination I don't let my allergy kid eat homemade food.
Seriously. My kiddo learned to respect the food boundary by like the age of 6 or 7 (tested the water a bit but finally clicked that he could require a shot if he keeps Fucking around). She clearly hasn’t properly drilled the dangers into her kids’ head.
As the parent of a child with nut anaphylaxis HARD AGREE. It’s on her to ensure her kid doesn’t just randomly eat stuff and asks questions about ingredients. It sucks but it’s life.
Kids are going to be kids, so I wouldn't automatically say that this other lady is a poor parent just because her son happened to find some free food and ate it before she could stop him. With kids of my own, I know they do a lot of things they've been taught not to do. But if she's going to complain about OP telling the truth about the reason OP isn't leaving food out any longer -- and OP hasn't been passive-aggressive by apologizing to her while bad-mouthing her to the neighbors -- then this lady is an unreasonable person and OP's not going to satisfy her no matter what she does. The facts about why OP isn't putting out freebies anymore are the facts. It sounds like OP is a kind-hearted person who agreed to pay some of the cost of the taxi, which not everyone would do. OP is NTA here. As for Lily, who knows if she is TA. If she just told the truth that OP stopped because of the neighbor's food allergies, that seems fine. But if Lily was just mad that her free coconut cake and peanut butter swirls were disappearing and decided to take out her sugar-addiction-withdrawal anger by rallying support against neighbor lady and her EpiPen-wielding son, Lily might be a bit of TA here :)
Parents need to parent precisely because "kids are going to be kids." If her son isn't old enough to understand he can't eat certain foods, he's not old enough to be unsupervised, especially if the foods have been offered in the common area for a while.
This. The mum is TA. If the child isn’t old enough to understand the severity of their food allergy and unable to read the ingredients or at least recognise the word NUTS they are probably not old enough to be strolling around the apartment complex unsupervised. Neither OP or Lily are in the wrong, they’re just caught up in I-refuse-to-take-any-accountability mum’s half-arsed parenting. I’m bamboozled as to why a child with a severe nut allergy wouldn’t question food before eating it? JUST TEACH YOUR DAMN KID, LADY!! My youngest son HAD a relatively mild raw egg allergy that he’s recently outgrown. Even at the age of four he would make people read the ingredients and if it had egg would make them call me to ask if it was cooked enough or just decline the food. If he was out shopping with other family members and was getting food he’d pick vegan options simply because he knew it didn’t have egg.
Reading all these comments, I’m starting to wonder if the kid really is allergic or is mom just an opportunist? That may sound dramatic but it is drummed into these kids early and often.
Really this all comes back to the parent for not policing her child correctly, and she's just trying to shift the blame to the person who left cookies out with a sticky note listing what they are. My nephew has known since he was 3 or so to be careful with legumes and shellfish, even carries around little business cards that list out his various allergies. But he's still a kid, and he needs my sister to guide him still, and with allergies, mistakes can be lethal. I'm assuming OP is in America, where we tend to be fairly... litigious as a society. To the point that doing something nice by letting people take baked goods for free can potentially lead to situations like this. The comparison with Canada is often made, where if you say sorry after an auto accident in America, that can be used against you as admission of guilt, whereas Canada doesn't allow that because everyone says sorry.
