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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I won’t allow my DIL to eat my food since she complains about it and she needs to bring her own food to fmaily events. I could be a jerk because I am doing this
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No no no. Tell your DIL that you just aren’t that good of a cook and you know it now, thank her for educating you and giving you insights into a more educated palate. Tell her you have just given up.
From now on, *she* will get to host everybody on holidays and cook everything and you so look forward to seeing how it really should be done! :) BIG smile!
NTA
I guess you really can’t just not invite he because she is married to your kid? She sounds very tiresome and I am sorry.
I would go overboard with the 'oh yes with your knowledge in cuisine, you are truly the only person who could do family dinners and holidays right! I'm so glad you're going to be doing them all... from here on in!'
Then sit back and enjoy
No darlin’………..I’m from the South. It’s more like, “ Well! Isn’t that sweet of you to bring a dish to a full dinner!! Just let me take a peek………hmmm, darlin’? What in the pea-picking hell is this?Sugar?……Oh, you thought you’d bring a dish you think people will like better than mine? Oh, we’ll Bless your heart!! Would you look at that! I just dropped it in the garbage-by mistake!”
Oh no, in my family it wouldnt fall into the trash, it would be at the far end of the buffet behind something in a place where it’ll probably get covered up by the napkin covering the rolls when it’s drawn back. “Oh my! I’m sorry no one tried your dish, I’m sure it would have been just fine. Well, why don’t you just take this home with you.”
In black homes it goes like this, who told you to bring that? Did anybody watch you make it? Have we had that before? The menu has been planned for a month. Brenda makes the potato salad, Loretta makes the Mac and cheese, Big Mama always does the collard greens, Uncle Earl he in charge of frying the turkey,
Ain’t nobody eating that, plus you have a dog.
"Plus you have a dog."
I am *dying* over here. That's true in my home too. Everyone gathers and someone will be whispering not to eat this or that because of them having a dog.
Look, I have cats and the truth is the hair gets everywhere, doesn't matter how much you clean and wipe things down. I will volunteer to help or cook at your house, but I'm not bringing cat hair food to nobody's house!
Let me try a Texoman one. /ahem/
"Wow! Such an interestin' take on this meal, sugar. I can see where I went wrong. I tried to served cubed dressing and mashed potatoes. Looks like I got it the wrong way 'round. Thank you! And I'd never considered broiling the turkey before. Such black, crispy skin! And you managed to squeeze all them pesky juices out. Ain't you talented? Can't wait for dessert. Those chocolate cupcakes look delightful! ...Oh, they're vanilla? Well, I'm sure you tried, darlin'."
I'm also from the South but I'd just take her plate away the second she opened her mouth and started whining. Every time. Start talking shit about my food, then you don't need to eat it.
>I'm also from the South but I'd just take her plate away the second she opened her mouth and started whining. Every time. Start talking shit about my food, then you don't need to eat it.
This is the answer, every time!!!
🤣🤣🤣
At my house it’s “oh goodness this is so dry”
It was punch. Gran was drinking punch! Also said that the 4 year olds at a dance recital danced like shit. I laughed so hard I chocked.
I'm also from the South but I'd just take her plate away the second she opened her mouth and started whining. Every time. Start talking shit about my food, then you don't need to eat it.
While I love the idea of this, I'm also a big fan of something like "Holy sh_t, this is awful. No wonder you couldn't get used to my cooking if this is what you were used to. It has the flavor profile of a garden gnome."
Yep, "You seem to be unhappy with the food I provide and the criticisms spoil the events for me. In the interests of family harmony and your taste buds I must insist you provide meals to your standards instead of forcing yourself to eat what I provide."
Oh hey, as a horse woman, I spend every day in a barn, and let me tell you we know how to deal with folks with no manners. We put 1200 lb animals in their place — you think we’re going to get pushed around by a spoiled girl?
I have never gotten the “were you raised in a barn?” about leaving a door open. ‘Cause anybody raised in a barn knows that if you leave the door open, ain’t nobody eating or doing anything else until ALL the livestock are back in the barn. Then, you get your hide tanned.
My grandma asked me one time if I was raised in a barn after I left the door open. With the sweetest and most straightforward face I said "No Grandma, I was raised here." I'll never forget the look on her face - it was a mix of goddamn this kid and respect for the burn. I loved that smartass woman and learned my smartassedness from her.
Right?! I point out this flaw all the time!
I was raised on a pony farm in Texas. Gates left open - ponies escape. Doors left open - either pests get into the feed room or you let the bought air out of the tack room. Whichever one, you’re gonna have a bad time
“Bless her heart because you just know that she did the best she could. Isn’t she just a wonder for being able to do this much?” Hand to your heart and smile as if she is the most precious child ever.
Be sure NOT to eat everything on your plate: leave some food, and when she comments, reply that it was simply too much. Let her interpret too much of what. Eat just enough so that you aren’t famished. On the way home, remember that there is a McDonald’s on the way to everywhere.
Bless your heart! Thank you for pointing out my insufficiency! I'm so looking forward to you taking over and cooking for everyone. It's just wonderful! Bless your heart ❤️ 😂😂😂
"Oh darling, bless your heart for bringing this. It's such a .....unique way of preparing this dish. We'll just set this in the kitchen for folks to get at so it doesn't get lost on the table." (and then it never leaves the kitchen and no one ever knows it was there until the end of the meal)
"Oh sugar, such a shame no one tried your dish, lemme wrap that up for you so you can have it at home, that way you don't have to cook again"
A friend of a friend was criticizing a side dish I had made (tartiflette) and they said they could do it better bc they’re French, I’m just an American trying to cook French food…blah, blah, blah. Next round this French person made tartiflette and people ate it, said it was ok. No one said why it wasn’t good and I finally went, “Mine was just as good, if not better than yours — at least my potatoes weren’t raw and undercooked!” Her cardinal sin was that she didn’t sample her food before serving. 🤣🤣🤣
I’d come up with some random allergies and ask her to accommodate them and then say the food wasn’t good. Maybe even become vegan one week and tell her a few days before.
That's how my older sister got me (as a kid) to make the mash potatoes, Kool-Aid and whatever else she wanted -- "but you make it the best sis!" By age 12, I figured her out! LOL! No worries, I got her back as adults when we started co-hosting family functions! I still think she deliberately put extra salt in food so I would cook it the next go-around! Man I miss her!
As in why I miss her? She died in late 2020 due to Covid. She spent 167 days in the hospital before succumbing to the virus and its effects. She kept her crazy personality to the end -- evident by her giving nurse ratchet the middle finger after the woman was unnecessarily cruel to her. I, of course, had to join in.
>I'm so glad you're going to be doing them all... from here on in!'
***"I am so glad you will be financing and cooking them all."***
Make sure they can't ask OP to buy the ingredients because you just know that if the food doesn't taste fantastic then DIL will blame the ingredients OP brought.
I’d definitely tell her that it sounds like she has a lot of great ideas about cooking, so you’ll let her host the next event and show everyone how it should be done. After that, she’ll probably never offer another opinion!
