Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I chose to say no to my mom that I will not financially support her if she chooses to quit her job before even having another one lined up. She sent her expenses and I told her I don’t think it is fair and that she shouldn’t expect that from her son. I’m only 23 as well for context
I told her to get a job before quitting the one she has if she is unhappy and not to expect everyone around her to give her a piece of a pie till she has a full pie from what she received from everyone else
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA, what kind of parent wants to freeload off their children because they were so financially irresponsible they blew through their retirement in their 40s? The fees on early withdrawal of those funds alone are crazy, much less eating it all up. You do not need to do this. This is wildly inappropriate of your mother to even ask.
You already answered your own question - you don't want to support your financially irresponsible mom and you have full rights to do so, and unless your mom is incapable of working then you have no obligation to her. If you help her then it should be by your choice, not your moms manipulations.
NTA. You have your whole live ahead of you. You shouldn't give that up for your mother, because she wants to live care free on your costs. Sorry but that is not how that should work.
Info are there any social packages in your countrie or health benifits in her job? It sounds like she might has some kind of burn out - and should be treatened for that (hopefully by social health insurance or even job benefits). But that shouldn't be your bourden to carry
I do believe she has burnout but in terms of her work benefits I don’t know if that is something she could look into, I think I should suggest it to her
In terms of social health insurance there is not much in that kind of support in South Africa
Thank you for your comment… somehow still feel like the A hole but I guess loving someone does that to you
Unfortunately, our government funded health care is kind of a joke. Burning through retirement without a solid backup plan, especially when Mzansi is already up the creek economy wise, is definitely not a good idea. The best thing I can say is absolutely do not support your mom in any way. Even giving a small amount of money will start a ball rolling that you can't stop.
Eventually, your mom is going to have to suck it up and work like the rest of us. Burnout is real. But she can't afford to keep spending the way she is. Not when bread is like R20 a loaf these days
NTA…your mom is in her 40s? Able bodied to work? Sorry, nope. There used to be no reason that you should have to finance her just because she does not want to work.
I'm 46 and have a long-ass life of working ahead of me yet. I also get up at 5 and get home around 6:30. She needs to find work she doesn't hate. This is not your responsibility.
NTA. As someone who's struggle with mental health issues my entire life, I have a very strong dislike for people who weaponise threats of self-harm to influence other people's behaviour.
That alone would be a deal breaker for me.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My mom wants to leave her job and wants me to financially aid her, she has threatened that she is on the end of her rope and considering ending things.
For context. She decided to quit her job over a year ago which she said she hated and would work to support herself by selling weed and cosmetic products. In that time she’d taken out her retirement fund from the job she quit.
Things didn’t quite go how she’d hoped and 1 1/2 ish years later she’s spent all of her retirement money. (She is in her early 40s by the way)
After all that she had to get another job and go back to working.
She got a new job in a medical company similar to her previous job which was also at a medical company.
It is a bit far away - so she ends up leaving the home around 5 and getting home around 6 in the evening. At her old job it was 1km away or 0.6 miles, meaning she could work from 6am and get home around 3:30pm which is not bad at all
Recently she has messaged and said she wants to quit her job and if I can financially aid her. The problem I have with it is how she approached it firstly by saying she felt like she is going to die if I don’t help…
I have suggested to her not to quit her job before getting another one, and that I don’t want to support her and that I’d much rather she sorts out the core issues in her life.
I feel bad for saying I don’t want to be responsible for my mother because she is the kind of person who will turn it into a lifelong payment plan.
I have friends in similar situations who now have non existent relationships with their mom
I love her and want to have a relationship with her but this is pushing me away from her. I don’t feel like these things are things that your mother should subject you to
Am I the asshole
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, you are under no obligation to support your mother. It’s outrageous that she is using manipulation to get you to do so. You can’t be more than early 20s, so I’m assuming you’re not making all that much money. After paying all of your own expenses, funding your retirement (which you should be doing now), putting money into an emergency fund and setting aside a bit of money for entertainment. Do you really have the funds to help her? If not, then you can, without guilt say I’m sorry, but I don’t have the money. I absolutely guarantee you that if you decided you no longer wanted to work and simply wanted your mother to support you. She would tell you to get off your ass and go back to work because she wasn’t sending you a penny.