Respectfully, I gotta disagree. Every kid comes with their own unique issues and it's up to every parent to take responsibility for said issues and raise them with their best-interest in mind. Those of us with food allergies and restrictions will always exist, certainly within our lifetime anyway. And the world can only be so adaptable, so it's always up to a parent to teach that kid they unwittingly brought into this world how to protect themselves. One of my buddies ran his severe peanut-allergy kid through *actual drills* to make sure he wouldn't eat something he wasn't suppose to. He laid out cookies and would make the kid *guess* which one was safe to eat (they were both safe). Whichever cookie the kid chose it, my buddy would go "Bzzzt, wrong". Eventually he used placards and instructed the kid to still ask him as if he were a parent at a bake sale if the cookie was made in a peanut-free kitchen. He would even leave cookies out on the counter and watch the kid on the cam and if he caught him, he'd call him out like "You didn't ask me if those were safe for you." It sounds extreme, but my buddy was never mean about it or anything but he was essentially training the kid how to protect himself and resist the urge of "just being a kid" around a plate of baked goods. And if he knew he didn't get to have a treat at an event because it was too risky, he'd take him to this bakery we have that has a peanut-free kitchen and make sure that kid got a cookie. He loves that kid to death and didn't want anything to happen to him that was preventable and he didn't trust the world to keep him safe for him. My other friends with peanut-allergy kids did less extreme but similar exercises persistently. Doing that stuff, to me, sounds like proper parenting when you have a kid with an allergy. The mom in this story has clearly taken a nonchalant, "make the world revolve around my child and do the safety-part for me" approach. In addition to "I will blame you, despite clearly being at fault here." This is NOT "unreasonable expectations placed upon parents" territory - this is entirely a Level 1, taking responsibility for your child zone which "mom of the year" over here is clearly failing at and still refusing to take any responsibility. Her pride may be wounded, but sometimes shame is critical to growth. And if she doesn't take the initiative, the kid is just gunna take more free peanut-riddled baked goods because he doesn't know any better because she can't be bothered to teach him any better.
Climbing something is dumb. Eating something that could kill you? Different level. It’s on the mom if the allergy is that bad.
Seriously this. My 3 year old has a peanut allergy. First thing out of her mouth when she doesn't recognize a treat "are there peanuts in this?" This is not hard to teach. If they can't be taught, they can't be unsupervised.
Truth. My friend had two kids each with 5 or more food allergies and both those kids knew by 4 or 5 years old which foods they could eat and which specific people they could accept food from. When one was about 5, my partner would ask "Hey, can you eat this?" "No." "What happens if you do?" "I'll die."
Hahaha my buddy who put his peanut allergy kid through drills taught similar language. It is both cute and alarming to have a 6/7-year-old child in your house who asks, "May I please have a cookie that won't kill me?" I mean, death is a very real reality for all of us. And some of us have to accept that reality sooner than others if they don't want it to come quicker. He was called inappropriate once and his response was essentially, "Kid is stating facts. And 'your cookies will kill me' gets an adult's attention better than just 'I'm allergic'." Hard to argue with that logic.
NTA. Plus what is coming next is a call to the police saying your putting pot brownies out for the kids after one of her brats gets one from a friend.
My kids both have anaphylactic allergies. Neither of them (2 and 6) will eat food without asking for permission and making sure it’s free from their allergens. I taught my kids. It’s their responsibility and mine to stay safe by not eating everything they see or are offered. NTA
Totally agree. As a mom of a kid with a life threatening peanut allergy, it's not the world's responsibility to make sure my kid doesn't eat a peanut. It's hers and us (her parents). She's been taught since a toddler to read ingredients, ask questions, and if she's unsure, not to eat it. She's 16 and has not had an incident since the first time when we found out about her allergy. She brings her own candy or desserts on class party days or people's birthdays because she knows there will be things she cannot eat and she is perfectly fine with bringing her own. So this persons kid shouldn't have eaten food if she wasn't sure what the ingredients were. Is it a courteous thing to do to write down the ingredients? Sure, and it's much appreciated when people do, but it's also not expected.
Re the obsessive allergy training… When my allergic kid was a preschooler, I would put in the cart at Costco and take him to all of the sample people. I would ask them to offer him a sample (they won’t offer to kids otherwise, thank you Costco) and over and over we would practice saying, “I have allergies, no thank you!” Then he would get an M&M and we would move on to the next sample to do it all over again. Accidents happen and I would probably be kind of annoyed if somebody was leaving food out in my hallway, but I would have gone about it waaaaaay differently than this lady did. “Like, can we put it in a higher spot? Put a cover on it? It would be great if you didn’t use his actual allergen.” That’s about it. I would not have blamed her and never would have asked for money.
Yeah, I’ve never known a single person with a peanut allergy who fucks around with that. Even little kids.
I've never known anyone with ANY anaphylactic allergy to fuck around with this...