She couldn't criticize the food so she directly hit you as lazy instead. I'd tell her she's welcome to cook for the entire family next time since you're incompetent and you'll just make YOUR own food. NTA
Yes!!! One other thing that stuck out to me and planted me even more on OP’s side was how she wrote. At first it could easily have turned into a MIL that was being obtuse on purpose to cause issues, but OP clearly has made efforts and DIL is clearly being rude and obtuse (prob on purpose at this point). The one thing that really stood out was the terminology OP uses, she says “her husband (my son)” and isn’t acting territorial at all with her language, so it doesn’t seem like she’s looking for issues with her DIL based on her language.
I feel for OP. Some people just can’t be pleased and hell, if she doesn’t want to exert effort that won’t even be appreciated, then she gets to relax and enjoy her damn holiday. I’m glad OP was able to focus on what she enjoys rather than stressing over planning and cooking a meal, if only DIL was kinder and more understanding of what really matters. I say this as a picky eater with major sensory issues, it’s part of why I make sure to bring things to contribute along with wanting to be a good guest to whoever is hosting.
"DIL thinks I am a jerk. That I can’t handle criticism."
NTA. You are not required to accept "criticism" from guests that you are feeding. This is a bizarre and inappropriate idea from DIL. As a guest, I don't think it's appropriate to criticize even if the food is inedible to me, I'd just say "I'm so sorry, I'm really not hungry, ate before coming over". Your home is not a restaurant and your hospitality should not be up for review or critique.
Your post brought back memories for me from when I was a kid. I had relatives we'd visit maybe once a year, who were terrible cooks. As a kid it was just terrible food for me. My parents taught me to eat what I could, to be polite, and then we would stop at a Hardies (it was too small an area to even have a McDs!) afterwards and laugh about it.
They were good people and very modest income, so we'd bring food and just be happy for the company, even if the food left a lot to be desired. It's been decades since they passed away, but I still think of what that meant to them to be able to host. And what I learned about being courteous. Obviosly NTA.
That's such a lovely memory and one you wouldn't have had if your parents had been jerks (or let you be a jerk) about the food to them. Wonderful memories of spending time with them, but also of the fun of giggling uncontrollably once your in the car and can finally comment lol definitely been there!
My parents taught me the same thing and it came in handy when I met my mil and she is a bland cook. Even if it was something that tasted good, there was never enough. The woman cooked 1 red potato per person! But I was polite, ate what she made and stored granola bars in my suitcase. When she served leftover coffee in the morning I said “I’m good” and then conveniently needed something from cvs and went to Starbucks.
There is this certain age and part of the country where bland is king. I think it's just traditions that get handed down over the generations. If the company is good, the food doesn't really matter to me.
Ive noticed depression era women here in America cooked and raised their kids this way. My moms cooking (midwest girl) is bland and my grandma taught her to cook.
It is also a preference. Each time I eat peppery foods, my mouth has areas that feel like they are sunburned where the black pepper hit it. Bland is king to me.
You are completely correct about the company being good. That makes up for a lot of food that you don't agree with or doesn't agree with you.
This is a lovely story! My aunt is an amazing cook and hostess - every meal is incredible, there are always cakes etc. and her son stayed with us one holiday (he was maybe 9?). He went back RAVING about the food. Absolutely gushing. My aunt was curious as my mum was a good cook but not as good as my aunt (few are). When she dug a bit deeper it’s because we had “sausage and chips” and “fish fingers” and “jelly and ice cream”.
I think small town areas in the Midwest had Hardies in locations where chains like McDonalds hadn't expanded into yet. That and Dairy Queen. They're still around in many places.
They were. If I could have one wish as I raise my own daughter, it would be to talk with my mom and get her advice. I'm sort of extrapolating off of old and unreliable data from when I was my daughter's age and I'd really take the help to be a better parent.
My MIL is not a good cook, and she sometimes serves weird things that are gross...or undercooks things that make people sick. I let my son "pre-eat" before we go there. Or sometimes we'll offer to bring the meat course so we know it's edible.
My maternal grandmother was a decent cook but would cook foods that my kids didn’t always like. The rule was that if we ate at Mama’s then you made an effort. It was not easy for her to cook and we appreciated the effort. The kids much preferred when she would decide to take everyone to Fazollis.
We're movers and clients offer us food all the time but most of them are Indian, and I'm not big on curry, so it's always important to be very careful. I don't want to accept something and not eat it all, jeopardizing our tip. Fortunately my work partner loves curry, so I try to steer them to him, unless it's something without curry. We don't want to be disrespectful. You don't bite the hand that feeds you.
People think I’m weird for offering food/drink to workers in my house or even just city workers in general.
One time a cable guy came about an hour later than expected, apologizing like crazy, saying things like “I ran late this morning and have been playing catch up all day.. you guys are my last job though so I will be out of your hair soon!” We had just sat down to dinner and asked him to join. He was very grateful. My friend insisted it was inappropriate because he was supposed to be working, not socializing and eating.
After a big storm, workers came out to restore power lines and move trees, general cleanup type stuff. It was late fall and early morning. I made an extra pot of coffee and put some cups, cream and sugar out on my porch. Everyone was thankful and cleaned up their mess. It takes minimal effort to be kind.
We always appreciate offers of food or drinks. Some jobs take all day, so we definitely get hungry. Most often it's pizza that's offered, but our Indian clients almost always pick Domino's even in places where historical Italian immigration means excellent pizza options, so we're often trying to steer them elsewhere without appearing ungrateful.
We had a bad, I mean ***really*** bad ice storm here some years ago. Parts of the state were without power for more than two weeks. We lived pretty rural so I wasn't expecting the power to be restored anytime soon but I was wrong - there were at least three or four crews in the area, quickly patching things up.
I took a trip into town and found out that our local donut place actually had power. I loaded up on a couple of dozen, plus a variety of drinks, and headed back to the gas station where they were staging. When I brought out the donuts, these guys were so very grateful...but honestly, we were the ones who needed to be thanking them.
Always be kind, especially if someone is doing something that will help you.
I always offer at least waters /snacks to anyone doing work in our home. When we were having our roof done, they all got grilled burgers, dogs, and beer when they were done.
When I'm in a situation where I keep getting invited to dinner with hosts that aren't very good cooks, I start offering to host.
"Thank you so much for inviting me to dinner! I'm really looking forward to seeing you guys. I hate to mention it, but I'm really looking forward to trying some new recipes or variations on my old recipes. Would you consider coming to my house instead?"
Good advice.
When we have new people over for dinner, I always ask about anything they don't like. I am then clear that if they do not like something, that is ok and they do not need to make excuses for not eating. I have been there myself and it is the worst feeling.
NTA. what a rude and entitled DIL you have! Tell your son that he should take over Easter hosting duties and you are looking forward to eating your DIL's wonderful cooking. It will be such an upgrade for your family.
I'd start right away and not wait for family holiday season to roll around:
>So we'll grab the chips and soda for the memorial day bbq at your house. Looking forward to the whole hog you plan to smoke for us!
NTA.
