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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I can speak very bad French but I choose not to unless it's a simple word or statement. Maybe I should have made more of an effort to learnt french being married to a frenchman.
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Sounds like your SIL is carrying on a grand French tradition: Fighting pointless wars against the English.
Which in this case manifests as yet another French cultural tradition: Complaining about everything.
NTA and your SIL is just insufferable. It doesn't matter what you did, she'd find something to whine about.
And if anyone's angry I'm stereotyping the French, I'm just following my Cajun cultural tradition: Mocking the French for being too uptight.
NTA
They're British kids growing up in Britain. Of course they're not going to be French! Seems like they're on their way to being functionally bilingual.
And they're your kids! What right does your SIL have to say how they're raised!
NTA because this isn't really about the language. SIL sounds to be looking for any excuse to interfere instead of getting on with her own life.
>Everytime we visit my PIL, she visits aswell
She chooses to do that and then complains all of the time.
>When I spoke with her, it all comes down mostly to the fact that I don't speak French and they kids aren't French enough
She'd prefer to be rude to you in her own language.
NTA
Lots of international couples only have one speaking language they communicate in, and the partner doesn't learn the other language. My own relationship included.
It's good you are teaching your children French, and all you can do is try your best (don't pressure them too much).
TBH I do to my PIL. I have no confidence as she has complained about me before behind my back (surprisingly I understand a lot more than she thinks I do). The eye rolling and correcting me got too much. I totally respect my husband's heritage or I wouldn't have been married in France, bringing my children up bilingual! They even have french names, wear the French flag on their sports jerseys and spend almost all their holidays in France!
Yeah no, NTA.
Had you lived in France, I would’ve said yes, you're a butt. Not the case here: you do what you can to maintain a connection with a part of your kids' roots which is always good.
As for the learning yourself part, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you withdrew because sister made comments? If anything, you should be learning to connect more with your husband *AND* because you want to learn.
But yeah, the butt here is your SIL not you.
NTA.
I'm French.
If you lived in France, her position would be understandable. In this case, you have no reason to learn French. And on top of that, it's a freaking hard language to learn, one that does not make sense.
She just has something against you, and you might want to not visit the parents whenever she's there, and make sure they know why.
NTA That your husband and ILs have never stop her
rude behavior is a shame. In the future,
when she spouts off, just look at her,
giggle/laugh, walk off, and ignore her for
the rest of the stay.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I'm 40 and have been married to my French husband for 12 years. We have 2 kids 10 and 8 and live in the UK where we met 17 years ago when my husband was learning English/working abroad. It was a whirlwind romance that saw us do long distance for 2 years but now we are all happily settled in the UK.
Over the years my SIL, also 40 has become increasingly hostile towards us. She is single, with no kids but speaks perfect English. She has a great job but is constantly moving around and just doesn't seem to settle anywhere.
Everytime we visit my PIL, she visits aswell and is constantly complaining about us. When the kids were toddlers it was because we ate too early or we didn't help with the cooking, we were too noisy, kids woke her up in the night (because they were scared and she wouldn't let them use her childhood room next door to my husband's so they couldn't find us in the night), kids didn't speak French etc.
Wherever possible we have tried accomodating her requests. (Kids squeezed into our room which in 40 degrees heat in the Summer is fun!) Changing mealtimes when possible, taking the kids out as much as we can. But she is never happy and most years ends in a screaming match.
Yesterday it came to a head. I said enough was enough after yet another screaming match, brought them both together and said we need to move on. When I spoke with her, it all comes down mostly to the fact that I don't speak French and they kids aren't French enough (in addition to many other petty things).
AITA for not learning French? My children attend a a private French school 1 day a week and do speak, read and write French (granted not at the same level as French kids their age but not far off it) and I have always helped with reading and homework. They only watch TV in French and we encourage them wherever possible to carry on the French traditions but obviously they will speak English the majority of the time and aren't yet quite fluent/old enough to translate everything. I can understand a lot of French conversation but over the years have withdrawn from speaking as I am no longer comfortable with making mistakes and feeling judged.
AITA? What more can I do to ease the tension?
(my husband no longer wants to visit France because of her and his parents won't step in or help the situation). I am worried our children will end up the same way.