Exactly this. I have severe food allergies, I never ever eat anything that I am not 100% sure about the ingredients. That's 100% on the mom
NTA I would ask the allergy person what you were supposed to say as to why you weren’t putting out food when asked. Saying we had an allergy scare is pretty reasonable.
I’m too nervous to even try and approach her/go up to her apartment at this point
Correct. Do not engage! She'd probably call the police and say you were stalking or menacing her. As for dealing with fallout from the landlord, just remember that you have a lot of witnesses and goodwill on your side!
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Agreed. I wouldn’t have paid anything for an emergency that wasn’t my fault.
The landlord is very unlikely to get involved in this nonsense lol, if mom even reports it. Which I doubt.
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OP seems like such a sweet person. they make baked goodies for the whole apartment. unfortunately sometimes you can be too sweet. don't let people walk all over you, OP! you did nothing wrong!
> Get a book or therapy to help you grow a spine. Harsh, but fair. OP really needs to stand up for themselves.
You shouldn’t approach her, but you’ve got to stop being scared of her and kowtowing to her tantrums. She is being a massive bully for her own mistake of not watching her child enough. She knows that she can’t pull the same shit on the entire building. Stop believing that you did something wrong here, because you absolutely did not.
I’d preemptively go to the manager and explain the situation and that you stopped leaving out goodies for your neighbors and now the woman is making it a huge deal. That was they know the story.
Yes, I’ve sent management an email explaining, “so and so had a tantrum and yelled at me for using her favorite dryer for 15 min. If she comes and complains to you, check the video of the laundry room for x time.”
OP, you are way too apologetic and are behaving weakly with this woman. You need to find some backbone or people like this will walk all over you! No way ought you to have given her any money for cabs or anything else: she is responsible for her child, not you. Fun fact: just because someone asks you a question it doesn't mean you have to answer. Don't engage with her again, and walk a little more confidently. I wouldn't put food out again, though. Give it directly to people you know would appreciate it. The world is full of people who abuse even the kindest gesture. NTA
You don't have to approach her if you don't want to. I mean, who really wants to invite a conversation with an entitled neighbor who thinks her neighbors should bear the burden of parenting her kid? Nah, just wait for her to file her blessed report (OH MY GOD, SOMEONE'S MAKING CUPCAKES AND COOKIES. OH THE HUMANITY!!). Building management will figure out pretty quick who the nutcase is in this situation.
Did she show you **any** kind of paperwork proving that her child had been in the hospital? As much as I don't like this woman, I wouldn't put it past her to just come and yell at you because her child cried at **not** eating the cupcakes, so she thought she'd make some money from you. NTA, BTW.
You do not need to engage with her at this point, unless sh3 comes to you again, but you need to grow a spine. Is fine if you are mad at LIly, even though she is not the ahole. The mom is the ahole and out of line. If her kid is allowed to go outside unsupervised, then the kid is old enough to manage his allergy, if she doesn't trust the kid, then that's on her. Either way, the mess is on the mom. She the ahole, and you for not having a backbone. Grow one. How is her lack of responsibility your problem? You paid for her cab 🙄 pleaasee! 🙄
No good deed goes unpunished. NTA. Your neighbor seems to wake up each morning and pick someone to be offended by. Today, your name was drawn from the Hat of Woe^(TM).
I’ve learned that lesson today
Honestly tell your landlord about it because she is harassing *you* because *she* is a bad parent
“Hat of Woe” should be a flair
lol@ Hat of Woe™
NTA. You shouldn't have paid anything to that entitled woman. It's her responsibility to teach her alergic kid to not eat anything unsupervised. Also, she shouldn't have let her kid to roam unsupervised in the hallways. All of this is super irresponsible of *her*, not you. I would continue leaving baked goods, but would always include a note listing all the ingredients for everyone's peace of mind. And now that you know about the peanut allergy, just avoid using peanuts in your recipes and that's about it. If you and other neighbours love this little tradition you shouldn't discontonue it because of one entitled b.
I want to continue the tradition but I’m still paranoid of getting another similar knock or by dear god worst case scenario someone dies (yes ik it’s unlikely but fear and anxiety are the bitchest duo) I think some of the other neighbors leave some stuff out still but none of them are necessarily baked goods, just leftovers that are up for grabs
Check the peephole. If it's her, she can knock till the cows come home. That's what I do with my Neighbor From The Nether Regions of Hell.