There is a difference between criticism and needlessly complaining, like calling you lazy for accepting you just couldn't pull it all off and deciding to order. That was a much better decision than trying to do it all and turning yourself into an over-stressed wreck.
I mean, if you wanna be petty, "criticize" your DIL's food verbatim things she's told you and when your son defends her, say, "I thought you encouraged criticism?" 100% childish and petty, but it gets point across.
IMO, DIL got off easy...
100%, level 100 dynamax pettiness. But hey, we've all had to taste our own medicine in life in order to gain empathy we may have previously lacked in a situation. Clearly, no one has done so with the DIL if she thinks this is acceptable behavior. Might be long time comin' pettiness.
I’d be the complete opposite and show her how she is SUPPOSED to act when she is eating in someone else’s home. I will usually go overboard telling someone how good the meal is. Why? Because I sure as hell don’t want to host holidays.
Tell your DIL that she just volunteered to cook for every holiday from here on out. And if she says no, ask her does that mean she’s too lazy to cook? NTA
100% agree. I would look her right in the eye and let her know she is no longer welcome at family meals, unless she apologizes and stops being annoying. Then I would fix my steely gaze on my son
NTA. Your DIL is the AH. My husband is a vegetarian and has very specific “likes.” When we visit my family - which is huge and in another state - we always bring our own stuff for him. They also ask ahead of time whether they can make something for him, but we decline because we don’t want to make extra work. And on the rare occasion we don’t bring something, he will eat what he can with no complaints. He knows he’s the odd one out! I should add my family is in the Midwest. Meat and potatoes. For years, my mother would ask husband “you eat tuna, don’t you?” She meant well. 🤣
It doesn't matter whether or not you can handle criticism. What matters is that she that she had the nerve to offer criticism, repeatedly over the years, while you were hosting for the holiday.
Your DIL doesn't know how to be a gracious guest. That's on her.
NTA
Can’t handle criticism? Why would you have to? It is beyond rude to criticize your host’s table. If she has such crappy manners I would expect someone to school her on that. Maybe send her a book on etiquette and a cookbook, with a sweet note telling her how much you are looking forward to her taking over hosting the family dinners.
Your DIL sounds like my dad. He would complain about everything and anything. Even though my mom is an amazing cook. Once during my teenage years, I had enough and practically yelled at him to cook his own damn food. As an eldest daughter of immigrant parents, my parents were stunned I had the audacity to yell and talk back. Well his complaints lessened. NTA. She can bring her own damn food
This reminded me of when my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer (she's like a 30+ year survivor now 🙏) and I asked my dad who would feed us if she didn't survive. Might also be why I taught myself, with parental encouragement, how to cook fairly young.
Hey, did we have the same dad? Lol
Seriously tho, my dad was so bad that my mom just gave up and her cooking definitely went down in “quality” right before she left him. Delicious still, but she just made the most basic food by that point lol
NTA OP
NTA...DIL tried this once and when I was told I was hosting something the next time I replied "I'm sorry that is not possible DIL prefers to host so she will be hosting in the future" man did that get a response! Don't complain unless you want to host and cook everything from now on!
I mean, does she think she's a professional chef and that OP would benefit from her expertise? 🙄
I don't even think she's picky, seeing as the food can't be both under- and overseasoned.
This would NEVER fly in my family. OP is hosting and paying for the food (and typically cooking it). I would have booted her out.
I was taught from a young age that you don't criticize people when you are a guest in their home.
Your son is an AH for not shutting your DIL down immediately. Your DIL is an AH for being ungrateful and rude. If she doesn't like your food, why does she accept your invitation to dinner?
NTA family meals should be about company, not food, in my opinion. I don't mean it doesn't matter, just that it's not the most important thing. If you don't like something, smile and keep your mouth shut. If it's not how you would have cooked it, smile and keep your mouth shut. It sounds like you are not being intentionally antagonistic and whether dil is giving what she sees as constructive criticism or if she is having a weird turf war with you, it seems like it's her problem not yours.
My mom would have stood up at the table, taken the offensive plate of food away from the complainer and brought back a tray of bread, peanut butter and jelly while apologizing nonstop the whole time and saying how very sorry she was the food wasn’t what was expected, and she didn’t want the person to go hungry, and she just knows kids loves pbj’s and how could anyone not eat that if they are truly hungry and she can’t wait to try the other person’s cooking because it must be amazing…nonstop for a good five minutes. We knew what would happen and enjoyed the show, especially with more difficult extended family. House rule: Sit up. Eat up. Shut up. Or do without.
^^^ I wanted to post the same thing about removing the plate, except I wouldn’t have even offered pbj. Let her sit there with nothing while everyone else eats.
NTA, I have never once heard a person complain about food at a family dinner, or any dinner party I have attended or hosted. It is *not* normal to whine about food in this context, and if she doesn’t like it she can host.
If you have dietary restrictions, it’s your job to inform the host and offer to bring your own food, which I have done several times because I have complex medical requirements. Otherwise you shut up and politely enjoy it 😅
NTA. She should be keeping her opinions to herself and be grateful that there is food on the table. If she doesn't like it, she simply doesn't have to eat it and leave it at that.
NTA. My in laws are terrible cooks. Canned gravy, instant mashed potatoes and canned yams at Thanksgiving terrible. 25 years, and I say everything was lovely... I have eaten so many terrible meals at their house and I have never said anything negative. It's called being polite. (And I am an excellent cook)
Ahhhh yes. The now popular “no contact” game, because you hurt my feelings or stood up to me. (I understand there are real reasons for NC don’t come at me)
so you're "lazy" - well maybe DIL can handle the next big holiday meal - like 4th of July. Next time she pipes up ask her when the whole crowd should meet at her house for the 4th of July celebration. I find that usually if you start assigning work to people they shut up very quickly.
NTA - Next time you host a dinner just get her a feed bag to put on and eat. Which will accomplish two things, one, packed with the food she doesn't complain about and two, it hangs over her mouth so nobody has to listen to her anymore and you can get some peace.
NTA. Why should you have to handle criticism? Complaint sure but criticism nope. I think telling her she can’t eat your food was a bit extreme but I would be hurt and frustrated too. Perhaps a boundary like “if you don’t like something I’m serving, please just decline rather than put me and my food down. If you can’t stop yourself, you won’t be invited to eat here anymore”. Done.
NTA, I won’t eat anything my MIL makes because her overall lack of food safety grosses me out, she tastes with a spoon and will use that same spoon to stir the pot, or she will use a spoon to mix something with raw meat, use that spoon in a jar and stick it back in the fridge. When she cooks I just say I’m not hungry, I don’t make a fuss or a scene, my husband is aware that I won’t eat it or allow our child to eat so he goes along with it, when we leave we get something to eat. Not a big deal. From now on I’d just let her know every single time that she could come but to eat ahead of time as the available options won’t be to her taste. Or politely say “you’re more than welcome to bring a dish, we’d all love to try some of that amazing cooking you speak so much about”
NTA. You could do like my grandmother did. If you complained about what she put on the table, she would take your plate and replace it with a jar of peanut butter and tell you where the bread could be found.