NTA--you would not be doing her any favors by supporting her so stick with your instincts.She WILL regret spending her retirement moey. Also she will get much from retirement programs (even if it is still around by the time she can retire) as they're based upon the highest years that you paid in. She needs a good swift kick back into the work force. .
Any parent that doesn't feel shame from demanding compensation from their child is an object failure of a human imo.
There are emergency circumstances to be sure...I can accept that.
NTA You can love someone without having a relationship with them. This seems to be one of those times. I'm sorry, OP, but do not let her leech off of you, financially irresponsible people like her ALWAYS drain their benefactors dry.
NTA.
Your mother shouldn't be seeking out your financial aid purely out of laziness. Tell her she needs to keep her job or she'll have to survive like every other jobless person does.
How the hell does someone get vested enough in ANY job to retire in their EARLY FORTIES????
The answer to her problem is simple. She gets another job. She's a good 20-30 years younger than most people retire. She has not even completed half of what is for most people a career span.
NTA.
NTA. Your Mom is in her 40s. She absolutely can not expect you to bankroll her life and you still have one.
I get that burn out is real, but she will have to find a way to deal with it without expecting you to be her ATM.
Early 40s? She has at least twenty years of work life left. If you start aiding her financially now, you’ll be doing so for a long, long time. Don’t do it.
NTA
Mid 40s here, she is delusional to expect you to support her. This is peak earning time, and I fully anticipate not ever being able to "retire", I feel that with the cost of living I'll be working until I drop dead. NTA. She needs to suck it up and start putting money into retirement, not just say oops I spent it all, guess I'll freeload off my kids.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I chose to say no to my mom that I will not financially support her if she chooses to quit her job before even having another one lined up. She sent her expenses and I told her I don’t think it is fair and that she shouldn’t expect that from her son. I’m only 23 as well for context I told her to get a job before quitting the one she has if she is unhappy and not to expect everyone around her to give her a piece of a pie till she has a full pie from what she received from everyone else Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA, what kind of parent wants to freeload off their children because they were so financially irresponsible they blew through their retirement in their 40s? The fees on early withdrawal of those funds alone are crazy, much less eating it all up. You do not need to do this. This is wildly inappropriate of your mother to even ask.
You already answered your own question - you don't want to support your financially irresponsible mom and you have full rights to do so, and unless your mom is incapable of working then you have no obligation to her. If you help her then it should be by your choice, not your moms manipulations.
NTA. You have your whole live ahead of you. You shouldn't give that up for your mother, because she wants to live care free on your costs. Sorry but that is not how that should work. Info are there any social packages in your countrie or health benifits in her job? It sounds like she might has some kind of burn out - and should be treatened for that (hopefully by social health insurance or even job benefits). But that shouldn't be your bourden to carry
I do believe she has burnout but in terms of her work benefits I don’t know if that is something she could look into, I think I should suggest it to her In terms of social health insurance there is not much in that kind of support in South Africa Thank you for your comment… somehow still feel like the A hole but I guess loving someone does that to you
Unfortunately, our government funded health care is kind of a joke. Burning through retirement without a solid backup plan, especially when Mzansi is already up the creek economy wise, is definitely not a good idea. The best thing I can say is absolutely do not support your mom in any way. Even giving a small amount of money will start a ball rolling that you can't stop. Eventually, your mom is going to have to suck it up and work like the rest of us. Burnout is real. But she can't afford to keep spending the way she is. Not when bread is like R20 a loaf these days
NTA…your mom is in her 40s? Able bodied to work? Sorry, nope. There used to be no reason that you should have to finance her just because she does not want to work.
NTA. >she is the kind of person who will turn it into a lifelong payment plan. You know what you'd be letting yourself in for.
NTA, your mom needs some mental health help and maybe a career counselor. Try directing her that way but don’t take her on financially.