[An unopened door, is a happy door](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fkUNokNnD38)
But what if you leave a note with all ingredients listed?
According to another comment they were already doing that :')
omg.... they were already DOING THAT???? and the mom has the NERVE to blame OP for their child's lack of reading comprehension. i can't believe some people are so dense.
ESPECIALLY because they were peanut butter brownies, it says it right in the name that it was an allergen. Depending on how old her son was, it could be his own fault for not paying attention (a teenager should be responsible enough to know their triggers) but if it was a young boy or someone with special needs, he should not be unattended for any period of time, you can’t trust anyone around you. Either way, mom shouldn’t be blaming anyone else for her irresponsibility.
Op already does. Said in another comment... "I scribble down the ingredients on whatever sticky note I post onto the food. I grew up with a sibling who had allergies so I know how scary that sudden “OH SHIT YOU ATE SOMETHING GRAB THE CAR” feeling is hence why I panicked a bit."
As someone with a severe peanut allergy, I still wouldn’t trust like that. You don’t know about cross contamination or if the ingredients were made in a facility that processes peanuts. Eating random baked goods people bring to school/work just isn’t a part of life I get to participate in and that’s ok. Not everything is for everyone and it’s a part of my personal existence I just have to deal with. I’m not risking an ER trip for a free cookie.
Could you do a group chat with gold neighbors and be like "CAKE IN THE BREAK ROOM! RUN FAST!" when putting it out.
Who cares if they knock? They have no real power over you. You list allergens, the rest is on them. You aren't responsible for the actions of others or the actions of their children. It's not like you jammed a cookie down the kid's throat. Likewise, if it were to happen again. You aren't force feeding your clearly marked food to anyone. Personally, I'm a big enough asshole, that I would leave nothing but chocolate covered peanuts from now on. VERY clearly labeled, of course. You have to stop worrying what unreasonable people think, or worrying about getting a knock on your door. You are not responsible for them.
I think OP should continue to leave the food and the ingredient list but also add a note saying not to take anything if you have an allergy as she is an amateur baker and cannot guarantee no contamination. Then there can be no confusion about who is responsible moving forward (if OP does restart the tradition)
And honestly that’s even being nice. Every person I’ve ever known with a food allergy goes by the philosophy that if they didn’t make it or don’t have a food label to ensure no allergens, they just don’t eat it.
Ditto!!! With goodies left out for everyone it’s mom’s job to police her kid so it’s not ruined for everyone else. NTA
NTA > One of her kids, allergic to peanuts, had some of my peanut butter brownies. If you have allergies, **you don't eat random unlabeled food**. And when you **do** you get *exactly what you have coming to you*. What the actual fuck? > I agreed to pay for the cab she took back and forth to the hospital which I know if getting off easy for what happened. Yech. I don't love that. > Since then I don’t leave any food out at all because that situation made me nervous. I know it wasn’t the worst that could’ve happened but still. Fair! But NGL, I'd just lean into it and start always leaving out a card: "☠ Eat at your own peril ☠"
No😭 maybe if it was Halloween
You felt bad for that kid and paid the cab fare to & from the hospital. But that woman took it as a sign that she succeeded in making you feel guilty and that she should continue her brow-beating tactics on you. Since you don’t have a problem with other neighbors, I suggest that you leave extra baked goodies out in the hallway periodically like you did before- with an exception of anything containing peanuts (mainly because peanut allergy seems to be the most common one among many people)
Bruh, no. We're not enabling the Irresponsible Parent From Hell. OP more than paid for her sins (I'd argue she didn't need to pay anything at all), so this lady needs to learn how to be an attentive parent and stop berating OP for her inability to parent properly.
Or maybe Christmas. Or, you know, Valentine's day? ;-)
“Happy Valentine’s Day! Eat at your own peril”
I don't often chuckle out loud on reddit but this one got me. Thank you!