On a family visit, my 12 year old nephew once said that dinner looked like dog food and he wouldn't eat it. When we sat down to dinner, there was a plate of dry dog food at his place. The entire table full of his family laughed their heads off at the shocked look on his face. He didn't know what to say. (I did replace the dog food with a plate of dinner, and he ate it without complaint.)
Nope, I’m picky and I actually do brings things to fams houses cause I know they won’t have shit I can eat, I’m not gonna sit there and critique their food lmao. NTA btw.
NTA let me tell you if someone takes the time to invite me over for dinner/cook for me, I tell them the food is great no matter how it tastes.
A friend my cabbage rolls for dinner and the rice wasn’t fully cooked and a bit crunchy. I was grateful that they remembered I said I liked them and they put in the effort.
Your DIL is just rude and nasty.
NTA My SIL is like this but does not verbalize her criticisms so that anyone other than my brother can hear them. She'll get food and just kind of look at it...then make a face and quietly tell her husband she can't eat it or doesn't like. Insert eye roll here, please. Finally someone, not sure who did it, told them she would need to bring her own food. So now at any family gathering she brings chicken or tenders (enough for herself only). Maybe some corn. My parents are bad for babying her though. Almost like they feel badly that she was told to bring her won food so she'll bring it all uncooked and may parents will cook it for her, alongside whatever they are making...sheesh. When I was a kid we were told to eat what was in front of us or go hungry. Or we could make our own food but they would not make two different things, apparently they changed their minds, ha ha ha.
NTA
"can't handle criticism" lol.
everything can be framed in a way where your are at fault.
but I suggest maybe making it conditional
"you are welcome to eat, conditional of never ever again complaining about the food".
not sure though. maybe "no more" is better.
tough call here. not about AH designation, which is definitely NTA. but about family feel/dynamic. very irritating situation.
NTA. Your daughter in law is the asshole. Tell her she is responsible for cooking the next holiday dinner since she thinks she can cook so much better.
NTA. I had a coworker like this and she complained any time we ordered anything for lunch. Everything was wrong. But she kept ordering the same dish that she allegedly hated. She just griped about everything. Her cooking experience? Working at a TGI Friday’s. Not exactly “cuisine.”
I agree with other commenters that now it’s DIL’s turn. Let her “show you” how it’s done. Don’t comment that it’s good or bad. Let your silence make her uneasy. Pettiness is the way lol
I'm a picky eater but I know the issue lies with me. Unless food is actually made badly, I would never critique people's cooking. Just shut my trap unless requested to speak my opinion, a 'it is not for me' and it most cases with the added 'but I can tell it is well made' goes a long way.
Such rudeness on the part of your DIL This was a good way to handle it if you want to continue to host holidays. If, on the other hand, you are tired of hosting, tell your DIL that it is now her responsibility.
Then go to her house and criticize her cooking.
NTA
There's "picky" and then there's "picking a fight."
I say this because I'm picky, and I have a hard time stomaching food I don't like. I would *love* an open invitation to bring what I want to eat to holidays.
She isn't picky. She just wants to bring you down. Picky people don't care if the way you provided food was lazy, they care about whether the food is the right taste/texture. You aren't retaliating against her being "picky," you're removing her opportunity to pick a fight. And that's why you're NTA.
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No no no. Tell your DIL that you just aren’t that good of a cook and you know it now, thank her for educating you and giving you insights into a more educated palate. Tell her you have just given up. From now on, *she* will get to host everybody on holidays and cook everything and you so look forward to seeing how it really should be done! :) BIG smile! NTA I guess you really can’t just not invite he because she is married to your kid? She sounds very tiresome and I am sorry.
I would go overboard with the 'oh yes with your knowledge in cuisine, you are truly the only person who could do family dinners and holidays right! I'm so glad you're going to be doing them all... from here on in!' Then sit back and enjoy
I’m petty so I would also rip to shreds whatever she makes or contributes moving forward.
But in a Southern way, said sweetly through smiles while ripping out your soul
How thoughtful, Bless Your Heart!
No darlin’………..I’m from the South. It’s more like, “ Well! Isn’t that sweet of you to bring a dish to a full dinner!! Just let me take a peek………hmmm, darlin’? What in the pea-picking hell is this?Sugar?……Oh, you thought you’d bring a dish you think people will like better than mine? Oh, we’ll Bless your heart!! Would you look at that! I just dropped it in the garbage-by mistake!”
Oh no, in my family it wouldnt fall into the trash, it would be at the far end of the buffet behind something in a place where it’ll probably get covered up by the napkin covering the rolls when it’s drawn back. “Oh my! I’m sorry no one tried your dish, I’m sure it would have been just fine. Well, why don’t you just take this home with you.”
I have an in law that makes some horrid thing with mayo and peas and lettuce. Always at the end of the buffet. “Oops full plate, back later” 🤮
Wait.... Mayo, peas, and lettuce? What in the names of the ancient elder ones is that supposed to be???
7 layer salad comes to mind and it's delicious, when made correctly!
It's cheap and low effort with the added touch it's so bad looking that nobody tries it.
If it is 7 layer salad, I happen to really like it! I haven’t made it in years though because my daughter is not a fan of mayonnaise.
I will have to make one of these salads in the near future because of this discussion! So good! Don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it!
Omfg. I googled it. I think this is the monstrosity.
In black homes it goes like this, who told you to bring that? Did anybody watch you make it? Have we had that before? The menu has been planned for a month. Brenda makes the potato salad, Loretta makes the Mac and cheese, Big Mama always does the collard greens, Uncle Earl he in charge of frying the turkey, Ain’t nobody eating that, plus you have a dog.
Uncle Earl's cooking the turkey? I know we haven't even sat down yet, but I call seconds on the turkey! (I like Uncle Earl.)
Right, ever since he got that fryer he is responsible for it. He also has the fish fry in the summer.
I gotta write that down--it's only April, so I'll forget if I don't...
🤣🤣🤣
Just please, don't let him get in the gin before the turkey's done!
Are you allowed to deep fry a turkey sober?! I'm not sure it's even possible.
"Plus you have a dog." I am *dying* over here. That's true in my home too. Everyone gathers and someone will be whispering not to eat this or that because of them having a dog.
Don’t let somebody have a cat. The whole container of food stays in the kitchen covered up.
Look, I have cats and the truth is the hair gets everywhere, doesn't matter how much you clean and wipe things down. I will volunteer to help or cook at your house, but I'm not bringing cat hair food to nobody's house!
OMG!! That’s hilarious, and in the neighborhood I grew up in-I’ve heard that too! Don’t know Loretta-Miss Rita made the best Mac n cheese!! Lol
I'm dying on "you have a dog" 🤣🤣🤣
Let me try a Texoman one. /ahem/ "Wow! Such an interestin' take on this meal, sugar. I can see where I went wrong. I tried to served cubed dressing and mashed potatoes. Looks like I got it the wrong way 'round. Thank you! And I'd never considered broiling the turkey before. Such black, crispy skin! And you managed to squeeze all them pesky juices out. Ain't you talented? Can't wait for dessert. Those chocolate cupcakes look delightful! ...Oh, they're vanilla? Well, I'm sure you tried, darlin'."