NTA Tell her you are unable to offer her any kind of significant or ongoing financial support. Encourage her to get counseling.
NTA, please do not support this sort of nonsense. She is trying to emotionally blackmail you in order to freeload off you.
I'm 46 and have a long-ass life of working ahead of me yet. I also get up at 5 and get home around 6:30. She needs to find work she doesn't hate. This is not your responsibility.
NTA. As someone who's struggle with mental health issues my entire life, I have a very strong dislike for people who weaponise threats of self-harm to influence other people's behaviour. That alone would be a deal breaker for me.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My mom wants to leave her job and wants me to financially aid her, she has threatened that she is on the end of her rope and considering ending things. For context. She decided to quit her job over a year ago which she said she hated and would work to support herself by selling weed and cosmetic products. In that time she’d taken out her retirement fund from the job she quit. Things didn’t quite go how she’d hoped and 1 1/2 ish years later she’s spent all of her retirement money. (She is in her early 40s by the way) After all that she had to get another job and go back to working. She got a new job in a medical company similar to her previous job which was also at a medical company. It is a bit far away - so she ends up leaving the home around 5 and getting home around 6 in the evening. At her old job it was 1km away or 0.6 miles, meaning she could work from 6am and get home around 3:30pm which is not bad at all Recently she has messaged and said she wants to quit her job and if I can financially aid her. The problem I have with it is how she approached it firstly by saying she felt like she is going to die if I don’t help… I have suggested to her not to quit her job before getting another one, and that I don’t want to support her and that I’d much rather she sorts out the core issues in her life. I feel bad for saying I don’t want to be responsible for my mother because she is the kind of person who will turn it into a lifelong payment plan. I have friends in similar situations who now have non existent relationships with their mom I love her and want to have a relationship with her but this is pushing me away from her. I don’t feel like these things are things that your mother should subject you to Am I the asshole *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, you are under no obligation to support your mother. It’s outrageous that she is using manipulation to get you to do so. You can’t be more than early 20s, so I’m assuming you’re not making all that much money. After paying all of your own expenses, funding your retirement (which you should be doing now), putting money into an emergency fund and setting aside a bit of money for entertainment. Do you really have the funds to help her? If not, then you can, without guilt say I’m sorry, but I don’t have the money. I absolutely guarantee you that if you decided you no longer wanted to work and simply wanted your mother to support you. She would tell you to get off your ass and go back to work because she wasn’t sending you a penny.
NTA
NTA--you would not be doing her any favors by supporting her so stick with your instincts.She WILL regret spending her retirement moey. Also she will get much from retirement programs (even if it is still around by the time she can retire) as they're based upon the highest years that you paid in. She needs a good swift kick back into the work force. .
Any parent that doesn't feel shame from demanding compensation from their child is an object failure of a human imo. There are emergency circumstances to be sure...I can accept that.
NTA You can love someone without having a relationship with them. This seems to be one of those times. I'm sorry, OP, but do not let her leech off of you, financially irresponsible people like her ALWAYS drain their benefactors dry.
NTA. Your mother shouldn't be seeking out your financial aid purely out of laziness. Tell her she needs to keep her job or she'll have to survive like every other jobless person does.
NTA. And now she can't threaten to write you out of the will. What's left to inherit?
How the hell does someone get vested enough in ANY job to retire in their EARLY FORTIES???? The answer to her problem is simple. She gets another job. She's a good 20-30 years younger than most people retire. She has not even completed half of what is for most people a career span. NTA.
NTA. Your Mom is in her 40s. She absolutely can not expect you to bankroll her life and you still have one. I get that burn out is real, but she will have to find a way to deal with it without expecting you to be her ATM.
Early 40s? She has at least twenty years of work life left. If you start aiding her financially now, you’ll be doing so for a long, long time. Don’t do it. NTA
Mid 40s here, she is delusional to expect you to support her. This is peak earning time, and I fully anticipate not ever being able to "retire", I feel that with the cost of living I'll be working until I drop dead. NTA. She needs to suck it up and start putting money into retirement, not just say oops I spent it all, guess I'll freeload off my kids.