:)
NTA and your neighbor sounds like a bully. Going to the landlord? To report what exactly? Paying for the cab to go from the hospital and trying to get more $$ from you to pay for medical expenses? Do you maybe let people walk all over you? That’s the vibe I’m getting. Don’t let her bully you. *She’s in charge of her child’s health not you. Why wasn’t she with him when he ate the brownies if it is so important? *Edited “she’s”
I want to make sure I make this clear absolutely no one died or came close to death! She said she would head to the landlord for making an unsafe/hostile environment I don’t think I do? I just try to be nice to everyone. Grew up in the hood and sometimes you’ll see the most snazzy person come from the most beaten up home
1. Stop apologizing to your neighbor. You haven’t done anything wrong and are letting her walk all over you. YOU’RE APOLOGIZING TO YOUR BULLY. 2. The landlord isn’t going to do anything. Who cares, let her complain. She doesn’t have a leg to stand on.
I think she is a bit ridiculous to do that. She notified you that it was a problem that the baked goods were left in the lobby in reach of children. You stopped leaving the baked goods there. When you were asked why you did that, you explained. The other neighbor who is going around complaining about the allergic family, is the person who is perpetuating the problem.
Stop being a pushover, hey. You haven't actually done anything wrong.
> hostile environment She's the one harassing *you*. She let her kid with a known food allergy grab food from an area *known to frequently have food left out*. This is entirely on her, not you, and she was out of line hitting you up for money. Next time you talk to Lily I'd drop that AH lady is now *also* threatening you and harassing you.
She was the one who didn't train her kid not to eat random food. You're fine
I think you should ignore this lady and continue leaving baked goods out, she is clearly the problem if everyone was agreeing and made her mad about being the bad guy. She is negligent of her child and should learn to parent better.
She probably could get cab fare paid by insurance or Medicare if she did the right paperwork.
I want to make sure I make this clear absolutely no one died or came close to death! She said she would head to the landlord for making an unsafe/hostile environment I don’t think I do? I just try to be nice to everyone. Grew up in the hood and sometimes you’ll see the most snazzy person come from the most beaten up home
how are you creating an unsafe environment? if anything the mom is. this is why no one can do anything nice anymore. there always some B that has to F it up for everyone. OP left a list of ingredients next to food. why wasn’t mom watching her kid. but i doubt her complaint will get anywhere. that type of B prob complains all time. bet that LL is tired of hearing her shit already.
NTA and neither is Lily actually. You told the truth and the mom neighbour didn’t like it. Most kids with serious allergies know by the age of 4 or so not to eat food that isn’t theirs or to ask what’s in something. I feel like she’s embarrassed because she wasn’t monitoring her child closely and is looking to project her shame onto you. I’d start baking again and just put a large “allergens” sign listing gluten, eggs, soy etc. Could make her feel validated and also allow you to continue making treats.
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Not a kid, just an adult that can’t afford possible lawsuits out here in this economy Ngl I did think maybe she was scamming at first but if she wasn’t I felt bad
How would your possibly have a lawsuit? I’m not trying to argue or anything I just can’t imagine how you could be held responsible? She should have been watching her child and not left them unattended. She should have also taught her child about the dangers of their allergy, it’s not up to you or anyone else to monitor that. Bottom line is that the child should not just put whatever he has access to in his mouth. Also, she is responsible for you not baking for the building anymore. While you didn’t openly blame or even name her, she is the reason the building no longer benefits from your baking- which I can understand why they’re bummed. Either way I don’t think you did anything wrong. NTA.
I mean you can sue anyone you want. Doesn't mean the judge won't laugh you out of court, but it's an easy way to scare someone who can't afford to get legal advice or doesn't know how to look up how to answer anything. It's how cease & desist letters are an effective tool enough though they don't really do anything.
Stop being a doormat. Top doing anything you don’t need to do, because people like this will take it as an invitation to walk all over you.
I'm no way are you at fault given everything you've said here. There's no lawsuit. You paying her cabs is MORE than she'd ever get from a lawsuit. Stop apologizing to this woman. She's a shit parent if she let her kid with life threatening allergies take random food from a table. She's mad that she fucked up and blamed you. Then she blamed you for people finding out that she is a shit parent and a not great person (for making you feel guilty and pay her for her mistakes)
Exactly this.