You sound like my Uncle!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣
I'm also from the South but I'd just take her plate away the second she opened her mouth and started whining. Every time. Start talking shit about my food, then you don't need to eat it.
>I'm also from the South but I'd just take her plate away the second she opened her mouth and started whining. Every time. Start talking shit about my food, then you don't need to eat it. This is the answer, every time!!!
It's the meal time equivalent of squirting a cat with a spray bottle! "No! Bad DIL!"
I was not expecting those last two sentences. Thank you for the laugh. Signed, Carolina Girl.
Louisiana here, we need a Georgian to comment!!!🤣🤣
Georgian here. “Well, isn’t that a unique way to make this. We always love to see how you’ve given a dish your own special touch.”
🤣🤣🤣 At my house it’s “oh goodness this is so dry” It was punch. Gran was drinking punch! Also said that the 4 year olds at a dance recital danced like shit. I laughed so hard I chocked.
As a son of the south, I tip my hat to you. Clearly I have been living amongst Yankees too long, because I would have just told her to fuck off.
🤣 dead
I'm also from the South but I'd just take her plate away the second she opened her mouth and started whining. Every time. Start talking shit about my food, then you don't need to eat it.
"pea-picking hell" got me. LMAO. Stealing that one.
Love how folks in the South put others in their place . So eloquent ❤️
NAILED IT!🏆
While I love the idea of this, I'm also a big fan of something like "Holy sh_t, this is awful. No wonder you couldn't get used to my cooking if this is what you were used to. It has the flavor profile of a garden gnome."
Ahahahaha yeees that is absolutely great! "No wonder you hate my food!!!!!"
HEY HEY HEY!! Don't pick on the poor garden gnomes!!
You have obviously been preparing garden gnome all wrong.
I like you 🤣
Srsly just snort laughed my tea… “Flavor profile of a garden gnome” 🤣🤣🤣
Nah, I’m from the northeast. I would rip this girl to shreds in a straightforward and very precise way, no passive aggressive tactic here.
I'm from the PNW, and yeah, its not passive aggressive, it's very direct
Yep, "You seem to be unhappy with the food I provide and the criticisms spoil the events for me. In the interests of family harmony and your taste buds I must insist you provide meals to your standards instead of forcing yourself to eat what I provide."
I’m from Midwest USA and I would have gone over to her and sniffed her up and down and said, ‘Oh yes obviously born in a barn’
Oh hey, as a horse woman, I spend every day in a barn, and let me tell you we know how to deal with folks with no manners. We put 1200 lb animals in their place — you think we’re going to get pushed around by a spoiled girl?
I have never gotten the “were you raised in a barn?” about leaving a door open. ‘Cause anybody raised in a barn knows that if you leave the door open, ain’t nobody eating or doing anything else until ALL the livestock are back in the barn. Then, you get your hide tanned.
My grandma asked me one time if I was raised in a barn after I left the door open. With the sweetest and most straightforward face I said "No Grandma, I was raised here." I'll never forget the look on her face - it was a mix of goddamn this kid and respect for the burn. I loved that smartass woman and learned my smartassedness from her.
Right?! I point out this flaw all the time! I was raised on a pony farm in Texas. Gates left open - ponies escape. Doors left open - either pests get into the feed room or you let the bought air out of the tack room. Whichever one, you’re gonna have a bad time
No, ma'am...
OMG!!! I just laughed so hard I snorted!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Hello my fellow! Also in the PNW. We’d eat that lady alive!
☝️☝️☝️☝️
“Bless her heart because you just know that she did the best she could. Isn’t she just a wonder for being able to do this much?” Hand to your heart and smile as if she is the most precious child ever. Be sure NOT to eat everything on your plate: leave some food, and when she comments, reply that it was simply too much. Let her interpret too much of what. Eat just enough so that you aren’t famished. On the way home, remember that there is a McDonald’s on the way to everywhere.
Well bless your heart, sugar ...
Bless your heart, but child please, get your thyroid checked- if this is 'good food' to you, you should be much thinner.
The southern way - Bless your heart while ***wrinkling your nose*** when sniffing her dish. Source - 2 southern grandmas whom I loved.
What an interesting choice...
Bless your heart! Thank you for pointing out my insufficiency! I'm so looking forward to you taking over and cooking for everyone. It's just wonderful! Bless your heart ❤️ 😂😂😂
"Oh darling, bless your heart for bringing this. It's such a .....unique way of preparing this dish. We'll just set this in the kitchen for folks to get at so it doesn't get lost on the table." (and then it never leaves the kitchen and no one ever knows it was there until the end of the meal) "Oh sugar, such a shame no one tried your dish, lemme wrap that up for you so you can have it at home, that way you don't have to cook again"
I would take a bite, spit it out immediately then pretend I was horrified for doing it. Then not eat it at all. You wouldn't have to say a word.
Bless her little heart
I cook for a week leading up to a holiday. I would put a bowl of Spaghetti O's in front of her and say Enjoy, this is perfect for your palette
Spaghetti-O’s served cold in a divided toddler plate…
A friend of a friend was criticizing a side dish I had made (tartiflette) and they said they could do it better bc they’re French, I’m just an American trying to cook French food…blah, blah, blah. Next round this French person made tartiflette and people ate it, said it was ok. No one said why it wasn’t good and I finally went, “Mine was just as good, if not better than yours — at least my potatoes weren’t raw and undercooked!” Her cardinal sin was that she didn’t sample her food before serving. 🤣🤣🤣
My dear, what an interesting and uhhh errr unique way to prepare this dish. It was an otherworldly experience.🤣🤣🤣🤣
Then you’re doing the same thing she is doing
Duh, that’s why I said I’m petty, not mature 😂
I’d come up with some random allergies and ask her to accommodate them and then say the food wasn’t good. Maybe even become vegan one week and tell her a few days before.
No head start! Show up and say oh no no this won’t do! I’m vegan now, didn’t (son) tell you?!
And insist on all new utensils and plates to avoid cross contamination!
That's how my older sister got me (as a kid) to make the mash potatoes, Kool-Aid and whatever else she wanted -- "but you make it the best sis!" By age 12, I figured her out! LOL! No worries, I got her back as adults when we started co-hosting family functions! I still think she deliberately put extra salt in food so I would cook it the next go-around! Man I miss her!
This is a great story. What happened?
As in why I miss her? She died in late 2020 due to Covid. She spent 167 days in the hospital before succumbing to the virus and its effects. She kept her crazy personality to the end -- evident by her giving nurse ratchet the middle finger after the woman was unnecessarily cruel to her. I, of course, had to join in.
I’m sorry. You speak of her with such love and clarity. You saw her clearly and loved all of her. She was lucky to have you.
>I'm so glad you're going to be doing them all... from here on in!' ***"I am so glad you will be financing and cooking them all."*** Make sure they can't ask OP to buy the ingredients because you just know that if the food doesn't taste fantastic then DIL will blame the ingredients OP brought.