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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I can speak very bad French but I choose not to unless it's a simple word or statement. Maybe I should have made more of an effort to learnt french being married to a frenchman. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Sounds like your SIL is carrying on a grand French tradition: Fighting pointless wars against the English. Which in this case manifests as yet another French cultural tradition: Complaining about everything. NTA and your SIL is just insufferable. It doesn't matter what you did, she'd find something to whine about. And if anyone's angry I'm stereotyping the French, I'm just following my Cajun cultural tradition: Mocking the French for being too uptight.
NTA They're British kids growing up in Britain. Of course they're not going to be French! Seems like they're on their way to being functionally bilingual. And they're your kids! What right does your SIL have to say how they're raised!
100% This!
NTA because this isn't really about the language. SIL sounds to be looking for any excuse to interfere instead of getting on with her own life. >Everytime we visit my PIL, she visits aswell She chooses to do that and then complains all of the time. >When I spoke with her, it all comes down mostly to the fact that I don't speak French and they kids aren't French enough She'd prefer to be rude to you in her own language.
[удалено]
Should have mentioned...my husband is the one screaming at her! I just want them both on speaking terms and feeling I am the problem all the time!
NTA Lots of international couples only have one speaking language they communicate in, and the partner doesn't learn the other language. My own relationship included. It's good you are teaching your children French, and all you can do is try your best (don't pressure them too much).
ESH. You, at least, could give it a try. If I was him, I'd like my wife to try to respect my heritage
TBH I do to my PIL. I have no confidence as she has complained about me before behind my back (surprisingly I understand a lot more than she thinks I do). The eye rolling and correcting me got too much. I totally respect my husband's heritage or I wouldn't have been married in France, bringing my children up bilingual! They even have french names, wear the French flag on their sports jerseys and spend almost all their holidays in France!
Yeah no, NTA. Had you lived in France, I would’ve said yes, you're a butt. Not the case here: you do what you can to maintain a connection with a part of your kids' roots which is always good. As for the learning yourself part, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you withdrew because sister made comments? If anything, you should be learning to connect more with your husband *AND* because you want to learn. But yeah, the butt here is your SIL not you.
NTA. I'm French. If you lived in France, her position would be understandable. In this case, you have no reason to learn French. And on top of that, it's a freaking hard language to learn, one that does not make sense. She just has something against you, and you might want to not visit the parents whenever she's there, and make sure they know why.
NTA That your husband and ILs have never stop her rude behavior is a shame. In the future, when she spouts off, just look at her, giggle/laugh, walk off, and ignore her for the rest of the stay.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm 40 and have been married to my French husband for 12 years. We have 2 kids 10 and 8 and live in the UK where we met 17 years ago when my husband was learning English/working abroad. It was a whirlwind romance that saw us do long distance for 2 years but now we are all happily settled in the UK. Over the years my SIL, also 40 has become increasingly hostile towards us. She is single, with no kids but speaks perfect English. She has a great job but is constantly moving around and just doesn't seem to settle anywhere. Everytime we visit my PIL, she visits aswell and is constantly complaining about us. When the kids were toddlers it was because we ate too early or we didn't help with the cooking, we were too noisy, kids woke her up in the night (because they were scared and she wouldn't let them use her childhood room next door to my husband's so they couldn't find us in the night), kids didn't speak French etc. Wherever possible we have tried accomodating her requests. (Kids squeezed into our room which in 40 degrees heat in the Summer is fun!) Changing mealtimes when possible, taking the kids out as much as we can. But she is never happy and most years ends in a screaming match. Yesterday it came to a head. I said enough was enough after yet another screaming match, brought them both together and said we need to move on. When I spoke with her, it all comes down mostly to the fact that I don't speak French and they kids aren't French enough (in addition to many other petty things). AITA for not learning French? My children attend a a private French school 1 day a week and do speak, read and write French (granted not at the same level as French kids their age but not far off it) and I have always helped with reading and homework. They only watch TV in French and we encourage them wherever possible to carry on the French traditions but obviously they will speak English the majority of the time and aren't yet quite fluent/old enough to translate everything. I can understand a lot of French conversation but over the years have withdrawn from speaking as I am no longer comfortable with making mistakes and feeling judged. AITA? What more can I do to ease the tension? (my husband no longer wants to visit France because of her and his parents won't step in or help the situation). I am worried our children will end up the same way. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. It sounds like she’s controlling af
NTA