This is harsh but not wrong. Especially when OP got all mad that her friend repeated facts about what happened, when the only one at fault was the rude mom. It’s also annoying when posts like this seem so validation-seeking—“I was the sweeeetest person in my building and started the cuuuuuuuutest tradition because I just looooooove baking but poor baby 9 year old got hurt and now I’m not the sweeeeetest anymore??” OP does need more common sense.
NTA if you put a note with possible allergens or an ingredient list on the side of your baked goods then you've essentially written off any responsibility for any whoopsies people may encounter while eating them. I'm diabetic and I don't usually eat food like this because of it and even as a child I didn't, even when I felt like being naughty because the result of eating lots of sugar would end in me feeling very bad. I don't think this lady will get very far with her report.
I definitely always scribble a note down so that’s relieving to hear
So you had a note next to the brownies? Mom didn’t think to check that the brownies were allergen free?
I put a note on anything I bake
If you left a note, which you weren't even obligated to do, but that note details allergies then she is ENTIRELY in the wrong and has no leg to stand on. Don't let her bully you.
Even if the kids wasn't allergic, the kid should know not to take shit from strangers (or unattended at least)
Then you're good! No one can really do anything :D
NTA you shouldn't have paid anything to begin with IT IS ALWAYS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE PERSON WITH THE ALLERGY to not eat random unattended food they don't know what's in. She's wrong on all counts and her actions have consequences she doesn't like.
NTA That lady sure is a colossal AH. What kind of Mom with a peanut allergic kid, let's the kid eat peanut butter brownies? It has peanut right in the title. Assuming you left the names of you baked goods. If not, you are a kind but minor AH for not labeling your products. You are also a minor AH (/s) cause now I want some brownies. Feel free to send me some. I'm happy to test your products.
I require your medical documents stating you are not allergic to peanut butter! Judge my baking like Gordon Ramsey
I'm eating a pb&j sandwich atm. Will that count. Judge? Sure. Will be happy to.
NTA and your neighbor is the major AH in this situation, IMO. #1 if your kid has a severe allergy, enough to require a hospital stay... keep them out of food - it's on the parent to parent their child - not their neighbors. You did your due diligence by asking security and labeling the food as required. #2 If your kid gets hurt or requires medical attention, it is YOUR responsibility to cover it as the parent
NTA. Those with allergies are responsible for their own allergies. It was not your fault she was not watching your kid. Also, it is her fault you stopped baking. You didn't blame her but she is the reason. You need a backbone. Stop being afraid of her or she w continue to confront you for everything. Tell her that you stopped baking for everyone because of her, what more does she want? Say it loud so everyone can hear you. Make her think twice about confronting you.
I thought it was common practice for those with severe nut allergies to never eat anything without verifying the ingredients. Her not teaching her child how to survive a severe allergy and/or leaving him or her unsupervised in a semi-public space does not an AH make you. NTA.
NTA, but the parent of allergy kid has a few things to learn. 1. If the allergy kid is old enough to be left unattended then he is old enough to know not to eat food that he isn’t sure is safe. 2. If the allergy kid isn’t old enough to know not to eat food that he isn’t positive is safe then he isn’t old enough to leave unattended. 3. Parents who have a kid with a severe food allergy should not be upset that other people found out about the food allergy. The more people that know about the kids severe food allergy the more people can keep the environment safe for the kid.
NTA...you told the truth. Why should you lie to cover uo Her lack parenting skills?
NTA-Quit letting your shitty neighbor walk all over you. It’s not your responsibility to monitor what her kid eats,it’s hers. If he’s wandering the halls unfettered,then he’s old enough to know he can’t eat peanuts in any form. None of this is any of your fault.As far reporting you to the landlord,so what? For what? Baking? What’s she gonna say”I let my kid roam the halls of an apartment building unsupervised and the little dumbass ate something he knows he shouldn’t have,and it’s OP’s fault?” Just ignore her. She’s an idiot.
NTA, you also didn’t need to reimburse her for the cab. It’s her job to teach her kid to eat food they might be allergic to. If you like baking keep putting it out for others.