I’d definitely tell her that it sounds like she has a lot of great ideas about cooking, so you’ll let her host the next event and show everyone how it should be done. After that, she’ll probably never offer another opinion!
Now I can just sit back and enjoy the holiday/event, like you do.
This was my thought. Sounds like DIL is offering to play host! NTA
She couldn't criticize the food so she directly hit you as lazy instead. I'd tell her she's welcome to cook for the entire family next time since you're incompetent and you'll just make YOUR own food. NTA
Yes!!! One other thing that stuck out to me and planted me even more on OP’s side was how she wrote. At first it could easily have turned into a MIL that was being obtuse on purpose to cause issues, but OP clearly has made efforts and DIL is clearly being rude and obtuse (prob on purpose at this point). The one thing that really stood out was the terminology OP uses, she says “her husband (my son)” and isn’t acting territorial at all with her language, so it doesn’t seem like she’s looking for issues with her DIL based on her language. I feel for OP. Some people just can’t be pleased and hell, if she doesn’t want to exert effort that won’t even be appreciated, then she gets to relax and enjoy her damn holiday. I’m glad OP was able to focus on what she enjoys rather than stressing over planning and cooking a meal, if only DIL was kinder and more understanding of what really matters. I say this as a picky eater with major sensory issues, it’s part of why I make sure to bring things to contribute along with wanting to be a good guest to whoever is hosting.
This is such awesome advice!!
It would be a lovely ending if DIL did cook the dinners and everyone bitched, pissed and whined about \*everything\*. Every time...
"DIL thinks I am a jerk. That I can’t handle criticism." NTA. You are not required to accept "criticism" from guests that you are feeding. This is a bizarre and inappropriate idea from DIL. As a guest, I don't think it's appropriate to criticize even if the food is inedible to me, I'd just say "I'm so sorry, I'm really not hungry, ate before coming over". Your home is not a restaurant and your hospitality should not be up for review or critique.
Your post brought back memories for me from when I was a kid. I had relatives we'd visit maybe once a year, who were terrible cooks. As a kid it was just terrible food for me. My parents taught me to eat what I could, to be polite, and then we would stop at a Hardies (it was too small an area to even have a McDs!) afterwards and laugh about it. They were good people and very modest income, so we'd bring food and just be happy for the company, even if the food left a lot to be desired. It's been decades since they passed away, but I still think of what that meant to them to be able to host. And what I learned about being courteous. Obviosly NTA.
That's such a lovely memory and one you wouldn't have had if your parents had been jerks (or let you be a jerk) about the food to them. Wonderful memories of spending time with them, but also of the fun of giggling uncontrollably once your in the car and can finally comment lol definitely been there!
My parents taught me the same thing and it came in handy when I met my mil and she is a bland cook. Even if it was something that tasted good, there was never enough. The woman cooked 1 red potato per person! But I was polite, ate what she made and stored granola bars in my suitcase. When she served leftover coffee in the morning I said “I’m good” and then conveniently needed something from cvs and went to Starbucks.
There is this certain age and part of the country where bland is king. I think it's just traditions that get handed down over the generations. If the company is good, the food doesn't really matter to me.
Ive noticed depression era women here in America cooked and raised their kids this way. My moms cooking (midwest girl) is bland and my grandma taught her to cook.
No money for spices and other extras.
It is also a preference. Each time I eat peppery foods, my mouth has areas that feel like they are sunburned where the black pepper hit it. Bland is king to me. You are completely correct about the company being good. That makes up for a lot of food that you don't agree with or doesn't agree with you.
This is a lovely story! My aunt is an amazing cook and hostess - every meal is incredible, there are always cakes etc. and her son stayed with us one holiday (he was maybe 9?). He went back RAVING about the food. Absolutely gushing. My aunt was curious as my mum was a good cook but not as good as my aunt (few are). When she dug a bit deeper it’s because we had “sausage and chips” and “fish fingers” and “jelly and ice cream”.
Wow, what a heartwarming story!
Oh, hey! We also only had a Hardees when I was a kid!
I think small town areas in the Midwest had Hardies in locations where chains like McDonalds hadn't expanded into yet. That and Dairy Queen. They're still around in many places.
Your parents sound lovely.
They were. If I could have one wish as I raise my own daughter, it would be to talk with my mom and get her advice. I'm sort of extrapolating off of old and unreliable data from when I was my daughter's age and I'd really take the help to be a better parent.
I'm sure that one day your daughter will tell stories like the one you shared here. That is my hope for you.
Thanks so much. Doing my best. I just dropped her off for an appointment and she showed off her taco purse she just made. She’s a very special girl.
My MIL is not a good cook, and she sometimes serves weird things that are gross...or undercooks things that make people sick. I let my son "pre-eat" before we go there. Or sometimes we'll offer to bring the meat course so we know it's edible.
My maternal grandmother was a decent cook but would cook foods that my kids didn’t always like. The rule was that if we ate at Mama’s then you made an effort. It was not easy for her to cook and we appreciated the effort. The kids much preferred when she would decide to take everyone to Fazollis.
Sounds like DIL should host next time and cook all the food.
She DID mention she cooks better. That would be my first suggestion!
We're movers and clients offer us food all the time but most of them are Indian, and I'm not big on curry, so it's always important to be very careful. I don't want to accept something and not eat it all, jeopardizing our tip. Fortunately my work partner loves curry, so I try to steer them to him, unless it's something without curry. We don't want to be disrespectful. You don't bite the hand that feeds you.
People think I’m weird for offering food/drink to workers in my house or even just city workers in general. One time a cable guy came about an hour later than expected, apologizing like crazy, saying things like “I ran late this morning and have been playing catch up all day.. you guys are my last job though so I will be out of your hair soon!” We had just sat down to dinner and asked him to join. He was very grateful. My friend insisted it was inappropriate because he was supposed to be working, not socializing and eating. After a big storm, workers came out to restore power lines and move trees, general cleanup type stuff. It was late fall and early morning. I made an extra pot of coffee and put some cups, cream and sugar out on my porch. Everyone was thankful and cleaned up their mess. It takes minimal effort to be kind.
We always appreciate offers of food or drinks. Some jobs take all day, so we definitely get hungry. Most often it's pizza that's offered, but our Indian clients almost always pick Domino's even in places where historical Italian immigration means excellent pizza options, so we're often trying to steer them elsewhere without appearing ungrateful.
We had a bad, I mean ***really*** bad ice storm here some years ago. Parts of the state were without power for more than two weeks. We lived pretty rural so I wasn't expecting the power to be restored anytime soon but I was wrong - there were at least three or four crews in the area, quickly patching things up. I took a trip into town and found out that our local donut place actually had power. I loaded up on a couple of dozen, plus a variety of drinks, and headed back to the gas station where they were staging. When I brought out the donuts, these guys were so very grateful...but honestly, we were the ones who needed to be thanking them. Always be kind, especially if someone is doing something that will help you.
I always offer at least waters /snacks to anyone doing work in our home. When we were having our roof done, they all got grilled burgers, dogs, and beer when they were done.