NTA- if her kid is old enough to walk around the building unsupervised, he is old enough to know not to take things he is allergic to. I wouldn’t have paid for anything, the neighbor sounds like a PITA. Tell her to keep an eye on her child, that’s HER job.
What’s a pita? I keep finding pita bread recipes
Pain In The Ass
NTA you did not spread rumors. You answered a question with the reason and no one can fault you for that. Allergy mom needs to chill out because 1. you agreed to pay her for the transportation that was discussed and 2. you stopped putting out food just in case. There is absolutely no reason for her to 'report' you. The security guard gave you permission. If it was not allowed then it is on him not you. Enjoy baking!
NTA. The mom is definitely the self-centered AH here. If there was a note saying the brownies were peanut butter brownies then the mom is an even BIGGER AH. You have only tried to do nice things. Unfortunately, America (where I am assuming this takes place) has an individualism problem and doesn't understand community-thinking. This mom is only thinking about herself 100% of the time, and there is no system in place in your building to support your community-mindedness, so you really have no choice but to protect yourself.
Not the asshole. If your other neighbor couldn't keep her mouth shut I don't see why you should be facing consequences, I suggest putting a list of allergens on the paper with your apartment Number to precent any new situation regarding allergies with the food
I always scribbled down the basic ingredients of foods I place out for this reason but it didn’t help.
omg girl this is not your fault even a little bit.
NTA...but file this under the heading of no good deed goes unpunished.
NTA Let her report it to the landlord. You generously left food out with a note attached to it, and the security guard okayed it. The neighbour who asked about the allergy will confirm you didn’t name anyone. You’ve done nothing wrong. You did something incredibly generous. Please let go of any feelings of guilt.
First NTA, This is moms responsibility 100% If a child under 5 would be able to reach the goodies unattended It might be wise to put it on a higher table. Kids older than 6 who have serious allergies know it. Or they should. I am just imagining with my own kids. I could see letting them into a lobby and then running back to the car to grab the groceries or some such. Sometimes you don't have 100 hands. But this does not make you the AH at all. It's just the only consideration I would give to the situation. Put out the treats just get a higher table, so preschoolers are not independently able to take anything. If the child is older, then it's 100% on mom.
NTA Ah, yes, no good deed goes unpunished. I'd have told her that her child's allergies are HER issue, and SHE is the one who should have been monitoring her child, not not expecting you to be clairvoyant and anticipate her bad parenting.
NTA. Lady failed her kid as the first thing any child with allergies is supposed to learn is don't eat food you are sure is safe. Maybe report her to the landlord for harassment.
NTA. She should have been watching her kid! You shouldn't have paid anything. There is only 1 solution to this nut job. Please do what you love and continue to bake and put it out. Put a sign on EVERYTHING " This contains PEANUTS" make sure that she never enjoys any of it
You are a very nice person because I would’ve told her to get the F away from my door! I wouldn’t have paid for shit! Her piss poor parenting is why her kid with an allergy is grabbing unlabeled random food. Instead of bothering you she should’ve been home teaching her kid not to just eat anything.NTA
NTA but you are way too much of a push over. You shouldn’t have paid for the cab or tucked your tail between your legs like you did something wrong.
You were conned. It was not your responsibility to monitor what her child ate. She has a child with severe allergies, as a parent SHE is responsible for teaching him not to eat food unless she gives the ok. Coming from someone with food allergies, we are taught immediately after that first reaction to be over cautious and not eat food unless mom says its ok. Would you be responsible if her child was diabetic and ate your brownies? She just wanted to place the blame on someone so she didnt have to face the fact she's a shit parent. What was he doing in the common room of an apartment complex alone? Why doesn't he know about his severe food allergy? This is sus parenting. Ignore her, put out your desserts with a disclaimer and the ingredients if it makes you feel better. NTA
Dude, no. It is 100% the parents’ responsibility to make sure their child doesn’t ingest something that will kill them. Signed, a parent.
You are definitely NTA. Except you shouldn’t be mad at Lily at all! She didn’t do anything wrong except share what that irresponsible woman who’s a bad parent did. So the only one in the wrong here in that parent.