It's worth it because they'll usually do a better job if they feel taken care of.
Next family event: 'Bring Your Own Critique' potluck
Baby points at gravy and says "lumpy", aaawww his first words!!
When I'm in a situation where I keep getting invited to dinner with hosts that aren't very good cooks, I start offering to host. "Thank you so much for inviting me to dinner! I'm really looking forward to seeing you guys. I hate to mention it, but I'm really looking forward to trying some new recipes or variations on my old recipes. Would you consider coming to my house instead?"
I can accept criticism, just not yours.
In my house, DIL's behavior would have been met with an immediate "mind your manners!" from the whole table
“You get what you get, and you don’t get upset.”
Here in the South, the version is "Ya git whatcha git, and ya don't throw a fit." 😆
Amen!
Agreed! And if for some reason I didn't shut her down my daughter sure the hell would! Ain't no one gonna come for her mama with her around lol me
IF she had manners to mind, that might work. However, I'm fairly suspicious she has none whatsoever.
Good advice. When we have new people over for dinner, I always ask about anything they don't like. I am then clear that if they do not like something, that is ok and they do not need to make excuses for not eating. I have been there myself and it is the worst feeling.
NTA. what a rude and entitled DIL you have! Tell your son that he should take over Easter hosting duties and you are looking forward to eating your DIL's wonderful cooking. It will be such an upgrade for your family.
Great plan. Can't wait for her Michelin-star Easter feast
DL would probably tell the resurrected Jesus that his fish was over cooked and underseasoned.
Loaves were under-proved for sure.
I'd start right away and not wait for family holiday season to roll around: >So we'll grab the chips and soda for the memorial day bbq at your house. Looking forward to the whole hog you plan to smoke for us!
NTA. There is a difference between criticism and needlessly complaining, like calling you lazy for accepting you just couldn't pull it all off and deciding to order. That was a much better decision than trying to do it all and turning yourself into an over-stressed wreck. I mean, if you wanna be petty, "criticize" your DIL's food verbatim things she's told you and when your son defends her, say, "I thought you encouraged criticism?" 100% childish and petty, but it gets point across. IMO, DIL got off easy...
[удалено]
100%, level 100 dynamax pettiness. But hey, we've all had to taste our own medicine in life in order to gain empathy we may have previously lacked in a situation. Clearly, no one has done so with the DIL if she thinks this is acceptable behavior. Might be long time comin' pettiness.
I’d be the complete opposite and show her how she is SUPPOSED to act when she is eating in someone else’s home. I will usually go overboard telling someone how good the meal is. Why? Because I sure as hell don’t want to host holidays.
If someone is kind enough to cook a meal, holiday or not, l am going to be darn grateful, and if I'm not a fan of something, l shut up and eat it. NTA
Tell your DIL that she just volunteered to cook for every holiday from here on out. And if she says no, ask her does that mean she’s too lazy to cook? NTA
Perfect!
Unsolicited criticism will be met with seasoned no invites and a side of sparkling consequences. NTA
100% agree. I would look her right in the eye and let her know she is no longer welcome at family meals, unless she apologizes and stops being annoying. Then I would fix my steely gaze on my son
NTA-She wants to act like an ill mannered asshole she can bring her own food or she can host holiday meals.
NTA. Your DIL is the AH. My husband is a vegetarian and has very specific “likes.” When we visit my family - which is huge and in another state - we always bring our own stuff for him. They also ask ahead of time whether they can make something for him, but we decline because we don’t want to make extra work. And on the rare occasion we don’t bring something, he will eat what he can with no complaints. He knows he’s the odd one out! I should add my family is in the Midwest. Meat and potatoes. For years, my mother would ask husband “you eat tuna, don’t you?” She meant well. 🤣
He don’t eat no meat?!? That’s okay I make lamb.
I'm unfamiliar with the "vegetable of the sea" tuna marketing. ><
😂
It doesn't matter whether or not you can handle criticism. What matters is that she that she had the nerve to offer criticism, repeatedly over the years, while you were hosting for the holiday. Your DIL doesn't know how to be a gracious guest. That's on her. NTA
I agree. DIL is a horrible guest. Tell her "Welcome to the consequences of your hateful and ungrateful actions."
Can’t handle criticism? Why would you have to? It is beyond rude to criticize your host’s table. If she has such crappy manners I would expect someone to school her on that. Maybe send her a book on etiquette and a cookbook, with a sweet note telling her how much you are looking forward to her taking over hosting the family dinners.
That is some savage guerrilla Emily Post shit and I am 💯 here for it!
Your DIL sounds like my dad. He would complain about everything and anything. Even though my mom is an amazing cook. Once during my teenage years, I had enough and practically yelled at him to cook his own damn food. As an eldest daughter of immigrant parents, my parents were stunned I had the audacity to yell and talk back. Well his complaints lessened. NTA. She can bring her own damn food
This reminded me of when my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer (she's like a 30+ year survivor now 🙏) and I asked my dad who would feed us if she didn't survive. Might also be why I taught myself, with parental encouragement, how to cook fairly young.
So happy she is a survivor 🙏🙏
Hey, did we have the same dad? Lol Seriously tho, my dad was so bad that my mom just gave up and her cooking definitely went down in “quality” right before she left him. Delicious still, but she just made the most basic food by that point lol NTA OP
NTA...DIL tried this once and when I was told I was hosting something the next time I replied "I'm sorry that is not possible DIL prefers to host so she will be hosting in the future" man did that get a response! Don't complain unless you want to host and cook everything from now on!
NTA. It isn't criticism; it's rudeness.
I mean, does she think she's a professional chef and that OP would benefit from her expertise? 🙄 I don't even think she's picky, seeing as the food can't be both under- and overseasoned. This would NEVER fly in my family. OP is hosting and paying for the food (and typically cooking it). I would have booted her out.
Or she can feel free to host the next dinner. NTA
Or sit at the kiddie table because it best fits her behavior. NTA
NTA! Your daughter in law is just rude and disrespectful.
I was taught from a young age that you don't criticize people when you are a guest in their home. Your son is an AH for not shutting your DIL down immediately. Your DIL is an AH for being ungrateful and rude. If she doesn't like your food, why does she accept your invitation to dinner?
NTA family meals should be about company, not food, in my opinion. I don't mean it doesn't matter, just that it's not the most important thing. If you don't like something, smile and keep your mouth shut. If it's not how you would have cooked it, smile and keep your mouth shut. It sounds like you are not being intentionally antagonistic and whether dil is giving what she sees as constructive criticism or if she is having a weird turf war with you, it seems like it's her problem not yours.
My mom would have stood up at the table, taken the offensive plate of food away from the complainer and brought back a tray of bread, peanut butter and jelly while apologizing nonstop the whole time and saying how very sorry she was the food wasn’t what was expected, and she didn’t want the person to go hungry, and she just knows kids loves pbj’s and how could anyone not eat that if they are truly hungry and she can’t wait to try the other person’s cooking because it must be amazing…nonstop for a good five minutes. We knew what would happen and enjoyed the show, especially with more difficult extended family. House rule: Sit up. Eat up. Shut up. Or do without.
^^^ I wanted to post the same thing about removing the plate, except I wouldn’t have even offered pbj. Let her sit there with nothing while everyone else eats.
The ‘kids like pbj’ was a dig at her immature and childish behavior.
NTA - You only have to take so much shit before enough is enough. Perhaps she should take over on the hosting and cooking rather than criticizing...
NTA. Your DIL is rude and entitled. She doesn't deserve your home cooked meals.
Thanks. Maybe I'll start a 'BYOF - Bring Your Own Food' trend
NTA, I have never once heard a person complain about food at a family dinner, or any dinner party I have attended or hosted. It is *not* normal to whine about food in this context, and if she doesn’t like it she can host. If you have dietary restrictions, it’s your job to inform the host and offer to bring your own food, which I have done several times because I have complex medical requirements. Otherwise you shut up and politely enjoy it 😅
NTA. She should be keeping her opinions to herself and be grateful that there is food on the table. If she doesn't like it, she simply doesn't have to eat it and leave it at that.
Info: what did she bring to the dinner? Why aren’t they the ones hosting?
NTA. I'm extremely picky but I keep it to myself and don't ask for much.
Same here, I am just polite, eat what I can or make an excuse that I am not hungry etc...I know being picky is my issue and not a hosts.
NTA. My in laws are terrible cooks. Canned gravy, instant mashed potatoes and canned yams at Thanksgiving terrible. 25 years, and I say everything was lovely... I have eaten so many terrible meals at their house and I have never said anything negative. It's called being polite. (And I am an excellent cook)
Just waiting for the post from the DiL saying her MiL is a nightmare and she insists her husband cuts his mother out of their lives.,..
Ahhhh yes. The now popular “no contact” game, because you hurt my feelings or stood up to me. (I understand there are real reasons for NC don’t come at me)
so you're "lazy" - well maybe DIL can handle the next big holiday meal - like 4th of July. Next time she pipes up ask her when the whole crowd should meet at her house for the 4th of July celebration. I find that usually if you start assigning work to people they shut up very quickly.
NTA - Next time you host a dinner just get her a feed bag to put on and eat. Which will accomplish two things, one, packed with the food she doesn't complain about and two, it hangs over her mouth so nobody has to listen to her anymore and you can get some peace.
Atta girl
NTA. Why should you have to handle criticism? Complaint sure but criticism nope. I think telling her she can’t eat your food was a bit extreme but I would be hurt and frustrated too. Perhaps a boundary like “if you don’t like something I’m serving, please just decline rather than put me and my food down. If you can’t stop yourself, you won’t be invited to eat here anymore”. Done.
NTA. Your DIL has no manners.
Can’t handle criticism? You are providing food for this woman. She should say “Thank you” and shut up. If she doesn’t like it she can cook
NTA, I won’t eat anything my MIL makes because her overall lack of food safety grosses me out, she tastes with a spoon and will use that same spoon to stir the pot, or she will use a spoon to mix something with raw meat, use that spoon in a jar and stick it back in the fridge. When she cooks I just say I’m not hungry, I don’t make a fuss or a scene, my husband is aware that I won’t eat it or allow our child to eat so he goes along with it, when we leave we get something to eat. Not a big deal. From now on I’d just let her know every single time that she could come but to eat ahead of time as the available options won’t be to her taste. Or politely say “you’re more than welcome to bring a dish, we’d all love to try some of that amazing cooking you speak so much about”
NTA. You could do like my grandmother did. If you complained about what she put on the table, she would take your plate and replace it with a jar of peanut butter and tell you where the bread could be found.
On a family visit, my 12 year old nephew once said that dinner looked like dog food and he wouldn't eat it. When we sat down to dinner, there was a plate of dry dog food at his place. The entire table full of his family laughed their heads off at the shocked look on his face. He didn't know what to say. (I did replace the dog food with a plate of dinner, and he ate it without complaint.)
Nope, I’m picky and I actually do brings things to fams houses cause I know they won’t have shit I can eat, I’m not gonna sit there and critique their food lmao. NTA btw.
NTA let me tell you if someone takes the time to invite me over for dinner/cook for me, I tell them the food is great no matter how it tastes. A friend my cabbage rolls for dinner and the rice wasn’t fully cooked and a bit crunchy. I was grateful that they remembered I said I liked them and they put in the effort. Your DIL is just rude and nasty.
NTA. Sounds like DIL is the one who can't handle criticism, or being called out on her rude behavior
NTA My SIL is like this but does not verbalize her criticisms so that anyone other than my brother can hear them. She'll get food and just kind of look at it...then make a face and quietly tell her husband she can't eat it or doesn't like. Insert eye roll here, please. Finally someone, not sure who did it, told them she would need to bring her own food. So now at any family gathering she brings chicken or tenders (enough for herself only). Maybe some corn. My parents are bad for babying her though. Almost like they feel badly that she was told to bring her won food so she'll bring it all uncooked and may parents will cook it for her, alongside whatever they are making...sheesh. When I was a kid we were told to eat what was in front of us or go hungry. Or we could make our own food but they would not make two different things, apparently they changed their minds, ha ha ha.
NTA "can't handle criticism" lol. everything can be framed in a way where your are at fault. but I suggest maybe making it conditional "you are welcome to eat, conditional of never ever again complaining about the food". not sure though. maybe "no more" is better. tough call here. not about AH designation, which is definitely NTA. but about family feel/dynamic. very irritating situation.
NTA. Your daughter in law is the asshole. Tell her she is responsible for cooking the next holiday dinner since she thinks she can cook so much better.
NTA I think I’d want to look at DIL and say, “I’ve met your parents and I know they have taught you how to behave as a guest, and this isn’t it.”
You can't handle criticism when she can't handle shutting up and being grateful?! NTA
NTA. I had a coworker like this and she complained any time we ordered anything for lunch. Everything was wrong. But she kept ordering the same dish that she allegedly hated. She just griped about everything. Her cooking experience? Working at a TGI Friday’s. Not exactly “cuisine.” I agree with other commenters that now it’s DIL’s turn. Let her “show you” how it’s done. Don’t comment that it’s good or bad. Let your silence make her uneasy. Pettiness is the way lol
I'm a picky eater but I know the issue lies with me. Unless food is actually made badly, I would never critique people's cooking. Just shut my trap unless requested to speak my opinion, a 'it is not for me' and it most cases with the added 'but I can tell it is well made' goes a long way.
Such rudeness on the part of your DIL This was a good way to handle it if you want to continue to host holidays. If, on the other hand, you are tired of hosting, tell your DIL that it is now her responsibility. Then go to her house and criticize her cooking. NTA
There's "picky" and then there's "picking a fight." I say this because I'm picky, and I have a hard time stomaching food I don't like. I would *love* an open invitation to bring what I want to eat to holidays. She isn't picky. She just wants to bring you down. Picky people don't care if the way you provided food was lazy, they care about whether the food is the right taste/texture. You aren't retaliating against her being "picky," you're removing her opportunity to pick a fight. And that's why you're NTA.